Pod Is My Copilot
PiMC: Episode 103 - When You Fist A French Horn..., or The Bionic Snatch...
Guest starring Pat Gaik from Don't Quit Your Day Job! Taylor gets Trekkie, Rodan is Torn Between Two Lovers, and Taffy Is missing from the last few minutes of the show, which sucks, because we had a really funny joke about double anal penetration! Sorry, Ricky! Oh and an interesting question of the week, where Taffy proves my point not once, but TWICE - listen for it!
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(upbeat music) - To hell with your little restraining order, Taffy, I'm parked outside your house. It's time for another episode of Pot is My Co-Pilot with Taylor the Latte boy, Taffy Carlisle Huffington and Rodan. Take it away, kids. Bonjour, no, and welcome to episode 103 of Pot is My Co-Pilot with Taylor the Latte boy, Taffy Carlisle Huffington and Rodan, and special guest announcer Patrick from Don't Quit Your Day job. - Yay. - Okay, why was that a little bit like the count? - I thank you, one hot cat. (laughing) - I have a little trouble with my Eastern European dialect sleeping in, okay? (laughing) - Four, four butt fuckers. (laughing) - Eight, eight giant dildos. (laughing) - So, Pat did the opening, Pat did the intro and then he did the opening. No, he did the opening and then he did the intro. - Oh my God. - That's what she said. - Thank you. - Okay. - My mother, my sister, my mother, my sister. - My baby, my job, my baby, my job. (laughing) - How are we tonight, Pat? - We're great. You know, it's an honor to be here and I am happy to pull a double header for you. - There you go. - You're first time pulling a double, now let's get real. - Well, it's my first time in a long time, let me say. - Well, only a double is quite the accomplishment for Pat. It's normally the triple or the pucker pull. - Wow. - Don't talk about Melanie like that when she's not here to defend herself. (laughing) - Wow. - Smelly, I love you, call me. K days can't wait. - Don't worry, you'll probably see her in person before our next episode finally gets broadcast. - Oh. - Was there more technical issues? - No, it just seems like, you know, the one that we recorded two weeks ago, it still isn't tough. Oh, really? - You guys required that much editing? - Yeah, that's it. (laughing) - I think the editing laziness, it's an honor to win. - So Pat, is this your first time on with Taffy? - It is my first time on with Taffy. I tell you, I am tingling in places that I haven't tingled in a long time. - You might want to get that looked at then. (laughing) - He's tingling down there. - I think they have a sad for that. (laughing) - I already have some of that, thanks. (laughing) - So, well, okay, let's be courteous to our guests and ask what's going on with you. What's the latest going on in Pat's world? - Oh, in my life? - Yeah. - Same old, same old, really. Just working at the old dinner theater, I'm not in the current show. And so I stand at the front desk every night and greet people and they say, "Why aren't you in the show?" And it's like, "I can't be in every fucking show." I'm sorry. - Well, are you a little bitter? Are you angry? - I was gonna say, he's not angry at all. - No, no, I'm actually, I like not being in the show. - Why? - Why? - Because it's very infrequent that I'm not in the show. - How many shows do you do a year? - We perform seven shows a year, and this year I will do six of them. - Now, do you do musicals or do you do just plays? - Mostly comedies, we do the occasional musical. - Well, because you do "Forever Plaid" that will be opening July or June 11th. Yes, our final performance. Farewell performance of "Forever Plaid." Now, why is it the farewell performance? - Because we're all fucking old. - No. - And Pat's gonna have to wear his extra tight underwear to hit the high notes. - Oh, excellent. - I'm gonna say, I'm gonna need to see video of that, yes. - I don't know, but you get there for your swims, snip, snip. - So Pat, what is your favorite musical you've ever done? - "Forever Plaid" would be my favorite. - Is that your favorite? - It is. - Aw. And then it's, and now you're gonna end it. Do you think you'll ever revive it? - Not with us, probably. - Aw, well, that's sad. - But we've done over 200 performances. - It's time to retire. - Yeah. - I mean, "Forever Plaid" has been a part of my life since 1996 was the first time I did a production of "Forever Plaid." - Jesus. - Wow. - Wow. - Now that plaid is faded. - Yeah. - It is. - The year was 1996. Bill Clinton was still in the White House and Melanie Fletcher got her first old people chance. (all laughing) Sorry, Melanie. I could have thought, oh, that fast. I'm like, I'm in the middle of a joke and I can't remember the right word. - Social security. - Social security, thank you. - I was a disability, but I'm like, well, no, that's not right. - Melanie, I would have firmly known that I am not part of this conversation at all. - Oh, you will be by the end. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, please. - Let's put it this way. When I first did "Forever Plaid" in 1996, the plaid coat that comes on at the end of the show was very large on me, and now it's tight. - I'm sure they've taken it in, that's why. Blame the tailor, blame the tailor. That's what Rodan and I do, we always blame the tailor. - I was gonna say, what do I have to do with this jacket gettin' tight? - I have that on a T-shirt. - Blame tailor? - Pot is my co-pilot, blame it on tailor. (all laughing) - That should've been what we put on the back of our T-shirts. - I'm gonna need to have a copy of that T-shirt, that's right. We did, Rodan, we did get our T-shirts in for gay days. - Oh, are they in? - They are in and they're fabulous. - They're very cool. - I just hope I can make it. - Think positively, you'll be here, don't worry. - I'm, yes, I'm trying. - You'd better be. - I know. - If I'm not, if I'm not in the middle of the layers of a triple decker, Taylor Babalu and Rodan Sandwich with Taffy on the side, I don't know what I'm gonna do. - Yes, another podcaster said, you know, if you don't go, what are they gonna do with the orgy? I was like. - Stay disease free. - Oh. - Oh, nothing like little Hep C, make gay days happy again. - Not quite the souvenir we were planning on bringing home from gay days. (all laughing) - That's not the magical experience I was hoping for, a magical day. - Coincidentally, I just found out because one of my waitresses at the dinner theater is getting married this weekend and her honeymoon is gonna be over gay days at Disney, but she's going because it's Star Wars days. - Yes. - Yeah, Star Wars