The Unmistakable Creative Podcast

Reflections on The Instigator Experience

In this special Friday episode, we flip the script, and Instigator Experience attendee Diana Alvear interviews Srini about his motivation and thoughts on the event

Srini’s original motivation for creating the Instigator Experience
How being in the zone completely changes performance
Why we have to learn to let go of the people who lead us
The illusion of dependency that is created by our leaders
Why you have to show fully and own whatever whatever you’re doing
How planning The Instigator Experience was like a big wave
The internal changes that have occurred as a byproduct of Greg
A look at the how we deal with other people ’s opinions of us
The role that gratitude plays in changes of life
Why you never stop bridging the gap between you and your goal
A moment that made me clearly see a future that I’m driven towards
How the closing speech of the event impacted Srini personally

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Duration:: 1h 4m
Broadcast on:: 11 Apr 2014
Audio Format:: other

As you probably noticed this month, we're bringing you our "Life of Purpose" series and revisiting some of our most transformative episodes, tune in to explore expert insights and practical strategies on help, performance, and community well-being, all aimed at helping you achieve personal and professional fulfillment. If you sign up for the newsletter, you'll not only get recaps of the key ideas in each interview, but at the end of the series, you'll receive our free "Life of Purpose" ebook. What you have to do is go to unmistakablecreative.com/lifepurpose, again, that's unmistakable I'm Srinney Rao, and this is the Unmistakable Creative Podcast, where I speak with creative entrepreneurs, artists, and other insanely interesting people to hear their stories, learn about their molding moments, tipping points, and spectacular takeoffs. Hey, true crime fans! Tired of ads interrupting your gripping investigations? Good news! 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And Evan, he can't stand salads, but he still lost 50 pounds with NUMA. I never really was a salad guy. That's just not who I am. Even through the pickiness, NUMA taught me that building better habits builds a healthier lifestyle. I'm not doing this to get to a number. I'm doing this to feel better. Get your personalized plan today at NUMA.com. Real NUMA users compensated to provide their story. In four weeks, the typical NUMA can expect to lose one to two pounds per week. Individual results may vary. In this episode of The Unmistakable Creative, we flip the script and die on a LVR interviews me about our recent event, The Instigator Experience. Welcome to The Unmistakable Creative. And if you're wondering who I am, well, that's a good question. Today, I'm going to do the interviewing. This is Diane LVR, and I happen to be a friend of Serene's, and I attended the amazing instigator experience over the weekend. And we're turning the tables on Serene today, and we're going to find out a little bit more about how he feels about things, how he sees things going from here, and what his vision is for the instigator experience. So Serene, I'd like to welcome you to the show. Well, thanks. It's funny to be welcomed to your own show. Oh, I know. And I hope you're comfortable in that hot seat because it's going to be really, really hot today. So, Serene, first of all, I just wanted to take the time to congratulate you on the instigator experience, because I can attest, and so many others can attest to, the power of what took place over the last weekend, and the person that keeps coming up in everybody's conversations as you. We all want to know how you feel about what went down over the weekend. So tell me how you felt when you woke up on Sunday morning. Aside from kind of hungover. I'm not even going to touch that one. Yeah. You know, I think I hang over both physically and emotionally as a good way to describe it. You know, it's strange because it was such an intense experience. And I was so in it that it took me, I don't think by the time I woke up Sunday, I had really processed that it had actually happened. You know, when you start something really, really big, and it starts literally on a piece of paper as a bunch of ideas and you see it materialized before your eyes, it's really weird because you have to get into this idea that, wait a minute, this actually happened. It wasn't all just a dream. It was real. And I guess that the way I felt Sunday morning, it's strange, right? Like I was thinking in one way there was sort of this sort of, this huge void right there in my life suddenly because something that has consumed me for the better part of the last year, even longer, was suddenly gone. And yet, what I could all I could think about was in my mind, you know, people were jokingly coming to me throughout the weekend and so, you know, started asking about the next instigator experience and said, well, let's get through the first one. And strangely, I woke up Sunday morning and my mind was, okay, I mean, literally, I was like, after I breathe, I want to start jotting down ideas. Yeah, you know, it's strange, like I felt that suddenly I was, I've hit a momentum and I don't want to let up the gas pedal at all, and I don't plan to. And that's that was that's kind of my immediate reaction because I know you and I have talked about the fact that you didn't want me to really write about it or really talk, you know, and before we had this chat, you could unleash it all for your listeners. Yeah, you know, it's interesting because I mean, there's been, I jokingly told Greg, I said, it's like I have, you know, reflections to rats, you're seeing bits of it pop out on phrase Facebook, you know, it's interesting. One of the things that, you know, I mentioned yesterday is there's a sign outside my hotel room elevator and I saw this every single day for the last few days and I didn't hit me until yesterday. The sign reads moderation kills the spirit and, you know, of course, moderation is probably a good thing when it comes to