Creative Pep Talk
006 - Haters Kill Your Destiny
(upbeat music) Hey y'all, just a quick heads up. The episode you're about to listen to is eight to 10 years old. Now, these episodes were intended to be evergreen, and I still believe there's a lot of good information in these early episodes, but I do wanna let you know that some of my ideas have evolved over time. Times have changed since we made these episodes, and ultimately, I'd like to think I've grown a lot as an artist and a human, and that these don't necessarily represent my best work, or the best of the podcast. If you're new around here, I suggest starting with the most recent episode, or at least go back to around 300, and move forward from there. Enjoy the episode. (soft music) Hey guys, it's the Creative PEP Talk Podcast, and this is Andy J. Miller, this is my podcast. And the purpose of it is to give you a short and sweet little PEP for you creative folk out there. I feel like that pursuing a creative career is a series of struggles. And I don't mean that, you know, for full disclosure, currently, thank God, I'm doing pretty well. My, as far as the work coming in, I've got good jobs coming in, my finances are pretty good. You know, I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but, you know, I'm not struggling financially. You know, that's not the struggle that I'm talking about. The struggle I'm talking about is that, you know, that creativity in general is a topic of struggle, of discomfort, of pushing forward in growth, in growth. You never grow from, you rarely grow from the pleasurable experiences. And so I personally feel like the creative people that I know have creative struggles, personal struggles, emotional struggles, all wrapped up into one kind of package. And that's what a big part of this show is about. It's hopefully encouraging you to spur on but then also, I wanna make this show about breakthrough. For me, I'm just a passionate obsessor over breakthroughs in my own life, in my own creative endeavors and my work. And then also helping be a catalyst of breakthrough for other people. That, there's not much in the world that I like more than to help someone to have some kind of breakthrough. And I love to just reflect information back. I love to think over the issues that creative professionals face and try to get to the bottom of things and articulate things in a way that hopefully creates small breakthroughs mentally. And when you understand things a little bit clearer and you gain a little bit of clarity in your own path, I think that enables breakthroughs to happen. And so that's kind of what this show is about. And I'm gonna keep trying to deliver it to you a few times a week just to get you through the week and help you just always feel like you've got momentum building in your creative pursuit, which I think is a big deal to enjoying your career as well as just keep going. So today, what I wanna talk about was how haters kill your destiny. And I have personal experience with this and there's, I have a lot of thoughts on this, but I'm gonna start with kind of a story. So when I was a kid, we moved around a lot and I moved from Indiana to Western New York like an hour south of Buffalo when I was about 12, I was going into middle school. I'd actually already started middle school. And we went into a place called Jamestown, New York. And I started at a small school and things were going all right. The first month, I felt like, I think small environments feel more natural to me anyway, but people, I think when you have a small school, there's less clicks, people are more friendly and more than anything, they were just interested in this kid that came from somewhere they didn't know anything about. And I made some friends pretty quickly, but shortly after arriving, I had this weird mix up and the truth is I don't exactly know what happened, but I will, but I am very suspicious that what happened was not intentional. So it's hard to even explain how this happened, but some chain of events led to becoming boyfriend, girlfriend with the most popular girl in my grade. And I'm pretty certain that she didn't actually want to ask me out. But somehow that happened and she was too nice to kind of say, actually I didn't mean to ask you out. I don't know, I don't really know exactly how it happened. It was kind of complex, but that serendipitous moment actually instantly supercharged my popularity and I became really popular and that continued for the three years that I lived there. And I think when you're a teenager, affirmation is like the most intense drug. And then I think personally I feel like just growing up without my mom present, she kind of split the scene when I was young and I think I was just really hungry for that affirmation. You know, even just from a young age. And I think, so anyway, I was just really popular, you know, when I was in middle school. But then we moved back to Indiana to a place called Columbus, Indiana. And we moved to a bigger school and I remember the first day and I didn't even start with, it was freshman year but it was a few months into freshman year. So all the clicks had already been made and I think it was like October. And I remember eating lunch by myself, by myself, the first couple days and it was just the worst feeling in the world. I was so depressed. I'd moved from where I felt like King to being the bottom of the totem pole. And you know, I really feel like that through these experiences that I learned some wisdom that I've carried along and it's stuff I still forget. But I try to remember. And so being at the bottom felt so terrible and I so desperately wanted that affirmation that I just, the only thing I knew was that if I was popular, I would have that thing back. And you know, I think it's such an