Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Cabin in Connecticut
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- Duration:
- 29m
- Broadcast on:
- 19 Jul 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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Learn that racing.fanduel.com, gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER. And do you know what that music's saying? Yes, sir. Amaz, that music's a good health to all from Rexall. The Amaz and Andy show transcribed, written by Joe Connelly and Bob Mosher, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Corny Anderson, Jeff Alexander's music, yours truly, Harlow Wilcox, and starring Radio's all-time favorites, Freeman Gosdon and Charles Carell. Amos Cenandi. How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? I am Freeman Gosdon. You know Charles Carell and I have been partners for a long time. There are some things we agree on and some we don't, but we always talk it out. Maybe that's why we're such good friends. But there is one matter on which we definitely agree, and that is, that for real economy we can always rely on our Rexall drugist. We're always sure that our money buys more in a Rexall store. And we know you will agree with us if you start trading at your Rexall family drugist. Well, the kingfishes wife, Sapphire, and her mother went to the bank this morning and have just returned to the apartment with a stack of papers and legal-looking documents. Sapphire, why is you and your mama bringing all that stuff home from our safety deposit box? Because you didn't pay the rent on it. Yeah, we was evicted from that to you, bum. Me and we're going to have to keep all these valuables around the house, yeah? What are you talking about valuables? The only thing valuable in here is mama's $2,500 engagement ring, and mama can keep that and address the drawer. That ring is the only thing of valuables. What you mean, now look right here, there's $400 worth of war bonds. Yes, but there are war bonds from the Spanish-American war. Yeah, and on top of that, there's David Barcelona. You thought Spain was going to win? Well, I got a bad trip. Somebody told me that Admiral's do his first name was Jose, anyway, there's other valuables there. What is this thing right here? What does it say here? Property deed. Hm. That's that crazy lot with that shack on it you bought up in Connecticut 10 years ago. Yeah, well, it almost made me fortunate on that. The people wanted to buy it to put up that big Monmouth hotel. Yeah, but just like all your deals, you held out for two bigger price. Yeah, and the hotel wound up by building that place a mile away on the other side of the highway. Your big, sad, headed boob. Thank you, mama, thank you for them sweet sauce. Think how I felt it was a bad break for me. That cabin of mine must be in pretty bad shape by now, too. I ain't done a thing to the place in five years. You know if I fix it up, it might not make a bad summer cottage for somebody. Well, if you can sell that overgrown lot and broke down cabin to anybody, you as a genius. Now, wait a minute, jazz. You over here at the Louisiana Precious? You mean when Napoleon sold the United States Louisiana for $15 million? Yeah, you've been down there, seen all them swamps and buy you in a flooded land, ain't you? Yeah, I've seen them. The boy that lost the battle of Waterloo could swing a deal like that. Think what a future there is for me in the real estate business. Oh, me, I guess, if I was right, I had that ad in the paper for two days now, and I guess nobody wants to buy that cabin up in Connecticut. I ain't had one nibble, if I could get a fish to bite, one little nibble, one fish. Oh, hi, a kingfish, hi. Oh, land around. Welcome to the aquarium. [LAUGHTER] Think what's up, kingfish? Well, I was just thinking about your boy, you know, and this is the time of year when the robin red breast wings its way north, when the swallows return to their homes and the trees, the pigeons to their roost, and the doves to their nest. Kingfish, what are you getting at? You trying to sell me a box of them stale bird eggs again? [LAUGHTER] No, and I was thinking with summer coming on this time that you made your vacation plan. Oh, well, I done made my vacation plans already. Oh, you will, huh? Yeah, me and a couple of the other brothers are going to take a trip and go camping in the Northwoods. The Northwoods? Yeah, it's going to cost us three or four hundred dollars, but it'll be worth it. So you're going to the Northwoods? You're going behind nature's iron curtain. [LAUGHTER] It's three studded devil's island. [LAUGHTER] Is you in front here that the woods is dangerous? Well, they're camping in the woods is all right for the experience hunter and trapper, but it's sure death for the tendofeats who don't know nothing about it or near a fight like you. You're going to camp out, huh? Yeah, we're taking all the equipment, sleeping bags and everything. Sleeping bags, huh? You mean one of them bags you crawl into at night and then close the whole thing up with a zipper? Hmm. Very dangerous, innit? Dangerous. After I zip the thing up, I have safe