drinking or anything bad for you, but there's also a fluffer button on the phone. So, you know, there's too much into it. But I thought it was really fitting that the sign said that because I think that, you know, when it comes to your art, moderation does kill the spirit and in my mind, you know, on the one hand it was the end of something big on the other, I think it's the beginning of something much bigger. I agree and I want to, sorry, Greg, shift gears here for a second and I want you to go back to a year ago and I want you to tell me in your listeners, why did you feel that there was a need for something like the instigator experience? I mean, it's not every day that someone who hosts a show decides, you know what, let's go all out and do a two day conference and see what happens. Well, there, you know, there are numerous motivations for it. You know, Greg always says find something that pisses you off and fix it and most of the conferences and events I went to really pissed me off because they were too big. Nothing really productive seemed to come out of them and they seemed excessively focused on the speakers and not nearly as much on the attendees. And I was really, really just compelled to change that. But the more so than that, I think there's something for me, I have this deep need to see people's lives get better mainly because, you know, I mean, I was written off as somebody who had no interest in controlling my own destiny. And that's really, really disheartening and it can start to become your identity and it did for me for a very, very long time. And I see a lot of really talented and brilliant people and I see them in similar situations and I see them caught up in narratives that, you know, don't really allow them to do what they do or allow them to shine. And I guess, you know, for me, I wanted to create a vehicle that was going to enable that. I mean, I think that's what we've done with the show to some degree. But I felt that we could do it on a much greater degree and a much more impactful level with an event. And then of course, you know, there's always the challenge of doing something that's really, really far outside of your comfort zone because, you know, here's the interest. It's the interesting thing. You know, if you remember, there's an opening video that says that, you know, every small wave prepares you for the bigger one. And every, you know, it's true. It's really true because what happens is that once you ride a bigger wave, your comfort zone changes, you know, and I'll give you, I probably share this example before when I, you know, when I first started surfing, I would look at the surf report and I would say, oh, two to three foot down, like, I'm glad it's not too much bigger. And you know, you get a bit more advanced and you're like, wow, only a two to three foot day. That's not going to be very interesting. So I think what happens is that you get to a point where you're thinking, okay, well, this is comfortable. Now I want to challenge myself to do something that's really uncomfortable. And I can tell you this was way out of my comfort zone. And yet when you took that stage, you and I talked about this as well, you were so comfortable. You didn't need notes. You didn't need a prompter. And you looked out at us and just spoke from the heart. It just felt like it was exactly where you needed to be. Yeah. You know, and I think that that's, you know, there's something to be said for riding that wave. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's a way to put it. I mean, you know, I think there's something to be said for doing things that pull you into states of flow. You know, when we get pulled into states of flow, we kind of lose track of what exactly it is we're doing. We're so long and conscious of it because we're so absorbed in what we're doing. And time seems to just fly. I mean, that two days probably went by faster than anything in my entire life. I mean, it was there were times when I was exhausted, but it was weird. It was like a, it was a joyful kind of exhaustion. It was like, I've never enjoyed being this exhausted so much in my life. You know, I was like, this is just the most wonderful feeling. And, you know, you brought up how, you know, when I was on that stage, I seemed comfortable. You know, and I thought about that a lot over the last few days. And I realized that, you know, one of the things that was interesting is I never felt in my life more like I was in the right place doing the right thing than in those moments. Yeah. And you could see that. I mean, it was, it was, it was amazing for me because I know you and I haven't known each other that long, but you know, we've talked about this, this conference at Lane and then to actually see you on stage looking out at the faces of 60 people that you said, hey, I believe in you enough to have you attend this conference. It was, it was a really great moment. And at one point, do you remember when I turned around and I just patted you on the knee and I said, you did so good. I was so proud of you. I wanted to, I wanted to touch on something though. I spoke to, I tried to make a point of talking to everybody at the conference and I noticed that just by being at this conference, they felt so much better about their big idea or their plan or the impact that they wanted to make. And I realized that they're all looking at you as a leader. Are you ready for that type of mantle? You know, it's weird, right, I've seen some posts similar to things like that. And I don't know that that's necessarily... You need to try. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing, right, is that I think we need people to lead us. But I also think that comes a point at which you have to let go of your leader. And that's sort of the interesting dichotomy, is that yes, you need somebody maybe like that in your life. And yet, that person can't do it for you. I'm not in everybody's life every single day of the way I was for those two days. And I can't be. It's just not possible. It's literally not possible, not because I don't want to, but it's not possible. And it's actually not healthy, to be honest. I think that one of the things that's dangerous about what you're talking about is that it can create a dependency that is actually really just an illusion. And this is something I've learned throughout this process. One of the things that I told you was that I got to the point where I was having trouble making decisions very quickly. And it was because of my dependency on Greg. And I realized that that was an illusion, that I needed to make decisions. And I think that there is this idea that somebody else is going to tell you what to do. And they're always going to be there telling you what to do. And that is why if you look at the beginning of the journal, you know, we actually thought a lot about what was going to go into that journal. And originally there were supposed to be prompts for all the exercises. And I thought to myself, I said, you know, that would actually be the wrong thing to do here because I don't want to give you a map because I don't want you to end up where I want to end where I am. Like I don't want people to look at what they saw on stage and say that's where I want to be because I don't think that's everybody's role. And I think we've got this sort of dangerous situation where I have no interest in creating clones of me. You know, I mean, if you looked at that room, the reason there was such a diverse group of people in there was because I want to have a ripple effect that leads to things that I could never accomplish myself, that I don't have the capabilities to accomplish, that I don't have the intelligence to accomplish, that I don't have the talent to accomplish. For example, I'm never going to be Sarah Steenland. I don't have the skill to draw the way she does. And I don't ever want to be, I mean, and she should never want to be me. She's amazing at what she does. And I always hate the idea that somebody would piss away their amazing talents to try to become somebody they're not or somebody like me. Right. That would just be another prison then, right? Yeah. Bring them outside of prison. And then they end up in another one saying, well, I need to do exactly what these people are doing. Exactly. Exactly. And so, you know, it's interesting that you say people are looking to me to lead. And I see myself more as a guide. And that's why, you know, the opening of- That's a good distinction. You know, I think the opening of that book or the journal, it says this is your compass. Because the thing is that if I gave them a map, the destination is a bit too predetermined. And I don't like that idea because I think that you have to be open to the possibility that you're going to end up somewhere where you didn't plan to be. In a million years, if you told me when I was 20, that I would be on that stage leading 60 people through this experience along with a guy like Greg, I would have never believed that. Like, I really wouldn't have because that it seems, I mean, it seems so far-fetched. And you know, and that's why even in closing, I said, one of the things you have to realize is that nothing here is real, that this is an environment that we completely made up. We made it up out of thin air and it's not real. And I think that when you, when you can get your head around that, that's terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Absolutely, I was going to tell you, I felt like it was one of the best things that anyone said at the conference because it's really easy to kind of get wrapped up in that bubble of, oh my God, we're going to change the world and everybody's so great and I love you. And then you get home and you think, oh my gosh, I still have to clean my underwear. And I still have to feed the cats. And you know, that high will eventually go away and it's what are you going to do when you're back in your own reality? Yeah, I mean, and that's exactly, you're back in your own reality. See, we created a filter through which people could see the world and eventually that filter dissipates and then you have to create your own filter. And so that's why I don't think that viewing me sort of as the person to lead them is necessarily healthy. Maybe you're just the ringmaster at the circus. Yeah, it's funny. Somebody told me they felt like they joined a cult, but they were happy to be part of it. I think that was me. So, you know, another thing I wanted to talk to you about was I did a little bit of thinking about some of the common themes that kept emerging over and over and over again at the conference. And the word that kept coming up for me at the conference was freedom. And I wanted to talk to you a little bit about this because I know that freedom is a big theme for you. Was that intentional? You know, there were numerous aspects of this that were incredibly intentional. But the byproduct and what would happen when you put those people in the room? No, I don't necessarily think that was intentional. I mean, it's interesting that freedom kept coming up over and over because, you know, I mean, I think for a large part of my life, I have felt very, very trapped into internal narratives that I can't escape actual situations that I can't escape, jobs that I couldn't escape. So maybe on some level, unconsciously, that came about, but I think there's something to be said for making some parts of something like this intentional and making other parts of it fall where they may and letting them kind of take on their own form. And again, you know, it kind of takes us back to that analogy of the compass. I think that I can't really, you know, get behind the idea of using this event as a map for people's lives. I'm not really comfortable with that. I think it serves as a compass because have you been to too many events where you felt like people were being told what to do? You know what? It's not that they were being told what to do. It's that they were interpreting it as if they were. And that's a critical distinction, I think. One of the things that I always talk about is never following any instructions to the letter. And Greg even talked about this. He actually mentioned