(upbeat music) - Welcome back to A Sluts Guide to Happiness, where your body is perfectly imperfect and it's safe to be a sexual, kinky, coir, or as slutty as you want. Today, I will be talking with T. Max, a queer community leader and wonderful friend who just has an amazing, hell yes and kind of improv energy for jumping into life adventures, whether they're out on the snowboarding or skateboarding or diving into beds or living rooms. (laughing) As they do the things. I just wanted to show, I often like to dress up in silly ways, as you know. So we are ready here with our silly shirts. - We have our silly shirts, yes. - You wanna tell the listeners what your shirt says? - My shirt says, God is queer and it is a t-shirt I purchased at a pussy rat show, not so long ago. - I have seen them in this shirt many times and I don't know if it's just because like, I enjoy the Queen is and I'm so, or if you just actually wear the shirt. - I wear the shirt off. (laughing) - Yes. - Awesome. So my shirt says dream, eat, laugh and play. That's F-C-U-K so that I can wear it just as I target it. It's totally okay. But summarizes some of the lovely things that I enjoy doing a lot. (laughing) In a very silly way, which is perfect because that's exactly what we're talking about today. So before we jump into this delicious like nutty conversation, I wanna take you all on a little nerdy detour. So if you were to grab yours of SARS and look up silly, here are some of the words you get. Absurd, childish, foolish, frivolous, inappropriate, irresponsible, pointless, preposterous. Man those words don't make me wanna go out and be silly. - No. (laughing) - And so maybe as kids, we can get away with being silly, with foolish, frivolous and appropriate, but as adults, we're taught to be serious. - We'll pay those bills. - Yeah. - Do your responsible things, show up for responsibilities, build serious meaningful relationships and of course those are good and a lot of research has shown us the value of silly play even for adults. It encourages us to be creative. It allows us to explore new experiences and new aspects of who we are. It allows us to laugh, to ease tension, enhance social connections and promote a positive outlook on life. - You're here. - Yes. So T-Backs has had this playful attitude about life and all those other parts of their life and has more recently dove into exploring kink as a form of adult silly play. And kink I think is often stereotyped in popular imagination as like there's someone in a dark dungeon and it's full of leather and whips and kurtling screams, but BDSM can also be this silly, playful, light-hearted explosion. So in this vein over the last few years, T-Macks has been bringing the spirit of play and silly adventure to lots of different kinks. And I am excited today that we all get to hear some of the juicy details of their kinks and this playful side of BDSM that I think is a beautiful accessible space for lots of adults to play in. So T-Macks, thank you for joining us. - Happy to be here. - Yeah. Well, actually this is in your house. - No, I know, yes. - Happy to see you. - Happy to see you. - You're going to make me feel welcome. (laughing) - I want to start with a story you shared with me about one of the first times you cracked open that door to exploring kink. - Yes. - I think it was a friend's dinner party. - It was. - Can you tell me about what happened that you felt there? - It was a dinner party with platonic friends and it went into the wee hours and at some point after Hot Tub and other shenanigans, somebody asked if the rest of the group would like any wax port on them. I mean, it was dinner party, it was nighttime, there were candles around and I was like, I was an enthusiastic. Yes, almost to me. Like, I just kind of blurted it out. - And you done this before? - No, never, no, I mean, I really am, you know, a baby queer and many, many respects. And so, like, you know, and I've been, like, you're mentioning in the intro, I've been leaning into a lot of things very recently and this is just one of those, you know, hell yes situations. And so, I said, hell yes. And, you know, had wax port on me, but I have some really good friends that I care deeply about. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. (laughing) Like, wow! You know? And so, that really was like the first thing that kind of got the gears turning. - Can you give us more details where they sex candles, do you make it? - I was, it was post hot tub. I was wearing a prawn pennies and, and... - No, they were just candles around the house. - Yeah, no, it wasn't like, yeah, it was just like hanging out and, yeah, I don't know, a little moment of hedonism, I guess. And, and it just, you know, it was like the perfect set and setting to try something like that on. And, and so, yeah, it was, you know, like it was unexpected. - Hey, like completely unexpected. - Yeah. - And, and then, and then my reaction was also very unexpected. Like, I just, yeah, I kind of ate it up. So. - Oh. - Yeah. (laughing) - They, they are also the, the fact that you were not playing with sex candles, but they were just playing with normal, as it's called, serifing candles. - Yeah. - That they're just, they're super hot. - They were hot. - Yeah, I, I, I like that painting. I come from that painting, but it's, it's not nothing. It's, it's dumb. - Yeah, yeah. - But like in a really interesting way. And, and, and I just leaned into it. Like, actually, now that I think about it, I think I did get a, I did get a little honorable mention on the chalkboard for a hedonism Olympics for how much I did enjoy that. (laughing) - Yeah, everybody could tell you're enjoying that. - Yes. - Yes. - Yeah. - So did you have any like, what's going on with me? Why am I enjoying this? This is weird feelings? - Not, not this is weird, but like also just like it was, it was more just wow, what an amazing new experience. And, you know, like it, yes and, right? Or give me more. Because that's, you know, like, like I try these little things on and like, I'm like, okay, what about this? What about this? And then it's like all of a sudden, oh, that, that works. And, you know, to have that latitude to try some of this stuff on is, is really important. And, yeah, it really did crack the door open before me. - You gave yourself permission to explore and see. - Oh, yeah. - Is this okay? What is this in the world? So, after you came home from that party, you're like, oh my gosh, that wax was so good. Had you known immediately that you wanted to go dive into other things? Or did you spend a while kind of thinking about it? - Oh, it was, it was, I take one of the things that's been really nice in my life is I take my time with all of this. Like, I've been really patient and, you know, well, and first I had to get all the wax out of my face. (laughing) - So to get wax out of my boobs is that? - My boobs, my pubes. - The pubes. (laughing) - And, but, you know, after that was done, I had some time to think about it. But yeah, it was just kind of like, you know, what, what else is out there in this world? And, and so I threw a couple friend recommendations from a really awesome dominatrix. - Whoa. - To help me, like, you know, further dive in. - I love that because there are professionals out here who know how to help people explore play. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And to explore play, not for sex or having to like, really to explore, you know, different sensations in that, in that space. Yeah. - So what did the dominatrix do with you? - Oh my. (laughing) - It was a better question to ask what they didn't do with you. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It was, yeah. - What were some of the highlights? - Well, for me, it was just like, like just being dressed up. So there was a real, like, like we were talking about play and, and it being fun and light-hearted. - Yeah. - I believe it was in the spring. It was, yeah, 'cause it was, I was probably in the spring of last year. And, and they brought flowers and clothes pins. - Oh. - And made me into a bouquet. - Oh my goodness. - That's wonderful. - And so your personality. - Yeah. - Yeah, it was like kind of covered in wildflowers and, and, and, you know, like just giggling and having a good time and, and, you know, it was a very sturdy coffee table at the place that we were at. And, and so I was put on the coffee table in all of that, you know, spring finery. And, turned out they were really, really accurate with a whip. - Oh. - And so each of the clothes pins with the flower were, like, cracked off with like this, like this, this, it was, yeah. - Yeah. So you felt that pinching of the clothes pin coming off your body. - Yeah. And, and then. - With the, with the flower fly. - Yeah. - It's just like, over the top of the two is joy. - It was, it was, it was, it was, not only was it just really fun, but like it was impressive. I have like, to be that accurate with something. - Yeah. - For the top. - You know. It was like Indiana Jones. - Uh-huh. - You know. - Indiana. - I think a lot. - It's just, you know. - It's awesome. Yeah, so many kicks require practice. And in order to do the practice, I think often it's not sexy. - Like, it can be sexy, but it's not sex. And often you get into like an intellectualizing headspace. We have to just be wanting, wanting to just play with the silliness of it. - And play with the sensation. - Uh-huh. - And, and the adventure of it all. - Yeah. - Actually, now