The Dr Boyce Breakdown
Is it wrong for a woman to expect a man to give her money?
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a world-renowned finance expert, author, and advocate for economic empowerment in the Black community. With a PhD in Finance, Dr. Watkins has spent decades teaching millions of people how to invest, build generational wealth, and achieve financial freedom. He is the founder of The Black Business School, a revolutionary platform where families learn the fundamentals of wealth-building tailored to their needs.
Dr. Watkins is also the author of the acclaimed book The 10 Commandments of Black Economic Power, which provides actionable strategies for creating sustainable economic progress. His work has been featured on major media platforms, and his passion for financial literacy continues to transform lives worldwide.
Learn more by visiting BoyceWatkins.com or text the word "Stock" to 87948 to get his free list of favorite AI stocks.
- Duration:
- 49m
- Broadcast on:
- 30 Dec 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
good morning everybody good morning welcome to the doctor boys money in the morning millionaire training camp when we get together every morning we talk about our economics and ways to make ourselves better financially because we all about to get rich well about to be successful our families will be successful that's why we do this because the things you do every day manifest themselves into your reality give me a yes and an amen in the chat if you agree it's Sunday so we might as well start preaching already anyway how's everybody doing today I hope you're doing well and and I'm gonna tell you I got something really interesting that I wanted to talk to you guys about you guys know I get up in the morning and I just I just lean into God I meditate on on different things happening in life and and then I the money always pops up because money is something that's just universal money is like it's like the oxygen of our society you can't go through a day without confronting oxygen food the basic things right so you don't have to necessarily wake up thinking about air to to to be affected by it right so like money I see money is the same way I do not see money as some kind of like you know like this specialized topic where we have to sit and only focus on the money I see money as a tool money is a pathway to the real wealth and the real wealth is all the things that money can't buy see that's how you get to what I call what I might call financial heaven financial heaven is not having a bunch of money in your bank account financial heaven is what you know what to do with that money when in your bank account when you know how to use that money to make your life better and the thing is we also know that not having enough money and not being financially prepared can make your life worse give me a yes if you agree give me a yes if you can imagine let's be intentional with our meditation here imagine times where a lack of money made your life harder made your life more stressful can you imagine that I know a lot of people that are miserable you know my wife is a therapist and she's really really into her profession she's seeing a client right now literally she's actually seeing she sees clients every morning and one of the biggest things that pops up a lot for her clients is money issues money can cause fights money can cause stress money can make your life complicated it was ditty used to say more money more problems and I don't know if anybody has more problems than ditty right now if you know what I'm talking about so anyway with that being said just to kind of frame that discussion I wanted to ask you all a question today as you as you come in to the chat and by the way also if you're asking what's my wife's website it's a coaching with Dr. Alicia calm it's coaching with Dr. Alicia calm and by the way my wife does a lot of stuff in our black financial therapy department in the black business school we're the only two PhD's in the planet who have a black financial therapy department you won't find this at Harvard you won't find this at Yale you won't find this at any HBCU but we created the black financial therapy department because in order for your mind to get right your money has to get right shout out to ash cash he's a buddy man he's one of the Ernie leisure guys and I love ash we've known each other a long time and he has a book called mine right money right and one of the things that's 100% true that I really hope to impress upon you and get you to understand again you're talking to a guy who wrote his dissertation on financial psychology if you don't get your mind right then your money will never be right right if you don't address the trauma if you don't address the deficiencies it's gonna be very very difficult to have the discipline in the balance required to be able to obtain financial security the nature of security in itself indicates a type of calmness a type of contentment a type of just you know this balance and so if you're not mentally balanced then how in the hell you'll be financially balanced if you're not content with every area of your life what makes you think you're gonna ever be financially content give me a guess if you follow what I'm saying I want you to kind of just I want to sit on this point for a minute so you'll hear me let me know if you get what I'm saying if you can't find balance in your spirit then how do you gonna keep your bank account balance how you gonna balance the checkbook when you can't balance your soul really so so balance is the key bit you know and if you find your balance then guess what your balance is gonna go up you know you're gonna find that every balance in your life and it won't just be in your wealth it won't just be the money's the easy part the money's the basic that's the ground zero that's the ground level stuff you'll also find that your mental and physical health will improve your relationships will improve and then you'll be in a situation where you get to say not only am I doing well financially but the people around me love me I love them we help each other I help them they help me I'm elevated by their existence I don't have to I'm not I'm not succeeding in spite of the people around me I'm succeeding because of the people around me and the people around me are succeeding not in spite of me but because of me I talked to my girls the other day because you know my mother my mother just graduated and went to heaven and but don't worry about me I'm gonna be alright guy got me my momma gave me the guy when I was a baby and I and I've been good ever since and I was telling them I you know I we were they were they were talking to me about it and everything and you know checking on me I appreciate it you know and and I said you know I said if you want to know what my goal is as a dad is I want I do not want to be one of those men where you're at my funeral and you're thinking about how I made your life harder