Rebel FM
The Rebel FM Christmas Catastrophe!
We apologize in advance! This week's show is ostensibly holiday themed, but then, we also have IGN's own Scott Bromley and Brian Altano on to derail conversations of Christmas gaming memories with discussions of circumcision and awful family heartache. Anteater Penis!
This week's music is all taken from Daft Punk's awesome soundtrack to Tron Legacy.
[Music] Say, what's up? It's not a normal show. It's not. It's a Rebel FM Christmas, uh... Bananza. Bananza? Apocalypse? Uh, you know, we brought Brian Autano and Scott Brownley on the show. Yes, we did. We also brought Koochie Koochie Girl Charo. Which is, which is already indicative that it's not going to be your typical show about. It's bad. You could just stop listening right now. Actually, uh, start up a forum saying how you hate us. [Laughter] It's called Giant Bomb. [Laughter] I think they like us. No, there's like a 12-page start about how much everyone hates Scott. I didn't even, I wasn't even, I wasn't even talking about that. No, he wasn't. Wow. They just got defensive. You realize that it feeds Scott when you say these things. Yeah, it's true. It gives him power. It's just a career. I am, I am the Internet's most successful child. His work computer is actually just a vanity mirror. [Laughter] It says Google underneath it. It says Google. It says Google. It says set up to my desk. He's like, "Am I the fairest one in the land?" [Laughter] Mirror talks back to him. Scott, Scott's like the slime in Ghostbusters too. [Laughter] Like a negativity. All Scott's keyboard at his computer actually does is searches for Scott Bromley. [Laughter] That's the comedy sauce. Yeah. That's the comedy then. He's just got mug shots all over his desk. That's what happens. I just typed the letter S in Google. And it says, "Scott Bromley Asshole." And it knows that I've been searching for that concept. [Laughter] So, Matt's not here this week, but I'm in the game. The only guy who goes with me is Tyler Barber. Hey, everyone. And Arthur Geese. I apologize. And then I don't know what's going to happen. And Brian Eltonno. I'm here. No, I already said that Brian Eltonno Scott was here. We were introduced before everyone else. It'll be fine. Don't worry. What could possibly go wrong? [Laughter] I don't know. You fuckers play any video games? I mean, to be fair, you did set the tunnel between San Francisco and Oakland on fire. It's true. It's full of smoke. Okay, so that makes no sense to anyone listening. Trying to get over here, the public transportation caught on fire under water. So, you can believe that there was a tunnel that's under water catching on fire somehow. And Tommy Lee Jones is there. I was actually under water when the train stopped and we had to reverse track. Why was Tommy Lee Jones there? I forgot. Was he in that movie too? Oh, okay, because I was going to say there wasn't an underground volcano in daylight. In daylight? Yes, that was a daylight joke. But there was lava on a subway train. Everyone gets that shark. That movie was a hit. I like the dude in volcano who jumps off the subway train into the lava. He's like the Terminator just with a thumbs up as he's going down. He just jumps in and he just slowly melts into the ground. Because that's what happens when you step in lava. You can't even be close to lava without lighting on fire. You would just spontaneously combust. Wait, there was a volcano in LA? Yes, it was in the librib, tar pits. Oh, that's right. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. They had to blow up the Beverly Center to stop it. I think I remember this movie. Don't they try and set up cement barriers to go back to lava and stuff? And it works for a little bit, I think. There's a racist firefighter. Oh, that's right. Like racist, like he's like black people can't stop volcanoes. Yes. But that's okay because they've got the widest guy on Earth. It seriously was a subplot volcano that like this racist firefighter didn't like the black people. It was co-starring Ann Haysh. Yeah, when she was still straight. Before she went crazy? No, she would just be a lesbian to further her career. That's why she dated Steve Martin. That's why she dated Ellen. On the way here we figured out that Alan Wake is one of the most racist games of 2010. It's true. Because all the white people get turned into black people and then you shoot them and bring back peace as a white guy. As an educated white male. You roll into a town and kill black people. It's true. I mean, have you spent a lot of time in rural Washington state? No. It won the racist game of the year. I did. You know what? I was playing around with this New York Times census map of the United States. Oh, why are you doing that? I love that game. It's like interactive. You know, you can hover over counties and it shows you the race distribution. There's one county in the United States, Garfield County, and it has 100% white people. And they're all named John Harper. It's like in Montana, I think. We should go move there. I want to just go there at her field. I want to go there and put up a sign that says black people are here and just see what happens. Just watch from afar be like, oh, let's see. I want to roll into that town with like 14 buses full of black people. Yeah, we're here. Hey, what's up? To see what they would do. By the way, we're all gay. Yeah. So just deal with that. 14 buses and gay black dudes. Yeah. I don't even think there's that many. We're six minutes into the podcast, folks. Wow. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Just by being worn on it. This is the worst podcast we've ever done. Well, it's pretty bad. It's on here to talk about video games. I mean, the fact of the matter is we're podcasting four days after we normally podcast. We don't have like the full week to try and squeeze in any games or anything. And you two don't really play video games if they're not on a phone. I played X-Men Arcade for a few hours and boy does that game not hold up. I am just mesmerized by the sliver of belly I can see on Scott right now. Six. Six. So does that thing even support six player multiplayer? Yes, it does. I mean, when six people are playing at once, you don't know what the fuck is going on at all. Well, he's like the arcade version. Right. But the original arcade, what is it? Only four people? No, there was a six person who had two TVs. There might have been four player version, but the actual... Oh, there definitely were. The actual X-Men was three screens and it was a big old one. It was like 10 feet wide. Yeah. I guess my memory is just completely, you know, shitting on me. Okay. I'll have them since we're the six player ones. But the great thing about that game is it just brought back every memory I have with the arcade just by hearing it and just hearing the X-Men. What is that? That's Colossus. That's Colossus. That's Colossus' mutant power to explode on command. Do you remember the really awful Genesis X-Men game that just... That was awful. You shut your fuck out. It like stopped working halfway through unless you looked something up in the manual that nobody had. That was such a cool game. You had to use the X-Men's different abilities. Yeah, well, you had to reset the game at the arcade level. They didn't tell you that. So you would just be standing around like, "I'm fucked. How many times can I summon Nightcrawler to get stuck in a wall?" That's why Hotlines were four back in the day. Hotlines. Who would you be in the arcade game? Gambit. Could you play as Gambit? No. Can you play as Gambit? Oh, not in the arcade game. In the Genesis one. The cartoon from the 80s that never actually happened, it just had a pilot. Wait, the video game is? Yeah. It's based on Pride of the X-Men. That fucking X-Men pilot that would be on at like six o'clock in the morning on some random affiliate when you were a kid. And you know, I was like, "This looks like the coolest show ever. Where is it?" And it never got made. Well, they made an X-Men cartoon for a while in the 90s, right? Right. But that was way, that was way after. That's where they had that dude. What was his name? Worf. What? He was this morph. He was this morphin guy that just like... You mean morph? Was his name Worf? We had this crazy old racist comic book guy that lived in our town. Worf. And he used to call him Worf. You'll never find Worf's card because he was only available in the television show. Do you know who Worf is? No. Well, he's the... You guys say Worf. The Star Trek guy. Okay, thank you. Yeah. Dude, he's got a butt on his head. There's a general level of knowledge that you should just have. I have that. It's existing in America. That's where it stops. Yeah. But I tried playing that game with Altano, but he refused to download it. But I played it with six people and it's pretty much unplayable with six people on the screen because... I don't know. And it sucks because they do the thing where it's the unlimited continues. You realize how boring the game really is. Just throw quarters at your table. I know. I thought about that. I was like, you know, I should probably put $5 and quarters down. And every time I have to continue, I throw it down. And when I run out, I have to stop. Yeah. Because that's the most money I would spend on it. And at the end of the day, you go up to a prize counter and get like a goose ball or something. Yeah. Yeah. You get a finger puppet. Did you have wonder wins? What were they? We had a lot of castles. We had sports worlds. This little place where... It had a ton of arcade games and you would pay like $1.75 to get in. And then every game inside was a nickel. Oh, a nickel arcade. And that sounds awesome. That sounds awesome. A separate side that had some older games that were free. So you could play as much rampage as you wanted to. Yes, but the machines were always broken. Yeah, because like parents would take their kids there and dump them with a fucking bag of nickels and leave them there as a baby. And leave them there as a babysitter. We had that, it was called Dodge City. It was Petaluma, California. It was at the fairgrounds. It was fucking awesome. Like basically it was the only way you'd ever say beat the D&D arcade game. Right. But it wasn't the whole nickel thing. It was you pay $10 to get in. You stay all day. Everything is free. That's fucking awesome. No matter what. And they had everything in there. Yeah, but how much of that shit was broken? That's always the case when kids get in there for free. Like, ah, fucking, I'm breaking the stick. Yeah. What we would also do is the broken games they would just put out back. So like late at night we drive over and just just got them apart. Like I have like Robocop Marquise, Double Dragon Marquise that I just stole off the broken games. There's some guy listening somewhere. He's like, son of a bitch. Yeah. Yeah, so whoever. That's what happened to my game. Whoever was the broken arcade manager in Dodge City. Whoever ran Dodge City. That was your job. That was just, that was the only play that I'd ever played T-Mac. I don't know if you ever played T-Mac. It was the cockpit tank game with the two switches. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Dodge City is where I beat Nark. Jesus. I beat Nark on it in the end. Do you guys remember when arcade started getting really desperate and they'd be like, hey, here's Bolingo and Lasertag and then they bring in this like really bad like retarded school bus looking thing on a hinge that would like show a 3D movie of a roller coaster? That's the, that's the arcade. That's like 99. That's when the Dreamcast came out and so they could put out all those like sit down ride kind of game. Yeah, because everyone was like, hey, we got Mortal Kombat and they're like, hey, we put it out on your home platform. Hey, you don't come to the arcades anymore. Hey, here's Bolingo. It's a bowling game with bowling pins on strings or Star Wars trilogy, the arcade game. Oh, yeah. And it cost a dollar? Yeah. You use, you use the stick as like a flight stick as a lightsaber. Yeah. It didn't make any sense. You sat down because you remember that time in return of the Jedi when Luke Skywalker sat down. Yeah. That's part where you're the world's most handicapped Jedi. He wrote toward Darth Vader in a rascal, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They had a, they had a bump and go cart battle at the end of the movie. I think that was even Hawking's guest star. Yes. Hi. I'm your father. No. Oh. Yeah. I mean, that was like when, when Sega was also getting desperate, even in the early 90s, with the time trailer, hologram game, you're shut up docked or the fucking Uncle Fester game, where he just electrocuted you for three minutes. Yeah. Yes. It was an electrocution game in the arcades where you would put your hands and see how long you could hold out. Yeah. Yeah. While it's electrocuting you. It's a brilliant idea. It was like, Hey, you took ecstasy and got lost in an arcade. We made this for you. It's like, did you see Emilio Westervez, the cabinet next to you, get zapped into it? Good reference. Yeah. You like that? You have to fight a black knight. Oh, good. Was it actually electrocuting you? Yeah. I don't know if it was electrocuted. I think I played that game with the pinball machine at the card shop that would electrocute me if I had touched both sides of it at the same time. Oh, man. It's awful. Yeah. It's like, this kind of hurts that. Oh. Sorry. Yeah. I miss our kids. I miss cheating. Cheating its ski ball, like blatantly in front of some attendant that you know you could kick his ass if he said anything. You're an awful person. The local arcade. Those prize tickets. The local arcade that we had with the prize ticket things, they would watch you like a hawk. If you were sitting, like if you sat down on the whack-a-mole, they would come over and take the roll of tickets away from you. As if the Ponzi scheme of ticket redemption isn't bad enough. Right. They want to make sure you're not cheating it. So because I was honest, and I wanted that stuffed leopard up there really, really bad, I was like Billy Mitchell and memorized all of the, it was like seven of the whack-a-mole patterns. So when I would start on the left, you'd be up to the left one. Yep. So I would just like be a robot and I would know exactly where all of them were coming. And I would sit there and I would be able to play it until the score would like fuck up as if you were sitting on it. And it would do like E03. And they're just like thing being made. Take it to just shoot out. And the guy came over and was like, hey, you're cheating. I was like, no, I'm not. I'll do it again. I put another quarter in and I did it again. And he was like, all right, you can keep them. The trick was to go up to the prize counter just as like a birthday party was about to leave. And there's like 14 kids. And then he'd be like, how many tickets did you have? And you'd be like 700. Okay. Here's everything. You know what? 12. Shut up. I always wanted to know the person who actually had 17,000 tickets to buy. The stereo. Yeah. Not even the stereo. It's like Smash TV on Super Nintendo. Yeah. Or like a frame picture of Dan Ackerade and Ghostbusters too. Yeah. 35,000 tickets. 