Monday Morning Podcast
Monday Morning Podcast 2-28-11
Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about weed, the all star game and some c note at the bank.
It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 28th, 2011. And that's it for this month. Pay your fucking rent. Do tomorrow. All right. All you potheads out there sitting on the couch, man. Whoa. Is it like February? I like making fun of potheads. They're really fucking defensive individuals. Everyone's smiling. Make fun of potheads on here when I get a plethora of emails. Speaking of emails, if you'd like to send an email to the podcast, send it to Bill@themmpodcast.com. That's the new email. Bill, B-I, B isn't Bill, I-L-L at the mmpodcast.com. All right. And yeah, I make fun of the fucking potheads. I make fun of them. I was actually having a- I mean, I don't give a shit if you do it or not. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if that's your ritual. That's what you have to do. Do what you do if you're having a beer and smoking a joint at the end of the day, huh? Why don't you answer that one there, freckle face? I'll tell you what the difference is. What I'm doing is legal. What you're doing is don't you throw your pot smoking hands in the air. Let me finish my point. All right. You hemp shirt wearing motherfucker. Yeah, that's the difference. That's the only difference because I don't even think like as far as health goes. I was going to say health wise, but that word doesn't exist. I remember from my vocab improvement class way back in high school, this guy used to talk about the wise guys. Health wise, sports wise, weather wise, the wise guys that those words do not exist. Although lately, ladies, lately the dictionaries just said fuck it. You know, we can't keep up with the overwhelming level of stupid people using words that we say don't exist. And then they just give in, you know, like they'll make LOL like a legitimate word. In abbreviation, maybe laugh out loud. Initially, say it on the internet in 2003, they'll do shit like that. You know, that's a bad example. But then again, I'm not exactly a great host. All right. You want something better? Go to another fucking podcast. I don't need you. Your attitudes. The hell was I talking about? Oh, I was talking about weed, the difference, the difference. I was talking to a buddy of mine last night. We were out in a sports bar. We're actually watched the Celtics Clippers. Great game. And it's awesome to see the Clippers are good. And I'm also really, really, really nervous about getting rid of Kendrick Perkins. I don't get that. I just felt a big sigh of relief from everybody on the Lakers bench. Oh, thank God. We don't have to deal with that guy fucking making us be men, you know, bitch slapping us in a fucking paint like we deserve. That's why Paul Gasol's face is so fucking thin. He took a slap from Perkins on both side of his head game, a double. Remember Killer Con? He gave him one of those during the first time we met him in the finals. Then he had that deer in the eye look for the rest of the fucking series. That's what happened. But yeah, we traded him away. But don't get too excited Laker fans because I got a feeling those fucking the Thunder are going to take you out. You know, I think you guys, I think you've had your moment. You had your moment in the fucking sun. But don't worry. Don't worry. I heard through the fucking grapevine that what's his face there? The goddamn. He looks like one of those transformers. Who's the guy playing? I'm so bad when I talk about who. What the fuck is it? Dwight Howard. I heard through the grapevine wants to be a fucking Laker. Can you believe that shit? Can you believe that shit? You know, can Kobe have any more championships just laid at his fucking feet? Overrated. Kobe Bryant three out of his five fucking rings. Fucking. Ugh. That was stupid Laker fans. Yeah, V.P. F.V.P. Anytime he does anything, just drives me up the fucking wall. The guy got shacked in his prime with Phil Jackson. You know, and all these moron Laker fans will be like, well, Jordan had him. Jordan had him when he was a fucking nobody with no experience. Okay. Other than as a player. Okay. He became Phil Jackson with, with, with the Bulls. You know what I mean? You fucking morons. He knew how to win. He knew how to take big stars and molding together. That's what the fuck he got. And that's what he got with Shaq. And then he still pulled the fucking team apart. Still pulled him apart. I don't know. He gets fucking Dwight Howard. Fuck him. And I'll, the last two championships I respected. All right. But those first three, give me a fucking break. Okay. You take Kobe out of that lineup and you put me in there in that little fucking frilly golden purple uniform with my ghost white legs. We're still going to win 50 games. I'm just going to be feeding Shaq. And he's going to turn around with his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth like some special needs kid trying to put blocks in a round circle. Right. Really? Did you have to attack those people, Bill? Sorry. I'm going off the dome. Anyways, let's get back to fucking pot here. All right. This, this is, this is the conversation I had. Oh, I know. So, um, I, I went to this, this Boston sports bar last night. And for the first time since I can fucking remember, I had a good experience as a fan because, uh, I mean, almost you guys will listen to this, you know, even over there in Jolie L. Denglin, your cozy smug cunt, right? If you're a fan of Liverpool, you pretty much live in Liverpool, right? And then I would, at least when you're young, but then you move away. And not only do you feel weird rooting on your team, people are telling you that they suck. It, it's unreal since 1995. I moved to New York City. And then it went from everybody loving the red socks to absolutely hating their existence. And then I moved out to L.A. and everybody hates the Celtics and, um, not to mention the awful vibe of sports fans out here in, uh, on the West Coast, they are fucking horrific. I don't know why ESPN spends the lion's share of their time when they talk about awful fans, just talking about Philly, you know, just recycling those same two fucking stories about Santa Claus. And, uh, I don't know what else they did. They fucking, what did they do? And they rape like Kathy Lee Gifford. It's not what I can't fucking remember. Anyways, um, yeah, just out here. The vibe, it's just not fun out here. Um, I don't know. I can't explain it. It's like back east, obnoxious shit talking morons, right? And I include myself as one of those, but eventually it dies down and you'll start talking about the game, you'll start talking about games you went to, you start talking sports. It goes beyond a fuck you, you fucking chowder eating fig. It goes beyond that. Out here, it never does. And when it does, it goes on to, uh, I'll stab you in the parking lot. It's not fun out here. I just, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. There's that I will stab you in the fucking, people get stabbed at games out here. It's hilarious. Like that movie, The Warriors. It's fucking ridiculous. You, UCLA and USC played at the Rose Bowl. Okay. And people got stabbed. And they're talking about Philly cause they threw batteries at Santa Claus. What would you rather have? Would you rather be dressed like a holiday icon, taking a fucking Duracell to the head or would you rather take a steak knife to the gut through your game war in Jersey out in the parking lot to bleed out on, on the fucking 17th hole outside of the Rose Bowl? I don't fucking know. So anyways, can I, can I, so I, I, what am I, I, I, I don't know what I'm saying. You know, you're stuttering prick. Um, so I went to this, what to this sports bar that was just a Boston sports bar and it was fucking great. Like the Celtics did something good. And I was almost self conscious to cheer. I'm so beaten down by living out here. And everybody was going nuts and it was just such a fucking relief. It was awesome. And I've decided fuck staple center. I'm not going to the games down there. Um, even Dodger's games are surprisingly not fun. I had a buddy of mine showed up to a Dodger's game. They were playing some other national league team and he's from Cleveland. He had a Cleveland Indians hat on. He's out in the bleachers. And this guy start like legitimately saying I'm going to kick the shit out of you. If you don't take that Cleveland Indians hat off fucking Indians. They haven't won since 1948. Who gives a fuck? So anyways, I fuck, I'm never going to get back to the weed here. I'm going to have to stick with this fucking story. So last week is you know, I cut the podcast short because I, someone hooked me up and I went to the, to the All-Star game to go down there and watch some of the greatest athletes on the planet. And of course, check out who was, um, and I was not disappointed. Um, fucking amazing basketball. Um, and the level of horror of just every fucking tier. Okay. The desperate whore. The whore lived down the fucking street all the way up to the whore who flew in for the fucking game, who's been doing P 90 X for the last fucking eight months. You know, did some sort of cleanse and was just an unbelievable shape. Just fucking trying to figure out how to get into an after party to get into the hotel and it was fucking awesome. So anyways, I get, I get this insane hookup, right? I'm not trying to big league you guys here. All right. But I got it. I got a great, I got a great fucking hookup. And I was in one of those, uh, one of the luxury boxes, one of the 90 million luxury boxes that they have at Staples Center. They have like three, three levels of them. Um, and I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh, finally I'm in Staples Center. It's not a Lakers game. It's not a Clippers game. And I'm playing the Celtics. I don't have to listen to Boston sucks the entire time I'm here, right? And all of a sudden, hang on a second. Is that my phone? Can you hear that? Where the fuck is my phone? Hear that gay little ring? That's my phone. Where is it? