Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Andy s New Wife
https://www.solgoodmedia.com - Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! Join us every day for Amos n Andy Daily, where we revisit the humor and social satire that made Amos 'n' Andy a staple of American entertainment. Each episode offers a unique glimpse into the lives of the show’s beloved characters, from the comedic escapades of Amos Jones and Andy Brown to the bustling community of Harlem. Ideal for listeners seeking a blend of laughter and a snapshot of historical societal commentary through timeless radio comedy
- Duration:
- 31m
- Broadcast on:
- 30 Jun 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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Check it out, we hope to see you over there. The makers of The New Rinsau bring you The Amos and Andy Shaw with their guest tonight, Mr. Charles Coburn. There's plenty of excitement around tonight, because radio history is being made. The new Rinsau presents The New Amos and Andy Show. Yes, everything brand new. New in the fact that Amos and Andy are doing for the first time a half hour show. New in the day, Miss and Andy are playing before an audience, also for the first time. And new in that each week there will be a famous guest tonight, Mr. Charles Coburn, whom you have seen in the more the merrier and heaven can wait. And there's plenty of news about Rinsau, too. Try it yourself. I'm sure you'll agree it's absolutely tops. That its soapy-rich suds get out more dirt, that in short it's the ideal soap for washday, for dishes, and for all the soap and water jobs around the house. Yes, try Rinsau. I know you'll join the vast army of women who whistle while they wash. And now The New Soapy-rich Rinsau presents The New Amos and Andy Show. Well, there's an old saying that no news is good news. That must be true, because Andy got news and it's bad. The news is in the form of a letter which Andy is discussing with the kingfish and Henry Van Porter in his office now. Boys, I really am a messier. Bro, Andy, you act like he's bad off. Well, to tell you the truth, Andy, I can't see what is such bad news about a relative coming to visit you from the south. Listen, Henry, a relative is bad news no matter what direction they come from. Listen here, fellows, I ain't told you this, but here's the jam I was in. About six months ago, I discovered that this uncle of mine that's coming up here tomorrow don't cut me out of his will. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, now there's a serious thing, yeah. And I found out that the reason he don't cut me out is because he thinks I is undisresponsible. His he-boys, my uncle always warned me to get married and settle down. Well, tell me this, Andy, what has all this got to do with the letter you received from him? No. Well, I always been kind of superstitious about being left out of will. So about six months ago, I done writ my uncle at you, told him I got married, settled down, and I was living in a nice six-room apartment. Oh, I'm beginning to get it now. So he's going to arrive in New York tomorrow morning on the nine o'clock train. But the main reason he coming up here is to see some New York doctor specialist about his health, and he going to stay here for Monday. Tell me, though, then, ever you done rich uncle that you got married and settled down, do you know if he put you back in the wilderness? Oh, show, he slapped me right back in there. You mean on the regular dotted line and ink, not just out in the margin and tensile? Well, listen, yeah, right in the middle of the thing, between them warehouses and wherefores and all that stuff. Yeah, that's the place to be. If you can worm your way in there, there's the place on it. Well, Andy, it looks like you've got a lot to lose, all right? Yeah, but I ain't told you the biggest headache, though. My uncle say in the letter that he is planning on staying with me in my six-room apartment, and then he say that that'll give him a chance to become acquainted with my dear little wife. Oh, when is your uncle coming up here? Saturday. Why, that's tomorrow. Wait a minute, Andy. You could be married by tomorrow. Yeah, I could be way in a minute here. How is I going to meet a gal that quick? Or just stand on the corner and keep whistling? Now, just a minute, my friends, that sounds a bit hasty. After all, the type of girl that Andy might get from a whistle might not be the type he'd want for the mother of his children. Now, look here, Henry. When you have whistling for a wife on short notice, you can't be too particular. Like when you go up to the north woods hunting for moose, and you give out what the moose call. You can't be fussy. You've got to take the first moose that comes along. Yeah, it came fish, but you got to be a little more particular about a wife. After all, if you don't like a moose, you can shoot it. Anyhow, even if I did get a wife, why is I going to get a six-room partner? Yeah, you in a pickleman already. I don't know. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I did. Don't hit me in the head, Jeff. Just went in this ear, yeah, look at him. Emile and her family is going away for the weekend. They won't be back till Monday night. You've healed, pardon me. Yes, but what about the wife today and he's supposed to have? Well, I'll just tell you, uncle, that she out of town with some kinfolk. Yeah, that sounds good, but well, Amos, let me do that. Well, now, look here. Don't tell him what you're doing. Just tell him that you will stay in the apartment over the weekend. Sort of a caretaker. Come on, kingfish. Let me and you go over to see Amos. So, you're going away for the weekend, Amos. Show hope you have a nice time. Yeah, well, thank you very much. Uh, tell me, Amos, who was you leaving in charge of the apartment? Well, I ain't figuring on having nobody here. Uh, how about burglars? Yeah. Well, I went away before and I just locked the place and nothing was told. Oh, maybe the burglars didn't get around to you yet. Yeah, I guess they shorthand it just like everybody else. What do you see, fellas? Uh, Amos, look here. These burglars work the thing in alphabet order. Now, you just look here because your name is Jones. They ain't got down to you yet. Uh, and is you here where the burglars is down to now? Uh, yeah, I heard they were just finishing the letter before J, whatever that is. Uh, excuse me, I heard that too. It was working on the Ours, I remember that. Tell you the truth, fellas. It might not be a bad idea to have somebody stay in the apartment while we as a way, but I just wouldn't know who to get. Well, Amos, I as your pal, and I'll help you out. Would you do it, Andrew? Yeah, I'll do it. Oh, gee, that's nice of you, Andrew. We are going to leave at nine o'clock tomorrow morning, so you can come in any time after nine. Okay, as a deal. I'll check in right after nine o'clock. So long, be sure and get out on time. So long, Amos. So long, fellas. I'll be back Monday night, uh, see you then. Well, Andrew, this is a great break for us, all right. Wait a minute. There you go with that us stuff, kingfish. By any chance, as you happen to make or you figure, I might get some money from the will. Oh, don't be silly, Andrew. You know, where did my mind cools at the same time? I know that if anything should happen to your dear uncle. Well, I just know that in time of grief, you want to share your good fortune with your friends. Well, Uncle Edgar, your trade was right on time, and it sure is nice to see you. Yeah, we sure glad to see you, Uncle Edgar. You don't mind if I call Uncle Edgar too, do you? And if you're telling me so much about you, I kind of feel like I was a close relation to yours. Well, that's very fine. Tell me, Uncle Edgar, how are things down so? Do you know the cotton crop, wheels and all that stuff? Oh, everything's fine. So there wasn't a nice new boy to come down, meet me at the train here. But, Andy, where is the little woman? Uh, uh, who? The little woman, your wife. Oh, oh, my wife. Yeah, well, uh, uh, uh, Lucy, don't run over to, uh, Pennsylvania to see your mother. Yeah, yeah, exactly where she went. You see, Uncle Edgar, when you was there, little woman. Andy didn't know who your men cause Lucy's big as a horse. Well, I'm setting the anxious to meet her. She's going to be back before I leave, ain't she? Well, I hope so, Uncle Edgar. But do you think we better get out of this station here? Yeah, you're right. I got a boy right here, Uncle Edgar. Take care of your suitcase. Uh, hey, Lightning, come over here. Oh, I can handle the suitcase, it's all right. Did you want me now? Uh, these are the suitcases, uh, D11 to the apartment like I told you, Lightning. And by the way, Lightning, uh, this is my Uncle Edgar, uh, this is Lightning. Young man, I'm glad to meet you. Uh, please, I meet you, Uncle Edgar. Are you the man who got the wheel, ain't you? Uh, uh, what the game? Get on with them bags, don't worry, Uncle Edgar. Give us a get away from here, Lightning. What are you doing? [music] Well, Uncle Edgar, how do you feel after taking the shower and changing your clothes? Oh, I feel a lot better, Andy. Oh, sit down there and that stuffed over chair and take it easy, Uncle Edgar. [laughter] Sir, Andy, you and your wife are doing the ones that live in this apartment, ain't you? Yes, Uncle Edgar. This is our own little love nest, just the two of us. Me and her. Well, uh, what is all them toys there in the clothes of my room? Uh, what toys? You mean you don't know what toys is back there? Well, uh, uh, uh, well, you see, uh, uh, I played with so many toys, I didn't know which ones you meant. Well, there's some dolls back there, too. Oh, don't be silly, Uncle Edgar. [laughter] I ain't played with dolls for over a year. [laughter] So, Andy, who is the picture this man here on the table? Uh, which picture do you mean? The only picture that's there. Oh, oh, that one. Don't look at me, it's been at Uncle Edgar. I see it's inscribed on there to my loving wife from Amos. Oh, that? Oh, yeah, well, that's, uh, uh, uh, uh, that's my wife's first husband, yeah. Well, what in the world do you have to have his