inside the bag from the rain and the wild elements and everything. All I got to do is unzip myself when I want to get up in the morning. And that's it, innit, you know how damn zippers is? [LAUGHTER] You mean they get stuck sometimes? Stuck. In the way, the Northwoods is full of sleeping bags that's been kicking around and screaming since last summer. [LAUGHTER] Well, it must be five or six hundred sleeping bags that happen around like Mexican jumping beans. [LAUGHTER] Well, I ain't going to take no chances then. I'll just sleep out in the open. No new one, huh? Would all them ferocious bears around? What do you mean? A fellow explaining to me how all them bears as tame. The aim walks right up and eats out the car. Yeah, but what he didn't explain to you is that what they eat out of the cars is the drivers, doesn't it? [LAUGHTER] Well, all right, all right. I won't mess with the bears then. I'll just go fishing. Fishing the summer is the worst time of the year to go fishing up there. I was afraid of that. Yeah, that's when the deadly rattlesnakes come down to the ward of the edge to shed their rattles. Holy mackerel. If the rattlesnakes loses their rattles, how they notify you when they're about to strike? Well, they don't send John L. Lewis to around with no note, I can tell you that. You know something, Kingfish? I think I'm going to call off the camping trip. I'll have to think of some other place to go on my vacation. Now, you say you got $400 to spend, huh? That's right, $400. Sit down, brother. And let me tell you about a cozy cottage in carefree Connecticut. You can sit down, Joe, with a knife. What is this in there? You was called off your camping trip to the woods. Yeah, you must my features too tender. Me being a neon light and everything, the bears have eaten you right out of my sleeping bag. Now, Andy, what is you talking about the bears eating you? What is that? Oh, it's real dangerous. They come down to the river every night to shed the zippers. Yeah, they do that because they got permission from John L. Lewis. I don't know what you're talking about, sir. You was all hot on this camping trip, and what made you change your mind? Well, Amos, I done bought a cozy cottage in Connecticut from the Kingfish for $400. Oh, the Kingfish, yeah, well, I didn't know about this, ain't it? But I tell you one thing, he was crazy to put up your money before you seed the thing. Make sure he show you the place. Yeah, that's right. He was right. I'm going to call him right away. Oh, sure, Andy, don't let him sell you no pig in the poke. Yeah, Amos, and I'll tell you one thing. This time, if he's trying to sell me a pig in the poke, I'm going to give him a poke in the puss. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drug, speaking to you for the 10,000 independent drugists who have made the word Rexall part of our own store names. We've done that because we recommend and sell the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company. So early my 31 is a good example. This tangy amber color antiseptic killed contacted germs in seconds when used full strength yet will not harm the most delicate membranes of the mouth and throat. That's why my 31 serves with equal effectiveness as a cleansing mouthwash, soothing gargle or refreshing breath deodorant. Look for my 31 America's many-purpose antiseptic at Rexall drugstores everywhere. Now, listen, Andy, hello, hello, look here, ain't no sense of shouting me on the telephone. If you want to see the place, I'll let you see it. All right, Andy, all right, all right, we'll drive up there tomorrow. Okay, goodbye, hmm, you want to see the place? What a dirty trick to play on me. That's when I'll never be able to camouflage that dump so he'll fall for it. Oh, me? I can't give him his money back, though, cause if he, uh... How you think, man? Well, I'll come from Jack Calhoun, how are you? How you been, boy? Oh, I've been over in the park, king fish. They're a lot of excitement over there. They erected some fella for feeding the ducks and done throw them in jail. Throw them in jail for feeding the ducks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was pulling them out of the water and feeding them to his ad-dale. Oh. Well, uh, I have no trouble myself, Calhoun. I had, uh, broken down cabin up in Connecticut, and I sold it to Andy for $400. Now he want to see the players before we consummate a deer, you know what I mean? Now, there's a sneaky thing for Andy to do. Ain't that the place you sunk to people was gonna buy and put the hotel on? Yeah, that's right. But the double crossman, they built a mine with hotels about a mile on the other side of that full-in highway. Yeah, wait a minute. I think I done got an idea. Yeah, wait a minute. Now, lookie here. No. Just suppose Andy was to think that the cabin was part of the hotel property, and he was entitled to all the hotel facilities. Yeah, that was a great idea, boy. Yeah. Yeah, that's a big hotel with a swimming pool, tennis court, golf course, and everything. Yeah. Yeah, that'll sell him on the place. And then by summer time, I'll think of something else that stole him off. Yeah. Yeah, how do