Monday Morning Podcast
Monday Morning Podcast 1-31-11
Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about hot girls, jesus signs, and the Red River.
What's going on? It's Bill Burr and it is the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 31st, 2011. How are you? How are you doing? Really? Oh, that's good to hear. I was worried about you. You see, it just goes to show you, doesn't it? It just goes to show you that if you sit around and you think positive thoughts, you'll have a happy Monday. Are you having a happy Monday? Happy Monday to you. I'm not having a happy Monday. I fucking flew back from Dallas, Texas, which is why the podcast is a little bit late among other fucking technology goddamn reasons because I bought a new fucking microphone and I brought it out to Texas with me and it just picked up the entire room and I did a whole fucking podcast and I was going to upload it like a good boy midnight. So even my friends over there in Jolly Old England, way back over there and swinging and even those couple of constant listening Mongolia would have something on a Monday morning, wherever the fuck they're at. What happened? I went back and I listened to it and it sounded like ass and I was like, I'm not subjecting my listeners to this. How do you like that? You like that? Isn't that a great excuse for being late? I'm late because I was thinking about you. I was thinking about your needs. I think I care too much. God, I feel like shit. I forgot to bring my vitamins with me, right? I'm such a fucking old man. Did that motherfucker just hit the floor down there? I think now I'm just hearing things. Fuck that old guy. And his balls. Yeah, I forgot to bring my vitamins. Speaking of old, I have to bring vitamins with me when I'm on the road now, you know, I can't fucking do it anymore after years of breathing in that airline food. Listen, listen to my voice right now, right? A lot of the ladies probably thinks it sounds a little bit sexy. This is what I sound like when I'm beginning to get sick and I forgot all my shit. You know, all my pills. I know you don't, man. All my pills that I fucking take when I'm on the road, so I don't get sick, you know? You fly out. I'm always flying back fucking east, you know? So then I got to get up at six in the morning, which is really like four in the morning for me. Then I do radio, then I try to come back and go to sleep with the fucking sons out. I can't do it. Then I do my shows and then I'm fucking shaking everybody's hands afterwards. And then I fucking, you know, rub my face, you know, and next thing you know, I got road aids, you know, but it's curable. It's curable by fucking three shitty days sitting in your own fucking apartment. It's my big announcement for the week people I have road aids. The first known case of 2011, it's early this year and, you know, it was my fault. I didn't protect myself. So yeah, I'm a little under the weather this week. So, but I'm going to fucking bring it like Jerry Lewis, you know, who never sat down in his tuxedo pants. So I'm laying down right now. So I'm going to try to bring the fucking funny. Let me tell you about my weekend. All right, people, I went out to Dallas Taysay. Yeah. Dallas, Texas. I went out that way. And I performed at the new improv in Arlington, Texas, despite the fact that kept saying I was an Addison on last week's podcast. I was in Arlington. Did any of you guys accidentally go to Addison? You would have been disappointed. You would have saw earthquake, a fucking good friend of mine. Someone I highly recommend you go see live. Fucking you want to hear one of the fucking great off the top of his head out the top of your fucking headline that I saw him do one time. What a fuck worthy. We were some fucking room in the Bronx or some shit. I can't remember. It was one of those fucking clubs where like two days after we did it, it got shut down because somebody shot off a pistol in there. It was one of those fucking things, you know, back when I was like, I'm going to do the psychoous rooms ever, you know, and then I won't be nervous when I'm doing Letterman. Well, you know what? It doesn't work that way. You just get used to doing shitty rooms. But then when you go to do Letterman, you're like, Oh, wait, this, this is, this is a different kind of pressure. That kind of pressure is, well, no one's paying attention. How the fuck can I get these people to listen? But then it's kind of easy because it's like, well, then that's, you know, it's supposed to suck. So if you do okay, then people like, wow, that was amazing. But if you do Letterman, you're supposed to do well. Everybody's paying attention. They got the air conditioner on, everybody's facing forward, right? Whatever. So I'm in this fucking room, trying to figure out what the fuck I'm going to say to try to get, try to get the crowd going before they realize I'm disgustingly what I am, which they're going to see before I even get to the fucking mic stand. What's his face? Earthquake was on stage. Wait, was this an Atlanta? I can't fucking remember anymore. I was doing whatever. I was doing some fucking room, right? And he was up there killing and he looked over in the crowd and there was a woman sitting in there, this large woman who was not good looking. Okay, I'm not trying to be mean, but her face was a mess. Okay, I'm talking like a rottweiler with a dress and she had one of those big, you know, those African hats. It kind of looks like the Pope hat, but it's more looks sort of like a vase. And it just goes straight up, you know, did one of those early rappers with the giant chunky gold chains. Didn't she wear one of those UNITY? That's a unity. Didn't she wear one of those? So anyways, the girl is sitting in the crowd and he's in the middle of killing and the second he sees her. He's in the middle of telling a joke. He just says he called her Erica, but don't. It was one of the funniest and meanest fucking things. I was fucking brilliant. It was right off the top of his head, but it was so fucking mean because she didn't say anything. And you know, she really didn't deserve it, but it was just what I liked about it was he didn't point at her. He just looked at her and just to himself. And Erica, but don't. And you know, the people in that section knew and they just fucking that was what I liked about it was he said he just said it. He said, I don't give a fuck that only people sitting because you know, the rest of the crowd couldn't see her. Whatever. So whatever. If I fucked up, if you went to the Addison Improv, you saw earthquakes. So there you go. There you go. But anyways, I was out in Arlington, Texas this week to go out there to the Texas Oklahoma area with those girls with the huge faces in the big heads. And I saw a lot of them saw a lot of big headed Texas girls. I saw a lot of cutie pies too. One way or the other out there, they're either fucking drop dead gorgeous. How you doing? How you doing? You want some grits? Gorgeous or they just have these fucking Mount Rushmore heads hair teased up because it's Dallas. Things big in Dallas. Just giant Fred Flintstone fucking heads. That doesn't stop them from teasing up their hair. They look like those Texas girls with the big heads when they're done with the eyeshadow teasing up their hair. They look like fucking Nikki six. Do you realize the fucking balls I have to attack how anybody looks? Do you understand that? A balding fucking red head? Do you understand the level of fucking balls that that takes? All right. So anyways, the first night I fly in and the club owner out there, he's a little fella. He stands about four foot eleven. He's adorable. He likes to dress with little fucking shiny shirts. Just the little fella scoots his seat right up to the steering wheel. Scoots his seat. All the way is as far up as you could possibly scoot his seat and his arms are still straight when he's holding on to the fucking steering wheel. I'm just being a dick in case he's listening. So anyways, he picks me up, right? And we went right to the fucking Dallas Mavericks Houston Rockets game. Set right behind the fucking, this is how great my weekend was. Set right behind the Houston Rockets bench. Okay, well actually there's a bench and then there's the fucking guys who hand them the water bottles. Then there was a fucking court, little alley. And then there was us. It was fucking ridiculous. All right. And I'm sitting there getting to see all this shit. You don't get to see when you watch a game on TV like towards the end of the fucking game. I saw, you know, it was one of those deals where they needed two scores. You know, don't shoot a three. Just get a quick two and then try and foul. Do that shit. So the fucking point guard goes, you know what? I don't see any other teammates. I guess it's all up to me. For some reason, he decided to do this and one bullshit, right? Fucking one of the most spectacular missed