Rebel FM
Rebel FM Episode 66 - 06/30/10
This week Tyler and Matt are otherwise indisposed and we receive some pinch-hitting support from A Life Well Wasted's Robert Ashley and IGN.com's own Scott Bromley and Brian Altano as we talk about Cybertron Adventures, Sniper: Ghost Warrior, Sin and Punishment 2, Naval Assault, and more. Then we move on to two full letters segments.
This week's music, in order of appearance:
Collin Herring - Lazy Wind;
Kristen Stewart & Dakota Fanning - Dead End Justice;
Oasis - Don't Go Away
(upbeat music) ♪ The Red Bull and Bell ♪ ♪ The Red Bull and Bell ♪ ♪ Who should I turn to ♪ ♪ The Red Bull and Bell ♪ ♪ The Red Bull and Bell ♪ ♪ The Red Bull and Bell ♪ ♪ The Red Bull and Bell ♪ - Hello and welcome to "Red Bull and Bell" - My name is Arthur Geese. - Hi. - And there's no Tyler Barber or Matt Chandernae this week. It's just me and Arthur, just like the good old days, bringing it to you fucking dull and duller. It's like this time of the conference. - Yo, what's up? - From the Game Spidey Briefings, also from the Game Spidey Briefings, and the Nintendo something podcast, yeah, whatever. With Scott Bromley. - What's going on, internet? - And then, a life always did Robert Ashley. - Hello, hello guys. - If the podcast had just been you and me, we both would have been dead a long time ago. - Um, yeah. - I promise you. - Like actually, my dad would lay on the floor. - Someone would have come to the house to find my arms wrapped around his neck. - We did use the podcast, just the two of us, before either of us got trapped in the industry. - That would be awkward. - Yeah. - You guys just argue about grocery money and shit. - Yeah. - That would be a way better podcast, actually. Like just like the roommate podcast, where you get together once a week and like bitch at each other about the apartment. - You guys just talk about how you don't like drinking? - Um, alright, so we're gonna talk about games. - No. - That we've been playing in Robert. - Really? 'Cause I wanted to hear you guys talk about how you don't like drinking. - Robert, on his farewell tour podcast here. - Is that something? Farewell tour? - Yeah. - Do you have AIDS? - I'm dying of cancer AIDS. - Oh. - Oh. - Yeah. - That's the worst time. - It's AIDS that grows two owners. - Oh. - Yeah. - That's really horrible. I'm sorry to anyone who has cancer. - Did we talk about, you were the one that was talking about Chimp It To X and shit on here. - Chimp It To X are real. - Yeah, so our cancer AIDS. - I got a question. - Chimp It To X are terrible. - Would Magic Johnson survive cancer AIDS? - Yeah, he's got money. - Oh, okay. - Yeah. - That's how you do that for everyone. - So. - You have a cool breakthrough. What games have you been playing Robert now that you're getting back to your backlog? - Well, I would say that I have played an underwhelming amount of games since I started playing games approximately one week ago today. But I finally opened Red Dead Redemption, which I'm sure that everyone who listens to the show probably played through and enjoyed already. - Not so much. - Not so much. Well, Arthur didn't like it. - Not at all. - But so I'm playing that and my usual host of iPhone games and I'm playing Super Mario Galaxy 2, which is fantastic. - Is it delightful? - Delightful in every way. I love how ridiculously difficult it is while being just in your face whimsical all the time. It's just like, nothing brings me back to my childhood like that game. I don't know if that's pathetic or not, but nothing could possibly make me feel more nostalgic than a good Mario game. I think I spend a lot of time indoors. - Yeah. - Yeah. Nothing else does that for me, but I'm really enjoying it. It's just so clever. Nothing ever repeats and just makes everything else look lazy. - As far as level design? - Yeah. I mean, just all the time, every time you show up to a new level, there's some fun new thing to play with. They're always throwing a new kink into it, you know, and keeping it interesting. And so I'm enjoying that a lot. And I started playing Crackdown 2, but I can't talk about that. - Yeah. I think everyone started playing Crackdown 2. - We can't talk about Crackdown 2? - No, we can't. It's embargoed till Monday. - Shit. - Can't talk about it at all. - Did you play the demo? - No. - Oh, wow. - Can we talk about the demo? - Can we talk about the demo? - Can we talk about the demo? - Yeah. - The demo is public. - Yeah, the demo is public. - What's in the demo? (laughter) - You're supposed to ask about that off the air. - Oh. - Can we talk about how the demo looks like a launch title? (laughter) - No. - Okay. - Eighters. (laughter) - The demo looks like Crackdown. - Yeah. - It looks like Crackdown. - This is the only thing I'm going to say about Crackdown. The thing that I love about it is, like, honestly, the original Crackdown was the best terrible game I've ever played. And what I love about Crackdown 2 is they seem to have looked at it, looked at all the things about it that were just so over the top, and ridiculous, and cheesy, and terrible, and said, you know, like, fuck it, let's just run with it. And, like, made it, like, just even more so. Like, just so ridiculous. - Like what? - Like, just the, like, the announcer. - The narrator? - It's just, like, like, time to kill. Kill, kill, kill. - Were they always that break the fourth wall with that guy about it? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - They were? - Definitely. - Man. - Anyway, no judgments about that game. - Um, Brian, you've been playing Cinnamon Punishment? - Yeah, I played some of that. I played Cinnamon Punishment. It was actually an interesting week because, uh, while Arthur was reviewing, um, when Arthur finished reviewing Transformers for the, uh, adult systems. - The adult systems. - Um, I'm going to get, hey, Transformers. - Transformers. - I just finished Galaxy 2, which-- - Transformers for the Nintendo pornography system. - Yeah, so we were playing Transformers for Wii, so we were playing Transformers, War of Abortion. - Cybertronian Adventure. - Cybertron Adventure. - Cybertron Adventures. - Cybertron Adventures. - In Cyberville? - Yeah. - Cybersquars. - Yes. - Super Santa. - Cyberville. - It's a cat. - Party edition. - Party World. - Farm Bill. - Plus cat. - So it's like, it's like a really terrible time crisis. - It's, it's, it's a really terrible anything. Like, there's nothing that it does well. Everything in the game you see within the first five minutes. And it comes out, it came out within three days of Cinnamon Punishment 2, which is how to make a good on rails like Gun Game for Wii, and it's just an abortion. - I guess starring Andrew Ross from the original Star Fox game. - Yeah, we were, we were definitely Star Fox quotes because the game looks like it's made out of like 14 polygons. - It is pretty... - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that. - Half let you do that. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - Half let you do that Star Fox. - The words to Craig Harris, the head of our Nintendo stuff, was you fucking bastard when he handed me that game. - He genuinely looked disappointed that it was bad. He looked like he was shocked. - What kind of fucking dream world does he live in? - Well, because the adult system versions were great. - Right. - And then he comes over and it's just a shitbird of a game. - Activision didn't send us review code for Cybertron Adventures. They sent us the game the day it came out. - Yeah. I mean, that's again common with any game. It's bad trying. - They also recently did that with Singularity. Take that how you will. Whereas we got War for Cybertron two and a half weeks early. So. - Yeah. - That was a glorious two and a half weeks. - It was where I got interrupted nonstop at work. - What are you talking about Arthur? - So if I'm going by the amount of time I had that game on at work, War for Cybertron is approximately 35 hours. - Yeah. - It sure was. - What else have you been playing, Brian? - What else have I been playing? - You've been playing War for Cybertron, right? - Yeah. I've been playing War for Cybertron. - The good one. - The good one. - The good Cybertron. - Can you turn into a boombox in that game? - No. - That's bullshit. - No, there is a boombox. - That's bullshit. - A spoiler sound wave turns into a boombox. - I want to turn into a boombox. - Does he really? - I want to turn into a boombox and I want to make my enemies break dance when I do that. - Minor spoilers for about 10 seconds about transformers. - Yeah. - Minor spoilers for about 10 seconds about transformers. There's a part where sound wave is a cassette deck and cassettes fly out of his chest. - And it's awesome. - That turn into laser beak rumble and frenzy. - What about ravage? - If people get mad about that, man, they need to... - Spoilers over. - Okay. - You just ruined my whole fucking life. - You definitely see... - If I had been playing the game and was surprised by that, it would have really made my whole day. - You're still gonna get that sort of little transformers boner seeing it. It's pretty awesome. - It would be a little boner. This is what we hear. - So what did you think of war? - I love it. - Six months. - I think it's... - Yeah, I mean, there was the... - The GameSpot review that went up, they called it a cover base. - I have no problem with someone giving it a 6.5 as long as what they write is right. - Right, right. - Okay. I mean, I could see that to an extent. Actually, 'cause there was a lot of debate in the office about whether or not this was a 9. And to me, once I got about 4 hours in, I was like, "There's no debate here. This game is good." - I mean, yeah, I only played the first chapter, and to me, I wouldn't review it that high based off the one chapter, but everyone else that says the first chapter is like the slowest part of them all. - Right. - 'Cause, I mean, I went in expecting... - It's still good, though. - Gears of War robots. - Yeah. - It's not. - Computer servers, shooting aliens and shit the entire time, it's a balls out action game. You're jumping into the sky, turning into a... - Yeah, basically, I don't ever shoot anyone unless I'm running towards them to smack them in the face with my like a melee attack with a star screen. - The star screen. - Yeah. - The star screen isn't screaming. Fuck! - Every 10 minutes. - Does that happen in the first of the game? - I wish it did. - Yeah. - In the first... Yeah, the star screen's going... - Fucking guys are everywhere. - I can't tell if you guys are shitting me or not. - No, he's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - He's not shitting me. - Yeah, it's just Megatron being Megatron. - Yeah, he's just super into himself. - What's weird is that I think I was telling Anthony last night that is it side swipe or barricade? Barricade has all my favorite lines in that game. Like he's the only smart Decepticon. He's like, "What the fuck are we doing?" - He wished that barricade was a bear, like a homosexual. - Yes, I do. - He was like a guy that was known for being the rugged. - It's time for an energon bender. - Somebody gets some poppers. It's time for some Beast Wars. - Oh, Jesus. - After a good start. - Sorry, that was just like a weird thought process I had. - You got the touch. - It started at the moment that I thought you were saying bear cave. - Bear cave. - What kind of place would bear cave be? - Oh, I know what kind of bear cave would be. - But speaking of barricade, I don't know if this happened to anyone else playing this game. Barricade got in the way of every single shot I was trying to make. - He would do that sometimes. - Like he would just stand in, aiming at an enemy and then barricade would walk over like, "Oh, what's this over here?" And then I would shoot and it would hit barricade and it would completely miss the guy. And then I'd run out of ammo. - It actually, this only happened to me and it only happened to my 360, but within the first five minutes that game completely glitched out of me. It's the point where I was going to pick up the phone and call Arthur. - It glitched me slightly twice too, where my character would get stuck in the wall. And then I would have to transform it. - Yeah, I was in the-- - It could just be that I was playing it on my brand new 360. - Oh, fuck you. - Oh, my god, damn it. - Fuckin' dickhole. - Whatever, I survived the connect. - Yeah, the best part is I didn't go to my best press conference. - Did you win it in a poker game? - No, I just got a review unit. - But yeah, it does have a couple of little glitches where you get stuck in the wall here and there between transforming and not-- - I have not played in Unreal Engine 3 game that didn't have glitches. - Well, I don't remember the part in Transformers animated series where Megatron got his head stuck in the ceiling for the four minutes during-- was that-- - That was the episode where Megatron and Barricade split a beer and then went on a bender and taught kids that it was bad to drink. - I remember the-- when I was playing the AI, I can be a little dumb at times, where you're right, like, Scott, like they will get in the way of you or something. - Yeah. - Sometimes you just got to go up and, like, Arthur watched. They weren't jumping-- they weren't jumping down, so I just went and punched him and then they were like, "Oh, yeah, let's go attack." - Yeah, get down there, guys. - Yeah, I did love the GameSpot review, which was pulled down, pulled back up, like, 17 times, called it, what, a cover-based third-person shooter with no cover. - I think what he was trying-- - Did he not see all the boxes? - I think what he was trying to say rather bad poorly was that it feels to him like it should have cover because you're constantly taking shots and having room behind walls. I think it's what he was probably trying to say, but he didn't say that. - You can't duck behind a wall and peek out. - Yes. - I just feel like if you don't say something quite as well as you want to, usually they don't add a retraction to the end of your review. - Well, I think what should have happened is that that should have went into the hands of an editor who played it. - Right. - Oh, snap. - Yeah. - I'm comfortable with my score. I stand by my score. - Arthur, can you transform my nine into a ten? - No. - Oh. - Come on, Arthur, wait a week. - So speaking of-- - I can't even transform my fist into your balls. - I've been playing this game this week. - It's because you're too far away. - It's the slowest game ever. Like transformers like the fastest game you've ever played. I've been playing like the slowest game. - I thought you said the damn of the game was it's the slowest game I've ever played. - No, no, no. It's called Naval Assault. - Yeah. - I've been watching you. - Naval Assault, the killing tide. - An Xbox 360 exclusive, no less. - An Xbox 360 exclusive submarine combat game. - Ooh. - That's not a-- - Seven Marines are full tide? - No, that's for retail. - I can move it a whole eight kilometers at my highest when I'm underwater. - It's all about initiating the turn. - Hey, do you guys remember that movie like Uboat 751 or whatever it was? - U571. - U571 with Tom Arnold. - With Tom Arnold. - Yeah, it's like-- - No, it's down parry. - And you remember how the vast majority of the movie was just spent with him with all the engine shut off, letting like depth charges go off around him? Like that's how they spend the vast majority of this game is like, I'll come up, I'll get one torpedo shot, then all these fucking boats are alerted. So I just sink down and then depth charges are going off around me and I'm like praying that I don't get killed. - So it's like a stealth game? - Yeah, there will be whole missions where it's like you can kill things for extra bonus points, but really you just need to escape with the intel out to here. And so you're just like navigating minefields and guys are dropping depth charges and bombers are coming overhead. - Sounds kind of cool, but-- - It is, but it's like the slowest game ever where there's like times where you just have to like turn off your engines and sit in silence. Or you're just like set a course and there's like no fast travel or anything like that. You're just like set a course moving really slow underwater, turning off mansions when any boats get close so they can't detect me on sonar. - Basically the genre of that game is PC-ass PC game. - Yeah, it would have been a great like PC sim game for those PC sim people. I don't know why it's a 360-- - Oh, it is. I don't remember. - 505 games, the same people that did like the Sturmavic IL-2 game for 360. - Oh, okay. - So-- - So they specialize in taking games that belong on the PC and putting them on your PC. - Yeah. - I'm playing another one of those right now actually. I'm playing Sniper Ghost Warrior. - I see when I play that-- - Did they just pull that out of the Mad Libs video game title generator? - When I played that at E3, I was like, "Oh, it doesn't look awful." - No. - And it's kind of fun at times. Especially how hardcore it is, like when you line up a shot, you got to be like the wind is going this way and all these things. - Right. That would mean more if not for the fact that when you put your reticule out, there's a little red circle that shows you where the bullet's going to land. - But that's only if you play on-- - Normal? - Or normal. - If you play on the hard, that goes away. - I don't understand how you would play that game on hard. - Right. - I have a hard time hitting things. - So it's like a golf game in which you try to pop someone in the head? - Pretty much. - Basically. - And when you hit someone in the head just right, it goes in slow motion. The camera whips around in front of you, follows the bullet out of your gun and travels with it as it hits the guy and blows through the back of their head. - Goodness. - Cool. - I'll tell you what's going on. - Yeah, it's actually-- - But in that game, if you get scenes, though, it's like game over. - Just not always. - Not always, because when I