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Keep shipping on qualified orders, see site for more details. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. You've heard us talking about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit. Streammax with ads included at no extra cost. If you haven't tried it yet, what are you waiting for? Ronnie, you're a big Last of Us fan, right? Oh, I sure am. The HBO original The Last of Us. It's about to start another season. What would you order on DoorDash while you watch The Last of Us? Well, I'm watching Last of Us. I prefer eating salads from DoorDash because the zombies are plants. So you're kind of eating the zombie plant people, you know? Oh, good. You're restoring order. Yeah, it's on theme. Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max is now included with your dash pass annual plan. Streammax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. In terms of supply, see DoorDash.com/max for details. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Who cares what crap is? Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Who cares what crap is? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Hey, everyone. Welcome to Watch for Crap. It's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender and joining me is the lovely melodius, the Sarah Lee Lovin' Ronnie Karam from trashocktv.com. Hi Ronnie. Oh, loadee is Ben! We were just listening to Liza Manelli sing the song, Sarah Lee, right before this song. Oh, every fat person's audition song, we've all sang it at least once. I think I just gave that up like in my 30s. I was like, you know, it's time to give that up. Stop it. Yeah, I don't know why it was in my head. It just was. But on your computer, that's such a great way to be welcomed. I know. Well, it was actually. Sarah Lee. Yeah, I was playing it on YouTube, but when you signed on to this Skype call right now, it was playing. It was sort of like walking right in to Liza. Very typical. It's like, hey, you ready to do your Bravo podcast? Here's Liza Manelli singing about desserts. Yeah, here to warm you up Liza Manelli. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe she'll come on the podcast. You know, we forgot to work on our J law campaign. We have to get J law. If anyone knows Jennifer Lawrence, anyone out there knows Jennifer Lawrence, ask if she wants to come on the podcast. You know, tell her that Ben is really excited. I love Hunger Games and everything, but I would rather Liza. So anybody. Liza or Jennifer Lawrence, Liza would be a fun one on the podcast. She would know everybody, but not know anybody. She'd be like, yeah, I know that. Mother singer. Well, I'm sure she and Ramona have like bumped carts at Whole Foods before on the Upper East Side by accident. I'm sorry. Oh, look, it's my good friend. It's my dear friend for my birthday. Oh, wait, you're not my friend at all. Oh, I don't know who you are. Why are you wearing a black suit? It's not black. It's green. What are you? You blind? What is this? Normally you always wear red. Every time I see you wear red, what's up with black? I don't get it. I don't get it. Liza, Manelli and Ramona, please get together in Whole Foods. Let us think of it as the Gelsons. I mean, what's the store there? Luann's Mary. The Gelsons. Gracias? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's definitely Gracias. Oh my gosh. What are we doing? I don't know. We're already off into a bonkers place. So everyone, please come to watch what Crapins.com and you can get access to our Twitter links, our Instagram links. Oh, by the way, I'm really excited to brag about this one. You know, I love a good celebrity name drop. You know that, right? Oh, yes. This weekend, I think I like hit the jackpot. Like, I think this is it. I don't think there's any, it does not get any better than this. The one and only InaGarden commented on my Instagram. What? Did you see that? No. InaGarden commented on my Instagram, Ronnie. What did she say? Tell me all about it. What were you wearing? What was she wearing? Any emojis? She was wearing a captain. No, she, I had made Ina's easy Provensal leg of lamb or easy lamb Provensal. And it was to die for. It was so good. Everyone out there. Like lamb, then make this. It's a little bit of an investment. Like, I was scared, to be honest. I'm sorry, but it's expensive because I've never- There's easy in the title. Jeffrey likes when I keep it easy, don't you? Yeah, Ina came out of nowhere and just hugged me. But it was, I just, I was hungry and I said, you know what? I want to make a leg of lamb. I've never made a leg of lamb before. I've never really even made lamb. And so, there happens to be an Armenian butcher across the street from where I'm staying in NoHo. So I went across the street. I got a leg of lamb. I spent $40 on this thing, which it's crazy, but I was like, no, I'm making it. I'm making it. And I was scared. You got a real lamb because you went to the butcher. You know, it's not some computer-grown headless. You're a lamb, no. Like, this is a floppy disk. But it was like, yeah, it was like a real lamb leg. And I was scared because, you know, when you buy something that's that expensive, you don't want to mess it up. So I went over to my friend Andrea's place. We followed the recipe. It's in her cookbook. How easy is that? And it's also online. And I'm telling you, this was sensational. I mean, it could not have been more perfect. Just, I mean, it was, the flavors were great. It was perfectly juicy, it was like, perfectly medium-rare. But then there were some areas that were a little more well done for people who liked that. It was above and beyond. So of course, I took a picture of it. And I was like, breakthrough, Ina Gardens, like, whatever. This is so great. And I tagged her as the lamb chop or the, like, a lamb. And the next day, Ina Garden commented and said, "Thanks, B-side blog. Looks delicious." Something like that. And I was just like, I cannot believe it. Oh, that's so nice. Dream come true. A dream come true. I'm not even joking. Ina was sitting there in her kitchen and her pajamas waiting for Jeffrey to come out of his home office, wondering what parties she would throw next, what neighbors would come. Had she invited them to recently? And that's what she saw on Instagram, that she tagged as a leg of lamb. She said to herself, "Now, before I was just a chef, now I'm a leg of lamb. How easy is that?" Maybe I can be invited on to ask Ina next time they do that segment. Hey, Ina, I have a question. How do you peel garlic? Hey, Ina, what salt do you use? Use regular salt or kosher salt? I'm so- From the webcam. Yeah. Ina, are steak knives important? I know that knives have different names, but come on, isn't a knife a knife? Well, you think so, but one actually has little things on it that cut through the meat batter. I just find that a steak knife cuts meat just better than a regular knife. Thanks so much for asking. I know, I mean, what am I supposed to write these recipes down? I can't remember anything. I suggest writing the recipes down and putting them in a box. Hey Ina, I have a question. How do you make garlic butter? I'm so glad you asked that, Marie. What I like to do is I like to take some garlic and put it in butter. Thanks so much for your question. That's what that whole. That's what I skied. It was every week. It was the most ridiculous question and I love when Ina takes a picture of something with her digital camera and they add, they fully in the sound effect goes, phew, is it? Any digital camera makes a laser noise. Anyway, this is, we should have talked about this right now. Hey Ina, how do you shoot your food with lasers? Thanks. Natalie in Wisconsin. Ina plates, cut her bad, seem overrated to me. Plates are good. My favorite thing to do is do something unexpected, so if it's a fancy dinner, I like to serve it on napkins. If it's a casual lunch, I serve it on my best china. How fun is that? This is crazy. Isn't this crazy, guys? I like when she gets her party together and it's like, everybody's making these noises. It's like older people, chairs being pushed in and out. It's like, oh, they seem to love it. I don't think they've been slaved over this for nine hours today. No one's even going to be amazed. I know. I know. I know. I then she usually makes some French punches. All right, everyone. Enjoy or as the French say, Bon Appetit. Anyway, so go on to watchrecrapins.com to find links to Twitter and Instagram. Support.com/watchrecrapins is where you can join in on the conversation. You can be like Julie Galargis. Is that your last name, Galargis, who posted a picture of her with Kyle Richards before they boarded a flight together because they were on the same flight. I have not asked yet, but I will, and I already know the answer. Kyle did not have a nervous breakdown flying on a plane. If she did, I'm sure Julie would have calmed her down. Yeah. One scene illness. Yeah. Life trope. And of course, you can come to patreon.com/watchrecrapids where you can come support the show and get access to a bonus episode once a week. We just recorded this week's. It was really bizarre. We went through TMZ. We just read through headlines and then we spent the last 10 minutes or so talking about 24 and we imagined 24 as if it starred people from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules. So that was fun. I was trying to be the phone again to make it ring, but I'm too lazy. Well, we have a busy day today. There's a lot going on the on the old broves. So much, so much on the old broves. We've got southern charm. We got Real Housewives of Dallas. We got a shot as a sunset and I just bang my foot and hurts. We've got a banged foot. We've got a. That would pull in decent rating, probably be like the you'll log just a camera as it slowly swells up. We're just watching this flip-throb by Bravo and another folks and come around. They can get into a fight. Oh, oh, my foot. How did that foot throw a glass? I mean, this is the world is amazing. You know, I've known this foot for 15 years and I am not going to let a fire get in the way of our foot friendship. Um, Ben, what do you want to talk about? I want to talk about the Crapin's Mailbag. Oh, yeah. By the way, did we pause yet to mention our lovely, lovely premium sponsors, Chrissy Darity and Cassie Bagowski, we'd love you guys, we love you guys, we dedicate everything to you. Dedicate my love for you, those aren't the words, but you get the mind. Mm hmm. Yes. Don't want to read it. Okay. Um, let's see. Where should we start? Um, how about Tracy? Tracy says, hi Ben and Ronnie. I love your podcast. Here's my question. If you were given the opportunity to cast a reboot of Designing Women with Real House Wives, who would you pick? I'm thinking, oh my God, I'm thinking Patricia from Southern Charm and Lisa Vanderpump are obvious picks. And I'd love to see who would survive between the two of them. You can't have all that pink and ego in the same place for too long. Thanks. Tracy Palmer. I'm in Denver. Well, thank you Tracy Palmer from Denver. Hey Tracy. Um, and by the way, wow, what a great show. And Rissa Bassie piles on and says, Tracy, today I was also thinking of Designing Women and its relevance to the Watch Recruppins guys. So this is really for Tracy and and Rissa together. Well, Lord knows I've studied all of these shows enough. Yeah. Love all of these shows. So I think the obvious Julia would be, well, Patricia's a little too hateful, but probably Patricia. Well, technically Patricia is not a real housewife. Oh, okay. Even though, but I mean, I don't know if it was, if we're real, I feel like almost, I actually almost feel like Patricia's too on the nose also, like it's, like it's almost too obvious. So if we were to go just from the housewives alone, a real housewife who tells it like it is in a sassy way, probably a Leah Black, but she has too much fun. Julia Sugar Baker doesn't like to have that much fun. She's more like buttoned up. Maybe I count as Luann like a, like a from season one. Well, yeah, definitely got the manners thing down. Like, is that how we behave, season? I feel like, I feel like there's got to be a better answer to that than that. There's got to be someone better. Is there definitely no one from New Jersey, right? I think we have to come back to that one. Just for one place when the other ones fall into place. Yeah. Okay. So who's Annie Potts? Annie Potts. Ooh. So it's sort of sassy, right? Annie Potts could be like a, well, not really a Carol Radsworth, she could be a Bethany, right? Oh, my God. She talks so much though, but yeah, I guess she would kind of be Bethany. Yeah. I'm going to say, I think Bethany, I'm also like in my mind, I'm going through like, who's I'm going to be like all that. I'm just thinking Bethany would not play that role because it's, she would want to be like Julia or something. She'd want to be the main one. Do you think in a weird way that, um, no, I take it back? I almost suggested Tamara Barney for Julia, but I take it back. It's such a hateful thing to say. Vicki, Vicki could kind of be a Julia. I think she could or Heather DeBroux, actually. I could see Heather, you know, launching into a, into a two minute long soliloquy about women's rights or something. Yeah. She's a little too far. I think that, um, that, uh, she really believes her, her, we got her. Obviously. Shannon Bador. Shannon Bador is clearly the one. Oh, yeah. Okay. She is clearly Julia Sugarbaker. Yeah. Shannon Bador would be the one because she already did it. She already said, you all will see, you all will see. That's very Julia Sugarbaker, right? And she would do that, uh, 80s, 90s sitcom thing of just looking at the audience or like looking at the cameras when they're really annoyed, like the B Arthur one. Yeah. She, she would have some huffy indignation for sure. Like, yes. In a way that, in a way that Heather DeBroux just would not be able to, Heather DeBroux would just come up as like elitists, but Shannon Bador would say, well, sir, I believe if you're going to have that attitude with them, we do not need you here and here and nor do we need you here in this entire town. And if you were to do this, again, I will write to my congressman and make sure that you are never allowed in the state of Georgia. Okay. One thing I've never needed in my life is a man. Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you leaving? Come back. Come back. Yeah, okay. So now next is Suzanne. Let's do Suzanne. I love her. Okay. Come. So wait. La. Suzanne is Jean Smart. Right. No, no. How dare you. I'm sorry. I don't remember which one's which Suzanne sugar Baker is the sister. She's married to coach. Delta. Yeah. Delta. No, not coach. Major dad. Major dad. Delta Burke. So. I mean, we can't do it based on wig because that's not nice, but that is a big part of the storyline. They even she won her Emmy for a storyline or for an episode called they shoot fat people, don't they? The fact that you, especially on the same day when we discussed Kelly Quocos starring vehicle turn in to be fat like me, the lifetime original movie with Caroline Ray, direct. I mean, cinematography by speeds very own Janda bombs, Yanda bonds. The fact that that came up now and not even then is astounding. Yeah. That's right. Everyone, the bonus episode this week, we talk about and we play clips from the lifetime movie to be fat like me, starring Kelly Quocos and Caroline Ray in Epic story about putting out a fat suit and going to high school. Oh my God, it's been, you know, I guess that's how I'm projecting. I'm acting out or we're acting out because I didn't bring all these up. Jesus. I'm trying to remember, you know, I haven't seen, um, I have not seen it in so long designing movie. Okay. So Suzanne is like a really shallow, like she's kind of money wise, you know, she's like very fancy. She's like Tamara. Basically they're all, I'm, I'm sorry. And now I'm putting all the, I'll see you a minute. Should I get out of OC? Yeah. Those he kind of loses at any game unless it's like flip cup. I mean, Shannon for sure is Julia. Shannon is for sure. Julia. Okay. Yeah. So the OC got that one. Actually, she's sort of like Ramona these days. Right. Like, Hey, I'm single. Right. No, she's, no, she's kind of the fabulousness of Lisa Vanderpump, but with the kind of bimbo airheaded shallow signs. So I'm trying to think you that would be, well, that could be any housewife. It's like, just pick one. Yeah. Um, kind of like the Gretchen, I guess, OC, am I giving it to OC again? And I have to go back to OC. I mean, is it like, she's like a dumb ass shallow girl, but she's also legit hot and legit fancy. You know, it's funny. I like, I can't remember who's on OC is like Vicki and Heather and Tamara and, um, justice hashtag justice, or someone else on there is you're up solving counter. Um, yeah, I don't know. Well, we'll remember soon enough because they're coming back. Yeah. Exactly. Uh, Atlanta, how about that, or Potomac or Dallas? We have so, there's so many women. I know there's so many housewives, these games take longer and longer. It's crazy. There's, there's so many options for Suzanne's sugar baker. Well, Suzanne sugar baker, then I would say it was a Vanderpump Gretchen mix, like a baby. What about, um, she could be, she could be, it's, it's really, she could be Portia. Okay. Portia. Portia. That's James Smart. James Smart. So yeah. Charlene. Charlene. Yeah. And who else do we have? Annie Potts is, is Bethany, right? Yeah. Annie Potts is Bethany, who's the sack, who's the sack of Taylor? Um, I think it would have to be the hairdresser from Potomac who's like, uh, who got in the fight with Karen at the crab oil and then like poster in the arm and was like, oh, you're a man. What do you man? Are you a woman? He's like, what? Are you a man? Are you a woman? Are you a man? I was like, wow. This is a great fight, guys. It would have to be him. Sure. Why not? Could be Miss Lawrence also. Um, okay. All right. Well, I think that's, I think we sort of stuck together, um, oh, we're just missing Bernice. Bernice. Yeah. Bernice wasn't rude like this, but I would love it if Bernice could be Vida. Oh, yeah. Well, Vida, yeah, sure she could be, she would be Karen Sierra's mom. I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She would be Karen Sierra. She would be also his mom, actually, just that really like kooky mom. Yeah. I could definitely see that. Yeah. She's awesome. Mom. Okay. I'm down with that. I'm done with that. Black man. Black man. Every time GC's. Do we need to cast Jan Hooks his role also? Well, she was the replacement Charlene. So, but she was sort of, who was the replacement? Orchia. Cynthia. Cynthia's gonna be in Sharknado for, by the way, in case anyone was wondering. Um, yeah, a lot of house webs are, cause I think Erica, Jane and Brandy are too. Really Erica, Jane is? That's crazy. I think so. I heard that. I don't care. I don't care. Sharknado. I don't give a fuck. It's like the word of the street. I don't give a fuck. Like fuck words on the street. Fuck streets too. Fuck weather. I don't know. Um, okay. Jamie asks, I would like to hear Ronnie as Luann and Ben as Bethany selling Sonya's toaster on QVC. Okay. So. Hey, you're my, you're Luann and I'm Bethany. Okay, we're selling to Sonya's toaster. Okay. You stay. Hi. Here I am in the kitchen. I'm always in the kitchen. Aren't I here? I'm just always here. Like, do you even remember me at another time when I was someplace else? Literally the Luann? Like, I literally don't even know what you're talking about. Like, I've literally never seen you in a kitchen before. Like, I don't get like you in a toaster. Like, this, I don't know how this is like your thing all of a sudden. Like, you're like, to me, you're like the countess, like you're out on a bat. Like, you're getting drunk. You're like, you're like, pass out somewhere. Like, so don't act like you don't get passed out. Okay. Cause like, we know you get passed out. We know you get drunk. And you're like, how's that for sailors? So like kitchen. I don't get it. I'm lonely. Okay. Don't leave me. Where are you going? I'm lonely. I don't even have a place to live. I just have this toaster. It's like enough already. Like Luann. Like enough of loneliness. It's like, like, I just want to sell a toaster. Okay. And like, Luann's like sitting here crying. It's like, what am I going to do? Like, put a bagel in Luann and in the toaster. Like, who do I have to feed first? Like, everyone's sad. Like, I don't surprise the toaster. I can kill itself, you know, because I want to kill myself. Like, literally, like, if I have to hear one more second about Luann crying, like, I'm going to stick myself in the toaster and just burn myself until I die. Like, literally kill me now. Like, toast me now. Yeah, why can't you just be, like, not uncool? Like, it's a toaster. I took off Sony's name and I put your name on it. It's an engraved toaster. So, you know, leave me alone to do what you need to, but there I try to toaster with your name on it. Luann, the entire point of a toaster is to be uncool. Like, you want it to be hot. You want to burn something. That's the exact opposite of cool. Okay. Luann, like, when you're going to get it, like, I don't know. I don't get it. Like, like, I don't get it. Like, are you like a mom? Are you like a Countess? Are you like a slot? Like, I don't get your brand. Like, my wall is up, my wall is up, like, literally, if I have to talk, if I have to explain this to you one more time, I'd be on the floor, like, dead. Like, literally, like, hit me over the head with a toaster and, like, let me bleed out on the floor and then put it in the toaster and toast it. Okay. Toast my blood. Like, literally enough. I can't. Well, related news, we put bread in the toaster and nothing happened to it. So thanks a lot. Well, I won't be eating this. It's too much, too many carbs. Like, I can't, like, like, I don't even know what I use a toaster for. Like, I, I think I put my person in, like, it's like, storage, like, one of my toaster so do you hear somebody in there pickles that you like, literally, like, pickles, like, pickles is even big. I never thought so. I thought, I thought pickles were pickles, like, actually, these UD, but it's a human thing. Who knew? We're sold out. All right. So you made it go. Okay. Great. All right. That's great. That's great. All right. Listen, listen to the man. Listen to the man. I like you. You know what? Like, it's fine. You know what? That's all I wanted. All right. Okay. So that's all you wanted. All right. So you cried. I said what I wanted. You said what you needed. And then that's it. That's fine. It's over. Don't give me hummus. Oh. Okay. What's next? Oh. I'm like done. I feel like my best. I need a bell. I feel like my Bethany voice is sounding weird today. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. We just need a bell. It's be like ding. I know. And scene. And then. Don't worry, Ronnie. get to perform again because Lauren Willis asks. She says, "Can Rani please sing the Southern Charm intro song or anything? I just like it when Rani sings." -How does it go? Hold on. -You got money. -That one. -Oh yeah. It's all I remember from it, but I do it every time it comes on. Yeah, that's pretty much it, you know. I think you got it. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. But then I'll start going into Candace Olsen's theme. It all comes in the same like vaguely Southern public domain music library. Yes, they're like people that run off of the music festivals in Austin. They just get some b-roll. Yeah. One last question is from Sarah Josieff. She says, "Not a question, just an observation. How much real estate has Beth been shaved off her jaw?" Okay, maybe a question after all. Has she had a lot of jaw things? I can't even tell anymore. Looking at all of these faces changing so much year to year, it's totally normalized to me. I don't even notice stuff anymore. Yeah, I think that, yeah, I don't know. I haven't really been paying attention to her jaw, but I wouldn't be surprised if she, she had like a very prominent like wide jaw, and I wouldn't be surprised if she shaved some of it down. I feel like she wouldn't because it would be strong and she'd be like, "Yeah, I'm terrified. What can I say? They're terrified of me, so get what I want." You know, that's how you do it, you know? So I do a shave of jaw, like I don't know, like a jaw, like I don't know. It's like what am I, what am I, like a man, like what am I, why am I shaving, like my jaw, why am I shaving my, you know what? You know what, I shave my legs. I don't want my jaw. I don't need a five o'clock shadow, like five o'clock, like I'm still working. Okay, like I don't need shadows, like right now, like who wants shadows at five o'clock, like give me like, give me like happy hour. That's what I want, like happy hour, like literally like enough, enough for the shaving and the jaws, okay? Like literally like I hate sharks, so just stay away, okay? I hate literally, I hate sharks. Literally like, like seriously jaws, like I can't, like literally like, like don't, don't put me that like, you know what, like just, I never thought I was safe to go back in the water, okay? So seriously, like just, I'll just stay away, okay? Just like, get me a Roy Shider, like I won't, I won't shave, I'll stay away from the shark, like literally enough. Oh, Bethany, at this point, I just say if these women can keep getting their faces hacked up like that and their bones shaved and like recon toured and have shit, you know, cemented to their face and then they can heal and still look semi-normal multiple times, then they're very healthy people. So do whatever the hell you want to your face. I don't care. You know what sounds awful to me? Shaving your jaw. That sounds awful. Me too, but I always thought more jaw bones helped with neck rolls, you know, but I mean, what do I know? I'm gonna have them other way, you know, so I don't know. I have a very prominent jaw myself, but I'm happy. You can have handsome. Yeah, but you have like handsome movie star jaw. Some people have like, they're jaws like doing that to you. You know, we can help our angler fish, like an angler fish, you know, something like that. I think that's it for a crap. It's mailbag today, right? Let's see that. I just I just have to say I woke up at seven this morning, which I know is like normal for most people going to work, but since we don't work in an orthodox way, that's like really early for me. And I am in a crazy state, like I am having a hard time using my words and I'm drinking this coffee, trying to get myself into a problem. Well, you're in good company for that, buddy. So I just had to do it. Just a general like preemptive apology to the audience, because I feel like I'm in crazy town. I love it. I love whatever you're doing. Keep it up. Darling, darling, you seem the same to me. I love it. Oh, dear, where do you what do you want to start with, my friend? So many fun things. I kind of want to save Dallas for last, because I think that'll be the most fun. Okay. So do you want to start with Southern Charm, then? Let's start with the S charm. The charm charm, charm, charm. All right. Well, we just charming. So Thomas goes Thomas and Shepherd visiting. Yay. There's only ginger ale in the fridge. Yeah, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, sure have some ginger ale. I have some of that. What's that? That subplace that he's talking about? I have some of that. John, Johnny John, Jimmy not. I've got some Jimmy John's on my fridge. Geez, gosh. I always think that there's a weird disconnect between a really well appointed house, like nicely designed, and then an empty refrigerator that only has like a few slices of ham and a cans of soda. You know, like either have a bachelor pad that's messy and then a fridge doesn't like either a nightmare or just totally empty or have like a well appointed house and a well appointed fridge. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but when I look at an empty fridge, I think it's so hot because it means that that person makes enough money to eat out all the time. You're so right. So attractive to me. When I saw that empty fridge, I was like ginger ale to mix with my vodka. That's all I need, bitch. Give me a dominoes. It's like, um, I love indicators like that. Like how in Indian culture it used to be at, or I don't know if it still is, but like you wanted to be chubby because it meant that you were well fed and you were wealthy enough to be well fed. Oh gosh. And then it all switched and now the poor people are the fattest. I mean, what the hell? How did I get cursed with this? I was probably skinny back when it was popular to be fat. And it used to be really cool to be super pale, at least if you were white, because that meant that you weren't out working in the sun. Now everyone wants to be tan. What is up with this world? Guys, reincarnation sucks. This life sucks and so did all my other lives. Gosh, I can't believe you have a tan. So anyway, this awkward scene with Thomas and Shep and it starts this most, most sit-downs to you in a gorgeously appointed sitting room put together by someone's grandma or and the opening sentences. Well, I haven't seen you since the flamingo party. A lot of things happening in Charleston. So southern charm. I haven't seen you since the flamingo party. So then Thomas runs down how he's doing in life. He's like, well, he's doing his politics hand. He's being interviewed on a new show. He's like, well, you know, we have the pregnancy with beautiful Catherine who's wonderful and up and down. And why are you talking like that? He's acting like he's in the Oval Office giving us some steps just kind of looking around the room. Yeah, I know. This was not the same scene where Shep was talking about the fireside chat though, right? Yeah, they were talking about just basically how crazy Catherine is. Oh, yeah, this happened like right in the middle of the show, this scene then because Oh, it did? Yeah, this was like right in the middle of the show when Shep was because they, when they sat down, Shep made a joke about, he's like, gosh, this is like a fireside chat. It was like with FDR. I feel like Kennedy and Khrushchev, I was like, this is the first time these names have ever been uttered on reality TV. This is shocking. Like making a Kennedy and Khrushchev reference. Like, do you realize you're on Bravo TV? Like, how didn't he say? You're like Kissinger. Like, I'm just trying to feel like Kissinger. Yeah, he said that almost is like, yeah, yeah, Kissinger like to kiss those girls, huh? Yeah, that's when you that's when he was talking about Catherine. He's like, well, you know, when Catherine gets stressed, her blood and oxygen goes from goes to her brain instead of, you know, to the baby. The more that you the more that you treat Catherine as an outcast, the more likely it is from my baby to die within her. So three focus our energies from the highways to not making my wife upset. I think the problem is that there is no blood and oxygen going to her brain. The only thing that fetal sack is missing is a martini olive. Yeah. So I think actually the show opened up with Craig and Naomi in their, in their tiny little house, their new house. I don't know why my notes look like this. So watch out. Because it, yeah, because I think it's, I mean, it doesn't really matter. You know, with Southern charm, the order is not that important. But Craig and Naomi were hanging out and I wrote down that I was shocked because we were already like two minutes into the episode and no one had called to announce that they were in the neighborhood and could they come by? Oh man, when Catherine calls you and says she's in your neighborhood, watch the fuck I just happened to be in the neighborhood. Hey, are you all at the roller rink? I just happened to be out in the parking lot. I saw a dime and I thought I'd stop and check it out. So, so Craig and Naomi are hanging out, you know, as you may remember, they had to move out of her parents' big house into another smaller house. Yeah, the fixer upper. Yeah, the fixer upper. And so Craig, because now Craig's been working a job for a week, he's decided that he's going to become a provider. So he bought Naomi some sort of ring. It looked like a shield from Zelda, you know, and he like hit it in a box and he gave it to Naomi and she was like all happy. She's like, oh my God, you got me your age. She doesn't even talk like that. But like, she was like really happy. This is everything I'm supposed to do. I'm living in a house with a man who gave me a ring who's going to be the president of something. I can't wait to tell my girlfriends I won. I won. She goes out and the stream does a dance number. That's her song. Her song is both the climax. It's just all climax. But the funny thing is, though, Craig, though, he goes because he's talking about like, yeah, I think that, you know, I think that JD wants me to take over the bourbon thing or whatever, we're going to be a partner. So, and then he says, hey, if you work hard, things will work out. I mean, I'm like, okay, let's cut to all like those like those working-class gardeners off camera who are sitting there working the asses off in Charleston and are still getting, you know, like mudflung at them from cars, zooming through, you know? Well, like, are they dreaming of like running a bourbon company? Like it could be bourbon and Coke or like bourbon and like Red Bull, like, I don't know, I like to drink things. Do you like glasses? Maybe I'll start a glass company and like, those are cool. They hold liquor. Yeah. When I was a kid, I really liked playing SimCity and my mom always said I could be an urban planner and I was thinking like, urban sort of sounds like bourbon, so I'm sort of like already there. Well, it's a running thing on this show that the kids grow up so spoiled that they're intelligent. Like, they've gone to school and stuff. They're just like idiots in the real world. No one knows how to support themselves. Does anybody support themselves? Well, I don't know if Craig is actually intelligent or even well read. Well, he is the outsider. He's the one he just moved there and got wasted and, you know, now he's still left with the rest of them, but they're all just like these big overgrown babies who can't do shit for themselves. Exactly. This is Landon's story too. She's like, "I wanted to start like, you know, like an online catalog. Like, I call it like, I don't know, like, see NBC, like Forbes? Have you heard of that? Like, it's amazing. Like, cute. Like, money? I don't know. Like, this is my idea. I have so much, I have so much time. I might not help my hand, so I thought I'd call it Time Magazine. I have the biggest trouble going through a host monster looking for a name for the webs, they're all taken. Look, Pepsi gone. I'm just, I'm just having the time of my life, so I thought I call it, like, Time Life Magazines. I want to, I want it to be a website that knows a lot of things, you know, like, let's call it encyclopedia. Sorry, God. We text the domain name. Could you at least do a domain search before you come into a meeting? Poor Landon. So, she, her whole story, this episode is that she was, she somehow snagged a, she snagged a meeting with Lockhart Steel of the box media. You know, he's like a big name in, in that world. Funny story, like, 10 years ago, I remember going to some sort of blogging party and he gave me his card. He was like, yeah, we should like talk, whatever, he gave me a card. And when I got home, the card was said something like, Subji Patel. I was like, you shady. Give me some random dude's card. Lockhart Steel. Anyway, so, That's some funny shit. It is pretty funny. So, so Landon is, she has come up with the idea to pitch an online magazine and she says, she's like, I'm pretty impressed with myself. I'm like, good for you. Good for you for, for having the wherewithal to pitch an online magazine. The only user review for me is from me, but still, it's a good one too. She hasn't actually built anything. I'm going to call it Yelp. You know, like, you know, something big, like yellow pages, I don't know, you know, like, remember how there used to be phone numbers in a book? Like, maybe we can put them on a website. I was thinking about like doing something about sports, but like, instead of like writing the articles, we could just like draw pictures that could be called Sports Illustrated. You know, like, winters and can, like, like, that's the thing. Like, people go and they like, they buy things, you know, like, oh, gosh, poor Landon watching her, like, struggle through this pitch was absolutely awful. Watching the delusional bubbles of these people get popped is hilarious. Like, Craig really thought he could. He's like, well, you know, I believe in myself and I work hard, so I'm going to, you know, be president. No, make it up. Not how that works. Like, I'm glad you love yourself, but, you know, the rest of the world wasn't raised by your parents. Yeah, exactly. Poor Craig. Oh, wow. He really, so his whole thing, are we done with Landon's story line? Well, I don't know. What do you want to talk about next? You tell me, my notes are jacked up. I've got a bunch of them. Okay, so the thing is the Landon goes to, she goes to me with Lockhart Steel and he's like, so, like, why don't you tell me about, like, your online magazine idea? And she's like, well, she's like, well, you know, it's like, I thought do some travel because, you know, you guys don't really cover travel. And I thought, like, it could be about travel and, like, places to go and hot destinations, but also, like, film reviews and, like, restaurant reviews. And then, like, people go to Aspen and, like, what to wear at Aspen? And then, like, you know, what are the movies that are playing at Aspen? And it was so all over the map. And he's like, he's like, okay, well, why don't you, why don't you give me, like, like, your, why don't you give me a pitch in, like, two sentences? Like, the elevator pitch. She's like, okay, it'll be about, like, travel and, like, place to go and, like, travel. Arts and travel and art. Like, you know, arts, like, really important, like, people, like, they see it, like, it's even, like, on the back of a matchbook, like, look, it's art, like, you know, like, stuff like that. He's like, uh, yeah, so there's a million websites because, you know, the internet. So, I don't know, you're gonna have to do something only you can do. Okay, Han, only you can provide. All right, Han. She's like, oh, well, thanks. You know, this is great. This is a great lesson. Yeah, he, I was actually proud of, of Lock Art's deal because normally, when we see these situations, people, like, they, the Bravo makes it look like they are being critical and then they go, well, we love it. We'd love to have you come on board because, no, normally these companies want the public publicity, but he's like, yeah, that's not gonna work for us. How about you make a website prototype, but then we can talk and she's like, what's a website prototype? Exactly. That's how it ends. She's like, what website? I'm like, if Katie from Vanderpump Rules can launch the fashion blog, you can do a travel blog. Okay, just, just go to WordPress and download a theme. Okay, it's really the easiest thing in the world. She's so funny. I don't remember. She told him this or us this, but she's like, well, I mean, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but like, I always imagined that I would be successful also. Okay, so