days start not this weekend, coming up at the weekend after. - Wow, so a bunch of gay nerds? - No, 'cause it goes right up until the weekend of gay days. It's pretty much the whole month of-- - No, it goes all through June. - That is all through, it is all through January. - Yeah, it's crossover. - Wow, a bunch of Star Wars nerds with red lightsabers. - Okay, can I ask you guys a question? Since this is timely on both this subject and a subject I'm certain we're going to get to at some point this evening, please tell me, and obviously I know the basic visceral difference, but do people who generally love Star Wars also love Star Trek or no? - No. - Okay, 'cause I wasn't sure. I think it depends on your level of nerd-dom. - Well, the nerd flags are flying here, look, you're real. (laughing) - You bitch. - I think that there is kind of a, there is a definite contingency that is more, the Star Trek versus Star Wars, just like there's DC versus Marvel and all that sort of stuff. I mean, I posted, I mean, yeah, I guess we're gonna talk about Star Trek. - Yes, 'cause I just saw it less than an hour ago. - Oh, Jesus, he was very excited about it too. - Oh, yes I am. - Jesus God. - Proof of what I was just saying, wow. - Those of you wanting to send packets of Jurgens to Rodan while he talks about Star Trek and send your packages to. - Clean up. - I would watch the show if it was on, but was never a huge, like, I have to watch Star Trek, whereas Star Wars was, you know, I was a Star Wars kid. But that being said, loved the movie. - Oh my God, yeah. - Oh. - Sorry. - Wiped you out. - He just came, he just came and now he's spent. - No, the sex last night wore me out. The movie was amazing. Amazing. - Excellent. Excellent. Well, we'll hear about your warp core in a little while. Let's focus on the movie. - No, no, I was focused on the movie. The movie hit all the right emotional notes and it was just, oh, which, it's one of the reasons why you still need to be able to go see movies in a theater where a home theater setup is not good enough. - I would agree with you on that, that this was definitely a movie that you wanna see the first time in the theater. - Agreed. - Yeah, did you see it, Pat? - I did, in fact. Although, you know, I wasn't, it wasn't live altering for me. I've never been that big a Star Trek, the original series fan. But, and I saw it, I was kind of tired when I saw it. I saw it 10 o'clock on Wednesday night, you know, before it opened or Thursday night before it opened and rushed to get there. And, but, you know, it was great. - I don't believe all the arguing that's going on amongst the fan community. The people that hate it because of what they do with the original canon. - You know, I thought they treated all that very respectfully. - I agree, I agree with that. I think that it was, it was treated in a way. And I even said in our review of it on Pugs of Popcorn that it, with the music that was playing behind, it was kind of like you were saying goodbye to it. - Yeah. - Like the music and the way that they presented it was in a way that I thought was very respectful and also sort of said, okay, we're moving forward from this point. That stuff, you know, still happened in another place, but now we're doing something completely different. - Well, and they pretty much said, the other universe is the official universe. I mean, there were points when they pretty much said, we are now an alternate timeline. And that was cool because they're blatantly saying, okay, we're, we're the alternative now. - And I have no problem with that. - I'm sorry, I've been replaying an episode of Friends in my head for the last 10 minutes I go. - I was gonna say Taffy is making the motion of actually putting a gun in her mouth. (laughing) - No, I don't think that I would go and see it. And I know that Taylor and Babaloo said that they would go see it again. I will say, I will admit to this freely and openly that I did watch Star Trek Next Generation because I was newly married. It was the early 90s and I wanted to please my newly found husband and I watched it. I will say that, yeah, Patrick Stewart was hot then. I don't know, I don't think he's necessarily hot now, but I always liked him and I always liked the one who played the number two guy. I don't know what his name was. - Ojai Kerr. - Ojai Kerr, yeah. - So you watched it in the early 90s? - Yeah, in the early 90s, I thought it was cute. - The year was 1991, George W. Herbert Walker Bush was in the White House and Melanie Fletcher got her first hip. (laughing) Replacement, her first hip replay. God damn it, I screwed her up again. I thought you said hip. (laughing) And that's the title of the episode 103. I thought you said hip. (laughing) - Nice. - Nice, Joe. - Oh, Lordy. - You'll understand, we're gonna be spending a weekend with this woman. I would be kind. - Yeah. - I think we're gonna have a ton of. - I can't wait to meet Melanie. I can't wait to meet Melanie. - She can't bring weapons with her 'cause she's flying. - Of course she can. - You know what, again, we're, the x-ray shows that there's a butterfly knife. It's in her vagina. (laughing) She can see all the weapons. - Nice, I'm talking chainsaw. (laughing) - If she can put a chainsaw in her vagina, then God bless her. - Oh, God. - All right. - God help her, I think, is more like it. - Huzzah's right. How did we go from Star Trek to chainsaws and Melanie's vagina? And in the matter-- - You have listened to our show before having you. - Well, in Star Trek, there's, you know, a big thing about big black holes. So, it seems to be a logical progression. - Not picking on Melanie. - Rodeon, we're not talking about your ass now. - Oh, ow. - I was just gonna say that. - Pat, Pat, do the judge. - Pat's dealing the funny. I love him. - There's nothing wrong with Pat's dealing, but Pat is, Pat can always do the funny. - That sounded dirty. - Do you think, folks? - That did sound, that's a joke. - As long as the funny is stuck in your ass. - Pat can steal my funny anytime. - Oh, God. - Oh, good lord. - Don't give me the vapors. All right. (laughing) - The vapors. Thank you. - I learned when I was on their show, Rodeon, all you have to do is just lower your voice a little bit and talk to Pat and say something sexy. Not dirty, sexy. And he'll go all the time. - Wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Taylor. What did you just say? - What? - What did you just say when you started that? - Did I say the wrong name? - No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. What did you just say at the beginning of that? When you were on their show? - Oh. - Rodeon, I'm