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If you've been on qualified orders, see site for more details. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. You've heard us talking about the latest Dash Pass annual plan benefit. Streammax with ads included at no extra cost. If you haven't tried it yet, what are you waiting for? Ronnie, you're a big Last of Us fan, right? Oh, I sure am. The HBO original The Last of Us. It's about to start another season. What would you order on DoorDash while you watch The Last of Us? Well, while I'm watching Last of Us, I prefer eating salads from DoorDash because the zombies are plants, so you're kind of eating the zombie plant people, you know? Oh, good. You're restoring order. Yeah, it's on theme. Sign up for a Dash Pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Streammax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. In terms of supply, see DoorDash.com/max for details. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium subscribers, Cassie Bogolsky and Christie Doherty. We love you, girls. Hello and welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on ye old broves. I'm Ronnie Karim from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with the lovely, gorgeous, talented and in a new apartment, Ben Mandelker, the B-side blog in the Banta Blender. How you doing, Ben? Hello. Hi, Ronnie. I'm good. I'm in the new old apartment. I've moved back into my apartment, although I used the word moved with air quotes around it because it's just boxes everywhere. I haven't, you know, everything got loaded in here. And I basically have not had time to unpack everything, essentially because I've been watching things like Below Tech Mediterranean. Yeah, it's weird now that the schedule has changed up of our shows, there's a lot to watch on Wednesday. It's like Jesus. I was sitting there for four or five hours watching shows. Exactly. And the thing is that, I mean, I have my direct TV is up and running, but my TV is literally resting up against my doorframe because I need to mount it. That's a two person job and I just, that's a job for Craigslist right there. Well, I'm going to, I asked our building like maintenance guy to help me. So hopefully he'll do it, help me do it like later today. I hope otherwise I have, like I'm like, I can't watch anymore TV off the internet. I'm sick of it. Oh my God. I can't even call my maintenance. My land lady lives here on site. God, you ask this woman anything. Were you sure it's not your fault? Like it always comes back to being your fault. The roof is leaking. Well, you know, honey, it's because you have that big TV. It's probably pulling the ceiling down. Oh, okay. It's my fault. I get it. Yeah. I've roaches. Oh, really? Oh, no, bitch. It's under the, it's in the earth. You take care of it. Yeah, exactly. I'll spray that bitch. Well, luckily my maintenance guy is fantastic. So friendly, so good. And my building with the building pro managers here are great, you know, there's something to be said about, you know, a really corporate kind of building management. On the one hand, they can be cold and totally unfeeling, but on the other hand, they get shit done when you need it done. So I don't need people to feel just fix my fucking ceiling. How about that? Fix my fucking ceiling. Well, I'm happy because the bitch downstairs moved out. Did I ever, did I ever go on this podcast? Yes. Oh my God. The one who would complain about every little creek in the floor, Trina, Trina who wanted, she wanted them to like pull up my entire bedroom floor and redo it because she once heard my footsteps at five in the morning when I got up to pee. I'm like, you're, you're crazy. She's very nice, but crazy. Have you ever heard of ambient? You crazy winch. Yeah. Exactly. So she's gone. That guy will be cool, but my new apartment's so nice now. Oh my God. I feel like an adult. They like totally made it adult-like. Oh, I can't wait to see it. Can you take pictures of it and send it to me? Well, well, you know what? I think that after this podcast is done, I'll do a little bit of unpacking and I don't know where my towels are and I have to shower it before tonight. So I am going to go to Target and I'm going to buy some new towels for my bathroom and I'm, I'm stealing my friend's idea because her bathroom looks exactly like mine and I'm going to get some nice red towels as a pop of color. Oh, a little pop of color. Look at you. You're living so many more homosexual things every, every week. I know. I'm like, he'll just Santos. What's her face? Oh, Hildy from Trading Spaces. Oh, no, you don't want to Hildy your own house Hildy, but I'm the worst. She was like, she, one time they had a million dollar trading spaces. It was for millionaires. And she went in to this beautiful home and she like gold leafed the ceiling and then made a dining room table out of like plywood and the rich people were horrified and they did not hide it. It was amazing. That is amazing. Well, maybe I'll be more like Vern Yip. Yeah. Vern's good. He's like, he puts green apples on everything. You can have like a bowl of green apples. I'll just feel like Magritte. Yes. This is surreal. I'm all over the place today because I'm about to go into a trading spaces, uh, tangent and that is not necessary. Oh, no, that's a good omen. That means that there's going to be a good show coming up if we're already talking about trading spaces before we've even promoted our shit, then I'm curious if I'm curious at Vern Yip right now, like for no reason. Okay. So everybody just for our stuff, come to watch at crappins.com for all our links, our personal links. Every link involving the show is up there. Yes. Come to facebook.com/watch at crappins to talk to other listeners during the shows. Our live show threads are hilarious and, uh, if you want the bonus episodes and all the extras, come subscribe over at come, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, who says that? Subscribe. Subscribe. Subscribe. Come subscribe over at patreon.com/watch what crappins we do in our ish long bonus episode every week. This week's was so much fucking fun. Some of those are just, we just sound like drug addicts. Yeah. This week, you know, at this, uh, when we recorded on Tuesday, I was like, my, I could not focus. I couldn't say what was on my mind. I was hot in the apartment. I was just all, I was just a mess. And it turned out to be so funny because yeah, that's when it's best. It's best when you're not concentrating. Like watching any bravo show. I actually think that when I concentrate too hard is when I start to become crazy. I think I was concentrating too hard. But the funny thing is, you know, we always say this, or at least I always do. When we record our shows, it's to me like entering a fugue state when it's over. I don't know what I've said, because at a certain point we're just talking, I'm just trying to say anything to make you laugh and, um, I'm not, my brain has actually shut off. I say things like, I'll never be a politician, you know, because they just have so much shit in these episodes to use against me, although these days you never know, but the, but the thing is someone tweeted at us and was like, Oh my God, your jokes about the lesbians were cracking me up and I was like, what jokes about lesbians? What lesbian? I don't even know. I think it's the lesbian girl for the book thing. Yeah. Lazy lesbian. There. Okay. So a few things to note. First of all, we made a jackass of ourselves last week as per usual, because we spent five minutes making fun of jewels and her ridiculous quote unquote like slam of Bethany by saying I don't go to your house and say, this is the center for ants were like, who says that? That's ridiculous. You're so stupid jewels. Like nice comeback with center for ants, little did we realize it was actually a reference to Zoolander. So well, what the hell we have enough references in our head without a Ben movie. Okay. No, that Ben movie is not going to be in my head, although part one was very funny. And who wrote off a Zoolander joke, uh, seniors later as a non model, she's the, she's the worst. She's still the worst. I don't care that she's anorex. Um, so there's that, um, the other thing is, uh, we have to thank one of our listeners, Teresa, the one who gave us the idea of, and then Ramona walks in, which we haven't done in a while. Teresa sent us coffee mugs, although I haven't received money yet, cause it's at Ronnie's place. And I'm going to go. And you never will. I know. Now you know how to get to my house. I can't just keep all the gifts that people sent us, which is what I usually do. Oh, but Ronnie, why don't you tell everyone what the mugs are? It's also, they're coffee mugs with watch what crappins on them. Our logo is on them. It's bad ass. I didn't have any. I did another podcast this morning, and she's like, here's a shirt. Thanks so much for coming to my pot. I was like, who does this? Who has like things with their thing on it? And then I got home and I had this. Oh, that's so nice. Now I'm as good as that lady. That's right. Well, you know, I remember back in the TV guys and days, we tried to sell all sorts of TV guys and stuff from my cafe press, and I just recently chucked one of my TV guys and shirts. I was like, goodbye, sweet era of my life. Why would you do that? Because it had pits, it was not, it was not, it was not summoning like nostalgia the way I thought it would. Yeah. You're like, I remember that day I had really sweaty armpits. Thanks a lot. Yeah. Yeah. But I kept my chin bot t-shirt. Then the last thing that we have to mention, a reason why you should follow us on social media, whether it's on our Facebook page, or on our own personal stuff, is because if you don't, you will have missed a photo that Rodney and I took with none other than Miss Lisa Rinna, who came through with a croissant at last. She sure did. She sure did. That was so fun. We got to go meet up with Lisa and her friend Monique and Harry Hamlin at the Polo Lounge. And just pure coincidentally, pure coincidence, Al Pacino was at the next table. It just felt so Hollywood at that moment. It was just great. A reality star, some podcasters, Harry Hamlin, a PR person, and Al. Yeah. Al Pacino. No, Lisa was great. We've always loved Lisa Rinna despite this entire ridiculous feud that she's found herself in. We are on both sides because we like both women and it was super cool. I really enjoyed sitting in gabbing with her. She was great. Do you know what I really appreciate about the people that we meet? Well, first off, we get to meet people because they usually contact us in some way. And Lisa, we know Lisa's beautiful, one of her PR team. And so we've been talking to her for a while, like over a year or whatever. But this is the first time I've ever met Lisa. And that has no impact on us saying, "Oh my God, we love Lisa." Obviously not. Yeah. No. Because we've called her a Dodo Bird in every episode. Yeah. But one of the great things is that they kind of know what we do already. And so we can make fun of them right to their face. And they laugh. Like every time. I think it's hilarious. We were very honest with Rinna because she was asking us questions, you know, like audience perspective type stuff. And we just said everything just like we do here. And she would disagree or agree. But most of all, it was just laughing and having a fun conversation. It wasn't anything. I mean, look, we all just get too weird about these housewife shows. By the end of a season, we're all full of rage. I think anybody who watches Bravo, by the end, you just want to kill them. They're all idiots. They're fighting over nothing. And you're mad at yourself for getting so upset. And I think that it was smart that it's the end of the season. And it's all kind of over, you know? Yeah. Well, I hope, you know, fingers crossed, I would love it if she would come on the podcast at some point. She ever will. But if she did, that would just be awesome. Well, that Jenny McCarthy thing ruined it because, of course, she goes on there and starts blabbing about whatever. And then she said that Harry has a dildo thing, which was on the secrets revealed, by the way. And it was on the mean show, wasn't it? It was she did. Yeah. But they showed it again on the secrets revealed because Andy asked her about it. And Andy said, what about, you know, Harry Hamlin strap on dildo? Are you mortified? You know, it was an anti version, though. It was like, remember when you talked about dildos? I love those. His boobs are bigger. But he made her answer it and she was like, I don't even know why I said that. Like, sometimes I just I open my mouth and things come out. I don't even know. I don't I've never even worn a strap on. I don't even know why I said that. I was like, thank you for basically summing up your entire season with this one secret reveal. Well, yeah, so super, super fun time. And of course, I think I appreciated the irony of having drinks with Rina at the polo lounge. The very same place where Kim Richards was ejected for life, which of course was the first thing we said. Yeah. They're like, is this a joke? Like, why are we at the polo lounge? This shit is hilarious. And Harry was like, you should go take a picture in the bathroom. Don't put it past us, but anyway, what a good fashion block yourself in, by the way. I went pee there just so I could see what the bathrooms were like. I mean, those are like fortresses. You walk into like a huge bathroom, but then yeah, they have those private stalls, you know that there's like a door and walls. Yeah. It's like a little studio apartment. I could see why Kim would like herself in there. She's like, you're not getting me. I'm in the living room of the bathroom. I was going to say, she probably thought she was at home. I was like yesterday, yesterday when I went to my storage facility to get the stuff out to them. So the movers were there. Crazy old lady, like rummaging through her hoarder's storage thing across the hall from mine. And the movers accidentally turned on my vacuum cleaner when they were pulling it out. And the woman went berserk. She thought they were trying to drill into her storage thing. And she was much like, no, not today, not, you know, I'm going to call someone. I'm going to call someone right now. Not today. Not today. You're not going to drill in the end. No, no. Sorry. You know, this is just wrong. This is just wrong. This is not right. I'm like, this is probably what it was like with Kim Richards all the time. It still is. Remember all those fun times we had, Kyle? And then they cut back to all the fun times and they're like, not fun, like getting a facial. I hate face shelves. Like, yep. That's pretty much it. It's like cut to Kim Richards, trying to open the front door of her house that's no longer hers anymore in Palm Springs. We're on the fun times. That was on secrets. That was on secrets reveal, too, Kyle. They went to the palms because we're not going to go deep into that, are we? Did you watch? I didn't even have time to watch it. It was really stupid. But Kyle tells Kim in Palm Springs. She's like, oh, I went to our old place today and they're showing it. So I got to go in and I got to see your room and my room and mom's room. And Kim's like, remember all the fun times before you stole it. It's like, why are you talking about this? Like, it's a good memory when Kyle is using the proceeds from that house for this brand new mall house that you're sitting in, Kim. I think you remember you were robbed. By the way, I love Kyle's mall house. It's like one of my favorite houses, her Palm Springs house with that sort of open-air veranda. That's like one of my favorite real house houses of all of them. Yeah, I mean, it has Kyle in it, so that kind of kills it for me. And like the kind of like faux walls. I can't with faux painting. I do just imagine the realtor and like, well, I got a house on toes. I loved house number two, it was right within our range and it was walking distance from town. But I'm not sure about that Kyle Richards it has. It's so weird. Like this house is center, it's like in the center of town, which is what we want. But every time I walk in here, my back is drooping over my bra strap, like, what the hell house? All right, then the announcer comes on house number one is $10,000 above budget is $100,000 above budget, but has scenic views. House number two is under budget, but needs some renovation and house number three is right within the budget. However, it features Kyle Richards, and I'll take house number one and two and put some gates around both of those fuckers. What do I see? Popcorn ceilings? No. Kyle Richards. Nope. Popcorn is just like Kyle on the couch. I'm concerned it's a double vanity and then a third one when you add Kyle, oh God, bless Kyle Richards. She's nice now, you guys. She's really a good person for all that forgiveness. She gave Lisa Vanderpump for all the shit she herself started, asshole. While I'm talking about Secrets Reveal, just to get that out of the way since we're not going to go into a full thing, wow, how boring, okay, Ken gets Botox and then something that I thought was really funny that they did, because Lisa had mentioned something the other night. I said, what did you guys think of Erica because I noticed that in the actual