The Unmistakable Creative Podcast

Life of Purpose: Kamal Ravikant | The Profound Power of Personal Commitment

Join us for our Life of Purpose series this month as we revisit some of our most impactful episodes. Dive deep into expert insights and practical strategies on health, performance, and community, helping you achieve personal and professional fulfillment.

If we make a practice in our lives, like going to the gym or eating healthy, if you want to lose weight and be fit, or you want to be chiseled, you’ve got to make a practice. It’s a daily practice. You can’t go to the gym for a week and eat cake for 30 days nonstop and say “hey what happened? I was getting in shape.”

Whether you’re feeling bad or feeling good, that doesn’t matter. It’s just your practice, like when you wake up and when you go to sleep. There are certain things you do. It’s a fundamental practice. Just like you talk about with writing. It’s a practice. Then you hit the flow state. Same thing in life. You make it a practice. Life hits a flow state.

Things in life happen. People die. Nothing we can do to stop that. People we love die. Things happen. When we hit that flow state we bounce back much faster. The things that used to bring us down don’t bring us down like before. Then it’s only the real tragedies in life that bring us down. When a loved one dies, it’s a real tragedy and that should bring you down. It’s good to have loved someone that way and feel the loss. But the other stuff, the other garbage, the 99 percent of the stuff that brings us down that doesn’t matter lessens and its power over us lessens. So, I would say to someone who is either down or up, what matters is a fundamental daily practice of working on your inner self that keeps you in your personal flow. - Kamal Ravikant

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Duration:: 1h 3m
Broadcast on:: 10 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

As you probably noticed, this month we're bringing you our "Life of Purpose" series and revisiting some of our most transformative episodes, tune in to explore expert insights and practical strategies on help, performance, and community well-being, all aimed at helping you achieve personal and professional fulfillment. If you sign up for the newsletter, you'll not only get recaps of the key ideas in each interview, but at the end of the series, you'll receive our free "Life of Purpose" ebook. What you have to do is go to unmistakablecreative.com/lifepurpose. Our thoughts, we think we're thinking all the time, we think we are these rational creatures, we're really not. Most of our thoughts are just old patterns and beliefs and behavior that I just thought loops. I call them mental loops, just running on automatic. If you can stop and pause, you'll notice that, but most of our emotions come from these mental loops. What I just did was I decided, okay, I'm going to pick one particular loop, just one that's primal and that's love, and just work on that and that's feeling love for myself. And how about I did is what the practice became, but that the core is just doing that, just doing that, just doing that, layering at it, layering at it. What eventually happens is, this one group, because we're wired for it anyway, you look any baby, you'll agree, we're wired for anyway, starts to run and starts to run its own. And then your thoughts start to arise from this place, your feelings start to arise from this place, and then your life starts to arise from this place. I'm Srini Rao and this is the Unmistakable Creative Podcast, where you get a window into the stories and insights of the most innovative and creative minds, who've started movements, built driving businesses, written best-selling books, and created insanely interesting art. For more, check out our 500 episode archive at UnmistakableCreative.com. Hey, it's Srini, so I just want to tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you're listening to the show. And if you found the podcast fascinating, instructive, inspiring, or maybe even heartwarming, if there's one person you could think of who'd appreciate our show, a friend or family member, take a moment and share the show with them, because good ideas are meant to be shared. Come all, welcome back to The Unmistakable Creative. Thanks for taking the time to join us. Thanks so much. We have a bit of a history on this podcast. I think you were the one of the first, you might have been the first of the second podcast I ever did, actually, years ago. Well, you know, I think that that is the case with many people. Ryan Holiday said the same thing to me recently, when we did his interview for Stillness is the key. So, I always really appreciate it when somebody has done so many interesting things that we have a reason to bring them back multiple times. And you are, I think, a rare company in terms of being a handful of guests who have fit that criteria, and you've spoken at our events before, your books have had a profound impact on me and I think many, many people, and so it's always a joy to have you back. So before we get into everything that you're up to, I want to start with a question that I don't think I've ever asked you before, and that is, what is one of the most important things that you learn from your mother growing up that have influenced and shaped who you've become and what you've done with your life? My mother, that's a great question. She once told me you're a strong son of a strong mother, be strong. It's a pretty profound statement, you think about it, you know, and I watched her be strong. I watched her go through shit and be strong, so yeah, that definitely affected me. How? How did it shape and influence your behaviors throughout your life and the choices that you've made? Look, it's not like I sat around thinking about it. Sure. It's not like what I say. It's like now looking back and anecdotally trying to find something, right? So it's not like I went through, I was going through something and then the heavens opened up and you know, I have my mom's voice, I have my mom's alive, thankfully, you know. It's more just like I've always had this in a strength in me that I've always felt like no matter what, I will get, I will figure a way out of it, I'll get better through it. And for all I know, this may have been precipitated by that. Yeah. That inner strength, that sort of view on the world that no matter what is going on, that it'll get better, that you'll go through it. What if we didn't have somebody like your mom who gave us that message? Can we develop it? Can we build it in ourselves? Oh yeah, totally, totally. Like, look, by the way, when you ask me that question, you know, like, you ask me to think in the spot and come up with something, right? So doesn't mean that that was the answer, right, it's what I remember, like, I'm a big believer in like, look, we create ourselves. No matter what we've been through, it's actually who we choose to be because of it or through it. And sometimes despite it, sometimes because of it, sometimes after it, sometimes before it, we choose who we're going to be because of what we go through. You know, like, I love action-venture movies, especially like the ones that are fun like say, Indiana Jones, you know, you look at him and it's always like, he's