Gateway Church's Podcast
What A Mom Should Know
A Gateway Sermon
You know, there is a difference between the first child and the second child and the third child. You know that. And if your parents and I, you know this. For example, when it's concerning the clothes the mothers wear, the first baby, you begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. Immediately begin wearing your -- the second baby, you wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. The third baby, your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. And when you're preparing for birth, the first baby, you practice your breathing religiously. The second baby, you don't bother practicing because breathing does not help. And on the third baby, you ask for an epidural during the eight months. That right? Okay, when it comes to activities for your babies, the first baby, you take your infant to baby gymnastics, baby swing, and baby story hour. The second baby, you might take them to baby gymnastics. The third baby, you take them to the supermarket and to the dry cleaners. See, I'm a second baby, I'm having some problems here, okay? And at home, it's totally different. The first baby, you spend a good bit of every day just gazing at your baby. And for the second baby, you spend a bit of every day watching to be sure that the brothers and sisters aren't poking or prodding or pinching them or dropping them. And the third baby, you spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. So there's a big difference. And moms, I just want to tell you, this is your weekend. We're so excited. We believe in motherhood. If it weren't for my mother, I would not be here today. Is that right? And so I'm grateful for my mom. And by the way, if you did not get a carnation, actually those are orchids or something. There's a big name for it, but I think it's a form of orchid. But if you didn't get one, make sure you get one on the way out. We have plenty for every, with your mom or not. We're here today to honor ladies, moms, and women, so if you're not a mom, you'll get one. Okay? So I want to speak to you for a few minutes on moms. You know, about three months ago, honestly, I asked Robert if I could speak this message. So I really feel like a Lord gave me a word for moms. I have a real heart for families. And my wife and I just became parents about four years ago. And we were, we've been married seven or eight years. We were in our thirties before we ever had children. And so we're new to parenting. We're brand new. I have nothing figured out. And I'm learning something every day. But I do know something about moms. I've watched my wife really grow as a mom. And I have her, I just believe the Lord is doing something in the church when it comes to moms. And you know, it's okay to be a mom, it's okay to be a mom that it is still to me one of the most noblest professions. It is the greatest investment of your time and I don't care what everyone else says. I am thankful that you take motherhood and being a mom so serious. And I appreciate that. There are some of the best moms in the world of Gateway Church. I've watched them. I'm in awe of what moms do. And I've watched mothers a lot because we're trying to learn everything. Here's, I want to give you three things today that I think the Lord is saying to moms and the title of my message is what a mom should know. And here's the first thing that every mom should know and that is that you have great influence. This is scripture in Deuteronomy chapter six and it's called the Shamas, the central creed of the Jewish belief system. In other words, Jewish people know this scripture, it's the central core of everything they believe about family and about the way they pass on their beliefs to their children. And here's what it says in verse five, it says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. And these commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart and press them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your forehead. Light them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. Listen moms, you have more influence, you have great influence, more influence than you can possibly imagine. You know that every generation has to be one to the Lord. God does not have any grandchildren. Every generation has to be one to the Lord. Now let me just take a little poll here today. Now I want you to think about this before you answer it. How many of you here today are born again believers, you believe in Jesus Christ because of a significant influence of your mother. You raise your hand from a significant influence of your mother. Now look around the hands. We have almost an entire church full of people, an entire sanctuary full of people today that are here not because of a small influence, but I'm talking a significant influence of a mom. Do you know that mom, that your greatest harvest bill is right under your nose and running around your legs and carrying your base up? But that's your greatest harvest bill, my greatest harvest bill drew up little maps on my brand new couch this week. My great harvest bill does that thing. In fact, we've gone through about a gallon and a half of wall touch up paint just taking away the crayon marks. That's my harvest bill. And sometimes, you know, honestly, we look at them as little children that are causing problems or are being frustrating us when God put them in our home because they're our harvest