Rebel FM
Rebel FM Episode 80 - 10/15/10
AMERICA! This week we talk for way too long about Medal of Honor, Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm 2, Sengoku Basara, and more (and you're free to guess which of those games we actually thought was good - it might not be what you think!). Then we judge entries (and pick winners) in our Civilization V contest, and read some letters. PENIS, FUCK YEAH.
This week's music, in order of appearance:
H.I.M. - Katherine Wheel (Acoustic)
Times of Grace - Strength in Numbers
(upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Sprying, welcome to Rebel FM episode 80. (laughing) - I almost wanted to stop me, but I didn't let him. I was trying to think of something stupid 'cause it's episode 80, shouldn't we have-- - Well, we have accomplished. - Bells going off or something. Arthur's immediate inclination was to run for the space bar button. (laughing) So, I'm gonna think, Agos. It's our 80th episode. We've made it this far, with me as Arthur Gies. - We've actually recorded way more than 80 podcasts. - Well, okay, 80 numbered episodes. - Were it like 118 or 120-- - Oh, we already passed episode 100. There was no bells and whistles then. (laughing) - There's also Tyler Barber. Put it in the pizza and mesh engineer. (laughing) - Sorry, you laughed like Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons. (laughing) - Trying to lighten the mood. I wanna get a laugh out of you Arthur. We're gonna get one yet. - There's no laughter left in Arthur Town this week. - Penis. - So we played-- - But you should make you laugh. - And that's what we usually start off talking about, ostensibly. - Should I kick it off with the negativity? - Get it out, Arthur. - I mean, you don't have to talk about it. Honestly, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want it to. - That's true. - I kinda feel like I have to, 'cause I only played that in one of the three. - I'm saying, I'm presenting with the option to no longer speak about it if you're tired of-- - This will probably just be the last time to speak about it. - 'Cause I've played it too. - Yeah, and I wanna hear what you two have to say. I think it'll be cathartic. - The it that we were referring to is Medal of Honor for Xbox 360, PS3, and PC. I actually played all three versions. - A lot. - Almost a completion. - Wow. - So one would say that your perspective on this game is thorough. - That was the hope, 'cause I knew after I played through a big chunk of it that I was gonna need to back myself up as much as possible. Medal of Honor is not good. Medal of Honor is in point of fact, often bad and sometimes good. - You're just saying that 'cause Activision didn't pay you enough money. - It's true. I've gone on at length on this podcast about how much I love Modern Warfare too. - Yup. - I would love to say though that it's so ridiculous the idea that people get. Honestly, no one comes to us and says our jobs are in jeopardy if we don't give a certain score because the company's not gonna get advertising or something. We never hear what's going on there. Arthur and I had no clue that the day his review went up, the site was gonna be painted with Medal Honor. Like we didn't know that. It just was. - I mean, I wasn't surprised. - I wasn't surprised either, but we don't know where ad campaigns are coming down pipe. - I don't know if we talked about it on the show, but we talked about Medal of Honor before at work and whether we knew that whether or not it was good, it was gonna be marketed into at least a million sales. - Yeah, I mean, I'm just saying that we have no connection to marketing as far as what's coming. - No. - And we're definitely not getting personal money for writing our views at us. Arthur and I wouldn't live in a kind of crappy apartment in Oakland. - I like our apartment. - I don't think, well, I like our apartment too, but I'm saying if we were getting paid to do reviews, we would, I would have a motorcycle, or we would like, I would suspect, I would expect to see money bags and I don't see any money bags in your apartment. - Yeah, I mean. - Originally the plan on Tuesday after the review went up and the comments began to roll in, was to go outside and find a sports car with Scott and pose in front of it with a thumbs up. (laughing) - There you go. - That was like an activation button on my picture or something, but he got sick, so that didn't happen. - I mean, Arthur would not have one pair of shoes if we were getting paid for interviews. - I don't mean to do real your plan, but I actually have several pairs of shoes. - Well, you only have one pair that you wear, you have two. (laughing) - No, I have shoes that I just don't wear very often. - Well, Arthur's like, Doug funny, where they all look the same. (laughing) - No, not really. - Shut up. Either way. Either way. - I think I will go and get my other pairs of shoes. - Let's get to the meat of the ark. - Yeah. - Some of the people might not even know. There's a big controversy because- - Well, let me say one other thing. Like people, I've noticed people complaining that we talk about comments about our reviews. I would just like to, if you had to hazard a guess as to how many comments the Medal of Honor review on IGN got. - Well, they say that we got- - What would you hazard? - What would you hazard? - 14, 100 and 40. - Is that how many it's up to you right now? - It was earlier. - Wow. - 1,440 comments. - I was gonna guess like a maximum of six or 700. - There are actually so many comments on the Medal of Honor review that it broke IGN this morning. - See, what I'm saying is we sometimes seem like we're getting defensive. Sometimes it's not defensive as much as we just get appalled by dumb people. - When you have 700 people calling you a cocksucking douchebag. It can affect you a little bit. - We got the cocksuit. - Or at least to the point where you wanna address it. - Right, where I feel compelled to respond in some form. - Say, I just- - They're clearly, they're not listening to because way more people read that review than we'll ever listen to this podcast. - I mean, I just try not to read the comments anymore. - I try too. I actually haven't read the Medal of Honor comments after- - Once it gets over a thousand, that's just daunting at this point. It's like who wants to? - There are kind of a lot, yeah. - I mean, when it's 40, you're like, "Oh, that's manageable." - Like, I'm wondering, which version did you play, Tyler? Like Xbox or PS? - I played it on the Xbox 360. - Did you play debug or retail? - I played a debug kit. - And you played it all the way through? - I played it all the way through and I played multiplayer for eight hours. - So would you agree with Arthur's overall assessment that it seemed slightly above mediocre? - I would give it a 6.5. - If you were- - Maybe a seven if I was feeling good. - Right. - If you were feeling, if you were having a bad day, though, five that fucker. - Yeah, but I mean, I really agree. You know, I read Arthur's review. I think the biggest point of difference that he and I might have is are just like little things. Like, we talked, like I chatted with you the other day, I was like, does the sprint button do anything in single player? - Sometimes. - I feel like your running speed is no different from your walk. - I think the sprint, you run a little faster. You might not notice, considering how often it shows the little can't run icon in the lower left corner because it's busy loading or running a scripted sequence. - I feel like there's an obvious problem in the sense that like, there are people that have an outright love for all things called duty and will defend it irrationally. But then there are the people that hate it irrationally. And those I feel like are the people that are complaining that you made any comparisons because they want so bad to have something that they can point at Call of Duty and be like, fuck you. - Right. - And they didn't have that. - Right, well no, here's the thing, they got that this year already. Because that company too is a better game than Modern Warfare 2. - Exactly, but they wanted this. - In literally every way. - Yeah, wanted this to be it. - Yeah, so to break it down, my problems with Medal of Honor are wide and varied and PP is being pretty adorable right now. - Well, Medal of Honor is fugly. - It doesn't look very good at night. During the day, it can actually look really good. - I saw a couple, totally. - There are moments where the lighting is pretty, pretty incredible. - They do, like we said specifically, they do sunrise particularly well in the sunset. - It's in scenery that you don't really see in more games very often because it's very clearly identifiable as Afghanistan and everyone wants to stay away from that. But yeah, it's just, it's the most aggressively funneled shooting experience I think I've had maybe ever. - Really? - Like I can't think of a shooter that's more-- - Even going back to like Medal of Honor's like one and two and Call of Duty one and two. - Well, those were pretty fun. - I actually played a little bit of Medal of Honor frontline because it's packaged in with the PS3 version of Medal of Honor. - Mm-hmm. - And you could run a pretty wide swath of beach at the beginning and I didn't get much further than that because that game is not aged well and they didn't do much with the port. - Mm-hmm. - But yeah, it's definitely much more reigned in than Call of Duty two, than Call of Duty, maybe Call of Duty three actually is the last first person shooter I played that was even remotely as reigned in as this is. Like in a Call of Duty three, it felt a lot of times like you were running through a hedge maze where the hedges were only three feet tall but you couldn't jump over them, right? - Yeah, that was before they had the jump super common. I mean, you know, Call of Duty three was a technically superior game, at least it wasn't broken in places. - Right, that's another thing is that Medal of Honor is has some very serious technical issues, primarily with scripting, where things are scripted to happen. I mean, we see this in a lot of Unreal Engine games, actually, like Gears of War wasn't immune to it and neither was Gears of War two by any stretch. Like there are definitely parts playing those games where like, nothing's happening. - Yeah, that happened that and that didn't happen to me too much and enslaved. For me and enslaved, it was mostly audio bugs that I was running into. - I know that Patrick Kleppik actually pinged me over Twitter about an enslaved problem he couldn't solve and then it turned out that the game had just bugged out, which cost him an hour of game. - Actually, that happened to me on a boss battle and enslaved, it was where the section where you're supposed to drop these fuel tanks so that you can attack the boss. - Right, the Rhino. - Yeah, the Rhino and it totally bugged out to where, like, I thought one of the fuel tanks were already dropped. I mean, so yeah, Unreal Engine games seem to have a lot of scripting problems. I mean, I just feel like the more stuff you throw and the more chances of scripting is gonna go wrong, but anyway, it's just filled with invisible walls, like not just in level design, but just in random spots, it's like they wanna be absolutely sure that you can't do anything to break the game. It's like it's held together by an invisible duct tape. And you can't, if you push against it, it could crumble. - The game has a certain lack of polish just from looking at it too. It's just like a lot of things that other games do to balance it out like that. I saw Will doing a part at one of our coworkers where he was shooting a machine gun off of a truck. And for instance, like every game has figured out that like to make machine gun parts fun and stuff, maybe you should make barrels over heat or something like that. - Right, yeet. - And this one is just like the infinite trigger, man. - I think there is a part where the barrel will over heat. Is it the one on the side of the helicopter? - No, it's in the Jeep. And he was just sitting there firing it for a day. He's like, "Oh shit, I can just never let go." - I think that runs out of ammo and then you have to reload it because it's a handheld machine gun. But it doesn't change the fact that that whole part is super boring. Like it's just, it's like you're on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland except it's in Afghanistan and you're watching American soldiers get killed. - Which is actually really, that's just a big bummer because I mean, we have such improvements in vehicle sequences. Like I always go, the one that is ultimate, in my opinion these days is the one from uncharted. You know, where he's jumping from truck to truck and stuff like that. - I actually thought that whole part was awful and uncharted. - I loved it. - It was so good. - I mean, it's fun to look at but from a gameplay perspective it's repetitive and monotonous and yup, it's trial by death. I mean, I feel it's a bad example of a vehicle section. - I feel it's a good example of a vehicle section. - It's towards the end where you're with Elena, right? - Yeah. - I also like the vehicle part in Resident Evil 5. - Right, that was actually work, okay. - Even Bad Company 2's vehicle sections were a lot of fun. - Bad Company 2? - They usually gave you a grenade launcher and it was like the win button. - They could be fun. It didn't start out so good. The first vehicle section in Bad Company 2 was a real whore. The helicopter that's chasing you through the tunnel and shit that can just kill you and make you start all the way at the beginning of that section. - Yeah, I didn't like that issue. - It's your Bad Company 2 had some bad checkpoints here and there. - Yeah, it