Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Kingfish Leaves his Wife
https://www.solgoodmedia.com - Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! Join us every day for Amos n Andy Daily, where we revisit the humor and social satire that made Amos 'n' Andy a staple of American entertainment. Each episode offers a unique glimpse into the lives of the show’s beloved characters, from the comedic escapades of Amos Jones and Andy Brown to the bustling community of Harlem. Ideal for listeners seeking a blend of laughter and a snapshot of historical societal commentary through timeless radio comedy
- Duration:
- 30m
- Broadcast on:
- 29 Jun 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
You slept through your alarm, missed the train, and your breakfast sandwich. Ugh. Cool. Sounds like you could use some luck. I'm Victoria Cash, and Luckyland is where people go every day to get lucky. At Luckyland, you can play over a hundred casino-style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Go to Luckylandslots.com and get lucky today. No purchase necessary. VTW Group, where prohibited by law, 18-plus, terms and conditions apply. Save on a Riley Break Parts Cleaner. Get two cans of a Riley Break Parts Cleaner for just $8, valid in-store only at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Riley. Auto Parts. The Amerson Andy Show, written by Joe Connolly, Bob Moser, and Bob Ross. Featuring Anastene Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Roy Glenn, Corny Anderson, Zelda Cleaver, Jeff Alexander's Music, yours truly, Holla Wilcox, and starring Radios All-Time Favorites, Freeman Dostin, and Charles Carrell. Hey, Mr. Andy! The subject of romance came up twice at the home of George King Fish Stevens and his wife, Sapphire. The first time was after supper last Wednesday night. George and Sapphire hadn't been out of the house in over a month. And when Sapphire came into the living room and found the King Fish with his nose in the paper, she decided to do a little hinting. Wherever you are, do I am singing your keys? Do I am singing your keys? Do I give my keys? Do I give my keys? Holy mackerel, what in the world was that? George, I was singing. Singing? I ain't here screeching like that since I was over at the zoo and the moose sat down on the porcupine. Sorry, I was only hinting. Yeah, well, the next time you were hinting on keys, let me get back to the moose. Oh, where's the paper? George, did you ever watch the young Wilson that lives across the hall? Yeah, I didn't know what it was to do. Well, every night, Mr. Wilson takes Ms. Wilson out dancing. Or he takes Ms. Wilson to the movie. Or he takes Ms. Wilson out to dinner. Why don't you do something like that? Well, I would, honey, but Mr. Wilson might punch me in the nose. George Stevens, we have both married to the wrong person. I am the romantic type. And you is the type that stays at home with your nose in the newspaper. Well, I admit that I ain't no Peter Lawful, but... But you mean... George, you just don't understand me. I want to be gay and vivacious. I want to live by a waffle man. Oh, George, I want to run through the night with the wind and the rain in my hair. Well, you boyhood, when you get back, I'll be waiting here with a hot water bottle in control. And the second time last week that romance centered the apartment of George and Sapphire was when Herbert Jackson, a magazine solicitor, rang the Stevens doorbell. Hmm, this is nobody home. Well, I'll just slip this sample copy under the door. Ah, there we are. One copy of Forbidden Romance. Oh, hi, a kingfish. What you doing down here at the lodge also, will it? Well, in there. Let me lock the door here. Now, look in there. What I've done, well, I won't tell you. Look what I've found up at the apartment. Look at that. A magazine, huh? Man, look at that. Forbidden Romance. Hmm, I think at your age, you was more the popular mechanic's type. Oh, no, in there. I found it at your magazine on the living room floor. Don't you see what it means, Sapphire? It's been reading this stuff. Well, there ain't nothing wrong with that. Just a lot of gushy nonsense. I know, in there, but it's the implication of the thing. She reading love stories and assholes. You don't buy a road map unless you go in some place. In the last night, she was hollering about how she needs romance. Let me see that thinking. Look at that, ain't it? It's kind of stuff she's been reading. Look at that. Look right there. I found my heart on a two-week cruise. Let me see here. Her nennels stood close to me on the deck, whispering words of romance into my ear. As we watched the shimmering moonlight dancing on the foamy wake of our cruise ship. The soft