Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - De Piester s Party
https://www.solgoodmedia.com - Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! Join us every day for Amos n Andy Daily, where we revisit the humor and social satire that made Amos 'n' Andy a staple of American entertainment. Each episode offers a unique glimpse into the lives of the show’s beloved characters, from the comedic escapades of Amos Jones and Andy Brown to the bustling community of Harlem. Ideal for listeners seeking a blend of laughter and a snapshot of historical societal commentary through timeless radio comedy
- Duration:
- 30m
- Broadcast on:
- 25 Jun 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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Call, click Granger dot com or just out by Granger for the ones who get it done. And you know what that music see? Yes, Amos, that music say good health to all from Rexall. The Amos and Andy Schull, written by Joe Connolly, Bob Mosher and Bob Ross, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Werner Felton, Leo Clery, Willwright, Byron Cain, Jeff Alexander's music, yours, Julie Harlow Wilcox and starring Radios, all time favorites, Freeman Gosden and Charles Carell, Amos and Andy. How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? This is Amos. You know the Rexall people make some very fine products. And one of them is a vitamin product called plenemons. We've tried plenemons ourselves and that's why we can honestly and wholeheartedly recommend them to all of our friends. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to vitamins, you just can't beat plenemons. And when it comes to all fine drugs, we know you just can't beat the name Rexall. And like all drugs that bear the name Rexall, we are very happy to recommend this fine vitamin product, plenemons, try them, won't you? They're at every Rexall drugstore. Well, like all women, the Kingfisher's mother-in-law is anxious for her daughter and son-in-law to get in the social swim and meet the right people. So naturally, there was quite some excitement around the Kingfisher's apartment when an engraved invitation came in the morning mail, an invitation for a formal affair given by the social leaders, the J. Worthington D. Peister's. Oh, Sapphire, ain't this wonderful? All you just have to go. Why, Mrs. D. Peister is head of our junior league. I don't care if she's the head of the National League, we ain't going. I put my feasts down. Oh, we'll just have to go. The D. Peister's is real blue blood. I don't care if they bleeds in technically color, we ain't going. Time, I really puts my feasts down. Mr. D. Peister is worth over $200,000. I just picked my feasts up. When is we attending this lovely affair? This Thursday, now, daughter, I want you to have a complete new outfit. I want you to be like I was. While I'm a formal affair, when I walked in, people turned the heads. Yeah, right to the wall. What did you say? I say, uh, you got to get something that's right for fall. Me and my, uh, Sapphire need new clothes. Yeah, what about me? That old tuxedo mine is really straighten it to see him. The last affair I wanted to make the mistake of laughing at one of the jokes. I laughed once and that tuxedo ripped right up the back. Yeah, I tell you, if that joke had been any funny, I would have been arrested. Georgia, man, don't need a lot, lot of new clothes. I know this old goat, he wants to get dolled up so the young girls will make googoo eyes in. There's a woman for you. Fellas wave is always spending money on expensive clothes, jewelry, furs, imported perfume, and nobody says a word about it. But let a man go out and have his shoes hair through and she accused him of having another woman. George, I think I'll get a nice tapper to eat in town. I love them big white skirts that has a rustle to them. Yeah, well, I ain't squandering no money. If rustling is all you was worrying about, you can wear your old evening dress and put some paper bags underneath. Now, listen here, you old skin flint. My daughter is going to disaffirm looking right. Mama's right, George, and you better do something about this. You understand? And you better do it quick, you old bald-headed tightwad. I'll help you with something to get you. For the pair, no matter what happens, I know nothing ain't going to scare me to Halloween. This Bondton show is a high-class department store, Kingfish. You say we come down here to buy an evening dress with sapphire, huh? Oh, yes, and, like I say, her and the old lady jumped all over me. So I draw 30 bucks out the bank and I'm not going to break down by a nice evening gown. 