embarrassing story to tell but I feel like there's wisdom in it and there's something to share. And even if, even if there's not, maybe it's just therapeutic to kind of share the story. So I was really depressed really. And for the first, you know, for freshman sophomore, junior year, I tried to be popular basically, which is so dumb and obviously trying to be cool never works. And I manage. - I'm a believer in the idea of dressing for the job you want, not the job you have. And I have applied this to my creative practice too, which means if you want professional results, you need to present online like a pro. And that means going beyond social media and having a professional website that reflects your style and looks legit. I rebuilt my site this year with Squarespace's Fluid Engine and was so happy with how easily I could build my vision without coding that when they approached me to support the show, I jumped at the chance because I love and use this product. So go check it out squarespace.com/peptalk to test it out for yourself. And when you're ready to launch your site, use promo code PEPTALK, all one word, all caps for 10% off your first purchase. Thanks goes out to Squarespace for supporting the show and supporting creators all over the world. Hey, in case you don't know, we have a monthly live virtual meetup every last Monday of the month with supporters of the show from Patreon and Substack. We have so much fun on these calls and they are the warmest, most encouraging creatives that I have ever met. And we also talk real creative practice stuff. We have authors, illustrators, lettering artists, picture bookmakers, fine artists, musicians, and folks that work in video and film as well. And we have people that are just starting out, people super established in their creative careers and everything in between. For the rest of this year, we're gonna chat through our new journey of the true fan series, exploring questions and ways to apply these ideas to your own creative practice so that you can leave 2024 stronger than you came in with more visibility, connection with your audience and sales. Sign up to whichever suits you best at either patreon.com/creativepeptalk or antijpizza.substack.com. And I hope to see you at this month's meetup. - It's to kind of weasel my way into the popular group but I don't think any of them actually liked me. And I didn't really like them, not to diss them. If you're listening to this somehow, no offense but we just didn't have any chemistry. We didn't, we just clearly weren't the types of people that mixed very well. And so even by the time I'd kind of weasel my way in there, I just felt miserable. I wasn't connecting with these people. I didn't feel close to them. I feel like they didn't understand me and I didn't understand them. And the whole time I was actually working at a movie theater and there was a lot of people there that didn't go to my school who showed interest in being my friend and me being totally blinded by this ridiculous ambition, just didn't really give them time of day. And it wasn't until like the end of junior year that I just had completely been fed up with all this pursuit and I just gave up. And it was probably the best, you know, I definitely think that was like 2004. So many things changed during that time. And I, you know, I started just hanging out with my movie theater friends and a few friends from church and those relationships actually continue to today. They're my first real meaningful kind of friendships as a young adult. And I learned something from that about affirmation and about, you know, when I'd quit worrying about what people think, people that I didn't necessarily like, that I didn't really, you know, I wasn't seeking their affirmation for who they were as people in their merit. I was seeking it based on just this intangible feeling that was no good. It wasn't worthwhile. And I actually think that there's something to glean from this when it comes to creative careers and pursuits. But before I get to that, let me put a pin in that and I'll come back and then I'll just talk about Drake for a minute. (laughs) I'm not God and I don't claim to know what Drake's destiny is, but I do have some thoughts and, you know, I could be completely wrong but just as an example, if you look at Drake, I feel like he's someone who has been hated on by his community in such a strong way. And in my mind, it seems like he makes a lot of decisions based on these critiques. And so when it comes to, whenever you get, if you look at an industry as a whole, you're always gonna have things that are sexier and more appealing and cooler and things that are less so. And the things that are less so, people go out of their way to diminish them and sometimes these things that are less cool are actually more successful or they're, you know, they're for a wider group of people. And so I think when you look at hip hop, it's, you can see that I love using hip hop as my examples because I'm guessing a lot of you guys don't actually listen to hip hop. And I don't listen to it very much either, but it's kind of what I grew up on. And so maybe that's what I like to use it as an example. But if you look at hip hop, when it comes to that crowd, to me it seems like the people that are most celebrated as the coolest of the cool, are the people that are the most hardcore when it comes to pure, unadulterated rap. And I think people like Drake, who are known as like Emo, R&B, rap, get a lot of, you know, crap for that. You know, and I think that with Drake, he did all this R&B singing, but he also does rap. And I feel like over time you've seen him focus more and more on developing his rap chops. And so his albums become more and more hardcore rap. And if you look at his biggest single to date, one