right I don't I don't want you to be at my funeral thinking man this dude oh my god I'm so glad this dude is gone or now and now that the dude is gone he didn't make any plans he didn't prepare nothing for nobody now we all stressed out he didn't plan plan for his own funeral he thought he was never gonna die and and now we got it all go do a go fund me and beg the church for money and I I'm sorry I'm really and right now maybe I'm speaking more so as a man but even women understand this my grandma got this my grandma never made a lot of money but her arrangements were airtight right and it just makes things easier another be my mother she we're burying her this week airtight like like it's already stressful enough to have someone pass it's even worse when they didn't when they acted like they were never going to pass right and but yet eating fried chicken and using dope the whole time and and getting into shenanigans ever gonna kill them but yet somehow they thought they were never gonna die and I said you know I would love it if if at my funeral my goal is for you to be like man my life is better because this dude was around like I met this guy this guy was in my life and he added value to my life and I would encourage other people parents especially men like that should be the goal you know be a playmaker in your family be an asset to your family if you think of it if you think of it like a team like a football team you don't want to be the guy who always fumbled the damn ball you don't want to be the guy who threw the five interceptions in a row you know you don't want to be the guy who was dumb enough to run into the wrong end zone because that that's what we do a lot of times especially with our wealth and our economics if we don't spend time in training camp which every morning this is called millionaire training camp millionaire training camp is I think that's that's essential to helping you understand how to play the damn game so so when the game is over and they're looking at the stat sheet you want that you want you want to be you want to be the Heisman winner you don't want to be the guy who was uh you know who was who was messing up every time there was an opportunity who kept the y'all was bumbling throwing interceptions given the ball back to the defense like you want to be the guy where everyone says we won the game because of you and every family I I really impressed upon you that when it comes to this economic thing this is a really serious game this is a very big deal and people ain't playing with you in America I can confirm to you a hundred percent and I don't say this as any kind of financial influencer I've never been a financial influencer I am a financial scientist I'm a financial scholar I've written original research papers on this topic not books research papers that's a whole nother level you get the books out of the research papers because the research papers discover new ideas that have never been discovered by anyone in the history of all mankind you gotta I want you to understand this to write my dissertation get it passed at Ohio State I could not just regurgitate information that was out there I had to go make a discovery right and this this is a so this is a high high level this is almost like ninja level understanding of a topic like molecular level so as a person who understands these things for molecular level who's meditating on this for many many decades I can confirm to you that you live in a society where money is the God money is the God capitalism is the Wizard of Oz that's that's the big hungry beast to which sacrifices are made and if you don't understand how this thing works that beast will eat you alive or like my friend Andre C. Hatred likes to say he says own or be owned what I went on the breakfast club I wore his shirt because I love I love that I love that statement and in this society you must own something or someone will own you it's it's definitely a food chain you know and you got people at the top of the food chain they got people that are you know that are at the bottom and I don't want you at the bottom camp all right so anyway let me move on let me one thing I want to mention we did our financial slumber party last week and if you wanted to get a recording of what we did we went through a training called stop market decoded you can go to financial slumberparty.com that's financial slumberparty.com also my wife the therapist tonight she's doing for those of you that are interested in what she does with relationship therapy she understands all the tools for healthy relationships she's doing her book club meeting tonight where she's covering a book related to high romance like how to have the kinds of relationships that you really want to have and then tomorrow she's doing a session on a mental health Monday with some other black therapists on dealing with your stuff getting getting all of your crap out of your system as you go into 2025 how to be a new you how to be the best version of yourself so if you'd like to receive a link to join these sessions I'll pull out your phone text the word love to the phone number eight seven nine four eight so text love to the number eight seven nine four eight now with that said let me jump in I want to share something with you guys there was a saw this video that was on my Instagram and I and I think T.R.K.J. Williams might have shown it to me or something but I really want y'all to watch this and it's a conversation amongst three women my Instagram is Dr. Boyce Finance so it's on Dr. Boyce Finance and and so there there are these three women having a conversation about money and I thought it was really fascinating and just just really interesting and honest about like their expectations when it comes to money and I'd like to get your take on how do you feel about this if you feel that these women are gold diggers or if you feel that they are just honest women that have meaningful realistic expectations I'm not here to judge that I just want to get your opinion on that so let me share my sound real quick I'm gonna play this video for you right now and let's see here those who can't see the screen you can just hear it so here we go let me turn it up all right here we go I'm going in lunch he knows he knows my vibe he knows how I like to move and he only sent thirty dollars I'm not gonna bend over backward for a man that is just sending whatever he can if I'm talking about him next time I'm out and he said oh you need something for lunch I'm gonna tell him it's okay somebody already sent me a hundred dollars okay if we're being completely honest right here right now we've all eaten lunch for thirty dollars yes let's say a hundred percent we're not saying that we're ungrateful right is food on the table however you know what the standard is correct me in that situation handling it with grace thank you so much maybe I'm so appreciative I'm gonna still take a picture of that bill I'm gonna send it to him thank you for the 30 that