that some of this is probably not going to be relevant to some of you. And you need to learn how to filter. What isn't? You know, I mean, again, you know, that's why we have to paint a picture that, hey, by the way, this is a filter through which we're showing you the world. It's not real. All right. Another thing I felt came up over and over again was owning oneself fully and owning oneself, your weaknesses, the things that light you up, the things that make you unique. I felt like there was a lot of encouragement for people to really, truly, finally fully own themselves. Yeah. That's that is one of the most challenging and complicated things for people as you probably know even better than I do because you had so many conversations with people about that exact thing. And you know, maybe somehow that you know that I'm talking to you about it, it's not surprising that it made its way into the whole situation because it's something that really, really challenged me for a very, very long time. And then I saw the power of what would happen when I finally started to. And it's one of those things where you understand it intellectually, it's like, hey, just be yourself. But what does that even mean? We come up with these definitions for it and we hide it behind all these fancy words like personal brand and all this nonsense. But I think owning it, and owning your idea, owning whatever it is you're doing, you know, it's interesting. Greg and I were having a conversation, I think, Wednesday night before our load-in day, and we were having dinner. And he was telling me about a story about adventure capitalism. Everything says, you know, every entrepreneur that I ever talk to believes that their idea is the best thing they've ever done. It's interesting. On some level, they have an internal narrative of I am going to make it, no matter what anybody says. And I think that's important, you know, when the guy who told me that I didn't seem like a person who wasn't interested in controlling a desk, my own destiny, said that to me, it did something to me. It made me want to say, you know what, that's BS. I'm going to show you that you're really wrong. And I'm going to show the world that you're wrong. And I think that people who really own their truth and own everything they're about, they have that on some level. It's not that they don't face self-doubt, it's not that they don't face fear. But there is a part of them that says, this is going to be amazing, and I'm going to blow the world away. And I think even in the process of creating this event, that was my mindset when I sat down. I said, I want to do something that really, really blows people's minds. I want to do something that is a game changer. Because so far, and I'd be lying if I told you that trying to escape that label of you're not a guy who seems interested in controlling your own destiny didn't drive me to this moment. Right. He was your Mrs. Mitchell, like AJ Lee on said, we all have a Mrs. Mitchell. And it's funny because that same person can lead you down a very, very dark path. I could have gone down the road of, I'm trying to prove that you're wrong and I'm going to do it in the context that you think I should. Yeah. And people fight ghosts all the time. Yeah. And then I went and did it in a completely different context. And so, yeah, I mean, that's really been one of the drivers. But I think that this idea of really owning something and just showing up like you think what you're doing is going to be bigger than anything imaginable, that's, you know, I don't think that it gives you permission, doesn't it? Because if somebody else is owning his own thing, then you say, wow, well, if he can totally own what it is that he's doing, then why the hell am I not owning myself fully? Yeah. I mean, you know, that conversation at dinner, you know, Greg and I were talking, he said, do you ever think Mark Zuckerberg wakes up and thinks, hey, you know what? I'm not going to just own this. I mean, I'm sure the day he started it, he's like, I'm going to do the biggest and greatest thing ever. It's probably a little scary about it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, of course, you're gambling. I mean, my life is full of gambles and risks that might not work. And it's full of a lot of uncertainty, but I look at how big of a gamble this was and I look at, you know, what the byproduct was. And it's a bit like this. I've just surfed this, you know, a 10 foot wave. And now I'm wondering, okay, let's go figure out if I can hack it on a 15 foot wave. Yeah. Well, I think that we can both agree that someone who fully owns his life is Greg Hartle. And you and I have both known him for some time. But I think this conference was the first time that a lot of people really got to see and hear him for who he is and witness the power that he contains. And I just want to ask you, I asked him why he bet on you. And I'm going to ask you, why did you bet on Greg Hartle? 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Something about it that seemed so compelling, Greg's story of $10 in a laptop, and here's a guy who has survived a kidney transplant and all of these different things and serious health issues. And I jokingly like to call him the Jack Bauer of the internet because I think that he could diffuse a nuclear bomb in a day if he had to. Or tell you to figure it out. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Or he would figure it out. That's the thing. And I think why I bet on Greg was what I saw was somebody who was incredibly resourceful, somebody who could take almost any situation that he saw and somehow shape it into what it had the capability of being. And that's a really, really powerful thing. Greg talked a lot this weekend about being able to see the future. And while I didn't ever really understand it in those terms, I think the reason that I really bet on Greg was because he could see the future of what was going to happen with this. And not only could he see that future, he could actually bring it about and he could guide me to bringing it about. And he talked about how part of why he bet on me was because I showed up. It's funny. People asked, somebody came up to me and they said, "Wait a minute, you're running podcast episodes this week after the instigator experience?" I said, "Yeah, why wouldn't we?" We ran them during the week of the instigator experience. It's what we have to do. Like Greg said, it's a living, breathing thing. It doesn't just stop suddenly because you have some big success. But I think that he could see the future of this and he could guide it in the direction it needed to go so that it could become what it could possibly be. And that to me was, it was like the dream of my life. I sent Greg a text yesterday and I said, "Thank you. You've given me one of the greatest gifts of my entire life from this weekend." He gave you a gift, but I want to know how you've changed internally as a result of your relationship with him. Yeah, that's a great question too. One of the things that I think has been very challenging for me is dealing with an internal narrative that has been very limiting in believing that my circumstances are my identity. I mean, most people know I've been fired from jobs as Greg even talked about on stage. I didn't do well in college. You have this sort of idea of what your life is supposed to look like and when it doesn't align, there's this really sort of weird murky middle ground and you feel very, very lost in it. I think you're not where you're supposed to be. You're not anywhere. You're just kind of there. And I think for me internally, what has really, really, probably been the most dramatic shift is to start looking at the circumstances of my life and realizing they're not my identity. In fact, I think one of the things worth talking about is by the time people are listening to this, today is actually my 36th birthday. Happy birthday. And I've been thinking a lot about this concept of identity, especially because I knew we were going to have this conversation. And I've looked at the last year and I said, "Wow, I've done more in the last year than I have in my entire life as far as accomplishment. I had a best-selling book. We grew a business rapidly, we put on a 60-person event that sold out and was a real hit according to every single attendee there. We really made dramatic shifts in people's lives and sometimes I think my life is the one that changed the most is the byproduct." And when I got my head around that, I realized that your circumstances, whether they're good or bad, are not your identity. Right. That all of those things are not me. Underneath all of those, I'm still just a surf bum who likes to write and ride waves. But it's kind of fun though when you realize that your circumstances are not your reality and that means that you can change your circumstances to be what you want them to be. Yeah, exactly. I think that it's really easy to keep thinking that these are me and these are the filters through which I see the world. And once you realize that, "Hey, by the way, they're just lenses and you can keep changing the lenses," something really powerful happens. I think that when I spoke with the videographer, he talked to me 10 minutes after the event was done. And what I told him was that it's done and I still don't believe that I'm capable of doing this right now, even though we finished it. So that's probably that is hands down on the great internal changes that has come about for me. And then looking at kind of the way his life is and realizing how much of a sense of impermanence there is to everything, that maybe even was one of the great lessons for me. Truth be told, he delivered some really powerful lessons this weekend and part of me wondered, "I couldn't help but thinking. I wondered if this is really all just designed for me to be able to keep carrying this forward." Yeah, and we'll talk a little bit. I want to close on what Greg talked about. But, Suni, I want to ask you something. Do you care what other people think of you? Yeah. I do. Does it matter what other people think of you? Yeah, I do. I think that it's interesting, right, because we perpetuate this sort of don't give a damn what anybody thinks about you and go do whatever you want. And it's a nice sort of sounding theory, but I mean, there's no question like, "I have this deep, deep, deep need for connection with people in case you didn't notice." In case it isn't obvious, so you know, so why do a 60 person- That's a runner. Yeah. I know clearly. I really don't like people, which is why I like putting on 60 person events. And that was the other reason I wanted to be so small. I wanted a connection to as many people in that room as possible. That meant the world to me. Do you care what those people think of you, the people that were in that room? Yeah, I really do, because they've trusted me with something important to them. Do I care what everybody thinks? No, not necessarily. Well, because I think that that's one of the biggest stumbling blocks for people is the fear of what other people are going to think of you. And I think that in our conversations, I've never really been struck by a sense that you cared that much, because you're very open about your circumstances and where you came from. And it almost seems a little fearless at the time. So I wanted to find out. It's not. It's really not. Part of it is honestly testing, you know? Are they going to think less of me? Because I would love to tell you that I don't at all, and that we can just be however we want in the world. And you know, you shouldn't care what other people think. But... Paul says, "Love your truth." Yeah. I mean, it's a really, it's a complicated balance, because you do have to exist in the world and you have to play in the world. And if you're an asshole, nobody's going to want to play with you. Yeah. That's kind of a simple way to put it. And so, yeah, I mean, I do care, but it's more that I care about them, I think. It's not so much that I care what they think about me, but that I care about them. And look, I don't like the idea that I'm not adding well-being or adding something valuable to somebody's life by