sorry. Have you ever been on their show? - I have not. - I'm sorry. Ask me if I have ever been on that show. - Taffy, have you ever been on Don't Quit Your Day job? - I believe the answer to that is no. - Taffy, you're about to hear from Melanie about a very special invitation. (laughing) - Oh, really? - It's something that we've been planning for like months. - Is it a very, very special invitation? - It is, because as you know, sometimes we've done movie parodies. - Mm-hmm. - And let me just say two words to you. Scarlett O'Hara. (laughing) Please, tell me that Melanie is Rhett Butler. Oh, I'm saying. - No, Mel, I'm afraid Melanie's Melanie. (laughing) - I will be Scarlett. Do I get to speak it like a Scarlett does? - Yes, you do. - Oh, Red. - Oh. - Stacey, Stacey will be, will be Prissy. (laughing) - Prissy. - Prissy. - And I believe I'm Pat Butler. (laughing) - You mean you're not gonna be Rhett? - Yeah, I won't be Rhett Butler. I'll be Pat Butler. - There you go. - You know, there are actually guys here named Rhett. Lots of them, actually. - I bet. - There is actually a child in my daughter's class in the seventh grade whose name is Rhett. - Does it go wrong without his shirt on a lot? (laughing) - Nobody does find the French horn, so there you go. Not that there's anything wrong with that. - You have to get your hand in just the right shape, you know. (gasping) Stick it in deep, stick it in deep. - Oh, good. Easy, easy, easy, yes. (laughing) - I think most people are in a fisting plate French horn. - I think most people who are into fisting could play French horn. (laughing) You have to roll the knuckles just right. Is that gonna be nice and tender? Yeah, I never thought about fisting in a French horn, but you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. When you fist a French horn, I can see where that would be slightly erotic to someone who is into French horn. - When you fist a French horn. - Well, of course, that's how you mute a French horn as you fist it. (laughing) That's how tank, that's how tank. (laughing) - Oh, now you better stop. (laughing) Is that gonna be my new nickname in French horn? (laughing) - That's how you get that mellow tone. (laughing) - Thank you. - You know, it's just on a right way to move his knuckles. (laughing) - Oh, geez, I have to go back a few seconds. Did, did Rodan just do a horse shack? (laughing) - I think he occasionally does. He occasionally lets out the little horses. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - There he goes, that's it. - Rodan is a sweat hog. - What? (laughing) - What? He just woke up too. - What? - Here I am, S. - Speaking of sweating in pig play, all right, Rodan, go ahead, tell us about it last night. - I had a very lovely date, actually, with a guy who drove three hours to see me. - Good Lord. - I know, he loves me. - You become that infamous in Louisiana? (laughing) - Ah, ah, ah. - Jesus. - Not, okay, I didn't say evil overlord. - Yeah, well. - I just meant that your ass has become infamous in the state. - It's a tourist attraction, it's a state, it's a landmark. - There's a billboard on every waffle house. - Well, my ass is the size of a billboard, so. - Your ass is the size of a waffle house. (laughing) - Scattered, smothered, and covered. - Yeah, so he lives over in Longview, actually. - That's not syrup. - Oh. (laughing) - Stop it. - So, I'm sorry, he lives in Longview. - Which is about three hours west of here, on the Texas side of Louisiana, so. - And where did we meet this young traveler? - I met him at the pink party, where there's a-- - Oh, okay. - The one I made out with for like two hours at the pink party. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah. - Oh, that romantic story that's timeless. - You know. Hey, it was the first time I picked somebody up in a bar in three weeks. - No, no, no, no, in about a decade, in terms of meeting that at a bar. Most of everyone else I've met recently have been, you know, online. So, he came over, we went bowling, where I beat him one game, he beat me one game, but I scored 118 both games, which kind of sucked for me. But whatever. - I'm sorry, are you speaking in code? - Bowling. - He got three fingers in his ball. - I got three fingers in my ball, and I rolled it down the lane. (groaning) Then we went to a steak and sushi hibachi grill type place, which was very good, here in the Monroe. And then we came home, put in, dropped it gorgeous. We did not even get through the opening credits. We didn't even make it to the mall of America. - And you were already fucking? - Before he was in my lap, and we were making out like crazy. - Wow, Mazeltop. - Yeah. - So now, is this a potential like, suture, or is this just a, call me if you want to fuck? - I don't know. - It could be just a call me if you want to fuck, 'cause believe me, the sex was amazing. - Well, good. (laughing) Amazing. - I was worried about that. - Well, you know. - We both last night called each other about three in the morning. Can you sleep? No, I can't sleep. Are you thinking about Rodan? Yeah. I wonder if he's having a really good sex right now. I'm going to take you to. (laughing) That's gonna be able to go to sleep tonight either am I. Do you want to meet for Starbucks? Okay. We can talk about this some more. That'd be great. Call Pat. I think we should give Pat a call. All right. We'll all meet at Starbucks. We'll talk about it for our dance. (laughing) - The world wants to know. - Yeah. It started in the shower. - Okay. - Oh God. I don't, again, again, a hobby. Oh my Lord. - It started in the orgy shower. - It's just. - Yeah. It was good to me. It was good to me. - Oh good. - So. - How old is this individual? - 14. (laughing) - 14. - Yes! Yes! Again, we have done it. He's three, five. - He's only three foot five? - He's only three foot five? - No, he's 35. - He's fucking a midget. (laughing) - He is only five, six though. With lifts in his boots. I think he's really five, five. - He actually has lifts. - He has like little things in his boots that make him taller. - Like Tom Cruise. - Like Tom Cruise. - Oh my God. This is better and better and better. So who would play him? Who would play him in the movie of his life? What actor does he resemble? - Oh, I don't know. He's very tan. - Do better than that. - George Hamilton? (laughing) - A shorter George Hamilton, maybe. - A shorter 14 year old George Hamilton with lifts in his shoes? - He's 35. (laughing) - If he's a day. - But he says he's 34 'cause he just turned 35. So it hasn't registered yet. - Does he have a Louisiana accent? - No, he has a Texas. He has a gay Texan accent. - Oh. - Oh