you imagined you would be successful one time? That's, that's not enough. Well, I mean, if something, if success is measured by living on a houseboat and not capsizing, then yes, she is successful. She did it. She survived. I made it out of the boat with all my CDs intact, so one time I almost drifted out to sea, but then I didn't. I succeeded. Shopping and Aspen. I like that. I'm imagining her like an hour, like a, like a, like is this, that's how she'll choose her stories. This is a good shopping and Aspen. It's always thinking, like giggling, but thinking at the same time. So funny. Like, oh, coffee, we could be about coffee. You're like, you know, people drink stuff. Like art, like Snickers bars. Like what Snickers bars do you want to take any truth? So good. Okay, so what else happened in this show? Okay, so, uh, in Cameron's neck of the woods, Cameron, uh, you know, Cameron and Shep have this silly, like made for TV, uh, work arrangement where she's sort of like Shep is like her little apprentice. And so, uh, he tags along with her as she goes to houses and stuff. So we got to see a scene where Cameron walked around a mansion and then Shep kind of undercut her a little bit. I guess nothing really happened there. Basically, Cameron was like, Oh, well, you know, if you see, if you're on a porch and the ceiling's blue, that's the color of heaven to keep the bad spirits away. I just need you to sell this place with your sex appeal. Okay. I need you to appeal to the ladies, vaginas. Okay, just do it. Just do it. He's like, gosh. Yeah, you're like living room. Gosh. Whoa. She's like, I see we could we could probably list this place for the Meade 700s. He's like, or the Pi 700s. Gosh. Now I think the Meade 700s. Why do you think that? Gosh, like, this is with so much more gosh, Cameron. Why would they call this the bedroom and not the room that you sleep in? Gosh, confusing. This is the sun room. There's like no sun in here. It's like, he's everybody wants to sleep with him. We can just look at him. He's like, Whoa. Then we have, well, actually, my favorite thing about Shep and Cameron is I like when Shep, Cameron, and Whitney get together because the three of them are so shady. And basically, Shep decided that he wanted, he wants to invite everyone to the mountains of North Carolina or something like that somewhere. So he wants everyone to go to his childhood home. And but the thing is that Cameron and Whitney are like, well, you're not going to invite Catherine, are you? And Shep is now. I can't be mean. Like, my original nanny is going to be their gosh, like, can't treat people like that around nana. Come on, guys. We don't want to do this. You know, I'm like, guys, I slept with her. Be nice to her. Yeah, Shep's like, I just want to be nice. And like, you won't invite her. And he's like, well, I just want to be nice. No, you won't. No. Well, no, I can't. But I like how how Shep is like, I just want to be nice to Catherine. And meanwhile, five minutes before the three of them, like Shep, Cameron, Whitney are sitting there making fun of Craig, you know, they're talking about like, gosh, Craig thinks he's in bourbon now. God, they're so stupid. Yeah, he's real stupid. Well, Shep got that country singer, Stoneland. He got one of Kelsey Bellarini. Yeah, he will never recover. Never, ever, ever. Oh, it's on the hot one. I don't want you to think you're the hot one in this relationship. I'm the hot one. But all of Vanderpump rules, but in a class here setting. Exactly. But speaking of Catherine, Catherine was surprisingly not crazy this episode. She did not flip her leadership or anything. She, Catherine came to the realization that like the catty bitches she was hanging out with were actually not her friends. And if there was only one person, this entire time was reaching out to her and that she should probably reach back out to her, which was Elizabeth J.D.'s wife. Is something wrong? Is there something I did? Because we were friends and I would do anything for you because you're my sister and then it says, is it me? Um, no, it's just that, um, I was just like trying to distance myself from Erm, everything. Because you know, J.D.'s best friends would tell me, is so Erm, I didn't want to call you back. But now it says, no one's calling me back. I realized I should go back to you. Today, I was sitting and having some lunch and I thought, whoa, it would be good to have some wine. And then I thought, Elizabeth has wine. So, hi. So, hi. My favorite part of this was that. Catherine and Elizabeth start hugging and they're crying and they're like, all like, they're, they're all like embraced. And then, and then they sort of, they, they sit back for a moment and Elizabeth starts talking to Catherine. And the way that Bravo edited it was that Catherine had clearly moved back to her seat. Like, she had been seeing a different seat and she'd come over to hug Elizabeth and then she went back to her old seat. But they didn't show the footage of her moving back. So, when they cut back to Catherine, she was suddenly far away. For some reason, that just like cracked me up. Then she comes in for a hug and then she speeds off to the other side. I'm stupid. Like, clear her. She's like, all right, I'm over here now. Continuity isn't it hilarious. But that is rough because now anything she tells Elizabeth, of course, Elizabeth is still going to tell JD, like, you can't be telling the husband things, but I guess you still have to be nice to her. Yeah, unless it's part of the master plan, unless you finally realized, a way to second, if I can get some sympathy from Elizabeth, Elizabeth probably runs the show around there. So, right, because she could also feed false information to Elizabeth, you know, you can use, you can use that, that palette any way you'd like, darling. The thing is, as much as we make fun of him, I think JD is pretty sharp. Thomas. Hey, she's Union Thomas. So, do you think it's a coincidence that the girl didn't get what she wanted and ended up in the hospital? Oh boy. Hey, oh boy. So, I think JD would see you through anything. But speaking of JD, the real crux of the episode was JD and Craig. And this was, to me, I loved this storyline. I thought it was hilarious. Because at the beginning of the episode, towards the beginning of the episode, as we saw, Craig was, he saw Alex Axe, he's going to be like a bigger and bigger part of the bourbon industry, you know. This guy, Craig doesn't even know what bourbon is. Like, literally later on, he's like, so what is bourbon anyway? Is it just like, you know, something? And he said it in such a way that it wasn't his fault. Like, he was mad that he didn't know. He's like, yeah. So, like, what is this, like bourbon? Like, why is some whiskey and then some bourbon? Like, why wouldn't he tell me that? Like, you know, like, he's setting me up, like. Dude, go to Wikipedia. At the very least, go to Wikipedia, go to Landon's website. He kept you stupid. Is your, is your allegation. Like, he's keeping you stupid on purpose. Come on. Yeah. No, Craig is very much like, I think I admire that he wants to, like, prove that he's a good worker now, but he, he do that by working. You don't just stop by the Ben's warehouse and then, you know, go to supercuts and then boom. Yeah, exactly. Because early on, JD meets with Craig. Um, and, um, all right, can't just learn. Ah, hear that song by Countess. Monday can't buy you a glass, Craig. So good. Elizabeth loves that song. So let's grab an old T-wrap. So, um, so anyway, so, uh, so JD tells Craig to keep the, you know, keep focusing on the hotel, but sorry, now my thought it's like jacked up. I'm doing JD impersonation. But, um, so, uh, uh, So they're going to have a bourbon tasting. Yeah, everyone's like, they're, everyone's slapping down there and he's like, great. Oh, what I was going to say before that, they have this, yeah, they have this, they're going to have this meeting and Craig's like all eager to be, like, a partner in this. And JD's like, all right, here's what I want you to do. I want you to send an email. He's crazy. Like, okay, great. He's like, you know, I think that like what we can do is like we, we can be a bourbon. That's like unlike any other bourbon. Like we could just like change the entire bourbon industry. And then JD's like, we don't need to reinvent the wheel. Just put more air in it. Just send an email. Actually the bourbon's already made son. Okay. The bourbon's out there. That's why we're having a party. Hey, we're having a party. Craig. All right. So the bourbon's out there. Now, stupid, remarkable. I get ching bourbon to the guy who's got a warehouse full of bourbon. Yeah, immediate. Yeah, exactly. It says, and then top of that, we learned later that this is like the family bourbon, like they've been doing it for a while. And Craig's like, I've got a great idea of how we can market it. Stupid, super great. Now, remind me, what is bourbon? Is it an air freshener that we're selling? Because I think we should really introduce lilac. Oh, Craig. God bless the soul. Yeah. So then so finally we get to this bourbon event. And they get to a full on warehouse. It's like JD's warehouse. And Craig's like, so are all these barrels for us? Are these all our barrels? No, you idiot. They're not all your barrels. Are we sharing these? Like, is this like a, at least rental share? Like, these are ours? This is like Jack Daniels also is like to Jack Daniels decided to rent out part of like the JD warehouse. I don't get it. It's one of those barrels full of monkeys. Like, tell me the truth. I've always wondered about that. So like, that's a lot of monkeys to play that game with. If you have a ladder because I can go really high up. We should have a monkey mascot there. I said it there. We're going to revolutionize everything. Monkey bourbon. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Now, remind me, bourbon is like a suntan lotion, right? So we're talking about cheesecake here, right? I never knew cheesecake was made in a barrel. So can you explain a little bit about why barrel aged cheesecake tastes so good? He's so stupid. He's like, do we get to drink all this? Like, no, Craig. No, you don't. And he's like, wait, this is all ours. JD, why didn't you tell me that we had all this inventory? It's like, the inventory's been there for like 30 years. Okay. I felt so bad for him because he's like, this is my fate. Bourbon. I'm going to run this company and I have pink eye. I'm like, oh, God, you got pink eye on the day you're meeting your fate. Come on. That's so sad. He's like, I'm so confused. Why are we on Bourbon Street? This isn't that where bourbon's made. I'm so confused. We own streets. Whoa. What even tell me we own streets? Like you're like, you're trying to cut me out. So like, do the streets come from the barrels? Is that what happens? You open a barrel and you can make it a lot of street. Put it down on the ground. I don't get it. So we get this fluorescent lit warehouse. Everyone's like, hey, everyone has such a shitty attitude. They're like, hey, here we are. Guess we're going to drink this shit, whatever this is. Crap. What we call it, my family, just straight up PP. Yeah. And Craig is already starting to feel nervous. He's starting to realize that he is essentially an assistant, right? And he's starting to get really embarrassed because Naomi is there. And Naomi, he's been telling Naomi that he's essentially taking over the East Coast operations for all of Bourbon land. So Naomi is counting the Instagram likes from all the girls that believe her bullshit earlier in the day. She's like, I'm the Bourbon queen. So Craig is trying to, he's trying to like, feel like a businessman. So he's trying to talk like a businessman. Like, we have inventory. And then he is trying to ask questions to make him sound like he's on top of shit. And so Danny shows up, skinny Danny, she is the one who, she's worked in liquor sales for 15 years. We've seen it before in the past. She like knows wine, etc. So she's really knowledgeable about this. So Craig. So while this woman Bonnie or whoever is starting to like guide people through the tasting, Craig pulls Danny inside. I have a few questions Danny. And he literally, his question is literally, why is everyone like making bourbon companies? Like, what's up with that? Like, can I just make a bourbon company? Like, why is making bourbon companies so cool? Hey, so like, let me ask you this, like, glasses or cans, what would you rather sell it? Yeah. Bourbon is the glass, right? That you pour the whiskey into, right? Oh my god. I felt I was just crunching during this whole thing, because he's like, what's the difference between whiskey and bourbon and all that? And, uh, dude, this is a big business. Okay, it's a multi billion dollar business. Okay, it's not just about knowing bartenders. Yeah. Well, but that's like part of it, right? Like a big part, right? He was fully doing the Tom Schwartz, Tom's hand of all LPP, he's angry at pitch. He's like, well, I feel like I'm equipped to take this over because like, I know some bartenders in Charleston. And like, there's my, my friend, my friend Joe up in Delaware, like he's always looking for bourbon. So