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, anybody else had the fucking droid? Do you hear that? Duh, duh, duh, duh. The reason why I picked that is because there's like 10 options for a ringtone on the droid. And the first nine sound like an air raid. You know, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, or like that's this ringing that just, it just puts me on edge. So the only thing like that one's called waterfall. I think it is. So I haven't said on that. Every time I do, Nia goes, what are you a fig? But I say, I like that one. So anyways, so I got box seats for the fucking all star game. It's ridiculous, right? I'm sitting there and I got a whole, you know, I bought like an all star t-shirt and, you know, total fucking nerd fan. And I go to the game, I'm thinking this is great. So finally I have to deal with shit talker people, right? I'm sitting there watching the game and all of a sudden this little kid voice seven, eight year old when, when Doc Rivers put out the big three from the Celtics. I just start hearing this kid going anytime a Celtics shoot the ball. He goes, brick. Boston sucks. Yeah, Boston, you suck. Yelling this shit, right? The entire fucking time I go, you got to be shitting me. You got to be shitting me. Really? You're going to heckle at a fucking all star game? You idiot, right? And then they go to sit the big three from the Celtics, right? And then I hear this guy's voice go, go, sit down, Boston. I'm like, what kind of a fucking moron yells at in an all star game? And I look over. I'm not going to say who it was, but it was a rapper, very famous rapper who was transcended being just a rapper, you know, has traveled the fucking world. And I'm literally sitting there going because I was looking at the kid going, this kid sounds like a 35 year old asshole, you know, who calls in like a sports talk radio kind of thing. Why is he behaving that way? And then I look like, oh, because his dad is an asshole. It just ended up, you know, the experience ended up stuck, but I will give this to them. At least they were, they were making some noise. I don't know if you guys watch the all star game. It was the worst crowd I've ever seen in my life. The problem was because the entire lower level was either former players, whores or some form of celebrity or somebody managing a celebrity. And everybody just sat there. I mean, I could have yelled from where I was sitting and someone on the court could have fucking heard me, but I don't know. I still like that rapper's albums, at least the stuff from the late 80s, early 90s, you're eventually going to figure this out. But Jesus Christ, you ever have the urge to throw an eight year old off a fucking mezzanine level? I didn't want to do that. But you know, he's just like, well, you shut the fuck up. Just shut up. All of you. All of you shut up. And he can make a fucking layup. Just shut up already. It's a fucking all star game. So anyways, let's get back to the weed. Let's get back to the weed. So so I go to the sports bar and I'm hanging out and we started talking about, you know, I'm still not boozing, right? 135 fucking days here, people. This is getting serious. You know, this is like I sort of hung out with somebody in a cult and you're like, yeah, Bill's too smart for this shit. You know, then one day I show up with the shaved head and that glass over look at my eye talking about waiting for the spaceship. I'm 135 fucking days in people. I don't know if I'm coming back. Oh, you fucking booz hounds out there. I think you might have lost me. Oh, the urge is still there. Oh, God, I'd love to tear down. Fucking pierced it. So anyway, so we were talking about the difference between, you know, booze versus weed. And, and I basically told him, I said, yeah, I don't think there's anything, especially now it's like a vaporizer. I don't, you know, that has to be way more healthier than drinking like three beers. And that's seriously, that's another thing too. Like when, when potheads go like, you know, you come home, after work, you have a beer, I smoke a joint. It's like, no, dude, that is different. I drink a beer. I'm not drunk. You know, you smoke a joint. That's like drinking like what three, four beers. I think it is anyways, whatever. So this, this is what I think the difference is I think the fact because weed is not legal. That's why it leads to other drugs. You basically, you left the legal world and now you've dipped your toe into illegal. And I think it's really easy to go from weed to be like, eh, shrooms, you know, it's his cousin. It's no biggie. I have you, you know, and then there's this, and then cocaine is kind of further in the back of that room. And then right behind cocaine is a big steel fucking door like that maniac used to come out of in the, in the Texas Chainsaw massacres. You slide that fucker open and in there, that's where heroin, meth, oxy and all that shit is in there. All right, which I don't think just because you smoke weed that you go to that, but there, there, that's what I will say. That, you know, when, when people who smoke weed go, dude, it doesn't lead to harder drugs. And yeah, it does. I think it does. It doesn't always, you know, these people who smoke crack and they don't become addicted. They tried it once. I was like, whatever. And then other people lose their entire lives. There is exception to it. But be up, but be honest with me, pot heads. All right. Like I, this one, I want to know how many people out there have just tried just, you know, been drunk, you know, right? Alcohol, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Never tried weed, but did try mushrooms. Like I've done two drugs, alcohol and mushrooms, you know, alcohol and coke. I, I, I bet you would be hard pressed to find somebody who doesn't have weed in there. It goes beer, weed, shrooms or beer, weed, coke, depending on what you want to feel, right? You want to hallucinate if you want to feel like Charlie Sheen. Huh? How fucking amazing was that whole thing? I loved all, I, I'm on Twitter, by the way. I finally gave in Joe Rogan signed me up to drop a fucking name there. I was doing his awesome podcast, which you guys should all check out. I was doing his podcast and he was beside himself that I wasn't signed up to Twitter and I've been shitting all over Twitter, tweeting and all that type of things saying, I don't want to fucking do it. And I'm gradually becoming addicted to it. And of course, I don't have, we'll have it up on the mm podcast.com where I'm, where I'm located. I've been, you know, I learned how to attach pictures and, you know, I feel like a little school girl right now. I'm all excited, cutting, I'm pasting, I'm typing, socializing. Ah, fuck, what the hell was I talking about that I feel? Okay, weed, coke, makes this change to the massacres. Oh, you cunt, Bill. What is wrong with your brain? My brain goes and goes in a straight line. If I try to go back, I'm fucked. The fuck was I talking about? Oh, Charlie Sheen. There we go. Thank God. Charlie Sheen. All right. I'm gonna have to start doing this thing live so I can start taking college just for that specific thing that when I lose my train of thought, they could just tell me what the fuck I was talking about or I could get an assistant, you know, could do something like that. Charlie Sheen. I was amazed at the amount of people that took what he was saying at face value. Cathy Lee Griffith to bring her up again. She was like, I thought his statements were selfish. They were self centered. It was like, you don't think he was high? I can't say he was high because that would be slander. But what the fuck? Why is my voice cracking? Oh, I know because I was yelling in that sports bar. What the fuck? When it's time to change. That guy, he sounded like, he sounded okay for the legal department. Not slagga love coke. He sounded like somebody high on cocaine, you know, right when you're hitting that peak before the paranoia comes in from what I've heard. Not so you guys think that I'm out there doing coke. I can't do it. I'm too fucking paranoid as it is, you know, that I'm the shit right up the mountain would be would be very short for me. And then it would just go right down to I think everybody's watching me. I'm gonna go hide in a fucking broom closet. Yeah, he