Yours Truly Johnny Dollar
Johnny Dollar - Dr Otto Schmedlich
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- Duration:
- 32m
- Broadcast on:
- 03 Jul 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
I'm Victoria Cash. Thanks for calling the Lucky Land Hotline. If you feel like you do the same thing every day, press 1. If you're ready to have some serious fun, for the chance to redeem some serious prizes, press 2. We heard you loud and clear, so go to luckylandslots.com right now and play over 100 social casino style games for free. Get lucky today. If you're a facilities manager at a warehouse and your HVAC system goes down, it can turn up the heat, literally. But don't sweat it. Granger has you covered. Granger offers over a million industrial grade products for all your operations, including warehouse HVAC maintenance. And even better, they offer access to experts and fast delivery, so you and your warehouse can both keep your cool. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Ranger.com, or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done. Well, anyway, I learned the answer to the question, "What does a doctor do when a doctor needs a doctor?" This is another in the Adventures of America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator Johnny Dollar. At insurance investigation, Johnny Dollar is only an expert at making out his expense account. He's an absolute genius. Expense accounts submitted by special investigator Johnny Dollar. Two American Volunteer Liability Insurance Company, Hartford, Connecticut. Attention Homer Shelley, General Manager. The following is an accounting of my expenditures during my investigation of one of your policy holders, Dr. Otto Schmedling, or an apple a day sent the doctor away, or it couldn't have happened to a bigger worm. Spent account, item 1. 80 cents, cab fare to your office in answer to your call. Tip to driver, one dollar. Oh, morning dollar. Hiya. So I didn't tell you the question. Thanks, sir. Good morning dollar. Good morning. Good morning. Thank you. Sorry, we had that unfortunate altercation over the last expense account. You submitted to this office. Oh, that's all right. It was ridiculous. He was going around tipping cab driver the dollar after a 50 cent trip. Well, do you know me, Homer, just a silly, headstrong, impetuous boy? It was somebody else's money, yes. We've been through all that. When I want to talk to you now, is it? Oh, yeah, I'm positive. Oh, here it is. Dr. Otto Schmedling, Los Angeles, California. California? Doesn't anything ever happen at Hartford? I've been using an airplane seat belt so much lately. I'm about ready to throw away my suspended. Dr. Otto Schmedling. I suppose you're familiar with the existence of that type of insurance policy, which protects doctors against charges of malpractice. Yeah, I've heard of them. Well, we had the rare misfortune of issuing such a policy to this, this quack Schmedling. Well, what do you want me to do? Go out and take his temperature? Dollar, when I want to laugh, I tune in Jack Benny. Now, this is serious. The policy we issued to Dr. Schmedling only covers him up to the extent of what is construed as accidental malpractice. If we can prove criminal malpractice, we can cancel the scoundrel's policy. Do you have a good reason to think it's criminal? Or are you just toying with a happy thought? Look, our company has already paid off on two claims. Recently, we've heard rumors about this man. It seems the medical association is watching him very closely. But so far, no one can prove anything. Now, Dolly, do you want the assignment? No, what I'll take it. Expense accounts, item two, $194.4, airfare, Hartford to Los Angeles. Item three, $4.50, cab fare, Los Angeles airport, to the Sun Tower Medical Specialist Building, which I first spotted looming through the smog on Wilshire Boulevard, high in the high rent district of the city beautiful. Item four, $0.55, 11 nickels. Spent telephoning the Schmedling office at 15 minute intervals until I at last found the doctor not in. In California, the doctors really specialize. And the buildings they work in sometimes really make the most of it, as I found out in the elevator going up. Second floor, eye, ear, nose, and throat, doctors, care, cryo, whitest, and auster band. Third floor, fracture, strain, sprains, and dislocations, doctors followed Woodruff, Toyo, and Brown. Fourth floor, obstetrics, orthopedic pediatrics, and general practice. Dr. Small, Chi, Reynolds, Frank, Stanley, Fibham, and Schmedling. Would all these medical terms you just tossed off? By any chance mean that we have now arrived in the land of the mechanized store. To put it crudely, yes, thank you, Jack Armstrong. Good afternoon. Hello. Dr. Schmedling. Well, no, I'm sorry, he isn't. I'm good. I mean, that's too bad. That's what do you mean? Well, I meant to say that, well, since the doctor isn't in, I mean, I ought to talk to you anyway, you feel prettier. I should be. I'm a girl. Now, is there something I can help you with? Yes, as a matter of fact, you can. I have sort of an empty feeling around my heart. How would you prescribe? By cognitive soda. Is that all? Hey, Shay, now I have an empty feeling around my head. Please, will you state your