(upbeat music) Rodan has a new bow called the Cajun. Insert spicy come joke here. It's time for another episode of Pot is Mike Hope Pilot with Taylor the Latte Boy, Tefy Carlisle Hufington, and Rodan. Take it away, kids. Hey everybody, this is Harold the Latte Boy, and thank you for downloading episode 144 of Pot is Mike Hope Pilot. Today is May 2nd, 2010, and I am joined as always by Tefy Carlisle Hufington. - Hello, bitches. - And tonight we are Rodan-less. - Wow. - There was a no child left behind conference going on him in row, and he had front row seats, so Rodan is not here tonight, but in his place we have the lovely dulce at tones that you heard before Tefy and I started talking. Mr. Pat Gike, hello, Blumkins. (laughing) - Did he say hello, Blumkins? - I believe he did. You see what I did there? You know, I wanted to do a kind of a, don't quit your day job thing, but give it a kind of a pot is my co-pilot spin. - Look at you. - Hello, Blumkins is the titled episode 144. (laughing) - I will have you know, sir, that I bestowed upon you a most revered compliment today. - Really? - That was brought to my attention by Tank. - What? - Because I announced to the Hufington family, I used a terminology that has never been used before. I said, tonight we have a guest star on the show, and they all went, what? And I said, yeah, I said we have a guest star on the show, and Tank said, you've never referred to someone as a guest star, only a guest host. I went, well, it is the, it is the Gike legacy that we're dealing with after us. So, he is in fact a star. - I agree, all those in favor, all pot is my co-pilot members of having Pat be the first guest star of pot is my co-pilot, say I, I, okay. - Well, all I can say to that is, Michael, suck it. (laughing) - I think those are pretty big shoes to fill. - Oh my God. - In certain large floppy penis joke here. - Right. - I'm just honored. - Well, well, we are honored to constantly get your intros. I have heard the next 10 intros that you sent me last week. Actually, we used the first one during 143, and they're all very funny. I enjoyed all of them. - That's one thing I do like is that he doesn't ever play them for us until we have to listen to our episodes here, which one he chooses. - Oh, I did for the first 10 Taffy and I sat and listened to them. - Listen to 'em. - 'Cause I was so excited when you first sent them that I went to her house and I played them all for her, and she laughed very hard. But then she said, I don't wanna hear them anymore until the actual episodes, so. - Yeah. Well. - He was so excited he played them for me, and then he jerked off. - Yeah, well, as I, well, it was a Thursday, so. - Oh, there you go. (laughing) - So Pat, what is going on with you? What's the latest? - With me? - Yeah. - Well, I just closed a show today. - Excellent. - Yes. - Which one? - It was a first called Shady Business. - The Rodan story. (laughing) - No, not shaving business. (laughing) Or shave your business. - I think the only Shady Business in Rodan's life would be his knees. - Oh. - That would love, that would love. - Of course, of course. - But business would apply to get paid for it. - Again. - Or pays for it, but whatever. - Well, whatever, yeah. - Hi, Cajun. - He's never gonna listen to this show, it doesn't matter. (laughing) - Yeah, but I think the boyfriend listens to the show now, so we have to be careful what we say about him. - About the Cajun? - No, well, yes, I guess about the Cajun too, but about Rodan. Oh, I don't care what we say about Rodan. (laughing) - Please. - It'll be a year before you see him again, so you'll be easily, by then a whole of completely forgotten about it. - That's right. He won't even remember my name. - So, was, now, how many shows does the barn do a year? - Approximately. - Well, we do usually seven productions a year. - Okay. - But we run year round. - Yeah, no, I know you guys do year round, but I didn't know how many shows you guys fade in. - Typically eight weeks, but, you know, we usually throw in a couple of six weeks, like the next show coming up is only a six-weeker. - What is the next show? - The next show is actually, we're real excited about it. It's an original farce written by one of our own. One of our own company members has written a farce called Your Bag or Mine. It's very funny. - Jesus, that's every lunch with Taylor and I. - Your bag or mine? - I believe it's your hag or mine, but whatever. - Oh, great. Now I'm never gonna be able to think of the show like you. Again, without thinking your hag or mine. - We've put the pot as my co-pilot spin on it for you. - Thanks. - So, will pot as my co-pilot spin like a lazy Susan? (laughing) - It's an extremely lazy Susan. - There you go. - Well, then you and Lollipop have something in common because I believe Lollipop closed a show today as well. - I was very excited to see that Lollipop just did one of my absolute favorite shows which I have done many performances of. - Really? - Oh, goodness, yes. - Now, Lollipop performed in Taffy, do you wanna say what the performance was? - No, you can go ahead. - Okay. - It was Joseph in the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. - Woo-hoo. - I said that right, right? - To which Bobaloo and I spent three days going, go, go, go, Joe, sift on it. (laughing) That was all the part we knew, but that's the part we would sing the most. - Oh my God. - And nauseam, oh no, now I know all of the parts. - Of course. - And I wanna kill myself because of it. - Well, you saw it what, five times? - Yes. Actual performances, yes. - Okay. - Wow. - Actually, I did three different productions of Joseph and I probably did about 50 performances. - Now, what parts have you played? - I always sang Canaan Days, the French number. - That's my favorite song, the whole thing. - And, but I was different brothers every time. You know, once I was Asher, once I was Gad and the last time I was Simeon. - Okay. - I was part of her's wife. - Oh, come and lie with me, love. - Yes, so. - Who would have thought your daughter would get that line? - It is shocking, it's true. - The only line uttered by a woman in the entire show other than the narrator. - Right. What's funny is everyone kept coming up to me after the play and going, oh, you know, I wonder where she learned that from. I said, the little less Huffington. (laughing) What's funny is is that she's been in seven productions at her school. She was the Wicked Stepmother in Cinderella. - Ooh. - Last year, she was the little brat in God's Bill. And this year, she's the whore. So, pretty much, I don't know if she's being, you know, she's going