'Cause I don't know whether it's throwing money down the drain or not. Trying to shake up sapphires like putting a hat on a goat. Well, at least you'll be stepping up with high-class people's like the devices. Say, you know, it smells nice in this store. Oh, that's from the perfume count over there, isn't it? I ain't smell nothing this sweet since down on the farm when we used to smoke hog lovers. Well, I want to get sapphire a nice evening dress. Just look like one of the women's departments who disarched me here. Yeah, yeah, I got a sign over the door there. M-A-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y, maternity shop. Well, yeah, maternity shop. This is the place where your buyers dressed as for older women. They shop shy after women has reached their maternity, that's what you say. Well, they show got a lot of dresses on the racks, you ain't they? Look at that. Yeah, look at here, well, well, hey, here's the size right here, 36. Yeah, I'll take this one off the rack and hoot it up. Mm-hmm, this is the biggest 36, I don't ever see it. Yeah, that's something all right. Yeah, look at the way it's made here. You know, Kingfish, they must get some old ladies in here built like avocados, you know what I mean? Yeah, you lookin' thing in it and we ain't gonna come to see those ladies here. How do you do? Something I can do for you? Oh, yes ma'am, yes ma'am, uh, I'd like to buy a dress on my way for this is her size right here. Oh, very well. And just when is the big event? Uh, tomorrow, 90, 30, 'til 12. 30 'til 12. Yeah, we just found out about it yesterday. I didn't know about it myself 'til I got an announcement in the mail, you know. You're the woman's husband and you are notified of it by mail? Oh, yes ma'am. I guess you and your wife aren't the Gabby's sword. Now, uh, I think this one will do right here. Well, really, I think it's a little late to be buying a dress like this. After all, uh, well, your wife won't want to be wearing it in the hospital. Oh, no, no, lady, this ain't gonna be in no hospital. Oh, no, this is gonna be in the YMCA gym. There's decorating for the occasion, you see. Excuse me, but could I speak you a moment alone? Certainly, yes ma'am, welcome. Hey, whisperin' over there in the corner. Why would I talk about it? Well, here come the kingfish bag. What'd she say, kingfish? Never mind, Andrew, but I tell you one thing. Dumb birds and bees sure come a long way since I went to school. Well, kingfish, that wasn't a bad evening dress. We got sapphire once, we found the right department. Yeah, well, I went overboard and spent 1995 for it. I think I got something she gonna like to. Yeah, ain't a bad dress, but tell me this, is you show the women's is wearing those mutton sleeves anymore? Oh, sure, and I told them to wrap it real pretty in the box and everything. The sales girls say we can pick up the dress at the wheel call desk. Yeah, well, we, well, here we is, the wheel call desk, right? Yeah, well, here's how far I've just already wrapped up here. Wait a minute, wait, don't you think you're the weight of somebody comes and tells us that this is the right package? Oh, certainly it's the right box. Yeah, but kingfish. Oh, come on, and I won't get my tuxedo over to the cleaners. See if they can do something about ungreening the lapels on it. Lieutenant Wilson speaking. Oh, Lieutenant, this is Mr. Parker, manager of the Bonneton department store. I want to report a robbery. A robbery? Yes, an expensive dress, a gold lame. It happened 15 minutes ago. The thief took it from the wheel call desk. It was a Paris original and cost over $400. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drug. Speaking to you for the 10,000 independent drugists who serve you and your families. We've made the word Rexall part of our own store names because we recommend and sell the 2000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company. Rexall MI31 is a good example. This tangy amber color antiseptic kills contacted germs in seconds when used full strength. Serves with equal effectiveness as a mouthwash, gargle, breath deodorant, and general household antiseptic. Ask for Rexall MI31 at Rexall drug stores everywhere. [MUSIC PLAYING] Well, let me get on into the house here. I hope that I find a mama like that $19 dress I took home this morning. Oh, darling, you're here. Oh, you wonderful, wonderful man. Oh, you sweet precious man. Oh, excuse me, ladies. I must be in the wrong apartment here, are you? [LAUGHTER] No, no, George. If us, we're so excited about this wonderful, wonderful goal I may even address you brought me. Yes, Joe, it's just too, too, too divine. Take it easy, mama. You're going to slip your plate again there. [LAUGHTER] Oh, George, I couldn't wait to try it on. How does it look, Joe? Well, now, stand back there and let me get a look at him. Look, a lot different than it did in the store. Wait a minute. I didn't realize it was that extreme. It's awful revealing. Oh, George, this is a French style. It's so French and so-- oh, so shushy, look them. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I think in three or four places that you would search in a little too much family. [LAUGHTER] Damn it. What happened to the mud and sleeves? What did the mud and sleeves have? Oh, George, this dress is so attractive, old sapphire. You must have paid up pretty petty for it. Yeah, but I tell you one thing. I expect more dress than that for $19. Wait a minute. Take that thing off. They don't give me the wrong dress. Not Joe. Oh, sir. He ain't no store gettin' away jippin' me like this. I'm going to take this hunk of junk back and get the dress I ordered. Oh, George, let me keep it here. Nothing doing it. Oh, but George, it's so chic. And that split skirt revealing a little knee. It's so stylish. Well, that's all right, but with them knock-knees, the sapphire she's showin' both knees through the same slit there. [LAUGHTER] Oh, Lieutenant Wilson, sit down. Thank you. I'm glad you got here. That gold lemme was one of the most valuable dresses in our collection. The customer who ordered is furious. Well, Mr. Parker, we've been after a gang of organized shoplifters for some time. This sounds like some of their work. I won't be surprised if they try it again. Oh, I hope we don't have any more trouble. Don't worry. I have a 15-man detail to spread around the store. I've got men planted at strategic spots. Well, that's fine, Lieutenant. Yes, and I have men on every exit. And if they show up here again, we'll have those cooks behind bars by nightfall. [MUSIC PLAYING] Well, come on in. I got the dress right here in this box. I'm going right to the manager's office. Yeah. I noticed a couple of police ones around the store. You know, it's nice. The shop in the store is well protected. Yeah, well, here's the manager's office. I'm not going to do here. [KNOCKING] Come in. Oh, how you doing, sir? You the manager? Oh, yes. May I help you? Listen, Mr. Your store done jipped my friend's here. Yeah, they jipped me on a dress. Well, I'm terribly sorry. You got your nerve, jipping a disruptable customer like this. Well, I hope you'll forgive us. We had quite an upset here today. We had an unfortunate robbery. Yeah, well, that's too bad. I hope you catch us the dirty cooks. But what we hear about it-- Hey, it happened this morning. The thief stole a gold lame dress right off the will call counter. Well, that's too bad. Off the will call. The will-- the will-- [LAUGHTER] To what off the will? Yes, they took this $400 dress right off the will call desk. Confidentially, the police are in the store right now trying to track them down. King Ginger, I give $1,000 to be home sick and bedridden pneumonia right now. The tenant says they have men in every nook and cranny of the store. Oh, but well, I can't let our troubles interfere with the service of the store. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about? Oh, nothing important, Missouri. Now, if you just excuse us, the three of us has got to be running along. The three of you? Yeah, me, my friend, and this empty box here. So long, Missouri. Oh, what is we going to do now, isn't it? Sounds we're going to get out of here. The police is watching all the exits. Well, maybe we ought to fool them, King Fish, and go out of entrance. Oh, sir, we'll try it back there. Come on. [ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING] Thompson, where are you? Right here in the landing, Lieutenant. Look, Thompson, we just got a call from Mr. Parker's office upstairs. Two suspicious characters just left his office. The shoplifters? I'm pretty sure. They're still here in the building. We'd just like them to try and get down the back stairs here. Now, we don't want