Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Leroy s Oil Stock
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- Duration:
- 30m
- Broadcast on:
- 18 Jul 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
An official message from Medicare. A new law is helping me save more money on prescription drug costs. You may be able to save, too. With Medicare's Extra Help Program, my premium is zero, and my out-of-pocket costs are low. Who should apply? Single people making less than $23,000 a year, or married couples who make less than $31,000 a year. Even if you don't think you qualify, it pays to find out. Go to ssa.gov/extrahelp, paid for by the US Department of Health and Human Services. COVID-19 and flu viruses disguise themselves to fool your immune system. That's why COVID-19 and flu vaccines are updated to protect you. Stay up to date on COVID-19 and flu vaccinations, sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education Equity and Progress. Annie, you know what that music says? Yes, sir, Amos. That music's a good health to all from Rexall. ♪♪♪ The Amos and Andy Show, written by Joe Connelly and Bob Mosher, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Chester Hirston, June 4-A, Jeff Alexander's Music, yours truly, Harlow Wilcox, and starring radio's all-time favorites, Freeman Garston and Charles Carell. Amos and Andy! ♪♪♪ How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? This is Freeman Garston. You know the final test of any product's worth is how far the manufacturer will go in backing it up. That's why my partner and I are so truly proud to be sponsored by the Rexall Drug Company. You see, every Rexall Drug product is sold under an unconditional money-back guarantee. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. And there is no wrapping and mailing it to the Rexall Laboratories. If any Rexall Drug product doesn't give you the satisfaction you want, just return it to the store where you bought it. And your money will be cheerfully refunded, no questions asked. ♪♪♪ Well, yesterday, the Kingfisher's brother-in-law Leroy arrived from South America. Right now it's dinner time, and the Kingfisher's Sapphire, her mother, and Leroy are gathered around the table for a little welcome home dinner. Oh, it's so good to have Leroy back, ain't it? It's just like having the lamb return to the fold. Well, don't, huh? I'd say it's more like having our pigeon fly back to the roost. [Laughter] From the way he's eaten there, I'd say the vulture was back on the perch, huh? [Laughter] Now, let's not have no fights. Tell us about South America, Leroy. Well, the part I was in was delightful. But, of course, in the jungle, there's some rather fierce tribes. They say you can get a shrunken head for $50. Welcome to the looks of that pinhead of yours. You must have got a hundred dollars' job. [Laughter] Oh, no, nothing. Very funny. Look who's talking about heads. Why would that barhead of yours and them jug ears? You look like an ostrich egg laying between two toed stoops. [Laughter] Please, please, please, folks, all this fighting is running my digestion. Oh, that's a shame, Leroy. Yes, sister, there. I wonder if I could have another piece of pie before I lose my appetite. Why, of course, Leroy, and I'll get the coffee, too. Yeah, and I'll help your daughter. Say, brother-in-law, I wonder if you'd do me a favor. What do you want, goof? Well, I took the liberty of giving the lodge hall as my forward in address when I left South America. And if any letters come, would you turn them over to me? Yeah, I'll turn them over to you. Tell me this. Why did you leave South America anyway? Well, the climate didn't agree with me. Oh, the climate didn't agree with you. When you got fired from that job in California, the climate didn't agree with you there. Oh, where's the climate don't agree with you? You better get over that. I guarantee you, when you pass us on, the climate ain't going to agree with you there, neither. [Music] Say, kingfish, I dropped down to the lodge. Uh, excuse me. I didn't know you was reading the letter there. Oh, just letter. Oh, yeah, well, the thing just come to the lodge hall this morning, Andy. It's addressed to my brother-in-law, Leroy. Funny thing happened to me, Andy, the thing just opened on me accidental here. What do you mean accidental? Well, Andy, my pencil was a little dull there, so I started to sharpen the lid by running the thing back and forth. You know, on the envelope, and then the