business? Oh, no, honey, you should know that anybody who walks into a doctor's office wants to live. I'd have to send you. I really want to live. What are you doing tonight? What? Wait, you. I am not in the habit of making dates with strange men. Who's strange? And furthermore, you are perhaps the most insufferable. He just did. No, he just did with a chance, darling. I'm sure I'll be able to prove you. Well, I wouldn't be caught dead with you. Oh, oh, it's out of you, eh? You like that, huh? This is the first time I've ever tasted champagne. Good old champagne. The rich people, seven up. Well, it is to us. Too late. Doreen, I feel like talking. Well, thanks for putting me on guard. Listening to you can do strange things, little girl. I want you to know more about me. I'm an insurance man. I didn't go up to your office hoping to see the doctor. I want to see his nurse, you. My Johnny Dollar, if you try to sell me. Oh, hey, no, wait a minute. Hear me out. You can probably guess it's getting pretty tough trying to sell insurance these days. Uh-huh. More than anything else, a guy needs a new angle, and I've got one. People who go to doctors are worried about their health. Now, people who are worried about their health are worried about the security of their families. So, they become good prospects for insurance policy. Yeah, but at the same time, are they also bad risk? A lot of them are, yeah. But they can't pass the insurance physical, but there are plenty of others. If you should know, the figures prove there's many healthy people go to doctors as do unhealthy. Perhaps the most popular disease in America is hypochondria, and the national headquarters seems to be located right here in Los Angeles. I see you. And for me, you want to list the doctor's mettle expression? Smart girl, uh-huh. Not boy. Strength accounts, item five, $1.40. Cab fare to Doreen's apartment, where I told the driver to wait. Expense accounts, same item, part two, $28, dating time, before I took the cab the rest of the way back to my hotel. Expense accounts, item six, breakfast the next morning, two hard-earned dollars for two soft-boiled eggs. The hen that laid them must do barnyard bits in the movies, at least at those prices she could have autographed them. At 9.30, I was right on time for my morning appointment with Doreen to pick up the list of Dr. Schmedlich's patients, a half hour before the doctor was due to arrive. Well, Johnny, for a man who stayed up so late, it was very fun. Oh, that's me. The early worm who so often gets the bird. You got a copy of the list? Yeah, got to hear it, eh, to tie this one. Oh, fine. Here it is. So this is wonderful, you're a doll. Eh, A.A. Aaron's. You'd make the top of any alphabetical list. Look, this is the selfish way of saying thanks, because I'll enjoy it more than you will, but dinner at Roman also, eh? I love it. Good. Good morning, Mr. Smith. Oh, oh, good morning, Dr. Schmedlich. Oh, patients already? Oh, yes, doctor. This is, uh, Mr. Dolly. It's not a town. Good morning. Well, all right. What's the matter with you? Oh, it's, it's really nothing. Well, let me be the judge you've said. I will make the diagnosis. I'll see you in a moment. Sonny, I don't know what happened. He's never come in this early before. I don't mind that, but I wish you hadn't made a patient out. I just had to say something. He wants to know about everybody who comes in here. Donnie, you'll just have to go through with it. We can't let him know about the list. Okay, okay. But what's going to cost me? What does the old squarehead get for a check-up? Fifty dollars in consultation. Oh. Honey, instead of Romanos for dinner tonight, we better make it a drive-in. Morning. Good journey, I am. You can come in now, Mr. Lola. Oh, well, uh, with the deed, doctor, the name is dollar. Oh, yes, yes, I forget. I have so many cases in my mind. No, you will be so good to slip off your jacket and your shirt while I talk. What is the nature of your complaint? Well, uh, um, my, my back. See, I was in a small automobile crank. I'm driving out here. No, it's dangerous, complicated area, the back. Now, if you'll be so good to get up on the table and fly down. Now, on your stomach. The feet down here, please. That's good. Now, I tap your back when I reach the painful area. Please, tell me. Yes, doctor. Very well, muscles, Mr. Lola. No bruises, dreams. Oh, uh, oh, there it is. Ah, ah, ah, well, not dangerously near the spine, but very interesting. Yeah, I think this will help. Oh! At first, it felt like a big beast thing about a quarter of the way up my back. Then came the buzzing inside my head. Whatever kind of liquid lullaby the good doctor sunk into my spine, it really rocked me to sleep. I had time to move my head and watch Schmedley put down the hypodermic, walk across the room to my coat, and take from it the lift of his patience, plus my wallet containing my identification. But I didn't give it a second thought. I didn't have time to. For me, the lights wound. [Music] In just a moment, we will return to the second act of Johnny Dollar. But first, assets, one block of wood, liabilities, more trouble than the legendary paper hanger with the highs. It sounds as though Edgar Bergen had a pretty bad bank balance, doesn't