35,000 tickets. You spent up $400 playing a ski ball. Here's an eight by 12 glossy for me. Not to mention. Who is this person that was saving those and coming back every week and like, make sure he put those in his little box box. I don't know. Ryan Scott. No. Scott Bromley because I eventually got that leopard. Oh God. It probably just, you know, it was just one of the shitty ones full of like styrofoam, right? I want to, I want to meet the guy that invented those games where you just put a quarter in and it just falls and nothing happens. Oh, so the game is like, put the quarter in at the right time. Yeah. And it's like, well, maybe if a hundred people came before you and put $100 in here, like, you might get a quarter back. And no one ever did. Like every $10, you got 75 cents a bill. It's the most pathetic watery. Yeah, exactly. Well, the last time we were, we were on Rebel FM, we went to the liquor store before and they have one of those in there and the guys were playing and they like would put $10 bills or $100 bills and then quarters and guys were playing it. Were they winning anything? No. That's awful. They were, they were just, I was like, you guys aren't going to win anything. Keep your $10. Those, man, those kinds of games and just state lotteries in general, they're just the bad math tax. Yeah. Like people who aren't. Yeah, I see. I live in upper hate in San Francisco and it's just riddled with the homeless hippies. And you'll just see them be like starving for food and instead they'll get scratch off tickets. And it's like, well, $3 definitely could have gotten you food, but $3 could have not maybe sort of possibly gotten you $5. Yeah. Well, you know what the hell on their side. Jesus. Jesus is watching them by that lottery ticket and he is going to give them the money they need. By Jesus, do you mean Jerry Garcia? Yes. I always just wanted him to return to my neighborhood and be like, guys, guys, get jobs. Also, stop listening to my music. I don't even listen to that shit anymore. It's pretty awful. It's mostly forgettable trash. We weren't even, knowing what we were doing half the time we were recording and it just sounded cool and we were high. Just get a job. Sell your dog. Your dog named Wizard. He's not going to find you golden the woods or whatever you're doing. Just leave. You thought about this a lot. I live in this man. There's a wizard. That's not magic. Like Scott hears me complain about this and then he comes over and he's like, geez, you aren't kidding. This is really what your neighborhood looks like. It's just gypsies. And it is full gypsies. Like that guy is feeding his dog Wizard dirt because he thinks it's magic. Yeah. Exactly. I was walking through the hate once and someone called me a yuppie. Yeah. I can see that. I can see that. With your boat shoes. I was wearing like sunglasses and someone was like, go back to Los Angeles to your paparazzi. I'm like, what? What does that even mean? Did I actually say that? Yeah. I saw them. I don't even know how to react to that. I think that's a compliment. If you think that like me walking around unshaven, haggard and drunk is like something that would attract paparazzi. Oh, they won the contest in that. It's true. It's true. I think the best thing I ever saw in the hate was I was in Kid Robot. There was like the world's most homeless. I've told this story to El time, but he's cracking up too. The world's most homeless pit bull just like walked into a robot with this person like looking at the toys going, oh man, I can't believe you're charging $900 for a toy. And then all of a sudden, the dog just pops a squat and like lays down the juiciest fucking raciest, most homeless dog shit ever. Like it was it was like a pile of cow shit, but covered in hay and dirt. Did it have like trash in it? Can't be wrapper. Yeah. There was like a chicken bone in it. It was cartoonish and it matched the color of the floor perfectly. It was this pile and all the employees are just sitting there stunned. They don't know what to do. He just wandered in. And then he was like, well, you're going to have to clean that up. What a fucking asshole. I know. And I was just I was surprised that that Kid Robot just didn't throw a price tag on it call his culture. Hey. Oh, that hurts. Too shame, man. Fucking it. That was the greatest thing I ever saw at Kid Robot. You know, the funny thing about this is Scott was actually talking about games before we started recording. I was talking about battlefield because I was waiting. I was like waiting for this guy to talk about battlefields so I could start talking about it. I mean, we talked about battlefield, whatever, but the iPhone version, please advise people away from this catastrophe. I don't think it's as awful as Brian does. I think it's as awful. If you got it for 99 cents, whatever. It's 99 cents. Yeah. But I mean debate with yourself or discuss with yourself why it's as awful as you think it is. It's it's so bad. The driving sections in that game are just unbelievably bad. It's like, I don't know, if you had a toy car and you're trying to drive it around on your floor using only your elbow, that's how that game controls. It's just like, oh, oh, and you're bashing into the walls and driving backwards and all the all the trees look like they're made of paper. It's just awful. The loading times are like 45 minutes. Well, it doesn't look that bad for an iPhone game. But if you really, really enjoyed Turak 2 on the N64, you'll do it without the ram cart. It disco mode. Right. It disco mode without the ram cart. I forgot there was disco mode in those dumb games. Yeah. You know what else there was? Fog. Fog. Right. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. These weather conditions are awful. And arrows. Bow hunting and fog. That's that's all a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. I was watching Anthony play and I was just thinking to myself, like, must be nice working on a development of a game where it really doesn't matter if it is good or not. Yeah. Like, you can just release battle field on iPhone and a lot of people will buy it. And, like, even though it's only 99 cents, I say don't buy it. Like, this is a vote with your dollars moment. Yeah. Like, it looked pretty shitty. There's just so many better games to get for 99 cents. Would you care to say that they phoned it in? Oh, shit. Comedy. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Uhm. But you were playing Vietnam. No. Anthony hasn't played Vietnam yet. Oh, you were playing it. Yeah, but we talked about it for only two weeks. Oh, well, I played it. So meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow mmm, I say, "Hey, did you play Vietnam?" Yeah. It still doesn't feel right to me. Yeah, well, if you'd asked me two years ago if I could say, "Hey, remember that game where I played through fucking Afghanistan?" I'd say, "Are you crazy?" Yeah. Yeah. That's how you killed the eggplant. Was it right, Agent Orange? Yeah. Well, he was named Charlie in development, I think. They changed a lot of stuff when it comes from Japan. Does that explain the oops that you play? Well, I was talking about, like, that was my strategy and how I have no strategy when I play the battlefield games at all because I'm just, like, 1943. I just jump off the ship, swim, swim. I don't even get in the boat because that'll give away where I am. So I swim to a rock. You're the world's most patient sniper. Yeah. I climbed on the rock and then I snipe people and then, or I will get in a plane and... Do you just, like, sit on your couch dressed as Tom Beringer? Yeah. I play, like, every guy in every war movie who's, like, left the building, like, he's just checked out and I just run. I'm like, "Ah!" And shooting everything. "Ah!" And then we was like, "You gotta hide behind the rock and stay in cover." I'm like, "No time! We gotta kill them all!" And then I die. Yeah. And I'm also, like, I'm also, like, a launchpad and a quack in the airplane because I will just see, like, a shitload of guys on the road running towards a tank and then just fly right down towards them, crash the plane, jump out with, like, an inch left. And then just land. I'm like, "Oh, I'm perfectly fine!" You're all dead. The guy walking around with your parachute hanging out. Yep. You guys were all dead. I love that game. Telspin? Dude, did you guys play Telspin on NES? What? Did you guys ever play the Telspin on NES? No. I did. It was just some shitty, you know, license platform. That was a bad game. Ducktales it was not. Ducktales was great. Yeah. Ducktales was good. I would have loved to be there when they first pitched Ducktales and they're like, "No, you're gonna play a Scrooge and he jumps on a cane." I'm pretty sure that I'd be surprised if that was a Ducktales game to start. What? I think Capcom made Ducktales. They did. They did. But I don't think it was... It just surprised me if it wasn't like another character and they're like, "Ah, let's just make this about this American cartoon that they love." I never really got in the Darkwing Duck. No. He just never... He just didn't really sell me. I was one of those weird kids that preferred the Rescue Rangers game over the detective. I love the Rescue Rangers game. No, I don't think that's weird. I think a lot of people were really about the Rescue Rangers game. That was a good one too. I loved. The sense of scale in that game was so fucked. Yeah. It was like, "Hey, look at this sewer pipe. It's gigantic, but it's smaller than an apple." And how tiny... Which you can carry. Which you can carry. It's smaller. All those fucking boxes all over the place. Yeah. Somebody love tiny crates. Tiny crates. They're the... Where are these fucking tiny boxes? Booi! We have all these miniature Japanese apples. Hide them in tiny boxes all over the street. Yeah. What construction company is making these small crates to ship nothing in? And you live... You basically live in a city that's only populated by cats. And robotic bulldogs. And everything is going to electrocute you. Has anybody been down in this sewer? It's full of robot gnats. And apples. What the fuck is that chip I'm doing? He's wearing a hat and the other one's got a party shirt. I also love that all of those crates. That's just like Scott Bromley. All those crates came with eye holes. Yeah. Specifically for chipmunks to look inside. I love that the main boss that came. His main attack was a fucking cigar. He would just sit there at his desk and be like, "Ugh, these fucking rats just tap his cigar and try to get ash on you." Like that was it. He's like, "How am I supposed to run this company with these rats on my desk?" Furthermore, how is a cat running, of course? I don't know. He hit a suit. He hit like a suit jacket. Yeah, a tailored suit. Have you ever tried to put a costume on a cat that will never, ever stand for that shit? Put a Santa Claus cat on one of these, or a Santa Claus costume on one of these cats. Yeah. If we could film you trying to put a costume on PB, I think that that would go viral pretty quick. Yeah. I saw a pretty amazing Superman costume on a cat that went around on a Superman costume on the way here. On the way to Rebel FM today. Yeah. Okay. First of all, we were in the, we were in the BART station and there, there was the real life guy that Jamie Fox was playing in that movie that he did about the musical. Minus the musical genius part. Yeah. He had a violin. He had the look down. Yeah. He had the look down. He looked like him. He had a violin and he was just playing it. But he was playing it like I would because I don't know how to play the violin. So I'm just going, it sounded like that camera lens sound from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre but just a different pitches. And then right next to him, literally right next to him was a guy with a chicken. It was a rooster. It was a rooster wearing a red cape. That was his, that was his thing. He's like, I got a chicken with a cape. Happy New Year. And I was like, does that, does that rooster have a cape? And he was like, my rooster has a cape because you can't put a suit on a rooster. Just the cape. Like as if that was the only two options because I was thinking like the third option is nothing. Top hat. A top hat. A top hat. Then he can wake you up with class. I mean, that's not as, my Bart experience over here wasn't as funny as y'all but I walked down the station like all the guy with this guy performing was doing. He was just like clapping as hard as he could and he was like, I lost my virginity to that song. I always want to like ask people, like there's this guy in my neighborhood, he's just constantly playing the accordion and I want to just go up to him some days and be like, did you, did you clear this with anyone? Like did you ask anyone if they wanted to accompany their walk today with bad accordion music? Like that should be like a pole. We should ask like if five people are like, no, that's cool, then sure let it fly. But I have a feeling you wouldn't find five people. I've seen some weird shit in your neighborhood, like that's not even the weirdest thing I've seen. I was driving into IGN when we were in the Brisbane office one morning and there was a naked black guy standing in the middle of the road during rush hour. Just standing there, waving. It was wild. Naked? Naked. It's weird. I think it took me exactly 33 