Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Flooded House
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- Duration:
- 32m
- Broadcast on:
- 14 Jul 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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That's renterswarehouse.com or call 303-974-9444 to speak to a rent estate advisor today. This summer, saddle up with the only sportsbook where you can bet on horse racing, FanDuel. Right now, new customers can get a no-sweat first bet up to $500. Just download the app or go to fanduel.com/horses to score your no-sweat bet up to $500. 21+ in present in Colorado. Offer valid on first real money major of $5 or more. Verify FD Racing account required. Bonus issued and non-withdrawable racing site credit that expires seven days after issuance. Max refund $500. Restrictions apply. Assurance@racing.fanduel.com gambling problem, call 1-800-Gambler. Man, oh man, that's sharp and clear. That's the absolute finest television set I ever did see. Well, now wait a minute. How you know that such a fine television set, Andy? You ain't even got the thing turned on. You don't need to turn the set on, you know, it's the same as just got the main place. Even if there's CBF. Oh, CBF. Yeah. Yeah, that makes the greatest fight on scene, oh, oh, oh, oh. CBF Columbia, makers of America's most advanced radio and television receivers. Resent Transfiber at the Amazon Andy Show, written by Joe Connolly and Bob Mosher, featuring Amanda Randolph, Bernstein Wade, Johnny Lee, Amos Reese, Gus Bays, Ludblum's music, yours truly Harlow Wilcox, and starring radios all-time favorite Freeman Gaston and Charles Harel, Amos R. Andy. The Kingfish and his wife Sapphire and her mother land on spending a month's vacation in Momma's cottage up in the country. The Kingfish has just been up to look to place over after the winter and has just returned with bad news. What did you say, George? They had a flood up where our cabin is. Look, I'll say there was. When I got there, the coast guard was dreaming of the cabin. They had a bilge pumped down the chimney. Oh, my sweet little cottage in the country. Years ago, I spent my honeymoon up there. Yeah, well, unless you was a romantic barracuda in exactly ideal honeymoon spot no more. Now, George, stop this fooling. Is there any darkness in the house? Well, there was a little in the living room. A little? How much? About ten feet. But they wore it done receded. Well, there's a floor dried out. Now, that's hard to tell honey, you see, when the flood receded, it receded the floor with it, that's what happened. Well, we ain't got the money to fix it up. I guess we'll just have to give up any thought of a vacation right now. You know, maybe we could rent it out to somebody. Oh, don't be silly. Only a pool would want to play it like that. Then you shouldn't have no trouble, say one to no one. I was right, George. You know, the thing we ought to do is put an avenue in the face. Come on, Mama, we'll go in and call him up. Trying to rent that flooded cottage, this ain't going to be easy. It would take a fish to live up there. A fish, uh, say, uh, they wait a minute. I think I know who is just a big, fat, pooped-out puppet occupied at Aquarium, too. Just keep walking, Anna, the cottage is just over this next gnolls down in the little valley. Lovely location, Anna, there are a situation right between, uh, disappointment gnolls and gutted glen. There's a beautiful spot there. Well, listen, kinkfick, I don't know why I should be taking the vacation this time of the year. Oh, look, Andy, I'm worried about you. You spend the whole winter down here in the city breathing this up, not just air? Well, you mean the air up here is better? Oh, certainly, there's Andy in the city, there's one for hydrogen, and two for carbon peroxide. Hey, there's only one way that you can get pure air in this, Andy, and I don't think you want to spend your vacation in no oxygen tent, do you? Oh, well, maybe he was right, kinkfish, but, uh, tell me something, is the water in the lake down there been rising lately? Well, I don't know. Wouldn't make you say that. Well, that sure looks to me like there was a flood up here. Yeah, well, now here we are, Andy, right here, here we are, as well, look at the air. There is your dream cottage. Yeah, I want to go, uh, wait a minute, kinkfish. If the water don't rise around here, I'll come to houses up in the air on six foot pylons. Uh, ventilation, Andy, under the house, uh, they