Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Annual Lodge Hall Picnic
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- Duration:
- 30m
- Broadcast on:
- 27 Jun 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
America. We are endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. By honoring your sacred vocation of nursing, you impact your family, your friends, and your community. At Grand Canyon University, our online RN to BSN, MSN, or DNP degree programs allow you to balance online coursework with local in-person clinical, practicum, or immersion hours. Find your purpose at GCU. Private Christian affordable visit gcu.edu. Hey there, listeners. Are you ready to unlock a world of captivating stories, soothing sounds, and enlightening lectures? At Sahl Good Media, we believe in the power of audio to enrich your life, and now we're offering you a chance to experience it all for free. For a limited time, you can get a one-month free trial to our premium, ad-free service. Imagine having unlimited access to over 500 audiobooks, meditative sounds, and exclusive shows, all at your fingertips. Just head over to sahlgoodmedia.com and sign up to start your free trial today. No ads, no interruptions just pure, immersive audio content. Don't miss out. Transform your listening experience with Sahl Good Media. Visit sahlgoodmedia.com and start your free trial now. We can't wait for you to join our audio community. Happy listening. Annie, you know what that music's saying? Yes, sir, Amos, that music's a good health to all from Rexall. The Amos and Andy show, with Ernestine Wade, Lou Lubin, Johnny Lee, John Brown, Will Wright, Leo Cleary, Jeff Alexander's music, and radio's all time favorites, Amos and Andy. How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? This is Amos, but when I change my voice from Amos to my own natural voice, my name is Freeman Gosden. My partner Charlie Carell and I want to thank you for the many wonderful letters you've sent us, telling us how you've gotten acquainted with your Rexall family drugists in your town or neighborhood. We are very grateful that you've done this and we hope that you'll continue to do your shopping in a Rexall drug store. And the reason we feel that way is because we know that you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Well, everything is peaceful in the home of George Kingface Stevens. His mother-in-law and brother-in-law have moved out and it looks like a nice quiet spring. He's just settled back in his easy chair and his wife Sapphire has just entered, wearing a printed blouse and a wide sweeping peasant skirt and twirls around the living room. Holy mackerel, what was that? I was saying George. Oh, I thought the cat fell into the bendix again. Don't you knock my thing in you nincompoop? Well, ain't you gonna say nothing about my new dress? Oh, yeah, I've been looking at it but I've been trying to think of something to say that won't jeopardize my front teeth. George, this happens to be a pestle dress, the kind of gypsies won't. Well, if the gypsies wore them things, no wonder they had to keep moving. What y'all dressed up like that for anyway? George, this Saturday is the day of the annual picnic for the large members and the women's auxiliary. Oh, they told me in festivals is coming around again. What a clam bake that was last year. Oh, it wasn't so bad, George. We had a lot of fun playing games. Yeah, I remember young with a Jackson won the 100-yard dash. I never see the gal run that fast in my life. You know, it wasn't until later that we found out it and it was chasing us. I thought after last year they didn't call off future hostilities, but that thing. Oh, of course not, George. It's all set for this Saturday. This Saturday? Well, uh, well, we're gonna get the money. Why from the large hall picnic fund? Picnic fund. Well, yes, George. Last January, the members collected 380 dollars. You took it down and put it in the bank. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I did put it in there, didn't I? The members are really looking forward to it. And it's wonderful knowing we got that 380 dollars down there in the bank. Why, George, just think what it would be like if we didn't have the money there. Yeah, that's exactly what I think about it. Oh, come on in the office, brother, isn't it? Good morning, King, please. I've been out shopping. I'm getting all set for the picnic on Saturday. Yeah, what you got there in the box on the arm? Got a pair of track shoes. I'm getting a flying start on that winter Jackson this year. Well, isn't that about the picnic? There's something that I think of. Boy, you know, I'm really looking forward to that picnic. The baseball game, the gals, the Bayon Beach. Oh, I tell you, Kingfish, between swimming, sliding, and smooching, I'm gonna have a busy day, believe me. I suppose you got everything all laid out for the picnic. Well, it all depends on what you mean by laid out. If you use it in the funeral sense, I think you hit it on your head. [audience laughter] What is you talking about, Kingfish? I don't like to look on your fizzy mugma me. Sit down, my lifelong