bill. They're the ones we're supposed to win to the Lord. Every mom in this room today, when you get to heaven, listen, you're going to see your harvest. It's going to be your children there with you. You're a soul winner. For example, here's a Spanish proverb in Spain. They say that an ounce of mother is worth a ton of priests. And that's absolutely true. And by the way, any priest that weighs a ton has their problem with eating anyway. Here's what verse seven says in the Deuteronomy six. Let's look at that again. It says, "Impress them on your children, talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you get up." Now, that was scripture. How long ago was that written? Four or five thousand years ago when that was written? Well, according to a new study just released in the past year from Purdue University, listen to this, "Unless the content of our values and beliefs is articulated verbally, children may not have an accurate perception of what their parents believe." The study says modeling values is important, but parents also need to actually talk about their beliefs. Now, that's according to a group of scientists, professors at Purdue University. And look, I'm appreciative of the professors at Purdue wasting their time on this study, but they could have went to Deuteronomy chapter six and figured this out and saved us $355,000 of our tax dollars. However, they didn't ask me. Here's the bottom line tonight, life is caught, not just taught. It's taught and caught. Not only do your children need to see you worshiping, see you praying, see you concerned about the struggles and the power, the things that happen to your daily time, look, your children need to see you pray over those things. Your children need to see you talking to your husband about life's difficult issues. Your children need to hear and see your values. You know, already my wife and I are beginning to tell our kids what we believe. We just tell them what we believe and why we believe it. Now, they're foreign too, so they look at us with a glazed overlook, you know, so I don't get real deep into my theology. In other words, I don't talk about eschatology, I don't talk about any of those things, I don't talk about the millennial reign yet with them, although they're asking questions about it. I'm talking about why do we pray? Why do we believe in Jesus? Why do we take time at night to talk about the word? I just talk to them real simply, but I want them to know why daddy believes what he believes and my wife talks about what she believes all the time so that when they grow up, it will just be a natural part of them. You don't have to, listen, I don't want to have to look at my 15-year-old and try to somehow talk them into being a believer when they've seen dad and mom and they know what we believe all their lives. In other words, I want them to think it's bizarre not to be a believer. I just want them to say, why would anybody not love Jesus? Why would anybody not worship the Lord? Why would anybody not lift their hands and worship the Lord with all their hearts? I just want them to see us doing it all the time and they just grow up thinking it's normal to be a believer. You know, some of your children don't know that it's normal to be a believer because they're not seeing their parents be a believer at home and they come to church and they see other people act in one way and they go home and see their parents act in the other and they think, what's wrong with those people at church? I want them to come to church and say, oh, that's why mom and dad hang out with these people. They're just like them. That's why we hang out with you. You're like us. We like you. You don't act like us and we act like you. Second Timothy 1-5, listen to the scripture, it says, I know that you sincerely trust the Lord for you have the faith of your mother, Eunice, and your grandmother, Lord. Isn't that amazing that Paul took time out of a very important, well, I call him the pastoral letters. I call him the apostolic letters. But he took time out of it and said, Timothy, listen, you know what I see in you, young man? I see your grandmother in you. I see your mother in you and I want you to know that's a good thing that I see your grandmother. I see the way your grandmother used to talk about the Lord. I see that in you now and the way your mom used to talk so passionately about the Lord, Timothy, I'm seeing that in you now. You're a young man, but I'm telling you, I see your mom in you, I see your grandmother in you. Wouldn't that be great if someone were to interrupt your children one day and say, you know what? Boy, that passion for the Lord that you have right now, I see your mom, that's just like your mom used to talk, that's just like your grandmother used to talk. That's what I want them to know. In fact, I want my children to go past me, do you know that Timothy flew past his grandmother and his mother. He did more for the Lord than his grandmother and his mother, didn't he? Do you think that? Yes, because he wanted their children to run past them. Do you know that no one believes in your children the way you do? I believe that Saddam Hussein's mother right now is wondering that how can anyone think ill of her child. I mean, mothers do not believe ill about their children and if you ever watched court TV or something like that and they're interviewing the mom outside the courthouse, their child just got convicted