got what you call a breezeway in. Yeah. Now, come on, Andy, let's time ourselves here, and take a look at your beautiful mansion, boy. Yeah, well, okay. Uh, now, follow me across the porch, Andy, uh, watch the loose boys, uh, uh, here, Andy, I tell you, when you move in, uh, uh, say, Andy, uh, uh, that's funny, you was here a minute ago, Andy, Andy, where is you? I was down here in the breezeway, kinkfish. Hey, hey, man, just ain't no time to play games. Come on out of there. Yeah, give me a hand here. Yeah. It's down on that rock down there. Oh, come on, come on. Let's have a look, up, up. All right. There you go. Yeah. Boom. Holy mackerel, kinkfish. I went right through the porch. Well, Andy, please, the boys need a little tightening up, you know. Come on, let's go in the door here. Oh, man, he's doing these little tightening too, don't he? Just step over to the thing, Danny, uh, just leave it down to the floor. Now, here we are. Uh, look to live in the room over there, Andy. See there? Nice new floors are put in here. Well, listen, kinkfish, this is all just one big room. How you get five rooms out of this place? Well, like all summer places, Andy, you just draw the curtain. Now, you see you draw the curtain like this. And there you is. On this side of the curtain, you've got a bedroom. And on the other side, you've got a nice eight by four living room. That don't give me much of a living room. Suppose I want to have a big housewarming party. I got about 30 or 40 friends I'd like to have up. How's I going to entertain a ball of that little bitty living room? Well, you can stagger to guests. You like to do at the airport, have them circle around outside, tell you it's ready for them to come in and make a land in the punch bowl. Yeah, well, all right. Tell me something. What is this curtain here? Well, if you're having a dinner party, Andy, you just pull this across like this, you see? And there's your dining room. Well, I don't know about this place, kinkfish, with the curtains and everything. Now, look, Andy, I admit the thing needs a little fixing up. But you can have to play it for the whole summer for just 200 bucks. What do you say, boy? Well, that ain't bad. Oh, great bargain there. Okay, it's a deal, kinkfish. I'll take it. Fine, Andy. Now, let's go back to the city. We'll sign the iron bound contract there. You go ahead, Andy, and we'll follow you on the push. All right, behind you. Yeah, okay, let's go. Okay. Thanks, kinkfish, I was going to, uh, I, uh, well, that's funny. I thought the kinkfish was following me. Hey, kinkfish, kinkfish, where is you? Down here, Andy. Just stop down to expect the breez wave. Oh, me, what a break. I'm just glad I got that cottage run at the end. Let me get in the apartment here and tell us how far to stop our home. Got some good news for you. Well, I got wonderful news for you today, George. We got an answer to our ad, and I rented the cottage today to a Mr. Wolf and Jacker for a hundred dollars. He's moving in that at night. Oh, honey, wait a minute. This is the other mess. I done rented the cottage to Andy, and he's moving in that late tonight. Oh, you ain't, George. Oh, that's awful. Mr. Jackson is a very nervous man. He said as soon as he got there, he was going to go right to bed. Oh, I wonder what will happen. Well, I don't know, but I got an idea that there's going to be more screaming and yelling of Dad than the time that Ram Hall was slapping the Hogs and fell into the pig waller. Hello there, this is Freeman Gosden. 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CBS Columbia is the set manufacturing division of the Columbia Broadcasting System, the greatest name in home entertainment. Oh, me, as show is dark in this cottage, well, I got my knife shirt on here in the Washington area, too bad I fell down that breezeway and busted my kerosene lamp. And let me feel my way across the living room here, hmm, things must have pulled all the curtains. Now here we are, here's the bed, yeah, let me sit down in the edge of it. Oh, me, cuz I tired, yeah, I was really exhausted, I like that, I really must be tired. I ain't asleep, but I assume I'm already, and well, let me lay down, hold the colors up around me here, uh oh, this is one of them short beds, my feet is sticking out of the bottom. Yeah, there he is, there's my foot with the corn blast on it, there's my foot with the busted toe, and there's my foot with the sock on it, and there, holy smoke, I must be tired and I thought I was, from