Cloak and Dagger Broadcasts

Quiet Please - The Man Who Knew Everything

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Duration:: 30m
Broadcast on:: 03 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

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Don't miss out on this limited time offer, it's your gateway to unlimited audio enjoyment. That's SolgateMedia.com, S-O-L-G-O-O-D-M-E-D-I-A.com. Check it out, we hope to see you over there. Quiet please. Quiet please. The American Broadcasting Company presents Quiet Please, which is written and directed by What is Cooper, in which features earnest chapel. Quiet please for today is called The Man Who Knew Everything. How do you do? That's just a matter of speaking, isn't it, when I know perfectly well how you do. I know you're all right except for the weather and all that. I should have said how do you know, I mean, good day. Yeah, that's better. I excuse me just a moment, I know who that is. Hello. Yes. Yes, I know. Why the name of the mystery tune is interlude dramatique by Piero Coppola, who was formerly conductor of the Paris Conservatory Orchestra. Thank you, I know. A brand new automobile. Two refrigerators. Yes. Yes. Yes, I know. Yes, thank you, but you forgot it doesn't pair of crummy and plated stilts. Yes, thank you. No, I'm not very excited, thank you. I knew I was going to win the jackpot. Yes, and send everything to my home. That's always the way it is. There's no surprise when I know the answers. I can't really help it, you see. I know everything. It's a little awkward at times, knowing everything. And sometimes I'll find it difficult to explain. See, I never know anything until I think about it. I'm good in the summer things I think about. I'll be sitting here, for instance, just piling away the time. All of a sudden, I'll think, what is the square root of 777? It's 27.6747 plus. Oh, and I know what I'm going to use for. Mr. Willis Cooper's telephone number in Chicago in 1922 was Buckingham 1570. Interesting. Mr. Dorothy Nealey of Woodland Hills, California has a dog named Kiltia Scottish Terrier. Ernest Chappell went to North High School in Syracuse. Joseph Silverman of New York City speaks Chinese. I don't know who that is. Hello. Yes, I know it's a weather bureau. Tomorrow will be fair and colder, moderate to fresh, northerly winds. You're welcome. You see, when continually bothered by people who want to know things, what is a tonk of being? What was President Rutherford B. Hay's middle name? Where did I lose my diamond bracelet? What does "Patsibobo" show I mean? The answers, respectively, are a South American product used for flavoring cigarette tobacco, bird shard, and the laundry hamper in your bathroom under your green unmentionables, since thank you very much in Russian. You're quite welcome, I'm sure. I said it's a little awkward at times. I mean by that it's, uh, shall I say unpleasant? I shall say unpleasant. When I get to thinking about myself, I know all about me. Natchez, Mr. Murray Bullen, a specific father, say in California, often says, "I am aware that my spleen is two centimeters too high. But I have a tendency to hide for tension, and that I shall probably perish upon the artalannurism." However, don't let those ailments of mine bother you. I shall not tell you about them in any more detail. It was of yourself, I wish to speak. And I hope you will bear with me. No matter a fact, I know you will bear with me. Excuse me, there is a gentleman at the door with a very interesting question. Come in. How do you do, Mr. Perry, by and forth, to Peyala, Washington? You will sit down. My name is Thomas Feitelbaum. Your name is Perry, by and forth. You were formerly the bicycle repair business in Peyala. You were convicted of Barakry in 1934, but released on the technicality. In 1947, you broke your right ankle, and last October, you went through bankruptcy with liabilities of $83,000, and I said, "No, nine, no, nine. I've heard about you, obviously. But I came here to secure the combination of the ball to the chord winners, National Bank on 13th Street." Exactly. The combination is, you better write it down. 11 left, right two, left 16, right 24, left six, right five, and open. Have you got it? Thank you very much. Are there any other questions, Mr. By and forth? How much is there in the ball, $110,000, sir? $110,000. Well, thanks very much. Any other questions? No, I take that. Very well. Good day, sir. Good day. That's how? Oh, a burglar. They bother me to death. But I was starting to talk about