Pod Is My Copilot
PiMC: Episode 87 - Hot Snot Latte...With Nutmeg!, or The Second Annual PiMC Christmas Episode
Taffy's ready, Rodan's travelin, and Taylor is having a meltdown...yep, it's holiday time around the PiMC Studios!!!
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[SINGING] [SINGING] [SINGING] [SINGING] [SINGING] Merry Christmas, bitches. It's part of Michael Pilot episode 87. Happy holidays from Taylor the Latte boy. All our bitches. Rodin. Hello. And moi. Taffy Carlo Hoeffington. The tiny Tim apart of Michael Pilot. And guess what? Santa's coming. Oh. Oh, really? How are we doing? We're doing pretty good. Today, I feel as though I can now take a deep breath for the holidays, which makes me happy. Why do you say that? Because everything is wrapped. The bulk of the cooking has been done. The baking has been done. Now, it's kind of a heavy, sigh-type thing. So that's goodness. We were able to enjoy the last few hours of just sitting around and looking at lights and being happy and everything. The fury of the afternoon and morning is over. And today's probably my favorite day of the holiday season, because it's like the Sunday before Christmas when the house smells good. And children are laying about in their PJs. And Taylor and Babaloo came to visit us. And you know how that does. I had gifts that needed to be wrapped. Exactly. Which were done about 15 minutes after you left my house. Because God forbid I'd wrap my own gifts. Because once Taffy started something, if I were to try and take over and start wrapping gifts, that chaos would have ensued. Oh, yeah. Blame Taffy. Thank you. I don't blame her at all. I appreciate very much the fact that she wrapped the gifts. I'm sure they are lovely, just like the other gifts that I have from her are absolutely lovely. They're sitting under my tree right now. Yes. Well, you could have wrapped these. I just would have had to give you the stuff so they all matched because that would have just bothered me. Yes. And you would have looked at them and said you did it wrong. No, I would not. I was just thinking of them to you. Believe it or not, I am very anal retentive, but about wrapping that I let the girls wrap. And they put tape everywhere. And that's fine. Honestly, that does not bother me. Because it's the sheer act of just the wrapping. It's, you know, that's OK. I wrapped very few presents this year. I only wrapped actually two. And they work for complete strangers because we have a gift wrapping table at the mall for my work as a charity type thing where people can donate money if they just bring their gifts and we wrap them for them. Oh, it's OK. You can tell us if you're taking on a second job. It's OK. Yes, that's it. I'm actually gift wrapping below jobs for needy husbands. No, I did that and wrapped two presents. And then thought, you know what? I've actually got presents for my family. They need to be wrapped. So I took them to the mall like two nights later. I didn't like the way they wrapped them. But I also hate when customers say you're wrapping it wrong. So I just sort of stood there and watched them wrap it. And be like, no, I-- No, wait a minute. You took gifts that you already purchased back to the mall to be wrapped? No, I didn't buy any of them at the mall. I didn't buy a single thing at the mall this year. Cool. I thought the people who gift wrapping the mall only gift wrap things you would buy at that mall that day. No. No. Maybe if it's something sponsored by the mall, maybe. But no, this was-- we're a nonprofit. We'll wrap anything. If you give us money, again, I would have wrapped a blow job. If there was a way for me to do it, if somebody would give me $3 afterwards. And Ro Dan, guess who he saw while he was wrapping? Who? Who pray tell did you see while you were wrapping? One of the shirtless Starbucks baristas. Really? Nice. Yes, I was standing there with a group of co-workers. And he kind of walked past. And I was like, oh, there he is. I just sort of waited for him to see me. And he saw me, did the whole, hey, how's it going? And I came over and was with a group of friends and said, oh, this is the guy whose party I did the Starbucks that I made coffee for. And he had this look of panic in his eyes like, please don't tell everybody I took off my shirt at your party. Because, you know, he's DJ Jazzy Trevor. Mr. Pimpin' ain't easy. And I just was sort of like, oh, yeah. And he just got up by gifts and bring him and we'll wrap them for you. Again, I will wrap a blow job for you. I'll wrap a blow job, exactly. Then he's gonna be the title of this episode. Yeah. I'd gift wrap a blow job. That's the gift that keeps on giving, though, really. So we have all of the gifts wrapped, some of which are at Taffy's house, most of which are here. And we actually have our stocking stuffed. God bless you. Wow. Hey. Babaloo, apparently, not used to the concept of a stocking stuffer. Really? Let's not know what one is. I see stocking stuffers in the hole. I'm going to get you toothpaste and deodorant and bars of soap, or what? Well, I can say what I put in his stocking because he's probably going to hear this prior to the actual holiday. But I guess he's just not used to it. I guess, in his family, they just stuffed things with hay and green cards and you just decided that neither of those would be apropos for me, so he didn't know what to give me. Wow, so Taylor has a forged green card in his stocking. Yeah. Now it seems funny that Rodan said that, though, because Rodan, did your family put toothpaste and stuff like that and you're stocking? No, no. I know people who did that and I thought that was absolutely horrible. Why, thank you, considering that-- I was going to say, then Babaloo might be slightly disappointed, Congress is ready. So with a little less huffington, because I always buy things, the stockings are things that are like, you know, she's 16 and she still cares for the door of the explorer. So I think it's just kind of a stupid thing with her, but I got her door of the explorer, toothpaste, and the little less huffington got, you know, one of those toothbrushes that play a Jonas Brothers song while you're brushing your teeth? And pasties. OK, that is different than buying the travel size crest and the travel size-- Well, yes, I agree. No, I mean, I know for a-- OK, Babaloo, shut off this off for like the next 30 seconds. I know that he wears a particular little type of deodorant that I like when he wears it, so I got a may stick of that. And there are some other things that I know that he will enjoy. But we pretty much had to go through Target the other night. And I had to go