days before none of that phased me anymore and it was like, I don't know. It was like the 33rd day was like, hey, there's 40 dudes naked on bicycles. I'm like, whatever. San Francisco. I get it. Like it just doesn't, it doesn't, nothing surprises me anymore. It's like, hey, that guy's taking his shit and he's got a ferret. Okay. I'll just keep walking to the liquor store like what else can I do? Pretty much. So games. So games. You want to talk about Christmas games? Christmas memories? Oh God. This is the holiday. Christmas games. I can't think of Christmas games. Did you see that rude off the red and those reindeer game? The one that Christine was playing? Yeah. That she gave like a 1.5. The shit is broken as broken can be. So the game, I don't know if you saw it, the game. What they did is they thought it was a style choice to put like really shit. Those two words never came together during the development of the game. They did it this one moment where they're like, let's put a shitty like grain filter. So it looks like you're watching the special but on a really bad television that's not going to get a good reception. Let's make the whole game look like that. And then also let's not have, let's not, we don't want to track down any high res artwork. Someone just scanned the logo from the VHS. I was talking about this. It doesn't sound like style approach conversation anywhere here. Sounds like they're just like, oh fuck it. Just put it out. Yeah. And what they did is they just took their, where we just started a computer, they're 3D models. What do you think windows? They took a photo of the action figures that came out a couple years ago. Oh my God. Are you kidding me? And the action figures and different poses and they just put that together. Action figures of what? Rude off the red and the reindeer character. Like the stop motion. Yes. Classic. Classic characters. But they came out with action figures a couple of years ago. So they took photos of action figures that were based on clay models. What the fuck? Is this on iPhone? No. This is for the Nintendo Wii. What? Yes. I believe it's $20 or $30. Yeah. That's the part where it becomes less surprising. It's like, oh, okay. We were going through a stack of really bad Wii games at our library at work the other day. And we found this one game where it was a crossword puzzle game. And they forgot to put a fucking logo on the spine. It was just blank. It was just white. I don't know if it was some meta shit where they're like, this is the first puzzle you'll have is finding out which game in the collection is your puzzle collection. You're just playing Wii. Yeah. But it was like that some guy was, yeah, you're playing here. It's Wii. It's like when they show. What are you playing? Wii. No, what do we game? Wii. It's. Yeah. What's going on? We have a Buffalo the Lo upstairs. You have a what? Buffalo the Lo upstairs. Someone playing DDR upstairs. Is there a fire show? That's what I'm going to say. Like are they playing like track and field with the old like, like the power pad? When I moved to New York for college, I brought my power pad and piss off. The walls and ceilings and everything are so thin there that like everyone was pissed off of me. That was how you piss off your neighbors with a different kind of power pad. I said, I don't know if I told this story, but I probably not. I really pissed off my, I had this really hot milk neighbor that lived downstairs and she used to just get fucked in the ass and scream into like the fire escape and everyone would hear it. That's a particular kind of detail. Well, she'd be like, ah, fuck my ass on and just, and the whole building could hear it. It wasn't really like, hmm, is she getting fucked in the ass? It was like, no, I'm telling you. I'm getting fucked in the ass. There's no puzzles here. This is not a riddle. So I had turntables. And I used to have-- What is the orifice in which I'm being fucked? And it's neither here nor there. I used to have these, these like cartoon sound effect records and so I would just put on like lion and tiger noises really, really loud, but then slow them down. So it'd be like, ah, ah, and so it'd be like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. To battle her having sex getting fucked in the ass could be like, oh, you're doing that down there? Well, up here, we're fucking parrots. Take that, lady. So yeah, I don't do that, kids. You're going to do it. Don't do any of that. This was a hot lady, though? She was hot. Yeah. Yeah. You never did, that didn't, you weren't just sitting in your room being like, man. Little man. Well, the first five times, and then it was like, man, a toucan would go great with this. I had a dollar for every time I said that. Oh, man. Yeah. So the power pad, that was the first thing. Did anyone ever beat cheetah? What? With your hands. The racing game. Oh, yeah. We got down to use your hands. The running game. Yeah. The track and field. Yeah. I mean, I would always beat it with the hands or spoons. You would just rub them back and forth. You get two spoons and just go, my, my, my, I never learned, I never learned that trick. Yeah. That was the first. I got that for Christmas and it was so fucking stoked on it. My parents were doing the old, the old, you're not getting it for Christmas trick, which is the worst trick to play on a kid. It's awful. So you open up all the presents and they're like, well, there's one more. Follow this trail of yarn. You didn't, you didn't. My parents used to go to absolutely outrageous lengths, the disguise, the things they gave us. Oh, yeah. I once got a present, the size of this coffee table and opened it and it was just full of sheets. Oh, yeah. And then I got to the bottom and there's a Genesis there. I'm like, I'm not sure if I'm happy about this. My parents were stupid. Like my dad, my dad was a teacher and he would write the names of the game, like on the, on the thing after he wrapped it. So one year, and this is just to show you how stupid I was, I saw this thing sitting on his desk and I'm like, oh man, it looks like a game. And I picked it up and it said F zero on it. And I was like, oh, that must be a gift he got for one of his bad students. And it didn't resonate in my own head that it was a game. And then like a year later, I was like, fuck, I'm dumb. But my best, my favorite Christmas memories were, I think you're the teacher. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. I know. Well, so I was loved pretending to be really good friends with the Jewish kids who got shit before you. Oh, yeah. He's like, you got a super Nintendo. We're best friends. You pretended to be friends of the Jewish kid. Well, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't like an anti Jew thing. All right. Whatever Muslim you need. It wasn't. He was friends with them for eight days. With who? Yeah. We were going for eight days and then Christmas came along and I was like, yeah, I got that shit now. No, it's cool. We've got a tree. Have fun with your games. Bernstein. Oh man. Yeah, that Christmas was always the best because you would get the games that you really, really wanted. Then an aunt or something would get you a garbage game. Yeah. Get you a garbage game that they're like, the guy at the store said this was cool. And you're like, I bump a jump isn't fun. Yeah. Oh, that guy. Who was that guy who always recommended terrible games? Some asshole. He still exists. Yeah, they still look. They're still attractive rise. Working it. Game stop. Like, I would, I would get a job at GameStop just to recommend terrible games to people. Wouldn't that be so much fun? It would be the best. Do you want to hear this one guys? A Christmas gaming memory. Yes. It's pretty sad. So yeah, we, we put up a post asking for Christmas gaming memories. This one's pretty sad. It's from Paul. And he says, my Christmas gaming memory is never being bought a games console because my mom told me they wore out the colors on the TV screen. I actually heard this from a lot of other friends been growing up. So maybe all the British moms club together to come up with some reason to fend off the terrible curse of kids having fun. And then how is he spending his Christmas? He says, I will be spending this Christmas playing games in my own TV in my own house. Fuck you, mom. War out the colors on the TV. Well, Nintendo had that big warning going around in the instruction booklets of the game saying do not play this on a rear projection TV. Yeah. It will make it explode. And I remember that me being a goody two shoes as a kid, someone was playing in the round table in the birthday party room where they had the big screen TV. Someone was playing Super Mario Bell herself. Oh, my God. It works. Oh, no, no, I need to tell them that they can't play that on there. And I didn't do it. But I wanted to see what would happen and nothing happened. I remember back back then, like anytime anything went bad and you are ever in Nintendo's fault, it was like it didn't matter. Like we could have a power out and be like, oh, Nintendo did it. What? How? What did they do? They created lightning? That shifts in the in the late 90s when anything would go wrong with your parents computer and it was always your fault. Yeah. Well, usually it was my fault. I'm 30 years old and it's still my fault. My parents computer doesn't work. Yeah, unless my mom was like, is it actually your phone or something like that? No, I haven't touched their computer. It doesn't work. It's my fault that they're that they can't get their television connected to Netflix, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When I finally moved out, I left like a cheat sheet. I was like, here's all. Here's how you chop your phone ringer off and all this shit. Is that ever going to be us? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was me when they announced Google Cloud or whatever. I don't think that is going to be it is. It's not because we grew up with when I was in college, my job was to work with professors to learn how to use technology in their classes, like I would walk them through like anything as simple as an internet browser to using PowerPoint or Photoshop. And what I learned is that we grew up with technology in such a way that when we get a piece of tech, we don't see it and be confused. We see it as something to play with until we understand it and our parents generation never saw technology that way with the few exceptions. Yeah, I can totally agree with that. Just my experience of my job that I work, you know, with minted.com, which like we had to hire over 200 temporary employees and like we had to manage them. And a lot of the employees were, you know, over the age of 50, even like 40 like really old people. They always tell like the younger people could like figure out their new things with CS4 or whatever on their own, whereas we had to more problem solve with the older crowd. It's just, I mean, our entire life has been like this steep, sharp curve upward in tech like in the way it works, but it all has this basis in what we weren't basically playing Nintendo. Yeah, true. I mean, it's funny we're talking about this too, because like the one thing I was thinking about on the way up here, like when I always think about my holiday memories is sort of, it's sort of like something that lead that led up to my holiday of the Super Nintendo. I distinctly remember getting that issue of maybe it was Nintendo power or electronic gaming monthly, but I remember the full, it was around September and they had a whole center spread and section on the new Super Nintendo games. And I just remember thinking like of the graphical leap between the NES to the Super Nintendo and like, and I even played Atari, you know, I was young enough to play that a lot. And I mean, just that jump is insane. Oh yeah. Yeah, I had the Nintendo power where they first like talked about the Super to Famicom and they're just like inconceivable. Yeah. Well, and it was weird too, because it was like, hey, pack watch, let's see what's coming out. Oh, Dick Tracy, that's going to suck. Oh, who frame Roger Rabbit, that's going to be terrible. And then you turn the page and it was like, what's rumbling in Japan? Oh, this little thing called the Super Famicom. It's got F Sierra and Super Mario World. Cool. See you next month. And I was like, what? What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? It's like, if some girl came in and was like, hey, check in my cleavage. You can suck on these in like a couple of months. Peace. What? Are you fucking crazy? No, come back. I need to see those tits. Please. I've never seen tits like that. This is amazing. I mean, it really was a surprise like that. Like, none of us expected. No, you never did because no one told you back there. It was just like, hey guys, you're going to get a brand new system in a few months. Yeah. It was like, I just shit my pants. My cousins next door neighbor had the Super Famicom before it came out and walking over there and watching him play the game and then seeing the huge fucking bullet bill come at you. Oh my God. I was like, holy shit. That thing's huge. Why did they do that? How did they make that? How did they make that so big? That's ridiculous. Why did they hit that thing where like stuff would scale? That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. You know, they could scale the pixels and what things would come forward toward you. And then everything would get pixelated to fade away, right, right, right, right, right. Things would rotate. Yeah. I was like, it's fucking turning. This is amazing. This is the future. It's funny because those are the worst looking parts in all those games now. And you go back and it's like, hey, let me koopa or whatever is spinning into the screen and it looks terrible. So most people's biggest Christmas memories are like when they got a console they were looking for to. Yeah. But did any of you guys ever get like the shitty one where it was like, here's a Sega CD that's on sale or 32 X because that shit is failing. And it was only $20. I think I got a Nomad one year, which by the way, you can't you can't finish X-Men for Genesis on a Nomad because it doesn't have a fucking reset button. So wait, hold on. So Nomad, what was Nomad? Nomad was a portable Sega