layups you've ever seen in your fucking life. If you did a percentage of the odds of the fucking thing going in, it was probably even with a good NBA player, like a 40% shot. That's what the fuck he took when they needed. They needed a big score, right? Didn't even look just brought it up the court, did it all himself. All right. And fucking missed it. And I immediately see, you know, because I'm sitting there, I saw the coaching staff's reaction. They just, you know, you have one fucking Slater dropped that ball and Super Bowl fucking 13 and Roger Starr back went, ah, just fucking that's what they did. All three of them in unison like backup dancers did the exact same thing. Just looked over their left fucking shoulder. And then they all went over and they sat down on the bench like, well, this fucking game's over. Okay. So the Rockets quickly foul someone on the Mavericks. They go up to the line. I think the fucking point guard did it because he's standing up there by half court and I see him calling over the coaches. He's going, Hey coach, he goes, should I file? You want me to file? And the coach won't even look at him. And then I see the player in the coat on the floor just rolls his eyes like, ah, shit, I'm going to fucking hear about this one, right? That's how close I was. I'm sitting there. I'm absolutely giddy. To the left of me up to the right of me. I'm sorry. We're three ladies. Right? They weren't even hot. They were like sort of hot. You know, they did all the shit that hot girls do. They had fancy clothes. They had on the eyeliner. They teased up their hair, but they just were, you know, you know, when you watch American light idol and someone can almost sing kind of like the way I sing. Picture the way I sing. I'm almost there. Listen, row, row, row. You're about gently down the stream. Yeah, I just said, stream, right? That's the kind of good look in there. You are right. It wasn't that bad. Right up to stream. That's what happens. Yeah, that ass isn't bad. Those titties aren't that bad either. And then you look at that face stream. You're like, fuck, really? How the fuck are you sitting this close? So not only were they sitting there, they weren't fucking paying attention. This is why I am fucking I don't know if the word is racist. I don't know if it's it's not racist. Good looking women is it's not it's not a racial thing. I don't know if I'm sexist now because it's not a woman thing. It's a specific kind of fucking I just I fucking beautiful women. I don't know. You know, you know, when you go to the golf course, you know what guys tee off in my fucking mental world versus where the women tee off in my world mentally beautiful women, they got a tee off way back there. They got to go that extra fucking 30 goddamn yards because I just immediately assume that you're going to be exactly like these fucking cunts who will sit next to me. They sat there and they had their fucking stupid noise makers, right, which is always a sign of a bad franchise, by the way. I've said this for fucking years. And for some reason, some of you are you're not hearing me. Okay, if your fans suck so bad that they have to give them noise makers. So they can sound like a fucking enthusiastic crowd. Okay. Noise makers like it's fucking New Year's Eve or some shit, right? So they're sitting there. I took a picture of it and it's going to be up on the Mm podcast, by the way. The girl next to me is holding her two little thundersticks in her left hand and sorry, my voice is fucked up in her left hand. And then she's texting on her blackberry with her thumb and that blackberry is wrapped in this little hot pink fucking just annoyed the shit out of me. And at one point, somebody throws an alley oop for this monster fucking dunk. The crowd goes crazy. She misses the whole fucking thing. She sets down her blackberry and then starts clapping the thundersticks together just because she hears the crowd. And she just goes, Yay. And then put it and went right back to what the fuck she was doing. Yeah, she had not annoyed me, but it did. It annoyed me. And then at one point, her and two other horror friends kept yelling over at somebody who worked from the Mavericks. They were going, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch. You know, they do that in Dallas. They'll take a one syllable word and they make it give it two, like I'm going to beg it. They go, Mitch. And I look over and Mitch turns out to be one of these jackasses who comes running out like sort of skipping and running at the same time with one of those guns and he shoots fucking T-shirts up into the upper deck. You know, those fucking guys, you ever want to just punch someone in the face more when you see them with their eyebrows up and they're pointing up at the upper deck like, huh, you want a free T-shirt? Do you? They do that stupid little skip step, you know, across the court and then they stop, you know, feet parallel to each other and then they just stick one hand up in the air and then the girls do this and then they sort of jump in a circle waving. It's just, it's, you know, first of all, it's embarrassing to watch people freak out that much about a fucking free T-shirt. You know, it's like, what is it? Fucking 10 bucks. Go buy one. People up there hanging up. I'm telling you, someone's going to fall out of that fucking upper deck and they're going to, it's going to be the dumbest death ever and I'm going to laugh and I'm going to watch it on YouTube and I'm going to have no sympathy for the person because you're, it's a T-shirt. So anyways, he turns out he's one of these guys and he wasn't really a good looking guy either but he works for the Mavericks so he has three sort of hotties, you know. Unfortunately with guys, it's not how you look. It's, it's, it's the position you're in in life. He just doesn't realize it that he could have got three better looking women but, you know, he's too busy looking at his imperfections when he brushes his teeth. That's what I think. Did that story go off the rails? I think it did. May catch. Then I did my fucking shows at the, at the improv. I had great shows and then Sunday I'm sitting around doing na eh and the Oklahoma City Thunder had a game against the fucking Miami Heat. Okay. And I'm like, well, I live in Los Angeles. If I wanted to sit down close to see the Miami Heat at a fucking Lakers game, I mean, I'm going to have to fucking shell out to Grand and blow Hugh Hefner. So fuck it. I'm going to go up there. You know what face value for the tickets were? Face value of sitting behind the goal where Chris Bosch and fucking Durant got in each other's faces. I was sitting behind that goal about fucking, I don't know, 15 rows up. They yelled really loudly. I could hear what the fuck they were saying. You know what face value on those tickets was 55 bucks underrated going to a sporting event in fucking Oklahoma. All right. Don't sleep on those in the middle of nowhere fucking cities. It's great. The cost of living is so much lower. Ticket prices are fucking lower and you can sit down low like your fucking Ben Stiller or some shit. Well, 20 rows behind where he would be sitting. And then I'm also on the side and I couldn't see part of it because the fucking goal was in the way. But other than that, it was great. And I got to tell you underrated also is the fucking Oklahoma Thunder fucking fans, man. They had great fans and they had a phenomenal fucking stadium. It was bare bones. It was like reverse staple center. So and the tickets were cheap. And people, you know, could afford to go and they had a big upper deck and they only had one row of luxury boxes. So it was loud as hell. It was way louder than the fucking staple center. You know, and I actually liked it better than the fucking goddamn Bank North fleet garden, whatever the fuck they call that back in Boston, that awful arena. Those two fucking legendary franchises, the Bruins and the Celtics. And that's the fucking arena that you build up. You go down to Home Depot and you buy 16,000 cinder blocks and you just make a big fucking square. That's what that's what we get. You know, we had this unbelievable home ice home court advantage back in the day. And I feel like I'm in a food court when I'm in that fucking place. So so anyways, yeah, I was sitting right there when they were talking shit and evidently Kevin Durant went off on him afterwards said he was one of those fake tough guys. And it was all the big fucking gossip around the NBA and I was there was fucking sight. And I know you guys think I'm fucking nuts for doing that shit. What else was I going to do? Sit in my hotel room. Tell the feature act to pick me up and go take me to get some fucking barbecue. I can't do it anymore. You know, went up there. You know, it's great about that drive from Dallas to Oklahoma City is just it's in between the two cities when you're in the middle of fucking nowhere. Right. And