group scenes with Erica, she never speaks. She just sits there and gives everybody dirty looks like a pissed off teenager at dinner with her parents, you know? And she said that, yeah, that's true, she really didn't talk very much until she would do her own scenes or do her talking head stuff. So we didn't really know that much of what was going on with her. And then so the reason I'm bringing that up is because we all got to know her mostly through talking heads. So this behind the scenes thing, or not behind the scenes, but the secrets revealed was all Erica centric, like they decided to put in all of these Erica scenes. And then you can see why they cut them. I mean, the best one is when Erica's at a choreography session with her gay and he's like, okay, people, big dicks, big dicks. That's what we're going for. Like literally, I'm not even making a sign. He's like, okay, people, big dicks, that's what we're thinking of. Okay, Pat, the pus squad on the dick squat on the dick and squeeze the dick back up and you're supposed to squeeze the dick on one. It's like, oh my God. And you realize that here you are supposedly talking about Erica's big secret revealed scene and it's all about Mikey. Exactly. Because she doesn't have to talk in them. Yeah. That'll go to fuck. Or there was one with her eye and I lean shopping and she's like, oh, hey, I'll lead. I lean like, is your husband, your husband travels a lot? Oh, yeah. He's like travels a lot. Like, I mean, I don't even barely even see him like, it's crazy. She's like, oh, wow, that's, that's crazy. She's like, yeah, it's like, well, thanks for these Erica scenes, guys. Yeah, we really got to peek into her life. You should always trust your original instinct to edit editors. Okay. Yeah. I guarantee that the producers are going to make her get more involved in drama or they're going to have someone go after her because it's just like, it's not enough. Yeah, it's strange to me, like people are just sort of de facto lighting her. I think because she is just so gay friendly, which, of course, we always love, but just because she's gay friendly and, and, and as fabulous in the club and has a few funny, you know, little sineers here and there doesn't mean that she just gets a free pass to awesomeness. Like she still has to like, I don't know, I feel like I need more personality from her. That's all. But she's, she's, she has a free pass to being pretty good, I think. Well, people always like those ones, like the kind of dumb slut who's, but she's not really dumb and she's going to tell everybody to fuck off. You know, it's like them Randy. Everyone's like, ha, ha, ha, LOL. She doesn't fit in and she's just saying fuck you all the time. So that's like the new, I guess version of that, but man, at least Randy did something. Yeah. Okay. Coffee tastes weird. I have to say my coffee tastes weird. That's my thought on this. It's like, I think because the ice is from like a new fridge that they put in. It's like weird. I think the ice. Oh, yeah. You have to run the water. Like when you get a new bread filter for this ink, you have to run it for five minutes. It tastes like paint. Yeah. That's not good. Don't drink it. I guess I should. I'm so mad. I was so excited about this coffee, but like every sip I take, the more I'm like, let's taste. It tastes like paint. Well, speaking of things that taste like paint, let's do the mail bag. Oh, good. That's my taste like paint at all, but oh, I had the crappers mail bag all queued up and now it went away. Hold on. What do you mean it went away that fucking goat ate it? Well, no, I think I, I, I just, I messed up. I'll pull it up. I know we have a big question from Randy. Why are you eating the mail bag, goat? Why are you eating the mail bag, huh? Oh, look. Okay. We have to make sure we don't do, don't repeat anything from earlier this week. Um, okay, we did the designing women, which is funny because Bravo put up like a designing women thing on their site regarding Southern charm. Well, you know, I love Bravo because no one there watches our stuff except the people who run the web parts and they're the only ones that matter anyway. We love you web workers. We all you. We are you. Randy Guerrero says, okay. So I have been super busy, stress lately with work and moving into my new place. So I decided to take a bit of advice from Mona and take a Xanax a few days ago to help catch up on sleep and rest. This was Monday evening. I don't know if that's the reason why I couldn't stay awake during the latest episode of Real House House of Dallas or if it has been this looming feeling I've had in the pit of my stomach that this show sucks major a does this show come to close to any other housewives show in its first year to these women have one shred of an interesting enough personality to carry the show past this season. Potomac did it surprisingly so and I had faith in Dallas. But now that it's trucking along, I'm losing faith PS I discovered you all last year during the last season of Real House New York City and I am so happy to have y'all's go on and on in your Ramona, Luanne, Derinda, Carol, Bethany impressions pure joy. I can't wait for Real House House of Orange County to return. Oh my God. Thank you and me too. Thank you, Randy. Yes. When does that return? Who knows? Probably had to re-cut the whole season after Vicki crashed a dune buggy in Lake Havasu. The cut out the horrible parts of Vicki right now she could have died although Bravo wouldn't do that. I think they've like re-cut her to be even worse. No, they're going to build the whole season around it because you know the whole trailer is going to lead up to a moment where you'll hear like oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Like anybody cares or worries about those idiots in a four-wheeler okay. First of all, God crashed you okay. He was trying to help. And then second, you all have such humongous implants. Nothing is going to happen to you. It's like crashing a new forward, asking, I'll never die. Yeah, exactly. It's people who like are in those inflatable balls and rolling around. So Real House House of Dallas, I mean I enjoy it. I know what Randy is saying. It's not like it's scintillating drama but I think the fussiness of it all, the way they especially is basically the way that Leanne just gets on her high horse about charity all the time is kind of hilarious. And housewives aren't supposed to be these entertaining roller coasters. They usually aren't. I mean, the first season of almost every show was literally about nothing. Nothing was happening ever. And then they stumbled onto a fight and now everything's about fighting all the time. But that's not how, I mean that's probably how they became this popular but most of it's just like watching people, watching rich idiots walk around the world, you know? Sometimes that's enough. The first few seasons of Orange County were more just like docu-drama. Like look at these wealthy women spending all sorts of money. Isn't this crazy how much money they're spending? But then it became more soapy and you know, thank God. But I think that Dallas also suffers from the fact that it was originally conceived as a different show and not as a housewives show. And I think most bravo shows that they change into something else, they do suffer a bit because they were not originally built on the foundation, like a housewives foundation. You know, we saw it happen to Miami, you could see it even the same show as anyway. That's a funny thing. They changed their name at the end but they're all still shooting them like a bunch of women go eat together and fight. True. But there's still a subtle difference, you know? I think that when a show, when they decide to change a show and be like, okay, this is a housewives show, you know, I don't know that there is something that's a little lost when they try to backtrack and wedge it into a template, you know, because there's like subtle differences and you can tell. But I'm enjoying it. On the bad hand, I don't know why you would cast somebody like this brandy. And I don't, I'm not a hater, but her scenes, everybody talks like this and they're so boring and everyone's so sad. I don't get it. I don't even get what she's like. What's going on? Well, it's weird. But then you get people like Leanne and my favorite thing about these shows are when people accidentally become, they accidentally show their real selves and they're kind of tricked into it. And Leanne is just, even if she's faking everything, her anger is so real. And I'm just loving watching her lose it and try and beat up a cameraman. I mean, to me, that shit is just gold. You can't reproduce it. Yeah. I think you're absolutely right. Brandy is a weird one because she gets right into it with Leanne, you know, and she says these snarky things. But when she's not with Leanne, she's just sort of like a sad frog just sort of sitting there just, you know, like, I wonder if my husband's going to come over. He didn't disappoint and it's like real like that. And Stephanie's like, well, I guess he's not coming over today. It's so low energy. And even this week when we saw that scene with them together and when's happy because she got diamonds and then Brandy is all miserable. This in the first episode, this duo was like me, we're crazy. We talk about poop and we drink Jesus juice and laugh all day. But then you see behind what the real relationship is and it's like I'm depressed. It's okay. You'll feel better. And that's it, you know? Yeah. Like those people who are really big in real life and then, I mean on TV and then in real life, they're just like, well, I don't want to mow the lawn. So maybe I'll see if I can get money to hire a garden or boom, I know the back of the head, darling. I know it's really, and real houses of Dallas really spends a lot of time in suburbia, like every scene is in a McMansion. So it has sort of a, has a small feeling to it, you know? I like poor ass Leanne like, yeah, here we are in our, in the backyard of my house. Yes, that's the air conditioner. I don't give a shit what you think. Hey, how's the propane doing over there, hun? Like that's what I like. Like, kind of a king of the hill mixed with Texas, so yeah, I have high hopes. I, I, I'm enjoying it. So Randy, hopefully you'll come around. Betsy MD, our favorite doctor says, hi, y'all, this is a recurring theme, the yalls. This is a serious question. Apologize for my indiscretion. Okay. Everyone serious. I'm really glad that Bravo was tackling the skinny, scary girl anorexia idea on New York this year. It has bothered me for years how all these super skinny characters pop up and no one ever questions. What's up? Bethany in her own right, now Jules, Brandy Glanville, Lisa Rina, Gigi in her old years, 30 and 40 year old women should not have clavicles that pop out of their neck and thigh gaps. Can you think of other characters who need to be outed and sent to food rehab? Well, um, no, I believe that you have the right to have an eating disorder. And I believe if you want to starve yourself to be a skinny, then go for it. And if you want to eat yourself into five thousand pounds, go for it. I'm all about eating disorders. I've had one my entire life and I'll tell you this, nobody is going to stop my eating disorder. Okay. It's like trying to help an alcoholic. They will be helped if they want to be helped. Anorexia is not obviously just the same as not eating enough. You know, it's like a serious, a serious thing, but other people can't fix that for you. They have to want to fix that. And then what are we going to start skinny shaming people? I mean, fat people, shame skinny people and skinny people, shame fat people. It's like, look, at the end of the day, nobody's going to fuck y'all after 50. Okay. It doesn't matter what your weight is, like you're going to have to work harder every decade just to get fucked. So eat something. Enjoy yourself or don't. I don't care. Um, by the way, for the record, I did see Lisa Rina eat some bread at the pole lounge. So there my ass didn't. I'll tell you that much. That's the best diet plan I've ever been on sitting with Lisa Rina. I was like, Oh my God, I'm not eating she a bread. I saw it with my own eyes. I did have a chip. I would say the only other really skinny bitch on Bravo that raises an eyebrow is probably Megan King Edmonds. Um, but it's weird because generally as much as we like to be like, Oh, that girl is anorexic, it's really hard to tell because anorexia really is about behavior, not just being skinny. And so, um, we don't really see as much of the behavior that goes along with anorexia. However, with jewels, we're seeing it like, because they're talking about it. Talk about how she puts out a lot of food, et cetera, et cetera. So it's like easy to surmise who that someone so might have an eating disorder, but, you know, that's heavy stuff and, uh, you know, I don't know, I mean, I think everyone should just eat. I don't want to hear people talk about it. I mean, jewels, like I think what she's doing is very brave, I guess, uh, so good for her because there are people who need that spokesperson, but I don't want every bitch to be like, I'm anorexic now because everybody's already got their victim card. We don't need to be adding that in. Like I'm sick of hearing people whine about their, well, I think that anorexia is probably a lot more, I think that of the things that people are going to be whining about on these shows and make themselves the victims about anorexia is like a real, like a real legit one. Like that was, that is one that I would actually be okay about. Yeah. It's not fake cancer for sure. Well, it's, it's also not like, you know, some like, uh, distorted, uh, attempts to cry bullying like Kelly Benson, you know, yes. So, um, I will, I will gladly take, uh, anorexia, especially because anorexia really is prevalent. You know, I think we all knew, knew or known people who are anorexic. I know this girl in high school who's anorexic and she, I don't think she ever admitted that she was and she just posted a Facebook profile picture, um, with her kids. And, um, I mean, I don't know what the state is of her, of her eating, but her arms look scary. I was like, I can't believe you actually put that photo up. Like you, like this is like skeleton arms, you know, where like someone gets so skinny that like you can sort of see the bone and the muscle, like the sinum. That's really a horrible disease to have. And that body dysmorphia where you can't see what you really look like and you always think you look one way, but you don't. I mean, I have reverse body dysmorphia because I just always see myself as looking fine. Like I don't ever understand I'm gaining weight until my pants don't fit. And then I'm like, oh shit, because I know I can wear sweatpants a lot. Yeah, that's, yeah, the pants, that's a hard one. That's a hard, it's a hard pill to swallow in the pants of it because that, that's not about perception. That is a fact. Yes. At that point. Yes. And let me tell you something. My pants are not fitting these days. Uh, too much time, uh, eating fast casual food in the valley. Yeah. And so, and for as much time as I've spent like being self-hating about fat and this and that and this and that, I really don't like that's the thing. It's almost like I'm being self-hating to excuse it because I think other people are thinking it, but I really don't. Like I don't see the difference. I mean, when I'm real thin, I look the same to myself as when I'm really big. I mean, I always have a funny shape because I don't really work out. So I don't know. I just say I just don't want anybody to talk about their disease. I'm just hate listening to shit about diseases. Like I'm watching, it's harder to hate this girl because now I'm like, oh my God, they're right and look at her eating disorder like is active and on display at the moment, you know? Yeah. And that's rough. I don't want to watch it. I don't watch this shit to watch some eating disorder or somebody, you know, have some fake cancer or something like that. I mean, fight with each other. Right. Right. I'm going to see a rich person in the DMV. That's it. Okay. All right. Well, who knows what the rest of the season has to offer? Michael Horan asks, if Megan King Edmonds, who we just were mentioning, if Megan King Edmonds had been on Beverly Hills this season, what do you think she would have discovered about Yolanda's Lyme disease? Would it have been different than renna hashtag justice, PS so excited for OC to return in July? Oh, wow. We just got an answer to our to our mailbag question. Yeah. Thank you, Michael. I wonder if there's a true. I'm sure if there's a trailer, we would have learned it. I would have seen it by now. Well, I mean, I kind of wish Megan had been on Beverly Hills, but no one would have taken her seriously because it's not Orange County. There's like this sense of class and integrity and manners in Beverly Hills, whether or not it's actually there that would just have discredited Megan at every turn. I don't think so because I think Megan would have like snuck stuff into Yolanda's pee. You know, she'd have been like putting a stick some in some bathroom or someplace. I mean, she's tricky. She would have called every one of those doctors found out that she would have basically done what I