Pod Is My Copilot
vPiMC: Episode 48 - Midnight Madness, Part 3
This is pretty much where the wheels start to fall off the cart, folks. Thank you for the downloads - be sure to download parts one and two of this night of shopping debauchery (well, for Taffy, anyway.) And look for episode 124, coming real soon!!
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(upbeat music) - Why are you filming me? - 'Cause it's, what time is it? It is 4.32 in the Blessed AM. - And it's 55 degrees. - At Target, and there's a big long line that we are not willing to stand in. 'Cause it's actually a bit brisk out. It is 55 degrees, so. - Oh, excuse me, eye on me. And we're going to Target, and this one's gone on red and tan. - I know, I was just getting ready to say that. - Of course you were with the same brain. - I did not think that through. - I'm sorry. - Oh well, I'm crashing fast. - That's, I offered you food. (laughs) The promise of food has been made. - Okay, your vagina is not food. It is not the food of life that I am just today. - If you threw my vagina up in the ear, it would come down like sunshine. - I just said that joke to her, which made her almost pee her pants. - Liquid sunshine. - Oh, God. See the way you are? See the way she is? I'm so exhausted. Whenever we're gonna eat this. - How are you tired? - I was up at the asscrack of dawn, picking up your husband, and taking him to Disney World, so that I could watch your children cheer in a parade. - Okay, but I was up two hours before that. - 'Cause she's manic. - Ready for a zed parade. And I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. - I don't need to hear about your manicurin'. (laughs) I really don't. - I promise to feed you at some point. I offered you food. Of course, not now that you really can count steak and shake as food, but it's only made of food. - Yes, there's a steak and shake right. I don't know, you can't see the cook car, but I'm just a steak and shake right over there. - He'll be awake in a minute when he's screaming at the elderly. - Run! - Grab a cart, grab a cart! Grab a fucking cart! - The elderly are fine. - Yelling at the elderly is fine, which is why I work for a hospice. - And they have $3 Waffle Makers. - They do, they have $3 Waffle Makers. I'm looking forward to getting a Waffle Maker. - You're never gonna get one. There's 500 people online. We could totally take one out of someone's cart. Video podcast. (laughs) We've traded her $3 Waffle Maker with a Quasinart at $3,500. - Quasinart? (laughs) - Quasinart. Quasinart is a name, Brianda. - Quasinart. - What did I say? - Quasinart. - Okay, what's the difference between what you just said, what I just said? - Quasinart and Quasinart. - Quasinart. - Quasinart. - Okay, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Quasinart, say it together. One, two, three. - Quasinart. Oh damn it, you gotta be saying Quasinart. - It is Quasinart. - Mother fuck. It's Quasinart. You don't care. I understand that. I understand that. - Isn't he using something that like a girl's business does? - That's queefing and that's not, okay. We're gonna go. - It's the art of queefing. It's Quasinart. (laughs) - See, she's exhausted too. - But my insertion manifests itself in laughter. - And it's not even-- - Whereas yours manifests itself in bitterness. Why does she have a Starbucks? How did that just happen? Brianda. (laughs) Wait, excuse me. (laughs) I don't think it's a Starbucks. They're moving, wait. The car's on. The car, wait. - What? - I don't know. - It's just blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue. Here's the door. - Hello. - Hello. - Roll your window down. No one's getting paying attention to me and that won't happen. - That's kind of how we go. - Mm-hmm. - Do you have fresh Starbucks? - Do you want me on? I would do a race trade. You got some cappuccino. - You're toying with me emotionally. (laughs) - But you know I thought about it because I was going to go in the mall and get some Starbucks. - Well, the Starbucks on Target might be open, but I just saw you walk by and I thought, does she have Starbucks? How would this happen? How could this be? - The line is all the way around the building. - I heard. - So I decided to sit in my phone. - Yeah. - That's what we're doing, too. - Yeah. - Well, I have a good Christmas. (coughs) - Excuse me. - There's a chance I'm gonna try to, you know, hunt you down and take your coffee from you at some point. Except I have coffee, see? - Yeah, because she's not crazy enough. She's got caffeine in her. She's caffeinated. - I have caffeine in me. It's better than having a latte boy in me. - She's, she's caffeinated. (laughs) - No, I'm caffeinated. Goodbye. - Okay, we decided that because we have a couple of hours, we have a couple of hours. We have a couple of minutes to kill, that we're gonna see how far apparently this line wraps all the way around. - That's gotta be a fire hazard. This whole thing of where they had this all blocked off so that people can't come in. - Can you hang them? - So. - See how many we know. - There's a whole lot of pretty on parade, a little bit away. Oh, blankets. Good, good. - That's what he did. - Apparently we're getting hot. - You have to get the full length fur coat here. - Yes, we have fur coat and a pimp stick. - It's 55 degrees in Florida. She's 110, but I have to make a deal with it. Oh, this one's reading a book in a chair. - Wow. - Good. - It's the Bible, he's reading the Bible. No, he is, he's reading the Bible. - Are you serious? - No, I swear to God. - Oh my God. - And so does he, he prays to God. We swear to God. Go on through ladies. - Pass the ugly. - Okay, so we go. - He's got our shorts and a tank top. - Yeah, that one has on a full length fur coat. - So this goes all the way. Oh my God, it does go all the way to the