Gateway Church's Podcast
How to Win the Heart of Your Child
Happy Father's Day. Is anybody here excited about being a father? You got to say your hands? Amen. Hey I love to be a father. I mean I'm just I'm excited to be a father. I'm excited to share with you today about being a father. Hey the Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is our reward. And so I'm just excited to share with you some things that the Lord has shown me over the last few years of learning how to become a better father. So tonight I'm going to talk about how to win the heart of your child. How to win the heart of your child. But before you get started I want to I've always wanted to do this so if you'll humor me for a second I want to honor in a very small way the the father of Gateway Church Pastor Robert Morris. So are you ready? Okay. If you would turn in your Bible to two passages of Scripture. Malachi chapter 4 verses 5 and 6 and Mark chapter 12 verse 30. And put a marker at Mark 12 verse 30. You know it's a little bit ironic that I'm going to talk tonight about how to win the heart of your child and how to be a father. Because I did not naturally start out as a good father. When I got married to melody I had I just I was young we just graduated from college and I had no idea how to be a father. And so I've been learning this process and it's a process. I want to encourage you younger guys it's a process and you will get better as you as you keep fathering your children as you go along and learn things of how to be a good parent. But I guess I remember when Kristin my oldest daughter was three years old. And Cassie had just been born my youngest daughter and so I took Kristin to church on Sunday night. I came home from church that night and I came home I said hey honey I'm home. She said hey honey and she kind of looked around. She said where's Kristin? I said what do you mean? And she said where's Kristin? I said is it she with you? And then I realized I'd left her. Melody said tell me you're kidding. I said honey hey I got to go I'll be back in a few minutes. Right up to the church I mean I just I mean I'm learning to become a father and I want to I want to share some things tonight about how to become a good father. Years ago I made a decision that the most important thing in my life would be God and then melody my wife and then my daughters Kristin and Cassie. So I'm gonna share some things that I've learned and try to make that the highest priority in my life. I'd like to introduce my family if it's okay. Melody my wife and Kristin and Cassie my two daughters which I'll stand I just want to just kind of introduce them. Kristin's on the worship team as you all saw tonight and she works for Governor Huckabee Cassie works for our business ministry. Now y'all probably can't tell which one's the mother and which one's the daughter. So Melody my wife is the one on the end okay. So y'all can see this hallelujah. I'm so proud of them. I love them to death. So anyway so I I made them the highest priority of my life. So the first thing I did of course I started working on my marriage and then when I had children I started working on trying to be a godly father and I decided I would do whatever it took to win the hearts of my daughter and I was very intentional about it and I just felt like I was supposed to focus on a few things to to win the heart of my children. So tonight I want to share a few of those things of ways that I won the hearts of my children okay. So the first thing you need to do is to turn the heart of your children to you. As a father you need to turn the heart of your children to you and we get that out of Malachi chapter 4 verse 5 and 6 it says behold I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord and I will turn and he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers lest I come and strike the earth with a curse. The problem with this scripture is the way we read it though. Here's the way we read it typically. Behold I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord and he will turn the minds of the fathers to the children and the minds of the children to their fathers lest I come and strike the earth with a curse. See here's so many times we don't even realize we're doing it but we're not trying to win the hearts of our children we're trying to win the minds of our children and God's way is to win their hearts first and then their minds. As a matter of fact in Mark chapter 12 verse 30 God gives us a list of words and in scripture when God gives us a list it's usually very important the order of the words in the list. So in Mark chapter 12 verse 30 says and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul with all your mind and with all your strength. See the heart comes first God wants us to win the heart of our children first and then the mind. Paul kind of alluded to this in first Corinthians chapter 4 verse 15 when he said for though you might have 10,000 instructors in Christ or 10,000 teachers who win the minds or reach the minds yet you do not have many fathers who reach the heart. See God wants us to reach the heart of our children. He wants us to turn the heart of our children to us because if we don't win their heart we may end up arguing with their mind and so many times we're not thinking about this we we try to win their mind and but lose their heart and then what happens is as we as our children's hearts turn away from us we tend to turn our hearts away from them because we start out right with our hearts to our children every father starts out with his heart totally and completely turned to his child. I remember when Kristin was born and I was so excited to be a father I don't