dawking down certain aisles. I would say, you would get me Swedish fish. You could get me, you know, shaving cream. And then, of course, at one point, I said, you know, tampons. I could always use tampons for Christmas time. And of course, that was one of these where he looked at me, which just made me get louder. Of course. Yeah, I've completely embarrassed myself with him in Target numerous times over the holiday season, whether it's screaming tampons top of my lungs or deciding, I'm going to do the Beyonce single ladies dance. Oh, yay. You know, I'm telling the aisles. Why is that not a video podcast? Yeah, right? That's a great idea for 2009 when I have to happen. Hey, so I'm feeling really behind the curve, because the only thing I've bought for Christmas is Lucky's gifts. Everything else, I'm waiting until I get to Florida. Now, I have a question for you. Now, is Lucky coming to Florida with you? No. Now, you and Lucky have been together for how long now? What, a couple months? Yeah, we've been dating three months. So now, do you tell me something since I who have been out of the dating realm since God was a boy? When you're new in a relationship and it comes to the holiday season, do you say, since we've only been dating a couple months, are we going to set a limit of how much we're going to spend? Or do you say, let's just have a nice dinner and get each other something small? Or do you discuss that ahead of time? Or is it just no holds barred, do whatever the fuck you want? We did discuss it about a month ago. And on the podcast that was forgotten, apparently, from last week we talked about it, because I went a little over our budget that we were supposed to stay in. Now, that's not good, because then, see, this is not good. If you set a budget, you need to stay within your budget, because what's going to happen is, you know, if your budget's $100 and you spend $150 and he only spends $100, then he's going to feel like shit. Or if he goes over and you only spend what you're supposed to, then you're going to feel like shit. So if you make a pact, you should have agreed to it. Well, there's a lot of other-- Yeah, we're dead. There's a lot of technicalities there that kind of allow me to say, I stayed within budget. Now, see, no, no, no, no. You can't say, we're only going to spend $100. And then you buy an $800 thing that's reduced 90%. This is not-- no. This is your technicality, isn't it? It was all on sale. No, no, no, no, well. OK, so we've already exchanged gifts, so-- Oh, we're leaving. Yeah, because I'm leaving tomorrow morning at the buttcrack of dawn, maybe before. And last time was last time I was going to say-- Is there a smell at the buttcrack of dawn? Around here, there is. What is that smell? It smells like shit. I'm going to say turkey sausage. [LAUGHTER] Can I just tell you that Tank just walked in the office? Carrying hot brownies, hot Ghiradelli brownies, and put the plate in front of me. That is evil. Can I just tell you that he will be blown within the hour? [LAUGHTER] Well, now we know how long the podcast is going to take for. Anyway, I'm sorry, Rodan, as you were saying. Yeah. I forgot now I'm thinking about thanking a blowjob and warm Ghiradilla brownies. You could-- it could be like a s'more. You could put a brownie on top of the dick and a brownie on the bottom of the dick. A video podcast. And squeeze. And then, oh god, that would be awesome. A video podcast. OK. Happy holidays from Podge. [LAUGHTER] OK, so-- Go ahead, Rodan. I'm sorry. Lucky is a big Jeff Dunham fan. Bottom. Hush. We're not talking about that right now. He's a big Jeff Dunham fan, which is the comic who has the puppets. Like Avenue Q? No, well, no. Kind of. Yeah. I mean-- He's been around for years. He has the jalapeno pepper. And he has an old man puppet. And he has like a terrorist-- Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I know exactly. OK. So you would not believe this, but tickets to him he only plays arenas now. Are-- as soon as they go on sale, the whole arena is like sold out. So I decided that I was going to buy us tickets to a Jeff Dunham concert for Lucky for Christmas. And the tickets are $40 apiece if you buy them from Ticketmaster. If you buy them from StubHub, they could be any price at all, which is what I did. That is true. So I-- because I found a place in Biloxi, that's where he's going to be at the end of February. And I got us ROTEN tickets. Wow. Yes, for more than double the list price, though. Now, when is the show? February 28th. So then I decided that it would be kind of cool if we made it a weekend out of it. So I then got us hotel reservations. Fancy. At a casino resort place. And how's that get? A hooker from Biloxi. A hooker from Biloxi is-- you know, that's like saying love. You got the whole package, you got him a hotel room, dinner, dinner, and a show, and a hooker for afterwards. It's like a hickey from Kaneki when you care enough to send the very best. You pig. Hey, I love it when you talk dirty to me. Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. Go ahead, Brodan. So I mean, Biloxi is an ocean town. I don't think it's quite a city, but I really don't know. I've never been there. And you know, we built, like, a gamble. Is that, like, Chicago, a hell of a town? Biloxi, Biloxi, an ocean town. I'm sorry, go ahead. So he was so excited last night when he opened it that he actually started to well up with tears. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. That's very sweet. Yeah. So-- It's kind of sad, but that's like-- Oh, it's not that sweet. I think it's very sweet. I think it's very sweet. It's sweet. It's like when I offered that one time to not call INS on Babaloo, and his eyes love to put you in. [LAUGHTER] So-- He said it was, like, one of the nicest things-- Which reminds me, those dishes aren't going to wash themselves. He said it's the nicest thing he always ever got him. Yeah. That's sad. No, it's not. That's-- you know what? I'm kidding. I think it's-- He's young. He's young. That's very sweet. Good job. Yes. Good job. Wait a minute. I feel very proud, because I think it was the right gift for the right person at the right time, so I'm very excited. What did you get? He got me a-- he's apparently been listening, because he got me a little flip-type camera. Oh. Very nice. Yes, I know. So who's he got me a gift? So I'm really excited. So it's all charged up and ready to start taping things tomorrow. So wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait. So that means that you can do kind of like what I did last year when I went home for Christmas. Yes, I was thinking about that. I take