I'm like, dude, I got bourbon. So vice president. Yeah, my ideas for everybody just like Kerry and they're Trump. And then like, when you're walking around the streets and someone's like, I need bourbon, then you'll be like, I got bourbon. And then like they buy it. So like, you know, like, most start at it. Hey, you know what? It always rains. And when it rains, people need a bourbon, right? It's like an umbrella, right? It doesn't even know what it is. And Danny's giving him shit. So I like this episode because they bring Danny out a little bit more. And she's just like, now listen here, I'm not just some extremely thin wallflower. I have a business. Yeah. And I like how she, I like how she, that she suddenly has like an arch. She's like, I just got, because, because JD offers her a VP position with his bourbon brand. She's like, I just got out of the industry. You can't don't pull me back in. I just got out. Oh, my whole life has been dedicated to bourbon. You know, I'm done. Tell me the deal. Yeah. She suddenly became a TNT drama, you know, just like all her life. She has been struggling. She finally got out and next thing you know, she's on top. Danny stars in barrel aged. The bourbon business. Like she's just okay. Exciting life. She's like, has anybody contacted human resources and asked them what the deal is with all these sexual harassment cases? Like seriously, like the least interesting show ever. Who's feeling paper claps? Danny stars in bourbon legend on TNT starring Angie Harmon. We need more than just flip cups. Angie Harmon stars as Danny in the flip cup queen. You know, I'm done flipping cups. Just this one last shot, Danny. The one last gig. Well, come on, Danny. Come on. Yeah. I'm the lady bourbon team. Yeah. Yeah. Fine. But it's old young man. I swear to God, I'm doing, I'm only always doing this for my kid. That's the only reason why I have a kid. I know. Oh, my gosh. So I'm looking through my nose for help us with these. So Greg is still, you know, he that everything is falling apart. He's he doesn't he doesn't understand why he's not equipped to be a VP. Because a also, by the way, you're 23, you have no business acumen, you haven't been to B school, you haven't run anything in your life, then you're the only professional gig you've had since you graduated, you got fired from. So that's also another reason why you can't. And then Craig is like, I'm smart as shit. I know it sounds silly, but it's true. I'm smart as shit, man. Like you get it? Like I'm smart. Okay. I'm like your company. Yeah. By the way, feces is not smart. So when you say you're smart as shit, it's not a really good comparison. It's actually apt. So thank you. So it's the most forward thinking thing you've said yet, young man. And Craig said, but I did the invitations. I did the invitations. I should be VP. Like I bought napkins for this party. So like now you're telling me I'm not going to run the company. Like I don't know who else would have gotten better folding tables. This time of year is busy. Family obligations, holiday parties, travel, relaxation might fall to the bottom of your priority list. You guys, you need to take time to relax and you need to be somewhere where there's soft white sand healing crystal blue water cloudless skies. We know where that place is. Aruba shake off any cold weather blues and enjoy the islands invigorating sunshine. Aruba has the most sunny days anywhere in the Caribbean. 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First Shep is like, "Gosh, Craig. That's not the right shirt to wear to a bourbon event. That's not what you're wearing and how you're gonna relate to your customers." Gosh. When they're having dessert, Shep, "Wow. This dessert is so rich. I might marry it." Gosh. How do you sound like you're from leave it to Bieber and also a dad? But then Shep starts to give this phony pep talk. He's like, "I'm really proud of you, Shep. I'm really proud of you, Craig. You're really doing a lot of great things. I saw those invitations. That Xamp chance refund was great. You're doing great things now." I just bought this building so it's always competing. So you're fired. Hey, I just earned $20,000 by attacking along to Cameron's thing. But you know what? Your choice of the impact font was great. Great to keep up the good work. Yeah, I like how he's like, "We're still family and I need to just be supportive of them and just say I'm proud of him." I'm like, "How about, I don't know, calling him an alcoholic on national TV and making it so bad that he had to go home to his parents for a year." Who do you so supportive now getting your free bourbon, your fucking meal? He's like, "I really enjoyed that eva you made, Craig. You're really like coming up in the world. It reminded me of the thick paper stock invitations I sent to my burn piles of money party I had." So basically, Craig is all worked up now because his dreams are crumbling right before his eyes. He's obviously just a secretary. J.D. is like, "Hey, boy, you have to throw in a little scrub. What do you want?" It's like, "Wait a minute. I don't think I'm going to be ahead of this company. What's the deal?" He's like, "Now, Craig, now you didn't think that you were going to be the head of the company now, did you, boy? Oh, yeah, I kind of because like, I mean, this is what I had printed on my cards, like head of company. So like, yeah, I did." Oh, Craig, but you have to remember that you're not one of us, right? You know that, right? Craig, the outsiders would have moved me, but they're still never going to be us. That's the point. You can't change the title now. They've already been all over America. I said, I said, I said, Craig, you're just not one of us. Hey, man, can I have my $15,000 back? Or is that like non-returnable or? All right, Craig, here's what you can do. All right, all right. Here, this is my jacket. Okay, it's a very special jacket. What you can do is you can hang it up. Now, I don't let anyone go do this. Only special people, all right? There's a hanger over there. Now, you go put my jacket over there. And if you're doing real nice, I'll let you hang up my hat too. How's that sound to you, Craig? You like that, Craig? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sentive, because I believe in incentivizing my boys. Now, look up my nostrils and grab that little bug. I feel them right in there. Grab them out, Craig. Good boy. All right, Craig, here. Take off my shoes and socks and give that foot a big old row. That big Joe had got a corner to be careful. But I was thinking we could turn bourbon into coke. And then like, you know, we'd be so rich. Like everybody drinks coke. Get up boy. Get up now. He's like, I got this really great idea. You could put ice in your bourbon and you could say it's like bourbon, neat or something like that. You don't even know how neat it is. Ice by Craig. I know a lot of people with like refrigerators. So like, come on, come around this company. They all need ice in there. That was so sad when JD's like, did you leave anybody to believe it? And they close up on the delusional ass girlfriend. So funny. I mean, JD, you know, I can never tell if I mean, there's part of me that feels like JD is pure evil. And then, but there's part of me that feels like he's actually like a really, really nice guy. And he's just like very smart. And he's he's actually he handled that situation very well, because he saw what was going on. And he was very authoritative and very stern, but friendly. And he was like, now, Craig, you can't be the CEO. Just yeah, Craig, you got to work up on being nice. I'm telling you nicely, which is his way of saying, drop it now. I was gonna get fired. Okay. Yeah. We're also going to go out there and humiliate you in front of everybody. Like it's bad enough, dude. Like you don't get to just tell people, I've won an Oscar, and then you get home when there's an Oscar sitting there, like you don't get to do that. So JD let him down good, but then stupid Craig is still so stupid. He's like, but I think I was. And then he's telling the girl. And she's like, but what do you mean? Like seriously? Like, because last I heard you own this building. What happened? She was literally crying. She was you could see she was like, Oh, I attached myself to the wrong star. What was I thinking when I emailed him up in Delaware? Why did I think this was smart? Why did I not go up to ship? Oh my God. Oh my God. I have to get a job. You know, she's taking that ring in for an appraisal immediately. She's like, wait a minute. Suddenly my hand feels light. Yeah. Yeah. He's probably taking like dish towels out from under the sink and shit. That girls once that girl finds out, now you get to see the change. And we see it on shots too with Jessica, how it goes from sweet and innocent and to like, Oh, now she knows it's really up with you. Yeah, it's the Chaz Palmentary's coffee mug falling to the ground and slow motion moment for both of those women. And all of a sudden they see they see their men. They're not limping anymore. They're walking and they're walking to the unemployment line. He was hotter when I was drunk. Yeah. So that's pretty much how this ends, right? Let's see. I live to make Naomi happy because like we're partners and like, that's all I live for. But dude, you can't even rent a goddamn apartment for her. Craig, get a job, Craig. So cute. Still so cute. Cute. But like, Craig, you have to, you know, you have to work for it. Like, you know, he is so thirsty. He really, really, really wants to be on another tier up in terms of social class. But you know, God bless parents for making their kids that confident in life that they really do and it's not that they can't go do anything. You know, they just forgot to tell them about all the stuff that you have to do. Like, you're capable of being a rocket scientist, but in order to do that, you'll have to read a lot of books. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And like, Craig, a really good thing to do is to educate yourself on the product that you want to become the CEO of. Okay. Like, you don't know what bourbon is. You don't know what bourbon is. You want to do a bourbon tasting. Okay. And you're expected to be a partner in it. He's like, this is my dream. Bourbon is my dream. No, just go invest in bars and be like a multiple bar owner person. Then you get like a little money to live off of, well, you can be a bars every day. Yeah. I have to teach you people how to be alcoholics. Yeah. Yeah. Poor Craig. Well, by southern charm. So you want to go to Shah as a sunset now? Yeah. I've lights it out. Yeah. Let's do some shots next. All right. Well, obviously on shots. Girl, bye. Girl, bye. Girl, bye. Bye. Bye. Good bye. That's pretty much you do his whole life. Girl, bye. Girl, bye. I think drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they were still camping. Yeah. So it opens on this like awkward night of camping. They're still there. They're making hot dogs, I think, or something, like just sitting around. Yeah. And Gigi is, Mike is on the phone. He's texting. Oh, yeah. And they're already all awkward and bored because they're like, who's going to attack Gigi? Who's going to do it? I don't want to. Me neither, babe. That's her version. They're trying to figure out what to do. Mike's texting and Gigi's like, Mike, phone, Mike, man, this guy cannot leave without a woman on his ass about a cell phone. Yeah. Like Gigi and then back at home. Poor guy. Yeah. He just basically can't touch technology. So Gigi gives this big, long apology to Mike because she's getting drunk now so she can talk. Yeah. She's like, Mike, I just want you to know my anger with you wasn't just about one thing. Like, oh, really? Because you were like spewing semi rape allegations last year. She's like, no, it's not everything. It's just the, you know, it's just like a general thing. Rapeshmay. Come on. Yeah. Rapeshmay. Also, I screamed it in front of your fiance at a party in front of everybody on purpose just to screw you over whatever. I mean, you know, also remember when you borrowed that tape in the eighth grade. It's also, you know, tapes and rapes. Yeah. So they, I guess they make up or whatever, but Gigi is so delusional. She's like, in nature, I feel most myself. Like you are the most unnatural person I've ever seen in my life. You're like a dolphin getting stuck in one of those, those containers, the whole diet cokes together, the plastic six ring things. Please, that would actually help Gigi if she had one of those things around her mouth. Why is my head getting so big? So this, this was a really bizarre episode because I don't know if she was drunk the whole time or what drugs he was on because she was skipping from paranoia to extreme depression to like, buddy. Yeah. No, yeah, because I seem to remember on that first night when there are, so Mike apologize, he's like, Oh, God, Nessa, you know, I want to say, I apologize to you for speaking down to you a lot. And being rude, that's something I didn't know about myself until I watched it on TV. And I apologize to you about for that because, you know, that's wrong. And I'm sorry for, you know, you know, trying to rape you. So, you know, I