Amos N Andy Daily
Amos n Andy - Aunt Matilda s Dowry
https://www.solgoodmedia.com - Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! Join us every day for Amos n Andy Daily, where we revisit the humor and social satire that made Amos 'n' Andy a staple of American entertainment. Each episode offers a unique glimpse into the lives of the show’s beloved characters, from the comedic escapades of Amos Jones and Andy Brown to the bustling community of Harlem. Ideal for listeners seeking a blend of laughter and a snapshot of historical societal commentary through timeless radio comedy
- Duration:
- 31m
- Broadcast on:
- 22 Jun 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
Owning a rental property sounds like a dream until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. Determine a competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing screen, tenants drop the lease at a rent collection, handle maintenance request, maintenance application. Whew! Sound complicated? Renner's Warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Qualify tenants, check, rent collection, check, maintenance coordination, you got it. Go to Rennerswearhouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444, because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Renner's Warehouse. I'm Victoria Cash, and I want to invite you to a place called Luckyland, where you can play over a hundred social casino-style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. So what are you waiting for? The best way to discover your luck is to spin. So go to luckylandslots.com, that's luckylandslots.com, and get lucky today. At Luckyland. No purchase necessary, V.G.W. Group, boy prohibited by law, 18-plus terms and conditions apply. Andy, you know what that music's in? Yes, sir, Amos, that music's a good health to all from Rexall. The stores with the orange and blue sign. Yes, 10,000 independent Rexall drugists at the stores with the orange and blue sign. Bring you the Amos and Andy show, written by Joe Connolly and Bob Mosher, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Corny Anderson, Lillian Randolph, Jeff Alexander's music, yours truly, Harlow Wilcox, and starring Radio's all-time favorites, Freeman Garza and Charles Corel, Amos and Andy. How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? I'm Freeman Garza and you know my partner Charles Corel and I travel quite a bit, and we have shopped in many Rexall drugstores for ourselves and for our families. We have never found a Rexall drugist who wasn't helpful and friendly, always ready with good advice when we ask. Always ready with the guaranteed Rexall products we want. That's why we like to tell our listeners you can always depend on your friendly Rexall family drugist. Thank you. [Music] Well, the Kingfish's mother-in-law is going to Chicago for a two-week visit. Right now, her daughter Sapphire is helping her pack, and the Kingfish is standing by to make sure that nothing happens to interfere with her trip. Now, mama, I put your extra petticoats in here and your extra can of soda in this bag. Oh, thank you, daughter. Nah, you better take along an extra half piece too, mama. No, Chicago is to win the city. If a breeze comes up, your transformation gold will go flapping around like a hairy pigeon, you know. If I was you, Baldy, I wouldn't talk about hair. You got enough for it. There's a quartet. Now, see here, George Stevens. I'm not going to... Oh, that's my taxi. I'm going. Go by, daughter. Take care of yourself. Oh, goodbye, mama. Now, don't let no men get fresh with you on the train. Don't worry. I'm taking my hat-pin along for protection. Well, they don't need without, mama. Any manners that would get within harpoon and distance of you is all under lock and key. You just watch yourself while I'm going, you'll win back. George, it wasn't so nice of you to tease, mama, about men. You know, a few years back, she met a man at a summer hotel. He was going to marry her, but at the last minute, he turned out to be a fortune hunter. She was so upset she don't even talk to me about it. Well, so on to see your room, man. It's the old poppers that's got out beyond the breakwater now and down, huh? Well, don't you ever let mama know I told you. No, I don't know. Oh, I guess I better get the dishes done now and I'll charge the door. Holy smokes. Don't tell me the old lady's done boomerang doing us here. Answer it, George. Well, wait a minute. Let me peek out the curtains here. Yeah, uh-oh. Here's the telegraph, boy. Well, open the door. No, sir. If I open the