The Unmistakable Creative Podcast

Overcoming Clinical Depression Through Physical Fitness with Amy Clover

Amy Clover was diagnosed with clinical depression and obsessive compulsive disorder, which eventually lead to a suicide attempt in her early 20’s. Through the power of fitness and exercise, she began her own recovery and became strong from the inside out.

What resulted in Amy’s suicide attempt in her 20’s
The choices we have, that we can all take advantage of
Why fitness as an outlet helped Amy overcome her challenges
The tendency to bury some of our most important problems
Taking a first step in sharing your challenges and problems
How self medication can lead to covering some things up
The wakeup call that came from being hospitalized
Why the determination to keep standing up helped Amy recover
Navigating the roller coaster ride of trials and failures
Why we must embrace struggle to grow stronger
Learning to find reasons to make a change in your life
The role that fitness plays in your ability to overcome depression
Translating the intention of your workout to your life outside at the gym
How the mission of Strong Inside Out has evolved over the last few years

Amy Clover has dedicated herself to providing others with to start implementing change within themselves, and to discover happiness and confidence. Through captivating blog posts, a successful coaching practice, and mind-body oriented workshops, books, and videos, Amy facilitates the unveiling of a vivacious, thriving community. The Strong Inside Out Tour exists to empower people out of struggle through fitness, but Amy can't do this without our help. Please be a part of this movement with us, and support the Tour by sharing and donating here.

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Duration:: 1h 1m
Broadcast on:: 25 Jun 2014
Audio Format:: other

As you probably noticed this month, we're bringing you our "Life of Purpose" series and revisiting some of our most transformative episodes, tune in to explore expert insights and practical strategies on help, performance, and community well-being, all aimed at helping you achieve personal and professional fulfillment. If you sign up for the newsletter, you'll not only get recaps of the key ideas in each interview, but at the end of the series, you'll receive our free "Life of Purpose" ebook. What you have to do is go to unmistakablecreative.com/lifepurpose, again, that's unmistakable I'm Srinney Rao, and this is the Unmistakable Creative Podcast, where I speak with creative entrepreneurs, artists, and other insanely interesting people to hear their stories, learn about their molding moments, tipping points, and spectacular takeoffs. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? 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Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood s*ck." So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. If there's one thing that my family and friends know me for, it's being an amazing gift giver. I owe it all to Celebrations Passport from 1800Flowers.com, my one-stop shopping site that has amazing gifts for every occasion. With Celebrations Passport, I get free shipping on thousands of amazing gifts, and the more gifts I give, the more perks and rewards I earn. To learn more and take your gift giving to the next level, visit 1800flowers.com/acast. That's 1800flowers.com/acast. Cue the fireplace and your favorite fall movie. There's nothing better than a cozy evening at home with a class of first leaf wine. First leaf is a personalized wine club that delivers right to your door. Sounds magical, right? They get to know your favorite tasting notes, which varietals you enjoy, and whether you prefer sweet or dry wines. So in every shipment, you get bottles tailored to your unique pallet. Go to www.tryfirstleaf.com/fall to get your first six wines for just $44.95 with free shipping. Amy, welcome to The Unmistakable Creative. Thanks for taking the time to join us. Thanks for having me on, Srini. It's exciting. Yeah. Well, it's more like a welcome back, because we had you here back when we were called Blogcast FM, but we've got a lot of new listeners, things have changed quite a bit since you were last year, and, you know, for people listening, tell us a bit about the journey before the journey, and everything that has led you to doing the work that you're doing in the world today. Sure. So I hope you guys are sitting down with a warm beverage because it's kind of a long story. So I run a site called Strong Inside Out, which is a fitness site that basically helps unleash people's strong through fitness and positive action. So what I do is I help people really find their deeper why and use fitness as a way to overcome any kind of struggle. And the reason I do that is because fitness personally helped me overcome my struggle. So back in, you know, my teens, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and obsessive compulsive disorder, and that's not, it's not something that's really triggered by anything per se. It's just kind of a chemical imbalance in my brain. And when you're a teenager, your hormones just go kind of crazy and make both of those things much worse. So they were kind of feeding each other. But since the topic around depression and anxiety disorders is so taboo, I wouldn't talk about it. I really didn't want to talk about it. I grew up kind of a shy kid. At this point, I was just kind of like the rebel kid because I had all this pain inside and I thought just nobody understood me. So I'd lash out a lot, I'd make a scene in class and that kind of stuff and not a lot of the teachers really wanted to dive in and see what the deeper cause of that was. It was more like a, she's a troubled kid, we can't wait to get her out of class kind of thing. A couple of teachers did, you know, pull me aside and ask me what's going on. What's wrong? Why is this happening? But that was very rare. So I kept not talking about it because the more I lashed out, the more, you know, I was ostracized for it. And so I just didn't want other people to have another reason to say, "Oh, she's just the crazy girl." So I never talked about it and it got worse, it got worse, it got worse. It fed into other things that went wrong. And then in my early 20s, I just had had enough. Like I was into self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. I was with the wrong kinds of friends. I was in a job that I hated and I just, I didn't feel like I had any control over my life. So I actually tried to end it and my roommate stopped me