Gateway Church's Podcast
All I Want For Christmas
I want a camera for Christmas. I want a membership to work out for Christmas. I want an iPod for Christmas. I want for someone to pay for my son's education. I want a mini iPod for Christmas. I want a Nikon digital camera. Wait, I don't know what I want. I want a ball ground from sexy family to Christmas. I want a new handbag. I want end-hardy boots for Christmas. I would probably want a diamond tennis bracelet. I think I just want to use the clothes or something to get practical. I like my wife to be happy for Christmas. Oh my God! Hey, she's happy. I'm happy. There you go. She's not. I'm in trouble. That's what every man needs to give himself for Christmas. This year, a happy wife. Thus saith your UPS man. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to everyone at our North Richmond Hills campus. I trust that everybody is having a spectacular Christmas thus far. If you've got a Bible, I want you to open two passages this morning. I want you to open to Matthew chapter 1 and Luke chapter 1. Matthew chapter 1 and Luke chapter 1. I love Christmas time. It is by far my favorite time of year, my favorite day of the year, except for one, my birthday. Be honest, don't get all righteous on me. Just be vulnerable for a minute. Any day of the year where it's okay to ask for things and it'd be okay to expect to receive them. Now that's a day that merits celebration in my book. But as soon as I say that, I hear the Lord saying, "Press an FYI, Christmas day is not your birthday. It's my birthday." Yet, from a very young age, we begin to think and even believe that Christmas is about us. The most asked question at this time of year is, "What do you want for Christmas?" The title of this message is, "All I Want for Christmas" because that seems to be what most people talk about this time of year. We teach our children by asking them that loaded question, "What do you want this Christmas?" And because we typically give them most, if not all, of what they ask for for Christmas, year after year, what they begin doing without even realizing it is building and even fortifying the most dangerous thing they may ever face. Expectations. Expectations are dangerous. They're powerful. If you're taking notes, write a couple of these down. I'll tell you what makes expectations so dangerous. How about this? In the presence of expectations, gratitude is minimized. If you expect something when you receive it, you may think you're grateful, but you're really not because you expected it. How about this one? Romance cannot exist in the atmosphere of expectations. Here's why I believe that to be so. My definition of romance is the fulfilling of one's desires with the element of surprise. There's no such thing as a surprise if you expect everything. We're going to ask some questions this morning about expectations. Before we get to the questions, let's define this word "expectations" because some of you might be confused a little bit already. The difference between desires and expectations. Desires are good. They come from the Lord. But here's what an expectation is. An expectation is a desire that turns into a demand. Expectations are desires that turn into demands. Now, let's get into the questions. First question we're going to ask this morning about expectations. What reveals expectations? In other words, how do I know that I have expectations in my life? Here's the answer. What reveals your expectations is your response to the unexpected. I'll say it again. What reveals your expectations is your response to the unexpected. Men, have you ever found yourself in this situation that I found myself in several weeks ago? This is my wife's birthday and just before her birthday, she sits me down. She looks me in the eye and she says, "Honey, for my birthday, this is all I want. I just want one thing." Now, because she says the two words "one thing together," I'm locked in. Because I know that this is typically not normal. It's only asked for one thing. But if she's asking for one thing, this one thing has to be huge. So I'm locked in. What's the one thing? The one thing I want for my birthday, and you can surprise me with it. The one thing I want for my birthday is black heels. Slightly anticlimactic on my part. Black heels. You know, sometimes your wife says something to you men and you don't quite take it the right way, so you really have to listen. I said, "Let me make sure I'm understanding you." What you want for your birthday is black heels. Yep, that's what I want. Got it. Done. Easiest birthday shopping ever. I go with them all. I approach the first pair of black heels that I see. "I purchase," said black shoes. I take purchase black heels. Back to the house and on the drive home, I'm thinking I'm going to be received with a hero's welcome. I myself had some unrealistic expectations about how this gift would be received. You might be able to tell how this ends up. I give this wonderful gift to my wife, and guys, here's what I got. And you