door, he's going to expect a tip. We wait long enough. You'll slide it under the door and go away. Uh-oh. He must have been there before we slide it under there already. Yeah, here we are. Yeah, here it is, yeah. Who is it for? Yeah, it's for you, sir, fire. Oh, George is from Aunt Matilda. Mama's younger sister. Say she's coming to New York for a visit. Matilda, where do you want a mama of sisters or she? Well, she's the only one of the twelve girls that didn't marry. She's on the fat side and was always considered the only as one in the family. Holy mackerel, I'd like to get a load of her. He and the homeless one in the family is like being the souriest bottle in the case of vinegar. Where'd you coming up here for anyway? Well, you know, she's always been trying to get a husband. Seems like she's been corresponding with a marriage bureau here in New York and they got some prospects lined up for her and she's coming up to look them over. Yeah, I'd like to see this kid row casting over as they got lined up for her. Well, Aunt Matilda won't have no trouble, George, 'cause when Grandpa died, because she was unmarried, he left her $20,000 in cash. She's been saving it for a dowry. Hmm, $20,000 in smackers and she wants a husband, huh? Well, she aim to let that money get out the family. Say, is you got a picture of Aunt Matilda, Randy, or something, please? Just that group picture we have of the whole family. Yeah, well, think all aboard for a little while and take it over to Aunt is Roman House. George, what is you up to? Well, Aunt Matilda is in the dowry dumping mood. I might as well get her to dumping on a certain big fat vegan lot where I got scavenging privileges down here. Well, here's Aunt in his room. I got this picture here with Aunt Matilda on it. Aunt ain't gonna be too easy to sell Aunt down this gal, neither. When it comes to homing this, she stops where Alligator leaves off. Maybe I can use a domestic angle on the boy here. Come in, it's open. Well, good morning, brother, Aunt Anne. What are you doing there, boy? Oh, I mended my socks here. I got seven socks, but only three or four of them is any good. So you see, by taking the toe from one and the heel from another, the scotch tape them together here, I come up with one pair of walking conditions. Well, I have no doubt about it, Aunt Anne. You know, you need the wife. Some sweet, gentle creature to add a feminine touch to this miserable huddle of yours. It does, huh? Well, Aunt Anne, think of what a wife could do for this place. A little feminine niceties, a lace doily under the cusp of the door there. Flowers and demo milk bottles on the window sill. New rat traps under the bed marked his and hers and all that. Well, yeah, I guess you could female up this dump without hurting it. Of course, I went with a lot of gals, but they was all too flighty to join up in holy monotony, I'll tell you that. Well, that's the trouble, Aunt Anne. You was always going for beauty instead of character, for use instead of maturity. The trouble is, Auntie, you was always running around with your coke and seven upcrowd. It's time you explored this nups you latent possibilities of the hot water bottle and the slone linomat set. Yeah, I suppose sometime, if I did meet the right kind of older woman, why, I might go for it. Well, now, strange that you should bring up the subject of mine older woman at a time like this. You know, it just so happens, Anne, that I was done here at about a sweet old lady today who was just panting to tie herself in twenty thousand dollars up with some nice young edible bachelor. Yeah, well, I wouldn't have thought, wait a minute, not twenty thousand dollars. What does this gal look like? We wonder what you look like, huh? Well, now, Andy, I happens to have a picture of her right here. I'm a pocket that was taken in the family group. She is the one with the long hair here. Let me see. Yeah, you? Yeah. Oh, yeah, you ain't too bad. But why has they got a leash on her? At least, no, no, Auntie, you're looking at the family sheep dog there, wait a minute. She is that tall one next to the dog there. You can tell them a part cause the dog don't have no ball spots, you see. Holy mackerel, kingfish, that is the homeless gal I'd never seen. Look at the warts on her there. Well, I know, Andy, but she got twenty thousand dollars. And that, uh, prorata's owed to around five hundred dollars of warts, you know that. Yeah, say this is beginning to sound better. Oh, yeah, she got the money, boy. Yeah, that ain't bad. Okay, it's a deal. Fine, Andy, welcome