apologize. Yeah, I guess we get in the sweater, you know, like, well, let's just include it all in there. But it's apology. This is such a compulsive liar, this guy, and actually like Mike even though he's a smart guy. This is just, if you're dating a guy like this, you just know when a guy apologizes like this. I have to work on how I talk to you. Like, I can only imagine how hard that was for you. Like, when I would talk to you like that, like, I can only imagine how difficult it was for you. And so like, I'm going to be working on how I can better serve you, you know, like. No, you fucking phony. Yeah, terrible apology. And he does it 10 times in this episode. So I can only imagine how difficult it was with your, you know, limited intellectual capacity to hear me talking this way. So I apologize. I have to learn to understand and appreciate your shortcomings, at least in the mental department. Yeah, I just need to study more. So then I could diagnose the psychological problems that you are attacking me with. Yeah. So there, this is all about issues. Now the ones who are always talking about issues, but don't really ever have to talk about their own. Reza and Asa. Reza. Yeah, he has to kind of talk about his relationship, but it's only issues he has with somebody having issues with him being an asshole. That makes any sense. And then also just nothing never happens over there. She's like, you know, I need it to be free, babe. Like, let it flow. Like, let's just be ourselves. Really? Who's your boyfriend? Where is he? Where is he right now? How much did you hiding to not be on TV right now? Yeah, good point. That's right. Because she's like dating Jackson. Yeah, she's like, I just stay at home with my mom, babe. And that's it. Like, you know, it's like a storyline at home with the family, babe. Like, that's all I can feel. So like, I'm doing this for Iran. Okay. Yeah. So, um, was this the night when, when they start doing the pranks? Oh, we're pranksters, Persian. I ran like, we thought there was a Holocaust, but like, it turned out they were just kidding. Like, they didn't even mean it. Like, it's crazy. Stupid pranks. I can't remember the orders, because I remember there was like, there was the prank night, there was the night, there was the big intervention night, which at the end of the episode. And then there was that weird moment with Gigi and MJ. I'm trying to remember which was on. I think the Gigi and MJ, Gigi and MJ was this first night, right? Because MJ was like, all right, well, this is we're all family. So it's time for family meeting. And so then Reza and MJ started hashing something out and Reza's like, all right, like, when I said I wanted to have a surprise wedding and you were like, no, like that hurt me so much. Like, you didn't appreciate how hard it is for me to want to marry my fiance. Like, that's really hard for me to want to marry, to commit to the man that I supposedly love. And it was like, literally devastating me. Okay, it was devastating to me. Like, it killed me on the inside. Like, that's all I was thinking about. So I just want you to know, like, I'm dead inside from the inside about really Reza. She told you it would be selfish of you to like plan a wedding and take away the bride's fucking day. Yeah, exactly. She wasn't saying like, don't get married. She was saying, this is a terrible idea. The whole thing is that Adam feels like does not feel empowered in this relationship. And you're about to do that all over again. And like people who always have to apologize, he's MJ's immediately like, I understand completely what you are saying about that. And I didn't want to, you know, they're also good with the apologies. And then Gigi's like, Hey, you know why I touched you? Because I know. So do you. You know, too, characters like, you do you do you. Yeah, you do you. Hey, no, no, no, go back. I'm just gonna sit here and watch you guys. You guys talk. You do you. You do you go ahead, you do you. Because you do you do you. It was like, I was so frustrated because MJ was about to clarify everything with Reza. And then this, and then then there's Gigi be like, Hey, you do you. You do you. She's like, I don't want to like, I don't want to, I don't want you to talk to me right now. Okay, I don't even like I'm not even there for that. Hey, monkey. Hey, monkey. Hey, monkey. My bad little monkey. Juji monkey. Come on monkey. Juji monkey. Babe, babe, Juji monkey. Babe monkey. Monkey. What's going on with you monkey? Monkey monkey. You do you. You do you. You know, you do you. You don't want you to do you. So I was just writing, please don't do the intervention when she's drunk. I think you have to wait till they're sober to do that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was like, I had the same thing. Like, this is about to be a worse intervention of all time. Oh, gee, we need to move on from the scene. But I was just looking for this note and I found it. Stupid Juji. She goes, I don't want you around me. Okay, I was like, I'm done. My inflammation has reached my heart. It's my heart inflammation. Like my heart can't even grip a beer can anymore. So everyone goes to bed as Juji says, don't talk to me. I was laughing so hard in this episode. And then like they're all going to bed. And that's when it's like prank time. So that's when all of a sudden, like the entire campsite just becomes like hell and residents start spraying everyone's tents with like the liquid ass and like shirvin pulls out the pegs from these tents. I was like, at one point, like there was one tent with people in it and the tent just like deflated and they're just lying under deflated tent. For some reason, that was like a very satisfying rich for me. We're pranksters, water guns, you wacky persons. Can't even believe we can buy these some stores here because these are so person. Oh, wacky wacky wacky Reza and wacky shirvin. So then oh, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Nothing. That's all I was going to say. Yeah, shirvin's little wacky side is sadly hilarious. Thank you. Sadly, cutely hilarious. Not sure what's going on with him. You can't tell. Yeah. Cards in RV, dinner break, family restaurant. Okay. So this is so first. So the next day go to the next day, they go to a ropes course where you work on their bonding and yada, yada, yada. And it sort of goes the way you expect it, which is that they're on the ropes course. And what's funny is that Gigi, there's one part with like a like this rope sort of lattice work kind of thing. And Gigi is climbing across it and was like, hey, stay close to Gigi. This is going to be hard for her. And all of a sudden she's like, ah, this is so hard for me. I'm like, Reza, you shouldn't have said it's going to be hard. Don't you know, like when someone's doing something at difficulty, you don't say it's going to be hard. That's exactly how you get people to be. Oh, yeah. And she's like, I'm going to, you know, normally I wouldn't do this for myself, but I'm going to do this because it's from my family. Shut up. I have the rope. Just do it. Just everything's like a huge dedication from Gigi. I'm dying. She's like in her own biopic, you know, dying by a lakeside of some terrible influenza. Like I get it, like rheumatoid arthritis, that is serious. And that is awful. And, you know, I hope it's something that never happens to me or any of my friends are going to know. And, you know, it's not just the it's not the disease. It's just how people react. Like some people get it and they just act. It's like, Oh, yeah. Today, I thought would be the last day I would ever smile again. Yeah, but the way it just to me, it was, I don't know, I mean, I actually really didn't have any problem with her doing that thing. It just was, you know, sometimes I do think that Gigi has a tendency for the to have some dramatic moments. That is not the person you want as a spokesperson. Yeah, exactly. The poster. They're like, great. The drunkard who loves knives who never did anything with her life. She is the poster child for our disease. Now, great. Yeah, if you're paying, if you're giving your spare change in a 711 or in like some Mexican restaurant on the way out and you're putting it into a tin jar, you might get to put something into a tin jar with that face on it. Yeah. And when we'll donate to that cause, no matter what it is. Yeah, exactly. So I broke around a casting, a better spokesperson. Yeah. So then there's just more ropes, core stuff. Reza does the hard part of the ropes course. They get so empowering. I did the part that only one in 10 people could do. That's so Persian. I held down the ropes. Hey, Mike, thanks so much for supporting me and holding that slider above my head the whole time. It worked. No problem, bro, because I don't know if I ever told you, like, I miss who we are, you know, like who we are on the inside together, you know, like when we see each other on the inside, we get, you know, together on the inside, you know what that means? Like brother, man, right? Yeah, you like my brother. Okay, this episode's adorable. I can't wait to watch you guys decapitate each other next week. I know. Exactly. So then after the ropes course, that's when they all, they all pile into the RV and they're driving off to dinner and everything is fine. Everyone's bonded. Everyone's so happy. So of course, leave it to Reza to be totally obnoxious. He's like, Hey guys, make sure we watch Gigi's drinking tonight. We don't want to get her. We don't want her to be out of control. I was like, that was so passive aggressive. And of course Gigi hears it. She's like, I can't believe he would destroy this bonding moment right now. You know, so, you know, because the thing that Gigi is, if she can seize an opportunity to be mad at someone, she's going to. So yeah, it's like, why are you trying to make me do this right now? I'm supposed to be on break. Like stop giving him my Q line. I'm not fighting right now. But Reza, I think feels like he's the producer or maybe he is one of them. But he seems to always just care like, okay, we've been sitting on this RV playing cards. Like, nothing's going to be used from this. Okay, who's going to make fun of Gigi? Gigi's an alcoholic. Yeah. See if we can get Gigi to do something. So they go, they stop off at this like family restaurant full of old white people who are like staring at the cast, you know, and I don't know if you noticed it, but within like two minutes of the scene, like two minutes into the scene, the entire restaurant was empty. Everyone was like, clear, clear the restaurant. They're like, non-whites, non-whites. And all those cameras and everything. Well, I'm not going to sign a paper to be on your TV show. Like they're doing you such a favor. Get the fuck out of here. I will take my key lime pie to go. Thank you very much. Clear the locals. So they're all ordering and Gigi's like, I don't want anything like Gigi, aren't you hungry? I'm not hungry. I lost my appetite. Gigi, I don't want to eat. So it's like a total child move. Like, no, I'm not going to eat. And then all this food rise, potato skins, and days like, oh, yeah. So that's great. You know, like, you're not going to have dinner. Like, I haven't been able to eat a proper dinner. Like, I've been practicing and trying to have a real dinner ever since that dinner you were mean to me. Like, I've been practicing having dinner like three times a night just to get over that horrible dinner where you were really mean to me. It's like, Gigi obviously doesn't even remember what she's talking about. She's like, okay, was that the one that I said, girl by or was that the one I said, by girl? Or was I was like, by girl, by, by, by, guy, guy, girl. Is that the one I said, by, by Emjalisha? I don't remember. So yeah, Emjalisha was like, I was so hurt that, like, if you want to come to my wedding, I would rather burn you to the ground than have my soul in a row. She's like, if I was dead tomorrow, I would make sure that first I blacklisted you so you couldn't bring your evil spirit to my funeral. Okay. You just like, well, I'll be dead first because I'm not eating dinner tonight. And then the waiter comes and then she's like, the waiter's like, no, I don't want any food in front of me. I don't want any food, like really making her point being like a petuline little child. Oh, yeah. So she's, she's just a mess. And so they decided to, did they do the intervention? I don't even know. They started like, they started talking. Like, I think Mike, Mike was saying, he was saying, well, it was funny because Gigi said to MJ, like, like, I wasn't saying anything bad. I was just saying a hypothetical. And like, I can't say everything I say, like, everything you do is, is, is okay. But anything I do is bad. And then Mike goes, hey, Gigi, here's the problem. Everything you do is okay. But I think we do as bad. I'm like, do you guys see what you guys are all saying to each other? You're all saying the same thing. Yeah. And you're all right. Yeah. That's true. Funny. Like you can't even take their side because you're like, you're right. They are horrible. And they're right. You're horrible too. Yeah. So later that night, it's just all this Gigi crap. So Gigi's that