played it, it was just like Death City I got scene within like two seconds. - Like it's an interesting game. It's not bad by any means. It's just very particular, and it's for a very particular audience. - It's very slow. - It is very slow. It's on the call of Juarez about a blood engine. So it looks a little weird, but it sometimes looks kind of good. It performances all over the place. - That's another game that we didn't get in time for the release date to review. - Yeah, it's just 'cause it's a tiny little company. - Possibly. - Or 'cause it sucks. - I mean, it's surprising, actually, that there hasn't been a game that made like a sniper the main focus of a game, considering how much people love being a sniper. - Right. - You know, people love that. And there are people who play Halo, and all they do is use the sniper rifle. - Right, but it is often me to be blue. - But it's true, but it's because in those games you can use the sniper rifle, and then all of a sudden turn around and go balls out when you need to. - Right, you can actually do that. You can pick up-- - I'm gonna count the number of times anyone says balls out tonight. That's number two. - Was it? - Yeah, I said balls out. - How about you take a drink of moonshine every time someone says balls out? - I had more drink of moonshine. I'm still recovering. I'm still sipping it. - There isn't enough burrito in the world to make up for that. - Yeah, ooh. - Ooh. - But yeah, I mean, it's not bad. It's just very much a PC game, although I kind of-- I wonder if it's not real enough, not semi enough for PC players? Maybe they'd need to play on hard or harder. - Yeah, I was gonna say on the hard difficulty word, now you really have to take into wind and all that. They'd probably love it, but-- - It's obscene. You will zoom out and you hold down shift to slow down time because that's the way you "focus" and you'll see the little red circle just whip left and right, back and forth, even while you're crosshair. - Oh, you have to keep track of your pulse, too, because if your pulse goes up-- - Right. - You're then like, "Wow." - What? - They need a heart rate monitor, so you can-- - There isn't a heart rate monitor. - No, no, but he's saying he's like, "To your heart." How awesome would it be if you had to calm yourself down so that you could shoot someone in the head? - That's the game Ubisoft could've made me think that a heart rate sensor was at least kind of cool. - It'd stick like a volume or something. - I just think that if you were actually sitting around playing that and anyone knew, they would think you were a psycho. Like, if you were sitting around playing a game where you had to wear a heart rate monitor just a little of your breathing so you could shoot someone in the head. - Yeah, shoot study. - That'd be really weird. - Coming next year in Nintendo Wii. - Yeah, I thought that sniper game seemed pretty cool, and I agree that maybe it isn't quite hardcore enough 'cause that submarine game, also, it's like, yeah, you only have like six speeds, you can go in three depths and it's like if you could really-- - That's already like 15 more things than I like to do with my video game. - It's just a video game. - Which is because, I mean, primarily, you enjoy console games and that's like the sort of-- - Well, I just don't like games that are like based, like, say some racing game where you have to spend 45 minutes tuning the air pressure on your target. - You don't want your game to be a job. - Well, it was like-- - Yes. - Exactly. - It was like, what was that game that a long time ago in the GFW days, Sean used to talk about? It was like a submarine game that you wreck people with math is what he basically broke it down to. - I don't know, I don't know. - Because you actually-- - How's about to say sounds good? - Maybe a science cook. Yeah, 'cause you had to sit there and be like, all right, so the water's moving at this speed and you just have to-- and then you finally launch your torpedo and it was like, yes, like a fucking triumph if it went straight. - And those people want games like Arma 2, which we got in this week, which Charles is reviewing, basically like, that is flight simulator, Ghost Recon or whatever. Like it's super hard course. - I mean, I understand the appeal of that stuff. I mean, at the same time that I get frustrated by the learning curve of just figuring out the basics of something like that, I think it can be rewarding when you do learn how to do it and then you deploy your knowledge and you get that like awesome feedback of being a badass, you know, at something that was really difficult. - That's cool. It doesn't happen to me very often in a game. - Right. - 'Cause I get that reward from like throwing a banana at a monkey in a go cart. That's just-- - Wahoo! - Oh! Bingo! - Bingo! - I mean, to me, I'd rather-- - Welcome to morning talk radio. - Yeah. - Where's the Coke? I'd rather have that than, you know, something like Gran Turismo or something where it's-- - Right. - When it comes to racers, I like them to be arcade too, but-- - Yeah. - There are certain things about like military combat things that I enjoy, the occasional semi one. Like I like-- - Did you enjoy playing Arma and just dying over an-- - Yes, the Arma, I didn't like-- what foot soldiers stuff I don't like, but when it comes to games, like tanks and stuff-- - So they made Arma for consoles? - No, no, no, Arma is a PC. It's Arma 2. - I thought Arma 2 came out like a year ago. - This is like an expansion, I think. - Yeah. - It was an Arma that came out-- - It was an Arma expansion that came out like last year. - Okay, yeah. - This is like Arma 2 proper. - I've never heard of anything. - Yeah, I've never heard of Operation Flashpoint guys. - Do you ever hear of Operation Flashpoint, it was like the hardcore-- - Yeah, you were playing Dragon Rising. It was like a preview I did, and I was like, this game sucks. - It's like the hardcore Eastern European Ghost Recon, because when the original Ghost Recon didn't sim enough-- - Why you roll your eyes? Wanna talk about Operation Flashpoint? - Oh, Putnam. - Oh, yes. - Oh, oh, yes. - It's interesting, it's just hard to the point where I got-- - Is this making a sound? - A little bit. - Sorry. - That's okay. - I'm really enjoying-- - There's a pop screen, I'm really enjoying drag. - Is this making it from real panties? - The beard across the pop screen. - Yeah, they're from your mom. - Oh. - Wait, did you make these yourself? - No. - No. - No, I'm less impressed. - Now I'm less impressed. - No, I'm less impressed. - Now I'm less impressed. - These are made-- - No, if we were gonna make anything in this house, it'd be fucking sound-proofing for the walls. - Mm. - I like the ambience. - These come from real prostitutes? - I'll talk to you later. - Yes. - Oh my God, you were like my mother with this baby bottle right now? - Anthony is providing alcohol to our guests. - Anthony is wearing a t-shirt with raining Tetris pieces and an umbrella. - It's a one-up show shirt. - So pretentious. - Is it pretentious? - No, not really, but it's supposed to say it. - What other games have people been playing? - I mean, Transformers was it for me. I played an hour of it. It was the first time I got to play video games. - I played a shit-a-little crackdown on this side, hoping I could talk about it on the show to that. - You just didn't know. - I'm outside of the editorial loop. - So, can we say anything about a crackdown? Like, it was weird how we got it? - No. - As far as I know, we were told we can specifically say nothing. - Well, apparently it was weird how we got it. - Yeah, it was weird how we got it, but it was weird. - So, yeah, it would be specific just that it was sexually transmitted. - It was smuggled in. It was delivered by an orb on the roof of IGN. - Yes. - So, I've also still been on my tour of 2009. I just finished Mass Effect, which, you know, that was good. That's 2010. - You might be the person that tips me over to actually get to play it. - Yeah, I didn't like the first one at all. - Right. - I hated the first one. I hated the first one for the sole fact that it did not have auto saves. Like, that thing alone drove me into it. - Christine Steimer has loaned me her precious copy of Mass Effect 2, and it has been-- - That practically obligates you to play that shit. - I know, it's hers, and she's the biggest Mass Effect fan on the planet. - Right. - And that game has been-- - She lives on the Normandy. - Yeah, she does. She wears her N7 shirt every day, and that game has been sitting on my coffee table for the last three months, and I refuse to-- - I would just give it back and just play two. I jumped straight into two. - No, it is two. - And I had no regrets. - It is two. Mass Effect 2 is two. - Oh, two. - Because I hate one so much. - I'm still in the middle of two, even though I was really enjoying it, but then I abandoned ship for something. - Get it? - Yeah. - Now it's still sitting here, and I was really enjoying it, and I want to go back. I just don't know how to play all these games. - Yeah, two is just-- it's great. - I'm actually gonna make a pile of games that I need to play this summer, and at the top of that pile will be dark ciders. - See? - I'll play that game for a couple of hours, and I was enjoying it, but I stopped. - I'm kind of worried about Mass Effect 2 for me at this point, because it's been blown out of proportion. It's like when everyone said, "Oh my God, you're gonna fucking love Amalie. You were gonna love the shit out of that movie." And then I saw this, it was a pretentious French bullshit. This is dumb. - You cannot accuse Mass Effect 2. - You know that it was like relentlessly hyping Amalie. - I mean, motherfucker. - I went to heart. - Whoa! - That's just weird. - Yeah. - Anyways. - There's a copy of it within visual distance. - Yeah, that is interesting. - I mean, it's a cool movie. - Let's not talk about Amalie. - No, shut up when I tell Amalie I'm gonna hurt you. - Love. No, no, I mean, it's cool. - It's no dirty, pretty thing. - I mostly love this movie. - Is that the movie when that chick showed her tits? - Yes. - Nice. - I thought that was just one of the guys, the chick from Amalie? - Yeah. - Really? - How did I nail that? - She was also forced to perform Felicio on a dirty French guy. - Anyways. - Wow. - Girardier, if I do. - You're offending him now. He doesn't want to think about that. - We should launch the IMDB of Worth and just break movies and movie careers down to that. - Would that be another talk? - Yeah. - Isn't that Mr. Scheme? - I was about to. - Yeah. - But yeah, you should definitely still play Mass Effect 2. - I will. - Even people blew it out of proportion for me. Two people talked about it. Like it was the return of... - But also, you know. - That one guy. - I mean, not like world's smallest violin playing Scott Bromley can share tone number five. - No, it'll just... - But I, like, my girlfriend takes up a lot of my time and I have no time to play video games at all. - Well, you should get a different girlfriend. - No, I should not. This one's awesome. Like, I have no time to play video games. I work on comedy with this. - So what kind of dumb shit do you watch on television instead? - I watch a lot of shit. - So you think you can dance? - Yeah. - So you think you can dance? - I have to watch, so you don't think you can dance. - You've got to watch, so you think you can dance? - No, I actually think Scott wants to... - No, Scott would love that show either. - Well, my old job before working in the video game industry was like the pop culture guy at a cable network. I was their pop culture guru, so I had to watch everything and I can just rattle the shit off. - Scott's Cuba goes right next to mine and I've taken people into the office before to show them, like, on a Saturday what it looks like. And they look at his cubicle and they're like, "Is that guy gay?" - Yeah. - 'Cause it's just... - Or... - Conversely, man, it looks like a fucking episode of Hoarders in here. - Yeah, well, yeah, because I'm also the... I do a lot of video stuff at IDN, so I have all the prop stuff on my desk. - And one week it was... - Oh, one week? No, it was a month and it was just... - Where it just looks like a fucking meth head apartment. - Us magazine putting up that video of you being the number one most psychotic Lady Gaga fan. Or is that... - That hasn't even been shot yet, but that would just be a documentary. - Yeah, you basically just got a shrine and there's like... - A shrine? There's one fucking poster. - It's a giant poster. - It's from a convenience store. - And you're always listening to it. - I don't think Robert could look more bored right now. - Oh, no, no, sorry. I'm spacey today. I came directly from band practice. - Oh. - Me too. - Me too. - Yeah. - The bottom line. - The bottom line is I don't have time. I don't have much time because Brian and I, I mean, every tomorrow night we're going to be doing it too. Every Thursday night Brian and Brian and I are always watching writing comedy sketches that will never be seen. But we just like, we come home from work and then we work until 2.30 in the morning writing jokes. - You guys are like script writers and the kids in the hall. - Well, in any case, you should play Mass Effect 2 because it's really... - At some point, even if it's 10 years from now. - I mean, the thing about Mass Effect 2 is like, oh, it's so hyped out, it's so hyped. But that game just grabs your attention so fucking hard just right from the beginning. - It's just cool. Like, it's hard to imagine when playing it and being like, fuck this. Like, I just don't, I don't know what would cause that. - There are a couple people. Like, Neogaff insisted alpha protocol is a better game than Mass Effect. - Okay. - Well, that's Neogaff, dude. They'll also say that like, deadly premonitions is the best game of all time. - Everyone loves this. - Is that the game with Dennis Hopper? - No. - No, that's a game where... - Oh, that was deadly creatures. - I love that game. - A lot of people... - I don't know why. - A lot of people love it. - It's like a bad game. - deadly premonition was a game where a cup of coffee costs $50. - Right. - Probably. - Well, it was made in Japan. - But yeah, you should play Mass Effect 2 and then... - I will. - I want to make it through Transformers. - And then you should also try Assassin's Creed 2 because so far... - I'm just going to start lying to my girlfriend. - I've started playing Assassin's Creed 2 finally and I like it. Even though the faces on people often look really bad. Which always stands out to me because of how great the rest of the game looks. Like, Ezio's face doesn't look bad but specifically Kristen Bell's character. Oh my gosh. - Looks like somebody poured wax all over her face. Then cut her mouth open on each side. Sounds like my joke or so. - Ah, jeez. - Can I mention a couple of iPhone games that I've been playing? - Yes. - Because I've mainly been... - Since I was making the show and during that I didn't allow myself to play anything. - There are four iPhone games. - These are so... - So we don't mind hearing about the iPhone games. - Yes. - I play a ton of iPhone games. - I allowed myself to play iPhone games which meant that... - Wait, you were specifically taking a break from games? - He did this one. - He did this one. - He made laws a lot more wasted though. - Oh, oh. - I made myself stop. Although I did at some point open Mario Galaxy and play a couple of levels. But all that did was forced me to spend like an hour and a half a day playing iPhone games. And definitely like the two... My two favorite games that came out of that period were Super Quick Hook. Have any of you guys downloaded Super Quick Hook? - Is that... - It's the sequel to... - It's the sequel to... - Yeah, Hook Champ. - Okay. - Which is a... - Hook Champ was great. - Hook Champ, yeah. It's like a grappling hook platformer. - Is it even worth getting Hook Champ if... - I thought you were about the same thing. - You know, it depends on what you want it for. Like, I think Hook Champ is still a really fun game. But what grabs me about... What grabs me about Super Quick Hook is that it has an endless mode called Avalanche. Where you're an adventurer and you're grappling, hooking through this area and you have an avalanche coming behind you. And everything is... There are a huge number of set pieces that are randomized that you play through. And it's all about just seeing how long you can last and pick up as many coins as you can or whatever. And I honestly think it's probably the best endless mode game that I've played on the iPhone. Just because it just has a huge amount of variation. Like, it's really, really, really fun. I mean, I've probably already sunk like four hours into it. It's really ridiculous. At some point, I was like number 20 on the Global Leaderboards. Which is a signal, not so much of skill, but of like, pathetic dedication. - Wow. - So, it's really fun and it's two blocks. I mean, you really can't go wrong. It's like a platformer that you play with two fingers, perfect for the iPhone. You never really have to deal with like a digital pad. - How much is it? - It's like $3.99. - $3.99. - Two bucks. - Man. - I said it's 17 seconds ago. - Two books. And they're adding a second endless mode soon that's supposed to be an improvement even. So, that and then the other game that I've really been enjoying is a game called Pics in Love. Like P-I-X in Apostrophe Love Rush. Which is this kind of weird. It sounds crazy. - Pics on this. - It is. - I have that game. - You have that game? - Yeah, yeah. It's what it is. There was a series of games on Xbox Indie called Arcado. And then one of those games, Arcado 2 or something, had this one pixel character who's like a little pixel cat. - Yeah. - He looks like he's made, I mean he looks like he's made with like nine pixels or something. But he's really, really charming design. And this game is basically a platformer that changes the environment like every maybe twenty-five seconds. And