picture around here? Uh, well, I tell you, Uncle Edgar, uh, uh, it keeps reminding my wife of him and makes it appreciate me more. [laughter] Yeah, that's better, Uncle Edgar. [laughter] That's certainly right. You know, Uncle Edgar, there is nothing like holding the first husband over a wife's head. [laughter] Oh, oh, by the way, Andy, you know I want to see one of these New York doctors. You might ask a lot of your friends and see if they know a good one. Yeah, yeah, but, uh, you take it easy, Uncle Edgar, and enjoy yourself for the weekend here. I'm going to tell you, Andy, you sure got a nice place here. And I was just thinking, I don't have to break my neck to get back home. You fellas have been so nice to me, I think I'll change my plans and stay here a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks? Yeah, I know that would make you happy. Uh, what's the matter, boys? You will make us so happy that we are speechless. [laughter] [applause] Well, folks, remember I said this would be a new kind of show for Amos and Andy, and I hope you're having as good a time as the folks here are having. Now, I mentioned a little earlier that millions of women these days are whistling while they wash, and the notes they're whistling are. [whistling] That stands for Rinso White, three little notes that have been making wash day history. Yes, Rinso has taken the drudgery out of wash day. Those soapy-rich suds have made it possible for women to turn out a dazzling white bright wash without hard scrubbing or boiling, simply by soaking clothes clean. A few quick finger rubs on badly-soiled places, and clothes are ready to rinse. Yes, new rinse-o gets out more dirt, and women are whistling while they wash dishes, too, in rinse-o suds. It makes the job so speedy, and that goes for washing floors, windows, tiles, and so forth. So tomorrow, get Rinso, then you whistle, and you'll see how much easier life can be. Now, back to Amos and Andy, and their guest tonight, Charles Coburn. [music] Well, Uncle Edgar certainly threw a monkey wrench in the machinery when he announced that he had decided to stay two weeks, and the and the Kingfish are plenty worried. Kingfish really is really the mess now. Aimers come home Monday, and Uncle Edgar's say he's gonna be here for two weeks. And listen, I got an idea, when your uncle wakes up from the nap he's taken, we are taking him up the doctor's role. You know that's where the alley lawyer has got his offer. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think up around there, we'll find a doctor that will see eye to eye with us. Yeah, but we want to get a big doctor with a good reputation to examine my uncle. Yeah, well, we'll get a good one already, but I think that for a small extra charge, we can get a doctor to tell Uncle Edgar that this climate up north here is bad for the hill, and that he has got to get right back down south now at once. Yeah, well, how is we going to work it? We'll leave Uncle Edgar out in the waiting room at the doctor's office, and we'll go in the doctor's private office and talk to him first. Oh, I think I see what you mean. Hello? Is this Dr. Charles Coben, the veterinarian? That's right, I'm the veterinarian. This is Mrs. Stanley Watson. I called up to find out how my caucus spaniel was coming along. He's doing nicely, Mrs. Watson. His front paw is still a little sore, but we ought to have him out of here in a few days. Oh, thank you very much, doctor. Goodbye. Come in. Excuse us, but is you Dr. Charles Coben? That's right. Good, yeah. Well, we see your name on the do outside, and we're looking for a doctor. Tell me, do you have the patient with you? He's out in the waiting room, guys, and we want to talk to you first. Is he chained up? Oh, no, he ain't dangerous. Well, why don't you bring him in the office here? Well, that's what we want to tell you. You see, doctor, we don't want to hear what we're going to tell you. You don't want him to hear. That's pretty good. I've heard some of them are very clever, but I've never heard of one that could understand medical term. The world is too ill. He ain't been feeling well lately, and he has us to take him to adopt it, you see. Before we go any further, gentlemen, are you sure that you are feeling all right? Oh, sure, yes, we feel all right. Well, tell me exactly what's wrong with the patient. I'm a busy man. Now, the world doctor, tell you the truth. We don't know exactly what's wrong with him. Well, the only thing to do then is to strap him here on this table, and I'll give him a thorough examination. Uh, strapping. I don't think he'll go like that. Oh, that's all right. We'll put a muzzle on him. Now, we're the man. We can go just so far with him, you know. Yeah, yeah, we can't make him mad because he's worth a lot of money. Now, listen to me. A dog is a dog. If I can help him, I'd be very happy to do so. Uh, excuse me for protruding, doctor, but uh, my right here been giving me a little trouble here lately. Did you say dog? Uh, is you a dog, doctor, by the chance? Certainly. What do you think? Well, I didn't know what to think when