of murder or some terrible crime and the mom's going, but he's my little boy. That's my little boy. There's no way that he's guilty. I think you know they got him on tape, they got him a confession. He's already went on Geraldo and talked about it openly, but his mother is convinced, listen, his mother is convinced, there's no way my little boy could have done that. I mean, you believe in your children and that is a gift that God's placed in moms is to believe in your child unlike anybody else has ever believed in him. For example, if you heard of Thomas Edison, in fact, the reason we're here tonight under the lights is because of Thomas Edison, but you know that when Thomas Edison was, I don't know, seven, eight years old, he came home one day with a note from his teacher. Here's what the note said, says, "Your child is dumb and we can't do anything for him." And listen, by the way, I smelled a lawsuit when I read this, but that was, can you imagine how much money Mrs. Edison would have gotten from the school district if that would have happened today? Back then, nobody cared. You can say, "Any note you want at home with your child, your child's dumb." Man, but listen, here they are, you know, suddenly, you know, Miss Edison says, wrote a note back and says, "You don't understand, my boy." And the reason you can't teach him is because you don't understand him. I'll teach him myself. You know that Thomas Edison was a homeschool, he was a product of homeschool, for those of you who are homeschooled your children, God bless you. Thomas Edison was a homeschool boy. And by 10 years old, he was already inventing stuff. By 12 years old, he already had patents and at the end of his life, he had almost 1200 patents with the patent office and he invented, not only the light bulb, he invented the phonograph, he upgraded the telegraph system, easy for me to say, the telegraph system. He's much smarter than I was. But listen, Thomas Edison, his mother saw something in him that no one else saw. You know, I believe that dads are, that your call is dads and you'll get your message in five or six weeks, but I'm telling you, listen, moms, you sometimes have to tell dads what you're seeing in your children because men are not as perceptive as you are and sometimes Pam tells me things about our kids and I never saw that because they're perceptive. They're intuitive. They see things and they always see the best. Pam sees the best in our kids. You know, like when she's drawing on the couch and goes, she's going to be a great little artist. No, she's not. She's going to stop that. You know, that's what I'm upset. I just pay for that couch. I think it was just a big test, you know, before the message, you know, if I really have a good attitude about Cali tonight, I have a great attitude. Here's the second thing. It'll come out in a minute, okay? Just keep bearing with me. Here's the second thing that moms need to know, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to ask for help. You know that we're the most isolated society in the world right now. We are absolutely isolated from one another. And that honestly, one of the most, the loneliest jobs in the world is a stay-at-home mom who honestly has no idea who to ask for help. For example, we live about 300 miles from one set of parents and I live 500 miles from the other set of parents. And so they don't live next door to us. In fact, like 1950s, when all the grandparents and parents lived within two miles of one another, and if you had a question you could walk over and ask, well, we don't have that. I know we could use our phone, okay, but it costs money, too, and I'm having to pay for the couch, okay? Now, look at Titus chapter 2, okay? Titus chapter 2 says, here's a command of the Lord in Titus chapter 2. Verse 3 says, "Severnally, teach the older women to live in a way that is appropriate for someone serving the Lord, and they must not go around speaking evil of others and must not be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good." Now, listen, this is the command of the Lord coming up. These older women must train the younger women. And look at the things that they're supposed to train you in, how to love their husbands and their children to live wisely and to be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good and to be submissive to their husbands, then they will not bring shame on the Word of God. Is it possible that an entire generation of women today is bringing shame on the Word of God? Because we've never passed on to the younger women what we've learned in the battlefields of life. Now, let me give you a list of something. If you're a stay-at-home mom or your mom that's home a lot with your children, and I want you to hear the eight most common challenges faced by mothers of young children. Here's number one, low self-esteem. Low self-esteem. They don't think that what they're doing is important. Number two, monotony and loneliness. Number three, stress from too many demands. Number four, a lack of time with their husband. Number five, confusion about discipline. Not knowing how to, especially if you have two or three small ones at the same time and they all have two or three different personalities, I mean you have to be Dr. Seuss and you have to be everybody combined to know how to treat and how to discipline three or four different children with three or four different personalities. Number six, creating a