a bunch of little segments and put them on the Facebook page. You can do that on your Facebook page. And you can put them on the Facebook group. Or you could do it on pot as my co-pilot. Well, I know that, but I did the special thing last year when-- That's right. Only they could see them first. I went home. Yeah, so that only members of the group can-- I think you should totally do that. Isn't that great how a gift from somebody else makes more work for you from me? No, I expected that, and I already told Lucky that that was the case. That's the gift that keeps on giving, so. Much like when a blowjob is gift-wrapped. Speak which I got one of those last night after we gave gifts. Yay. Well, a flip cam in a blowjob. I don't think how the holidays can get any better than that. I know. I think you won this last night, too. Sorry. But enough of that. There'll be no sex talk. It's a Christmas special. There has to be sex talk. Last year's episode was called Shoot Down My Chimney Santa. Trust me, it's-- And we've already decided this episode is going to be called to gift wrapping a blowjob. Exactly. Trust me, it's-- Where exactly do you put that bow? I can think of a few places. Wow. OK. Can I talk about last night? Is it Christmas-related? I'm speaking of it trapping a blowjob? No. Speaking of death by the Christmas lights, or almost death by the Christmas lights, right there? The video is awesome, by the way. Well, thank you very much. I posted a little mini Christmas video today on podismicopilot.com in lieu of the fact that we weren't able to get out. The previous attempt at episode 87 from last week, well, we decided last night that we were going to go look at Christmas lights and drive around some of the neighborhoods in Pinellas County. And Friday night, we had stopped by Taffy and Tangs. And they had mentioned the possibility of there being lights down at Seminole Lake. So we decided we would take a ride down there. We get dressed after I play the Simpsons on PlayStation 3 for like five hours. And so I'm all frazzled and all that sort of stuff. Bobaloo standing by the door looking at his watch, and I'm like, OK, well, let's go. So we decided we get in the car, and we start driving to the-- start driving to the lake. During the course of the drive, we are taping stuff in the podcast, and everything is funny. Ha, ha, ha. We get to about-- and for those of you who live in the area, you'll know this. There's a part on Tyrone Boulevard, right by the target, where it kind of makes a sharp turn, where the road sort of veers to the right pretty sharply. And you tend to be going pretty fast down this stretch of road. Well, during the course of talking, I'm talking with Bobaloo about something. And out of nowhere, Bobaloo screams, "Spider!" Now, Bobaloo is deathly afraid of bugs, and a spider had come down a web directly over his head and was literally about, I would say, about seven inches from his face. Now, it was kind of warm out last night, because, you know, happy holidays in Florida. So we had the air conditioning on. So as the spider started to come down, it hit the air conditioning vents. And was blowing the spider towards him. He starts flailing about just as I start to make this turn. And he's like screaming, and he's pressed up against the-- it was horrible. And I'm doing the whole thing where I'm screaming, "You can't scream! You can't scream while I'm trying to drive!" And he's like, "You have to stop. You have to stop the car. I'm in the middle of the road. There is no place for me to go." He decides he's going to grab a hold of the spider web. OK. I guess thinking that it was like a piece of chain or something, I don't know. So what happens when you grab a spider web, it breaks. The spider disappears into the dark car. Oh. So now I have to find a place where I can, you know, park the car. And of course, now I'm in the far left lane. I need to be over on the right-hand side. It was a nightmare. I finally get to a Cumberland Farms on Seminole Boulevard. I have every door open in the car. I'm looking around, trying to see if the spider's anywhere. Babaloo has, you know, excused himself to the bathroom where he-- so he can do a full body cavity search on us to make sure the spider hasn't gotten anywhere. By the time he got back to the car, I had the entire car cleaned out. I'm like, I can't find the spider. I don't know where it is. Your options are, the spider went away, and that's what we accept. Or we go home and get your car. In which case, you're still going to have to ride in the car for the next 20 minutes, to which he said, I think it's OK. And I must have stepped on it when it dropped, because he was kicking his feet and everything. And so I said, OK. So we go to Lake Seminole, and it's closed. It's closed? How dirty was your car that a full-like spider web? Because in my mind, I see this whole like-- Well, it wasn't like Charlotte's web where it spelled out Happy Holidays or anything. It was one single strand where the spider had come down, and she was riding Babaloo. She was riding some pig. It spelled out boo, which is a Babaloo, just immediately, and then he screamed, and that was the end of it. No, it was pretty. Yeah, so we get to Lake Seminole, and there's no holiday lights there. What? Well, that sucks. There was nothing there, so I said, OK, great. So then I kind of remember there's another part of town. And it's one of these now where I'm kind of half laughing, and he keeps half laughing, and then we keep going from laughing to where I'm thinking myself. We could have seriously gotten into a car accident over this. So I'm kind of mad, but I'm kind of sympathetic, and I'm kind of laughing, but I'm kind of not. And meanwhile, again, I've also been playing Simpsons for five hours, so I'm still all kind of wired from that, and Lake Seminole's not there. We try and go to another neighborhood. There's nothing there. So I said, OK, we're going to go down to this obnoxious house down in St. Petersburg. But first, we're going to go home, and we're going to drive home, and we're going to sit in the house for about five minutes. And we're going to pretend that the last 45 minutes never happened, because I was in such a pissed off mood at this point that I said, there's just-- I just need to not, you know. You just need to refocus. Yes, we needed to refocus. We went home. He let the dogs out. I checked to make sure that I got the correct address, because there are certain parts of South St. Pete that you don't necessarily want to be driving around at night, and leave the Christmas lights. And we found it, and we had a wonderful time, and we videotaped the whole thing. And we actually went to downtown St. Pete, and there was tons of stuff going on down there as well. And then we drove around Old Northeast, and he had never been to Snell Isle before. So we went and drove around Snell Isle and looked at all the big mansions with all their Christmas lights, which was a lot of fun. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, so we ended up having a really nice night of it. Listening to Christmas music, I've decided I hate Amy Grant. Oh, my God. I could go the rest of my life without hearing another Amy Grant song. ♪ It's the most I know ♪ ♪ It's the most I know ♪ Yeah. ♪ Mr. Santa, bring me some toys ♪ Yeah, I wanted to kill myself. Yeah, that would have done it for me. Yeah. That's, no. There's a lot of songs this year I'm ready to kill myself over that frickin' bells will be right. Oh, my God. There's a radio station here that plays every four songs. The Christmas shoe song, I swear to you, I want to kill myself. Christmas shoes. It's not even, you know what? I must have a heart of stone because I realize I'm supposed to be sad and it's supposed to be, you know, all dreary and you're supposed to make you cry and long for a simpler time and all this other bullshit. It just annoys the hell out of me. You know about- We talked about the Christmas shoes last year, Rodin. We did, really? Yeah, we talked about it in the show. It's the show, it's the show. It's the song about the guy who's standing in the line at Christmas and there's a little boy in front of him who doesn't have, and I have one more show, who doesn't have enough money for the shoes, but he needs to get the shoes because his mom's getting ready to go meet Jesus. So he needs to buy her shoes for Christmas and it brings a tear to the guy's eyes so he pays for the guy's shoes and apparently the mother dies. I literally text, I literally text Lollipop and the text message just said, "If Daddy says there's not much time, I can meet Jesus in slippers. Don't worry about buying me Christmas shoes." Which made her laugh hysterically because it's just the most ridiculous song ever. I'm sorry, but I'm sorry. It's just ridiculous. No. We actually got an email from Luke, Mr. Luke Miller. And I'm actually, we're going to do a voicemail show beginning in early 2009, but I am going to actually put this one voicemail in and he is asking us for some recommendations. Oh. - Well, hello, lovers. This is Luke from California. I was just calling because I just got finished with the last episode with Pat from Don't Quit Your Day job and it is inspired me to actually go listen to the podcast. I've heard a lot about it, but I haven't listened to it. I just wanted to say that it really made me realize how much I miss Taffy when she's not on the show. I love some Taffy. Like get a big gob of it in my mouth and just go to town. Anyway, my question for you guys is, as the holiday season is ramping up and, you know, Taylor just got his tree up and Taffy's the decorator in her house, I wanted to ask what kind of music do you guys like to listen to during the holidays? I've gotten very little myself. I've got some really good Michael Buble. I've got some weird modern stuff. I've got some amazing Bing Crosby classic holiday music, but I'm kind of trying to get some more variety in my Christmas music collections. So what do you guys want to do during the holidays? What's kind of the get in the mood for the holiday morning? You know, hear it on the radio just kind of, you know, really nice, like, oh, Christmas mood. So I think that's about it. Hope you guys are having a fantastic day. Bye. - Well, I would have to say some classics in my personal repertoire would have to be the original Nat King whole Christmas album would be one that when we were driving around last night, I actually said to Babaloo in the car, why don't they make music like this anymore? All music should be like this, except for Madonna remixes, but everything should be like Nat King whole Christmas album. - Well, I can go along with that. I'm a big fan of new stuff. I like Chris Bodie's Christmas album December. It's really, really good. - That's a great one. - Yeah, I like that. But me personally, I'm a big Andy Williams. You know, I like Louis Armstrong, Andy Williams. I like the old stuff. You know, Michael Buble. He's another one. He has a great new album. I think it, what does it let it snow? You know, it's, you know, Sarah McLaughlin. They all have very good, Tony Bennett has a great one, but, you know, I'm a sappy Christmas. I like to listen to sappy Christmas music, you know, Burlives, you know, the carpenters. I like one, one that will, you know, and actually if memory serves correctly, when we were shopping, Taffy and I both looked at each other and said, turn it off, turn it off. The John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album. - No, no, no. Negative. - Yeah, Rolf, the dog singing, have you something right? - No, I will tell myself. - Oh God, I'm tearing up just thinking about it. It kills me every time I listen to it. It absolutely kills me every time I listen to it. But it is, it's, have yourself a merry little Christmas. I said it last year during our show, one of my favorite Christmas songs. - You know, another really good song is Fiona Apple's version of "Frosty the Snowman." - I, you played that for me for the first time the other day, and I have to admit, I have heard it four million times since then. Of course, I think they've all been at your house, but that's not the point. I've heard it a million times since I listened to it at your house, and it is actually a really good version considering she's, you know, gross, gross, she is. And the best version of "Olden Zine" ever, Chris Isaac. Oh my God. His voice makes me want to just touch myself. And it is a great, it is a great version of "Olden Zine." I love, I love his voice, he's amazing. Also, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. They do a jingle bells. That's a really, it's really cool. It's really jazzy. In fact, you should use that as our music once, 'cause it's really good. - I like the "Baronick It Ladies." The "Baronick It Ladies" Christmas CD is actually a really good CD. - Rodin, what about you? If you don't jump in, what do you say? - Did you guys lost me at Christmas albums? - You don't own Christmas music? - I mean, I have some, I don't have any that I got in the divorce, but I didn't buy any before my last relationship. - Oh, when you come down next week, you will go home with Christmas music. That is a sin. - Steve Terrell, he has great stuff. You would like him. Even Madonna has a