to the family. Well, uh, family. Oh, you know, I neglected to mention this, uh, but you see, this Aunt Matilda, that sapphire's mama's younger sister. Now, when you marry her, you and her money is going to be my Uncle Andy. Wait a minute here, wait a minute. I don't want to marry into no family that's made a career a homeliness. I'm going to stick to the young gal. Well, now, wait a minute, Andy. Besides the twenty thousand dollars, think of the real big advantages of marrying this gal. And with a young, pretty gal, you're always going to be worrying about someone stealing away from you. Yeah, you got a point there. Sure, the only one that's going to take this old mummy away from you is the undertaker. Good evening. This is your Excel family drugist, one of the ten thousand independent drugists who have made the word "rexel" part of our own store names. We've done that because we recommend and sell "rexel drug products." A good example is in my thirty-one, "rexel's" many purpose and a septic. When cooler weather begins, my customers ask for my thirty-one to use as a gargle for simple sore throat. Used full strength in my thirty-one kills germs on contact, yet will not harm delicate membranes of mouth or throat. My thirty-one is an effective gargle, mouthwash, breath deodorant. The multi-purpose, antiseptic indeed, yet you get a full pint at the same price as other brands of smaller quantity. So ask for it. My thirty-one at "rexel drugstores" everywhere. MUSIC Yes, George, I have Matilda got in town today, but is you out of your mind? She wouldn't be interested in no man like Andy Brown? Wait a minute, what's wrong with Andy? He's good-looking and he has to sling and see him sloppy charm as a small and adrenal. George, she told a matrimonial bureau that she wanted a steady, reliable man. On top of that, she caught a coal on the way up here, and she's going to have to stay in the hotel room for a couple of days. So the old folks, you got the virus, huh? Yes, George, and she wants us to find a doctor for her to give her a check-up. Yeah, well, we could get a, I know, we could call the doctor, huh? Yeah. Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah. So by and all them books and movies and everything, women's is always falling in love with a doctor, ain't they? Well, yes, George, I guess a lot of women does that in real life, too. Yeah, excuse me, honey, I'm going out. Mm, women falls in love with a doctor. I think I'll go over to large hall and spend the next fifteen minutes putting Andy through medical school. That's what I didn't do. ♪ Well, now you got everything in your head, Andy, and here's Matilda's hotel room. Yeah, tell me this, do I look like a Legitra Dr. Kingfish? Oh, yeah, and with that stethoscope sticking out of your pocket there, and that quite cool regard from the candy butch over to Burlesque house. You look like the real thing, boy. Yeah, good. I just remember when you were examining Matilda, don't turn around. She might lose confidence in her physician if you see his orange christ written on the back of your coot days. Well, I'll watch it, well, ring the bell, Kingfish. Yeah, all right, now. Put it on, good boy, you're a doctor. Well, I see the picture, you know, so she shouldn't be too much of a shock to me or anything. Well, don't forget, Dorana, sometimes after they take the picture, they have the artist to retouch the thing. You see, well, well, there's Matilda. Why, George, come on in. Come on, then. Oh, they're macro, Kingfish. Who retuts her picture? Michelangelo? What up, baby? Get on in there. George, I was just resting up here in my bathrobe. I was a little under the weather. Oh, yeah, well, so sapphire tour, man. That's why I brought along my friend and physician, Dr. Brown, the world famous surgeon who is, he's the one that recovered the cure for a step till my scene, you see. Oh, how thrilling to make you such a distinguished physician, Dr. Brown. Oh, you look like something I read about in the medical journal. Likewise. Oh, I, uh, I've run along the doctor, Aunt Matilda, to give you a quick culinary examination, you see? Oh, that was sweet of you, George. And how thrilling to be examined by a big New York doctor! Yeah, yeah, proceed with the examination, doctor. Get your bag all day and take out your arse, dick, and all that stuff. Uh, stick out your tongue, Aunt Tilda and say "Ah." Ah! A little further. Ah! A little further. Ah! What do you think, Dr. Brown? She's sick, all right. The last time I see the tongue that bad, it was parented me from behind two pieces of