We've been spending time on some deep subjects here on the podcast. So today, we're going to lighten it up a bit and spend some time talking about how to care for yourself, when that's the last thing on your mind?
When your child dies it takes over your thoughts. The structure and routine disappear from your life and suddenly you're in survival mode. And living every day in that mindset takes its toll. Let's start the conversation today with this question.
How did you show yourself compassion today?
We cover six tips on how to manage life after child loss that lends to adding back that structure and balancethat our minds and our bodies and our brains crave after devastating loss.
I'm inviting you today to spend one hour with me in a Live Grief Masterclass. The date is August 5th, 2024 Register Here!
It's a free class that will help you:
1. Discover peace in the chaos of your grief, no more feeling lost.
2. I will equip you with tools through your journey, that will help remove the overwhelm.
3. And most of all, help you see hope for your future. And that my friend will help you have the confidence that you are going to make it.
When you're grieving the two most important things you need, is God's word and community. And this class offers you both. Hit the link below to register.
The Grief Masterclass with Teresa Davis
Not sure you can attend live? Go a head and register so you will automatically recieve the replay.
I'm giving away door prizes for those that attend live.
I want to see you there! Use this oppurtunity to get the help you need to process your grief. We will spend one hour in God's word learning what He has to say about surviving the death of your child.
Register For The Grief Masterclass with The Grief Mentor Here
The next Grief Mentor Support Group is July 18th, questions need to be submitted by July 16th. This is a safe place for bereaved parents to come and just be with like minded grieving parents who understand what its like to have your child leave this earth.
How do you attend? Become a Grief Mentor Insider, and follow the directions found in the newsletter.
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friend, we've been spending time on some deep subjects here on the podcast. So today we're going to lighten it up a bit and we're going to spend some time talking about how to care for yourself when that's the last thing on your mind. When your child dies, it takes over your thoughts. The structure and routine disappear from your life and suddenly you're in survival mode and living every day in that mindset takes its toll. Let's start the conversation today with this question. How did you show yourself compassion today? Think about that question for a minute. How did you show yourself compassion today? Then stick with me for six tips on how to manage life after child loss that lends to adding back that structure and balance that our minds and our bodies and our brains crave after devastating loss. Are you lost in the chaos of grief, struggling to find your way in the darkness? Are you asking yourself, will I ever be able to enjoy life again? Are you wondering where God is right now? Welcome to the Grief mentor show. This podcast is a safe place for you. It will shine a light into the shadows, helping you discover that joy and pain can coexist, that you still have purpose and there is a path to peace. Hello, friend, I'm Teresa Davis. I too was lost in the chaos of grief, the day my son died. Just like you, I longed for peace in this unfamiliar world. I longed for the weight, crushing my chest to be lifted so I could breathe. I clung tightly to the anchor and it was there that I discovered the tools I needed to navigate life after loss. And I'm ready to help you do the same. If you're ready, I'm holding my hand out to your friend. Let me show you the way one step at a time. Have you registered for the grief masterclass? I'm inviting you to spend an hour with me discussing your grief. It'll open your eyes and show you a perspective that you may not be able to reach on your own. It has the necessary components to process grief and the belief that though life will be different, it can still be good again. In the grief masterclass, we're going to discuss the major hurdles of grief and what you need to stop spinning in circles that lead to nowhere except the same exact place of defeat and dread of the future. I've created a workbook that will help you follow along with the points and write down your takeaways. There will be door prizes for those that can attend life. Register even if you're not sure you can make it live because then you will automatically receive the replay in your inbox. How do you register? Open the email. I sent you this morning and click the button to save your seat. It's that easy. If you're not a grief mentor insider, you can join the masterclass from the link in the show notes. If you want to receive nurturing weekly emails, become a grief mentor insider at the link in the show notes or on my website. Tony and I celebrated our 41st anniversary this past week. After dinner, he said we were going for a drive and he took me to the first apartment we lived in after we were married. We pulled in in all manner of emotions hit me. We sat in the parking lot reminiscing about our memories there. We laughed and we shed a few tears. The couple that moved in that apartment 41 years ago. It's not the same people today. We've lived a lot of license then. We lived there for three years and Andrew was conceived in that apartment. It was bittersweet. The conversation turned to all the stages of life that being together for 41 years brings. I asked him what he felt was the highlight of those years. As with