Genesis. If yeah, if portable was carrying a cinder block with you everywhere you went. The virtual boy was another plug in it that you could plug another Genesis controller into it. Oh, I got a you can play for like a whole 45 minutes. Yeah. You have it somewhere. It was it was like this forgotten I don't even I wouldn't even call it a console Sega gadget. It was like a Sega day planner that you could be messages to people and create avatars on. I think I remember that. I have that. Yeah. You sure it was Sega? It was Sega because I had this thing called like Gamecom. No, it wasn't. It was like black and white. It wasn't a Gamecom. It was a black and white Sega handheld. Tyler remembers it because I remember that it's like a Sega it was like a Sega three X G. Yeah. And there was this whole era where like digital notebooks for the shit. Yeah. Like digital planners. The whole thing was like their whole marketing campaign for this was you can totally pass notes and the teachers won't know because you'll be beaming them across and what they're not telling you is you need more than one person to have this for to work. You're going to be the only one and I was such a sucker for it. I got it. How did you not put that together in your own HUD? Because I was twelve. I remember the old commercials for a guess who yeah with Adam right at the bottom characters do not actually talk. Yeah. Because there were kids who were like, Hey, there's fucking cartoons that appear in real life. Sixty of them in a row. Yeah. There was a special on HBO as a kid that I remember loving watching because they did like five parts of it was called by me that and it was all about all the lies. Yeah. And they were like deceptive toy advertising. I remember they showed all the G.I. Joe's and it'd be like these massive battles and it's like comes with hundreds of weapons and then you'd actually get it and it would be like this shitty little spring loaded missile that shot a half foot. That's why they had that. That's why they had to change the whole commercial guidelines in the 80s because you know masters the universe the kid had attorney in his backyard and then yeah and then three years later people complained that so now attorney is made out of paper cups and popsicle sticks. Yeah. But it still looks bad at us and you would never have that. Yeah. So they have that food. What was those food fighters? Yeah. Yeah. They're right at the bottom of that commercial warning pizza does not actually get drafted in the army. Did you ever have any of those peripherals? Like I rented a Sega CD once because I wanted to play sewer shark. I think I had a 32x. My uncle who owned a video store had a Sega CD and I remember one Sunday I think it was Easter Sunday actually. I walked in and saw that and I was just like mesmerized for a couple of hours by the fact that there was fucking video coming out of the game. Did you walk in on him editing a crisscross music video? No. I'm pretty sure he waited until I left. What was it night trap or the checkout rape? Yeah. Yeah. What a bad system that was. Yeah. I had one of those friends that actually put together that bad atrocious Sega gang bang where it was like the 32x and the Sega CD. I just put that one. Oh, with that. Yeah. Yeah. And then Sonic and Knuckles or whatever and it was just like oh let's take a game gear in there too. What's up? What's up bitch? You like that? Yeah. Just shoving all these things in the world. Like a fat old whore. It was just like. It was so sad to watch. There was like a Brie Olsen. Yeah. And then it asked what, it asked for advice on what curtains to buy a bed bath. Yeah. And the Genesis is the middle of just like, when will I know if I find the one? It's gone. Take it whore. Jared writes it. And he says. You want a miniser? Oh. He says I had one of those when I was $20 as well. What? It was like a miniser. I got six different pieces so you could. Of course it's so bad. Yeah. I got a super scope six. I had a super scope. On launch day. Me too. I was so excited for that thing. I made it. Yoshi eggs shit. Yeah. Yeah. That's the first, that's actually the first time. You remember looking through that awful scope? How much that hurt? Yeah. It wasn't even accurate at all. It was so bad. Yeah. They had that shitty alien whack-a-mole game too. The whack-a-mole game and then there was a game with the Jets flying by. Yeah man. You just had to shoot him. Yeah. And it had like the sexy, the sexy co-pilot. It was like great shot. And so this makes me think of like, I'm blind. I was watching the developer video of the Killzone 3 like, gun peripheral with the no idea. Oh god. And they're all talking like, it makes it really more intuitive and I'm like, no it doesn't. It makes it, you have to sit there and think like, oh okay, like I'm used to playing shooters this way but now I got to realize to do a melee attack I got to thrust the gun forward like an asshole, you know? I just love how anything, any peripheral you make with the move is automatically canceled out by the fact that it looks like it has like a bows of the clown nose on the end of it. No matter what you do. It's fucking gun. Hong Kong. No matter what you do, it looks like a clown face like you could have the most serious thing in the world. It could be like the Declaration of Independence and you roll it out and it's like Hong Kong. What? What game would that be? We've got to go for AIDS. Hong Kong. Aww. No matter what. Founding Fathers. Move game. Speaking of which, this has nothing to do with that by the way. Jared says, he says my favorite gaming memory is when I got my Sega Game Gear. My brother and I were so stoked until we realized it took eight batteries to operate and the only game we ever got was Sonic. That's pretty much the best thing about the Game Gear was that it was awful. Remember that part of that movie when there's rats in this house everywhere? Yeah. The best thing about it. And paper airplanes killed you. Yeah. I'm a talk boy for Christmas for me. I got one of this. Hey guys, we're home early. Stop drooling on me. Our kids were home early. Did you use it to cocklock your sister like the kid in the commercial did because it's all you did. It's like, hey, I'm going to get this thing and every time some dick tries to get inside my sister's vagina, I'm going to fuck things up. I'll record her when she was wrestling with the dogs and somehow have the fucking sense and sensibility to play it over when she's making out with the dude like totally out of context. It's so fucked up. It's like what they did to John Kerry when they photoshopped them out of those war photos. Just like that. I'm really like, you got a talk boy. Yeah. It was great though. The girl just like sprung away from her boyfriend as soon as he heard the stop drooling on me. He's like, whoa, whoa, bit you crazy. I just love that like they never explained like I'm just assuming those commercials never ended with the kid coming in and be like, I used a talk boy because instead it's just like, no seriously, where did that voice come from? Are they home early? Where, who's they? Where are they? I can hear about us. The sister institutionalizes herself. She's like, I don't know what it is. I just keep thinking they're home early. Keeps on drooling. What's the matter? We were at the Frighteners. It was great. It ran a little late. I thought you were home. I just, I always take your home. You're never home when you are and the kids just sitting in the corner like, ha, ha, ha, I talk boy motherfucker. It's like the good son. And then he drowns her. But saves to rubber ducking in his shed. Speaking of depressive memories, my food she says, when I was eight or so, my parents split up. That Christmas my dad showed me, me and my brother that he loved us more by buying a genesis. Because weekend dads, we get new shit. Yup. Nothing but a beating. Weekend dad. Weekend dad is going to be an eternal champion. There's like 52 comments. Really? Yeah. Wow. There's what happened? Like 52 comments. We get a lot of comments in the games about everything. A lot of them are like, I got a six or four. Oh spam. That was awesome. I'm going to spend Christmas with my mom. All right. Cool. If you're that good at memories, you should never tell memories again. Yeah. Let's see. First game memory is 1995. My brother got me the SNES version of Street Fighter Alpha 2 which turned out to be the worst port. I knew I was getting it before it was in its rapping and I freaked the fuck out. Like I excitedly ran around my house and rolled around on the floor. Then Christmas came and it didn't even get to play it because my older cousins cock blocked me. And that later that it wasn't really a gift for me. It was just an excuse for my brother to buy the game without admitting it was really for him. I don't know what an asshole. Yeah. My best friend Ian's mom used to do that shit all the time every birthday and Christmas. Whatever year it was. Ian always got that final fantasy for that year and then Ian's mom played it for like three months straight. What? Yeah. Do you ever have to do the thing where you had to share the systems with cousins? Yeah. I wanted to share this with my brother and sister. I mean we all live. Yeah. But you guys lived in the same house. Why the fuck would you share a system with your cousins? Because my grandmother purchased a Super Nintendo for us. For us like all of you? Yeah. For her grandchildren. How does that work? I'll tell you how it worked. The next week my sister and I would get it, the next week my cousin would until my cousin got it. Yeah. Until my cousin got it. Genesis. And we just stole it and kept the super Nintendo from her. You got the better deal anyway. Yeah. Of course I got the better deal. Yeah. I got a super scope. You got a miniser. Fuck that. Both of those were garbage to be fair. Shh. No they weren't. The Super Nintendo in retrospect is so much better than the Genesis. I could have told you that. Man there's like so many little dollars of tragedy sprinkled in with these Christmas memories. You guys have a lot of sad listeners. John says my best Christmas memory when I was five my dad left and my mom worked her hardest to give us a great Christmas. But she didn't. Is that the end of his story? No. Okay. The tree was loaded with gifts. I got tons of Ninja Turtles. Then after it was all calming down my grandpa came by. He never visited but this day he came with a huge sack of gifts for us all. The highlights of which were the Turtles Party Wagon and the NES. That's what I was saying. Almost everybody's memory is like I got a 64. I got a Super Nintendo. We all had those. What did you expect people to say? Then there's as for the break I'm making plans to get the hell out of the south. I'm moving back home up north as I'm getting a divorce from my lying cheating bitch of a wife. Wow. Merry Christmas. That is a great Christmas gift. Because we have kids that he's going to shower with gifts now. No because he doesn't have a dad to bring them presents after he leaves. But he would be the dad who left. If their mom's enough of a whore then they might have a few new dads. You never know if any of them work at Best Buy. You haven't even talked about weekend dads. It's true. Yeah. Nothing like a weekend dad. Hi there are a bunch of I'm going home to spend with my racist family comments. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, pretty much. All right. You guys going to play Alan Wake? This one's all right. This one's from Seth and he says my Christmas gaming memory probably back when the game cube was out. I assume since he got a fucking game cube. I hadn't asked it for anything so it was a really surprise. My parents brought out monsters incorporated for the game cube before they brought out the console. I thought they were just being normal parents and had bought the wrong game for the wrong system. I told them wait mom and dad this is for the game cube not PS1. They kind of played along with it until to my complete surprise they pulled out another hidden present. Once I had opened it and realized what it was I yelled wait we can play this on it. Everything to Monsters Incorporated which actually happened to be good fun for my three younger brothers and I as well as my dad. The very next game we purchased was Smash Bros. which we've since played for hundreds of hours. He says this Christmas break I will be doing gaming on my new Alienware M11 XR2 laptop. Oh wow. So he's going to be playing a lot of hardcore PC. What the fuck was Monsters Inc. Was that based on the movie? Yeah. Pixar. You know just totally separate. No I got confused. Yeah it was about a corporation of Monsters. How did that game play? These jumping closets? Scream at kids. It's like any Japanese game show screaming at children. Oh with Billy Crystal? This one this one's also Spencer says he says my holiday memory is because I was raised Jewish but am now agnostic was sneaking into my parents room and opening up presents and seeing a Game Boy. I felt so bad I've never told anyone. What does he mean by like he doesn't have holidays anymore because he's agnostic. You can have holidays on time. But his parents probably don't give him shit. I don't pray to anybody. I'm going back to see my family. Right but I mean maybe his parents are like hardcore Jewish and so when he was like I don't believe in anymore the fuck you then no more Hanukkah for you. So holidays just end like because this guy doesn't believe in any. I have a friend that was raised Jehovah's Witness and even though the holidays occur just like it just doesn't look like April Fool's Aces to exist and Groundhog's Day and these things. They don't mean anything to them. Groundhog's Day doesn't mean anything to anyone. But I'm saying Christmas isn't anything to them either. I actually mean it's a really good Bill Murray movie to me. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. That's the best thing to come out of Groundhog Day mate. Yeah the movie. So this is a pretty good one. That's a pretty good one. Oh god. The movie's great because it's like watching a movie a hundred times in the same movie. So this one one kid Bill he writes into us a lot he says like if I other geeks born in the late 70s early 80s my childhood Christmas memories have melted together in a frothy wash of any asfus nostalgia I remember four or five Christmases sounded so gross during the late 80s. Yeah. I tried to dodge outings to visit grandparents on Christmas day so I could play whatever new game it was the Senate left me into the tree. Sure those grandparents may be dead now but my memories of flipping the fuck out at Mega Man's two cartoon quality animation graphics will live forever. I have a similar memory to that. It's probably why I hate football is because it always get in the way of playing games. I got Mega Man 3 for Christmas and I was so fucking excited to play that game. I had to wait for everyone to finish watching football so I could actually try it for the first time. Because you couldn't play because that's when the Iraq war started. Yeah. Fuck you Iraq war. It's weird. I actually really did like so I always associate playing Mega Man 3 with us bombing the shit out of Iraq. That I remember that level yeah it was green a lot of white flashes and wolf blitz are hiding underneath a bed. That was wolf man. Dr. Wiley made him Dr. Wiley also calls 911 I'm just throwing that out there it's a conspiracy I'm running on my blog I don't actually have a blog for making a documentary called loose energy tanks I like this guy's story just because the way he wrote it he writes it like I don't know it sounds fake I'm gonna read it to you okay just because who writes a story like this Christmas morning oh gosh in 98 looting through my stocking I was enthralled by the sticky hands and lifesaver candies but sitting next to my stocking wrapped in simple unassuming brown paper was the gift I almost forgot my dad a lifelong gamer hands it to me with the twinkle in his eye reminiscent of old Saint Nick I thought the gift was his dad wrapped up in I read the paper fell asleep in a pile of trash paper off I was confused a game boy what's a game boy quicker than you could sing up on a house top you had it out so for days because I don't know that so I feel like we're being troll right I was preoccupied building a Lego fort for my teddy bear that is until I heard my first 8-bit melody running over to see what my dad had done he simply handed me the keys to my future Pokemon red was booted up on the screen and while at first I didn't comprehend what was happening as he explained it I became more and more hooked I beat the game before new years and then by then my collection expanded to include Mario Zelda and a second copy of Red Land plenty of shovel work this is 1998 that shit was garbage then yeah I don't know but first off he said by New Year's this collection expanded like four games little rich prick yeah I was lucky if I like a little rich prick getting a Game Boy and brown paper on Christmas in 1998 I love that that he was handed Pokemon red and looked at the screen and was like this is green and didn't get it I just I was confused I just love that he was building a Lego fort for his teddy bear yeah fucking Dickens novel did you come out right is this the fucking kid from Silver Spoons yeah I don't know fuck you and your personal train and your your slaves I hate you they were all the writers that's what that's what Alfonso Rivera he was a slave essentially he had to do all of Carl yeah he had to do all of his bidding yeah they were like go to the store and get a thousand marbles every time why cuz you're black yeah every time Ricky would would get in trouble fucking Alfonso Rivera would come in be like oh fuck I got this shit and then he'd be like breakdance and then he would be good that's how he fixed the train yeah he just breakdance on the tracks that kid ever go to school I don't know it's weird cuz I only watched that show when I didn't go to school yeah so I was just always like this kid gets us just do this shit all day like he's rich he just gets a fuck around in a big house yeah and the moral was like that he didn't have friends but who cared yeah cuz he was friends with his dad who also didn't work I never I never associated with the part and like Richie rich or whatever or like guys don't worry it's like it's cuz he doesn't have friends that's the sad thing so you shouldn't envy him I was like well then he clearly hasn't told enough people about his roller coaster because he'd have a lot of friends if you know Alex says best Christmas gaming memory getting an SNES what why do this Christmas play with my dick keeps on giving my Christmas memories being curled up under my Star Wars comforter on our comfy chair playing dragon warrior and trying repeatedly to defeat the axe knight at a way too low of a level I refuse to level up anymore because I wanted to brag to my friends about beating him while I was five levels lower than them tend to power recommended and he says half of it happy holidays to you in the debriefing screw my wife and I totally wrapped the vote yeah thanks baby we lost the podcast I was too bad it meant nothing yeah it's like voting for John Kerry in 2004 you know what how many John Kerry references are we loud on this show I just wanted to be a gaming podcast that isn't about gaming winning a gaming award yeah just yeah but dragon warrior was like another bad Christmas memory cuz you got Nintendo power you're like yeah yeah and a free game awesome that you got that game was just sucks all I remember about that game was just how like bleak everything felt like it just felt like you were totally alone in this really sad world where like you would run around ruin chocolate chips that are blue yeah and like they'd be like a golem that would pop up out of nowhere and kill you and this was Japan in the 80s yeah look at this memory from wind over what or wind over wind over he says best Christmas gaming memory defeating the Lich King on a 25 man heroic that means a.k.a. that he spent his Christmas rating in World of Warcraft and no Donald drinks and Scott since here with a confused look on his face do you you know what I was thinking about the letter before the last one made me realize ever since I've been working in the whatever so-called gaming press I don't know for a few years I've not gotten a single game for Christmas anymore because now it's just like oh any game I ever wanted to play like I thought that used to be like my favorite thing was like getting a game tearing open the plastic and I do that like four times a day now right and it's like I still love it yeah yeah but yeah I've not got a game for Christmas in years like my parents asked me what I want for Christmas and I'm like money yeah I'm like a bed bath and beyond gift cards I can buy stuff from my kitchen last year was fucking pathetic that I got a game for Christmas because I'd before this year I never really had access to the free game pile that we supposedly get now don't get the last game I got for Christmas was Half Life 2 on the first Xbox Wow Wow bring it back I got a Christmas present like two years ago this was a video game really yeah contra for DS oh awesome I also bought your crown and trigger for DS which you promptly lost son of a bitch I got new Super Mario Brothers my parents last year we're just really hard I think to shop for for Christmas all that's bullshit I'm the easiest person my girlfriend is basically like enthralled with how easy it is to buy shit from me she's like hey it's got a robot on it looks Japanese or hey it has vodka in it I'm so easy to shop for it's everybody else it's impossible yeah I hate buying Christmas presents for people my girlfriend is the same way with me she says you like them up it's here's a giant gonzo have fun yeah cool cool awesome yeah I would just get you like a bag if I was to get you a present I'd be like here's a bag of props like here's a banana peel you'd be like great it's a helicopter it's a comedy cavalcade yeah I'm gonna go put this on a road I see I see one more memory that I personally want to read which is from Paul and he says one of my favorite Christmas number he was was back in 1998 when both my brother and I received Pokemon red and blue for Christmas needless to say we were both freaked out after unwripping our gifts we tore we took torn up wrapping paper and proceeded to tape it to our feet and play Pokemon red and blue for the rest of the day while skating around our living room carpet I heard that one because it's not like the most ridiculous shit you've ever heard like that is like yeah that's awesome never thought of that I kind of miss when the last time I had a moment like that was I had a friend who worked at a video store in New York and he was like we're going out of business and I was like oh man you're gonna have to sell a lot more drugs now and then he went he went into work one day and was like oh they're throwing out like five hundred movie posters so I had one of those like train apartments it was just like a hundred feet long but really narrow and we filled up the entire car no we yeah basically but we filled up the entire floor the apartment with movie posters and just basically turned it into this alcoholic slip and slide and just did that for hours it was great it was like when you're a kid and somebody gives you a cardboard box yeah my similar story that my friend who was an animator at Disney in the 80s he he was telling me stories like they would go into the archives and this was before people were buying cells and even thought they were valuable so they would go in there and they would like raid raid Cinderella and throw all these Cinderella slides or cells on the floor and they had there was like a ramp and they would just line them up on the ramp run and just skate on all of these like gnocchio cells that's fucking insane all these like now we just do it with money right but but they were worthless back then so that's that's so nuts to me I mean let's go for like hundreds of dollars now thousands yeah like original original cells from the golden age of guys I got a new how print can I ask you this is right can I ask you a question that you might know the answer to why do they keep finding old movie footage in salt mines well they well they they just found words yeah or words were not but I mean because I remember they I mean when they brought up Star Wars to to remaster it and stuff like that it was like oh it was really damaged because it was in a salt mine well because they're supposed to cool and dry because they did you guys read they've just found another 15 minutes of footage from 2001 yes fuck yeah yeah I can't wait to see a nice Ryan Scott is here Anthony just spill it all over the place but yeah no it's cool we spilled it on a paper towel roll the job that does itself brawny need not need not even show up yeah you can work from home today brawny man phone it in take another shot take another shot put your shirt on not Paul Bunyan yeah the old woods money guy wears flannels well sort of he's got the chest hair stick like your roommate we should have we should take a break and then come back and riff into some letters okay I just have one more than it did it Zach says and I think people can relate with this I think my favorite Christmas memory was getting my first ps2 first ps2 mind you yeah I'm playing several hours of ratchet and clank only to discover fair to late far too late to do anything about it that it did not come with a memory card oh ran for three days straight until I could venture out and procure a new one that taught me the important lesson of knowing what's in the box always well that's another thing like when he said my first ps2 yeah this this latest like console generation is the first generation where I've been like oh shit I need to get another one I need to get another one because they just keep on breaking I fucking hate this shit though like is there really like a market of people who are like I don't need to save yeah like what what why don't they just give you the shit that you need when you get it like I'm everyone I got a I got a Nintendo 64 and I plugged it in it was like it's a me Mario and I couldn't see anything I could just hear it and it was like taunting me and I was like no you got to go back to storm by this like VGA box and plug it back into the thing and into the cord or like I got a ps3 last year yeah I got a I got a ps3 last year and it just didn't come with the HD cables you love the bitch about your ps3 with no when when first world problem no why don't you shit that you need my cable why the fuck would they sell you a ps2 that doesn't save so you more shit yeah like we's a breaking ps3's a breaking the Xbox is just a joke that it breaks all the time right that's that should never happen we were right my Nintendo still work oh yeah the Nintendo was fucking great you had a molasta cartridge every time you want to do it but shove two games in here to play one you may sort of resign yourself to that shit forever now yeah because the the ROHS standards that passed in 2005 and have essentially fucked us English egon okay the European Union signed this thing that basically said no electronics can use lead based solder name and the problem with that is that lead rate lead based solder when it gets really hot it's awesome flexes and lead free solder when it gets really hot gets really brittle and then it stretches and it cools and it snaps and that's essentially the cause of the red ring of that it's also the cause of the yellow light of death and eventually that's what causes wheeze to fail as well Nvidia had this problem with an entire line of video cards in 2006 and in 2007 the it's it's something that we're not going to be able to avoid unless they suddenly change their mind and let us don't have a bunch of lead back into our electronics I think the weeds thanks hippie I think that the wheeze would just go out like Wally where there's just like tons of them but nobody cares anymore we're getting there now every time it's so sad the poor sad guy who's just building a house out of way right it's like way down the way he slaps every time every time I'm playing a Wii game and I go to smoke a cigarette and I come back and it's like the communications with the Wii remote have interrupted I feel like saying honey that happened a long time ago oh okay I'm on that note I think we take a word we is like Wally that you put trash in and you put trash back in. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Lawrence writes in and he says dear Cox I'm a 30 year old dude and I've just encountered a situation that requires your attention I was seeing a girl about five years ago but stuff conspired against me and I ended up being firmly in the friend zone I dealt with it and she's become one of my best friends and we have had other partners and it all seemed cool a few weeks ago while we were both in relationships we got drunk and ended up sleeping together yes I told my girlfriend at the time he was like the emperor I can't handle guilt very well and we split up I know my friend doesn't want to be in a relationship but now I'm worried that she'll have a hold over me thoughts well clearly she already had somewhat of a hold over yeah if you're even writing this letter then of course the whole time you I don't know why I thought about asking you guys but I thought Bromley would enjoy taking the piss out of my douche baggery well taking the piss I want to shake your hand how did that saying start by the way what douche baggery no taking the piss I don't understand it I think so yeah I but that doesn't explain it enough I mean I have the power of the internet in front of me is it like I've I've peed for you because you had to be is it like a drug test thing where like this can be drunk though and over there so it's true taking it I think he left something out of his email that I kind of need to know is when he woke up next to the girl did he do the thing it was like are you are you gonna be cool yeah are you gonna be cool yeah okay if that didn't happen yeah you're gonna be in a world of confusion for a while you know you you've the whole time don't lie dude the whole time you were inside this girl you're going yes yes yes yes yes yes yes that was five years of oh god yes yeah exactly I think that's most people when they have sex with anyone ever no but if you've been no one's like no if you've been talking puppy dogs and rainbows and like your boyfriend's terrible I know men are assholes for five years like of course you're gonna be it's like fuck yeah it's try it's because it's not just sex it's triumph yeah yeah and not the insult comic dog no yes I'm pretty sure your penis immediately starts singing simply the best second that apart the Jurassic Park food but I don't know dude like you gotta feel it out be cool be cool with it don't don't be like hey do you feel weird about what happened yeah don't try and hold it over you move on yeah don't talk like Ernie either yeah don't be clingy get her again you know yeah get her trashed yeah clearly this works yeah cuz they're terrible well no in my own personal experience I was friends with a girl and every time we got trashed together we would end up sleeping together and now we've been dating for a year and a half the last time I was in the friend zone I just ended up in a fist fight with her boyfriend and I won and somehow made spun it to make him look like he was a misogynist asshole and and then you were fucking you for like ten years yeah and then I felt it for ten years so that works so if you want your childhood and how do you feel about that ten years yeah I mean Scott and I were talking about I was like really I lived in New York for four years and was dedicated to a single vagina that lived in Rhode Island I see you just feel like it's a big missed opportunity well I mean it's good and it's made me a better person now few things have made me a better person now I don't feel like I'm a good person at all but you're not what was weird like I worked from home the other day and I sent an email to my boss and I was like hey I don't feel a hundred percent today I'm not gonna come in and then my girlfriend was like what is you at a hundred percent I don't think that's why I roll in the working around like 55 to 65 every day like 75 is like wow I got a blowjob this morning and even that's gone by lunch 55 or 65 was why you got a blowjob this one usually hovering around the low 30s like oh but I don't know I mean Scott how do you feel about doing ten years in vagina prison I you know I did my time in Shawshank I learned a lot and then you dug your way out Scott was here yeah I wrote Scott was here above her vagina like carved it with a knife made a paper mache version of his head and fit in the wall um I learned you know it was like Brian said it was a big missed opportunity you know living being in college in LA with with really really slutty dancers well this is when you were fat but I was doing really well like I could have but I mean it's not a missed opportunity if it if it had worked out for you but was like were you sitting there the whole time being like this is it it's all I'm ever gonna do that's exactly what I was thinking if it had worked out like if they were still together you could still consider a missed opportunity or it's like I really love this person man I wish I had fucked some more girls but then I don't care who you are when you're dating a girl for ten years like your at your Tuesday nights just look like the intro credits to married with children no matter what like you're you're sitting there your hands are in your pants and you're watching something terrible on TV and your girlfriend comes in and asks you for money only thing was I didn't have any so yeah so yeah I mean I don't know Christmas I would I would like I would advise people now not to get in a situation like that just to be like hey live your college years because you know chances are you're gonna end up with a girl that did get to live her college years so you don't want to be the one being like wow you had a ton of sex in college I was I was on a bus to Rhode Island to like have not a lot of sex with one girl and you know what like what what I imagine is like a really strong factor that plays probably into the generation today are like these you know there's this whole resurgence in like piety and like movies like Twilight like save yourself you know like it all is like right but then you're also reading the paper like kids are giving out below jobs at 12 yeah I don't I like whoa well most of the religious girls are just like oh fuck me in the ass and it's like okay that works I'll take that I'm thinking of most of religious girls I knew were not like Deborah well the religious girl that I know who used to be religious is like that so a little repression oh yeah it's great things fucking awesome but I don't know it made me a better and worse person like I know how to deal with relationships I know how to anticipate problems in relationships right I all it made me an even bigger asshole because I felt like I had a lot of time I had to make up for in a short amount of time yeah yeah that's pretty much it like you get out of you get out of prison and you're like I got to do everything now yeah I'm alive mm-hmm then you start doing everything but it's true in that it it makes it so like when you when you've dated a girl for ten years there is not a single conversation that you can have with a female that you feel awkward having like you've pretty much covered it all you've talked about everything nothing can possibly come up that's like oh my god this is intimidating I don't know what to say like I have no filter anymore you could take a dump in the same apartment as them yeah right but I still have never farted in front of my girl yeah I'm the same way I'm the same way yeah are you kidding me no I'm not I'm not like hey boss and bake beans Dutch oven and push you into the blanket that shit is should is disgusting yeah that is gross I hear couples that do that are like see couples that are just farting each other's faces and I'm like this is this is disgusting this is like the set of like the Roseanne or something like that like yeah well I'm not saying I go jackass on it but what I'm saying is if one sneaks out like or if one's coming you know it's well I mean I've had a not for me personally but I've had a couple slip out in situations like that not with my present girlfriend but in in the past where it's like you're rocking it rolling and then all of a sudden yeah well I'm soft man I'm still I'm still like at the mentality of like all right bye honey I'll see you in a few hours I love you bye watch or walk away oh god oh I've been waiting all day up I feel terrible for you guys man that's like that's like me whatever whenever I finish having sex I'm like I'm like oh yeah I'll stay here and cuddle with you for a while where are you going I'm put on a robe and go into the room oh I gotta get some water out of the fridge I learned to like time it with door opens and be like that's a creaky ass door I was the the saddest the saddest day in my current apartment is when my landlord came over and changed the fan in the bathroom because it would sound like a jet engine taking off when you turned it on and he's like oh look I put no no window fan in here silent whisper quiet you like I was like yeah it's great fuck because I would just go into the bathroom now it's like every time you know why is scott turning on the shower shower faucet right because that's what I feel like I have to do now I do that I I shit with the faucet on and that's when she's all this is to me is like I fart in front of my girlfriend no man I don't fart in front of me it's like when she's on the phone when she's on the phone talking I'm like oh good I could do whatever I want because her her one ear is concentrating on that conversation because so anything that's going on in the background she will not hear god this is a girl you want to marry who gives a fuck I I want I don't want her to be farting and I don't want I don't think she wants me to be farting either so there's some things where it's like boundaries yeah I want to still imagine that when I'm having anal sex with her it's not I'm not it's just rose petals exactly yeah like like magic dust comes out of there and that's it like a wish that's actually where you find pixie dust it's true pixie dust and wishes that's all that comes in and out of a girl's ass you know what's fucking weird what some of the letters we get like this one from bobby following a shout out email I thought I'd ask you question I was in the kitchen making curry I look around and what do I see a motherfucking mouse the question is what do I do traps poisons ignore it like why is he riding into us about move call your landlord give me a 30 yeah definitely get the fuck out now if I was I've lived as nice though even in super clean apartments just because we're right next to a field and what we did is we bought these little traps that basically have a little hinge door on them and catch them oh those are the really awful ones where it's like do you have you seen the ones that like it's like there's peanut butter at the end of like a little box but there's a trap door behind it so it's like cool I get to die with the thing I love the most no the whole point is that if I died in front of a pizza or something like that these box ones there's pizza and vodka in here now you get to die with it they kill them they catch them and then you go let them go yeah if you remember yeah so if you remember it a look if you have a decent memory then yeah humane capture tools are best otherwise they become more diabolical for I love the ones that a lot of people string them up together and let them go in their pool but still in the box drop them in I I love the ones that are just shaped like a rock the ones that are shaped like a rock they did just totally don't tell you what happens inside and it's like yeah the mouse goes in there and then you don't have a mouse anymore like so basically what happens we can't tell you just play like fucking christmas music behind it because otherwise there's no way this is a christmas part hey we had christmas memories yeah it's like jingle bells it's a christmas podcast because it's coming out around christmas i can tell the story about how I shot a squirrel on christmas and i mean killing mice is all about christmas i mean you know all through the house nothing was staring not even a mouse because i fucking killed him yeah i mean i've seen we had we had a mouse or a couple of mice in our garage and my parents plays and my dad you know set up the mouse traps and seeing an actual mouse trap will work and what it does to a to a mouse it's fucking awesome that shit works like their eyes pop out of their eyes speaking of it's they all look like a rat fake card speaking of mouse traps that don't work the one thing i'm dreading this holiday is going back home and seeing this fucking awful cat that we have he's so awful his name's weasel and he was like i named him that because he was the he was the run to the litter and he just looked hideous and like we would get mice in our basement and like i walked in one day and there was a mouse sitting on the washing machine and there was my cat sitting on the dryer he was just like fuck man what do you want me to do like i don't know have you ever seen loony tunes like get on that shit man like get get moving like and my dog was like do i really have to step up and i was like you're a talking dog you have to this is this is the least of your concerns i actually think that if you're hearing the dog and get talking to you the mouse is the least of you so Keith Keith hayward writes in and i'm saying his last name because he specifically wants an honorable mention okay this is remember when the producers from gun contacted you to be on the show that was me remember it packs when you guys got a box in emet and the free samples to hand out oprah style to your panel and bottles to hand out to your listeners that was me he says i'm not mad at you guys and i don't feel like i have the right to demand anything cool from you i just want a little bit of on-air props if that's cool what's his name? Keith hayward Keith hayward heyward heyward heyward heyward heyward that dude's awesome huh what did he do involving gun oh he was the one that got he caught he the producers from gun contacted us that was him like he reached out to them i guess oh about it he designed he designed the gun he is the quiet hand of god so yeah he says uh concerning the nemat i was running around seattle like Jason fucking born trying to catch and find you guys to send emails followed you and everyone you know on twitter to see where you'd be found out you were at the donut hut cut dinner shore