did. Had some really bad checkpoints. - This also has some bad checkpoints, which means if a scripting bug comes up and makes you do a part of the game, you're going to be doing a long part over again. - So it's double frustrating. - Quite a bit of which will likely be a scripted moment that you can't speed up and it sucks waiting. And I would say at least a good third of that game has spent waiting for stuff to happen. - Wow. - Do you feel like, when I watch it, I'm still confused as to what it is exactly. Are you like a special forces? Are you doing like special forces type missions or is it still like Call of Duty where it's like, big old push, crazy run guns? - I play a few different roles, primarily, I mean, it's like half Rangers, half special operations and there are two kind of special operations personnel. There's some Navy SEALs and they're tier one operators, which they've been pushing, which are sort of, the way they made it sound, they're unofficial people that are pulled back from non-active duty to do things that no one will ever talk about. And the SEALs are more official and the Rangers are elite, but still enlisted, I think. - Great, great. - So they kept talking about these tier one operators and they release those tier one videos and stuff like that. So did you ever get a sense when you were playing this game, Arthur or Tyler, that like, you were this kind of tier, that this was like the focus of a mission? - No, it's no different than any others. - That's what I was wondering, I was wondering, is it like, I was wondering if the game was going to be like super focused, like small, little pitched, like special obstacles. - Like it seems like battles. - The authenticity that they, quote unquote, pushed into the game was actually just, well, we animated this scripted takedown to be how they would take somebody down or like the way they clear a room, that they're not actually clearing because again, it's all scripted. - Right. - You're not really getting an idea. You're just like, all right, we'll shoot these guys. Now shoot these guys. Try to be quiet here if you don't, well, the game's going to keep going. (laughing) - There's one really weird decision that they made in the single player, and this is my take away from it. - What do you mean adding the game on Lincoln Park? (laughing) - My take away from it, the whole package was how different the multiplayer and single player games were. I mean, they're just, it's night and day. They're two different games. - Well, yeah, they are literally two different games. - They are two different. Like on the debug, the debug version of the game, I could have literally installed just the multiplayer and played it, and not the single player. - One thing they do in single player that they don't do in multiplayer is if you're sprinting and like, it has this like stick to cover thing. Did you notice that? - In single player or multiple player? - Yeah, in single player. - Well, there's a slide. - Yeah, it's a slide. - If you're running and you hit the B button, then you'll slide into cover or you'll just slide into more ground. - Yeah, and just the way I play shooters a lot, like, you know, I go into the crouch position often, you know, like for the best aim. - I think that you particularly need to in well order. - Right, yeah, it's like, oh my God, the aim assist. - It is the most aggressive aim assist through the left trigger that I think I've ever seen. - Really? - And the whole game, it just, it holds your hand. It's like they wanted to be as mask market as possible. - Yeah, I think you mentioned that last week, how you said it was like-- - That seems to be A as philosophy, a lot of games lately, but-- - Kind of, yeah. - And there's a logic to that for sure. - Yeah. - I totally get that, I just, I don't understand who, like, I feel like anyone playing this that wasn't a hardcore gamer would just get bored. - Yeah, I mean, there's one standout moment in the whole game, and we both agreed on it. - Well, it's the moment where you're in the shy caught, at the foothills of the shy caught mountains, I think, and you're a Ranger team that's been sent in to clear these villages. And you get to this village, and all of a sudden, there's this sort of ambush from the entire valley around you, and you run to this hut, and this hut is slowly being destroyed as all these guys just keep coming, and you're running out of ammo, and it doesn't seem like backup is gonna come. And there's a point where you hear everybody say, we're fucked, and we're doomed hicks from aliens, kind of way, but in the like, well, we're screwed. We're well and truly screwed, just like, kind of like that moment in Black Hawk Down, where the two Delta Force guys realize that they're going to their deaths to try to save that pilot. It's kind of like that, and it's one of the only effective moments of the game, and it has a great denouement. It has a great climax. Sorry, I shouldn't be. I'm too pretentious, blah, blah, blah. - Yeah, and it was, but even though that was such a great moment, it totally sheds a light on everything that's wrong with this game. - Because it's so aggressively scripted, because I died a couple of times, and it played out the exact same way. - Right, and not only that, but like, why is this the only place in the whole game that has destructible environments? - Right, well, there are a couple of other places in that level. - There was one other section where you're supposed to suppress the machine gun. - Yeah, and then that too, like, why didn't they, like, just think if they would have fleshed out some of these things more. I mean, like the whole machine gun suppression, that was one time you did that once. Like, well, I couldn't have, you know, that would have made-- - I mean, or trying to take alternate routes to a target to try to flank around enemies, you never will, because there is always an invisible barrier to keep you from going anywhere, but straightforward into them. - Which is sort of the opposite of military tactics. - Right. - So, I mean, if you're trying to feel like an authentic military shooter, flanking should be a big part of your game design, your level design. - This not only doesn't feel current by the standards of the shooters of the last three years, it feels like a huge step backwards from metal on our airborne. - That's bad. - I mean, even brothers and arms, those games are old, and those games were all about flanking. - Yeah, there's an arms, it's 2008. - I'm saying, I'm saying-- - Oh, the Ubisoft, the ones on the last gen, yeah. - Brothers and arms have been around, I really like the brothers and arms games because it was, like, set up the suppressing fire, flank with these guys, you know, like-- - That was a more closely authentic military experience. - I kind of feel like the level design and game design of metal of honor or airborne would fit the metal of honor reboot more than what they did, which is basically to set it backwards and say, "Man, that Call of Duty shit sure is popular, let's fucking do that." - That's true, and you're right, in airborne, it was just like you got dropped into an environment. - You picked an insertion point, like you navigated to an insertion point. - Right. - You picked your load out. - I never played airborne, airborne was fun. - I mean, it wasn't amazing, but it was-- - That was another, if you don't got anything else, play it. - I actually considered playing it again last night during my grand. What are some, I can play some of these games that I compared it to over again, just to make sure that I was totally on the level and that didn't go the way I intended it to. - So, single player is kind of, you know, but the multiplayer sounds like, that's kind of what saved it in a lot of ways. - Well, the multiplayer keeps it from being a total shmush-mourshin. (all laughing) - It seems like the multiplayer from what I heard you say about is like, it's fun, but why would you play that when there's other things? - Right, so it's Battlefield Bad Company 2, except you kill things faster and there are no classes. - So, you see, this, yeah, I mean, yeah, I agree. Yeah, the multiplayer, it's just passable. And I also wonder how successful would it have been as sort of a 1943 sort of thing, like just downloadable? - The funny thing is, mechanically speaking, it still feels awesome. Like, it feels like Bad Company 2, except faster. - Right. - And I can get behind that. - This is one area where you and I disagree. Like, I completely think this is 100% dice trying to do Call of Duty. - Oh, I agree. - 100%. - As far as the way it feels. - I think it's dice being told to do Call of Duty. - Yeah, I mean, it's pretty insane, but even still-- - More specifically, it feels like dice was given about eight months to come up with a separate multiplayer game. - Right. - And it shows. - And, you know, one thing you and I also agreed on is how the map sizes, like a lot of the game types are restricted to certain map sizes, and so that just like, there's a lot of awkward play listing. - Right, and you're also like, already, I've gone to a few forums and I'm seeing people bitch about how everyone is a fucking sniper. Because the maps are set up in such a way that you have very few options as to where you're gonna go. And really, the way that Bad Company 2 played, that was important that the maps have options. - Well, I'm gonna say, go ahead, sorry. - No, go, I mean-- - I was gonna say, dice is like notoriously bad for balancing anything right off the bat either. If they're not gonna support it, it's going to die. - I feel like Bad Company 2 was light years ahead. - Yeah, right, but I'm saying, but even still, they still support that one constant patch. - You gotta point that. - Right. They kept rebalancing stuff, yeah. - The thing is, like, the three classes helped me out. It's, there's like infantry, spec ops, and, quote unquote, - It's salt, spec ops, and sniper. - But sniper, here you go, here, basically, all the sniper rifles work like bolt-action rifles, and they're all semi-automatic. - Don't get me wrong, it's fun to use. - It's fun to use, but it's like a-- - It's a little overpowered, though. - It's so, it's so easy. I mean, compared to, like, Sniping and Bad Company, where you actually have to, like, think about bullet travel, this, you know-- - I love Sniping and Bad Company 2 because it's such a skill-based activity. Like, people bitch about, oh, will they just cheese and recon? - It's more mortars that I hate about recon and Bad Company 2, but Sniping actually takes some skill. And the maps in Medal of Honor aren't big enough for bullet drag to be much of an issue. - No, I don't think there's a single map big enough that, like, would require snipers. - So is it one of those multiplayer games where you play this sniper and you just use the sniper like an assault rifle? - You can, I think you have to be more careful than an assault rifle person does in close, but you are not just gonna be caught with your dick in your hand if you run up on somebody, like, 15 feet away that's gotten assault rifles, they turn the corner. You can take aim and shoot them in a couple times in the chest and still have a chance. - Right. - Unlike Bad Company 2, or Modern Warfare 2, or if you have a sniper rifle, it takes a good second or so to get a bead with the iron sights, and that's enough time to get killed. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And maybe that's something they need to change. Maybe they need to change it so that it takes much longer to go into and out of scope. - Some, maybe they just need to not bother and let it die. (laughing) - I mean, EA... - Well, like Arthur said at the beginning of this podcast, though, they're gonna advertise themselves into, you know, a million sales. - Medal of Honor is like the game that lost at musical chairs. Like, EA was playing the, we're pushing a bunch of our stuff back to next year music, and Christ has found a seat in Dead Space 2, found a seat a while back and never got up, and the only person left standing was Medal of Honor. So they're like, oh, this should go, you're coming out. - Yeah, well, they have to compete against Call of Duty. I mean, they have to have something coming out after it would be more detrimental at the time. - Yeah, it would have been. - And I just, it's astounding that the game is in as rough a shape as it is, and that it's as short as it is, given that they didn't do multiplayer. Like, danger close, formerly, EA, LA, didn't do any multiplayer. And I understand that they've done a lot of games, several of which have been canceled in the last three years, including that Command and Conquer game. - Yeah, Command and Conquer Tiberium, Dawn, or whatever. - It was just Tiberium. - Command and Conquer Tiberium, which was supposed to be huge, but got canceled, they did Command and Conquer for, I mean, they've done stuff. They came out and got canceled, but they've had three years to do a game that's, it took me about six hours, but I think that, I don't know, I just, sometimes I like to take a slower pace of your games. - It's like they've had three hours, but I wonder, three years, I wonder how much of that they actually spent on Medal of Honor, and how, if it wasn't just like the last year. - It, the indications I'd heard was that they'd spent most of it, like at least a good chunk of the LA. - Manage, man. - 'Cause you've seen the EA, LA campus, it's huge. They have a ton of people there. - These, and their particle effects, like all the explosions in Medal of Honor, they're so bad, it's dude, they're like, last gen. - This is a situation where PC owners get to feel super superior, because I had very few of the stability issues on PC that I had on console. There