just sounded like he was fucking high out of his mind. And I was actually kind of annoyed by the guy who was interviewing him because I just felt like he was sort of enabling him. You know, and I kind of saw in that little, at least I'm totally judging this because who knows, I don't know either one of those fucking guys, but it was like, you see how celebrities OD because people are just so psyched to be fucking around them that they look the other way. The guy at one point goes like, you know, I saw you the other day, you seem fine. You know, we were at your house in your media room watching apocalypse now. You seem fine. It's like you fucking starfucker. Give me a god day. You're you're with Charlie Sheen watching apocalypse now in his media room and his fucking mansion. There's no way you're going to criticize him in that moment. That would be like me hanging out with Jimmy Page watching the song remains the same. He's fallen down drunk and he looks at me like, Hey, mate, you think I got a drinking problem? Jimmy, you're fine. Hey, can I play one of these? I can have the guitar. Dude, you're awesome. I mean, there's no way you're going to criticize anybody. You know, if I could go fucking watch the Godfather over Al Pacino's house, well, I guess that's not the same because Charlie Sheen's not in apocalypse now, whatever. Al Pacino, have any kids? You know what the fuck I'm saying. I don't know. So whatever. I felt bad for the guy. I hope he, you know, I hope he turns his life around, but I also felt that he I thought he made some decent points. There was a lot of points in there. I was just like, hey, you know, skis, you sort of hands on. I'm aligned. He actually I only listened to half that shit. All right, before we get into the podcast here, can I tell you about the cunt at the bank that I ran into this week? Oh, can you hear it? Can you hear it? What a fuck is my fucking phone? What a hell is it? All right. You guys really want to listen to me hunt for my fucking phone, the hunt for red October? All right. So I'm sitting outside my bank, you know, because I worked hard all week and why would I want the money when I can just go and give it to these thieving motherfuckers? Oh, sure. I can have it at home, right? Then I got to worry that people will figure out that I'm, I'm cashing my checks and I'm bringing them home. The next thing, you know, the outside of my apartment looks like the end scene at the end of fucking Scarface, right? Bunch of sweaty, long-haired psychos, you know, climbing over my non-existent walls. And behind all of them, some guy who's walking as slow as Jason in Friday the 13th, knowing that he's going to get the fucking kill shot. So anyways, I'm sitting outside the bank and I'm on a conference call, you know, talking about some bullshit, you know, pitching some fucking idea, you know, all right, you know, we'll take 10 horse, we'll stick them in a house and we'll call it the fucking horse challenge and the fucking we'll get fucking Bob Saggot, the host, whatever the fuck I was saying, right? So as I'm sitting there outside the bank in the parking lot in my car, this hormon, this lady pulls up in this Mercedes, right? And I'm on the phone. She opens the door right into my fucking car. Boom, doesn't look at my car, closes her car door and just walks into the fucking bank. And I'm sitting there like beside myself going, did she just open the car door into my fucking car? Because she sort of mind fucked me because I heard it, but she didn't do a ooh, or oh my god, I'm sorry. She didn't look, she just act like it didn't even happen. I was like, you know, you know, the hybrid because it goes from like the gas engine to the electric engine. Sometimes when it, when it turns over, it causes the car to shake a little bit. And sometimes like when I'm on a podcast that time when I thought that guy rear ended me, that's what happened. So I was like, is that some sort of hybrid shit or whatever? So I go back to the phone conversation. Here she comes out again. And now, you know, I'm looking at her, you know, she got a little mid drift showing, you know, a little blondie and I'm like already starting to judge her. And she comes walking again, opens a car door right into my car. So I'm on this conference call with like fucking industry people. I go, hey, can you guys hang on a second? I should have hit mute and I didn't. All right. So I put, I beat the horn and I go, I go, hey, hey, I put the window down. She's like, what? I go, you just opened your door into my car. I did. Yes. You did it on the way into the bank and on the way out. She's like, well, I didn't chip the paint. That's what she said. And I was like, what do you mean he didn't chip the paint? Oh, you didn't even look. How would you know? Why don't you be a little more considerate next time and look what the hell you're doing? Boom. And I slam the door shut. Right. So I go back to the car. I go, sorry about that guys. I like, who's everything? All right. Oh, man, that bill. No, it isn't all right. You heard what happened. You fucking jerk. You don't have any, you know, you don't have any, you know, confrontations. Right. So she goes, then I just hear her with my window up. I can just hear her going, have a nice day. Smile. She starts doing that shit. Like I'm this asshole, like me getting upset that you opened your fucking car door into me twice without a care in the world. Like my natural reaction is not supposed to get upset. You know what I mean? I don't know. And you know, I don't believe in that whole heaven and hell shit, but I think that that episode right there is, you know, if there is this whole judgment, that was one in favor of me. The fact that I didn't call her a cunt, you know, right there, you know what I mean? She ends up giving me the finger. Like somehow she's been wrong. I swear to God, dude, I just wanted to take my fucking passenger side door, open it up and fucking like three fucking times right into a goddamn car and then just go, I didn't chip the paint. This is why I didn't. Two reasons. One, because it was abroad. All right. If it was a guy, I wouldn't do it because what if he comes over and beats the shit out of me? Who's getting who? Okay. You know, if you want to have like a street fight, like a brother on brother fight where we both end giving each other in, you know, in simultaneous headlocks going, you give, you give, I'll have a fight like that. But I, you know, average random dude, I'm not fighting the guy. I'm 42 fucking years old. Okay. Gonna get my ass kicked. But now there was a woman. I can't do it because she could get out of her fucking car and just start smashing up my car. And there's really nothing I can do to try and physically stop her because she's a lady, right? And that's the first reason. And then the second reason is I've watched enough sports to realize that the refs always see the retaliation. They never see the initial thing. So it's like, she fucking hits me twice. Nobody sees it. And then I fucking slam Mike. And then I, you know, I would be like, she did it to me first. And I would fucking lose. So I didn't do anything and the fucking thoughts I had afterward of wishing I followed her, you know, in my quiet hybrid to wherever the hell she lived. And I wanted to carve into her driver's side door either cunt. And I was like, yeah, that's not that's unoriginal. I wanted to carve in. I didn't ship the paint into the side. Or maybe I did ship the paint. LOL laughing my ass off OMG or just some dumb shit. You know, what, you know, it kills me. She's out there. You know, she probably told the story later on that day where I would just, I would love to hear her version of that fucking story. How she was the victim. You know, it's just, I can tell if it was because she was hot and she's not used to somebody actually calling her ownership. Or if she's a product of the combination, the timeout generation and that generation for the last fucking 35, I don't know, 35 years for the last 25 fucking years, the parenting at least in this country. I don't know what happened. It's like, it went from when I was a kid where whatever your neighbor said you did, your parents believed, whatever your teacher said you did, your parent, whatever an adult said that you were doing and you were out of line. Parents just said, oh, is that what he's doing? I'm gonna have a talk with them. Mr. Robinson down the street says, you jumped over his fence, you were jumping in his pool. And he tried to light up. Don't give me that shit. Get upstairs and go in your fucking room. Whatever. They don't do that anymore. The last like 25 years. It's like if if if if somebody says something to somebody, hey, basically your kids being a fuck head right now, they just automatically defend their kid straight through the whole thing. They defend their kid. You can't go over somebody's house. You have a fucking playdate. You don't get the shit kicked out of you. You don't get hit or anything. You get a timeout. You know, and then I think, you know, 25 fucking years later, you're in a bank fucking opening your goddamn door into somebody's car. You're a surprise that they're mad and B, don't think you did anything fucking wrong. Time