to frighten any of the customers. So, Thompson, you plant yourself here in the closet, and I'll go down to the next landing. Yes, sir, I'll get in the closet. And Thompson, above everything else, make sure you have the right men before you make the arrest. Don't act too fast. Yes, sir. I'll make doubly sure before I do anything. All right, I'll be on the next landing. Well, I'll get in the closet here. I hope we can get out of here. Down these back stairs, King Fish, boy. Yeah, oh, this is terrible, isn't it? I tell you, uh-oh. Look over the railing down on the next landing. There's someone down there, and he's coming this way. Oh, you think it's a cop in? I don't know. That was a flatter sounding feat I don't ever hear. What are we going to do? Quick, Andy, we'll duck in this closet here on the landing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll turn on the light. No, no, Andy, shh. Wait a minute, now, wait a minute. He's gone. Yeah, well, let's get out of here. I'm afraid of the door. Now, wait a minute, Andy, don't rush it. We see if here by ourselves. I'm going to let her see girl. Yeah, me too. Oh, got my cigar here. Give me a match, Andy. I don't know if I got any. Let me see if I can find one. Let me see if I can find one, too. Hmm. Thank you, Andy. Thank you, Gabriel. What you thanking me for? For liking the cigars. No, no, Andy, you look the cigars. I didn't like the cigars, I ain't got no matches. Neither does I. But the cigars is lit. [LAUGHTER] Hmm, nice. Here, the spontaneous combustible. But I never heard of it liking two cigars before. [LAUGHTER] Sorry. Me neither. Now, wait a minute, Andy, let's be calm. Yeah, get a grip on ourselves. The cigars is lit. And I see the hand come right up and light 'em. You ain't got a hand on it that you don't know about it, is it? [LAUGHTER] Don't be silly, Gabriel. Well, a hand come right around this side of the wall there. Now, there, I got your hand. You're trying to play a joke on me. Sneaking it around behind my back. I got a hold of it right now. [LAUGHTER] The joke's on you, Andy. Ha, ha, ha. My hand is in my pockets. [LAUGHTER] Andy, I know this is your hand. I got a hold of you as well, and your coat with the brass buttons on it. King Creek, I never had no coat with brass buttons on it. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. All right, your two stand right where you are. How'd it go, quick, Andy? Come on, hurry up. Get down this way quick. Come on, Andy, come on, come on, come back here. Come back here. [MUSIC PLAYING] Oh, boys, I'm telling you that thing that happened a while ago was the closest she ever had. Walk with me down to the apartment, boy. Oh, yeah, I was still shaking from that experience in the store, too. You know what, Amos? Yeah, well, the thing I can't understand is why didn't you tell the police what happened about the mix up in the dresses? Amos, how far do you think we'd get explaining to the police that we was doing with a four in a dress under our arm? You know the old saying, possession is nine points of the jail sentence? [LAUGHTER] Well, what are you going to do with the dress? Well, I ain't got the money to buy another dress. I've got to let Safar wear it to the deep place that's part of the night. Safar and the mama don't know what happened. Well, here's my apartment, boys. I'll see you later. Yeah, well, so long, King Creek. So long, I hope it all worked out, King Creek. [MUSIC PLAYING] Safar's home. Oh, George, I'm so happy you let me keep that beautiful dress. Yes, sir. My daughter's going to be the hit of the de-pistor affair. Yes, and I'll show that Mrs. de-pistor. She ain't the only one that can wear French clothes. What do you mean, French clothes? Well, George, I hear that Mrs. de-pistor ordered a $400 French original to wear at the party from the Bondtown department store. Oh, no. Yes. And won't she just die when she sees me in this new dress? Honey, I got an idea that this dress is going to be the death of a lot of us here. [MUSIC PLAYING] Now here's your Rexall family drugist. Today, whenever they want fast relief from an ordinary headache, millions of people choose Rexall aspirin. And there are three very good reasons why. Then how about letting us in on them? All right. First, every Rexall tablet contains five full grains of pure aspirin. Second, in the 100-tablet bottle, Rexall aspirin costs you barely more than half a cent for tablet. Well, those are two good reasons. What's