were some funny glitches, like when one of my guys in a scripted sequence walked off the edge of the building onto the ground and I walked off too soon after him and ended up riding around on his head for two minutes. - That's what I'm telling you. Every time I've watched the game, there's always like some sequence. - Some janky piece of shit. - It shows like a genuine lack of polish. Like there was like another part where like, for instance, like anytime you go up to a high ledge, you always have to be boosted, but your guys don't. Like they can always just climb up, but then like when they climb up, it's just little things. Like the fact that when they climb up, their knees and feet go through the earth. - Right, or they'll be like hovering above the ground. - Exactly, it's just all those things add up though, eventually. - And like the clipping issues like that is the kind of thing that you expect again from a game that would be five or six years old. That's when games used to do that kind of stuff. - Right. - I wish that's when games just do that kind of stuff. We see that stuff all the time. From bad games. - Well, you know what I mean? When you're talking about like what's supposed to be a AAA top tier title, a tier one title as it were. - I mean, it's just funny to me that we say that and it's true, but modern warfare is based on tech that is fucking 10 years old. - Yeah, but it's not 10 year old tech. - It's based on tech. - It is rooted in 10 year old technology. - Right, but I mean-- - It's all smoke and mirrors, but the smoke and mirrors is so well executed that no one notices that you're playing fucking Quake 3. - Right. - 'Cause you are playing Quake 3. - Closing comments. And we'll put this bitch to rest, not worth your money. - I wanted it to be better. I wanted the multiplayer to be better. - But Activision. - I mean, I'm all four more online shooters that I'm good at. And I am good at Metal of Honor online, at least in the events that I played. - Yeah. - Just like I'm good at bad company too. Like I went straight from bad company too and Metal of Honor is like, all right, I'm murdering fools. - Yeah, pretty much. - And tonally, it's a little disturbing too. Like I didn't mention it much in my review, but like it's weird. It's weird watching scripted death sequences of American soldiers and something that's supposed to have happened or be emulating something that's happening. It's weird blowing the arm off of an Afghanistan, off an Afghani, like whether they're Al Qaeda or not. Like it's weird blowing their leg off or they're watching their head splatter and seeing the little headshot icon on the bottom of the fucking screen. It's all-- - I thought that to me, those things were more offensive. The little icon, their icon treatments because they had this thing where they tried to, that I thought was kind of nice. Like most of the HUD goes away if there's no action. And I think that's a really nice touch. - Agreed. - But then every one of your squad mates, you know, like in Halo when you're co-op. - Has the name of their head. - It has little thing over your head that says who it is. All of their icons are fucking huge. (laughing) So it's like, what's the point? - And then you got tier one mode, which is like, oh, here's your time attack in the Afghan desert. It's just, they don't, they talked about authenticity and they talked about respect. And you know, I don't hate Lincoln Park. Like dude, listen to Lincoln Park. Like I own a couple of Lincoln Park CDs, their first two. You know what movie, Lincoln Park belongs in? Transformers. - Right. - You know what movie, Lincoln Park didn't belong in? Anything, like trying to approximate the tone of fucking Black Hawk down. - Right. (laughing) - And that's what we got. And it's just, I've brought it up and it seems like a small thing, but it's just so indicative of the way that they treated the subject. - I imagine many of our men and women in service are Lincoln Park fans and probably Famic. - Right, but that's probably true. - But if one of their buddies died and on a screwed mission, like would they wanna blast some fucking Lincoln Park over six screens of very boilerplate? - Yeah. - We love our troops and their sacrifice text. - But it wasn't until you read a little message, right? After you beat it, you got a little nice message about the people. - It's just, it's not, it's not a good game. - They wanted it to be Call of Duty kind of, but couldn't pull it off. They wanted it to be Call of Duty's edge of your ear because it took place in a real battlefield. - Which seems to me like they should have taken, you know, they should have taken the opportunity to push it more in that direction, to be, you know. - To make it slower, to make it more methodical. - Right, and to make it more culturally aware, you know, to be something that like, it doesn't necessarily have to be a commentary on whether what's happening in Afghanistan is good or bad. It just needs to be something that's like, here's what the situation is. - But even having them-- - And leave the player to judge for themselves at the end of the game. - But even putting the Taliban in the game, they had to backpedal on. - Yeah, I know. - I mean, even the multiplayer they did, you sure should shoot and deal with Taliban all the time as a single player. And none of that is gonna matter. Like none of that is gonna matter because you're still shooting brown people in turbines and fucking like ethnic Afghani garb in places in Afghanistan. - And you know, for me, yeah, that was another thing, like at least they named them real places, like-- - Right, but naming them real places says, hey, here, shoot the not Afghanis in the not Taliban or get shot by the not Taliban. - Well, and then the weird thing is is that-- - Well, it's not weird. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you know, when you play like a World War II game, or when you play a modern warfare game that's sent in a fictitious situation, even though they use real things, like the Russians are attacking, you know, and we're on American soil, like in Call of Duty. Or when you play a World War II game, the thing is is that there is a real distance there between the player and the actual events. You know, you're not dealing with people that are still alive and dying right now. - And it was a much easier conflict to digest. I mean, just like we haven't seen very many Vietnam games. - Right, but I mean, even if you play a Vietnam game, there's a distance there, and it's a real distance. It's not just in people's heads. - I kind of wonder, I'll be honest. I'm gonna wonder how people take Black Ops because-- - Really? - That shit brings back World War's gore model. And you're shooting a bunch of Vietnamese people and big parts of it. And I'm kind of wondering how that's gonna be taken. - Yeah. - See, I'm on this side that, like I think like six days in Fallujah, like I would welcome stuff like that. Like I'm not saying they would do it right. - You know what I'm saying, that they could even mess it up horribly and embarrassingly. But I think it's important to do those things. I think it can be done. It's all how you do it. - Well, it's just like, well, I mean, it's video games. They're like any other art form, you know? It's like, there are ways to tell stories that deal with current events that are both respectful and entertaining, you know? It just depends on whose hands they're in. And it kind of disappoints me when a game like Medal of Honor comes out and it gets closer. It seems like it's trying to go there but doesn't actually make it. You know, it's like, I would have loved it like when you guys were done with Medal of Honor, you told me that like, man, it was like taking part in Hurt Locker or something like that. - You too, because I had to spend a lot of fucking time playing that game and writing that review. Three times, essentially, I played that game. - Right, see, it's funny 'cause, you know, it's like when we talk about gore and stuff and how that can be really bad. If a game was like super respectful about the horrific nature of what's going on, I feel like you could still do gore in a way that isn't like, fuck yeah. If there's someone that could do gore in a way that's like, that is horrible. - I mean, you know, one thing I always wonder, like when you kill people in these shooters, like, why when you drop some fools, they aren't like writhing on the ground, moaning and, you know, I mean, 'cause I mess-- - It plays through a world at war again. - Yeah, I haven't played anything. - And you want to know what happens? It's fucking disturbing. - It is. - I don't care if it's a Nazi watching someone scream and drag themselves along the ground. - And then of course, because it's a video game, you also run into the problem of like, that just sort of being done too much. It's like really hard to balance that, like, okay, make sure the dudes when they die, they don't ride the rounds. - I mean, I imagine that it probably didn't really happen that much more than it might on a real battlefield, but it was still super disturbing. - Yeah. - And sometimes it's really weird in Medal of Honor, but meanwhile-- - Let's talk about something else. - I played some Super Meat Boy. - Sweet. I don't think Super Meat Boy can be discussed until the 19th. - Oh, it's not out yet. - No, yeah. - I thought it was out this week. - It's out to 20th, actually. - Yeah, I don't think it can be discussed until the 19th. - I liked me as some Super Meat Boy so far. (both laughing) I mean, it's been-- - I think a lot of people are gonna like themselves some Super Meat Boy. - Sure, I'm seeing a tonic for you, but I know that reviews and stuff are embargoed to the-- - Right. - But we can say people are gonna like it. - Well, no, I'm really digging Super Meat Boy. I think that you should play the demo before you buy Super Meat Boy so that you know what you're getting into. - Well, it's like explosion, man, but even harder. It seems like-- - This kind of-- - Yeah, I think Super Meat Boy controls better than explosion. - BU, therefore, perfect, is like the motto of that game. You better be perfect and you will, or else you will not succeed, but when you succeed, it seems like it's really gratifying. - Right. But anyway, I guess we can talk more about it when we're allowed to. - Aw. - And I also played a little more Dead Rising 2 yesterday. - I saw a tweet from Ryan at Giant Bomb. - Right. - Yeah. - I saw that tweet too. (both laughing) - I know his pain, if not quite that same circumstance where he had eight survivors with him and stumbled into-- - Oh, one of them. - He had three or four survivors. He said like he-- - He had eight. - Did he really have eight? - Because there's a fucking achievement to have eight with you and rescue them at the same time. - And so he was about to save them all. He had dodged a whole bunch of zombies. He dodged a psychopath and was almost back and then got killed by a defector, right? - Yeah, one of them got to hurt and defected and killed him. - Right. - I've not had any more defectors since beginning of the game, but I could understand how that would happen. Something I figured out yesterday that I didn't know is that you can hand them food and they will eat it and get life back. - Nice. - Which was a godsend. - His situation seems pretty extreme too since he was going for that achievement. - Right, but that, I mean, just that that can happen to you, that it's so arbitrary about just popping shit up on you. - The thing? - More than once, I've just walked inadvertently into a psycho and just gotten aced. I just think it's dumb that you can hurt the survivors. - I mean, that's sort of the point that you can, that Chuck can hurt them? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, like when they're zombies around them, you're like, "Don't worry, I'll save you plan." You just like nail them with your baseball bat. - What's stupid is that when you swing the baseball bat, it fucking does like this giant arc behind you as well as in front of you. - Well, no, it's just that like the controls in this game aren't precise enough to keep you from hurting people. - Right. - That you don't want to hurt. - Right. - So, yeah, that was a bad design decision in my opinion. - Also, man, for Canadians, they share that Japanese design aesthetic down, like when you get knocked down by anything, how you're fucking waiting forever to get back up again. - That's your penalty for getting knocked down in the first place, Guy Jean. - I mean, I'm having a lot of fun at times with that game. It's super addictive, just the cycle of fitting in new missions in between assignment times and the assignments are generally good, the weapons are fun and guns actually shoot pretty well when you have to use them. - You do keep going back to it. - I do. I played that game for like 16 hours now, which is like-- - That's meaningful. - It's RPG-ish, to be sure. Yeah, I'm now in like level 29 or something like that. - Sweet. - But yeah, I just fucking parts of that game where I'm just like, I cannot, I don't understand how anyone thought that this was a good idea. And not even like the bathroom saving. Like when you're at the point where having save points that are too far apart and in various specific parts and it barely ever autosaves, and that's not the dumbest design decision you've made by a long shot. That's a fucking achievement in bad design choices. - Well, I just don't understand like hearing you and Greg from IGN talk about it. You know, I just don't understand how anyone thought that those psychopath fights were okay because it sounds like everyone beats it by glitching it. - It is, everyone, I have not talked to anyone that's beaten a psychopath. - That's very in any way that is reasonable in any way, shape or form. - That's very grand theft auto of them. And it's also very dead-rising one of them. I did that in dead-rising one all the time. It would be like-- - I will tell one psychopath story and then we will move on. - Cool. - I did not know I was walking up to this guy. I was just running through the mall and my way to do something else. I think, oh right, I was trying to find a clothing store so I could take my fucking clothes off so this one survivor would go with me. 