City Central Church Podcast
Jennifer Roberts at City Central
(audience applauding) - Thanks everyone. I feel welcomed and loved. It's good. This, Dwayne and I travel with one thing conferences, I only go four or five times a year. We have children and it's appropriate that I parent them. So, I pick and choose where I go and of course I choose Tacoma. (audience cheering) Yay! So, I'm a local girl, I'm from Shelton, Washington, I was raised there. I know, logging down. But I just wanna let you know, we've traveled a ton, we've seen a lot of different churches, a lot of different church bodies, but there's something so special about this group of people. It's really unbelievable. I remember last year when we came, I assumed everyone I was running into was on church staff because the quality of people was outstanding. I'm like, how did they get this caliber of people? And then I found, no, they're all volunteers. So I'm like, wow, God has dealt with this group of people in a profound way and you're rock solid. And I could tell, I could feel it, I could sense your hospitality, I could sense your love. And I just want you to know that you're unique. You really are unique in the body of Christ and you have a good thing going here and there's such camaraderie amongst people. I just love it. I love coming here. And the food is awesome. (audience laughing) I like to say that. The hospitality you guys show in the way of food is like, "Wow, that's fun." I know. The bad news is I have to go home. There is no green room in my house. I am the green room. It's like, oh, that's right, I do laundry, okay. 'Cause you know, I do this, you know, four or five, maybe six times a year. So it's, I revel in the attention. It's a blast. So I step in, I'm like, bring me flowers, I'm a queen. I get treated like a diva for four days and then I go home and go, wow, okay, real life, here we are. And it's complete opposite of this. 'Cause you know, I mean, you're women, you know what it's like. So just so I can get the demographic, how many people do not have children in this room? Okay, okay. Now of the ones that don't have children, how many of you are married? Okay, and so, no, no, that's not a bad thing. I'm not like, oh, you poor ladies, no. It'll come, it'll be good, believe me. So I'm just trying to figure out who my audience is so I can tell you what you need to know, right? Good. Okay, I'm gonna just tell you a little bit about myself before we jump in. Can you keep me on track with time? I have no idea what time it is. Give me a mark at some point. Quick bunny trail. The first time I spoke in a larger gathering, I didn't know there's like sign language that you need to know for stuff and little cues and so I'm preaching my heart out and then the guy at the end of the sound room, he's holding up a number. It was like, so what? And it happened to be at 10. So I went, yes, he thinks I'm pretty. So I lost it. I mean, the whole room erupts. I couldn't get it back. The poor sound guy is humiliated. It's like, so 10 means you have 10 minutes to go. Now I know those things. Anyway. Okay, so, I know, crazy. So like I told you guys, I am from Shelton, Washington. My dad was raised in Seattle and he got in trouble with the law early on in his life. Got in trouble with drugs and fled to San Francisco to escape being put in prison. So while there, he met my mom who had been married to a heroin addict who beat her so severely that she's completely deaf in one ear and only has 30% of her hearing in the other. So, you know, trauma, just awful life. So she musters up the courage to divorce this man 'cause when you're in that kind of abusive relationship, you think you deserve it and you stay there. So somehow she managed to get out. At that point, she had five little boys, just ding, ding, ding like stair steps a year apart. And so she's in San Francisco being hippie, doing that whole deal, and then meets my dad who's a total pacifist and he's never gonna hit her. So it's all gonna work out great. And so they get pregnant with me and get married in a tree in a jade green dress, okay? That's kind of their story. So when I'm three months old, my dad gets a telephone call from his parents, telling him please come and turn yourself in. We're gonna lose our house 'cause they put it up for Bond. And so at the time, he was gonna go to prison for 15 years. He had a six-inch marijuana plant and some pot seeds, but I guess they were cracking down on the drugs back then, trying to rid the world of those battled hippies. And so he was considered a felon and he was gonna go to prison for 15 years. So I cannot imagine the drive from San Francisco back to Washington State for my mom. Now she's gonna be a single mom of six children. Her husband's going to prison for 15 years. Like, ah, can't even imagine what that was like for her. Fortunately, the law changed while my dad was in prison that he got out after 15 months. So that's good. So long story short, I was raised in a non-Christian family. My dad is not Chuck Colson, no, not at all. So a lot of craziness in my house. Drugs were still a part of the home. My parents were trying to be fantastic parents. And so they let us make our own choices. That was the way they thought parenting would be the best. Don't tell me what to do, but let me choose on my own what would be good to do. So, you know, you have a hands-off approach with five boys and a girl and you've got a recipe for chaos and disaster. So needless to say, my brothers got into drugs on many different levels, just