my. - Yeah. - So he sounds like Linda Gray. (laughing) - Nice. - He likes to think he's Sue Ellen Ewing. - Don't we all though from time to time? - I would love to be Sue Ellen Ewing. I would love to have a drinking problem. Be Sue Ellen Ewing. - You kinda would. - That kinda would. - Do I have a tough bar? - Yeah. - Oh. - So I have a tough decision to make between GI Joe and my tan, long view man. - GI Joe. Who the fuck's GI Joe? There's another one. The one I had a date with last Saturday. - I was gonna say, from last episode, God. - Yeah. - You either keep them straight. You have to be able to. - They float one into the other, so to speak. - Well these are actual dates versus the other. - Why do I feel like I'm in the middle of a production of the glass of menagerie. I remember one summer I had 17 gentlemen callers. (laughing) They had to get chairs from the Presbyterian Church next door just to line them up on my poach. (laughing) - Oh. - There's your scarlet o' hair right there. Rodan could play scarlet o' hair. - Yeah. - Brilliant. - Hey, so I still had performance issues. - Oh God. - Really? Oh, well. - I was gonna make a theme song for Little Rodan, but I didn't have time. - Yeah. - I don't. - It may still be coming. - Yeah. - Apparently Rodan isn't. (laughing) - Apparently not. Oh, well I'm sorry that Little Rodan's having a bad day. Perhaps you need to let him rest. - I think I may have to give him more than a week of rest, actually. You might need to let time have to the nerve endings grow back to where, you know, you can actually feel that there's supposed to be something going on. - Yeah. (laughing) - Be aware of that poor thing down to a nub. (laughing) - Please change the subject. - Yes, let's change the subject. - Okay. - Speaking of being worn down to a nub. - Oh God, Jesus, great tradition. - We need to congratulate someone whose mind has been worn down to a nub, and that is Drum Riley Calhoun, who graduated this morning with his bachelor's degree. - That's the most backhanded compliment I've ever heard you. (laughing) - That was pretty backhanded. - Well no, he himself said that he was just mentally over drained. He was so glad it was just, you know, he kept saying, you know, I don't know what to do with myself. If I wake up in the morning, I don't have a class, I don't have a paper, I don't have a report. So, you know, his brain had been willed down to a nub. See, do you see the distinction? Do you see the translation? Work with me people. - I think that's great. I think that's wonderful. Is this his first ever bachelor's? - His first ever bachelor's. - And what subject? - Oh shit, I have no idea. It's like project management, business, I think. - Stop it. - It's gonna say, it's got like 14 words in it, I think. He'll end up leaving us a message that says, I have a bachelor's in science, you stupid fucks, but. - I think it's great for somebody who's 53 years old to go back and get his bachelor's degree. (laughing) Wow. - That was not to come in. (laughing) - Wow. - He doesn't listen to our show anymore. - He'll never know. - He'll never know. - No, he seemed very, very happy. We went to his party after his graduation ceremony. He seemed very relaxed and very just happy it was over and I'm, we're proud of him. So congratulations, drum. - And the whole gang was there. - The whole gang was there. - John Goodman was there and Karen was there and mountain women and all sorts of people. - His giant. - His giant pendulous balls were there. - Yeah. - Well, they have to sit in the other room. (laughing) Lola Lafayette and Lula Bell and Babaloo and Tank and a whole, a whole menagerie of people. - Yeah. Yeah, so it was, it was much fun and, and thank you for the invitations. I believe it was Lola and Lula and Bogash, drums new, Paramore that, that set everything up. - He used to do Paramore. - And he's from, he's from, he's from the Wisconsin. I don't know where in Wisconsin, but. - Nada, Josh. - He's my guy. - The guy. - That's the place where they make cheese. - Some place where they make the cheese and the sausage. - Don't you know? - All right, I, okay. Oh shit, yeah. - Oh shit, yeah. - Yeah. - Isn't that like really South Dakota though? Not really. - You didn't know, Minnesota, the entire region, Minnesota, Wisconsin. - Alabama. - You gave it to Michigan in there. - Alabama's in the South, you twit. - No, I was, you know, the way he was saying that was like from Drop Dead Gorgeous where she goes, Alabama. - Actually, she says she goes, Alabama. - Alabama. - A-L-A-A-A-A-M-A. Alaska. West Virginia. - West Virginia. (laughing) - I love that. - Oh God. - I have to watch that movie again now. - Bobaloo has never seen it. - Oh. - Bobaloo, I know. I know, 'cause I was doing the whole. - His bags. - I was doing the whole Alabama and he's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, Drop Dead Gorgeous and then a few minutes later, I see him over watching YouTube clips of it. And I was like, aren't you familiar with this? He's like, I've never seen it before. And I'm like, turn them off. Well, watch the DVD one night this week. So. - Turn it off. - Yeah, that's a must in this house if he wants to continue living here. - He had to go. - He had to go. He refused to watch a mid 90s Kirstie Allie movie with me. So. - Okay, that is Kristie Allie's best movie ever. - That is the pinnacle, I even explained to him. It is the pinnacle of Denise Richards' career. - Yes. - Oh yeah. - At the pageant, it's all downhill from there. - Oh no, what's the one where she makes out with Nave Campbell? What's that wild thing? - Wild thing, that was before this. - What's that before? - I'm pretty sure, yeah. - And that was, you just like that because the girls kiss. - Yeah, but they both freaked me out with the big fake boobs, that kind of aggressive. - And then you get to see Kevin Bacon's big ol' long shlong. - Oh. - I had to say long shlong. - That's the six degrees of something I don't want to know about. - Okay, so you're all about watching girls make out, but you're not interested in dick anymore? Is Tank aware of this? - I'm interested in dick, I'm not interested in Rodan calling it a shlong. (laughing) - Yeah, I don't blame anyone really interested in myself calling it that either. - I was gonna say that's what I wasn't interested in. No. - And have you listened to the latest found monkeys? - I have not. - Okay. - They referred to a penis as a yogurt slinger? - Ew, that is so wrong. (laughing) - I have heard that phrase. I had never heard that before, I-- - A yogurt slinger? - I was walking my dogs and like screamed after when I heard it. - That is