and she begged me to get help. She had me call the suicide prevention lifeline, which did save my life. And they asked me, you know, if you don't feel better in the morning, go to the hospital, go to the emergency room. So I went to the emergency room the next morning and they actually hospitalized me against my will. Because once you say that you want to hurt yourself, they immediately have to put you in the care of somebody who can help you. And I've never been so angry in my entire life as being put in that hospital against my will. And being put there, your choices are stripped from you. I know I told you guys about this last time when I was on broadcast FM, but you don't have a choice. You take a medication, you don't know what it is at a certain time. You eat at a certain time. You go to sleep at a certain time. You wake up at a certain time. You have no choices in a place like that. So being in a situation like that, I realized, well, the kind of choices I had in my real life that I wasn't taking advantage of, even if there was no hope for me, even if there was no way for me to overcome this life sentence of clinical depression and this anxiety disorder, I had to at least try. I had the choice to at least try and do something about it. So when I got out of there, I really just dedicated myself to getting better. And it was a roller coaster, you know, because it's not like you just decide and it happens. It was a few years and it wasn't until I actually found fitness as my outlet that all the work that I was doing with my therapist started to really stick. It made everything a lot stickier. So I found that when I really pushed myself to get stronger in the gym, I was getting stronger outside of the gym too. I was becoming more resilient. I was becoming more confident and I was taking bigger risks and having more faith in myself. The more that I really got determined in the gym. So that's how I became a personal trainer and corrective exercise specialist. That's how I developed strong inside out. And that's my story. So you know, as you've heard me say a thousand times, a lot of stuff here and I want to go back to the very beginning of this, you know, one of the things you said was that it's sort of a taboo subject to talk about. And it's something that we tend to bury, I think, for many people, even as adults. I think it's one of those things that actually gets infested in us. And we just, you know, bury it and bury it and bury it until something causes it to come to the surface. I guess the question for me is one, how you deal with this taboo nature of it and, you know, if people are going through something similar but are afraid to talk about it. I think the very first step is realizing that everyone struggles. Every single person, every single one of us goes through our own version of struggle. You know, mine was clinical depression, somebody else's is, you know, struggling with not feeling like they're good enough or not feeling like they're worthy of something. But it's all about really facing that, becoming aware of what that is in you and also just not, you know, giving too much, I'm trying to say this without swearing, not giving an ish about what other people think as far as that goes. I mean, there's always judgment. Somebody's always going to think something negatively about you. But what you think about yourself is what really matters. So I think, but the first step to, so I did it in a very weird way. So I wouldn't recommend going about it the way that I did it. I hadn't told more than five people before I shared my story on Strong Inside Out and then I shared it with the world. So I don't recommend that just because they're, I was very lucky in that the people who did read the story were very supportive and a lot of people, you know, could relate with it. But I think the very first step is just talking to maybe an unbiased person. So I always recommend that people, I am the biggest proponent of therapy ever. So whether that's seeing a therapist who's covered by your health insurance or, you know, visiting 7cupsoft.com, which is where you can access actually counselors and listeners for free and they're trained listeners. You can chat with somebody right as soon as you get on that site. But just talking it out, and if you don't feel comfortable bringing it up with the people that are around you, talking it out with an unbiased source like a therapist or like somebody at 7cupsoft.com. It's interesting, you know, you bring up talking to a therapist and I don't know if you saw it the other day. Somebody actually posted an article on founder depression for startup founders because you're right. I mean, the judgment thing and the criticism thing, when we live in such a world in which our lives are so publicly on display, whether we want them to be or not, especially the types of people who listen to the show, the types of people who are guests on this show. And I think that's a very, very hard thing to wrestle with. It's such a strange world that we live in because of that. It's definitely is, definitely is. Yeah. And that's, it's a totally different world. I've actually gotten quite a few emails from people like, I want to tell my story to, you know, my whole family doesn't know that this is a problem and I'm like, well, maybe just have a conversation intimately with them first so that they don't find out online because that's kind of the worst way. I know one girl I had talked to posted a video and nobody really of her having a panic attack. And I was like, ah, just, it's a lot for somebody to handle. The fact that we don't talk about it makes everybody very uber sensitive to it. And I'm not saying that you should not be open about it. I'm not saying that at all. In fact, I'm saying the opposite, but you have to approach it in a way that it's not going to, um, I don't know that that people will be receptive to it. So, I mean, this is all your choice. But how I would personally go about it is talk to that person in the way that they need to hear it. So it's different per person. And some people might see a video like that and say, okay, now I fully understand what you're going through, but not everybody, especially people who are really worried about you and your health and your stability, um, that might not be the best way for them to see it. Yeah. Yeah, no doubt. I mean, I think it's, uh, it's, it's interesting because we have to be selective about it. The key in my mind, I think what it is is you don't want to do irreversible damage to your reputation as crazy as that sounds because it seems counterintuitive to the idea of who gives a shit. What anybody thinks. That's, that's a really interesting point to Shrini. And I think Danielle Leport talked about that one time because she is very open about what she goes through. But she makes it very clear that she's open about what she goes through after she goes through it. She doesn't talk about it while she's going through it. And I think that's really important to, um, I mean, it depends on, you know, what you're going through. Like I talk about when I'm going through overwhelm or something like that. But if I'm in a really dark stage of depression, I won't talk about until I'm out of it because it doesn't, it's not as helpful and you don't have that kind of almost enlightenment about what it is that helped you get through it until you're out of it. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's, it's, I don't think you have clarity to really be able to process it. I mean, you know, I love what Meg Warden said, you know, she's like, you know, you don't want to treat your audience as your therapist or, you know, like, and that's, that's a bit of a dangerous line to cross. It's weird, right? Because I think there's something to be said for vulnerability. But then it's, you know, sometimes you have to cross the line to know where it's at. But I think that like you said, you know, it's, it's way more useful to talk about it after you've gone through it than it is why you're going through it. Because while you're going through it, I think you don't have clarity. You're not objective. I mean, you're, you're speaking from a place that is, is actually quite dangerous. Exactly. And that's, that's the thing is it is dangerous, especially for a lot of us that are in this field of helping other people and that have these public personas. If we throw out the wrong kind of information out there while we're in it, it could give somebody the wrong idea and prompt somebody to take the, you know, dangerous action. Yeah. So yeah, it's definitely, I think it's better if we go through it first, but I know there's different mind, mind frames around that. Yeah. Was speaking of going through it, let's, let's get a bit more in depth into the part of going through it for you. I mean, you know, you're in high school. I mean, talk to me about this phase of, of self-medication, of alcohol, drugs, and kind of, you know, I mean, what led you there, what came from it, and, and what it was like during that time. I mean, were you just numbing the pain that you were in, talk to me in a bit more depth about all that? Well, I think the main, you know, drive behind it was that, you know, I, I didn't really think that people were truly happy. I thought that happy people were faking it at that time. I didn't really, I thought that they were just either faking it or too stupid to realize all the pain there was in the world. And so I thought, well, if they can fake it, I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. Maybe I can just take, you know, some E and feel better, at least for a night. So that's, that was actually primarily what I did in high school was ecstasy. And then I, I drank, but that's, that's pretty much all I did in high school. But when I got out, I didn't really do anything. I drank a lot when I was in college and stuff, but when I got out and into the real world, I guess you could say. And I wanted to be an actress at this time. For all the wrong reasons, you know, I felt like, you know, nobody saw me throughout my whole life. So I feel like I really wanted to be seen. So what better way than to become a famous actress, right? So I, and also it was safe to emote as an actress. So where I couldn't emote in my real life, I could on stage. So I loved it, but getting out into that world, into LA, I moved to New York when I was 17. I moved to LA when I was 19. And it was, it was just a lot at once. It was a really quick growing up that I did. And it was, I just couldn't, I couldn't, I felt like I couldn't do a lot, all of it on my own. But I also felt like I couldn't reach out for help. It was kind of this weird paradox happening and I, so I reached for, you know, I thought that in order to be loved, I needed to be super skinny, for instance. So I went to diet pills. And that was, that was a lot of what I used to kind of self-medicate. And I got down to like a size two, but, you know, I was shaky all the time. I was light headed all the time. I was drinking. I wasn't eating real food. And it was, it was horrible. But I think self-medicating, each, each thing that you do really, or each thing that I did anyways, really had like a backup of like, well, this will make me loved or this will, you know, make people realize how much pain I'm going through and make them ask me what's wrong because I don't want to go to them for help. So it was a lot of like cries for that kind of stuff. But yeah, it was mainly, drinking was my main thing back then, yeah. So let's get into this idea about doing all these things to sort of, you know, feel loved. It's strange because, you know, the episode that's actually on the show today as you and I are talking is about overcoming an addiction to money and success, which it's strange to think that you could be addicted to success, right? And then you think about it, right, like to your point, I think that we have this idea of, hey, if all these things happen, I'm going to be much more loved. I'm going to be much more worthy. I'm going to be much happier. And I mean, I think we can, you know, logically understand that that's, I mean, no matter how many times we hear it, okay, well, that's not true, you know, but then it's easy to say, okay, well, that's easy for you to say because you have everything, you know, sort of the retort to that, but I mean, getting to that point or transcending that, a feeling this sort of, okay, these are all these external things that happen for me to feel loved. I mean, what's your advice on that? I think it really does come down to the stereotypical. You have to find love in yourself before you get it from other people. And it's really about putting yourself first in whatever you need to do to make that happen. So it's not so much about like, you know, I'm going to sit and meditate for half an hour a day or anything like that. It's really about like asking yourself what you need in this moment. Like do you, do you need time by yourself? Do you need, you know, to talk to someone, whatever it is that you need and really addressing that, really taking action to give that