tropical moon had a strange odor about it. That's all are you fool! I could feel my heartbeat above the throbbing of the engines. Suddenly, I felt her nennel those arms steal around my shoulder. With a gasp, I pulled myself from his embrace and ran from the deck to my cabin. Well, there ain't nothing there, King Fish. He doesn't run away from the fella. Yeah, I know, Hannah, but look over on the next page, there's back on the poop deck again. Well, I don't think Sapphire gonna be interested in no other man. Hannah, hurry, there ain't no other man gonna be interested in Sapphire, either. Well, I don't know, Hannah. You know how it is with furniture. Some fellas go in for antiques. Sapphire might be just moldy enough to appeal to some of them boys. Yeah, but this is silly, King Fish. After all, Sapphire's got you. Well, then I can't pin too much hopes on that. I done took stock of myself this morning. You did, huh? Yeah, when I got up this morning, I took a long look at myself in the mirror. I tell you, Hannah, with my skin too pay, and my bloodshot eyes and with mistaken jaws and that wart on my Adam's apple, I realize that I wasn't exactly no ding-dong daddy from Dumas. Yeah, well, what you gonna do about this situation, King Fish? Well, then I gotta do something. With Sapphire reading these magazines, you never know what this can lead to. If it's romance, she's after I gonna bring romance into her life. I gonna be gay. I gonna be charming. I gonna be the romantic type of self I'm looking for. You is, huh? Oh, yeah, Andrew. It's a new deal. From here in, I gonna shower her with affection. I gonna shower her with love and understanding. I gonna shower her with romance. Yeah, well, you better go easy there, King Fish. You're gonna end up with a war along wife. Let's listen to a number by the four nights. You need no wings to be an angel. You prove it by the things you do. And speaking of angels, I never knew. One quite like you. You need a golden, halo round you. And no magic wand to cast the spell. And speaking of magic, you weep it all so well. And speaking of music, wave it with romance. I hear it in your silence. And speaking of moonlight, sprinkle the stardust. I see it in your eyes. Well, it's my darling, but an angel. It could make the earth so heavenly. And speaking of angels, that's what you want to mean. ♪ ♪ Tell me who was my darling, but an angel. It could make the earth so heavenly. And speaking of angels, that's what you want to mean. Oh, that's what you want to mean. ♪ Come on, boys, welcome me down to my apartment, Joe. King, he sure is dulled up there. You suit flour in your buttonhole and that nice bouquet of flour as you can, Dan. Yeah, you sure smell fragrant too, King, please. Well, I'll tell you, as I was shaved, I had to barber to put everything in the shop on there. I'll tell you, boys, I got scents on it. It won't come to the surface for days. Go, King, face yourself. I'm looking for romance. You sure looks the part, all right? Oh, yeah, boys. I've been reading all the love stuff out of folk dust for good and romance. Yeah, learning how to be the romantic type. I tell you, I'm going to walk in there like a nando and throw romance out of them seven different directions. It's just what you're going to do, King, please. Well, I'm going to open the front door right quick and go down on one knee and hold out the flowers and say, lovely flowers for a lovely lady. Yeah, I see them do that in the ballet one. Then after that, the gal took a sniff of the roses. Then the fella took a sniff of the roses. The next thing I know, the gal jumped 20 feet in the air and he started whirling around. I always wondered what they put in them roses. Well, I don't think these 12 or quarter roses is the jumping kind. Well, yes, you're part of my king's vision. Good luck to you, would you wear a sapphire? Yeah, I really hope you'll sweep off a seat. Well, thank you, boys. Thank you very much. See you later. ♪♪♪ Romance, you'll sell us everywhere. Hmm, I hear somebody in the living room, sapphires in there. Well, here goes. Lovely flowers for a lovely lady. Well, this is a fine condition for you to come crawling home in. Mama, mama, it's you. Where's my sweet tinnies romantic way? She's in the kitchen, clean the fish. Oh, I'm gonna eat it. Well, come on, get up on your feet. You want a meal there all the evening? Oh, oh, mama, my back, my back. My rheumatism. I can't rule. Mama, come on out here and have me. You're all great mad and pop this saddle again. ♪♪♪ Well, lovely dinner, my love. May I say that you never look more radiant and beautiful than you does tonight. Charge your food, skipping cold. Fancy fish, George. ♪♪♪ Here, here's mama. Honey, we'll