Christmas song. Jesus, Santa Baby. - Oh, that's a horrible version of that song. - I realized that, because Julie London has great Christmas, too. See, man, yeah, we have to make, we have to make, totally make him a baby. - Yeah, I'm not a connoisseur of Christmas music. - Well, you don't have to be, you just have to know one or two songs that you like in "Chants Star" between Taffy and I, we've got it. - We can come up with them. - We've got a version of it. - The "Bird and the Bee," their version of "Carol of the Bells," the best. - Yeah. - Actually, on the "Sex and the City" soundtrack, there's a version of "Alleg Zine," "Alleg Zine," that is really good. - Yeah, I do really like that from the "Sex and the City" soundtrack. - Yeah, that's a good one. And I hate to admit it, I love the Celine Dion Christmas CD. - I only have one Celine Dion, and that's her "O Holy Night." - That's a great one. That's a drag queen "O Holy Night." - And I just got the free download on iTunes, which was some Enya song, it's really good. - Yeah. - As opposed to the Faith Hill "O Holy Night." - Yeah, which I did, so you did listen to it? - Oh, yeah. - That's about as flat as you can possibly get. - It reminds me of your version of "Susi Ormans," her singing "O Holy Night." That's what I kept thinking of every time I listened to it. Oh, "O Holy Night," "The Stars," are probably shiny. - Hi, "Hang." (laughing) - It's horrible, it's horrible. - Now, are either one of you a fan of the eggnog? - No. - Babaloo loves the eggnog. - Of course he does. - He's hitting it every night. - Pretty much. I didn't, wasn't aware we were calling my ass eggnog, but okay. (laughing) - He's wiping that it, nevermind, I can't even go there in my own room. - Eggnog, to me, is a consistency of snot. I just can't drink it. - Yeah, I mean, I've had it, but I just, I'm not, I'm not a fan. - Not a fan. - Not a fan of the nog? - No. - No. - I agree. - Yeah. - When they do the eggnog frappuccinos, at Starbucks a couple years ago, yeah, they were, that was like drinking a hot snot. (laughing) - Hot snotty. - With nutmeg. (laughing) - Hot snotty. - Hot snotty, that's awesome. Hot snotty, that's the, hot snotty might actually be the title for a- - Wait a, hot snotty with nutmeg. - With nutmeg. - And peppermint steak. - Ooh. - Okay, actually, all right, can I, I have been teasing Taffy with a story. - Yes, please, please. - Oh yeah. - All week. And it's Christmas-related, it's definitely Christmas-related. You have to go with me here on this one. And it involves Starbucks. So I figure this is a good segue into this. - Okay. - I may have had a meltdown at Starbucks this week. - What? - Yeah. - You held on to this all week. I've seen you every frickin' day, are you kidding me? - Oh wait, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, remember the day that I was talking to you on the phone and I was all stressed out and I only had like 35 minutes? So I said, I'm just gonna go into Starbucks and I'm just gonna work on some notes for a little while. - Yes. - And then I have to go to my appointment. - Yes. - So I got to go into Starbucks and it was like- - Which one? - It was like close to my house. - It doesn't matter which one. It doesn't matter which one. I went into the Starbucks and it was about quarter to four. And it was salmon in there. There was not a seat to be had with the exception of one of those little tiny beaster tables inside. So I was like, I'm not even gonna get a drink. I'm just gonna go in, start working on my notes. That's fine. Now at the table next to me, there was two women. Let me paint the picture for you. Both in their late 40s to early 50s. - Christmas weathers? - No. Tennis skirts. - Oh. - The athletic jackets with the stripes down, you know like the Adidas, like you know, track jackets sort of thing. They're sensible bob hair cuts that they got in 1997 and they just love them no matter what. They just occasionally change the color of the highlights. You know, that sort of thing. No, cause you get, you change your hair in different ways. So I'm not talking about you. - Okay. - Okay. And you know, sandals. So they're sitting down at the table next to me and they've got their lattes and they are surrounded by shopping bags with wrapped presents of them. - Okay. - Okay. So they both sit down or they're both sitting there as I sit down and I'm opening up my computer and all that sort of stuff. And this is pretty much the first 45 seconds. I'll do the first like minute or so. We need to do this more often. Oh my God, you're totally right. We totally need to do this. Well, shall we begin? Shall we open our gifts? I think that would be lovely. All right, you go first. Open your present. Where did you, oh my, where did you get this? I saw it. Remember that day we were at Macy's and you saw it? I knew I had to get it for you. I knew you loved it so much. I got one for Joanne. I got one for Mariel. Oh my God, this is gonna be so beautiful. All right, you open one now too. Next up girl, open your present. Oh my God, where did you get this? Oh, I just think this is the greatest thing I can't believe you got this for me. Oh, this is so wonderful. Oh my God, oh my God. Oh my God, just increasingly louder with every present. Now people are starting to look at one another people. I mean, it was ridiculous. So now I am doing the thing that Taffy will understand exactly what I'm talking about. I did the thing that Lollipop does when she is stressed out where now I have my back to them. And I did the thing where I put my head down and I pressed the bridge of my nose, right where my eyes are, like where you would put your brush your glasses, 'cause I was stressed out. And I said under my breath, oh my God, shut up. And that's when I noticed they stopped talking. And I hear, excuse me, what did you just say? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I sit there for a second and I think to myself, there are times in a man's life when he has to make a decision. So I had my name badge on, I took my name badge and I stuffed my name badge in the front of my shirt. So that way they couldn't see my name, they couldn't see where I worked. And I turned around and I said, I said, shut up. Well, how dare you? I said, lady, I came in here to get some notes done. I'm just trying to get some things done. And the two of you are just yacking and yacking and getting louder and louder. I said, the two of you are ridiculous. We get it, you like your gifts. We get that you got one for Joanne, we get that you got one for Mary Ellen. The rest of us don't need to know about it. Well sir, this is a public place. I'm aware it's a public place. Everybody here knows it's a public place. If you weren't paying more attention to the fact that it was a public place, you would see the eye rolling and the heavy size that everybody's doing around you. The two of you are making complete fools of yourself. Now I am staying relatively calm during this. And but it's one of these where these people, these two women are just staring at me. Well, who do you think you are? I said, lady, I don't give a shit. And for some reason, this came out of my mouth where I said, it's clear the two of you really hate each other. Two of you, the one that was sitting behind the other one, stop for a second, look to the back of the other one's head for like a split second and then look back at me. (laughing) No. To which the other one said, well, this is ridiculous. Our day has been ruined. We'll just go someplace else. Come on. And they both got up. Three people clapped. Nice. I am so sad I was bad there. I am so sad I was bad there. I just had enough. I just had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I'm very proud of you. So, as I got up, somebody was like, I can't believe you said that. I said, I couldn't take it anymore and I walked out. How many times have you and I been at Starbucks? And obviously, you and I talk about stuff that's ridiculous. But we, I mean, even on our normal day life, we have a tendency to where we can talk kind of like this over the side of our mouth, you know what I mean? But we have sat and two tables behind us or two booths behind us will look at each other and go, is it just me or can you hear his entire conversation with, and we will then repeat verbatim back and forth. Well, apparently he had a bad day at work because, and it blows our minds how loud people can talk in a restaurant or in Starbucks when we know that he and I are loud. But we, and we try to tone it down, especially 'cause usually we're talking about things like, you know, bukkake. But it blows my mind. We have been in more than one restaurant. - Or the horse you tables over. - Exactly, but it blows my mind that these people who are sitting in restaurants don't realize that every single living person doesn't give a shit about what you're doing. They give a shit about what you and I are doing. - Exactly, 'cause we're the most important people there. - Well, that's true. But no, that's, I'm very proud of you. - So, yeah, it was one of those words. I was just like, I had had enough. I had had a rough day, and you know, surprisingly, I felt much better at work. - That made you feel a little better, really. That's cool. - So, I've ruined some horrible woman's day. - But you know what, you've given them, you've given them a story that they will tell for 10 years. - I don't think so, but okay. - Oh no, don't bitch about it for 10 years. - Oh yeah, no, don't bitch about it. Remember that time we were in Starbucks? - And our holiday was ruined. - Ruined, I tell you. - By the gays. - By the gays, by the gays. They don't understand, it's a Christian holiday. They don't get just because they see it's all glitter and fairies. They think it's their holiday, but it's not. It's the Christian's holiday. - Because I am filled with Christ, though. - I was there that day with the, what was that bitch's name? I hated her. It was her name. I don't know. She slept with my husband. She was a cunt. Anyway. (laughing) - Oh my God. - Happy holidays, from my family, from my family. - So, Rodianne, when are you coming into town? When will you be in our neck of the woods? - Like I said, I'm leaving tomorrow, and then I'm spending Tuesday through Christmas with my parents, or with my mom, and my brothers. And then Friday, I think I'm coming down to the St. Pete. - So, will I get to see you this weekend? Or will you just be spreading the love around the latte Baba Blue House? (laughing) - No, we've all had our shots. He won't be spreading anything. - Oh, wow. - Now, who's gonna be watching your puppy? - He's coming with me. - Oh. - Yeah, just like last year or so, he has taken the ride with me. So, hopefully he doesn't get too sick. I'm drugging him, though. So, we'll see how that goes. - I'm looking forward to seeing him. He's a good little puppy. - Yeah, I have a couple of pictures, because Lucky and Professor Dr. Scott both got him Christmas presents, to which he is in love with. He has this bone that's like 15 inches long. And he just walks around the house. - God bless ya. - I know, right? He just walks around the house. - I'm proud I hear so does Lucky. (laughing) - Wow. - So, yeah, so-- - Apparently, Rodan is Lucky then. (laughing) - Yeah. - One of those tennis ring donut things. - Oh, yeah. - So, and he just loves that. Yeah, yeah. - Excellent. Well, I'm looking forward to you coming down. - Yay! - I'm really looking forward to it. I am very excited to be leaving this weather. Even though it's fricking Christmas time, it was 79 yesterday and it is 26 now. - Jesus! - Well, let me tell you something. On our five day forecast, Thursday, Christmas day, the highest 80 degrees, the lowest 61. - Yeah. - That's disgusting. It's, now it's snowed in Las Vegas this week. Is there no hope that there's a chance we can have some major shift? I doubt it, but, you know-- - It was the end of time, but-- (laughing) - By the way, speaking of which, we saw all the day the Earth stood still last night. - How was it? - It was okay. It was okay. I mean, the book was better. And for me to say that, it was so funny 'cause we're sitting there and the movie's getting ready to start. Tanklings over and he goes, you do know what this movie's about. And I said, yeah. I said, you know, aliens come, trying to take over Earth. We're not taking care of the planet. He goes, I'm very impressed. I said, well, I read the book in like, you know, sophomore year and he's like, oh, okay. Then a few seconds later, something comes on the screen and it says, "Music by Tyler Bates." And he goes, oh, that's, I said, yeah, this guy did the music from 300. He goes, I am totally gonna eat you out tonight. I was like, what? I'm sitting in the middle of a lovely, lovely evening and he goes. - Pretty school. - We're sitting in pretty school. We're sitting in church. We're sitting in Sunday school actually. - We're sitting in midnight mass. I may go to midnight mass this year. - I know, I think that's a great idea. - Yeah. I'm gonna be by myself for Christmas Eve this year. So I'm thinking I might actually do something that I've always talked about doing and that's good a midnight mass. But I think we all know that I'm completely kidding myself and I'll be in my underwear playing guitar hero at midnight mass. - Exactly. I think it would be good for you to go to midnight mass though. I do. - So you could absolve your sins? - Yeah. Yeah. That's because they like that scene in the devil's advocate where he puts his fingers in the holy water and it starts boiling. That would be me. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, I think it'll be interesting waking up Christmas morning and being by myself. But I'll be meeting up with Babaloo later on in the day. He's going to Miami and he's leaving Christmas morning and he's going to be meeting up with me and then we're gonna be going to the widow Carlisle's house with the Huffington's and then we're going to have a romantic dinner, romantic dinner. We're going to have a romantic evening under the tree. - Yeah. - Where it's been reported apparently that I will be topped. - You'll be sodomized under the tree. - I'm going to be sodomized under the Christmas tree. - Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas. - Remember to draw the curtains, please. - Yeah. Well, we'll be under the tree. So just people will wonder what's going on when the tree's bouncing back and forth, that'll be. - Again, Santa's coming. - Right. He was caught with his tensile around his knees. - They were both high. They were smoking everything but their shoes. - Oh Lord. - I don't know if I mentioned this last year and I wasn't sure if I mentioned it or not, but I'm going to mention it again because again, they are using the exact same advertisement which I don't understand. The Golden Diamond source. Did I mention this last year? - No. - The Golden Diamond source, I think, is a local thing you're going to need to be. - Okay, well, it's a local big chain commodity, jewelry, diamonds, you know, that's 14 times the price of a normal jewelry store, but whatever. But apparently, you know, a ton of people go there. Their campaign slogan for this holiday season is even the tree will drop its skirt. - Yes, yes. I do remember that. - I just remember this last year. - Okay, I wasn't sure because I saw it again this year. It's on a billboard on US 19, which is a major thoroughfare through this area. Even the tree will drop its skirt. I can't talk about it. - Well, at least that's better than he went to Jared. - Oh my God, I hate those words. - I hate those words. - The text messaging, roses, French restaurant. Jared, does he have brothers? Oh my God, if that is how ridiculous the women in real life are, then someone needs to punch them in the face. I'm sorry. - We hereby advise my co-paraly to not condone domestic abuse. (laughing) - We're gonna be supported. - But apparently for Christmas this year, Lollipop is getting married. We run away on this, but apparently it's true. (laughing) Yes, because her boyfriend has contacted the widow Carlisle who is a jeweler for her Christmas gift. - Oh. - And I've already made it very, very clear. There will be no promise pre-engagement, pre-engagement, friendship, or anything else that is gold and round that comes into this house. You need to accept it and move on with your life because it's not an option. So I have confirmation from the widow Carlisle that in fact it is not a ring, nor is it anything that she can wear on her hand. And I said, well, that is-- - It's jewelry for her clitoris. - It is a clitoral piercing, exactly. - He ordered it. - Taint just gave me a dirty look. (laughing) No, so. - Shaped like the Christmas doll. (laughing) - It's shaped, he is Catholic, so maybe it's a sale. - From the area and then that way, much like the wise men did, he owes to always go north. - Go north towards the side. (laughing) Yeah, I would be careful with that whole, you know, women should be punched in the face, comma, you just made a few minutes ago sitting next to Tank as you're talking about this. - Exactly, yes. Well, we're not in Kentucky, it's not allowed there, I think. I think it's not allowed there. - I think you're probably right. - Well. What are we doing for New Year's? What's our plan, not necessarily for New Year's, but I guess we could talk about New Year's. - Well, I think our plan for New Year's is that we will be dining at Shea Cucast. - Yes. - Oh, nice. - That's what we're meeting up with. - Cucast boys for, for, for. - For merriment. - It's been requested that I bring Guitar Hero. I talk to Michael today. - Well, excellent. - So we'll be playing Guitar Hero and rocking out. - Very cool. - I think that's an excellent idea. - Yeah, Rodan. - Lucky and I are going to Laffa yet with a bunch of his friends. - Lola. (laughing) - No, the actual city of Laffa yet, or town, or whatever the hell it is. And there's some bar there that we're going to or something. Should be fun. - And how far is Laffa yet from you? - I'm totally expecting to see a bunch of drunk cowboys making out, but that probably won't be really happening. - Ring of the flip camera. (laughing) - No, shit. - Excellent. - Well, how far is Laffa yet from you? - I think it's like four and a half hours or some crap. The Louisiana is full of the small towns. - Well, that's okay. Small towns have a lovely, lovely appeal to me, so I care for that very much. I don't think Laffa yet is a small town, though, is it? - It's not that bad, but, you know, in Florida sizing, it's really small. For Louisiana, it's a mid-sized city. (laughing) - They have the Cajun and Creole Festival, I'm sure. (laughing) - I'm sure. - Excellent. - That's quite fun. - And thinking back to the year 2008 in review, is there a favorite podcasting moment for both of you? - Goatee. - Oh, yeah, that was a good one. - Goatee makes me giggle whenever I think about it. (laughing) - The act or-- (laughing) - Goatee made it on the podcast. - Goatee, goatee, and when you laughed during the whole Klondike Blumkin episode. (laughing) Yeah, that, those two, probably those two moments. I don't know. - Those are pretty good. - I think just because, and it's hard to believe it was this year, the weight loss video, releasing that, that was a big deal to me personally, so that was, you know, that would be one of the things I can think I can remember the most of, was just, you know, everybody sending me lovely things and things like that. - How about you, Ronan? - I would say, even though it wasn't a podcast, per se, it was the whole, well, I guess a video podcast, the whole gay days thing. - Oh God, yes. - That was a really good time. That was probably the best. - Yeah, that was, that was, I watched that today for the first time in months when I went back and we all listened to our last Christmas episode to make sure we didn't repeat ourselves. And I