always going through stuff, but he's the hero, right? So he's always changed. I mean, like a company of Nazis will take away his treasure and he'll chase a company of Nazis with a whip and a pistol thinking about it with a whip and a six-shooter, right? And he's going to come, it's a full company of Nazis, you know, heavily armed Nazis. It's who, but he's the hero who you choose to be and he's completely driven and passionate about what he does. And he's not going to give up. I think it's all these, all these things, man. It's all these our beliefs are defined who we are because our beliefs create our thoughts and our actions and we actually can choose our beliefs and we actually live them, you know, I don't think it's like we were just programmed at a certain point and that's all that we're stuck with that. I really don't believe in that at all. Yeah. What beliefs have changed over the course of your life, do you think? Like what did you believe when you were younger that you don't anymore? I used to believe that the world was a hard place. I used to believe that the world was a cruel place. I used to believe that the world is unforgiving place, unforgiving place. I believe actually the opposite now. Yeah. I believe that the world is actually quite beautiful. People are giving in kind when you connect with them one-on-one, you know, you don't look at Twitter. Twitter's are YouTube comments and not indicative of the human race, you know, when you connect with people, people are fundamentally good, you know, that they're, I believe that life is magical no matter what, like it's up to us to actually sometimes see it but it doesn't feel like it but I really do believe that. Yeah, complete 180 on all that. Yeah. Now, did you change your mind because of life experiences or do you think that you changed your mind and life experiences shaped changing your beliefs? Damn, good question. I'd say both. Yeah. I would say both but I would say actually a lot of it comes from mindset when you shift your mind, you know, your view of reality changes and then if your view of reality changes, reality changes, you know, so I think a lot of it's mindset. You know, I always work on my internal self. It's something I've always believed in, something, I was the kid who always wanted to figure out the nature of reality, you know, and ultimately I think the nature of reality is it's something inside, whatever it is, you know, it's where whatever we are, you know, walking around thinking, feeling this thing, that's all we can control ultimately. And if you control, that's our true power is to control this being inside. And when I say control, I don't mean like force it but to mold this being inside into whatever better version of what we want to be, you know? So that was a great question. I think ultimately it's probably both the reinforce each other. If you shift your mindset, you know, then your actions and your reality kind of reflected at that, that just spirals a circle upwards. You know, I don't think it's either or it's it's a reinforcing loop. Yeah. So I know from our previous conversations that you were very much an anomaly of an Indian person in that you didn't grow up and around an Indian community, despite having, you know, an Indian immigrant mom, you were in the military. Did your mom ever encourage any particular career pass for you and your brother like, hey, you know, go be a doctor and you have that. And what was the reaction from her when you said, you know, I think I'm going to go join the army? No, she didn't really, she always just for, you know, one thing about her, but look, she we grew up quite, we didn't grow up with any money, we grew up quite poor and she was just busy working, trying to put food on the table, you know, and pay the rent. And she just said, you know, just do your, try to remember, but she'd never tried to force any career paths on us. I think she was just happy that we were sane and we were smart and that we were just, you know, doing well in school. I was more of the troublemaker, but no, there was no particular career pass. So I do remember what I joined the army. I was in college for a year and I called her up and I said, you know, mom, I'd gone to the different recruiters offices and I called her up and I said, mom, I think I joined the army and like a pause on the other end, she goes, okay, be careful. And then a week later, I called her up and I was like, mom, I joined the army. You know, that's, that's just me that I think she's got used to me just being like that. Yeah. Yeah. And in fact, it was funny, I was talking about Mark Divine the other day and he's a former Navy SEAL and he was like, yeah, you might have been the only Indian American who was in the infantry, you know, and I was like, and I'm like, yeah, as far as I know, I remember meeting a couple of Indian Americans there, I remember actually only one. And he was a doctor in the military. I was the only one that I ever met that was in the infantry. But I always looked at myself as my own, just my own creature. You know, that's, I don't, I'm not a particular fan of, of identifying with any particular, like, particular group, I just want to be me and I want to be the best version of me that I can be, you know, yeah, that's it. And so, you know, like I don't like affiliated with political parties, for example, for that reason and so forth, like I like to just think for myself, you know. Well, it's, it's funny that you, you brought that up. Are you the older or younger or the older others? Okay. So it's funny because I think I told you, you know, I had listened to your brother's podcast that he did on how to get rich probably 10 times. I mean, I made a mind map of it that I said to him that he shared with his followers because he thought, you know, I thought it was so dense within, you know, powerful information. But you know, it's funny because now I'm getting to talk to you and I want to kind of talk a bit about the contrast because I remember the very first time we talked, you said, yeah, the person that everybody knows is my brother, you know, I'm kind of not anywhere as nearly as known as him. And I wonder how one that has shaped your dynamic as adults. But what also was the dynamic between both of you as children and how did you each influence each other? I'm dynamic as adults as we love each other, man. We support you for their for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. And we support you for each other. Yeah, I mean, I'd expect nothing less. I wonder, you know, what have you guys learned from each other? Like, what have you learned from him? And what do you think he's learned from you? I don't know, man. I think, you know, I've learned some good stuff in business from him. You know, like, he's really sharp in that. He's probably learned more stuff from some life stuff from me. Like, you know, some of the paths he's taken in, um, spirituality and stuff going in words. You know, I was doing that long before him. And so we've learned from each other, but we also have forced our own paths. So, I don't know. It's like asking siblings what they learned from each other is a tough one, man. Um, because I'm sure we do, but it's, um... You're not consciously aware of it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we don't sit around and teach each other tough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. Oh. I did teach him how to work out, though. Yeah. That was something that was very important to me. It's always been very important to me since, um, since I was in the Army. And I wanted to pass, I'd share that with him. So I did teach him how to work out. And, you know, he ran with it. And he, and he got in the shape. And so that was like, I really enjoyed that. Jewelry can say many things on your wedding day. As a wedding band, it can say, "This is a forever symbol of our forever love." As a gift to your wedding party, it can say, "Thanks for standing up there with us." Blue Nile can help you find the piece that says it all and says it beautifully. With expert guidance and a wide assortment of jewelry of the highest quality at the best price, go to bluenile.com and experience the convenience of shopping Blue Nile, the original online jeweler since 1999. That's bluenile.com. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. 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So I know from our conversations, in all of your writing and multiple conversations you and I have even not on the podcast, there's this very spiritual element to your life and how you live it. Is that something that came about later in your life? Or is it something that was prevalent when you were growing up later? Later. In what ways? Okay, later. And what was the path to discovering that? Curiosity. And honestly, I don't even know if spiritual is the right word. You know, it's just more just trying to figure out the nature of reality and live it, if that makes any sense. And also just living life, man. Like I was telling someone, like for example, you know, the books I write, you know, so they fall in a self-help genre, but I never set out to be a self-help writer. I don't read most self-help books, man. I do stuff. I like doing things and learning from them and then sharing it. You know, like everything I write is from my experience. It's not from theory. It's not from like reading others. It's from actually like doing stuff. You know, it's from my pure experience. So, yeah, so you won't find me a member of any spiritual communities either. You know, in fact, they usually run away from those things when I get invited to them. Yeah. So before we get into the army, I want to ask you about something because this is the first time I think you've ever referenced it in the book, and that was your father. I think because of the only time I've ever seen your father referenced in anything. I actually know what rebirth was the whole story of me like coming to terms with his death. Really? Okay, it's been so long since I read the book that I probably don't remember. I mean, what was his role in your life? The impact of that, no, that was an abusive guy. He wasn't present. We left him and my mom left him and took us when we were little kids. And rightfully so. The impact there was learning to forgive. Yeah. I had to forgive him as an adult. That was the impact, learning that his humanity, that luck, he was just a human being, you know, flawed like everybody else in their own special ways. And, you know, and forgiving him after giving him and, you know, understanding his humanity helped me forgive him. I had to do that after he died. You know, so I had to come to terms of that after he died, which is, you know, you know, if you can do that before a parent dies, I highly recommend it. It's a lot easier. And it's also a lot. The resolution you end up having is quite free. When you free yourself after the die is harder, you got to work it out a lot yourself. At least that's been my experience with the others I've seen when they've had to deal with forgiveness in their parents. Yeah. But you want to forgive because ultimately forgiveness frees you. You don't forgive. You're the one who's stuck. Yeah. When you're going through this process of forgiveness, first up, did you ever see him again after he left or after your mom left with you guys? No, I only saw him a few times when I found out he was dying. Wow. And did you have any conversations with him at that time? A couple, but they were, you know, they weren't as deep as I should have been. They were more like, there weren't, there was no, it wasn't deep. There were more I went to see him when I found out he was dying. Yeah. That was it. There was no reconciliation per se. Mm-hmm. Okay. Wow. Wow. Okay. Well, let's, let's talk about your time in the army. I mean, I think that one of the things like I think we talked about is you're just sort of anomaly. I mean, Indian infantry men in the army. I think the only Indians I know who've ever had any thing to do with the army are also all doctors. But yeah, I know you're deluded to in our previous conversations. So what did you learn while being there that has shaped the way that you live your life now? Like what are the habits, the things you learned, like the lessons learned from your time there? And then the other thing, I always wonder this about people who are in military and I've, you know, had the good fortune to talk to people like Chris Fessel and other Navy SEALs. And, you know, when people are on the front lines facing death, that I think is far more terrifying than almost anything most of us could conceive. So how in the world do you navigate the challenging of emotions of something like that? Well, it's interesting. You know, I never had to, I didn't end up in the front lines. You know, I got out without having, I mean, I was just, yeah, just never ended up being in the front line. So I can't speak on that. You know, it's actually interesting because I have a buddy of mine who's a Navy SEAL who was one of the first SEAL teams in Afghanistan up to 9/11. And he was a sniper and I asked, you know, and I asked him, what were you doing? And he said, I was in caves hunting. That was, you know, they were like there with the small teams, no backup, really shit. They gave them the wrong equipment, you know, and the whole works, right? And I said, so what was it like? He said, honestly, it was easier than our training. It was almost a relief. You know, so it depends. But, you know, when you talk about these special forces operators, it's a different game, man. Like the level of training they have is just insane. You know, regular military doesn't have that kind of training. You just, you can't because now you're dealing with numbers. But I'd say the best, I mean, you still have a hell of a training, right? But like when you, when you go to, when you meet these special forces guys, you see like what they, what they were trained for was a whole different, whole different level. You know, the, I'd say the main thing I learned actually just was in boot camp where like, I was just so challenged. And I realized I can, I can get through this and I can actually like get through on the other side and actually do well. Because you would challenge every day and it was infantry boot camp. But folkmen in Georgia in the middle of summer, you know, in the swamps of Georgia, like, literally, you know, you, and that's what I think boot camp is kind of designed to like, basically make you realize you can go to the end. And I can make you realize you can get through this and not