peaceful home atmosphere. Have no idea how to do it. Most young women do not know how to create a peaceful home atmosphere, a need for outside role models. Not amazing that today, one of the top eight needs for a young mom is they need someone to tell them how to do it. And number eight, the training of children. How to train them. Not to discipline, but to train them and there is a difference. Now this is a command. Listen, moms, I want you to hear something. If you're here today and your children are older and even if your children are out of your house and you're an empty-ness mom, I want you to hear me do not. This message is for you, please give away what you know. Please tell us what you've learned. Please go to a young lady and offer your help. Don't demand that you help them. Just offer your help. Offer it in a gracious way and listen, most young mothers will take you up on it. And by the way, you've got to be serious when you offer it because you're going to get needed. You're either needed. Older ladies among you, I exhort. Paul was saying, "Listen, older ladies, please tell us what you know. Tell us what you've learned. Older women must learn to ask for help as much as older women must learn to offer their help." Young ladies, listen, ask somebody that's older than you that knows about it. Ask somebody. Tell them what you know. Give them some kind of insight and understanding. One of the ill side effects for women who were raised in broken homes is the generation of moms who've accepted Christ as an adult, but they have little knowledge of how to raise a healthy child. They don't know. They were raised in dysfunctional homes themselves. Suddenly they're born again. They're an adult. They have a family. They have nothing to look back on. They have no blueprint to check to. They have nothing to look at. They need you. Older women among you, I exhort. Lead a life group. Lead a life group, young older ladies, you have more time on your hands than you've ever had before now. Your children are gone. This is not a time for taking a break. Listen, there is no retirement anywhere in Scripture where you're allowed to retire from ministry. Find one time in Scripture where you're allowed to take rest. You're allowed to take breaks. You're allowed to take fabulous. You're allowed to take sabbaticals, but you're not allowed to retire from ministry. Let ladies lead life groups. There should be a long line right here after the sermon. I'll take your name and your phone number, and we'll start about 50 women's life groups after this service. If you'll meet me right here at the bottom, okay, we need you is what I'm saying. This is the heart of our church in mentoring and helping. Listen, bons and dad, this is a totally, totally insult most of you that are under 40, which by the way, I am under 40. Until you're about 40 years old, most of our brains are just a big lump of spam anyway. That's right. You don't get a clue until you're about 35 or 40. I turned 36 this year, I discovered a clue. One clue about life. I'm finally getting it, and I'm telling you, we need you. In fact, here's some things that I've learned from others about raising children. Now, what I mean is that I watch you, I've come tonight to confess something. I am really listening to you when you talk about raising your children. Honestly, I listen closely. When people start talking about raising children, especially people that I consider a successful parent, I'm listening. We have some great parents on staff, Marcus and Lexa, they're great parents. Jeff and Jenny Drought are excellent parents. Jeff and Jenny are two of the best parents I've ever met in my life. And Robert and Debbie are excellent parents. All the everyone on our staff that has children, they're great parents. And when they start talking about kids, I'm listening, because I don't have a clue. I'm a four-year-old, a two-year-old, I don't know. I don't know anything. I know some principles, but I don't walk any of it out. I'm trying to learn, and here's some things that I've learned from people that I think are good parents. Number one is the tail cannot lag the dog. If they will not obey you, they will not obey God. You need to write this down by this is very good stuff while I'm about to give you this. And don't ever forget that saying, the tail does not lag the dog. Somebody better be in charge and it cannot be a six-year-old, it better be you. And listen, everything that I'm about to say right now is going to teach your children about God. If they don't obey you, they will not obey the subtle voice of the Lord. If they want to obey my voice, they will not obey the Lord's voice. When they learn to love and obey me, they will learn to go love and obey God. Number two, teach your children to pray as soon as they can speak. Teach them to pray as soon as they don't do all the praying at your house. Teach them to pray. Teach them the formulate words that come out of their own little minds. My two-year-old, she can pray up a storm. It's about six intelligible words, but when they all come together, it's powerful. She knows. She's feeling because the Holy Spirit comes in our family devotional and she feels compelled to pray and she just babbles a lot of time, but she says things sometimes. She's learning to pray, and I'm so thankful for it. Number three, teach them how to ask for things politely. Fits of anger are never rewarded at my own. If they throw a