was the 10 also men if you know that you cannot give thirty dollars or if it's hard for you to give then you need to date with the door you know you can not date but date with the woman that never does not have that expectation or number two it's in that that rainy so he knows I'm going in lunch he knows my vibe okay so give me like a word or one or two words to describe how you felt about that video give me one or two words and I and then I'll kind of give you when assessment I see petty Agnes says wow sad liability silly who are these crazy women bullshit okay gold digger oh lord y'all y'all y'all don't like y'all don't like that bit okay okay okay then um Wow okay dumb trifling in mature unrealistic delusional okay all right a headache by your own lunch love okay this is this is heavy okay so um you know I think that my first question on this you know is it in my wife and I've talked about this and you guys know I wrote about this I wrote a book called financial lovemaking and you guys can have the book for free the e-copy you can go to boysonalisha.com boysonalisha.com my wife's name is Alicia and and it's really interesting because I remember the internet kind of ran off with a rumor when she and I got married and I shared my proposal and also the wedding online which got hundreds of thousands of views somehow the the internet's an amazing place because people will just make up something out of thin air and then people will run with it so the thing that people ran with was that my wife that she secretly wanted to date my friend Willie D you know Willie D's my buddy from the get-o-boys who he was in my wedding and then second the second interesting rumor was that she married before my money that she was a gold digger they really wanted to get access to my money and we all me her and Willie we all kind of laughed about it because first of all Willie's not that kind of guy he can there's plenty of women that are interested in him and he's he doesn't need to take his friend's wife so he's not that kind of person at all but we don't worry about that it was it was more entertaining like wow where do people get this from and then the second one was the second thing about her wanting me for my money I said that's really interesting because if people knew how much money you had when you married me they would completely know how silly that is and that that really speaks to the limitations of other people sort of trying to assess what's going on inside somebody's relationship like nobody can do that and if that were ever happening you got to let that go you know but with that said though I think that you know I know that my wife happens to be a person who is not really into money at all like she she kind of has this idea she not will debate this right she'll debate this where she'll say money should not matter at all all that matters is love because that's how she's built she's built in where she just is into the whole love thing a hundred percent and and I see that more is a value judgment more so than an absolute sort of ideology the reality is that people who grew up with some type of financial trauma who were financially stuck as children they tend to be very sensitive to money because it's almost like a deficiency of a certain vitamin in your body if you have a deficiency of something and that vitamin is in in a certain type of food like for example if you have an iron deficiency I think there's iron and steak tell me if I'm wrong I'm not a nutritionist but let's say meat has iron in it then you might crave meat right you really want meat because you're like you know I don't know why but I just want to steak I'm gonna go to the steakhouse right so people that have a financial deficiency as children tend to be the ones who will notice first like do you got money you got money you got money and so so when I saw the women speaking again these are not women I've seen women like this I never did those are not my my types of women when you get money you can kind of tell the difference you know between the people that really want money and those it are interested in other things outside of money I'm willing to bet you that all three of them grew up with some sort of unique financial experience in their background that shaped their views when it comes to money either they went through some extreme poverty and some financial trauma as a result of the poverty you know my father left my mother and she had no money so we lived in a one-bedroom apartment in the hood and my brother got shot because he was out in the streets trying to provide for the family stuff like it so I swore at that moment I would never ever have money problems again and I would never deal with a broke person again I also realized at that time because what my daddy did that I can't trust no man and men are only good for providing money or making a baby with but otherwise they're worthless maybe something like that right you can imagine a narrative that might have pop up like that right or it could just be something where maybe you grew up the whole time and you were just you know a complete princess and got everything you wanted so that might turn that might make you a little bit some might say spoiled some would you can either argue that you either have high standards or you're spoiled or both right and and I think I think that that can be a little bit of a headache - we always talk about that we always talk about setting super high standards especially for our daughters and then mothers do that with their sons like they'll they'll they'll baby their sons and by and say I want every woman to treat my son a certain way and then unfortunately I don't think spoiled people do very well in the world I think spoiled people are a pain in the ass right so I think the ability to provide that balance is really what the answer is right like okay I want you to have high standards but I don't need you to think you're the center of attention in every situation you go into there are other people you're you're part of a collective you're part of a family you're part of a community and part of a family being part of a family is is is something that I think is kind of a lost art in our community Dr. George C. Fraser talked about the the possible extinction of the black family or the decline of the black family and so when you don't really have a healthy family where you have given take you know the reciprocity right an ecosystem where I'm given but I'm also be able to take and then I give a little bit then I take a little bit I'm not just a taker I'm not just a giver we don't have we don't understand that balance it's very easy to go into situations with a type of desperation right let me give you an example let me give you that has anybody ever seen a situation where like let's say you got a poor kid that like lived in like a really poor neighborhood and where you had to fight for food like right like they had seven siblings that might be two cheeseburgers and whoever couldn't