also get through it. But I can actually like, choose so I can do well. You know, and it was, it was hard and it was every day was hard. But, you know, it was a great belief pattern system. But it's also been a limiting belief if I think about it because what it's made me do is it's made me create like difficult situations in my life that's made me thrive, go through and thrive. Right. Because like, I'm also realizing one can also go grow through just ease and beautiful things happening, you know. So, but it was a great gift because it gave me a sense of self at 18 that you walked the world differently. You walked through the world when you come out as a man and I went in as a boy. Sure, I came out, you know, still young, young, but you walk differently, man. You know, you can take care of yourself. That's something the military gives you. You go through that, you walk out, you're like, I can handle this. Yeah. You know, that's something special. Yeah. Well, I think that speaking of difficult experiences, I know that you recently had what was basically a near-death experience that we wrote about in Facebook. We were joking about the fact that all these people kept texting you and I said, well, it's nice to, you know, I said, probably nice to know that you have so many people who care about you. What actually happened? More importantly, what are the things that go through your mind if you're thinking, wow, this is it. Like, because I think that most of us, we have this very clear sense that mortality is something we're going to confront. You know, we write great sort of motivational books and posters and all this other nonsense about it, but I don't think anybody can really, really understand what that means until they're forced to confront it themselves. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, look, I won't go into too much of the details because I'll take too much time and I just don't feel like we're living them. Sure. But, you know, what I'll tell you is like it was, I had an elective surgery just to fix an old injury and then they had a complication and an artery burst. And then one of the arteries that they had worked on to free up from the injury. And because they stitched it up and the stitching came apart and it burst and when an artery burst, it's a one way street. And it burst hard and I basically bled out really hard so forcefully that it burst out of my body was spring blood everywhere. And the only thing that saved me was the fact that I was still in the hospital. I hadn't left yet. And talk about mayhem immediately like being, you know, everyone just running around and screaming yelling, grabbing you throwing you in a stretcher. I mean, I already was because I was recovering from surgery 12 hours ago and taking, I mean, I'm still still very unreal and taking the war. Look, there was no preparation. There was no thinking. There was no thought. At that point, there is no, it wasn't like, you know, when people die like slower, gentler or whatever, it was very, it was from trauma. So there was, it was just pure thoughts and images, not even, no thoughts. It's just feelings and feelings and images. That's all it was, just really hard and fast feelings and images and just love and fear and like a fear in a way I've never, I'm not someone who feels much fear, honestly. Because I strongly dislike it and I work to not feel it. When I say not feel, I don't repress it. I work to like shift it. But it was more like just those, even to those primal, it was pure primal. And then also at one point, realizing that this might be it and then having to let go into that. Like when your brain, your brain kicks in once in a while, then goes back to primal. And we're talking like this is happening in, I don't know how in just a few minutes. And really, I'm going to turn to like this just might be it and having to surrender to that. I guess the more important question for me, rather than, you know, and I agree, like I don't, but don't blame you for not wanting to relive the details or go into any of the details beyond that. But what if any decisions that you make about how you're going to live your life going forward as a byproduct of this experience? Like did anything change? No, I'm still me, man. Yeah. I mean, look, I, I, I live pretty consistent to what I believe. Maybe just I'm thinking. Look, I'm still just a little over two months out. So honestly, I don't know. I mean, I have less tolerance for things I don't want to do. But yeah, I've just become that way more and more. Like I just don't want to do a beer on people. I don't want to be around to do things that don't do things that don't want to do. So honestly, I don't know. It hasn't been like that grando and epiphany where all of a sudden, you know, I woke up and I moved to, to a Z monastery and anything like that. It's more like I'm still just healing. I'm in a place of healing. You know, the one thing is my mindset. I've been making sure I work on my mindset. It's because that's the most important thing. And I went through something that was quite hard. And so like I live, I'm living what I write about, you know, the reason why we're talking is because of this new book, right? I'm living that. And that's actually really helped in the recovery from it. It takes you away from the victim mode into like, into just healing and growth. Because it's very easy to follow the victim mode when you go through these things. Your mind very, very naturally goes there. Hi, I'm Roshan. I've been listening to the podcast for the past four years now. I find the quality and diversity of guests on it is really hard to match. There's even a few conversations from around three years ago that hit me so hard, like the interviews of Ted Rice, Rima Zaman and Dave Munson, just to name a few, that I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I was listening to them. I joined the Unmistakable Tribe on the Mighty Networks app because I thought it would be a chance to meet other listeners. It's definitely been that, but it's also been a lot more. People share their stories and their amazing work on the app, which is a real source of inspiration to me. It just helps to remind me of all that's possible when you persist with a creative habit, whether or not you're famous. Also, I think being a part of the tribe feels quite different to being on Facebook. On Facebook, I find that too many posts leave me with a sense of feeling less than or frankly just don't interest me. With the drive though, I just check in to see if there are any posts that look interesting to me, and then I just leave without spending ages on it. Using the app is a simple way to connect with other human beings who have similar interests, as well as learn about GoStuff. Recently, for example, Milena, the lovely community manager, set up a Go Working Meetup. I tried it out for a task I'd been putting off, and I found it to be really productive. If it sounds like you're a kind of thing, I definitely recommend drawing it out. You have nothing to lose. Look forward to seeing you there. Just visit unmistakablecreative.com/tribe to sign up and learn more. I look forward to seeing you inside our new Mighty Network. Oh, I mean, absolutely. I was there for probably the last two days when I knew we were canceling the