to yourself and not justifying it away is the very first step of really finding love within yourself so you can find it without. Yeah, I think that's a, that's a really good way of putting it. I mean, I think that we don't do that, right? Because we're so constantly concerned with how to impress and satisfy other people and how to keep getting ahead and how to keep making progress almost to the point where we can drive ourselves into the ground. And I think that's really important to notice too, within people who really do need to love themselves more, they always focus their love on, or making sure that other people feel like they have it because that's what they want for themselves. So they want to give that to other people, but then they don't give enough to themselves. Hmm. That's, that's an interesting way of putting it. Well, let's do this. You know, here's, here's where I think the story gets really interesting for me is that you get to a point where things are so bad that you try to take your own life. And if you don't mind, I'd love to actually do sort of a deeper dive into, you know, the sequence of events that lead you to that point, and then, and then we can talk sort of about what happens after. Because that's, that's a tough thing. I mean, that's a really sort of dark thought. I mean, especially knowing what we know of you, like when I've met you in person, I can't, like, it's such a dichotomy to imagine you, because you're always smiling, you're always happy. And to think, wait a minute, this is a girl who tried to kill herself. It doesn't, you know, like you're kind of like, wow, that is a drastic and radical change. So talk to me first about sort of the sequence of events in a bit more depth that led you to that moment. Sure. And I think it's important to talk about, I also want just to notify anybody, not notify, but just like kind of put something, you know, a little alert out there. If you guys are going through anything really deep, you might want to just, you know, listen to this with a grain of salt or just skip this one part, just because it can serve as a trigger for anybody who's going through that right now. And there is help for you out there. So just to put that out there a little bit early here when we talk about my story, but so what led up to that was a years of being in a career that I didn't really want to be in that was making me miserable, but I had always told myself that I was going to do it. So I was going to do it even if it made me miserable all the time. It was being in the wrong circles with the wrong people who were doing, you know, things that were not healthy at all. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and relationships and, you know, in, you know, drugs and that kind of stuff and acting out and just trying to be, I don't know, be different and stand out in the wrong ways. So the night that it happened, I was dating somebody who was, you know, still caught up in his ex-girlfriend and stuff like that. And I was at a party with my unsupportive friends and I was drinking pretty heavily. And I was at this point and I was drinking to fall asleep, like I was self-medicating to that point. And I was going through the pain still of another recent breakup and I had gotten involved with this guy to try to, you know, mend that, which I do not recommend at all. And so we had gotten into a fight that night and I was at with my unsupportive friends and I was drunk and it was just, it was just the breaking point. I mean, it was like, it was so many things at once. I was, I was going after this dream that wasn't my dream anymore and I didn't want to face it. I had just been through, you know, another breakup with somebody I really thought I was going, you know, further with. That was my first real feelings about somebody that I had had in a really long time. I was far away from my family who I'm very close with and it was just like, it was just in that night that I almost realized that, you know, I'd been through so long of feeling this way and it wasn't getting better and it was this feeling of hopelessness and I just didn't, I didn't want to try anymore. I didn't want to put any more effort out there anymore and that's what really led me to that point. So, so yeah, that's, that's pretty much it. Wow. I mean, and in the moment when you say, okay, that's it, I'm done. What goes through your mind? Sadly, what went through my mind is don't think about it, just do it. Wow. And somehow, obviously, you're still here. Yeah, yeah. So, talk to me about what happens after that. What happened after that? Well, I mean, thank God for my roommate who's there, who I haven't talked to since actually, I really scared her off her life and I don't blame her. I mean, that's a really scary thing for a 19 year old to go through, supporting somebody like that. But I called the suicide prevention lifeline and the trained listener there talked to me out of it, talked me off the ledge and I also talked to a friend, a very good friend of mine who was an ex-boyfriend. He also just said, you know, just go to sleep and if you're, if you're feeling like this in the morning, go to the emergency room. And so I didn't know what to expect when I went to the emergency room. I just knew that I was in a lot of pain. But I really, I don't know how I blocked it out of my mind that they would send me to a hospital, but I really did. I really wasn't expecting it at all. And then when they did, it was like this wake up of like, oh my gosh, this is really serious. It was almost like I was in this haze, like I wasn't awake that whole time. And so when I went, it was like, this is like, people actually care enough to like put me here, but that's not really, that wasn't really the thought it wasn't really caring. It was like, I'm being punished for feeling this way is how I felt at that time. But being in there was a true wake up call. Not having any choices whatsoever, because I'm really kind of anti authority. I'm not really like good with being told what I need to do, even by myself. And so that was really, like I knew that I never wanted to be in that situation ever again. And that was a wake up call in that sense. But my mom drove down from Northern California. She had to let me out against the doctor's recommendations. She had to, you know, sign that she took all, you know, liability away from the hospital and that kind of stuff. And I went up to live back up with my family for like a couple weeks before I came back down to LA. And it was just a lot of like, I don't even remember too much of that week because there was so much, so much going on. It was like just so much going on in my head. And it was a lot of laying around and not doing anything, but I don't really remember that much at that time. But then it was, it really was a rollercoaster of like trying and failing and trying and failing and standing up. Every single time from then on out, that was one thing that I was really determined to do was keep standing up. And that was really the one thing that I can attribute my recovery to was I refuse to just lie down and let go. Spark something uncommon this holiday with just the right gift from uncommon goods. The busy holiday season is here and uncommon goods makes it less stressful with incredible hand pick gifts for everyone on your list on one spot. 