know exactly what I'm talking about. I call it the trifecta. This is how it goes. Step one, the pause. Two, the stare. And the death blow. Step three, the horribly dangerous words. Oh. Thanks. Not what I expected. Maybe I had kind of blown up this idea of how this was going to go, but that's not what I expected. And you know what my wife was revealing to me? That's not what she was expecting either. But let me tell you something. What you expect can ruin what you receive. That was way better. As Pastor Robert would say, that was way better than your amends. I've been here for eight and a half years. I've heard it. That was way better. What you expect can ruin what you receive. It's okay, don't try. I know I'm not Pastor Robert, it's okay. It's dangerous to have expectations. Mary and Joseph, we hear the Christmas story. And I don't think we really understand all the dynamics of this Christmas story. Mary and Joseph were a normal couple. They were normal. There wasn't anything just supernatural about the two of them. Mary had been raised to be a godly woman, to be a great mother, to be a romantic wife. She was a normal young woman. Joseph was a normal young man. He was a little older than Mary. He had been trained and raised to be a great husband, a godly man, an incredible father. These were the things they aspired to do, just like the rest of us. They were normal. They were in love. And like any young couple in love, everywhere they went together they held hands, even up to the door of public restrooms. And when they held hands, they do something that I have never done in my life, but this is the epitome to me of sappy love, interlocking fingers. That was Joseph and Mary, they were interlockers. Everywhere they went, they floated and interlocked. Oh Joseph, I love you so much. Oh Mary, I love you so much. Joseph, you're the man of my dreams, Mary had a deep voice. Mary, you're the woman of my dreams. I love you. They were going these long walks like you see in the movies. And on one of these long walks, Mary's talking about how she can't wait to have babies one day. Joseph's talking about how he can't wait to make babies one day. They were normal. And on one of these walks, Joseph gets up the courage to ask for her hand in marriage. Sweating, shaking, his voice is cracking. Mary doesn't know what's coming. Joseph says, Mary, I love you. I've loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. And like any young guy in love, Joseph breaks out the list of things that he loves about Mary. First, Mary, I love that you're a godly woman. I'll never have to worry, Mary, about whether or not you're going to love your god, you're a godly woman. Second, Mary, you're hot. Not going to lie, Mary, if I'm going to wake up next to a woman for the rest of my life. I've got to be physically attracted to her. You're good there. He's normal, remember. Thirdly, Mary, I love that you're virtuous. I'll never have to worry about you being a woman of integrity, because Mary, you are integrity. Fourthly, Mary, I love that when I'm down, you know, exactly what to do, to pick me up. But Mary, you know what I love more than anything about you? The one thing I love most about you is your loyalty. You're the most loyal woman I've ever met in my life. I'll never have to worry about you leaving me for another man. I'll never even have to worry about you looking at another man because you're so loyal to me. Mary, I love you. Will you marry me? Look what happens next in Luke chapter 1. In verse 26, "Now in the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin be trolled to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin's name was Mary, and having come in, the angel said to her, 'Rejoice, highly favored one. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women.' But when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying and considered what manner of greeting this was. I feel better reading this scripture because the angel Gabriel and I have something in common. We give a woman the greatest, the most ultimate compliment, and they still get upset with us. The ladies didn't laugh at that one. Sorry ladies, not really. Then the angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, for you found favor with God, and behold you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a son, and shall call his name, Jesus. He will be great, and he will be called the Son of the highest, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his father, David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.' Then Mary said to the angel, 'How can this be, since I do not know a man?' Remember what we said reveals our expectations, is our response to the unexpected. Mary was not expecting the angel Gabriel to show up at her house that night. In fact, Mary was not expecting the angel Gabriel to ever show up at her house. This was more than unexpected. In fact, Mary, she looked forward to just living a life of normalcy without hiccups. This was so contrary to what she expected that it