the third? The most important of all, ma'am, there's no faster acting aspirin made. But exactly what do you mean by fast acting? I mean that when taken with water, a Rexall aspirin tablet is ready to go to work for you even before it reaches your stomach. That I'll remember. Then remember this too. You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. [MUSIC PLAYING] Listen, man, what is that I going to do? And how far it goes to Mrs. Dupyster's tonight and finds out that she's wearing a stolen dress? She's going to kill me dead, boy, just kill me dead. Well, one thing, at that swanky party, at least you'll have the consolation to die on the above your social level. And you get worse every day. You buying a chance going to night school and taking a course in England? Listen, King Phish, I was just trying to tell you-- Yeah, look who here, Algonquin, Jack Calhoun. Yeah, hi, Algonquin. Now, how you, boys, how's that little thing? Oh, Calhoun, I was in big trouble, real big trouble. What's the distress, King Phish? Well, Calhoun, tonight my wife is going to a party in another woman's dress. Well, ain't it going to be a little crowded now for both of them? Listen, Calhoun, this is a stolen dress. It was ordered by Mrs. Dupyster. And when she sees how far I went, the fireworks is going to start. Yeah, the King Phish got the wrong dress from the department store and the store thinks he's stolen. Oh, I was in a terrible mess. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. There's a lot of ways out of this mess. Good. In the first place, you could know, on the other hand, in the second place, it would be better, but not thinking it over. I think it would be much better if you-- if you know. I'd try to like-- But then if you-- if you could, but then-- there you is, now it's up for you to take your charge of them wait. [LAUGHTER] Oh, listen, Calhoun, you ain't no help. What are I going to do when Mrs. Dupyster sees sapphire in that dress? Well, the thing for you to do, King Phish, is to keep your wife from going to that party at all cost. Well, how are I going to do that, though? She been planning on, are we going to the affair? Well, maybe there's some way of frightening up from going to the affair. Yeah, the only thing, when it comes to frightening, sapphire's more to give them than the receiving type. [LAUGHTER] Now, when my child's just thinking, maybe I could work on the old lady. Yeah, she's always fussing about sapphire, what sapphire eats and drinks. Say, maybe I could really scare her. Yeah. Maybe I could get my mother-in-law to think that someone is going poison the food at the party. Yeah, yeah, that really ought to scare her. Listen, Anna, it's almost lunchtime. Come on up to the house, sapphire shopping and mama's home alone. I'll spend the details on the way up there. Well, King Fish, for your sake, I hope it works. Yeah, wait a minute. I was supposed to do it. I was supposed to do it. Where's the drugs in this order in jail? Not that, if there's someone you have in jail, King Fish, there's only one thing to do. Go down to the judge and plead for mercy. Really put on that, King Fish. Throw yourself across the judge's bench and say, Your Honor, you came to that this poor woman rotting jail. You've got to really plead to the judge, King Fish. Grab a home to him like this. Let go, my coach, yeah. And then the tears pour out of your eyes. You've got to grab them by as our pails like this as they mosey, mosey, you're on a mosey on my poor wife. Now, don't give me back my lapels. Well, mama, sure was nice man. They just got up here and have lunch with his woman. You can see it in there for a long time, is you? [LAUGHTER] And fish, if she ain't got into that judge and I, and very welcome here. [LAUGHTER] Forget it, Adam. By the way, ain't they? Speaking of current events, as you noticed by the newspaper, that notorious food poisoning is on the loose again? King Fish. You don't mean that horrible fiend that poisoned people at parties that told me in Tony. [LAUGHTER] That's right, ain't they? Also known as Ant-Past Albert. He's the sign I'd sit near. [LAUGHTER] Josh, what is you talking about, food poisoning? Oh, Mother-in-law, dear. I didn't know that you was Eve's dribbling on us. [LAUGHTER] Josh, who is this fellow you talked about? Well, I guess you ain't read about it, mama. It was in all the newspapers. You see, Ant-Past Albert started his operations in England. He was away during the House