back. - These people got carts already. They're smart. They're learned. - Oh, we should have probably grabbed a cart. Of course, that means we have to get out of the cart. - That's not happening. - This is nuts. - I'm enjoying this. - This is awesome. - This is crazy. Oh, he has a happy birthday Jesus shirt on. (laughing) - Even though Thanksgiving is not the birth of our Lord. I believe that's Christmas, but okay. - Because you know what? I don't think I can actually call the way back here. - I was gonna say I think you're. - This is gonna be exciting. - No, I think you can go all the way back. - Well, I can go all the way. - I don't wanna hear about him. - He's passing out bags, the shopping bags. Well, that's nice. All right, well, and we're done. So it doesn't go all the way. That person lied to us. - Liar. - It goes around two parts, barely half. Okay. - All right, wow. - We're gonna go now. - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye. - Hello, we're in line at Target and yeah. - But that's not the fun part. - This is the fun part. - Well, I think it was popular. How long before one of the employees cracks and who goes running, screaming and crying? God willing. Merry Christmas. $25 iTunes gift cards for $20. Not bad. - What time is it? - It's some. - Portra 2.6. - So we've been in here 45 minutes. Not terrible. We have a card full of crap, no one we know needs, but that's fine. It's in season. - Hello. - Hello. - How are you darling? Where are we currently? - We are at the International House of Pancakes and this is Kim. - Hello Kim. - Hello. - Say hello to our listeners and viewers. - How are you? - We're lovely. Kim is helping us. Kim is helping Taylor immensely because she's about to give him food except she's giving him pancakes. - Pancakes. - Pancakes. - Pancakes, thank you. - Good. - So he can refuel for another six hours of shopping. - He can kiss my ass. - At least four more maybe? - Oh God. - It's about four more hours, but he's good. He's good for the long haul. - Unfortunately, we have to wait to go to. - Can we go to make the dirty faces? - We have to wait until 11 o'clock for a certain comic book store to open 'cause they're having really good sales today and something that I've been wanting for a long time is going, I normally would not get it for as much as I could today. - I'm rambling at this point. - You're very quiet too. Your voice keeps being a little horn. - I did make you almost pee your pants in the Target parking lot. - By saying what? - Talking about flicking the beat. - What was the exact phrase? - Well, it's not gonna make any sense if we do it. - Say it. - Girl, I don't want to get your sweat on. Sometimes we need to flick your beating. - Yeah, I had got peed in my pants. I was like head on the cart beating the table and we screamed through Target at our little hostess. What was her name, Veronica? - Patricia. - Patricia. - Yeah, we screamed by her. - You're good. - Not well. Here today, gone tomorrow. Patricia helped us at Target. We made her giggle. And then we screamed at her and we said, "Bye, Patricia." And she loved us. As do you. As do the world. - No. - Say goodbye to home. (laughs) Say goodbye. What happened? - We went to Target and we shopped and we both had free $15 gift cards and we did not use this and this makes me sad. But right now we are getting to use my not one, not two, but three Victoria's Secret cards. - And look. - There's light. - There's light. Let there be light. - My nipples are hard because it's freezing and by freezing it's like 53, but still it's cold. - Well, it's cold for here. - We're getting ready to go into the classy. - Tyrone's where, yeah, the classy with the capital K. - QU, it's classy. - Okay, that never makes sense when you say that. - That's me. - Well, that's all that matters. All right, we're going in a Victoria's Secret. Gross, the giant is everywhere. I'll up splattered up against the wall. Carable. - What do you do to somebody though? - No, we'll go to Victoria's Secret. - Hello, it's Taylor. - You don't sound excited anymore. - I'm beat. We were just at the Best Buy. I don't know if you can see it or not. It was a nightmare. I didn't get the thing that I wanted. Taffy didn't get the things that she wanted. She was less than happy. She's less than pleased. And the line. We could have gotten some of the things that we wanted, but the line was literally wrapped all the way around and I'm done. I think Taffy has some other things that she has to do, but I think that our time together and our shopping experience is quickly coming to a close. - That's okay, because technically, it's eight o'clock in the morning. - And technically, I start work at about 10 minutes. - And you lasted for eight hours? - That's a true eight hours. I did eight hours. And they're including spending a good chunk of the day yesterday at a theme park. - Yeah, 12. - And spending time with your family. - Which really is to get the healing of it. - I mean, you're extended family. - I'm sorry. - That's what I'm saying. Trial by fire is what I'm saying. It's been a trial by fire. So, but it's been fun, so. - But now that the light of day is coming in. - Yeah, in my eyes. - How do you look like, then that's time to stop. - It's time to stop, yeah. So, all right, guys. Well, normally, we would thank Rodan for going shopping with us, but he wasn't able to come with us this time. - So, Mr. Rodan. - Yeah, he was too. I'm losing my voice, I think. - How could you be losing your voice to really talk for eight hours straight? - All right. - I expect one. - What else? (laughing) - What else is new? - All right, guys. Everybody, we will see you later on. This is Taylor. - And happy. - Bye. Happy holidays. We'll see you on the podcast. - It's insane. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)