Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Coutroom Catastrophe
https://www.solgoodmedia.com - Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! Join us every day for Amos n Andy Daily, where we revisit the humor and social satire that made Amos 'n' Andy a staple of American entertainment. Each episode offers a unique glimpse into the lives of the show’s beloved characters, from the comedic escapades of Amos Jones and Andy Brown to the bustling community of Harlem. Ideal for listeners seeking a blend of laughter and a snapshot of historical societal commentary through timeless radio comedy
- Duration:
- 28m
- Broadcast on:
- 12 Jul 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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Let's renterswearhouse.com or call 303-974-9444 to speak to a rent-to-state advisor today. This summer, saddle up with the only sports book where you can bet on horse racing, fan dual. Right now, new customers can get a no-swept first bet up to $500. Just download the app or go to fanduel.com/horses to score your no-swept bet up to $500. 21+ and present in Colorado. Offer valid on first real money wager of $5 or more. With the unified FD racing account required, bonus issued and non-withdrawable racing site credit that expires seven days after issuance. Max refund $500. Restrictions apply. See terms at racing.fanduel.com. Gambling problem, call 1-800-gambler. Good evening. The makers of the new Rinso bring you the Amos and Andy show. With their guests tonight, the star of stage and screen, Mr. Walter Houston. Well, trouble is nothing new to a Miss and Andy or their friends. They're usually able to cope with almost anything that comes along. However, today, George Stevens, the kingfish, seems to have run into a little extra trouble which appears to be more than he can handle. Right now, he is in the office at the lodge hall trying to explain it to Amos and Andy. No, boys, I'll tell you. I don't want to sit down. I'm too nervous. I'm too nervous. Yeah, you show his tremble. Oh, take it easy, kingfish. I can't, boys. I jammed up. I'm really in a mess. Oh, I'll tell you. I'll be ensued. What is you being sued for? Yeah, and who is doing it? I'll be ensued by a fellow by the name of Mr. Jackson and for no reason at all. I was just exercising my rights as a citizen of the United States of America to use freedom of speech. Yeah, I call him a crook or lova or swindler and a bum in the man of sin. A crook or lova or a swindler and a bum? Yeah, dude, the Constitution likes you to say that. Well, there's a freedom of speech. There's four freedoms and all that stuff. Yeah. I only call them four. Yeah, that's right. There's a lot of calling them a thief on top of that. That means five freedoms and a man got a kiss against me. Oh, that's a dangerous thing to do. When did you do it? Oh, here's the whole story. A few weeks ago, I ripped this for Mr. Jackson and the letter. Now in the letter, I called him those names. And now he sued me for $1,000. He claimed I done smurched up his reputation. Oh, that nifty Jackson didn't have $1,000 worth of reputation to smudge up. Yeah, well, that ain't what counts. So tell me, King Fisher, how is you going to handle the case? By getting a lawyer, oh, I going to see the alley lawyer that hangs around back at the jail there. I going to see him. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. He charges big money before he's going to give you any advice. Where are you going to get the dough to pay him? Brother Ender, I think I got a great idea for that. I is going home now and see the little woman. Honey, you engagement ring don't spark a legged order. Well, what's the matter with that ring? Oh, that diamond used to look like the 20th century limited coming in at night. Now look at it. Not a twinkle in the thing. That's a beautiful diamond though, George. But the thing needs cleaning. Let me look at that. Yeah, look at that. That thing needs, give me that ring. I'll take it over to the jeweler and I'll have him give that a good cleaning. I want my wife to sparkle like other women's sparkle. There's nothing sloppy looking than dirty diamonds. Now look here on this, Joe. You ought to give them more than $15 on that stone. That's the top price, kingfish. You see, the way we figure is on the color of blue-white stones is worth the most. The plain white ones is fair. The yellow ones ain't so good. Yellow bear. What color would you say this one is? Well, kingfish in the tree. This is what we call a jaundice diamond or yellow. And cloudy. Even a yellow