you. May I go on, Pete? I know a few facts that I think you ought to know, too. Do you know these people by their descriptions are tall, grossly fat man with a bald head, an absolutely bald head, and an extremely unpleasant, deep voice, just the case of an accent? Probably six feet, six inches tall, weight about 300 pounds. And a man and a woman with him, both of them not more than four feet tall. The man, very fat, too, in a sort of unhealthy way wearing a little black mustache. No woman's short and dumpy, whereas black's purse on a very sharp nose has a very red face. Well, they know you. And they were talking about you in a certain restaurant Wednesday night. Wednesday night. They don't give you any ideas. They'll think. Please think, let me describe them a little more. The tall, gross, cruel-looking man wore a tan, jabbardine suit with a white shirt and a knitted, red-and-black tie. It was even a red-and-veal cutlet, I think, is a rather unpleasant watching man. A smaller man wore a blue shirt suit, rather shiny, blue shirt and a bow tie. He was drinking beer, Pilsner Erco, although he mispronounced it, he called it their 12. A woman has a very red face. It looks as if she'd ripped it all over, chopped it just, kind of, modified, holligan glasses. Dark gray dress with an ornament that looks like a woman's hand. I don't like the hand effect, but I'm sure it couldn't be that. Now, this woman. A dark blue hat with her cat, the Kelly's feather on her suit. You know her? Well, she knows you. I wish you'd search your memory. That really is quite important. You must excuse me a moment, Ms. Tragasant is coming in with the mail. Come in, Ms. Tragasant. Good morning, Ms. Tragasant. The safety pin with which you fashioned your girdle when you broke the zipper this morning is open. Ms. Tragasant, and it will presently stick to you, and it will presently stick to you if you do not fix it. Ms. Tragasant, I think it's your afternoon. That is one of the unfortunate aspects of knowing everything. But Ms. Tragasant is more or less you to my knowing everything. I noticed you start when she addressed me by my name. I'm sorry, I should have introduced myself long ago here. We've been sitting and talking all this time, and I'm sorry. My name is Charles W. Afternoon at Woodbury, New Jersey. Ms. Tragasant is effective to repair. She's returning. Come on, Ms. Tragasant. Stuck in a dragon. You're entirely welcome, Ms. Tragasant. I see you have only two letters today. Take a letter to Mrs. Grover at Cleveland, McNulty. The Dells are a gun. Dear Mrs. McNulty, no, yours truly. No, Ms. Tragasant. I do not need to see the letters. I know what is in them. The next one. Mr. Marshall Birddog, Albuquerque, New Mexico, dear Mr. Birddog. Your great grandfather's name was 13 Thumbs, period. He was a section of the Stone Boiler Indians in Upper Athabasca, comma. Then was captured in 1812 and converted to the Shinto Faith by a band of wondering Japanese fishermen, period. Here I got it. He escaped seven years later, comma, emigrated to Doyle, San Pennsylvania, comma, and became the father of a large family, which later removed to Albuquerque, comma. Although your great grandfather deserted for your Patchees, near Anton Chico, New Mexico, comma, and resumed his former life as a section, period. Here's Trigasant. There was another letter Mr. Afternoon, but I lost. Never mind, Ms. Tragasant. It was from my uncle Fred, asking for money. Send them a check for $60 and give my best regards to him and Aunt Hilda. You have a cold, Ms. Tragasant? I hope I'll get over it. You will. Must be wonderful to know everything Mr. Afternoon. People either get over a cold or they eventually die from it. I know that you are not going to die from a cold or go. You will get over this one and all the others you may have, which, in your case, is 40 more before you die. What am I going to die of Mr. Afternoon? Never mind. Please, Mr. Afternoon. I don't know. Yes, you do, Mr. Afternoon. No, I don't. Mr. Afternoon. Mr. Afternoon. Mr. Afternoon. Will I be murdered? No. Will it be an accident? No. Will I be hanged? No. Please go away, Mr. Afternoon. Mr. Afternoon. Where will I die? Will you tell me that? Why should I? Well, Ben, I wouldn't ever go there, please. Please go away, Mr. Afternoon. There's somebody at the door. Will I? I mean it. Dance at the door. I don't hear the door, Belle. It will ring. There. Oh. Can I go out and get a time to spend this rock in you? You will, whether I give you a permission or not. Oh. Mr. Afternoon is going to die of