know about you but I was so excited I was so happy that I was going to be a father and we didn't have any money but but I was there in the delivery room and when the doctor finished the delivery he started to walk out the door and I ran over to him and I said here and I handed him a $50 bill and he said what's this for and I said it's a tip you did a great job. I mean that was before I saw the hospital bill. Listen I'm still excited about being a father. I mean it's easy when our children are young to have our hearts because let's face it they're so cute. I mean little kids are so cute. I remember when Cassie was about five years old and we were talking and she said something that really wasn't the truth and I said now Cassie now I don't think that was the truth and do you remember what the consequences of not telling the truth are and she said yeah dad it's a spanking. I said that's right now. Were you lying to me? And she said no dad I was wrong. I mean of course I didn't spank or how could you spank a child after something like that. So but what happens though is our child start our children start turning their heart away from us and then we start turning our heart away from our children and I was talking to a friend of mine about that about three years ago and he was concerned about that because his oldest daughter was about to be a teenager and so I said hey listen let me let me share something with you. Your children don't have to rebel. Your children don't have to rebel. I mean many times we think they do we think that our children are going to get to be teenagers and they're going to rebel and and they're going to do all these things and then someday you know they'll come back to the Lord and we even use that scripture in Proverbs 22 6 it says train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he shall not depart from it but can I just encourage you that that's not what that scripture means. Here's what that scripture means. Train up a child in the way he should go and here's what the new American Standard Version says and even even when he's old he will not depart from it. My children are 23 and 26 and they've never rebelled. Your children don't have to rebel. Well he got so excited about this. I mean we should all be so excited about this and so he started applying. He said well how do I do it? So I started sharing some of these principles that I'm going to share here in just a little bit and he started applying those principles to his life. Two weeks ago I met with him. He'd give me these periodic updates and ask questions and all. Well two weeks ago I met with him. He started reading this letter to me and it was from his oldest daughter. She's a teenager and and she said Dad I just want to tell you how much I love you. I mean this is a letter that every father would die to get. Dad I just want to tell you how much I love you and how great our thinker relationship is and I always want to be close. I don't want ever have anything to come between us. He's reading this letter. He's just crying over this letter. He said I just can't believe it because he understood that our children don't have to rebel. Well just do certain things and he said Steve I've shared this. I've shared that your children don't have to rebel with so many people and so I want to encourage you not your children don't have to rebel. Don't believe alive that they have to rebel. I mean there are there are some people your children have rebel. Listen listen my heart goes out to you. I know that has to be incredibly difficult but let me encourage you. Can I encourage you tonight? It's never too late. Never too late to win the heart of your child. It's never too late to turn their heart to you. So the first thing you need to do as it says in Malachi 4 is turn your heart to your children but then work and do the things that will turn their heart to you okay? So how do you turn your heart to your your child's heart to you? Well you the first thing is to show them how much you love them. Somehow you know when kids get a little older they just can't seem to be this disconnect between emotions and reason. Has anybody noticed that at all with you know that? Well I know what happened with me. I mean I got one of my teenagers just like this. It just didn't make any sense. And for some reason our children start doubting whether we love them or not. But let me tell you they need our love. Our children need our love. It is so important fathers. You are so important to your children. I can't tell you how important you are. Do not believe that you're not. Our children want our love and we are so important to our children. So we need to tell our children that we love them and then we need to show them that we love them unconditionally. Just like the Father does with us. It's impossible to be separated from the love of God. Romans 8 38 and 39 says, "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers nor things present nor things to come nor height nor death nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. My daughters know there is nothing nothing they can ever do that will keep me from loving them. And so how do we show our love? But the main way is just time. Love is spelled. We've all heard it. Love is spelled T-I-M-E. And so I want to encourage you to spend a lot of time with your children. Go on date nights with your children. Having two daughters here's here's something I've learned about going on dates with my children. If you ask them where would you like to eat? That's the ticket to end up being the only guy in La Madeleine's restaurant. I mean I was a couple of months ago I looked around I was the only guy in the restaurant but we just