crazy partying. Yeah, that'll be enough of that. I mean, I could go on and on and tell you all kinds of dirty secrets, but then my brothers would beat me up later. So I won't, but what happened was I saw my family and I went, I don't want to be that. I don't want to be that. And so my parents say I rebelled and went straight. So I became the kid that was good in sports and I was happy, go lucky and popular and got good grades. Like they were, what, who are you? And I remember when I was voted class president, my mom took me aside and said, are you going to become a snob now? You know, just complete opposite value system. They didn't know what to do with this girl. They did the best they could, but they didn't know, you know, how do you parent one like this? So long story short, my parents go to a church and get radically saved one night. Just radically saved. And I always thought they were unusual, now they were psycho, okay? They go to church, get saved, my mom comes home and she's like, praise the Lord. Like, oh gosh, now we got this to deal with. I was constantly thinking they were going through phases. You know, I was like a full on adult, 10. So I'm like, what phase is this? But the phase didn't go away. Like, six months later and you're still believing this stuff. Huh, interesting. So they begged me to go to the church with them all the time. And I didn't want to. You know, it was gonna cost me too much and I was cool. And why would I go to church? Only geeks went to church. You know, just self-absorbed to the tea. Vanity was my middle name. I poured over magazines. I wanted to be a model. That was like the epitome of what beauty would be because it would be proven that I was beautiful because my picture would be on the cover of a magazine. And so just dealt with all kinds of issues about my physical appearance. And so I finally went to youth group with my youth group leaders at my parents church. I'll give this a shot, I said. So I go and it's weird, you know, just filled with a bunch of weird people. And I went again and I went again and I went again. I'm like, hmm, it's kind of growing on me. I was obnoxious, you need to know that. I had no boundaries. If my youth group leader was preaching, I would raise my hand in the middle. I would interrupt. I would ask any question I wanted. I assumed the whole meeting was about me. I dominated, okay? It was a rough go. But my youth group leader stuck with me. And so I went to a youth retreat like 1985 or something like that. And I remember they had talked to me, my youth group leaders about I need to just love Jesus. That's what I needed to do. I'm like, this is just weird language. What do you mean love Jesus? I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't know him. So I go to this retreat and I began to weep in the presence of the Lord. I felt his love for the first time. And I'm like, oh my gosh, what is that? And I remember the literal feeling of, I was holding a backpack that had bricks or something like that was just heavy. And it was my sin. And I couldn't ever get it off. I didn't know how to make that weight go away. And when that love came and before I know when I'm repenting and I remember it went away, that heaviness went away. I thought I grew honestly. And I remember thinking, this feels good. I don't have that weight anymore. And I'm looking around the room. I'm seriously thinking I'm six feet tall at this point. Like, wow, this feels so good. And I'd cried and cried and cried. And I went into the bathroom to reassemble myself. And I showed this at the conference too. So if you're bored, sorry. And I walk into the bathroom and I look in the mirror to assess the damage. And before I know it, what comes out of my mouth, I say, I'm beautiful. I saw the transformation on my face. The Holy Spirit was living within me. And it made a difference. I could see it. I'm like, unbelievable. I glow like those other people. This is cool. I just thought it was the coolest thing ever. So for years, I didn't even know I was a girl, to be honest. I had five older brothers. So what they did, I did. I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to love to play football. I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to want to climb trees and grab snakes. And I didn't know all that. No one had ever told me. And my parents were tight financially, so they told me I was a tomboy. So that they wouldn't have to buy me girl clothes, I think, to be quite frank. So I wore reinforced, neat, tough skins. Remember those, anyone? Yeah, very scary pants. So everything about me was like, this is awesome. I had no idea that I was a girl. Long story short, end up on the mission field. I find out I'm a girl. I'm like, oh. I found out I was a girl when I went on an outreach. And everyone's going around the room saying, we're dividing up jobs. OK, who wants to preach? And then Tom, Harry, Louie. I raised my hand. I said, well, I do, but I'm a little bit nervous. OK, she doesn't want to, duh. And it was all the guys that preached. And I went, oh, I'm a girl. Oh. And something inside me kind of deflated. I'm like, oh, girls can't do that. Oh, bummer, OK. But there's been a tremendous freedom. I love to preach. I love it. It's a blast. I'm made for it. And I've experienced incredible guy leaders that have championed me, main one being my husband. He thinks I'm the best thing ever. Honestly, it makes me mad when he introduces me whenever I preach, because he says I'm a better preacher. I'm like, stop it. I don't