Rebel FM
Rebel FM Episode 95 - 03/11/11
Hello, and prepare to have your train of thought derailed completely. This week Anthony is off at PAX East and Scott Bromley and Brian Altano of IGN join us in an effort to win the award for most manic podcast ever. Games, letters, jokes, bangin' - it's all here. I'm sorry in advance.
This week's music, in order of appearance:
Rise Against - Help Is On the Way;
Portishead - Glory Box
(upbeat music) (upbeat music) Nothing good on the radio, once again I didn't know, who should I turn to? The Red Bull and Bell, the Red Bull and Bell, the Red Bull and Bell, the Red Bull and Bell. Why don't I just call that book Cats? Cats, cat breeds, and cat care? Just call it Cats, consolidate, you know, save on that type. Consolidating Cats? Yeah. Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome to Rebel FM episode 95, it's already a disaster. I am your host, Arthur Geese, Anthony Gallegos is fucking around on the East Coast. Literally, literally. Is that what they do at PAX? No one ever sends me to that. No. Well, you know, we tried to get you to the last PAX, but you just bitched out. Yeah, I was fucking around on the West Coast. It's true. He was actually fucking during our panel. Yes, I was sorry. He was interrupted during our panel by suckling at the tip of his Peanor. So who are we hearing correctly? This is true. So again, I am your host with me as always as Matt Chanderne. Hi. The Tyler Barber makes another return. Hey, guys. And we have a dumb and dumber with us tonight. That's not fair. Brian Altano. Actually, it's he and Scratchy. Brian Altano and I come and Scott Brown, we have thanks for a cat dog. What's going on, internet? What about Stiffle and Ollie? Oh, yeah. Heckle and Jekyll. I call the black one. That's only because you are black. That's kind of all the yeah. Yeah. You do have that disease, right? We're like the west reverse vitilago. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just really tan. How many did you get us off of this so video game? Thousands of X's were clicked in here. Well, no, I mean, the second that they read the description that we were on it. They're like, oh, fuck. I'm going to listen anyway, but say it's terrible. Yeah, that's pretty much it. That's cool. I'm going to listen to the whole episode twice so I can pick out every terrible thing they say and rage about it in the comics. No, it's fine. They don't want it already. They can't do anything. They can't take that away. You're lost. So games. Tell me about games. Dragon H2 is awesome. I heard that that game was terrible and for console babies. Wow. Wow. Well, you heard incorrectly. You're like the below, right? You must have been video games. You must have been listening to the internet again. Oh, well, stupid me listening to anything that's written on the internet. I'm about, I don't know, four, five hours in maybe. How four babies is it? It is not for babies. I have to be very tactical in my approaches or I die. And it plays a lot more like Dragon Age 1 than I thought it would. I thought it was going to be a lot more like Mass Effect. You're playing on PC, right? I am. And you can't do it isometric anymore like you could have lost, but you can zoom it out pretty far. You can zoom out pretty far. I mean, maybe not quite as far as you couldn't Dragon Age 1, but far enough. It's still tactical overview stuff. It still happens. I still enjoy it. You still switch between the characters. And you still have tons of powers. Only this time they're laid out better and they make more sense. And the tech trees actually look cool. The tech trees look really cool. There's one you have cross pollination of powers. Do you know, you're very much so meant to use your rogue standing extra warrior and your mage standing next to your archer and stuff like that. It all makes good nerdy sense. I can just feel Althano and Bromley die. All I heard was tech trees. I like that this actually seems like it was designed in the last two years. I'm like Dragon Age. That looked like someone fucked a copy of Lord of the Rings. Bone Dragon Age. I liked when you said that they still have powers and they still have multiple characters. Because I was just thinking about like if they took those things out, like what people would do. The riots that would happen. Like that that I just say they have powers. No, you're like, well, they're still powers. They're still multiple characters. Like, yeah, those things are there. I would probably start instances longer than that. I hope that wasn't just what I said. No, no, no. It was more nuanced, but a captain reductive over here was a thing to do. I have the attention span of a cat. One thing I see a lot in threads where people are often talking about role-playing games that aren't role-playing games anymore. It usually involves like equipment and armor. Is that stuff existing? It is, it's there. You're naked. I mean, you got all that stuff. You know, let's do some goblins. You basically could run around and get more or less naked. You'd run around them like a loin cloth. Yeah, you can if you want. You wouldn't last long. No, you wouldn't. But you can do that in just about any RPG. Not Mass Effect. Yeah, right. And Mass Effect 2 in particular is one that's often brought up about, you know, there's not a whole lot of armor options. You got very, very few. It's streamlined. Yeah. And it is a little bit streamlined in this one, not as much as it is in Mass Effect 2. Like the other characters in your party have outfits that they wear and that you can't, you know, replace with new armor or whatever. Your character seems to be the only one that you change the outfits on. Like you can change out their weapons, but you can't change out their outfits. But I want to play dolls. That's part of the fun, right? No, the problem is, is like what you're talking about, Tyler, the people who are obsessed with the idea that an RPG has to be a giant spreadsheet. And figuring out the interrelationships between that spreadsheet is where the RPG-ness comes in. And I've never felt that way. For me, story and character is always the number one driver of how good an RPG is, which is why I still love plain-scaped torment. I mean, if that's what they want, I hear Excel 2010 got a really good score. So is this, would that involve things like men maxing and stuff like that? Exactly. Yeah. Which has its place, you know, I enjoy doing it. I like trying to figure out, all right, I just leveled up. What stats do I upgrade to maximize my damage output and depending on the particular character that I'm leveling up? And like, I love all that stuff. But it doesn't need to be the entirety of the game. I would much rather streamline that stuff and focus more on story and more on in-depth dialogue and things. And Dragon Age 2 actually still suffers from some of the RPG-ness where it's where like the story moves on at a weird clip. Like right in the beginning, this is right in the beginning and it's in the demo, so it's not a spoiler. You're there with your brother and your brother dies. And then seriously, like two seconds later, you're like, well, time to move on. You know, it's like nobody, like your sister and your mother, they both have two lines of regret and then that's it. And they're still the cliched RPG detached sense of urgency. It's like, oh my god, we've got to go stop this from happening right after I spend an hour at the inn. Yeah, I got to collect these chickens. I can't do that before I gather these posters on the walls, guys. Is there a random town on fire, like in every RPG? Where you come back and they're like, oh my god, it's on fire. You have to go out to the hills and get an orb. This is a super Nintendo RPG. That's why I sound like an RPG. Like every fable. Yeah, every minute. No, they took care of that in the beginning by saying that you're running from your destroyed hometown. It's like, it picks up basically where Dragon Age is after four or five hours. Basically, yeah, but then it jumps completely like once you get to Kirkwall, it jumps to after the events of Dragon Age. Yeah, so I thought going into this that it was going to be concurrent and it's only concurrent for like the first, I don't know, 30 minutes of the game. And then after that, it's it's subsequent. And also, if you don't have a Dragon Age save, it assumes that the hero for Elden was female. First of all, it is apparently assuming that I don't have a Dragon Age save because it's telling me it. First of all, I thought that the hero was male. Really? And it thought that what's his name is King Alistair. And Charles. Yeah, Charles. Thought Charles. Yeah, I thought Alistair was king and in my game, he didn't end up being king. So it's it didn't read my save correctly. And so it's saying all these wrong things. I'm like, God damn it, that didn't happen in my world. I just I stopped messing with my cannon. I don't know how how it looks on your system, but online. It actually looks pretty good too. It looks pretty good on my system. The opening of the game actually isn't that strong, I think. Visually, it looks a lot better once you get to Kirkwall. It sets a weird example by having a Flemeth's tits hanging out. Yeah, every single female in that game, no matter their age group has double D breasts. Boobs. Yeah. And they all hang out. I'm kidding. Like the 500 year old, the crone. Like the one that looks like an extra from Robert Hood Menon's Heights in the first game. Now it looks like a combination of Maleficent and a dominatrix. She wearing a chastity belt. Made by Everleste. No, but she was wearing studded leather. Made by Everleste. That rapper from. I saw that movie in theaters and some dude farted. And I got up and pointed at him. It was that guy. In the middle of comedy, everyone just heard. 