you say you're going to put a muzzle on my uncle. Oh, your uncle is out there. Yeah. I see. You thought I was a regular MD. No, I take care of dogs, cats, horses, all kinds of animals. I've got a little hospital out here in the bank. Well, when our doctor, uh, long as we are here, uh, maybe you could, uh, help us out anyhow. Uh, yes. Uh, uh, what we'd like you to do in your, uh, uh, professional capacity, uh, uh, well, uh, seems like the wrong, seems like the right kind in between, right? Uh, and, uh, dealing between, uh, we will underpay, after four. Yeah. Gentlemen, if you think that I, as a respected member of the medical profession, would do even one small thing to jeopardize my fine reputation and standing in this community, if you think that I would stoop to a thing of this kind, if you think that I would do anything contrary to my standards in exchange for what amounts to a little more than a bribe, then you'll come to the right place. Well, man, that's great. That's great. Now, look at your heads. What do we want you to do? We want you to convince my uncle that this northern climate is bad for him, and even one more day it might be fatal, and he has got to go right back down south. Yeah, so we don't care what you tell him. Uh, we just want to make sure that he leaves town by the night. It's as good as done, my friends, but in our haste, let us not forget. The cash, ten dollars. Uh, yes, sir, it is. You might put it in that drawer right there. I don't touch money like that. Okay, doc. Okay, uh, I'll have my uncle come right in. Uh, yeah, get him, wait a minute. Uh, hide them dog biscuits over there on the tip. Okay, uncle, let's go. Come on in. The doctor's ready for you. This is the famous specialist that I've done told you about. Uh, how do you do, doctor? Now, how do you do? If you sit right down here, open your mouth. Mm-hmm, now tell me. How have you been feeling? Well, frankly, this afternoon I've been feeling pretty well. That's a bad symptom. Yes, that's the trouble with your particular ailment. You always feel better first. Well, what is it that's wrong with me, doctor? Well, the medical term is, uh, Northern Ida's. Doctor, no, anything but that. Yeah, the, sorry to hear that, doctor. Now, doctor, just what is this Northern Ida's? Well, you come to me as a patient, and I guess it's my duty to tell you the truth. Northern Ida's is a condition that is brought on by an atmospheric change. A change of pressure that crushes the cells of the nervous system. Naturally, yeah. That's what makes you feel like you do now. But I feel very good now. Oh, that's nothing. That will go away. Well, uh, tell us this, doctor. What is the cure for this thing? Your uncle must go back down south. Of course, there's no real hurry about it. Nothing to get alarmed about. Uh, doctor, but when do you think I should leave for the south? No, there's no tremendous rush about it. Any time within the next hour. Yeah, well, uh, uh, we better leave right away, uncle. Therefore, you start foaming at the mouth. Uh, come on, we'll go right down to Deeporn, get your ticket. You mean to say that, uh, come on, uncle. Let's get out of here. Yeah, we ain't got no time to waste. Well, so long, doctor. What was that? That's one of my patients. I mean, one of your patients got a nasty cough, hasn't he? Good night, boy. Well, uncle, that girl, you has done got the best medical advice you could have got in the whole city. Oh, there ain't no two ways about it. Here's a great doctor. Yeah, he seemed to be a very good doctor. And I'm going to take his advice and return to the south. But it's one thing, Andy. What's that? I made up my mind not to leave town here until I've met your dear little wife. Mm. Yeah. Now, did the theatrical agents tell you exactly what you were supposed to do? Yes, I suppose to play the part of man's wife and you're going to pay me $3 for it. Right. You is going to play as you as my wife Lucy. Now, the main thing is to try to do his little talking as you can, so you ain't going to get yourself caught in no booby traps. Yes. Yeah, I think we're all set now, Andy. OK. Uncle, let go. Lucy is back. Now, remember everything we told you, Lucy. Well, well, well. So this is Lucy. Yes, Lucy. I was married to this gentleman here. Yes, I know. Yeah, I know that, but tell me this, Lucy. How long has you been married? Well, uh, we've been married exactly one year. Well, wait a minute. It seems to me you said something to me, Andy, about being married six months. I thought it was about a year. Uh, well, you see, Uncle, let go. Uh, the time passes fast for me and slow for her. [LAUGHTER] Well, Uncle, let go. You don't see Lucy now. Guess we better shoot right down to depot, huh? Well, I haven't had a chance to get acquainted with Lucy yet. That's right. Don't rush us, Mr. Brown. Mr. Brown. And after being married six months, you don't make your wife call you Mr. Brown, do you? Uh, well, I tell you, Uncle, let go. Till I've been married a year, I demand respect. [LAUGHTER] Oh, yeah, you've got to keep these women in the place, all right? Yeah, I'll tell