it? But luckily for you, he comes back week after week to the CBS studios with his block of wood named Charlie and lets himself in for more trouble. As for you, you're really in the chips when you take in the Edgar Bergen, Charlie McCarthy Show heard over most of these stations every Sunday. Don't miss their brightest gay-ass show tomorrow night on CBS, where this fall you hear them all. [Music] Now with our star Charles Russell, we return to the second act of yours truly Johnny Dollar. [Music] In my racket, sleeping on the job isn't always fun, and this was one of those times. Waking up from Dr. Schmedlich's slumber treatment, the nosy people carried with it a dark brown taste in the mouth, thickness of the tongue, and big bells ringing in your steeple. I was scoring on all those counts when I rolled open my eyelids, which fought me all the way. [Music] I set up, I found myself on a hard canvas cut in a bare room with soft walls. They were padded, the window wasn't much what the one's other was bought. So was a tiny opening in the upholster door. [Music] At first, I thought I was going crazy. Then I realized I was in the kind of place where they put people they think they've already joined the ranks of the enchanted. It took me only 10 years to make it over to the door where I looked out through the small slip. Hey, hey come here someone, a room service. [Music] Now listen mister, the first thing you're learning here is we don't like noise. Makes the other patients nervous. Okay, okay, okay, where am I? Who are you? I'm your nurse. Oh, sorry I didn't recognize you. I thought nurses were supposed to wear little caps. I got a little cap, but I don't wear it indoors at all. Listen you, I'm gonna make a front of me or be sorry, see? I'm sorry now, how about I get in here anyway? All I know is this place is we are all good. We say outside you're dangerous. I can depend on it. If I ever get out, I will be. What'd you say? Nothing. You're one of them all right, talking to yourself. What's your name? It's none of your business, but I'll tell you. I don't like people calling me hey you, so I'll tell you. My name is Forgy. Okay, Forgy. Listen, all I want is a chance to talk to somebody who's in charge. How about it? That's easy. When your time comes, a boss will be here without no asking. You get one visit from the boss every day, just like all of us. When will that be? Just before supper, so why don't you go back to sleep? That won't be for four more hours. Oh, dandy. Who is this boss? What's his name? The boss is not a he. He's just a she. And her name is Dr. Doreen Switt. I had four hours to think of different ways of calling myself a sucker. At the end of hour number one, I ran out of fingernails. At the end of hour number two, I ran out of patience. And the other two, I spent devising torturous new ways of getting even with a combination that shanghide me into that fancy four-walled straightjaggedy. They had left me only one move to make. It was out. I figured that the Winston Dr. Doreen Smith paid me a visit. She'd come with her body well guarded. Probably by the charming be-muscled behemoth, Nurse Forgy, who from what I saw him through that slit in the door was no Florence Nightingale believing. For him, I needed a club. I didn't have much to work with. The iron and canvas cart was heavily bolted to the floor. As was the only other piece of furniture in the room, a small but sturdy table. Took off one of my shoes, ripped the heel off, and an angle of the cot. And looked lovingly at the shiny little nail points bleaming back at me from a solid piece of leather in the palm of my hand. I put it to work, ripping a four-foot square of canvas out of the cot. Then I put both of my shoes into the center of the square, picked up the corners, tied them together, and close to the weight, gave it a heft, feeling that I now had at least the start of a weapon. How are you? Here we are. Oh, I suppose you think that's good news. He's saying that this way. He's still groggy from that room. Don't trust him. Grab his arms when you're going and hold on. Now go ahead, I'll follow. I'll try any tricks you won't hurt you, see. Thanks, there, see. I wouldn't... Leave him! He's okay! Come on! Then come here, you! Back in here, sweethearty. Oh, drop your hypodermic. Planning on rocking me to sleep again, huh? Yeah, go on it. No, let me tell you something. It's one squirrel that's going to get out of this cage. Don't rub my further wrong way. My headaches, I'm seeing double. My nerve ends are whipping me to death. There are two cents I'd punch you square in the nose, because one thing for sure, you ain't no lady. Sit down! Stay there when I put on what's left of my shoes. You better go back to heart, I'm a little boy that can speak for you. Hang around, you. But make anybody grow old and hurry. What do you think you're going to do? Right now, I'm going to take your cheese, lock you in here with sleeping beauty there, and then I'm going up for a breath of fresh air. Have fun with the two of you. You can make a peach of a pear. I stumbled through the rest of the building, which turned out to be nothing more than a country house. There were no other rooms, like the one I had just vacated. For that matter, there were no other