like him. And you do that when I have to be compared. But at the same time, I love it that he does that. I'm like, thanks. Anyway, so another area that I went into shock-- Duane and I were on the mission field. We were going shoulder to shoulder, running hard, taking the nations, doing evangelism trips, leading people to the Lord, traveling all over. It was just fun. And then we had a baby. And I went, who am I now? I don't know who I am. Because the baby couldn't run that fast. We were trying to travel. And you just can't sleep on someone's back porch in Sarajevo when you've got an eight-month-old. It doesn't work anymore. And so I started staying behind as he's going on these hardcore trips. And I'm just like, I don't know who I am anymore. How is this working? And there was grief in my heart. And then guilt. Because I'm a mom. And you're not supposed to have grief when you're a mom. And just I was all torn up inside, not knowing. I'm trying to repent for the way I'm made. But at the same time, I'm in love with my daughter. I'm looking at her going, this is the coolest thing ever. But yet, I love to take the nations. What do we do? And there was no one around to guide me. Everyone else was either not married or didn't have children. They didn't know either. And so I started to think I was half-hearted. I started to think I wasn't sold out anymore. And what had happened to me? And just so many dark days during that time of just weeping. And God, I don't know who I am. My identity had become wrapped up in my function. And now my function had changed. And I was rocked. But yet, I had desires. And I felt like I was two people in one. I was conflicted on the inside. I didn't know how to manage anymore. And I don't know. I've been a mom now for 12 years. Sydney is 12. Elijah is nine. And no, Elijah is not nine. Elijah's five. Chloe is nine. And they're incredible. Like my kids are awesome. Sydney is a preacher, prophesier. Say it like it is cut to the heart, lay your bare kid who also has temper tantrums. You know what I mean? I want you to have the full scope of life. This is what a fiery four-runner looks like at 12. There's a lot to discipline. So don't think we got it all perfect at the Roberts home. I've had some horse-throat days from raising my voice a little too much. And I have to repent and go to the kids. Anyway. And then there's Chloe, who believes she's going to run a Fortune 500 company. I mean, no doubt in her mind. Her number one passion is to do it first before any other woman does. And I love that. She's going to take ground and she's going to rule and be a leader and all that. Then Elijah, he's-- I don't know, man. He's going to charge the hill. He's going for it. Well, in his little five-year-old way. And we just really like him. So we've got feisty, feisty kids. Really feisty. They're going to make fantastic adults. And so I'm blessed. I mean, I'm blessed to have these kids. And I know that. But I still have other desires as well. And many times, I still feel like I'm two and one. Ah, how do I balance this? What do I do? I have plenty of opportunities. Dwayne's travels a ton, I could go any time I wanted to. But I can't go any time I want to, because I have my children at home. And I want to be an excellent mom. Really? I want to be an excellent mom. But yet, I want to be an excellent lover of God as well. And I don't want the two to be in conflict as if you can't have one without the other. And that is what I see in so many women. I look around the body of Christ and I see that they've disqualified themselves. Or their function got a little messed up. So then they become the perfect mother. And that's their function. How many of you know that's an oxymoron? Impossible. Really? You just can't do it. And they live under this yolk and they iron all the time. And their baseboards are clean. And their kids have matching outfits. And they just-- they look great. The kids look great. And they're groomed and everything. You could just drop in at their house and there's order. Don't drop in on me. You know what I mean? Sorry, if you're hungry, it's down on the floor. You know what I mean? Just like-- so the issue is in so many women is that they've jacked up their function. And they're like, OK, I don't feel valuable. So I'm going to make myself valuable by reinventing myself and my children. And I'm going to do this. And I'm going to be the best at this. My goodness. And then they're anemic. And they're starved on the inside. I stand before the Lord alone on that day. My children aren't going to be there. My husband's not going to be there. He's going to look at me and he said, did you love me? I'm going to say yes. I'm going to say I didn't shrink back in my love for you, Lord. I don't want to use my children as an excuse as to why it wasn't able to be a woman of God. I've decided my children are making me a woman of God. If power is perfected in weakness, here I am. I am weak all day long. And so come, God, come and visit me in my home. Come and visit me in the mundane. Let me taste and see that the Lord is good as we homeschool as I pick banana off the high chair. You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about? Banana dries rock heart. It should be wallpaper glue. We may be on to something here. Let's use it. Anyway, so that's kind of where I live. But then also I look at other women and different seasons of their life. And I look at the single woman and they think life begins once they get married. Let me just say it doesn't. If you're