old reading at the age of 81. That man at the door now. That's a policeman. It's Officer Shapiro, an old friend of mine. He's come to tell me that he has arrested the gentleman from Puyallup, Washington. Mr. Baumforth, you remember? The man who wanted the combination of the bank vault? You thought that was being an accessory to a crime, didn't you? It was quite all right to give him the combination. You see, I knew the police were looking for him. I'd have told him that he didn't ask me. You see, I do know everything, but generally I don't tell unless I'm asked. But, in your case, these people I was telling you about, yes, I know you don't know them, but I do know you've seen them separately, perhaps. A tall fat man with a cruel mouth in the eyes that always seem to be looking over your shoulder and yet never miss a movement. And a greasy little man with a blackness stash. And a heavy thing is left hand coat pocket. He's left handageable. And the sharp-faced woman with the glasses, with the mercuricrome stains on her right thumb, and the brand-new Corrat handbag that has nothing in it, but a nice pick. He wouldn't kid do it, you can't kid me. What are you fidgeting about? You see, remember this morning when you felt as if there was someone watching you. Then tell me something, did you copy, taste funny this morning? You see, maybe you do know them, after all. No mister Agatha, I don't want you to fetch me a sandwich. She's going out to have a peanut butter and chutney sandwich. She usually has a cream cheese and spam on Russian rye, but she's changed her mind a day. By the way, wasn't that door to your bedroom open? You didn't close it. No, I wouldn't go look yet, if I were you. Not a fact I wouldn't like to be you. No, I don't know exactly what is going to happen, but I know when it does happen. I find it rather difficult to predict happenings, except, of course, perfectly obvious things like my secretary dying of overeating the age of 81. And my own demise, if in the ortholaniarism, but I'm not sure when that will occur. And your own case, I know that something rather dreadful will occur to you and I naturally want to warn you about it so that it won't come as a complete surprise to you. There's nothing I can do about it except warn you. Incidentally, the windows in that room could stand to watch him. No, don't look. You might see something you don't want to see. Listen to me. This tall, gross man I told you about. He limps slightly. He's left leg. A knife cut. He's unhealthy too, has ulcers. The way he eats fried food. But he's quite dangerous, not a nice person at all. And those are compasses of his. The woman's name is Mamie. Recognize that? Mamie? I don't need to tell your last name, do I? Have you forgotten it, Mamie? And her ice pick? The little man? Oh, yes, several names. No, I'm not trying to kid you. I just don't think it's a good idea to tell you right here in front of everybody. Oh, well, lean over here and I'll whisper to you. One of his names is... You know, no. He didn't have the mustache maybe then, but you'll recognize him by now. A little mustache, kind of like Hitler's. You wouldn't forget Hitler's mustache, would you? I always carry his book. He had it on the table beside his plate Wednesday night. The cover got all stained with beer. He's a little sloppy, isn't he? That's Judge Rodney Erickson. He's trying clapper-claw-duddy. You know, the gangster they're accusing of putting his enemies in the deep freeze up in Connecticut? Hello, Judge Erickson. No, clapper-claw-duddy is innocent, Judge. It was his lawyer that did it. Ollie Thop and him, Judge. Is your bench warrant and he'll confess? Clapper-claw-duddy really was in jail in Michigan when it happened. Ollie Thop did it. You're welcome, Judge. Always ready to help out, Justice. Yes, Ms. Traeger-Saz? There's a man in here. I know it. Oh, darn. Can I ever tell you anything you don't know? Of course not. This is a tall fat man. With a heavy face and eyes that don't match, and he's wearing a brown gabbardine suit? And he says he saw you in a restaurant. Wednesday night. You will join in this right now. Come in, sir. How do you? I mean, hello, Mr. Duchrat. I want you to know something, Mr. Afternoon. I already know it. My right name is not. My name is not Amadeus Wolfgang Duchrat, but that is the name you are using at present. It is so. I have a message for me. I will tell you the message. Of course. You are in communication with a certain party. I am? I want to warn you. No, I'm from that keyhole, Ms. Traeger-Saz? You