12? Yeah, I was 12. Whenever the movie was. You're an asshole, 12 year old. You're an asshole, 30 year old. It's true. That's not a thing to change. People were sneaking in from the emergency exits and exiting out the bag for months they sat in for a couple of minutes. What? Did you not like Benon Tites? I loved it when I was 12. You didn't watch them moving a lot of time. Fuse Robin Hood Menon Tites with the Kevin Costner Robin Hood. No, all the time. I do it in my head. And also Disney's Robin Hood. I always remember the part of the beginning of Robin Hood with Kevin Costner where there was a cartoon chicken singing on a guitar. Remember how Kevin Costner talked to Dave Chappelle all the time? Yeah, that was great. Carrie Elwez and Morgan Freeman are a dynamic duo. Anything else? Have you played anything else? Well, I couldn't talk about darkness too last week, but I did see that at GDC. Is the screen still populated by like giant hand puppets the entire time? Yes, still? Yeah, it's like a fucking muppet show. Only they kind of do awesome shit this time. I think it sort of did awesome shit last time. Yeah, but it's even awesomer this time. It starts halfway through the demo you see a stripper's head get blown off, basically. Jesus. Oh, right. So Saturday night. Right in front of you. It is a Saturday night for Jackie Estacado. Yeah, exactly. Well, no, it's cool because like the the shadow hands, there's one that's a grab and it works a lot like the gravity gun, basically only you can grab people and cars and car doors and use them as shields. And then the other one is kind of like a slice and dicer hand head thing. So you can like grab a guy in the instruction manual. Slice and Dicer hand head thing. Yes. That'd be awesome. I don't know how to describe it. I understand. It's the utility. It's the utility. The emigrabby gooly guy, right? Who's a what's it? By me, Mike Patton is still gonna voice the darkness. Cool. There's a game with a dead fish flopping. No, please. Yes. There's a joke no one will get. I get that joke. Nice. It makes me feel old when I get that joke. I'm going to pretend that I get that joke. So I sound smart. That was like the first time I've ever heard of Peter. Yeah. I had to beat it into the ground. I was going to say every time he sees an enemy, does he go, what is it? What is it? I would play that game. That's it. So what else? Darkness. Darkness. Darkness. Darkness. It's mostly just stuff that I saw at GDC. I can't think of anything else. Did you have anything else to say about the darkness? Oh, about the darkness. It looked a little bit like old school shooter-y, but in a good way. And I didn't get to play it. I only got to see the demo, but it was a pretty strong demo. I mean, the whole opening scene where you're in the Italian restaurant and it gets attacked and your foot gets blown off and your lieutenant is hauling you back by like your arms or whatever while you have to hold off the guys. And it seemed a little incongruous because it did the whole shooter thing where there's a million guys shooting at you, but nobody's hitting you, because hey, this is the tutorial stage. And because that's not fun. It's not what you're being dragged on the ground. Those weren't real Italians then. No, I mean, being attacked by the '80s. It's very, I can't hit shit. It's much gorier than the original darkness. It is. It is. When I say head blown off, what I actually mean is a bullet comes to the back of her head and goes out her eye socket in front of you. Right. And then she slumps over and her buddy screams and then a van comes through the side of the restaurant and just throws everyone in crushes, like the two strippers. And it's a super awesome scene. And they also say it's eye-popping. That's a fuck. Where I didn't pop. And then, you know, it fades to black real quick because that's what you have to do, I guess. Right. Well, and also you're like, it's a flashback story. Like, you're being tortured for someone trying to take the darkness from you. Yeah, oh, that's true. And then like, and then, you know, when he wakes up, there's the dead strippers half blown off face right there in front of you. Right. Because you didn't see it enough for the first time, apparently. And they're doing a thing with the art style where instead of trying to do realistic textures-- All the textures are hand-themed. Cartoon. Yeah, it's sort of like borderlands except more like a comic book. Right. There's almost, yeah. I saw from screenshots, it looks like it's a little bit cell-shaded, but not really. Not really, yeah. Like, there's like black outlines around them. Yeah, really thin black outlines. And only if they kind of turn at the right certain level. Yeah, it is kind of a unique art style because the textures are painted, but they're painted very realistically. So it's, I don't know, it's interesting. It'll be, it'll be cool to see if it holds up. What else did you see, anything? Saw the Uncharted 3 demo in 3D. That was cool. Really enjoyed that. Cool. Was it basically the same stuff they've been showing for the last couple months? I honestly don't know what they've been showing for the last couple months. So just that house on fire. Sony has a habit of taking the same demo and just ramming it into the ground. This was it, it was the same demo. The villain looks like Helen Mirren and Judy Dench. Yeah, Judy Dench, like fucked and had this woman. But they also like brought into villain from the Chipmunk adventure. That lady too. And they're like, there it is. Wait, the one in charge of the girl Chipmunk? No, no, no. The villain from the Chipmunk adventure. You guys, the lady who was like, I'm gonna put a bunch of diamonds and stuffed animals all over the world. And they have like their little hot air balloon race. Yeah. She kind of looks like the, the slutty lady in the sound garden video where she's on the conveyor belt with like the, with the things flapping on her. Or she looks like the neighbor. And like every one of those like bad sitcoms or like the, the sun has to like go check up on the hot neighbor and make a few bucks. It's like the house like a dick. Yeah, it's like a waspy. It's the waspy boss of the corporation. That guy's a janitor at. And she's got this floppy tits hanging out. It's what's her name from 40 year old Virginingly. Yeah, exactly. I played Shadow of the Damned at GDC last week. How was it? I wanted to play that one. It is a pseudo 51 game. And that pretty much defines it. Well, that's all I need to hear. Funny thing about those games, they look really cool. And they have a very strong aesthetic. And usually they play like Arbage. And they sell about 12k. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Don't play like that. And this looks right on track to be just that. For Xbox 360 and PS3. It's getting a much bigger push than any of his other games have gotten. Well, it's an EA partners game. So EA is putting some muscle behind it. It also doesn't look like it was made in 10 minutes. Right, it's definitely a different sort of aesthetic than their other games have had. It's much more American. It doesn't have an 8-bit tiger in it. Right. Well, that definitely helps. It just looks like the Warriors fucked Evil Dead, and then starred in a movie directed by Robert Rodriguez. Well, you game journalism really creative. Everything is like this thing fucked this thing, and then 60 years passed, and it fucked this other thing. You just talked about Helen Mirren fucking... Exactly. How to catch. Yes, there's a running theme here. Okay, fucking. Hi, we're guys. Well, they... I want to picture 60-year-old women fucking fucking fucking kids. Helen Mirren has been having 60-year-old babies. Oh, I know. She's got some... She still does have great cans. Yeah, she does have great cans. See those nude photos of her? She is surprised. No. Well, Google that, kids. Helen Mirren nude. Yeah, or just go hang out with your grandma. It just doesn't play very well yet. And that could just be that it's still early, except it's coming out in June, so maybe that's not it. Yeah, don't trick us like we have to trick our readers all the time. Oh, it's still an early building. Hey, no. Two weeks, they'll fix everything, guys. That works. We can't sell your pre-orders. I mean, someone said to me, "Don't worry, it's two weeks left." They can fix everything, guys. Like, that's ever fucking happened. Like, anyone's ever been like, "Shit, two weeks? Fix everything." Everything's fixed. Nothing gets fixed. I mean, crap. It feels like the camera isn't very good, and the controls are kind of sluggish. Well, a suit I even set on stage through a very bad translator. Yeah! That the fuck? I don't know. That was awful. We did a video interview that we can't use at all, because the translation was so bad. Yeah. Let me in El Tonneau dub it. Yes, please. I don't think a good idea. Please, that sounds amazing. I've been wanting to make fandoms for years. And then, wait, Godzilla comes down and stomps a town. It's just, like, you didn't even say that. Like, Robert Rodriguez was like their inspiration. Right, they kept saying Grindhouse over and over again. Like, and that's clearly like the tact that they've decided to take with marketing to let people get a handle on it. Yeah. But it reminds me just old that people's inspirations are things that were inspirations from other inspirations. Kind of, yeah. Like, Robert Rodriguez doing Grindhouse, which was his version of Grindhouse, and now it's become something that video game designers look at. Oh, yeah. Well, there's no original-- Like, how's the day overkill, I guess? Right. Yeah, like, how has that never been the case? I don't know. I'm just dumb. Like, always the case. I do think that they're mining-- they're sort of mining ground that other games haven't. Like, it seems to take a lot from Evil Dead and the '80s VHS horror-- the '80s VHS horror boom in America. So it's, like, super gory? Yeah, like, super gory. Like, got this weird punk aesthetic in strange ways. It's got, like, a Walter Hill kind of vibe to it. A lot of his games have a weird punk aesthetic, though. Like, they'll say punk is dead or whatever, and then just puts it all over the walls, and they have, like, the t-shirt shops and no more heroes. Right, but they didn't look like Willem Defoe in Streets of Fire during that hammer fight at the end. Yeah, wow. And that's definitely what Garcia looks like. Nice. I have a soft spot in my heart for that movie. It's no warriors, but it's still worth watching. Oh, man. And Diane Lane, like, super young, like, super hot Diane Lane. Rise, no back, Diane Lane. Fuck, you want to talk about hot old women. Look her up, look up her nude scenes, and unfaithful. She's getting banged in the elevator. Goddamn. He's stalking about Bane. Bo Derek