diamond, you're supposed to see the daylight through it. Fact this, kingfish, looking at this again, I see it's muddied too. Oh, give me the $15, just give me the $15, I'll tell you about that. Now look here, you know what I want you to do on top of that. You take the stone out of the ring. Now here is a rhine stone that I got at the five and ten cents store. Put this in place of it and I'll take it home to the little woman and put it back where that was. Oh. All right, I'll make the switch for you. Tell me, Del, sir, you think that my wife will notice the difference? Well, if she does, it's only because the rhine stone looks better than the diamond. Well, kingfish is your lawyer. There's two ways you can settle this case. What is it? Well, the first is to pay the man $1,000. I like the second way better. Well, I ain't told you what the second way is you. Well, whatever it is, I know I don't like it better. Well, the second way is the result of some pretty heavy studding. I skimmed over several similar cases, looked over the whole legal aspect of the case and this is my personal opinion as an attorney that there's a way that can't fail. Now you're talking. Now what is that? Tell me that. I saw Del the lawyer. Scams so bad that it'll drop us through to get you. Put fear in him. F-W-E-R, fear. Well, now, I don't know about that, that's going to take a lot of thought and time. There's nothing else I could do, huh? Well, there is a third way. Oh, what's that? The third way ain't included in the $15. Well, I see the money that I have paid you only includes two ways. Yeah, it runs approximately $7.5 a week. You see, the reason the third way it runs into extra money is cause it all postgraduate stuff. Stuff I done learned after my diploma was framed and owned the wall and everything. Well, I just can't fool it though, but you know, come to think of it that second way ain't bad at all. Put fear in the other lawyer. Yeah, that's just what I'm going to do. [Music] What took you so long, King Faith? Well, as I went over to the Pawn's job, I had to sneak back into my house without my wife seeing me and put the phoney ring back in the jewel box where she keep it. And then I went to see the allyl lawyer, I see. Oh, yeah. Well, what the allyl lawyer tell you? Yeah, well, my allyl lawyer told me to put fear in the man. Fear? Yeah, you know, people are more scared of fear than anything. Yeah. [Laughter] Well, how are you going to do it? Now, look here, when I meet Mr. Jackson's lawyer, I are supposed to make him think that I was tough. A cool, blooded, mean, tough guy. I are supposed to make him think that if they don't drop that kiss against me, I liable to beat them both up. Uh, when do you start this one man, Raina Tera? [Laughter] I'll start raining right away. [Laughter] It just happens, Andy, that Mr. Jackson's lawyer, a man by the name of Mr. Nelson, called me up and he wants to meet me at four o'clock this afternoon to see if I won't settle. That is when I'm going to show him how tough I am. Yeah, well, how can you make a man scared of you? Oh, it's going to be a sinch, Andy. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Oh, wait a minute, here's my man. Now, come in here, ladies. Uh, what if you want to see me by Brother King's face? Uh, ladies, for certain reasons, I want to be a tough guy. I want you to find me a man that will let me punch him in the nose, and I'll give him $2 for it. I'll let you punch me in the nose for $2. No, ladies, I've got to leave friendship out of this. [Laughter] Give me a total stranger, a nice size fella. Can you do it? I offer it. Now, good. Now, here's what I want you to do. I like to know where Sam's lunchroom is. I offer it. I'll be there at 4.30 on the dot, me, Andy, and a lawyer. I offer it. Now, we'll sit down so there'll be an empty stool next to me. Tell the man to sit down next to me on the empty stool and order a hamburger and have him save with pickled onions and mustard. I'll know it's him when I hear them words, and I'll pick a fight with him, and I'll punch him in the nose. Yeah, I'll get busy on it right now, and I'll have the man at the lunchroom at 4.30 sharp. Who care, ladies? Well, I sure hope everything works out all right, King face. Oh, it can't miss, brother, Andy. The whole idea is foolproof. Punching the guy in the nose, scaring the pants off the other lawyer, hocking my waist diamond. Well, Andy, within a year, I bet they'll be teaching this stuff in every law school in the country. Hello, Sam's lunchroom. Is that a man sitting at the counter by the name