Adventure Books

11 - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

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Duration:: 11m
Broadcast on:: 14 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

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Even if you don't think you qualify, it pays to find out. Go to ssa.gov/extrahelp The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them. All sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as a whole pack of cards. The nay was standing before them in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him, and near the king was the white rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it. They looked so good that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them. "I wish they'd get the trial done," she thought, and hand round the refreshments. But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her to pass away the time. Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. "That's the judge," she said to herself, "because of his great wig." The judge, by the way, was the king, and as he wore his crown over the wig, he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming. "And that's the jury box," thought Alice, "and those twelve creatures—she was obliged to say creatures, you see, because some of them were animals and some were birds. I suppose they are the jurors." She said those last words two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it, or she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all; however, jury men would have done just as well. The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. "What are they doing?" Alice whispered to the Griffin, "They can't have anything to put down yet before the trials begun." "They're putting down their names," the Griffin whispered in reply, "for fear that they should forget them before the end of the trial." "Stupid things!" Alice began, and allowed a ignorant voice, but she stopped hastily for the white rabbit cried out, "Silence in the court!" and the king put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round to make out who was talking. Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down "stupid things" on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell stupid, and that he had to ask his neighbor to tell him. A nice muddle their slates will be in before the trials over, thought Alice. One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror, it was Bill, the lizard, could not make out at all what had become of it, so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day, and this was of very little use as it left no mark on the slate. "How old read the accusation," said the king. On this the white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then enrolled the parchment scroll in red as follows. The queen of hearts she made some tarts all on a summer day, the nave of hearts he stole those tarts and took them quite away. "Consider your verdict," the king said to the jury. "Not yet, not yet," the rabbit hastily interrupted, "there's a great deal to come before that "Call the first witness," said the king, and the white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet and called out, "Fast witness!" The first witness was the hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread and butter in the other. "A big pot in your majesty," he began, "for bringing these in, but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for." "You ought to have finished," said the king. "When did you begin?" The hatter looked at the Marge-hair, who had followed him into the court, arm in arm with a door-mouse. "Full-teenth of Marge, I think it was," he said. "Fifteenth," said the Marge-hair. "Sixteenth," added the door-mouse. "Write that down," the king said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up and reduced the answer to shillings and pence. "Take off your hat," the king said to the hatter. "It isn't mine," said the hatter. "Still," and the king exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact. "I keep them to sell," the hatter added as an explanation, "I've done of my own. I am a hatter." Here the queen put on her spectacles and began staring at the hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted. "Give your evidence," said the king, "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed it on the spot." This did not seem to encourage the witness at all. He kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread and butter. Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was. She was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court, but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her. "I wish you wouldn't squeeze, so," said the doormouse, who was sitting next to her, "I can hardly breathe." "I can't help it," said Alice, very meekly, "I'm growing." "You've no right to grow here," said the doormouse. "Don't talk nonsense," said Alice, more boldly, "you know you're growing too." "Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace," said the doormouse, not in that ridiculous fashion. And he got up very sulky, and crossed over to the other side of the court. All this time the queen had never left off staring at the hadder, and just as the doormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, "Bring me the list to the singers in the last concert," on which the wretched hadder trembled so that he shook both his shoes off. "Give me your evidence," the king repeated angrily, "or I'll have you executed whether you're nervous or not." "I'm a poor man, your majesty," the hadder began, and a trembling voice, "and I hadn't begun my tea. Just above a week or so, and what with the bread and butter getting so thin and the twinkling of the tea?" "The twinkling of the what?" said the king. "It began with the tea," the hadder replied. "Of course twinkling begins with the tea," said the king sharply. "Do take me for a dunce, go on!" "I'm a poor man," the hadder went on, "and most things twinkled after that, only the march has said." "I didn't," the marchhair interrupted in a great hurry. "You did," said the hadder. "I deny it," said the marchhair. "He denies it," said the king, "leave out that part." "Well, at any rate, the dormhouse," said the hadder went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it, too. But the dormhouse denied nothing, being fast asleep. After that continued the hadder, "I cut some more bread and butter." "But what did the dormhouse say?" one of the jury asked. "That I can't remember," said the hadder. "You must remember," remarked the king, "or I'll have you executed." The miserable hadder dropped his teacup and bread and butter and went down on one knee. "I'm a poor man, Your Majesty," he began, "You're a very poor speaker," said the king. Here one of the guinea pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag which tied up at the mouth with strings, and to this they slipped the guinea pig headfirst and then sat upon it. "I'm glad I've seen that done," thought Alice. "I've so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, that was some attempts at applause which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court, and I never understood what it meant till now." "If that's all you know about it, you may stand down," continued the king. "I can't go no lower," said the hadder, "I'm on the floor as it is. Then you may sit down," the king replied. Here the other guinea pig cheered and was suppressed. "Come, that finished the guinea pigs," thought Alice. "Now we shall get on better." "I'd rather finish my tea," said the hadder, with an anxious look at the queen, who was reading the list of singers. "You may go," said the king, and the hadder hurriedly left the court without even waiting to put his shoes on. "I'm just taking his head off outside," the queen added to one of the officers, but the hadder was out of sight before the officer could get to the door. "Call the next witness," said the king. The next witness was the duchess's cook. She carried the pepper box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court. By the way the people knew the door began sneezing all at once. "Give your evidence," said the king. "Saunt," said the cook. The king looked anxiously at the white rabbit, who said in a low voice, "Your majesty must cross examine this witness." "Well, if I must, I must," the king said, with a melancholy air, and after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, "What those hearts made of." "Pepo, mostly," said the cook. "Three goals," said a sleepy voice behind her. "Call that dumbass," the queen shrieked out, "behead that dumbass! Turn that dumbass out of court! Suppressive! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!" For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the dumbass turned out, and by the time they had settled down again the cook had disappeared. "Never mind," said the king, with an air of great relief, "call the next witness!" and he added in an undertone to the queen, "Really, my dear, you must cross examine the next witness, and quite makes my forehead ache!" Alice watched the white rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like. "For they haven't gotten much evidence yet," she said to herself. And her surprise, when the white rabbit read out at the top of his shrill little voice, the name "Alice" in the chapter 11. The following is a high five moment from high five casino dot com. "By one! Yahoo! Private, put down your phone! This is the Army!" 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