in a way that reminds me a lot of like Wario where, you know, you have like a certain amount of time to make it through this area. And it gives many points as you can before it moves on. And as you play through it, if you can like, you know, get enough points without getting hit, you earn this like combo bonus. Each time you earn a new level of combo bonus, it changes the visual and audio presentation of the game. And it goes backwards in time. So it starts out looking kind of like a modern retro style game. You know, it's pretty crisp like lots of colors. - Looks like Pac-Man Championship Edition. - Yeah, something like that. And then it peels back as you get better. And it becomes like, you know, Nintendo, then like Game Boy, then Virtual Boy, then like Atari basically. It just like peels back until there's just a most minimal amount of information there. And then the music actually gets, the music, which is really catchy and cool, gets like more and more distorted and low bit. And it's just really clever. It's a fun game regardless of the presentation, but the presentation really like knocks it over the edge. - What's the premise? Like if you're like a cat and you're trying to pick and love a picture and trying to bang out a cat. - I think the picks and love thing is a brand. So I think it's picks and love rush, almost like pixel junk or something, right? I think it's apostrophe and I'm buying it right now. - Yeah, it's super cool. I totally can't recommend it anymore. - It has a little light up cartoon slug that is smiling. - Something like that. - Yeah, it's a great character design. And it's like what it is like it has a five minute mode where you play and so the five minutes runs out or your health runs out and you play for high score. And then you unlock like an endless mode thing. You can totally sink a lot of time into it. I got one of those weird things that I usually shun in video game design where the main character's projectiles, your attacks can hurt you. So if you shoot them up in the air to like kill these bats and stuff while you're collecting. - It'll fall back down to hurt you. - Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. There's definitely like a risk reward thing with it because you're trying to play as quickly as you can, but you can only shoot directly up in the air. And the only enemies you have are bats because of course the natural enemy of cats are bats for some reason. But you shoot directly up in the air and if you miss, you're gonna get killed. So there's like this nice tension between risk and reward trying to get a better score and not die. But yeah, it's a super cool game. It's always amazing to me that what people are putting out these days. I don't know how much was that game when you bought it. - It was a whole 99 cents. - Oh my God. Seriously, like when you buy something like that for 99 cents, it makes a $60 game seem like so insane. But yeah, awesome. - It's such a, the iPhone is, you know, not to suck at stick, but it's such a brilliant platform when it comes to shit like that because you can just be like... - Hey, this looks cool. - 99 cents, sure. - And it's, you've realized, like I'll drop like five or six bucks a day on iPhone games, not realize it. And then with the OS4, you can make little folders. - Yeah. - So I have my retro folder, my classic and casual and shooter and racing. And the thing is just it's got, I've got like a hundred games on my iPhone now. - I think I single-handedly support like indie development on the iPhone. - I have like spent so much money on this. - It's candy. It's like you can't help it. Somebody just even randomly tells you about something and it's a dollar. It's really hard to not just be like, "Oh, I want to see that." And if I play it for 30 minutes and I paid a dollar, then I feel like I got good money out of it. - Yeah, like I tip a dollar on a drink at a bar. - Yeah, geez. - That's a video game? - For pouring a fucking beer, you know. - On a drink. - For like a $4 of Acasota. - Yeah. - I usually give them two. - That's because Scott is better than you are. - It depends. - $2 on a $4 drink. I'm just going to point out is a 40% tip. - That's actually a 50% tip. - Yeah, it's a 50% tip. - Okay, I'm not good at math, but I usually like- - However, however, stands. - For someone who's gone home with a couple of bartenders, they're not living well. So if you get a tip, $2 on a $4 drink. - Could this just be because these are bartenders that go home with you? - Oh. - Oh. - I know, I've known some bartenders who are living pretty large. - I kid only because I am constantly astounded by the ass that Scott could pull if only he would give in to the dark side. - If only he would give him to the dark side of it. - I gave him to the dark side for a good couple of years. - I mean now, the past does me no good. I want to live like a- - I mean, I was on the street with Miggsy, or today, and we passed too. They're like, "Hey, how's it going?" - I'm just remembering the past meetup. - Yeah, that was a good time. That was a great time. - All those hot ladies at PAX. - There was a hot bartender, actually. - Hot bartenders. - Stacy isn't going to listen to this issue. - She doesn't give a shit because she knows I didn't do anything. - Hi, Stacy. - It's acceptable then because you don't... Well, no, I mean, it's not acceptable. - No, because I would never cheat on my friend. - I mean, it's acceptable to hook up with a bartender that lives in Boston because you don't. - Yeah, but I would never do that because she has a shitload of friends who live in Boston. - Don't shit where you eat. - A lesson El Tonneau has learned the hard way. - Oh, I shat where I ate for a while. - You would never cheat on your girlfriend in Boston is what you're saying. - I'd never cheat on her period because that girl will kick my ass. - She's actually as tall as he is. - Yeah, she's just as tall as I am. - What kind of fighting style does she have? - A Dutch. - I've never seen that. - It's like wooden shoes coming at you. - I thought that would be kind of like a non-violent strategy. - No, no, no, no. They'll take a tulip and like, strangle you with it. (laughter) - That was it. - Everybody looks really distressed right now. - I love it. That was the entire depository of Dutch jokes too, right there. It's like she was into it. - Yeah, wooden shoes and windmill would be the trifectin and we're dumb. - Whitfield kick you with a wooden shoe. - You can make like a pot joke. - Yeah. - As far as iPhone games go, I've just come to the realization of the last 18 months. - Damn, that was good. - I'm good at keeping it going. - I've just realized over the last 18 months, I just don't really, I've sort of lost my appetite for handheld games. - Yeah, I felt that we, until I got my iPhone actually, like the DS really petered out on me. - I always like handheld games. - I want to be, if I'm somewhere where I could do that, I'd rather be reading something. It's like the only chance I get now to read. - Yeah, I guess I just hate reading. - Well, I read plenty, but I would say that often I play iPhone games like when I'm at home, which sounds weird. - But actually that's when I play mine too. - Yes, there's kind of like a different headspace that goes with handheld games. I think it's almost like reading a book. There's something that happens when you play something and you've got like right in front of your face. You're like immersed in something that's tiny. I don't know. - I always play my handheld games at home, like in bed. Like how I do. - That's my worst habit. I really like- - Right before I go to bed. - I really now barred myself from using my phone before I fall asleep or right when I wake up in the morning, because both things make me feel like an incredibly pathetic person. And like when I play games in the middle of the night, right before I go to sleep, it's just- - I'm wondering how many people from our audience just self-consciously looked at their iPhones and put it down. - I just want to say I'm playing picks and love right now as he was talking about it. He was talking legit. This game was awesome. I go by it. It is 99. - Just don't play it the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning. - Also, don't play it while you're supposed to be on a podcast paying attention to everyone. - There were some mornings like a couple of weeks ago where I would wake up first thing in the morning and play iPhone games while laying in bed. - Oh shit. - What's wrong with that? - Do you use your phone? - Is an alarm clock? - No. - I don't see- - Some days that's the trick. If you wake up- - Haze my girlfriend's blowjob. - Ah, that'll do it. - Yeah, just wait. Just set it to something like- - Eh, the really annoying. - Yeah. - For those who don't- - Yes, you did just your scotch. - I have- - My problem is my alarm clock is my wife. - See? - I mean, I sometimes wake up and then I have a controller. It can turn on my TVX box and receive her from my bed so I don't even get up. I just turn it on. - I have my controller to start playing. - Robert, I've got to ask where's the snooze button on that? - On the wife? It does not exist. Let me tell you, brother. - So wait, especially when she's like working the coffee grinder, that's when it's like get the fuck up. It usually starts with- - So what you're- - It's like a good morning. What time do you want to wake up and I'm like, nah, and then like maybe I get five or ten minutes. - That's the snooze button, but then when the coffee grinder goes on, it's over because then it's NPR and then it's all just- - These are all like- - The coffee grinder, yeah. - The coffee grinder sounds like a Dutch sex act. - So does the NPR. - We live in a single room place, so like the coffee grinder is in the room with me, so yeah. - Yeah, it still sounds like a sex act. - It is. - Yeah. - It's the gift that keeps on going. - I'm not going to elaborate though. It's pretty dirty. - I can go ahead and predict what Anthony will be playing next or tonight probably. - The coffee grinder? - No. - Toy soldiers DLC comes out today. - Oh yeah, fuck. - Jesus Christ. - You last time I was on Rebel. I found you were- - Yeah, you just stroking your brother little games, don't you? - Yeah, yeah. - Like Toy soldiers is probably one of my top five easy XBLA games. - For sure. - Yeah, it's basically a kind of tower defense game where there's like spots where you can build in placements. Like the World War I set except it's done in a super cartoony fashion as if they were all like, yeah, like the type of toys you used to get in the 1930s, like little boxes of soldiers. - Yeah, you know, Robert, the toys you got back in the 1930s. - Just imagine every Christmas movie you ever saw on the shitty toys they're making in Santa's workshop. That's what you're pointing to. - Right. - What are these days? They're going to have a real hard time explaining the concept of toy to a child. - And so, that Robin Williams movie, they'll get it. - Yeah, I mean like transformers essentially made transformers toys useless because you just transform everything with a touch of a fucking button. - True. - Yeah. - But this is just, yeah, you set up little placements and then waves of guys come like there'll be a whistle and all the gut little guys will run out of their trench and come storming across and they're trying to get to your toy box. And so you're just setting up these in placements to stop them and as you kill them, you get money to build better in placements, upgrade the ones you have. Except unlike a normal tower defense game, you can also take direct control over a turret if you need to, so you can man the machine gun and fire it yourself or there are certain things that you can only operate when manned, like you can get in a plane and have to do bombing runs and stuff like that or tanks. - That sounds awesome actually. - It is. It's actually a lot of fun and for 10 bucks it is way too long. - And the new DLC I think is like five bucks. - Five bucks and it comes up on a campaign. So, I mean, it's a fantastic game. Start to fail. - I really feel like taking a video game, staycation, I really feel like if I could just put my wife on a plane and like black out my windows so I couldn't tell that it's California outside and just play video games for a week, that might get it out of my system. - I do that sometimes. - I think I'm going to do that pretty soon actually right after. - I love that when it's like a crappy day, it's like a rainy and shit. - It's like raining and shit. - Yeah, like where it's all now. - You don't feel bad that you're not going outside. - Yeah, it's dark and you're just like, whatever, I'm just going to play this game. - Yeah. - But that reminds me though, another game that I got recently, did you guys play Joe Dangerous, the PlayStation 3? - I've been wanting to get that stuff out of it. - I've been wanting to play that stuff out of it. - That's super cool. - So someone likes trials, that's what I'm wondering. 'Cause I haven't played Joe Dangerous, but I know you and I both love trials. And that's what I thought of when I saw it. - I love trials. - Yeah. - And I said Joe Dangerous, didn't I? - Joe Dangerous. - Yeah, but that's all right. - The thing about it though is that it's kind of like trials except that it's way more forgiving, like something about the way that they've calibrated things, it's a lot harder to eat it and you move just really fast and super over the top, it's very Mario Kart. So it's more fast and so it's more about just making sure you're in the right lane at the perfect time. - Well I mean there are moments where you need to be in the right lane, but it's also kind of about the excite bike, getting that perfect arc on a jump, managing your boost and stuff, doing a few tricks. He does like ridiculous tricks that are really simple to pull off, but it's just about sort of increasing the amount of boost you have, but it's just really fast. It's really, really fast and the whole visual design of it is really, very super Nintendo and I don't mean super Nintendo, just very Nintendo. - Yeah, do you think it's worth the price because it is kind of expensive? It's like 15 bucks? - It's like 15 bucks? - Anything, it's worth 15. - I'm enjoying it. I really like racing games. I mean if you like racing games, I think it's worth it. It's very polished. - So it's not like trials within where it's about reaching A to B, it's more about getting there within like X time. - Well, they're also, what's cool about it is they're also like other sort of sub goals within levels that depend on like what you're doing. So like sometimes you'll do a track and it'll be about like collecting the letters. So that'll be about like prescribing a route for you to take through the level that you need to make these certain jumps, otherwise there's this one cool thing where there are these targets on the ground that you get points for landing in. And so it's all about like getting the exact right air to land right in the middle of a target when you land. So there are like fun little sort of mini objectives within the levels that make it not just a straight up racing game. - What are you guys sharing over there? - I just, I got an email from somebody about a story on Kotaku I'll talk about right after we get done talking about Joe Danger. - Oh, and now we are done. - This just in. - Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. - There's just apparently War for Cybertron had some pre-order codes depending on the story you got. They gave you specific transformers and they're fucking going on eBay for as much as $100. - What? I haven't redeemed mine yet. - The ones I gave you, I gave you one for Shockwave and Jazz, right? - Yeah, and I haven't given out the ones on Twitter yet. - Oh, Jesus Christ. - He asked me six times. He's like, you want one of these? I'm like, oh, it's all right. Give him away to the kids. - Man, transformers. - Fuck the kids. - Just go crazy for stuff. And these aren't even real. - They could, these could easily be DLC like in a couple months. - And they will be. - Yeah, for like five bucks a piece probably. - Yeah. - Right. - But they need them now. - The hunger for virtual goods never ceases to surprise me. - I received a virtual present one time in my life. - Did you? - I'm someone. - What was it? - It was two rings and a request for my character, for my birthday. My friend spent $60 on him on eBay. - Holy shit. - How much? - $60. - $60. - Oh, Jesus Christ. - They were the stats they gave was like super hot shit at the time. - It's not $60 worth of hot shit. - Yeah, it was really funny. - You know what's $60 worth of hot shit? A whole game. Not something to wear in a game. A happy ending shit. - Yeah. - You couldn't even see him. - That's cool. I've been getting a presents nice. I mean, in some ways I like that. I like how, you know, I feel like-- - It was just one of those lame things that I'll always remember because it's so lame. - Yeah. - And funny. - But you know, I like how there's something about this stuff that I like where I think that presents we've gotten to the point of where we always buy each other things that we want. - Yeah. - So like, you feel like you should buy someone-- - You feel like you should buy someone. - Yeah, like, here's like a gift card or here's the thing that you would have bought if you had money, whereas I kind of like gifts where it's kind of like something ridiculous. - This is something I would have never bought myself. - Yeah, yeah. - So. - So. - I'm terrible at giving gifts like that. I always require everyone to tell me what they want and then I'll get it for them. - Just tell me what you want. - Just tell me what you want because I-- - I really-- - I really think we need to move away from the way that we give gifts right now. - Give more of them? - Give more of them and like, gifts should top out at around 20 bucks. - No. - It depends on who it's for. - I mean, there's like an anniversary gift, there's a Christmas gift, there's a special gift, but like giving a little something