conference, and then I realized I was like, "Okay, I can put all my energy into the fact that this has been a failure and we're going to lose some money." Or I could take that same energy and shift it to whatever is next and work my ass off to make that successful. And I was like, "Well, that would be a much better use of all of my time and energy." But you wrote the first version of this book in the wake of a startup that failed. I remember because you said your startup failed and you blew up a startup and your life with it. And I think that it was such a bizarre way of processing that experience that clearly resonated with a lot of people that goes very counter to this sort of Silicon Valley hyper productivity bio-hacking sort of culture that we have built. How did you stumble upon this practice of all the things you could do? Like what made you say, "Okay, this is how I'm going to figure out how to solve this problem." Because I remember-- I wasn't sitting there trying to figure out a problem. This wasn't an analytical thing, man. This was a heart thing, a heart, a TRT. This was pure from a place of just hitting bottom. When you hit bottom, you don't sit there and analyze it. Yeah, like I'm not-- I don't have Asperger's, you know, I feel. And I hit bottom. It was I'm going to get out of this and I'm going to get out of this or die trying. And the only way I could figure it out to get out of it was to make commitment to myself or vow to myself. And it was a vow that came from deep within me. And it wasn't like something planned and it was a vow to love myself. Something in me knew that that would save me. And the other thing was I had no idea how to. So there was no stumbling a plot into any practice. There was no reading it on TechCrunch or this or that. There was none of that. It was like something from deep within me. And then having to sit up because I made a vow. And I really do believe you want to rock your life, make commitment to yourself and keep them. Make commitment to others and keep them and keep your work. Yeah. So-- and I do believe that if you make a vow to yourself, that's the ultimate commitment. So I had to-- I had to live it. And because I had to live it, I had to figure out what to do. And no one taught me this. I just sat there and tried things in my head and started to see what started to work. Or started to make me feel better and went down those pathways. And before I knew it, I did it obsessively because of just literally I was all in. And then things in me started to shift. And whatever made me shift, I went deeper if it stopped working, I threw it away. Yeah. And in the end, I was left with just some very basic, simple things that really worked and really changed things in the inside. Which changed things on the outside. And so this book was just-- was the original version of the book was just to share. I was actually a shut up of people who wanted-- you know, I was telling people what I had done and how to do it. And then, you know, then you get asked all these questions and all this. And then some friends convinced me to write a book on it. I was like, OK, I'll write a small little thing in the very basics and put it out. And, you know, you can read that. And, you know, that book-- I put that out. You know, I wrote from the heart, but I also have craft. I've studied-- obsessively started writing for a very long time. And once again, I think my browser is going to-- my computer is going to sleep. And so, you know, I put it out. And the book took off. It literally went viral. And why? Because I shared fundamental truth. I wasn't trying to create any systems. I wasn't trying to prove anything. In fact, I thought I was going to be a laughing stock in Silicon Valley. Right? I really did. And I took that risk because that's something really important-- fundamentally, really important to share. Something that I was willing to bet on. Yeah. Because something that had, like, changed me. And here's the interesting thing. It's a human thing. You work in your inside. You know, like the way I did it. You-- I have, like, countless emails from people telling me how to change them. Why? We're human beings. Same in the internal mechanisms are the same. You know? Wow. Let's talk specifically about the practice itself. I think that-- one thing that's interesting to me is that I remember the piece that I did in "Read 'Em About What We Should Have Learned in School But Never Did." And one of the things I realized is we don't teach, you know, kids how to be confident in schools, even though it's one of the most important things. And I remember we had a sheet to go up to here who was talking about self-love. And she had a self-love coach. And I said-- and she said, "You know what? People say that this is easy." She's like, "But this is one of the hardest skills of all." And first off, like, one, given the importance of this, why do you think that parents don't infuse this belief into their children? Why don't schools infuse it into their students? And why is it not more prevalent in the way that we're brought up? It seems we have to find our way here through a lot of pain. Look, man, I'm not qualified to answer that question. I'm not a parent. I've been involved in education, if any, manner. I'm just a guy who does shit and shares it. Literally, man. So I don't think I'm qualified to answer those societal questions. I'm not running for office anywhere. I think, honestly, it's just a human thing, man. As we grow up, we get wired towards, I don't know why, maybe just the way society is, but what I call light or darkness, more towards the thoughts, more towards darkness. And what I fundamentally stumble upon on my own and trying to save myself is like, focus on the light, work on the light from the inside. You keep on working the light from the inside. You will shine. Your life will shine. It's really that simple. You know, there's many ways to, you know, shine your love. I just happen to find mine. And because it taps into something so primal, which is love, which we're wired for anyway, it just works. Yeah. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. 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Let's reclaim our piece and put an end to those spam text messages and other data privacy issues once and for all. Let's talk about some of the things that you actually set in the book. You said memory is not set in stone. Any neuroscientist will tell you that. The more you remember something, especially if it's emotionally charged, the more you'll reinforce the pathways connecting neurons. Simply put, the more you think about it, the more you feel it, the stronger the memory. Now, each of us have memories of experiences that start out joyful and end up painful, for example, a breakup, which I know you've even wrote about breakups in this. And when we look back at that, I've found that the sting of it diminishes over time. But when we look at memories like this is a time that allows us to basically reduce that sort of intense negative charge or can we change that without sort of the time of processing? It's our choice. Time heals all, as I say, but I think if we can consciously go into our memory and actually change the feeling of it, literally what we try to do is we try to change the feeling so it doesn't