Only Murders in my Mind
Episode 22: Murder Mystery Sidekicks: Bridging the Gap Between Detective and Audience
[Music] Welcome to Only Murders in My Mind. A random thought production. Hi, I'm Carol Bissett, a crime writer. And I invite you with my co-presenters, Liz Hedgecock and Mike Jackson, each week to our conversations on all things murderous. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Only Murders in My Mind. With my guest presenters Liz. Hello and Mike. Hello. And we've got a celebration. Happy birthday to us. Happy birthday. We're 21. Now you may well wish. Yeah, 21 again. And you may wonder why that's a bit to celebrate. And I'm going to hand over to Mike because he's the one that pointed it out to us. I found some interesting statistics about podcasts. And apparently, as many as 90% don't get past three episodes. And of the 10% that left, only about 1% get past 21 episodes. So that means that puts us in the 1% club. For something. Yeah. I don't know what happens when we get to 50 episodes. We'll have a big party but we're persevering and we're keeping going. Yes. And we will carry on as long as people want to listen and we are enjoying this. And we do. I hope that comes over. We do get sidetracked now and again. But that's a part of the fun. Yeah. What would be nice too, that if you are enjoying it, if you were to subscribe, if you are listening to us on YouTube, leave us a comment, that would be great. And we'd love to know what you think so that we can change it around to sue you. Or add things to sue you. More of something. Yeah. Let us know. Yeah. Because it's fine. Three friends in a room talking about something that they're interested in, that they love, that they do for a living, et cetera. And it's about what our listeners want to hear as well. So, I mean, we look at stats and we know which ones you really like and which ones you're not the key in on. So we do take that on board but actual comments would be good. The other thing I want to mention is the Stockton Heath Festival, which is a local. If you're listening in Australia, we don't expect you to come obviously. But the Stockton Heath Festival is running from the 4th of July through to the Sunday, which is the 7th. Yeah. And there's lots and lots of things going on. But we are in the library, myself and Liz, Mike's on holiday again. I'm not saying anything, you know. And Liz and I will be talking about the way we write our murder mysteries. From 11 15 to 12 15 on the 6th of July in Stockton Heath Library. So big shout out for the people. The people that organize the festival puts so much work into it. And it's usually well organized, isn't it? It is, yes. You know, I've been to some festivals, which has been a bit haphazard. But, you know, people are walking around all the time telling you what's on, telling you where to go. There's a tanner in the field, which keeps telling you what's on in different places. So yeah, I'm very impressed. And there's a read around, isn't there? There is. Yep. So from 10 to 11 in the library, there'll be lots of different authors, hopefully, reading from their work. So if you fancy sitting down, kicking back, listening in, come along, come along. Or if you've written something recently, you want to share it, it's not a good place to go to. Can I also mention, in terms of the Stockton Heath Festival, that Carol and Liz are both exhibiting some of their paintings? St Thomas's Church, I've got a full art exhibition going on. And I think they're running for the whole time, isn't it? Yes. And I'm not at all apprehensive. No. What have I got myself in? But if you want to go and have a look at Liz's artwork and Carol's artwork, you can do. And if you want to buy it, please feel free. Oh, yeah, please do. Yeah, wrote to authors. Thank you, Mike. But there will be lots of lovely artwork being displayed. Lots of things for everybody. So what are we talking about today? So we're talking about sidekick, the person who is slightly in the shadows when it comes to our detectives. And they very often, you know, sort of get the worst of the person's temper, et cetera. And there's a lot of them. Before we go on to detective sidekicks, I'll do me research. And there was some that came up that thought, well, yeah. Well, Robin, Batman and Robin. Well, that's obvious, isn't it? Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. Chewbacca. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's so low. Chewbacca, yeah. Rom Weasley and Hermione. Definitely Duncan from Shrek. Duncan. What'd you say? He was a sidekick. Well, he's not trying to steal the whole movie. Yeah. Like Duncan. And his sidekicks are often annoying. Yes. And he is slightly annoying. He is annoying. Slightly annoying. And I'm a very big Buffy fan. So we low out of Buffy. Oh, yes. And Gromit. How tall is it? Gromit. Do you know, I've put that the other way around. Yeah. I think sometimes, you know, Gromit is the action hero. Wallace is merely along for the ride. But yeah, seriously, we're going to talk about the sidekicks that we all know and love. And the book, the television, the film, whatever the audio, they would not be the same without these sidekicks that the brilliant detective uses. So what's the function of a sidekick? Do we think? The detective looked good. Yeah, there is that. I think it always strikes me as a bit like a comedy job. Yeah. You know, it always felt so wise was the one who got slapped around. He was the foil for more. Yeah. Yeah. He had it more than being an architect. Yes. And I feel the same. You think of Hastings. Yes. With Quarro. I mean, Hastings isn't the brightest button in the tin, is he? No. And it's almost a foil to make Quarro look even better, in a way. Yes. But he's reliable and he's steadfast. Yes. And he always tells the truth, but yes, I mean, again, Quarro gets frustrated that he has to actually explain something to him. Which is very handy, of course, because if we in the reader need something explaining, then it's quite handy to think, "I haven't faced him since he's there, so why don't look stupid asking this?" Yeah. John Watson. John Watson in Sherlock Holmes, exactly the same. You know, he's always saying, "Well, how did you know that that man lived in, you know, Belfast?" In a drain under just his wife, you know. Yes. What happens? Well, it's a matter. Of course, sort of questions we might be asking. Watson asks for them. Yes. And allows them, writer, then, to give us some clues as to what's happening. So, in that respect, it's a really good way of getting information to us as the plot develops. Yes. Which, do you know I've never really thought about it, but it is, isn't it? And he's also, I think, I don't know, they seem to be the characters they are, so they are never the main character. They've always got an important role, but they're always that secondary character. So, it makes you wonder if that's why he makes them a bit dull or a bit dopey. I don't know. I think they're just solid dependable people, and they will always be there for you in a crisis, or they'll always be ready to hold your coat while you go off and do something full-hardy. Yeah. I think it was Conan Doyle who said something like, you know, a good sidekick, or second income arm should be of slightly below average intelligence. So, yes. And then, of course, if we've got the, you know, if we've got the clue, we can feel superior because we got it and they didn't. Yes. We knew about it before they'd realised. Yes. But, but, like, you can't. I went through looking at the various sidekicks that we either see on television or in books or in both. And I've got John Bacchus here, who works alongside DCI George gently. Yes. I've got him down as well. Now, he's, he's bullshit, isn't he? Oh, yes. And again, it's that sort of almost different to George gently, but it's almost as though George gently has to calm him down. But every now and again, John Bacchus is probably saying the sort of things that we might say. Yeah. Yeah. I look at that relationship more like a father and son relationship. Yes. And he's a strop, I know he's not a teenager, but he's like the strop teenager who is impatient to get things done, whereas George gently, I've worked with this actor by the way. I've not named drop him. Yes. Yes. I was a supporting actor in one of his films. Anyway. Yeah. He sort of wants things to happen yesterday and wants to cook corners. Where George is like, no, we're not going to do it like that one. You know, we're going to do it like this. So yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah. Lewis is another one. Mm hmm. Ross. Ross, yeah. You know, Lewis sort of almost wants to hurry more so long or to go down a different way or be a bit more modern. Mm hmm. More spoke, be, be psychic. But they become, as you say, is that almost that father-son relationship as well? Yeah. Yeah. But then Lewis goes off on his own series and has Hathaway as his sergeant. Yes. And how does that relationship work then? Is it a contrast to the more Lewis relationship? I think so because in that Hathaway is a highly intelligent. I'm not saying Lewis isn't. Lewis is a good copper. Yeah. And he's learnt it from grassroots. Hathaway was going down the route of becoming a priest. And he dropped out. But he's very, very intelligent and sees things again in a different