against type or being typecast. You be the judge. (laughing) - It's the three faces of Taffy is what it is. (laughing) - Exactly, exactly. - Oh, Evil Mother, whore. (laughing) - And brat. - And brat. - And brat. - There you go. - So, no, I'm thrilled that she's done. I can't even discuss with you how happy I am. It was a lovely play I'm glad it's over with. Because it's just, it's every night and it was a lot. And her being a senior and getting ready to graduate. There was a lot, so I'm glad it's done. No, there was no emotion to it. - Oh, really? - There was no emotion to it. As far as, I did not get emotional with those kind of things. A God's Bill, I was emotional at, just because I loved God's Bill. But this one, I was just kind of happy it was done. - Oh. Did they use a children's chorus? - Yes, they did. - Oh. - That's the best way to fill up a production to Joseph is to use a nice big children's chorus. - That's pretty much, yeah. They had, I think their total, I think their ensemble was like 53. - Wow, that was a huge cast. - Yeah, they had a big cast. - So many people running around on the stage and everything, so. - The last time I did it, we had a children's choir of about 35. And I mean, we sold out every performance that had to add like six shows. - Yeah, because all their parents will come. - That's right, every night. - Yeah. - It's amazing how that works, isn't it? Now, do you do a lot of plays with kids? - No. No, of course, I've never done Joseph at the barn 'cause it's much smaller. That was back in my community theater days. - The only two shows I ever did with kids were The King and I. - Thank you, and we did The Wizard of Oz and we had kids as the adult parts in Oz. And it was a nightmare. - Oh my God. - Yeah, it was a nightmare. - Well, children usually are. - Yeah. - Well, but enough about Babaloo, go ahead, I'm sorry. - King and I is the only production I've ever directed. - I'm sorry. - Well, I only had about eight kids. I didn't make it a big children's chorus. - Oh, I was Tupton. - Oh, my Lord and Master. - Yes. - Yes, yes, yes. - He is pleased with me. (laughing) - Wow. (laughing) - Just a typical Sunday night here in the Huffington House. (laughing) - Good Lord. - You know what I mean when I say small house of Uncle Thomas? - Well, yes. (laughing) - I don't. - Inside jokes are for, I don't say inside jokes among the theater of fun. - Oh, okay. - I'm a bi-thespian. (laughing) - That's a title. - I'm a bi-thespian. - I'm a bi-thespian. - There you go. - All right. - Speaking of Sunday nights, should we talk about what happened last Sunday night? - Oh, I, well, I don't think there's any way around talking about it, considering it's been alluded to on Facebook as well as the blog. But last Sunday night sparked a three-day whirlwind of excitement. - Yes, and not necessarily the good kind. Okay, you all might have noticed there was a delay in the latest episode, 143, and I also kind of alluded to the fact that there was a delay and it was due to circumstances beyond our control. We finished taping 143, I would say about 11 o'clock last Sunday night, and I went out and started washing dishes, immediately following, 'cause there were some dishes in the sink. And while I was standing there, Bobaloo came up behind me and said, I don't feel right. And I turned around and his face was an odd shade of gray and he was clutching his chest. I sort of was like, okay, well, where's the pain? Obviously, you're clutching your chest, but he wasn't clutching the center of his chest. He was clutching his left boob for lack of better term. - Or his pectoral reason. - Well, I was going to say that, but I knew if I said pectoral, you would have said boob, so I just, you're just, you know, cut off at the chase. He said that the pain was kind of on his left-hand side and going up his neck down his jaw and felt like it was kind of pulsing out of his ear. I went online and looked up symptoms of a heart attack, 'cause that was the first thing I went through my head, and that was a symptom of a possibility of a heart attack. But he was saying that the pain wasn't necessarily too bad. So I did what anybody would do, I called Taffy. And Taffy said, why don't you take him to the emergency room? And I said, of course he doesn't want to go to the emergency room, but then after discussing with Taffy, we decided that, you know what? He doesn't know what he's talking about, and we're going to take him to the emergency room. So Taffy said that she would meet me there. I told Babaloo to get a shoes on, and we were going to get in the car, and we got about a block from the house, and he informed me that the pain had moved to the center of his chest, to which I slammed on the brakes and immediately dialed 911. There was, you know, we had ambulances and EMTs out, which apparently was good to Babaloo, 'cause the EMT guys were cute. So we wasn't that far gone, that he couldn't, you know, spot a hot guy at 50 paces. - Well, thank goodness, that's a good sign. - Yes, and after they did a portable EKG machine on him, and they had oxygen on him, and they were asking him a series of questions, and of course, I'm standing behind him with the dry erase board in the kitchen, writing down every blood pressure, and everything they're saying, you know, 'cause I know Taffy's going to ask me a million questions, and I'm thinking, if I don't have the answers, she's going to slap me in the emergency room. So I-- - But I'll be said, I am one of the calmest people you ever want to have in an emergency when it comes to that kind of thing. - Right. - I truly am. I am the person who asks the questions and keeps her cool. - You're right. - So they said they thought it was a good idea for him to just go with them, rather than go with us to the emergency room, and they put him in the back of an ambulance and took him. They said that he didn't feel as though he was having a heart attack, but they said that he looked like he was having some angina, which is very rare that that word is being said in this house, or any derivative thereof. - I was going to say, it didn't start with a V for I think, but then. - Yeah, and they took him to the emergency room. During this time, I had called Taffy, 'cause she was going headed right to the hospital, and I had said, come to the house instead. So as they had put him in the back of the ambulance, that happened to me when Taffy was coming around the corner. I got him to Taffy's car. We went to one of the local hospitals. - We got to the hospital before he got there. - We did. Luckily, there's a hospital that is extremely close to my house that's not one of