was going through and looking at them and like, wow, I haven't watched this gay days video in forever and it's just amazing all the people that we met for the first time. - I know. - That was a wonderful weekend. And apparently this year is gonna be even bigger. There's a lot of other people coming. - All right. - Including. Supposedly they don't quit your day job people are gonna come this year. - Nice. - Well, I would, as I said before, I would definitely say the gay days video and I think just the fact this is the first year that we all showed our faces after a year. - Yeah. - We all showed our faces and I think that the fact that we became more where we got, I feel like we became more, not of a community. That's not the right word, but we got more regular listeners, we became more, I think, involved in the podcasting community than we had in years past. - We became more connected. - We became more connected. - It's like a podcasting mob. - It's a clusterfuck, if you will. (laughing) - Well, that would be one way to describe, I think the group, lovingly, of course. - Of course. - You know, a big clusterfuck. But I think that we are gonna have really big things planned for 2009. I know that we do and hopefully you know, you guys will all be there to listen to us. - So do you might have any New Year's resolutions? - I want to get skinny. (laughing) - Skinny. - You don't want to get skinny, you want to get healthy. - Yeah. - Or do you actually just want to get skinny? - I would like to be able to see my penis on a regular basis. So I'm going to say skinny at this point. - For every 10 pounds you lose, you gain a half an inch, or length, you know this. - Well, then apparently I'll be gaining 14 inches by the end of the year. (laughing) - How about you, Rodan? - Oh, I think just to keep losing weight, to do on this path. And to survive this whole next year, 'cause this is gonna be crazy busy. - Yeah, I want to, I am thinking actually about taking some time off from work the first couple of weeks of the year, and just sort of assessing what I want to do. I think my time at my current job is starting to come to a close. - Yeah. - It's time for me to start thinking about, you know, I mean, in this, in this, today's day and age, the idea of leaving your job is a very scary concept, but maybe thinking about the future and thinking what my plans are once the economy strains out a little bit, and... - Private practice? - Well, maybe. - Maybe. - I was gonna say you're gonna start a show. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Spin off. - Spin off. - Aren't we already one? - Oh. - We are not a spin off. God damn it. According to Michael. - We're not. What's your resolutions, Taffy? - Probably to maintain the weight loss that I have gotten. Well, right now it's to be able to have the gift of walking. - Oh, yeah. - That would really be... - Yes, that would be. - My new resolution would be the ability to stand, but I don't know what my resolution is. - You've had that issue in years past after an evening with Tank, though, so. - That's the ability to walk. Believe it or not, my resolution this year is one that would just further my OCD because now that I have been sitting for a month and assessing the cleanliness of my house from three feet down, I'm making lists of things that once I have the ability to actually get out of the chair and get on my hands and knees and clean things, various different things are going to be completely and utterly changed and shifted and organized. I'm going to systematically do it room by room. Yeah. It might take me the whole fucking year, but it's gonna get done. (laughing) - If anybody can do it, we know you can. - Yes. - Well, let's wrap it up. - Alrighty. - Let's wrap it up. We've been talking for quite a while now and I want to edit this so that we can get it out so that people traveling this week can have it with them when they're in their airport or they're in the car or whatever you may have. Let's go through the housekeeping stuff and then we'll wish everybody a Merry Christmas if that's okay with the two of you. - And be careful if you're traveling. Be careful and be safe. - Yes, yes. As always, you can go to our blog, which is podismicopilot.com. You can email us at podismicopilot@gmail.com. Call us at 206-202-5165. We will do a voicemail show in 2009. - At some point. - Swear to God, we will. You can be our friend on MySpace, which is MySpace.com/podismicopilot or join our Facebook group, which is okay so. I love podismicopilot. - And Taylor has promised me he's going to teach me how to work Facebook in 2009. That will be my resolution to actually check my Facebook and to know what I'm doing on it. - There you go. That's a good resolution. - Yeah. - That's a easy resolution. That's a resolution you can knock out in an afternoon until you get sucked into the Facebook wormhole, in which case then, that whole cleaning, the rest of the house never going to happen. (laughing) All right guys, well, I want to thank everybody for a wonderful 2008 and on behalf of Taffy and Rodan, want to wish everybody a very Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, festive yule. - Happy December 25th. How's that? - Happy Holidays. We should just leave it at Happy Holidays. And as Taffy said before, all of you who are going to be out there on the road, including our co-host, please be safe. You know, get to wherever you need to get safely and with love and happiness in your heart. - Oh, okay. (laughing) - You even got through that without going. - I know, I can't believe that. - I genuinely kind of meant that. It just sounded shitty, I don't know. Anyway, Merry Christmas, everybody. And Pot is My Co-Pilot, we'll be back in early January, 2009. So on behalf of the Pot is My Co-Pilot crew, this is Taylor. - And Taffy. - And we're Dan. - Happy Holidays, everybody. Bye-bye. - Bye-bye. ♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪ ♪ Let your heart be light ♪ ♪ From now on our troubles will be out of sight ♪ ♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪ ♪ Make the you'll tide gay ♪ ♪ From now on our troubles will be miles away ♪ ♪ Here we were as an old days ♪ ♪ Happy cool days of your ♪ ♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪ ♪ Gather near to us once more ♪ ♪ Let's face ♪ ♪ Through the years we all will be together ♪ ♪ If the faith's allowed ♪ ♪ Hang a shining star upon the highest bow ♪ ♪ And have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪ ♪ Now ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ (gentle music) (bell dings) (bell dings) (bell dings) (bell dings) (bell dings) [ Silence ]