you go you go over the Red River, which I didn't even know I was going to go to the Red River rivalry game last year. Right. I didn't even know what the fucking Red River was. I don't know what it was what because they kicked the shit out of each other and there's a river of blood afterwards. I had no fucking idea. I evidently that's that river that runs along the south of the state that gives its its its shape. Right. So you fucking go over that river. And then that's when all the signs about Jesus. They all start coming out. I took one creepy fucking photo. This was outside of a gas station. What the fuck is my phone? Like that's that's the type of shit. You know, you're driving down the street. Right. And you know, I saw at one point there were like four crosses on the side of the road for where like I guess four people died in a goddamn accident. I don't know. Like fucking side swiped in ox or some shit. I mean, it was like in the middle. It was like the middle of fucking nowhere. And what the hell was I that time I did that podcast. And I was telling you that that guy. Oh, I know when you drive from fucking Cincinnati down to Nashville somewhere in Kentucky, can somebody send me a picture of this? Somebody has the 10 commandments written out in signage on the the outskirts of his of his of his farm. It's really fucking frightening. Let me see if I can find this here. I am scrolling. You know, you get out there. Yeah, it's all shit about Jesus or it's a it's a it's a farm or it's a casino. Oh, here it is. Here it is. We pulled over for gas. What does this sign say? His blood paid all. You know, it's like can I enjoy my fucking day? Can I just drive up and go see a basketball game without you bringing up the fact that somebody got tortured to death so I can somehow make it to fucking La La Land, which I'm not going to. I'm not going to make it, right? You've heard the podcast. You think God doesn't have iTunes? I'm fucked. There's no way I'm making it. I don't even buy into that shit. You know, somebody last week, you know, because I went off on a fucking J star there last week, right? The fucking boss, his son. Oh, fucking Twinkle toes himself. The originator of the Bergen stock fucking look that guy. You know, later went on to play base in Nirvana, right? Isn't that what Jesus did? That's the reason he already came back. You guys missed it. What was the fuck was I talking about? I was on such a great little fucking tangent there and I had to bring up Nirvana. What the fuck did I do that for? All right, Bill, you ever do this shit? When you came and we talking about that, you got to back it up in your head. All right, his blood for you. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah, somebody last week sent me this fucking email. You see, if I can find this shit, it was hilarious because he had in the subject in all capital letters, it just said, answer me, right? And I don't know if it was somebody fucking around or what, but it was some dude who was annoyed by me taking the Lord's name in vain. There it is. Answer me, Bill. Here we go. It's from a guy. I know I don't say names, but what are the odds that some Jesus freak would have a first name, Travis? I wish you would stop using Jesus Christ's name in vain. Oh, geez. What do you have against religion anyway? I think you are confused about the whole thing. Attend a good Bible believing church. Talk to the pastor and actually listen to him. I like how he assumes that I talk to a pastor. I didn't listen. You see, did you catch that little passive aggressor? Talk to the pastor. Why don't you fucking listen this time? I would really appreciate it if you would be open about Jesus and Christianity. It will change your life. Exclamation point. Guarantee. Exclamation point yet spelled wrong. He spelled guarantee. G-U-R-A-N-T. His name's Travis. Guarantee. I'm telling you, you're getting a Jesus. It's going to change your life. What do you have against? Let me read back this and let me give it the most stereotypical horrific fucking accent I can. I wish he'd stop using Jesus name in vain. What do you have against religion anyway? I find it oppressive. That's what I don't like about it. I don't like how they use fear, how they try to scare the shit out of me. It says the day I'm fucking born. It don't even fucking sit there and act like they don't. They do. It's fucking annoying. They don't know what happens to you when you die. So stop scaring the shit out of me. I think you go right to the fucking ground. That's what you do. And you fucking, you make the soil richer, right? And then next thing you know, there's a mosquito flying out of it. Thanks to you. It works for all of us in the United Way. Right? That's what I think. I don't have a problem with religion. Okay? I shit on it the way I shit on everything else. Why do you just fucking send me emails when I talk about old J star there? You know, tend to good Bible believing church. I did. I did it my whole fucking life. And you know what? Turned out they were fucking kids. You know, do you understand that Travis? Do you understand what they did to society? The amount of fucking just people who came forward and how that's going to affect the person that they they marry and the way they raise their fucking kids and the hang ups that they're going to have that shit is going to last for fucking centuries. Okay? And forget about the fucking Spanish Inquisition, all these fucking wars. What is wrong? Like, I don't understand these fucking people who can't see the ridiculous level of death that has been caused because of because everybody just trying to fucking, I'm really preaching right now. I got to shut up, but I just is just how I fucking asked me. All right. I just, you know, I believe in the be a good person, even though I'm not, you know, and I can't even say I'm trying to be I've quit. I've quit trying to be a good person. I've been living in accordance to the church of Satan. And I have. All right. And I know right now you're thinking I'm in here and I'm fucking sacrificing a fucking lamb or some shit talking to old the fucking El Diablo there. I'm not. That's not what the church is Satan is about. That's what the fuck you guys told me it was about. And then one day back in the day, I had a radio show with young Joe DeRosa, the teen aisle sensation from the Opian Anthony program and we was Halloween was coming up. We said, why don't we have some of these Satanist people come in here. Let's see if they can freak us out. So he was sitting there asking him, well, about the devil and all that. And they go, yeah, we don't, we don't believe in that shit. That's organized religion came up with that. We don't believe we don't believe that there's a heaven or a hell. We don't believe in the devil. We don't believe in any yet stuff. So I was like, all right. So what do you guys believe in? And he's just like basically doing what feels good to you. You know, which means, you know, fucking banging a bunch of hotties. You want a hot fudge Sunday, you go on, you're fucking eat it. If you want peace and quiet, you don't have kids. You just you live for yourself. That's basically what that's that's their version of it. So that's what I'm saying. I've been living for myself. It's ridiculous. All right, I play hockey. I played drums. I tell jokes. I go to fucking basketball games. I'm not passing any knowledge on to anybody who half looks like me and half looks like my beautiful girlfriend. I'm living a very selfish fucking life. So, but I don't need Jesus. Do I Travis? Is that what you're yelling right now? Um, no, that's what I have against it beyond. I'm, you know, I got to make some of this funny. All right. I don't have a problem if you're into organized religion. I don't, but I, I, uh, I don't understand why, uh, I don't know, people just don't see how that everything kind of says the same shit. And then you just have a different guy that you're, you're saying it to. And then for some reason, if the other guys don't believe in your guy, eventually you end up killing them either one on one face to face or you let some fuckhead tell you what those other people are like and how they're going to get you and they're going to do all this fucking evil shit, right? And then you go over there and you fucking kill them while those fucking rich cons sit there. Yeah. You know, playing footsy with each other, you know, resting their feet on bars of gold rolling. That's what they do. They roll around and cash, you know, that's what they do. You think, you think that's what bankers do? Just sit there just like change. They just dive into it like a jacuzzi, just coins sitting there creepy giggle. Um, I don't have to fucking talk. So that's why Travis. All right. That's why I do it because I don't fucking believe in it. I don't believe in it. I don't believe a fucking word of it. I believe in a higher power. I don't know what the fuck