'Cause she won't go with you unless you're naked because she's naked because that's good game design to make me run across an entire fucking mall to take my clothes off. - Right. - 'Cause it makes sense. - You can't just take them off right there. - Right. It makes sense that I wouldn't just be able to take my gear off. Anyway, I run through the middle of this constructionary, the mall that I've run through 300 times already, but this time there's a crazy dude hanging people and then it's a psycho fight and I have like a few spiked baseball bats and some food and that is enough to take on any amount of zombies in that game. - Yeah. - But a psychopath and you were fucked. A psychopath with a gun and it's like a hand reaches out from the screen and grabs you by the testicles and slams them onto the ground over and over again. So I die and reload and thankfully I am trained at this point to save in that game over and over again. - Yeah. - And you can stagger saves now, which is nice. I go underground, drive to a point where I know that I can farm assault rifles and a heavy machine gun and do that save and then drive back around to where that guy is. And the only way that I can beat him is to run away as far as he won't follow me and keep him barely in view around the corner of a wall and shoot him from there. - Oh. - Oh fuck. - But I die again because every time he shoots me with his special pistol, it knocks the item I'm holding in my hand out of my hand. - Oh fuck. - Down the hallway toward him. So I do the machine gun farming. I don't actually do the machine gun farming thing again because I saved because I know this game hates me. - Right. - So I play it again except this time I arrange it so that whenever he shoots a gun out of my hand, it bounces against the wall and back into me and I can just tap me to pick it back up. - That is, yeah. - So that's not a game? - And it's not a game. - It's not a bug, it's a feature. That's how I play some great gameplay, man. - Five minutes of that to be shooting him through a wall. - Yeah and you're right, Grand Theft Auto also did that shit where you'd be like, I found a spot where I can see your head and you won't move for some reason. - Right, yep. - Shit like that should not be. - So when Dead Rising's not doing that, it's fun. But I actually think I reached the point where I'm like, you know what, I was ready for you to be done and now you've just informed me that you were not even close to done. - Mm, yeah. - 'Cause when the military, spoilers, when the military arrives, the game is not over. (laughing) So if you thought that rescue was coming. - Right, oh no, I'm sure. - Guess what? - I'm sure, yeah. - That was the same thing in the last game, the military game had the last game this much. The game is still just functional enough to break out of my bullshit threshold and actually make me play it. Whereas the first one lost me after like three or four hours. - You see, it's like, it's funny because like, I'm actually afraid to play this game. - Why because you'll keep playing it? - No, I'm afraid of like the encounters, like going into the game and having a bunch of people follow me and running into a psychopath battle and dying. - Save a lot, avoid the psychos. - Yeah. - I'm gonna show you a lot of guns. - Yeah. - There's a guide up on IGN. (laughing) - Who was that guy? - I think Colin. - Did he? - Yeah. - I thought he was busy with something else. - Nope, I think he did it. - All right. Anthony. - So I'm playing, in the last week, I played one good game and one awful game. - Tell us about the awful one. - And the awful one was called Sengoku Bessara Samurai Heroes. - Three. - What are you talking about? That's the best game ever. - No, just Samurai Heroes. Just Sengoku Bessara. - Oh did they take three off? - Yeah, in America, this is like-- - This is the third console. - Yeah, they were previously known as Devil Kings. - And people-- - Here they released the first one. - And they were like, I can't believe you didn't mention that this is a sequel to Devil Kings interview. I'm like, you know why I didn't do that? Because who gives a shit? - And who? - It's a sequel to Devil Kings. - Well, that guy. - Yeah, that guy did. But the whole basic premise is that these are the same bullshit games we've been playing for years, except before they were released by Koey, and they were called Dynasty Warriors or Samurai Warriors. (laughing) - Right. - We played this game and it captivated. - And we did. - I have played it. It was not enjoyable. - It is a Dynasty Warriors clone, but at least, honestly, since it's done by Capcom, it's better done than Dynasty Warriors is these days. Koey just farms that shit out in his garbage. And this one is like-- - Capcom farms that shit in. - Yeah, it's still a formulaic, a shit and boring. And it's just like, it drags and drags and has terrible voiceovers. - And terrible enemy AI. - And it's indicative when you can look through even screenshots that are taken by Capcom and sent out to us where every guy on the screen looks identical and is doing the exact same motion all at once. You know, it's just like, it is a game that feels like it's five years old. - You're fighting the hive mind all the time? - Yeah, and that's the other thing. It's like, yeah, the enemy AI is terrible. They exist solely for you to get like a 700 hit combo on them. You know, combos that get so high that they no longer even mean anything. - And imagine that, once you do that, it stops being satisfying to get combos. - Exactly, like I just stopped even caring 'cause I was like, what do I care? - Do you remember when the very first Dynasty Warriors came out? I don't know if you played it. - And I loved it too, because it was the first time I'd played a game where I just got to like, where I got to get like it. I don't even think they, did they do combos in the first one? - Oh, they totally did. - They did, but it was the first game where I got to be on a battlefield and run around a battlefield. - Yeah, exactly. And I really, really enjoyed that. And it's just like the formula has never changed since. - Right, and they've only slightly improved the graphics. - Right. - Like they aren't even taking advantage of what the systems can do. - Yeah, exactly. I mean, like I-- - Except for the Wii version, which actually for a Wii game is pretty good. - Really well, yeah. - Huh, interesting. - And it plays with classic controller. - Which is the only way to play those games. - Oh, I'm sure, yeah. - But yeah, I mean, in general, it's like if you've played any of those games, you've played these four, it's taking place in that same period with these same like super-fint fantasy versions of these historical Japanese people, like that are like wielding gigantic magical guns. - Don't forget the guy with six swords. - Yeah, and the guy with six swords, like they're Wolverine claws in his hands. - Yeah, he was in the, in when we were at Captivee, he was in the game. - Yeah, it's like, you know, it's just-- - You couldn't play as him though, I don't think. - Yeah, you can play as him now, but-- - No, you could play as him. - It's just really-- - Where I was a Captivee that I played out of him. - It's just really silly. Like the whole game is just really silly, formulaic, boring, dumb. - Yeah. - But you know, I said it was bad, but not as bad as fucking anything Koei's put out. - Yeah. - But-- - What was the good game? - The good game was, is Naruto, which by the time you hear this, my review will probably be up. - That's right, be surprised. They just said Naruto and good. - This is a close proximity of each other. - I think Steven the second or the third Naruto game I reviewed, I think it's the third. And the other one I played that was by these same people was also really good, because they do such a good job with their story mode, and first off, they do a good job with the fighting, and I'm not a fighting game person, but these are fighting games for people like me. Like there's one attack button-- - For records. - And there's one ranged button, and there's one like activate your special button, and if you activate your special thing, you can then do attack or ranged, and it modifies those based on your special power. Beyond that, it's just a game of simple reflexes, like making sure if you time a walk at the right time, you'll disappear and reappear behind them. - So it sounds like if there's three buttons that it, is it actually set up as like rock, paper, scissors? - No, no, necessarily. It's just more like you're attacking, attacking, and then you can break it up with like a quick ranged attack, or if they try and, 'cause a lot of the game is like about when they're appropriately putting distance between you, and stuff, and you can be like, nope, or if they're trying to put distance between you to like do a special power, you can check them with some ninja stars, so that you can interrupt them. - Ah, geez. - And the game has really great things straight from the cartoon. Yes, I've seen the cartoon before. They allow you to close the gap. Like if you have special power, which you regenerate slowly over time, you can, on the PlayStation, you can hit triangle, and then X, and then you automatically do like this really cool looking like disappear, reappear, disappear, reappear thing, like dodging all their attacks, and then you appear right on them. So instantly you use some of your special power, but you can get across the whole battle field. - Nice. - To close the gap to them. And it just does like a better job than any game like that, since probably the Dragon Ball games, and the other Naruto games these guys have done. I believe it's the same guys that, you know, just the way it switches from being like, "Oh, we're standing two guys, toe to toe, "more fighting," to all of a sudden, like doing this crazy like face shot of the guy seamlessly, of him like charging up and doing a big punch, and then him going up in the air and it changing like to a camera angle point towards the sky, and then going right back to the toe to toe view. - Nice. - Like it's switch, it does that all in it. And the game looks awesome too, like even Arthur, even Arthur I say, because Arthur, you know, he doesn't like Naruto or anything, but like-- - It's fucking-- - Aesthetically the game looks-- - Gorgeous, nice. - The game looks great. Yeah, it's like painting-- - It looks better than the goddamn cartoon does. - Yeah, it's painted like backgrounds with like, so-- - Cool. - And I'm not like, I'm not like, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh," but it looks better than the cartoon does. It looks like Naruto, the animated feature. - Wow, it sounds a little like-- - Except for the fact that their jaws look like robots when they talk. - That sounds a little bit like a super street fighter four, or a street fighter four, you know? - No, it is. - With the crazy camera angles-- - Way better looking than super street fighter four. - Really? - Like it's not as, there's not as much shit going on, but the art and line work is so good, and the backgrounds are so well painted and implemented that just like from a pure image quality standpoint, it is one of the best looking games that I've seen this year. - I don't like the cartoon either. - That's a state. - I will say that. So like, that's something like people will be like, "What, this guy doesn't even really like the cartoon review the game?" I like the idea of the mythos and stuff behind Naruto. I just think the cartoon is a little cheesier than I would like. And actually the game gets a little into that, which I don't really mind, I recognize who it's for, which it's funny, 'cause I can recognize who Dynasty Warriors is for as well, but that's just like a shitty game. Like this is like a quality game with like a subject matters kind of silly, but it just does such a good job in the adventure mode of making you feel like you're playing through the cartoon. Like that's like something that like, if you're making a show about a comic or a cartoon where people feel like they're participating actively in a cartoon, it's like exactly what people should want. - That's funny, 'cause I just started watching The Last Airbender this last week in the animated series, and it makes me want these people who made this game to make an Airbender game. - Yeah, they would. I mean, you know, the adventure mode is cool, even though it's still revolving around basically like killing time until you're in another fighting game fight, but there's stuff to do like there's gathering resources and minor silly quests that are kind of pointless, but just the fighting game aspect itself, you know, is just a super cool thing. And so people, even if you like Naruto, that's like your game, first of all. - That's your jam, yo. - They've made so many Naruto games, but this one's actually really, really cool. And... - And even if you don't like, if you're not in Naruto, but you don't hate Naruto. - I think it's a good game, it's not a great game, but it's fun. - Like when Christmas rolls around and you don't have anything else to play, and you like-- - Yeah, you can rent it. - I hear Castlevania is good, but it takes four hours to get good. Maybe you should buy