out. Look at hockey. You go and they beat the shit out of somebody. They just make the guy sit down for five minutes. You know, does he learn anything? I think he comes out. He fucking beats him up again. Hey, by the way, how about those Bruins, huh? Beaten a very, very, very, very strong Vancouver conduct team. That's a big fucking victory for us. But I think before and oh, and the fucking road trip, dude. All right. Let's get to the topics for this week. Topic number one for the classic is it racist? Oh, before I get into that, before I get into that, here's something you might want to read up on last week when I was talking about the, the, the horrors that go to the all-star game and that type of shit. There's somebody send me an article that we will have linked on the, the mm podcast.com. It was an article that came out in 2006 in GQ magazine where one of the writers hung out with some groupies, some NBA groupies and that type of thing. And what is really, it's a really interesting article. And what is also really interesting is she never really gets to talk to any of the horrors that are really doing the dirt. You know what I mean? She talks to three girls who, well, we might, if it happened, but who knows, we're just here to have fun. That's how tight that circle is. It's really interesting article. We'll have to link up on the mm podcast.com. The official fan page of the Monday morning podcast. And now let's get to the topic. Is it right? All right, Bill, while flipping the channels the other night, I happen to catch the end of America's funniest home videos. America's funniest home videos. The family that won in this particular night was a white family with what I assumed was an adopted black daughter who was maybe six or seven years old. Anyways, after they announced the winners, the host shook each of the family members hands. But when he got to the little girl, he put his hand up and asked for a high five, which immediately made me live it. I'm not saying it was necessarily racist, but I hate it when white people call me brother or want to give me complicated handshakes when they barely know me. Can you please tell your listeners to knock that shit off? LOL. You know what's fucking funny about that is, yeah, I agree with you. It isn't racist, but it is a annoying sort of pandering or ingratiating yourself to black culture. Yeah, I can, I know what you're saying. I just don't know how to verbalize it. The only way I can really describe it is you guys, anybody out there buy that P90X, I recommend it. It's great. I just go on the road so I can't do the diet, so it didn't work for me. But Nia's been doing it lately and she brought up something I forgot what's really funny on those tapes. I don't, I can't remember the names of the people there, but there's like, you know, a white guy like two white chicks and then a black dude. So he goes around the room saying hello to everybody. This is Pam. They call her Blam. Right? And he just, you know, going, this is Jerry. He's a Taekwondo guy. Watch out for this guy. You know, this is so-and-so, blah, blah, blah. And then he walks up to the black guy and let's just say his name is like, you know, whatever, James. And he goes, and he'd be like, what's up, James? My brother? Every fucking disk. He calls him my brother. And then he goes like, hi, pitch, my brother. And it's, so, I don't know, douche chills from the Opian Anthony. I didn't believe Opian Anthony came up with that expression or that's at least where I heard it first. Douche chills every time I hear that. I totally agree with you. I don't think it's racist. It's just some sort of, it's like if you met somebody Asian, would you bow? You know? Yeah, I get that. I get that. That's fucking funny. And I've been guilty of doing a semi. You know, the handshake, the, I don't know, the mainstream one. What was it? Grab the thumb, slide to the hand, the snap thing. That thing was there for a while. I don't, I don't even fucking know. But I will not do a fist bump with anybody. Even if, even if there's a black guy there, I still won't do it. I'll just assume that he's still hanging out with too many white people and that's why he's still doing a pound. All right, next one. Hey, Bill, I just finished up a conversation on Facebook with some female friends of mine. Long story short, I asked if they were on Twitter. They replied, "We don't Twitter." And I replied, "All right, well, whenever you ladies realize that you're missing out on the greatest social network since the Underground Railroad, just follow me at," and he wrote his Twitter name. He said, what was my comment racist in your opinion? No. First of all, you guys, you got to let me know what race you are too. So I'm assuming that you're white. No, that isn't racist. That's what overly sensitive people would think that it's racist because you made a reference to something that involved, they do, this happens to me a lot in the standup where people don't look at the context in which you're saying something. You're basically saying the Underground Railroad is the greatest social network, or Twitter is the greatest one since the Underground Railroad. So doesn't that mean that you think that the Underground Railroad was a great thing? The Underground Railroad was African's escape and slavery. So no, I think it's actually a good reference. I think you're guilty of making a good reference, but if you're around a bunch of overly sensitive people, they would immediately think because you brought up something that had to do with slavery on some level that you somehow advocated slavery. That happens a lot in standup where people don't listen to what you're saying. Or if you make a reference to slavery, they then think that, well, because you made a reference to it, then you obviously advocated. So no, I don't think that that's racist. All right, let's plow ahead. Next one. Bill, here's one for you. I'm 35, but when I was about 23, for some reason, I went to a bunch of stores looking for specific CDs back when they had those things. So I come from a middle-class family and went to high school. A high school that was like 90210. It was almost entirely white. So I find myself in this store looking for what I thought was a CD by Snoop Dogg. I felt like an idiot and I'm standing in there and khakis in a polo. Well, the other white kid behind the counter reads a list of available CD titles by Snoop Dogg. As I try to remember the name that I'm looking for. All right, didn't really set that up. So he goes into the store. He finds another white kid who works there. He's dressed in khakis in polos and says that he's looking for a Snoop Dogg CD. So now the white kid behind the counter is reading off titles of Snoop Dogg albums. He goes, try to imagine him, the white kid looking down at the computer screen and him reading the title. He goes, Snoop, upside, and then looking at me straight in the eyes, finishing sarcastically with your head. Snoop, upside your head. I guess it was the name of the album. He goes, "I never felt so white, LOL." Discourage, I leave for another store across the street in the mall. As I walk in, I immediately spot one of the token black kids that I graduated with me. Now, right there, that's an offensive to a lot of people, token black kids. That's when you go to the all white school and then there was one black kid. That kid's always called the token. So that's offensive all the way to racist depending on how I would think. Well, whatever. Let's plow ahead here. So anyways, he sees the one black kid he basically went to high school with. He said, "I was like, 'Thank God, LOL.' I stop him and say, 'Twan, listen man, listen man. He throws in a man. I have a question for you. What is the name of that Snoop Dogg CD with the blah, blah, blah song on it? Of course, there was the awkward, what do you ask him? He asked me because I'm black, right? Is the question he asked. And as I'm standing there stumped for a response, he said, "It's not Snoop Dogg. It's Dr. Dre, and the CD is the chronic." He said, "Now, feeling like a true idiot, I try to make some ridiculous small talk." That's fucking hilarious. I knew I went to the right source as he confirmed, but what are your thoughts? Is that racist? No. No, it's not racist. The token black guy thing, I thought of everything you said was the thing that I would would raise the red flag where I would, if I was in a conversation with you, you know, that shit where one white guy's talking to another white guy he doesn't know, they're not a nowhere or something sort of in the gray area comes into the conversation. And from, you know, then there's always that tense moment of like, is this going to take a fucking right turn down to an unpaved road down to a shack? No, it isn't. It's not racist at all. And it was proven because he knew the fucking answer. Yeah, I mean, maybe you're guilty of racially profiling. I think you went really efficient. It's not like you didn't try to ask another white kid. He had no idea. And he was a cunt. He almost seemed like he was judging you because you were buying the music or in general, he just didn't like rap music. But you saw the black dude you went to school with? That's fucking what