even caused her to doubt the ability of her God to do the miraculous when she said, 'This is impossible. How can this be?' Mary was surprised. Her response was not very attractive and not very trusting. If you have expectations, you're going to be surprised, but it's not ever gonna be good. It will not be what you expected or hoped for. If you have desires, that's a happy life. You have expectations, that's a life of misery, because remember desires, expectations are desires that turn into demands. First question, what reveals our expectations? Second question, what comes with expectations? If I have expectations, what's so dangerous about it? What comes with expectations? Well, let's bring Joseph into the story. Look down in Luke chapter 1 in verse 39. Now Mary arose in those days and went into the hill country with haste or in a hurry to a city of Judah. When Mary finds out that she is pregnant, Joseph doesn't know yet. We assume that Mary and Joseph find out at the same time, they do not. And Mary's response is to go to her cousin Elizabeth to try and figure this whole thing out. Now go down to verse 56. And Mary remained with her, her cousin Elizabeth, about three months, and returned to her house. Here's a part from Joseph for three months, the entire first trimester, ladies, I only have three children and I'm not, you know, Dr. Phil or anything, but what usually happens at the end of the first trimester, beginning of the second trimester, besides hopefully the ending of morning sickness. You start to show. You start to show, your body begins to let people know, hey, she's pregnant. Mary was a great girl, but let's not give her too much credit. She wasn't running home to Joseph because she missed her Josie bear. That's what she called him, it's my story, just walk with me. She wasn't running home to see Joseph. She was running home because she knew I can't hide this anymore. And if I don't tell him someone else will, Joseph wasn't expecting this to say the least. I don't think he saw it coming and he shows us what comes with expectations. Here's the first thing that comes with expectations, you turns. Not the letter you, the person you, you turns. Look what happens in verse 19, flip over to Matthew chapter 1, starting in verse 18. Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows, this is believed to be Joseph's account. After his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. That word found in the Greek means this, surprise, literally it means to be surprised. What comes with expectations, first thing, you turns. Look at verse 19, Matthew chapter 1, Joseph, her fiance was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. Hold on just a second. Just three months earlier, Joseph is madly in love with Mary. Mary is the only thing he wants, period. He is out of control and love for her. How is it possible that three months later Joseph is ready to turn her in for another model, simple expectations? How is it possible, have you ever wondered, for a happily married man or a happily married woman to leave the loving arms of their spouse and run to the arms of another? I'll tell you how it's possible, expectations. In fact, there may be someone in this room, your husband's told you he's leaving you for another woman and I want to tell you, it's not because she's more attractive than you. That has very little to do with it. In fact, she's not more attractive than you. You want to know why he's leaving? Not because he's in love with another woman, he is in love with his expectations. And he is believing the lie that that woman is the only woman on earth who can meet his unrealistic expectations and he'll find out it's a lie sooner or later. When you have expectations that go on met, you will look in other places, you will obtain other possessions, you will try other addictions, you will search for new relationships all in an attempt to meet your unrealistic expectations. Because anyone or anything that does not meet your expectations, you will turn on them and find someone you deem better or something you deem better that will actually meet your expectations. Here's the second thing that comes with expectations, waiting. Isn't it ironic that Joseph has to wait three months longer than Mary to find out the greatest piece of news he will ever receive in his life? Why? Mary knew what Joseph expected. Remember the proposal? It was his proclamation of his expectations that caused Mary to run away from him to Elizabeth instead of to him in a time of need. Joseph thought he was just telling Mary what he loved about her, but what he was really doing is revealing his expectations that what I see today better be this way forever. Mary knew Joseph's expectations. Joseph thus had to wait. Look what Proverbs chapter 13, verse 22 says about waiting for something that is hoped for. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Have you ever wanted something so badly? Have you ever expected to receive something so powerfully that it made you sick? Happens to many people. If you have expectations, you will wait to see them fulfilled. I have the privilege of working with some of the singles here at Gateway Church. I love working with the singles. One of my favorite things to do with our single women is to ask them, what do you want in a husband? Now, if any of you feel like asking this question to one of our single young ladies, let me give you a heads up. You better have 45 or 50 solid minutes to listen to their answer because they're about to give you a list longer than the dead sea scrolls, what they want in a husband. I want this. I want that. I don't want this. I really need that. He'll do this. He will not do that. They have the longest list. In fact, I sit down with single people frequently, and one of the most common things I hear is why am I in my 30s and still not married? It's entirely possible that you already are married. You're just married to your expectations. Married people before you start saying, "Go get those singles, I'm about to get you." And, sir, that list of mile long demands you have for your spouse, I hope you have 50 or 60 good years because it may take that long to see those expectations fulfilled. And here's a real news flash. Some of those demands may not ever be met because they're unrealistic and nobody could live up to that list of demands. The longer your list, the longer you will wait. Fine, have your list, but you will wait. You know what the sad thing is? The longer we wait, the more we begin to believe that what we desire is okay to demand and what we demand is what we deserve, and brings us to the third thing that comes with expectations. First thing, you turns. Second thing, waiting. Here's the third thing, anger. If you have expectations, go ahead and get ready to get upset. Here's why. The longer you wait to have your expectations met, and the more you begin to convince yourself that you deserve what you demand. When people don't meet your expectations, here's what happens. When you tell them this is what I want and they still don't do it, the enemy convinces you that they don't love you enough to meet your desires. But those aren't desires that you have, those are demands. We have people in this room who are angry and they've been angry so long. They don't even remember why they're angry. They don't even know who they're mad at. I'll tell you who you're mad at yourself. You are mad at your own expectations. No one can fulfill that list of expectations. Proverbs, chapter 29, verse 11 says, "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." How is it possible for a wise man to hold back his anger when he's angry? I'll tell you how. A wise man knows that the reason for his anger has more to do with the fact that his expectations are unrealistic than it does the failure of others to meet them. It's not their fault, it's his. And when it's my fault, it's pretty easy not to get mad because nobody wants to be mad at themselves. If you have expectations, you'll turn, you'll wait. Think about this. When Joseph goes to the door, he hasn't seen Mary in three months. Think about this. You haven't seen your fiance in three months. She comes home, good surprise. You haven't seen your fiance in three months and she comes home and comes home earlier than you expected, great surprise. You haven't seen your fiance for three months. She comes home. She comes home earlier than you expected and she comes home pregnant, bad surprise. Mary, what have you done? What are you thinking? How could you do this to me? What's his name? I'm going to kill him. No, Joseph, you're not going to kill him. Trust me. You're not going to believe him when I tell you who did this to me, but you're not going to kill him. He will kill you before. Don't say it, Joseph. Mary, how could you do this to me? Joseph was a good man. Don't you think it would be pretty difficult to hold back the shock and the yaw that comes? With congratulations, Joseph, you're the father of someone else's child. Just what I wanted this Christmas, Mary, thank you. No. He was upset because he had expectations. He didn't even know. He didn't expect one day to wake up and be faced with fathering someone else's child and he surely didn't expect to have to believe the words of his wife when she said, "This baby's from the Holy Spirit." Thank God an angel comes to him and says, "Relax, buddy. This baby is from the Holy Spirit and you're going to be his earthly father. Get over yourself. Move on." That's my paraphrased version, but that's what happened. Joseph gets up in obeys. They're dangerous. Okay. We can all agree on that, but what do we do about them? Here's what you're thinking right now. This is the part of the message where Preston says, "Lower your expectations and you lower the chance of ever being hurt." Preston, are you about to tell me to lower my expectations? Preston is God about to tell me to lower my expectations? No, he's not going to do that. He's telling you to kill them. Kill them. He's telling you that the best way to show up at