spent a lot of time with our children. We would we love to hang out we love to go on vacation together. We love to eat together. We love to to just talk. I mean we just love to share life together. We love to sit around at night late at night in our master bedroom and talk about our days and things like that. You know people say well should I spend quality time with my children or quantity time? Yes. Yes. Do both. People say to me Steve I don't know how to show my children I love them. Hey listen I didn't either. I had no idea when I when I when I first had had children and so what the melody knew but I didn't know so here's what I had to do guys. I had to start reading a bunch of books. I had to find out from the experts how do you show love to your children. I mean Tom Lang's written a great great book called The Influence of a Father. Jimmy Evans the seven secrets to a successful family. There's a great book by Gary Chapman. It's called The Five Languages of Love and he he tells us how to speak the language the love language of our children so they can understand that we love them by the way we speak their language. He's even written a book for children called The Five Languages Love for Children. Well we went to seminars we went to parenting conferences we took a course on parenting we talked to successful families to try and learn what to do. I mean we just I didn't know so I had to had to learn I would encourage you to learn everything you can. It's it's not as difficult as it seems I promise you I've been through it now and we just have to make the effort we just have to focus on and put some energy into it make it a priority. Now some things are harder than others. For example shopping. I don't know what it is about a mall but when I walk into a mall if I'm in there just a few minutes I just start getting dizzy I start getting weak I get disoriented I mean you know a guys can walk five miles on the golf course playing 18 holes but I mean I start getting I mean my feet start hurting I want to sit down and let me tell you ladies hey we're not faking it this is really real I mean I know you know you get girls in a mall I mean you walk them with them usually and they kind of you know you got to slow down and walk with them. Man it's like they got supernatural energy in the mall. I mean who what guy can keep up with a woman in a mall I mean it's impossible right. So you know there's a there's a spirit in a mall and I don't think it's the Holy Spirit. So when you're spending all this time with your children what do you do? Well you communicate with them. See I don't think a lot of guys we don't we don't we just don't know this women know this but guys don't so let me guys just share a couple things that help you will help you communicate with your children. Okay the secret of being a good conversationalist is not to be a good talker it's to be able to ask good questions and to listen that's the secret to be a good conversationalist it's not to not to be able to talk it's to be able to ask good questions and listen. And the way to have a good conversation with a child is to ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are ones that can't be answered with one word. Now if you ask a little boy a question like how you doing today what's he gonna say? Fine good right I mean to little boys almost every question is a close-ended question. All right one answer one word maybe a grunt now if you're if your daughter's like a little girl on the video almost any questions an open-ended question all right every question is an opportunity so ask questions like this I spent hours you know I spent hours just thinking about questions to ask my children what did you learn today that's an open-ended question what was the best thing that happened to you today you can't say yes to that it's an open-ended question what was the worst thing that happened to you today? See I I think God gave me two girls because I'm not the most sensitive guy in the world unfortunately I mean I want to be but I'm just I'm just not that sensitive so so I think God gave me two daughters to help me to learn to be more sensitive I let this past week I was talking to my my youngest daughter and she was telling about this situation where someone asked her to do something and she had to tell them that she couldn't do it it was kind of difficult for her and here's what I said when that happened how did you feel I mean it's a great question how did you feel now on the outside I was calm but on the inside I was like yes I finally remembered to be sensitive yeah and even my wife was even there and said and I was like you know home run and I thought I can use this in the Father's Day sermon this is perfect it may have taken me 20 years to come up with that question but I finally did it so we need to show our children that we love them with time and communication and then another way to turn the heart of our child is to build God the relationships with our with our children see God doesn't want us to just to build relationships with our children he wants us to go to God the relationships with our children here's what a God the relationship is a God the relationship brings out God's best in you which brings out God's best in me see God the relationships bring out God's best in you which brings out God's best in me because so here's what happens as I'm trying to bring out God's best in you I'm gonna ask like I'm trying to bring out God's best in my daughter I've got to say God what what what's your vision for her life God I need some answers as you're praying for your daughter as you're actually the Holy Spirit for direction and wisdom and knowledge and understanding about about