get to the food first didn't get to eat or or five pieces of chicken and six kids and you had to fight to get that piece of chicken but you never seen that like I want you to imagine that right okay now how do you think let's say that kid goes and visits his friend that lives in the suburbs where there's there's there's never a food shortage there's plenty of food for everybody you know they the mama can buy enough cheeseburgers for everybody enough chicken for everybody what does that kid usually do when it's dinner time y'all tell me describing in one sentence how is that kid gonna react when there's plenty of food on the table what are they gonna do put it in the chat anybody ever seen it what are they gonna how how would they typically respond or let's say there's a bunch of candy and they're not usually like candies really hard to come by what do you think they're gonna do they're gonna hoard it there you go that's the word thank you AJ they're gonna they're gonna be putting pieces of chicken in a pocket they're gonna be stealing stuff that they don't even need to steal right like not not all the time right but they could right they literally it's like oh I better get this I better grab this before it's too late because I came from a scarcity environment which gave me a scarcity mindset and and and again maybe my wife here could you know which I wish she was here so she could kind of give the the psychologists or the therapist perspective but I'm willing to bet you that that extreme scarcity becomes a type of trauma that never goes away and as I've told you I mentioned this before we got to remember this the biggest economic challenge you have in the black community is undiagnosed untreated trauma a lot of us went through horrible stuff and nobody ever healed or even acknowledged it it's like oh you're a strong black woman of course you're fine you can't you can't fix trauma by ignoring it it doesn't go it just sits in the background and just kind of like a little drum beat in the subconscious and just it just keeps messing up your life is like a little invisible demon there's just coming into every relationship you have and saying I got you right like ruining every situation that you're in every choice every choice you make is coping with this demon this cancer in the spirit that you've never really addressed because you because you're strong and you can't tell about it or either you're a strong black woman who don't need no man whatever those stereotypes are or you're a strong man who can't who's just so masculine that you can't reveal the areas where you are vulnerable where you are hurting where you are treated unfairly and and there's ways to fix that and and I get encouraged I want to encourage you to consider that okay it'll it'll just make life better I promise because actually when my wife got certified in trauma one thing she told me that really kind of fascinated me was she talked about all the health effects they come from trauma she said traumatized people who don't deal with their trauma they're more likely to get cancer they die earlier they have you know all these health conditions that come out of that and not not so it's not just the not just the relationships not just the mental health it literally manifests itself in your body like your body like you die from this it's crazy it's unbelievable so anyway with this particular video and I want to play it one more time because I want us to I want to kind of make a couple more remarks on this you know sort of based on financial theory and financial psychology to kind of understand this let me let me play it one more time so I'll just be quiet and play it here we go 5 he knows how I like to move and he only sent $30 I'm not gonna bend over backward for a man that is just sending whatever he can if I'm talking to him next time I'm out and he says oh you need something for lunch I'm gonna tell him it's okay somebody already sent me a hundred dollars okay if we're being completely honest right here right now we've all eaten lunch for $30 yes let's say a hundred percent a little cafe spot baby we're not saying that we're ungrateful right is food on the table however you know what the standard is correct me in that situation handling it with grace thank you so much maybe I'm so appreciative I'm gonna still take a picture of that bill and I'm gonna send it to him thank you for the 30 that was the tip also men if you know that you cannot give $30 or if it's hard for you to give then you need to date with the door no you can not date but date with the woman that number one does not have that expectation or number two it's in that that rainy so he knows okay so one other thing I noticed in the video is it's it's kind of something that that I kind of tried to politely mention even you know when Kevin Samuel's kind of did his thing I like Kevin Kevin did a video about me he was supportive of me you know I could I was being unfairly criticized about something that I had nothing to do with but still I liked the guy I think he was very very smart but one of the things one of the areas I don't care you know who the person is if I disagree with you I'm gonna tell you I disagree with you doesn't mean I don't like you this means I disagree I felt like he generalized a lot right when you got into this whole conversation about high-value man high-value woman that literally was a complete violation of everything the economic theory ever teaches us about value when I when I worked in my doctorate my specialty was an area called asset pricing okay asset pricing is basically valuing things how do we construct value and one of the biggest things about value that you have to understand is that value is in the eye of the beholder tell me if you understand what I'm saying I don't want to talk over anybody's heads or sound uppity or nothing but I got it I got a I gotta pull up my PhD on this and say valuation is not a universal idea there there's no such thing as like everyone sees this thing is being valuable let me give an extreme example give me a guess if you remember do you remember when that they sold that that piece of art the banana tape to the wall for six point two million dollars give me a guess if you remember with when that option took place they literally had an auction as Sotheby's I guess and maybe somewhere else and somebody a smart person paid six point two million dollars for a banana duct tape to a wall is a piece of art called the comedian and believe it or not there's a lot of economic theory to completely justify that purchase as crazy as it sounds now I'm gonna ask y'all another question if if somebody said I have a banana tape to a wall would you would you pay six million dollars for it or let's say that they give you a discount they said we're gonna save you three million you can pay three million three point two million for it would you would you buy that banana give me a yes or no would you consider that that banana tape to a wall to be worth three million