the bigger hospitals in the area, it's actually a smaller hospital. And when people say they're going to the hospital here, they usually go to the big hospital, and they had recommended that he go to the smaller hospital, which we went to, and it was great, 'cause there was nobody in there. So they took him in right away. He was the only, as far as I could tell, he was the only person in the emergency room. So he got A1, the best care possible. He stayed at the hospital for a couple of days. They, he had still had a lot of pain when he was in the emergency room, and they said they thought it was a good idea. Just keep an eye on him and do some lab works. And we pretty much spent, Taffy and I both spent the better part of two days keeping him company, and going and checking on him, and calling each other, and checking in, and all that sort of stuff. And he seems to be doing okay now. - Making sure that Taylor maintained his target heart rate. - I, okay, now-- - You were good, you were good. - You say that, but I never had a mac and cheese moment. I never turned into a howler monkey. I never, if anything, I turned, I went to social worker mode. - Yeah. - Where, which I do that in the event of family crisis, which could explain why people get angry at me during family crisis, 'cause I show no emotion, 'cause I show emotion when somebody asks for a lemonade, but my partner is a heart attack, and I'm just sort of like, well, whatever. But actually, that's not true. I, that sounded terribly glib, and I didn't mean it to. - But they did a stress test, and they did a couple more EKGs, and they kept him, and they watched him for a couple days, and made sure that he was, in fact, going to live. - He was miserable, he wanted to go home. He didn't understand why he had to be there. And we pretty much said, because we'll kill you, so it's really in your best, it's for your safety that you stay here, but he's doing much better now. This apparently was a scare for him, and it was a scare for all of us, but he's taken this information, and he's taken everything into account, and he's already lost seven pounds this week. - Oh, wow. - Just in eating healthy and, you know, drinking, not drinking 18 cups of coffee a day. Imagine that, his heart rate has gone down. - Shocking! - He was in, he's over the course of the weekend, 'cause we were cleaning all weekends, and he would occasionally, where I would look, I would be, you know, I would, that's when I had my mac and cheese moments, 'cause again, boyfriend in the hospital, no big deal, I can't get a stain off of the countertop, 'cause my mother's coming in four days, I become the Academy Award goes to, and he would come up to me and say, "Well, why don't you try this, or why don't you try that?" And I would be like, "That's a great idea." And I even said to him tonight, I'm like, "You've had like four or five of those, "we've had these really great ideas, "and he's like, I feel more loosened. "I feel more where, you know, things that I'm saying "make sense." And I'm like, "That's 'cause you're not drinking "nine Espresso's a day." (laughs) Your brain actually has a chance to think, so. (laughs) So this may be-- - I can totally see him saying, I feel more lucid, I can totally see him saying that. - No. Good. - Well, I am so glad. I didn't know anything about it until it was all over. I wasn't really paying much attention on Facebook, but-- - Well, and that's okay. - I'm so glad it's okay. - And the reason why I wasn't really sick, I didn't say anything on my Taylor Facebook, and then I am friends with his family, and his family, he didn't want his family knowing what was going on, which was a bone of contention for Taffy and I with him, but he wanted to respect his wishes, so that's why I wasn't necessarily saying anything until after he spoke to his family. So, and by that point, I also didn't want it to be the whole, oh, this is going on, and then it was just easier just for me to say something here, you know, to-- - It was something private. - Which is why I'm talking about it on a podcast. - But no, no, no, I think there's a difference. Facebook has become where people put their absolute most private things out for the world to see, and that everything needs to be seen by the world, and this is kind of one of those things that, you know, if he chose to share it, that'd be one thing, but I don't know, it's a little, that's a little personal, I think. - I agree, yeah, and he did eventually, and all of his big gay, Cuban friends from down in Miami started calling one at a time screaming at him in Spanish. It was fabulous. (laughing) - Put him on speakerphone, put him on speakerphone. - That should have been a video podcast for Christ, I think that'd been awesome. - Yeah, I pretty much knew when it was one of them calling, 'cause he was put his head down, and he would go out in the backyard, and I could see him just pacing back there talking, and I'm like, "He's getting yelled at," but-- - He's getting verbally assaulted. - Yes, but, okay. So, and that's pretty much why the, and that is my excuse for why the episode was late. Last week listeners, I apologize. You don't need an excuse. - Your forgiveness. - Well, thank you. - Are you kidding? We have two episodes in the can, and this, my guest starring episode here is gonna appear before anything. More shows up, don't quit your day job. (laughing) I have to understand, though, it's con season, so Melanie is now going to conventions every weekend, and doing things from-- - Oh, okay, and plus she's going away next weekend, right? - Yes, she is, they're going to Nollins, and then she's going to England, so Lord knows if we'll even see another episode of Don't Quit Your Day job before the fall. - She's going to England? - She is. - Jolly O'England. - Jolly O'England, yes. - Take the lift up to the flat. (laughing) - Where her husband is from. - Well, she ended up at the bars that Rodan was at when he was in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago. - I'm sure those cum stains are still there. (laughing) - I told her, go lookin', video podcast. You and Stacy getting ganged against a pool table. (laughing) - Jody Foster. - God willing that that is a video podcast. Let's reenact the accused. - No, God forbid, no. We at Pot as my co-pilot do not condone nor endorse the raping of other podcasters in New Orleans. (laughing) - In Orlando, yes, but not in New Orleans. - During gay days, it's a free for all, but you know, that's kind of a grace period, right? I'm going to miss gay days this year. - We're not. (laughing) - I'm going to miss Pat and Melanie, fuck you, I