your children that brings out God's best in you what that then as you as you give your children those answers and you you tell them what the Lord is saying their life it brings out God's best in them what's then brings out God's best in you see God wants us to have God the relationships with our children relationships typically are between people with common interests and common goals so I want to I want to caution you father if you don't have goals for your life or for your children you can't have a common goal with your children and then if you don't have a common interest you may end up with no relationship with your children because you have no common goals or no common interests if you and your child are pursuing the Lord you both have a common interest and so Melly and I we we learned this and so we started we started developing common interests and common goals with our children and we would we would go on retreats and we would we would talk on weekends and say what are some common interests and some common goals we can develop with our children and so we started we started doing things together as a family to try and reach certain goals and we started working on things together we started working on how to walk in love we started how to be kind to one another we we started memorizing scripture together we would we would work on things like like once a month we would work on something different different character qualities I remember one month we worked on how to have a good work ethic and we just just different things and and you you try and bend these interests or goals to your children try and find out what they're interested in one of the things that I did I would try to be an example to my children about memorizing scripture and so my children got interested in memorizing scripture I'll never forget the one Christmas a few years ago Cassie my youngest daughter was 15 years old and she said dad I have a special gift for you for Christmas and I said really Cassie what is it and she said well I'm gonna have to show you I said well okay let's see it well the whole extended family was there and Cassie stood up and she quoted Matthew chapter 5 the whole chapter I said Cassie that's incredible that's this incredible she said dad I'm not finished then she quoted Matthew chapter 6 I said Cassie you did it for me I can't I can't believe that and she said dad I'm not finished and she quoted Matthew chapter 7 the whole sermon on the Mount I mean it took her like 15 or 20 minutes to quote the sermon on the Mount why because I said an example to my children became a common interest of memorizing scripture one thing I've I heard Brady Boyd say a few years ago and I thought about I really agree with it if we want to have a godly relationship with our children we need to we need to be an example to our children being on fire for the Lord for those who know me who came to habitation services and I mean I think every person I'll be on fire for the Lord and what and what what Brady said was he said you know most people who are on fire for the Lord either they're usually their parents were either on fire for the Lord or they were cold most lukewarm parents have lukewarm children so we need to be an example and be on fire for the Lord I think it's why in Revelations 3 15 to 16 Jesus talking to the latest in church I think this is why he said I know your works that you're neither cold nor hot I would wish that you were cold or hot so then because you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot I will vomit you out of my mouth I think that's why why Jesus was saying one of the reasons he was saying because he knew if we were lukewarm that our children would be lukewarm so I want to encourage you fathers to get on fire for God and your children will follow and it will help you build a godly relationship with them I just want to say again it's never too late to build a godly relationship with your child it's never too late guys you can do it I promise you you can do it if you'll just focus on certain things and things that will will build those relates a common interest and common goals you can do it and I promise you I promise you it's worth it it's just worth it and fathers I just want to encourage you to do it but now I want to talk about the what so what's the children's part in all this it's honor your father honor your father people say to me well I don't know how to honor my father here's what honor is honor is a special attitude of the heart it's a special attitude of the heart it's choosing to turn your heart to your father that's what honor is and you say well you know my my parents are dead you can still honor your parents my father is in jail you can still honor your father if he's in jail because it's an attitude of the heart I mean God gives us this amazing promise in Ephesians chapter six verse two and three and here's what he says honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth what an incredible promise if we'll just honor our father and mother things will go well with us and we'll live long on the earth you may say I don't feel like my father deserves honor well honor in any way turn your heart to your father you may be amazed how God turns your father's heart to you or the things he may do in your father's life I did not go to church growing up and so I didn't I never heard this I'd never heard about honoring your father but when I became a Christian I read this I said I want to honor my father so I started honoring my father and my father and I've had a great relationship for years and in years but I remember thinking a couple years ago I thought how can I how can I turn my heart more toward my