make this our night. And after this charm and dinner, we'll go dancing. Dancing like two young lovers. Potato, please. Here, here's mama. So far, tonight, we'll be like two gay spirits, waltzing in the wonderland of romance, while we'll dance the dawn on a pink cloud. On a pink cloud of... Arthritis! Come over, you'd be good enough to close your big stairs while I was being romantic here. Mama, don't pay no attention to George. You go ahead and finish your dinner. Well, I'm gonna finish my dinner too, but while I eat here, I'm gonna close my ears to these hot words. Well, you better close your mouth too. You're still engraving all over your bed. ♪♪♪ Well, what a beautiful and perfect evening, dear. Dancing with you again, my darling. George, don't you think they're a little too old for this type of music? Oh, not at all, honey. This is the music of romance. Number one, two, three. Number one, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. Oh! Oh! It's my girl! Oh, my back. Oh, my back. I don't slip my desk again. Help, help! ♪♪♪ Now, just sit there in that comfortable chair, King. Please, and take it easy. Oh, oh, yeah, let me sit here. Yeah, I got out of bed about an hour ago and I managed to hobble down here to the lodge hall. Yeah, so that romantic evening didn't go off too well, huh? No, ain't there? Three of the winners carried me out at the nightclub on the table floor. ♪♪♪ And I come home in the back seat of a taxi cab, double up like a jackknife. And I wound up spending the moves and chanting for it even with a chiropractor. Oh, and in my back. Oh, just just, yeah. Oh, that back is really bothering you, huh? Oh, yeah. Doesn't that look in there? There's nearly lunchtime here. Give me a hand here and kind of hit me back to my apartment, will you? Yeah, yeah, I'll do that. Well, Kingfish, I guess you just ain't the romantic type like Fernando with. Yeah, no offense to me trying to please Sapphire. Yeah, Sapphire, I'm gonna have to go through layers getting a romance out of magazines, like forbidden romances. But in spite of that, I know she goes stick with me. Well, Kingfish, then you convince Sapphire that she ain't looking for Norhernando like the Gallo and the cruise ship, is that it? No, and when you get to be Sapphire's age, your poop deck dance is over, boy. [MUSIC PLAYING] Down? Well, won't you sit down, Mr. Jackson? Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't get that sample copy of your magazine. Well, that's funny. I slid it under your door yesterday. Well, but no matter. Well, Mr. Jackson, I don't think I'd be interested in a magazine like forbidden romances. After all-- Well, Mrs. Stevens, I would appreciate you listening to me. I have a wife and two children. Oh, I see. Mrs. Stevens, it's a wonderful magazine. I just can't throw you highly enough on our magazine for forbidden romances. And with our introductory offer, you're getting this wonderful magazine for the entire year for only $2.00 and a half. Mrs. Stevens, I tell you you can't. Oh, thank you. And if you're helping me out the back way here, yeah, he's back just as easy than the front way. Yeah, just to get through the kitchen here. All right, so that's what you pass up this wonderful-- Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Turn like sapphire talking to somebody in the living room. Yeah, it sounds like a man's voice, too. Yeah, I'll try to do one, see who it is. Probably just a bill collector. But how can you turn me down? Think of what I'm offering you. Love, romance, adventure. [LAUGHTER] If that's a bill collector, her and endo must be working for the gas company. [LAUGHTER] Hey, hey, listen to this love talk you give it in. Well, it does sound interesting. My dear lady, you look like a woman who wants to rise above the humdrum. Think what I'm offering you. A chance to fail into the blues. A chance to rise into the clouds. A chance to fly far above the commonplace. Sounds like you're trying to talk her into the way they had played. [LAUGHTER] Dad, you'll make it sound interesting. Listen to it, and they can't only feed a barrel. Look at it. [LAUGHTER] Lady, I implore you. Don't turn down this wonderful opportunity. A chance to follow in the footsteps of the young in heart. A chance to tread the pathways of happiness. Now it's time I get you on the cell for a walk in the park. [LAUGHTER] Well, you're very, very persuasive. But let me think it over. Why don't you come back tomorrow? Well, very well, Mrs. Stephen. But I know what your answer is going to be. Pretty sure of itself, ain't it? [LAUGHTER] That does it, Anna. That does it. I was leaving that woman for good. Yeah, but she didn't say she was going to have a scondrel off