that, as far as I know, is kind of an outlier on the new album is, "Hold on, We're Going Home." It's his only big single. I think it might even be, it was a number one hit, I don't know. But that song to me, you know, as an artist, what you're looking for is what natural thing do you have that in the right market can transcend everybody else? And I feel like whether you like that song or not doesn't matter, but it transcended because look at this. So A, it was a number one hit on the radio, which he didn't, Drake didn't have any of that. It was also, I think the number one song from Pitchfork that year. You know, that transcended all other R&B and pop in a lot of ways. But he keeps focusing on getting better as a rapper. Now compare that to someone like Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar is kind of this genius rapper that's celebrated from the industry as probably the coolest rapper in the rap game currently. And if you listen to him rap, you know it's like a fish in water. Like it is, he goes in the studio, he writes it on the spot and he wraps circles around maybe any other rapper of ever. It's just, that's his thing. It's transcend, it just also happens to be the thing that is the coolest thing in that industry. Now, I just wish that Drake would focus on the other stuff. I like that music. Maybe it's just selfish. I like his R&B stuff a little bit better. But I also think that all of that negative feedback is just possibly putting him on a side road off his path that he shouldn't be on. And I feel like in my life, there have been plenty of times where people that I perceive to be really cool. And I use that term intentionally cool. That really cool gave me feedback that threw me onto a side path off of the path that I should have been on. And it really, it gave me a big detour. And you know what, the great grace of life is that even on those detours, you can learn skills and learn things that you can apply to what you do, what you're supposed to do. That's the grace of the universe. But I feel like sometimes those comments were meant to put me on a side road. They were meant to diminish what my actual path. They were, sometimes they weren't. Sometimes they didn't mean to. And I think, but my point is this. Affirmation from people that you perceive as cooler than you or that you respect or whatever, or just affirmation in general, is such a slippery thing to pursue. And I think there's a degree of affirmation that we as people need. But I think when it comes to your career, if you're too much of an affirmation obsessor, you're likely to get thrown off the path. That's your highest goal. Especially if you're looking for affirmation that from the cool crowd. Because I think what you have to do is sit back and ask yourself, okay, I do need affirmation, basically to tell me that I'm going the right direction, but I need it from the right people. So who are the people on my seeking out affirmation list? Who are the people that I put down on that list because they were the hot stuff that were cool? And who is actually doing stuff like I want to do? Who's actually can be a signpost to the type of work that I actually want to do? And then I'll try to develop positive relationships within that so I can get relevant feedback. I think one of the biggest things that helps this is to understand a level of self-awareness pertaining to what you want to do as a creative person. Which I think also looks like understanding what your creative values are. What do you value in art? Not what do the cool people think is worthwhile. That doesn't actually matter. What matters is that you transcend on the path that you're going on. When I say transcend, I just mean you take, you have this natural raw talent, you've developed these skills and the market that you're supposed to be in, you shine above other people in a brilliant way in a way that you can't fake. - When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping king supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouth-watering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices. Plus extra ways to save. Like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings, king supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. - That's the question. And I feel like if you're out there searching for affirmation that you really don't need or want in your heart, you're gonna get mixed up and you're gonna go down the wrong path. Now I personally am someone who tries to hold destiny and anti-destiny kind of in relativity. So I try to think of it as a lot of my things in my life have felt like there was a clear kind of almost predetermined path. And then there's a lot of elements that have felt right where I made it up as I went. And so I feel like you gotta hold those things. At least my approach is I hold those things in unison even though they're contrasting. And I think some of the most truthful things in the world, you have to kind of do that. Kind of have to hold two truths at the same time. And so that's kind of my approach. That's how I deal with destiny or your path or whatever it is. You know, I almost completely believe in it and completely don't at the same time. And I feel like that's actually valuable. It's been valuable for me to kind of understand that for myself. But I think it's important to go back through your life, go back through your career and say, what were the moments when someone tried to diminish what it is I do? And it threw me off onto a side road that I should never gone on. What were the, when I go get feedback from somebody, what are the things like when I get feedback from people now, I don't think, okay, this person's better than me. Therefore, everything they say is gonna be the gospel. No, I think here's the things that I think that