dollars yes or no would you would you pay a million for it let's take two million off the table I mean we just gave you another two million dollars come on now seriously don't be stingy you're saving five million dollars on this and well yes or no would you do it no a lot of you would not now some of you would maybe because you understand a little bit more about valuation you see if you understand how art is valued and how markets work then you would say I don't know let me think about that because because here's the real answer to that question the real the real question is if I pay a million dollars for this banana duct tape to a wall and I have this certificate of authenticity that this was the artist who take duct tape the banana to the wall that this is the that this is the only piece of this art that other people can duct tape a banana to the wall but it's not the same banana it's not the same duct tape it's not the same artists it's not the same authenticity and if I know pay attention if I know that I can find somebody somewhere that will pay me something even close to that six point two million for this piece of art well then I suddenly go from being the dumbest person in the room to being an absolute genius that they in finance they call that the bigger fool theory that you can find a bigger fool that's willing to pay a higher price than what you paid that's what that's what drives the whole art market so value so my point here is to say that whether you're talking about human beings on the dating market it is a market just like the stop market is a market just like the grocery store is a market just like a nightclub is a market if you talk about the dating market or anything else valuation is very subjective it's very subjective so when Kevin would go into the space of light if you're over 35 nobody wants you because you're not a high-value woman anymore I was like stop that stop saying that man it not only does it mean you're hurting people's feelings I know a lot of amazing women over 35 who are who are as gorgeous as the day is long you know first of all that's just a mean shit to say excuse my French I thought I know I think you can make your point without being a jerk about it but the Internet likes that the Internet likes when people can see see people understand Kevin Sanders did a lot of content before he blew up a you know a couple years before he passed and it was very intelligent it was very balanced it was it was it was much more decent than it was and people didn't really pay attention to him until he just strategically became kind of an asshole not not all the time but bitch you know what I mean just kind of like like like I don't care how you feel I'm just missing you I'm gonna hang up on you if you disagree with me because you're stupid when he started doing that then people started liking that and that's what the Internet does the Internet tends to embrace extreme chaotic personalities and I just thought that was a problem I did not enjoy that very much and I thought that was beneath him but the with that also being said valuation is subjective so when people say and anybody who says well that's a high value man that's a high value one I'm like under what criteria what who are you talking about like for example if you talk about men if you get a group of black men together and say what types of women what women do you consider to be high value sure there might be some areas that might be universal like well the sex is good or blah blah but then there might be another guy who says yeah the good sex is nice but I kind of like a woman who's thin another guy's like oh no I wanted to have some meat on her bones and the other guys like well either one can work for me as long as she can cook right whatever right so different people have different criteria of what's high value and low value so anything that's universal like when that woman said if you don't have enough money you shouldn't date that's not that's fundamentally automatically unconditionally pretty much incorrect it's incorrect because some women may say oh if you don't got a money you can't date me right that that's and that's okay I think it's all perfectly okay to have your own expectations your own standards your own whatever I think that what made this video awkward and really little embarrassing for these women there is that their comments really didn't tell you about the world their comments really told you about them and we see if you see you think you're defining you think you're describing the world but you're not describing the world you're describing yourself you're describing your background you're telling me about maybe your financial trauma that led you to become so hyper obsessed with money that money see you got to understand as a person who wants you to really think about money I need you to understand that the reason I want you to think about money is so that you can stop thinking about money so much and start thinking about something else see that that's that's conscious that that that might have confused you so let me say it again money is an obsession for many of us because money is a deficiency when you address the deficiency you have to hyper focus on addressing it so that you can stop thinking about the deficiency do you follow what I'm saying do you get it does this make sense to you so so here's the thing when you have a deficiency and you haven't addressed it then guess what you go through life saying oh he got money he got money he got money he got money and then money does not become your liberator money incarcerates you and gives you nothing but a bunch of blind spots because that means any old asshole who might rape you beat you steal from you a lot of you hurt your feelings abandon you can get into your life get into your bed get access to your body because he got money because you have publicly announced the ticket to admission and I said this as a man who has always had money I have had money for it very long time when I was 31 my first job I made six figures and it's been uphill there and upward ever since so so one of the things that that I used to process and think about because I think about things and I'm an observer and I'm a thinker as I was really fascinated by how often I would run into women who are willing to give me the case to the whole kingdom just because I could send you an extra $500 for rent and I'm like you don't understand $500 that's not a lot of money to a person that has money you mean you're willing to let me come in your house and do only God knows what if I give you if I buy you like a $500 gift that's what moves me automatically to the front of the line that's a very dangerous way to view the world because there are a lot of rich men who have STDs that you can't give back there are a lot of rich men who will destroy your life there are rich men who will embarrass you in front of your friends hurt your feelings and possibly even kill you you feel specter feel specter you'll