stale rye bread. We called the most, Aunt Matilda, there's a draft in here. That doctor wants to get on with his examination, you see. You know, Dr. Brown's been coughing so much, I think I haven't heard my ribs. Well, you ribs, huh? Yeah, well, plugging your stethoscope there, doctor, and see if you can hear anything to all that blubber. Yeah. Now, let me, let me kind of tap around to ribs, yeah. Take it easy there, Aunt Matilda, take it easy. Uh, King Fishy show is a ticklish old galley. Well, I ain't seen nothing crash around like that since I dropped my goldfish bowl on the kitchen floor. Oh, I hope I'm all right, doctor. Coach, just before I left home, my family doctor took my cardiographs. Yeah, well, you know them country doctors, they'll yank out anything at the drop of my head. Well, my cardiograph is an instrument used to check the heart. No, full on. Yeah, well, now, you will have to excuse the doctor here, Aunt Matilda. You see, Dr. Brown here has been working pretty hard. Yeah. The record showed that yesterday alone he performed 32 operations. 32 operations? Oh, well, he must be exhausted. Oh, yeah. On the last operation, he was so weak that he had to lay down on the table with the patient operator. Oh, well, you know, I think it's just wonderful to have a successful doctor like this to give me so much of his time. And he's so handsome and charming, too. No, well, I know the doctor want to get on with the examination, so I tell you what. I'll be running along. I'll see you later, Aunt Matilda. Yeah, and by the way, doctor, you were doing fine so far, but if I was you, I'd play it smart and examine them ribs a couple of more times. Well, let me get on in department here. That's your thing, there's a mess. Yeah, if that thing work out this afternoon, it might lead to Andy and Mary and Aunt Matilda. Yeah, and then keep her $20,000 in the family, then I get a hold of... Yeah, so far as home. John Stevens, I've been waiting for you. I'm so mad at you, I don't know what to do. Well, wait a minute, now, I walk into the house here in a second, I get in, you jump all over, what's the matter with you? George, what is the idea? Taking that Andy Brown over and introducing him to Aunt Matilda as a doctor. She didn't wait and fell for that big boob. Yeah, well, that's what I planned on. That way, if she marries Andy, it'll keep the $20,000 in the family. George, Aunt Matilda, Aunt got no $20,000. Yeah. She's been spending her money right and left trying to land a rich husband. The matrimonial bureau had one lined up for her, Mr. Hamilton. He's a lonely old man and he's worth over $200,000. They've been corresponded and he was crazy about it. Now, you don't wait and run or change it. Now, wait a minute, it ain't too late. I saw it. I know, wait a minute, look here. I'll tell you what you do now. Now, we can get out of this some way. Tell her that I was just fooling or something that Andy ain't no doctor. I'd have already done that, George, but it was too late. Aunt Matilda already called up Mr. Hamilton and told him it was all off. Now, he never wants to say it, let's speak to her again. Oh, then, Mackerel, as the glow worm said when the nightingale ate him up, "I is too bright for my own good. I don't know what..." [Music] This is your Rexall family drugist again. Yesterday I had a customer with a familiar problem. It went something like this. I'm always running out of cold cream or cleansing cream or throat cream. I'm forever buying creams. Well, ma'am, I suggest a sensible end to that problem. And Delafield's all-purpose deep cream is all complexion creams in one. Why, what a good idea. And very good cream, my customers tell me. Rich, deep penetrating, lubricating, and cleansing. Where you'd need half a dozen creams for the complete complexion care, you get with Andelefield's all-purpose deep cream. And what a beautiful golden top jar. All of Andelefield's cosmetics are in beautiful containers. The lipstick, cologne, skin freshener, face powder, eye kit, and this all-purpose deep cream. And Delafield's all-purpose deep cream. I'll take it. Very well, ma'am. And remember, Andelefield's cosmetics are sold only at Rexall drugstores. [Music] Well, I think I'll drop in and see y'all going with Jay Calhoun. Yeah, the way I messed this thing up, maybe he got some angle for me to get out of it. Well, how are you, Calhoun, is your business? Just a second-king feature. I'm going over a letter here. How did this sound to you? Dear, sir, as your opponent in our recent lawsuit, it is my considered opinion that you are