hoping that once you get married that longing you have is going to be satisfied, it will not. I want to say it clearly. It will not. There is a part in your heart that is reserved for God alone. And no man is going to satisfy that in you. You will always have this longing because you're meant to be joined with an eternal God because he's choosing you as his eternal companion forever and ever and ever and ever. It's always going to be that way. Now it's a blast. I love being married. I am married well. Praise God. Whew. I see other people going, oh, I'm sorry. Covenantal prison. You know what I mean? I mean, there's hope. Don't worry, there's hope. But you're made for something higher. You're made for something higher. So single women, married women, grandmas. I mean, we're all equal before the eyes of God. You're called a lover of Jesus. Motherhood is not my highest calling. Being a lover of God is my highest calling. Now does that mean I abandoned my kids? And I'm going to go to the prayer room for 50 hours a week and you little kids that are distracting me from Jesus. You serve yourselves. I'm going to go fuel up and love the Lord. Cuckoo. No. And then I-- anyway, I just got a lot to say. I love women, you guys. This is huge for me. I love women. I want us free. I want us in love with Jesus. I want a single woman to know what is afforded to her in this season. You have time. You really do. You have some undistracted time. Give it to the Lord. Don't waste it. Don't sit in self-pity. Don't go ever or wondering. He's the one. He's the one. He's the one. Take your thoughts captive. Take them captive. Unto the obedience of Jesus Christ. Take those thoughts instead of wondering, is he the one? Is he the one? Say, you're the one. You're the one. Transfer it to the Lord. Turn that place of ache into prayer. That's how you become in a woman of prayer. Turn those little pockets of like, oh, I wish I were married to God. You are the one that satisfies my soul. Quit wasting your life, girls. Young girls, don't. Here's the other thing. Do not settle for just anybody. Really, better to wait till you're 50 than to marry someone that you just gave yourself to because you were lonely. No, don't do it. And make him work up a sweat. You know what I mean? You are the pearl of great price. Make that boy buy the fields. You're worth so much more with your issues. Have you got your issues, your body image issues? Get them solved. Get it worked out so that you're secure enough and rooted in God's affection. So any guy that comes along and says you're beautiful and you've never heard that before, that you don't just give your heart to him. No, absolutely not. We don't do that. Your heart is not yours to give. You gave it to the Lord. And when he says, here's the one I'm bringing to you as a gift and say, OK, come on in. But until then, no, make him work. I don't care about this new, cool women can propose. They call me old-fashioned. The boy gets on his knees and he's sweaty. You know what I mean? He had to work for you. Make him work for it, girls. Really? Anyway. Yeah, no, doing his said about our daughters. He says, we're pretty low-key. We don't flaunt position or all that stuff. We're just grossed out by all that. He said, but this will be the time I do that. When the boy comes along, you bet I'm a leader. You bet I've got friends in high positions. I'm calling on every favor I know and I'm getting a gun. I mean, there will be a barrier that will be so thick. And if the guy makes it through, he has a chance. You know what I'm talking about? Don't give it away. You are awesome in the Lord's sight. In this season-- and I don't want to diminish loneliness. So I'm not trying to make you feel bad if you're lonely and you wish you were married. That's not my goal. But I'm saying, take that emotional pain and loneliness and drama and turn it into prayer and get satisfied with God. Really, get satisfied with Him. And if you're-- OK, this is a bunny trail. I'm just going to say it. If you're in a dating relationship and your boyfriend's favorite subject is to talk about submission, run the other way. Really? I've been married. It'll be almost 18 years. Duane has never said, woman, I'm the man. You drop down on your knees and listen to me. Never. Now, I submit to my husband. We live in submission. But he has never said, girl, that shouldn't be his favorite part about getting married, is that he's got someone to rule. If you're in that relationship, get some counseling or get out. Really, it's not going to go well. Because his job is to lay down his life for you like Christ lay down his life for the church and to nourish and cherish you. And if all he wants to talk about on date night is how cool it's going to be to have someone under him not going to go well. So hopefully, I didn't blow up the room and everyone's mad and I'm going to get letters. But I'm saying it's not worth it. If you don't respect him, don't date him. If you can't picture yourself submitting to him, don't date him. Get away. Run, run. Fire. Get out. So single girls, those are the little rules. Anyway, so I remember when I was just saved, I prayed a prayer that I prayed all the time. And I said, Lord, I want to give you the years of my youth. I'm going to give you the best years of my life. I don't want to come to you when I'm 70. Live my life. And then I said, OK, now I'm ready to come. Now, I'm going to give you myself now. Right now, in the years of my youth, the prime of my life, with all my