girl. We all have one of those in our family. It's just misery at all times. And if she's around, there will be misery for you as well. Yeah. So she's just being miserable. But the image of her sitting there, chain smoking in a Hello Kitty sweatshirt, like a neon green Hello Kitty sweatshirt, and giving everybody a dirty look was hysterical to me. It was like so perfect. It was a little angry girl. So they started talking more. Mike was wearing a pink handkerchief in the handkerchief code. What does that mean? That color pink? No, it means cheating on my wife and saying I have a lot of money, but I don't have a lot of money. But I'm going to tell her I have a lot of money in the future because I'm starting up a shoe line that I'm not equipped to do. But I think it'll work out. He's like, yeah, did you see me doing those ropes in these shoes? Like, do you know how many guys after we're like, bro, you're still getting laid later? And I was like, right? Stupid shoes. I saw him on the rope. And I was like, of course he's wearing $500 shoes. So yeah, he's going to be in big trouble with Jessica coming up next week. But then we got one final GG monologue with everybody. And she's like, it's my disease. I know I've been so violent. And like, you know, like, I just I wake up and I just want to yell and like stab somebody like, wow, you know, when else I heard this? The first episode of season one. Yeah, you know, I I thought there was I think there was a shred in there that I thought was, you know, I felt I felt bad for when she was like, I've been doing it all. And it's been five years and nothing is getting better. And to me, that actually felt like a very real moment. And I thought that was like, how can you believe this? I'm so healthy. Like, I do I eat the right things. And like I work out like you're drunk every day. Exactly. How many drugs do you do? You're a party animal and a chain smoker. What the fuck are you going to go into a monologue about how healthy you are? Are you kidding me? Exactly. But I did feel like that frustration of trying to do everything in it like not it just wasn't working. I felt like that was a real moment of vulnerability compared to like the the the made for TV vulnerability that Yolanda Foster will give us. Oh, God, I mean, they compare those two. I'm not it's not just as a moment like when GG was saying that I was like, as crazy and awful as she is, I was like, yeah, like, I do feel bad for you in this moment. And I feel like you are being raw as opposed to like, Oh, no, like I am sick in bed with my David and my, you know, my well, also there's a huge difference on people calling her out because no one calls Yolanda out about anything ever. And they never have on Beverly Hills. They never ever have. Yeah, you know, like if Yolanda was on Shah's a sunset, they would be just like Reza would be going to town. Like, I don't know, it doesn't make any sense. You're like, what are skiing? And then you say, if Lyme disease, like girl, get it together. Yeah, those are nasty, you know, basically every storyline that happened on Beverly Hills this entire season would have been one episode of New York or one, you know, like maybe a couple episodes of Shah's. They just took all year. They're like, well, she told me to that's the entire year. And then I've been shirving his his big moment. He's like, Gigi, so we, there are a lot of family members who would like to say things to you, but couldn't be here tonight. So they wrote letters. And here are the letters, like, no, I'm not going to do this sharpen. And then he's like, you're gonna kick me in the balls. She's like, fine. So she's like, dear, dear Gigi, you are so wonderful. I love you. This love your father. Doesn't that make you happy Gigi? Yes, I have just plastered over the latest wall you put in hold. I would like to say thank you. The bill is $92.47. I apologize for threatening to stab your sister. I love you very much. Be home for dinner. Dear Gigi, also, we gave all of Gigi's extensions to your sister. Sorry. Bye. She made a blanket out of them to wrap her loneliness in. Okay, love your father. Thank you for always being prettier. And that ends the shaws. She's like, okay, guys, now I'll be less hateful and violent. Because she ain't gonna remember tomorrow. That didn't work. No one ever said you're an alcoholic. Stop it. Yeah. Oh, you feel bad about stuff? Hey, in any intervention, and she's known this was coming for four days. In any intervention, it's like being trapped and not being able to get out as starting a lie carousel, a spin-in. It's like, oh, I don't feel good. I'm sad. I'm in pain. This is so painful. Because, you know, it's your excuse. Yeah, absolutely. Not that it's not real. But it's not a real one. Anyway, they had a little group hug and, you know, we'll see more disaster next week, especially as Mike and Jessica's relationship falls apart. You know, Bravo's got bigger fish to fry than Juju's, you know, alcoholism. They thrive on her alcohol, and they don't need to, they don't want to dwell on that too long. Alcoholism is so classic, Bravo. Yeah. Let's think bigger, better, newer shoes. You know what I like to dwell in, I like to dwell in my bed. Do you ever like to do well in your bed? I do. I'm sure do you. It's better than comfortable, though. It is, especially with some parachute sheets. Did you get your parachute sheets yet? No, I minor backwater, so I have not gotten them yet, Ben. I'm really upset about it. They're really good. They're really, I have to tell you, yeah, it's something to look forward to because we got them on the comforter. We got a fitted sheet. We got a comforter. We got some pillowcases going on right now. I'm so excited. I love a duvet cover. I'm always on the lookout, and they really aren't being sold that many places. Like Target started selling them recently, and they're all gross. These are actually really good. They have a blog that even helps you with design and stuff. Parachute is an online bedding brand, and it's based in Venice Beach, California. Yeah, I mean, I think we all know the great sleep starts with your sheets, and parachute has created a line of everyday bedding essentials from sheets to comforters to give you superior sleep. The website's really straightforward and easy. Just select the bedding you like, and then have it delivered directly to your front door. Easy. They have with free shipping, free returns, and a 30-night risk-free guarantee you can rest easy. Yep, and you also get safe sleep. They partner with United Nations. Nothing but nets to send lifesaving bed nets in the fight against malaria. How about that? I have to say, I really, really enjoy my parachute sheets, and I'm sad because I think I'm going to leave them. I'm moving back to Hollywood tomorrow, and I'm going to leave them for the dearest boyfriend as a little gift, but I'm going to be sort of sad to part ways with them. Here's my used sheets. I love you. Bye. Another incentive for me to come back here, David. Yeah, these are luxury sheets. So go over to Parachute's blog and check out Parachute. By the way, you could use your code. But also, when you go to the blog, you will learn about how thread count is a marketing gimmick, which is true. I don't know. Did you know about this? I didn't know until I read about it. I think there's some truth to thread count, but it can be manipulated. The numbers can be inflated, and it's bold, people. So go to their blog and check that out. But more importantly, shop online at parachutehome.com/crapins for new sheets, duvets, and other betting essentials, and receive $25 off your first order by using the offer code Crapins. That's parachutehome.com/crapins, and save by using the offer code Crapins. Thank you, Parachute. Thank you, Parachute. Okay, so why don't we move on to our main event, which is real housewives of Dallas. During the other show that was on last night that we already talked about, what was it? The other southern charm. I was waiting for it because I was watching live, so I was watching all the commercials. And I was like, wow, real housewives of Dallas makes southern charm look like you're sitting in a library, like just being learning something, anything, you know, because it was like last week on the real house. It's like Leanne trying to beat up a cameraman, whatever. Jesus Christ, man, that's so insane. And here we are. Here we are. So we left off right where last last week, Leanne is thrown a glass on the ground, called everybody, a bunch of mother at the curse word, Z word, whatever, she's going out and Tiffany's following her. Tiffany follows her and Leanne and she's like, she's like, "Leanne, Leanne!" And Leanne is just like inconsolable. And they start to fight. And there's like a valet standing right there. And he's like trying to ignore it all. It's just pretending to be like super cool. He's like, he's like, he's like, checking out his cell phone while those two women are fighting. And Leanne's like, "You didn't have my back." And Tiffany's like, "I had your back. I had your back. You didn't have my back." And she's like getting her finger in her face. And then once Tiffany started, okay, so this is what I'm liking about this show. These two obviously have really been friends forever. Because the minute that Tiffany lost it and started screaming and getting straight, Leanne immediately shut the fuck up. She quieted down. She started going, "Well, I don't know. Why are you acting like that?" Like acting like she was crazy, because she knows you don't mess with crazy Tiffany. Yeah, because well, what I love to do is that Leanne was like, "You didn't have my back." And Tiffany's like, "I always have your back. I always have your back." And Leanne's like, "Well, you don't have to." And then Tiffany's like, "What? You just told me I don't have your back. And now you're saying I don't have to?" And Leanne's like, "I don't know." I did that when it was like growing up as a corny. I love that Leanne said that so many times. Growing up like I did is a corny. I don't have trusting people. I mean, sure, this Tiffany person seems nice. But at the end of the day, is my necklace still on the dresser? I think about these things. And Leanne's like, "Not in front of the cameras. Not in front of them. They're right there. They're right. There's a camera right there." I never really believed that they were even toys in a cracker jack box, because everyone would steal them before I even ate my cracker chains. I can't even look at those animal crackers. Reminds me too much of the corny last time. Oh, okay. So you grew up in a carnival. So that's why you just screened it everybody in through a glass and we told them all to fuck off. And also I love that this show seems more realistic than the others because they're not like, "Okay, now you're angry. Walk down this beautiful street looking angry." It's like she's stalking off towards a dumpster, like literally a gigantic blue dumpster. And then she almost gets run over by a trolley and she slaps it. This is the first real house I've actually punched a trolley. She attacked a trolley. Ring, ring, ring goes the trolley. We'll fuck that. Ring, ring, ring goes the corny. You don't got to do nothing for me. Nothing. Not you eat the trolley. This trolley did not have my back. Slap and trolley. So Leon has hit a trolley and I wrote inside, I wrote inside the bimbo's cry. It's just like you go inside and it's the whispery bimbo's brandy and what's your fun? Stephanie. I thought inside the trolley. I feel like inside the trolley was like going on a tour at Universal Studios like, "Oh, look, there's jaws. Oh, look, there's one of those Jurassic Park dinosaurs. Oh, look, it's Leon. Look out, everyone's hot." Inside the trolley, Brandy and Stephanie were crying and making this big deal about the fight. Stephanie's like, "I don't want to embarrass it." I can't pinpoint her voice. She's like, "I don't want my charity world to fall apart." I don't know what that is. I didn't want to embarrass this nice charity. I mean, "Capped with A is." It's like, "They're mortified now because of me, because of what I did." I've worked so hard for... Stupid. I think Carrie's like... Oh, no, go ahead. I think we had a delay. Sorry about that. Oh, no, nothing. Go on. We're going with our competing made-up stream of conscious bullshit. So stupid. Carrie, I like that Carrie was like, "Oh, look at Stephanie. Look at little Stephanie crying. She's like one of those little gizels or little gizels. And she's just there looking all pretty. And before you know it, someone like Leanne, who's like a hunter, comes along. And he looks that beautiful gizel and you do what hunters do. You shoot it, you bucket, you eat it, you bucket, like Jesus. What kind of story is this? Could you maybe try like the great swan or something? I mean, Jesus. What are these gizels and what are they doing? I loved how when Stephanie was crying, Carrie's like, "Well, it was embarrassing." For her. And everyone was like... I was like, "Yeah, for her." Shady. Oh, so let's see. Gold, Ariel, Asian man with sword at Stephanie's. Okay, so now it's after it's the after effects at everybody's house of this terrible fight in dollars. And so we get