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Ep. 1068 - (HSP # 26) Judith Orloff's empaths survival guide, Part 7.

Judith Orloff's empaths survival guide, Part 7. empaths, love, sex, close relationships - Part 1. Email address for feedback, questions, and insights is sholombayis777@gmail.com, or to reach out via WhatsApp at +1 347 578 0669.

Duration:: 15m
Broadcast on:: 01 Jan 2025
Audio Format:: other

Judith Orloff's empaths survival guide, Part 7.

empaths, love, sex, close relationships - Part 1.

Email address for feedback, questions, and insights is sholombayis777@gmail.com, or to reach out via WhatsApp at +1 347 578 0669.

Welcome everyone, we're about to begin that session. HSP number 26, that's for highly sensitive people, number 26. Both Judas Orloff and Elaine Aaron have a chapter in their books pertaining to love, empaths, love, and sex is what it's called in Judas Orloff's books. And Elaine Aaron has a separate book in the aspects of love for HSPs in depth, which, as I said, we hope to get to, so we're just going to touch upon the surface of it. But empaths or HSPs have a special challenges when it comes to intimate relationships, because of their intense sensitivities. In some cases, HSPs or empaths are so overloaded with their stimulus pertaining to this, that they become avoidant, where they have that personality and they shut down and it's difficult for them to connect with others. While others somehow have a reverse problem, where it becomes so intense and their need to connect is so strong, and that creates a tremendous emotional need to connect with somebody else that's so strong, that often it doesn't allow them to be protected properly in setting their clear boundaries that you need to connect to and realize that their love, that they have, that's overflowing, maybe towards the wrong person or in the wrong way. And very often it's quite confusing for them. Their whole sexual libido could be extremely heightened and very sensitive to that. And we'll go into that at a different time in more detail. But now we're just going to give the general concepts of it. It does stretch in the empath's heart or a highly sensitive person's heart that they become more loving and more open. It's important for them to learn to communicate authentically the right way pertaining to loving relationships and to set clear boundaries so as not to get overloaded. The myla of it is that when they have the right love relationship, it empowers highly sensitive people. They feel special by being valued, by being adored, it makes them more grounded. When they have a healthy emotional available partner that honors their sensitivities and they become secure, they become supported, they thrive. Empass and highly sensitive people when given the proper love and the right care and they learn also their proper boundaries pertaining to it, they can thrive and grow and it's actually a healing experience. The intimate relationship, even the sexual physical relationship can become a source of great healing for them. However, despite their amazing gifts in the heights they could reach, pertaining to intimacy, sometimes if they're too much togetherness could be difficult to result in overloading. It is a big struggle because on one hand they desperately want companionship but very often they feel unsafe. There's a conflicting desire in many empaths and many highly sensitive people that on one hand they want to be loved, on the other hand they want to be alone as well. They want to be needed but they don't want other people's needs to burden them. They want to enter a richer life but they also want companionship. They want both. That is a struggle with many many empaths, with many many HSPs. They struggle between wanting love versus wanting to be alone in their entire life. There's a conflict between the two with many of them and no matter how much HSP loves their partner or anyone for that matter they become, there's a risk of them becoming overstimulated. That person will get on their nerves they'll start getting anxious and there's an important part of an empath or an HSP to learn how to balance their alone time with the time they spend with their husband or with their wife to find a happy medium. They're not always easy to live with empaths or HSPs and taking a break is essential for an empath sanity. They need that space. They are sensitive, they are intuitive, they are caring, but also shock absorbers. They are fine to nervous systems and they react very strongly. The myla about it is with the right husband, with the right wife, they're so in sync with their emotions sometimes even telepathically that they read each other, they're sensual, they're sexually responsive, they're great lovers in that sense, but on the other side of that is you'll also take on that other person's stress. The closer you grow to someone, the more your sensitivities are heightened, therefore in a romantic relationships or empaths on one hand could experience wonderful heightened experience in physical and emotional intimacy, but at the same time they feel there's a risk of them feeling drained and overloaded by the added stimulation that comes with that togetherness. This is where they differ from a regular ordinary in empath. In other words, normally you would sense you'll be sympathizing with a partner's husband or wife, they had a bad day at work, so you feel bad also, but with an empath they actually merge, they actually feel their husband or wife's joy and sadness as if it's their own, and therefore that is the test. Therefore some avoid romantic relationships or some tend to attach themselves unfortunately to unavailable people, but talk later how they're prone to connect with certain unavailable people that are not healthy for them, but often this concept of going to unavailable people is the fear of getting overwhelmed, so they stick to a relationship that is more constant, and very often they would just do that to avoid feeling the draining and trapping of someone that you have a long-term commitment with. There's a difference between connection and attachment that empaths need to learn, we all need to learn. They often get attached to the wrong people because they see the potential in that other person, and they want to bring out the best in them, and they reason to themselves that this person needs love, and they'll open their heart to me, and I can heal them because empaths are so passionate, it's easy to understand why they would have such an assumption, but in general it's not realistic. A healthy connection is when a husband and wife or any partners don't want to connect with one another towards becoming husband and wife, they're mutually committed to a relationship, and they both want their hearts to each other to be open and honest. Attachment