with him. Well, I don't care, Andy. My own wife, sitting there, listening to a lot of much talk like that. We are two, Andy. She was looking for romance after all. Oh, but King Pichu. Nothing's doing, Andy. Nothing's doing. I've leaving that woman and taking my slip disc with me. [MUSIC PLAYING] Well, King Pichu's been two weeks since you left, Sapphire. Yeah, I know what, Anna. Ain't you never going back to her? No, Sander? No, Sire is nice. I'm never going back to that woman. Let her find romance, if you want her. That's why I was going in here to see our country, J. Calhoun. I don't change my will, or I don't change it. I don't cut her off all together. Yeah, you're going to un-benefish it again, huh? Hey, come on, let's get on in here. OK. Hello, Calhoun. Hello, Calhoun. Hey, Calhoun, is your business? Is our business? How could you come in here and ask me, is our business? [LAUGHTER] A man who has thought out about the biggest business man in this city. A man who is consulted by some of the biggest political leaders in this community. A man who's influential friends, number and a hundred. Well, without him connections, you'd think I'd be doing something. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, well, Calhoun, the king face want to see you about something important here. What's up, king face? Well, now, Calhoun, I'm going to lay it right before you here, boy. Calhoun, listen to this. Yes. I have done left my way. And well, I have got some worldly possessions and what I want new wills. You're not change my will and leave everything to myself. [LAUGHTER] Well, now, that can be a rain. Good. So you don't left sapphire, huh? Yeah. Look, don't you miss her after 22 years? Yeah, well, to tell you the true virus has been put alone some in the past few weeks. I just got to get out doing, make some new friends and get some new rituals. That's what I got to do. Well, for a bell like you, king face, the best way to make new friends is to want them to get a credit club. Yeah. Yeah, you don't hit on something there. Get a credit club. Does you know any good ones, Calhoun? Well, yeah. There's a very high-time club that's run by a missing with a phone dike. It's over on the parkway. Oh, yeah. I don't hear about that one. It's real high-class. Yeah, you got to be interviewed and everything. Yeah. That's what I going to do. I going over to that phone dike, get a credit club. I'll make a new life for myself. Yeah, that's a thing to do. All right, king face. You know, Calhoun, you was lucky. Never getting into these domestic squabbles. How come you never got married? Yeah, Calhoun. Don't you never have no Calhoun, nothing. Oh, yeah, boys. I had a good one. That is years ago. Yeah, the good. Oh, I tell you, boys. I was at the ground. You walked on. I was at the air she breathed. I was at the very sun that sewed down on her. Well, then how come you never married her? I couldn't stand her. I couldn't stand her. Well, fast-iron, it's been two weeks since he walked out on you. Oh, mama, why would he have done a thing like this? Hmm. We could have known something was going on the way he was acting. Bring in your flowers. Yeah, dammit. I should have known someone's into will. What do you mean, mama? Well, I never told you this, but now that's how it started with your father. He came home from the armies one night and kissed me for the first time in 20 years. Next morning, when I went out to start the car, the motor blew up. Oh, mama, why am I going to? Well, daughter, you just can't sit around here and mope. You have got to make new friends and new companions. I've been thinking it over, daughter. Very serious. You is going to enroll in the Sunday get acquainted club. But by the way, mama, I can't do nothing like that. Oh, yes, you can, daughter. Well, I think we'll both go down there and enroll. It'll be a wonderful thing for you, daughter. You've been married to old Baldy for 22 years. You've had his high time. You've met some human beings. Well, Andy, this is the get acquainted club. They say the way here Mr. Sondag will interview him in a minute. Nice of you to come down here and give me the mortal support. Oh, don't mention this thing. Just don't mention it. Oh, here comes somebody. Well, how do you do? I'm Mr. Sondag. You wish to see me about joining our get acquainted club. Well, just this other gentleman here. I don't need no club. Most of my getting acquainted in front of the drugstore. Yes, I was the one that would like to get acquainted. No, I understand. You mean a member of the opposite fact? Well, yes, we... You see, I want to get acquainted, but then I don't. I mean, that is, I feel... Well, Mr. Stevens, ours is a social club. It's our