father how can I build up a better relationship with my father and I remember that scripture in Luke 12 chapter chapter 12 verse 34 where it says where your treasure is there your heart will be also that's what I thought well what my heart to be turned to my father children listen to this I want my heart to be turned to my father so I need to invest my treasure in my father and here's how it worked out for me I thought I'm gonna start taking my dad on a trip every year every year as long as he can make it from now I'm gonna take my dad on a trip and I'm gonna take my mom on a trip so every year my brothers and I take my dad on a trip and we take my mom on a trip I remember the I remember our first trip my dad's here tonight by the way but but I remember our first trip and we went to Yellowstone National Park and I wanted to see grizzly bears right I mean if you go to that Yellowstone who I mean you want to see grizzly bears right well we didn't see the first day and so the second day I'm going gosh I really want to see some grizzly bears and we just hadn't seen any but so then we were driving along about mid-morning and we see this group of people off the off the side of the road I said hey let's see what's happening so we go over there and we say hey hey what's going on they said there was a mother grizzly bear and her two cubs and they just ran into the woods I said come on dad let's go so so we ran in the woods not that great idea to follow grizzly bear in the woods but but so we ran about five ten yards in the woods and there she was I mean she was she she and her cubs were probably twenty five or thirty yards away well I just want to even think I said dad I said get the video camera you know get the video camera so dad grabs the video camera he starts you know filming this mother and her two cubs and after a couple of minutes he kind of stopped me said he said Steve what what if she charges us I said well dad we start running and he looked at me he said Steve we we cannot run a grizzly bear and by now there's been ten or fifteen people around us and I looked at him and they were kind of elderly and retired I said dad we don't have to outrun the grizzly we set out run them so we have we've had some great trips and the trip showed my dad that I loved and honored him I was very intentional about loving dad and honoring dad and eight months ago I had the privilege of leading my dad to the Lord and I'll tell you it's one of the greatest joys of my life I'm so proud of my dad you know my dad got in I said dad now this isn't about getting just getting saved it's about making Jesus Christ Lord over your life every real life so dad said okay and so we started doing a Bible study every Sunday for about an hour to hour and a half every Sunday we do a Bible study together and dad said well hey if I'm in I'm in so he started doing a Bethmore Bible study he probably didn't know any better so anyway and then at the same time he started doing a Henry Blackaby Bible study called experience he got same time doing three Bible studies at the same time he started memorizing scripture he he joined a church he started reading through the Bible in a year at the age of 73 I mean I'm so proud of my dad and I just want to say that my dad was an example to me just like I want to encourage you to be an example to your children my dad was an example of integrity and loyalty how to work hard how to do things with excellence dependability and my dad showed me how to serve I can't tell you how many times growing up we would see a car stopped on the side of the road and my dad would pull over and he was he's he's great we're working on cars he would I mean I literally can't tell me times he would pull over and he would help people with their car and so I just want to honor my dad tonight and dad I want to tell you I love you I'm so proud of you I'm so glad you're in the kingdom of God thank you could you stand I mean would you I really believe just these trips that we were on the investing in my dad but turning my heart more toward my dad I just want to encourage you fathers to turn your heart toward your children and turn your children's heart to you okay so I just like to I just like to pray over you right now if I could and here's my question what what is the Holy Spirit saying to you today is he saying turn your heart to your child or maybe he's telling you to turn your heart to your father perhaps he's saying show your children that you love them or he may be saying to you build a God a relationship with your child the Holy Spirit may be saying to you honor your father but I want to encourage you to whatever the Holy Spirit's saying whatever he's telling you do I want I encourage you to hear what he's saying believe him and then obey him and he will bless you for doing that so Father I just thank you for each person here I thank you for the love that you have for them the love that I have for them as an elder of this church we have this wonderful people at Gateway Church and Lord I ask that you use this message to encourage them what I pray that maybe it would give us some ideas or some thoughts or some pointers on how to win the heart of their child or perhaps if they're a child to turn their heart to their father and their mother but I just thank you I thank you for what you've done for us Lord I thank you that you can do all things through us and in us what I ask that you empower us to live the life as a father that you want us to have to live a life as a child that you want us to have and Lord I ask that you glorify yourself through us and I ask that you bless every person here and I ask these things in Jesus Christ mighty name and everyone said amen