here it looks like I got three feet, I wonder what, yeah, I'm snoring again and I ain't asleep, there seems to be something here on the next pillar, oh, there's something wrong here, cuz I know I ain't got two heads, oh, me, I must be so tired I haven't hallucinations, but I'm gonna make the final test, I'm gonna reach down here and pinch my foot with the sock on it, there, oh, holy mackle, I push my foot on the other head and sit out, to get out of here, wait a minute, who's in here in this room? Ain't nobody here, mister, you is all alone, wait a minute, out of my way, help, let me out of here, help, help, yeah, Emerson, that's the whole story, yeah, that was a terrible thing, ain't they, find another man in your bed, oh yeah, it was a mess, Amos, he run out the back way and I run out the front way, yeah, well, how did you get that book on you head in, oh, well, that, on the way out I slipped on a dead fish and landed in the breezeway again, you say that, yeah, got no idea who this man was, you found him dead, no, when the king's fish runnin' me to play, he didn't say nothing but no other man, yeah, I begin in the sea here, you runnin' the players from the kingfish, huh, did you ever stop to think that the kingfish might have runnin' this players to one other fellow, well, now, why would the kingfish want to do that? After all, in the past, we has always been buddies, I mean, he never tried to jip me to, I mean, he ain't never tried to pull no, I mean, hold him, Mackerel Amos, he's done it again, you know, if I was, you had to get hold of that kingfish right away and straighten this nonsense out, end up, yeah, I'm gonna call him up right away, say, by the way, Amos, could any of your kids use a turtle, I found this in the pocket of my nighty when I got out of the breezeway, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, now take it easy, ain't no sense in howling me on a telephone, yeah, well, the whole thing was a mistake, no, you can't have your money back, I work the thing, I just give me time, well, I know, all right, all right, I'll call you back later, good-bye, oh, me, what a mess, I rent the place to end there and stop fire, I rent it to Mrs. Jackson, one of them has got to go, I have, well, if it ain't Al Conquin, Jack Calhoun, you can't drink it, yeah, come on in here, what brings you over here Al Conquin, no, I was over them making a political speech in the park, oh, making a political speech, oh, making a speech, I don't say, I don't know, I've climbed up on my soapbox and made the greatest speech in my career, I stood on that soapbox and I said, ladies and gentlemen, ah, it's the clean government, we must voice our hands of vice and corruption, the time has come to scrub away the stigma of bribery, to bathe ourselves into moccaset and freedom, yeah, well, did you get many votes, no, but a show sold a lot of soap, well, I got a different problem, um, uh, gunky, look here, I learned a vacation, caught a job in the Catskill Mountains to end there and my wife then rented it to a Mr. Jackson, and last night they both discovered each other up there in the place at the same time, uh oh, that's a nasty business king, fish, a nasty business, somebody got to go, well, now, tell me what I want to do, I want to keep banned up there, because he paying me $200, he's a $200 man, but I want to unrun it from Jackson, 'cause he don't want to pay me $100, see, that he's paying me half a day, yeah, yeah, well, the thing to do is to scare this fellow Jackson out of there, yeah, yeah, you know that's pretty wild country up there in the Catskill, you could make him think it's too dangerous to live up there, tell him that there's some wild animal to supplement the woods, oh, that's a great idea, Calhoun, yeah, yeah, telling the animals, yeah, I'll tell Andy the truth about this and get him to go up there and help Mr. Taylor's fellow Jackson out there, yeah, yeah, well, when it comes to your vacation, I hope you don't have no trouble like this, Calhoun, I ain't gonna have no trouble, I've done the same things ever summer, whatever sundown goes out to Coney Island and rides the biggest rollercoaster they got, yeah, well, don't you just scare it on that rollercoaster, Calhoun, tell him, Kingfish, when it goes down that first dip, I freeze out loud, but at the time it hits the bottom, I have blubbering like a baby, when the ride is over, it takes two minutes to get me out the car, oh, Kingfish, I has a whipper and blubbering mess, I had to spend three