Naruto for a few hours. (laughing) - I might actually play this game just 'cause it looks so good. - I am curious. - Yeah. - I also started Borderlands again. I lost my save and I want to play the Crap Trap Trap, Clap Trap DLC. - Crap, you know, like I've never-- - I have several of the DLC things on the PC, and I just, I haven't played any of them. - Oh, the DLCs are great, except for the Arena one. - That's 'cause you have a PC. - Any of the DLCs outside of the Arena, the other two are awesome, which is why I really want to play the Clap Trap one. - Yeah. - Yeah, you did just say Mad Moxie is not good, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, but it sucks because, you know, since I lost my save, I'm having to start with a new character, and something I've discovered of playing several characters in Borderlands now, like is, honestly, the beginning of the game, like it doesn't matter what class you pick, it's so samey. - It tastes so very long to me. - Like until you get like level 15, you don't really feel like there's any distinction to playing any class over the other. - Definitely, definitely not. - The best way to play that game is just to have someone who's a higher level and you grind you through the first 20 levels. - Yeah, because otherwise you're like, oh, even though my class isn't a machine gun class, I'm still gonna use a machine gun 'cause it's the best weapon I'm finding. - Yep. - You know, it's like, it doesn't really become really a unique RPG to tell later on. - And it's dingy as hell with the loot drops for a long time. - Oh, it really is. Like, I find myself using the same gun for like 10 levels, you know? - Like maybe if that game had really wanted you to specialize, like, you know, the specter should be a, like, is that what she's called? - The siren. - The siren, you know, if she was really supposed to be like a pistol sort of girl, then they should've had, if you're playing as a siren, you fight a boss, he should've dropped a pistol for her. - Right, yeah, exactly. - Instead of like, it always drops a machine gun. - Well, she's a submachine gun, right? - Well, okay, but you know, I know what you're saying. - She always drops one gun. - I mean, yeah. - To play the part of Devil's Advocate, it's pretty common for loot based action games to do that, where it's just a randomized drop. - Right, but I'm saying, even in World of Warcraft, I'm saying in World of Warcraft, for instance, when you fight a boss, he has a chance that he'll drop a breastplate, but it might be a breastplate for six different classes. You know what I mean? Like, it'd be cool if the game recognized what class you were playing and made sure that it drops something that was like-- - Yeah, I would like the loot to be a little bit more customized to the actual-- - For Borderlands 2. - For the actual character, yeah. - That will be made for sure. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah, Borderlands 2 is-- - When you're doing tanks. (laughing) - I'm doing Borderlands 2. - Dude, I feel it's a shame that there's not a gaming Nobel Prize that Gearbox can't get for making Duke Nukem a thing. (laughing) - I don't know, they should get the fucking Congressional Medal of Honor for surviving last year. If Borderlands had been successful, we would not have a Gearbox. And I know that I think early in 2009, I predicted that I thought Gearbox would close and flat out, like, if Borderlands had not been successful, you would not be hearing about people about Gearbox doing shit for folks. - Yeah, it's true. I totally agree. - If you ever see Colonial Marines, it will be because of Borderlands. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Borderlands, still fun. - Still kind of a privilege. - Still my hero. - It's too. - Oh, yeah, it's nice looking. - Any game that Randy Pitchford is directly involved with interests me. - Yeah. Matt, did you play enslaved? Did you finish enslaved? - Yes, I beat it. I finished it. - Brief thoughts on finishing enslaved? - Glad I finished it. Combat definitely gets better toward the end. It's still not the main reason to play the game. - How did you feel about the ending? - It was a little abrupt, but it felt like it fit, but it seemed like there was like, it felt to me like there was half of a cinematic missing. - Or you could still have a chapter? - Or what, sorry? - Maybe a chapter missing. - Maybe a chapter, but definitely the ending cinematic just felt like it was only half done. Like they're like on the cutting room floor somewhere, there's like half of a cinematic that just was never finished, so they didn't put it in. - Around out of money. - Yeah. But yeah, I'm, I actually really would, after playing this, I would like to see an enslaved too. So either the same characters or something that takes place in the same universe, it's cool, it's really enjoyable. There is some definite epic stuff that happens at the end, the very, very, very end of the game. I'm not gonna spoil it, so you don't have to turn off the podcast. - Our last level is, epic is a appropriate word. - Yes. - For the last level of that game. - Yep, absolutely. - It's brown. - I get it. - As soon as you did that. It is actually a little browner. - It is actually a little brown compared to most of enslaved. - I followed Nick Suttner on Twitter and man, he was really digging this game on Twitter saying. - It is really sort of a Nick Suttner kind of game. - Yeah, yeah. - I don't think about it. - Yep. - And I'm glad you said that too, Arthur, 'cause there are like, 'cause, you know, Nick and I. - There are Suttner games. - Yeah, yeah. It's a Suttner game. So if you find yourself liking those Suttner games. - But don't let that turn you off too. - No, yeah. (both laughing) - I tend to like a lot of the same ones he does. - Yeah, me too. With exceptions, of course, 'cause nobody ever matches up perfectly eye to eye on every game. And I played, I actually finally played a chain. - I don't know what that is. - You know what a chain is? - It drops these orbs into the screen. - What platform is this on? - PC. And it drops these orbs into these stages that have like particular shapes to them. And then you click on, you click on an orb and then if another orb is within the right distance, then you can drag a line to it and you can make chains. - I've never heard of this game. - I'm no idea what you're talking about. - And it has like really cool music. Anyway, you should play it. It's been out for a while. - Chain. - Yeah, if you have a Steam press account, then you have it. - Has anybody played the ball? - I haven't played that yet. I have it down on the footwork, but I haven't gotten it to it yet. - Five minutes of it when I was in Germany at Gamescom. - I saw the title screen on Charles Annette's desk at work and I was intrigued. - Yeah, I need to do it. - It's a big ass ball. - I played it at PAX. I had a good time with it. - We talked about it a little bit last week. - Yeah, it's the next game from the guys that made Killing Floor. - That's right. You did see it. - I forgot about that. - And so it was their entry for some like make a game with Unreal. - For now. - Contest. So. - It's a puzzle game mostly. - Yeah. - So anything else about it? - Yes. Try to guess what game this is. (humming) - It could. - Halo? - Pagle? - Yeah, Pagle. - Oh, no, see, it doesn't translate well enough as Pagle. I'm sure I... (imitates Pagle whirring) - Well, I didn't want to like scream in my set. - Or if you had like stood up and mic'd. If you had stood up and whipped your dick out and ejaculated and rainbows had flown out. (laughing) - Well then it would have been robot unicorn. - No, I would have guessed Pagle. (laughing) - Yes, I bought Pagle Knights last Friday so I've just been playing that again. It's fucking crazy. And I keep trying to play Civilization V and it keeps crashing. - Have you tried switching to the tactical view? - Yeah, I got Twitter and I saw on the Rebel FM letters people were saying, just play the DirectX 9 version. I actually can't. The DirectX 9 version doesn't even load. It crashes on startup. - Hot. - No, I mean like the board game view. - Oh yes, that's actually the, that seems to be the only way that I can make my game last about like eight to 10 turns before it crashes. Otherwise it crashes pretty much. - Otherwise it's individually uninteresting way to look at that game. - Where should we're playing that game? - It's, my map is too big, I think. And it's like, I've tried turning down the graphical settings so that I can play it on standard mode. - It sounds like it's a CPU thing. - And I have turned down the settings way, way down and that it, I don't know what's wrong. I don't know if there are textures missing or something in my install, but like all of the terrain on the lowest settings has like these giant ugly red stripes across it. Looks like it almost looks like blood or something like a meat level from God of War. - I don't like it might be your video card. - It is, yeah, but it only happens on the low settings. - Right, that doesn't change that but it kind of sounds like your video card. - It is really, it's just, ugh, but. - I mean, even that, I don't know that that would really help. I think a lot of the issues you're having are the same issues I'm having, which is this just that like every turn it's like my computer is trying to fucking hack the Gibson. - Yeah. (laughs) - The Debbie Gibson? - No, it makes me sad. - You made a hack your reference. - It makes me sad thinking how a few of our listeners might actually get that joke. - Watch it, you get to see Angelina's titties for a second. - I wonder how many of our listeners actually know who Debbie Gibson is. 'Cause I'm an old old man. But yeah, I'm really frustrated with Civ 5 and I don't wanna be frustrated with it. - It's just because you want so bad and you can't have it. - Exactly. - Okay, exactly what it is. - You're not the only person having that problem. I've listened to a few other podcasts and we'll follow other people on Twitter and they are all having the same issues. - Yeah, it's not crashing on me but I am playing a large map, you know? You can pick the size and I'm now to the point where I've discovered the whole world and it's like, man, every turn, it's, ehhh. - It actually-- - Like shit disappears, I mean, it stops moving. - When I'm playing it at the point I am in the game that I had going now, when it's in the middle of the CPU turn, like my computer will literally stop responding. - Oh, my two, the pointer will not move. - Yep, yeah, it's terrible. And like, I'm almost to the point where I've gotten my scientific victory with Nebuchadnezzar and it's like, as soon as I can get that game done-- - You just want it so bad. - I want it so bad. As soon as I, I'm putting up the crashes and everything and as soon as I can get it done, the next game I play I'm just gonna play on like, you know, a four person map or a six person map or something like that. - If you want, you can load it to SteamCloud and play it on my computer. That would be nice. But I would have to come over here to do that. - Well, you do that once a week. - Yeah, that's true. And then last week I actually went out and saw Rift Plains of Tellara, which is an MMO that's coming out next year, I think. - Yep. - And it's by Tryon Worlds who's like, Tryon Worlds is weird 'cause they just sort of popped up out of nowhere earlier this year and saying, hey, by the way, we're doing four MMOs that are all, you know, over a hundred million dollar projects all at the same time. - Doff. - They're also doing like a modern like RTS looking. - They're doing it, they're doing an MMO RTS. - Yeah. - And that actually looks more interesting than most of their other games. But Plains of Tellara, it actually looks like a fairly competent WOW clone. Which, I don't think it's gonna be free. - Okay. - And like the cool thing about it is that, I mean, other than, it has like the most generic name in the world, but anyway, Plains of Tellara, you know, Tellara is the, I know, Tellara is like the hub of all of the Plains, you know, which is also not an original concept. But the cool thing is is where the Plains intersect, they have these Rifts and AI come out of the Rifts and start attacking the countryside. And then if you don't close the Rifts, if the players don't close the Rifts soon enough, then they become like kind of a fortress that you have to attack and break up and everything like that. And then once they become a fortress, then they start sending out like these rating party types and these rating parties will go and attack towns and try to convert the towns to their side and stuff like that. So the cool thing about that kind of game design is that there's, the world is sort of dynamically changing based off what the AI is choosing to do. And the players have to struggle against that. And, but all the Rifts, like the different factions, like, you know, the Fire Plane and then like the Earth Plane, I think there's like four or six factions or something like that. They also all hate each other. Like they're all, every, every different type of plane that comes into contact with Tellara is trying to take over Tellara for their own sake. So you'll see the AI fighting each other and you can walk up and assist one side and then kill the other side after, after you've assisted that side, you know? So it's like, it's multi AI faction battles and that part actually sounds pretty cool to me. Like who knows if the rest of the game is gonna be better or worse than wow, it has a really unique skill system in the, you can mix and match classes. You can mix and match builds. So you have like, you have, when you brought up the talent tree, you actually have four talent trees on the screen at the same time and you can assign like this, I want to go down the ninja, the, not the ninja, the ranger talent tree over here and I want to go down like the priest talent tree over here and the mage talent tree. So you can mix and match and create all kinds of like just crazy, crazy combinations. And you know, that's pretty cool. Who knows if the, like I said, who knows if the rest of the game is actually gonna measure up but it has some unique features that are gonna make me at least want to give it a try. 