of King face Stevens? No, ain't nobody here now. All the stools are empty. Well, I suppose to have a man there for him at 4.30 sharp, but I couldn't find one for him today. But I'm sure I'll have one there for him tomorrow. Well, I tell you what I'll do. I'll call up the King Fish in about five minutes. Okay. Go right on in, Mr. No, right on in there. I don't know why we're going into this lunchroom. I don't want anything to eat. It won't take long. I'll sit on the end stool here, King Fish. Mr. Nelson, you sit next to me and King Fish, you sit down there. Could we have two hamburgers, Sam? Okay. Excuse me. I'll lean down here on time with you. You know, Mr. Nelson, this King Fish is a tough guy. Anybody makes it mad across him. He's a fighter from the word go. What are you fellas talking about? Just feeling my muscle in my right arm here. I've got to have the sleeve made bigger. Uh-oh. Here we go. Well, look at that. There's a fellow sitting next to King Fish. What do you have? One hamburger, please. One hamburger? Oh, put some pickle and onions and mustard on it for me, will you? Well, anyway, right on schedule. Here I go. Say it, bud. Will you pass me that salt up here in front of us? Sure. Here you are. Pass the proper tube. Okay. Here it is. Uh, pass the ketchup. Ketchup? All right. I don't see any ketchup. Listen, I done took it just about enough from you, stand up. Uh, watch this, Mr. Nelson. What's the matter? Uh, put up your dukes. I'll show you what's the matter. Take this. Oh! Look, Andy, the King Fish is opening his eyes now. Oh, me. Where is I? We bring you over here to your office, King Fish. You was laying on the sofa. Oh, me. You're a bone in my buttocks. See if you can open that left eye, yours, King Fish. Who was that fellow that I got into fight with? He seemed to be a pretty nice fella. He even helped us pick you off the floor and carry over here. Oh, what did you put on my nose, boys? We didn't put nothing on there. You mean that what I feel is there is all nose? Every inch of it. Here, King Fish, here's a piece of beef steak I got you for your eye. Let's put it right on there now. That'll help take the swelling down. Oh, me. I still could have licked that fella if it had been a fair fight. Well, what wasn't fair about it? He was ahead shorter than you was. Yeah, well, that's where I had revenge on me. You see, I had my arm up guarding myself like this, and he was so short that he got under my guard, and for I could get him from one day, I was on the floor. [laughter] Well, King Fish, that whole plan of yours was a flop. What is he going to do about the lawsuit now, King Fish? Listen, boys, the alley lawyer has got a third way. How would I can handle the whole thing with the judge? But he won't tell me unless I give him $5 extra in advance. Well, I just ain't got it, King Fish. Yeah, and I is flat broke. I got to get $5 somewhere to find out how to handle his kids. Listen, Amos, tell you what you do. Go over to my wife. She's got some money that she's going to give the landlord today. Ask her to let me have $5 or that. All right, I'll go over there and see what I can do. [music] So, you see, that's the whole story, Sapphire. The King Fish needs the money to pay a lawyer. Well, I ain't got it, Amos. I isn't already paid the landlord to rent this money. And another thing, I ain't see the King Fish. Where is he at? He didn't come home last night. Well, he's all right. He was sort of stressed out on the sofa resting when I left him. He's been mixed up in a lot of things here lately. Well, is he well? Is he eating? Oh, yeah, he's eating all right. The fact is, the last time I see him, he had his eye on a steak. Well, Amos, I'd like to give him the $5, but I just ain't got it. Wait a minute. I know what I'll do. Oh, is he got an idea? Amos is out of time like this that a wife has got to stick by her husband, no matter what the cost of the sacrifice is. I ain't going to raise the money for that lawyer. Oh, that's wonderful. How is he going to do it? I've gone out upon my diamond engagement ring. It's been a busy morning in Judge Houston's court where the King Fish will appear later in the afternoon. But right now, before the King Fish's case comes up, the judge is concluding another case just prior to his noon recess. Motion for a new trial denied. James Edward Farrington, you as defendant in this case are entitled to no sympathy from this court. The crime for which you were originally brought here is insignificant compared to your attempt to order the opinion of a court of justice through