it is. I don't know what happens when you die, but I'm not listening to you or any other fucking idiot who, you know, wants to rub one out to his teacher because you do. All right. Stop fighting. Thought you do. Just take it out. Rub it out. Have a good fucking time. It's your goddamn dick. Stop having some other fucking person tell you what you can jerk off to. All right. Oh God. That was cathartic. That felt good. That felt good for you guys. How about you? Mitch. Mitch Travis. Dakota. All right. What are we talking about now? What do I got here? Let's move on to. Oh, I got to read you this shit. Hello to everyone over there in England. I know I keep saying this tour is coming together. It is. It is coming together. England, Ireland, Scotland. This fucking thing is going to come together and I'm trying to tack on a Scandinavian tour as well. And then maybe some Australia in the in the fall. All right. So by all means, I love hearing from other countries. All right. And I don't give a shit if you trash fucking America. I don't give a fuck. I just want to hear what you think. I mean, I'm not going to agree with you on a lot of it, but let me know what's going on over your way so I can try to make this thing not so specific to Jesus freaks in Texas. All right. This is from England. This is some sort of sport. This is kind of about sports controversies this week. I don't know if that was a controversy between Chris Bosch and Kevin Durant. All I know, it was it was it was great. You know, I thought it was awesome. I like when they get in each other's face, they start fucking screaming and yelling and they played the game was fucking awesome game. And I think I became a Thunder fan. Dude, by the way, their mascot is the shit. I don't know what the fuck it is. I get I get why that one doesn't make sense. You know what I mean? Like the Phoenix Suns, why they have a gorilla. I have no fucking idea. I guess a gorilla like all living things needs the sun. But other than that, that's the only connection I make with a gorilla and the fucking sun. So, you know, whatever, San Diego had the San Diego chicken. That made no fucking sense for the Padres, but the dude was hilarious. So anyways, this fucking dude for the was like his name is rumble. Is that his name? I don't begin with that. All right. I can't fucking remember. He looks like with a wild things are one of those things. This fucking dude came out. Had his at half court had his back to the fucking rim to hand it through it over his head without looking with the mascot shit on and nothing but net. All right. And then walked off the court like it was nothing. I know he doesn't hit it every fucking game. But it was pretty goddamn impressive. And then later on, he comes out on a fucking drum kit in the goddamn costume and starts jamming with these fucking this this mini drum line killing it. And as he's fucking killing it on the drum kit, the drum kit. I don't know how starts going around the fucking the mini drum line people. They're like standing basically with where center court is where the basketball is. And then this thing starts revolving around it like a goddamn planet around the sun. Like very fast, you know, to the point that, you know, almost to the point where he could fucking fall off and he's still keeping the beat. Let's do it with the shit. So anyways, how the fuck did I get into that? Oh, I know we're talking sports car traverses here. So this guy sends me this thing from England. This is hilarious. These two guys who basically I as far as I can tell that they commentate for the premier league, which is the the English soccer league over there for my money. It's the best one out there. You know, my little bit of knowledge just fucking, you know, 150 years ton of 20, 50 years of tradition with some of these these teams and fans go fucking nuts. People get trampled to death. It's it's everything that you love about sports, right? So evidently these commentators. First of all, they got busted. They didn't know their mics were on. And they were shitting on this lady who was working on the sidelines. Basically, not even saying like, like, you know, I'd love the fucking banger. Basically saying she didn't know what the fuck she was doing. They just didn't know that their mics were on. So now of course, one of them has to step down and the other ones cast who like apologize profusely. Here's basically what happened. You guys got I have the YouTube videos to you. You got you got to watch these things. They're hilarious. I says, Hey, Bill, here in England, there's currently a very funny shit storm surrounding two sky sports premier league broadcasters. I'm guessing sky sports is like their their sports channel ESPN or something. So anyways, they're they're in trouble for sexist comments. They made about a female official. See, I mean, I only listened to her once, but I didn't hear them saying like, Oh, look at the tits on her. They just said that she stunk at her job. You know, is it come to that if you just criticize a woman for doing a job that a guy usually does that automatically becomes sexist? I don't remember them saying anything like that. Granted, I'm a fucking moron. But, uh, I mean, wouldn't these guys know who would know better than these guys? These guys are the guys, right? So anyways, he says, uh, new footage keeps appearing on YouTube as people seem to be digging up shit on these guys. It is well funny as they are a pair of cozy smug cunts who have such great jobs. Ah, you got a fucking love English people. Cozy smug cunts. Can you please send me audio of you saying that in your fucking accent so I can play it for my listeners next week? Cozy smug cunts who have such great job. Is that what a cozy smug cunt is? What a fucking tremendous description of some douche who didn't earn his fucking position sits in a corner office. Hang on a second. I got to go talk to that cozy smug cunt down the fucking hall. Anyways, one has been, uh, one has been sacked. That means fired. Um, conspiracy theory is that it's linked to the fact that he's suing a sister company, a newspaper for phone tapping. Yeah, I don't know what happened there. Someone tap his phone. I have no idea. But anyways, he goes, and the other one was eating his own balls on the radio today, apologizing like mad, trying to save his career. I thought this story might appeal to you. As I know you love a good broadcaster balls up and a bit of bit of woman trashing thrown in for good measure. Here are some clips from the story. Okay. So he gives me the clips of them making sexist comments. I'd play it for you. But, uh, you really as an American got to listen to it a couple of times to pick up everything this saying, um, because they're talking really fast. Um, but the best thing is he sent me this other clip and it's the same two broadcasters and they're doing they're basically speaking over highlights of women's soccer, which as far as I can tell, the quality level is the equivalent of the WNBA during the first two weeks that it came out, right? So they start doing, they start doing the highlights and these fucking broads are so bad at playing football that they just start laughing. All right. You understand that? Not in a mean way. It's what made them laugh was the level of, of, or lack of level of quality of these fucking broads, the way they were playing the game. They sucked. You should see this one fucking, you got to watch this video, have it up on the mmpodcast.com. This girl, right? The fucking goalie falls down. I don't know what happened. She stepped on the string of her fucking tampon. Sorry. That was mean. Um, she fucking falls down or whatever. She's horrifically out of position. So the other girl, she has basically three quarters of the net to shoot this little fucking ball in on that. Those of you who don't know shit about soccer, a goal in soccer, you could drive three of those double decker fucking red London buses through it. So she's got three, you could drive two fucking buses through it. She kicks the ball. Somehow she gets underneath it. This thing fucking shoots up in the air, hits underneath the crossbar, comes back out onto the feel of play. And then because of the, the, the spin on the ball, it's somehow by the grace of God trickles into the fucking net. It was one of the ugliest goals ever. And then the girl starts celebrating like she's fucking paleo or something. So I think that that was a high, I can't remember because I only watched it once. These two fucking cozy smug cunts as this guy says, they start fucking one of them laughs. And then the other one has to continue talking. And then he starts giggling and you know, fucking immature guys are next thing you know, they're laughing their balls off. And you know what would have saved their job if one of these fucking broads could actually play soccer and wouldn't, would stop doing hilarious, horrific shit on the fucking field or