horrible, which means I will repeat it twice tomorrow. - Right. You'll figure out a way to bring it into next week's episode. - I'll figure out a way to bring that into my, you know, finance advisory board meeting at, you know, the daughter's pride school on Thursday morning, get real. - You'll ask if anybody in the school started to sling yogurt. - So a yogurt slinger, that would be really beneficial. - And then how long before the littleest Huffington uses it in class? (laughing) Show right up home and figure out a way to use that in there. - Exactly, oh my god. - Mommy, what rhymes with slinger? (laughing) - Deborah Winger. - Deborah, I'm sure Deborah Winger is, but that's, again, you are not right. - Deborah Winger forever will be Wonder Girl to me. Show me Jerusalem, Jerusalem Friends. - Oh. - I have not, I still have those DVDs. Rodan got me those DVDs for my birthday. How long ago? - Five ago. - Yeah, I still haven't watched them. - I just finished this, yeah, I thought I was before, but I finished season three of Wonder Woman and, oh my god, that's such a horrible season. - I've not even opened season three yet. - Yeah. - Now, Pat was very nice to get me the Torchwood DVDs and I still haven't watched them yet, I'm sorry, Pat. - Well, that's okay. - But I was actually thinking about the other day, I'm just like, I wanna start watching this because all of my shows are going off the air for the season. - I was gonna ask you. - So I'm gonna be able to catch up on some other things. - I was gonna ask you how the office finale, 'cause you were all excited to watch it, but then you never mentioned it. - The office finale was probably one of my favorite episodes of the season. - Oh, really? - The actual, and I'm not gonna give away what happens, but the actual end of the episode almost made me tear up because something big happens. - On the office? I thought the office was kind of-- - On the office, no, it's a funny show, but it's also, it's, I don't wanna say what it is, but it was something where, like, tears of joy sort of thing. Like, I was so excited, so-- - Oh, that's nice. - The office was really great. 30 Rock was very, very funny. I did watch The Last Parks and Recreation. - Oh, you did? - And it, I mean, I said I wasn't gonna watch it anymore. I figure, well, there's one more episode, 'cause it's the finale for the season, and it actually redeemed itself a little bit, so I might, I might watch it, I don't know. - Yeah, that's renewed. - Yeah, that one got renewed. We have, actually, we have, like, five or six better off-teds that we just haven't gotten around to watching. - Pat, do you have any true, like, dynamic shows you have to watch that you will not miss, period? - Yeah, I'm very, very sad. I don't watch much regular television. Chuck was the only thing that I watched, like, first run. Everything else, I watched a bunch of stuff from England, and I download it. - And why don't you watch from England? - Well, of course, Dr. Who, which is not out at the moment, in Torchwood, but the things that I've been watching lately are my family, which is this sitcom that BBC America has carried. And "Two Pints of Lager" and "A Pack of the Crisps." - Oh, that's a great name for a show. - That sounds like a-- - Oh, it's a wonderful show. - It's a regular Saturday night. - It is, it's a wonderful show. And Britain's Got Talent. - Really? - Which is where, of course, Susan Boyle came from. - Oh, yes. - Yeah. - Yes, I actually watched the download and watched the whole show. - So now, has that, she started singing? - No, they are still in the audition phase, and then they will go to semifinals, and then it goes to the live shows where the public votes. - So they're pretty much saying that she's a shoe in, then. - There have been two or three others since that first episode, who are also shoe-ins. - Okay, gotcha. - Yeah, and they're also fixed. - Yeah, fixed. - Okay. - The whole thing is so fixed, it's not even funny. - Well, so is "American Idol," though. - I know. - I think all of that crap is, but, in fact, Taylor and I have gotten out with shows like "America's Next Top Model" and with all those. We can call it just by watching the formula of it. - Yeah. - What do you guys think about the Paulina Poroscova getting fired and then being all nasty about it? - I thought she was nasty on the show, so I didn't. - But I don't think she's necessarily being nasty about it. I think she's just, I mean, she was nasty on the show. She's probably pissed and thinking, "You know what, fuck this, they fired me." I'm not afraid of Tyra Banks. - Yeah. - So, well, I'm just gonna say this is what happened. It's not like we're she's making these crazy accusations. - Yeah, 'cause I think there's probably a lot more she could say, I'm sure, at this point. - And that might be where she's saying, they're coming to her and saying, "Knock it off." But she goes, "Well, I don't know. Maybe if I see a little her change." - Greasing of the poem. - Yeah, I'll shut up about it, so that's millions. - And honestly, what was she doing beforehand anyways? I mean, she wasn't doing anything that I can think of besides being married to Rick O'Kasek before the show came up for her again. So, it might have revived her career for a month or two, but I mean, I honestly liked her on the show, but I did not. I just think that Tyra Banks has gotten to this point where she only listens to these hyper feminine fags, you know, fashion industry fags who are like just telling her to be a drag queen, be a drag queen, and she's just, those must be her only friends. It's like no one from the real world talks to her at all anymore. - Well, but I think that's the way it is with a lot of these celebrities where they, you know, you get to a point of where you start to be successful and you've got people telling you what to do. So, you're gonna listen to those people and you're not gonna listen to the people that tell you no. - Well, and I also think that they start to believe their own hype. - Yeah. - I think she really starts to believe that whole, you know, the next name. I think she starts to believe that that persona is now who she is and she-- - No, I think she takes the whole show as a joke now. Tyra, I think she takes as a joke. That's the whole air she gives off. Like, I am so fucking bored by this show that I just say the same thing, you know, 50,000 times. And now I'm gonna be funny about it. - You might be right. I don't know. I know the-- - Taffy started bringing up a good point. She's laughing all the way to the bank. - That's right. - There's like a next-top model in almost every country. - Yeah. - And she