is still looking good. Is she? Oh, people's pussy. Yeah, for sure. That would open. I don't think that's what "OPK" means. Yes, I think that song was all about old people. But also, I don't know what it means, though. Should have been. But, yeah, I mean, there's that sort of, it's like Walter Hill who directed the Warriors and Streets of Fire. Directed a movie with Bruce Campbell in it. And a bunch of monsters. They're from-- Who brought the tuba? [LAUGHTER] Well, I have to get one here. This is the last one. This is the ride. Jesus Christ. Thanks for being in charge. [LAUGHTER] I also saw Transformers Dark at the Moon. Did you really? How's that? [LAUGHTER] It actually looks really good. Like, some of the tech that should have been in "Gears of War III" is now showing up in other games because it got pushed back so far. So, the lighting is really strong. And Transformers actually look big when they're next to human buildings, as opposed to a bunch of other Transformers. We did that for you, Arthur Whitwicky. Soundwave isn't the game. Thank you for giving us the game. Is this High Moon Studios, right? Yes, this is the War for Cybertron, guys. The Good War for Cybertron. The Good Transformers. But it looks good. It looks like it could be the best movie game this year. And hopefully, that's not damning with faint praise. Cool. What is the second best movie game this year? Cars, too. Rango, apparently. Rango? Yeah, Rango's fun. Yeah, you played Rango. I did. I played Rango last night. Did you see the movie yet? I haven't seen the movie yet. I'm going to see it this weekend. The movie is really good. The game comes with a free movie ticket. I know, so I'm going to use that free movie ticket. And Stacy can stay at home. Yeah. I love that because that's always an excuse for me to get hammered at 2 o'clock in the afternoon around a bunch of kids. [LAUGHTER] And I'm sitting there in the theater like, "Ah!" [LAUGHTER] It's like, "Fuck!" I don't want to be that guy when I grow up. [LAUGHTER] Stop going to see Rango. What happened when we saw Jackass? Or were you sober when we saw Jackass? Are you sober? No comment. That we were sober. You and I, Scott, were sober. That was awesome. That happens. That's what movie theaters are for. That's why they give you big cuffs. [LAUGHTER] So you can hide all the alcohol in them. Yeah, but Rango is not terrible. It's, if you have kids, I suggest you get the game for them, I guess. It's weird. It's weird hearing you tell people what to do when they should have kids other than them. Yeah, stop listening to Rebel FM. Let me take care of your kids. [LAUGHTER] Please. If you have kids, that's number one. Yeah. What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Get rid of them. Fix things. This is not working for them. Leave them at a fire station. [LAUGHTER] You don't want that they use kids in the living room sitting there going like, "Mommy, why are they talking about comfarts in there?" [LAUGHTER] I don't know. I'm just listening to this dumb radio show. I don't remember talking about that. That's just happening. Yeah, I don't think we were. Mommy, what's a slant? Well, it's like when a slore meets a content. When you say slore, it sounds like your goes are the key master. Well, it's like a slore and a slat got married and had a kid that was a cunt that got married to a slant that was a slant. Slore may have actually been used in Ghostbusters. Slore no way. No. That movie was rated PG. No. There's no way to do this. Slore. [LAUGHTER] I'm listening to the name of a ghost. Slore is a type of creature in Ghostbusters. You fucking ass? No shit. You googling this right now? Yes, I am. Look up slant now. Yeah, look up slant now. Slant. See, that was in Ghostbusters too. Also, Fupa and Gunt. You guys know what a Gunt is, right? All right. Yeah, I know what it is. You want to explain to the listeners what it is? It's kind of like that flap that a girl puts right next to you when the train's really crowded. [LAUGHTER] It's kind of like a gut meets her gunt, so it's a gunt. And it's just-- it's like a bag of pancakes. Oh, god. You're saving here. Rango is a fantastic 2D platformer. You play as a lizard in the Wild West, who has a very vivid imagination. [LAUGHTER] No, it's a platformer. So you just do all the double jumps and butt blasts. And is it actually a good platformer? Yeah, it's a good platformer. I mean, there are parts where I was like, "Fuck you!" [LAUGHTER] OK, so goes through the gosarian. He will come to one of the pre-chose forms during the rectifications of the Volderani. He came as a large-- [LAUGHTER] He came as a large and moving Torb then during the third reconciliation of the Merkertrix supplicant they chose a new form, that of a giant slower. [LAUGHTER] Many shrubs and jewels knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Swore that day. [LAUGHTER] That's where that fucking came in. Wow, that was in Slore. I've certainly been in the depths of some Slore's. [LAUGHTER] How does your girlfriend feel about that? Ah, she'll probably listen to this show, so sorry, baby. I've had my fair share of slunts and Slore's. [LAUGHTER] Slippies and slathers. Let's see. I also played Killzone 3 over the weekend. I don't know what you guys are talking about, about the sound being bad in that game. Yeah. The sound tracking and sound mixing is actually really good. Ooh. Really? Yeah. Did you check out the next stage I was talking about? Yeah, I'm on that stage. I had to stop because my PS3 decided to shut off. Missing explosions, and you didn't have, like, footsteps sounding like they were. No, I have had the audio repeating bug where it goes like this. It goes like this. It goes like this. But even in the cutscenes, you didn't feel like it was kind of like missing a lot of sound. No. Yeah, I feel like 50% of the sound was gone out. No, I guess you need a sound system that isn't terrible. The end of that, or you'd like, you need a game that's programmed better. Right. Oh, you told them. It's not-- I mean, it's whatever. It feels kind of call of duty-ish. Yeah. The sound in Rango is awesome. It is, actually, my girlfriend came in from the other room and was like, what are you-- Right, it's music is good, right? What are you playing? That music is great. Yeah. Nice. The music in Rango is awesome. And the little Al Mariachi band, they, like, put them all out the game, so they have different music when you're coming towards it, and their music is rad. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, in the movie, they're good, too. The movie also has the best Timothy Elephant cameo of anything I've ever seen. Yeah, I need to see this movie. The game doesn't have that. No. How do you know? Have you finished it? I haven't finished it yet, but-- You didn't see that yet, right? No, but I have a feeling that the movie is nothing like this. I think it's like-- Because I played the first 20 minutes of Toy Story 3 before, so I thought Toy Story 3, and I was like, fuck, man. Yeah, and it's not-- Fuck this up for me. I'm like, why am I on a stage coach, or whatever the fuck it was, or is it a train? Yeah, but that's a dream sequence. I know, a lot. But the rest of the movie isn't you trying to escape a daycare. I mean, the rest of the game. Sorry, the rest of the game isn't you trying to escape daycare? Not even get that far. Yeah, see, Rango, I have a feeling is Rango doesn't start with him as a cowboy, does it? No. No, so it's Rango's adventures. Maybe it's Rango after the movie is over. I think it is, because he's already a cowboy riding a Road Runners. Oh, that's what those were, Road Runners. Yeah, the Road Runners. There's an achievement for-- There's so many weird sequences in that movie where they have these contrived animal setups to recreate scenes from other movies. And it all works really well. That's weird. Yeah. And it's really-- it's kind of a creepy, fucked up, dark kids movie. Those are the best kinds. Kids need more of those. From Gore-Vipinski, the maker of the ring. And Pirates of the Caribbean. And what an industrial, light and magic. Yeah, this is the first thing. All animated, industrial, light and magic movie. They did it really weird, too. They didn't do performance capture with the motion capture of balls and stuff. They filmed the entire movie with the actors on a stage, which is with all the places and props where they would be, and recorded their dialogue and their motions. And they're like, here, animators, this is what it looked like. Now, use that as your basis. And they just push the button all the way to do that. No, they actually had the animators. Is the anime button-- Cut out filter. Is the anime button when you hold shift and hit the comedy button? Yeah. Always hold the comedy button. Yeah. And then I played a bunch of reach, because I hadn't played-- well, I hadn't played reach in months. I didn't shoot her. Because I actually played all the way through Crisis 2 this week, and I can't talk about it. But I wanted to sort of catch myself up on the other huge console shooters, and ostensibly the best-looking console shooters. Speaking of best-looking console games, Brian and I played a game at GDC in the Sony booth. It's going to probably be the biggest game of 2011. I'd say so. I'm just waiting for the setup to hang out here. Burger Time HD. Yeah. Yeah, I saw that, actually. If you get too close to the apple, just time slow down so you can back away. The apple actually turns into a Time Warp. And you go and-- What if the Rocky Horror Picture Show have to do with Burger Time? You move your hips, and then you move to the right. You know, you guys laugh, but there are millions of kids today sitting around going, you know, remember that old game Burger Time? I thought you were going to make a joke about Rocky Horror Picture Show. No. Somebody should make that game in HD. So the Rocky Horror Picture Show would sell because they made a Glee episode about it. I fucked a magenta one. Wow. That would be not the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I have not. That surprises me. Yeah. But anyway, Burger Time HD is terrible. You look like you're in a transverse. Truly not that good. Why isn't it good, Diggs? Well, first of all, like Burger Time, you could play it. It was a side spoiler, but now that it's a new