he asked me because I'm black. You should have said, yes. What am I supposed to ask some redneck? Well, what would happen if I walked up to you and asked, hey, what's, what's the name of that new Travis trade album? He probably like, what the fuck are you asking a black guy that question for? You know, if somebody came out to me and said, hey, Bill, what's the name of that beer that that's famous that Ireland makes? I wouldn't get a fence. I wouldn't get offended by that. You know, or if they assume that I drank because I'm Irish, even though I'm mostly German. All right, but I, but because I have, I don't get offended when people assume that I'm mostly Irish. I mean, it's not like I don't look like a fucking leprechaun. I think that that falls into being overly sensitive. But I feel that guy's entitled to considered considering he seemed like he was the only black guy in his school and other white kids referred to him as the token. And despite all that, he was still nice enough to tell you what CD to buy. See that? That had a nice warm fuzzy ending. All right, another one. Dear Bill, hey, by the way, my reading's getting a lot better. I got to pat myself on the back, pat myself on the back, my speaking still sucks. Dear Bill, I recently moved to downtown Denver from Fort Collins. Oh, Jesus. Is that up near Greeley, Colorado, where they have the bad smell day? I know I've talked about this before in the podcast, but just in case there's new listeners out there in Greeley, Colorado, they have a slaughterhouse up there where, you know, if you ever wondered where you fucking hamburgers and steaks and all that shit came from, Greeley, Colorado is a good guess. And some days when it's really windy up there and they've murdered a bunch of fucking steer, they have what's known as bad smell days. And what you do is you call up the slaughterhouse and you say, Hey, can you can you fucking cool it a little bit up there? We can smell it all the way down here. We can smell the murder this way. And then they actually sort of, I don't know what they do. Take a 15 minute break from killing the steers or whatever. I don't fucking know. A steer, by the way, is a bull without balls. I had no idea what that was. I knew what a cow was. I knew what a bull was. I didn't know what a steer was. Steers a bull without balls. And those are the things that they use for all your steak and hamburger, I believe. I don't think they use the cows. They use the cows for the milk. They use the bulls to fuck the cows to make more cows and to make more bulls. And then they cut their balls off and they make them steers. Is that how it works? Right. Did I learn that in my travels out there on the road? Correct me if I'm wrong. They are Southerners. What are you asking me? Because I'm from the south? Yes, you pig fucking jackass. Answer the question. All right. Here we go. Dear Bill, I recently moved to downtown Denver from from from Fort Collins, a small college town north of Denver. The only black people I had had been used to seeing were either exchange students from Africa or Colorado state football, basketball players. My new home in Denver is a neighborhood that is known for having a high black population. To cut to the point, I've noticed while driving around my place that black people, generally younger black guys, do not respect jaywalking laws at all. I noticed that this, I noticed this after the fifth time in one day that a black dude had walked right out into traffic, expecting that the drivers would hit their brakes and wait for him to cross the street. Now I see now I see this happen every day. When I got home, I brought it to the attention of my roommates and girlfriend and they thought I was crazy. But soon enough, they all began to notice this phenomenon. And now it's a big inside joke amongst us. Also, I don't know if you've seen that there are quite a few popular YouTube videos that show exactly what I'm talking about. One video that I think you may have talked about showed a black guy dances way into traffic until an ice cream truck put a stop to that. Is it racist that I noticed this? Also, is this just a Denver thing or does it happen elsewhere? Jaywalking happens I think all over the world and every race does it as far as I know. This one is a little complex because there's a lot of levels to this because you don't seem like you have hatred in your heart. And also I haven't been to your neighborhood. If that's what people do, you know, then that's what they do there. I lived in New York City and we all do it. All everybody. 80 year old fucking women from the Astor family, Jaywalk, and then, you know, over to their fucking town car to go visit their bars of gold. Everybody Jaywalk. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't, yeah, obviously black people aren't the only ones who Jaywalk. But in your neighborhood, if that's what everybody does, I mean, that's not racist to notice that. I think to just say that it's just black people. I don't know. You know what? This is these, these are getting these are getting difficult because I got to hear what you're doing with that information. You know, you did have your little clan moment where you convinced the people that you're living with. I'm telling you, go out there, go out there and look at them. And then they came back, oh, shit, you're right. Now, how offensive is it that just because, you know, you're from Denver, why am I giving you a Southern accent? See, we're all full of shit here. Oh, fuck, I just had a point there. What the hell was I going to try to make? Yeah, I mean, I'd have to know if you were just saying like, you know, if you take it to the level, I guess, where you're going, let you know. You know, the obvious level to take this where it would obviously be racist if you were just like, we got to get, we got to get all the black people out of this country. They're all these jaywalk and sons of bitches. They're ruining this country, or, you know, I don't want my daughter dating a black guy. Why? Because they're jaywalk and sons of bitches of what I mean. I don't fucking know. If you're just sort of noticing this and you, and you think it's funny that they do this shit, kind of like when I do that older agent, I don't have anything to get Asians or old people. If you fucking around, like, no, I mean, it's probably offensive like my older Asian thing, which I guess that that, that game is offensive to some people. Yeah, is it racist that you noticed? I mean, it did happen. I guess it's when you start thinking that, that all black people in general, like Bill Cosby is walking out of his mansion and jaywalks across the street to, I mean, I don't know, I don't know where to go with that one. Yeah, no, but I'll tell you this, dude, everybody jaywalks and I am one of the major offenders of it. I do it all the fucking time. All right, I don't have fucking time to walk down to the goddamn corner. I don't understand what the fucking point is. I get it. Look both ways. And if there's nothing coming, then go. But if something's coming, don't go. I get that. All right, jaywalking. I think those laws are basically invented. They're basically so they can keep traffic moving. And B, don't have to clean up a lot of dead people in the street, because there's a lot of bad drivers. And there's also a lot of people who can't see that well, or across the street correctly. Maybe that's why I don't fucking know. All right, now we're into advice. Is this one of these ones where I'm just reading too much rather than riffing? Is that what the fuck's going on here? You know what? I'm gonna talk about YouTube videos. Maybe they'll fucking stir up some sort of, some sort of comedy here. I feel like I'm on fucking meet the press. YouTube videos. Check this one out. Remember a few weeks ago when I showed that dude, Johnny Mack, the QB, doing all those trick shots? Somebody made an answer video. Somebody else threw his fucking football helmet into the ring. Some guy Alex, I don't know if I'm gonna say this right. Tanny Alex, Tanny's video. This is what I got to say about all these these trick shot QB things. The ones that are most impressive is when they do more than one trick without an edit. Those are the ones that I like. But you know, other than that, these are pretty impressive. So check that one out. Here's a classic YouTube video. Woman beats up boyfriend, keeps yelling fight back. All these videos will be up on the M.M. podcast tonight. This is some insight information that I'll give you. I never name names. All right. But there's a friend of mine who wrote a very successful movie after watching this video. All right. And in this video, there is a woman beating the shit out of a guy, a big woman. Okay. So think of some comedies that came out. And the last shit, what was it? I think it was like five years ago, it came out. And why don't I just tell you the movie's in orbit. The guy I know who wrote the movie wrote the movie after seeing this video. He thought this video was fucking hilarious and said that's a movie. And then he wrote it and then it got made. And I remember standing there going, wow, it's that fucking easy. You just have to sit down and do the goddamn work. You