will. - Oh no, I, no, of course I'm going to miss them. I mean, we're not going to miss the walking around in the heat on Saturday, that that's what I meant. - Let me tell you people something. What you do not understand was that three days ago, it was like 72 here. Today it was 112. It was like, as Taylor lovingly puts it, it feels like a fart outside. - Yeah, it's horrible. I haven't started walking since the heat crept in and I am scared to death to start walking. - It's awful. It was like 85% humidity and 93 degrees today. It was disgusting. It was like thick, just ugh. - Yeah. - Wow. So all of you who are complaining that it's only 60 where you live, mm-hmm, now it starts. (laughing) Now it starts. So, do I, do you want me to tell the story that happened at Starbucks? - Yes. - Or do you want to be a part of this, the one that you alluded to on the blog? - Yes, no, you need to tell this story. - Oh please. - And keep in mind. - Keep in mind that the person that this is about was accepted to virtually every college that she was applied to has received numerous scholarships and is graduating Magna Cum Laude and a member of the National Honor Society. Let's just put that out there. So, Taylor and I are sitting at Starbucks. - As we are off to do. - I would say that's very, very surprising. And my children call me and tell me, unbeknownst to them that we are at the same Starbucks that they are going to, that they're going to run after school and grab something to drink. And of course, you know, five seconds later they come strolling in and they're like, oh, well, hello. Hi, hello. Lolly pops it down, she looks both dead in the eye, she goes, I have a question. And we're like, okay. She goes, so today I am sitting and I'm looking at one of my psych books. And on the inside of it, it says McGraw Hill. - Publishing. - And she goes, publishing. She goes, is that Tim McGraw and Faith Hill? (laughing) She was dead, serious, dead serious. Is that, did they do this? Do they like that? - Do they have anything to do with that? - Do they have anything to do with that? And Taylor looks at me and he goes, really? Seriously, I don't know what to say about that. - Thousands of dollars, have you spent on private school for this child? - 100,000, 100,000 dollars over the course of 12 years. And she thinks that, you know, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are writing her psych book, or publish, underwriting her psych book. - No, I think she thought they wrote it. - No, I think she, I absolutely believe it. She was just like, I think that's amazing. And we're like, you're insane. But okay, so. - It's a little sideline they have. - Yeah. - The textbook publishing. - Right, exactly. It's the whole country music thing isn't working out for them. - So where's the section on Schizophrenia Forum while I was releasing the Breathe CD? (laughing) - Oh God. - Oh. - That's too funny. - No, that's just-- - I have a confession to make. - What? - Since I started my big diet, I haven't once been to Starbucks. - Good for you. - But you know, there's a lot of healthy ways you can have Starbucks for only 100 calories. - Really? - Yes, and I know this first hand, I can tell you exactly what to order for you and those of our listeners who would like a 100 calorie, delicious, fantastic Starbucks. - And enjoy shitting your brains out two hours later. - Taylor has discovered that he has, he kind of has a little reaction to Splenda. - No, it's not a little reaction. - No, it's usually a mid-sentence reaction. So anyway, my last point. Uh, uh, uh, uh. I gotta go. (laughing) He doesn't call it Splenda, he calls it splatter. Yeah, pretty much. - Yeah. Well for those of you who can take Splenda or Sweet and Low or anything like that, order your drink as follows. A tall, skinny, whatever fat-free flavor you like, I prefer the fat-free vanilla. But tall, skinny, vanilla latte with two Splenda, it's 100 calories and it's yummy, yummy, warm goodness. And if you ask, you can have it, make it with soy milk or anything like that. I just use skim milk, but it's 100 calories, exactly. - You can also have an unsweetened, uh, any of their teas, no, not lemonade, any of their teas, and they're usually about 100 to 150 calories each, depending on what size you get. - Huh. Well you know, there's only ever one thing that I get at Starbucks. - What? - A venti-de-kef non-fat with whip mocha. - Okay, but you can do that without the whip and do it non-fat and you'd be good to go. - But then it's the mocha, it's the chocolate. They don't have, my Starbucks around here don't have, don't have a sugar-free chocolate. - I don't think any of them have a sugar-free chocolate. - They have a couple of sugar-free flavors, but I don't remember if I like them. - They usually only have the sugar-free caramel, sugar-free, like cinnamon dolce and sugar-free vanilla. - I may have to try the cinnamon dolce. - I've, cinnamon dolce seems to be like a warm, like a cold season. - It's so warming. - It's so warming. And that tends to be one that I drink when it's cooler here. 'Cause if you're sitting outside, which you can do in Florida in January, it feels good when you hold it in your hands that it's warming. - It's so warming. - It's warm and it feels good when it holds, I'm making notes. It's warm and it feels good when I hold it in my hand. - Dirty bird. - That is, that is the Taylor way. - Speaking of dirty birds and drinks, okay. I'm getting ready to tell a story that's going to anger Taffy, but I don't care because part of the reason why I drank this was because of the fact that it would be good for the podcast tonight. - If you drink Mountain Dew, I'll be very unhappy with you. - Oh no, I didn't just drink Mountain Dew. Hold on a second. Okay, so Mountain Dew right now apparently has something where it's called the Do-mocracy, and they are- - It's Do-me. - And they are, I'm saving that as a sound clip and I'm adding it at the very end of the podcast, just so you know, after the final music plays, it's you going Do-me. - But DEW. - Yeah, whatever. They have something where I guess where you can vote on their new flavor. Okay, so I happen to be, and I happen to be actually at Walmart tonight, so that in itself should tell you right now. - I was gonna say, well, you were in the Walmart buying Mountain Dew, you need to reevaluate your life quickly. - No, I didn't buy it there. I bought it actually in public, so on the way home, we stopped at Grab, we grabbed subs for dinner, and then I was just like, oh wait a second, I have it here, I'm gonna grab one of these. One of the two flavors, they have one flavor that's called