without a doubt the most unscrupulous attorney I has ever met. You're conduct encoded ridiculous. Your knowledge of the law is infinitesimal. And you have the brains of an amp and the manners of a jacket amp. You're very true to that. Holy smokes, who is you sending that nasty letter to? Sending nothing. I got this in the mail, this moment! [Laughter] Now, now, now, listen, Calhoun, I was in a mess here. I done broke up the romance between my aunt Matilda and a Mr. Hamilton. Now, I find out that Mr. Hamilton is worth $200,000. Kingfish, that is a nasty piece of matrimonial messin'. Yeah, I know that, but can you think of anything I can do to bring him back together again? I want to be the fella that brings him together. The old fella so mad he said that he never wants to see her again. Well, now, if a man thinks a gal might do something desperate on the kind of unrequited love, sometimes he changes his mind. Yeah, if Mr. Hamilton's sons and Aunt Matilda were going to do something desperate, he might forgive him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll write him a note. Yeah, I'll send him a note signed Aunt Matilda. Yeah, and then I'll get him to come over to the large hall. Then I can work on the old boy sympathy. Oh, thank you a lot, Calhoun. Yeah, excuse me, Kingfish. I got to get all these law books back. You got to get them off my desk and put them back in the bookcase. Yeah, you sure got a pile of them there, boy. Oh, man, I had a big case in coat this week. A woman cloud of mine was suing her husband. She claimed that her husband was spending his evens in some other woman's apartment. Yeah. Well, I went into action, but it took a stack of law books five feet high to get the goods on that man and his gal. Oh, you read the books and got the legal angles, huh? Heck no, I stood on them and picked over the transfer. Oh! Well, Andy, I had lightning delivered the letter over to Mr. Hamilton signed Aunt Matilda, you see. I sure you're going to be over here because I hinted around that she was going to do something desperate. Yeah, well, I don't think it's going to be easy to rekindle the flame of that old boy, Kingfish. Well, his age ain't likely to be too eager for romance. Well, don't let them old geezers fool ya, isn't it? There's many a campfire the rangers done thought was out that wound up burning down 10,000 acres. Well, you could put it kind of strong in the letter, huh? That Matilda was thinking of doing away with herself. Well, I don't hit it. They hinted at several gruesome possibilities. I would say that when he read, when he... Wait a minute, that must now stop grinning and then put on a sad face. Yeah, I'll do that. Oh, come in. I'm looking for George Stevens. Oh, that's me. What can I do for you, sir? Well, this note was delivered to me from your Aunt Matilda. My Aunt Matilda, huh? What did the poor dear have to say? Well, here you are. Read it for yourself. Say here, Mr. Frederick Hamilton, New York, New York, dear, murderer. By the time this letter reaches your cruel and heartless hand, I may be stiff, cold, deceased, and otherwise unsuitable for romance. Farewell, thoughtless heartbreaker. Yours and sailor, the king's visit's heartbroken old Aunt Matilda. P.S., keep smiling. Well, naturally, I was terribly upset. Oh, yeah, that's a sad letter, all right. Yeah, and I'm afraid it just goes to confirm my suspicion about dear old Danny. Do you really feel that she's done away with herself? Oh, yeah, we feel the old gal done kicked her own bucket. Well, do you have any proof of that? Uh, proof? Well, now it ain't conclusive, but this morning, we found Aunt Matilda's umbrella on top of the Empire State building, hanging over the railing. And 98 stories below was a size 52 hole in the sidewalk. But do you think it was her? Well, we wasn't sure, but just to be on the safe side, we had the local congregation look over there and holler, "Ah, sweet, Mr. Real Life, down to Subway Greaton." Oh, dear, this is terrible. Poor Matilda. Why, I was so heartless to her. Why? I'd do anything to get her back. No, you would, huh? Now, well, now come to think of it. You know, I don't believe that was Aunt Matilda's umbrella on top of the building. After all, thinking it over, I don't believe it was our umbrella at all. It was just a tall, thin tourist looking over the wall. Yeah, come to think about it, I don't think that was really no size 52 hole in the sidewalk either. Now, I think that was just a couple of fellows down there working on the pipes. Are you sure? Well, when the ladies of the congregation