for someone for their birthday or whatever. Like, I really think the stakes are way too high and just getting them something cool and small and hopefully not like an incredible waste. - I'll totally buy just by the significant other stuff sometimes. - That's it, that's an interesting story though. - Yeah, basically. - My wife and I don't give each other presents for Christmas or anything. - Yeah, but you guys always share money. - If the cap was 20 bucks-- - At that point everybody would be giving gifts all the time. - Yeah, it would be fun. - Yeah, it would be good. You'd get a lot of gifts. - Or we'd give gifts, you'd also receive gifts. - And we live in a time in which there's a lot of really like weird and interesting stuff that you can get online that, you know, would surprise people and be fun and even virtual stuff, if that's your cup of tea, I don't have like a virtual place that I love enough to want virtual stuff, but I could see it happen. - It's my turn favorite. - So. - I really like your cat Arthur, your cat's being really cute right now. - I'm giving her a totally gift tomorrow. - You guys are all just texting right now. - No, I'm not at all. - Oh, we're gifting each other iPhones. - And she gifted me with-- - You know, I made a promise to myself that I will never again pull out my phone and look at it when I'm talking to someone in real life. I say, as every single person in here is doing that, I totally will not Arthur, or sorry, not Anthony, Arthur actually did. - I, but I pulled my phone out to purchase a game you were talking about. - That's true, that's true. - So you sold me on a game. - He pulled out one of his two cell phones. - I get it like, yeah. - Well, fuck off. - Last two cell phones. - Last weekend, last weekend, I went to see the band, Pavement. - How was that? - Oh yeah, how was that? - Which was great. It was fantastic. It was like, Pavement got wasted one night in 1996, fell asleep, woke up last week, and played the show like that night. - Man, you should be a writer. - Really sloppy. (laughter) - Fucking man. - No, I actually, that's actually an excellent way to put it. - But it was like, they didn't rehearse, which was actually awesome, it was just really off the cuff. - It's like-- - I don't think one of their albums though. - Was it sloppy? - I was like sloppy in a good way. - I think they've always been sloppy. - But I mean, sloppy in a good way. It was really like fun. And they had their old drummer Gary, who was their original drummer. - It's hard to be technically proficient when you're staring at your shoes. - Yes, well, and when you're really drunk, that's hard too. Or when you just never practice. But the thing about it was, I went to the show and there were so many people there spinning the entire goddamn show, updating their Facebook pages. I could see the screen, they were just talking about the show on Facebook or on Twitter through the entire show, that's all they did. And there was a guy in front of me with a blackberry who spent the entire show staring at the little two-inch screen on his blackberry because he was taking a video of the show and he was staring at the screen the entire time watching a video of the show he was at. - That's awesome. - I just imagine Susan's contact giving a giant middle finger to this whole experience. - It's just like, one of these days everyone is going to, at the end of their life, they're going to realize that they don't have any actual memories, they just have Facebook and all the pictures and the things that they put there. And when they really think back, all they're going to remember is the number of times they logged into that fucking site and updated their status and all that shit. - That being said, boom's the last time you logged into Facebook. - Never. - I have Facebook but I never go to Facebook. - I'm updating my Facebook. - I think by the end of our lives, Facebook's just going to buy all our memories and put their logo on the corner of it. - Probably. - Or just our eyes. - Yeah, just everything you see will have the Facebook. - I still have my Facebook account because I don't like the idea of somebody not being able to find me and I don't mean every, I don't friend people that I don't know on Facebook. - Facebook is as good as a sort of buoy for people from your past. - Yeah, I want to meet people that I knew in the past. I don't necessarily want to have a bunch of strangers on there and I like it for family but I don't use it to record myself because increasingly I just feel like Facebook is a method by which the people you know can sell you shit and that is driving me crazy. - I just updated my Facebook, this just in Robert Ashley hates Facebook, my status has been updated. - Just don't go to see a band and like spend the whole time updating your Facebook, please. - However, if you're on a podcast or Twitter or whatever or yeah, Twitter can be just as bad. - I went and saw Mastodon and Baroness about a month ago and I definitely tweeted during the show but it was mostly between sets. - I mean, that's one thing. I mean, if we go on my phone right now, I'll pull up photos from the Lady Gaga concert I was at. I was taking photos. - So are you really like the world's creepiest Lady Gaga fan? - Yes. - I am. - He's not creepy though about it. - I'm not creepy about it. That bitch can perform. - His girlfriend also bought him a full-sized replica Gonzo for Christmas. - She did. - She's reading like full-sized Muppet? - Yeah. - Full-sized, yeah, look. - Wow, that's cool. - I mean radio is a theater of the mind. - The size of a Gonzo, not a person's size. - Yeah, no, it's a photo replica. - It's a photo replica of Gonzo made from the same material that they used, made from real Muppet. - Right from real Muppet. - I would have some serious night terrors where I would wake up and walk into the living room and see Gonzo. - And just be and just turn into an animal and just beat the shit out of it and then you'd be like, "What just happened?" - Yeah. - No, he's fine. - I always heavily identified with Gonzo. I always thought that I must be part of some species of animal that was like not catalogued. - The weirdest. - Aw. - Yeah. - This one, I was a kid. Now I know that everyone else is the motherfucker. - Does anyone else have anything they were playing? - I tried and tried to get into a warrior where do it yourself. - You didn't like it? - There's you to the core. - I fucking tried. I really, really tried. And it just, to me, it kind of deflated what I play those games for in that they're just so instantly satisfying. You pick up the controller or the handheld, whatever. - And that's making you satisfy yourself? - Well, just you're flying through 30 different mini games in 10 seconds. That was good. A sex joke. That's nice. - So. - No one said we were highbrow. I'm sorry we aren't talking about the temperature of vampire vaginas. - I am drinking moon china at the bar. - Oh, are you wearing it? 'Cause we're going to. - Are we? - We'll see what a podcast goes up first. - Yeah, where does that go? So you're trying to make stuff in it? - I think I'm just against this whole thing in games now that it's just like, "Hey, fucking do it yourself, man. Make everything. You can build it all." Like, I build it all all day at work and I come home and I want a game built for me. - Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't, digging ditches for a living and you are creative. And you just kind of gave up on your dream. - Yeah. - That kind of shit is a short, tragic situations in which you might want to make a game. - Oh, I didn't just don't call it a warrior wear game. - Yeah, but why can't we have both? Like, I agree with you in the same way that I don't think that I could work up the effort to make a game right now, but I like to play what other people are working on. And I love warrior, actually the original warrior wear and twisted two of my favorite games that I have. - I love those games. - Yeah, absolutely. - But like, I would love to play just a random assortment of shit that people made in that game, especially because it's like 10 seconds long or whatever. - That's about as much time as I'm willing to deal with anything. And that's such an advantage over something like little big planet where you would have to make this commitment to like play through someone's five minute level. - That was, but you don't, but that's the thing with a little big pun, it's the one I love and you don't have to make like, you know, it's just exit out. - Well, you can leave, but what I love, but what I want, I don't have DIY and I've always wondered like, can you just set up a situation in which you can just download stuff and then play through a bunch of them all at once, like just random stuff? - You can, but I mean, at the core, there are mini games that Nintendo made that you have to play through basically hours of tutorial just to get to, which to me is not what those games do. - Really? You have to play through the tutorials. - So, I mean, you'll play through a few games and it'll be like, hey, now go over to factory and learn how to make, you know, a character or learn how to make a background or learn how to animate. - I mean, I think, you know, you got to judge it based on what it is, which is for people who might be interested in game design and like learning how to do that. And I could see that as being like a really powerful tool. - It sounds more like Mario Paint than Warrior Wear. - Right, which I love, but that was back when I was a kid and I had time, but yeah, I mean, all of these games, the Warrior Wear games specifically, they all always hinge on a gimmick, whether it works or not. Usually it works. And for this one, the gimmick was do it yourself and it just didn't win me over. Whereas LittleBigPlanet, like you mentioned, it's a different scenario in that they weren't 10 second games. I mean, you could crawl into like some Swedish drug dealers head for 15 minutes and it's like, what fucking perverse Flintstones inspired dinosaur death world that you make in your basement. You're crazy. - That's what I love about it, though. - And it was nuts. And then it was like some guy figured out. - I wish I could just have like a never ending stream of 10 second Warrior Wear games that other people make. Like I want that in my pocket right now. - This sounds like-- - So you just want to play Warrior Wear with nothing but dicks? - If there was a Warrior Wear, if there was a Warrior Wear game that just had like an infinite number of variations, that's probably all I would play. Like that's really all that I-- - All my Nintendo dreams could be answered. - Yeah. - All my Nintendo dreams could be answered. - Yeah. - Oh man. - Oh man. - I love that game. So great. - I love it too. I thought it was great, especially the one they made for Wii that you could do multiplayer. Like that was so cool. - That was cool. - I'm doing a multiplayer with it. - Sometimes they like air on the side of feeling like a little uninspired, whereas I feel like the original-- - Nintendo? - Yeah. I feel like the original one though, and Twisted were both just so like off the wall and wild. Like you could tell it was like the people who made like Mario Kart 16 for Wii or whatever and who just really needed to like blow off some steam and actually do something creative for once. So not that they don't. Anyway. - Yeah. - Sorry. - It's hilarious. - Awkward. - Teder. - You want to take a break? - Yeah we take a break. And then we'll be right back. - Go away. Can we do like, "Duh, duh, duh, break!" Yeah, we can. Okay. One, two, three, break! Break! Break! Break! Now we barely make it through the screen. The spar is barely hanging on. Trash plus eye comes behind the scene. To the sound of a lazy old town. Hit the wire and down the line. I wonder if she's holding on to a... Far off, misinplared, as the sheets pulled back, and I blew in. This letter is from, uh, Jaren, and it's titled, Relationship and Drug Superquestion. So, like, Jaren and Aaron compartments. My name is J. My name is J. I live in Davis, California, and I was in the podcast all the time, and I was wondering if you can help me with the relationship problem I'm having. Nope. I'm going into my senior year of high school, and I've never had a girlfriend. I am not an ugly guy, but I'm really lazy, and a lot of girls I like are way out of my leagues. AKA fat. I don't do drugs, but recently I started selling drugs because I like money. I found that my popularity among the ladies of a certain crowd has increased considerably. All but, I would imagine. One of these girls is one I have liked for a while, and we just started dating, but I think she is dating me for a free hookup. My question is, I don't really have a problem with this because I'm also just dating her for her looks. My question is, is it considered prostitution if someone wants to sleep with you for weed, and if it's legal, is that a really sleazy thing to do? How do we wander into dazed and confused? Yeah. And also, what fantasy land do you live in, and which you think that, like, trading illegal drugs for sex is legal, or, I don't know. I think he's saying if it becomes legal to have legal. Okay, okay. Great. Well, he didn't get tripped up by the whole selling drugs is a legal thing, but... He's already getting this girl high, and she's blowing it, correct? No. That's what we're... No, she's not blowing it. He's not sealed any deals. Oh, what the fuck? No, Jesus Christ. I don't think you should give your drugs away until you've actually gotten somewhere with that. That's a good point. Well, I think it's that they're hanging out right, and he's like, "I'm gonna smoke some weed, you'll smoke some weed with me, we're hanging out smoking weed together." But here's what he should learn. He has a lot of money. He has a lot of money from dealing drugs, correct? Here's the move to get a lot of... Man, you'd be careful, the police and Davis are dicks. Well, no, no, but here's the move to get a lot of chicks. You put out this image, "I got a shit ton of dough, let's go out for a night on the town." You don't buy shit. You make her pay, you be really cheap with it, and she'll be like, "Why the fuck is he giving it up?" Maybe I gotta give it up first, and then she gives it up, and you spent $5 on her, and you got to fuck her. No, no, no. That's a fantasy. Let's go back to the very first time you don't pick up the check. I'd like to explain something to you, Robert. Scott spent a lot of time as a fat guy, and then lost a bunch of weight, and all that time as a fat guy, I feel like he was thinking of ways to fuck over girls once he was no fat guy. Do you want to know a hot tip? You guys want to know a hot tip, and oh, Miggs wasn't around. When I was living in LA, this completely goes, "I'm not answering this Jaren, is that his name?" Jaren. I'm not answering Jaren's question right here, I'm just giving the audience a tip. If you live in a very metropolitan area near the financial district, go around to the ATM machines. Now this worked before cell phones were really prominent, but go around to the ATM machines. I guarantee if you spend enough time in the garbage cans at ATM machines, you will pull out a receipt that has a six-figure balance on it. Now when you go to the bar and talk to a girl, you say, "Oh shit, I don't have my phone on me. You have a pen. Let me write my number right down. Let me write my number down on this receipt." You write the number on the receipt, guaranteed to look at the balance, guaranteed she'll call you back. Wow. Jeez. That works. Strange. Yeah. So dig in the trash, guys. But on a more basic level, on a more basic level, if this guy is hanging out with this girl and giving her-- It worked every time. Giving her weed, if they're sitting around and smoking weed together and he hasn't even gotten anywhere, it's like if you get stoned with a girl and you don't make out with her, then you're never going to make out with her. That's true. Also, I'm glad we all guessed it was weed, because if it was another drug, this is going to be a problem. If you want drunk needy girls to call you at three o'clock in the morning, become a coke dealer. All right. All right. This advice is going way in the direction I did not think-- All right. Well, no. I'll put it this way. Question was. Is it prostitution? No. No. No. And also chiller. I had a life. It's also-- It's a relationship. It's a relationship. You watch you for weed. You want her for her looks. Yeah. That is a teenage relationship. It's called fucking. It's what it's called. I had a couple friends in high school who were like, they were a gamer dorks and they're 19 years old and they hadn't gotten laid yet. And then they all went to college and it was pussy galore. So-- Chill out. Don't. Go listen to the 10 crack commandments, don't get high off your own supply. Chill out for a little bit. Go to college and get everybody big. When did this become a Wu Tang song? That's a big song. But we could take it to Wu Tang. All right. Next question is from Justin. It's a video game one. We're going to go back and forth. Okay. I think that's a good idea. I love your podcast. I have a quick question. I have a free Wii for the foreseeable future with a bunch of points on GUSEX at my disposal. GUSEX is a trade and service. Yeah, yeah. What are some games I should experience on Wii? I somewhat remember talk of Little King's story but can't remember if it was good or bad. I have new Super Mario Brothers already. So you just must know good. This is what I was telling you earlier. Good games to play with. Um, World of Goo. Uh, I would definitely recommend to play that on Wii. You see. You see. You see. World of Goo is a downloadable. He's got GUSEX points which is Ritz. Which is Ritz. Yeah. A Buenos Blob. A Buenos Blob. I would say give both no more heroes games a shot. They're kind of criminally underappreciated. They should have liked shit. I gotta agree. I have not yet bitten into the new one but I played through the entire first one even though it was like one of the most difficult