know you'll know you'll remember first feel specter he was a really big music guy back in the 60s and because all these women were tried to him because he was rich and famous he would like beat the hell out of them because he knew that they went you ain't gonna do nothing you don't keep letting me beat you because I can I'll just write you a check every time I beat your ass and it's not a lot of money to me it's like oh a thousand dollars okay here you go right but I feel specter would spend a thousand dollars on you know on toilet paper or something so so so the point of the matter is that that you got to be real careful when you bring money into the conversation because you have to be able to process the nuances of it I believe that your goal should be able to look at things in a what I what it's called a multivariate kind of standpoint that's consciousness the ability to see all things right and here's the point here's another point I want to drill into on this there's not really anything wrong in my opinion this is again this is my perspective you feel free to disagree there's nothing wrong with those women having a financial preference you know I told you every every book on evolution says that generally speaking women are attracted to various forms of security financial securities one type of security I told you about that when I wrote my book financial love making I was fascinated with the women I talked to and how offended and how hurt they would be if the financial security was undermined which goes back to this evolutionary belief that women want to just protect their babies and if you can't protect the babies by providing and protecting all this other stuff then they're gonna be very upset with you and maybe not even attracted to you they're their bodies not in all cases but in many cases it seems like their bodies are almost wired to not want to reproduce with you which is weird in the black community almost like it's flipped on his head because sometimes I got a lot sometimes I sometimes we have a baby with a guy where I'm like wow why was that man even in your bedroom like you know but I'm not judging I'm not judging let me just stop there but but but but generally speaking they have a right to have that preference I think that what makes it awkward is that they're stating their preference publicly and they're stating it as some sort of unconditional truth that everybody has to abide by like the one lady who said you shouldn't date if you don't have enough money that's silly while you can't say something like that maybe she should say you shouldn't try to date me if you don't have any money it because to me that's no different from a man saying you shouldn't try to date me if you don't cook or you shouldn't try to date me if you don't have any hair you shouldn't try to date me if you're booty and you know the right size whatever and I think that people have a right to have those preferences I think that what makes it easier is when you keep it kind of keep it to yourself you know like I I we've all everybody should have preferences everyone should have standards I had you know my wife I thought my wife was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen I loved her body I love her I love smart women I I really don't know if I could have married a woman who wasn't that smart right so there's lots so there's preferences are okay but I think that when you get to the point where you state your preferences and in a way that is dismissive and rude to people who don't meet that standard I think that that's when you kind of gone over the line a little bit and really revealed revealed yourself in a negative way so if I say all women over at the age of 35 that I'd never forget that was the last thing that was that was so bad for Kevin you know to say that as is the last part of his legacy because I was like man now you're forcing me to disagree with you again you know he's like all women over 35 you're the left right before I married my wife I'd made a personal decision to say that I don't want to date a woman under the age of 35 because I'm a grown-ass man I'm 45 years old I don't want to date a woman I don't want to date a woman in her twenties that yeah that's like dating a kid so I like the women over 35 because you know you're young enough where you still look amazing and but you're old enough where I can talk to you about a cartoon that came on in the 1980s and you're not gonna look at me like I'm your grandpa you know or whatever right so so really I kind of think that that these conversations are really important conversations because what I want you to realize is that here let's put it let's look at the big picture perspective of what's happening in the world has anybody give me a guess if you've heard all the studies about global population decline has anybody heard about that especially in countries like Japan in mostly places where where non-black people live their populations are dropping African people got blessed and they didn't listen to Bill Gates when he was telling him to stop having babies they just kept doing it so Africa's gonna be in a power position in the next century because they kept having babies even when the rest of all the white people are saying stop having babies because you got too many people even the Asian people fell for that China used to have too many people so they implemented the one child policy now they're like trying to hurry up and get people to reproduce again but sorry you've already created a culture where in some Asian countries it's really crazy the men and the women can't stand each other collectively there's like these crazy there's like the feminist movement but then there's like the anti-feminist movement and in South Korea the men my son was telling me about this is South Korea the men are like protesting and and there are these like pink seats on the buses that you're supposed to give to the women when they get on the bus and the men are literally sitting in the pink seats and saying we're not giving you a seat FU right and I said oh so they hate their women as much as some black people do so we're not the only ones and so anyway when you create that culture where the men and the women just are divided and don't want to deal with each other and are irritated with each other don't want to sacrifice don't want to that's the key word sacrifice for things like family and longevity and commitment and relationships well then yeah you're gonna have a reproduction problem in fact a lot of the studies say the since the pandemic I want to say like over 70 percent of young men under the age of 25 haven't slept with a woman in over a year which that means that's the thing people think sex is just about pleasure no people have plenty of pleasure in the world but sex is ultimate for reproduction you know dating mating how you approach each other plays a big role in whether you have families whether you're your genetics even survive in the next generation see we always