days in bed before I was well enough to go back and, and, and, and, and, and ride that fingertip on the next one. Oh, there's more, Calhoun, if the rollercoaster make you that big, why do you keep going on it? I've got a free pass. The crowning glory of any TV set is its sound system. No matter how good a picture you get, you can enjoy a show thoroughly unless the sound is sparkling clear. In the field of television sound, CBS sets stand alone with their famous 360 full fidelity sound system, the very same system that has received worldwide acclaim in high-five phonographs. As you probably know, 360 sound uses two speakers, but let me point out that the number of speakers is by no means the whole story. In the CBS 360 system, these two speakers are especially matched and specially designed with deep cones and heavy voice coil magnets. They are powered by a specially designed amplifier that handles a wide range of sound without distortion. These speakers face in opposite directions so that sound reaches you from all around, the whole room plays. And here's something else that's mighty important. 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Now, you know what you're going to do to help me scare him away? Yeah, sure. I'm going to hide in the bushes and pull this string with the risin on it through this big tin cam like this. Yeah, good, and the good. Now, that really sounds like a mountain lion already. Oh, that really ought to scare me. Now, get over here in the bushes there and when I get in the cottage and I'm there for about two, three minutes, you make a noise like a mountain lion. Yeah, well, uh, they tell me something. You show me doing the right thing you're thinking. Couldn't backfire nothing good at all. Oh, of course not, ain't it? Yeah, well, I hope this string and can don't make no noise like a female mountain lion. Because of a male mountain lion, I heard the thing and come around. I show it to see his expression when he found out it was just a tin can. Well, never mind that, ain't it? And I tell you what, you get on over there in the woods and I go in there and talk to Mr. Jackson. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll be going over there. I'll see y'all. Jackson got his legs turned on. He must be in all right. I better knock on the bias here. I don't want to go through that breezeway again. I shouldn't have too much trouble with this, fella. Yes? Yes, what is it? Oh, don't be alarmed, Mr. Jackson. I ain't know why I'll be from out of the woods. Uh, I was only your landlord. Oh, you must be Mr. Stevens. Won't you come in? Uh, just got in there, Steve, you were comfortable up here in this lonely, desolate spot. Well, I was telling your wife I had quite an experience last night, woke up in the middle of the night and there was this man in my bed. You don't mean to tell me. Well, you got to break anywhere. At least you wasn't sharing the colors with a coyote or something like that. Yeah, it was a frightening experience. Well, just being such a wild part of the woods almost anything could happen, you see. Yeah, I tell you. Good heavens, what was that? That old world, that was just one of them man eating ferocious mountain lions this year. Mmm, sounds like it's pretty hungry tonight, don't you? It's doing their mountain lions up here. Oh, yeah, yeah, it was just full of them. I ran into place last year to a man and woman with eight kids and he took my advice and he counted them every morning before breakfast. Yeah, second week he started coming up shy. Who was I reduced to ran as the season more on, you see? Mmm, sounds like he really fell blue-plate dinner tonight, don't he? Well, I'm certainly glad I'm prepared for something like this. Uh, preparing? Yeah, after that little episode with that prowler last night, I went into town and bought myself a gun. Yeah, well, I glad you, you set up of a gun. Yeah, I went into 30 caliber with a telescopic sight. I'll go and get it. I'll fix that mountain. Yeah, well, while you're gone, I'll go out on the porch and see why I'm scared of mountain lion away. Mountain lion, mountain lion, oh, the earth is full of lions. Oh, man, there's a man coming out here with a gun, 30 caliber remnant, beaded mountain lion, beaded. I got no guns. Well, it's too late, Mr. Jackson. He's not going off into wood. Wait a minute, I see it between the trees. Maybe I can get a shot. Oh, you missed him. Uh, something wrong, Mr. Oh, I know I'm nervous, but I could have sworn that mountain lion