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You insane Hollywood f*ck s*t." So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/Switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three months plan only taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes per detail. 1-800-flowers.com knows that a gift is never just a gift. A gift is an expression of everything you feel and helps to build more meaningful relationships. 1-800-flowers takes the pressure off by helping you navigate life's important moments by making it simple to find the perfect gift from flowers and cookies to cake and chocolate. 1-800-flowers helps guide you in finding the right gift to say how you feel. To learn more, visit 1-800-flowers.com/acast. That's 1-800-flowers.com/acast. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. Cue the fireplace and your favorite fall movie. There's nothing better than a cozy evening at home with a class of first leaf wine. First leaf is a personalized wine club that delivers right to your door. Sounds magical, right? They get to know your favorite tasting notes, which varietals you enjoy and whether you prefer sweet or dry wines. So in every shipment, you get bottles tailored to your unique palette. Go to tryfirstleaf.com/fall to get your first six wines for just $44.95 with free shipping. So let's talk about this idea of trying and failing and trying failing in the roller coaster. Because I think maybe everybody feels like that at some point in their lives, and maybe not to the extreme degree that you have. I mean, all of us face challenges and issues and problems in numerous areas of our lives. And I think that that in many ways is sort of a critical part of the hero's journey of almost anybody on this show. I mean, there's people who have ended up in prison because of their choices that have been guests on this show. So there are two things that come from this for me. I mean, it seems like this was really sort of the catalyst for just massive changes in your life. Something that sort of shakes you to the core. Yeah, rock bottom often is for people. Yeah. And so this is a question I've asked a lot of people. Just because it seems that it's almost like in order for a massive change to happen, you know, a massive explosion has to happen. And I'm wondering, you know, if you don't get shaken to the core, is there a way to bring about these sort of drastic changes in your life? And I mean, there's obviously some people who get shaken to the core and never bounce back. So the two questions really are one, is this kind of a thing necessary? And then two, let's talk about the roller coaster because, you know, that up and down can drive you to madness. Yeah, I can. Yeah. Well, funny, you asked this because I wrote a book about it. It's about how hitting rock bottom is that catalyst for most people. And it takes a lot of people that to change their lives around, to fully pull a 180. But I don't think that that's necessary. No, I don't think that people need to get to that point. It comes down to that simple switch in your brain that says, I'm going to fully commit or I'm not. So it comes down to like, what is this truly worth to me? And the realization that each action you take leads you to that result. So it's more about really rooting yourself in that deeper why what you really want out of your life. And then putting that intention into every action that you take. So it's interesting that you say it takes this big explosion, but you can actually almost create that explosion within your own self. You don't have to wait for the world to give it to you. In fact, I don't recommend it. It's not fun. Like it's not it's not a great thing to go after in your life. But yes, I do believe that struggle is important. And I actually this is kind of the theme of my new tour that I'm doing is that struggle is something that we shy away from. But I'm here to argue that it's something that we truly should embrace. It's something that is the key to making us stronger. We can't be strong without going through the struggle first. You know, so so yeah, I think that getting to that point without that big explosion just takes you sitting down with yourself and really facing what you're not dealing with. So let's talk about this this idea of the intention and the deeper why. And then, you know, we'll also talk about the struggle piece because I think the struggle is is absolutely one of those things that definitely in my life, I found that that is always as awful as it is in the moment. Somehow it leads to a lot of other things that are good after it's over. That's true. Yeah. But let's talk about, you know, this idea of intention and the deeper why and taking action towards that, you know, one small action at a time because here's one of the things that I see with change or attempts to change is that, you know, you get this person who wakes up one day and I'm sure as a fitness person, you've seen this, it's like, you know what, I'm going to go out and I'm going to lose 100 pounds and I'm going to do it all in this week. Yeah. Yeah. People just go crazy. And as a result, they set themselves up for failure. So two things. One is figuring out the sort of intention and deeper why and how you help people find it. And then we'll start talking specifically about using fitness to deal with some of the challenges that we face. Yeah. Yeah. I think the finding the deeper why is, do you want to cover that first or what do you want to start with the finding the deeper why and the intention? Okay. Finding your deeper why and your intention is kind of an art if you've never done it before. It's because a lot of us, you know, have those surface goals. So that guy that wants to go out and lose 100 pounds this week, he's like, you