the starting line of the happiness you've always dreamed about is to kill your expectations. The most romantic thing I've ever said to my wife in 10 years of us being together was the day I asked her to marry me and I said, "Honey, today, I kill my expectations. I have desires that God has given me, but today I give you the right and the honor of meeting those desires, fulfilling those desires in the way God created you to do so." I love you. Hear my dead expectations. I've tried every day of our married life to keep that up. Here's the million dollar question of application, what kills expectations? If we're supposed to kill our expectations, what kills them? Go back to Luke chapter 1, verse 38, "Listen to Mary's response." After Gabriel tells her she's pregnant with the Messiah, Mary responded, "I am the Lord's servant, may everything you have said about me come true." And then the angel left her. Mary shows us that the first thing that kills expectations is serving. Mary says, "I don't understand this, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to respond, but rather than seek what I desire, I will give you what you deserve, even if it costs me my womb. You deserve it all, and I will give it all to you." You know what real serving, real service is? True service is putting someone else's desires, someone else's will above your own. It almost sounds like Mary's saying, "Not my will, but yours." I think I've heard that somewhere before. You know what the key to being fulfilled in life is? You know what the key to fulfillment in your marriage is? You know what the key to fulfillment at work is? Nothing others. The most fulfilling thing I will ever do is serve others with the love of Jesus Christ. That's romantic. That's the kind of love we all want. It's the kind of love Jesus talked about in John 15. He says, "This is my commandment, love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for his friends." That's romantic. I want to be loved by someone who lays their life down for me. We all do. Look at the second thing Mary shows us. She says, "May everything you've said about me come true." Mary shows us that the second way to kill expectations is receiving. It's kind of ironic to end a message on expectations with receiving, isn't it? That's the kind of God we serve. He says, "If you'll kill your expectations, I'll spend the rest of your life giving you more than you could have ever dreamed possible." Mary says, "I didn't ask for this, I don't understand this, I don't even know if I still believe this is possible, but if this is who you say I am, let it be so." When was the last time you stood before your God? Instead of presenting a list of petitions, you simply said, "Let everything you've said about me, let it be so." A couple of weeks ago, I asked my children the million dollar Christmas question is what we always ask. What do you want for Christmas this year? I said to my two year old son, "Tyler, buddy, what do you want for Christmas?" He's almost three, he's really excited about Christmas this year. He says, "Daddy, I want a bike." Okay? What else? Daddy, I want a car's bike, got it buddy, car's bike, daddy, daddy, sissy has a bike, tie tie needs a bike, I want a blue car's bike, got it, blue car's bike, what else? Daddy, I just want a car's bike. What my two year old son doesn't understand is that asking me for only one thing to me is just the beginning of the conversation. He doesn't understand the resources I have at my fingertips and he doesn't understand that he is limiting my resources and my extravagantly romantic, generous heart by only asking for what he feels is the biggest thing he could get this year. I asked my five year old daughter, "Riley, what do you want for Christmas this year?" She says, "In the most innocent and pure way, humanly possible, whatever you want to give me." See what my five year old has learned that my two year old has not is that if she will not limit me to her expectations, I will spend the rest of her life overwhelming her with things beyond her wildest imagination, because she knows it's her father's heart to bless her in ways she can't even think about. Sound familiar? Ephesians 3, verse 20, "Now to him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that you could ask or think." As soon as Riley said, "Daddy, I want whatever you want to give me," the Lord said, "Remember Ephesians 3, 20?" "Yes, Lord, I remember that one, that's a good one." He said, "Preston, you spend more time focusing on my ability to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you could ever ask for or think that you've forgotten that the only thing greater than my ability to do those things is my desire to do them for you." But don't limit me to what your mind can think up. Don't limit me to your expectations. If you want to live the life, Preston, that you have a dreamt of living, swimming in my extravagant blessings in every area of your life, I'll give them to you, but you must kill your expectations. of you. [BLANK_AUDIO]