practice to introduce people with compatible interests. For instance, we might start off by introducing you to some of our male members. Men who have the same cultural case and ideals as you have. Well, now, wait a minute, Mr. You got him wrong. He didn't come down here to meet no problems. Don't pay attention to my friend here, must I? Well, we'll be glad to help you. But first, you'll have to be thoroughly interviewed before you can qualify as a member. That does, huh? Yes. Well, for instance, if a new member is interested in married, he must be interviewed by our psychiatrist. And after several days of intense study, we picked from among our members, one whom we think would be socially, mentally, and psychologically suited to the new members. In other words, one who is exactly their type. This is tough, and when I try to get my dog in the killer club... Well, I tell you, I ain't interested in marriage, but I would like to meet someone who is the perfect type for me just to see what life might have been with the right girl. Well, now, to save any future embarrassment, when we introduce members of our club, we always make it a practice for them to conceal themselves under a pseudonym. Well, I ain't got one of them, but I can hold my head over my face. No, no, no. What I mean is we have our members use different names. Now, is there any particular name you would like to be known under here at the club? Oh, name? Yeah, here at the club you can just call me Fernando. Fernando. How do you do? I'm Mrs. Fonday. How do you do? You want to see me about joining? I get acquainted clothes. Yes, I came down here with my mother. I'd like to meet... That is, I... Well, you see, the thing is, I... I understand very well, Mrs. Stevens. Well, I'm not interested in marriage, but I would like to make some new friends and meet somebody who has the same interests I have. Well, before we introduce you here at the club, we make positive it will be the right person. You'd both be subjected to tests and physicalogical interviews. In other words, we bring together two people who would be ideally suited. Oh, yes. Well, it would be interesting to meet somebody who is just the right type for me. Well, we'll talk about that at our next interview. By the way, on the way out, would you send the next person in, please? Well, boys, how does it look? Oh, boy, you look great, King Feig. King Feig, is you going through with this crazy thing? Is you really going to meet this, get acquainted, gale as even? Certainly, I was able. How far me was mismeted. Now, the club has scientifically picked up the person who would have been perfect made for me. This person not going to meet us had all kinds of tests, too. We as the kind of would be ideally suited for each other. Yeah, there ain't no harm on just meeting the person. You say you're going to meet her in the park, huh? Yes, there will be a clock tonight. You're going to be looking for me under the name of Hernando. And I was going to be looking for her under the name of Juliet. Well, almost seven o'clock. Juliet ought to be here any minute. Juliet, where is you at? There's I going to meet the person who is idealistic to me. Wait a minute. Here comes somebody. Oh, I better, Juliet. Juliet, here I am. Come to me, that's you, Juliet. Yes, yes, and then. Ah, God, David! Mama, oh, no, David, what's wrong? Be sure to be with us again next week at the same time, when we will again present Radio's all-time favorite, Abras and Andes. This is Wendell Niles saying, "Good night to all of you, from all of us." It's time for today's Lucky Land Horoscope with Victoria Cash. Life's gotten mundane, so shake up the daily routine and be adventurous with a trip to Lucky Land. You know what they say. Your chance to win starts with a spin, so go to luckylandslots.com to play over a hundred social casino style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Get lucky today at luckylandslots.com. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void were prohibited by law 18 plus terms of condition supply. Hey there, it's Solomon from Solgood Media. A lot of our listeners have asked how to get ad-free access to our podcasts. You asked and we answered. We're offering an exclusive one-month free trial to our ad-free streaming platform, packed with over 500 audiobooks, meditation sounds, and engaging podcasts. No strings attached, just pure listening pleasure. Sign up today at solgoodmedia.com and dive into a world of stories and sounds that inspire and relax. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. It's your gateway to unlimited audio enjoyment. That's solgoodmedia.com. S-O-L-G-O-O-D-M-E-D-I-A.com. Check it out, we hope to see you over there.