games around. Yeah. It was tough. You kind of give up on the fact that it's got a lot of weak parts. It's a sandbox game with no sand in it. Sure. And also Dead Space Aggression. Galaxy 2 is the obvious thing. Galaxy 2 is the obvious thing. He's never going to get Galaxy 2 on GUSEX because... You can get Galaxy 1 though. Exactly. Go for Super Mario Galaxy. That was still great. Sure. The fuck are GUSEX? I don't even know. It's where people trade. It's where people trade. Instead of like trading games into, you know... You trade them to each other. E.B. or whatever. You trade them to each other and you get a certain amount of points. Which you get to use on a market, please. He might get it on GUSEX. I was at an E.B. Games. The day Galaxy 2 came out and I bought it and it was a poster like trading Galaxy 2 right now for $35. Well, yeah. The game stop though. Yeah. I mean, if people are that willing to part with such brand new booty like that then... Would you say also send them punishment? I can put enough time into it but if that's your thing, if that's your genre then that's probably the best example of that. If you like crazy shooters that are over in four hours but are awesome for most of that time. I'm going to start with electronic ventures. Oh god, Jesus Christ. Do maybe if you want to play with someone you hate them. Do you hate me Arthur? Do you hate me Arthur? Because I played that with you. You were saying a shooter that's... I almost feel like I do now. In my mind, I'm trying to look at my shelf of Wii games and I'm just so blanking at like what I could possibly... Boom blocks? Was Boom blocks? Yeah. I'd rather play Angry Birds on the earth. Anthony liked Zack and Wickey a lot. I liked Boom blocks. Boom. Boom blocks is one of those games. It's one of those games you can get a girl to play with you. It's really good. You can get a girl to play any game on Wii especially. That's not true. Boom blocks is really easy for someone who's never played a game to pick up and understand. Sure. Honestly, you know, I actually really liked Wii Sports Resort. I don't think you can really like get that on Guzak's because you need the... Motion Plus. But that is really fun. It's fun. Especially if you're playing with people like I really like the Frisbee stuff. In general, actually, I mean, when it came, it seems ridiculous now, but when it came out, I actually played a lot of Wii Sports with my friends. Here's another one. Now it's like saying like, "Oh, we went to see Montley Crue a lot." Yeah. This one is hitting me. You might try... We went to Dix in the burrito. You might try House of the Dead Overkill if you like shooters. Sure. Totally okay with the most egregious use of the word "fuck" in video game history. Alone in the dark. There's 15 fucks in the title screen of that game. Right. House of the Dead Overkill. Oh, fuck. It's kind of like this grind house. They tried to go for a grind house type. Well played, sir. Thank you. That's kind of... Unpredictable. I pushed the joke button. The next question is from Melissa. Hit the comedy filter. And Melissa says, "This isn't a really short question." I started a video game themed book club over at BitMob. Our first book is Extra Life by Tom Bissell, which I've heard is actually kind of good. I wasn't planning on reading any of the Halo Mass Effect, et cetera type books, but a few participants want to read some of them. I was wondering what your opinions are on fictional tie-ins. I like the first mouse book. Should I avoid them? Or are there any worth reading? Which one should I pick? I'd say avoid them. Go read Game Over instead. Read real fiction for fuck's sake. The only video game book I ever read was the Mega Man Choose Your Own Adventure. It wasn't Choose Your Own Adventure. It wasn't. It wasn't Choose Your Own Adventure. It was the Scholastic Pat-like books where it told the story from Mega Man's point of view. This was the Choose Your Own Adventure. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like then there was another one for Castlevania 2 and one for Metal Gear and one for Shadow Game. This shit is essentially glorified fan fiction, right? It really was. These Halo books and stuff. It really was. I got to say when I was in 11th grade, which is way, way, way too old for this, in English class we had to like read what you want assignment. Oh god. And I read a Mortal Kombat book, and I say this as someone who went on to be an English major in college, and I really love great fiction, I read Mortal Kombat for some fucking reason. I'll back her over. My teacher thought that I was a mongoloid. I really think that she thought that maybe I should, that I was a special needs study. I'm glad to hear the work keeping it politically correct. No, okay, I'm sorry. I only say that because there's a Divo song called "Mongoloid" and it always pops into my head for some reason. Reptile. But yeah, I don't know. Just don't read that stuff. It's really terrible for you. Like if you're going to read something, read something good. Yeah. All right. Was there a chapter where it was like, and then scorpion? Yeah, no, seriously. It was like it had these like gory, gory long descriptions of like, then Kano reached into the beating cavity of his enemy and pulled forth the heart, which he sought. Was it like one of those Disney books where every time he turned a page it would just go? Basically. All right. I'm just trying at this conversation. What? You've never read a Mortal Kombat novel? No, I've definitely read a hit-load. I've read three little times, too, and I do a title of the book, "Toasty." Toasty, the Mortal Kombat story. Read Street Fighter, the movie, the graphic novel. Street Fighter. Street Fighter, the movie, the game, the book. Which fictional time did you like out there? I thought I enjoyed the "Mass Effect" book, the first "Mass Effect" book. I thought it set the stage well for the game. And ghosts of Onyx as far as Halo is to go? Yeah, I guess of Onyx is the only Halo book I read, but now they're shitting over that book's continuity with reach. All right, Adam writes in. And this isn't a really question. I was just reading it because it's a little success story. So recently Tyler has been our buddy Tyler we podcast with, you know, he has this scent that he wears all the time that's of the secret scent to get women. He always gets comments on it and he revealed it to me. And I was wearing it the night I met my girlfriend. And so we finally revealed it, et cetera. What is it? It was called "Namat Amber White." Yeah. Oh, that stuff smells like shit. Well-- I'm not a fan either, but-- What is it? The company is "Namat," and the fragrance is Amber White. Yeah. I love this. I love that you guys spend a huge amount of time worrying about like relationships on this show and giving-- Not even ours, but-- No, no, it's great. Like, it's a very special little angle that you guys have going on. All right, so-- So he says that. Thanks, asshole. No, it's all-- He just says, I drove an hour and a half to a hippie store that sells the "Namat" oils and he says in caps worth it. I have yet to have someone tell me it smells good, but I have hooked up with two girls that I thought were way out of my league. It makes you smell good and gives you confidence. Wow, wow, little did you know that the magic was in you all along. Yeah, I thought that-- And now it's in her. That's pretty great. You got the touch. Yeah. I thought that that was-- Totally going to find some of that. Really funny. I thought-- it almost sounds like the "Namat" guys are just writing letters to us at this point. They don't need to. They want to sponsor the fucking podcast. I'm serious. The "Namat" guys have said, "We've gotten an enormous amount of interest from people after apparently your podcast talked about it." Well, they need to show an enormous amount of interest in local stores, so this dude doesn't have to drive 90 minutes to buy this shit. They have it at Whole Foods in places. It calls it a fucking internet. Jesus Christ. They only ship to some place. They only ship wholesale. What? This company? Buy a bulk. Get the whole case. Give it to your fans. I think you think that in a buy or whatever it's called, the Naboo fucking Amarler. It sounds like a bodega 40-ounce company either way. It's like two guys in a basement who, after the initial podcast, where they announced like, "Oh shit, man. Now we got to do this full time." The next letter is from Avi. He says, "I remember the first time I played a console shooter online, and how much time I invested to learning to become good at using two thumbsticks. Now that I'm older, I realize that if I had approached a game now, I wouldn't be as willing to dedicate my time to learning a video game." So you guessed this question. I thought it was kind of good because it's something you had kind of thought about the other day, or kind of in the same way. Do you think that developers are doing a good job of making online games approachable to those who aren't willing to spend dozens of hours learning their intricate mechanics, comments? No. No. No. Transformer is case in point. You jump into that game. You earn the tutorials. I kept on when I jumped into the game. Oh, single player? In single player. It's like tutorial on how to cover unlocked. I'm like, tutorial unlocked. I never, I never looked at the tutorials in that game. But there's so much to do because I was walking around just button mashing and I'm transforming into a tank for no reason when I didn't want to, and I didn't know how to transform out of it. And I paused in the fucking tutorial on how to un-transform wasn't unlocked yet. Huh. Maybe another couple of days. Another couple of days you'll unlock a tutorial on how to wipe your ass. I gotta say, I think that most people who play online games don't really aren't the kind of people who don't invest a lot of time. Right. I think that playing online is intimidating for people unless they're, they want to play online. And you were kind of talking about this with Battlefield the other day. Oh, just that there's no, the learning curve on Battlefield is fucked now. Just like the learning curve on modern, on every shooter now is just fucked. Like we're past the point where you can get into Battlefield, basically, which is why I thought on slot is something we played this week that we didn't talk about last segment, which is the co-op stuff for Battlefield. And the, the best thing that I can say about it is it's a way for people to work together and learn the intricacies of playing online without going to the shark infested waters of bad company to his multiplayer. Like there's no way. Like people have been playing too long and they're too good. I just, I don't get into a lot of those multiplayer components because I associate video gaming with something I like a strong single player campaign that I sit down and identify with or just, you know, it's a world of fantasy you jump into. And that's how I feel too. Yeah. I mean, I could just do without the people barking orders at me through a fucking radio shack headset for. You've been playing multiplayer with Anthony. I like multiplayer as long as no one can talk to me and I don't have to talk to them. Right. Yeah, that works for me. I usually have the mic muted on 360, but, but no, I don't think the game, I don't think the developers are doing enough to ease people into it. I don't know what else they could be doing though. So it's not like I'm. Like we're in this swingback though toward like the core people because, you know, the games are contracting like people are selling like the, you know, Nintendo selling less gimmicky shit to everyone, you know, the game sales are down in general. And now everyone's sort of like battening down the hatches and catering to the nerds. Like even Nintendo's like, we've got new Zelda, that's Mario Galaxy two is like the most hardcore game they've made in a while. I just feel like the whole like, let's cater your mom thing is kind of deflated. That's why I mean, kind of even is coming out and saying that they want the 3DS to start with this big core base that will be there until the end. Well, and not only that, but we're fucking five years into the console cycle and the entry level console for both systems is like $300 and $250. Yeah, and not to mention the fucking PlayStation two was $129 by five years into its life. The 3DS when it comes to that, the only people who are going to go buy it and like the first year of its release are people that are more core gamers anyways, the other people are going to disagree with the other people. Well, here in America, I think mostly it's going to be core gamers. They're going to market the fuck up because I think most people are going to show audience. I still think most of the people are going to be like, I have a DS. Why should I upgrade? Well, if they sell it as the how to train your dragon 3D handheld player, then every kid in America will buy it and they'll be like, Oh, look at this. And the parents will pick it up. And they'll be like, this is fucking great. It'll do well, I think. But I know it'll do phenomenal. It's still we're still at the point. I think we're at least around Easter holding out for 40 for 40 or just time travel time travel and there's actually back in time and never play a video game. It's a system that actually creates extra time for you to play games. Oh, that's even better. Yeah. That's awesome. I think James writes in, and this one's kind of a serious question. Uh oh. Uh oh. She just says-- I have cancer. I have a sort of relationship question in the sense that it deals with sexuality. Oh boy. Jeez. So, okay. I'm 17 and gay and unfortunately still in the closet. Like Tyler, I'm from Houston, actually a suburb north. I'm not going to name it. The community seems to have a typical evangelical cultural intolerance towards homosexuality that one would expect from a Texas town, but my family fortunately seems to be pretty tolerant and probably suspects my never had a girlfriend slight lip self of being gay. Slight lisped? Slight lisped. Yes. Okay. So my family isn't much of a concern, but my main concern is my friends and my fellow high school mates. My friends are generally open people for Texans at least, but make the occasional intolerant remark, but the general population of the school most certainly would not be. There's one openly gay kid in my school and the shit he receives is tenfold to any other person in my school. So, should I come out of the closet for my senior year and most likely take a lot of shit or just nod along with my friends as they talk about some girls ask for one more year and wait for college? As the resident Texan, unless anyone else hears from Texas, you know, I think there are different levels of coming out of the closet. And honestly, Texas, like, I mean, this kid's like 12 years younger than me and when I was in high school, like, we didn't give a shit. You know, Texas has come a long way, I know you're in the burbs or whatever. There are different levels though of coming out of the closet and telling your friends is one thing. You might as well tell your friends, like, now, as opposed to later, it doesn't mean they probably already suspected too. Yeah, yeah. But it doesn't mean you have to, like, go around wearing a t-shirt that says it to everyone in school. You know, if someone talks to you about it, that's one thing, but, you know, it doesn't change the fact that when you graduate high school and you go to college, everything will be a million times better. Right. I mean, the thing about college is you get to go, especially if you go somewhere else, like, not somewhere local. Yeah. Don't go to college in Houston. You get to go somewhere... He used to be fine. Honestly, like, Houston is a huge gay, I'm glad. It just depends on like... But you want to leave your hometown. The farther away from where he lives that he goes to college is better because you get to go without all the baggage of expectations of who you are, like, you get to be whoever you want to be a college. Work really hard and beat that 10% rule and get in the University of Texas. Really hard to get into Texas now. If you're a Texan, you have to be in the top 10% of your class. Wow. So... Well, he's not staring at girls asses. Yeah. So... And it's okay to tell your friends that you think they should be respectful towards women. That doesn't indicate that you like dudes. That just indicates that it's inappropriate. Wait, you know, I think he's gay as well, or his friends are not allowed to make comments about girls. Well, if that's all they do, if all they do is talk about, like, girls, like... Well, but then they'll be in a demeaning way or something. Let them worry about that. The intolerant comments that they're making isn't about girls, I think, depression. Or if they're making fag jokes. Yeah. That's not appropriate. Even if you weren't gay. Why is that appropriate? Yeah. Right. That I can agree with. But, I mean, don't give them shit because they're looking for a 17-year-old. Although, every 17-year-old in the world is saying shit like that without thinking about, you know, what would happen if someone who was actually gay heard it. I think the age of 17 is about when people should start fucking pointing it out to you. Sure. That's not okay. That's not the part of your life in which you realize that a lot of the shit you say and think is terrible and stupid. Right. Yep. Yeah. So, this next letter I'm reading only because it was really weird. It's from Matt, and it's titled, "Water Conservation." Oh. And it says, "You guys sound like you care deeply about the environment as do I. So, I have a question for you. Do you think it is okay to pee in the sink in the bathroom to conserve water, or is it just gross? They say the average toilet takes one gallon of water to flush, but it only takes a cup to rinse out the sink from the faucet. I'm not saying you should piss all over the sink like a maniac, but if you keep the stream pointed down the drain, you can complete the job in a somewhat