so-called patients. It could have been a place maintained for the purpose of making people talk, or keeping them from talking. There was no telephone. I couldn't crawl out, but neither could anybody crawl in to find out that something was going wrong. This little crime crib was apparently located well out in the country. That meant that Dr. Doreen Smith had arrived in the car, which I commandeered and drove to the nearest filling station. No longer having in my possession that list of Schmetlick's patients, I flipped through my memory and came up with a single name I had known in his office. A.A. Aaron. Hello. Hello, is Mr. A.A. Aaron in, please? It is Aaron speaking. Oh, good. Mr. Aaron, I'm representing a group of West Coast Trusts. I'm making a survey. What do you have your prescriptions filled? It is at the Android pharmacy in Beverly Boulevard. Oh, I see. One more question, Mr. Aaron. I know of many cases. People go to the pharmacist recommended by the doctor. Is this the case with you? Yes, but it's right. Well, thank you, Mr. A.A. Aaron. Pardon me, Mr. Anjoy. The clerk of front told me where I could find you. My name is P.A. Aaron. I like to have a word with you, if you're the time. On the basis of ethics, the state of California should have picked up a gentleman's pharmaceutical license that issued him a barber's permit. Mr. Anjoy loved to talk. From the thousand words he threw at me during the ensuing half hour, I managed to sift the following information. Dr. Schmedlich's prescriptions were usually refillable, dangerous, and habit forming. I also managed to memorize the names of a few of his patients from the narcotics book. Well, he's tucked into a lonely corner of my cerebral cortex. I limped out into the newborn night. It's a count on item 7, 50 cents, having the missing heel on my shoe replaced by late-working cobbler. Checking the owners of the first four names, drew me nothing but blanks. The fifth drew me closer. Come on in. Her name was Millicent Royal. She's the kind of girl whose family takes up a full page in the bluebook, and whose personal habits take up full pages on police plotters. Royal? Don't just stand there. Come in. Thank you. Sit down. Miss Royal, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm an insurance investigator. I don't want any. You don't understand, I said investigator, not salesman. I want to get a line on a doctor. Otto Schmedlich. Do you recognize the name? I know, but I'm not sure if any of you are busy. Look, little lady, let's put sparring. I've tailed friend Schmedlich this far, and now I want some information. What have you got? Nothing. He's a fine doctor, a wonderful doctor. I don't think he's doing you any good at all. You don't know anything about me. I'm afraid I do, more than you think. I know enough about Dr. Schmedlich to know that he's doing a lot of people, a lot of trouble. I want to put him in a business, and you can help me. Oh, look, honey, Schmedlich is the one that needs protection you do. You and the other people on the same spot you're on. Why don't you do yourself good? I think you've got to leave now. Okay, perhaps I'd better drop around to the home of Prince E.P. Royal, Belair. My father? No, no, don't do that. Give me some answers. You can't make me. Nobody can. Anything in the passage between a doctor and a statement is a secret. Nobody can make me say it, not even a judge. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute. All right, all right. You change your mind. I'm staying at the Park Beverly Hotel. I'll trip him up sooner or later. If I have to, I'm turning it over to the federal men, narcotics department. Why did I ever let you in here? Get out. Leave me alone, go away. You can't make me do anything. Well, well, well. Is my estranged wife having a lover for her? No, get this man out of here. Make him leave me alone. I don't see why I should rush to you from anybody's clutches. But you, I don't like your look. So get out before I butt you in half. You know, you look like just the guy who might be able to do it. Happy honeymoon. My hangover from Dr. Schmetlick's health cure hit me again as I hit the street. What I needed was a hot shower and a cold drink. After the water hit me in the face, a trifle of the same hit the scotch in my glass. I sat down in the big easy chair in my room, posing for a picture. Johnny Dollar, lonesome man and child. I was mixed up in something mighty big and mighty wrong, but something I couldn't have yet put a finger on. Up until then, I had to go on with ability, experience, and instinct. All unacceptable to the police as evidence. I asked myself why I hadn't called the law and told them about my party with a lady doctor and a man nurse. Then I answered myself that if I did, I'd probably be the one charged with assault, battery, and whatever else they wanted to trump up. Again, it would only be my word against that of an established medical man and his doctor-type nurse. So I decided to leave Doreen and a monster-type nurse where they were until I could turn them over to the cops. Four drinks later, I was beginning to realize that those kind of troubles don't ground easily, and then the phone rang. Yeah? Yes, Mr. Dollar? Wait a minute, what's the matter? No, listen, Millicent, take