friend. My understanding old pal, dear friend, who realizes that in every man, along with the noble and good and the pure, there's also a generous helping of dirty dog. [audience laughter] Kingfish, you don't spent that picnic morning. No, no, no, no, no, no, wait a minute now. Last January, I done hit the money in a good, safe place. Oh, well, that's different. Ha, ha, ha, ha, just get it out. Yeah, but ha, ha, ha, I don't remember where I hit it, don't you? [audience laughter] Now, listen, Kingfish, I is inclined to believe you, but on the base of your past record, I don't think the brothers will. Now, what in the world are you gonna do? They're gonna fracture you, Kingfish. Well, I was thinking of using the money from the insurance fund for the picnic fund, but I don't already use the money from the insurance fund to replace the money and the welfare fund that I used to make up the deficit and the health fund. [audience laughter] Well, why don't you fall back on the sinking fund? [audience laughter] Well, I've been drawing on that, isn't it? [audience laughter] I'm gonna come to falling back on 36 cents. That don't give you much of a cushion, you know. [audience laughter] Yeah, you know the thing this lodge needs is less funds and more money? [audience laughter] Kingfish, you ought to be able to remember where you put that $380. After all, it was only six months ago. Now, look, I was a married man, and after you've been hit on the head as many times as I has, you have trouble remembering what you had for breakfast, boy. [audience laughter] Well, listen, Kingfish, I'm gonna tell you something. Use in big trouble, 'cause them brothers ain't gonna stand still for this losing the money story. And you don't think they're gonna resort to violence to, does you? Well, I don't know. They kind of got it in for you. Special after that little incident over the burial fund last year. After all, lower and brother Simpson into the ground, and that moth-proof bag didn't set too well for some of them. [audience laughter] See, hold it, Mackerel, Andy, what do you think they'll do? Well, I'll tell you, to put it blunt, Kingfish. Unless you come up with that money by Saturday, you're gonna be just as moth-proof as brother Simpson. [audience laughter] No, me. It's 2.30 in the morning. I'll come out on the couch here to get some sleep. I can't do it, them brothers will kill me. Oh, where did I hide that money? Where did I hide it? George! Who, Dad? [audience laughter] Me, George, your conscience. Oh, for a minute, yeah, I think it was brother Simpson coming back to complain about the moth-proof bag. [audience laughter] What do you want, conscience? George, I know where you hid that money. Oh, well, fine, tell me where it is, and nothing like having a conscience that's got a nose for money. New, George, I'm not telling you. What do you mean here, tell him it? What is your wise guy? I'll report you to the conscience union, you know why. George, as your conscience, I know of all the bad experiences you've had in handling other people's money in the past. If I were to tell you where this money is, the same thing will happen all over again. Oh, no, now look, conscience, just look. If you just tell me where that money is, I promise you that I'll do the right thing this time. I won't try to jip or chisel with it or nothing. I'll give you my word as a gentleman. What? Well, I'll give you my word. George, you know that loose board under your desk? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's where I put the $380 in that coffee can under the loose board. Oh, thank you, conscience. You sweet darling boy, I'll never forget you for this. All right, George, and do the right thing. Remember, you promise? Well, let me get a pencil here and figure out how I can put on a $380 picnic for around 50 bucks. Kingfish, you is in the driver's seat now, boy. Good evening, this is your Rexall family drugist, with a welcome from the 10,000 independent drugists who have made the word Rexall part of our own store names. We've done that because we recommend and sell the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company, like Rexall Planemons, for example. Planemons are the easy to take capsules that give you 10 different vitamins, including vitamin B12, plus the nutritional extras of liver concentrate and iron. Get more complete vitamin protection with Planemons, P-L-E-N-A-M-I-N-S, Planemons. You'll find them at Rexall drug stores everywhere. [Music] Well, come on in the office, and lock the door there. Yeah, okay, Kingfish. Say, you say you think there's a way we can swing this picnic and end up with an abnormal profit for ourselves, huh? Yes, and you get a piece of paper down there, and we'll write down the fixed expenses, and we'll start shaving them from there. Yeah, okay, I got it all set. We've got to net some more to this now. Now, the committee is set on going to Oceanside Park again this year. Now, there's a rental fee for the use of the park and the facilities of $150. Yeah, use of park, $150. Now, there's something that we can't dibble-dabble with, you see. Now, come to food and refreshments, here