know, I'm tired of being made fun of for my weight or I'm tired of not being able to, you know, run a mile. I want to go lose 100 pounds. What I always do with my clients and my virtual clients is say why, just asking them why over and over again until A, they hate me and B, they find that deeper why. So there's, there's always something deeper than that surface I want to look better. And you ask yourself why and get deeper and it sounds simple, but no, not very many of us actually do this is you keep asking why until you hit that point where you feel that gut reaction, that emotion that really rises up. So for for one person that I reached recently coached, I kept asking her why she wanted to lose weight. Why do you, why do you want to lose weight? Because I think it would be good for my family. Why do you want to lose weight because you think it would be good for your family? Because, you know, my kids have always not eaten healthy. So so why does that matter? Because I don't want them to die early, be like the rest of my family has. That's where the emotion has come up. So rooting your intention in something simple, like a mantra, I'm a big fan of mantras, for especially for while you're working out, but also you carry those into your real life. And that's how you strengthen through workouts and real life. So we rooted her mantra in do it for them. Do it for them. And it's all about finding that that point that's going to that's going to immediately roots you in something bigger than you, something bigger than whatever this feeling is right now. I love that. All right, so let's shift gears a little bit. And let's start talking about how we can leverage fitness to overcome a lot of these emotional challenges. I mean, you know, we talked about the roller coaster ride of struggle and challenge and it sounds like fitness has been this integral part of dealing with that roller coaster ride to get to the other side of, you know, what seems like an uphill battle. So let's talk about that in more depth, you know, how you've done it, you know, what, you know, how does, I mean, specifically, how does this create changes internally in us that actually help really navigate these very difficult emotional times? Well, there's a lot of science behind it, actually. There's a great book that I say seriously on every interview I'm on. So if you've listened to another interview, you've heard this before, it's called spark the revolutionary new science, science of exercise in the brain. And it's by Dr. John Jay Radie. He just had a new book come out as well. But he pulled together all this research that shows exactly how aerobic exercise helps you recover from stress, depression, anxiety, and a host of other things, ADHD. But it really, it helps rewire your brain, even build new brain cells, grow, like elevate brain derived neurotrophic factor. It's just a whole bunch of science stuff behind it. But basically, it's very good for your brain. It helps you hold onto other things in your real life that you're working on. And it helps you focus in and out of out of your workouts. So that focus translates to, you know, focusing on that deeper why really putting that and attention and realizing that you need to put that intention behind the big actions that you take in life. So one of the big things for me before I went into the hospital was that I knew what I wanted on the surface level, so I didn't have my deeper why. And I went after that, or I just said that I wanted that but I didn't take actions that aligned with that why, even the surface one. So I was like, oh, I want to be a famous actress. I hope that somebody gives that to me. Instead of actually going out and really just pounding the pavement, trying to make that happen, you know, I was in an acting class, but because I was getting that fulfillment from the acting class, I was comfortable. I didn't necessarily want to take that next step, even though I said that I did that kind of stuff. So it's, you know, taking fitness and using that mantra, that intention within your fitness. So oftentimes, your intention in, you know, your your life, that that mantra that you create for yourself will translate to what you need to do in your fitness as well. So it kind of goes both ways inside out, outside in. So if you take that mantra and use it within your workouts to strengthen yourself, so one of my main things is not believing that I can or it has been. I am pretty good with that now. So one of my mantras that roots me in my self-worth and what I can do is, yes, I can. It's very simple. It's very simple, but it means a lot to me personally, and it roots myself in my deeper why. So while I'm going through my workout, I consistently challenge myself more than my last one. So I'm always pushing myself to where I feel like I want to give up. And that's when the mantra kicks in, yes, I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Throughout the whole thing. And I just repeat that to myself in my head with very loud music, that helps. And then when I go out into my life, knowing that I could push myself physically, past what I believed that I could do before, I know that mentally, it's not really as hard as the physical part. If you just keep believing that you really can and putting yourself into that situation, whatever intention you had in your workout translates into outside the gym, too, if that makes sense. Tell me if you need me to clarify any of that. I'm happy to. Yeah, let's go. Let's go a bit more in depth. I think that's, you know, it's, you know, it's funny because I've seen fitness for me. I mean, it's always been surfing when I look at how it translated into other habits in my life. It just, it completely transformed everything. And when I'm not surfing regularly, I know there's, there's always the sense that something is off. I mean, what I found is definitely no question, like when I'm exercising regularly, even if it's not surfing, like if I'm hitting the gym and just running on a treadmill or whatever for 45 minutes an hour, I always feel better. Like as awful as I might feel, somehow it changes something in my brain. And I'm not sure, you know, and it sounds like chemically, that's what happens. And, you know, it's interesting because it, you, it's, I guess it's one of the things that really does just start to basically infect every other area of your life in a good way. Yep. It's, it elevates so many of those good hormones and chemicals and gets everything working together in sync. So it's, it is very good for everything. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like it. So, so one thing around this, I don't imagine that you start exercising and suddenly there are no more, you know, valleys, not just all uphill from there. So I'm curious, you know, even when, when we're going through this and we're really using fitness to transform our lives and things are clearly changing and we hit these valleys. I mean, do you still hit valleys of depression and how do we deal with that, you know, when we're going through it? Yeah, and this is, this is something that I'm really glad you brought up to because a lot of people will look at my story and be like, oh, she, she just cured herself. She's just magically out of depression. She never feels that away anymore. And that is not the case at all. With clinical depression, it is a chemical imbalance in your brain. And while it has gotten better because of the amount that I move my body and because of the positive mindset reframing that I've done through cognitive behavioral therapy, it's a lot better, but it still happens. I, it still kicks in either with triggers or without sometimes it just happens because of, you know, hormonal fluctuations or whatever. And I do, I do sink into it sometimes, but I know that I have my tool belt available to me now. So I know exactly what I need to do, which is just a get out and do something, even if it's just 30 minutes of walking, even if I'm crying the whole time, which has happened to talk to somebody, just talk to anyone. I have my support systems. So don't talk to anyone. I take that back. Talk to anyone who is in that support system that you know will actually listen to you without trying to fix it. Because sometimes you just need somebody to listen and emotionally just feel that. And then, sorry, I just, I think somebody is at my door. I think we're good. And then also, just, you know, keep that in mind, keep it in mind what you really are doing this for. Like, just know, I just told a friend recently, you always tell yourself that this is not how it's always going to be this this to shall pass. And I use that in a non-religious way. But I say that a lot to myself, actually, because one of my kickboxing teachers back in the day, when I was going through the really dark times, use that as a mantra through our kickboxing class, this to shall pass, this to shall pass. And he was one of the first people I came up to and actually told that I was going through a really tough time. And he just, he like grabbed me with his big giant muscle arms, just said, like this to shall pass with tears in his eyes, big giant muscle guy. It was pretty amazing. Yeah, I love that. It's funny because I think that we, you know, Greg Hartl always likes to say your temporary circumstances are not permanent identity. And they don't have to be, which is probably one of the most valuable lessons I've learned from him. And I think that, you know, while it's happening, it can be really hard to believe that. Yeah, you know, and also your past circumstances don't create your life. Don't determine, you know, what you end up to be. I think past and present and you can always change no matter where you are. Yeah. Wait, loss. It needs to be fast and sustainable. Nume GLP one starts at just $149 and ships to your door in seven days. Take it from clay bossier who lost 35 pounds on noon. It's a psychological thing too. No, it's teaching me the habits. So I do not have to be on way lost meds forever. $149 GLP one. Now that's noon smart. Get started at noon.com. Real new music are compensated to provide their story. Individual results may vary. Not all customers will benefit qualified for prescription medications, compounded medications are not reviewed by the FDA for safety FDC or quality. Explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos. Hard. Tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks everyone will love. Any easy win. And with Instacart helping deliver the snack time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. 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Sounds magical, right? They get to know your favorite tasting notes, which varietals you enjoy and whether you prefer sweet or dry wines. So in every shipment, you get bottles tailored to your unique palette. Go to tryfirstleaf.com/fall to get your first six wines for just $44.95 with free shipping. Well, let's do this. Let's refresh a little bit. Obviously, this, all of this together has led to sort of this, you know, greater mission with what you're doing with fitness and to go out and really sort of spread these changes to other people and really help other people through, you know, empowering other people to make these kinds of changes through fitness. So talk to me about kind of where it's all led you. I mean, you know, you started as a personal trainer, but clearly it's growing far beyond that. Yeah, yeah, it has. It's funny because I started strong inside out actually initially as just a fitness site. And I had no idea how I was going to be different than anybody else. And then I found out that my about page was getting more traffic than any of my blog posts. And that's where I first shared my story. So that's when I realized that it was something deeper than than just fitness. And that's when I really started to embrace that like what I had been through, all that struggle I'd been through had brought me to this point where I can share it and help other people through it. So one of my main things was that when I was growing up, I didn't feel like any of the support systems available, like any of the charities, any of the organizations, anybody who came out to help, even, you know, a lot of the school counselors and stuff didn't understand or didn't want to fully understand because I was lashing out at people because I was in so much pain that I was, you know, the loud obnoxious kid. And after I had gone through my recovery, I came across this picture on Flickr for a search, I was searching for a picture for my blog. And it was this beautiful picture of just these arms extended with love written all over them. And I was like, what is that? I need to click through to this. So I clicked through and it brought me to a site for to write love on her arms, which is the most amazing suicide prevention charity I have ever come across. And they the way that they they brand themselves, the stories that they tell, the messages that they give is like they're with you in the trenches, and they're not just talking at you. They're not just saying, oh, you know, you'll get over it, just hang in