the pitch or whatever the fuck you call it. You know, so these guys got in trouble for that shit too, which is hilarious to me. And I'm also thinking why that's why girls suck at soccer or football, whatever the fuck you call it. See, if you suck as a guy and guys laugh at you, you have two choices. Either get good so they stop laughing at you or quit the fucking sport. You don't have the option to be and stop being me to me. That's sexist, stop it. And then everybody has to sit around and pretend like you don't suck at what you do for a living. Fucking nerve of those broads are getting mad. The fact that that that that that shit is on TV is the level of play that that actually makes it on TV. And some guy is 20 times as good who can't make it into the Premier League is never going to get on television. These fucking broads get on there, right? And that the level of fucking play that they put that on, when does that air over there? Does it come on right after Benny Hill? Is it like a comedy Thursday night? I mean, the highlights they literally should have been playing that way. We ain't picking that fucking kazoo song. So anyways, you got to check it out. And it's, it's fucking tremendous. And I'm not saying that women are bad athletes, but these women were, they were horrific. Alright, I'm not saying Layla Ali could not beat the living shit out of me. She could. Alright, and you know what I would expect you guys to do? Laugh your ass off during the highlight of me getting my ass kicked because I suck it at boxing. I'm terrible at it. You know, I got a good temper. I'll fucking spaz out and fucking throw you on the ground. If I can, you know, start punching you through tears. You know, that spaz. That type of shit. That's what I used to do when I was a kid. But I tried taking boxing. I just, I, I'm not quick. I just, I don't have that quick twitch muscle fiber at all. And I have a huge fucking head. So that's not a good combination. Slow and having a big head. You don't want to get into a boxing ring. Anyways, thank you very much for sending that. And like I said, yeah, if you're in any of those, those countries over there that I, that I go to, which is basically London, London. I'm in more on England, fucking Ireland and Scotland. Please send me some Australia. I'm coming your way in any Scandinavian country. All right. As far as the rest of you, you know, chime in. You got a fucking comedy zone over there. Eventually, I'm going to go there. And it's not because I give a fuck about you. It's because I see what the banks are doing. They're going global. They're going global. And I'm not going to get caught flat footed. That's, that's my, that's my exit strategy for when the shit goes down. All right. I'm going to go out to Van Nuys and hopefully have a fucking private jet by then. And I'm going to, as, as the shit starts burning over here, I'm going to jump in a goddamn plane and I'm flying to another country and I'm going to be booking gigs. Hey, remember me? Good day, mate. Coming down for a couple of weeks. You know, book me in the old fucking Foster's Lager fucking comedy tour. God damn bullshit. The depth charge level beer. Evidently none of them drink it over there. Oh, by the way, thanks for Rupert Murdoch. All right. Thank you. Thank you very much. Jesus Christ. I thought you guys were cool over there. Um, you know, Rupert Murdoch is such a douche. She almost negates AC DC. Okay. There's a fucking statement for you. All right. Let's, let's go on to the next topic here. I have a splitting fucking headache. Um, oh, have you got a headache? You can feel your heartbeat in your ears. Um, all right. Oh, here we go. Here's a new topic. This topic really took off this past week. The new topic is this racist, racist, racist, racist. Um, last week, uh, we had some people asking some questions and I can't fucking remember what the hell they were. I remember I was saying when I drive down the street and somebody cuts me off, I play a game out here in Los Angeles, a game called, uh, older Asian and the person I'm riding with, we both have to guess one person picks old, the other person picks Asian, you know, and then you pull up alongside and you take a look and I swear to God, nine times out of 10, it's one of the other, you know, and if it's old and Asian, that's like hitting the green double zero in fucking roulette. Nobody wins unless you picked it, unless you said old Asian. All right. So I'd just be like, is that fucking racist, right? Never definitely somebody chimed in last week. He said it's actually racist and ageist to say that. So yeah, so I guess I have a racist, ageist game, but let me ask you this. Um, what about the factor that it's just me and my car? Aren't you allowed to say fucked up shit in your car? Doesn't everybody sort of become like Michael Douglas and falling down when you get in your car? Don't you say fucked up shit? And when I say don't you, I mean everybody, not just white people. Come on, black people, you know what you say about us? Huh? You know what you say? Mexicans, huh? You know what you say? Everybody knows what they say. Everybody says this stuff. Some moments. Come on. You know what you say when you're out there fucking tackling a tree and turning it into a fucking surfboard, right? Isn't that what you guys do? Are those the toughest fucking people on the planet? I mean, my whole knowledge of some Owens is basically professional wrestling USC football and that dude on the Steelers. I've just never seen a fucking pussy who's a Samoa. They just you know, those are like the actual the real three hundreds people, you know, except they're not in the snow. You know, they are a bunch of fatties though. Why don't they do a Samoan fucking biggest loser? That would be the shit. Some fat fucking Samoan dude. You bring him and they you get him into insane shape. And then at the end of the show, rather than winning like 200,000, they just get drafted into the NFL and they become millionaires. Look at that. See that people? That's why I moved out to L.A. Because I could just I can create a show what or nothing. Can't get it on the fucking air, but I can create one. Yes, I am that is cryptic talk and I'm not ready to talk about that failure in my career. All right, let's plow ahead. So here we go. Is this racist? This is a question I have. Is it racist for me to root for a white running back at this point? You know, considering the last good one was like Jim kick and Larry Zonka, John Reagan's right. Who's the last? That's a good you know, I don't know the answer to this. Who was the last white dude to win the rushing title? All right, let me think here. It's definitely nobody. And I mean nobody before Walter Payton. There is no fucking way. It was Walter Payton was in the league. Earl Campbell then came. Billy Sims then came into the fucking league. There was always guys and there was guys who were just they weren't leading the league, but they were still killing it like Joe Cribs. Do you remember him? Who else? John Riggles was around them, but I don't think maybe the strike season did he win it? Who else came up to that George Rogers, OJ Anderson, Tony Dors said on the fuck that Franco Harris, Rick Upchurch. No, he wasn't. He wasn't running back. Wilbert Montgomery. I'm going right through all the fucking teams. They all had Chuck Muncie. And if Roger Craig, yeah, there was no way, but they had that psycho white dude who was fucking awesome on that team. I forget his name, but he wasn't leading the league. Who was the last guy? All right, let's go pre that. And he got who Floyd Little Gail Sayers. We're getting back to then Jesus Christ. Has a white running back ever done it? I don't even fucking know. So that's what I'm saying. You know, it's like, uh, it's like when black people root for like a black quarterback, or like all the fucking Asian people freak out, uh, when a deck he met. So we came to town, you know, and all of a sudden they give a shit about the Yankees because they got, they got, they got one of their guys on there because there's not, there's not a lot of Asian guys in the major league baseball. I didn't look at them like they were racist. So can I, can I be excited about that fucking white dude who runs for the Cleveland Browns who has that face mask that looks like the front of a Dodge Ram truck? Huh? Let me know. Answer that question. I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna fucking, I'm going to work out all my bullshit on this podcast. All right. So evidently older Asian is agist and racist. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing it. There's no hate in my heart when I do it. You know, let me justify it. Um, as I sit on a fucking bed with white sheets on it for comfort. Okay. There's none with holes in it. I'm not putting it on my head. All right. So relax. All right. Here we go. Um, this is coming from Japan, but these are actually our troops. We have troops based over there because we're making sure that no one takes the Japanese people's freedom. That's what we do. We just, we were so concerned about everybody's freedom around the world that we, uh, we muscle our way in and we put a base there. That's like our Starbucks for the world. We put a base there. We just make sure that everybody's all hunky dory. Looking out for your best interests. Um, uh, fuck am I getting sick? Okay. Hey, Bill, your is it racist segment was the source of much comedy and pain yesterday for us out here stationed in Japan. Racism is always a source of a headache and particularly in the military where great lengths are taken to ensure that it's not tolerated at all. That's great. That's a good thing. For the most part, they do a great job. Of course, there's always going to be idiots everywhere, but here's a funny thing that happened involved involving your previous podcast. Somehow I'm fucking implicated halfway across the world. Oh, here we go. So I'm listening to your podcast admittedly inappropriately at work. And my coworker who's also black. All right, let's stop. Let's look at the stats. This is a black guy. He's hanging out with another black guy. Nobody get nervous. Um, and my coworker who's also black and I are laughing at your crazy ass. Now, this guy is definitely black because I that how white did that sound coming out of my voice out of my mouth? I mean, out of my voice. Sorry, people. Um, laughing at your crazy ass, yo, you did the double, double, double thing about the Indian reading from one of your fans letters. Uh, so my guy is like, yeah, that shit is racist. And uh, you know, he's going to get an email from some idiot asking is bullet, bullet, click, click, click, racist bill. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck that is. That's some sort of African accent. He goes, I mean, oh, I keep fucking that thing up. I actually did this podcast the other day and I messed that up. Let me just read his entire quote. I'm going to read it as white as possible. Uh, so my, my friend who's African American said, yeah, that shit is racist. You know, he's going to get an email from some idiot asking is bullet, bullet, click, click, click, click, racist bill. I mean, I know I'm not racist. So I don't know. I just don't know. Um, here's where it goes Twilight Zone. A woman passing by in the hallway was evidently offended by my co-workers in sensitive impression of African dialect. So that is African. All right, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, something like that. Shaka Zulu, right. Um, so she with this co-workers just walking by is this dude's talking about my podcast and she gets offended by the black guy's impression of an African. All right, it's evidently it's a white lady who gets offended. He tried to explain to her that he was using it as an example and even offered to play back the portion of the podcast that it applied to. But it seemed a bit like she was determined to take advantage of this situation to make some sort of point. So picture this visual bill. A white woman is sitting there preparing a statement about a black guy making racist comments about black people in front of another black guy myself and all of this being presented to the section commander who happens to be Japanese American. I'm sitting there as a witness biting my lip trying not to laugh because I swear I could see on the commander's face he was like dear baby Jesus. What the fuck is going on here? Um, like he was trying to blink himself out of the room in this entire situation. So we'll see where this goes in the upcoming weeks. Um, he sent me another email and the, uh, the commander there, the Japanese American commander told the African American to handle it within his, uh, he just handled himself with the, uh, Caucasian American there. Was that politically correct enough? Um, you hit it on the head in your last podcast as far as it's what's in your heart most times in regards to whether or not something is racist. Uh, people know fuck all that. Oh, I was unaware shit. Um, if you say something or do something and then you wonder if it's racist or not, chances are it probably is slash was. If the first thing that comes out of your mouth is I'm not a racist or anything, but I already know I'm in for some bullshit. This, uh, the saying that anything you say, oh, with that saying anything you say before the word, but is automatically racist. And that is true at least 98% of the time. And nowadays the internet has just given people mostly idiots and cowards a voice of anonymity for shit like that. Yeah, that's something I really, I is really depressing is the fucking level of, racist comments on fucking YouTube like that pussy shit where no one can see you, no one can get you and you're talking to all that fucking shit and, uh, I don't know. That's depressing. That is really depressing. Anyways, uh, on the flip side, this, uh, is the shit some black people say about any other race. Ah, shit. Sorry. I was doing really well reading out loud this week. Let me blow through this last paragraph. I swear to God and I'll end the torture on the flip side is the shit some black say about any other race offensive. Oh, that's not my fault. He wrote that about any other race offensive and racist, of course. Anyone that says no is being an idiot. I'm a realist. It's why I don't tolerate any extra hip. I grew up around black guys and I have an NWA cassette tape, white guys saying the N word around me. It's also why you never hear me say cracker or any other ethnic slur even in jest. Um, so anyways, he's got a question. He said, is it racist when you hear a story about an athlete shooting someone in a strip club and you assume you know what color he was? Maybe to some. Is it racist when I hear about a polar bear slapping the shit out of someone's kid or a video of a guy shitting in a girl's mouth? And I'm pretty sure I know what color all of those people are not. Oh, I'm pretty sure I know what color all of those people are not. Um, just my two two cents. Well, thank you for chiming it. Um, that's funny that you bring up that whole news story because someone else wrote in to ask me if they thought that this if this was like a racist game. They said, Bill, I like to play a little game similar to your Asian or old person driving game, except my game involves the evening news. It's called beener, black guy or crazy ass cracker. Just to clarify, I am Hispanic parentheses, Latino, Mexican or whatever other dumb ass term someone has come up with. So saying beener is okay. See, now this is why I wanted to do this segment. This is the exact fucking reason. Okay, he says beener, black guy and cracker. All right. And he goes, I can say beener because I'm Mexican. Well, then why can you say cracker ass cracker? Right? It's because I'm white and no one gives a fuck about that one. See what I'm saying? This is something that I learned from doing stand up in front of all different kinds of people. That's what I learned. I learned that everybody basically it's not that they're selfish. They just they look out of their own head. You can't help but do that. So you just see shit from your own perspective. Like one night I was doing this gig, right? Down at the old Boston comedy club in New York City. And one of the acts that was going up was this was this I think I told this story before it was it was a comedy team. It's this Asian guy and girl and they went up there and they did this fucking rap. Okay. And they went up there and they stuck their teeth out like they had bucked teeth and then they put you know those glasses that you can put on those joke ones that make your eyes look Asian. They had though they're Asian and yet they still put those on. And then the other guy had on a fake gold chain with a fucking fortune cookie hanging off the thing. So I'm sitting there looking at him before they're going up going oh man this isn't going to fly. This isn't going to fly with this fucking crowd. This is basically what do you call that shit? What was that shit back in the day in old time Hollywood? It was almost like Asian blackface like what they were doing was fucking was ridiculous. I was thinking that black people watching it were going to be like just all the shit that they've been through would look at it and be like what the why are they these fucking why are they selling out their own fucking race? This is horrific. This is fucking horrific and they didn't. That act went up there and they fucking destroyed and everybody left their balls off. They thought the fortune cookie thing was fucking hilarious and I was just like yeah that people I don't know maybe it's because they're shitting on their own race. What the fuck are you supposed to do? I don't know I just found that shit fascinating. So does that pertain to what the fuck I just said? I don't know this cold medicine is kicking in. Let me