strength, with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my emotions, I'm giving myself to you. And it was awesome. I felt so close to Jesus. I had to adjust when I got married that, oh, there's another man in my life. How do I do this? It was an adjustment, OK? So don't waste your single years. Don't waste them. Give them to the Lord. Hang with people who believe the same way that are champion, your cause. You're not going out clubbing. You're going out with your friends. You're hanging out. You're having a real fellowship. You know what I mean? Use this time to just give yourself to Jesus. Anyway, usually people get a little bit mad at me when I talk to singles. But I'm OK with that. Really. I've broken up plenty of engagements, and I'm happy about it. Happy about it. We had a young girl living with us, and her boyfriend. They were on the brink of engagement. They came over, and I saw the way he treated her. I'm like, no. I don't think so. Not this way too early for that kind of drama. You still have a choice here. So don't have some self-respect. If you don't have any, get it from the Lord. Go to the One who wants to root you, your identity to be rooted and grounded in the love of God. In your affection, being poured out of Jesus, he's the One that'll tell you who you are. You don't need all the stuff. You don't need all the external. I mean, I like makeup. I think it's fun. That's cool. But what really matters is what's on the inside. Because beauty fades. I'm finding that out. This whole gravity thing, you guys, it's real. It's real. I'm in a fool of myself two days ago, or just yesterday. Saw a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. And he had a scar on his face, but it used to be way up here. I know. You know it's coming. And now it's here. And I said, oh, what happened? He goes, nothing. I said, no, no, really. You have a scar right there. What happened? He goes, gravity. It pulled the old dad boy down. Anyway, so beauty fades, girls. Go for the inner beauty. That's the only thing that lasts. Unless you go get a little nip and tuck. And then that's awkward when you're 60. You know what I mean? So not really worth it. So go and get true beauty that comes from God. You know what I love the way God loves us? He is so extravagant with his affection for us. I mean, you could have been that girl that didn't do well in high school socially. You could have three eyes and a big hairy mole hanging off your cheek. And you can be so enjoyed by God. Who cares when anyone else thinks? Who cares? I'm not going to promise you a perfect life, but I'm going to tell you this. You can live above the circle of the earth with the Lord. You can be seated with Christ in heavenly places. And then you come down to earth and you go, whoa, this is a painful reality. It might be super painful for you here. But when you live with your identity and God, who cares what man thinks about you? Who cares? You're dead to it. It doesn't wound you anymore. You're different than that. You're higher than that. And that becomes attractive. You know, Dwayne says about me that I'm really pretty. No, not just that. But the thing that attracted him to me the most was that I was confident in my relationship with God. I loved him. I knew he was going. So I didn't have this like, oh my gosh, love me so badly, Dwayne, because I was loved. You know what I mean? And if you don't have that, discover it. Because here's the deal. If you ask God to reveal his love to you, he will every time. You don't have to say, Lord, if it be your will. That's a junk prayer. No, it's his will. In Ephesians 3, 16 through 19, he says that he wants to root us and ground us in the love of God, that he wants to cause us to understand, to comprehend, that which we cannot comprehend. Do you know what that means? I mean, you think you get his affection and he says, no, no, no, I'm going to blow your mind. Just when you think you grasp how he feels about you, he comes with another crashing wave down on you and it blows your mind. And you say, how can you love me like that? And then just when you taste that and drunk of that, then he comes again and again and again. His love is like an ocean. You can't get to the end of it. And you are the object of his affection. You're the one that he wants. This is good news. My goodness. So how dare we be insecure, right? Yet I am. Now, we all struggle with it. But the sources, we go back to the source. He is the author of beauty. Therefore, he can identify it and defy it any way he wants. So if you're 100 pounds overweight, it's irrelevant. If you're the ugly girl, it's irrelevant. He looks to the heart, he counts the movements of your heart towards him and he's in love with you. Really? I mean, we talk about the cross like it's just a theological position. The uncreated God became a man and walked among people. Really? Think about this. Have you ever been on a road trip with anyone? You know, like you get a little irritated after about three, four days. You're like, take your stupid little humming. Somewhere else. (audience laughs) Enough already. You know, you just, ooh, nails on a chalkboard. You just start to get a little irritated with one another. Okay, he was road tripping with the disciples for three and a half years and still went to the cross. That makes me love him. He loves us, you guys. We need to stop cowering and hiding and shrinking back. God wants you to be secure in his affection. I mean, he really does. He really does. It's stupid if you're not. Can I say it that way? How