pencil kind of flipped under the flap, and between the rubbing and the flipping and the flapping. Why, I wound up with loose mucilage all over the place. [Laughter] Oh, well, that's a shame. What did the letter say? Well, that's it. After all the trouble I went to, accidentally opened Leroy's letter, they were sneaking up to write the thing in the foreign language. [Laughter] Yeah, look at all them words on there. That's Spanish, ain't it? Yeah, you know what I'm Spanish in? Well, not much. All I assure is that Buenos Aires means goodbye, and thank you means mucho grape nuts or something like that. [Laughter] Wait a minute, Andy, there's a word there, right between them two long ones. P-E-S-O. That's peso. Yeah, ain't that Spanish for peasant? No, no, Andy, you were thinking of Parson. [Laughter] I thought he was the President of Argentina. Oh, that's P-E-ON. Oh, P-E-ON, yeah. That's Sam P-E-ON, yeah. [Laughter] This word, peso, that's Spanish, a money, isn't it? Is you sure? Yeah, that's the one word I knew was an ever-language, peso. That's like an American book. One of the different, this is a peso, got a picture of Xavier Cougar on it. [Laughter] Look there at the headin' on the letter. They got an oil well printed up there. Yeah, and I tell you somethin' boy, in Southern America letter, when you find the oil well and the world peso together, you know you was about to eat high on the enchilada. [Laughter] If you gotta get this thing translated, have a go translate this measure. Well, there's that old Spanish-American dictionary around that Brother Thompson used during the war to prove that he was an alien. [Laughter] Yeah, I remember that the poor fellow was still hollerin' Viva La Guadalupe when they took him away. [Laughter] Hey, I was just thinkin' Kingfish. I used to go with a gal named Chiquita. She was brung up in Cuba, and she can really talk Spanish. Well, that's fine, ain't it? We could take the letter over to her and have her translate the thing. I knew this letter means big money for us, do I know that? Yeah, well, the only thing is I ain't see Chiquita for a couple of years. We had a little lovers quarrel. At a party she was playin' Besame Mucho on her mandolin, and I done slipped my arm around another gal. Oh, and she's eatin' her? Yeah, and what a performer. Without Mr. Beach, he done bestin' made me over the top of the head with that mandolin. [Laughter] Leroy, what you doin' here in your bedroom? Just lockin' up my suitcase, mama. Oh, you afraid George might get into it again, huh? Yes, mama. After all, when I got back from that last trip, the dirty truck come in here and swiped all that perfume. I'll smuggle in from Mexico. Well, I'm tellin' you're now, Leroy. If he pulls anything like that this time, he's gonna wind up when a naughty pie and zoot suit, and he ain't gonna be a no-mooten gentlemen, give 'em! [Applause] Good evening. This is your Rexall family drug. Speaking to you for the 10,000 independent drugists who have made the word "Rexall" part of our own store names, and who recommend and sell the 2,000 or more products made by the Rexall drug company. Rexall Emi-31, America's all-purpose antiseptic is a good example. Tangy, amber-colored, Rexall Emi-31, kills contacted germs in seconds, yet will not harm delicate membranes of the mouth and throat. That's why it serves with equal effectiveness as a mouthwash, gargle, breath deodorant, or general household antiseptic. And you get a full pint at the same price as other brands of smaller quantity. Ask for Emi-31 at Rexall drugstores everywhere. [Music] Well, King Fish, here's Tequila's apartment. Yeah, well, now here's the thing. Get her to translate to La Randi. You think she's still mad at you? Mad at me? Huh. King Fish, I as irresistible. I as a woman like Figaro is to a droopy petunia. Yeah, well, I'm not going to do it. Now, remember, and it don't be blunt to bring up the letter in a diplomatic way. Don't worry. I'll smooch around to it. Yeah? Chiquita, my darling. Andy, you peed! Mm, and I got all I did is petunia's getting her a Figaro from another gardener. [Laughter] Wait a minute. Let me try this again. What do you want, Andy Brown? I tell you two years ago, I never want to see you again. Yeah, but Chiquita, I don't come up here to apologize. Oh, that's different. Come in. Thank you, Chiquita. This is my friend, Mr. Stevens. And how are you? Who, myself, is fine. Thank you. I'll see you in fine, yeah. Oh, come at this. You're still mad at me, Chiquita. Well, a