bribery. Sentence just opposed upon you for attempted bribery is extremely severe that it stand as a lesson to those who are of the belief that judges and juries can be bought and sold like commodities in a public market. The judicial system of this country has built up a reputation for honesty and integrity over a period of many years. And as judge of this court, I am going to do everything in my power to do my part in preserving that reputation. They lift, take the prisoner away, be a recess for lunch. Court will reconvene at 2.30. Are you going to lunch, Judge Houston? No, I'm just going to have a glass of milk. This last case has upset me somewhat. I have a little headache. I think I'll go over to the park and sit down in a bench and get a little fresh air. There's nothing that infuriates me like a man trying to bribe somebody. [MUSIC] Well, let's sit down on this park bench here, brother, Andy. Yeah, you got about 45 minutes before you got to go to court. Yeah, that's all prepared. Like a tool here, the Allen lawyer told me all that stuff, how to handle Judge Houston. You know, he's the judge that's going to handle my case. Tell me this. How did you raise that $5 to pay the Allen lawyer? Well, one of the brothers in law is going to let me have it. Well, I was all set to take care of this Judge Houston. I got the box of cigars on the mall, a couple of bucks in my pocket. Do one of your men have a match? Oh, yes, sir, yes, sir. I think I got one here. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. My device is down here. Oh, and those are, those are, move over there. Yeah. Are you boys from? We live up around 125th Street. Oh, yes, sir, my French, the kingfish is waiting to go in their coat over there. Yeah, going over to Judge Houston's coat. Oh, is that so? They ain't going to take a long go, I guess. No, they ain't going to take as long as I knew exactly how to handle that judge. No, you do. No. Oh, well, how do you handle Judge Houston? Well, first of all, I got a box of cigars. You're going to slip them down, little private stuff, you know what else you're going to do? And only five cents cigars, two plenty good enough for him. Five cents cigars, I suppose you say the 10 cent ones for the Supreme Court cases, you know? Oh, sure, yeah. And another thing, if the cigars don't work, why, we've got a few bucks in cash for the judge. You mean to say that a judge, let's say, for instance, this judge Houston can be bought? Well, it wouldn't go as far as it is that he can be bought, but he certainly can't be rented, I know. Oh, yeah. These days, you can get to them. Well, that's very, very interesting. Tell me more. How would you, well, how would you reach Judge Houston? Oh, that ain't a hard door. Judge Houston reaches awful easily. Yeah, our lawyer told us all about how to handle it. Judge Houston ain't no more than us. Nobody else is. He just is crooked as the others, you know. Oh, this Judge Houston is a crooked judge, Jim. Oh, yes, he stuff his own ballot boxes. That's how Judge Houston got elected, judge. Their man is crooked as a snake. You know, he wears one of them long black gowns in the court. They tell us somebody had him a box of sea guards, a couple pounds of steak, a few dollars. All I got to do is shove it under that gown. He ain't nobody going to see the gown. All right, see, that's what those gowns are for. They sort of make things disappear. No. Or you know them to her when you get a judge like Houston, I don't tell you. Well, I still don't see how you expect to do something like that in a court. Oh, as a sense, the most important thing is... Wait a minute, look. I'm sure it's just how we work here, Judge. Just how we bribe the judge. Yes, I'm glad to know these things. Well, now, let's suppose that this is the courtroom right here, and we'll use this bench we're sitting on here for the judge's bench. And you can just stand here and kind of watch this thing. Now, you, Mr.... Can you make believe you was Judge Houston? Well, that shouldn't be too hard. Okay, then, the trial is just starting. Well, now, wait a minute, wait a minute. You've got to get on a stand, King Faith. Yeah, all right, Mr. You play like you Judge Houston. Now, you ask me to get on the stand. My name is George King Faith Stephen. All right. Will the defendant, George King Faith Stephen, please take the stand. Yeah, no. Oh, wait, don't take the thing too seriously. Yeah. After all, we're just talking the thing over here, Mr. All right. Now, now, I was in the chair on the witness stand. Now, Ali is over to you, and I