typhoon, which is I guess fruit punch slash Mountain Dew. And so it's this like weird like orangey pink color. The other one is called white out, it's white soda. - So it's clear or white? - No, it looks like cum in a cup. It was the weirdest, it's this weird. - It looks like cum in a cup. - Yes, that is the title of this episode. Like weird like milky white soda, so it's fuzzy, it's fuzzy, it's fizzy, but you can't see through it. It was the weirdest, I looked at it and was like, what the hell could this possibly taste like? So I put it down in Walmart, 'cause we didn't buy anything, I just ran it there to see. To compare something. - It's cum in a cup, cum in a cup with hat, guy. - I'm sorry, white out. White out wasn't that the title of a vivid video starring Denny Summers in the 90s. (laughing) - I'm pretty sure. So we got this stuff tonight and I almost didn't wanna drink it, but it's one of these where I'm like, okay, as a journalist and a podcaster, it's my duty to try this cum in a cup. So I opened, I drank some, I actually-- - Two podcasters, one cup. - I drank it. It tasted like Mountain Dew without the flavor. It was the weirdest sensation. - It was one of those things that would be an Epcot, like from another country, you can see someone else drinking it. - No, 'cause it didn't taste like Hamill urine, it tasted like nothing, it just had this weird, it was very weird because it smelled kind of like Mountain Dew, so it had the citrusy smell, but you would drink it and you would feel the carbonation in your mouth, but it didn't have any taste. It was the weird, it actually freaked me out, I only drank about half of it and then I'm like, I can't drink this anymore, 'cause it was bothering me. If any of our other listeners have tried the white out Mountain Dew right on podasmicopilot.com and tell me which to think of it, it was very weird, it was very, very weird to me. - And I said, so it's noted for its absence of flavor? - Yeah, it didn't have any flavor to me. I guess it was because maybe 'cause it was, it came in the Mountain Dew bottle, I was expecting it to taste like Mountain Dew, 'cause I've had some of the other, the Hat Mountain Dew has all those other different flavors and I've tried them before and they always kind of have a Mountain Dew taste to it, but this one didn't, I don't know, it was just weird. - But Taffy, what if the thing, what if the stuff really does taste like cum and Taylor just can't tell anymore? (laughing) I've become not allergic to cum, what's it? Were you become not resistant? - Decensitized? - Decensitized, I've become desensitized to cum. - And that's the title for episode one. - I was gonna be writing down every other sentence he is saying right now. (laughing) I have become desensitized to cum. - Oh my. - I don't even know what to say about that. (laughing) Tell Bobble to eat more pineapple, maybe that'll spruce it up a little bit. - Yeah, and a little cinnamon's supposed to be good too. - Is it? - Supposedly. - I knew the pineapple. - Speaking of pineapple and cinnamon, I wanna know what my ice cream flavors were. What are my choices? - What are your choices? I'll hold on to that. - Yes, I know we had a ton of people that said we had a couple of pats. - Did you pick a couple of pats? - That was the first one. - Of course I was. - Yeah. - I expect nothing less. - All right. - You know what they say about men his age? They always come a little quicker. - That's not nice. He said something very nice to you. (laughing) - It's met with love. I didn't think Pat wants. He would be disappointed. - That's right. - And what's with the peaking of which, what's with the picture on the blog related to me with a full of air sucking on his own cock? - Okay. You have to understand that I wanted to thank you for a lovely impromptu dinner. And when I typed in funny dinners, that was the first one that came up and I thought, oh, I have to put that. That is ridiculous. (laughing) It's a polar bear eating itself. That is the best thing I've ever seen in my life. (gasping) - Damn. - Besides Michael, I assume Michael is, when Michael be considered a polar bear, no. - Oh, wow. (laughing) - Wait, is that bad? (laughing) Isn't a polar bear like an older bear? (laughing) - I'm gonna be in trouble for that now, come on. - Oh, God. Would you like another spade? You seem to have worn that one out. (laughing) - Okay. The only thing that I can take, you know, the only part that's redeeming about that, well, not redeeming 'cause that's actually very funny, is right now Kevin B just let out a kafah that echoed downstairs while Michael is doing something else. (laughing) - Okay, well, if that's mean, I don't want him to think I'm being mean. I thought a polar bear was an older bear. Is that not-- - Stop saying older bear when you're talking to my Michael. - Okay, I'm sorry. It's a polar bear is actually an older bear that still shops in the boy section. How's that? (laughing) And not in the Rodan shopping in the boy section type of way. (laughing) - Now I have a mental picture of Rodan walking down target with a big shopping cart with boys in the cellophane boxes (laughing) that have the little, you know, twisty, tiring strains on their arms and legs. (laughing) - Jesus. - My first bottom by Mattel. (laughing) Follow quickly by my first cockering. (laughing) - Oh, that's the accessory pack. - Yeah, that's right. - My first butt plug. (laughing) - No, my little butt plug. My little butt plug. It's the my little pony butt plug. My butt plug, wherever I go, he goes. Oh, okay. - Bondage, bondage bobby. Again, accessory packs hold separately. (laughing) Oh my God, you can use stickers to decorate his ball gag. Make it your own. - Well, now that we've called Rodan a child molester again, let's go back to your idea flavors. Well, Pat said that you should be butter pecan, rich, sweet, smooth, and a little nutty. - I like that one. - Kristen said, "I'm assuming B and J "doesn't mean blow job. "It's been in Jerry's." - Caramel sutra, which is that a real flavor? - I don't know. - Okay, that's a great name for a flavor if it is a real flavor. - Yeah. - Octopus soup hut. (laughing) - That scares me a little bit. - Right, the big, long name. Tracy, who lost her phone. Her name, she said Rocky Road, or is that too obvious? - Yeah, as well. It is my life with Taylor after all, but go ahead. - That's true, that's true. Tom from Tom Takes on the World said, "Peaches and Cream." Oh. - Oh. - So. And Melanie says that actually you should be rum raisin 'cause apparently you are drunk with small testicles. And it says, "It looks sweet and vanilla "until you