know. All right. Next one, magnetic kid. What the fuck is that? Did I even watch that one? Seven year old kid claims he's magnetic. I somehow missed that one. Drunk guy on the news, you have to see. This is the best one of the week, I think, as far as fucking hilarity. This guy is out of his mind. And speaking of racist, racist, racist. This guy gets real, he's really drunk and he starts talking about his neighbors and he goes, now, I'm telling you, one of you right now, I never liked those people. I'm going to say, I'm going to say something racist, right? And he's so drunk, he never gets around to it. But one of the funniest things in this video, aside from the unbelievably long pauses this guy takes between talking, is how the reporter keeps trying to give the guy the out. He's like, did you start drinking because you was so distraught from the fire? And the guy's like, no. You know, like, I've been drinking all fire. I was drinking before the fire during it and after it. You know, that's basically his whole vibe. Now, here's a video. People keep sending me. I don't know why people find this thing funny. I find the voiceover to be unbelievably annoying. It says, crazy, nasty ass, honey badger. And I guess it's making fun of all the videos showing how badass the honey badger is. But this guy sounds like he's doing a really bad impression of a sitcom character that's gay. And he just, he's annoying after a while. Conspiracy theorists out there, New World Order documentary we have. And I actually got this one, Chevy 1991 S10 commercial. One of the people I follow on YouTube, he does a bunch of really good Zeppelin covers. And he throws up random videos every once in a while. So I saw it on his channel. I was bow for shard, I believe his name is be you just type in that and then look up Zeppelin if you're a drummer. He fucking kills a bunch of different Zeppelin tracks. And all right, those are the YouTube videos for this week. And do I have anything else to talk about? I think I'll just go on to fucking advice and then we'll wrap this goddamn thing up. We will wrap it up. Oh, this week, by the way, I'm going to be in Miami. All right, I'm going to be in Miami at the the fucking fuckfest theater. What the hell am I going to be? Hang on a second. Let me let me get the information for you. All right, you just sit tight. You sit tight, you goddamn cubicle. All right, start fucking scratching your chin as you're looking at those spreadsheets like that's odd. All right, I'm at the New World Symphony, 517th Street, Miami Beach, Florida. Also, for those of you in Utah, I added a date in March, March 18th and March 19th. I'm going to be at Wise Guys in West Valley City, Utah. I'm probably going to hang around for another day to go fucking skiing. Oh, I know what I want to tell you guys. I finally committed to the sport of hockey. Told you I've been playing ice hockey out here. And all I had, I had to helmet with the full cage in the front because who's kidding who? My dream of making it to the NHL died sometime. I believe about 1984. I was never good. I always sucked. So, I haven't been playing. I helmet, I have the full face mask and I had the glove sticks, skates, obviously. That's all I had. And I got to tell you, as a 42-year-old man, falling down on the fucking ice, that is not a good feeling. So, I finally just said to hell with it. And I went out and I bought all the gear, head to toe. I have all the fucking pads. And it made all the difference in the world. Dude, you go down. You don't feel anything. You don't feel anything. It's fucking tremendous. It's like falling on it, not pillows, but it's the shit. So, anyway, so what I've been doing is, I hate going to the fucking gym. So, I either take my dog for a hike or recently for cardio. They have the public skating thing. So, I'll go down there like a fucking pedophile. 42-year-old single white male, never married, no kids. I swear to God, I won't even look at a child when I am in there. I won't. I fucking, I just skate around and I fucking mind my own business. So, anyway, I go down there. And I basically work on shit that I suck at that you can work on during a public skating thing, which is basically, I suck at stopping on my right side. So, I just started working on that. And I can turn around to skate backwards, but I'm more left-handed than I am right-handed. So, I'm not good yet. I shoot the puck right-handed. I'm fucked. So, I can't turn around to the right side. Good. So, the only way you improve in life is if you attack your weaknesses. So, I start learning it, right? And I'm crossing over and everything's going great. And then what happens? I get a little cocky. Oh, Jesus, right? And I'm fucking my version of flying. I'm probably going three-quarters of the speed that I can skate and I fucking turn around. And dude, I don't know what the fuck happened because I, you know, I'll fall, but I can fall gracefully at this point. This was like, I had a beginner fall and I was going backwards at about 17 miles an hour. And I didn't fall on my side. I didn't, I didn't get my hands down. Nothing. I fell, I fell like a fucking tree and I landed right on my ass and then I got my right elbow down at the last second. So, my head didn't hit the ice, but my brain still smacked and like, I was dizzy when I got up. But dude, I swear to God, I don't know how I didn't break my tailbone. I fucking, like, my ass was killing me. I had to, I skated off the ice. That was it. I was done. I went off the ice and I sat down and I collected myself, you know? And I had snow all over my backside. Oh, I missed the best part. And when I fell down and I fucking went to try, I just kind of stayed there for half a second. Like, did I just break my fucking tailbone? Did I really just do that? And I, and I didn't feel any sort of, you know, pain beyond I just busted my ass on the ice. So I, as I roll over some like 11 year old kid skates by and does this Simpson, and then keeps going, I gotta admit, I didn't even get mad at him. I was just like, I said, I know it. I know it. And then I got up and it wasn't until I was driving home that that kid actually annoyed me and I dreamed of cross checking him into the glass, you know, which is, which is childish. But yeah, so I'm playing again this week. And definitely having a good time. It's so much better than going to the gym. And I having fallen on the ice there by myself, I have a whole new respect for like contact sports, like people who play him at like, you know, professional fucking levels or even just pick up games like, you know, I was seriously like, it was like, I had to collect myself. Like I said, like, I can't imagine doing that shit for a fucking living. I mean, skating is hard enough. Forget about some guy trying to knock you over when you're not looking. It's just, it's unbelievable. It's unfucking believable. So it's unbelievable. I couldn't believe it. I'm bored with it already. All right, let's, let's read some advice. And then I'm getting the, getting the fuck out of here. By the way, recently, I've actually thought I've considered about having some advertising here on the podcast. And I know what you guys are thinking. Oh gee, here he goes. He's gonna sell out, man. You're absolutely right. I am going to sell out. You know, what do you think? I want to keep it real and stay broke. I'm not broke. I'm doing all right. But give me a fucking break. Okay, eventually people, I'm not going to want to jump on a goddamn airplane. Okay. And I don't want to charge you, cunts anything, you know? So I've been thinking about it. So but I think I can still do it in a creative cool way where I'll just have advertisers on here of shit that I like, drum companies, booze, you know, shit like that. As long as I can read it and make fun of the copy, I will do it. And I'll charge everybody $1.75 per episode. I don't know. I'm going to try to figure something out. All right. Let's go to advice bill advice. So for the last five years, I've been teaching guitar lessons full time at a very large music school in Chicago. There are over 100 music teachers at this school with about 5000 students every session. Half of those students are under 18. The school has been around for over 50 years and is globally recognized. Let's see if I can figure that out. Oh, Chicago. I don't know that. I was going to guess Berkeley. Now I get an email from the new director of the school saying all of the staff are required to get their thumbs scanned by some company called Biometric. What? Biometric scans your thumbs into their watch system. We all already had background checks done when we were hired, but now they argue that we need to have this done. Apparently all of the public school teachers in their entire city are being forced to do this as well. Basically anyone who is around any younger who is around any younger please people, please proofread your shit. You make me sound dumb. I'm already dumb enough. Basically anyone who is around any younger people. Oh, for a profession is now mandated by their employee to get in this creepy biometric system. You see this shit? Have you guys noticed this? All this fucking screaming and yelling we do during every single election