controlled fashion." No. Can you pee in the shower? Here is why. I don't know if you ever have woken up in the morning and was like, "Oh, fuck. I need some ibuprofen and accidentally dropped one into the sink." True. That motherfucker is rolling around in the basin all over your piss. You're in the tunnel. And also, can you just pee in the toilet and not flush? Yeah. It's like five times. I mean, can you just not—you know, what's the classic sign that I used to always— If it's yellow, let it mellow if it's brown, flush it down. Especially if you live with roommates, that's just inconsiderate. I had a roommate in college who we shared a bathroom in our dorm, and I spent all day cleaning the bathroom. I'm so fucking proud of it. And then he was drunk, and he hooked up with the chick in the bathroom because that's the only place to do it. And she spit in the sink, and he just instead of turning on the faucet, letting it wash out, he just let it sit there. And I walked in the next morning, and I was like, "Oh, look at that. That's some baby batter." Thanks. Oh. Hmm. Yeah, that kind of spit. That's good. Yeah, that done on me. If you want to be conscious about the environment, and you got a penis, just go pee outside. Yeah. Go pee outside. Yeah. Also, it kind of depends on where you're living. I mean, it's one thing to be in California, and worry about the water supply, but that's not the situation everywhere. That is so audible. I don't know. So, the next question is from Mike. This is a video game one. My friends are pretty hardcore PC gamers. We grew up in the land era, and once a month on Friday, we would end up getting together in real life for some land gaming. Some of us have big rigs, other have fairly capable laptops. We're just getting over a two-year addiction to defense of the ancients, and most often play it versus AI, because some of my friends don't like to participate in team-based PVP games. What are some good games either out now or coming in the future that have good team play in a comp stomp mode? Are we talking about land support, because if that's the case, then you are shut out of luck. Well, I mean, you could even play Starcraft when it comes out against computers, comp stomp, but you would still have to be able to have an internet connection. I don't think Scott can explain to me what the terminology, comp stomp, I don't know what it is. It's just playing. I don't know what it is. And they're super easy. Oh, I heard it would be like playing Starcraft, you and your two friends against three computers. Oh, okay. You know, they don't want to play against real people that they might just get their ass beat to. Left for dead. Transformers PC has escalation mode. Or you can play through the whole campaign with three people. Doom? Is it good? Do you not know what a land is? I know what a land is. Every word after that lost me, though. I heard big rigs and I just started thinking about trucks. He said big rigs is in giant computers. Oh, I thought he meant that PC game big rigs. Yeah. You guys shut up. We don't get to play video games. You guys don't get to play video games. I don't know. I don't have like computer games. If I was going to suggest someone who you could do comp stomp, it would be a lot of strategy games like company heroes, Starcraft 2, Diablo 2, Diablo 2. You can also do I think comp stomps in League of Legends, which is like defense of the engines. So who had Ryan Scott in here? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, there's got it. There's also a free to play website. I can't remember what it's called. Instantaction.com. They have a lot of really cool free to play games. You can play as a group against computer games. Facebook games. Farmville. Yeah. Okay. Not that there's anything wrong with Farmville, if that's what I'm saying. Do you know every single? No, there's something terribly wrong with Farmville. Let's go on there. Every single Firefox user on Earth had to upgrade their browser the other day because of Farmville. That's a problem. I mean, that is a social repugnant. I mean, clearly it matters to a lot of people, if that's the case. Matters is a, we have different definitions of that word. So one guy wrote in, he has that quick question. If we prefer, prefer, connect over move, and I think everyone prefers connect over move, but whether you actually want either is a question that would go around to this room. I find connect more interesting than move, like, I just feel like everything that they're going to do with move is stuff that we've already played and got over a couple years ago. That's just me. Like, I don't know that everyone agrees. I'm not really sold on either yet. I mean, I'm just waiting this out. I'll still play some of these games. Right. But is there one that intrigues you more than the other? I mean, move maybe because it's based on a platform that works already as in it's we motion plus plus. But all the stuff they're showing for move is stuff that didn't work on we. Right. And I mean, I played a bunch of move games and I wasn't impressed with any of them. But connect just hasn't grabbed me yet. You know, you'll be touching skittles in no time. Yeah, just dancing around the office. I don't understand why it took them so many years to rip off the wheat. Like it made-- There weren't a lot more seriously. Like two years ago. Well, what happened was Microsoft sold their last console to anybody who would have bought it for Halo or Call of Duty. And then they had to figure out a way to do it that they wouldn't get sued for copyright infringement. Right. And they actually still love the idea of like in the hands. Does it take a move? If they just like interact with a direct copy of the wheat, they just get sued probably. It is pretty much a direct copy of wheat. But the wheat doesn't use a camera. Yeah. Or a glowing ball. Yeah. I'm just saying they have to find some ways. So you don't think they're holding dildos when you play with the wheat? Right. But I'm saying that that was the whole thing. Yeah, but you have to wear a condom on your we-mote when you play with the wheat. Right. Dildo condom. I just got to say, I actually still support the idea of like interacting with games with more than your fingers if anyone can ever come out with something that will allow your body to be as responsive as your fingers on a joy pad. Like I think that's interesting still. I like the idea of like playing around with the way that we interact with games. I think the problem is over-promising and under-delivering. I mean, that was the whole thing with the wheat for me. It was like the excitement of like, oh my gosh, this is going to be amazing. I just feel like realizing the limitations were made. We're going to have around two and three of that though. At this stage, I feel like the thing that Microsoft said publicly that I can get behind is that a game like Halo, a game like Call of Duty, those are not motion control games. They never should be because they just don't, it doesn't work as a motion control game. So those will stick, those will be controller games. And meanwhile, you'll have something like fucking Dance Central, which you could never do with a controller or with Wii motes or with motion plus, or you've got Connectimals, which is some crazy fucking drug hallucination of stroking a tiger baby. But those are things that you wouldn't do with a controller like that. That distinction, I think, is what sells Connect to me more than move. And again, the fact that it seems like Microsoft has a plan and Sony is scrambling to find direction. Shocking. What was that? I said shocking. What? The Sony is scrambling. I was just, yeah, if the entire Connect strategy is orchestrated, one quadrant of how they put together that Cirque du Soleil gang bang was not for us though. Yeah, I know. But still, I don't know. What are you guys talking about? Did you see or anything about the Cirque du Soleil event the Sunday before E3 started where they gathered all of the significant portion of the game's press into a room and forced them to wear these silver space ponchos that lit up while Cirque du Soleil characters performed on a plastic ramp and connect games were shown on the ceiling. Nobody understood. All the whitest. If you guys ever seen that new sketch in the weekend update in Saturday Night Live where they have the guy come out who is like the new Night Live correspondent and he talks about all the crazy clubs in New York City, anybody know? He comes out and he talks about like there's this new club that you get, they have this donkey at the door and he pet the donkey and it shits into your cup and it's like you drink the shit and it's like hallucinogenic and you have this amazing hallucinogenic dream about being on a beach. He's describing supper club in San Francisco. That's what it sounds like. I had fun at supper club too. What? That was even real. That was like a recording of a card. Give a soundboard in here. Did you just hit your pen? I came very close. I know Scott and I are one of the least classy podcasts ever recorded but even that, that's new. When we're on the least classy podcast, Anthony at least keeps them silent. Here, he's comfortable and he's at home, he's in his living room. That's Vietnamese food? Yeah. I didn't get that. That's vegetarian. So Caleb writes in. Wait. So anyway, the Cirque du Soleil thing, it was like the most French Canadian presentation you've ever seen for anything. It wasn't even the most French Canadian presentation that week. That was Ubisoft. Well, that's a good point. No, that was just French. The Canadians. The Canadians. It's like a birthday party in 1994. It's like a birthday party in 1994 from that record. Basically it's just a big-ass commercial. We were extras/hores in Microsoft's commercial for Connect on MTV. Well, but not to tell the obvious joke, but is there anything new about that? And my theory last week was that the only reason that we were even invited to that thing is because we would have bitched high heaven if we hadn't been, because that was supposed to be the debut of the name before it leaked like two hours before. The debut of the name. The name of the name. The name of the name. The name of the name. Before they plastered it all over our bathroom mirrors. If I had bumped into the then version of me before, as I walked out of that thing, and he was like... Was that pre-hyposed? You had the face. Pot cookie, you. I will not comment on that. No, I have the best photo of you. It was just utter defeat. Yeah, I mean, I walked out looking like somebody's uncle touched me. And if I had seen that, I would have been like, oh, then they announced a name. Oh, I'm good. Yeah. I don't have to go. We didn't need to be there. There is no reason for us to be there. But we were. Yeah. Next letter. All right. Kayla writes in. Okay, I'm a freshman in high school and I'm currently dating a hot young female. Do you think so? I'm 13. I'm trying to find the best way to round the bases because I love baseball and I don't think she's a sports fan. We've been dating for a little over a month and I'm seriously getting bored. Maybe you could help me get somewhere. Jesus. Start not. With that letter, I'm not sure that there is sports metaphors around the bases. I don't even know. Kids still said that shit. Don't they just sex each other? This kid is those kids fucking fresh out of the sandlot. Of course he's. I'm sorry. He's fresh. I mean, I'm sorry if night graders don't just say I would like to put my tongue in her vagina. Don't they just send each other pictures of their privates all day? They really do. They do. I mean, that's what I used to say. I just, sorry. Yeah. I feel like you missed out in high school. Take her to Twilight. Get her to love that shit back down. And then have her sex to you. Right. Take her to the Mormon pornography about not fucking until marriage to try to get into her pants. That's a great idea, Scott. What? You could get in a different order. I can't even remember what went through my head as far as like trying to make it with a girl when I was. What how old is that guy? Two times. 14. Right, but times have changed now. I know. Back down. Man, Game Boy camera came out when I was in high school. But this is high school. Yeah, me too. Not even that. But the like kids are getting caught fucking at 12. What? It's all the fat. The weird thing is their kids are getting caught fucking at 12, but then they remain kids until they're 30. Yeah. That's the weird thing. It's like kids fuck early, but then they live with their parents until they're like 27. But the thing is, now episodes of "Degrassie" are about all the kids in "Degrassie Junior High" fucking each other. When we were kids, "Degrassie" was about kids just hanging out and having fun. Except for the one girl who was pregnant. Got pregnant. Right. Right. She got pregnant, but she was the fuck up. Yeah. Now they're all fucking each other. Yeah. I want to get there. And the one who doesn't get knocked up as the fuck up. Exactly. I thought it was a kid in the wheelchair. That's ugly. Aww. All right. Goodness. All right, all right. 14. Fucking count your blessings that you were born in the '90s. Uh. You. Cause you know good way to try to get her to let you round the bases. Yeah. I'm not even going to tackle. Maybe your focus shouldn't be on rounding the bases. Maybe you should just be more on like maybe you want to make it out. All right. All right. Wait. Wait. Wait. Can we get 30,000 view for a second? We're all 30-year-old men giving sex advice. Exactly. To a 14-year-old. Thank you. How to fuck a 12-year-old. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Just be grateful for a single, man. Like baseball players love singles. When I was your age, I loved making out, man. Just cry. Yeah. When I was your... Yeah. I loved making out. I saw my first naked boob at 13. That was awesome. It's overrated, man. I'm telling you, like trying to round the bases as quickly as possible have forced me to enforce rules on myself as far as when I round the bases. You're just going to like get bored and jaded. You're going to be a furry. By the time you're 20, you know, you're going to, you're going to like just be bored of everything. Well, that's the problem. Because when we were that age, it took 45 minutes for a single picture of Kathy Ireland to load. Right. And now it's... Yeah. Now kids are 14, and anal sex isn't even a treat. I know. It's just like... Now anal sex is like middle ground between a... That's the sex. I don't have where you face things. Right. That's that Twilight sex, baby. Yeah. That's like... Yeah. How's that... How's that... How's that cold vampire pussy treat for you? Yeah. We actually... we actually had a minute. We stopped recording our podcast today because of this. We were like... We were like... I was like, why are vampires fucking so much if they got... They all got cold vampire pussy. It wasn't even that. It started because I was talking about how the fourth book ended when the werewolf... Spoiler. For the spoilers. When the werewolf falls in love with a baby vampire and he spends his entire life going, "I want to fuck this baby vampire." Not realizing that vampires don't age. So this werewolf is going to be fucking an infant for the rest of his life. Wait, are there female werewolves? Yeah. This shit. There is? There are female werewolves? That's gross. Why are... Why are... That is one hairy pussy. If you're a Twilight monster, you gotta deal with a hairy pussy or a cold pussy. That's just... That's just... Yeah, but just be happy you're not in that kind of school. Wait, can we back this up a little bit and wonder like, why is it that all of the most embarrassing childhood trends or like young teenager trends are things aimed at females? Like the worst stuff, the stuff that everyone's most embarrassed by, the new kids on the block and the Twilight and the... Just all the like the... I just feel like it's the worst cheesiest stuff. I think that's overarching social embarrassment. Like community embarrassment to make up for the fact that we get public erections with no warning 11 times a day from the time we're 12 until we're 32 or whatever. Yeah. I've yet to end my random erection problem. I have one right now. Right. Yeah. That's not random. I'm getting there. You should just have a license for random erection if you have to. So I think for girls, it's like the greater sort of community embarrassment to make up for the fact that we have to hold books in front of our crotches to go to the board sometimes. Yeah. And this guy has to go Google team Edward just to get the first base with his chick. And I'm sure that girls who like from an early age have to bleed for seven days once a month never have anything embarrassing happen to them. I'm just gonna say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and go on a limb and say boobs and periods are less of a social stigma than a fucking boner in front of class. Were you actually busted or something? I don't think I've ever busted the boomer. I don't think I've ever busted the boomer. I've definitely had those moments where I was like I had the book. Like at the ready. Yeah. One bad bone room moment man. I believe you just read the way you said that. I was I was seventeen. This may be the greatest story we've ever done. And I've taken this girl Stacy Howard to prom and it was like the best night ever because she was like a girl I'd asked. I wasn't sure she was gonna say yes and I really liked her and we went to prom we had a great night danced all night and at the end of the night I was like alright I'm gonna score this first kiss. Gonna score this first kiss and then we were like in my car and I was like how the fuck do I do this? And I remember I was like hey come here. That's how I did it. I was like yeah I felt like a badass. You grabbed her like a mandos. You grabbed her like a mandos and we made out. And then I walked her up to her door and we're standing and there's just her porch light on which is just casting this fucking gigantic shadow across our lawn