they have that I appreciate and are things that I want. Here's the things that I know that they think are important but they're not things that I wanna do in my career. And so when they give me feedback pertaining to the first one, I'm going to listen and I'm going to do something about it. But when they give me feedback that's pushing me in a direction that is maybe closer to what they do, but not what I wanna do, I'm not gonna take that on board or I'm gonna take it with a grain of salt. Then I really do do that. And it definitely is less confusing than it used to be when I used to get feedback from peers and teachers. I think when you're young that kind of feedback can throw you all over the shop, you know? So I think that this is such an important thing to really dive in and I think it's actually a deeper conversation than ignore the haters because I think there are times when criticism, even I had criticism early on in my career that was maybe a little bit hateful but it actually caused me to grow. It actually, you know, that brutal honesty, there were times when it was accurate and it actually helped me. And so I think it's a deeper conversation than ignore the haters completely, but I do think it's helpful to understand how they're possibly stealing the most important thing from you. You know, one way I look at it is when I go visit these big cities, whether it's London or New York City or Portland, when I go there, I'm very jealous of the level of creativity and the amount of amazing creative people that are practicing in these places. And I'm very jealous of what that feels like, you know? But I think partially for me, one of the benefits of kind of being apart from the day and day out of my industry is that I feel like I've been able to make some courageous decisions that I wouldn't have made if I had that feedback in my face every day of like what's cool and what's not. Because I think when you get a big group of people together and they're all saying different things of what's cool and what's not, it can be very hard to navigate that and you can be very, can cause you to be very self-conscious about what it is you pursue. It can also mean that some of the times I see these people that are in these bigger groups in these large cities and it means that the decisions they do make are so vetted and thoughtful that they're fantastic. They really work. But I also think that some of these solo guys that are spread out throughout the globe make some of the most interesting decisions and come up with the most courageous projects because they don't have that feedback in their face and that constant kind of affirmation or non-affirmation of the things that they want to do that are different. But it's actually those things, those choices that you make that aren't maybe cool, I think those are the things that actually give you a viable career. They're the things that make you unique and it makes your, it's actually the key to transcendent work is the stuff that nobody else would do. Like the stuff that everybody else thinks, I don't know about that. That thing, when you start getting onto those paths, it should be a little bit scary 'cause once you're doing the work that nobody else should do, that's the place where you're alone and when you're there, it should start to feel scary. So if you're not feeling scared of the projects you're doing, you need to dig deeper. And maybe it's just a matter of time for some people it is. But if you're not a little bit scared of the work you're doing, you're probably not pushing past that barrier quite enough. And so I think that's about it. And I hope this helps you. I thank you people who have reviewed this on iTunes. Even if it's secretly my mom, I don't care. I appreciate what you're doing. And I think that that's a good way for people to find the show. If it goes up in the ratings and iTunes and like the arts category, and I definitely believe in the show, and I really appreciate all the feedback you've been giving me on Twitter and social media, I really appreciate that. That definitely gives me more momentum to keep this thing going. Thanks for allowing me to be part of your routine, part of your day. I hope that something I said sparks some breakthrough in your work. Thank you so much. I will speak with you soon. Bye. (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) - Hey y'all, one more quick thing. Earlier this year, I rebuilt my website using Squarespace's new fluid engine, and I was so pumped about how it turned out that I have been really thrilled to find as many ways to partner with them and tell you about what they can do and bring you discounts as possible. Social media going haywire, I think having a site that feels as unique as your creative work is essential to building trust with your target audience or your clients. I have had several clients point out how cohesive and fresh my site looks lately, and if you want to check that out and what I was able to do without any code, check out AndyJPizza.com. If you want to test it out, go to squarespace.com/peptalk to test it out yourself, and when you're ready to launch, use promo code PEPTALK for 10% off your first purchase. Thanks Squarespace for supporting the show and for supporting creative people. (soft music) - I'm Whit Misildine, the creator of This Is Actually Happening, a podcast from Wondery that brings you extraordinary true stories of life-changing events told by the people who lift them, from a young man that dooms his entire future family with one choice, to a woman that barely survived her roommate, we dive into what happened and hear their intimate first-person account of how they overcame remarkable circumstances. Follow This Is Actually Happening on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app.