any marriage, there's highs and lows. But the best part of those years for both of us was the seasons we had with our children. I had a stern rule that I lived by and that was a commitment to enjoy whatever season of life that we were in. We went to church with this really wise woman. And she said to me during a difficult time. This too shall pass, meaning that all these tough years of raising children will pass and it'll pass into the next season of life. I was a working mom, like many of you, and that was always kind of a point of contention for me because all I ever wanted to do was to be a stay-at-home mom because I was a nurse. I had the opportunity to have a bit of a flexible schedule, which was a blessing as well as a challenge because I worked nights from 11 p to 7 a and I did that for several years, which was great for our children, but a sacrifice for me because sleep was often broke up into like a few hours here and a few hours there. Our conversation landed on the fact that we could have never imagined that one of our children would leave this earth before us. But the facts are that is exactly where we are right now in this season of life. If you and I were sitting across from each other, I wonder what your story would be. None of us as grieving mothers want this life. But here we are learning to live in this space, the space between death and life. And as you heard that right, I said death first because that is our reality as grieving moms. We're living in the pause that started when our child died. And we look forward to spending the rest of our life with our child and eternity. But for now, in this space, in the pause, we must learn what it takes to make it. And that's why I'm here. I'm teaching you what it takes to make it on this earth without your child until you see them again. So here are the six tips that I promise that will help you start to regain some structure and balance back into your life. Number one, surround yourself with safe people. If you've been listening to the podcast for any length of time, you have heard me use that verbiage over and over. So what are safe people? Those are people that are there for your benefit, not theirs. They don't have an agenda by being in your presence, a trusted friend, somebody that you feel safe sharing your grief journey with, a counselor, your grief mentor, that you have invited into your grief journey to witness your grief, people that know how to listen. Those are safe people, people that can go deep with you, people that are not afraid to hear the details of your grief, people that can distract you, people that can help you have fun. Okay, we need all types of people in our life, the ones that we consider to be safe. Because the truth is some of our friends and close family members may never get it. We live truly in a grief illiterate society. Number two, remember your child with more love than pain. For being able to do this is not something that happens overnight. You don't flip the switch and wake up one day and say, today, I'm going to remember my child with more love than pain. It just doesn't work that way. It's a process that takes time and intention. It's baby steps. You must crawl before you can walk. And this is something that happens in your own pace and in your own way. There's a mindset that can inhibit us from remembering our child with more love than pain. And that mindset says that if I move, quote on, and I don't use that word ever because nobody is moving on without their child. But we can move forward in a way that honors them and their legacy. Grief needs to be seen and heard. It needs to be witnessed. And in my personal opinion, you cannot move from a place of dread of the future to a place where you can honor your child's legacy without your grief being witnessed. Number three, remember the golden rule? Treat others like you want to be treated. Let's use that in reverse today. Treat yourself like you would treat others. Because as grieving moms, we don't know how to do that, right? We live with that nurturing mindset that moms make everything better. But who makes everything better for mom when mom's heart is broken? So remember the golden rule and reverse. Treat yourself like you would treat others. Someone you love, a family member, a sister, your best friend. Be kind to yourself, be patient. Learn to control the negative self talk. That's a big one. Learn to make the ask that you need from family and friends. Come to the Grief Mentor Support Group. Let us love on you and support you. We meet this Thursday, the 18th, find the link in your email or the show notes. Number four, don't compare grief or grief journeys. Be true to who you are. Honor your grief and your pace. Don't let people's comments well intended or not influence how you manage or see your grief. You see, this is what happens. There's no book that says this is how you grieve the death of your child. We're thrust into this unknown world full of unknown obstacles that are just like, you know, you ever watched that show on television where they have to move through this obstacle course and things are dropping down in front of them and they've got to dodge them and things are coming up from the floor that they've got to jump over. That's the way it is, right? So you're just thrust into this unknown world and you never know what's coming from day to day. So how can you possibly allow someone else to speak into your grief journey? Because, friend, they have no idea what you're going through, especially if they've not lost a child. And even if they have lost a child, it's still not okay to compare grief because the way your child died heavily affects the way you grieve. All of our