has licensing rights. A bankable production owns every single one of them. So, laughing her way to the bank. But, good for her. We watch it. I mean, we make fun of it, but we still watch it. So... - Exactly. - We're pushing that demographic. We're pushing those numbers up. - Well, some of us watch it. We've lost Pat. He got very quiet. - Now he's been playing for a little bit. - Don't worry about me. I'm just playing Dr. Who episodes in my head. - Thank you. - Touche. The only reality show that I watch fairly regularly is Top Chef. - Oh, yes. I cannot wait until it comes back. That is my absolute favorite. I learn something every time I watch that fucking show. - And now Rodan and I are gonna play the Star Trek movie that we just saw. - Yeah, right. We'll talk about Touche. - I'm just, I'm thinking of Chris Pine Naked. - I have begged Taylor to watch that show. - I said I will watch the next season, the next regular season, 'cause they're gonna do another All Stars, I think, but I'll watch the regular season when it comes on. - It's so good. - And Pat, are you gonna watch Glee? - I'm thinking about it, 'cause I've seen a couple of clips and it looks pretty fun. - I think that's supposed to be the next big. - Yeah, it's gonna say we're watching it. - That's gonna be the next big, like, gay hit. - Oh yeah. - The next big ugly Betty or whatever. - Yeah, I think that seems to be that I've been here in buzz about that for months before this episode is even aired. It's just as far as the cast that they have. - Now, is it gonna be a summer series or is it really, we're only getting a preview episode for the fall? - I think we're only getting a preview episode and then it's gonna be on in the fall. - And when does it start? It doesn't start till October or September? - I think, yeah, I think they'll probably start it in September, October, but I think they're just gonna show an episode for this week. And then next week, so you think you could-- - I know, next Thursday. - And did you see that after this, so you think you can dance or gonna start into a fall one? - I heard they're gonna do it in the winter. They're gonna do it in the winter before American Idol starts. - Right, which would pretty much start in, you know, August, September, right when the other one ends. - So it'll be right during Biggest Loser again. - Yeah, well. - I know. Pat, do you watch Biggest Loser at all? - I don't. - God, Pat, I'm sorry, I'm bad. I, you know, I work, I basically work second shift, really. So I don't watch any of that stuff. - You just watch Judge Judy and Judge Mathis. (laughing) - Okay, the fact that you know those two names scares me. (laughing) - I watch a bunch of old, I mean, I watch Doctor Who and Star Trek over and over and over again. - That's awesome. - I'm working my way through Enterprise again at the moment. - I only watched the first episode of that and then just sort of, the scene where they're like rubbing each other down and the little bait and two things, I was kind of like, really? - Yeah, they never did shit like that, like, ever again. It was like, that was like the only episode of that. - Oh, a couple of times they did. - Yeah. - I like, I like- - That's weird. - I went to Paul. - Data never did that tip a card. - No, it's great. - Ew. (laughing) - I was more of a wharf girl, personally, but, you know. - Yeah. (laughing) - She likes her man with the ridges. - I like a man with a big head. - With a big head and lots of ridges. - That's right. - Amen. - And there's the episode, there you go. - It's exactly what I was getting ready to say. There's the next episode. - It's gonna be hard to come up with a really good picture. I've thought of three at least for the cover art of this episode, but- - Yeah, I love the gem picture from last episode. - Thank you, thank you. - That was great. - Oh, yes. - Yes, happy is in charge of a podcast art now. And they're all lovely. - Thank you. - Until I go in and change them. - Well, you know what, honestly, I think what I'm gonna do is I'm just gonna start sending him the picture, letting him put the numbers on, because he always changes them anyways, so I think I'm just gonna start, I'll find the picture and send you the picture and you can put the words on, 'cause you always change them. You never care for the, you never care for my artistic input. - That's not true at all. That is not true at all. I appreciate the fact that you look for a picture, and I usually giggle at the picture that you send me. And then you put the words in the places that I don't like. - I know, so you don't care for my artistic interpretation. What I just said. Michael, take note, he did it again. - Michael, what? - I said what? - It's just 'cause Michael always giggles whenever he says, "No, I don't." And then he goes right back and says, "Yes, I did." But in a different, completely different way, that makes Michael giggle. - You're talking to people who aren't here, you're psychotic. (laughing) - Shut up. - She's already in gay days two weeks from now. (laughing) - Yes, I am. - Yes, I am. - She's holding court in front of the castle dressed like Snow White, thinking that she's actually a gay day. (laughing) Holding a big step by, she's already motor-boted melody. (laughing) Holding a big scepter that just happens to look like a big dildo. (laughing) - I am an old saying cat like that. - I am the queen of gay days. (laughing) - Taylor's a queen of gay days, that's your real. (laughing) - Why you gotta do that? Why you gotta go there? - Why you gotta go there? Why you gotta be that way? (laughing) - Oh, Lord. - Yeah. All right now, kids, calm down. You're both pretty. You both have dates for the prom. - That's right, you're both pretty. (laughing) What did I do? - You shopped. - What did we do? - You shopped. - We talked, what? - I said you shopped. - Oh, yes, I did. - You went to IKEA, did you not? - Oh yeah, I went to the IKEA. - Oh yeah. (laughing) - And how did the IKEA treat you? - Well, apparently it wasn't memorable. (laughing) - Totally. - It was alright. - Too overwhelmed, can't even think straight now. - No, it was okay. It's an IKEA. I mean, it's cool that we have one now and we got there and the parking was a nightmare. And they had police like three people leave so then three people could go into the parking lot. They were talking about how it was supposed to be so big and I walked up and was like, "Well, it's not the biggest building "I've ever seen in my life or anything." - Right. - I spent two dollars on a trash can. - You know, I think some of the excitement may be kind of leaving us for this just because it would have been