dip your spoon in "and find an unexpected taste explosion in your mouth." Again, you need a sad for that. (laughing) And then Brother Casey has possibly the longest title. Longest title. - Oh, and you don't have to read it if you don't want, but Brother Casey, thanks, copy. - Yeah, I am going to read it. It's not like it's, you know, a novella already, I think it's just pretty long. - A novella, 'cause apparently we're Tella Mundo. But go ahead. - I didn't say a Tella, shut up. It says, "Taffy would be a layered multi-flavored ice cream "no single flavor could capture all the wonders "and beauty that is Taffy Carlisle Huffington." - Jesus. - Hold on a second, I need to vomit a little bit. There are fruits and candies and nuts swimming in ribbons of fudge and caramel and peanut butter. A little bit of everything for everyone. For Taffy is all things woman, so no flavor could do her justice. Or maybe I am writing this because I'm having a major sugar craving. Either way, ha-zah. - I love you. - That's food porn if ever I heard it. - That is food porn. - So. - I think I'm a little, I'm a little flicked. That's so sweet. I love when people talk about, you know, my fudge, my fudge ripples. (laughing) - Oh my God. - Lord. - Did you either of you ever try a kind of ice cream called Frugen Glajian? - Frugen Glajian. - Frugen Glajian. - Years ago, yeah. - Years and years ago, like late '80s, early '90s, maybe. - Wasn't it more like a sorbet than an ice cream? - Really. - No, they had one that was like a French vanilla with chocolate covered almonds, and I would sit peacefully and dig out all the chocolate covered almonds. Like while I would watch Ally McMeal, it used to make me so happy. (laughing) Which that might be the saddest thing I've ever got. - That's gonna say. - On this podcast. That's a shockingly sad statement coming from you. - I know. - It is, but I truly gave me joy. I have to tell you. I would rub my pepper, I would rub my peppermint stuff on my feet, and then you'd have to put the things over your feet, and you couldn't walk for about 10 minutes, so it's set into your heels, and while it was sitting into my heels, I would dig all the chocolate covered almonds out of the Frugen Glajian. It made me so happy. - Oh my God, 1995 called, and they want their life back. (laughing) - I know. (laughing) Gone are those days. - Mm. - Ah, thank God. - I'm popping my knuckles. I don't know if you can hear it. - Oh, you're moose knuckles? - Again, why can my vagina nappy lips out of one podcast? - Because it's a tradition. It's a pod as my co-pilot tradition that we say something about your snackateria, at least once. - At least you didn't call my dirty snackateria, I should put it as you can send it myself, you know. - Your cupcake cannon. (laughing) - I'll stop it. Did you read my response to that, by the way? Thank you very much. Thank you. - I can call it your trapper keeper if you-- (laughing) (clapping) - My trapper keeper. It's got a place for everything. - Of course, in Taffy's case, it would be a saved by the bell trapper keeper. (laughing) It would be a hello kitty trapper keeper. (laughing) Well, hello kitty. Did you ever have a trapper keeper that you would, now this is gonna sound really gross considering what we just referred to it as, but did you ever have a trapper keeper that got the proverbial little hole in the plastic over the front cover, and then you would stick your straw from your milk in the lunchroom and through the hole, and you would blow it up to where we'd get like this big giant balloon, the plastic wood, separate from the cardboard. - No, uh-uh. - Really? We did that in like junior high, remember? And then it became the thing where it wasn't cool to make a hole. You had to just, you know, use it until it got the hole, and then you'd stick your straw on it and blow it up. As I said, do not say anything considering what we just referred to it as, but-- - So-- - No, we used it all the time. - Was meth available in all of the vending machines in your high school? (laughing) (laughing) - I am a child of the '80s. We preferred cocaine, thank you so much. - Well, yeah. - 'Cause you know nothing says sixth grade like cocaine. - Ask the little sophington. (laughing) - This coming from the man who snorted Mountain Dew last night, I don't hear about it. - That's right. - I think it wasn't last night, it was this afternoon. - Come flavored Mountain Dew. - Come colored Mountain Dew. - Yeah, none of this fell out of my mouth this time. (laughing) - I was gonna say, how do you get Mountain Dew out of a carpet? (laughing) - Oh God. - Do you remember when this show was educational? - It is. I was listening to the episode about getting come out of the carpet and I thought, well, don't you just let it dry and then you scrape it off kind of with a little comb or something? - That would be one way to do it, I guess. - That's one of the combs that comes with the little dolls that you buy. (laughing) It comes with a cum comb. - A cum comb. (laughing) - Oh. - Like a little mustache comb, except it's a cum comb. - That's right. Out new this season, Timmy the Twisty Twink. (laughing) - He's very bendy. - Now in black. (laughing) - Well, my house is about as clean as it's gonna get for my mother's impending, I was saying impending doom, but I didn't mean that, whoa, okay, 40 and slip. Impending visit. - So you're ready for the maternal hijinks to ensue? - I am, for the most part. There's only a couple of things that need to be done that really can't be done until like the night before she gets here, like the vacuuming of the rugs and-- - Combing out the cum. - Yes. (laughing) But I did get to the point tonight, when after spending our seven cleaning the kitchen-- - You didn't do my job, did you? - No, no, the only thing that's left to do is I am giving Taffy a present, and that is she gets to come over and clean my floors. - And that is not a sexual euphemism for eating him or anything. I'm actually going to clean his floors. She loves cleaning floors, and apparently I, you know, she's going to be, it's jackpot in my house, 'cause my floor's disgusting, so. - The dirty are the better. - Yes. - So when you open the door and she's standing there in her black latex French maids outfit, you won't even bat an eye? - No, actually, that's one of the rules, is that he either, if he's in the house, he has to completely vacate my area, or he has to just leave me alone in the house. 