where we chisel here. Yes, that sounds like dibblin' stuff, all right. Yeah. Now, last year, we spent 75 bucks for hot dogs, but I figured this year that we can cut that down to the bone. Now, you see, Andrew, I'll put you behind the hot dog counter. Now, when you serve a brother hot dog, as you reach us for the mustard stick with your right hand, you palms the hot dog out of the roll with your left hand. Yeah, but the brother's gonna know if he's eating a hot dog or not, any? No, no, and that's where the mustard comes in. You see, we loads it with horseradish, and between the mustard and the horseradish, his gums are gonna be so numb, he ain't gonna know what doesn't happen to him. In other words, we're gonna be able to serve 200 people with one hot dog. Well, we better take two in case the first one gets tattered or something like that. And now the next thing that comes to is the sour coat. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. I ain't gonna palm none of that, I'll tell you that much. No, no, you don't have palm no sour coat. We're gonna follow the same principle we've done with the mustard. We're gonna load the stuff in our favor, you see. In other words, we're gonna have more sour than we does croak. That's why that works. Yeah, well, that's your case of that, all right. Now, what about the lemonade? Now, listen, and about the time they get through fighting the mustard and the sour coat, they ain't gonna be in no shape to bring no lemonade. Yeah, you know the way this thing is going here, we could turn a nice, tidy profit on the side there with a bicarbonate concession. Ah, but the only sizable food item we got left here is the cost of the rolls. And I got that cover too. I know where we'll buy some weak old rolls, a two cents a dozen, and we'll soak them in water the night before you see. Yeah, yeah, and we could throw in a quarter of a pound of hamburger in the water, give them that meaty flavor. Oh, I've been thinking here from a total food last year of $102. We just managed to cut it down to $18.60, and most of that is for horseradish, you see that? Yeah, but we still got this item here of $150 rental for the use of Oceanside Park. Yeah, we ain't gonna make no real profit unless we can save them some of that off, is we? And that's the rock bottom rate, because we've been going out there for the past three years. Yeah, if that was just some way that we could... Well, short of the barber, what you doing over here? Come on, sir, I'm going to tell you that I just want you to know that I'm here, let you know that I can't stay long either. Listen here, now you're interrupting us here. We're figuring out the festivities for the picnic Saturday. Oh, the picnic, huh? See, I'm looking forward to that. We're going to Oceanside Park again this year. Oh, yeah, we're thinking about it, but it has that rental of $150 we got to pay. They got their nerve charging that much, you know? Think of the free picnic rounds around it, you can have picnics on. Yeah, well, I don't think, uh, I don't think, uh, free picnic rounds. And there's you thinking what I think of you? Yeah, kingfish, and I think this is better than the sauerkraut, too. Why is it much up, fella? Surely you don't give us an idea, but you don't know that you don't give us an idea. I'm always doing things like that. Well, I've got to just learn them long. Well, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is your going to the picnic this year, Shorty? Well, I don't know. You see, I had quite an experience on the picnic last year. I took my fiancé and my best friend, and after we were there for a while, my friend said to me, "Shaudy, why don't you get us all some hotdogs?" So I left and went for the hotdogs. You know, when I come back with the free hotdogs in my hand, there was my best friend, kissing, and smooching with my fiancé. Oh, then, Michael, what a suggestion. Yeah, a boy was Ironman. I decided right there and there to teach them a lesson was out for all. Yeah, what did you do? What did I do? I took my fist and I buttoned. I hold off and I slapped, uh, I grabbed that fella by the collar, I'm not scared, I punch, I hit, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Sleepy Valley, and it's up to Hudson around West Point. Sleepy Valley? Yeah, Sleepy Valley. Yeah, I felt like the pool hall told me about it. And it just will make a total of $250 we'll make profit. Yeah. You know, we ought to hold this annual picnic six or seven times a year. Oh, boy, this is great. And nobody knows what's going on. I do, George. Now, wait a minute, Constance. I'm going to start buttoning now. You ain't getting no cut out of this. This is my deal. Go get your own racket if you want something. George, you promised you do right with this money. You promised, you promised. You can't go back on your word. I tell you, you can't, you can't. Oh, shut up. Out of all the consciences in the world, I got to get one that thinks he spends the tracing. [LAUGHTER] George, if you don't hold that picnic at Ocean Side Park, you're going to regret it. Now, listen, the picnic goes on at Sleepy Valley. And if you start barreling me on