'Cause I'm always kind of looking for a new MMO to play that isn't wow. I keep going back to wow. I'm sure I'm gonna go back when Cataclysm starts, but-- - Have you set aside your Cataclysm money yet? - Have I what? - Set aside your Cataclysm money yet? - No, because I'll probably get it free. - They did. They did also recently patch wow to implement a lot of the Cataclysm stuff like this week. - They did and it kind of made me want to go back. - My head friends that tried to talk me into doing it. (laughing) - Yeah, it kind of made me want to go back and play. Like I caught myself going on like the wow insider and reading all about the changes. And then I found myself like going like, oh, what's the lore behind Gilnius where whatever the kingdom is that the works come from? And like, oh, that's that wall up in Silver Pine Forest, Silver Pine Forest that's been there since the wow beta days that people are like, what the hell is this wall that doesn't have anybody on it that you can't get through, you know? And anyway, it's just-- - You gotta get drunk person-- - I just started nerding out over it. - You gotta get drunk person that goes and hangs out in the bar and is like, nah, I just like to hang out here. I'm gonna order Coke. All right, well, I'm just gonna get Abbir. One. (laughing) Before you know it. - Yep. (laughing) - What the fuck happened? - But, you know, I saw that last week and they invited me to, 'cause they're local to the Bay Area and they invited me to actually come down and play it for a day, planes of Tellara. So, I probably will do that at some point to see if I actually enjoy the actual playing experience of it. But it, for right now, it does seem kind of generic. It's pretty. It's good looking, but of course any game is good looking on whatever beast machine they can demo it on, you know? - Yeah, it's funny. - Like Civ 5 seemed like it ran flawlessly until I had it on my computer, you know? - It's funny 'cause I see all these other MMOs. Like I was joking with the guy at IGN that reviewed the final fantasy 14 and I was like, how do you rate this from zero to is wow? (laughing) - You're basically what is, you can't. (laughing) - What are the little values? - What are the little values? - Yeah, he rated it Warhammer online. (laughing) - Yeah, it's just like, you know, which isn't as bad as Vanguard, but not as good as Conan. - Right. (laughing) - Yeah, it's just like, you zero to wow. That's pretty much how it goes. - Yeah. - Although, Anthony, did you see the, they released some footage earlier this week of Visual's Warhammer online game this week? Did you see any of that stuff? - Are you talking about the 40K online one? - Oh, is Warhammer not 40K? Is that a difference? - There's Warhammer fantasy. - There's Warhammer fantasy, yeah. - Which there is already a Warhammer online. - Right. - Which is the fantasy MMO. - Which is totally falling apart. - And the Dark Ciders guys are working on a Warhammer 40K. - It's the one that Dark Ciders guys are doing. - I mean, they got a great aesthetic as far as like, they know how 40K games look. - Yeah, yeah. - And they have awesome tech too. - But it just seems, it just seems like, like honestly, when I hear anybody making an MMO, I'm like, wow, it's like you just, you want to kill your studio. (laughing) - Well, we're right. - One thing I thought the Warhammer game had for it was they, you know, they're, how they're trying to make it sort of like a third person shooter, like action, more, a lot more action based. - I would love to see someone do that successfully. - I believe that shit when I see it work, yeah. - Yeah. - I'll say. - Because it's always dangerous when you start to make an MMO skill based, that then you take away the ability for people other than hardcore people to play it. - Sup, Tabula Rasa. - And a lot of MMOs can't succeed without getting casual people. - Yeah. - That's the whole point. It's like, that's like why something like the BioWare MMO has blasters, but it's still like hitting the sword button. - It still works exactly like wow does. - Yeah, there's no actual. Just like when you use a bow class and wow. - Right. - You're not actually shooting a bow, it's just you're hitting a button to have them shoot a bow. - Right. - Yeah, once you put skill into it, you. - And it works like that with, you know, like even, you go back to Kotor and Kotor is an RPG and that's how it worked. Like you had your lightsabers and like you weren't actually swinging your lightsabers. - Yeah, but these just might all be, I mean, they're all so the same. I mean, just 'cause it hasn't been done. - I mean, it's true. It's just that if they want to make an MMO like this, they need to have a different expectation for success. - Right, yeah. - Like if they can make it for a lower amount of money. - So start with we aren't going to be wow. - Yeah, don't think you're gonna be wow. - Right. - But if you can get even like a few hundred thousand subscribers, that would be awesome. Like, you know, EverQuest, people always talk about that like a great success. Back in the day, EverQuest, when it peaked, was like 500,000 subscribers. - Yeah, or Ultima Online. - Yeah, it's like none of them. Wow is unprecedented. - Ultima Online hit like millions. But like if you could have, but if you could have even like a few hundred thousand for a hardcore shooter like that, that we're consistently paying to play, I can say that being successful. It's just, you can't spend wow budgets to make it. - Right, and the free to play model is actually, it works. - It's proven. - It's proven. - It can work. - Okay, it can work. But it's like, that's also a different level of success. I mean, if you're thinking we're going to be a free to play MMO, you're also thinking to yourself, we're gonna be a not top tier MMO. At least not right away. And for some random reason, we totally take off like Minecraft. - Right, 'cause people will make certain considerations. - I mean, if Minecraft had a bigger budget, it would not be the success that it is, because it would have an enormous team that would have to split all the money that all of a sudden they're getting. - No, I just made in terms of relativity, you know? - Well to me, it seems like, or like the-- - Relevance. - Relevance? - I just made in relative terms, you know, like-- - Oh, okay. - An indie, like somebody, something that sells like Minecraft to Minecraft's creator and budget would be like the, would be like, you know, the Warhammer online game suddenly having a WoW subscriber base. - Right, so I mean, but to me, the 40K online seems interesting in the way that like, Battlefield Heroes has a little bit of that online. - Right, I mean, it's just the 40K thing that resonates with, I would, Warhammer 40K is bigger than anything-- - It has a built-in audience, right. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Well, I don't know that the-- - Nah, I would say Warhammer resonates with way more people than Battlefield. - Warhammer has a gigantic fucking audience. - I don't think it's in the like, seven or eight million range though. - Resident, yeah. - When you're talking people around the world, I'm talking about people that play tabletop and stuff too, and you see the name-- - Yeah, I just don't think that that audience is that high. - Oh, dude, the Warhammer, the only thing bigger than the Warhammer audience would be like the Dungeons and Dragons audience. - Which again, is not as big as people think. - Yeah, it is. - I mean, not here in America as much, but I mean, Europe, it's even bigger. - If you're talking about like worldwide brand, if you're talking about worldwide brand awareness, Dungeons and Dragons and Warhammer are huge. - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. - I don't think so. - I am correct in this assessment. - I guess like, you know, another thing is the, in general, the MMO audience, they're all trying to get the same audience. - Yes. - What is the impression that I get-- - That's the worst. - They're all trying to copy wow. - Yeah, and then like, you know, why, you know, I mean, Call of Duty's a Twitch game that does phenomenally well. You know, I mean, people aren't subscribing to it. You know, obviously they don't have that game, play model set up that way, but yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, Call of Duty never will. - No, not Call of Duty, but I would be surprised if somebody doesn't come up with their subscription based-- - You don't think there'll be a Call of Duty name game at this point? - What do you, let's be, let's get real here for a second. What the fuck do you think Bungie is working on at this point? - That's what I'm saying. - Yeah. - They've made it pretty cool. - They've made it clear without saying as much, and I'm not saying I know anything specifically about it because I don't, but they've essentially beat around the bush pretty thoroughly. I could see someday they're being paid to play Call of Duty. Like it's not, I don't think that's completely out of the question. - Yeah. - Especially since it's owned by Activision. - And I'd be fine with that as long as the content keeps coming and like it keeps me playing. I mean, I've never felt like I got gypped on my wild subscription. - I mean, wild does a good job of balancing, you know, like if you were gonna charge people monthly, you need to have the balance of giving people paid expansions and then also dishing out free content like they do. - Yeah, exactly. - Like their patches sometimes in WoW are like, the equivalent of what games used to call expansions. - Yeah. - Like they do free patches that are gigantic. - Yeah, they do. - Tyler, did you play anything else? - Civ 5, crack core. Crack core. (laughing) - Okay. - Yeah. - Was there anything notable in your Civ 5 games? Did you get a cultural victory? - So right now, I kind of don't know where to go with my Civ. My Civ, I'm playing the Russians and I'm like, I'm playing this weird liberation history of the Russians. Like I'm running around liberating all these towns that Caesar took over and liberating every single one of them. He almost took over the whole world. It's so have you brought other players back into the game yet? - Yeah. - And they're still bitches to me. Queen Elizabeth, up your ass, bitch. - Suck it. - But they're still gonna take you over. - But the thing is, is that you can-- - Suck it in corseted strumpet. - I'm pretty sure if a player takes another player out of the game and you bring that earth, the computer takes another computer game and you bring that computer back into the game. It's like an unspoken rule. You guys have like a permanent alliance. - See, now with the city states, I would agree with that, but it doesn't seem that way with the civilizations proper. - They can talk to you, but trying to attack them, I guarantee you, I don't think you can. - Oh, really? - They can attack you. They can hate you all they want. - Okay, 'cause she talks shit to me. She's like, oh, I'm a stuck you for the barbarians. Like, yeah, I miss things like-- - There's your own civilize. - But then watch trying to attack her and it'll be like, nope, we have this goes after our treaty. I haven't tried to just like bringing them back. They're like, fuck you, but thank you for life. Shit, man, at least the city states give you units. - Yeah, or culture points or resources. - So in other words, I don't know if I want to go for a military victory or culture. I could go either way at this point. - The thing sounds like if you're having to fight someone who's taken over most of the world, bringing people back by the time you were to try and focus on culture, you would get a time victory. - Yeah, I took out time. I take out time victory on all my games. - Okay, 'cause I don't like that otherwise. - I usually take it out, too. - There is not enough time to get a cultural victory. - Yeah, I take that shit out. - That's good. I usually take out time victories and barbarians out of the game. - Really? - Barbarians, I think. - We've talked about this already, though. - I like to take barbarians out. - Yeah. - That's fun. - I'm fine with the barbarians. I thought in Civ 4, they disappeared after a while. It seems in Civ 5, they never disappear. - They don't. - As long as there's an area of a map where they can spawn in Civ 5, they will. - That's why I take them out. - That's weird. - Yeah. - 'Cause they're annoying shit. - It is weird. But you think about it these days, they're still fucking pirates, you know? - That is true. - We still have barbarians. They aren't very advanced, but they can be annoying. - Hey, and just like in real life, the barbarians eventually get guns, too. - Yeah, they do. (laughing) - All right, we'll take a break in some shit. ♪ Lo and behold, baby ♪ ♪ These are the things you make me do ♪ ♪ Catherine Whee, Lambert and Piers ♪ ♪ Please don't stop until my heart knows ♪ ♪ God no longer screams ♪ ♪ Catherine Whee, Catherine Whee, ♪ - All right, so we're gonna settle our Civ 5 thing, first and foremost, by starting by reading some of the submissions. For this was our contest, you know, create a civilization race that wasn't already there or a civilization, I guess, race isn't right. So the first one's from Ryan. He says, "His pitch