'Cause I become, you know, I become, what's her name? The one that's married to, who is in American Beauty? - Anette Benning. - Anette Benning. I become anette Benning when she goes into cleaning the house. - Oh God, that means you are going to be in your underwear in my house? - Why don't wear underwear, so probably not. (gasps) - Naked floor cleaning with Taffy Carlisle Huffington. - Yes. - No, I changed my mind. You can't come in my house. - No, I will not be naked, I promise, but I get like on my hands and knees, and it makes me happy. - Well, and it makes me happy, usually, too. - Tank just giggled when I said that. (laughing) - Well, then if Taylor can't be there, he's going to have to set up a nanny cam so we can have a video podcast. (gasps) Shh, shh, shh. Oh, sorry, oh, I can't even know it. I just want to see Taffy scrubbing back and forth going. It's not you I'm mad at, it's the dirt. - It's the dirt. (laughing) - I hate you, Mom. (laughing) - Exactly. (laughing) - No, I did get to the point tonight at about eight o'clock after my fourth mac and cheese incident where I just said, you know what, I don't give a shit anymore. It's clean, it's clean, if it's not, I don't care. - Exactly, at some point you have to just say, you know what, the house is clean. I will clean this house today. - Yeah, Taffy did ask me at one point. Now, what happens if your mother makes a comment about the fact that your house is not clean enough? And I've already decided my response will be, well, I'm very sorry to hear that you don't enjoy the fact that my house is clean, but you know what, I'll be more than happy to make a reservation for you down the street at the days in. Please give Bonita the crack whore my regards as you climb over her getting into my car to go to breakfast every morning. - Yeah. (laughing) - So, and I don't think I did do the pre-emptive tonight on the phone where I did say, you know, we've been working for two days cleaning this house, so. - You should have said that. You should just allow her to believe that your house is always that clean. - No, she knows better. (laughing) She used to clean my room when I was 14. She knows what it's, you know, what I'm capable of. - So she knows how to get come out of a car. - Yes, exactly. - You should ask her. - I was 14 and asked for black sheets. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. (laughing) - Oh my God. - I had black sheets when I was 14 or 15. And when I think about it now, I'm thinking, oh my, that's, that was just here. Evidence right here. Look. - Yeah, I was gonna say that. - There's a spot here and here. - Did you have a, did you have a blue, a black light too in your room? - No. (laughing) - Look, I had the dream about Ken Olin right here. (laughing) It's like, Taylor, it's all right. You do not have pubic hair. Dandruff, it's dried come. Yes. - Oh my God. - What's really the same thing in it? - Pubic hair, dandruff is the same as dried come. What? (laughing) - And moving on. - Pat, you need to get the to a doctor, if that is something that you've experienced or know anyone who has. (laughing) Oh dear Lord. Head and shoulders for Pat. Ladies and gentlemen, that's, that's a necessity. - So, but we're out. - So are you, are we going to be taping next Sunday since we will see that we'll be here? - No, we will not be taping because you will be busy with Mother's Day stop enjoying your family as, as you should. So, and by enjoying your family and your, your daughters. - I have a question. For all of those mommies out there, and I know that we have a few that listen, when does Mother's Day actually become your Mother's Day? Is it just when they're all dead? Is that really how it works? Because I have never had a Mother's Day that was not filled with my mother and my grandmother and my mother-in-law. Now I enjoy them in small doses and separately, but I would just like one Mother's Day to not have to see any of them. Or to do anything with them. Or to be a part of their Mother's Day, which I realize makes me sound like a bitch and I'm okay with that. But I, I should be able to have a Mother's Day that it does not involve taking this one to brunch and this one to lunch and this one to dinner. Correct? - Correct. - Thank you. - Correct. - Thank you. - At the very least, you should, you should alternate years. You should say this year is half a year. Next year, mom, that's your year. The year after that, grandma, that's your year. - Right. - We're taking it in turn. - Can we do this on Saturday? And then tomorrow, you know, I don't get to, I don't have to look at you people. Yeah, that would be nice. - Then why don't you just say that? - I'm up there. - I've said for years, you should just say, tank's taking me and the girls to Disney for the weekend. Or we made plans and you know what? The only day we're available is Saturday. So we'll celebrate Mother's Day on Saturday or you don't see it at all. - In a couple of years, we were conveniently out of town. So that is true, but. - You were? - That's fine, that's fine. - Yes, a couple of years we have, we went to Savannah one year and we were in Ohio one year and we conveniently been out of town a couple times. Or, you know, in transit, but that's, that's fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, you know. - Well, that's okay. - Plain, that's fine. - It's fine, it's fine. - But you do it so well. - I know, I rarely complain. What do I ever complain about? (gasps) Besides stupid people and the fact that you drink Mountain Dew. That's only because I love you and I want you to be healthy. - We have a new saying, we have a new saying in the Baba Latte House. - What? - 'Cause tonight when I was buying my cum flavored Mountain Dew and we were standing in line, there was, of course there was the woman who was trying by cigarettes with her, you know, food stamp card in front of us. And then in-- - Charming. - Yeah, that was the first one and then it wouldn't go through. She goes, well, I guess I'll just have to pay for it and then paid cash for them. And then there was the guy in front of her that the guy after her that was saying to the cashier guy, you know, well, do you take American dollars? You don't take buttons, do you? Do you take a chapstick? And just pay, you're in the express line, asshole. Just will you just pay so that we can get our food and go home? - Right. - So rather than do, I hate people, which has become the mantra of Taffy and Taylor where any place for more than five minutes, I asked Bobaloo if he would like to go to the International House of Pancakes. - Mm-hmm. - And he just looked at me and I said, you know, I hop, I-H-P. (laughing) And he was just like, oh yes, I think the International House Pancakes would be a wonderful place to go, so if-- - To tell you why we hate people, because we