because it's the middle of the country so that's the only light source. And I just remember like I get against her one more time at the door and then I just like she went inside and I looked down and it was just like the most and I have a I didn't have a big penis but on this giant shadow of the lawn it just looked like a tent was extending for my body and I was like there's no way. She didn't see that. Wow. Because I was wearing tuxedo pants man. That's not bad though. Tuxedo pants you can still do the. Yeah if you think that's embarrassing let me show you the picture from me picking my wife up for homecoming sometime. I'm wearing pleated pants and it is not the picture that her mom took is not very it's funny. Yeah. It's terrible. Anyway. I mean that doesn't sound too embarrassing that you had a giant shadow cock across the front lawn when you're like when you're like 17 that's a girl you don't really know that well. You know it's kind of it was just really embarrassing thing. I guess I cast shadows like Alfred Hitchcock does so. Plus didn't we have embarrassing you guys didn't have like the embarrassing boners at like a high school dance. No you're like go to very many I didn't go to high school dance to me. We're about like seeking out and going and getting fucked up somehow so how do we get out of this prison of fun. No Scott I specifically remember it it was the it was one of the first times I ever I slow dance with this girl I had the biggest crush on it sixth grade. The song was a Vanessa well no Vanessa Williams saved the best for last. Oh my god. Oh wow. And. I. Exactly. Oh my god. Raging hard. Raging and I wasn't doing anything I was just holding her like oh my god this is this is heaven. This is this is I don't want the song and and then it ended and I'm like all right I got a time I shoot real quick bend down do the waistband tuck all right. I am totally I'm I'm pretty sure I've done the waistband tuck a waistband tuck you got it. I did the waistband tuck like two days ago I do the waistband tuck every time I get out of bed in the morning like you do you just your wife you don't just rock it's a little awkward it's kind of hard to walk around sometimes yeah you don't just rock that around it's a little awkward there's no look there's no rocking morning wood okay no it's embarrassing yeah it's like the alone goes up and I rock it and she takes care of it oh no your morning wood can rock things but you do not rock no I rock out of bed with I don't care with morning what I have to take a shower I go over and she sees me she's like get back over here and I'm like no no no Hugh Hefner cannot rock morning wood I will strut around my bedroom nude and I'd be like you look like an asshole I've rocked morning look like an asshole but she's busy about whatever it depends it depends on the context of the morning I got to say a busy morning is not the time to rock quote unquote the morning wood yeah okay this next letter disagree on this one this next letter I felt like you could help with Scott it's from this animation advice or no no it's about rocking morning wood this is about something about why I think you'll have a pretty intense opinion I bet oh geez the girl I'm in love with him dating for over a year now recently decided to end our relationship she's 23 and I'm 25 for the better part of a relationship she'd been alternating between staying with their parents and coming to stay with me blah blah blah blah blah blah so now being summer I tried to arrange going away for a couple weekends and visiting family members together things to break the routine things we could do together aside from sitting on my couch watching food networking couple hours and calling a night we're supposed to go away last weekend but something came up and we had to reschedule no problem but then she said in many words that it was over despite saying she loved me and just prior to our plans to visit one of my older sisters in the weekend and then going further north for a few days following the weekend she's cheating it feels like she didn't want to put the effort nor wait to see how the change in routine could be beneficial maybe yes maybe no but this is the part I thought you know now things are unresolved and I'm left feeling empty so can you offer me any advice maybe something I can say to her something I can do that will help me move on fuck her best friend god damn it how did you how did you guys you know that's not even the first time that I've that advice has been offered on this podcast I think last time was when Scott was here no it was David she's David also recommended fucking her mom wow I'm gonna recommend that no matter what the circumstance Microsoft David Ellis folks how did you guys get access to my emails from 2005 oh so basically yeah the gist of the email is she's avoiding you because she's fucking someone else right that's exactly what's happening and the way to get around and I just like to say that we know this because we've been there or you've been the guy fucking someone else it's more likely I've been there I've been the guy that's I've been there yeah that's been cheated on I mean I was a man's dress for a year so a man's dress yeah oh right I was a man's dress what does that mean a male mistress that was a man I was a male mistress hmm I was she had a boyfriend I was the other man which was awesome because I had not a bad gig oh my god I didn't have to pay for shit she was just fuck all the time it was great um hey man this guy creepy yeah she's cheating on you you either have to end it or she did she ended it then move on start fucking I will give you the advice here's the best advice here's the best advice it's ever been given to me and I credit my girlfriend 100% because my girlfriend and I were friends for a couple of years before we started dating oh I didn't know that yeah and it was so our our our past crossed like quarterly where we'd hook up but she sat me down one day she's like you are like the most charming motherfucker I know go fuck some bitches just go out there and fuck some bitches who gives a fuck right go fuck some bitches so this is what I tell you go fuck some bitches it sounds like shallow advice but it's it's the best it is the most this is the most useless advice you have ever heard no like like you like you're talking to a crowd of like video game nerds you go out there and fuck some bitches video game nerds video game nerds second art school we get it tutorial can we get like a learning curve can we get this here's your learning curve don't care about what you're doing go out there I don't care about what you're doing go out this is sound advice it's not universally applicable it depends on who you are I guess I mean going through a period of sluttery if you will of man boredom can be can be good for the soul sure it's good to sew those oats and to sort of like get it out of your system and and it's as shitty and shallow as it sounds it can be kind of validating to start dating people and seeing that people can find you attractive it's even if you don't have sex just like try to get out there and meet people yeah I think what he should do is like obsessively haunt her facebook page look at every single part she makes start cutting your like have masturbation fantasies about her every day and just basically like torture himself on a serious note in that vein unfriend her on facebook unfriend her on my space no no keep her keep your friend you always want to keep taps on that what you were saying earlier no no it's not everyone is interested in the best event is the her seeing who you're fucking right now it does help to not give a shit about her it does make that as transparent as possible the harder you make it for to fucking stare at her online dating profiles or like her fucking social networking shit the easier it will be to move past it yeah but what you were saying about going out there and and fucking people and getting in meeting people don't go out there with the mindset that I'm going to fuck this girl go there with the mindset that there is no way I'm going to fuck this girl and you will okay this is like you're like the Tom Cruise character and I know I really like Frank T.J. Mackey right now most people will not identify with any of what you think and how are you looking I think we should be going we can take a break and then do some more I mean we have some more but we don't have a lot more I mean I really need to be all right we'll take a break real quick pass the choosers. Do you? Dead and kids in the danger zone all of you are broken down. Dead and kids you're not alone. Leave on the street from your night at home. [Music] You got a way clean with my fake magic. No more school or mommy for me. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian says. What? Oh this guy though. This guy. Skill and game reviews he says if you wanted insight or review of a BMW M5 would you hand the keys to your mother or Michael Schumacher then why do you think that any fool with writing experiences qualified to write about games? I'd hand the keys to Joel Schumacher. He would put nipples on. Because we it's kind of said that a person's skill before like if they kind of suck at games didn't necessarily invalidate their opinion. I'd rather read I'd rather read someone who has the ability to express themselves like way before I care to read somebody who's just awesome at games right and doesn't have a fucking thing to say about games. That and I do like to read opinionated voices from people who are reviewing or playing games that are outside of what they're usually used to playing like you know at IGN we kind of divvy up reviews to the genres and franchises and such of people who are fans of that stuff and like I would love to read you know somebody who plays racing games RPGs review a completely different genre just to get his take on things because it doesn't all because otherwise you're just gonna get the same voice. Can you imagine if the only opinion you'd ever heard about like Ninja Gaiden were from people who were super fucking awesome at Ninja Gaiden. Yeah that would sign the game and all of a sudden like the second guy cut your fucking head off. Yeah it's a good point man. But the same guy in the same breath you don't want to read a review from me talking about a JRPG where I just go. Right but that goes beyond sucking a games or not sucking a games that goes to a complete disinterest regarding the subject matter. Disinterest like I have genuinely tried to play them and I just like I don't know what I'm doing. Um this guy also says for the record I've read your writing and I think it's mediocre at best. I heartily disagree with your belief that reviews are subjective and wouldn't be surprised if those beliefs are intended to deflect criticism away from your work. The same guy who wrote that question. Is it to me? No it's just just to rebel if I'm letters. Oh so you think it's all writing is mediocre. Do you have like a basic grasp of the meaning of the word subjective? I don't know what he does. So it's pretty hard to argue. Yeah well it's cool game spots right over there. I don't think they don't. I just you know it's 2010. No can we stop bickering about fucking game reviews? Anyone on earth can go online and find someplace to shit their opinions out. Please for the love of God let's stop having these pointless arguments. I mean I've I've been in this for eight years. It is petty and stupid. Get a fucking life. If I post my review on a random message board 400,000 unique people won't read it. Yeah maybe you should get a job. I guess the check cleared. Yeah true. I can really use that Activision check about now. How's your how's your real actual transformer doing that you wrote to work today? Uh it's cool. I'm gonna have to sell it to pay my I mean we say that we all thought but we all fall victim to that times of bitching like I can't believe someone gave that review this this the sort of thing you know. I mean yeah we did it on this very podcast. We all disagree. We disagreed with. Right I think that our complaints about the review in particular that we were kind of trashing was that it had glaring factual inaccuracies. Yeah Anthony I think there's there's it's a different sort of be nitpicky with a specific singular review than it is to just go on this branching rant about reviews in general or use in general. That's one thing. But I'm just saying to like I thought we were talking about going off on specific reviews because like every review for every game that comes out you can like people that are like if you want to argue with somebody somebody about something like you're going to use anything you can. I mean that's kind of how arguments work. I mean if you disagree with someone's opinion that's our arguments on the internet work. No but I mean that's how people work. We're always going through like any way we can. That's not how people always work. That's like the fucking politics crossover from the last 50 years that's managed to get it make its way into public discourse. Like attack the source like completely logically fallacious arguments. Yeah I mean but that's that's really like where we're at as a society. That's a problem. We're at the like oh I can't I can't really like factually just prove your opinion and so I'm just going to shit on you. Right yeah but I don't think that that should be encouraged. I don't think that should be excused but like discouraging the lowest common denominator on the internet is about you know pissing in the wind. Yeah because I'm just going to come in and go law XD law. I hope some of these review outlets are around for hundreds of years so that people can be like yeah but you guys gave this game like a 6.5 back in 1808 that number you can trust my god if this if this same kind of thing exists in 20 years I swear to god I'm going to blow up all of my video. It won't it won't because this generation it's growing up their vocabulary is so terrible. They just wait. They just wait. They just wait. Oh my god. They're here. They're here. It'll get worse than it is now. Yeah it's just gonna be law. You are are the letter ARE will no longer exist. We're winding winding an extra way towards the democracy is interesting. So so things like like skate won't alley on a store shows and need for people to race in a store. Transformers rolled out to retail. They'll just send out he bears unbearable. Sometimes I can't help but put those puns in my straps just to make you and Meg's cringe. I mean I see I see the humor behind them now like when when you're actively saying like let's make this as corny as possible to the point where it breaks the wall of corny and just becomes stupid and funny I love that but when you get these press releases and all caps and it's like spider-man swings in the stores there's only so much of that you can deal with before your head explodes. The better I feel a review of I've written is the stupider the strap I want attached to it. Just because reviews. Yeah reviews. I'm not going to read the next question because it was also about that. One guy named Joe. This is also a serious email but every year we occasionally read emails like this. He just said I want to say your podcast has gotten me through many hard times. I'm currently serving in the military and can be very lonely coming home from a long day of the work and picking up the phone and realizing everyone back home is asleep due to time changes. Nothing cuts through the void of loneliness or boredom or cleaning then a lively discussion of video games or listening to some cat talk and a few penis jokes thrown in between. Back in my advanced training it would help me. Great help to come over for 15 hour a day of dealing with bullshit and turn my iPod and take a quick escape from the terrible position I had willing fully sign myself up for. I even listened during my graduation after basic blah blah blah but he basically just said he said you should honor a serviceman for on Independence Day. Thank you for serving. So you know Memorial Day. A lot of gamers out there. I feel like I feel like I get a lot of letters from people who are over there listening to gaming podcasts. I think gaming podcasts are popular. Yeah popular thing but that's cool. I mean it sounds like people over there get to play games sometimes when they're not fucking risking their lives. So maybe take it easy this week if you can. Stay safe. Yeah thanks for doing me what you're doing. Definitely. That's pretty awesome that like you know he can feel the void of like not being able to call his friends and just like listen to like a podcast like this. Yeah that's a good thing. The next letter is not nearly as serious. Okay all right. Here we go. Nathan and he says at 20 years old I just shaved my head after slowly losing my hair for the past three or four years. And he said I just wanted to thank Arthur for inspiring me to go full on skinhead because it actually turned out to be. Whoa whoa whoa. There's definitely full on skinhead. It's a far cry from shaving your head to hating black people. Well you do have your shirt off right now. Why do you think that skinheads really hate black? We all do things we regret in prison. That's true. I thought they hated all kinds of races that weren't white. Right that's a good point. All right skinhead away. Bob Jones the key coming over to fuck you later. Who? The chick who fucked Jesse James. Sandra Bullock. Oh Jesus. Yeah I guess it's a good reference. I was gonna say why has the curve outside of your apartment so bloody. Wow yeah. Okay. Here's the line Lord. I know what did I get you in? So what's he saying? What's the end of that? Oh it's just he I just wondered because it was. Thanks for the ball guy. Arthur what do you think I should do with my with my head? With your with your hairline? Yeah. Well we I don't think you talked have you talked about the song podcast before? Like what happened to your hairline? Oh my hairline like whoa Jesus Christ. There's about to be some pussy warfare. You really have them hair problems. You have