is for the Canadians. "Their leader is Pierre Trudeau. "He's kind of a dick, but he'll speak "in both English and French. "The unique unit is shock troops. "Once you're in the World War I-ish era, "they're very cheap to recruit and more effective "than any other type of infantry at the time." He says, "Look it up, we were the best in the trenches." And he says, "The unique ability is multiculturalism, "bonest to doing diplomacy with city-states "because everybody loves Canadians." - It's true. - And he says, "The weakness, though, is that "we're way too nice." - Our greatest strength is Vancouver. - And he says, "We can only go to war "if attacked or if an ally is attacked." - It's true. - Nice. - So yeah, I picked out that, 'cause we had quite a few Canadian submissions, but I picked that one in particular. - But we got talks. - Can his head flap around like it's not attached to the-- (laughing) - So yeah, I totally picked that one because of the, can't create war with anyone. - Yeah. - Curse you, you're no my only weakness. - That's great. - I have one that we didn't put in the folder. - Uh-huh, we did. - And this is from Adam, and his entry was for Poland, and which is one that I've actually thought of before because Poland, while it's been conquered throughout much of its history, it's actually an identifiable culture group that's been around for a very long time. - Is there weakness, the ability to become the city-state to anyone who's within five tiles of them? (laughing) - But he says that later would be Copernicus, obviously the most famous pole, I don't know about-- - I didn't know Copernicus was a pole. - Yeah, and neither did I. And then-- - Copernicus wanted it that way. - The unique unit is the Husar, I don't know how you pronounce that, but it's H-U-S-S-A-R. I'm sure you've seen them before in many medieval RTSs, no, I haven't. - It's a mounted unit. - Is it? - Okay. Proud Polish warriors enmeshed by other Calvary and speed and strength, and unique Calvary units are kind of a good idea. Special ability, uprising, this based on the Warsaw uprising during World War II, units defending a city get reduced defense, but drastically increased attack. - Our strategy is to let you take us. (laughing) - Isn't it, we fuck you. - But they get drastically increased attack, so that could be good. I'm not sure that will balance well or not, well, we're not worried about balance. (laughing) Maybe the Poles being more like when actually conquered, they're not out of the game. They have the next amount of turns to rebel. - That would be good too, yeah. The unique building is the monument. I'm not sure, I would assume it's some special kind of monument. - Sure. - In whichever city this is built, if it is captured by the enemy, you will still get culture from this building, even in the enemy hands. This is inspired by Trips de Poland and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I thought that one was a pretty good one. - I also, yet, I think that one is good, just because that one's not what you'd expect. - Yeah. - This one's also not what I'd expect, because typically I wouldn't say that a religion would be a-- - A good civilization? - Right, but this guy Greg writes in with Scientology. (laughing) The leaders obviously are unhovered. - Yep. - Their traits is that they're financial and spiritual. Those are actual traits in the game. - That sounds about right, yeah. - The capital is gold base, which is something, he puts a bunch of Wikipedia links. - Yeah, I'm assuming that's from the books or something. - The special unit is the Douglas DC8, replaces the spaceship, which in Scientology is what they were supposedly transported on. (laughing) - So good. - Their special ability is the legal battlefield. Whenever another civilization attacks a Scientology city, you automatically sue the attacking civilization, giving you a chance to drain a portion of their gold reserves, and their wonder is a superpower building, which it also has a Wikipedia link, so let's get into some good research. - Yeah, definitely. - I like this one, because this guy was, he was picking up what I was putting down with the contest, really, like I wanted people to kind of like, come up with a civilization. - Yeah. - But I was actually really impressed with a lot of people who really bust out like the history, like, polls, here you go. - Yeah, I got really proud about polls. - Nah, I mean that's cool, that's cool. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - I love the Scientology one, that's so good. - That was pretty hilarious. - All right, so the next one is from Ray, who does the idea of Norse that we liked. - We got a lot of these two. - Yeah, a lot of people wanted the Vikings. - And they were in CIV4, they were-- - It was one of the expansions they were at. - One of the expansions they were at. - Yeah, she would play as like Eric or something. - Ragnar. - Ragnar, okay. - Yeah. - So, their special unit would be berserkers, who are like swordmen, but fight at full strength, even when injured, basically-- - Like the Japanese, yeah. - The other unit, they would have our Norse longboats, strong, fast, early boats. I would say a special trait they would have is the ability to go across deep water, right off the bat. - Oh, that would be a good one. - They did go across deep water. - They did. - Um, special ability, Fury of the North. Extra gold, he even named it. - Yeah. - Fury of the North. Extra gold gained when coastal cities are defeated. - Oh, wait till you get where the name comes from. - Because the Norse habit of pillaging coastal monasteries, the name comes from the prayer, a Ferrari, Norman the, ah, whatever. From the Fury of the Northmen-- - Is that Arthur speaking Norwegian there? - No, he was speaking, it's from a poem. - It's Latin. - Yeah. - And he says, but it basically translates from the Fury of the Northmen deliver us a Lord. - So that's why it's Fury of the North. - So that's our Fury of the Northmen. - All right. - I like that a lot. - I like that, that is a good one. - Yeah. - One of them-- - I mean it's not super unique because they were in the last game, you know? - Yeah. - Sorry Tyler, you were saying. - Well, was he the one that said, oh, I forgot who they said that I would get bonuses on the frozen tiles? Because I hardly ever put civilizations up there. And that would be really cool to have a sieve. - You can't actually put them on the frozen tiles. - Yeah, you can't. I severe ice ones, no one can use those, but if they could use them, it would be interesting. - That would be cool. - That's actually a really good idea. - The next one's from Zachary. He says, "The race I would want to see is the Martians, "specifically the Martians from H.G. Wells, "War of the Worlds. "The Martians would have two special units exclusive to them. "The first would be their giant landing capsules, "which would be a unit that the other units can garrison "into where it would then launch from a city "to another location. "The other unit would be the Tripods, "which would naturally be very powerful military units. "The Martians would also have the special ability "called Harvest where defeated enemy units "could be converted into resources. "The Martians would only have one vital weakness, though. "Any martian unit that isn't in a city "would have a limited number of turns to be outside "before it is eventually killed by Earth's bacteria." (laughing) That would be cool. That would be an interesting mod. - Yeah, that would be cool. - I don't think that that would be good to go against, like, from the dawn of time, right? - Right, but yeah, to me, that sounds so cool. Like, the only way you can expand is by infecting other cities, and you can't get out of your city for too long. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's some really cool stipulations. - It reminds me that I've always wanted them to make a sequel to Alpha Centauri, you know, 'cause I really like that. - We actually got that email. Just make Alpha Centauri. That was one of the sim five entries. I like this one, just 'cause it's kind of funny. This is from the guy that writes in regularly under the name "Additional Pilons," and he says, "His is South Korea. "The perks is that they get the ability "to micromanage every citizen, "and they get 50% discount to home electronics." He says, "The weaknesses are the country "to the north, are assholes, "and will occasionally sink your navy ships." And he says, "Minus 10% to culture, "because K-pop isn't real music." (laughing) That's just so good. - Aww. (laughing) - Whatever. - Sorry that one to Ryan Clements. - Yeah, that one is a, that one's quality. Okay, a couple more silly ones. This one is the hardcore gamer civilization. Begins with the thorough knowledge of Japanese culture. (laughing) If he's cheating in the village of Japan. Example, it is Ninja Gaiden, not Gaiden. - Ninja Gaiden? - Yeah. He says, "Their society is without racism "or any type of inequality, increased happiness. "What the fuck is he talking about?" - Is there a way to steal a fever? - He continues. "Resigno 5 does not exploit racial stereotypes in any way. "You have a black sidekick, remember? "Either way, you're the racist one for noticing. "I don't even see race. "So what if every female video game character "has 38 double deep breasts in the waist "of a starving 10 year old? "It's empowering women to be included "in these games as sex objects. "Every citizen has the ability to write "and/or critique games better than any professional "bonist to culture. "Wow, Microsoft must have given you a huge check, "you fucking asshole. "How dare you give wee pets babies a 7.0? "What, you played Halo 6 on legendary pussy difficulty? "You're not even qualified to write this review. "Sitting your editor-in-chief, "a personal message demanding you're fired. "Every citizen has the total objectivity "and their personal opinions, bonus to science. "The review was poorly written and the stupid asshole "kept making all these objective claims "about how he didn't enjoy the game. "Oh my god, I've lost all respect for the site. "There wasn't even a paragraph on the graphics engine. "How am I supposed to know how objectively good this game "is if I don't know what the water effects are like? "Not to mention the fact that there wasn't even a discussion "of whether the frame rate was silky smooth or not. "The weaknesses." - Yeah, the society's weaknesses are all like bullet points with quotes like that. - Self-diagnosed Asperger syndrome. In case, and YouTube tributes the Final Fantasy VII. (laughing) - Oh, that's so good. - All right, I'm just gonna read these both. - Yeah, yeah. - Inability to interact with or understand females. The negative trait population cannot grow through childbirth only through military conquest. (laughing) And the third one, "Obsession with nostalgia "leads to science halting all progress "after the SNES wonder is built." (laughing) - That's so good, that's so fucking good. - That one's from Patrick. - I wanna see that one in a mod too. - Dude. - That one is the hardcore gamer civilization. - That's a win. (laughing) - All right, there's one more, it's very short. So this guy's very short from Paul. Rastafarian's led by, oh, I'm gonna fuck this up. Haye Sayase, but that's how it would be in Spanish 'cause there's double L's. Otherwise it's like, Haile Selasse. Bonuses, "All cities receive extra happiness "for every tile of grass within their borders." (laughing) Also, "A Golden Age" starts every time a new source of incense is discovered. (laughing) - I thought that was so good. - All right, so for me, it's a toss up, the winner. It's a toss up between Patrick, who was the hardcore gamer, the hardcore gamer, just because that one was-- - That was fucking funny. - And the other one for me is actually the, I'm feeling the Scientology one. (laughing) - The Scientology. - That's me. - I'm feeling the first Canadian one that we read. - That's a good one too. - Yeah, I mean, just from like, straight up, like I can actually see this in the game standpoint, but then I would have to agree that Patrick's hardcore gamer civilization is kind of fucking hilarious. - Totally. - So that's tough. It's like subjective because it's like, which do you go for? What's something that can actually be in the game or something, just 'cause it's so funny? - For me, one of my ones that I would actually like to see in the game, I'll go with the Martians. I think that would be fucking cool. And then, but yeah, I'm leaning towards hardcore gamer as well, I mean, that's such a great civilization. It'd just be all fat people. (laughing) - All their worker models are extra portly. - Yeah, all right, Arthur, what you got? - Kind of like South Korea, 'cause I made fun of K-pop. (laughing) - Yeah, I mean, like the making fun of K-pop, that goes pretty far along. - I, Canada. - The Canada, so. How are we gonna decide this? Well, two for Canada. Well, three of us have chose the hardcore gamer. - That's like one that we really liked, yeah. - I mean, you're wrong, but that's fine. - Wow. Well, it's not, it may not be something that directly applies to the game, but it was like, it was a really creative, really good entry. All right. - Not that it wasn't funny, but it was just a bunch of cliches. And I felt like the Canada faction was a better leveraged cliche. (laughing) - The Canada was one that actually could be in the game. Like, it could actually exist. - Yeah. - This is true. - Should that be the criteria, or should it just be-- - I don't think so. I think that's a dangerous caveat to put. - I'm not saying that needs to be your criteria. I'm saying that's one of the reasons why I like it. - Yeah. - I think making that the criteria would make any kind of entry