on the other hand is when you're told on to someone thinking you can't survive without it, and also hoping that that person will change. Attachments are dangerous, they link people to unavailable people, or to connect to toxic relationships. Some empaths felt a strong soulmate connection to someone, but then get confused when they're not available, or they don't reciprocate the feeling, so it's it's often to understand that, and not get confused about that. Judith Ola for self had these complicated relationships, she admits that, she was never married, and on a deep level when she analyzes herself why she was never married, is because she was getting free to get trapped in a wrong relationship without an escape hatch, and her own needs would be squashed. In reality we know that an empath HSP could very much connect with a healthy person, as long as they learn borders and they understand each other, and they are mention, air look towards each other, and they learn about what HSPs are. They themselves, the ones that are that and those that are married to them, and they could thrive, they could thrive tremendously, and they can grow, and they could have beautiful, beautiful relationships. So this is what we call a relationship empath. To describe what it is, is it's a person who absorbs their husband or wife's or partner's stress symptoms and emotions. They're also afraid of being smothered or losing their own identity in these close relationships. If they're together too often with each other, it makes them feel anxious. They need to be alone in order to recharge themselves. Sometimes they prefer sleeping alone, and sometimes they get annoyed by what their husband and wife is doing. Let's say they're talking on the phone when they're together, it hurts them. They get a hypersensitive to that. Their feelings are easily hurt. If they do argue or have a disagreement, it makes them feel felt, feel mamish, literally ill or exhausted. They have difficulties setting boundaries, or asserting their needs, and so on and so forth. So all these are signs of being a relationship empath. The idea is in the target value of it. If you're dedicated to grow with a person, and to work with each other, to develop, to grow for themselves, to grow for others, recognize you that no one is perfect. And basically, you basically set that the person what's important to you, you're a slave, you're a good person, you want to work on yourself, and have good midi and serve a cottage barreful, and have a healthy Benadam l'Havere sensitivity, then any type of marriage with such a person could work, even if they have different personalities than their own. She describes different personality types. There's an intellectual or intense thinker where their emotions are, they don't really, they often avoid their emotions or don't really trust their gut feelings, they're not light-hearted. And those people, you could still really have a beautiful connection with the right way. There are others that you could have two empaths being married to one another. It is beautiful, it could be wonderful, it could be amazing, but they could look, unfortunately, run into the risk of overwhelming each other, which should get very, very intense. And she brings ways how to communicate with such a person as well, that she brings interesting, she calls it a rock, or the strong and silent type, which is not a negative thing, it's just a person that's consistent and dependable and stable, empaths can connect with them deeply too. So in other words, the empaths don't necessarily need to marry empaths, it highly sensitive people don't need it to marry other highly sensitive people in order to thrive. Sometimes it could be even better not being like that. Whatever Hashem arranges, he arranges, but you don't necessarily have to be the same type or the same sensitivity. If it doesn't, it has its own beautiful gifts and challenges. If not, it doesn't. So for example, someone what she calls a rock, a rock in a positive sense, consistent, dependable, stable, empaths can marry them and they can thrive. Their rock, meaning their partner, husband or wife, won't get alarmed, will not likely be critical. The negative part is they'll have a hard time sharing their own feelings and they have to learn how to develop that. And they may feel that their, these rocks are emotionally shut off, even boring, but no, doesn't have to be that way. They can make beautiful, wonderful partners and marriages. If this rock, this consistent, dependable one works on working through their feelings, they'll never be the same person. They'll always have their same similar dispositions, but at the same time they'll be able to thrive together in a most beautiful, beautiful way. So empaths and highly sensitive people can have empowered intimate relationships. Its research showed, unfortunately, that many of them are more likely to be single or divorced or separated or less likely to ever have been married and because they do tend to have certain special needs that make marriage more challenging. But it doesn't have to be like that. And it's so sad because they are the greatest potential of being the most wonderful husbands, the most wonderful wives. The key is compromise. The key is balance. The key is trust. The key is accepting who you are and that your husband or wife accepts you for who you are. You need to express your empathetic needs. You need to be who you are. You can't deny it to yourself just to make other people comfortable. But at the same time you'll learn how to handle it the right way. And you'll learn to use it the right way. We're going to, as I said, talk in the next year about ways to handle this concept, secrets, basically, tools in order for empaths to thrive in a loving relationship. But the idea being is that it is not an easy thing for highly sensitive people. HSPs or empaths when they fall in love, they fall in love harder. And it's a stronger, intense feeling very often. And that could be a wonderful thing. It could be a great gift, but it could be a tremendous burden as well. There are other HSPs, however, that don't seem to fall in love at all. They're the avoidant type. They're so overwhelmed by their intense feelings that they tend to detach. So you have those two opposite poles taking place where some of them fall hard, very love and fall in love and have these intense emotional feelings towards another that are very, very strong, very, very intense. And there are others that hold back and they're avoiding that way and they don't. And it's coming from the same source of a fear of overloading. Or they don't have that fear or they can't help it and they overload as well. And it could become very, very intense, which is something that they have to be very careful about. Brahma and Atzlaqah.