being part of it. Got it. Well, another thing I wanted to talk to you about is gratitude, because I know that we talked a little bit about someone in your life mentioned that whenever you've written on your birthday, year after year, seemed almost a little bit bitter in looking back. And you said there was going to be a difference this year. So let's talk a little bit about gratitude and why it's become more important to you. Well, it's really easy to look at your life and think about everything that you don't have. There's plenty that you don't have. You know, I said that you never stop bridging the gap. You're never really kind of where you want to be. You get there and you're like, "Okay, now there's still a gap between here and where's next." We're done with the instigator experience and I'm thinking in my mind of, "Okay, the gap is how do you get from here to where we can do this without it being such a huge source of stress and anxiety, but it's just a standard part of our business. Like, we do this. You know, this is how we run unmistakable media." And I thought a lot about what that person said and how there's a tinge of bitterness and all those birthday posts and I never thought about it that way before. And I realized that that person was right. It's nice to have truth tellers. Yeah, it really is. It's really, you know, it's very sort of woo and new agey, but it's, you know, it's true that when you start to really be grateful for what's already there, you just start to receive more of it. And you know, I look at this and I think, "Wow, I wouldn't have been standing on that stage if all the things in my life hadn't happened the way they did." You know, remember I opened with saying the decisions we've made, the actions we've taken in the past, we've chosen all lead us to exactly where we're at. And you know, I told you earlier, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I've never felt more in my life like I'm doing what I was supposed to, I was meant to do. You're prior, like it's about time. And how could you not be grateful for that? It's really, really strange. I mean, you'll, like, and I guess, you know, one other thing, this is something I want to talk about, you know, we, I think you and I may have had this conversation and I actually wanted to bring this up on air. You know, Greg's been all weekend multiple times talking about being able to see the future and it's funny because we're here, it's three days later and there's still one moment from this entire weekend that keeps playing in my head as probably my favorite one. It was Saturday at night after the event had closed and I was sitting at the bar at the Santa Hotel with Sarah, Sarah Steemland for those of you guys who know who does all our album covers and almost all our awesome art. And she was talking to me about this whole concept of being able to see the future. And as she was watching me on stage, she said, I could see a really young man right now and she said I could see into the future and I could see an old man and she could say, she said I could see that I was going to be part of that as well. And that was the most touching moment of the entire weekend for me because you know what, for the first time in my life, I could see a future that I am so driven towards and so compelled to turn into a reality that I will wake up every day to keep bridging the gap between here and there. That, that was, that, that's awesome. You almost rendered me speechless there for a second, you know, and I, and I, but I can't, I cannot help but think hearing you say that I cannot help but think about Greg. Because he was such a huge part of the entire conference and you would see the moment that he would take the stage that people would eagerly grab their notebooks and their pens and just, they were hungry for whatever Greg had to say. And you know, I mean, he's a tour de force, he's somebody who is the unflinching embodiment of truth. And yet that last, that last speech he made, slayed everyone. And I wanted to ask you, how did his last speech affect you? One in which he said he could see into the future and he didn't necessarily see himself in it. Yeah. I mean, I think people listening know that Greg's health situation is precarious. You know, I didn't take any notes this whole weekend, maybe you can believe that. And I didn't take notes because I wanted to just listen. I wanted to listen to what everybody had to say and I didn't want my note taken to interfere with what they had to say. And I knew that speech was coming. So I was probably more prepared for it than most of you guys. And that's why I set it up the way it did, because showing up the way you do is a choice. But it definitely affected me. One of the things that was on my mind was that we just did something really powerful and a lot of the power of it was in the dynamic between the two of us, that there's sort of a yin and yang that happens. You know, as Greg said, we're entire opposites and we're definitely opposites. And you know, the great example he gave was how I wanted to ride the bus with the participants on Saturday morning. He was horrified because we hadn't run through a sequence and I, you know, he has an ability to see the future. I can see in the moment probably more clearly than most people. And I thought about it a lot over the last day or two. And you know, we hadn't met, you know, Sunday morning, he was beyond exhausted and he was in bad shape. and. That's amazon.com/addfree true crime to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads. When it comes to weight loss, no two people are the same. That's why NUIM builds personalized plans based on your unique psychology and biology. Take Brittany. After years of unsustainable diets, NUIM helped her lose 20 pounds and keep it off. I was definitely in a yo-yo cycle for years of just losing weight gaining weight and it was exhausting. And Stephanie, she's a former D1 athlete who knew she couldn't out train her diet and she lost 38 pounds. 