way. I love that series, I love the connection that they had. It's almost a wrong reversal, isn't it? Because Hathaway, in a way, is clever and into the classics and, you know, noses, latin, et cetera, in the same way that Morse did. Mm hmm. So it says, are they? Oh, yeah. They turned them on the head. Do you think it would appeal to the same viewers? I mean, if you've watched both series, what did you think? I have watched both series. I have watched both series. I have too. And I prefer, maybe it's because it's more recent, but I prefer the Lewis series to the Morse series. No, I prefer the Morse ones. When that's because they were the original, and I see Lewis as a spin-off. Mm hmm. I don't know. But I enjoyed the Lewis ones as well. Yeah. I think what I enjoyed, even though they both set in Oxford, they don't try and do the same things. No. No. No, I think, I think, quite often, some spin-offs work, and that one I think does. But there was the young Lewis, sorry, the young Marx as well. Yes. Remember that. And never. Yes. Yes. Because that was his Christian name. Yes. Poor chap. I know. And in that plate, in that way, he was the sidekick to, shall we smoke? Yes. Um, Thursday? Thursday, yes. Respect to Thursday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because he was, he was trying to protect him, wasn't he? Yeah. When, when they were. And it was a fire. It was a fire. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really interesting idea, isn't it, though, that you can be a main character in something and a sidekick in something else. I mean, just thinking about it. I'm sure I remember reading somewhere that, you know, really good villains quite often think that they're the hero. They're the hero of their own story. Yeah. Well, how do you think sidekicks feel? Do they know that they're sidekicks? I think Dr. Watson definitely knows that he's a sidekick. Yeah. What about other ones? I think some of the ones that we've just been talking about, like John Bakker, Lewis, probably see themselves as sidekicks learning the job. And it's a bit like when, when I was a head teacher, I always expect in my deputies to be thinking, right, I'm training on the job, but soon I'll be able to do his job better than him. And I think that's what comes across with Bakker's and with Lewis. They think I could be a chief inspector and I could probably do a better job than him. Though, in fact, what they do is they probably do a similar job because they learn so much. Yeah. But there is that almost as though they're learning on the job from somebody senior, somebody who's better at it. I'm trying to think of a crime series where the sidekick has actually been obviously trying to get the senior detective's job. I can't, I'm sure there are some, but I can't, you know, maybe even trying to make the senior officer look a little bit stupid or something like that, but I can't think of it. It'd be a good story. Yeah, definitely. I think they're less likely to fit into how we're describing the sidekick, though, because in all the ones we've seen so far, it's the main character and the sidekick who are working closely together. Also, the sidekick's meant to be loyal. Yes. Because I have a similar situation in one of the book that I've just written where someone who is really in a sidekick role is trying to undermine, you know, their superior officer. Yeah. Which is unusual. Who's rumbled them? Yeah. Fun times in the next book? Oh, yes. But we haven't talked about any lady sidekicks, female sidekicks. Indeed. There are plenty around. Come on, then. Name some. Oh, let me see. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've also got Barbara Habers, who's in the Thomas Lindley. Oh, yes, yes, yeah. And also Camille Baudie, who is in the Death in Paradise. Oh, yeah. And the chiffon in the Reebus books. Yes. Chiffon comes in originally as a sergeant to work with Reebus and then the later boot. She rises up the rain. Yeah. She's retired, but she's still got a soft spot for him and helps him. Yeah. So, yeah. Now you've mentioned that they are starting to pop into me. Yeah. So do they fit the mold of the traditional sidekick, or is it a slightly different relationship? Chiffon in Reebus does, because there's very much a, you know, she has a different set of views and standards, but she's always trying to keep him on the straight and narrow. And I think he sees her almost in that father-daughter relationship. But the other ones, like Barbara Habers and Camille from Death in Paradise, I'm not. They're certainly... They're good detectives. They're good detectives. They're not a foil as such, but they almost seem to be in partnership