did. True. I mean, and you know what? She probably could have gotten her hooks into Rinna, you know, because I mean, if there's anyone to take on Yolanda, it would have been Megan because she's shameless. And that's what you need. You need someone who's not afraid to look like a total asshole. And that's why this Yolanda situation, why it's turned into what it is because, you know, Rinna started to go after her and then backed off. And it was like a little half this half that and everyone sort of suggested. But no one actually fully said, you know what? She has a problem. She has a closet full of antibiotics and they can't all play nice with each other. And it's her body has got to be doing crazy things and she has a history of being of having chronic fatigue and yada, yada, yada. And someone just said that. And then and was shameless the way Megan King Edmonds would have been. You would have seen a very different season. I can't believe that they weren't more shameless because some of the stuff they were showing on secrets revealed, it's like Yolanda, hold this jar of mayonnaise and if I can move your arm, then the mayonnaise is bad for you. You know, like chiropractors do, you're like, Oh, Dr. Moon, I'm like, really bitch, like, you could have gone to a chiropractor for that. What are you doing? Like, what are you flying for this? And I think if people saw all of the stuff she was really doing, they would have questioned it more. The cast didn't even know what she was doing. It's like, they just never saw her because she was off, you know, shooting her own scenes. Well, I think also now that now that the cast sees how much the public and the audience is rolling their eyes at Yolanda and they see that they would not be considered assholes for going after her, I bet they'll be a very different approach next season. I'm sure people next season they'll be like, you know what, Yolanda, you're full of it and you are manipulative and everyone in the audience can see it and we're going to come for you. Beverly Hills, they don't ever though. I mean, Lisa Rinna really is the first, well, Kyle, I guess is the first because she added Kim for being an alcoholic, but Beverly Hills ignores everything. They try and talk about it like it's something else because they want to keep certain things private. I mean, Beverly Hills is notorious for that. Like all this stuff happening with Russell and Taylor was trying to hint around that maybe there was something abusive going on and they were just like, say it already, just say it because they don't talk about stuff like that. Even the alcoholism, everybody except Rinna and Rinna's just not even speaking to Twitch anymore. But everybody's like, oh, you're doing great. Oh, you've been in recovery for a long time and that's going great. When Kim obviously like she just got in trouble because she wasn't showing up to AA meetings and she still had, she's still telling the judge like, my ankle hurts. I can't go to AA or whatever. So, you know, they're still doing, they're still carrying on the tradition of not talking about it. But that's what's so fucking hilarious about it too because it seems to be the only show that really doesn't. The other shows, I mean, they wake each other, look at New York, which we'll get to in a minute. Wow. That show. Yeah. True. They're burning through it. So what's else? Is there anything else in the mail booth? Yeah. Teresa Maravitch. Teresa. Also the aforementioned. She says, imagine the time, Derinda dumps John only to replace him with Trump. Derinda now keeps selling the Donalds of New York housewives. Meanwhile, Hillary has announced Bethany as her running mate and Ramona is dating Bernie Sanders. Okay. XOXO. Oh my God. This is gonna be tricky. What, by the way, what is terrible fate for this country? What are terrible fate for this country? We're close. I mean, remember that movie, Idiocracy, it was about a famous wrestler becoming president because everybody got so stupid. I mean, that's pretty much where we are. So welcome. Welcome, you guys. I think Bethany would be very good for the country, actually. I think she would be like, what are you doing, Hillary Clinton? Like, what is this? Your brand? What, you're sending people email things? You're supposed to not be able to use email. What are you doing? Stick with your brand. Okay? Yeah. No, she would be great. She would be very prickly with foreign negotiations. Like, when you want to have a nuclear bomb, you can't just have a nuclear bomb. You can't just do that. Okay? You have to be like, there's like teams, there's processes, like there's like a trademark. You need to have like a brand. Okay? Your bomb has to be a brand. Like your nuclear bomb, like, like, this doesn't make sense. Like, you can't just like drop a bomber and like, you can't just like, have one. Like, and you go out to Syria, like, what is ISIS, anyway? Is ISIS, is that like, I see, is that like, what is that? Like, it's icy hot? Like, you're joints. Like, I don't get it. Like, I don't get these terrorist groups. Like, literally enough. Like, I can't. Like, infringement, icy, you know, that's what you get at a 7/11. What is this icy doing? Like, some slurpies? I mean, come on. All right. So you want to like, you know, you want to have like, Medicare, like, everyone wants to have like, everyone wants to have health care. Okay, fine. I don't care. Like, that's a good idea of her going around from a country to country. Like, I've got a nuclear bomb, but this one, it won't, it'll, it'll make, it'll just make people thinner. Okay? Welcome, cancer won't, won't cover everybody in radiation and they'll lose weight. Like everybody's wanting to get bombed by Bethany. She just shows up at the UN. She gets up on the point. Oh, what's the matter? What's the matter? What's going on? What's the problem? All right, Putin. Let me guess. You're mad at me because I came to Russia. Like, I didn't, I didn't go visit any monuments. I was rude to your wife. Like, what? What? I didn't have dinner. Go ahead. Say it. You'd be like, wait a minute. They visually come. They'll be like, what? I'm giving, I'm giving Putin an argument to argue against me. Like, what am I doing here? I'm in the country now. Like, just arguing with me. Like, if you talk to me about Ukraine one more time, like, my wall is going to be up. Like, literally, I can't. Like, I can't. Like, I'm going, I'm, I'm hanging on. I'm basically a homeless. I'm a homeless president right now. I'm the first US homeless president. Okay. And like, I literally can't talk about Ukraine. If you ask me another question, like, I'm just going to be on the floor crying. I'll be on the floor. Like, literally kill me now. Put the nuclear bomb in my throat and blow it up. Like, kill me right now. She would take the American flag and turn it from horizontal stripes to vertical stripes. So it looks less fat. Yeah. Like, the United States of skinny America, just little clip art skinny girls is all the stars. Skinny girl America, skinny girl flag. So what else is in there? I think that's it. I think we covered everything else. So thank you. And if you want to put stuff in the mail bag, just go over to patreon.com/watchworkribbons. Okay. So we've got tons of shows to talk about today. You want to start with New York? Yeah. So like a fawn wine. Oh, I get better with time. Like a fawn wine. I was funny because I was listening to her say that Ramona. And I thought to myself, I feel like you're more like a fan. You're a fine wine that was left out and you oxidize and turn to vinegar. You're like a fine wine that was left in somebody's trunk. Like a fine wine that's used to deglaze a pan of fat. I just burn off the fine wine. Like you open the wine that calls you an alcoholic. So why did I write Sonya placenta? Oh, I was going to say Sonya placenta. I mean, that was a long time ago. We're really reaching placenta on her face. Yes. So she's with the Toko, the Asian lady who added everybody last year. Oh, the Leanne, what? She liked a French little short midget men. Okay. So what Leanne does is get a short midget man. You watch her climb him like a tree. It's like damn, girl. So Sonya is getting a facial because she's having a birthday party coming up soon where she's going to launch her latest entrepreneurial idea. So everyone get excited and everyone's invited even the facialist despite the fact that Luanne hates her. So it's very exciting. So Toko, you're coming to the party, right, Sitoko? I'm just so worried. What if people don't come? I mean, Bethany hasn't responded. Is Bethany going to come? I don't know. What is Bethany going to come? Somebody's got to come. Oh, I got this placenta on the black market. Thank God for the black. I'm like, you're getting placenta from the black market. Who's placenta is that? That's like some evil little criminal baby. Yeah, that's bad, bad news, but hopefully everyone gets their e-vite. It was sent out on computer number three, and we know how shaky that can be. By the latest intern, Juliona, who I think we're calling powdered donut. What were we calling her? I don't know. Well, Juliona is a whiz with a Macintosh classic. So I'm sure the invites got out with some lovely print shop clip arts, too. There's like an eight-bit ice cream cone attached to it. If you ever need something printed on that paper, the printers you see is that have the holes on the side. So he's like, oh, I love that. That's the sound of my printer, not matrix. How am I supposed to know if I'm on the internet? If I can't hear it, it's like, thank you, powdered donut. Thank you. Why are you calling Juliona powdered donut? Because Sonia calls people like the first thing she asked them to do. She at pickles like pickles, so she got pickles. I'm just imagining this girl likes a powdered donut. I mean, I don't know, powdered donut, me crawler. And then I love that Sonya is in that constant house. So I say every housewife has at least one season where they're trying to convince us that their vagina still works. Right. Sonia does it every year. Like this one, she's like, I'm getting placenta on my face. Oh, it feels like sperm. Oh, great, Sonia. Well, technically sperm was involved at some level in the process. Well, then they were saying they were also putting like stem cells, human stem cells on her face. Where, like, what trough of Nancy Reagan science lab did you raid to get this human stem cell? Well, maybe that's why Planned Parenthood had gotten so much trouble because they were like selling people who were like, they're aborting babies and selling the baby pods. And I remember thinking watching the Republican debate, where do you think they're selling them to? Are there people eating like club sandwiches made with baby arms? No, they're selling now for like medical research. And it's good to know that people like Sonia with snuffle up against face are getting like nice jars of, you know, placenta that some poor Planned Parenthood, that have Planned Parenthood, try to squeeze out the back door and like too small an envelope or whatever. It's one of those inter office ones, it's not a real envelope, just has a little string that goes around it. They cross out a name, the name is like Satan, no, we'll do Sony Morgan. She can take the placentas. It comes with one of those returnable envelopes. We have Jules and Carol Carol is, you know, people say she's drank the Kool-Aid or whatever. Carol knows where her bread is buttered. She's like, well, the 20 year old and fucking is never going to talk to me again. So I guess I'll have 90 bottles of skinny girl in my kitchen, but she has like 90 bottles. Her entire kitchen is made out of skinny girl bottles. So they're going to go see a psychic who cares. Yeah, they are going to go. So then this actually time for the psychic. I forget what the psychic's name was, but she's on like lifetime or something like that. Kim Russo, she's like the poor man, Theresa Caputo. So I love, so they're all arriving at Carol's place. And I love when Derinda introduces herself to the psychic, she says, I love anything to do with the paranormal. You've already people who hunt for ghosts and houses. I love that. You know, the house, the house on to ghost show. I love it. You know, I thought Christopher Reeve was a great example for the paranormal community. No, Derinda. That's perfectly jacked. Ow. I love them too. Give me any man in a wheelchair. Oh. Oh. Derinda is a super fan of everything and everybody at all times. When Teresa Judas was in jail, Derinda was writing her fan letters and then they became best friends. I read that. No way. Yeah. No way. So she's literally like fan out on this Kim Russo batch. Yeah. So a lot of yeah, a lot of show of lifetime life and lifetime. Do you like cereal? I love it too. Did you guys base lifetime on the cereal? Tell me. Tell me the truth. It's like Jesus, Derinda. I'm so excited. So you ever see a karate kid, you know, there's a little kid, Daniel LaRusso is, are you really your Russo? Okay. So you're Renee Russo's sister, right? No? Okay. All right. I was going to ask you what happened to her face. It's like she's there and she's not there. What happened? Whatever happened with that painting, she and Pierce Brosnan stole anyway. By the way, you ever speak to her about that? Pierce. They had an affair. You know. Oh, Pierce. When does Pierce, I think this is Pierce's first appearance on this show. Pierce Brosnan's. Yeah. His first, you mean on Watcher Crapins? Yeah. We've ever mentioned him. But I think we probably have mentioned Renee Russo before. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. For sure. She's bitch. Whenever we talk about a lot of wonky plastic surgery faces. So yeah, we've talked about her. So by the way, I just want to say that during this like seance, there was a big bag of skinny girl chips prominently displayed in the middle of it. It's like every scene with Bethany, every scene is something skinny girl. Yeah. And of course, Bethany walks in in her tubule way, hi, what's going on? What's up? All right, I'm here. What about the hell? I'm going to say hi. She just like sits down and starts ignoring everybody. And she's wearing a neck brace. I'm not really sure what's going on with Bethany's clothes here. Like, you can fit into literally anything ever built. Why are you wearing a neck brace? Turtle neck. Why? What's that do? Is that like helping your head from bobbing back and forth because you don't have the strength to hold it up anymore? Like, I'm falling asleep now. Look at this. I'm falling asleep. I had to keep a brace to keep myself up. But look, my face is here. You see it? She's like sleeping while she's sitting there like big bird. Literally if you ask me another question about my neck brace tuck, turtle neck, I'm literally I'm just going to cry. I'm just going to fall down, I'm hanging on by a thread and the thread was made to make this neck brace sweater. Okay. Like, I can't like literally, I can't like my walls up. I'm sorry. My walls up. She looked like a oversized roll of paper towels with just like a little head on top. She's like the Michelin man meets her. She's like, Hey, psychic, look, I'm like, I'm not totally open, but like, sometimes they I'll look open up, you know, so like, like, what if I open up and then we'll see what happens? Like, like, what are you going to do? Like, it's psychic. Like, what are you going to do? What are you going to tell me? Like, I'm rich. I'm rich. Like, there you go. Like, what are you going to tell me? It's going to rain outside. Like, watch the weather. Like, she's like, how many times, like, hey, why don't you tell me something that I need to know? Like, like, how many times I masturbate? Like, like, things I need to know. Like, this is like nothing. Like, I couldn't judge my dad died. Like, big deal. My dad died. Okay. Okay. I get it. Okay. It's like enough. Like too much. I'm already like, like, I skin the Michelin man for this. Like, no, I'm sorry. Well, she is kind of like, she's like, your dad, I'm getting something from your dad, but he seems cold. Well, maybe you have Google where you've watched all of the episodes of Real Housewives. Well, I don't really buy anything that's Kim Russo was saying. Did you? Well, I don't know, but I did think it was really funny when she was doing a reading on Bethany, and she's like, all right, I'm seeing an important man. There's an important man in your life. Like, I feel like something happened, like he's not with us anymore. There's an anniversary. Does this sound familiar? But it's like, no, no, no, no, well, let me look at my eye cow. Oh, yeah. My dad died. All right. My dad died. That's it. Okay. So that's it. I just started cracking. Yeah. It's like the one thing, the only thing that this woman pinpointed the whole time. She's like, it's an anniversary of a dead person. Now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I love that Bethany has like a little reminder popping up every year when her dad died. Google alert. Yeah. Don't forget to make a Facebook invite, you know, I can sell some skinny popcorn that day. Skinny fucks margarita. That's your dad died. Eat some popcorn. Okay. I'm here myself. Like most people give dead people popcorn, you know, like they make the interest to it. I don't. I'm here. I'm here in the rain. I'm here with this pop. She's so, she's so blasey. Like, like, you