finish this. So anyways this is basically what this guy does. He says just to clarify. Okay now this game started because I hate watching the news and no matter what I'm watching sports center usually my wife will want to change it. So naturally being the asshole that I am I had to figure out a way to ruin it for. So what I do is turn away from the news whenever they begin explaining the crimes or events of the day based on the description of the crime or event and how it was committed or performed. I yell either beener, black guy or crazy ass cracker. Dude that actually sounds like a fun fucking game. Well I wouldn't say crazy ass cracker I would just say fucking white dude. Example news report says would I say beener? No I wouldn't. That's one of the worst ones ever. Beener. It's got no ring it's got no flow. That must have been a bad day with white people you know usually we're a lot more creative than that. You know name you after a fucking vegetable. Is it a vegetable? Is it a fruit? What the fuck is it? Anyways let's plow ahead. Example news reporter says a man was stabbed and I yell out beener. I know it's a beener because we Mexicans can't afford guns and still pay for our legal extended family members we have living with us in our two bedroom house. If the news report says a drive by shooting I yell black guy. Come on do I really have to explain the reason behind that one and of course if I hear the suspect had body parts of his victims in the refrigerator fucking crazy ass cracker. It's because of this game that my wife has stopped watching the news altogether and I now have peace and quiet to enjoy my top plays of the day fix on sports center. Well good for you. Good for you. Now see that's something I don't think that that's racist because what you don't have any hatred towards any of those groups what you're doing is you're actually you don't want to watch the news it's fucking depressing you want to watch sports and then she puts on a bunch of depressing shit and what are you gonna do sit there and get depressed or you're gonna fucking entertain yourself so you turn it into a fucking game it's actually a you know I'm not offended by it I think that's fucking funny and there's a lot of truth to it much as I hate to admit some of the shit yet we're fucking body parts those scat videos I don't think I've never seen a black guy in a scat video not that I fucking you know watch those things but I have done the Opie and Anthony show and occasionally a weird video will come up Jesus I have scar tissue in my brain from that show a couple of times they had they brought up one video one time I'm not even gonna describe it I just refuse to watch it and it still haunts me and I never even fucking saw it and I'm not talking about two girls in one cup because I did see that one but they had another one where a guy had a jar and he did something with that jar that you didn't think was natural he somehow did it and then the I'm gonna use an engineering term here the the structure failed the structure failed the outside pressure was too much for the structure and at which point it reached a breaking point and it failed the jar broke and the dude's ass okay I'm a good and I refuse to look at the video and all I heard was everybody else in the video screaming and horror as this guy tried to avoid a trip an embarrassing trip to the emergency room and clear up the situation himself all right I'm sorry that's one of the most disgusting things I've ever described in the podcast let's plow ahead oh here's a guy responding to they did but double is that racist anyway so yeah Indians aren't big white people fans because the British controlled their country for hundreds of years see that once again see we all can make ignorant statements so then you should hate the English why do you hate all white people see that we're all just as dumb oh god damn it this this is this is enjoyable all right it's plow ahead here um you know what some English guy said to me the other day I was out in Dallas this guy from Manchester was fucking hilarious he said to me uh I was talking about the fucking revolutionary war and I wasn't even trash in England and when I brought up the revolutionary war he goes oh yeah he goes he goes how's that tax-free country working out for you oh that was such a fucking good one oh I had nothing to say I was like yeah yeah yeah absolutely fucking right the rich people fucking stirred up the morons they kicked the fucking British out and then the rich people just picked up with the British left off evidently all right plowing ahead uh Indians racist all right anyways bill so yeah Indians aren't big white people fans because the British controlled their country for hundreds of years um even much as I gave you shit I understand that so if you see me getting off the boat with my fucking goddamn red hair right you just think that I'm another goddamn person coming over there to fuck over your country I get that he says uh the worst part is that it was a company that ruled them the British East Indian India trading company pretty much controlled the country using British soldiers to keep the Indians in line there was at least one really bad massacre wherein a British general had his troops open fire on a group of and I don't know how to say this and I'm not going to disrespect these people s-i-k-h-s is that Sikhs I have no idea um just okay so I opened up at a fire these a group of these people just for being in a group something like 2,000 people died including many women and children then Gandhi came and peacefully drove the Brits out just thought I'd let you know dude you are just like me you overheard that shit are you read about it 20 years that was the most vague description of a horrific event I think I've ever read there was at least one really bad massacre where a British general had a troop's open fire on a group a group and like 2,000 people died let me ask you guys other guys a question here the other people listen to this podcast when you think of a group of people at what number do you stop calling it a group before it becomes a crowd you know before it just becomes mass fucking murder I mean for me a group of people is about seven or eight you get up to around 15 that's a crowd 2,000 fucking people are you referring to that I actually read a little bit about that I bought this book on Winston Churchill and Gandhi because I wanted to read about some other history other than the same fucking stories that they gave me it's like church you know I heard all all of Jesus they read Jesus's diary to me for the first 17 years of my life I got fucking tired of it I wanted to read something else so I read yeah there was I was a lot worse than that something I remember reading about this I'm going to give you a vague description of what I remember this is classic for my podcast because nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about see this this is how we're all coming together yeah the British were fucking over the Indian people and Indian people did something they finally fucking snapped and they went off and they did something really violent to some of the British people who were over there including women and children I believe and they went say you know we'll say one to 10 evil they went about five and then England said oh yeah we'll fucking show you what evil is and then they came back and they went 15 and they were like fucking burning people alive they just went around just just shooting everybody which is what you have to do when you fucking occupy a country you have to commit fucking genocide that's the only way which is why you shouldn't do it you know it's why you shouldn't fucking invade another country because they ain't fucking leaving they ain't fucking leaving so I don't fucking know what this is like that's part of a whole not a big discussion I shouldn't even have fucking brought it up but the only occupation I've ever seen that ever fucking worked was in this country and the reason why it worked was because we weren't leaving and we fucking committed genocide that's three and I'm not for that on any fucking level which is why when I look around the world and I see certain people in certain areas I'm not surprised with what the fuck's going down because that's what always goes down it's what always fucking goes down it's fucking uh I don't know it's fucking it's evil it's pure fucking evil so anyways uh YouTube videos of this week you know some of a lot of that stuff deserved a lot of justice a lot more justice than I'm just a little under the weather here YouTube videos of the week kid dunks himself you know those douchebags who come out on the court after the black guys have all fucking dunked from the file line then the white guys come out with trampolines to try to roughly duplicate what you just saw this fucking kid he jumps too high and he goes through the fucking hoop I gotta give it up to