generation, they're like, hey, we have to make it 3D. How do we make it 3D instead of killing it on a 2D plane? Let's just shift it to a 2 and 1/2 D plane. What people understand is that sometimes things don't need a story. Sometimes you can just have a game and be like, it's fun, like chime. If at the beginning, they showed up on a bunch of kids that had cancer or whatever. You'd be like, no. But instead, there's just like, here's blocks, puzzle time. You're like, cool. But Burger Time, when you play the old game, you put a quarter and it was like, ah, ah, some dumb noise. And then some fucking asshole guy would run back and forth and pickles would fall and shit. And then you'd die because those games were impossible. And they'd get your money and the Japanese kid would be better than you. But now it's like a-- They're like, oh, Peter Pepper is late for work. He has a guy wakes up. He's got Burger Wallpaper. Like, it's fucked up apartment. He would never take anyone home too. Because they'd be like, holy shit, you wear that to bed. And you have to be a burger as well. And he opens up his closet and all it is is the same outfit for every single day. It's 50 different burgers. It's Brian Scott's home. Yeah. Yeah. So he's got super hardcore mental problems. Yeah. That can make-- Well, as easy as telling me. But as burger time doesn't sell. If you lived in a town that was populated by giant mutant hotdogs running down the street at you while you're trying to get to work, eggs, and apple cores coming out. Like giant apple cores coming out of nowhere. The size of cars. While you're trying to get into your rocket ship to go to space to make giant hamburgers on the moon. You'd be a little fucking the head, too. This kind of sounds awesome. I know, right? It sounds awesome, right? We should be PR guys with this guy. We really should. So you wake up in a pickle bed and you get in your hamburger car. But watch out for the eggs driving the Volkswagen Beetle. And he travels all over the world, too, because he wakes up and he turns around the corner and it's like, you're in New York, get it because there's an American flag and the Empire State Building. And then you have to spiral around another construction site because people in New York can't hold down construction sites with that fucking gorillas and giant eggs and turkeys flying all over them. But watch out for the Polish slotted rocket ship. So you just climb ladders and you can fucking jump in it now. Yeah, you can jump. Fuck. You can jump in burger time. You can jump over the enemies. That is fucked up. What is the fucking... It's so damn dumb. You know? So dumb. It's like if you could jump in Tetris. Yeah. So fucking stupid. I don't think you had legs in Tetris. Yeah. Well, in Tetris HD, you probably fucking will because people are making us an hour. Tetris HD, they'll give you fucking circle shapes. I've orchestrated an elaborate scenario to get the creator Tetris to do shots with our video team. And I'm pretty sure... I was in on that. The Tetris has no legs in it. No. I wanted to kind of... I wanted to take a bunch of shots with them and be like, "Oh man, you're awesome." But let's talk. All right. You apparently fucked things up to last few years. That holding block thing? Let's got to stop. Apparently... That was like official. It's fine. Apparently he roofied one of our video guys. Yeah. So you got out of... All right. I know. Did he really? Yep. That was... That was... He yelled Tetris and fucked him in the ass. I am going to show you my line block. Chris. Chris. Chris. He's only four squares, but I will take him to Bedroom and I will spin my T-shape if you know what I mean. I don't. It's when you take a T-block, you put it in the square, the other up line. I want it to be like... Tetris! Tetris too. Tetris too. Why was there bombs? And just be like... Walk away. Ah. I would have been like... Oh, I thought that why was there bombs was the subtitle of the game. It would be like... Tetris. Really? Tetris. Tetris. No, Tetris. Wasn't there like Word Tris? There is Word Tris. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tetris too had bombs. What? What the fuck was that about? Cheetah Men. What was the... Was it just Tetris 3D, the one that was like a globe that you spun around? Yeah. Yeah. People swear about that game. It was called Tetris Sphere. I actually liked that one. Yeah, it was good. It was 64. Nintendo 64 launch title? Was it? No. There were only two titles. They were manufactured enough carts for Mario and one other game. Yeah. Like third parties you can wait, suck our dicks, or pay $70. Yeah. We're in Tokyo. We can never know. You'll get to be on the box, but you don't get to have your game in stores yet. Yeah. Yeah. All the wonderful games on the back of the box that didn't come out for years. I have such a weird... Oh, what the hell? ...weird experience the shadows of the Empire because I borrowed an Nintendo 64 from a friend, went to Hollywood video and rented shows, The Empire and... What's that? David Lynch movie. They came out around 1998. Did it wax? Marilyn Manson movie? No, no, no. Sorry. Marilyn Manson movie? No, the David Lynch movie with Marilyn Manson and it. Yeah. I don't know. But it's... Fuck. How can it not... It's got Bill Pullman in it? Racer had. Yeah. De Snider Strange Land. Blue Velvet. No. I don't know. Who cares? The Time Machine. Who cares? Like, you wanted to say the Lost Highway? Yes. Fuck. So I rented that Lost Highway and I watched two hours of Lost Highway and turned it off because I had no idea what was happening. It's David Lynch in the 90s. Kind of like the first two hours of Shadows of the Empire. Yeah. It wasn't really a good... These guys live with Wampas? What is crazy? What are you talking about? Dash Rendars. Hero of the Star Wars galaxy. Yeah, that was so like they just got one of the guys that was trying to write a Star Wars book. And they're like, "You can do this." Yeah. So whenever I pick a Shadows of the Empire, I think I'm not seeing Patricia Arquette's tits. Aw. They're at the end of that game. They're in a Sarlacc Pit. But they're only four polygons. This podcast is a fucking disaster. Tyler? What did you expect? Yo. What have you been playing, Tyler? Yeah. I played a bunch of Killzone online multiplayer. How is that? I heard that there are problems. Yeah, I mean it's largely like the old Killzone online. I still have that opinion where it has the areas where people just basically fling themselves into one zone and it's just like... That sounds like an online shooter. But some of the things that I really think it excels at, I'm surprised that no shooters today have ripped off the one game mode that they have where it just randomly changes all the objectives while you're still on one map. I think that's super fun. Yeah. Yeah, that surprised me too. I thought that after Killzone 2 came out, somebody else would take that idea. I think it's a really smart mode and one of the best things about Killzone because you can get a nice long match in. Other things I think they do really well are they let you spend your points on all the shooters have their unlocks through experience and they allow you to spend your points however you want. Not just on the class you're playing. Yeah, exactly. So I think that's also a real nice touch. However, some weird things with the game and I could be wrong, but it seems like with most of the iron site guns, they don't work at long range. You can have someone in your sights at long range and you won't hit them and only really works with the scoped rifles. Where it's like, okay, I love Battlefield, biased, whatever. Like in Battlefield, if I got somebody in my iron sights and I lift it up a little bit, let the, give it some bullet drop, I can hit them across the map. Which should be fair is why you have bullshit like sniper rifle machine guns. No sniper shotguns. No sniper shotguns. That's a fucking, but anyway, buddy, like wait, god that was terrible. Like the, like the bus driver at, at, that took us from the EA event over to the Battlefield 3 event in GDC. This was like the most knowledgeable geeked out bus driver I'd ever met in my life. I was sitting up in the, up in the front row and like, he knew that it was some gamer event and so we started talking to me and he has some crazy clan that they, that they've been all together in and he's an expert, they've been playing together since the, like the Counter Strike one days and now they're all battle, that guy should totally be responsible for a lot of people's lives. And that now they're all like super bad company to guys, you know, like that's totally their game and they're all PC gamers because they don't want to hang out with all those console pussies, you know. Man, I kind of love how nobody really has any allegiance when it comes to shooters nowadays. Like it just seems like the next thing that comes along, if it's good, they'll jump into it. Like I mean, the whole, even with like when Borderlands came out, like what, like two weeks before modern warfare and I had this huge following and yeah, there was a major drop off. Yeah, they all left. But I mean, still people were just, they're just starved for shooters and they don't get enough maps that they'll be like, fuck it, I'll try kills on three or fuck it. I'll try Battlefield. Totally true. That's not true. With kills on three, no, because kills on two didn't sell phenomenally, but bad, bad company to ship like five million units or like six or seven million units actually, and which is not Black Ops, which is now apparently the best selling American game ever. I'm trying to be nice to gamers here. I don't give a shit about sales figures. I'm trying to say that they're nice and they're good people, which is a fucking lie. That's not true. I hate all of you. They're terrible people, which is why it's perfect that you're writing things for them. No, I think, I think what you're talking about though. I think what you're talking about. You get what you deserve. That's true. It's like long time gamers that have been playing shooters forever, they do tend to switch out a lot. Yeah. Which is like, compare that to a fucking Nintendo fan. Yeah. Like, hey, this is really cool, inventive third-person, you know, platforming game. Does it have Zelda in it? Is Mario in it? No. Is Kirby in it? No. Bye. I'll wait six months. I'll go play old shit again. To be fair, apparently, if it has Kirby in it, they still say bye. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you, yeah. Does it have Kirby's sweet? Does it have yarn? Oh. It's fucking you. Speaking of which, I've been playing Donkey Kong Country Returns. Oh, y'all. Speaking of fuck you. Yeah. Speaking of fuck you. That game is fucking hard. Goddamn. You know, I just feel really bad because it's such a gorgeous game and I'm playing it with my girlfriend. We just got like a brand new television. And you really want retro to get one. Yeah. Yeah. And she doesn't really play video games. So but she loves it. So this is what you're going to do to squeeze all the joy out of anything. Yes, exactly. You have an explainer like, "Baby, you're not terrible at video games." This video game just fucking hates us. Yeah. It just is terrible. It wants you dead. I remember the Donkey Kong games from the Super Nintendo being pretty challenging as well. Yeah. So like take those and just blow the scope out to infinity, you know? And it's like, I love the giant bosses that are chasing you through an entire stage. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. I mean, the stage design is so inventive and it's like so playful that you never, you never know what to expect basically three seconds after you do something like you take, you roll down the hill, you take a jump, you're in the sky and you come back down and all of a sudden like the entire board blows up and you fall down a mine shaft and you're on a cart that the mine cart track beneath you bends into a full circle, spirals off on its own track and becomes a giant mine cart on its own and you're like, "What the fuck?" And he's saying it's like, "Collect those K letters. Spell Kong." Like it also has bananas. Get the coins. He's like, "Fuck." I don't know how else is playful. It kills you. What's up? You know what else is playful? Like little tap in the balls. I love when Alton will tap some in the balls. Yeah, go tap in the balls. It's just it doesn't seem fun. Hey, you want to chuff it out? Watching people play it, watching people play it, it just doesn't look fun. I like hard games, but I like my hard games to do. It is. And it's like you, it's punishing. You go in and you have to memorize. It's definitely, you know, like trial and error. You fuck up. You go back in. You go, "I'm going to destroy." It's what it was like to play video games in 1989. Exactly. Or '99. They got that right. And it was actually pretty cool because the retro guys did a panel at GGC last week. And supposedly after years of being locked in the Metroid cage and not being able to do anything else because they were like, "We don't understand how to do this. You guys have to do this." They started designing Donkey Kong levels and they would be like, "Hey, go draw a tree." And then they'd come back three hours later and they'd come back and be like, "Yeah, that looks like a fucking space alien Hente tree from like the Metroid Prime games." Did you just say Hente? Yeah. You have to do that over. So they would go-- No, you do that over. Yeah, over. I don't care about your dumb nerd culture. My dumb nerd culture. Yeah. Put it here. Put it here. But now it's your Japanese animated porn correction. What? They're all like packs. Animo? Yeah, they're all known ones. Animo. [laughter] You would be the first person to make fun of someone from mispronouncing something you fucking asked for. I like my porn without tentacles. Thank you very much. Yeah. But yeah, long story short, they basically had to break themselves into thinking. That they could do something that was Donkey Kong and not Metroid. Right. And it shows. And they did. They did a great job with it too. Like those guys, you can tell that they want to keep the spirit of whatever game they're aping, pun, not intended. Yeah, I mean, I think it's teams like them that like in 2011 they get Nintendo more than Nintendo gets Nintendo. Yeah, exactly. They have that. And it's sold really, really, really-- It outsold usually one of those in February, which is fucking nuts. And I feel so bad because all those families are going to go home and be like, "Yeah, a fun game. We can play it together." And then just punch each other in the mouth. The first two weeks later. I don't fight with my girlfriend often, but like we've walked outside and I like smoked a cigarette. I'm like, "Baby, fucked up back there. That's really shit." And she's like, "You know, fuck you. The game wouldn't let me." And I'm like, "Well, it's not that the game wouldn't let you. There's not a tiny man inside saying, "Fuck you." Maybe there is. Fuck this game. I can't think there might be a tiny man inside saying, "Fuck you." I used to think that when I was a kid, there was a little guy inside the TV and he's like, "Ah, it won't let me." He's like, "Haha, stupid little kid." Out of their butt holes. I'm like, "No, penis is going there, pussy. That and flowers." Oh, God. Do you use the penis to put the flowers? I didn't use... His mother was a magician who would pull flowers out of her vagina. Also rabbits. Hanger, oh, before or after. That's disgusting. No one's going to ever get that out of their heads now. Well, thinking of your mom playing hanger chips out of her vagina, you're right. Everyone is going to think about that forever. When I was born, doves came out too. You're just going to be walking down the street and some kid go, and you're going to ask, and he's like, "I'll tanno'd." Hanger chip pussy. I'm sorry. Your mom's pussy can make the Statue of Liberty disappear. Yeah. It's amazing. Could it make it dance? No. It's a bobby brown. No. It's not Bill's pussy. It's not Bill's pussy. No, Brian's mother's pussy isn't filled with mood slime. I begged to differ, sir. Ernie Hudson never went in it. Thank you, Noah. She lived through the 70s. Yeah, it's true. You do look a little like Ernie Hudson. And Bill Murray. What? And Bill Murray. And Bill Murray. And Bill Murray. The Ghostbusters train pulled in. Oh, my mother is a corny weaver. Your father is Vigo the Carpathian. The Ghostbusters, does anybody play the sanctum of slime? Did that come out? Is it out? No, I'm just wondering if you guys have played. No, there's only one person in our first that cares about that game enough to actually play it. No, but according to Joystick, it crosses streams on Xbox one. It just looks cool, so I was thinking about getting it. I don't know if you guys had already had a chance. That's a real headline. I did not make that up. Really? I love Joystick for shit. Wow. They do this shit all the time. Jesus. What is shift to speeding in the store? I don't know. Some vampire game is biting PSN this week, so fucking turn your shit off and be careful. I don't know what the fuck to do. When I don't feel three shoots up stores, Tony Hawk is allying on the shelves. I'm pretty sure you make that joke every time you come on this show. People fucking write that headline every week. I don't make these things like dead redemption trots in the stores. Get it? It's got horses. It's how the West was fun. Well, Pac-Man chops Xbox Live Arcade this week. Does he really? He bites it. He bites your entire downloadable game infrastructure. This is why I've always felt like gaming press needs a cold bear. It needs like someone doing this, but acting like, you know- We're working on it. We're working on it. Unfortunately, they need to be intelligent and well-reasoned. Oh, fuck. We're out. And their ears have to be different sizes. Oh, man. Never know this? No. Why don't we do his ears? He pointed that out in his first episode. Yeah. He's cool with it. It's like Michael J. Fox. You can make jokes about him because he thinks they're funny. Wait. Does he? No. No? I thought he was always shaking with laughter. And with that, we're going to take a break. I'll start again. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. 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I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. 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I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break. I never practiced from this, but I did read the book as like a -- someone handed it to me. My buddy wrote this. You should read it. It's kind of interesting. He should pick up the game by Neil Strauss. You roll your eyes. You roll your fucking eyes. Everyone rolls their fucking eyes. It is a fascinating book to read, and then actually just sit back at a bar and watch it happen. You're not practicing it. You sit back and you watch it, and you can see the guys who have read it, and they're like, oh, he read the game. He's doing everything that that book says, and now he's leaving with her. I think -- This is like -- this is like the second time he brought this up on the show, and it's probably worth mentioning that that could be an option down the line, but I don't think this guy is there yet. No, but it doesn't hurt to read a book. Right, but I think he's -- he's at the -- specifically a book about gaming women into fucking you. Like Scott, you dated the same girl for a long time, so did I. I live with my current girlfriend now. You had odd days. I had even days. I know. I got her mouth. You got her pussy. And then we switched. To the mouth? Yes. No, that's Scott and I just fucked that. Okay. But -- I mean, I work with you. That was on Sunday. That was the day of the time. You get out of relationship that long. It's devastating. It's miserable and blah, blah, blah. But the one thing you do realize is that you have had every possible conversation you could possibly have with a member with the opposite sex, so that nothing on earth will possibly surprise you. So if you're at a point right now where you're obsessing over some girl that you work with, you're clinging on to every word and you're stumbling on what to say to her, you need to just have more conversations with women. Yeah. Like get that down. Oh, really? This girl knows what the TPS report that's due on Wednesday is? Yeah. Oh, fuck. I can't believe I have to do that when I go home. I'd rather be playing modern warfare. Did you watch Walking Dead last night? Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's watching it. No, I mean, you need to just learn how to talk to girls at a basic level first. Like right now. Right now. I had to talk to people. Talk to people. Yeah. Absolutely. Like an outside of just. But what I'm saying is that, and that's why I brought up that book, that book teaches you basic conversation structure and how to talk to a human being that you've never met before. Yeah. I mean, be interested. Yeah. Absolutely. And I don't mean like act interested. I mean, be interested in other people. It teaches you how to be interested in being interested in who I won't mention. You guys could probably put it together. But ask me, hey, you know, like if you're on a date with a girl, and like, what do you say to her after like, you ask her like the 10 questions that everyone, I guess he was under the assumption that you're supposed to ask a girl 10 questions on everything. Was this rimmed jiley? Sort of. Yes. You know, where do you work? Where are you from? What's your family like? Where do you live? I feel like you actually want to know them. Yeah. When you get past that and you think like that, that's the only thing to do and you run out of ideas of what to say, then you have to look at the room you're in, the environment you're in, and realize this is our shared place right now. I can pull from so much from around here right now. It's not about you verse her anymore. It's about like, let's start building experiences together. I feel like. Look at that guy over there. He looks retarded. Yeah. And then she'll be like, yeah. Or she'll be like, I can't believe you said that. My brother's retarded. And you're like, I can't say retard around this girl is never going to work. But even that, even that, the guy fucking, what you said, he's asking. I'm out. Ten. Stop what? He said retarded. We don't like retarded on the show. Goddamn. Fuck, whatever. Sorry. I gotta say it. Put a little sign up. Yeah. So anyway, he asks her these 10 questions and he's not listening because. Exactly. They should lead in the other questions. They should lead, exactly. He should be like, oh, I grew up in Kansas and then instantly in your mind, you're like, what's going on in Kansas? Oh, really? It's like the Wizard of Oz. Yeah. It's like when you're. It's like, maybe not that specifically. You know what I mean. You get all numb. You go to a cop and he's like three questions ahead of you. And you're like, no, I sort of got it and thrown a weed away in the woods. And then he's like, I didn't say you're in the woods. Oh, is that what it's like? That's what it's like. I'm just imagining. I don't live in the woods. But you would be surprised. You'd be surprised how well it works that you're listening to a girl. Fucking listen and bounce off what they're saying. Don't just be like, okay. I just, engaging with somebody and like actually being interested in what they have to say is the best way to have a conversation with them. Exactly. And you don't have to like being in that room and like make fun of things and like find stuff to bond over in your environment for at least the first half of a date. That should be sort of like. No, you don't. But there's always that to fall back on. You can always be like, hey, look, that's happening over there. This is happening over here. This food is weird, whatever, whatever you're fucking doing, make it a mutually beneficial thing for both of you. Like the conversation should be your objective, not like, well, if I talked to her forever many hours, I'll get enough experience points to buy her fucking me. Yeah. Exactly. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. It's not a time duration. Because a girl will know. Yeah, absolutely. The girls fucking know if you're just thinking of, I want to pick out with you. I mean, they assume it actually that that's what you want. It's like the Louis CK bit like everything you say is just disguising the fact that you want to say, I want to fuck your face. Yeah. I mean, they know that attractive girls are special. If you go to a girl in a bar and like you're talking to her, then chances are she knows that at a most basic level, you want to fuck her. Yeah. Yeah. Let her forget that and she will. I mean, or in the case of some people like that you are secretly planning out the rest of your lives together. Yeah. I mean, there's also good ways of doing that. Like you don't have to walk across the room, like, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Hello. Oh my god. You like slide up the picture. Why are you sketching a picture of Ryan Scott at prom? I mean, like, if there's a crowded bar, slide up next to her and don't like be like, hey, how's it going? Like, talk to the bartender first. He says something. You have a third party. Always have like a third thing, you know, like, I mean, that intro is the hardest part. Depends. Depends on like, I mean, I'm a class asshole who doesn't care. Oh, that's a good point. Everyone always stresses about the intro. The girl will never, ever remember the first thing you say to her. She'll always remember the second, the next thing you say to her. So if you say hello, they're not going to remember, oh, he said hello. Just don't say you'll be my density. Yeah. Because you'll say hello. You'll say hello. That's your opening line. She'll say hello back. The second line is where you need to fucking work on. It's not the first line. It's not the approach. Yeah. It's what about the middle part? You know, an option that we kind of haven't talked about, but in in my life and like other people around me, I've seen a lot of success with people who are introduced to someone through a friend. That's that's how I met my current girlfriend through. That's how I met. So the thing I think that works about that is that you guys have stuff to talk about right away. Yeah. Yeah. There's like talk about the friends, your mutual friends. Yeah. And you can also do like neutral zone meetings. Well, I guess I mean, that didn't really that's not really how like I had a friend who called me up one day and was just like, hey, my friend from LA is in San Francisco for the night. - She saw your picture on Facebook and she really wants to fuck you. - Well, that, I mean, the second I heard that I looked up or looked her up on Facebook, I loved the baby. And she probably looked me up on Facebook and we were like, "Huh, I was like a sexy S librarian." - But I had met, my girlfriend does look like a sexy librarian, but I had met her at a party like five years before. So then five years later, we decided to meet up at this bar and I went to meet her. And the way she describes the story is like, "Yeah, then we met and then we met." And we were just like, "Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh" and just didn't stop talking. - Isn't that the sound of Eddie Murphy's dick? - No, that's what people put at the end of their sentences on Facebook and they're like, "I need food." - No. (laughing) - Remember River Wheels Cop II? Follow your dick. (laughing) - That too, that worked. But yeah, it was all about that first conversation and if I didn't sell it on that first conversation and I'm kind of a tough sell, I have to be like, you know, yeah, I work for a video game company, you know? Like we write about games for a living and sorry, I was late and Nintendo announced a new 3D system that you don't need glasses for. (laughing) Nobody outside of your bubble gives a fuck about that shit and they shouldn't. So like, it's really all about that. Like as long as you can communicate. - Yeah, you guys were actually saying earlier like how much you think that girls who play games like Red Flag. - What is that about? Tell me. What is that about? - I don't think it's, it's like people who define themselves that way. - As gamer girls. - As gamer girls. - See, like, I mean, I explained before my girlfriend was playing Donkey Kong. She's, when I walk in tonight, she's gonna be like, I beat the bats level and I'll be like, oh, that's awesome, honey. And then she'll not play another video game for months. But I'm talking about the girls that are mostly fictitious that these gamer guys build up in their heads. It's like, oh, I won't do anything but this girl that has Kirby underwear. - That girl's like a pack-staying cake. - Yeah, she's at the midnight lunch. She has like, you know, the geeky glasses that are crooked with a tape in the middle and a sideways smile. - Oh, my God, she's wearing a girl's super mind of the shirt. - Yeah, like her, her knit cap has cuttears. - Oh, my God. - Girls like that are like-- - She has a princess peach touch. - They're like people in our industry. - Right. - And that there's really only like 60 of us in the world, yet everyone thinks that this is where they should be and what they need. And it's not really the case, you know? - But that gamer girl is fucking crazy. - Yes. - She's insane. - She's insane. - Okay, okay, so let's just stop. Many girls are fucking crazy. - Yes, yes, okay, I agree with when a girl's like, does my ass look fat? Tiffany's such a cunt. But this girl's like, like that's Tiffany do. That's like, that's crazy. - She said her ass look fat. - Yeah, she, yeah, and then, but this girl's like, do you wanna stay home and play Pokemon all night? - Yeah. - Do you wanna, I baked you a Kirby cake? - You know, can we have a real dinner? - Yeah, no. - Yeah, but doesn't-- - I named my cat Zelda. - My point is like, doesn't that happen in like, anything? - It happens in Scott Pilgrim, I know where else. - No, but I mean like, it happens like, people bond over crazy shit all the time. I mean like, you can get like a boyfriend and girlfriend that are crazy, crazy football people. - Right, but this is not a football podcast. - This doesn't define them, that's the difference. - They're not wearing fucking Brett Farve jersey to suit and tie. - To be fair, for real weeks I've been a Brett Farve jersey in your bed. Something went wrong the night before. - Yeah. - Yeah, depending on what college you have. - Yeah, if you're in a fucking camera crow movie, you can fuck her. - Yeah, okay, that's fine, but she's in a jersey. - But I mean like, yeah, you do, there are like, crazy people that bond in these ways. So I mean like, if you're like, crazy to find your life as a