fit, they don't get it, even if it's good for them. They throw a fit. They don't get it. Listen, you can't throw a fit in front of God and get anything. You're going to be submitted to the Lord Jesus and you're going to learn to be gracious in time when you come before Him with your request. You don't demand anything of the Lord. It's about your attitude. Number four, freely confess false, deserve less punishment. You know why I'm teaching my children about grace, and if I'll come before the Lord, it confess my sins that the Lord is gracious in time and willing to forgive me of all my sins. He's always willing to forgive me, and you need to teach your children that if they freely confess their faults, if they come to you and say, "Dan, I'm so sorry if something just happened. You told me not to do this. I did it anyway, and I just want to tell you, I am so sorry, but it happened." You know what? If you freak out like them, they'll never tell you another thing. You'll have to find it out on your own. I would rather my children confess to me freely than me have to find it out on my own. They'll come. If they know that there's grace, now I'm not saying you relieve them of all the consequences, but there must be some grace in your house, because I want them to know that God is a God of grace, that there are consequences, but there is immediate grace. If you'll freely confess your fault. Number five, here's my favorite one, lavishly reward, good behavior. When they do good things, lavishly reward them, bless them, pour the blessing of the Lord out upon your children when they do good things. I want them to know that if they behave, if they do well, dad is going to be the sugar daddy of the house. I'm telling you, they're going to get good things when they do good things. They're going to be rewarded, immediately rewarded. And here's number six, it's the hardest one for any of us, keep your promises, because God does. You tell them, listen, if you tell them you're going to get them a snow cone on the way home, you better stop and get them a snow cone on the way home. If you listen, here's another one, here's the one I hate the most. When I hear parents say this, it drives me nuts. If you don't behave, I'm going to thank you when I get home, and they steal my hat and it's the hat. Well, spank them when you get home. If you tell them you're going to spank them when you get home, spank them when you get home. And I promise you, the next time you're looking in the back seat, now listen, you keep that up almost, thank you when I get home, guess what they're going to do? They might test you again, by the way, okay? But after two or three times, depending on the child, they're eventually going to catch it, okay? Keep your promises, because God keeps his promises. And number three, make sure your tank needs to be full. Your tank needs to be full, Mom. Now, here's a scripture that is a life scripture for me, and what I mean by that, this is a scripture that I quote all the time, that God gave me young, and when I was a very young believer, the Lord gave me the following scripture, and I quoted all the time, I think about it all the time, it drives, and almost everything that I do, this scripture drives me. And I wanted to drive you, I wanted to get deep into your heart tonight, because the word will change you, and the word will change your children. Here it is, Proverbs 4.23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do. Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do." And one translation that says, "The wellspring of life," that out of your heart, which is your mind, will, and emotions, out of your mind, will, and emotions, all of your life will come. Listen, none of you said anything, hopefully, most of you, didn't say anything until you thought about it, until it was in your heart. It comes out, while it's in your heart, comes out your mouth, the way you're talking to your children. Listen, Mom, it's the reason you're snapping at your children, the reason you can't have patience with your children, because your tank's not full, the reason you get short and angry with your husband is because your tank is not full. If you've been through the Leadership 101 class, I give you this analogy about putting when company comes over to your house, you ever take out those saucers and put coffee on the saucers when people come over, but you never do that when no one's there, you know, you just drink coffee right out, but when people come over, you put a little cup on the saucer, right? There's two reasons for the saucer. Actually, three, one is because you're supposed to do it, and I don't know why. Number two is, it catches anything that spills instead of hitting your carpet and hits the saucer. Number three, if it cuts too high, it gives them a place to hold, okay? I learned all that after I was married, it's amazing what marriage does for you. Now, here's my analogy, whatever spills over into the saucers what you give away in ministry. Whatever spills over into the saucer, that's the excess, that's what you can give away in ministry. But personally, I'm not going to give any of you anything that's in my cup, because I've got to have that in order to be a nice person. In order to minister to you with a smile on my face, I've got to make sure that my cup is full. You know how I know when my cup is empty? When I get short with my wife, when I get easily angered at people, when I have