that's creative and outside of the box unacceptable. - I feel like the Canada entry was creative and a little outside of the box. - Well, I guess it wasn't the most-- - I'm not thinking that one is outside of the box. - It played some cliches. It played off some cliches. - Yeah, it was because, and also because I read so many Canada entries. - Oh, really? - Like I read all of them, you know? I read every entry. - Yeah, there were a bunch of them. - There was a bunch of them. - Canada was the number one. - That was a good one. - Entry. - They are pretty underrepresented. - They are. - So why don't we just agree it would be Tim Hortons? - So I know, no, no, no. How about we do this? We should have a sieve off between Patrick and Canada guy. - No, shit. They need to get one shot to write in with their other civilization. - How did this turn into eight mile for sieve factions? (laughing) - If we had two copies of sieve, we could give away too. - That's true. - We don't. - We could, however, just gift someone a steam code. - That's true too. - We could do that. Why don't we do that since they were both so good? - All right, yeah. - All right, you're both better. - So Ryan, Ryan is a winner. - See it? Like Canada. - Ryan is a winner. You can't, you can't do that. You can't do this shit out of it. - I can't do this shit out of it, yeah. - Yeah, you just made everyone friends. - That's what it's a boot. - There we go. - So Ryan and Patrick, congratulations. - Yeah, we'll figure out who's getting the physical copy. - Yeah. - Both you write in with your mailing addresses. - Although, if you don't want the physical copy, that has a steam code in it. - Well, yeah. So just, you know, send us information. - Yep. - Just a couple letters. This one I thought was funny. Arthur on the Yahoo front page. - There you go. - Arthur, you'll probably get tons of emails about this. But a bunch of quotes from your IGN review wound up on an article about the, about Medal of Honor that was featured on the front page of Yahoo this morning. - Oh fuck me. - Just wanted to let you know and hopefully it reminds you to ignore all the comment rants about the bitch about your reviews. (laughing) - That is good advice. - That is good advice. - There's been so much more traffic tonight. - Yeah, really. - That is really good advice. - Ignore the commenters. - Yeah, I don't know how I could not ignore the commenters. They're fucking 1,500 of them. - Yep. - Oh, I was gonna go to the Yahoo front page, but a goddamn Odyssey ad went across the entire front of the page. - Hmm. - I don't, where is this? I don't see this. - It was probably, - I don't know why he said it was this morning. - Yeah, it's probably gone. - It was just a, it was a piece about - Medal of Honor reviews. - Yeah, just about how, what, how it's been received generally. - Oh wow, well, several people have written in the last couple days of a Medal of Honor, so, you know. So let's see. Alejandro writes in and he says, okay, I am weak behind and just heard that Tyler gets all the 2K sports games sent to you for reasons I don't understand, but if I'm tripping this incorrectly, you're not trying to take advantage of it. In this instance, I want to propose a contest, a very specific contest whose end result is my being proclaimed the winner of your presumed copy of NBA 2K 11. (laughing) Perhaps the contest. - You know what? I'm sorry, no, no, go ahead, but I'll, you go, okay. - He said perhaps the contest could be for the most syllables and names starting with A, or maybe the first person you ask this over email. A combination of both, you have the power to make me victorious and also grant my wish of being able to play as my beloved Nix, and also all cover shipping. So, he, he's just wants us to be, I don't know, that's not a bad idea for some of those. If you guys want to start winning Dora the Explorer games, we will hook you up. (laughing) - Yeah, I think, like I got a UPS note on my Dora that 2K sports sent me a package, but it never came back to me, and that was probably NBA. - Have you ever thought of trying? - Of trying NBA 2K 11? - Dude, I did try one of the NBA 2Ks. The first one they sent to me, it might have been like 2K09 or something. And I could not find a controller layout in the game. I could not find how, there was like, I just expected it to teach me how to play. - It doesn't. - And it does not at all. - Isn't this latest one supposed to be really good though? NBA 2K 11, I've heard it's actually really good. - I don't know, the one I played to someone who hasn't played a basketball game since Double Drivel was in approachable. Wow, yeah, I mean, like definitely after a while, these games really seem like they're made for people that do buy these games every year. The people that buy the same game every year is probably made just for them. I wonder if there's like a level where, 'cause when they try to expand the audience like with the Madden games, they put in a lot of automated stuff so that you can almost just watch it happen. You just have to do some basic stuff and that really pissed off a lot of the hardcore players that buy it every year. And so I mean, it's like kind of a risk for people to step out of the box when it comes to sports games. - Yeah, Arthur, what are you doing over here? You got angry face on. - That's not angry face, it's a concentration face. - What are you doing? - As opposed to murder face. - What are you concentrating on, Arthur? - Not after talking. - Okay. - Is it important? - No. - Do you feel like sharing with the rest of the class, Arthur? - No, I don't, I don't like any of you talking. Okay, this letter's from, oh, he doesn't give a name, his name on his email is dead reckon. So, I'm 27, he said, really I'm not trolling. I want your advice. I'm 27 and I live with my parents and look after my sister's kids since she has been deemed too drugged out to do so. - Wow. - I wanna go back to school and have no transportation and the nearest bus stops are 15 miles away and up and out of the valley. So if I'm going to go to college, I will have to live on campus. Do I leave my parents without me to help and go back to school? Or do I wait until these kids are a bit older? You're satisfied in the universe. - What about online classes? You can get perfectly viable online degrees these days. - Especially for, well, especially if he wants to do some of his undergrad studies. - Yeah, that's what I mean, undergrad studies, if you say-- - Yeah, just be real careful about that. - Just stay away from like the University of Phoenix. - Yeah, yeah. - Like any online school you look at, just do me a favor and put that university as a name and quotation marks in Google and then type the word scam or fraud and hit enter. - Or Goldman Sachs, which owns most of those. - Yeah, basically. - And like they're the dickheads who fucked the country over. - And basically like for-profit schools like the University of Phoenix and stuff like that, I mean, don't get me wrong, most universities are for-profit, but like the ones that are private corporations like that have a lot of issues that you need to watch out for, but there's a lot of perfectly viable universities out there that have online degree programs. Like, you know, I know a lot of the UC schools, I don't know where this guy is located, but you know, what's a big university in your state? You know, like look up that big university and they might have an online program that you can take part in. Then, you know, then you're sort of limited by what online degrees they actually offer. So if you're looking for something very specific, that may limit your options, but it's totally worth looking into. - If anything, you could buy time until the kids, like you said, are older. - Yeah, exactly. Like, just take a few online classes, get some credits, maybe get like your general education classes out of the way, you know, so that when you actually can move to be on campus in university, you're not dealing with all the bullshit classes, you're just dealing with the ones you wanna take, or the ones you would need to take toward your major. Just like, and I think a lot of people really, really overlook the community college option, and they shouldn't. - Totally. - Because the United States, believe it or not, has one of the best community college systems. It's just, it's kind of amazing, and like, there's a lot of community colleges out there which are excellent schools, often better than expensive universities, and you should just like, if community college is an option to you, you should look into that. - The only thing I would say is that you're only gonna get as much out of a community college as you put into it. - Totally. - Oh yeah, definitely. - You need to take it seriously, and you need to actually do it. 'Cause I mean, if you fuck off at a community college, they're not gonna sit there and babysit you, and guide you through your growing years, 'cause there's just way too many people in that classroom that have lived in the real world, know that it's fucking hard, and that living up in a way just impossible. - Yeah, but this guy's 27, you know? - And he sounds like he understands that he needs to do something. - Yeah, yeah. - Sound motivated. - Yeah, exactly. Anyway, I don't know if that helps. - We got a good plan for us. - Well, it's almost 10 o'clock here, which means that I turn into a pumpkin. So I think we'll do a shorter letter segment. - I thought it was my issue at your parents. - This week, because we did the CIP5 stuff. - You do turn into a pumpkin, I've seen it. It's kind of nasty. - So, you know, we're on Twitter. Arthur's on Twitter. You find him at AGIS, and you can tell him how much you fucking hate his Medal of Honor review. - But follow me so I can break 6,000. - You can join the locks likes of David Hasselhoff. - And you can find Matt on Twitter at Talking Orange. - Yep. - David Hasselhoff, man, that guy's following everything. - I don't know what his reasoning is, yeah. - I just, I'm of the sneaking suspicion that he's like one of our friends. He's like following everybody. - I am pretty sure it is not. I am pretty sure it is David Hasselhoff. - He's a verified account. - Yeah, is he really? - Yeah. - Also, he is running an awesome contest. - What's his contest? - If you retweet his hashtag, he's gonna pick a random winner and dresses them for Halloween. - Oh, that's right, I heard about that. - Which is, well played, David Hasselhoff. (laughing) - You can find Tyler on Twitter at dirtyt. - Yeah. - Like the drink drink. - And if you want to do us a little favor, try to tell a friend about the podcast. We're trying to push our numbers here. We're doing a numbers drive. - This isn't a used car lot. - Yeah, me and Tyler are gonna be doing headstands until we reach 100,000. - You've got balloon animals and clowns. One of the thing is that I will be participating in Extra Life for IGN.com this weekend. - Nice. - Because I hate myself. - No. - Are there's gonna have us on person? - It's because you love strangers. - Yes. - I think you can go to tinyurl.com/extralife and that's IGN's tiny URL for it, which is funny that we actually managed to secure that. - Arthur reached his goal, but there are other IGN editors who I don't think have, and you should help them out. - Right, that is correct. It would be great if you could sponsor some of the other IGN editors. I raised $1,500. - Nice, sure. - Arthur, you have to game all weekend. - You should have a-- - From 8 a.m. Saturday to 8 a.m. Sunday. - You should have your own Ustream on your desk the whole time. - I think I might. - Pointed at your face the whole time. (laughing) - It's just gonna be me with my mouth hanging open and then people will take screenshots from it and Photoshop a big Activision penis going into your mouth. (laughing) - I would say get online and play bad company too with me, but I mean, I'll probably be doing that throughout the day actually, so Matt and Tyler, if you'd like to-- - Oh hell yeah. - I'm gonna be gone this weekend, like I am every weekend. - I'll jump like sure. - But if Tyler would like to play bad company too with me at some point this weekend. - Yeah. - I wish I could take it with me. - Whatever. - Blah, blah, blah, blah. - So yeah, check out the extra life thing. I, Jan, I'll be doing video stuff as well, which I'm sure Arthur will end up on several points. - Three in the morning is my slot. (laughing) So you get to see Zombie Arthur. It's like Call of Duty World at War up in that bitch. (laughing) Arthur Zombie. - You can send us letters. - How is that different from normal Arthur? - More monotone. (laughing) - That's some monotone. - You don't think it's possible. - Some monotone, it makes other people more monotone. - You can send us letters to letters at eat-sleep just game. - That could actually reverse his auto tune. (laughing) - You ever wanted to hear what's his name? Who do you know how to swing the shit? - T-paint. - Yeah. - If you wanted to hear what T-paint sounds like about auto turns, play my voice slowly next to you. (laughing) - All right, I don't know. - Do you have any way to go from there? - No, is there anything to add? - No, let's end this bitch. (dramatic music) - American. The greatest country. (cheering) - I like came with it. (upbeat music) ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ There is no strength in the world ♪ ♪ We must unite like I ♪ ♪ There is no strength in the world ♪ ♪ Our face lies deep inside ♪ ♪ We suck away ♪ ♪ We suck forward ♪ ♪ So we must come together ♪ ♪ We suck away ♪ ♪ We suck forward ♪ ♪ We suck ♪ ♪ We will live forever ♪ ♪ There may be sunshine on you ♪ ♪ A pleasure in the light ♪ ♪ We find a place ♪ (dramatic music) (drumming) (drumming) (drumming) [BLANK_AUDIO]