know, I'm getting a vibe. I'm getting a vibe. I'm like, I'm seeing some linoleum. I'm seeing, I'm seeing hair. I'm seeing. Okay. I'm seeing like a blood on, I'm seeing fingernails scratching. Does this sound familiar? Your mother? Is anything now? Yeah. Your mother never got dragged on a on a floor of any kind. Oh, well, you know, yeah, like she did because like, you know, drugs and everything, but like yeah, tell me something. I don't know. And everybody else. She got nothing, like, nothing really good except for Bethany. She like pinpointed so many things. She's like, there's a number 23 meaning anything now. Uh, I see a man on a horse losing a lot of money and then hitting his wife with the telephone on the 23rd horse. Nope. I don't know what you mean. What? What? It's like Jesus Bethany, the woman actually, let me look over the notes of my memoir. Okay. 23. Oh, oh yeah. That was the time that my dad actually beat my mom up because she told him to bet on horse number 23 and number 24 came in. So that that happened. And then I had to go to counseling for five weeks after that. I guess that was the thing. I mean, it was a big deal. What am I going to cry? What am I going to cry right now? No, I'm not selling Kleenex. We're not crying. It happened already. Okay. Um, that was a funny reading because it was like the other accurate, it was like the accurate reading. Most of this is the typical psychic bullshit. It's like, I see it. Is there a john? Is there a john in your family? You're asking a white person that there's a john in their family. What do you think? You're just like, well, let's see, there's my dad and then my grandfather, and then John and then his friend, John and then my nephew, John, there's another John, there's the pope. There's Carol's friend who died in the plane, John, and I like going to toilet a lot. So that's that, John. And one time I just saw this movie about prostitution. So yeah, wow, you really got it right. What's the guy from the, from the daily show, I used to love that guy. Stewart. And to watch 2020, there was that guy, John Stossel on there. Oh, I love when he would go into restaurants and just rip him a new one. You know what I, you know what I, you know, sometimes I think to myself, what would I do in a situation? And then like John Keownis came out of that show when I was like, he read my mind and now you're reading my mind about John Keownis. So it's really, wow, like it's like, I see you suffocating, unable to breathe. Oh, that's just John. Yeah. This is John's on top, you know, sometimes I let him. Okay. I like getting, I'm getting warm air. I'm getting something warm on my face. Oh, that's just John mouth breathing in bed. I'm getting Wendy's burp any ring about I'm getting Chalupa. Do you get a Chalupa? You have a smell of Chalupa in the morning. Oh, that's his breakfast Chalupa. That's John. He got that in Queens. He didn't get that Manhattan, I'll tell you that much. She does say she, the psychic is like, I'm seeing coins. I see a lot of coins, and she's like, oh, oh, Richard, Richard said he would, he was like, look, every time you find change, it's going to be me saying hello. So now it's amazing, like, penny for your thoughts. Oh, Richard. It's like, don't take that bitch to a Chuck E. Cheese. She'll have a breakdown. Like, have you ever seen a ski ball machine? So just start crying, like, take her to a casino, all these nickels start falling out of the machine. Richard's yelling at me, Richard. Don't ever put her into a supermarket. She sees someone trying to get to go to a coin storm machine. Why are you putting Richard in the machine? Why are you doing that to Richard? It's like staring in a Salvation Army jar. Oh, how are you, Richard? Santa's like, could you please move the crazy lady away from the Salvation Army chart? Please. Hey, Richard. I put you in a machine and it turned you into a special trolley. It cost a dollar to put a penny in you. This time of year is busy. Family obligations, holiday parties, travel, relaxation might fall to the bottom of your priority list. You guys, you need to take time to relax and you need to be somewhere where there's soft, white sand, healing, crystal blue water, cloudless skies. We know where that place is. Aruba. Shake off any cold weather blues and enjoy the islands invigorating sunshine. Aruba has the most sunny days anywhere in the Caribbean. 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So, uh- Miranda is such a dope though, because the psychic was like, "I see two R's, so do you know men with R's in their name?" She's like, "Now, are you sure? Maybe, uh, I don't know, Robert." She said, "Oh my God, my husband and my father, I'm like, "Well, John, we should eat it absolutely." It was Richard and his brother, Robert, yeah. Do you know how you look like you needed a clue for that? Come on, now. Well, but the best part is that even ghost Richard hates John. She's like, "I'm getting something from Richard." He says, "This guy John's good for now, for now, and that's gonna make you feel safe." He's, you know, you know what he's like? He's just like a wad of pennies as opposed to a nice firm roll of quarters. Your husband is telling me that you're not safe around John. Okay, you're not. That guy is so fat you'll die of a heart attack. Leave him. Leave him. Grab him. I love him. She's like fighting with Richard. "You better back it up, ghost Richard." "Oh, I'm gonna pop your balloon so fast, you better back it up, Richard. Be nice to John. Be nice to him. Yeah, I went to him right now. You better back it up. Be fucking nice to him." So then the psychic says that Deronda is not going to marry John and Ramona goes, "Thank God." And that's when Deronda loses her shit. Well, Ramona walks into the psychic thing. The psychic's like, "Your dead husband is telling me." And Ramona's like, "Oh, it's me. You wouldn't believe it. Like I was coming up the stairs." And then I was outside and it was air, and I was like, "What is it, an apple? It's like an apple. I have an apple right now." And they're like, "Umm, Deronda's like, Deronda's like, "Uh, Ramona, she's talking to my family." She's like, "Oh, I'm sorry. What do I sit?" "I'm just sitting that chair. What am I supposed to look like at this necklace today?" "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just got over my rash from Louis-Ann's met necklace." So then the psychic says that Deronda's not going to be a John. Ramona's like, "Thank God." And then that's when Deronda loses her shit. She's like, "Hey, hey. I don't pass opinions about your stupid relationships." And she just loses her shit. She goes crazy, spitting over everyone. Like everyone gets out their poncho. They're like, "Uh-oh, Deronda's mad. Put on your poncho." It's like rained only at the baseball game. I love that she starts out. Deronda always starts from like a normal calm place, and then it's like zero. Deronda 100, and she doesn't stop. She's like, "Yeah, Ramona, you know what, Ramona, I don't appreciate that, okay?" "Yeah, you don't want Ramona because you're saying that you're talking about John. Ramona, you're talking about your John." "Whoa, whoa, so you don't need a warm-up." "Yeah, I mean, don't forget how long it took for her to start screaming at Heather last last season when they were walking into a restaurant. Everything was fine." And then she's like, "Ah, you're just going to walk without me. That way you can do that. Fuck you." "I'll never dream like this before, but I just walk out of the restaurant." "We're from the same neighborhood as over, from the same place, we pass the same subway stops. I can just do this to me." I'm just like, "Are you sure you don't want to meet Paul?" "Open up. Open up, Missy, choo-choo." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Don't say much word about John Modesto, or God forbid." "Well, even the psychic won't say something nice about her." And then Teresa Caputo Light is like, "Okay, that's all right. These emotions are good. We want to have these emotions." "See, Bethany, it's good to have emotions." Bethany's like in her phone, like, "Wow, I don't know, I don't get it." So then, that's when Derinda just goes in for the kill. She somehow, she mentions Mario in this way, saying like, like, Mario, "Oh yeah, he left you for someone else." "Oh, God." And then Ramona's like, "Whoa, okay, okay, okay, okay." Ramona's become an expert on diffusing a situation. She's just like, "Anyway, so am I getting married again or not?" You know, when we talk about my marriage now, she's like, "Uh, no, you're not. You're not getting married again." Who's the guy? I love when psychic say things like this. Someone in your life died of a heart attack. Oh, really? We're in fucking America. Everybody has someone in their family, this dad of a goddamn heart. She's like, "Oh, that's my dad." And she's like, "Well, I can see that you guys were very close." And he says he's really sorry. He didn't get to say goodbye. She's like, "That's true, because I didn't speak to my father." Like, I always hated him. Like he was horrible, like I hated the sky, and I totally ignored him. And then one Christmas, he came over to my house, and then we got along. And then I was like, "Oh my God, I finally got my dad." And then he died. And she's like, "What did she say?" She's like, "Well, he says that there are a lot of photos." And she's like, "Oh my God, he's talking about the photo that we took together in my house. There's like a photo. How does she know about the photo? How does she know?" And she just said there's a guy with a heart attack who took photos. Like every family has that. Yeah, exactly. The photo thing, she's like, "Okay, I'm seeing a photo with a man and a woman, maybe someone saying I'll laugh." And I was like, "Whoa, whoa, this is crazy. Okay, well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I never took a photo of my father until two weeks before he died. I finally took a photo with him, and then he just dropped dead two weeks later. I'm sorry, that's crazy." And you know what? It's also a little day classic. I'm sorry. I almost had that picture sold, but I didn't. Thank God. I'm undi-classaying. I'm D.D. Classaying it. You know, people always say that when you take photos, it takes part of your soul. So when Geraldine Parsons Smith offered to take a photo of me and my father, I should have known she was up to no good. And certainly that's what she did. She took a photo and stole my dad's soul and she was literally his dad. I'm sorry. My favorite is Ramona Cohen. We don't have very many pictures because like I didn't want to be a picture with my father because like I didn't want to be associated with him, okay? Like, you know, you're judged on who you associate with and I'd be like, "You throw spaghetti at people's head." Okay? So like it's embarrassing. Like I didn't go out with my father at a time and that's when people take pictures. Like I don't know how he's like, " Knew that." You know what's crazy? Instead of taking photos with my father, what I would always do is I'd find a plate that was painted yellow and I'd take a picture with the yellow plate because you know what? It reminds me of Sunshine and I want to have photos that remind me of Sunshine. And then you've got, uh, Derint, I mean Ramona starts sobbing all over their place. Like this woman has figured out everything. You know a fat person who had a heart attack, okay? That sounds like Ramona's turned this into like, she's solved everything. She's so mario. Like she's so mario. I'm like, she didn't see any of this stuff Ramona. Like you're making it up for a reason to cry. So she's like going crazy sobbing, like splirting out those tears that she does. She even cries like a spaz and then Derinta tries to bring it around to her again. And she's like, " Ramona, please light one up on me, okay?" She's like, "I just want to move forward." That's Derinta's new thing. "I just want to move forward. I just want to be like we used to be. I just want to, that's what I want to be around." It's like, what do you think, like she keeps asking the sidekick, like she's, she's their group doctor. Like this poor bitch is just trying to get her money and make you guys believe a bunch of shit that they can do. And she's like, "Well, I think that what's good about these sessions is it brings out a lot of emotions. That's what they want on the other side. They want you to bring out your emotions so you can talk about it. You can feel things." But he's like, "Aha, aha, aha, okay, I got to go, bye." Well, Jules was told earlier because she got there and she's like, "It's not very Jewish to go to a psychic." I'm like, "Well, it's not very Jewish to fuck a Japanese person either, but here you are. So let's just get over it." Well, the funny thing is that Jules' reading was like very short. Jules' reading was like, she was like, "Okay, what I'm seeing is that you want to be a role model." And she's like, "Ooh, I'm an adolescent, you're so right." And she's like, "Is there someone named John here?" And she's like, "That's me. That's me. I know what John." And then there's like, that was it for Jules. She just had her one half a reading. She got her one Jewish commented and that was it. It's like some tears. Exactly. So then we then go to a scene of Jules and Carol hanging out. I think they're at Carol's place. Maybe they're, no, they're Jules' place because Jules is like, "I've got two couches. They don't match, but it's a work in progress. Like everything else. And I say, there's a lot going on. I don't eat." So then Jules has trays of entonements. She has every poor person cookie. Did you recognize all those cookies? I recognize everything there. I was like, "Wow. This girl really went for the cheap things." I mean, I guess she knows that Carol doesn't eat it either. So maybe Carol really thinks she got her cakes, but those were like entonment cakes and those like oatmeal cookies. Yeah. And then she was like, "You want tea? How do you make tea anyway? What do you do? You eat up water? Is that how tea works?" I'm very proud of being stupid. That's like every Jules scene. She's like, "I don't know how to do anything." Yeah. That's called an idiot. Yeah. It's not bragging. So the cookies, and then they talk at Carol's like, "So what did she mean about being a role model?" She's like, "Oh, I was an anorexic." And Carol's like, "Oh, uh-huh." Yeah. And Jules is like, "You know, I really think that Carol gets me, you know, because she's been doing things and, you know, let's face it. She's super skinny, too." Yeah. Yeah. And because Carol's acting like, "Well, you know, I think she has an eating disorder." So do you. I don't think I've ever seen you eat anything, at least Jules pretends. Yeah. So then Carol gave her some advice, like, "Wow. What you want to do is articulate your pain and emancipate yourself from it and power others." Jules was like, "Wow. That was great." Yeah. Can you write that down? Yeah. She was like, "Maybe, you know, Carol's like, "No, maybe you'll speak at colleges at universities." I'm like, "Well, I feel certainly bad for those colleges and universities." Like, Jules was like-- That's how they are. They pay people so much money to come speak about nothing. It's like worse than a TED talk, sometimes. Yeah. But then, you know, she's talking about maybe writing a book, she's like, "Well, I couldn't write a book. Maybe you could write it, or you could be my..." And then she sort of stops herself 'cause she's like, "Oh, I know I can't mention goes out." Somewhere Aviva's flinging her leg at the TV. Aviva, no sense of humor. She's like, "She just admitted it." It's like trying to get rehired. So next up is Derinda and John. So, how was your day, honey? She was like, "Well, I was just persecuted by Ramona. I was like, "She was just beat up on the street by Ramona, so there you go." And then John pulls out glasses with lights on that. Yeah. So Derinda says she's already in a bad mood because of her situation with Ramona, which apparently happened. I thought that happened like two days ago, but she's still mad about the difference. I don't know the difference. Yeah. It's all one long wake up from a nap for Derinda. Yeah. So John has like these glasses that have lights in it so that way you can read menus. So you know, my parents do this all. My dad, especially, he loves to take out of his phone and put on the flashlight and look at the menu. And he starts talking to you and he lifts his phone up and suddenly the thing is like in your eye and it's like flashing at everyone else in the restaurant. I'm like, "Dad, turn around. Oh, let's keep it on the menu or turn around. Like, don't do that." So John heads lights, especially on that Mac truck. Yeah. And so then John is like looking around and he's like, "Hey, you like the lights on my glasses? You like them? Hey." He's like, "I don't want to kiss you, baby. You want to kiss me?" He's like, "Oh, John, stop with a kiss and I hate that. I hate it." The waiter is disgusted. They cut to the waiter. And he's like, "I'm going to resign now. I'm just moving back to Iowa." He hates their guts. I was laughing so hard because he got like 10 shots of just hating these people. And that's when Dorinda was like, "I know John got that shit Manhattan." When we sell those glasses in New York, "Oh, no. He got those in