grief journeys are unique and personal. It's not okay for others, even if it's somebody that's lost a child, it's not okay for others to offer opinions on how you are managing your grief. Number five, count your wins. Friends, it's important to notice wins regardless of how small they are. Maybe today for you, that's taken a shower or maybe today that's actually putting on a pair of shoes and going outside and taking a deep breath. Or maybe that's you going for a walk. Maybe that's taken the dog for a walk or maybe it's spending time with a trusted friend that feels safe and you can share your grief freely. This is a good thing, friend, and it definitely counts as a win. Remember what I said, grief needs to be seen. It needs to be heard and it needs to be witnessed. Number six, find one thing every day that you can be thankful for. It doesn't matter what it is, anything that you can think of the be thankful for. It could be your dog. It could be the fact that you have running water in your house. It could be the fact that you have electricity in your house. It could be the fact that you have food to eat. You have clothes on your back, the simple things that we take for granted. Find one thing every day that you can be thankful for. I started today with a question and I'm going to end with a question. In the opening, I asked you, how did you show yourself compassion today? I want you to write that question down and ask yourself that question every night before you go to sleep. The second question I want you to ask yourself is what obstacle did I overcome today? What, when did I have today? Write it down. If you're a longtime listener, you know that I'm a big proponent of journaling. And it's for this reason, friend, seeing growth in yourself after the death of your child is nearly impossible. The subtle changes that come are overlooked. I would prefer you write the questions down and then write your answer nightly right next to the question. Do it for a week. I challenge you. I give you a challenge today to do this for one week and then sit back and read your answers. And I promise you that you will be amazed at what you see on the paper because friend grief is like living in a fog. Grief brains are real thing. Thinking can add to your exhaustion. And I get that, but keeping a pad of paper next to your bed so that you can easily respond to these questions will be worth the effort. And if you're not a paper and pen kind of gal, make a note in your phone or record your answer. Those of you that don't want a journal that, you know, with a pad and paper journal, you'll grieve on your phone, record it. You can do this by doing videos or you can do it on a voice memo. I don't if you have an iPhone or not, but I have an iPhone and I have an app called a voice memo. I've actually recorded podcast on that voice memo when I've been away from my desk. So find a way to track those two questions because it will benefit you, friend. And the last tip is to acknowledge one thing you're thankful for every day, no matter how small it is. Okay. This one small step can turn the tide of your mental health. Okay. So let's review the six tips. Surround yourself with safe people, community friends, counselors, your grief mentor, people that can understand you, people that can go deep with you, people that can understand your story, people that can bring distraction, people that can make you laugh, people that listen well. And number two was remember your child with more love and pain. And remember, this is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. And it happens in your own pace. Number three, remember the golden rule and reverse. Treat yourself like you would treat others. Be kind to yourself, be patient. Show yourself love and compassion. And number four, don't compare grief or grief journeys. Comparison in any form is a robber of joy. Okay. And number five, count your wins. That's what I really want you to focus on, because I've given you those steps to do. Okay. We're going to go over those questions again. But number five, count your wins. And number six, find one thing to be thankful for every day. So what are the two questions that you're going to write down? Number one, how did I show myself compassion today? And number two, what obstacle did I overcome? And number three, I want you to find something to be thankful for at least one thing every day. Are you ready to discover peace in the chaos and stop feeling so lost? Are you ready to get your hand on the tools that you need to stop the overwhelm that crowds out your day doing the same thing over and over. Expecting different results won't go well for your friend. Come join me for an hour. It's free. You have all to gain and nothing to lose. It'll give you the hope you need to face tomorrow and discover that. Yes, you are going to make it friend. How do I know? Do not be afraid for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up. The flames will not consume you for I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I say a 43 to and that's all I have for you today. So until next time, take care to today's episode, touch your heart. If it did, would you take a moment and leave a review on Apple podcast? I read every single one. Scroll all the way down past all of the episodes to you come to a place where you can leave five stars and would you go a step further and write a written review? It would mean the world to me if you did. Would you mind to share today's episode with somebody that you know that needs a ray of light in their grief journey? I would so appreciate it if you did from my heart to yours. (Music) (Music) (Music) (Music) (Music) (Music) (Music) (Music) (upbeat music)