little bit, maybe. Well, how much a little bit, honey, baby doll? Oh, a very little bit, my cute little cockaracha. Now you're talking, my little Spanish onion. Oh, Andy! Oh! Say, Andy. Yeah, King Fig? The letter. Uh, what letter was that? Uh, Chiquita, I wonder if you would, uh, use your big fat cougar right here just a minute. Come on over here, Cougar. Come here. Okay. Now listen, you dummy. We come over here to get your letter translated. Yeah, but when she starts sticky-ticking me, I... As I remember how it was before she conked me with that mandolin. Hey, Andy, go back there and keep your mind on the business. Be diplomatic about your letter. Okay, come on. Uh, Chiquita? Yes, Andy. I would do anything in the world for you. And I would do anything in the world for you? Good. Translate this letter. Diplomatic, holy mackerel, I think we got another vacinski on our hands, you know. Oh, you want little translate letter? I see. That is why you make up with me. I think I will go get your mandolin. No, no, no, don't do that. Oh, no. Chiquita, wait a minute, wait a minute. Yeah, when I mentioned I was coming up to see you, see, my friend here asked me if you'd do a favor and translate the letter. Special after I told him how sweet she was, my little tortilla. That is different. All right, Andy, darling, I will translate. Yeah, hear the letter right here. What do you mean, say, read that to her later? Yes, let me see here. [SPEAKING SPANISH] [SPEAKING SPANISH] She's a great dictionary, isn't she? Yeah, and get a load of that cover, too. [SPEAKING SPANISH] [SPEAKING SPANISH] Mm, I don't know what that means, but if it was anything like a sound, I don't know how they let it get through the mail. [LAUGHTER] I don't mind that, Andy, but what do that whole mess me in there to kill her? Tell me about that. What do I mean? Well, it seems in your little row, she is very lucky. She buy himself some more good stock for 300 pesos, and now boom, one, two, three, four, where will she come in? Now, the company, she want to pay her 10,000 pesos for the stock. 10,000 pesos, how much is that in cool American cake? Oh, three, four thousand dollars, maybe? Yeah, well, thanks a lot, Shaquille. Oh, Brother, Andy, I think you come up to see Shaquille, do you go so quick? Well, if we get another letter, we'll drop around. [LAUGHTER] [SPEAKING SPANISH] Yeah, and the best they ever think to you, too. [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC PLAYING] Andy, that stock of Leroy's is worth four thousand dollars, and he don't know it. Now, I've got to find some way to get that way from him. And you say that he keeps the stock in his suitcase, huh? Tell me something, can't you just lift it out? No, no, Andy, the sneak keeps it locked, and it keeps the key pinned to his long underwear. Well, if that's the case, maybe you could wait and get the key when it changes the underwear. No, no, Andy, who knows what may happen to the stock market by spring now, wasn't it? [LAUGHTER] Well, maybe you could boy-- How are you, boys? How are you? Well, Al Gunkman, Jack Alhoun, what are you doing coming in here with your hair down like that and dragging and being so sad, boy? Oh, it's a sad day for me, boys. A sad day! [LAUGHTER] I just come from the funeral of my first cousin, Theodore. Oh, yeah, Theodore. He the one that's captain of the fishtroll, ain't he? Yeah. What happened to him? Well, they was loading a big catch, and my cousin was wagging down in the hole. All of a sudden, the net broke, and poor Theodore was buried under 500 tons of mackerel. 500 tons of mackerel? That's a sad thing, already. Yeah, there was a big turn out of the funeral door. On the way to the cemetery, there was 400 in the possession. 400, huh? Yeah, 42 relatives and 358 cats. [LAUGHTER] That is too bad, but we got a big problem here ourselves. I'm going to tell you something. Now, listen to this. You see, I've done intercepted a letter from South America and found out that my brother, Lord Leroy, has got oil stock that's worth $4,000. It is. Right, Calhoun, and the Kingfisher is trying to figure out some way to get it away from, you see. Oil stock, huh? Well, this looked like a simple case of petroleum pilfering. But the trouble is, though, Calhoun, Leroy has got the stock locked up with the key pin to his underwear. Yeah, what we're going to do about a mess like that? Now, explain something to us there. We're going to put the inside job, huh? [LAUGHTER] Yeah, now let's see. Now, if you