that picnic, I'm going to eat some of that sauerkraut and make you sick as a dog. [LAUGHTER] Huh. How you like that conscience barreling me? The picnic goes on at Sleepy Valley, and my troubles is over. [MUSIC PLAYING] You sent for me, Colonel Morgan? Yes, Captain, with the defense program stepping up activities here at West Point, we decided to open up that new small arms and mortar range. Very well, sir. Yes, starting Saturday morning, all small arms and mortar practice will be confined to our new range, Sleepy Valley. Yes, sir. I plan on having my platoon fire for record at 1130 Saturday morning. [MUSIC PLAYING] And now here's your Rexall family driver's. Whenever you need to buy aspirin, remember, there's no faster acting aspirin made than Rexall aspirin. Well, but exactly what do you mean by fast acting? I mean, how quickly the aspirin in the tablet is liberated, so to speak. So it's free to do its job. You see, it's bound with an ingredient that will quickly disintegrate and break up the tablet. And then the aspirin can go to work. Exactly. That's why Rexall scientists developed a binding ingredient so low in moisture content. It begins to break up the very second it touches water. This means that when swallowed with water, the five full grains of pure aspirin in every Rexall tablet are ready to go to work for you even before they reach your stomach. Well, no wonder you say there's no faster acting aspirin made. And no wonder 10,000 family drugists tell you that you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Yeah, well, great picnic in it, brother. Oh, yeah, yeah, go and find Kingfist. This sleepy valley is the best place we don't ever have. Yeah. Funny, though, when we come in here, we had a crawl under that barbed wire. Yeah, man, with all them keepouts, and it'd make it more private, you see. How you coming with the hot dog concession here, isn't it? Well, I served 18 people already, and I ain't used the second hot dog yet. Hey, what else there? Just looking at that dog down the grill. Looked like a tour in one or two spots there. Yeah, well, that happened with Mrs. Van Pore. She got them protruding teeth, and I didn't palm the dog fast enough. [LAUGHTER] By the time I got it back on the grill, I had the prior pivot tooth out of it. Well, listen, then, I broke down to last minute and brought three dozen hot dog molds. We got about 200 people here. You better start slipping a hot dog in every third one. Yeah, OK, OK. Well, then, it's around 11 o'clock. Going to wander around and see everybody doing it. I'll see you later then, bro. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [INTERPOSING VOICES] Well, well, well, well, well, the best ball game going nice and everybody happy. Yeah, Kingfins, Kingfins, I want to have some words with you. Oh, Calhoun, what's the trouble, boy? Well, I want to raise the complaints about the conduct that is your picnic. No. On behalf of a committee of the brothers, I want to, by the way, Kingfins, is you got an eye dying. Eye dying, what do you want with eye dying? Well, when we call through the barbed wire coming in here, where I was high, the wire was low. [LAUGHTER] Well, now, wait a minute, Calhoun, what complaints have you got on behalf of the brothers you started doing? I've got them all written up here in the legal fashion. One, hot dogs. It is a leg that, instead of hot dogs, mustard and horseradish is being served. And it is my contention that said mustard is a violation of the pure food and drug act. And the aforementioned hot ratchet and horseradish is against the best interest of the brothers' gallbladder. [LAUGHTER] Well, that's over, and took care of Calhoun. We're putting hot dogs in the hot dogs now. Two lemonade. This alleged beverage is being-- after being analyzed was not only found to be limitless, but it contained several foreign objects to win. Four bobby pins, a tea strainer, a golf ball, and an unidentified toupee. I tell you Kingfish, somebody's brother had all the time drinking that stuff. [LAUGHTER] Well, there's little things like that that make a picnic a picnic, Calhoun. Item number three. It is further alleged by several of the brothers-- Hey, Kingfish, Kingfish. Come here. OK, and I want to show you something over here. Come here. And furthermore, it has been held, and as a whole affair, it's mishandled and misrepresented in a shameful fashion. And Kingfish, it is further maintained that you-- you-- oh, that's funny. It's I've been talking to this tree all this time. [MUSIC PLAYING] And why don't you drag a knee away from the picnic way over here for Kingfish. I done stumbled across something on the other side of this hill here that made my blood turn cold. I want you to get a look at it and see if it puts any frost on your ocraze. Well, here we are, Kingfish. Look at that sign. Hmm. Oh, R-N-G-E. Range number four. And what'd you bring me over here for this for? This sign just means that this is a cattle range here. Yeah, but look at the word in front of range. I is here to have Aberdeen Angus and the Guernsey and the Airford, but I am never here to know a cow's name, Howitzer, before. [LAUGHTER] Howitzer? Well, that's probably one of them little old breeds of cows that can roll out in reds, you know what I'm doing. Listen, Kingfish, I don't like the looks of this thing. Read that whole sign there. 