keep thinking about like oh I see he cute me today that it starts there but it turns it's supposed to turn into marriage and kids and all that my mother my father had a great story about how they met and my father saw my mother in the library he said he turned to his buddy he said I'm gonna marry that woman right there and his buddy left but my father was serious he just got back from Vietnam he went up to another guy that was talking to my mother and he said to the guy he said if I see you talking to her again I'm gonna kick your ass he literally did this this is kind of man my father is so he knew what he wanted and when you ask him you say well well what made you approach her in that way he said I knew what I wanted I wanted your mother and and they literally weren't they they had their 50th wedding anniversary a month ago 50 years a 50 is five zero five decades together and then a month later my mother graduated and went to heaven so it's so and and the attitude that was required for that to even occur was an attitude that you don't often see with a lot of young people now and it really concerns me it really does right so so right now if you look at the big picture you have a global population decline even Elon Musk is concerned about it which is interesting and then with within that you have kind of the breakdown of families and stuff like that and and and people it really in our community you have a scenario where most families are not whole and complete you know biological mother biological father you know four five kids it's sort of disheveled sometimes a little bit chaotic and that becomes very confusing for the children by the way has anybody how many of y'all give me a guess if you have been sort of the victim of of a Rolling Stone or somebody that that wasn't thinking about the future that where the kids are just splattered everywhere and you got siblings all across town and so you know you or somebody dies and there's kids that nobody knew about and or you were maybe the family secret or you were and I and that was a little bit of my life my father had a couple other kids you know besides the one he had with my mother which was me and it made it awkward like when we were all trying to coordinate all this and it is kind of messy and what that speaks to to some extent is a lack of of of of of of strategy a lack of discipline a lack of commitment in terms of really and leadership really is leadership right if I don't see myself as a leader if I'm a young man and I don't see myself as a leader or I see myself as a victim or I see myself just as somebody who's just going to go whichever direction the wind blows then guess what didn't that's going to create a very unsturdy foundation for the thing that's supposed to become my legacy is supposed to become my family right when you're not thinking long-term like when I talk to young guys I'm like look you got to realize the things that you choose to do now are going to affect people that are not yet born you know my grandfather made decisions in World War II that led to 60 years later having 50 people around the dinner table at Thanksgiving all of whom knew exactly who their cousins were who their siblings were who the family was and so ultimately this this this sort of so these dating mating conversations where people are making these major decisions based on whether or not somebody can take them to the cheesecake factory I think are very very dangerous actually and it really is very damaging to legacy and and this is why I pay very close attention to how black people are talking about their relationships right now because I see us going in a direction where it's only going to be more chaotic because we tend to think about sex as something okay I'm gonna have sex with you because it's going to be pleasurable I'm not at all thinking about the fact that one day I'm gonna be somebody's grandpa and all these people are gonna be judging the decisions I made when I was in my 20s and my 30s and they may not judge them favorably so when you talk about wealth and and planning and investing and all this other stuff I encourage you to sit and meditate on your life now but I want you to also meditate on your life 30 years from now and really try to see if the two reconcile with each other or try to look down the path this is consciousness consciousness part of consciousness it reminds me of when Wayne Gretzky the great hockey player used to say that he doesn't go where the puck is where the puck is located he he goes where the puck is gonna be he goes where the puck is going right so when you look at your life I encourage you to say well where's the puck going if I keep living like this if I keep smoking and drinking every day where where's that going what am I becoming oh you're becoming an alcoholic you're becoming a drug addict if I keep womanizing and run around just doing whatever what am I becoming or you're not really becoming a husband and father necessarily you might just becoming the guy who's like the old player you know where you're 45 50 years old and then you're looking back at all the times that you just had all these worthless experiences and never accumulated to anything so sometimes wasting your relationships a little bit is like wasting money right when you when you think about this if you look at your financial life and you look at the last 20 years of your financial life for a lot of us unfortunately we were trapped in the moment we were thinking about what we were gonna do right then we were thinking about things we're gonna buy right away we weren't really necessarily investing long-term and so we have all this all this energy all this financial energy that we put out into the world in my am I lying right this this energy where we're spending here we're buying this buying that getting a new car to pay money to go see some girl whatever it is that you're doing with your money and then then somehow ten years later somebody's like well you do know that you spent you know half a million dollars in the last decade and you're like what are you talking about I'm not rich but then when you look at it you're like wow I did make half a million dollars in the last decade and you have nothing to show for it you have nothing to show for it you're like man gosh and then when somebody like me comes along and I say something like well you do know if you just take taking $1,800 and bought some Apple stock in 1997 you'd have between two and three million dollars right now you do you do know that right and you and it makes you it's like a kick in the stomach it's like holy crap so so it's the thing is that building something doesn't require that you put everything into building it doesn't mean that you didn't waste something it doesn't mean that you didn't throw some money away every now and then enjoy your life it just meant that you you had some little part of your brain where you were thinking about the future some part of your brain where you were just saying okay this