a low tolerance for foolishness with people, I know my cup is running empty. And I've got to take a day off, and I've got to recharge, I've got to get before the Lord, I've got to sit in His presence. And Mom, the hardest thing to do when you're chasing two or three children around the house are even working full time and then chasing two or three children around the house. And maybe not even married because you're a divorce or you're single mom, the hardest thing, I'm telling you, I know this, the hardest thing to do is to sit before the Lord and hear Him and be recharged. The Proverbs 4.23 does not say, "For those of you who have available time guard your heart." They set it to every believer above all else, above gymnastics, above the third baseball game of the week, above everything else, by the way, above coming to church, guard your heart because it said, "Above all else, guard your heart." Say, "Notice some church activity." Don't go to every church activity. You'll never hear a pastor say that except me. All our pastors will say that. Above all else, guard your heart. We want your heart to be full. We want you out of the overflow of your heart to give away ministry. Most strong Christians today either came from pagan or passionate parents. Very rarely, very rarely do lukewarm parents produce passionate children for Jesus. Very rarely. You're sitting in this room today, I guarantee you, your parents were either passionate for the Lord or they were pagans. That's the homes that produce most passionate children for the Lord. Pagan parents are passionate parents. Lukewarm parents, it's like getting a warm glass of water on July 4th to drink outside. It's not good. It fits it out. In fact, Jesus said, "I'd rather be hot or cold." Listen. You know how you become passionate for the Lord? It takes time to be passionate for the Lord. Sitting before the Lord, hearing Him pray and worshiping, listening to the Lord, hearing the Lord, making sure your tank is full. Ephesians 3.20, listen to the scripture in Ephesians chapter 3 verse 20, says, "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." That's a lot, because some of you are some dream in machines and more than we can all we can ask or imagine. According to His power that is at work within us, please underline that in your Bible. It's according to all our dreams. Everything we're dreaming is according to His power that's at work within us that's in me right now, to Him be the glory of the church and the Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Our dreams can only come true when we allow His power to be present and available in our life. Your dream for your children will come true if at first you will guard your own heart. Listen, you can't be prophetic. You can't speak these powerful prophetic, parenting words to your children unless you are full of the Lord Jesus. Have you ever tried to minister on an empty tank? Have you ever tried to drive on an empty tank? The same way as ministering on an empty tank. If you're not full of the Lord, full of His presence, full of who He is, if you're not radiating with Jesus, you can't leave your children. You can't be passionate for Jesus if you're not at first passionate for Him personally. I'm asking you this morning. I'm asking you tonight. I'll ask you in the morning, too, if you'll listen. Make sure your tank is full. Make sure it's full. Colossians, chapter 1, verse 11, it says, "We also pray that you will be strengthened with His glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance that you need." We also pray that you will be strengthened with His glorious power. Now, what does that mean? Strengthen, sitting in His presence, being strengthened so that you'll have all the patience and all the endurance that you need. Listen, Mom, raise your hand if you need a little more patience tonight and a little more endurance. Three of you. Great. Okay, other five. Listen. You need patience and you need endurance. I'm saying to you tonight that this is the word of the Lord to you, the rest, if you hear one thing tonight, the one thing that I want you to catch tonight, please make sure your tank is full. Make sure that you have enough inside you that you can give away. You know that you cannot give away what you don't have. You can't come back from somewhere you've never been. You can't give away what you don't have. And the Lord's come tonight. I'm going to pray for you in just one minute and we're just about finished. I'm going to pray for you right now. And if you're here tonight, your tank's not full. You know that you can ask the Lord right now while we're in this environment, while someone else is watching your children, where you have a time, a minute with the Lord. Some of you, this is the only time you get with the Lord is right here away from your children. I know how it is. I know how it is. I have a four-year-old and a two-year-old that said that yet. I know how demanding it is. They're the most fun things I've ever experienced, this parenting is great, this demanding though. It's worked. My wife works a lot harder than I do. She works much harder than I do. And I mean that, because I've had to stay home with them before. I was dying to come to work. I needed some time off. Please let me work seven days a week at times. They didn't bother me. But an hour while she went to the mall, I could kill me. Not really. But I was tied up with duct tape in the closet.