with... Yes. Yeah. Rather than a sidekick. Yeah. I think it's the same idea that when you watch those programs, that junior sidekick is the one that the main character will be bouncing ideas off. You know, I wonder if so and so might... I wonder if the alibi really stands up. It's almost as though they're being used to answer the questions that we as a reader might ask. Yeah. So they're talking to someone rather than talking to themselves or wondering around. Yeah. That's right. So did you end the big reveal at the end? Yeah. It's dropping those sometimes red herring, but sometimes clues along the way to help us and drive what it does. I mean, Death in Paradise, they do a reveal at the end, don't they? Because it's always... It's a bit of a lockdown. The streets always something that can't possibly have happened. So it's always that the main detective in that Death in Paradise who then... You can see the penny dropping... Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just trying to give any of the female sidekicks. I'm reading a book six at the moment of the Washington Post series. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And his sidekick is Tilly Bradshaw, Matilda Bradshaw, who is extremely clever. She's a genius, but also autistic. She just says things as they are. So they're completely different characters. In fact, I don't think she's even a police, no police woman as such, but she's much more into the looking at statistics and data. Yeah. And he's taken her under his wing, but she comes out with some comments and things that are really, really funny. I'm not sure they're meant to be, but they are. Yeah. But it's a real foil against him because he's very brusque, likes to bend the rules and so on. Whereas she's won because of her the way she is, she'll say, but Paul, you can't do that. It says in the police manual, page 23, section 47, that you're not allowed to do that because he knows everything. Yeah. He's just got this break and he'll say, look, Tilly, I'm just going to do it and it's a great contrast. Is he a British detective? Yes. He's not an American detective. No, it's all based in the Lake District. All right. So I really must read. I have heard of him obviously. Yeah. I keep meaning. So there's so many things that you think I must read. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a check called MW Craven. I saw him being interviewed once. It was a YouTube interview, but I did think then I probably would like his boots. Yeah. Book six is literally just been, just been released. But if I do, I'll start with boot words. Oh, yeah. I'll do what I use. I think it was that halfway through. The good thing with book one is you get introduced to him, you know, his roughness and torture, and then you get introduced to Matilda, Tilly, and you think it's up, there's no way that these two are going to have any connection at all because it's just nothing in common. So does she work for the police as a... More as a data analysis. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because in my wanting detective books, when price, the main character has got a twin brother, Aaron, who is autistic, but he's very agriphobic and he won't go out, but every now and again, he points what he considers to be the bleeding obvious out to her because he can see what she can't, because again, he's got that sort of mind, you know. One of the things I like about your series as well, the Warrington Detective, very good series, you should buy it. I'm not involved. I'm not involved. Pay for that endorsement. But Ford, you're any day. It is, yes. Is that because it's kind of an ensemble cast, then someone can be, you know, Cassie can be a sidekick to Em, but then she's also, you know, can be a protagonist with a sidekick of her own. I like that kind of the changing relationship to see how people relate to each other. Yeah. I think the nice going back to this Washington Poe series is as you go into each book, you see these two characters develop individually, but also you see them come together. Just on partway through book six, and Washington Poe says something along the lines of what Tilly, I can't remember what I said. And he said, of course, he didn't want to remember, he didn't actually be rude about somebody. And she said, well, actually Poe, what you said was that man is a F word idiot who F word shouldn't be trusted. And you just verbatim and tell him exactly what he said. And he'll say, hmm, Tilly, not the right moment to remind me. Yeah, I mean, the F and the two characters in your book, the relationship as the books have progressed, have developed and the people around them, their family and