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From five to 60 minutes, Alamo Moves has classes or flow that fit your schedule. Plus, Alamo Moves offers meditations, sound baths, nutrition tips, and self-care tutorials. Find your perfect wellness routine anytime and anywhere with Alamo Moves. The thing that scared me was that I knew that it was possible that I'm going to have to learn how to do this without him. When I sat down in the hotel, we finally met yesterday and I said, "You know, I've been thinking a lot about the whole experience and I haven't really processed it yet." Even though you and I are talking about it right now, I don't think I've completely come to terms with everything that has happened over the course of the weekend. It's weird because it's a powerful experience for a lot of people and I'm the one who is the creator of the experience. Even Greg wasn't his idea, it was mine, I'm the one who put it on paper. Greg just helped to shape it. I asked him, I said, "How do I do it without you?" He said, "Is that even possible?" He said, "I've been thinking a lot about that." He said, "We're going to set it up so that it is." Like I said, I think the thing that I've thought about throughout the entire weekend is that maybe that whole thing was designed for me more than anybody else there to learn how to carry this forward in some way and that I'm never going to be Greg, but I bring something to it that I have to learn to see the value in and I have to grow into what I could be in that role. I don't think Greg would want you to be him anyway. No, I don't. Yeah, and I think that absolutely, I think that you really received that message. Yeah, yeah, I think that there's one thing I said, I think I've grown so much throughout this process and he said, "Yeah, I've seen it because I've had to learn how to do things that are so uncomfortable to me in this process and now they're just normal." But I think about how do you carry a torch like that forward and how do you keep the legacy of something like that alive? I think that it's interesting. There's components of that that we're his teaching and there are a lot of components of it that were entirely my signature. Like Sarah doing the name tags, all the artwork, the speakers, somebody asked me, "How did you pick and are you going to have an application process?" For speakers and I said, "No." I just picked based on instinct and I told Greg, I said, "You know what?" I said, "I don't think my instincts could have been more right." And I asked him and he said, "Yeah, it's funny because that was a huge source of stress throughout the entire event planning process for him that we were trying to mold what he needed to teach around a group of speakers and that it was not fitting. We couldn't fit the puzzle pieces together." And we got done and I said, "You know what? I think my instincts were spot on on who we chose." And he said, "Yeah." He said, "That's something we should never change." So it's weird because I told you, I get a very different Greg than you guys get. Every Tuesday, I get my ass kicked in terms of how our business is doing and where things are headed and it's weird because he shows up every Tuesday and the idea that he won't is just, I don't think I've gotten my head around that. The idea that there's going to be a day where he won't show up on Tuesday, I don't think it's going to be real to me until he doesn't show up on a Tuesday. All right. And you're just going to have to ride that wave. Yeah, exactly. So just a couple more things, in spirit of gratitude and Greg, what are you most grateful to Greg for? Well, I mean, he took a chance on me, I mean, I'll tell you, when I saw how in bad of shape he was on Sunday, I said, "Wow, did he just give his life away for this event?" I wondered the same. I thought, "Did I just kill this guy?" Because I wanted this so badly, I mean, I couldn't get that thought out of my head. So I mean, as far as gratitude, I mean, I don't think I've ever received a greater gift than this event. Like I told you, I think that this was for me. I told him when we were going through the outline, I said, "I think I'm going to get as much out of this as everybody there." And I realized on some level, maybe this really was for me to really go out and to live fully. I was going to ask you what your biggest surprise was, but was that your biggest surprise? It sounds like that was a bit of an aha moment for you. You know, that's a good question. Cather, we're so many. You know, I think the big surprise was how all the parts fit together. You know, it was, I mean, you got to realize every choice that we made. It was a gamble. It was an unknown. It's like, how are these pieces all going to play together? And will they work? Like, you know, Matt, our photographer, Sarah, as, you know, kind of the face of every piece of artwork in that place, and you know, Mars' movie posters and all of it. And I think that the fact that it all came together into this just sort of beautiful piece of art, like, I look at it and I said, you know, we didn't just put on an event. But we created something artistic. It's a part of my body of work and part of Greg's body of work and it's something that hopefully will leave an imprint on people's lives for as long as they live. And the fact that it worked so well, maybe is surprising because we were so concerned with whether or not it would come together. Well, I can tell you as one of the participants that I, yes, it was an event. Yes, it was a moment. Yes, it was a piece of art, but I think it's become somewhat of a movement that has surprised all of us because if you read all the comments that people have been putting on that Facebook page, everyone says, I feel like I'm ready to go out there and really do something. I feel like I finally have the, you know, I'm owning my ideas and I have a community that supports me. And so, yeah, I think that you created a movement and a community that's going to sustain itself. And I think that's a lot to be proud of. And I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you because, Srini, if it hadn't been for that damn piece of paper that you scribbled some notes down on, we wouldn't be having