you lake that Andy? Getting the smart on me. The unexpected is always happening, innit, boy? Yeah, I'll say it is. Well, just the day I got a card from my cousin, Murgatroyd. Oh, yeah, your cousin, Murgatroyd, the Bobster. Yeah. Yeah. Where's he now? Well, Murgatroyd is over in Paris. It seemed that he and another hipster, a friend of his, was sitting, having cocktails and one of them sidewalked cafes in Paris. Yeah. All of a sudden, there was a big explosion on the street, and right before their eyes, two French white men come flying out of an open manhole and went 90 feet in the air. 90 feet in the air? Yeah. His friend turned to Murgatroyd and said, dig them two boys flying through the air. And Murgatroyd said, "Yeah, man, I wonder what they're sivin' down there." Well, King Fish, I must say that this is a wonderful hotel up here, Hotel Monmouth, huh? Yeah, of course, it ain't open yet for the summer, ain't it, but you can see it's a great place. Oh, yeah, the nice hotel. Oh, yeah, and there. If you meet a girl when it comes to recreation, why, you can tennis court it, or you can bridal pair it, or shuffle board it? Well, when it comes to smooch in King Fish, I'd rather backport you to canoe it down by the summer house. But listen, you say the cabin I don't board is on the grounds of the hotel, huh? Oh, yeah, it's Andy, of course, the new cabin is a little more private than D.U.'s right here around the hotel, right, in what we call it, for cinnally. Oh, yeah. There's, huh? I knew it was that you was the type of fella that enjoys your privacy. Yeah, but I found that I get more of a kick out of my privacy if there's people around. Show me where the cabin is. All right, and rule up your pants leg and follow me. It's just a hop skipping a jump from here, just a hop skipping a jump. Well, Andy, here we are. Yeah, here you lovely cabin. Holy mackerel, what a trip. You say it was a hop skipping a jump. We hopped over three bob wire fences, skipped across a four lane highway, just ahead of a Mack truck, and jumped over that drainage ditch to get you off. Yeah, well, it was worth a trip. And there you is, there is your delightful rustic cabin. That thing there, with the holes in the walls and the roof have gone, well, it's designed that way, Andy, what they call Swiss cheese modern. And a place like that you can commune with nature. Communed with nature. The way that's falling apart, I ain't going to be able to commune with the rain, the wind, the flies, and the mosquitoes without ever leaving the house. Well, come on, Andy, let's go on and look at the place. Come on, look at those. Okay, come on, up on the porch here. Holy mackerel, can't fish the boards and them steps is all loose. Yeah, well, that's natural after the winter. Them steps just need a little tightening up. Open the door, Andy. Yeah. Yeah. That door needs a little tightening up, too. It fell right off. Well, it's me, that way, Andy. It not only keeps the wind out, but it doubles as a surfboard, in case you want a aqua playing on it in the lake. Oh, step inside, Andy. Get a load of this rustic splendor we got you. Yeah. Say, wait a minute, kingfish. This place is a mile from the hotel. How's that going to get any service over here? Well, Andy, the hotel sends a chamber made over every morning to dust up the place. You mean she's got to jump that barbed wire and cross that highway to get you? Yeah, Andy. Of course, with the traffic lights and all the trucks with them by, you may miss a couple of changes of sheets during the summer. Yeah, that's one of the joys of rustic living. Yeah, but look here. This is just one room with a stove. Don't the joys of rustic living include no bathroom? Well, Andy, like I say, you used the facilities of the hotel. You mean if I want to take a bath, I got a steeple chasing across that highway and my bathrobe and slippers? Yes, Andy. You can use any bathroom that's available. There's just one caution, though. If he walks in while another fella's taking a bath, it's against the rules of the hotel for you to climb in with him. You see what I mean? Listen, kingfish, I ain't going to take the place. Now, wait a minute, Andy. You done paid me the money. You done made a deal. All this deal is closed. You can't get out of it. Yeah, but wait a minute. Well, I made it. I didn't know this place was such a broke-down dunk. Oh, it didn't know it. Well, there you is. You stuck right there. Don't forget it. Even this is nine points of the law. Oh, I got you, boy. Yeah, that's right. Well, I guess if that's the law, there ain't nothing I can do about it. Oh, you would love it up here, do you, Andrew? Yeah, but I'll tell you, with that chamber made getting held up in traffic with my streets and me having to wait for the light to change to take a bath, look like I'm going to spend a pretty dirty summer. Well, let me get on in my apartment, yeah? I sure pull a fast one on that end there. Hmm, well, see, the mail is here, just one letter. Let me see, uh, Mr. George Stevens, dear sir, this is to inform you that we are expanding our present nine whole golf course and are interested in your property across the highway. We are