want to warn me that I must not communicate further with this certain person party? I'm sorry. Then I'm afraid that I shall have to take steps. You mean kill me? That is what I mean, Mr. Duchrat. You will not kill me. Oh, yes, sir. Sir, I beg to differ with you. You will attempt to kill me, but your gun which you are carrying in your hand with your broad-brim detective-style hat will misfire. And, Ms. Traeger-Saz? We'll call the police. But you will escape before they arrive. You will think so? I know so. No. But, yes, Ms. Traeger-Saz? I have to see if the gun will misfire me. Now, you see? Please, Ms. Traeger-Saz? Don't be here. You better run, Mr. Duchrat. Well, for heaven's sake, for a thought, money certainly can move fast. Mr. D, too fast, I'm afraid. The police are arriving, Mr. Traeger-Saz? Can't they tell him they won't be needed? Yes. Did you recognize his voice? When you hear a knock at your door, and you ask who's there, and you hear that voice again? Well... By the way, perhaps you'd better double lock your door. He's quite powerful on this, Ms. Traeger-Saz? Says he moves fast for a Batman. Is the car driving away quite rapidly down the street? I could see it from the window, but I don't need to. I know who's in it. No woman with the sharp features and the little man with a hit from a stash. And then I'll call himself Duchrat. You don't know where they're going. I do. I know everything. I even know why they're after you. Even if you can't think why. You could think why if you wanted to. There isn't much time left. It's 5.50, Ms. Traeger-Saz? Okay, Mr. Traeger-Saz? No, there isn't much time left. And it isn't far to your place. Besides, they've been there before, you know, and they know all the shortcuts. I think if I were you, I'd put something against the door. If you only knew what I overheard in a restaurant Wednesday night well, that's all Fat Man taught. That's all Fat Man with a cold, killer's eyes and a gun that won't misfire the next time. And he's taking care of that. I would have frightened you a great deal more if you'd heard what he said that a woman he calls Maimi. A woman with a brand new, correct purse and nothing in it. With a nice pick. And what the little greasy man said to him. The man in the blue-served suit was something heavy in the left-hand coat pocket. It frightens me, and I'm not easily frightened. And then, not all Fat Man coming to see me, I didn't expect that. Even if I did know who he was and he came to the front door. I know what he's got in his pocket. What the Fat Man's carrying. A coil of piano wire. And I know what they're talking about. Right now. There's been glad, along on the way to your house. Don't you know? Can't you figure it out? Don't you know what they want? I do. They ain't, won't you? I don't know how to tell you. Don't be obstin, that you do know who they are, all three of them. Don't answer the telephone if it rings. That wasn't your phone, it was mine. It's the police. Just wait a second. Yes, Officer Drucker? Yes, Mr. Avenue, and I hear a fella down away from the boys at your place a little while ago. Talk Miller, Fat, with extensions ahead. You'll call the police in your- That is quite true, Officer Drucker. He tried to shoot me, but he escaped. He's in a car with two other persons, a man and a woman. And he ran down an old man in a carpool in the airport to the street in the section. And the carpool has internal injuries. He will survive. Yes, I know. I was wondering if you landed the idea where they're going, so we can hit 'em off. Why, no, Officer Drucker, I haven't the faintest idea. I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't know. I had to do that. Now, you don't want the police in on this, do you? Oh, of course you don't. Listen, is that- Is that someone at your door? You know, it's the people next door they're listening to. I think they're getting ready to go out. They don't want to get involved in this. I'm sure I don't blame them, not after what I heard Wednesday night. No, it's too late for you to go out, you wouldn't have a chance, you know that. Time's getting short. If I were there with you, I might be able to help. If I say that, I know I could help you. But I'm not there, unfortunately. And please don't call the police, stay away from the telephone. If you're sick, don't you? I told you about the coffee. Are you sure there hasn't been somebody in your house? I know you don't think it's possible, but don't be too sure. Wasn't there a draw on you when you came home yesterday? A draw you thought