75mm Howitzer range. Well, that means that there are 75 Howitzer cows on the range. That's all this to this. Yeah, but what did the M-M mean? Well, that's probably a cattle term, isn't it? It means some as movers and some as milkers, that's it. [LAUGHTER] I don't know why you dragged me away from depicting it for a career, this thing like this. Well, listen, Kingfish. Forgetting the milkers and the movers and Horowitz cows. [LAUGHTER] Planes up most of me here. It's plain to me what them four great big signs on top of the hill there is. Oh, well. Oh, I love that. Oh, you mean those with the white background and the big red circles inside each other? Yeah. There's billboards. [LAUGHTER] Probably an ad for life savers. Andy, you know the cherry kind. [LAUGHTER] That's funny. The sun is as bright as everything, and I've got a school I hear at Sunday. [LAUGHTER] That thunder show got a mean whip to it. [LAUGHTER] And I was just looking at the billboards. [LAUGHTER] One of them is gone. [LAUGHTER] Kingfish, I got a sneak in suspicion of them cattle as carrion guns. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, now the thing to do is let's be calm, man. That's-- John, John's sat and terrible and has been back in the picnic grounds. Somebody is shooting at us. George, what kind of place does this you bring us to? Well, now listen, Saf, I just ain't no time to ask questions. Round up everybody and let's go back to the bushes. Oh, John, this is terrible. Let's get all of here. [CHEERING] Wait for me now, wait a minute. Just as hunting season, I don't want to end up on nobody's living room wall. [MUSIC PLAYING] [CHEERING] [INTERPOSING VOICES] Wait a minute. Hey, now listen, fellas, quiet down. Please, won't you? Everybody is all right. Now listen, the Kingfish has done went to speak to the man from the army. Well, we wants to get hold of him. He got in jeopardy. Yeah, we'll fix that chisel. Well, now look, let's all get back to the buses, and we can settle this thing when we get back to New York. I know you're mad at the Kingfish, but say, wait a minute. Here he comes, now here's the Kingfish. Oh, wait a minute, now boys, now calm down, boys. Calm down, everybody. This is one of them unfortunate mistakes. But I was happy to tell you, loving brothers, that I was going to refund everybody their money they paid in. Even though I was losing money, everybody gives every nickel back. Well, that's definitely-- All right, now everybody back to the buses. Everybody going to get every nickel back now, boys. [INTERPOSING VOICES] Oh, me. What a day this has been. Oh, George. Oh, conscience. Well, George, you got in a lot of trouble, but I must say you redeemed yourself wonderful, giving everybody back their money. Well, conscience, I realized my mistake, and it was the only thing I could do. I lost money on the deal, but it was the only thing I could do for my dear friend. Yes, George. Don't you feel much happier this way? Yes, conscience, I never been happier in my whole life. [MUSIC PLAYING] Why, Captain Morgan, this is terrible. You mean to say that we're people on our target range and we were firing into them? Yes, Colonel, it was a terrible shock to me when this fellow Stevens ran up to me and told me. We ceased firing immediately. Well, thank heavens, no one was hurt. Was there any loss of life? Well, no human life. But this fellow Stevens is an old farmer. He told me our motor shells killed 12 of his prize capital, and the army has settled this case on the spot for $700 tight. [MUSIC PLAYING] Again, here's your recsall family drug. If you're looking for a way to save money on drugstore needs by MI31, Rexall's triple action mouthwash, gargle, and breath deodorant. MI31 is tangy, amber-colored, refreshing. And when used full strength, kills contacted germs in seconds. What's more, Rexall gives you a full pint of this all-purpose antiseptic at the same price as other leading brands of smaller quantity. Ask for MI31 at Rexall drugstores everywhere. And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, to visit your friendly Rexall drugstore. Good night. See you next Sunday. [MUSIC PLAYING] Attention men. All this month, Rexall drugists everywhere are offering the regular 50 cent jumbo-sized tube of Stag brushless shave cream for only $0.25. Yes, exactly half price. Don't miss this money-saving chance to get acquainted with Stag brushless shave cream. Remember, all this month at Rexall drugstores everywhere, the regular 50 cent jumbo-sized tube of Stag brushless shave cream for only $0.25. Exactly half price. [MUSIC PLAYING] The Amazon anti-show is written by Joe Connolly, Bob Moser, and Bob Ross. This is Ken Niles speaking. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC PLAYING] Hey there. It's Solomon from Solgood Media. A lot of our listeners have asked how to get ad-free access to our podcast. You asked, and we answered. 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