that comes around to pick the Democrat or the other Republican. It doesn't make a difference because when the real shit goes down, like approving, giving biometrics the right to do this, we don't get to vote on this. They don't even tell us about us. They just go, it's a law. It's mandatory. You have to do this. Anyways, he says, I don't have anything to hide, but the mental picture of all of us harmless musicians lining up like fucking cattle, having some stormtrooper asshole scanning my thumbprint into some supercomputer where it will stay forever is really depressing. Obviously, this is all done in the name of air quote, protecting the children, but at what cost? Here's my question for you. I feel like this is my moment to take a stand. Should I make a deal, big deal about this and try to rally all the other teachers to fight this? Or will I just look like I have something to hide? It is really, really hard to get a job at this school, so I'm scared to make waves. Do you feel like this protects kids from creeps? I should mention that in the school's 50-year history, no incident of a teacher, student misconduct has been recorded. Everyone knows that pedophiles can't play an instrument, LOL. And do you think they are making priests get thumb scans? I fucking bet not. All joking aside, I'm really bothered by this situation. What should I do, Bill? I don't know. The first thing I would do is I would talk to other teachers and see how they feel about it. I think that's complete horseshit. Dude, they have been basically working their way towards this since they first came up with photo IDs and social security numbers and all of that shit. It's all done under the whole guise of organization and your own fucking safety and it's complete horseshit. It has to do with them eventually trying to have a very few people be able to make the decisions for all of us. That's basically what's going on. Okay, and the more information they have about you, the easier it is to be able to find you. I mean, think about that shit. They're going to have you thumbprint. They know what your fucking fingerprint looks like, all right? They're going to have an ability to freeze your fucking bank account and your cell phone has a goddamn microchip in it. Okay, so the second day, I mean, this is like end of day shit and they got these fucking robots that they've been working on that can outperform human beings. I'm telling you, our days are fucking numbered. They out on Jeopardy the other day, they had two human beings playing against a fucking computer. Those two people, they're helping human beings get phased out. You should see, I'm not competing against a fucking computer so you can figure out how it does against me and you can figure the computer's weaknesses and strong points so it can come back with even more game and you can pump it back with more fucking information. So eventually, I become fucking useless unless of course I know how to build a robot or know how to grease its fucking joints. Yeah, dude, I think, yeah, I think it would be a very noble thing if you complained about that. I think people need to complain more. I'm guilty of it. I fucking rant here on this podcast, but I've never been to a protest, but I don't think that it's right that they pass a lot like whether you agree with that or not, that's not something that they should be able to pass without the voice of the people. We should be able to vote on something like that. It's fucking ridiculous. I just find out from my account the other day after years of saying I'm not doing my shit online because I don't want to put all that information online. I now have no option. I have to do it online. You know, I don't want to put all my fucking information online. My tax ID numbers, my social security numbers. You're out of your fucking mind. You're letting people into your entire financial history. You're letting into your whole fucking God knows what they can do with that and they can ruin you. All right. All I'm doing is bitching here, but I don't know, that's shit really. That's fucking creepy as hell. I would talk to other people, be like, "Dude, what do you think about this?" You know, sort of get it going. You know, just like how they started the revolution in this country. "Hey, what do you think about those red coats?" They're kind of, "Yeah, dicks, right? They're kind of dicks. Yeah, I don't like them either." All right, question number two. "Hey, Bill, this has been bothering me for a while now, and I'm not sure what to do. I'm 19 years old. I go to UMass Amherus." Oh, geez, geez. Dude, that place is insane. Do you guys still party? The timeout generation? Do you still party the way they used to where they would actually have fatalities at that school? People used to ride the elevators. It was that classic urban myth about those kids bringing the cow up to the roof of the building, and they didn't know how to get it off, so they just pushed it off the side, and it exploded into hamburger heaven. Anyways, I had a girlfriend my first semester of college that was still in high school. We both knew that I was going far away, but we agreed that we would stay together. However, I guess her feelings changed, and she wanted to be single. I was devastated when she broke up with me, and I've been really down because she was the first girlfriend I had that I really liked, and I wasn't just trying to get late. I actually liked this girl. So, after a few weeks, I found out she was hooking up with this kid that I considered to be a friend, because we had been hanging out over the summer and partying together. What's fucked up about the whole situation is that this isn't the first time this guy has done this to me. All right, you know what I just thought of when I read that sentence? What was the name of that movie? Dead Presidents. You know when the dude comes back into the pool hall with the stick, and he beats the shit out of Terrence Howard? I'm not saying to do that, but that's the first movie scene that came to my head. Anyways, at the end of my senior year, I broke up with a different girl. This kid was hooking up with her about a month later. I let that one slide. That's your fault, because again, I didn't really give a fuck about any other girlfriends I had before this previous one. I don't want to be a crazy ex-boyfriend that gets defensive over girls that no longer like him, but should I or should I not tell this kid to back off and stop going after my ex-girlfriends? You definitely need to have a talk with that dude. You need to clear the air with him, and then you need to stop fucking with him. That's what I would do, and I would go somewhere along the lines of describing him as like, you ever see those little fish that swim under the big fish? You know, they're not plankton. I don't know what the fuck they are. They swim under the whales, you know? Just ask them. It's like, dude, do you have an ability to get pussy without drafting behind me like somebody in the tour to France? You know, if there was like pussy at the finish line, the fuck is wrong with you? You know? I don't know. Don't listen to me on how to say that stuff, because I say fuck a lot, and I'm an angry dude, and you'll end up getting into a fist fight. But yeah, I would definitely say something to the kid. You know, it'd be funny if you called them up. Like, I don't know where you're from. You know, just say you're from just say you're from LA. Just call them up and say, hey, listen, just to let you know, I've been recently hooking up with this chick from San Diego. You know, just want to let you know, you know, send her a picture just to show you the next person that you're going to be fucking because evidently you love my sloppy seconds. You know, you fucking pervert. You gave for me or something. Do you just want to be where my dick has been? You know? The love of God. Go get yourself a boyfriend. There you go. Hit him with the homophobia. That's a good one. Not that I advocate homophobia, but when you use it, it can be your friend. That didn't even make sense. All right, Bill. Hey, Bill, I'm 24 and have four kids. Jesus Christ. What is that? The fucking 1800s? What do you mean? What do you got? What do you got? Some fucking, do you need some farm hands, sir? Somebody go clean out the silo or fill it up? Oh, good Lord. You guys make your own clothes? I'm 24 and I have four kids. I'm married. I feel bad for this guy. I should make fun of him. I work for public utilities doing very hard manual labor and I work hard for my money, which goes straight to my wife and four kids. Basically, when politicians run for office and they try to stand on the shoulders of hard work in Americans, this is the guy right here. This is the guy that like Sam Elliott talks about. Speaking of that, I recently saw one of those course commercials. Have you seen that? The Rocky Mountains go down this country like a backbone and we make our beer the way the fuck we want to and that's what's having a backbone is all about. You got to have a backbone to make a lat beer that looks and tastes like piss. A watered down shitty beer that comes from the backbone, Rocky Mountains. You know something, I think whenever you have a