Queens. I don't sell those in Manhattan." Yeah. So she's basically saying, "I want you to stop fighting with Ramona." But then she's like, "Listen, I want you and Ramona to behave yourselves." Like today, it's a psychic. Ramona was talking about what a pig you are. I'm like, "Why are you doing this? You're telling him he was being called a pig again or whatever the thing was on national TV and then being mad that he's mad." Exactly. And then he's like, "I have tried to be so nice to these girls. There are so many. I'm been nice." And he's like, "You know what, John? I don't want to talk about him. I want to move forward. I want to move forward." Yes, but John, then she goes, "You must listen to me, John. You must listen to me." And he goes, "Let me, let me finish." She goes, "I hate when you say that to me, John. I hate." So rude, John. So rude. I'm like, "You just said you must listen to me." He's saying, "Just let me finish." She said, "No, John." He's like, "I was just…?" You get past tense, John. What about the past tense, John? I want present tense, present, present future, future perfect, okay, but not, not the past, John. But, you know, like, okay, in the future, I was right the other day. He's like, "No, John, it's like literally the past. You're using words that belong in the past." And he's like, "Okay, for the future, last week, John, you can't just do that and then just say that because it's still the past. I'm leaving, John." And then, well, then he does, he sort of like makes whatever silly point he makes. And he tries to sort of like lighten the moment by saying, "And to celebrate this moment, I'm going to do this." And he stabs a little piece of, he eats a little piece of pasta off her plate. And she gets this look on her face. She gets the sad sock puppet look, just real great, real great. You know what else? You can grab an easy pass, back to Queens. You better back it up off my pasta. I love that her big thing isn't even leaving. It's like you can get your own fucking easy pass back to Queens. You're not taking mine. You cheap fuck. Such a stupid, ridiculous, ridiculous, and I'm loving every bit of them. Every scene I just laugh the whole time, especially that it's the past tense, John. Just such a disaster. You know what I hate doing? I hate opening up a book. And it was past tense. Like, "I want to move forward a book. I want to go fuck. Move it. You better back it up. Forward. But forward. Go forward, but back it up, but forward." I want to talk about the future, like how Ramona talked about you today. Her rules are so hilarious because she doesn't even understand the boundaries she sets. The worst movie I ever saw was Back to the Future. I want forward to the future. The worst movie I ever seen in the Hunger Games Part 19, you know, so the worst movie we're ever going to see. Like, why are you already hating things from the future? She's all mad at some random person she might date. Worst movie I ever saw was Lord of the Rain 16. Worst movie. So next up, Sonya is back in her makeup chair with God help this poor makeup person. Sonya's freakiest. "Are people going to come to my part? Are you busy? Are you busy tonight?" The makeup lady's like, "Uh, yeah. Have plans. Sorry." Oh, okay. I don't remember. I have to take computer number four into the shop. She's like, "Could you hand me some of those Q-tips because, you know, my nose is always running because it's the makeup. It's the makeup." She's like cleaning like the blood clots out of her nose from all that coke she's doing. Sonya, who do you think you're kidding? I know. Oh, that was such a wonderful image of her sticking Q-tips up her nose. I did not understand that this was going to be the Sonya Likul or the Sonya alcohol episode. So I was thinking, "God, it's so cute how nervous Sonya is about just wanting Bethany to be there because Bethany is like the star again of the show and everybody's still kissing her ass." Yeah. And I thought, "This is so sad watching Sonya kiss Bethany's ass." She is so scared that if Bethany doesn't come, no one's going to shoot it and she's not going to be on TV. And it made me so sad. But then she said, "I haven't said anything about my latest business venture." And I was like, "Oh, no, here we go." And then it cuts to Bethany in a skinny girl trailer like, "Look, they're not in terms of doing this. I'm doing this." Like, "What? You want some ice cream? Okay. Look, I'll apply ice cream in a cup." Which, because of course that's who eats a skinny girl, thinks, "Me, is they're getting something?" She's like, "Oh, what? You want some ice cream? There you go. I drove all the way to Texas to see you. Oh, all right. Let's take a picture. Okay. Move it along. Move it along. I'm sorry, it rained everyone. I'm sorry. I mean, like, what is this? It's like, it's wet. It's like from heaven. It's like garden hose on. Like, this is drowned in California. You got to rain right on my thing. Like, what? Take the water to California. Like, I literally, I don't get it. Like, I don't get it. I don't understand this rain. Like, is this a seasonal thing? Like, what is this all about? Like, I've had enough already. Like, literally, like, I'm just going to close one on this trailer and just like, die in this box. I just want to die in the water. Okay. Like, I'm like, melt me now. Like, literally, like, I wish, I wish I were a witch from the west. Like, literally, so I just melt away and die. Like, literally, that's all I want. Oh, Bethany, I love that she is working her brand. I'm a brand, my brand, my brand, my brand, my brand, brand, brand, brand, brand, brand, brand. It's on me. Look at all this, it's on me. Way to, way to share the credit, honey. Anybody of you ever heard the number 23? Like, what the fuck? Who cares? Like, oh, the day that you're dad died. Oh my God, you're right. You're right. Okay. Just like it. What do you say? So next up, Sonya's party. Okay. Party has arrived. Who is this slime ball? What's his name? Who's showing up now? She was boning, uh, Ramona. I wanted to do it with you. AOA. Her finger. 'Cause that never opened, right? Uh, it did open, but I don't think it, I don't know if it did anything because it looked awful, like an awful space. And then Sonya got the same guy who, I'm guessing that's his thing. Like he comes on to Real Housewives so he can be on TV and, I don't know, it's like do a slag, get on TV. I'm not really sure when he's up here, but this is weird. And why is she going on to a different brand? Like, shouldn't you be trying to grow the fashion line? You just launched last season? Like, you finally got something up and out there. Shouldn't your focus now be? Yeah. I know. I mean, the day she had a website with two dresses that were never, uh, you could never order them. Yeah. So, um, yeah, so that's, so, yeah, this guy, this slimeball is there. So, um, everyone's starting to shuffle into the party. And Ramona, of course, Ramona's hanging out with, um, she's sitting with, uh, what's her face, Derinda, and Sonya, and she starts talking, telling the story, she's like, you know what? Louisanne. She gave me this necklace. And you know what? When I put it on, I got a big rash on my skin. I had a reaction to it. So I gave it back to her and she said she would fix it. So then it's on, it's time for Bethany, it's time for Bethany's birthday. And she gives Bethany this like big, beautiful bag, but she only gives me the same necklace again. The same one. She re-gifted the gift. Can you believe it? Can you believe Louisanne? Can you believe Louisanne? My whole neck was green. Okay. Like, I had a green neck. Like, I thought my head was going to fall off my body. And then she gets Bethany, this big purse, like it's expensive for somebody's name. Like, can you believe her? And Sonya's like, what'd you get from me for my birthday, bitch? Yeah. You should more bonus shows up with no gift and then complaints to the birthday girl about the gift that she was, yeah, that was hilarious. That actually, like, cracked me up. Also, Derinda walking and she walks past all these, you know, extras or whatever. And she's like, Oh, here's the line of young girls, the legitimate destiny. Oh, good. When you're warning young people that they're about to be sexually harassed, it's time to find a new relationship. Exactly. You know, the young girl is like, who is this lady? And then there was another good random thing. When John entered later, he's talking to, uh, Jules' little guy and then some other model who's wearing a jacket that's been spray painted. I cannot believe he didn't offer to clean that shit. And then the lady, this lady goes, Oh, hey, how are you? You look really wired up. He's like, Oh, don't say that. Yeah. When the random extras, like you look like a co-cat. Yeah. Welcome. Have fun at this party. So then Luanne finally enters, making her first appearance on the episode. And Luanne does this thing. Her new thing is a sort of like, she sort of like bobs in, you know, she survives this weird gate. And then she does this thing with her hand where she sort of like summons you by like bringing her whole arm around as if she's like, yanking a comforter around her shoulder. She's like, she's like, like, she's shouting like she's on a recall of recall a commercial. She's like, I brought that. And the best part is that Luanne, her response is not, how dare you say it be a brought through and off. But she's her responses. What's it to you? The countess is gone. This is just me. And then she's like, so what, I'm going to get blown by six strangers in one night. What's it to you? And then Sonya box right up and she's like, Hey, what are you talking about? Ramona told me you gave her an itchy necklace. It doesn't even register with Luanne because she's still so infuriated. If I want to bone 12 guys upside down, off of Chandelier, that's my prerogative. And then Ramona, she's like, yeah, what, you moving in with some, wait, what English thing did she get? Oh, yeah. She's like, yeah, you're moving in with that guy and that necklace? Like, what the hell? It's like from your production line. Look, what the hell? It's like Ramona doesn't even know what re-gifting means. Re-gifting is when you take a gift that you've been given and give it to somebody else. Like, that's a good point, fucking stupid Ramona. Well, but you skip right over the critical part of that is that first while Ramona is fighting with Luanne out of nowhere, Ramona deflects and turns to suddenly goes, and now you've copied my hair again. You've copied my hair. And then Sonya's response is, well, yeah, yeah, I liked it. So I copied it and then just Luanne's just like, well, I'd rather be talking about hair than drinking so fine. Also Sonya said in that part, she said, I copied the people I admire. Yeah. She literally said that in this episode. So then they're all gathered and they're sitting around. And that's when Derina says, hey, hey, Luanne, did Ramona tell you about the necklace that you re-gifted her? Did Ramona do that? And then Ramona, that's what kicked it off. Yeah, she's like, she doesn't even know what re-gifting is. It was her petty, it was basically it was Derina's revenge. She's like, fine, you fuck with, you fuck with John, I'm going to fuck with you and Luanne. And that's when the whole thing happened. And Ramona gets very, she's like, Derina, I don't know why you would do that right now. That was a very mean thing to do. I was going to talk to her privately. I don't know why you would do that. Derina is very mean. So anyway, Luanne, your necklace is awful and you re-gifted it to me. I thought it was rude. It was rude. I hurt my feelings. Okay. I'm a feeling, get out, Ramona, please. I wrote down this random note, Guy and Turtle Neck, please stop because there was a guy. There is a gay there. There's really tall gay and a turtle neck, like a baby blue turtle neck, which I don't know why that cracks me up. It's like Turtle Neck's today. Because it isn't gay and a Turtle Neck. It's just this really tall bird brain and a Turtle Neck and a blazer and it's that typical, like LA's, you know, they're hangers on, they're like plastic surgery douchebags. But in New York, they all pretend they're part of like some publishing house or, you know, the big thing they brag about there is like what they're reading or what they've written or who they know who's written a book that's been published. Or what they've seen at the Whitney. Yes. So he's one of those gays and he was like holding a glass with his pinky out and he was looking around the room like, oh, blah, blah. I was like, you are not allowed to be an artsy snotty gay when you're at a free wine party thrown by Sonia. Okay. So just drop it, Tagito. Yeah. Well done. Well said. So then. So now Sonia addresses the crowd and she announces that guess what? I'm making perseco and it's going to be called tipsy girl perseco. Oh my God. I would like to thank everyone for coming. Like some of you were my friends when we were on yachts traveling around the world seeing the most amazing things and some of you, you know, then you knew me when I was divorced and had nothing. And now here we are again, right back around in this circle. I'm like, where are you again now? Yeah, it's just like, you know, some of you I met in San Tropez. Some of you I met in Bahrain. Some of you I met when I was in exile in Africa, you know, hanging out with metal street. Some of you I hung I met with Madonna on a recent world tour, you know, we're all from different walks of life. Some of you took shits on my head when I was working as a yacht girl in Saudi Arabia. Like, who knows? You're all the same to me. Some of you I met when I went to Paris and Anne Hathaway was my assistant. And then she decided to leave to go back to New York and I wrote her a really good lot of recommendation. And the Meryl's very beautiful. Really mean to her. I mean, some of you I met when I took that potion that made me live forever and then Goldie Han punched a hole through my stomach. I remember that very clearly. She's like, to everybody I've ever met, I don't know you the exact same. So we're all equal. But I appreciate all the support you gave me when it didn't go away, my baby. But thank you for asking about pickles. I think that's like the biggest question someone ever gets. I'm like, what happened to pickles? She started liking, you know, she started liking tune sandwiches without pickles. So I fired her. So I can pull you down. Where'd she go? She said Beetlejuice three times and next thing I know I'm dancing to Daio and she's gone. Next thing I know, Michael Keaton is sitting on my face. Okay, so my drink. So she blatantly steals Bethany's. I mean, come on. This is going to be fought all season long, but that's blatant stealing, especially when she just said. I copied the people I admire. Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting because Bethany, the sypharously denied having any association with skinny cow. Okay. So in a sense, it's almost like Sonia has a right to be like, well, tipsy girl is different from skinny girl. But the difference is that skinny cow is like ice cream products and skinny girl versus tipsy girl is the same product. They both have Versacos. So yeah, not smart, Sonia. Also, Bethany skinny. So like it actually makes more sense. Sonia's not fat or anything, but she's like, okay, like I get it because you're literally like she looks like clip art. When she was standing next to her trailer, I was like, you're a white version of that clip art with different hair, like you're the same size, but Sonia, it's like she's just blatantly stealing from someone on the same show who became famous for selling the exact same thing. Come on. And then I see this reaction, Ramon is like, what's Sonia, Sonia selling booze? This is like a monkey selling bananas. My God. That's like a drunk person selling their own Pinot Grigio named after the first name. Don't be no more bananas left for the other monkeys. Okay. Okay. Is somebody going to sit in the banana factory just eating the bananas as they come off the factory line? Like, you know, the bananas are grown, right? You know, the thing is with skinny girl also is that not only is Bethany skinny, but the name skinny girl, there's like, there's, there's some aspiration to it. Like if you drink this, you can become skinny. So if you have something like if you drink this, you could become tipsy. Like tipsy girl, I feel like that there's not as much of an aspirational quality to it. It's sort of like a, it's like, like, Hey, if you drink this, you'll become like that drunk annoying bitch at the party. That's what I'm saying. It's called it old alcoholic girl. Well it'll do it. You will. It will live up to its promise though. Tipsy girl. The aging alky. Yeah. Um, so let's see. And Durindo's reaction. She's like, well, you know, like Bethany won't be mad. Why would Bethany be mad? You know what I mean? Like Bethany's a huge business and that's like a little string just room for everybody. No, bitch. Not when you're trying to take your stream out my big pool. Exactly. But you'd always said if I have an estuary, that's him speaking to me through little fishes. When I asked Sonia, if she had a coarse screw, she pulled out a bunch of change in our pocket and then I knew this is meant to be like a Sony wallet telling mostly Dimes and quarters. Oh, thanks. Thanks for getting specific Richard. Yeah. Hey. Hey. Hey, so whenever I watch football, I'm like, whoa, that's Richard talking to me because it's this got first, second, and third, fourth quarters. It's like quarters everywhere. It's like Richard, Richard's getting Richard talking to me through the TV and I'm like, John be quiet. It's Richard's talking to the games when Obama was running, I cried the whole time because he just kept saying, hope and change. Okay. So, um, this Ramona thing, I have to ask you a question because I'm an ignorant poor person. Sure. Do you smell champagne? I mean, I know it smells, but that's not something you like putting your glass in like swirl around his sniff, right? It all smells the same, doesn't it? I don't know for its nose because this guy's like, oh, it smells delicious. Shut up. You do spag. Who smells Prosecco? What do I look like? Danny from Southern Charm? I don't have the answers. Craig. I've always made fun of people who sniff their Prosecco. So Craig shows up. Craig shows up. He's like, so Sonya, like I thought we were going to be doing this Prosecco together and like, what is Prosecco anyway? Is that like, is that a medicine? Like, what is, what's the difference, like I thought, like that I was going to run it. It would actually be a terrible crossover because that would make sense on this show. If Craig were the CEO, that would make sense. You know, he, he, he basically went on to the wrong show. Yeah, pretty much. He could have been the head of 10 companies by now. Listen, Sonya, everyone knows Sonya's toaster. Make a fucking toaster. How hard can it be? I would buy it just to have a Sonya toaster. I want your sexy J loose badge on my toast. Her toaster has gotten so much free publicity at this point that the fact that she has not even made the simplest version, not even like a cafe press toaster, means that she's an idiot. Like, just make the toad. We would all get, by now everyone would get her toaster. No toaster in the history of mankind in the history of toasters has gotten as much publicity as Sonya's toaster. I can't even think of a toaster brand name right now, except black and deckers. Oh, yeah. Black and deckers. I was friends with them. Saint Shribe all the time, black and decker, good friends. He was the older brother on different strokes, right? Yeah, black and decker, you know, you had a great threesome once. So the last thing, I guess this was like the last thing because Jules, I just wrote Jules, I'm happy for her, but like, I look like, look, I don't want to say anything because I'm Asian. So I'd like to be respectful of Jules get an identity that isn't about the sperm that made you please, it's either what made you or what you're putting inside of yourself. Get a hobby lady. Yeah, seriously. So Beth, Dorinda's like, there's room for everybody. Nope. No, there's not. And Sonya's like, whoa, this was really successful because we were passing around trays of the free drink and most of the people took it. Wow. We got all those people that drink free shit. It's going to be a huge success. Yes, seriously. Like, listen, if you go to any event, I went to an event with fricking what's her faces. Adrian Maloof's awful. What's her name? I'm vodka. Z zinc. Oh, zip, zap, zippy, zip, yeah, zippy, zippy, red, red velvet cake vodka. It was terrible. I still drank it. It was free. Well, she had that ingenious thing of having a light in the bottom, zing. That's it. Light in the bottom that would like blink and stuff. So you would see it blinking on the shelf like it. It kind of looked like a traffic. Like a traffic. It was the vodka version of a hair tassel and it tasted about as good. I'm actually tasted almost as good as my paint smelling coffee that is like making me woozy. I love that you're still drinking. No, I stopped. I'm just like staring at that. I tried to take another sip and now the paint smell is so concentrated because the ice is really melted a lot. And I'm like, blah, blah, the helicopter here outside is the medevac taking me to poison control. All right. Well, let's run on to the next show, shall we? Well, you know, before you run off the next show, perhaps all this talk about Prosecco has made me thirsty, Rondel or jazz. Let's do this. Okay. So there's actually this place called Club W. It's a wind source for wine and went to it, got my wine so delicious. And let me tell you the difference. The difference is you don't just go on and see a bunch of different wines in order what you like. Club W, you go on when you sign up, they have a test that you take, not a hard wine. There's pictures, but it's basically asking you, like, do you like your coffee sweetened? Do you like what kind of they ask you all these trick questions, basically, like, you get your like a buzzfeed, like a buzzfeed quiz, like, kind of like, what golden girl are you? Yeah. I love that I always end up as Sophia patrillo, by the way, every single time. Well, it's better than Stan. That's true. Or the dead one. Well, I guess they all died or miles the evident one, but I don't think you ever end up as a man. You always end up as a golden girl anyway. Yeah. Anyway, the point is, I'd be Arthur just kidding. So the point is, you go on to Club W, you take this taste test, and then they suggest the wines that your palate will like. And that's different because wine is kind of taken over again and become trendy. And everybody's drinking it, but nobody really knows what to get. And you can always tell a little party because you go and there's like the Charles the two bucks Chuck. And they're like, well, it's just wine. No, it's not because you've got them headache and it's terrible. But these are all organic and the artwork is just effing gorgeous on them. And they come in this beautiful box. They come with all of these beautiful beautifully printed packets with all these photos teaching you what it is and explain to you what you're getting. So it's actually very, I really hope they have Ramona Pinaigrijo on their list. Because you know, Ramona Pinaigrijo is not bad. We've discussed this before. It's not bad. Well, they actually work with a bunch of local growers all over the world and they get, that's how they source all of their wine. So they're all organic and all the artwork on the labels are from our local to that area where they get the wine. Guess what everyone right now Club W is offering our listeners $20 off your first order when you go to clubw.com/crapins, that's clubw.com/crapins. Yosh, these are unique high quality value. Very good. The bottles that I ended up buying, I think were like $13 each and they would normally be way more than that, at least 25 bucks or whatever. And there's no risk. You choose the type and quality of bottles and there's no membership fee. There's no cancellation fee. It's 100% satisfaction guarantee. I mean, don't send back an empty bottle, but you know, still. So, and it gets better. I know everyone hates paying for shipping, so Club W will actually pay for your shipping on orders of four bottles and more. So take something off your to-do lists. Just go to clubw.com/crapins to get $20 off your first order now. That's clubw.com/crapins. Clubw.com/crapins. What do you want to talk about next? I think it's very important that we clear the phlegm. Okay, let's do it. So, the reason why I said it's so important is because we keep wondering what is the status of Caroline Fleming vis-a-vis ladies of London, right? Is she coming back? Is she not? Well, she posted a photo six hours ago on Instagram. And for those of you who don't know about this segment, this is when we go through Caroline Fleming's Instagram, Caroline Fleming from Ladies of London, and we read her Instagram which always cracks us up because it's so ridiculous. It's a photo of Caroline with Julie, is it Juliet? And then another girl. Yeah, some random. They're all sitting there with wine and stuff. And Caroline Fleming says, "Girlfriends are just one of life's dearest gifts. Choose them well." At Caroline Sandborough, at Juliet and this, at Kim J London, #LadiesOfLondon, @BravoTV, @LadiesOfLondon, @EmmRetail, @Isabel Miranda, #Dress, #KeepingUpAppearances, #Lolanyar. I love that if you look really close because she's always being brag-adocious about what she's eating or whatever, where it's sourced from, and they're in front of a bowl of text mics. That's burnt. So there you go. Anybody thinking of buying that cookbook, you might want to stay away? Well, let's just step up from the Fritos you got for Juliet last season. I love Cheetos. Okay, so should I do the older lady picture or the food? Whichever speaks to you, Ronnie, this is what clearing the Flem is about what speaks to you. The old lady speaks to me. First of all, Caroline, you can tell this was taken by somebody else because Caroline has that really stupid look. She gets on her face where her eyes are half-closed. I love those. She has a lot of pictures like that out, actually, and she's grabbing the woman. I think it's like her Fitbit or her medical alert bracelet, like she's holding the woman's medical alert bracelet, so I don't know, so let me open it. They're hugging Caroline Flemming official. But my beloved #Granny Dash, all of my love and prayers are with her and with her very fragile health. Words cannot express the profound and deep love I have for her. Heart, very glad to have got to Denmark in time for her to recognize me, and for us all to share a big hug, dot, dot, dot, space, praying in this very difficult and sad time. #ChexMix #BellPapa #GrandmaAlmostEd. I can't believe you chose the one of "Dying Grandma." Well, I don't know. It's not that you chose, it's more that you clicked on it. Here we are talking about how we love this segment, and it's like, "My grandmother is dying." I know, but still, she's putting it on Instagram while she's holding the woman's Fitbit, and she just ate for "ChexMix." For me, that's hilarious. I don't know why. Also, I had to look at it because I wanted to see what she would hashtag because 90% of her Instagram photos are selling something, and I was like, "I would love to see if she's selling this Fitbit." If you have a fall down, you will only need the strength of your thumb. #Fit #Fit #Fit #OopsFit, I fall in on the ground." And I cannot get up. Thanks, seems to cry for my pants. That old SNL thing. Yeah. So that was clearing the flam. #Tranx #Flam #Mapper # So... # Now we've got two travel shows. Well, we have...so we did something. So you watched...there goes the motherhood. I watched Below Deck Mediterranean, and then we both watched Tour Group, right? I actually didn't even stick to that. I watched both Med and Tour Group, and then I'm going to save...here comes the motherhood. I guess I should be asking you this off the air, but I was going to talk to Stephanie about it because Stephanie watches it from the Crying Out Loud podcast. Oh, yeah. That would make sense. And you don't want to just listen to me go off because you have to enough and this show. It needs to be talked about at least once in depth. Here's the thing. Now that I'm back at my place and now that once my TV is up on the wall, it'll be easier for me to watch it and incorporate it. It just is hard because I have to watch these shows off the Bravo website, which means I have to wait a day. And so it's like a mad dash for me to watch these shows back to back to back to back and then do the podcast. And it's just like timing-wise. It's just too hard for me to add...there goes the motherhood into it as well. And now that I can, now that I have the TV, I can watch these shows at like a normal schedule. Oh, cool. So yeah, we'll cover it at least a little bit, even if it's not for the whole season or whatever, we'll check in on it because I've only watched one. I mean, I think there have been four, so I'm going to sit down probably Saturday while I clean and just watch it, but I mean, I'm just...I loved it when I saw it. But you know, I also love like the stupidity of kids and I love people who think they have it all figured out and then they realize, no, you have nothing figured out. It's like the great thing of mommyhood, you know? It's a bitch. Yes. Yes, exactly. So what do you want to watch? Below deck or talk about? Below deck or the other one? Tour group. Can I be controversial and suggest tour group? Okay. The reason why is because I actually really like tour group a lot. Like I really do. And it just came back. It was gone for like two months. And I feel like it's going to be the red-headed stepchild of Bravo. It's going to be on and gone. And I just want to give a little bit of love. Okay. Let's go for it. What are your thoughts on it? How did you like this episode? First of all. Well, I'm about to be negative, but I would like to preface that by saying "loved below deck." So last week I was like, fuck this spin off. Fuck it. Why do we have to watch it? And of course, by the second episode, I'm like, okay, I'm in. Love it. But then tour group came back and I was sitting there and I asked myself, I think, six times. Why am I watching this? What is this? Am I supposed to care about these people? Because I don't. Am I supposed to care about the scenery? Because they barely even know what they're doing. It's like ignorant people traveling all over the place. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be getting from the show, but I don't really like it. But maybe I will next week. Who knows? I'm very flippant like that. So before we go into it, and I think we'll just go through person. That's fine. I'm fickle. All of it. All of the above. I think it will go through person by person. But before we do that, my feelings are, I really enjoy it. I enjoy the travelogue aspect of it. I enjoy seeing where they're going and what they're doing. I like the personalities. I like that you have these two twins that are fighting over the guy. I said that before when we covered it a few months ago. Because they're two neurotic twins. They're highly competitive and they're nasty to each other. And they're fighting over a guy this entire time, which is great. And the producers had this wonderful idea of splitting them up and letting one go see gorillas and one had to handle shit. So that was great. Like what kind of children. That's so unfair. She needs to go do nothing. No. I love this dynamic between Heather and Amy where they're their best friends that are already fighting because Heather's found someone cooler to hang out with. Like that sort of shit. I'm into it. I was into all the petty drama. And the other ones are blatant drug addicts. Yeah. So I'm for it. Plus you have a sexy black man and hanging out. You know? Sanders. Nobody's name. Sanders. I'm sorry. I stick to that. That's not real. Get your real name on. Sanders. Sandy. Fucking stupid. Sounds like a hotel named in Vegas. Yeah. Sanders. I think it actually sounds. Well, it sounds like a building that may have been at that tournament. It has that like sound of a wasp-y old structure. You know? Oh, yes. Are you taking class at Sanders right now? Oh, mine college. So I guess let's go through. Let's go through our people here. The episode, this, we were in Kenya at a Messiah village. That's where we left off two months ago. And I saw the psychotic model, the psychotic possum-faced model, and then the idiot-rich girl. Who? What's her name? Heather. Heather has all these face products and she's like, you put these under your eyes. She's like, oh, really? You put them under here? And they just like they're sitting there with like, what was it under their eyes? They said what it was. She's like, you know, like another placenta, I know these shows all run into each other. Yeah, she's like, she's like, you do this in your sleeve. She's like, I did it during a movie once. Oh, wow. So then they're sitting there, they're all having dinner up there in Kenya. And they're like, they're like, oh, I love this food. I love how authentic this food is. I'm like, well, what is, what is, what's your expectations? I love the hair. I love the hair. They're like, here's some go, I love how authentic this food is. How the fuck would you know how authentic Kenyan food is? First of all, hick. Yeah. Like all that Kenyan food you've had is the same as we have where I'm from. Well, because it wasn't Filipino Alfredo from Olive Garden. So already it felt more authentic than anything else. Like, well, they don't have cherry colas like they do with the Sonic. So pretty authentic. So that's very African of you. Hey, why don't those massage people come up on roller skates? So they're all like hanging out. And then Amy, who when we last saw Amy, she was shitting her face out. Literally diarrhea and vomiting from some food poisoning in Morocco. So everyone, everyone got to go forward to Kenya and go on this amazing safari. So she and Sandra finally show up and everyone's like, yeah. And Amy, I think Amy was upset at Heather. I think from the previous episode, she was upset because Heather never called her to be like, Hey, are you feeling okay? So she comes down. She's already a little frosty. She's in this crazy state of mind, because when she was in the duty free store on the way to Kenya, she bought two bottles of per note, thinking it was absent and drank it from the bottle on the plane, which mixed with her antibiotics. So she had a licorice liqueur, which is really only used in very specific Inagarten recipes and was mixing it with her antibiotics. So she was in a crazy place. So she shows up just completely awakening psychs like very like, and they were staying in the same room as the model or the same hut or whatever they were in tent and it was like a tent that was like, but it was like a structured tent. The model and this other girl would be close to the other girls mad. So that none of this was on camera, right? Because the model told them shut up or whatever, so like I need to go to bed. You're both insane right now. Like, I just need to sleep, okay, well, because the thing is that you skipped over was that before everyone left the dinner, they all were like going to go to a bonfire to hang out. But Brandon, the head tour guide was like, I want to have the model girl and one of the twins and the guy that the twin likes and someone else, the two brothers to stay back. And he basically said to the brothers, you guys are going to be with the Messiah warriors tonight guarding the camp from lions, like, oh, wow. And then the others like, I'm going to take you guys to Rwanda to look at gorillas. So the reason why that was significant. So that's why when Michelle got back to the tent, she needed to wake up early and she didn't want and the girls were keeping her up. She's like, guys, but Brandon says I have to be up early and the fucked up one goes, his back. The tour guide. You know, the guy is taking us everywhere. So apparently after the model tried to go to bed, the cameras went home stupidly. And these girls just got fucked up and were fighting and screaming and acting crazy and everything. That's fucked up because I think Michelle was basically like, you're high. Fuck you. I'm trying to go to sleep. My son's in a different hemisphere. I'm sad. I'm angry. Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw. Yeah. Pretty much. So she got all, she was all pissed off. So I knew it was confused about something else entirely too. There was something else where I forget what it was where Amy was like, like something blatantly obvious that they had to explain to her like what's a tent, you know, something like that. Yeah. That girl is legit stupid. And I like when they show people who aren't just playing dumb, like Jules like, what? How do I turn under water for the tap? Like, she's not that kind of stupid. She's legit stupid. So I love people who are stupid, but think they're smart. Those are my favorite reality TV show people. And this is one of them. Yeah. So, so the end is big fight. And then the next morning, Amy and Heather try to like talk it out. And Amy's like, I really feel like it was your duty as my friend to recognize that I was high out of my mind and he should have just put me to sleep and said you were making fun of me. Yeah. If I care about somebody and they're acting crazy and drunk, like that's when you put them to bed, she basically wants to be a little kid. And then the other friend is like, look, I don't care. Like, who cares? Like, it's over. I'm not going to be the girl to like sit here and have some girl fight with you. I'm really sorry. Well, that's not enough. Okay. Well, I'm going to go away then, but I have no problem with you. I hope we're okay. And she just said the dumb one just sits there like, Oh, how dare she like she just said sorry. Yeah. I know exactly. Well, I mean, it was sort of an aggressive, sorry, but still it was a Vanderpump. Sorry for sure. Like, I'm sorry that you're an alcoholic. Yeah, but still exactly. And then meanwhile, the twins, you know, the twin, the, the one who got to go to, I'm looking at Jenna, Jenna gets to go look at the gorillas and she tells her, yeah, she gets to tell her sister, whatever her says, Misty, she's like, guess what? I get to go look at gorillas tomorrow in Rwanda, and she's like, I want to go to Rwanda. I can't believe they're not letting me go to Rwanda. Like, why would they do that to me like now I'm going to be all alone and she starts crying and the other one's like, she only thinks about herself. Oh, really? Like you wouldn't be sitting here crying to you. You're both the same. Okay. And then later when she actually sees the gorillas, they, there's like two little twin gorillas with, of course, gorillas are gorillas. So any small gorillas look the same with the guys like, look, they're brothers. And she's like, Oh, that's what really gets me because like I'm a twin. So this is even more special to me. I'm like, yeah, except these aren't horrible gorillas. They're not like just shallow fucking moron self obsessed gorillas. Okay. They're nice to each other. Yeah. The one little girl is like, Oh, I'm really bad that you ate the bamboo without me. You never call me when you get a boyfriend. It's funny how our, funny how our gorilla impersonation sounds shocking like Kristen from vendor pump rules. Seriously? Every moron in nature relates back to Kristen. That's the first time I've ever tried to impersonate a gorilla, by the way, for the record. I don't know how it sounded. But yeah, I don't know how to do it. Stupid gorillas. Oh, those poor gorillas, they look so annoyed. I don't think gorillas are so fat and just bored all the time. They're always looking around like what they just have this look in their face. Like what? Why are you looking at me? What are you doing here? And then the douchebags foam goes off. It's like, yeah, he's like, I don't know what to do. It's like Siri cannot connect to the internet. It's like, I don't know what to do. I'm like, dude, turn it off. Turn it off. I don't need. They're trying to have this beautiful moment, but that's so American, isn't it? It's like this beautiful moment and everybody's like, selfie and taking out their fucking selfie sticks. Oh, I know. So they're out. They're out doing that. They're out looking at the gorillas and the twin is having like these revelations about like what it would be like to have a twin gorilla sister who they get along with. Everyone else is like going into, first they go to a watering hole and I think his name is Jeff. Jeff, the guy who got into a scooter accident, yeah, Jeff. He's like, I don't know if I want to go into a watering hole because there could be sand and there could be gravel. And you know, I'm scared to do things now. I love an obese man who's worried, who's like worried about stuff like that. Like, dude, you could have a heart attack before you trip in a river. Like you're going to survive this. Okay. The tour guide is like, look at him. Just a couple of. Oh, it was the it was the girl one. She's like, just a couple of years ago, he was in a deadly accident. And now look at him all the way on top of one rock. Like he climbed less than a story worth of a rock and she's like, look at him at the top of that rock. There is a fat guy on a rock and he's like, Oh, I did it, honey. She's like, don't fall. Your eyes are like closed. She's reaching out to him, feeling his presence his moment. Did you almost drown on your scooter? What the hell are you afraid of? You dumb dumb. It's like I'm terrified, please. And then some other leader, like the guy who looked like a guy eating up by raptors on Jurassic, but in Jurassic Park, he's like, all right, this year's everything done. He wants to touch the open dog. It's like, well, life is, I realized how quickly life can be taken away from me. I better not touch that elephant, um, yeah, a lot of this episode was about poop because then they were building little, little hut in the African village with poop. Yeah, they were, they literally, um, they took cow poop and water and were using it like cement. And they were all doing it except the, the black woman, she found like, uh, like a, yeah, it will never do anything. Yeah. Yeah. She found the one plastic bag in the entire African village. It was probably some child's like caught and she took it and was using that. Uh, and then meanwhile, and then never rain there. That's my question. Like if you build your house out of poop, what happens when it rains? Doesn't it dissolve again? I'll never understand houses made of poop. I just don't know and that was when the twin was complaining. She's like, Jenna gets a play with gorillas and I have to literally hold shit. I'm making a shit house. This house literally smells like shit. Like, uh, and then meanwhile, the guys had the pleasure of like watching a cow get speared in the neck and spewing blood and then had to drink it. No, I get that we're like, let's embrace other cultures and what gets me on this show is that sometimes they don't like I hate stupid Americans embarrassing us. But in this case, stabbing a cow in the neck to get blood out of it because it makes you healthier is anybody going to help them out and be like, have you guys ever heard of vitamins? Here's a good, here's a good website. It's called G and C. Figure it out. Like stop poking all the damn cows in the neck. Well, thank God Heather was there to give all the Messiah women moisturizer and lip gloss and spray tanner. Yeah, they were looking at her like she was like, she is but you're not giving a village of black women spray tanner, please tell me you're not. So then, um, then later on, Sandhurst is like, Misty, will you come join me for a bath so I can get to know you a little bit more. So she's like, mmm, fine. Do I have to? Well, this is like the most gorgeous man in the history of mankind and he's like, I want him to get naked with you and you're like, so he's like, he's like, it's really important for me to get to know, to get to know Misty because, you know, she's not with her sister and she needs to be her own person and I mean, you need to get to know what is going on with her. So they get into the tub and what does he find out about Misty? She wants black dick. That's it. Yeah. And I think she thought she was going to get it. She's like, I like a night stick. It's like a black dick, you know, and he's like, Oh, this silly Misty. Oh, don't get the wrong impression. I'm like, you're standing and you're in a hot tub that you had set up for her after to wear a bikini and you're like in a thong with your washboard abs. What did you think she thinks this is about? I know. She's like, I just want to try it once. My biggest fantasy is getting a big black cock in me somewhere in Africa. Maybe when I'm in a hot tub from a Seattleist commercial, like something like that. He's like, okay. Me too. Okay. Good meeting you. Great. I'm glad I got to find that out. I'm like, you didn't even get to the next of the issue, Sandhurst. So then the model, the later dinner, the model has the confrontation with the druggie lady, the idiot. Yeah. And she's like, um, so they told me you want to speak to me. Yeah. Great way to start it off there, Amy. Yeah. Here we go. Which, who started it off like that? The dumb one. Amy, Amy sat down and goes, so Heather says you want to talk to me. Yeah. It's really a great way to open up the conversation for Sharon. And we found from reading ye old internet that this possum-faced model has been trying to get on reality shows for like a zillion years. Yeah. And even post fights with Brandy Glanville about fucking the same guy or whatever. Yeah. So she's been ready to go. Yeah. She is very, very ready. So she's like, well, you know, I had to wake up for gorillas and you guys were like being crazy until like one in the morning. And so yeah, I told you get the fuck out of my face because I didn't want to fucking hear it anymore. And then this dumb one's like, wow, she's don't talk over me. Well, can I speak? Yes. You, you will know when I'm done, when I have stopped talking, do you understand when I have stopped? I was like, oh my God, too idiot. It was fighting. It was one of those fights where it's like the fight is actually not about the issue anymore. It's become the semantic thing like, like, you'll know I'm done. You'll know when I stop, when I stop talking. Okay. So now I'm done. Almost. Okay. Are you done? No, I'm done. Oh, wait. I'm not done. Now I'm done saying I'm done. I don't know when you're done because you never seem to end. Well, you'll know when I end because I'm ending, I'm ending right now. Okay. Now I'm done. Well, no, I'm not. No, I start up again. Sorry. I'm not done. She's like, now I can't wait to hear what fascinating thing you're going to say. I'm like, okay, you're an awful human being. I were actually right in this fight. You're conversing with you any further. I respectfully decline. Yeah. Like you're actually correct in this fight and you're still such a big bitch that I can't be on your side, even though this other one's like dumb as a brick. And obviously in the wrong, it won't admit it because now we're entering the drug addict territory because the possum face is like, you're obviously on drugs. And she's like, I am not on drugs. How dare you because now it's becoming like you just call me drug addict on TV. Even though she obviously was just like, listen, I did not come all the way. All the way here to Sweden to get on drugs. Okay. So good. So my day, but then Michelle just kept on saying for the next two minutes, I respectfully decline. And I'm being respectful to you by declining. I respectfully decline. I'm like, this isn't a deposition. And clearly she's been in a lot of them. If she knows already, let's just say I respectfully decline over and over and over again. Yeah, she's an idiot and she me, but unfortunately, there's not anyone on her level of idiocy. They're all more idiots than she is. So it's like, she can't even have a good fight. I mean, even the one about how dare you body shame me. He's like, whoa, that's what we say in Chicago. Like, so what? It's like over. She's still mad. She's so stupid, truly a place, so the next trip is we're going to go to these islands that are almost underwater. We're just going to put Jetta and her husband on them and watch them sink like, Oh, sounds great. You know, assuming assuming it's not too scary for, you know, Jeff, like we're going to go hang out by the beach. Well, I don't know. I could die. I was in an accident one time. Okay. There will be chairs. Okay. The only place he'll feel comfortable is like one of those giant movie theater seats. We've come to a lazy boy story. He's like, finally, somewhere in Africa I can really get into. So they go to this vanishing Island, Amy, oh, this is where the fight was for anybody who cares. You don't speak for everyone. I don't know what you're talking about. I love this is the end then. So I like that the model and them fight and the model goes back to the head of the table. Like she sits the head of it because she's like the biggest bitch in there. They're like, okay, how about the table at every meal? She shows up and she's like, that girl is a lunatic. She just starts talking to the girl right in front of her own face. Yeah. And how could you not like this show? I hate it. I think it's stupid. I hate all the people on it except the one who makes skincare products. I like her. She's like awful and hilarious at the same time giving tanning stuff to Africa was the funniest thing I've ever seen on this show. But otherwise, I don't know. I don't care about Jeddon or stupid husband, they're lame. Those brothers are so dumb. They're like, oh, we're from the South. I miss my son so much. Then why are you gone for three months? I'm supposed to take a people coming on TV and crying about leaving their small children. I'm like, that's so fucked up that you did that in the first place. And now I feel sorry for you on top of it, get out. Yeah. I hate when people do that. That's my biggest pet peeve with a big brother when people go on there and, you know. Yeah. My kid. Yeah. My kid. My son. Shut up. And then they said, if you guys were gay, what guy in the cast would you want to bone? They're like, oh, I can't even imagine that. Like, I'm sorry. I can't even answer that gay question because like, that ain't, I mean, nothing. Nobody. Nobody is nothing. Can't do nothing. I mean, that guy's name is Santa. That's pretty gay. Can I say that? Okay. So that's that for that. Yeah. That's that. That's that for that tour group. I enjoy it. You don't like it. Tour group. I hope you're not. Also, I love that tour group took a big break to re-edit the show to be more fascinating. And it's like, literally worse. The exact same show. I don't know what they were. I can't even imagine what this episode was supposed to be. It was going to be like, Jedi, like popping a zid on Jeff's back. I don't know. Like, let's cut out the jettison stuff. It looks like they recorded, they read it all the talking heads because now the talking heads like the dumb one, her facial surgery is out of control in the talking heads. Like her face changes and Michelle looks totally different. Her hair is short. Like, she got a haircut somewhere even in all of these. I think they were just like be bitchier. Yeah. And then they changed the background to be like even a worse green. So hilarious. The entire background was like a little village there in Kenya and it was during everyone's talking head, there was a chicken walking around and I just kept on looking at the chicken and laughing. All right. Let's re-edit this entire series to add more chicken. We need more chicken. We need more chicken. I'm not seeing any chicken in this sand. Do you think we