you, Uncle, let go. Uh-oh. Well, how is it there, Andy? See, what is going on here? Amers, you ain't supposed to be back here till tomorrow. Yeah, well, I got a chance to ride down with some people and I thought I'd do it. Uh, I'd like to meet your friends, yeah, Andy. Go ahead, Amos, and we'll do something like that, go on, let them up there. Well, Amos, this is my Uncle, here. Oh, how do you do? Yeah, please, to meet you. My name is Jones. Yeah, and now this is, well, that's my Uncle, right there. [LAUGHTER] My Uncle, I ain't met the girl yet, Andy. My name is Lucy. I was the wife of this gentleman here. I think his name is Andy. [LAUGHTER] Well, Andy, you didn't tell me. Yeah, no, Amos, I know it, but look, there's something I do want to tell you right now. Uh, come on, Amos, you two, Kingfish. Let's go out someplace a week and talk. Uncle, let go, you stay here and this will give you a chance to get better acquainted with Lucy. [MUSIC] So, Amos, that's the whole story in a nutshell. Yeah, Amos, the only reason that Andy done it was so that his uncle would keep him in his will. That's some story you got there, all right. You certainly can't get yourself messed up, Andy. Yeah, what is I going to do, Amos? There's only one thing you can do. Tell your uncle the truth. I think he'll appreciate it and appreciate you being honest with him, because he bound to find out sooner or later. Yeah, you're right. Oh, me. Boy, is I going out and taking a walk in the park so I can get up my nerve. Come on, Kingfish, let's go in. I'm going to tell him the truth. Okay, open the door. Well, Andy, Kingfish, you finally got back. Where have you been all day? Where's Lucy? Oh, she's in the kitchen. Well, in the kitchen. Uh, Uncle Edgar, there comes a time in a man's life when they got to do something that they don't like to do, but I got to do it. Oh, what is it, Andy? Well, Uncle Edgar, I'm going to confess something to you. This ain't my apartment, and Lucy ain't my wife. The only reason that I done told you all this was so I could stay in your will. But I wouldn't blame you now if you told me how. I understand, Andy. But I ain't going to cause you no more trouble, Uncle Edgar. Where is that sappy little theatrical actor supposed to be my wife? You get me a... I'll play her the $3 and she's right here right away, so Lucy ain't going to be bothered with her. Andy, please. You're speaking of my future wife. Your future wife? My future wife. I found out right after you left this morning that she was only playing the part of your wife. We spent all day getting acquainted. She's a fine cook and a good looking girl. We're getting mad right away and leaving on the first train for Georgia. Well, congratulations on all that stuff, Uncle Edgar. I'll be glad to go to the depot with you and see you off. You know, carry the grips for you, carry your will, anything you want me to carry? Yeah, congratulations, Uncle Edgar. But, say, there's just one thing that I'd like to clear up before you leave. What's that? Well, now that Lucy is going to be my aunt instead of my wife, does I have to pay her the $3 or the juke pair? [applause] Ladies and gentlemen, name is Andy. We'd like to say a few words to their listeners. Hello, folks. Hello, everybody. Well, we hope you enjoyed our first show. As you know, this is the beginning of our new half-hour series. And we want to thank Mr. Charles Coburn for his kindness in working with us tonight. We wouldn't feel right to let this first show pass without saying a word about our sponsors, makers of the new RINSO. Of course, we have heard of RINSO and its splendid reputation. And not long ago, we asked for permission to visit the plant and see RINSO being made. We saw it being made with our own eyes. And that is why we are so enthusiastic about the product we advertise. In thinking back over our trip to the RINSO plant, it seems that we went through dozens of laboratories and believe us, the reason for the high quality of RINSO is no accident. We can truthfully tell you, great care is taken to give RINSO the top quality which it has. And we honestly feel that you too will recognize this and be glad you are using this wonderful product. You folks were nice to listen to us tonight. And we're looking forward to being back with you next Friday night at the same time. Thank you again. And don't forget, folks, when you think of Amazon and they think of RINSO. Thank you and good night. [Music] Yes, be with us again next Friday night at this same hour when the makers of the new RINSO again present the Amos and Andy show. And when Amos and Andy's guest will be the talented pianist, Jose Eterby. This is Harlow Wilcox, bidding you the night for all of us. I'm Victoria Cash. Thanks for calling the Lucky Land Hotline. If you feel like you do the same thing every day, press 1. If you're ready to have some serious fun. For the chance to redeem some serious prizes, press 2. We heard you loud and clear, so go to luckylandslots.com right now and play over a hundred social casino style games for free. 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