pussy product, you know, one of the red flags is you get Sam Elliott to do the voiceover, you know, because you're like, oh my God, people are going to see right through the fact that, I mean, come on, people, cores, that's one of those beers when like you're hungover that you actually drink. That's like vitamin water for an alcoholic. They're trying to tie it into the fucking Rocky Mountains. I mean, I know they get their fucking water from the Rocky Mountains. Go down this country like a backbone. Tough guy, shit. Give me some of that school banded cord lat. Jesus. Anyways, what the fuck am I? How the fuck did I even start talking about that? The other day, I got a call from work. The other day, I got a call from her. Okay, let's reset this up again. The guy's 24 years old. He has 17 kids. No, he has four kids. He's married, works with public utilities, does very hard manual labor. He works his fucking ass off and all his money goes straight to his fucking wife and his kids. All right, the other day, I got a call from her at work and she told me to meet her at the doctor's office because she doesn't like taking the kids to the doctor alone. When I get there, she starts yelling at me as usual red flag and they and then said, then she said, "All you know how to do is work. So why don't you just go back to work?" And saying, "All I do is pick up after you and the kids and basically calling me a loser for working and making money. I'm doing my best to provide for my kids. She takes my money. She spends my money on stupid shit. We've been married for a year and four months now. But she got four kids. Did you have quadruplets, sir? What happened?" I don't know, Bill. I just like to hear your take on the situation and give me some advice. All right. Okay. Oh, geez. Here we go. All right. All right, first things first. I don't know what you said before. She said, "All you know how to do is work. So why don't you go back to work?" That could have been anything from her actually being a jerk to her saying, "Yeah, Philip has a cold." And you said, "Yeah, which one's Philip? We've got so many fucking kids. Which one? Which one is he? Is he the little rusty-haired one?" Then she, "Ah, well, you know how to do is work. Where did you go back to work?" You know, if she said it like that, then what can you do? But it doesn't seem, I don't know. The fact that she's saying all I do is pick up after you and the kids. This is what you need to do. The worst thing that you can do when you want somebody to hear your point is to be a fucking asshole like me. It's like when I approached that lady at the bank, you know, she didn't hear what I was saying because she's a cunt. All right, who's kidding who? But beyond that was I was a dick to her. So no one's going to listen to you if you're a dick. So if you really, if you want to stay with this woman, right, if you're going through a rough period in your relationship, what you have to do is you got to walk away from that situation, you know, go scream into a pillow all the shit that you want to say to her or go yell at your windshield as you drive around the block 15 fucking times, a couple of drinks, whatever you got to do, unwind. And this is how I do it because I have a brutal temper and just write down on a piece of paper what you want to fucking convey. All right, and then practice it. I know this sounds crazy to people who don't have this problem, but that's what I have to do because I'll sit there and like that bank thing, I tried to practice it. My first attempt at practicing, I would start off slow and eventually get pissed all over again. I'd be like, hey, listen, I noticed that when you went in, you know, you opened your car door into my car and then you came out and then you did it again. And it's like, what the fuck? You know, okay, wait a minute. I can't do that. All right, start over, Bill. And each time I would get further and further to the end. So that's what you have to do with this person. You have to sit down hour and 12 minutes. How fucking long is this podcast? You have to sit down with her and just be like, look, I mean, I don't know what you're just say, listen, we have four kids. That's the situation. You know, the place is going to be a mess. And I am working. Okay, obviously I'm not giving you what you need. What, what more do you need from me? Okay, let her, that's probably a good way. All right, we need to talk. You seem really upset with me. Blah, blah, blah, blah. What more do you need from me than what I'm doing? All right, since she sees that you're relaxed, you're going to hear what the hell she wants to say. Then when she says what she has to say, you know, fair enough. All right, here's, here's what I need from you. All right. And then in a nice way, you got to tell her to stop spending all your money on stupid shit. All right, that's what you got to do. And I'm telling you, the key when you're fucking trying to make some headway in your relationship is with the woman is you can't lose your fucking cool. All right. And they will, if you back them into a corner sometimes, when they're doing something wrong, because if humans, they're going to do something wrong when you back them into the corner and they did something wrong, watch out if they start attacking you. All right, with shit that has nothing to do what you're arguing about. Like you're arguing about, you know, whatever. Like you fucking, she keeps leaving the TV on and going to bed and it's on all night. She's fucking whatever, whatever the fuck that causes the electric bill to go up. If all of a sudden she starts going, well, you know, you just mad because you know, you're just short or she attacks you for that or some other bullshit or just, you're just a fucking asshole right there. She just abandoned her argument. And what she's doing now is she's just trying to make you mad so that she can steer the argument into some other bullshit or just hopefully get you to say something so fucked up that it just totally camouflages, you know, the bullshit that she did to start the fucking argument, basically. So just keep it cool. You got to sit down. You got to do it. You got four girls. You got four kids with this with this girl. You're attached to the hip with this woman. Okay. So what you want to do is try to have a good time. You're a good guy. You're working your fucking ass off. Okay. She needs to appreciate that. And she has to appreciate that. You know, you know, what do you want to do? You want to fucking whatever the fuck you're doing. You don't want to walk around picking up SpongeBob SquarePants stuffed animals all day. You know, you got to be like sweetheart. You had four fucking kids. See, this is why I'm not good at it. Sweetheart. You had four fucking kids. The fuck do you think was going to happen? You know, get your tubes tied. Quit bitching at me. See, that's the first pass. That's the first way I would say it. And by you get to the end, you just say, listen, you know, I love you. You love me. We have four beautiful kids. We have to work together. It's definitely a trying time and being this young with all these kids, but blah, blah, blah. And I'm telling you, your life will be like it'll be better. It'll be better if you work it out. But the worst thing you want to do is come and hurt after you've had a few pops and said, listen, let me tell you something you dumb cunt. All right. I'm the backbone of this fucking country. You don't want to come in there that way. All right. You stupid bitch. I'm fucking working my balls off. Why don't you go out there on that goddamn fucking oil rig all day? You know, why don't you go down the pharmacy and get on the fucking pill? Maybe you wouldn't have to be picking up so much shit. All right. Well, let me know to pull out. You'd say dumb shit like that, you know, and then you're gonna have a, you're gonna have a fucking horrific relationship. You don't want to do that. So that's it. That's the podcast for this week, everybody. And as I mentioned, I am up on Twitter now and actually enjoying it. I have made peace with the, with the tweeting. You know, I feel like right now, I feel like a, I feel like Johnny Damon when he went to the Yankees after trashing Twittering, but now I'm fucking, you know, shaved my beard, got a haircut. Oh, you know, I'm just gonna come in and contribute on Twitter wherever I can. No, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. It's just typical me. I am, I'm an old soul. I'm a crabby 80 year old as a 42 year old. I am. I look, I shot new. I don't like it. I didn't like Facebook. I still don't really like it, but I'm at the mercy of you guys. You guys all go to Twitter. What the fuck am I supposed to do? You know, I stayed on my space as long as I could. I felt like I was in a ghost town, like some old minor town that dried up and I was just sitting there listening to the rusty hinges, you know, as the door swung, swung back and forth. Oh, Jesus Bill, we get it. Stop being so fucking dramatic. You're a Twitter in fake. You're a tweeter. Yeah, that's it. That's the podcast for this week. You guys all have a, you all have a wonderful week and go fuck yourselves. All right, see you. you. you. you. [BLANK_AUDIO]