ridiculous that we think it's okay to live apart from the understanding and the living reality that God loves us. It's cockeyed. It's dumb if I am not confident and how Duane feels about me. I'm his wife. It's my right to know. And you know, I still make Duane work for it a little bit. There's been a time or two where I've said, honey, what should it tell me? 15 things you like about me? None of them sounding like the other. Go. (audience laughs) Yeah, I'm not even joking. (audience laughs) There are times, I'm like, yeah, tell me again. Tell me again, tell me again, tell me again. That's appropriate. He's my husband, I'm his wife, it's appropriate. So, yada, yada, okay, there's that. I'm just talking today, you figuring that out. We're just doing girlfriend's guide. I'm not doing a three point sermon. (audience laughs) Okay. Now, the next kind of category I want to talk to a little bit is moms. Yeah, someone needs a hug, yeah. (audience laughs) I know. I know, you can go into shock a little bit when you have children, it's absolutely true. I don't want to scare the single girls, 'cause it's awesome, okay, it's awesome. Because you don't even know that you're selfish until you have children. (audience laughs) And don't we want to get rid of selfishness? You probably, the single girls are probably praying that right now. The answer's coming, it's little Johnny. (audience laughs) Really? That little buddy awake up at the mill, the nine disrupt your sleep. And then just when you think you're gonna take a nap, he wakes up from his. And then you'll get up early to spend a little time with the Lord and little Jonathan wakes up then too. Isn't it great? Isn't he a gift? Yeah. (audience laughs) Not easy. But wonderful. You know what I mean? We gotta redefine success when we're moms. We're not lowering the standard, we're just recreating the standard. I determined being at the house of prayer was wonderful, like it's past tense. It's wonderful and it's difficult. When Dwayne and I have been there since day one, Mike considers us the very first staff. And so we already had Sydney at the time. We moved from Budapest, Hungary when she was almost two, and then joined the house of prayer almost right away. And so I was one of the only ones with children, if not the only one with children, I'm trying to think. And everyone else was in their, you know, 17 to 23. And I was the ripe age of 29, like ancient. Honestly, these people could not relate to how old I was. Like, oh my, oh, by the way, I turned 40 in like three weeks. (audience cheers) So, anyway, so, it'll be okay. It's okay, it's all good. I know age is so funny, 'cause you have an idea. You have an idea of what it's supposed to be, and then you get there and you're not that person. You're like, how is that? Weird, or I meet people now and they're 40, but I don't know they're 40 before I meet them. I go, they are really aging. And then they say their age, I'm like, oh, we're the same age, got it. Excellent. Anyway, so, you know, I struggle, I'll just be honest, I really struggled with jealousy at the beginning of the house of prayer. Duane was gone, you know, he's going to the prayer room, he's putting in his 50 hours a week, and I just imagined his life like a puppy in the sun. You know, just laying there. (audience laughs) Shear bliss. And then there's mine, I'm changing diapers, and I'm cleaning the house again and again and again, but yet it's never clean, huh? How is that so? Ah! And then you're late for something, and that's when the child decides to totally empty the cereal box on the floor, jump in it 'cause they like the sound. And you're late, and you're like, ah! I screamed, "Calgon, take me away," and nothing happens! It's alive! So there I am. There I am, I'm a mom, I'm feeling left out, I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm slipping ever so slightly towards the word bitterness. Just, I'm starting to, in my journal, I don't think I've voiced it out loud, but in my journal I'm writing things like, now tell me, Lord, why do we prophesy over women? 'Cause it's not gonna happen. Why are we doing that? Why do we build up a 17-year-old only to have her not be able to fulfill those? Why do we do that? You know, it's just that God, tell me who you are. Tell me who you are now. And it made me mighty. I started to go, "Wait a second, you're just, and you're not contained in the four corners, four walls of a prayer room." So I'm contending for the living God to walk through walls and meet me in my house. What about that? What if I make that room jealous of me? What if I'm the one getting all the revelation? And they're in that room, and they're working hard, and they're pacing, and they're praying, and I love that, they're not bad people, okay? My husband's a wonderful guy. But I happen to be at home, and I have little children, and I was mad, and I was jealous, and I started, "Yeah, I didn't have a dishwasher." So I'm like, "Okay," and I do a little dishes, and I'm like, "Why do you leave me out?" You know, I don't even realize I'm praying, but I'm just mad praying, you know what I mean? And then Lord began to speak to me, "Am I not here?" I'm like, "You are here, okay? I'm gonna meet you here then. I'm gonna believe, if Colossians 3.23 says, "Whatever you do," try to qualify that. Whatever you do within the bounds of scripture, by the way. Not like, "I'm gonna be the best drug dealer." No. (congregation laughing) Look at me, I'm a kleptomaniac, woo! No. (congregation laughing) Whatever you do, do with all