had my friend drive across the city and then i ran up there only to arrive too late donut hut the top hot we were top hot for donut ps3 but he recognized to get in yeah um which was like heavily announced on uh ign.com Jason born so but he says so that this time you're lost look in the most obvious place so that he says it's like a grandmother being like wait as my glass is like they're on your head you stupid old bitch so that this isn't just a look at me give me props letter here's my relationship advice there's this girl love you grandma we never flirt barely talk and don't give each other the i already think you're fucked up for damn sure we know the attraction is there so we avoid each other because she's the former crush of my two nysa guy roommate who didn't get a chance because he never really tried oh fuck it do it yeah she's the friend of me of a girl i used to date and i'm still friends with oh that would make you better and she asked me to never hook up with this girl she has friend asked yeah cuz she wants to hook up with you me and this girl both found a free night neither of us had anything to do went out dancing and hooked up like mad there you go i was also wearing a mat at the time so it does work um do i keep seeing girls like the nerd magic feather do i keep do i keep seeing this girl involved in secret and and am i a bad person you can't use you can use my name nobody i know but Travis listens to the show and he keeps quiet about it no the fucker brains out jesus i hate i hate these is it this always exists like this fucking modernist idea that women can put your penis in prison and be like no you're not allowed to have sex with her because we're not friends they can lay down the maginot wine and so you can't cross into that yeah exactly like oh all the all the black tiles are lava what do you that's not a very good reason but there are certain good things like like i think that at least amongst friends like when i was in high school my friend had dated this girl and this girl was crushing on me and i was like dude you can be mad if i make out with this girl right like nope i was like i mean yeah me me and my friends it's not like the moon it's not like his fucking flag is inner now or something who gives what fuck you are an adult do what you want to do that's what i'm saying when it was high school and you're with your bros it's a different thing i remember that in high school we had like the hands-off policy and it was like some people have never outlived that fucking policy right yeah it's fine i mean we're just fucking fleshy doe failures bumping into each other like it doesn't matter where we collide as a species like i definitely want to fuck something i mean really who do you think you are you're not the the fucking queen or something like that like you get you don't get to tell people where they get to put their penis i don't see what freddy mercury is yeah i just hate that shit they this in both of them yeah really fuck them both did you guys hear that sausheb born cone is supposed to play freddy mercury in the queen movie yeah that sounds amazing yeah it looks like him yeah i'm stoked about that i'm stoked about that too i'm stoked about you bringing back the word stoked where is that's gnarly yeah fresh cowabunga bunga a little too raffy you just turned cowabunga into an adjective i got a good one that's good for this crew this sounds cowabunga cam writes in camera and he says what's up guys so my wife and i have been married for four years for 28 and 29 divorce and no shut up god fuck i can only hand fucker friend and i feel like i don't even know her anymore we have we have a healthy sexual relationship we we have a healthy sex read with suspense right yesterday much to my surprise in the middle of sex she punched me in the balls and yelled hit hit me faggot i was surprised in pain and really scared she has never done anything like this what the fuck do i do i sound like she was watching california cation and wow you roll with it that's what i do yeah yeah that's when i would try that donkey punch thing yeah what is that what oh yeah that's it i mean i've had girls who were like choke me and i'm like uh they're like choke me like actually choke me yeah that's a little scary because i don't want to be the guy that's on the news it's like i come out with like common blood all over my dick and i'm just like yeah it went bad but she wanted it like no one believes that but then you're like then i ate her like no one wants to hear that don't be that guy she asked you to eat her okay after you fucked her to death that she said keep me don't fuck him like well wait was it her was it the talking dog don't throw on brass knuckles and punters just like test out the waters a little bit like she obviously is trying to spice it up because you guys have been married you guys have been dating for i've been married for four years you were dating what kind of world do we live in we're getting punched in the balls is spicy i know right what does this become i feel this is why i feel bad we were talking earlier about how like technology will never confuse us but sex will i guarantee you i guarantee you will in like 40 years when people are like yeah we dressed up as puppets and built this an elaborate set and fucked each other while like listening to pin the tail and donkey we're gonna be like what and kids are gonna be like no it's really cool it's like in this Justin Bieber's grandson video there's gonna be like a two-syllable term for it right and now it'll be like wounding and we'll be like what no you can't do that yeah we fucked each other's stab holes no oh my all right it's just so bad all right no but i say to him like if she wants crazy bring the fucking thunder like give her no like start quoting like Tyson it's like her fucking rape you kid i break you bite in your kid's face no i i think it's see what she does see what she does actually next time before you guys even have sex you need to be like honey honey we should you know when it starts getting mood she'd be like all right go to the bedroom and when she turns around this fucking put a plastic bag over her face yeah just take her down exactly that's killer she's brought it she's saying punch me fag yeah if she wants to think she wants to spice it up they tie her up dude go all blue grade on her man yeah exactly bring in some dogs i'm gonna hold you here till you shit yourself no i say i say go fucking crazy like grab a can of peanut brittle that has a snake in it pop it out in the middle of sex yeah what you hungry bitch boom it's a snake pull out the gun that has the bang thing on it the the flag i'm gonna fucking shit boom run the joker and just see what happens just roll with it it's romantic spice it up i don't know what just happened all right i got i got i got one gaming related letter which i thought is so we're not allowed to disguise him apparently so it's a rumor but he so is it a question or is it he's stating something from the namaka he says he says please refer to me as your mom if necessary he does not want his name i can't believe she wrote in he says oh so she's impossible to shop for you guys about the gt5 delay you guys have mentioned more than once that it was a firmware cracking that caused the last grand five trees mo delay he says this isn't the case what's the name of the game five twoies mo is this like this this is like the screen movies or they just start putting numbers it's scruff form it's scruff five five cream so he says the game was done pressed and sitting in warehouses for two months he says the problem is that after the qa and certification process uh they found a ginormous online multiplayer bug that was crashing people's systems when sony folks took the game home for personal use when sony folks went home and played forza and sony cert then went back and forth back and confirmed the issue so paulifani had to pull the team back together and get a patch done and go through certification before they could release the game again he says so that's why we were seeing the game come out in the wilds on fan blogs before it shipped so and also why there's a mandatory patch for online play yeah okay uh no one cares it's like if you see a hot girl with a mustache and she tells you like the story of columbus like by a razor fucking cares actually bright people listen to our podcast do care they do care that like that but why would people want to know the history of why something doesn't work as if it's supposed to be an excuse some people just like to know about things like that i mean i could give you a legitimate answer to that if you want one but i mean there's one thing to be like the curiosity of like why how did this come to be like you know the story about how some scandal went down in washington it's interesting to know it's true but i mean if the end product is something that's worse because of it like i don't i don't need to hear the story has an excuse i just think we're in an era where marketing is so so heavily like such a heavy focus for everything that when we have a chance to see the curtains drawn aside and see behind the marketing to see what actually happened that that's interesting to people and also when there's a game that was in development as long as grantories mo 5 was and whether you think that six years or you insist that it was four or three that's still a long time for something like that to come out at the end speaks to the focus of the development studio right and especially with that game where it came out with pretty big gaps in its feature set and they're promising that they're going to keep updating it and adding to the game i mean they said the same thing about grantories mo 4 i mean grantories mo 4 was supposed to ship with all my multiplayer and they fucking swore to the heavens that it would be patched in and it never was i mean the fact it matters that you know who wants to hear about this i guarantee if we were to put up a new story that said that is a rumor it's like a million clicker right now like i'm totally with you like i've been geeking out recently on like the all the mario codes that have been coming out about like how uh he ran weird in mario 64 because mia moto had a pet hamster like shit like that fascinates me like all these weird ways yeah that's the reason his character ran like like all giddily everywhere and it's like she had a hamster because mia moto had a pet hamster and like based his animation off the way he ran around right that guy off is a fucking tweaker now at this point yeah like he doesn't sleep ever he doesn't i know i don't know but it just seems like he doesn't he just spends all night cleaning his apartment and thinking of weird shit from i think i think at this point he's just like the crazy uncle that shows up in nintendo and says things and they're like oh i think of mia moto as david boe from the labyrinth yeah walking around with a big package i haven't really looked at mia moto's package did he learn to do that ball trick himself where he david boe i imagine he did because that just seems like a david boe kind of thing to do the ball what's fitting the balls in the hand yeah that's that's not that's a chinese there's chinese tranquility balls and that's exactly how you use them chinese what tranquility balls oh okay they've been around for a long last time it's all there's a joke there that no one should make moving on uh do one more relationship advice letter i why just you show because there we've gotten barely any letters in the four days that we've done the recording so that's why people haven't had a bunch of time start making them up i could i never goes well all right my name's act i used to laugh and and and uh stop i used to laugh and ridicule all the nerds writing it about how to get laid but i have a different more serious type of question it's only serious because he's in high school i'm a senior in high school and i've known this girl since like third grade we have always been pretty good friends but recently she made some silent comments about how she wanted me to kiss her but she didn't want things to be awkward to which i kept telling her it wouldn't be awkward wait silent comments i'm sure she was like probably texting him she's from Xavier school that gifted um less than a week later than that she has a new boyfriend one of my close friends but i think she is still interested i think she is still interested me that's what he thinks when when she falls asleep in my lap and we hang out on the consultant danger room i don't know if i should take the risk for her or should i just let this pass so she has a boyfriend i one of his close friends nonetheless right yeah i let it pass dangerous territory and ordinarily this is where if matt were here he'd say things like all's fair love and war i think you should totally go after well scott's sitting here with this this fucking grin on his face like hey anybody should be able to fuck anybody's girlfriend and if that's the case you know like i'll fuck yours we're friends do you want to you want to trade one night no i actually like being able to go to sleep every now and then a step ladder in your garage step ladder yeah to get up to station oh yeah it sounds like this girl's confused too you're like oh i mean she obviously sounds like it sounds like you didn't make the move that sounds crazy high school girls have it together no they know everything i would pass it up just because you know she'd bring the drama sounds like and you know what drama means in the bedroom fun times crying i don't know yeah there's go find someone else please yeah find someone else but let your friends be happy because she she sounds like she's on that road that she's ready to break up with them after a week yeah she's bored high school yeah how did this guy have the audacity to laugh at all the letters i get sent in and he just sent in like the most usual mundane ordinary like hey i'm in high school this is what it happens to everyone letter like what were the letters he was laughing at because he's in high school he's he's never experienced that before that's a shame well uh then i guess the advice is that like don't worry high school's fake yeah it doesn't mean anything it's over in like a year and then you get to do whatever you want some people write