everything. And I love that because I'm invested in them now. I don't want it to happen to, I think nasty lots of things happen to them, but nothing nasty. Sometimes, I mean, I like to think they have an equal relationship, but sometimes because of circumstances, one of them has to play second bit, because they can't go and investigate that thing because they're implicated in it. So the other one has to take lead. Yeah. I think the frustrates the heck out of them. The side kick the balance goes up and down, just depending on what's going on. Yeah. That's true. People, isn't it? To actually think of any books, TV series, films that we like, that we enjoy, where there isn't a side kick. I was just trying. I was thinking of Stryker, which is J.K. Stryker, yes. Cameron Stryker. Yeah. He's got that young lady. Yeah. I can't remember a name, but a psychic. So I'm trying to think, do we know of any sort of detectives or anything who work purely alone? Don't have any psychics at all. That's it. I can't think of it. Yeah. I was going to say, Robin, this is something. Robin, that's the one. Yes. Yeah. I was going to say, in the May Gray books, he's quite often a bit of a loan. Yes, he is. He gets some support. But there's no obvious psychics. No. No. I'm doing that. And those feel different, which is something we can discuss in another episode, for God in May Gray. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking, in something like May Gray, he is a loaner. He's not going to work with anybody else. That's his whole makeup is, I can do this on my own. Yeah. Even if you really can't at times. Yes. No. I can't think. Because there has to be somebody lower down the ranks for it to be made, to be interested and I think there has to be somebody else that seems a bit, I mean, in Monk, there's the captain, and then he's got this, the... That don't be signed. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I like him. But that isn't that one of the joys of a sidekick. Yeah. You know, we like Captain Hastings because he really is a dopey. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's part of that. The important character is there to be admired, the dopey sidekick is there to be liked. Yeah. But I mean, going back to also quite often, you get to see the human side of the protagonist. Yes, true. How they relate. So when Holmes is worried about Watson, it makes him more rounded. I'm just going to say that, but Watson obviously is clever because he's a doctor. You know, he's got a medical degree, but it was things like, I don't know whether it was Watson that said it. But when he found out that Holmes didn't know that the earth went round the sun and the moon went round the earth because he didn't need to know that. Yeah. Doesn't he say, "Now I do know it. So I'm going to do my best to forget it." Yes. It's like, what's the point? I don't need to know that. In my mind, Palace. They do. But then again, that sort of works on the level of their brains, I think, in different ways. Yes. Watson is a very down-to-word person. He knows things that help to make the world as it is. Yes. Holmes. Yeah. Holmes knows things that nobody else knows nor needs to know. Or possibly from Watson. Or in Watson. Yeah. So, yeah. It is an interesting balance. And they wouldn't. The characters of the main characters are much richer for the fact that they've got these characters that they can insult if they want to. The strange thing, though, isn't it? I'm still thinking about this idea. Are there any main characters that we know without sidekicks and part of the main grade, possibly? I can't think of any more. But when you get down to villains, villains don't usually have a sidekick. They tend to work on their own or do their own. Yeah. I mean, if you think of Wallace and Gromit as Feathers McGraw, who is very much a lot later. Moriarty. Yeah, Moriarty. Yeah. But they have minions. They have underlings. Yes. They have people. They don't have one close to them. No. They don't have anybody they confide in. Yeah. Very much. All the way. Master Spy. Who is it? What's that in? Is that Thunderbirds? We've got Batman and Robin. Yeah. But then you've got the Joker. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a lot of the Batman and Robin villains are. They're on their own. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a lot of the super villains. I suppose you could say some of the superheroes work on their own. Superman. He can't tell anybody who he is, can he? Maybe that's a book that he's writing. You know, the villain with a sidekick. Could be. Yeah. A proper. Somebody that, yeah. It's trusted sort of thing. Yeah. Because again, if a villain does have somebody tagging behind you, they usually get a lot of abuse off the villain, don't they? Yeah. You are stupid sort of. It tends to be an employment thing, doesn't it? Yeah. So they'll have a hench person. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's, it's the same in Harry Potter. The chap whose name we don't mention had lots of underlings. Oh, yeah. They were all terrified of him. All terrified of him. And he would dispose of them at his will if they became inconvenient or unnecessary. But also they were there because it's like there's something in it for them. Yes. Yeah. It wasn't sort of affectionate relations at all. I don't think there was proper loyalty or there was loyalty on the condition that. So yeah, it's a different kind of relationship, isn't it? Yeah. And I think Liz, you've got something on this theme in one of your boots that is relevant. Isn't it sort of for a sidekick? Reasonably. Yeah. I was thinking about this the other night, as you do. And I was thinking about a bit from my Pippa Parker series and basically she's trying to sort of recruit somebody. The basic scenario is that some letters from a 19th century female poet seem to have gone missing. And people wants to approach an academic who's a bit of an expert on this poet to try and find out more. And it's kind of them sort of sounding each other out, really. So I'll read a bit. The Daughton main corridor opened and Pippa saw an assortment of students. They shambled off eyeing Pippa as they went without interest. They were dressed in a variety of styles, but all looked absurdly young. That means I'm getting old, sort of Pippa. Behind them was a face and head of hair that Pippa recognised. "Hello," said Briany Shepherd, "you must be Pippa. That's right," said Pippa, "and you must be Briany." Yep. "I'm not Briany, I'm not the door." "Come in, coffee?" "Yes, please." Pippa followed Briany into the room which was small and cramped. Much of the space was taken up by bookshelves. In the corner was a small desk with a computer piled with papers. Above it was a board clove up with flyers and notices. "Take a seat," said Briany, removing a pile of paper from the only other chair. She leaned down and flipped on a kettle which was tucked away in the corner. "Tell me about this event." "It's all a bit up in the air at the moment," said Pippa. "See, Jeremy Lightfoot held a meeting about it in the village just the other week." "Jeremy Lightfoot, eh?" said Briany. She looked as if she could smell rotten eggs. "Then why do you want to talk to me?" "I'm sure he's got more than a celebrity chums who can come and lend a hand." "If it does come off," said Pippa, "I'll probably be organising it and it'll be nice to have different people." "Oh, when I'm different people," said Briany. She seemed half annoyed, half amused. "I don't mean that in a bad way," said Pippa. "Less establishment?" Briany frowned. "So what made you come hunting for me?" "Well, I found you on Twitter," said Pippa. "Filling as if Briany could see straight through her." "And as you're local." "You mention much gagging," said Briany. "I take it you live there." "Have you met my Auntie Marge?" Pippa wondered whether Briany would switch on her desk lamp and shine it in her face. "Uh, yes, I know Marge pretty well, but I didn't know about you until Daphne mentioned you." "Oh, yes, Daphne," Briany laughed, not a nice laugh. "The Guardian of the letters. I've managed to get a peep at them." "I've seen one or two," said Pippa. "Typical," said Briany. And I bet that that twit lightfoot has wangled himself open access. "No, he hasn't." The kettle pinged and pipper breathed a sigh's relief as Briany's attention switched from her to coffee making. She looked at Briany's profile, the prominent nose and chin, the firm mouth, without the red hair and the stinity clothes, Pippa suspected she will resemble Marge in 40 years. She's angry thought Pippa, and shoots from the hip. And as Briany was putting her mug of coffee on a nearby bookshelf, Pippa took her courage in both hands. "You see, the letters have gone missing." Coffee slopped onto the coaster. "Excuse me?" Briany hunted for a cloth. Finding none, she pulled a tissue from a box on the window sill. They vanished after a meeting at Daphne's house, said Pippa. Daphne doesn't want it to become a police matter, so I'm investigating. Briany goggled at her. "But how come?" "Marge doesn't know," said Pippa. Nobody knows at the moment, apart from Daphne, me and my husband, who isn't interested in the slightest. Briany puffed out a sigh. Then she laughed. "Well, if I can't have them, they may as well disappear," she said. "Who do