were to run to that bar unconscious, then you could get it. Yeah, if I could run to him. Yeah, I could do that, but we didn't mention it. If I was in the room with that boy when he was knocked on no compass menace, Mama and Salfa, I'm going to know that I done done the thing now. How I'm going to get out of the mess like that? Yeah, but if they didn't know you was in the room when you done the other, if you wasn't in there and they know that you wasn't in there when you got knocked unconscious, then they wouldn't say you done it. Yeah, yeah, I done figured that out. I see what you mean there. [LAUGHTER] What I've got to do in other words is to figure some way to knock out Leroy when I ain't in the room. Yeah, that's a great idea, Calhoun. Yeah, me and Andy are going to work that out. Yeah, yeah. You know, these are all those fast-mating things, though, King. You know something about oil? Oh, yeah, yeah. A couple of years ago, I put some money in one. Sure enough. Yeah, we went all the way down to Texas. Uh-huh. And the geologist said we had the greatest spot in the world. Oh, it did, huh? Yeah, then we got the most expensive equipment we could get and started drilling. On the first of the month, we were 5,000 feet down. About a 15th, we were 10,000 feet down. About a 25th, we were 15,000 feet down. We was all set. The all trouble was standing by. The all coming was there with the chest. And then on January the first, it come up out of that hole. Oil? No! That's a gopher. Now, let's listen in on our Rexall family drugist and a lady customer. I want to know more about this Anne Delafield reducing plan you're featuring. Well, ma'am, thousands of once seriously overweight people have called it the easiest, most natural, most pleasant way in the world to reduce. You see, Anne Delafield has helped more people lose weight than any other woman in the world. With her plan, you don't count calories, you don't starve, you don't take strenuous exercise. Then how do I lose weight? Naturally, ma'am. Naturally. You follow generous and appetizing venues. Between meals, you take the Anne Delafield appetite reducer wafer, a delicious food, not a drug. You learn techniques and vital beauty tips that bring you new tech and energy. And to maintain vitamin protection, you take the special vitamins. Well, that sounds like fun. It is, ma'am. Easy and fun. If your excess weight is not organically caused, try the Anne Delafield reducing plan and start losing weight now. It's sold only at Rexall drugstores. Ah, there we'll then do now. Now, get that boxing glove on your right hand nice and tight there, boy. Yeah. Must I put the horseshoe in, too? No, no, Andy. Don't put no horseshoe in there. There ain't enough room with the brass knuckles. Listen, you think this is going to work and we're going to be able to get that key away from your brother-in-law? Well, Andy, he's on as we over here to the large hall now. Now, we don't hung these drapes across the back of the closet here, you see? And you want me to be behind the drape with the boxing glove on. Yeah, that is right. Now, this little idea of mine works out. We shouldn't have no trouble getting him to come in the closet. Yeah, but kingfish. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Here's somebody coming down the hall. Yeah. That must be him now. Okay, that's it. Yeah, let me get down on the floor here, now. I hope this thing works. [SINGING] Uh, say kingfish, come on, that's your... Well, brother-in-law, what is you doing squatting in the middle of the floor there with that Turkish towel around your head? Well, what are you doing? I was meditating. All of us yogis meditated at least two, three hours a day. You is a yogi? Yeah, took it up a month ago. Studying the stuff by mail. Just got my squatter certificate on the last week. [LAUGHTER] Well, I didn't know it had yogis in this country. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's a big thing, now really catching on. They even come out with a spike con to a chair for watching television. [LAUGHTER] This meditating is really the thing, though. Well, how did it work? Well, you just sit on the floor like this with your eyes closed till the thought hits you. Oh, it's a wonderful experience. Well, I'd like to try it. Mind if I join your kingfish? Join me? Yeah, take it easy, that goofy. You can't have two yogis sitting around meditating in the same room. Against the law of the National Retail Yogis Association. [LAUGHTER] Oh, I see. Of course, there ain't no law against you going in there saying meditating in that empty closed closet right there. In the closet? Yeah. Oh, that's a good idea. Show me what it does, kingfish. Alright, come on over here. I'll show you here. Now, I'll open the closet here. Now, you see there? Now, you just squat down down the floor and you meditate in the dark. Well, you think a thought would hit me? Well, you'd be a new editor. Wouldn't be surprised if one of them didn't hit you right off the badge. [LAUGHTER] You'll be in the trance in no time, boy. Oh, let me in here. This is fun. Yeah, now, I think I would warn you, though, Leroy, that if you come out of the trance and find a few bruises on yourself, don't let it worry you. We've been getting some pretty powerful thoughts around here, Lele. [LAUGHTER] It happens to be in a good reception area, you see. [LAUGHTER] Oh, yeah, yeah. A lot of yogis got a squat round with aerials on top of the head, because they're in the fringe area, you see? [LAUGHTER] And that's it. Now, sit down there, that's right. Right in front of the curtain. There you is. Everything is all set. I say everything is all set. Now, I'll close the door and you start meditating. What a goof. This is some setup. Oh, oh. That was Andy letting him have it through the curtain. Oh, get in the head, get that kid. Hello, brother-in-law, something wrong? Mm. Thought didn't hit you yet, huh? I don't know. I bent my head down to meditate and something caught me on the back of the head. Facing the wrong way, that's the trouble, yeah. Now, look, don't you know that every genuine yogi always meditates facing the mysterious east, with the point of his chin up in the air. [LAUGHTER] Like this king fish. That's all moves, right? Cock your head a little more. Up with your chin there, a little bit of a little more there. Now, hold it right there. That's a nice meditate and angle. Oh, the thought can't miss this way, huh, king fish? Yeah. Up to this, wait a minute. Don't fool your arms. Of course, you're stomach like that now. Wait a minute. Unfold your arms. After all, you never know when a thought might want to catch you in the solar plexus, you know. [LAUGHTER] Is this better? Yeah, that's it. Now, keep yourself wide open for everything. I don't know about this. Does you think a thought would really hit me this time? Yeah, it wouldn't be surprising if you got a double thought there. The double thought. What is known in yogi circles as the old one two, you might get daddy. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, well, y'all set that now. Yeah. Let it go. Hello, hope that ain't a real let him have it this time. Mm, hot dog. Let me get in there now. Oh, back again, brother, lord there? Yeah, Leroy. Don't tell me the thought didn't hit you yet. Well, I'll tell you, king fish. This is really fun. While I was sitting there with my chin up in the air, I felt a thought come at me from behind the curtain. Huh? Well, I didn't feel it. I was quite ready for a jet. So I stepped back and saw the counter-pushed idea. [LAUGHTER] There's the thought with his feet sticking out from under the curtain there. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. Brother-in-law there, what is you up to? Well, I ain't up to nothing, Leroy, dear. Oh, yeah? Well, I think I'll tell mom about this little game you taught me. She and Sapphire ought to get a big kick out of it. Mm, tell mama. Now, wait a minute. Now, listen, don't do that whatever you do. Don't go back there and tell your mama nothing. Now, look here, I'll tell you the truth, Leroy. Actually, I was trying to get your suitcase key that you got pinned to your underwear. That's the truth. Well, king fish, there's nothing in my suitcase this trip is worth anything except moral stock. Oh, so that's what you were after. Well, you see, Leroy, I didn't want to trouble you, nuns. You see, I was going to take the stock and I was going to pay you for it later. Yeah, that's what I was going to do, Leroy. Well, I want to hold on to them stock, king fish, paid for $100 for them. The man said at one of these days they was going drill hardware along the property, and they might be worth a lot more. He said he let me know when it drills. Well, Leroy, you ain't hear nothing from him, probably got a dry hole with a dusty girlfriend, all that stuff down there. But if the stock ain't no good, king fish, why do you want him? Well, you know our big business, man, with a lot of holdings, attacks right offs and all that