that I think about it, I think I still have the flower around here somewhere. - Aww. - Yeah. - I put it in a book. I'm sitting in the end of that thing. So, yeah. So that was, yeah. So I, and then I saw that, I saw that Dom for, for a while after that. And, and they continue to be a friend. - Really? - Yeah, they moved away, but. - That's cool. - Yeah. - You became friends after, after starting a professional. - Yeah. - I, I, I'm a friendly person. (laughing) - So, yeah, I make friends everywhere I go. - That's beautiful. And so you started kind of in a giggly, submissive headspace. And you're exploring these things with professional dominatrix. How has it evolved? Like, how is your sexuality and your relationship to kink evolved through that? - Well, it, you know, being able to approach it in such a lighthearted and playful way just, you know, gives you the confidence in the, in the, in the Dom to explore other things to, you know, like it, and the, and the permission is easier. And, and then, you know, and you, you can always ask. (laughing) And so it just, it was, yeah. It's, it was a, it was a, whatever. Co-creating a space, you know? And, and I would see the same Dom. So that way, you know, my story doesn't have to start over every time. It's almost like getting a new therapist. - Yeah. - Right? You know, like every time you get a new therapist, it's like, okay, my name's Mm-Mm-Mm. - My uncle's doing it. This is a six. - Yeah, yeah. Right? And so, and so, and so, but yes. So I worked with them for a minute and so we were able to step a little deeper in each topic. - Mm-hmm. And that deeper wasn't necessarily like, there was some emotional impact, some deep sexual connection maybe, but there was also some like, "Hey, what if we try this thing?" - Right, yeah, exactly. Yeah. - "What if we try this? What about this? What about this?" And, you know, and it was just, you know, once again, yes, and my favorite. - Yeah, yes, yeah, yes. - Yeah, all the things, all the time. - Uh-huh, uh-huh. - And, yeah, just such a cool experience, oh my God. - That's wonderful. - Yeah. What do you think the light-heartedness, you said, you mentioned that it made it easier to explore things, to, and to give a retract consent. How did, how did that relate? - Well, because it just, it's a, it's a trust built on, you know, like a really overwhelmingly positive experience, right? And so, with a lot of yeses, gives you the confidence to also say no at times. - Mm-hmm, yes. - Yes, or that doesn't, that doesn't feel, or not, not even just say no, but like say, "How about a little more to the left?" - Right, right. - "How about a little more to the right?" - The way you're sucking my foot is amazing, but just like a little harder with the teeth or whatever, like getting that right hand response of the aspect of life. - Oh my God, you really have three fingers in? Do you think your whole hand looks good? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And, um, and so like, you know, in those, just by asking those simple questions and, and, and having that, having that agency to know that you can ask. - Mm-hmm, and if it doesn't work out, it's like, yeah, and if it doesn't work out, it's okay. - And, you know, and they can say no, I can say no, I can say, you know, how about like that, but just a little different, and, and so it's like, it really, it's, it's like this constant consent feedback loop that really, you know, I think we were, like you were saying in the intro, people think it's dark and icky and, you know, and, and sort of, you know, sort of hurtful in some sort of way, but it just, it really isn't. It's, it's more of an exercise in, it's like a social exercise and communication in a very, very personal way. - Yeah, right. Um, so one of the things I'm hearing is that there's just, there becomes this increasing space to play with. Like, I think most people, when they imagine going to have a sexual interaction, they may imagine genitals interacting, but not necessarily clothes, pins, and flowers. So you have a whole new set of things to play with when you need it to kick. And I also know that this, you've described it that this has come alongside your queer journey. So through this, uh, king process, uh, can you describe what gender sexual orientation and bodies you like to fuck? And are you usually dominant or submissive or like, what kind of kinks do you, yeah, kink roles do you like to play? - Yeah, so yeah, but it's kind of just such a baby queer. But, you know, at this point, like, I am as switchy a witch as there is. And, and so, and you know, like, just saying, "Oh, like old music except country." This is kind of a non-answer, but like, also, um, you know, I, it's, I'm going to try and