really cool when we were in college or just starting kind of, starting our lives to kind of the mid-early 20s thing, but now that we're kind of like in the mid-30s, at this point, it's like, yeah, okay, whatever. - I can't wait for Creighton Barrel to open. I will tell you that makes me very happy. Maybe I'm transitioning from the IKEA to the Creighton Barrel, I'm not sure, but I'm-- - Aren't there like Creighton Barrels like everywhere? - No, we don't have a Creighton Barrel anywhere around us. There's one in Orlando. - Oh, really? I guess I got used to them being in South Florida. - Yeah. - 'Cause believe it, I ain't no Creighton Barrel here. - What is that noise? Who is making some noise? - I'm sorry, I was opening the bionic woman. - Okay. - I don't, with that, Tappy, I'll let you take that one. - You're opening a DVD while we are taping a podcast. Thank you for your-- - It's a mindless activity. - Yes, but what you're doing currently is not a mindless activity. - I can last-- - I had you guys without listening. (laughing) I just have one question. - Welcome to hottest my co-pilot with Pat, Kayla the Latte Boy, and me, Tappy Carla Hepe. - Pat has a question. - I have a question. - Is that Lindsay Wagner or Michelle Ryan, by any woman? - It's Michelle Ryan. Please, there's no Lindsay Wagner. - Oh, or? - If the Lindsay Wagner bionic woman was out on DVD, I wouldn't be on the show, I'd be watching it right now. - Wow. - Wow, that's really-- - I love you, I mean it. - Wow. - Until you do, it comes up. - I thought when you said you were opening the bionic woman, I took that-- - As a blow-up doll. (laughing) - I'm opening a blow-up doll. - So I can see a bionic snatch. - Melanie, again, would you leave her out of the show? (laughing) - Wow. She could crush a cantaloupe. Jesus. Will it make that noise that-- - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah. - And she can crush a tennis ball with her kegels. Isn't that, isn't that a bionic woman who could crush a tennis ball at the opening credits? - Yes, with their hand. - Okay, that's what I thought. - She can crush it with her thighs. - I can crush a tennis ball with my thighs. - I'd see. - They never act a long way. - I didn't even know they put out a DVD of the Michelle Ryan version. The thing was canceled. - I know, they headed out before I think the show was officially canceled. I bought it for $12. Don't judge me. - Oh, all right. - Don't judge me. Don't judge a whore. - Hey, I want to judge a whore. - Don't judge a whore. (laughing) - The unknown song to Don't Trust a whore. Don't trust a whore. Don't judge a whore. Don't fall in love with a dreamer. (laughing) Don't cry out loud. - Seven of the clowns. - I think there's 13 episodes. - Rodin, just keep it inside. - More than that eye, you're feeling. - Keep me at least. - Cry high and loud. Again, we've lost them all. - I know. - Baby cried the day the orgy came to town. (laughing) (laughing) - He left behind his dreams among the glitter and lube. (laughing) - Oh my god. - Oh, I have another shameful confession to make though. - No, please. - I've never vented to an IKEA. - Well, Pat's dead to us. - Well, Pat, it was fun. (laughing) - Hey, I had to visit Dallas to see an IKEA, so. - It's really not that bad. - Now, Pat's gonna tell us he's never vented to a Starbucks. - And then all you'll hear is a flat line of beep. Yeah. - I have a Starbucks card that gets automatically recharged. - At a girl. (laughing) - Pat's my hero. - I have been to Creighton Barrel many times though. - I've only been once. - Pat, what do you order at the Starbucks? - Venti decaf non-fat with whip mocha. - Ooh. - It moved a little. (laughing) - The way that just rolled off the tongue. - One more time. - One more time. - Venti non-fat decaf with whip mocha. - Slower. - Venti decaf non-fat with whip mocha. - Oh, Jesus. - With an occasional cinnamon scow. - Oh. - Do we need... Taffy needs to start sitting on a towel if she's gonna do these episodes. - Yes. (laughing) Now talk to me about brownies. - Oh, Jesus. (laughing) - Don't call people brownies. - Oh, God. (laughing) - Sorry, Christian. (laughing) - Nice. Send your letters to Rodan at Potice Bico, by the way. - You call them brownies? I didn't say anything. - Oh, my God. All right, do we wanna do a question? - Sure. - All right. And actually, we're gonna get to everybody's questions when we got this question tonight. And I think it's kind of funny because we can kind of maybe get Pat in trouble with this question 'cause he has to answer it too. - Excellent. - Okay. Here is the question. It is from Walt. - Dude, dude, dude. We all know Walt. - Hi, Walt. - Yay. - Hi, Walt. - And Walt wants to know, what do you do to purposely push your co-host buttons? And conversely, what do you think your co-host do to push your buttons? - Please let me go first. (laughing) - Okay. (laughing) Now that's her answer. - What my co-host do to push my buttons is refer to my vagina as an inanimate object. (laughing) Allah of the mid/baked upside down, butt cake made of ham, slash, melted candle with hair. Yes, that would be what my co-host do to annoy me. - We don't say it's an inanimate object. We know it has its own feelings in emotion. (laughing) As if code. - Hey. (laughing) - And me, yes, you did. - We know yours is an angry vagina. (laughing) - Mine is not angry at all. Mine is very happy with its action. - It purrs like a kitten. (laughing) - I don't think it's a vagina monologue. I think it's a whole freaking opera. - That's right. - Oh, Jesus. - Anyways, and the only thing that I do that I know annoys Taylor is when I refer to him as a girl. - That is true. - Yes, I know that that annoys him and I don't do it very often anymore because he yelled at me once. But now I like tonight when I call them the queen of gay days and then he got all snippy. See, I do try to work one in every once in a while but he talks about my vagina all the time which I wonder what Freud would say about that. - I only talk about your vagina on the show though. I don't talk about your vagina. - In life? - Well, that works well. So we're not saying to get macaroni grill and you're like, yeah, I know. (laughing) That serves you well. Boys, what are your answers? - I am gonna say you, the one thing that, are we gonna say the things that push, that I do to push your buttons first? - You can loosen up my buttons, babe. - Oh, okay, hi. (laughing) Go ahead. - So you're gonna be front and babe. Okay, I would say the one thing that I probably do that pushes both your buttons is when we're talking pre-taping and I tell you both to be quiet and save it for the