say, uh... Hiya, Judge. Then I say to you, uh... Listen, he's the old boy. Uh, can I come behind the bench there and speak to your private conference, and under your hat? Now, as the judge, you say something back to me, you know. Anything you have to say to me, you can say it to this court. Oh, wait a minute, Mr. You can't talk to me. All right, all right, all right. Go for a minute, look here. You see, what I tryin' to do, I tryin' to show you something. Now, you were supposed to act like, uh, you were Judge Houston. I don't think you get the idea of what we're tryin' to do here. No, no, you don't get the idea, Mr. Uh, now, be more natural. Now, look, uh, I don't say to you here now. I say, no, no. I-I-I on the witness stand, and-and you sitin' on the judge's bench. I say to you, I say... Judge old boy. [ Laughter ] Uh, Judge you? All right. Got a little package here for you. Now, give me an answer, Dad, and I'll show you. Any package that you have that has any bearing on this case can be opened in front of the court. Yeah, will you see Judge? Wait a minute, Mr. Wait a minute. [ Laughter ] Oh, the-the mother, you can't talk that way. But there again, I feel that that's what a judge might say. You do, huh? Oh, I see someone coming for me. It looks like I might have to be running along. Well, uh, see ya again soon. Yes, we may meet again very soon. Excuse me, sir. I hate to bother you, but there's a long distance call, and the operator says it's person to person for you, Judge Houston. All right, I'll tell you. Goodbye, boys. [ Laughter ] Ander. [ Laughter ] What? Uh, you remember the man that was sitting here on the bench with us? [ Laughter ] Yeah. Remember the man that walked up to him? [ Laughter ] Yeah. When he walked up to him, think now, Ander. Did he call him... No, I ain't going to imagine that. [ Laughter ] That's, uh, that'd be a seven-minute-to-one shot. [ Laughter ] You know, the biggest coincidence that ever happened in the world. Now, look, the man was sitting here. Right. Uh, now, another man walked up to him. There ain't no question about that. You heard every word he said, ain't you? Yeah. When he walked up and told him about the long-distance telephone, did he call him something that started out with the letter H? Yeah. Now, listen, Ander. Think good. Pull all your brains together in one lump. [ Laughter ] How can we ask you something? Did he call him... [ Laughter ] [ Music ] And so I say, in the case of Nifty Jackson versus Kingfish Stevens, the plaintiff has shown no evidence of libel. A male, letter, male, in a sealed envelope to the plaintiff does not constitute libel in the eyes of the law. The case is dismissed. Before I adjourned court, I would like to say something purely for the benefit of the defendant. A black robe worn by a jurist is a symbol of justice. It is never worn to hide anything. Court adjourned. [ Laughter ] [ Inaudible ] Oh, and it's over, brother. And it's over, put it there. Yeah. And I'm going to tell you something, Kingfish. I won't tell you that Judge Houston's show was fair with you. Oh, I say it was fair. And I've never been this scared before in my life. After what we done said to him in the park. Yeah. Oh, this has been a great lesson to me, brother. And I'm never going to do nothing again that will get me in trouble with the law. My skirt is clean and, boy, I'm going to keep them that way. Yeah, I'll put it there. Come on, let's get out of here. Pardon me just a minute. Are you, George Stevens, the Kingfish? Oh, yeah, so that's very good. I'm George Stevens. What do you want to do? Take me picture of something for the newspaper? No. I have a warrant here for your arrest. A lady is having you arrested for pawning the stone out of her diamond ring. Weirdum, Daddy. No, lady. That's my wife. [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Be sure to be with us again next Friday evening at this same time. When the makers of Rinso again bring you the Amos and Andy show. At which time Amos and Andy will have as their guest the fine picture actor, Mr. Franklin Tangborn. Meantime, this is Harlow Wilcox. Speaking for all of us, thanking Walter Houston for appearing with us tonight and bidding all of you a pleasant good night. [Music] Well, it sounds like the tenants at your rental property sure know how to throw a great party. You just wish they wouldn't throw so many parties on Tuesdays until 4 a.m. And if they could pay the rent on time, that would be nice too. Being a landlord can be stressful, but it doesn't have to be. 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