have that emotional grab. It's the emotional grab that holds us back. And it's actually like, so what I do is, and I talk, the reason why I wrote this expanded version and it's significantly expanded is to share the nuances of all the things I've done because I get all these emails from my readers asking me questions and I realize I held too much back in the original version by keeping it so short. So there's all these things that I've done using the same practice to go and actually just really take away the emotional grab from my childhood stuff by actually using the self-love stuff that I do. And it works. It's not hard. It's just, look, memory, you know, we don't walk around with how much does a brain weigh? Like how many pounds? Like three pounds or whatever? Better than Google, yeah. Something like that. We don't walk around with three pounds of granite in our heads. We're walking with like malleable biochemistry, you know? And it's a living, breathing thing inside. We're living, breathing things inside. It's malleable. You know, neurons, you know, when they, they form and they form, they're not formed in granite. They're formed in, you know, tissue. They're formed in, you know, electrosodium potassium pumps. You know, so like the stuff is malleable. And you can go in and actually like mold it to, just mold it to what serves us. You know, and what you're doing, and you can add in different meanings and interpretations rather than waiting for time to do it. We can just, but it takes conscious work. You know, that's the work. You have to choose to do it. And it may not necessarily be the easiest thing to go and relive a memory to put a new meaning on it. But man, it's transformative. So let's do this. Let's actually talk specifically about the practice itself. But I think I want to set this up by referencing the quote. You said, you know, struggle reinforces pain instead to go to love. Love yourself. Feel it. If you have to fake it, fine. Feel the love for yourself as the memory ebbs and flows. And I guess that kind of makes us perfect segue from talking about memory. But what is this practice? Because I know you, you actually go, you know, you make it very specific and clear. And it's incredibly simple. That's why I was really struck by. Well, yeah, the best things are, man. It's, it's really true to simple. Like I think the best things in life are simple. You know, like you want to get it, you want to lose weight. Stop eating garbage. You know, eat like natural foods. You know, you want to get a shit. Just go do squats, deadlifts and sprints and militaries and bench. You know, basics, basics, basics. You go to the basics, especially for the body, especially with the mind. It's when we all try to overcomplicate things as when it gets stuck. If you go to the basics, and then it's just a matter of consistency. You know, like going to the gym every, you know, you, if you go to the gym, 365 days a year versus one day a year or like seven days a year, you know, you, you show the difference. Same thing with the mind. You know, when you work in your mind, you know, and the mind is an unruly horse, but it's a horse that you can ride. You know, rather than being just being dragged everywhere and into every, you know, corner you don't want to go to, you can actually like, you can actually ride the horse and use it for what it's meant to do. It's a work though, and it's a practice. And so like, you know, one of the things I realized when I first shared in the original version, like seven years ago, after all the emails I got was that the fact that, look, you know, the mind is, I needed to share more. I need to show the nuances. You know, that's where people were getting hung up on. And also, how do you make it last? But ultimately, it's all very, very simple. It comes from commitment, you know, and I show how I make this commitment. You know, self-forgiveness, that's exactly how I do it. And it's very simple and it works because you got to clear up, you know, you got to leave the past behind before you step into the future. And then, you know, then how you basically step by step, do this internal work to love yourself. There's nothing external here. It's all internal. And it doesn't take much time. It's all part of living your life anyway. It's all, you know, if there's anything, I think there's the one thing I do that takes time, but that's like seven minutes, right? And anyone can free up seven minutes a day. And these things compound, these effects compound, you notice a difference in your mind. I mean, you notice a difference in your mind. You start to notice a difference in your life. Yeah. I mean, it's simple, but it requires, that's what I call it. It's a practice. You know, I don't call it. It's not like, you know, I was watching, I don't know why I was watching. I was watching a reference to Yoda yesterday and I do or do not. There is no try. I think especially here, if you want to really transform your life, really, really transform your life for yourself, you got to do it from the inside eye. You got to work in the inside first. You know, that shows up in the outside. Yeah. Yeah. So let's, let's get specific here. I thought the self forgiveness exercise was brilliant. I did that and I thought you just reminded me, I have a page that I have to either burn or throw in the trash of things that I needed to forgive myself for. But let's get into the specifics. I mean, you, I remember you actually just, it was like four pages, the whole thing about the practice. So describe it for us. Like if somebody were to listen to us, what would you tell them to do, to do this? Well, here's the thing. I want to be a little careful about that. I remember I used to do that and then, then I've had to write an expanded book to actually explain it. Because it's not, it's one thing to tell people. It's like, when they tell people go how to bench and just go bench and squat. That's another thing to show them how to bench and squat. Yeah. Right. You know, so that's why one of the reasons I wrote the expanded version because I was seeing all the, all the issues and where people are stumbling versus where I, what I had done. Right. So I want to be a little careful just being prescriptive on, for five minutes and then someone. So, you know, but ultimately, look, what, what this is based on is very simple. It's like, look, our thoughts, we think we're thinking all the time. You know, we think we are these rational creatures. We're really not. Most of our thoughts are just old patterns and beliefs and behavior that I just thought loops. I call them mental loops. It's just running on automatic. You know, if you can stop and pause, you'll notice that. But most of our emotions come from these mental loops. So what I just did was I decided, okay, I'm going to pick one particular loop, right? Just one that's primal and that's love. And just work on that. And that's feeling left for myself. And how about I did is what the practice became. But the core is just doing that. Just doing that. Just doing that. Laring at it. Laring at it. And what eventually happens is this one group, because we weren't but anyway, you know, look at any baby. You'll agree. We weren't for anyway. It starts to run and it starts to run its own. And then your thoughts start to