there, buddy. They're like, we know how much pain you're going through. And though it feels like this right now, there is another side. Just keep hoping, keep hoping and keep fighting and please stay alive is their message. And you truly know that it matters to them. And so I reached out to them and I was like, I have to be further involved. You know, let me donate 10% of my ebook sales to your cause. And they were like, okay, that's great. And I was like, this feels stupid. I'm giving 10% to a life saving cause. This is dumb. So I was like, I need to do something bigger. I need to I need to really scale this in a way that's going to help get them more awareness, help get kids eyes on them and know that they exist. And I need to help them in some way. Like, I really want to give them more than I can personally give. So I was like, what can I possibly do? I teach fitness classes. Yay. I can do that. But how can I scale this and really get the word out? So last year, you helped me very much in this. I launched the 30 by 30 project to celebrate the 30th birthday that I almost didn't have that I almost gave up. I toured to 30 different cities in top 30 fitness classes over a course of three months I lived out of a backpack that raised awareness and donations for two right love on her arms. And I'm working with them again this year to do the strong inside out tour where I'm going to major cities and doing huge wellness events where people come out. They do my intention driven fitness class. So if you're not sure how to incorporate a mantra and how to fight for you by using your fitness and take that into your real life, please come out to one of our events and I will show you how I will teach you how to do it by taking it through taking you through it hard, struggling, work out myself. And then what we're doing also this year, 50% of those proceeds, by the way, go to two right love on her arms. And then we're taking people into an ongoing program, which is a track based program that will give you a workout and mindfulness tools and challenges based on your mindset now. So a depressed person will go down a different track than somebody who's really stressed out or anxious or somebody who's ready for a challenge will go down a different track than somebody who is just taking baby steps or just needs to start. So I'm really excited about that. Actually, this is something brand new to this year. Wow. I love it. I mean, it's, it's kind of amazing that a story that is so tragic could turn into something so life changing. I think that that's, you know, it's so funny because like while you while you're in it, you just have no concept of why there's so much pain in your life. You're looking for reasons and you're like, why did you know, the higher powers that be do this to me? Why do they, you know, want me to struggle so much? It doesn't make sense why everybody else is having a good time and I'm not. But there really is, and it's not the best thing to say to somebody who's in the dark depths of, of that depression, but there really is a reason for everything. I think there is a reason for, you know, for your pain and it will make sense one day. Yeah, I would say so. Yeah, based on all the guests who've been here, you know, on this show. So Amy, first off, you know, I, I really appreciate you coming and taking the time to, to share some of your story and shed light on a conversation. I think that a lot of us don't want to have. Yeah. And that we've probably avoided at all costs because it's so taboo. But I, you know, when you were telling me about all of this, I thought, you know, this is an important conversation and one that we need to talk about because I think that we don't want to talk about it. And yet, if we're willing to, it, I think it actually can heal a lot of pain. It says it takes a stronger person to be vulnerable than it does to keep inside. There's no, no reason for you to keep it inside when there's so many people out there, so many organizations out there who want to help. Just ask for it. Yeah. So Amy, I'm going to close with a final question, which we close all our interviews here with the unmistakable creative. So, you know, we live in such a noisy, sort of crazy, hyper-connected world. And, you know, I guess the question for me always, and maybe one of the driving forces behind why we do this is what is it in your mind that makes somebody or something unmistakable? I think when somebody really gets into alignment and with that deeper why that we just talked about for, you know, for a long time, actually, that person just starts beaming. You know, you can tell, you can see that that radiance, that just light coming from the inside of them. And I think you can tell even through, you know, through online, you can tell through their writing, you can tell through their videos, and everything, when everybody, when you're in alignment with that intention, and it usually happens when you really base that intention in helping other people. So I think that that really makes people unmistakable is that that light that they radiate. Awesome. Well, Amy, like I said, it's been my absolute pleasure to have you here as a guest on unmistakable creative. This has been just, you know, mind-blowing and touching, and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to join us and share some of your insights with our listeners. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on. And I hope that everybody can come out to our tourist stuff this year. Absolutely. And for those of you guys listening, we'll wrap the show with that. You've been listening to the Unmistakable Creative podcast. 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What resulted in Amy’s suicide attempt in her 20’s
The choices we have, that we can all take advantage of
Why fitness as an outlet helped Amy overcome her challenges
The tendency to bury some of our most important problems
Taking a first step in sharing your challenges and problems
How self medication can lead to covering some things up
The wakeup call that came from being hospitalized
Why the determination to keep standing up helped Amy recover
Navigating the roller coaster ride of trials and failures
Why we must embrace struggle to grow stronger
Learning to find reasons to make a change in your life
The role that fitness plays in your ability to overcome depression
Translating the intention of your workout to your life outside at the gym
How the mission of Strong Inside Out has evolved over the last few years

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