Self-reported studies suggest that less than 5% of men identify as either gay or bisexual. However, these studies depend on men openly communicating about their homosexual desires. Real-world experience indicates that there’s a much greater proportion of the male population interested in or actively engaged in sucking or fucking other men, despite otherwise publicly identifying as straight. 

This episode’s guest, Orion Pax, now publicly identifies as pansexual, meaning he is attracted to people of all genders. However, for more than two decades, Orion had anonymous sex with other men. For much of that time, due to social stigma and pressures in his personal life, Orion kept these activities secret, exclusively had romantic relationships with women, and thought of himself as essentially straight.

Through two decades of experience, Orion has deep knowledge of the vast underground world of anonymous gay sex - in dark rooms, sometimes masked, sometimes behind gloryholes, sometimes in hotels, public bathrooms or parks. Orion describes the range of characters he’s met through these encounters, how people find each other, and what type of ads they post. 

We discuss what benefits men gain from this limbo zone between straight and queer life. Although some men eventually choose to come out as gay, bi or pansexual, we also explore how men who choose to stay in this limbo zone can think about their participation in the underground world in a way that is most supportive of their self-love and freedom.