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Ex Secret Agent Explains How To Be Heard And Respected
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So with the last one you just said, my colleagues don't listen to me. I would come back and I would say, give me an example of where. They don't listen to you, right? So I would say to you, when you do speak, do you look at people when you speak? Do you project your voice? So it's called paralinguistics. Everyone's so focused on what they say like reading my notes or reading my agenda. They don't think about the tone pitch of the voice. How are you delivering this? Are you projecting your voice? Or do you talk like this when you speak? I have a question. I just want to share something. People are going to like glaze over. I have a question or even just the tone. How you under hi, I'm heavy, hi, I'm heavy feels different. Those are simple things you can do to make sure people hear you. The other thing is, I say this a lot when I speak to companies because communications a big thing. Don't just talk to talk. There's this thing out there and especially with women, where it's like, make sure they hear you. Make sure your voice is heard at the table. I'm fine with that. Do you have something beneficial to say or a value to say? Because if you don't, don't say anything. Half the meetings I go to, I don't speak because maybe I have nothing to say. It's so interesting. From being in many board rooms for many, many years, probably 15 years being in marketing board rooms for 15 years, about 10 years being in marketing board rooms with CEOs, with my team, with lots of different people, lots of different teams. I've had thousands and thousands of meetings. I eventually observed something in myself, which is a bit of a prejudice that I have, which is the minute someone speaks, based on their contribution score, which is like a credit score, based on all of the contributions you made in the past, in those first couple of seconds, if their previous contributions were all valuable, everyone in the room would stop and look and lean in. But if they'd developed a low contribution score because they'd continually talked for the sake of talking, i.e. they're just like, I'll give you an example. In my New York office back in the day, there was this one guy who would be in a brainstorm trying to solve a problem, and he would start speaking, and you'd see, by the way he started speaking, they hadn't actually thought through what he was going to say and he'd go, what about if we put a, I don't know, like a pop-up and maybe we'll do some TikToks, and so honestly, what I then observed from that individual is every time they open their mouth, people would instantly basically dismiss the idea because they had such a low contribution score, and we all have a contribution score. You have one, I have one, based on the last 10 years of when we've opened our mouth how valuable it was to the people around us, like that individual, whenever he spoke, I would see the person sat next to him who I won't name, almost like Loki roll their eyes in the first five seconds and shut it down before he'd even got it out, and then there was this other guy called, in my UK office called Paul, never spoke, never really said anything, super mature, super experienced guy, the minute he said anything because every time he opened his mouth, it was important and valuable and considered, everyone went, he could interrupt anyone, the instant silence, everyone stares over at this guy, because when he contributed, we all knew that he had something valuable to add, and I, so I would say to my team, and I said this to this team that we're here with us in New York, like just make sure you protect your contribution score. That's such a brilliant way to say it, yes, you're probably, yes, it's like, it's your score because people keep tabs on you, they know, Stephen's going to say something, he doesn't always speak, but if he's going to say something every time he drops something, he drops something of value, where people think, like, I have to talk because everyone tells me I have to talk, make my voice heard, no, shut up. And if you're silent, then you're not a value, that's what people think, they think that you didn't add anything. Right. Well, you didn't take anything away either. Yes. I won't tell you this too, Stephen, when I go to meetings, or sometimes I go to meetings, and if I'm the dumbest person in the room, I'm the happiest person. That's a one time where I'm happy because I'm thinking, wow, look at all these smart people around me and I get to be part of this. I get to listen. I love to sit back and listen. There's times, I just had a meeting with, like, my scripted agent, Sylvie with my manager about some TV project, and I knew enough to know to say, they're like, hey, Evie, this and this. And I said, you know what? This is a space I don't know. I'm going to follow your lead, fill me in, I'm taking a seat back. You guys do the talking.