you think stolen them?" "There's more than one suspect," Pippa said carefully. Briany shot Pippa a look, then began to count on her fingers. Lightfoot, obviously. Except that he's the one who asked me to persuade Daphne to share the letters, said Pippa. He could have kept his mouth shut and got to work on them in peace and quiet. "I suppose," said Briany, ungraciously. "All right, who else?" "Who is a friend of Daphne's?" said Pippa, keeping her voice steady, with a niece who could use a lucky break. Briany gasped, Auntie Marge would never. "No, I don't think she would either," said Pippa, but I don't know. "So you want me to clear my auntie by helping you work out who'd done it," said Briany. That's a very manipulative approach. "I actually came here to ask you what you knew about the poems and letters," said Pippa. "I didn't intend to take this line, it just sort of happened." So emotional blackmail just sort of happens. And as you can see, they're getting on famous. They're going to work well together. Oh yeah, they're going to be great folks. It's like they're out of suits. I was just thinking about their interactions. They're like sounding birds off each other out, they're that type of thing. But you can see them working together. Because they've got something in common. They've got very different motivations. Now, Mike, you have been asking people to send you short stories and we've had some success. We've read one out from Kerry. And now we've got one that you're very keen to read out. So over to you and you can say what's happening. Thank you very much. Well, if anybody hasn't done, only murders in my mind as sort of the podcast. We've also got a blog. And one of the things that happens on the blog post is that every Friday, I put a picture prompt up and encourage people to write a story. And recently, a chap called Kevin wrote in the comments to say, I tried short story writing, but the podcast and the blog were inspiring him. So he's written a few short stories. And I thought I'd read one out for you. I did get his permission first. I've always loved coming to the park just to sit and watch the world go by. I bring my notepad so I can plan out the coming week. I've done this since my husband passed away just 18 months after we got married. But that was over 40 years ago now. I like to plan. I hate surprises and like to feel that I'm a mistress of my own destiny. I'm the same at work. Everything is mapped out to the smallest detail. Ship rotors, stock deliveries and all manner arrangements to make my week as stress free as possible. The last few years have been difficult. First, there was the COVID pandemic, which disrupted the best laid plans of a care home administrator. And then there were the tightening of the regulations which caught a whole lot more planning and organization. I'm a creature of habit, you see. And after the insurance money from my husband's unexpected death run out, I need another way to fund mine. It was so easy to get the old dears to put a small bequeath in their wills to thank me for all the hard work and care they'd received. And then I'd slip something into the complaint, something completely untraceable to ease them on their way to the visit St Peter. The only thing I'm not planning on is getting caught. Well done. Thank you, Kevin. I'm a bit worried about the influence that you're having on people. And the other thing, if you do go... Fantastic. If you do go and have a look at the podcast, I've started something called Tails, so I'm putting some of these stories, and Kevin's is one, into a little video. So you can see those videos on the podcast. They're on YouTube, the link to the Madonna podcast. Yes, excellent. Called Tiny Tails. So if anybody out there wants to write a short story, then let us know and we can either read it out or make it into a video with your own mission. Oh, yes, yes. We wouldn't presume because you'd written to us that we could automatically use it. And we won't charge you anything. Well, you'll be famous. I speak of you. Oh, right. And I think that wraps up this episode. I think so. Yeah, I think it does. Sidekicks, Carol. Yep. Oh, okay. Which one of us is the dumb one? I don't think you should ask that. Only when it comes to the podcast now, we're all equal partners in this. We couldn't do it without you guys. Well, no, it wouldn't be fun, would it? Right. So until next week, next Thursday at 5pm, we'll close this episode now and thank you all for listening. You have been listening to Only Murders in My Mind, a random thought production produced by John Bissett. The music in peril was composed and recorded by OM Studio Strings. [music] [BLANK_AUDIO]