were having lunch last week in a Mexican restaurant when a adult woman picked up her plate of, you know, ancilata burrito, whatever, in one hand, and her giant cup of Pepsi, in the other hand, and went in to the bathroom. Am I wrong? - I'm sitting here with my mouth open. - Yeah. - Literally, but the door opened with her hip and like slid into the, and it wasn't like, she accidentally, she didn't work there, she wasn't accidentally trying to go into the kitchen, and it's a bathroom for one, so she went in and you could see her go in, it was, where it was one of these where I saw her kind of do it, and it didn't really register, and I'm in the middle of talking, and I realized, well, my story is not that enthralling because Tappy's mouth is wide open, and her eyes are as big as saucers, and then I realized that did just happen, and she's like, did you just see that happen? - Was she sitting alone or with other people? - I don't know, actually, that's-- - Did she have to go to the bathroom and not trust that somebody wouldn't fuck with her food? - I don't know. - How poor-- - But if you're that paranoid-- - They don't leave your house, right? - I don't know how-- - Unless it's just an exercise that your therapist told you you have to do, you know, just, you know, board up the windows and lock the doors and, you know-- (laughing) - Pray for daylight-- - Yeah, 'cause that, we just were completely shocked, and then it just, we looked at each other and just went, oh my God, I hate people. - Did you watch her come back out? - No, she was in there for a while. - No, we were leaving, she was in there for a while. - Damn. - Yeah, she was in there, she we left. - It'd be hysterical if she came back out and her plate was empty. (laughing) - I don't know, I just looked at him and I'm like, okay, you did see that, right? I mean, it was, he was like, oh no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, she went in there, she took her food into the toilet, I can't even comprehend that. - So, yeah, there you go. - Yeah, that's a nice level of dysfunction. - That's-- - That's part of my co-pilot, yeah. - Maybe, maybe she needed to go pleasure herself to an enchilada. - Oh, God. - Oh my God, you're saying she put an enchilada into her fur taco. (laughing) - Her fur taco? Oh my God. Well, Taylor has sex with a Cuban, she can have sex with a burrito, come on. - Oh, I'm gonna put on bump, shh. - Put on bump, shh, thank you, I'm your only. - Well, I'm glad that we stayed to 40 minutes, like we said, we were going to do. So, we need to wrap this one up, guys. So, well, before we do our whole spiel. Pat, thank you very much for guest-starring on Pat as my co-pilot tonight. Do you want to do any plugs for your show when it comes back in August 2012? - That's right, look for us in August 2012. Don't quit your day job at dqidjpodcast.com. Thank you. - Okay. - And Pat, when are you and Melanie gonna come hang out with us again? - I believe-- - Suck. - I believe I've got it worked out that I have gay days off next year. - Okay. - Excellent. - That's my slot off, I usually get one slot per year off. - I don't want to hear about how you get your slot off. (laughing) She has a name, it's Melanie. - No, not slot, slot. - Same thing. (groaning) - All right, as always, you can go to our blog, which is patasmycopilot.com. You can email us at patasmycopilot@gmail.com. Call our listener line at 206-350-1287. We actually do have some voicemails this week, but I'm going to save them for when Rodan comes back. You can also be our friend on Facebook, or you can be our friends on Facebook, but you can also join our Facebook group, which is patasmycopilot, and you can also tweet me @PIMCTailor. (laughing) - Woo-hoo, thank you, Pat, thank you for joining us. - Thank you for having me. - With your loveliness. - Yes, pleasure as always. - Thank you all. - We would love to have you. - I would really love to have him. - I would, I can be had. (laughing) I'm just saying. - I can be had, the title to episode 144. How last June didn't end up in a three-way between you and me and Babaloo is any wonder. (laughing) Damn it, Melanie. She never left the room. Now she was always telling me that I could have the room. (laughing) - Oh my lord. - I do believe that I have, I do believe that I have photos of you kissing Rodan. - Yeah, I've seen those. I think-- - I do believe I have photos of that. - Yeah. - I think we should end the note on that mental image. (laughing) - Sorry, Cajun. - Mm. - I wrote Rodan. I think pretty much made out with everybody that night. With the exception of being Babaloo because we were driving around and I was having mac and cheese moment on i4. (laughing) - Well that is true. - I believe I may have called you one point and said, I'm just going back to the hotel 'cause I can't find this fucking place. - Yes, I, and I believe that was kind of, I think that that was the catalyst of the, let's all make out with Rodan was I was like, we have to make-- - We were also excited that I wasn't going to be there, that you all decided to make out. - We were, no, we, though, actually we took one for the team. We all decided to make out with Rodan in an effort to make you happy. That's the kind of givers we actually liked. - That's right. - It takes a lot for someone to make out with Rodan. (laughing) Again, he's never going to hear this in the mat. - Sans Chlora form. - Well, anyways, on that-- - Goodnight everybody. (laughing) - All right everybody, thank you all for listening. We'll be back in two weeks for, with episode 145. Until then, this is Taylor. - And Taffy. - And Pat. - Have a good week everybody. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. - The mothers. - The mothers. M-U-T-H-A-H-S. - That's right. - The mothers. - The mothers. - Okay, have a good week everybody. We'll see you later, bye-bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Okay. - So is it true that Rodan has chloroform-flavored Pez dispensers? (laughing) - In the shape of Skittles. - If by that you mean suppositories, then yes, absolutely. (laughing) - Please tell me everybody's still taping. - Taping. - Yes, it's fabulous. Taste the rainbow. Taste the rainbow. (laughing) And if you taste his rainbow, what does it taste like? - A felony. - Why not do it? - A felony. It tastes like Flintstones vitamins. - Oh god. - It's like a bam bam, please. (laughing) (upbeat music) - You've been listening to "Hot Is My Co-Pilot" with Taylor the Latte boy, Taffy Carlisle Huffington, and Rodan. Doesn't your life seem just a little bit brighter? See you next time. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