this conversation. And so, I just, I want to thank you for your vision and thank you for making this happen because, I mean, talk about a bias toward action, right? So, I just, I think that there's a lot for you to be proud of. And I think there's a, there's some really fertile stuff there and I'm very excited to see where you're going to take it. Any ideas on that or is that just a well-kept secret that we're just going to have to find out next year? Well, obviously, at this point, it's pretty much a given that there will be a next year. As stressful as it is, I said, you know, it's like, "Who the hell wants to have a second wedding?" Yeah, you know, it's a really, really, it's an interesting thing to think about, you know, where do you take something like this? The question of what's next seems to be the one that keeps coming up over and over from everybody in my life. And I'm, you know, I think I'm still processing what's happened because, you know, what's next has to be a combination of things. You know, this is part of Greg's legacy as well in my mind. It's part of the ripple effect that he's put out into the world. And I think you asked me at one point, you know, what makes the event a success. Yes. How do you measure success? Not by what's happened at the event, but by what's happened after. What happens after? I really, when I think about it, what would really be a powerful vision for me is if people walked out of this event and people won Nobel Prizes, people changed education, people changed modern medicine, you know, as I told you, part of curating a group of people like this to me is bringing a group of people together that can do things that I can't do, that I don't have the talents to do, and I could never do it myself. And that's how I see the success of this. Yeah. And I think you absolutely succeeded. I think I can tell you for a fact that there are some people that I met at that conference, Sarah, Fay, Electra, Candace, Rhea, that are going to be my life for a very, very long time. And for that, I'm very grateful. My last question for you is a bit of a personal one. I got the chance to meet your lovely parents. And what did they say to you about the event? You know, that's an interesting one because, you know, I always assume that people have these perfect relationships with their parents, and I realize that every one of us has very complicated relationships with their parents, even when they're good relationships. And it's strange, right, because I got to see something that I'd never seen before. More so than my dad than my mom. And something I didn't quite understand about him until this. You know, Meg Warden went up to him, and he said, yeah, he's like, it's amazing that so many people have made this happen. And so many people had to help to make it happen. And she said, you realize that your son is the one who got all those people in this room. And what she said, I'd never been able to see, she said, you know what? She said, he is so scared to be that vulnerable and show you that he's that proud. It's just not there. It's actually something he can't feel because it's so scary for him. And I'd never seen it that way before. Or your father to be vulnerable? Yeah, because he's not. He's not at all. I mean, he lives in a world of linearity and certainty. And I live in a world that is really just foreign to him. It's hard for him to make sense of that world. And to see that or to hear it put that way was really, really eye opening for me. Yeah. He's doing the best with what he's got, just like you. Yeah. Remember what Jennifer Boykin said about the people that we love and, you know, the people love us. It's not our job to get them to behave the way we want them to. Yeah. And that's maybe, you know, what I would say is the reaction. I talked to your mom and I said, aren't you proud of Serene, isn't this great? And she was just beaming. I love your mom, by the way. And she was just beaming. And she said, I'm always proud of him. And I thought, oh, that's so sweet. It was so wonderful to see them be able to celebrate something so significant with you to be a part of it and to witness it. Well, my, my joke was, this is as close as they're getting to a wedding for a while. So enjoy it. Well, Serene, thank you so much for spending some time with me and letting me put you in the hot seat. I know that it's probably, it felt weird to be the one answering the questions, but I think it's vital for not only your listeners, but the people who participated in an instigator experience to find out your thoughts because like Meg put it, we wouldn't have been there if it hadn't been for you. Well, thank you. So thank you so much for spending time with us. You should be really damn proud of yourself. And I will happily volunteer to help you with the next instigator experience. I got so much out of it. And man, we are going to go out and change the world. Awesome. Well, thank you, Diana. Thank you, Serene. You've been listening to the Unmistakable Creative Podcast. Start our website at unmistakablecreative.com and get access to over 400 interviews in our archives. 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In this special Friday episode, we flip the script, and Instigator Experience attendee Diana Alvear interviews Srini about his motivation and thoughts on the event

Srini’s original motivation for creating the Instigator Experience
How being in the zone completely changes performance
Why we have to learn to let go of the people who lead us
The illusion of dependency that is created by our leaders
Why you have to show fully and own whatever whatever you’re doing
How planning The Instigator Experience was like a big wave
The internal changes that have occurred as a byproduct of Greg
A look at the how we deal with other people ’s opinions of us
The role that gratitude plays in changes of life
Why you never stop bridging the gap between you and your goal
A moment that made me clearly see a future that I’m driven towards
How the closing speech of the event impacted Srini personally

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