stuff. Tell you what I do. I'll give you $200 for him. I'd sell him for $400, brother, laude. Well, I'll give you $250. I don't think I'll go home and tell mama about playing yogi. So over $400, sir. Now, Leroy, give me a hand and help me pick up that big fat idea off the floor. Will you come on? Yeah, Amos, I don't give the king fish $200, and he put up $200, and we want up to get the stock away from his brother-in-law. Yeah, but wait a minute, Andy, that stock is worth a lot of money. You say the stock is really worth $4,000. That's right. I'm gonna tell you, all fairness to everybody, you and the king fish ain't got no right to do a thing like this to Leroy. Oh, what you talking about? You know the old saying, what you don't know won't hurt you? Well, right now, Leroy ain't feelin' no pain. Well, I just don't think a fella should pull a stunt like that on his own brother-in-law like the king fish is doin'. I tell ya, there's gonna be fireworks of sapphire and mama find out about this, too. Oh, they ain't gonna be no trouble. Listen, the king fish has got the old-facial transfer papers and everything else. And it ain't often he gets to pull a crooked deal like this on such a legit or a basin. Yeah, this is really crooked though. The king fish openin' that letter address to Leroy, and then tellin' him that a stock ain't no good, and he knows it's worth $4,000. And so, Leroy bought that stock in the first place. That was his win for. Uh, win for? Well, wait a minute, look at it this way, Amos. The king fish ain't so much jippin' him as he is keepin' debris off of him. Yeah, here you are, Leroy. $400 cash. Yeah, brother-in-law, and his daughter-in-law. Yeah, now you just signed this little transfer here, that's it right there. And that make this stock officially in my name as of now. Well, all right, king fish. But I still don't see why you want this worthless South American oil stock. I know it ain't no good. Ha, ha, ha. It so happened that I done opened a letter that was addressed to you, that said that the stock is worth $4,000, so I knows it's good. And I know it ain't no good, king fish, 'cause it so happens that I rid the letter before I left South America. Now where? Fight coughs from colds two ways. Take Rexall Charisote. Yes, Ruby-Red Charisote sues irritated membranes of the throat and bronchial tubes. Helps to quiet and loosen coughs. See your doctor about the cough that hangs on. Meanwhile, keep Charisote in the family medicine chest. Ask for it at Rexall drugstores everywhere. The store with the orange and blue sign in the window. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, and don't forget to visit your Rexall family drugstore often. And above all, don't forget to exercise your privilege as an American citizen and vote. Thank you and good night. See you next Sunday. [Music] Women pine for men who go stag. Go stag, you mean... Exactly! Stag brushless shave cream. No fuss, no rub-in. Just smooth it on for quick close, no scrape shaving. Leaves your face feeling smooth and refreshed all day long. That's stag brushless shave cream. Hey, from now on I go stag. Yes, women pine for men who go stag. [Music] Be sure to be with us next week at the same time, next Sunday, when your Rexall drugstore again present the Emerson Andy Show, directed by Cliff Howell. Stay tuned for the Edgar Bergen Charlie McCarthy program, which follows immediately over most of these same stations. This is the CBS Radio Network. [Music] An official message from Medicare. A new law is helping me save more money on prescription drug costs. Maybe you can save too. With Medicare's extra help program, my premium is zero and my out-of-pocket costs are low. Who should apply? Single people making less than $23,000 a year, or married couples who make less than $31,000 a year. Even if you don't think you qualify, it pays to find out. Go to ssa.gov/extrahelp. Paid for by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. It's time for today's Lucky Land Horoscope with Victoria Cash. Life's gotten mundane, so shake up the daily routine and be adventurous, with a trip to Lucky Land. If you know what they say, your chance to win starts with a spin. So go to luckylandslots.com to play over 100 social casino-style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Get lucky today at luckylandslots.com. Available to players in the U.S. excluding Washington and Michigan, no purchase necessary. VGW Group, void repurhibited by law, 18 plus, turns in condition supply.