majestic hair dude. No I don't. My hairline is receding. Look I can just go like this. It's still it's still right but they're not at the point. There's a story. There's a story. I had a luxurious head of hair and I lost so much weight. So fast that my hair is like see you later and it's not going to come back. So yeah if you're listening and you have nice hair and your fats they fat or or just lose weight the right way don't don't become an exercise bulimic. Were you bulimic? No I don't know exercise bulimic is when you eat a certain number of calories and then burn off that same. Oh it sounds like a depressing topic to bring up. No I was about to have an intervention. No before like before two or three years ago I had not vomited. So it's 14. And then every day. And then after making 25 candy bars. I just started drinking hard. So take that liver. It's okay so Brian wrote in. Again other Brian. God you were just they just have. He says I recently unearthed my original Xbox and would like to know what some of your suggestions for games to play. I've been a PC gamer for a while so many of the games that came out for both those platforms I probably have played but what Xbox exclusives Xbox exclusives would you say are important experiences original. There was a jet ground radio. There was an indie game or jetset radio. We're talking about original Xbox. Yeah I know. There was an indie game that came out around launch called Halo. Right. A small production. Yeah. I mean this isn't this isn't an exclusive but it was originally made just for the Xbox and that's psycho nuts. Right. Yeah exactly check out. Right. It was made for the Xbox psycho. Another to other stuff. Another example of a game where Microsoft's mercenary fucking positioned toward third parties with the Xbox turned out to be dead fucking on. Like they cut out they they signed agreements with a bunch of third parties for the Xbox and over time they started cutting some of these people loose and virtually every game they did just flopped like completely and psychonauts is one of them and odd world tragedy. Yeah what tragedy. What did rare do for the original Xbox? That was right. Right. Right. That was it. Cameo was supposed to be an Xbox game. Right. And then it got pushed back. It's so it's perfect arc. I think it was supposed to be an NES game first. The game got the lead. I heard Cameo. Cameo. What is it? Cameo. Japanese. I don't know. Cameo. I just I thought I've heard rare like people from rare pronounce it that way but I could be wrong. That's a British. They are British. And it's really hard though. What's strange? Strangers rack. Strangers rack is a good one. The stubs the zombie hold up stubs the zombies. The Xbox is it's a tough it's a tough console to like properly reflect upon. Not only that but stubs has a great fucking soundtrack. It does. Mecosalt. I feel is a really great action game. The splinter cell titles. That's a gun. Yeah. How's fireworks? The splinter cell games were functionally Xbox games. I mean they were designed for Xbox like they controlled best on Xbox. Yeah. What was the really good one? It's the only one I've ever realized. Yeah. That's the only splinter cell game I've ever really enjoyed. The Xbox version of splinter cell double agent is also really good. If you can find it. Yeah. If you can find it. I thought burnout three was better on Xbox. Really? Yeah. All right. So there's some suggestions. I mean there's a lot of really good Xbox games. It's just like I think there's not there's not the same amount of Japanese big games on Xbox and those are the typically the kinds of games that get fetishized. Yeah. From generation to generation. Fucking air jerk off. Hi have you talked to fans of eco and shadow of the Colossus? Yeah. I wouldn't say that eco and shadow of the Colossus are like very typical Japanese games though. I think if those games have been. No I'm referring to the people that jerk off over the prospect of even talking about eco and shadow of the Colossus. I love shadow of the Colossus. I think he goes cool but I love shadow of the Colossus when I saw the other day that there might be like a remastered version. I am all over that. I mean that's basically been confirmed now right. Is it? That's how much? Pretty much. I can tell you that I can confirm that I'm going to play the shit out of that. I've already played through shadow of the Colossus. I mean if you think of major PS2 exclusives like what a major PS2 exclusives that people should go back and play that aren't Japanese. That aren't Japanese? I mean the Grand Theft Auto games. Those weren't exclusives. Some of the ratchet clank games. Oh well come on but they're reported. They're mean. Well yeah but they were all like they all perform better on Xbox than they did on PS2. It seems weird to play Guitar Hero 1. Yeah Guitar Hero 1 and 2. Although I guess you can play. But you can't play on your PS3. Well Guitar Hero 1. Yeah I don't wait. But not with those awesome cover band versions of the real series. You know I actually went to the studio that recorded all those covers. I did a story on them once and I always wanted like I've been trying to find the guy who owned that studio because I imagine that's a story of like a terrible like business failure. Yeah. Because when I came there it was when they were making Guitar Hero 2 and they had all these cubicles where they had guitar wankers. Like people out of music schools sitting sitting in like audio sealed cubicles playing guitar solos all day and recording them into pro tools. And they were making all these covers of famous rock songs before rock band and Guitar Hero all went into the original. Right and as far as performances go that weren't vocal the the instrument performances were spot fucking on. Yeah they were great. I mean they know they did a really bang up job and the studio in the bay was the place where the people were doing this and they were going out of their way to try to recreate the sounds of recordings. Right they're video asking them because in Guitar Hero 2 there were several license tracks and I was like do you worry that that you know in the future there won't be anymore these cover tracks and he's like oh no it's too expensive they'll never do it. Yeah sure that guy's drinking whiskey in a dumpster somewhere. All right. Yeah it's excused non-drances. I don't know how we got those on PS2. I mean non-Japanese exclusives on PS2. Those games were loved by people. Those games were loved by PS2. I'm just saying it's hard to think of pretty well. There's not a lot in the way of Japanese support for Xbox and those seem to be the games that people go to. I think it's pretty hard to think about games that really hold up in the 3D era period like games that you really want to go back to. Not just Japanese or American games but like games from seven or eight years ago that were in 3D that you would actually want to play in it. Right I guess I could do that. Wind waker. Wind waker holds up pretty well. For sure. Wind waker will look great in 20 years. Oh well at least we'll look better than that. I mean jet checkrind radio. Sure. Still looks good. Pantry degree in order is another good one. Yeah. Crazy taxi. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Not anymore. Nope. That's gone. Okay. Sorry. So not much. I mean there's a reason. Get a dream cast. No more letters. Yeah that was pretty much the end of good quality letters. Well can we have some more shitty quality letters? No. Why? Nooo. Who wants to play Assassin's Creed 2? No it's not that it's just that some of them just aren't really like worth reading. They're fun to read but not good radio materials the thing. We can make it into gold. If you want to just talk about like something else we can see. I'm like Rumpel's still skin over here. I'll fucking turn that email into a gold weave it into gold. Red. My goodness. My goodness. Okay. I was seeing if I had gotten anything recently. Like there was oh Jesus Christ. I have the world's most depressing letter. Oh yeah let's read it. Let's make fun of him. Oh you won't be able to. Can we do a suicide pact afterward? Try me. Do you have a funny letter that you can queue up after this one? Not really. I mean I've read. It's gonna be like that Casey case amount take where he's coming out of a death dedicate. He's coming out of a pop song going into a death dedication. I was thinking about that earlier. Okay read it. This may get cut because it's pretty heavy. But this guy wrote in a couple weeks ago and I feel bad that we never sent anything in. This is from Matthew. Dearable of them. Sorry. The subject of this email is relationship advice for a dying kid. Oh my god cut. Oh no. Dear Rebel FM. Sorry about the subject title. I think it was the only way to get your attention and it perfectly describes my situation. Oh shit. I'm a 19 year old college junior and I have a cute lymphoblastic leukemia. The doctors have given me a little over three months due to the rate that the disease is spreading. The idea of death is one that frightens me but even worse is the idea that I'm going to have died of virgin and never had a girlfriend. I know a girl that I love dearly yet she has a boyfriend out of town and she once called him a fucking nihilist. She said that at the moment she does not love me as much as I love her but she also doesn't know that I'm going to be dead by September. I told her that I have ALL and one night when I was recently taken to the hospital because I collapsed she talked to my mom on the phone and said how scared she was for me. Just because of that one event she didn't talk to me for a while because of how awful it had been for her. So because I didn't want to hurt her or scare her I lied and told her that I had over a year left. Right now I feel awful because sooner or later this lie will be revealed when I die and since lately I've been getting so angry at the fact that I never had a girlfriend I've been tempted to tell her about how long I have left to try and guilt her into being my girlfriend. I don't know what to do. I know I'm an asshole if I guilt her into this because I'm going to die and leave her without grief or leave her with grief or I die without ever knowing how it felt to have a girlfriend or have sex. You're not an asshole. Not an asshole. Can I totally guilt? It's like what's the why not guilt? And I have real world experience with this. Fire away. Okay so in 2007 I had mono and didn't know it and my spleen ruptured and basically if you're spleen ruptures you are supposed to die and doctors are not supposed to operate on you. You're dead. It's a death sentence like less than 1% of people do this happens to survive it. So I'm in the hospital dying on the table and my my sister who's a nurse was there yelling at the doctors like just fucking try and save him. Try and save him and so they they cut me open. They pump me with 17 units of blood and fill my body with blood. I can't process it so they're just continually pumping it in and 17 units is a body and a half full of blood and I lost all of this in two hours. Flatlined, died, went to the other side, saw it, whatever. Anyway. Respawn. Yes. So they're big. Well played sir. There was a girl that I had briefly dated before this whole thing happened and she it was really kind of heavy and intense but she had decided that she was going to go with her ex-boyfriend instead of me. Now she had found out that you had died. That I had died. Well what happened was I wasn't returning her phone calls or her emails because I was in the hospital. I was I was went in on a Monday woke up on a Thursday with a breathing tube down my throat. You know don't remember any those days at all. She started she found out I was in the hospital found me was so heartbroken and wrecked over this and I was like well I don't I don't know what I'm gonna do like I'm so weak. She's like Spanish fly man. Just tell her tell her you died tell her you went to the other side. What if this kid doesn't come back from the dead? Well he's not gonna come back he's not going to come back from the dead but I'm tell her. I got to say like now now you know in the final like three months of your life now you know it is not the time to be you know passes. No right like you were entitled seriously there there are plenty of opportunities for a 19 year old dude. If she's unhappy about it looking to have this experience where he dies plenty of people who are very sympathetic to that and even if it's not the girl you have a crush on you should really try to you know experience anything you want while you can because do it exactly. I mean what do you have to look for fuck's sake do it now yeah anyone that you hit on that doesn't like it will have time to get over it agree yeah yeah I don't want to play doubles advocate but uh I'm just trying to think from the girls perspective what's she gonna be doing in three months when she's like oh that guy that fucked me is dead now or that guy that wanted to fuck me that I never what fuck me is dead now whereas either or whereas maybe she'll feel great about it because it was like a dead man's dying wishman sure I mean I'm just I'm just trying I don't know I don't have an answer to this I'm just trying to figure out how this marinates in her head after the fact that we're at the boring the plastic it's not going to be great right I don't wear another I really had to think about whether or not I was going to read this email because it is super heavy but I mean he sent this to me June 5th and all right so you need to get on it. Matthew I'm really sorry it took so long I just didn't know how to do it. Do what you want to do with those last two months yeah don't hold back yeah fucker yeah and everyone would be better off if we all just imagine we're gonna die in September so let's see that yeah are we doing that right now and yeah mines I I would if I was I would get everyone to do things for me that I wanted yeah like that's the reason they have this stuff like go go get go get the Ninja Turtles in the next Smash Brothers game or something fuck everything up while you can while you're here yeah you're not going to have the rest of your life to fuck things up like the rest of us do it's going to take me years to fuck this thing up yeah you you have three months to get everything you can and and get out there are hero Matt yeah you're at this point there are no consequences so just do it start letting your Facebook page before you die I just oh yeah thank you for saying thank you so much believe your Facebook page there is nothing worse than that you don't wanna miss you wish you were here we we went to orange tigaloo's and we took giga shots and you aren't there but we pretended you were no it's not talking to a to a fucking robot that's the saddest thing oh my dead friends don't let people advertise on your tombstone delete your Facebook page yeah delete yeah all right anyway book delete your twitter keep your classmates.com because those guys need the money yeah anyway thank you for not to take that lightly that's yeah thank you for listening Matt thank you for sending that in I'm sorry it took so long and I hope that the podcast is a little bit of sunshine and what the fuck you're going through yeah basically sending letters to everybody not just not just us man and yeah if there's like other girls that used to have a crush on you never told them to start telling them right now everybody the world is yours fuck the shit up while you can just say I like to you and I am a virgin and I'm going to die yeah you will score a lot of that's the best hit you know that's the best line ever yeah I'm dying and I'm a virgin double Spanish fly oh man that's what Scott that's what you need to do you need to go get some receipts out of the hospital garbage can oh that is a comedy callback hi buddy that was great all right well you've been listening to a fucking shameful podcast for like two hours now that is the worst two hours we've committed to disc um all right thank you for listening you can find us on twitter you can find brian at agent bizzle you can find uh robert just at robert ashley you can find arthur aegis you can find me at truff money and uh you can find scott at scott is it with scott underscore underscore bromley okay scott underscore bromley and there's a new episode of life well waste there is yeah yeah go peep that i have a quick question dot com did you uh did you cancel the order of the dude with the poster on ebay yeah awesome yeah really what what's that story he sells posters for life well wasted okay and they sell out and the sky was ebang it there there are multiple people who have done it and i've canceled all the orders of people who have put them on ebay i mean i recognize an order well wait there's this big like mega blow up threat on gaff about it i recognize that artificial rarity equals inflated prices uh and i recognize the people down the line might sell their poster but if you're fucking dumb enough to buy a poster for me and then try to sell it on ebay before i even ship it to you i'm going to cancel your order that's taking money out of robert's pocket essentially can i have a poster for free no they're all going i was signed one i was going to sell that shit okay so can you just sign my tips i can do that um you can send uh letters to us for future shows for scott and brian analyze and you provide feedback on it it could very well occur that they'll be on again letters we might be that eat dash sleep dash game uh robert will you ever be on her both come again maybe i would i leave a team in july so i see goin athen's georgia georgia nice georgia that's where jesus wasn't comfort really i didn't know that i thought it was this pull port bug heating jesus rooted in our triceratops and we are! go away say what you say say back to stay every day in the time of my life there's a need more time there's a need more time just to make things right there's a need more time just to make these right there's a need more time just to make these right so don't go away you (gentle music) [BLANK_AUDIO]