the kid though man he fucking he didn't go right through the hoop he was part of the way through the hoop when he realized that there was someone coming behind him so rather than fucking try to go out again he just he just went right through the hoop who's a very heads up fucking play um funny video oh this one's great funny video making fun of LeBron commercial with Brett Farf this fucking guy in this video doing Brett Farf he not only does he look like him not only does he sound like him he even even gets the facial expressions down of Brett Farf it's fucking great and I made fun of DJ's last week so this guy sent me a DJ video to watch it's called from kid koala skanky panky I get it it takes a lot of skill but I don't ever want to listen to it again um oh and then somebody a few about a month ago I talked about drop detuning how that was uh that's how you make the devil your bitch is you write a song and drop detuning and I've never heard a song that did that that sounded bad and drop detuning so he sent me another video of a great song and drop D which is uh nirvana negative creep I guess it's in that I didn't I didn't fucking look let's get to overrated underrated all right this fucking podcast what the hell's going on here what are we up to here hour and six minutes Jesus let's wrap this up let's go real quick here underrated local bands they're always way more talented than actually and actually write and play their own music that should be heard instead of all the popular lady gaga Beyonce bullshit go out to a bar and enjoy the live music I agree overrated horoscopes horroroscopes why do people think that some asshole interprets the planets and starts in stars position is a good influence on their lives you could literally say whatever you want is a justification for your actions I'm not a slut I'm a Scorpio and Venus is aligned with the Milky Way no you're a slut because you fuck a lot of people all right stop blaming the heavens you cunt um all the people um who freaked out because they thought their horoscope was different due to the new thirteenth sign can shut the fuck up if you read further than one paragraph you discover your sign is different if you were born when they announced it um I don't even know what the fuck that means I know recently that they somebody tried to say that every sign was wrong and I guess people freaked the fuck out oh here's another racist one god damn I have to read this next week everybody chimed in on that topic do you guys have time to listen me give somebody some of my bad advice well of course you do if you don't just shut the fucking thing off I'm not holding your hostage uh let's see here bill oh this guy says bill love the podcast you're always answering questions giving out relationship advice about you know between men and women so I figured I'd switch it up here and actually ask for your advice about a band situation I'm pretty drunk so I apologize in advance if my punctuation isn't correct I joined an established band on base about three months ago and spent the first couple of weeks busting my hump learning tunes to open for a semi well-known nation national touring band since then I've earned about three dozen so I've learned about three dozen songs and gigged once or twice a week some of them were high profile shows opening for some semi famous bands and theaters seating a thousand to twelve hundred people it's been a good and steady work but I should have known that there was a catch after the fifth gig I finally said do what the fuck's up with the money asked the band leader and he said that all the money goes into a band fund to pay for a recording of a CD I never agreed to that when I joined the band so I was like what the fuck I asked what happens if I quit the band before we record the CD and he said all the money goes to recording whether or not I'm in on it or not naturally I got pissed yeah dude what the fuck after a big balls out fight he finally offered to pay me 35 bucks per gig nobody has it harder than musicians other than fucking strippers or whores prostitutes sweatshop labor all right whatever still a fucking rough gig we usually get paid between 400 to 600 bucks so I said no I should get paid an equal one-fifth of whatever the band makes oh so you guys get four and a six to six hundred bucks a night yes you should get like a hundred bucks or so right he's trying to give you 35 I like this guy standing his ground but this shitbird says since I haven't been in the band as long I don't deserve an equal share basically they want to treat me like a hired gun but don't want to pay me fairly plus I come to find out the old bass player quit and a huff with gigs on the books because they were fucking about fucking them all over on money too I've been a professional reliable I learned all the fucking songs they showed up I've been on time and on top all that they're asking me design posters stickers a press kit and go out and book more gigs I feel like I'm being taken advantage of over here um what what do I give a fuck if we record a CD none of these songs are mine all I have invested in it is my time it's good steady work and plays pays sorry it's good to get steady work and play big gigs but we're not playing to faggy chick music so it's not like I'm even getting laid out on the gigs um there's always a shortage of bass players in the world so I can have a couple other bands I got a couple other bands nipping at my heels but none of them are as high profile you don't dump your girlfriend so you got another broad to bang on the side so I feel like I should keep playing with these twats to gain a reputation and then quit as soon as something better comes along so what do you think uh I think you're absolutely right all right two things one never going to another situation unless you've hammered out how the fuck you're getting paid don't just be like yeah I'll do it good you're hired you gotta immediately talk about pay because then after four five gigs you're already in you're committed you got time invested and now they got you by the bulls so don't do that again and as far as advice with the band I would just do exactly what they're doing they're doing what's best for them and fuck you so do what's best for you and fuck them all right if staying in that band is going to help you in the future by being on those high-profile gigs then I'd stay in the band and when something better comes along see you right but uh if getting the fuck out and that some of these bands that want to fucking play with you actually seem like they're going to go somewhere you know you might want to do that instead but it's up to you but like I said choose go go church a Satan there do what's good for you don't be a martyr like that uh like that long hair dude there all right that's the podcast for this week thanks to everybody chime in I apologize if this one was a little bit scattered brain I uh I'm really feeling this fucking goddamn head cold coming on so uh that's it have a good week and that's it uh who do you like in the Super Bowl wait a minute this always happens to me I always go to wrap it up who do you like in the Super Bowl you want a prediction I this is what I say take the Steelers and the over all right because I think in general people are going to think the Packers are going to win you know I haven't watched any ESPN for some reason I think the people think the Packers are going to win whoever the fuck they say is going to win bet on the other team and bet the over because I think that they're going to think that you know because of the the defenses it's going to be this you know all school smash mouth football time you don't like this game you don't like football I think they're going to it's going to everybody thinks it's going to be that and it always goes the other fucking way so um that's it um that is the podcast for this week uh good luck to both teams in the Super Bowl you know they they I was in Dallas and I actually said some guy went on TV and said that they were 10,000 strippers short you know what a sad state of affairs 10,000 strippers short can you believe people still go to titty bars unless you go into one week and actually get one rubbed out what is the fucking point you know what I mean then what do you do you go to an ice cream parlor and have them fucking put ice cream on a spoon you open your mouth they put it in your mouth and right as you go to clamp down they pull it back out again is that what the fuck you do overrated titty bars there's no fucking reason to go to him you just get frustrated then he get drunk and then the end there's some sort of fight and then that guy from the Titans comes in and somebody gets shot and then he just says I didn't do it and then he plays for like the Falcons right isn't that all went down I don't fucking know uh all right you know why don't I go fuck myself so I can end this fucking thing all right see you