your heart as unto the Lord, knowing you'll receive a reward. I went, "Okay then, I'm gonna change a diaper today." No, I'm not joking. I'm changing a, I don't have kids and diapers now, this is where, when I was back there. I'm changing diapers, and I'm gonna do it with all my heart, and I'm gonna do it unto the Lord, and I'm receiving the same reward today that Duane is for praying eight hours in that room. What happens if mom's got mighty on the inside? She said no to self-pity, and said, "I am doing the Lord's will, and I'm doing it with all my heart, and I'm parenting my children, and I'm communing with Jesus, and suddenly you turn around and angels are visiting you 'cause you stayed faithful in the hidden place. What if, that's what I'm contending for. I'm contending for a gender revolution of women that get mighty on the inside, that rise up and say, "I want my inheritance too, and I'm not abandoning my children, I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna dwell here, this is where you've planted me, so let me bloom, let me thrive in this season." It's not easy, you guys, you know, it's like three steps forward, two steps back, I had awful days, I still don't have great days, and then I have days where I'm like, "I did it, I did it." But the Lord doesn't call my did-it-day success, He calls the reach of my heart success, and the fact that I didn't shrink back, and the fact that He says even a cup of water in the name of Jesus, He will remember. So I do the dishes now in the name of Jesus. What else do I have to offer Him other than the mundane of my life? We can waste those times, we can waste those hours, we can waste those opportunities, but why not invite Him into our daily life and become a woman of prayer? And that way you're not mad all the time 'cause you're missing the meeting. No, I know that feeling, it's awful. Remember, Duane's getting ready to do some backroom meeting with some high level prophet, blah, blah, blah. (congregation laughing) And I had just traveled alone, 'cause Sydney was gonna be a flower girl, I just traveled alone with a lap child and a four-year-old to Canada. So as, you know, and I routed here, there and everywhere. Chloe is a lap child at the time. Every place is overbooked, you know. So I'm Sydney is in the window seat, I'm in the center and there's a massive businessman on the aisle. He's like spilling into my chair. Chloe is so sick, she's vomiting and has diarrhea. The entire trip, okay, business guy is grossed out, as you can imagine, grossed out. He's trying to lean away but his body didn't work that way. So, you know, what do you do? And then I've got, I had to change planes and I've got the car seat for Sydney and a stroller and an infant and the Sydney's walking and I've got the stroller and the car seat in top of it and I'm holding Chloe 'cause she's sick. And we're going up the escalator, you know, you have to do the stroller thing like that. And the car seat fell off on the escalator and guys are all around but they don't help and I'm kicking it up the escalator. Child, you know, near vomiting again. Another one here, she's being great, you know, she's four. Kicking it, stroller up, baby, going, oh my gosh. And I just kept saying, okay, it's one bad day, we can do this, it's one bad day. Get to the gate, they involuntarily bump me off the plane. Chloe's so sick, they make me take her to the hospital in the airport, okay? We finally get there, bad day, right? Really bad day. So I called away and how are you doing, honey? Oh, great, getting ready to do some background prophetic ministry with this guy, it's gonna be great. I'm done, right? So I say to him, why don't you ask that prophet if he has a word for your wife? No. I wish I were choking, I said it just like that. So, you know, guys don't know how to respond to that. They just don't. They're like, bye, you know? And then you're all mad 'cause he didn't say, I'm sorry, you had a bad day, but you know what, you do that, go away, but serve me, you know, it just doesn't work. Read my mind, would you? So he goes into the backdoor prophetic ministry time and, you know, they're up till three in the morning, of course, and the prophet's going down around the room and you're this and you're this and everyone's this, and aren't you all great and blah, blah, blah. And then Duane at the end, it's three in the morning, Duane says, excuse me, but do you have a word for my wife? (audience laughing) I love that man! And the guy did, is that cool? (audience laughing) Anyway, so that was cool. I don't even know what I was talking about, but, oh, difficulties, embracing God in the season. Really, we have incredible opportunities to get to know Jesus in the mundane. We really do. When you're taking out the garbage, just say, Jesus, I love you. And I've learned to turn things into symbolic things. So, you know, as I'm taking out the garbage, I'm offering my life to you. I'm giving it all the way. I'm living with the bandit. And then I know, it's cheesy, but it helps me. Different times that I've fasted. And you know, the kids need to eat, by the way. (audience laughing) They don't get that mommy's on a fast. Kids are so selfish, I mean, I went on a 40-day fast and they didn't even know I wasn't eating. I mean, they don't care, they don't even notice. (audience laughing) So, you know, and please, I'm not just telling you to go on a 40-day fast, you know what the Lord tells you? Please, so many women are trying to do it all, do it all, do it all. I'm just like, rest