in emails that just make me angry yeah like this is one of them yeah well this is because he says please don't use my name but then it's like broken up with a lot of really bad like you know not real words like the number two to say two you know and stuff like it's not a fucking phone so prince is writing in so he says this girl in my class is widely n-o-w-n widely noun as someone who will take you then dump you she always breaks is in a car up with people after they won't lately she has been doing her call of d-e-t-h as one may call it but then g-l-a-f-f-s-s call of death and then she laughs yes keep in mind like indiana jones right seriously keep in mind i hold that letter up to the sun so keep in mind keep in mind i h-a-v just g-o-t-n o-v-r a huge crush with her could you stop throwing this shit out what that could learn to s-p-e-l also anthony learned you fucking i-d-i-o-t so he says okay so keep in mind i just i just i have just gotten over a huge crush with her and the fact that i'm not quite ready what the hell is she trying to say i don't even know what this fool is talking about are you smarter than a fifth grader yeah no no no that letter written by the guy who who came up with the i campaign for the first playstation you are not ready do you have to let her you i miss the mad libs forum on your fan page so don't fucking blame me for this shit i like the kids who who will capitalize the first letter lowercase capitalized lowercase they switch it up so it looks ridiculous i think the the worst thing that's happened or this generation rare uh is like the den that you make fun of it then you continue yes i do well it's like people saying i'm not racist but i mean this isn't really racist yeah chinese people can't drive um but no like the uh i think punctuation is the real death of this generation it's just totally died like people there's no excitement people don't ask questions with question marks anymore and every time there is excitement it's like just got home exclamation exclamation exclamation it's like or just got yeah just got whom also people don't capitalize or even end sentences anymore yeah it'll be a paragraph well yeah it also blanks they're also way they're way too excited over mundane things like if you if you're really that excited that you just got home like your update before that should be like i just got kidnapped because then it's like holy shit this is a suspense story this is like a train murder mystery i got another relationship letter and this one starts off bad because the guy's email name is sosuke which isn't a rude character name oh so because i'm thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend of three years do it there are multiple three there are multiple reasons oh hello and i feel that i'm justified hello rebel of him the problem lies in the details of her personal life her parents to put it plainly suck her brother over the past years picked up a bad drug habit she just got a puppy that i'm kind of co-raising and she is having a really hard time with college oh god since high school ended she's had very few friends and the one-class friend she has has been fighting with her over the past year i've been trying to get her into extracurricular activities so she can meet people but she's really resistant i've been because Naruto aren't extracurricular activities i've been looking for a good opportunity to cut it off for three months now we're both 20 and i don't know what to do oh you're not even her boyfriend you're her support system yeah jesus she sounds like she's going to grow up to be a catholic cartoon oh fucking away from a really bonbons and my vibrator and part of your five reruns it's fucking friday ah ah ah suck my fat tits oh god i want to go to work yeah just stop dating her just leave i'm trying to find someone else who likes naruto yeah you're never gonna there's there's never a good time to break up with someone and i and i say that actually the best time is is christmas or on valentine's day i'm pretty sure we've all been in relationships where at some point we're like just looking for an exit strategy and thinking well i'll come up with i'll have the perfect moment to do this right and the worst is the people who threaten suicide who threaten suicide when you break up with them but the people who are like uh i guess i'll stick it out in this relationship because it's almost christmas and then next month is her birthday and then after that it's balanced yeah that's that's just and then basically what you're doing and then we always went to the st patrick's day party together and then we love april fool and we really want to do the pregnancy joke then there's the may pull and it sounds like maybe they don't actually want to break up with them right well no i what it sounds like is that it's like that passive aggressive nerd thing of not wanting to take any responsibility for your actions and just write it out until she decides she wants to break up yeah and then you get to play victim right it's so you don't have to feel bad about it you can get all broken up because oh she dumped me and then go from there it's just classic codependency it doesn't even have to be tethered to your nerdom but i mean it's like get out of it if you're not happy and you can't sound healthy the thing is is that when you're having thoughts like man i really want to break up with there that's such a weird concept to me to have that thought and be like man i really want to not be with this person yeah why why i don't know because because it seems like by that point it would just happen like you know you be surprised like a lot of people made up your mind no a lot of people get manipulated into thinking that like this is it this is all they'll ever have and don't break up with her or like she shouldn't break up with you blah blah blah because it's not when you when you sort of make the internal decision to break up with someone it's not like oh i hate this person i'm just gonna break up with them it's like i just don't want to be in this situation anymore but i still care about them so you're like how can i minimize the the blast radius on this catastrophe or i feel like a total asshole i wish that they would do the job for me right well that's where the classic it's not you it's me comes in you just say you say i a lot just instead of saying you you you just say i feel this i feel that and then they'll try to talk you off the ledge but if if you're not happy like get out of it like there's millions of women out there or you could just bust a Hiroshima and just like cheat on her yeah you could do that sadly that is the route that some dudes take if you want to free out i mean i guess that works i it's not something i would personally go you know what then this girl will basically not break up with him and use it as an excuse to make the relationship stronger and just lord it over him whenever he does anything independent i just it always makes me think of dante from clerks you know like shit or get off the pot yep yep it's fucking do it man just drop her and however like intrinsically tied you think she is to everything in your world she's not really you know like you don't have to walk her dog spotty or whatever his name is and you don't have to take him with you when you leave yeah you don't have to go visit her take that from her too yeah take her dog take her clothes or just set them on fire leave her things of yours that you don't want any more that will oh like that become that pusher so you can actually profit off of the further downward spiral yeah thanks tower for taking that in a darker direction yeah nothing will change yeah break up there you'll be fine and see pictures of you in the dog really happy to wear so happy together and just running through the woods yeah that'd be great take the dog on a world tour take pictures of them in front of places that you guys plan to visit together yeah it's be like you and the dog yeah i will i will say that if this is all recent stuff like if this is just seems lately like she has too much baggage then maybe you want to like you really want to look at it before you make the decision to break up someone you've been with for three years but it's kind of sounds like you've made the decision already yeah and do it now because you'll just end up in a relationship for the next 10 years maybe not right now because nobody likes to break up anybody on christmas then there's new years then you can return all of your shit and be like oh my god i'm so glad i say sounds like you're gonna be doing that anyway i mean what is she gonna get you yeah it sucks getting down it sucks getting dumped on christmas it does you got dumped on christmas day now i got dumped two days before christmas and it was awful and then they try and text you on christmas and you're like what oh yeah there was that yeah there was definitely that thanks for running christmas morning scott do you still say like happy birthday and mary christmas and shit to the ten-year acts uh i i i'll shoot it i'll shoot it over to her yeah i i'm i'm slowly getting better at phasing that out i've been i've been phasing it out i mean i used to be on top of it but now i'll be like hey how's it going having birthday hey saw your sister on facebook is she is she doing better off now than she was or better than you or no yeah so that helps too yeah she because i'll get a call it'll be like hey how's it going i'm like it's fucking awesome every day is amazing i like i just did all these really cool things i'm living my dream job this is awesome it's great and she's like i think i'm gonna get fired from the bank yeah oh i think i made a mistake getting married yeah i've heard that that's the part where i have consistently been trading up and she's hasn't really all right this you're such a sympathetic human yeah i think the make christmas everyone send us letters to to uh letters everyone trades up letters at eat dash game dot com follow us on twitter i'm chuffed money arthur's agis Tyler is dirty t you are agent bizzle yep and scott is scott underscore bromley stop me on facebook too why not sure don't scott don't stop me on facebook you can stop me i don't care anymore that place is a fucking wasteland yeah say what you want you can follow me or friend me or i don't care about any of you you don't care about me nothing means anything to me anymore it doesn't matter yeah it's fun it's fun when i when i get random people stalking me on facebook getting into racist arguments on why i am uh i'm a homosexual who's also jewish you are true that's true i'm circumcised oh so you're a circumcised fag kite is that what they called you oh yeah okay cool at least you have a dick at least yeah right thanks to be thankful for christmas exactly yep thanks dad thanks dad i don't have a dirty dick thanks i don't live doesn't look like an anteater girls don't get scared i'm never heard that you've never heard that it's so cool it's a circumcised penis it's like what's in their foreskin what is going on it makes sense like it looks like a star like monsters i was turning into like an awful Seinfeld joke what what is it with four skins yeah what is it with four skins why do people have that shit get what do you want to unroll your dick yeah unfurl it's disgusting like girls i i feel bad they know dirty it gets in there oh i had a conversation like that with my girlfriend about this not too long ago actually it's really talking about it because like like what you know i i grew up around nothing but like Hispanics like i i really didn't meet many like jewish people i like where this is going so the whole circumcision thing was just kind of i kind of didn't get it you know it was an issue or whatever you know i'm circumcised right thank you for sure um i am too i think we i think we all like but but on the same hand like i hear other people arguing of just it's like the social stigma like we've been trained to think i don't know right and the last thing i i would ever want my jewish conspiracy my son to have to deal with is a turtleneck is dick is is having a girl go it yeah when she sees it yeah that's weird like i don't that's an american thing though i guess you can take him to europe yeah well i'm not going to europe well i have my kids being raised in american sorry he's gonna bang american checks here's more dudes whatever all right it's like i got like two curious points about on circumcision uncircumcised penis number one i didn't hurt you so much to say that what i what i really want to ask tyler is pain saying he's making scissoring moves he is he's got like a snip snip he's air he's air cutting penises i can't think of uncircumcised dicks i do this on the side so so here's a free land to work uh like uh your yeast infections are they more prevalent and uncircumcised penises i gotta imagine so yeah probably probably yeah of course but here's another thing does that extra bit of skin make for like a nice like jerk-off tube i have heard i can't believe this went this route i have heard that people say that uncircumcised penises are more sensitive are more sensitive have more feeling uh than a circumcised well how the fuck do they know and that's what that's what i was saying too how the fuck do they know because they don't they did they then do they then go and cut it off and wait i miss it yeah there's not i don't think there's ever been someone at 30 who's like well let's prove this hypothesis and then snip it off did anyone ever get a reverse circumcision like fuck it i want a turtleneck they buy it really this is fucking america see again this is like me being the old guy that's surprised by technology we have vaginal rejuvenation you're fucking right we have reverse that makes sense because you fucking wreck those things i mean being like i need more skin on my dick you know like you stick your finger in roast the sandwich stuff comes loose all right we're done i'm sorry we're having a conversation you don't want to wish them happy holidays oh happy holidays you know whatever you celebrate celebrate celebrate your circumcision is this christmas we're like they're we have european fan you know why is open your presence not your dick what does that one yeah i see it or penis thanks for coming up yeah stock brine alton on facebook the same any rules so you