think things on period of my life. And so, you know, like, really, truly, all bodies, all genders, all ages, all body style, you know, like, just, like, you know, as long as they're super into whatever we're planning to do, like, woohoo. - The thing that you turned on by the ages wasn't one of them. - Yeah, right. Yeah. Oh, so much more. But, you know, like, I just, yeah, and I, and I really just love my fellow queer-doh. So, the, the weirder we are, the better. - Yes. Because I feel like I'm a total weirdo and, you know, maybe I'm not, but maybe I am. And, you know, so I just like, yeah, when I find those, when I find those weirdos in the corner of the room, you know, yeah. - Giving each other space to be weird and to free, whatever, yeah. But yeah, so that, that's, you know, that's it for the moment. And we'll, we'll see where it goes. Yeah. - I love that, uh, in the space, though, you know that you're a novice for your entering in new thing. It allows you an open mind that you're holding it like I'm exploring. And I think that that has been really helpful for me to go back to repeatedly of like, yeah, I've been kicking and queering in my life with those verbs, whatever. - For long time. - For long time, yeah. But like, recently realizing like, oh, I've been playing with this particular role, actually, what if I do it totally differently with this one partner? Whoa, it opens up a whole new thing. And so, remembering to maintain that novice mindset that you're talking about regardless of how long you've done it. - Yeah, no, beginner mindset. Beginners mindset all the time. Like, you know, obviously, we all have things that we excel at. But like, if you approach every new thing with that beginner's mindset, like it, it does something to your brain, right? And allows you to build those new neural pathways. Um, and, um, and then, you know, also like with the beginner's mindset, it is also much easier to step into new things without, uh, with, with, without worries or expectations, right? Like, you can certainly have expectations around a dynamic that you're well versed in or that your professional life is in. But like, but with, you know, with something new, like, it's okay to be a beginner. - Yeah. - Nobody knows. You know, like, yeah, you haven't experienced this before. So, yeah. - It, it, for me, it kind of feels like when I'm playing with femdom, because I have been submissive for a very long time. I get a lot of leading into that. And when I'm playing with femdom, there's a lot of giggling that happens because we're like, this, this feels uncomfortable awkward, but I'm going to try it anyway. Like, it's in my three different arms. - Yeah. Um, for sure. - Yeah. But it's fun to be in that space of, of like, you can tell that it's rapid learning and the awkwardness feels productive. - Yeah. And it's, it's, and just, it also helps with like, whatever, an overarching thing in my life, which is to be a lifelong learner. Um, because, you know, it would be boring to just do the same thing. - Yeah. So, yeah. Um, so you've had a lot of different kinds of experiences. - Yes. - I feel like a lot of people go out into the dating with world with a clear sense of what they want. Um, a partner with XYZ characteristics. I needed to have these five things and then live in a house with a dog. - Right. - Um, but it feels like you kind of been exploring the opposite. Like, your, your, your dating requirement list is like, checked out the window, other than, I don't know, maybe like a good person or something? - Yes. - But basically open to trying everything. Um, so I'm in that experience. Can you tell us about, what are some of the kinks we've got? Oh my god, this. And then have you found some kinks that I'm, I could take or leave it. - Yeah. Um, um, oh yeah, I think we touched that a little, a, a moment ago. Um, like if the partner has a properly sized hand, - Um, hmm. - Fisting. - Yeah. - Like, who do you like fisting them? - Or you like your assistant? - It's not me. It's not me. It's me. It's me. - Please, please, thank you. Um, but, uh, and like, what? I didn't think that was a thing. - Uh-huh. - Whatever. Not even six months ago. Like, - How did you learn that it was a thing? - Um, well, like, I was saying earlier, like, it was like, one finger two, finger three, you know? And then all of a sudden it was, you know, like... - So you hadn't watched porn about, you know, fisting necessarily. You hadn't talked to someone about it. You were just like, "Oh, this feels good. What if we..." - "What if we lean in a little bit more?" - Yeah. Um, and yeah, no, just, like, yeah, never watched porn about fisting. - What, like, what a fun way to discover these things. - Yeah, just kind of leaning into it in the, in