can swallow through our footage, see if there's one in the background somewhere? Oh, perfect. There we go. All right. Next up is below dick. Mini-tourining. Below dick med. Now, below deck med, same formula, same, basically the last season I think was so successful to like, just do it again. Get a really dumb stew who is lazy and doesn't want to do her work. Get kind of a bitchy kate type, but with an accent, literally get Ben back. Yes. But one thing I don't think anybody could have planned is that that, the kate, what's her name, Hannah? Hannah. She's a crazy bitch. Yeah. The thing is this, there are very few kates. What's great about Kate is that when she doesn't like you, she doesn't just come at you and get all blustery and call you a trash bag. She will, Kate will just sort of level you with a stoic glare and just have a few petty brief comments about how awful you are and then move on. Yeah. She's just sort of devastating with a few snarky comments. But this, but Hannah, she's, she gets very, very annoyed and she will tell you off and call you names and like, she's horrible and wonderful. And it hit me last night, who she looks like because people, last week, somebody said she looks like the Jennifer Lawrence, yeah, the future guests on Watch A Crap and Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah, from the Hunger Games. But this week, and it didn't really sit with me, right? It's like, that's not who she looks like. This week, I figured it out. She's the girl from revenge. Oh, yeah, literally exactly that girl, when she gets mad. Oh my God, Emily, like, don't miss with Emily. She'll take it and she's running X's on the entire crew revenge. Oh, no, she's going to kill a bitch. Well, does that mean that Madeline's dose coming on soon? Because I would like that. Well, everybody else on these shows has wonky eyes anyway, because they get the same Botox. Even one of revenge was so amazing. Gosh, I wish they hadn't destroyed the show in season two. They really did. And Madeline Stowe's wonky eye acting was always the same. She does this, like, wonky Botox thing, where only one of her eyes closes at a time. But then one of them twitches, if she gets really mad, once you get really upset, you'd be like, "Noooo," and then just I twitch, I twitch, I twitch, I twitch. Oh, yeah. So good. I'm gonna miss a stealers game in his life. So what does he do? He fucking goes on a yacht trip in the middle of football season, just your own fault, you dumbass. And by the way, just because football is an important thing, it reminds me of a family in childhood doesn't mean that you can't miss a game once in a while. Just get over it. Relax. I've never missed a stealers game in my life. You know, that makes you a white trash loser, right? Yeah. It's ridiculous. Okay. At a certain point, it's okay to miss a stealers game at some point, and you probably have missed a game. Don't lie. And you're just trying to get some tickets from Steelers, the Steelers Corporation. The captain trying to work the internet was funny. I was like, every show should have an older guy trying to figure out how the internet works. I know. He's like, "What in my house?" It happens all the time. He's like, "What if I sing the farmers insurance theme? We are farmers, done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done." Nope. It's still not working. They're like, "Sorry. We can't get to the middle of the ocean." "Oh, farmers, for months, me and my parents." The captain's all sobbing. He's like, "What did I do? It's seen from Whiplash." I love that movie, but I love it. PS. Okay. So what am I singing here? Dredging, then yachting. So, yeah. Oh, well, that's... The dredging, then yachting is a reference to Tiffany. Tiffany is our Iraqi. Tiffany is the one who doesn't really want to be a stew, but took the job anyway because she'd be on TV. She was a marine biologist. She doesn't eat meat. I'm sorry. She doesn't eat seafood because she knows how much a whale ejaculates every time it ejaculates. But, you know, I'm sure she had no problem with other sea men, so, you know. I don't know why. Also, I love that she wants... She knows that spurs ejaculate a lot, so she won't eat anything from the sea. Do you know how things are made? They're all poop and guts. You know that, right? You fucking moron. Yeah. Exactly. This girl. They're showing pictures of her past life. She's like, "Yeah. How come a marine biologist?" And then this, and she's in Washington laying on her back with that, like, Washington monument coming through her hoo-haw. It's like, "That's pretty much summing up this girl." I guarantee every time she reached her hand into the touch tank, those starfish went fleeing for the corners. They're like, "Oh, here comes the drunkard again. She's going to touch me so abrasively." I love that she's like, "This isn't my dream, but, you know, what I'm going to do is just get through it and then immediately get my captain's license." Yeah. I'm like, "Oh, okay. Let's see how that works out for you." Will you be drinking from a bottle of wine during that test? And, of course, the resident douchebag is like, "I don't even know why they're trying to work the internet. Like, I can't even get boobs on my phone." Oh. Yeah, a good one. It's his name. I feel like his name has been. It's not. Billy? Brian. No. Bobby. I won't learn his name. Bobby. Bobby and Brian. Brian is the, uh, is like the, the chin guy and Bobby is the tall, hot douche, doofy guy. Well, he's the one that people keep, they're trying to tell us that he's so hot. He is hot. He is not. I mean, he's not bug or anything. He's fine. He's not ugly or anything, but he's like, I don't know, he's just like a normal guy. What's hot? I think he's hot. I think he's hot. I'm going to get it. He's, he's the hottest of this batch. How about that? Well, that's true. And I was thinking that while I was watching this show, I was like, "I really liked this show because being in this close quarters, like, of course, if they're all going to end up fucking each other. So I guess it doesn't really even matter what you look like because they're going to end up doing it. I mean, bunking. Do you remember when they had a meal? What was his name? Emilie Emilie. Emil. Emil. Yeah. Jerkin off in the last one. So funny. I'll see it coming with a little short one soon. Yeah. Well, I mean, Julia, Julia Dalbera, Percy, she has mentioned that she has a boyfriend about 10 different times, which means she's about to cheat on him. She's like, he has muscles. I really like, well, I'm sorry, I'm doing Australian. This is going to be hard. There's an Australian accent and a British accent on the same boat. We're going to have to go back and forth, but she's like, I can't do a British accent anymore. I'm stuck on Hannah's arch. He's got a car instead of a Vespa. And big muscles. He's like, oh, wow. The biggest muscles I've ever seen. I've never seen muscles any larger than this. It's just like a normal British guy. Pretty much. So what were the main things? The main things like football, football, football, football, football, football. So they had to get this, they had to get this game. And the guy was being crabby because the game wasn't going to be able to watch the game. But finally, they got it set up to stream through the TV. And so the drunkard, Tiffany, she had to wake up at four to wait on these guys. And Hannah had to go to sleep at 5.30. And that was the cause of a lot of drama later on. Because Hannah gave Tiffany a big to-do list of things. And Tiffany basically did nothing. And I was like, did you get a chance to do that? And see now I'm doing British. My mom. Do Hannah. I can't do it right. Did you get all that list done then? She's like, well, yeah, most of it. And there's nothing done. And then Hannah really starts seething. And she walks down the stairs whispering to herself, didn't do it. Damn, I think you stupid bitch. I'm like, whoa, whoa, what's the kangaroos do more work than that stupid, stupid Tiffany cobbly. And that poor Tiffany, that is that girl. So it's just like, she's better than rocking away because Tiffany isn't like, and then I was in musical theater. And then I was in this, like swimming. Yeah. Yeah, she's not as needy and creepy. She's just like some Randall lazy girl. Yeah, she basically is there for spring break. And she has to work and she's shocked that she has to work. She can't believe it. What is it with manly women who just don't want to work? Because this show has two of them. As a lesbian is also like, whatever the boss is calling her Brian, he's like, I need you up on deck to possibly save us from dying while we park the boat. And she's like, oh, dude, period, like, what am I supposed to say? Like, oh, my period, I've got a tampax inside of me. He's like, just say you're in the bathroom. I'm just like, I don't want to tell you that. It's like, how is that worse than just going on and just like talking about pulling tampons at your twat in front of America? Exactly. That's exactly what I was thinking. And he's like, hey, Jen, we need some sodas. Oh, fine. Oh, God. I'll get some sodas. Because I guess that's what lesbians do, which I am. I am a lesbian who gets sodas, gosh, I love a good can, you know, I like more than a can of box. Oh, let's go. I guess I'll get you guys some sodas because that's what lesbian women do. Like, they hate me because I'm a lesbian and because I'm a woman, like, I don't want to be lumped in with a little midget idiot. She calls it a little short guy. Any. What does she call him? I don't remember. She's like, come on. Not freak, but I read it down somewhere, but we're going out of order, so I can't tell that she's so mean to him. And she's like, I don't want to be lumped in with that idiot. Like the guy doesn't know anything and now, like, I'm just one of him, like, hey, you don't do anything. You're not even going to get hired on another boat after this show. So get over yourself. Yeah, exactly. Just because you worked on like the Jungle Cruiser at Disney World, Disneyland does not mean that you were experiencing yachting. And Ben's big worry this week was plating healthy of food for them because they got all mad at his meat pie or whatever, last week is Musaka. Yeah. Musaka that he claimed that they demanded it was in for the last, uh, less, I don't know whatever, go on. Ben. She's like, well, now we'll see how they list food. The people come on. They're talking. He's like, please don't speak well, I'll play it. Like dude, you are trying to get quinoa to stick together. He's like, please leave me alone while I break my brown phone. Like how many brown things you're going to put on one plate full? I know, but they loved it. The passengers absolutely loved it. Um, but you know, the passengers are idiots too. So what, you know, what can you do? The game, the game. I know. And then, um, so then the passengers leave and they're like, well, there were some hiccups. The game was a non gushable. I'm like, just stop already with this non-negotiable over the of the Steelers game. You're in the middle of the ocean just or the sea, like get out, like just get off the boat. Be happy that you've got to hear any audio at all. And then they put the, I love when they had the game on, but it was in and out, of course, as they're in the middle of the ocean and the guy's getting mad. He's like, oh, he's all mad at the captain about the internet. I know. Meanwhile, like how hell is for the crew that they had to like wake up, you know, either stay up until six or wake up at four. Like when they have to do all this other stuff, noxious, obnoxious requests. So sorry, right in your face. How rude. I didn't see that coming. I felt it. I could feel it. Sorry, guys. So, um, Hannah starts telling off, okay, so Hannah taught, hasn't a talk with the idiot girl after she's into anything and her list and she's basically telling you're off. Yeah, and then, uh, she's like, I feel like you're just giving me the middle finger. Like you've got a list to do and you say you don't do one. You're complaining about being tired. It's like you're giving me the middle finger and the dumb girl's like, look, I hate talking to girls. Like, I just want to get drunk and not talk about feelings. This isn't about feeling you idiot. You didn't hear to do a list. Exactly. And this is also, by the way, on the heels of them all going out, um, and, uh, the drunk girl, I keep forgetting her name, uh, Tiffany. She takes a bottle of wine from the yacht and she's drinking straight from it. And then she's walking through the streets of wherever they are, Santorini, drinking, uh, holding this bottle of wine like a snapple bottle and, you know, Hannah's just, you know, she is furious. You know, she's like, I can't believe, can't believe she'd be drinking from that once embarrassing quite frankly. Specially. What? Uh, what'd she say? She's scollying a bottle. She's scollying a one bottle through the streets of Santorini. Now they're also he has she is and then nobody cared. Yeah. She like twirl. But she like twirl open. Bobby's shirt and, and Hannah's like, see, there she is, rabid animal, no one cared. And then they're all like cheering. And then like Hannah does not clink with Tiffany, she's like, here, mom, come on, mom. And she's like, all right, trash bag, daughter, like, ooh, meanwhile, this girl's wasted. So Hannah does what everybody knows that you're not supposed to fight with the drunk person, but Hannah was getting drunk too. So now Hannah's like totally loosened up because she's off the clock and she's drunk and she's pissed. And this anger is like driving her. It's she's one of those people who just lives off their anger, which I mean, I understand, like you see it raging up and she just comes to life. I was like, oh my God, how beautiful, what a beautiful display of anger. She walks right up to the girl, she's like, listen, here's what I'm saying. You don't know anything. You're an idiot. You're an asshole. And this is all I'm saying. You're dumb bitch. I'm like, whoa. Whoa. I don't even believe that you are a marine biologist. The only thing you would probably dredging was your parents pocketbooks. Totally. And the girls, I can't, she keeps wiping her eyes like she's crying, but I can't tell she had my eye bigger. I couldn't tell she even was listening. What was happening? Yeah. I don't think the bossy deck chief was behind them listening to everything. And then he came over. What I miss? No, no. I'm saying he was like that. Yeah, he was trying to listen to the whole thing. And then finally he came over and he's trying to tell revenge how to do her job. And she's like, maybe you should manage your own business. And then pretty girl comes up and she's like, yeah, you should, you should run your business the way you run your business. And she can run her department the way he, she runs her department. He's like, oh, every department, every department's my department. Oh, good. And Julia's like, oh, maybe it's just a little bit easier to confront someone with a little bit more relaxed. Maybe that's all. That's all. That's all. Look, I didn't come here to start a fight. I just want to say, I'll trade you the dike for the idiot. It literally tried to trade him off, which she didn't do, which that shows you how lazy the lesbian is. Yes. But Hannah wouldn't even take her over the drunk idiot. Yeah, exactly. So, meanwhile, Danny, he, he's on this thing where he, he believes that once the guests are off the yacht, then that they can use the yachts, as if it were their own. So it looks like next week he's going to be getting some serious trouble because there's going to be like Irish hooter models on there. And he's going to act, oh, no, actually, even before that, he's going to take some people from the town onto the yacht. Yeah, I take these last teenage girls back to the boat. Yeah. And even the, even the peppermint patties, like that is beyond inappropriate, really, for you. Love it. Yeah. Fun. I like it. I like it a lot. I was a fun episode. I'm loving this angry Kate. Yeah. Angry Kate. Because she's different. She's different from, you know, classic Kate, you know, you always have to have some different people in there. I feel like Brian, you know, he's very high and mighty he, and, and did you notice the lipstick this time? Because he just wears a lot of lipstick. Oh, God. And his highlights are so embarrassing. I always feel so bad for guys in their 30s, and they're like, Oh my God, I'm starting to age. And then they do things like that. They're like, I'll get highlights and we're lipstick. What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Why? I'm a strong father figure to spank you until you know, I'll do it. Everybody thank you for listening to the Watch what Crapins podcast. We love you. Go to patreon.com/watch what Crapins for the bony balonies and come to watch at Crapins.com for all of our links and Facebook.com/watch what Crapins for all Watch what Crapins Facebook. We love you guys. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. If you like Watch what Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon music before you go. Tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge? Or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of monopolism? Introducing the best idea yet. A brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