had on a dead head. See, I don't know what's going on here, but I'm moving out. I want my money back. Yeah, well, I saw him as well. You can move on if you want to, but I ain't giving you your money back. Look, are you trying to get me here? No, I can't help it if you scared, move it out on your own violations. You can't get no money back from me. Ha, ha, ha. Uh, what was that? I was just cocking the gun here. That was $100 even, wasn't it, Mr. Jackson? George Stevens, I ain't gonna spend my vacation up there in Dizmodale, and that's that. Yeah, but we got a honey. Mr. Jackson done moved out and after the shooting hand, they won't have no part of the place. He demanded his money back. Well, I ain't going to no place this level to be flooded. Now, look, sir, if I look here, a couple of days of sunshine and the place will be as dire to it. There ain't no season, though. I guarantee you that ain't gonna rain no more. Well, all right, George. Oh, good. I guarantee you. Yeah, but I hope you're right, because we ain't got no money to go no place else. Guess we'll just have to make the best of that cottage. But let me warn you, George, you know what dapness will do to mama's lumbago. And if anything happens to spoil this vacation, I'll never forgive you the rest of my life. Well, good morning, sir. Father, I learned your mama's still sleeping behind the other curtain desk, so I brought your breakfast into you. Had you seen the first night at good old dismal Del? George, I was just looking out the window here. It's raining. Oh, no, on a just little slight spring drizzle, we call it. Now, let's, George, see, if you don't think there's going to be another flood, do you? Oh, no, honey. You read in the newspaper, the flood season is over. Oh, we was a good mile from the lake, and anyway, the house is on six-foot parlance. No water can come in here this time of year. Well, all right, George. Oh, sir, you forgot the coffee. Yeah, I was waiting for the milk. I'll go out on the porch and see if it's come in here. Oh, yeah, it's a hole in macro cell. Father, look what's floating in the front door. Hey, Annie, what is you doing to that poor old TV set, trying to wreck it? No, sir. I is unrecognized. I is creating the greatest contribution ever made to the ancient art of tuning in a TV set. Yeah, well, that was nice, Annie. Tell me about it. Well, you know, the nuisancy way you always had to tune a TV set, all them pretty little dials with the squinty little numbers, all that bending down and reaching around. Oh, yeah? Boy, that's gone. With my new system, the channel numbers is big and easy reading. And they have spread out clean across the front of the set. And under the numbers, there's just this one handy little knob. Then when you want to switch from channel four to channel two, you just wish that knob across and there you is. Oh, where is that? You is locked in tune for good. That's where you is. Well, Amy, there's just one thing about this invention of yours. It has already been invented by the CBS Columbia people. They cause it's sweet tuning. You may just say that CBS Columbia has done beat me to the draw. They already got this quickest and theest stations selected ever invented. They sure have. That's this sweet tuning everybody's been talking about. What's more, you can get sweet tuning in a 21-inch CBS TV set for only $149.95. Hey, where are you going, Danny? I got to get to my dealer before you sold out of them. CBS, sweet tuning set. Yeah, wait a minute here. Take your old set along with you. Get yourself a real nice trade in. Well, folks, we'd like to say good night for our sponsors, CBS Columbia Manufacturers of America's Most Advanced Radio and Television receivers. Thank you and good night. See you next Sunday. Be sure to be with us at the same time next Sunday for the Amazon anti-show transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell. Tonight's program was brought to you by CBS Columbia, manufacturers of full fidelity television receivers. And for a real treat in TV entertainment, Tune in Life with Father presented every week by CBS Columbia over the CBS television network. See your papers for time and station. Now stay tuned for our Miss Brooks, which follows immediately over most of these same radio stations. When it comes to renting out your property, the uncertainty of finding reliable tenants can feel like a real guessing game, responsible renter or perpetual party animal. 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