arise from this place. Your feelings start to arise from this place. And then your life starts to arise from this place. You know, so I think that's the best way to actually just describe the practice. Yeah. I love that. I love the way you describe that, you know, for making the sort of thoughts to your behaviors to your life arising from this place. Yeah. And it actually starts to become automatic. You know, you just start. Yeah. I was going to ask you, because you mentioned slipping or sort of coasting, you know, coasting in the book where you forget. Yeah. Not you forget, you get lazy. Yeah. You know, it's like, look, we're dealing with patterns layered of what we're up against is patterns for my lifetime. You know, if you're putting in one core pattern, you got to keep on reinforcing it. If you've been fatted all your life and you take a year and really go all out or healthy at the gym, your body will show. But then if next year, you just lie on the TV and eat bonbons all day, your body will show a year later. Same thing with the mind, right? Yeah. So the mind always needs to be like, to be actually like honed. You know, and it's the greatest instrument we got. You know, it's funny. It's the greatest instrument we got is the one that we work on the least. You think about it? That is true. Yeah. So there's an interesting sort of paradox of, you know, spiritual books, you know, whatever, self-help books. I think that one of the things I've appreciated that you've mentioned over and over through our conversation is that you're not a person who, you know, reads this stuff, you just go out and do things and write about it. And yet I think there is this sort of temptation to consume, consume, consume, and do nothing with it. I've seen that pattern with so many people where they're just junkies in terms of, you know, self-help books, podcasts, whatever it is, but nothing changes for them. Like they don't actually take action. You know, you've mentioned like what the role of that is. Do you have any sense for why people are like that? Yeah, because it's easier to consume than it is to actually do the work. And that comes from fear, man. Um, here's the irony. Like it's when we do the work is when transformation happens. And I always say like, look, I wouldn't wrote that this in the original version. I was like, look, just pick one thing. Stop going to all these different things. Stop reading all these different. Just pick one thing that feels true to you and just go all in. Yeah. That's what transformed me. I picked this one thing and I went all in. You know, when you go all in is when, when, you know, change happens, right? When there's no, but if you go all in something for a couple of days and then something else, a couple of days, something else, a couple of days, like, you know, you're doing weight, you know, starting weights for three days. And then all of a sudden you're like, yeah, maybe I'll do yoga for the new after three days. Or maybe I'll just do stretching, do that for three days. You know, like, I don't know, pick one thing, go all in. Do it for, you know, for what I found for me was 30 days. And I don't know why that maybe it was just a month. But like, it works. You do it all, go all in for like an internal work for a month, you know, that month later, you'll know, you'll see it. You'll have, you'll have seen the changes in you. But pick that one thing. Yeah. You know, whatever that one thing is. It's funny you say that because even learning how to surf, I remember there was a guy in a bar who said, go 50 times. He said, you'll be too invested to quit at that point. And, you know, here I am 10 years later doing this thing. That's great advice. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's great advice. Yeah. Especially when, because you start to notice the improvement and there's a joy. Yeah. You know, human beings be like the revelant improvement, especially when we start, if you start, when you start to improve the improvement in your thoughts. Uh-huh. That's beautiful. Uh-huh. That's actually, that's magical. When you start to notice the improvement, just the natural improvement in your thoughts and your feelings. Yeah. You know, that when you have to consciously first try to make happen, then starts to happen on its own. Yeah. You know, it's like when you're working out and you just one day you take up your shirt, you notice abs there. You know, like it's a great feeling and you earned it. You did it. Yeah. You know, like that's the best feeling. Now do that with the internal self. Yeah. I noticed that with my shoulders when I surfed for like a year. One of my friends, these guys were all getting ready for a wedding. These were friends that went to college. They're like, "Shrine, take your shirt off." And I was like, "Okay, this is ridiculous." But it was kind of funny too. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And yeah, I mean, I remember that distinctly when I finally started to click and I was like, "Oh my God, I'm surfing." I'm like standing up on waves with no effort whatsoever. And I'm actually writing them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's persistence. It's consistency. Yeah. It's practice. Wow. Uh-huh. Wow. Well, let's do this. We're, you know, people are hearing this early on in the year. And I think one of the things that we tend to think about is our goals. And I think that you're making a really strong case for, you know, how much internal work we have to do to see external changes. But one of the things that I wanted to ask you about, um, that I don't think I've asked you about before is that, you know, you've basically been around, you know, people like your brother have accumulated significant amounts of people around these types of people over the course of your life as somebody who's seen, you know, like the opposite ends of the spectrum. You know, like you said, you grew up poor and now you're basically in situations where you get to see what these people are like. How's your perspective on money and wealth changed at all? And if so, how? Um, money's just a tool, man. It's, it doesn't change. It doesn't change who you are. It's still you. You know, money's money gives you freedom, but it gives you freedom to be more of you. Said, don't be an asshole. Yeah. You know, like, and money doesn't make you a better person or a worse person. Money, you're still you. Money just gives you freedom to be more. You more in society. It's a beautiful thing. You know, I, I, uh, I was actually talking to someone about this and she, she made some comment about, oh, but I don't like money. I'm like, why? It's, it's what you do with this up to you. You know, you can do great, great things with it. You know, and you can have freedom and you can change people's lives with it. You know, they need it. Like, it's up to you. It's what you do with it. Money by itself is, is neutral. You know, it's, it's really just, uh, what you do with it. So I think I, uh, I'm a fan. You know, I'm a fan of what you can do with it. Uh huh. I love that because I think it's such a, um, positive outlook of, oh, you know, like, this is not a bad thing because I think that I think in a, we live in a society where you see sort of two extremes that, oh, this is just, you know, basically leading