the advice of an old hand at this sort of thing. If you want to help, tell me now over the phone. Oh, can't trust telephone. Somebody's always listening. Listen to me, it never fails, Miss Royal. You're playing around with a kind of suspense. They like to put into movie scripts. The dean calls with some kind information. She's afraid to spill over the phone. Then when the investigator gets there, she's dead. Hurry, bye. I went there, I was right. She was dead. That gave me two people they all looking for. I didn't know where a strange husband Bill lived, so I went to work on a doctor. His all-night telephone exchange gave me the information that he had called in just before leaving the hospital on his way to the office and could be reached there in 20 minutes. I was apparently closer than he was, so I walked over the building and up to the fourth floor. There were lights on on the Schmedlich office, so I walked in. What do you want? I came here to see the doctor, Bill, but I was going to get around to you eventually, and I just came from your wife's apartment. So did I. That's what I mean. You've got some talking to do. I know who you are, but don't go getting any ideas. I didn't kill her. I loved her. I didn't sound like love when I met you in the apartment. We made up right after you left. I went out to get her something from the doctor when I came back. She was dead. That's what I'm doing here. I'm waiting here to kill the man who did it. How do you know it was Schmedlich? Because after you left her apartment, she called the doctor, and told him if he didn't stop shaking her down, she was going to tell you the whole story. I threatened her, and she called me. Over the grounds for blackmail. Not products? That's right. He got started on a during a long illness she had. After she was well, but still needed, the drug he told her he'd see the other family heard about it, she didn't pay him off. Nice guy. He wrecked us, wrecked our marriage, made a victim of her. And she wasn't the only one. Then we're out there. He made bug addicts out of them, and then threatened a blackmail of them if they didn't pay off. And you prove all this? I can't prove it. Nobody can, but cops, the medical association, they've tried, but Schmedlich is clever. Too clever. When I last had monster out in the world, I'll be curing it of a big signal. Hey, take it easy. Look, I know how you feel, but you haven't got the right answer. Why don't you let me take over? They out of a dollar I never belong to any Boy Scout troops. I'm not joining now. You know what they say, an apple a day? Well, I've got one here for the doctor. You see this? It's left over from Walla Canal. Sure, there's here the pineapple. Army type hand grenade. Well, I'm gonna feed it too. Well, Bill, now look, I know you're upset, but don't forget, those things were designed to take care of more than one man. Have you thought of that? I thought about it a lot, and it's still all ad-suck. I haven't got a thing left to live for us. That's him. Bill, Bill, you're off your rocker. Don't do it. Give me that thing. And I'm standing with you. Why are you still going here? Come and get it, friendly! A bomb! Before the grenade could explode, I did. With one foot, I kicked Bill legally in the shinsbone. For the pin pull, I only had about five seconds. I took two steps, and with the other foot, I kicked the grenade out for the carter, then I hit the floor. All right. I'll still take you to pieces, smitling. I let Bill go to work on the doctor, until he had signed him into a state of unconsciousness. And to say, Bill, from a murder app, I did the same for him, with a loose portable typewriter. Sorry, but it's time to type right the tagline, William. P.S., then I called the police. Expense accounts? Item eight. Fifty dollars. Airplane rental burns leave charter service for a flight to Palm Springs. Item nine, sixty-two dollars. Dinner at the Dunes, party of three. Included said party, me, and Hage, and Hage. Expense accounts, um, item nine. Airfare Palm Springs to Los Angeles. Los Angeles to Hartford. Two hundred and forty-four dollars and four cents. Expense accounts total twelve hundred and eleven dollars and sixty-nine cents. All that's for getting rid of a doctor. And if you react the same way you react it to my last expensive count, it'll probably mean that you will be needing a doctor. Signed, um, yours, um, truly, Johnny Dollar. Yours, truly, Johnny Dollar, is produced and directed by Gordon T. Hughes and stars Charles Russell. Script by Paul Dudley and Gil Dowd. Featured in the cast were Willard Waterman, Betty Lou Gerstin, Larry Dobgen, Paul Dubov, George Ellis, and Edmund McDonald. The special music is written and conducted by Wilbur Hatch. Be sure to be with us next week when another unusual expense, the count, is handed in by yours, truly, Johnny Dollar. Stay tuned for Von Monroe and his caravan, which follows immediately over most of these same stations, Paul Masterson Speaking. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. [Music] It's time for today's Lucky Land Horoscope with Victoria Cash. Life's gotten mundane, so shake up the daily routine and be adventurous, with a trip to Lucky Land. 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