holler their number down there, they got a pretty nasty baritone echo from the manhole. Oh, if it were only true. Well, I'll tell you what, Mr. Hamilton. If you drop by the apartment tonight, I think I might have some good news for you. Oh, how wonderful. And Matilda and I will be happy to gather again. Yeah, and I'll tell you, if I was you, I wouldn't take the old gal on the tall building 'til she gets over jumping jitters, you see, that course. Keepin' it up. Oh, the kingfishes and Matilda and Mr. Hamilton don't reconcile, huh, innit? Yeah, they're all happy now. They go ahead with the wedding and everything else. Yeah, well, I just hope Mr. Hamilton is all right. Oh, yeah, don't worry about that, boy. He's got over $200,000. Yeah, well, that's a break for the kingfies getting the rich man like that into family. I guess they're gonna have a big wedding, huh? Oh, sure, everybody's invited. The mom-in-law's coming back from Chicago and, you know, somethin' at the wedding, me and the kingfish is gonna be Mr. Hamilton's best man. They're two of you gonna be his best man? Yeah, they're kingfish figures that if the old boy gets cold feet's going up the aisle, the two of us will be able to line Bucky 'em up to the old one. Oh, yeah! Oh, Aunt Matilda, it's wonderful. Us all havin' this little dinner up here at the apartment to celebrate your engagement. Oh, I'll be the happiest woman in the world at my wedding tomorrow. Yeah, how 'bout you, Mr. Hamilton? You all ready to sniff the orange blossoms? Oh, yes. I am very happy to have mine Matilda back. Oh, yeah, I tell ya, she's a wonderful... Uh, somebody to do, I'll get it, folks. Oh, mama, you was back from Chicago. Well, mama, I did it. I, as done, got your sister a rich husband. Yes, son-in-law? When I got baptized, why, I rushed right back here to meet my sister's fiancé. Yeah, well, come on in, mama dear. Here's all in the dining room. Oh, sister, I'm so glad you're here. And I want you to meet the man I'm marrying tomorrow. Well, how do you do? I'm so... Why, it's Frederick Hamilton. That dead being chosen me 15 years ago. Love ya! No, no, wait a minute, child. This is Harlow Wilcox with a word that can be important to your health, your popularity, your success on the job. The word is "planamins." The famous rex all multivitamins, one of the best balanced formulas money can buy. Planamins spelled P-L-E-N-A-M-I-N-S are the tiny, easy to swallow capsules that give you ten vitamins, plus three important extras. Iron, liver concentrate, and red vitamin B12. Planamins are the vitamins that give you more than the minimum daily requirement of all vitamins with known minimums. So, don't say vitamins, say "planamins." The rex all multivitamins sold on rex all's money bag guarantee at rex all drug stores everywhere. The stores with the orange and blue sign. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, rely on your rex all family drugists. And when you visit him, would you be kind enough to say that Amos and Andy sent you. Thank you and good night. See you next Sunday. [Music] Young women tag after men who use stags. Stag, brushless, shave cream, no fuss, no rub-in. Just smooth it on for a quicker, closer, cleaner shave that lasts the whole day through. Wives never nag at men who use stags. [Music] Be sure to be with us at the same time next Sunday when your rex all drugists will again present the Amos and Andy Show directed by Cliff Howell. Stay tuned for the Bing Crosby program which follows immediately over most of these same stations. This is the CBS Radio Network. [Music] Owning a rental property sounds like a dream until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. Determinate competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing screen, tenants draft the lease at a rent collection, handle maintenance request, maintain communication. Whew, sound complicated? Renner's warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Qualified tenants, check, rent collection, check, maintenance coordination, you got it. Go to Rennerswearhouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Renner's warehouse. It's time for today's Lucky Land Horoscope with Victoria Cash. Life's gotten mundane, so shake up the daily routine and be adventurous with a trip to Lucky Land. You know what they say. Your chance to win starts with a spin. So go to LuckyLandslots.com to play over a hundred social casino style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Get Lucky today at LuckyLandslots.com. 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