show. - Yes. - Yes. - We've referred to him as Warren Beatty many times over that. - That would be the one thing that I do but that's not necessarily that I'm trying to push your buttons. It's just that I know what annoys the two of you. As far as things that you both do to push my buttons. - How long do we have? - Yeah, right. - Let's see. I would say. - We over talk one another and we interrupt. - You interrupt. - Yes. - You interrupt. You, where I'll take a and then you'll run to go pause. (laughing) So, or if you happen to know, you did it last week and I had to edit it out. - What? - When I was talking about the dreams. - Oh, if I know the answer, I'll say it. - If you know the answer, I'll say it. But I'm just do taking a pregnant pause and that would be the thing that annoys me. Rodan, God, it'd be easier to talk about what doesn't annoy me that year. (laughing) That you're not close by and that you're not here. - That is the most bullshit answer. - That's the most bullshit answer I've ever heard. Oh my Lord. - You didn't hear the end of it. - So you can slap the shit out of him. - Right. Now, I don't know what you do. Well, what do you think you do that pushes our buttons? - I don't know, really. I mean, I know that you guys don't like my stories that go on too long. But my stories go on too long because you guys interrupt me so much that I lose my train of thought. - No, trust us. That's not the reason why they go on too long. (laughing) I'm able to tell stories perfectly fine off the show. Bitches. - That's why he has so many tricks is because one story they last and then they run, run for the hills. That's why he has to find another one. This is why. - I have plenty of repeat tricks. - But you're still telling the same story when they come back. (laughing) - Pat. - He's actually just telling the story with their cock in his mouth so they don't care because all of the vibrations from his mouth is-- - Good Lord. Again, with the cock in the mouth. (laughing) - I'm Pat. - All right, Pat. - Speaking of cock in the mouth, Pat melody. Let's hear. (laughing) - Wonderful transition. - From your lips to God's ears. - All right, so what do you do to push your co-host buttons? - Well, I really only push buttons on Melanie and it's just-- - Jesus. (laughing) - Oh, video podcast. (laughing) - Oi. - I really, just writing her about not getting the episodes out in a timely fashion. - So you write her and you push her buttons. I get the feeling Melanie is a squirter. (laughing) - I don't need to know that. (laughing) - I've known her since we were in the seventh grade. - Yes. (laughing) - When God was a driver. - I don't know what that's supposed to mean. I don't know what that means either. - I don't know what that means either. - Answer responded back to that statement. - That's all right. - Let's statement. - Okay, and what do you, what do your co-host do to push your buttons? - Not get the episodes out. Not get the episodes out again. - Okay, time. - All right. - We don't do a lot of button pushing really. Well Stacey and I do a lot of talking over everybody. - I was gonna say you'd both torment Melanie. - We do. We are awful to her. But it's all part of the act. - It's all done in love. - That's right. Just because she's sitting in the corner turning a light switch on and off, listening to Madam Butterfly after every taping. - Exactly. - There's no reflection on us. - Oh my God. We must be related. (laughing) - Well, I'm in for a little incest, but whatever. (laughing) - Why go? - No, I meant me in a melody. I meant me in Melanie with the whole turning the lights on and off. That's all right. - She'd probably be in for a little incest too. - Oh, hey, there you go. We have to-- - Again, where are you staying? - I gave days? - Yes. - We are close to you. We are close to where you're staying. - Okay. - Actually very close to where you're staying. So. - We're in the same room. (laughing) - We're standing behind you right now. (laughing) - And I'm ashamed of him. Filthy, my apartment is. - We're not looking at your apartment, Patrick. - And on that note, Jesus. All right. Well, Pat, why don't you plug away all the stuff that you want to talk about, all the things that you want people to know about as far as you and your shows and all of the wonderful, interesting things that you're doing. - Don't quit your day job, dqydjpodcast.com. - Okay. If you want to see what I'm doing, petgike.com. - Excellent. - All right. We don't have you listed on our links. I will have to rectify that. That will be rectified before I lay head to pillow tonight that-- - Oh my. - You are in hell. - And then I'll tell you about it after I lay head to pillow and I roll over. And I say, I took care of the website, darling. - What's that? - And you-- - What's that lump? - Oh, that's just Babaloo. (laughing) - I'm not calling Babaloo a lump. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - All right. - Close this down, Taylor. - Yeah, okay. As always, you can go to our blog, which is potasmycopilot.com. You can email us at potasmycopilot@gmail.com.com.com. DJ, DJ, DJ. What the hell is our phone number? Call us at 206-202-5165 and be our friend on my space. No, well, you can be our friend on my space, but we won't respond. Be our friend on Facebook, which is okay, so I love potasmycopilot. By the way, the potasmycopilot page that I tried creating, I cannot leave status things on it. I don't know what the fuck I did to it, but it's aggravating me, so be all of our friends, but you'll probably get updates from, you know, about the podcast and that sort of thing from my Taylor Little Latte boy account. So I was going to get to that. Give me a second. Okay, go ahead and thank him and then I'll thank him next. - Thank you. - Thank you, Pat. - Thank you, Pat, for dealing with us. - You're all welcome, but it's been indeed an honor. - Oh, God, no it hasn't. (laughs) - And now we step it in and let's get moving. - All right, guys, everybody have a good week. We'll be back next week with episode 104. This is Taylor. - And Rodan. - And Pat. - We need a shower. - And a key. - Video podcast of either one. Showering for being at this point, I don't care. Good night, everybody. Bye-bye. Bye. - My God, what is your obsession with watching people pee, Taylor? (laughs) Not everybody, just you. (laughs) I'm backing away slowly. I'm not making eye contact. (upbeat music) - You've been listening to "Codd is My Co-Pilot" with Taylor the Latte boy, Taffy Carlisle Huffington, and Rodan. Doesn't your life seem just a little bit brighter? See you next time. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (dramatic music)