you'd closed. Remember when you woke up in the middle of the night Friday night and wondered what it was that woke you up? Sure. Are you frightened? I'd be, I know. Because you don't know what's going to happen, that's why you're not so scared, but I know what's going to happen and it scares me. It scares me to know everything. You have no idea all the things I know frightening things, funny things, strange things. What dogs talk about and how to make a piece go punch. What's hidden in that cave under Radio City in New York? The beach were kept in Kidberry District treasure and how much it cost to put an ad in the London Daily Mail, a size hat that's styling wears. And what Ms. Tragasant wants for Christmas next year, how I'm going to die sometime of an aortyl aneurysm, the name of the mirror of B.R.E. Illinois. And what's going to happen to you? I told that man, a little sharp-featured woman of glasses, and a little man with a hit on the stash, and the presents they're bringing you. You do know them, don't you? Come in, Ms. Tragasant. You brought the letters to me, Ms. Tragasant. Thank you. And what are they all for today, Ms. Tragasant? Why, what's the matter, Ms. Tragasant? I don't feel good. You're getting a cold? No. Thank you, Ms. Tragasant. You can go now, I'm busy. Yes. I had a good letter in a hurry, I've got something more to tell you. You've only got a few more minutes to wait, I hope you're ready. Listen. If that's somebody outside your door now, listen closely. Listen. Ouch. Look. I'll tell you what to do, there's only one thing that... I feel dizzy. Only one thing it can do. You can get your door now, did you put something against it? Wait a second, I'm out of breath. I'll tell you what to do, just take it. Ooh. Just take it. Oh. I have to hurry, I told you about that. They order aneurysm, I'm afraid. Oh. All you have to do, they're at the door. All you have to do is... Oh. Oh, shit. You just take... Just take... It's coming. It's coming. Help. Let's try... Help. I'm just going home, Jack. I'm trying to talk. Ooh. What can I do? What's your life? Can I get some water? Okay. All you have to do, they're at the door that they're coming in. Just take it. I'm sorry. I gotta take... Oh. Two. Three. The door. It's dead. [Music] The title of today's Quiet Peace Story is The Man Who Knew Everything. It was written and directed by Willis Cooper. The man who spoke to you was Ernest Chample. And others in the cast were James Goss. Arthur Cole. And Jean McBride. Music to cry, please, is by Albert Burns. Now, for a word about next week, here's our letter directly. We'll listen to it. Thank you for listening to Quiet Please. Next week, for all my Irish friends, I have a story for what... Called... Jack Rosenberry. And so until next week, at the same time, I am quietly yours, Ernest George. [Music] And now, a listening reminder. In just a little while, you'll want to hear the predictions of things to come that will come your way from Drew Pearson. This is ABC, the American Broadcasting Company. [Music] Lucky Lancelot's asking people, "What's the weirdest place you've gotten lucky?" Lucky? In line as a deli, I guess? Uh-huh, in my dentist's office. More than once, actually. See what I have to say? Yes, you do. In the car, before my kid's PTA meeting. Really? Yes! Excuse me, what's the weirdest place you've gotten lucky? I never win and tell. Well, there you have it. You could get lucky anywhere playing at luckylancelot's.com. Play for free right now. Are you feeling lucky? No purchase necessary. If you don't be rude, we're prohibited by law 18 plus terms and conditions apply. [Music] Welcome to Salka Media, where your journey into a world of endless audio possibilities begins. Imagine a place where you can discover thousands of captivating audio books, immerse yourself in tranquil sounds for sleep and meditation, and explore timeless stories and lectures that expand your mind and enrich your soul. At SalkaMedia.com, we believe in the power of stories to transform lives. Whether you're a lifelong learner, a parent seeking bedtime stories for your children, or someone looking to unwind after a long day, we have something just for you. We invite you to try Salka Media Free for one month. Explore our extensive collection and find the perfect audio content that resonates with you. Join our community of passionate listeners and unlock a world of knowledge, relaxation, and inspiration. Visit SalkaMedia.com today and start your free trial. That's S-O-L-G-O-O-D-M-E-D-I-A. . . . . . (gentle music)