to some people getting everything and a bunch of people getting nothing. Um, you know, and while I don't agree with that perspective for say, I do think that, you know, inequality is a reality of the society that we live in. Yeah. I mean, look, I grew up on the other end of the spectrum and I've been there. Right. Um, it is. Um, I think that's, it's actually growing in our country, which is sad because for a democracy to really flourish, you need a true middle class. And if you squeeze out the middle class, you can have issues. It's just, that's just history. Wow. Wow. Um, so I guess let's chat about one other thing that you said. Um, you know, we were both talking about this. And I think the reason I actually outlined this, or the underlying this quote was specifically because I was like, Oh, yeah, that's me. Um, you said, you know, I've always had a difficult time with breakups. It's as if the end of each relate at the end of each relationship, I forget my own value and devolve. It's a deeply entrenched group, which is why an alternative group through consistent practice is a must. Um, that sense of forgetting your own value. I don't think that's isolated to breakups. I agree. I think it's. I was just giving an example. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think we feel that when we have a creative failure of any sort, right? Like if we write a book and it doesn't live up to our expectations, if we lose money on an endeavor, um, how do you reclaim your sense of your own value? Like how have you done it in your life? I mean, fundamentally, this practice has really helped. Yeah. This practice, you know, if you're feeling, you're having loving thoughts and feelings about yourself, you know, these things matter less to you. You know, you give your all and you really give your all and you love yourself. And, and, uh, and life works out fine. You know, really, it's like when you're not, is when you're not doing it is when, when actually you have issues. Yeah. Wow. Uh, well, you've, I mean, it's simple stuff, man. I know. It's funny because I, you know, I know it. I've talked to you before and, you know, I, I, there's certain habits that have stuck. For example, I don't have any issues waking up and writing. I've done that for so long that it's just second nature. Uh, like that was my commitment. You know, it's like I'm never, I'm never going to miss a day. Uh, you know, for as long as I can go without it. I think the only exceptions have been when I've been like, uh, you know, there's good surf or I'm with somebody else. Uh, but I think you've really made a case for, you know, going through this practice and really cultivating it even for me to sort of really think about how I'm going about the beginning of the new year. So, uh, I, I want to finish with my, my final question, which I know you've heard me asked a thousand times. And that is now, you know, now I'm always curious to see how people answer this question when they come back to the show a second time or a third time. What do you think it is that makes somebody or something unmistakable? I think if they're really being their true self, you know, whether it's a composite or negative, when they bring their true self and they're not being what others think they should be, but really just being themselves. You know, you stand out. Yeah. And, you know, when, um, you just do, I think too much welfare society. We are afraid of what others are going to think or feel. And so we don't really share. Look, I've been terrified like this, this new version of the book, which is significantly beyond what the other version was, right? The other version was almost like a primer. And this is like the real deal. Um, I share things in here that I'm terrified, you know, things about my childhood and things that, you know, we haven't covered in the podcast, but like things that I've never told anyone. Why do I share them? Right? Because I also get my emails from my readers and what they're going through. And I've heard two things. One, I want them to know they're not alone. Right? Everyone goes through things. Second is I want them to see how I overcame them and, you know, doing internal work so they can do it. Right? Yeah. And I think, um, I'm scared. I'm actually scared of people I know are reading this, right? But I also know that by being real, by being, by sharing the truth, by sharing the truth in the way that provides value, um, I'm being real in a way that's going to create magic for others, which eventually create magic for me as well. And so I'm sure, but, um, and I think that's, if you want to go up to what makes someone unmistakable, that's like just being real, being themselves of being real. And if you can do be real for the, for the sake of, of providing value, or then you're unmistakable. Hmm. Amazing. Um, well, I can't thank you enough for, uh, taking the time to join us and coming back and subjecting yourself to my insane question. All right. It's been a pleasure, man. Yeah. Absolutely. Where can people find out more about, yeah, you, your work, the book and everything else you're up to. I'm in book. You can find, you know, it's on, uh, January 7, 2020. So you can get a bookstore as Amazon, the usual love yourself like your life depends on it. Um, and me, you can find me on Twitter, Instagram, the usual, you know, I'm around. And I always put my email address in my book. You can always email me. Cool. Yeah. Awesome. And for everybody listening, we will wrap the show with that. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Unmistakable Creative Podcast. While you're listening, are there any moments you found fascinating, inspiring, instructive, maybe even heartwarming? Can you think of anyone, a friend or a family member who would appreciate this moment? If so, take a second and share today's episode with that one person because good ideas and messages are meant to be shared. Why don't more infant formula companies use organic grass-fed whole milk instead of skin? Why don't more infant formula companies use the latest breast milk science? Why don't more infant formula companies run their own clinical trials? Why don't more infant formula companies use more of the proteins found in breast milk? 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Have you ever felt a twinge of worry about AI taking over your job or diluting your creativity? What if you could turn that fear into create a fuel? We've just published an amazing new ebook called The Four Keys to Success in an AI world, and this is more than just a guide. It's a deep exploration into the human skills that AI can't touch. The skills that are essential for standing out and thriving, no matter how much technology evolved. We're talking about real differentiators here, like creativity, emotional intelligence, critical thinking, and much more. Inside you'll find actionable insights and strategies to develop these skills, whether you're a creative person, a business person, or simply someone who loves personal development. This isn't a story about tech taking over. It's a story of human creativity thriving alongside AI. Picture this. AI is your creative co-pilot, not just as a tool, but a collaborator that enhances your unique human skills. 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