that moment. Um, multiple partners or group sex also was like kind of an eye opener for me. I didn't know that that was going to be a thing. And, um, and then, uh, what else? Oh my god, there's so many things. - Mm-hmm. - Um, but just, yeah, just, also just being able to have that latitude to explore was, you know, just really just a hell yes, all the way along. - Yeah. - Um, and then, oh, I was just finding some hell, hell downs or things that I didn't quite... - Yeah. - Um, I didn't quite... - Yeah, two things that didn't quite work out. Um, uh... - Well, yeah, I guess we never actually got there, but, um, uh, my Dom at one point was saying, um, that I might be a good candidate for, um, and I don't even know what to call it because I forgot it already. But the needle thing... - Oh. - Where you make the little needle lines around your body. - Yeah. - Uh-huh. - Uh, and I was just like... Yeah. Uh, because, you know, like the... the... the... feeling or that, like, really specific pinch of the clothes pinned or the whip or what have you, were super awesome. I think that's what made them think that maybe I would, you know, also take this next one, um, or think that this next one would be awesome. And, uh, and then just, like, it didn't quite resonate. Um, and, uh, and then also, um, I don't know what it is, but it's like a little quickly thing on a wheel. - Oh, uh-huh. I can't think of what you're talking about, but I know what I mean, you roll it along the side. So it doesn't cut, but it... - It doesn't cut. - It feels like it's going to... - Yeah. - And so, um, so that one, you know, those two, but, like, the rest of it, I've been just, yeah, pleasantly surprised by it all. - Yeah. - Like, I, yeah, I've had some adventures where, like, I look in the mirror next morning, I'm like, "Oh, my," like, "life-long skateboarder." And I've had some hippers where, like, you know, we'd just, like, I start talking about, like, you know, galactic maximum, right, with how my hip is purple and blue, and it looks like an anvila. - Oh, wow. - And, like, yeah, I've come back from some impact sessions where it looks like that, too. - And that's fun. - And it's just, I don't know. And, plus, it doesn't, you know, it doesn't hurt nearly as much as the skateboard wipe-out, so, yeah, like, I get to look at it, and then they also, I'm able to walk theoretically. - I love playing with Mark, but sometimes I will intentionally make fights on someone's chest in a way that is a picture. - Right. - Yeah, yeah. One of the things that I was gonna say about the needle is it's cool that you were offered that by someone who was kind of exploring what they thought that you liked, based on what you'd already done. You were able to give the feedback, like, eh, not for me. Although, I know we have a friend in common who isn't to that, and there's, like, she has beautiful stuff going on there in her body. Love that it's good for her. - I agree with you. - Yeah. - Wouldn't necessarily be mine for my body, but, yeah, but then, so your, your Dom was able to receive that feedback. - Oh, for sure, yeah, huh? - Yeah, and it was, you know, it was one of those, like, maybe next time kind of things, and then, yeah, after I had a, because it does take a fair amount of preparation, and, and I was just like, yeah, no, I think I'm gonna pass on that one. - Yeah. - You know, but we could do more of that other stuff, you know, like, yeah, so. - I have found that there are some kings that I love while I'm aroused, and if I am not aroused, it seems like way too much. Like, I cannot step into that. - Oh, yeah. - Do you ever experience that? Like, there are some things that just require a certain headspace to want. - Yes, yes. Or a certain headspace or, or like, diet. - Oh, fair. - Yep, yep. But yes, yeah, like, yeah, there are certain times where it's just like, yeah, it just, it just doesn't feel hot. And, and, and, you know, and maybe it's just that day, or maybe it's an experience you had earlier in the week, and so, and it's like, once again, like, it's just, it's okay to take your time. Even if it's something that you're like, all, like, this is my jam, you know, like, you can take, even if it's, you know, like, just, it's okay to hit pause for a second. - Totally. - And, and also, like, when you come back to it, if that's something that you end up coming back to, you're, it's, you're just all the more excited about it. So, yeah. - Yes. - I feel like that requires some amount of emotional self-awareness for the participants to say that the pause is not a rejection of me. The pause is a, taking a moment to understand the specifics of the situation, like, whatever's going on in the person who's asking for the pause, so you can come back into it and be like, yes, I still want you. I just want that particular thing in that moment. - Right. - I still want you. - Yeah, so the judgment of you is just, it's just, it's just, you know, making my voice heard, having agency in a situation that wasn't going, as well as maybe, or wasn't going the way I thought it would. And, um, yeah, you can always come back to the next. - Yeah, yeah. - Mm-hmm. - You can get untangled from their rope ties. - Yes, oh my gosh. - Yeah, that's the other one that was a hell of a yes with ropes. - Uh-huh. - And no idea. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, and like, and like how the ropes, like, it's, you know, it's not just like, oh, I found this rope, like, they come in different, well, obviously, ropes comes in different materials, but like, you get different materials woven in different ways with different textures to do for different things. And, um, yeah, it was pretty, that was also pretty monumental. - Yeah, yeah, um, it's one of my partners that I was talking about going to rope tie in classes, because it's, it takes a long time to learn those skills, it's fun. - Yeah, yeah, it's an art unto itself, for sure. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Um, so have you ever had an experience, I know you talked about not wanting to go into the needles, but it sounds like you didn't, you figure that out before you had needles in your body. - Yes, yes. - Have you ever had an experience where you started something and then it brought up a lot of, like, top things for you when you tried it? - Mm. Like, specifically with another partner? - Just doing kinks, yeah, yeah, um, well, I guess, yeah, I mean, um, the, the first time I was tied up. - Uh-huh. - Right, because I was just, you know, because once again, it wasn't that long ago. - Yeah. - And, and, you know, I, you know, as a partner, I had seen before, but, you know, we didn't know each other for years, and, um, there is a, like, and it was my first time, like, actually, like, being tied up, tied up. And, and I was just like, hmm, like, there's a heat, like, there's a very, very deep vulnerability that comes with that, with a partner that you, like, you know, and you have a rapport with, but like, you know, do really not, you know, like, once, you know, once this next tie goes in, like, that's it. I'm, I'm now their prisoner. - Yeah. - Right? Like, this is, this is, it's not just a, you know, ooh, he, I'm handcuffed to the bed with one hand, like, like, like, I am now, this is a whole total surrender. - Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. - And I think the surrender can feel light and joyful, if, if the trusting feels, like, total and safe and good, but in that moment, you had a panic of like, do I actually trust this person? - Right, yeah. - Does it feel safe and good? Exactly. And so I had to, like, I, you know, I took a breath and, and they were very patient with me and, um, and... - Did you share what you were feeling? - Oh, yeah. - Yes. - And how did they, how did they respond? - Oh, they were so cool. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And, um, and just, you know, like, gave me a breath and, um, it was, uh, and it turned to be, you know, magic, really. Yeah, yeah, but it was like, it took, yeah, you know, like, it's, uh, yeah, it was a lot. - Yeah. - It was definitely the other, there was some, there was some, you know, like, I tried part of the whole dynamic of kink that appeals to me as it gets me out of my head. - Yeah. - And into my body. - Yes. - But in that moment, I definitely got out of the body and into the head perot second, and it was just, like, um... - This feels uncomfortable. - Can we talk about this perot second? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like, let's go. - Just keep going back to that, like, it's okay to hit pause. You know, like, you know, and this one wasn't like, I did actually say pause, but I was just like, taking a breath. - Yeah, uh-huh. - It could be. - I feel like, for me, you're touching on one of the things that I enjoy about the play of kink is that it's this interpersonal play. I mean, you can kink on your own, like, you know, match your machine kinks or a thing. - Yeah. - But mostly, we're talking about when you're interacting with our partner partners, where, yes, it's about the ropes and the tying and the skills, and it's about the trust and the, like, how far can we go, and what feels safe and comfortable, and like, what feels like, what is touching on your erotic energy or creative imagination in a way that works, and so kind of, like, a dance that you're playing together. - Yeah, it's absolutely dance. Yeah, yeah, and it's, um, and on the, you know, wherever, on the dom side of things, like, it