gamer guy, then like, seems like crazy to find your life as a gamer girl would-- - Could work, it could work. And I mean, ideally, I've always said that, you know, for every guy that likes to fuck in a Mickey Mouse costume, there's a girl that likes to fucking a Minnie Mouse costume, so I do you. If that's your thing, do you? Maybe there's something like that out there for you. - And one of them wants to break up the other kills that. - And if somebody wants to dress up as Pluto and watch, just go for it. - Oh boy, our furries like this is. - What if you just want to hop to it? - You have to kill your partner when you break up. (laughing) - What if they just want to hop to it? - Oh, or kangaroo bang, and no one wants to go there. - These guys, well, these guys will idealize these girls. They'll just put them on a pedestal, and then once they get it, they realize it's not what they wanted. It's like, oh, it's going to be awesome if I can sit around and play a matter of war for all night with my girlfriend. - You're not interested in a person. It's like just me. - It's just on the stereotype. - Well, you know when you go to your friend's house and he's playing video games, and you have to sit there and wait, how would you want to do that in a relationship? Like, why would that? - Especially if you wanted to have sex with that friend. - Yeah, exactly, right? Girl's not going to stop a raid to blow you of all you. - No, she's got shit that she-- - I got a wiper in storm. - Yeah. - Pull your pants down. - I mean, play with some stuff though. You got a tiny penis. (laughs) - It's like when you're playing a movie-- - But what about all the, you know, there's people that I raid with that they're husband and wife that, you know, raid like crazy shit. - Yeah, and you know, funny story about that. Do you remember Gerald from GameSpy? - I do, actually, yeah. - So Gerald and his wife were, and he'll have, he has no problem with me telling the story 'cause he told me the story, and he's probably total in there. But him and his wife were basically on the outs, and she was like, "You can't do this anymore. "You can't play Warcraft. "It's just drawing our relationship." - Right. - And he was like, "Okay, honey, try it." (laughs) - And-- - That sounds like the beginning to an '80s movie about-- - And she became host. - Undercoverment. - She became host, and now they play together, and they're happier than ever, and they just had kids, and then there's probably still raiding with the kids screaming in the background of something. - So yeah, that's fine. Do you? - That's good to do. (laughs) - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm just really, I don't know. - It was a really intense brain. - They did scuse me out. - Yeah. - Gamer Girls in general. Just, no, no, no, no, I don't like it. - Which doesn't, I can't-- - I just not to say that if you were a girl and you play games, that you were skeevy or-- - No, no, not at all. - No, girls who play games, that's great. Girls who define their lives by playing games are a little, no. - But what happens if they just, I mean, like, still, what if they just happen to be both, like-- - Have you ever dated a gamer girl? - No, and I'm not trying to, you know, stick up for every gamer girl in the world, but what I'm saying is, like, us as guys, you know, there are some of us like me, you know, I had an older brother and he had an Atari before I was born, you know, I've grew up my entire life playing games. I've played games before I learned how to read. - I don't think your older brother is a good example of social interaction. - No, but my point being is like, you know, there are plenty of girls out there who have that socialization where they just associate with themselves games all the way, and they might not be-- - I just think my issue is, again, it's just this sort of, like, latent sexism about not wanting a girl as a person, it's about wanting a girl as this object to complement-- - And then, yeah, I'm not saying-- - You're describing-- - You're describing-- - Sounds like we're talking more about the guys and less about the actual girl. - It really kind of is. - Yeah, like, Tyler, you're describing, like, an ideal, which, if it exists and if you find it, fuck yeah. Like, that's awesome. If you can meet some girl who's like-- - But they're looking for this girl because it validates their obsession. - Yeah. - It makes everything that they're doing that the rest of the world is deemed socially unacceptable, acceptable by finding this idealized woman who does the same exact thing. - Right. - And once they get that, they don't want it. - Yeah. I mean, they're pining for a stereotype, basically. I just feel like there's, you know, there's gotta be as many women out there that play games that are, you know, just perfectly wonderful people. - Yeah, I mean, we're not saying girls, don't play video games. - Right, I know, what I'm saying is that, like, it sounds like this is more of an issue with, you know, these guys. - It's definitely more than it is with, you know, whether or not girls play games. - Our whole issue with it. - Our whole issue with it. And we've had hour-long conversations about this. This topic between El Tano and I and our-- - Yeah, like, just now. - Well, yeah, but our big problem with it. - That's like 15 minutes. - Our big problem with it is always with the guy. - Yeah. - It's always telling them, you don't want this. This is not what you want. - I mean, let's be honest, like, a good 70% of the relationship letters we get, the problem is the guy. - Oh, absolutely. - Yeah. - It's like Caesar along the dog whisperer. - I know. (laughing) We're the nerd whisperers. (laughing) - All right. - I still don't understand why-- - You think that's it? - Relationship letter. - Do you guys have any more time? - You have a good one, yeah. - And it's like if I walked in a home depot and I was like, hey, help, give me video game tips. (laughing) - What the fuck do they know? - What do we know more? - Relationships. - Do you have any other letters? - I have one more. - Okay, go for it. - At least. I actually have a few more, but if we need to finish up, I understand. - Do it. I'm just exhausted 'cause I basically got two hours to sleep last night. - Right. - Oh my gosh. (laughing) - Dragon age asshole, don't you pay attention? - It was, it was, it was. - Yeah, it was just as he does raids and Warcraft. - I was raiding with my, with my new soon-to-be wife. (laughing) - That's absolutely not, you tricked her too. (laughing) - This is from Mike. I don't think we've read this one. No, dire. I am Mike, I'm 21 and I'm having a bit of trouble these days in the relationship world back in high school. And just after I had always had a girlfriend, which is fantastic, the last girlfriend I was with felt like she was the one, but I'm a dipshit and fuck that up. - Uh-oh. - And since then, it has been a little over a year and I haven't been able to find anyone, but now I work 12 hours a day, five days a week and don't get a chance to get out and meet many people. - Jesus. - Yeah, weekends, don't you? - I generally don't go to the bar a lot and most of the girls there don't seem really like my type. - Oh, that's true. - My question to all of you is what the fuck do I need to do to actually meet some new people? I live in a shitty little hick town in North Idaho and it feels like there's not a whole lot of people there. - Dude, it was my first theory. - It was like, by the way, if Scott and Brian are there, please give me your advice. - I was about to say-- - You both seem to have great relation to advice, ha ha. - I was about to say, like he works 12 hours a day. That means he must be, you know, having a lot of money and then he dropped the Idaho bomb and I was like, oh fuck. - Is that made of mashed potatoes? - Dude, most people that work 12 hours a day don't make a lot of money. - It's true. - I'm just in the business world, so that's where my head was. - You're thinking the entertainment world, fuck off. - It's a lot of different, like Crip Keepers work 12 hours a day. No one wants to fuck that guy. - Is that why it's so cranky? (laughing) - I don't know, the Crip Kicker, he wasn't very cranky. - I mean, you can get a hold. - She had a little, shit, little pose. - You guys get pretty snippy after a 12 hour day. - Yeah, actually, that's when we were at our best, when we were in the office for like 14 hours, like yeah. - We know there's pussy-witting at home too, it's a different story. - But Arthur, you've seen a dunk pretty good with online dating and that's something you can do. I mean, you work harder than anybody I know and you can come home and just be like, let's see what's out there. And without having, and you don't drink, so you don't have to go bar. - I think online dating is actually awesome. - Yeah, it's a more and more common thing. I've had a lot of luck with it just because it's a good way to just sort of introduce yourself to people and have conversations. - And it's like, try it in cliche to say, but I definitely feel like it's probably so much easier now that it's not just like-- - There's less of a stigma. There's less like Craigslist, rapey murder guys out there posing. - And it's more like everyone's doing it. - And they're certainly not being caught as often. - Yeah, so that's exactly what I would have told this guy. - It's true, it's possible. - So like, I can definitely say as a native Idahoan that Northern Idaho, fuck, dude. - Is that what they say, Idahoans? - Yes. - Wow, I've never heard of this. - So the full of pussy? - And Northern Idaho? No, it's full of white supremacist anal rapists. - Wow. - Wow. Analropist? - So full of pussy. - Analropist, yeah. - Is that like a therapist? - An analropist? - An analropist at the same time. - Yeah. - An analropist. (laughs) So yeah, the, I mean, that was the one thing when I was, 'cause I grew up in Southern Idaho and it was always the thing about Northern Idaho was like, you didn't go up there because that's where all the fucking militias and everything were. - Well, maybe he likes guns and hates black people. (laughs) - I'm sure it's better these days than it was back then, but yeah, dude, online dating. - Well, yeah, so the thing about online dating in a region like that is it's, you, I