prepared to pay you the sum of $3,000 for seeing him. Kind of let us know at once if these terms meet with your approval, sign them on with hotel corporation, holy mackerel, $3,000. And I done sold at the end of a 400, let me get that boy on the phone and tell him that deal is off. Oh, oh me, that's the Australian say when the boomerang hit him in the back of the head, this thing has then took a turn for the worst. I just hope that, uh, Andy, uh, Kingfisher, about the cottage, the deal is off. I got to have it back. Well, I'd be glad to let you have it back, Kingfish, except for one little thing. Oh, one little thing? Oh, what's that, Andy? I don't change my mind about living up there and sold the place to a Mr. Theodore Nelson for $700. Oh, now wait a minute. [applause] Now here is your Rexall family drugist. I hope every overweight person listening will hear this statement. You can lose up to five pounds a week with N. Delafield's new reducing plan. What's more, you can lose where it shows. Sounds wonderful, but it sounds tough too. But you're wrong. N. Delafield's reducing plan is easy. It's fun. You don't starve. You don't count calories. There are no drugs, no unbalanced dieting. Yet the pounds slip away as many as three to five a week. What all is the plan included? Well, you get vitamins to keep your diet vitamin safe and delicious appetite reducing wafers for between meal hunger plus a complete beauty book with many valuable tips on menus, health and beauty. Oh, this must be pretty expensive. Again, you're wrong. And Delafield's plan costs less by the day, works faster by the minute. It's the easiest, soundest, safest way you've ever found to lose weight. If your extra pounds are not due to an organic cause, ask about the N. Delafield reducing plan. It's available only at Rexall Drug Stores. Well, Andy, here's the courage Mr. Nelson that you're doing in the solar tube must be up here now. Yeah, that's right. That must be his car. He told the real estate people he's going to be working on the place all month, getting in the shape. Listen, you think this idea is going to work and we'll get him out of here? Well, it's got to work, Andy. I can't lose that $3,000 at the hotel, often. Yeah, but trying to scare him out, but tell him there's built in the airport for jet planes on these fields around here. I don't know if that's going to work or not. Now, listen, Andy, we've got a break. You had the real estate company sell the place to him, and he ain't ever seen you. That's right. Like I said, and after I got him going, you bust in at the psychological moment. Yeah, yeah. All right, go ahead. I'll hide out here by the stoops, please. Come in. Mm. Frightened up the door. Yes. What can I do for you? You must be Mr. Nelson. Allow me to introduce myself as George Stevens, President General Manager of the Transcontinental, Trans European Trans Ocean and Transparent airline. Well, what has this got to do with me? Oh, nothing, nothing. I just wanted to get acquainted since we're going to be neighbors. Neighbors? Oh, yes. We is building an airport in the car pasture next to you here, so doing the natural, but you're a place being at the end of our runway, why we ought to get acquainted. What is this? My house is at the end of your runway? Yeah, of course. With this more pasture we got there, we're only going to be able to have a runway 80 feet long, and with us flying the new jet transpose off there, why we bound to run into each other sooner or later. You mean to say that by my living here, my house is in danger from your airplanes? Well, I wouldn't say it was exactly dangerous, but if you were sleeping here some night and one of them super jet engines starts climbing in bed with you, don't stop the shake hands with it, that's all. Well, an airport way out here in the country, it just doesn't seem right to me. Oh, I realize there's a long way from the city, but that's the way we and airlines do it. You see, we always put the airport way out in the country. That way we have to hold the people out there in our buses. Actually, the secret of the airline is, they make their money on the bus fare, the airplanes just the sidelines. Well, I just can't believe you're putting an airport out here. Oh, I, Chief Hine. Well, well, well, now, it is a coincidence. Now, just look who walked in here, my head pilot. Excuse me, Mr. Nelson, I'd like to have you meet the head pilot of our airlines, near-sighted brown. How do you do? Yeah, well, go Roger, contact, keep your flaps down and all that stuff. What is the trouble, near-sighted, I noticed that you were in a bandage on your head again. Oh, same old trouble. Someone in the LaGuardia field, I overshot that 17,000-foot runway again. I shot it, hit anything this time, yes, I didn't. Yeah, I think so. When I come back to the field, I notice they had a three-foot control tower. Oh. I wonder if I'm ever going to get the knack of land on an airplane. Hey, just a minute here. You mean you're a licensed pilot and you overshot the field. Well, now, Mr. Nelson, I can't explain this whole thing to you. You see, he'd do it all the time. Last week on our Western flight, he missed