takes a lot of emotional intelligence. You know, you know, you don't just show up and get clubbed over the head with a, with a paddle. - Right, yes. - There's, there's, there's a lot of, like, deep understanding that's required, uh, at least in order to, you know, do it in a way that honors both participants. - Mm-hmm. The other thing that I'm hearing from when you're talking about getting into your body is it, and, and just being really present the moment, it's similar to its described as flow state, um, where you are just totally focused on what's happening in the moment, and that can be anything. That can be like, if you really love skateboarding, and you're busy on this, you know, parallels and all that, and there's nothing to see here. - Yeah, yeah, but so that, that adult play, that flow state that like, allows you to be fully present, can happen in lots of different ways, and this adult sexuality is one of the ways that can access that. - Yep, yeah, absolutely has, and, and, and, and, yeah, the parallels are remarkable, and, and, and also just, just sort of the parallels amongst, you know, whatever, various subcultures in general, right, and so it's just, you know, it's, it's, it's been a very, very interesting journey for sure, yeah. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So what would you recommend for other folks who are beginning into getting, getting into kink, or wanting to go deeper, um, and how did you cultivate in this self, this attitude of playfulness, this, this silly adventure, this approach to kink as you're diving in? - Mm-hmm. Well, I've always been kind of just a silly person in general, so I've never been really shy about how silly I am, but, um, uh, in all seriousness, like, I just, I reached a point in my life where I was looking for more, and, um, like I said, I am a lifelong learner, and so I just started to educate myself a little bit, right, and, and look at what's out there, and read about things, and whatever, follow people on Instagram that might catch your attention. Um, I know Instagram's not the best source of, uh, truth or the more, but like, but it, you know, it just, like, all these little, one little door cracked open, you know, you can peek inside and see what they're in and if it's not for you, then you can go to the next thing, but, um, but yes, I'm just mostly just a student, um, where my heart and my desire was leading me, and then, and then that brought me, you know, to where I am, and also, once again, like, just taking my time with it. There was no rush in all of this, like, you know, um, and so it was just, you know, it was more just, like, a slow process of, like, really, like, is this really what I want? Is this really, you know, like, is this really me? And, um, and then, you know, finding that, finding that little, that little sliver of the queer community where I was like, oh, this is me. Yay! Yay! It feels like a define! Yes, yes, so I, whatever, find your tribe, you know, um, and, uh, yeah, it's, it feels good to be here. Yeah, go ahead. It was so much listening to yourself, taking the time to hear what your own desire is on. Yeah, and I, you know, I spent a lot of time working with myself, right, before the king thing. Do you mean mentally emotionally or mentally, mentally, emotionally, and physically, three years before the king thing ever showed up? So, I'm like, I already knew by my body pretty well, yeah, by the time, you know, that, that first little sliver cracked up, then with a bit of candle wax, like, there was, you know, there was already a deep, uh, understanding of my, whatever personal physicality, I'd say. I love it. So, I feel like I have gone excited tonight about a yes-and approach. I may or may not be having a three-sim later in my life coming up soon, and I would have fly that yes-and hardcore. I encourage you to go find something, whether it's kinky, whether it's some other thing in the world that gives you an adult play, or just a joy and connection in your life, and jump into that adventure. Let's be awkward beginners together. So, this has been a, another edition of a Sluts Guide to Your Happiness with your host, Vanessa Cliff, and our beautiful co-star, T-Max. Thanks for joining us. And you can find us wherever you get your podcasts, including Apple and Spotify, as well as on VanessaCliff.com. Please help us get the message of Slut Positive Joy, like and share this podcast and stay tuned for more deep dives into the beautiful, messy waters of being human. If you're over the age of 18, you can also check out our video content on our website, VanessaCliff.com. And most of all, I invite you to join us in the pleasure of being awkwardly human, naked, and without pretense. Let's get free. [Music]