in the Lord, just rest in the Lord. So, you know, but during this fast season, I'm making food and my stomach is growling and my mouth is watering and I'm like, oh my gosh. And I say, Jesus, I hunger for you more than I hunger for that food. I want you more than I want that. I want you, would you come and meet me here in the mundane? And you just get mighty with the Lord. He loves that. He loves it when we do that. When we look at Him and we're saying, I'm getting my inheritance, I'm getting it. I'm fighting for it, I'm contending with this world, I'm wrestling through, I'm not quitting, I'm not backing down, I'm not shrinking back. I'm serving this future generation and I am meeting God in the process of it. And I am not going to come short at all in my inheritance from the Lord. I'm not going to. And neither are you, fight it through, fight it through. Do not quit. It was in this season, a few years ago that I had this vision. Just feeling bad for myself again. And I saw, I said to the Lord, I was kind of prayer complaining, it was kind of fun. Journal's filled with it. And so I said to the Lord, I said it feels like I was a runner that you took out of the race mid-stride and made me watch my own race. And someone else is running my race and I'm mad at you, you know, I'm saying this to the Lord. I'm very honest with Him, it's just, I don't know how else to do it. Okay, good, that's perfect. So I'm mad and hurt and like, I feel overlooked and just pouring my heart out to the Lord. And so I, all of a sudden, had a vision. And in the vision, it was running race, like in the Olympics, but it wasn't the Olympics. You know, the lanes where you get down the starting blocks. And I'm in my lane and beside me is Mike Bickle and Dwayne and Allen Hood and I don't think, in these names mean anything to you, but they're like big dogs in the house of prayer in our small little tiny pond, right? And then a few other people and I'm just like, oh, great, I'm not gonna win. And I was just going, why did you make me run against these people? Can you give me someone else? And just sent a tunnel formed over my lane. And the Lord is at the end of the tunnel and He's looking at me and He's smiling. And I went, it's right, my race is for the Lord. Why was I competing? What am I doing? And then suddenly I, the Lord's going, run, run! You know, like you cheer on a little child. And I'm like, okay. And I start running, go, go! And He kept saying, running is winning. Running is winning. Running is winning. Not sitting down, not quitting. Not sitting off to the side, running is winning. You get up every day. You didn't quit, you didn't throw in the towel. You haven't resigned yourself to bitterness. You may have a bitter day, but you're not living bitter. You get up the next day, you press delete on yesterday. His mercies are new every morning, and you keep going, and you keep going, and you don't quit, and you run as if you're going to get a prize. He is the race marked out for us. He's the author and perfecter of our race. So then same vision happens. Again, there's lanes, I'm lined up, same people are there, I have the same response. Ah, I'm not gonna win. But this time I've got a diaper bag on, a book bag, a child on my hip, one in my hand, and a stroller wrapped around my ankle. This is before Elijah was born. I should've known, with a stroller wrapped around my ankle, another one was coming. So the tunnel forms over my lane again, and I'm like, okay, yes, this is for the Lord. He's run, run, I said, I'm gonna be really slow. And he goes, I know, you are, but he's gonna make you strong. Now run. And in the vision, I'm just barely making it, as if I'm climbing a mountain. And he kept saying running is winning, running is winning, running is winning. So I'm saying women, don't give up. No matter what season you're in, if you're single and you long for marriage, run to the heart of God. If you're a young mom and you wanna throw in the towel and you're so exhausted and you're sick and we're in the same close day after day because you don't have time to change. And you wonder when you will have a regular shower time or a quiet time that lasts more than five minutes, okay? Quit disqualifying yourself because you don't have a two hour chunk anymore, okay? Take every thought captive. Use those moments. Find one verse and meditate it on it for a month and you'll have revelation and you'll be able to speak on that thing for an hour and men will say, how did you get such depth? And you're like, a month of study on one verse, okay? 'Cause I'm an extremist. I feel bad if I can't do that two hour chunk then I'm not gonna do it at all. No, give them what you can, do it with all your hearts. So take every thought captive, turn it into prayer. Don't quit, older women. You don't have to invent yourself again in your children. You've got something to say. You've got character. Keep going, be a model for young ones to look to. Be that fiery intercessor that says, ladies, you can do it. Don't look back in jealousy, don't look back in regret. Press delete on that. You may have messed up. Of course you're going to. But you keep running. You're 65 and you're still running hard after the heart of God. Where are the generations that are sold out? I'm contending for a whole gender revolution of women that keep going and they're still fiery when they're 99 years old. (audience applauding) This is what I want. So I'm just gonna pray 'cause we need to end. Okay, let's stand together. (audience laughing) [BLANK_AUDIO]