Los Angeles completely. Yeah, I was lucky I had friends in Hawaii. Oh, by the way, near-sighted, I think you better be running along. I'm afraid all this talk about overshooting the field with the jets and stuff might have scared our neighbor, Mr. Nelson, here. Yeah, well, so long, Mr. Nelson. I'll be seeing you, though. You will? Yeah. But your house so close to the runway, me and my co-pilot, is bound to be dropping in on you, one of these foggy nights. Oh, great pilot, Brown. Oh, yeah. Considered one of the greatest pilots of all time. Once we get to right by our focus on him, he's going to be unbeatable that way. Oh, look, I don't know what this is all about, but I'm not giving up this place. I paid $700 for it and I'm not giving it up. Now, look here, it's really a matter of life and death. No, I plan on spending the summer up here. I'm going to put a lot of money in this place. Well, look here, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to make you a deal that you can't turn down. Tell you what I'm going to do. I like you, Mr. Nelson, and I'm going to give you your money back. No, go. Well, now, listen, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'll make you the highest place I can make you. And this is my last offer, but you've got to take it. I'll give you $1,000 if you vacate it right away. A thousand dollars? Yeah. Let me see. Well, let me see. Okay. But I want the catch by the first thing in the morning. No delay. So, Yasser, I'll raise the money somewhere and I'll have it here the first thing in the morning. Yasser. How do we make out, King Fish? Mmm, not so good, innit? I had to agree to pay him $1,000 by the first thing in the morning. Well, what's the difference? You're still going to be $2,000 ahead when we sell to the hotel for the golf course. But listen, time it is. Where are you going to get the money from? You was even spent the money that I paid you. Now, look here. And I'm going to raise it somewhere just but I can't miss out on the $3,000 offer from to Monmouth Hotel. Yeah. But say, you know, there's just one thing that bothers me in this whole thing. Oh, what is that, innit? Why would a hotel want to put a golf course so close to a airport? Oh, no. Well, come on in my apartment, innit? I want to tell Sapphire and a momma about the big deal. Yeah. You say you done raised $1,000 and paid Mr. Nelson to move out of the cabin, huh? Well, uh, yeah, give him the money this morning. Yeah. Now all that does is to get ahold of demand and rid me to letter from the Monmouth Hotel and I has got all of $2,000 bucks to the good. Is that your charge? Yeah. Is that you, Scott? No. Uh, why should we rub in this big deal and send them two old goats? Oh, yes, me gals. Huh. See, you got bird brain with you. How you doing, Miss Smith? Oh, well, I got some news for you two gals. I done made $2,000 profit on that old broken down cabin and all I had to do was to raise $1,000 bucks to get it. I was going in and called a man who ripped me to letter now. Yeah, that mama. Ain't that a howl? A howl. Yeah, you poor sith. I wanted to play a joke on you. I'll rip you that letter off in you to $3,000 and I signed it to momma's hotel. Oh, what? Ain't that a good way? Ha! Yes, yes, mama. Shop on the fast one on you, Joy. Call on, daughter. Let's start dinner. Ha! Hey, show is laughed it up, ain't they, King Faith? Oh, I got an idea a lot of the humor is going to go out of the joke when they find out the way I raise a thousand bucks. How'd you do it? I pawned mama's $2,500 diamond ring. There's no faster acting aspirin made. That's right, friends. I'm talking about rexal aspirin. Laboratory tests prove that when taken with water, the five full grains of pure aspirin in every rexal tablet are ready to go to work for you even before they reach your stomach. Yes, there's no faster acting aspirin made. So take a tip from Harlow Wilcox. Never ask for just aspirin. Ask for rexal aspirin at rexal drugstores everywhere. They're the stores with the orange and blue sign. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to visit your rexal family drugstore. Thank you, and good night. See you next Sunday. Yes, sir. For the one woman in 10 with sensitive skin. There's caranone. The beauty aids that are hypoallergenic, carefully compounded of fine, pure, mild ingredients. Safe for most sensitive skin. There's a safe, pure caranone beauty aid for every possible need. Created especially for the one woman in 10 with sensitive skin. And sold at rexal drugstores everywhere. Your rexal drugstore has presented the Amazon Andy Show, transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell. This is the CBS Radio Network. An official message from Medicare. What's helping me save more money on prescription drug costs? Maybe you can save too. With Medicare's extra help program, my premium is zero, and my out-of-pocket costs are low. Who should apply? Single people making less than $23,000 a year, or married couples who make less than $31,000 a year. Even if you don't think you qualify, it pays to find out. Go to ssa.gov/extrahelp. There are new game releases weekly, plus free daily bonuses. So don't wait.