of Parliament. And they first got rid of his activities when, one day after lunch, they noticed a lot of the English men was keeping a stiff upper lip all over. [LAUGHTER] Since then, he has made a practice of posing as a kid who has swanky parties all over the world and just poisoned him to guess. And you mean this person is here in this country now? Oh, there's pretty sure he is. The other day, down to immigration office, they had a fiend come in there and apply for his naturalization papers. [LAUGHTER] You say he's poisoned people at parties? He's not around here, is he? Oh, not within a block of tune? [LAUGHTER] Oh, the police claim he was operating at a party down at 125th Street last night, one of the social affairs. He really whipped up a strong batch of stuff, too. He got the one of the guests so fast they burned him with an hors d'oeuvre in his hand. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, a party, you'd be afraid to eat anything. Oh, yeah, he'll get you by hook or crook. I read that at one party, a guest was leading nothing because it didn't feel so good. The fella gave him a bi-cobboard and said, "Dizzle's straightening out, and in five seconds a dip." [LAUGHTER] Oh, mama, I wouldn't mention this to staff. I just was going to a party, and the fella happened to be operating in the neighborhood. There's no reason to worry over a little thing like this. Little thing? Oh, this is terrible. All my pulp doughnuts. If you ever win, I'd worry myself saying, I'm telling you right now, how, everybody, I'm home. Mama, come on in the other room. I want to try that dress on again. Never mind that dress, Sapphire. You ain't going to that party. But, Mama, you said-- I don't care what I said. I may have let you marry old Baldy here, but I ain't going to let you get mixed up with no other fiend. Mama, you said that-- Well, come on, Andy, come on in. But Kingfish, I didn't finish my lunch. Well, we'll go down to the beanery and get something down there, ain't it? You think we are the Kingfish? What do you mean, Andy? Well, maybe this hand-paced Albert has been working the beaneries, too. [MUSIC PLAYING] Kingfish, you mean to say that your wife ain't going to the deep biceps of fatter night? That's right, Amos. Me and the Kingfish really don't scare his mama. Boy, yes, it's all over now. It's all off. It was cleared up. Clean one, boy. Oh, hello. Oh, George, is that you? This is Sapphire. I need $1,500. $1,500 for what? For bail. Damn. Yes, as long as we wasn't going to the party, I took that dress back to the Bontong. When I asked for my money back, they called a police. Oh, no. [MUSIC PLAYING] You've got just one more day left. Yes, friends, tomorrow is the last day of Rexall's mighty one-cent sale. The famous sale, where you get two guaranteed Rexall products for the price of one plus a penny. Now, this offer applies to exactly 279 items throughout the entire store. In addition, you'll find 66 other specials, priced so low you can't afford to pass them by. So take a tip from old man Wilcox. Don't miss this last money-saving chance to cash in on Rexall's great one-cent sale. Remember, you've got all day tomorrow at Rexall drugstores everywhere. So don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, to visit your Rexall family drugstore. There's only one day left for the one-cent sale. Thank you and good night. See you next Sunday. [MUSIC PLAYING] For the one woman in 10 with sensitive skin-- There's caranome hand cream. Like all of caranomes specially designed beauty aids, it's hypoallergenic, pure, mild, safe for most sensitive skins. It softens, beautifies, protects. Try caranome hand cream. As advertised in Vogue, ladies home journal, women's home companion, McCalls, and sold at Rexall drugstores everywhere. [MUSIC PLAYING] Be sure to be with us next Sunday at the same time when your Rexall drugist will again present the Amos and Andy show. Folks tune in early on Sunday and hear my friend Irma, Armist Brooks, the Jack Benny show, and now following us, the Edgar Berg and Charlie McCarthy show over most of these same stations. Yes, sir. Sunday is Monday on CBS. [MUSIC PLAYING] This is the CBS Radio Network. [MUSIC PLAYING] It is Ryan here, and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like are you a fist-pumper? A woo-hoo! A hand clap or a high-fiver. If you want to hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. 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