is this to show past this is not all that there is 2024 is part of a bigger puzzle it's it's it's part of a collective of years 2025 26 27 28 30 35 40 45 50 I need to look at the cool look I need to look at the whole forest I can't just keep responding to every tree because if you do that and you're always living in the moment then what will happen is that you'll look back at your life you'll have a series of worthless moments and never accounted for any that never amounted to anything you know and that is what we see financially right we spend spend spend spend spend spend nobody invests anything at all next thing you know you're looking back you like damn why am I still poor and I've been working for 30 or 40 years or health I'm it's like it's not like it's not like I'm planning to get diabetes and heart disease and diet the age of 55 from a heart attack it's like it's like no right now I just want to enjoy this fried chicken or right now I know I don't want to go to the gym because I don't feel like it right so by not doing those little things then it ends up amounting to big waste gigantic amounts of waste so if you're again and so to just expanding into extrapolate and kind of finish the point there if I'm thinking about even my sex and my interactions with women and or the opposite gender or whatever the same gender I'm not judging I don't care about that and and everything's down to like who I think is attractive in the moment who's going to give me pleasure in the moment what's going to give me a good experience in the moment then all those moments end up amounting to nothing and and and you can't and then 30 years later you have nothing that sort of compiled from that except for a bunch of worthless experiences and in fact when I I listen to this old guy who was talking to a young guy and he said well what's your biggest regret as a senior citizen he said that I spent my too much time chasing women that's all I was doing was chasing women the whole time and I didn't build anything I didn't build a legacy I didn't sort of make a decision and and I encourage you to kind of think about these things as you go about making investments in your life so when I just talking about the financial investments the financial is very important but also we're talking about the other investments in terms of relationships mental and physical health because that interacts with your financial situation it's very very hard to be financially stable if you don't have a stable family if you don't have stable mental health or if you don't have stable physical health or good healthy relationships it's also when you are financially stable it does help to enhance your ability to pursue the relationships that you want and to have the mental and physical health because people that struggle financially have a hard time being mentally stable and mentally balanced that's why for example when these ladies say hey I don't I really kind of want a man that has the ability to provide financially I think that's very natural I think that actually makes sense I don't I personally don't want my daughters just with men that don't even try they won't even get up and go to work they won't even do their best won't even make a plan right I don't want I don't want my daughters with them with a man like that because men like that have a hard time running families they have a hard time leading any type of organization they probably couldn't even manage a Wendy's right so so that's okay to have that preference but I think when you make money your your your alpha and your omega and you know and you make it into the the be all end all then at that point money becomes a blind spot and money becomes a liability to your ability to pursue healthy relationships when I wrote that book financial lovemaking I'd never forget some of the crazy stories I heard there was one lady that married a really rich guy and they were so rich they lived next door to Bob Costas and she said she didn't realize that her husband also had a drug habit and he was smoking a lot of crack and if you don't know crack can be costly because it's I hear crack is delicious and so he would he was smoking so much crack that eventually the bank accounts were empty she said I woke up one day I had no money in the bank I had no husband and I was in this horrible situation based on this problem that I didn't even know was there so so when you just focus on the money I think that that can cause you to miss some of the other things that are there so I encourage you to have a holistic conscious approach to every single thing that you get involved with by doing that I think it'll be better off okay so anyway I'm I'm finished talking thank you guys for hanging out and one thing I want to mention is that if you we do have a great class black money 101 if you want to get started on your wealth building journey it's called an introduction to the power of money so if you feel if you want to take a look go to black money 101.com that's black money 101.com if you want to be on the text list for this class we meet every single day seven days a week at 10 a.m. Eastern there are a few thousand of you in here so I'd love to make it to a million people I'd I just love talking to my people about wealth but even if you're not black you're still welcome here as long as you don't come in here with that anti-black nonsense you're one of us you're cool so if you'd like to be on the text listed you on this class text the word morning M-O-R-N-I-N-G to the phone number 87948 text morning to 87948 and also my wife Dr. Lisa Watkins she's a relationship therapist a trauma expert stuff like that she's gonna do her book club tonight and her mental health Mondays a Monday night if you'd like to be notified then text the word love to the number 87948 so text love to 87948 and she will reach out to you and someone's asking are there any evening classes yeah I'll text some stuff out so I'll let you guys know we have going on the black business school so God bless you have a great day thank you guys for listening and I'll see you soon take care everybody bye bye
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a world-renowned finance expert, author, and advocate for economic empowerment in the Black community. With a PhD in Finance, Dr. Watkins has spent decades teaching millions of people how to invest, build generational wealth, and achieve financial freedom. He is the founder of The Black Business School, a revolutionary platform where families learn the fundamentals of wealth-building tailored to their needs.
Dr. Watkins is also the author of the acclaimed book The 10 Commandments of Black Economic Power, which provides actionable strategies for creating sustainable economic progress. His work has been featured on major media platforms, and his passion for financial literacy continues to transform lives worldwide.
Learn more by visiting BoyceWatkins.com or text the word "Stock" to 87948 to get his free list of favorite AI stocks.