mean, if you're gonna find someone that's into the shit you're into or like, with whom you can show interest. - You go to a bar in Northern Idaho and you are gonna run into like 95%. - The clan gathering? - The little clan gathering? - Yeah, that sounds about right. Arthur's right, if like, you've got a girl that has figured out the computers. - Yeah. (laughs) - And she's been like, yeah, these people scare me. I'm gonna see if I can find something online, then you're gonna be a big fish. - And also, I mean, if you're living somewhere where you don't feel like you can relate to anybody, maybe you should listen somewhere else. - Yeah, it's not that easy for a lot of people. - There are scripts everywhere. I mean, I understand that it's not easy. - I mean, dude, do the online dating thing, pop a couple five-hour energies and go out for an ad on town, wherever that-- - For you're insane. - Four blocks off the country. (laughing) - Get your car and drive. - Get your car and fucking go somewhere else. - We got great scripts here in San Francisco. - It's one of the most naturally beautiful regions in the country. - I mean, it's weird, like, you know-- - Crickets. (laughs) - I even came from, you know, I came from Houston, Texas, like the fourth largest city in the country, but-- - Literally 'cause they're all fat. - Yeah. - Yeah. (mumbling) - That's why it's sinking. (mumbling) - It's why it's sinking. - Yeah. (laughing) - But it's like, come out San Francisco, oh my God. There's a lot more. - I'm home. - A lot of good-looking young people. - Oof, a boy there. - It's probably my way through the arena. - You know it? Let me ask you guys-- - I miss New York. - Is courtship different, okay. So we're, in Houston, to me, dating felt like it was, it was more like courtship. It was like-- - Oh, really? We're getting ready for married. You know, it's like a married dress rehearsal. - No, it's like-- - I don't know. I had girls who were in places that were near water. - Yeah. - So it's like-- - So they jumped in? - No, it's just people get a little more progressive the further you get it. - Yeah, I think like, I think it was-- - That's not the word starting with pro that I thought you were gonna say. - Yeah. - At least my friends who-- - I thought you were gonna talk about how mischievous some people are. - Pro-mischievous is true. Promethean. (laughing) My friends who have grown up in the South, it is like that because it's just a different way of thinking. It's that southern house. - Spina girl with three first names and 16 married. - And then have a baby with her and throw her-- - The first two separated by a pipe. - Pegasus. - Pegasus Lee. - Yeah. - Pegasus Lee Norman. - Oh man, she's gonna get grand champion - She got child Baron Hips. - Yeah. - We'll put some flippers in her mouth, made her a full set of teeth, set some lips. (laughing) - How did this turn into making people? - And put her on a miniature pony. - How did this turn into making fun of people in the South? - What, no, I'm making fun of pageant parents. - Oh, well. - Dude, Todd Lewis and T.R. is the best fucking show. It's like a pilot for a team mom season 16. (laughing) - Or to catch a predator. - Or to catch a predator. - I love it when you're watching that show and it cuts to commercial break and they do like the really starvy, some Ollie and kid. - Oh. - And he's like, "Please someone." - Please help me. - And then you come back and it's something I'm going, "Oh, my babies need to fly on a private jet." - Yeah. - They love the space. - I can't believe you gave me my new car. - I'm screaming. - You gave me my new car in my house and not on my birthday party and all my friends. - I thought that was my super sweet 16. - That one too, everyone on that show can sink into a hole. (laughing) And then come back to the commercial break and be like, "Please, I ain't start a thing." - Please send me a car to I start a thing. Anything will happen when it comes back to you. - Oh, they got me. - Did you make the chocolate mountain in the backyard? It's got to end on a crocodile mile and it looks like Britney Spears is pussy. - I wanted a black Mercedes, you got me, why? - Today I dug 14 feet in the back. I felt water. Coming up next on Teen Sluts, they light money on fire. (laughing) - A man was eating a piece of corn in a cross-stole it, but I stole it from him and ate the claw. Does anyone have money? - Coming up next on "Tollers and T.R.'s." (laughing) A four-year-old eats money. (laughing) And then the parents eat the four-year-old. We covered up in gold, bitches. - Wait, you're under that side of me. - That's how you raise winners. - That's how you raise winners. - Hey, y'all, it's a car man, a chocolate. (laughing) - It runs. - She loves winning, she loves getting her hair done. She absolutely loves posing for pictures. - When did this turn to a Zac Galifenakis beer? (laughing) - Here, I do a southern accent for a woman and you think I'm doing this gay brother? - Yes, actually, yeah. - Sorry. - Seth Galifenakis, right? - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. Hey, y'all, we put a fire pole in the jacuzzi. (laughing) - Well, anybody told me this stick for blood? (laughing) - Excuse me? - From my daughter's birthday, we're having a pizza party, but we're actually making a truck out of pizza. It's got pizza weed. (laughing) - I found a chicken leg, but it was just a rock. (laughing) - Hey, y'all, all these firemen's are strippers. (laughing) - Oh, it's like the CMTV. - The best thing for breakfast is to put water in mud. It's like oatmeal. (laughing) - It's like a chocolate sundae. I saw a picture of it's chocolate sundae. I think that's what it is. - Hey, y'all, we got the world's largest chocolate sundae. (laughing) - Seriously. - We're not gonna eat it. It's just melted, so we threw it away. - It got our melty out in the sun, so we threw it in the trash. (laughing) - Cheers, man. - And then we burned the trash, 'cause you don't want anyone to eat it. - Excuse me, can you please mail me trash? (laughing) - It's hard, thanks, thank you. - Can you please mail me match? - I see fire on television. (laughing) - How do I have a television in it? - Yeah, he doesn't need a little fire when he's got TV. That's what fucked up signing. - You're never gonna let us back on again. (laughing) - Oh, fuck these guys, ugh. - That wasn't about video games. - Fuck you. - Go on NeoGaf. (laughing) - Take your jorts on NeoGaf. - If it's on NeoGaf, there it is. - If I can loosen your jorty dickholes. - Don't bring that bullshit here. - What, people wearing jean shorts? - You know, goddamn well, what I mean. - Yeah, NeoGaf hated you guys. - They hate me. - They hate you? - Yeah. - Why, 'cause you're a competent and honest reviewer. One of the best in the game. - I'm actually pretty sure that's the complaint I've seen repeatedly, yes. My competency. - He's a competent, I mean, he is a competent reviewer. How dare he bring those well thought out points to the internet. - How dare him put a new spin on game journalism? - Yeah, why didn't he call Killzone 3 Fag? (laughing) - What would it stand for? - I don't know, it was like fucking awesome game. - I like fast action game, actually. - Killzone 3 is Fag, it's for queer. - They already made mag, didn't they? - Yes, they did. - There you go, there's your sequel. That one's on the house. - Hand on that note. - Hope it fucks its way into stores. (laughing) - I want to know what it is, like to see a star. (laughing) - See us be. - Wow, you can follow me on Twitter at AGIS. You can follow Tyler at Dirty T. Matt's at Talking Orange. You want to pimp your Twitter? - Yeah, you can follow me at Agent Bizzle. - And Scott. - Yeah, you can follow me at Scott_Bromley. Stuck me on Facebook. Also, if you want to listen to Brian and I every week, we are on. - This is where I bleep out the podcast. - Fuck off. (laughing) We're on an amazing show called The Game Spy Debrisphines. If you like this kind of hilarity, if you don't download it anyway, tell us how much you hate it, you dicks. Fuck you in your internet. (laughing) - Fuck you in your internet. - Yeah. I love that Madonna song. - I'm pretty sure you guys have almost killed Matt. (laughing) - Oh, I'm sorry, Matt. It's all good. - Excuse me. - I was ready to go. - Matt, excuse me. What is laughter? (laughing) - I saw it on TV. (laughing) - Oh. - Also, what is TV? - Oh, man, you got me a Led Zeppelin party? Fuck this. I don't remember laughter. We got y'all an actual Led Zeppelin. - Oh, man. - Excuse me, all I have to eat today is Led. (laughing) - What? - I found it in a home. (upbeat music) ♪ Oh, man, oh, man ♪ ♪ Just take a little look from us ♪ ♪ I'm sorry, but when you got me ♪ ♪ So, when you take a look from the head ♪ ♪ No matter if you cry ♪ ♪ Give me your reason to love you ♪ ♪ Give me your reason to give you ♪ ♪ Oh, man ♪ ♪ I just don't wanna be alone ♪ (laughing) - Session. - Tyler, speak. - Hey, what's up? This is a Sean White Rolling Stone last year. It's been a year. Hey, whoa. And, uh, Mel-- - All right, that's not a label, shit. (laughing) Let's speak. - Double fat penis, horror munch, or cock face, daddy, oh. - No, the new term is sloor. - Sloor? What's sloor? Slunt? What's a slunt? - I don't even know what that is. - It's a sloor. - It's a slut cunt. (laughing) Is five muted or just turned all the way down? - Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis. - Stop. - It's muted. - Okay, unmute it. Speak. - Fupa. - Is it still muted? Is it turned all the way down? What's going on with that? - It is now turned all the way down. You got me? - Yeah, I got you. - Hey, Arthur, how's it going? Thanks for having me on your dumb show for babies. (laughing) - We're your rebel friends now. - Sitting in the living room. - No. Shit. - Yeah. (laughing) All right, everybody talk at once. - Ahh. - Ahh. - Oh my god. - 11 is the greatest band ever. - Okay, that's enough. I heard that. - I know you did. - 3/11 is not the greatest band in the world. (laughing) So I'm gonna roommate that. (sighing) - We were wondering what ever happened to catbacks. - Yeah, what? - They ran out. That's all. - We heard all the facts. - We heard all the facts. - It's all about cats. - It's a pretty short encyclopedia. (laughing) - Yeah, it's very green. - Ugh. - Ugh.