a close up of Stephanie's house. And of course, there's a fucking statue in front of it. It's not of a horse and it's not of a bull. So I'm proud of him because every other statue is that in Texas. This is like some Asian man with a sword. What the hell? You know, it was, you give your husband too much power in the front yard. They're a little, they have a little bit too much money on their hands. That's their problem. Or at least they're trying to appear like that. But yeah, Stephanie was like crying. Her husband's so nice. He was trying to listen. Yeah. Yeah, she was like, "I spent the entire night staying up crying because I've worked so hard for these charities to make a good name in the charities. And I don't want to lean and talk bad about me or my husband or the charities to them." I love my husband Dan and my family. He's like, "Oh honey, we're rich. Please don't cry." And I was like, "Okay." Yeah, especially his reaction was like, "Yeah, yeah, don't worry. We'll just buy everyone out." He's like, "Don't you worry." He's like, "Don't you whack it ladies." You will not, you will not be kicked out of Ottomans for orphans. You will be safe there. They will keep you in there. We'll just donate an extra $5. Ottomans for orphans. That would be so great. They're just like lying around with their feet up on things. Listen, today we're getting rid of all our old Ottomans. We're gonna get them to orphans. They just milk out this. Yeah. Or if it's orphans try to watch the TV, but they keep falling off because there's no backgrounds. It's just an ottoman. Man's like, "I'm growing up as a carnie. We never had Ottomans. That was just never comfortable watching TV. So I know what it's like." Try sitting on a bottle of Clorox. It's just that we did it in the carnie. You little spoiled. I earned this, okay? We used to book cafeteria trays on popcorn buckets. That was our ottoman. Otto, he was a man, a carnie man. He would just hold me on his shoulders if I needed to sit man. And he was HIV positive. I didn't care though, but then his wife got it and I had the perfect charity for her. HIV positive carnie wives. Or as I call it. Oh, by the way, I have to point out. HIV PCW charity. Thank you for questioning it. What do you have to point out? One of the reasons I can never like Brandy, because at the end of that fight, and they were talking about how bitchy Leanne was, she's like, "Whatever. I don't need to do this. I have to go home to a family. I have to go home to a family. I don't have time for this." I'm like, "Oh, fuck off." So you married somebody and popped out a few children, so you're better than everybody else. Now shut up, you asshole. It's bad enough when people use age against each other without bringing the like, "Your child, at least I'm not childless and alone." Stupid Brandy. Okay, so we go to Leanne's house. The dogs are not getting biscuits. It's officially broken. The pattern is broken. Yeah, they are merely getting pet, but they're not getting any biscuits, but maybe Leanne was just too heartbroken to give out biscuits. Like, how can you give out biscuits when you're in the middle of a fight with TIFF with Faye? You can't get biscuits out when you're in a fee fight, but I like Leanne. She's like, "Tiffany should have said the moment that Brandy started up with me, Tiffany should have stepped right in front and said, "No, stop it, you little bitch." It's like, "Oh, okay." "She should have pulled out a teeth-picking, butted up to her throat and said, 'I'm a little tiny hole in your throat,' and it'll take you a day to die, your little slut." She should have walked right up and confiscated all the carnival tickets right out of her purse. No rides for you. If, you know, if I weren't a better friend of her, I'd cut her off from salt water taffy for at least a week. She doesn't get any cotton candy, that's for sure. I take the whack-a-mole hammer and hit it right upside the head, called whack-a-ho. You know, by then, that was just little, little bars popping up because people kept stealing the heads off of it. Being a carnie kid, I'm telling you. So, where are we? So, I love Leanne's boyfriend, who's Beyonce, whatever guy. He's like, 'So, hun, you feel better.' He's like, 'Well, how do you think I feel? Look at my face. You know how I keep when I get like this. You know how I get.' He's like, 'Yeah, sure do. Yeah, sure do.' Like, how much? How often does this woman just go off? I know exactly. He's like, 'I would rather dance publicly than have you go off again.' I'd rather get caught tapping my toe in an elevator along to the music. [laughter] I'd rather someone see me whistling quietly in my car on the highway than see you go off again. Then you understand. You understand. Yeah. So, number two, this Tiffany, I'm loving their relationship. It's weird because I didn't think I would, but I'm loving Leanne. Oh, yeah. Leanne's hilarious. Leanne is like the star, like, there's not Leanne. It's like, I'm waiting for the Leanne scenes to happen. And a lot of the other stuff in this show were brandy scenes. And there, I'm sorry, but they're painful. The girl-- She talks like this and so does her mall. Granddaddy's coming over. And then granddad comes over and has nothing to say. And now we're just sitting here. Oh, football. Was it? Like, Jesus Christ, can you not make this 30 minutes of the show, people? I know. I mean, it was sad. Like, Brandi's whole storyline was that, you know, she has this grandfather, so we finally get to meet the grandfather. And she has the grandfather over, so it's a big, meaningful moment, although she's still kind of-- Brandi's still always very shady. She's like, we should have gotten the moped to get them from the door to the kitchen. I mean, I could have told my whole life story in the time I took those stupid old people to get to the kitchen already. But-- Well, I'm sure they have houses everywhere, but in Texas, especially people will build houses like that. They're these-- I mean, it's a McMashing, basically, but it's just a gigantic house, but anything-- Everything inside it is not ornate. It's the fucking fake wood you see in the Home Depot on the floor, and, you know, you recognize all that, but they're like, let's have a giant room between the kitchen and the living room. It's just nothing. It's like a mile of space these poor people had to walk through, and they're all old. It's like, we should have gotten one of those shooters, like, from Florida, and have them wheeled around. I know. Be careful of bobcats. So, yeah, so-- So the straws cross over. The bobcat crosses over. Oh, yeah. That's right. We forgot to mention that Mike saw Coyote. He's like, that's scared to shoot out of that, bro. That's scared to shoot out of me. Calm down. You see the man. Coyote is still messed with Persians. Let me win those bad. Coyote's have taste. That sounded totally racist. I'm sorry. They don't like cucumber. Yogurt, yeah. I was really just referring to this cast of people. The cougars, they're like, you smell like yellow rice, so not eating you. Gross. The captain's like, I don't want to put on a captain. I mean, did I say the captain? I'm going crazy. I'm officially going crazy. The captain doesn't want to put on a captain. So, don't worry. We're talking about Alice, which is fucking crazy. If ever you end out, just say, because the carnival-- Does the carnival-- Okay, so there was this big, long, brandy and mom scene, and then Leanne, HIV women. They're getting close. Leanne, okay. Let's get. So, the big thing that's happening is that, you know, obviously now Tiffany and Leanne are in a big fight because they fought. And Leanne is going crazy. She's like, I try to maintain everything inside of what's going on. It's like, I'm Christian, Christian, Christian, Christian, Carmen. It's like, that sounds like it's about right. But I can't help it, girl. It's like, most of the time I'm fine, Christian, Christian, Christian, Carmen! It was like the scariest thing she ever said. Well, girl, you just-- that's a clock that just hit the right time. Or whatever. She said something like, really, Texasy. She's like, you sure hit that square on the nail of the head. I was trying to say, oh, God, it's contagious. So anyway, so there's-- so Tiffany and Leanne are in this fight, but they have to go to a clothing drive together. So what happened-- it was like this really icy moment when Leanne is there, and then Tiffany walks in and then ignores Leanne, and then she's like, she didn't even say hi to me. She didn't even say hi. Can you believe that? I'm going to tell my husband, Aaron Hindruff. And then Kerry walks in. I loved what Kerry walks in to the drive, and she looks at Leanne, and she's like, thinks about saying hi, and she's sort of like, no, just keeps walking. Yeah, and then they're just kind of looking at each other through the gates. But it's not like a typical real housewife. Oh, it's a charity thing. And there's appetizers. It's literally a basketball courts with heaps of clothes all over it. Yeah. And so they tried to do stuff, but I think everyone was like, I don't want to shoot scenes here. Do you? Okay, let's just leave. And so they left, and Leanne's like stalking off to her car all alone. But I loved Leanne saying she's going through all the clothes, and she goes, Michael Kors, large. I have a feeling Michael Kors doesn't know what large is then the extra. But with me, Michael Kors, bow at me. You're large. I don't do her. Stephanie cried. Stephanie cried right before. Oh, yeah, I don't do her. I like that. Stephanie was crying. So her husband took her out for an anniversary dinner, got her something expensive. I guess who's the top people do it for $75,000 $75,000 bracelet while they're driving around in their Rolls Royce. A lot of really important people buy jewelry from the pools. Whoa, the pools. Wow, guys. Yeah, it's great. That's so exciting. Similarly, Mark got Carrie, his wife, a new dress, and he's like, don't go get champagne thrown on this. And like, she's like, Oh, my wife, she, he always buys me clothes, my wife. She's just like, yeah, totally. I love that. Yeah, I'm getting oddly turned off by putting her in a dress. It was weird. It's like, yeah, yeah, do it. Show it to me. I was like, OK, the camera just needs to start rolling backwards now. Roll backwards a little bit out of the room. OK, and then close the door. Exactly. Close the door. So that dress, baby. So with Brandy and so now, so basically now, before we get to the Leanne and Tiffany, like, like little, they, they have a little, they get back together. But before that, we have this Brandy situation. So now she's having a big barbecue for her, for her grandpa. And it's a whole big thing because they've never had a whole, the whole family together for a cookout, et cetera. And Brandy's husband is like, away on a business trip. He's supposed to be landing soon and coming to the cookout. So then Stephanie comes over and they're like chatting. And Brandy's all excited for her husband, Brian, to meet. Oh, no, I'm sorry. She like trapped Brian and talking about how Brian and Travis are so much because they're like, well, they both lack sports and being successful. So they're like two keys in a pod. It's like a really very broad definition for why someone should be people should be friends. Not husbands, not at all. That's actually totally normal. But husbands just get stuck. It's like, when you have to be friends with your kids, parents, you know, you're just stuck there together. So the husbands are like, well, that one gets drunk and plays golf and he likes his job. So we're best friends. We'll be forever. So they are best friends, apparently. And that's what gets Brian into trouble because Travis calls Stephanie and I was like, yeah, I'm just finishing up at the bar. I was just, I was just playing golf with Brian and now we're at the bar drinking, which was so shady because Brian was supposed to be home, etc. So they both finally show up and Brian is drunk and totally passed aggressive. What a dick. He's like, he like walks in drunk and he goes up to his daughter and is like, oh, somebody forgot to put sunscreen on you, didn't they? Some little whore, some little whore of a mother forgot to put sunscreen on you. Well, thank God, dad is home because you most likely be electrocuted or dead by now you're that whore of a mother in charge. Let's go play in our dungeon playground. And then didn't even go talk to the poor old guy. I mean, look, he's not the most interesting pop on the world. But what do you want to pop us a pop up? Okay, like he got, he was weird about it. Like he went all on his own with the kids and refused to talk to anybody. And then he wouldn't talk to her when she tried. But of course, now look, I see his side too already before even hearing it because that this bitch is crazy. Yeah, you know, she probably cries all day and puts him through the emotional ringer and he's done. And she's trying to do all this stuff on camera. And he probably told her you can do this, but I don't want to be on some stupid TV show. So gay. Yeah, like, come on, it's for it'll be fine. Yeah, you can say he's pissed. He's like, there's even fucking cameras in my house. Get out of here. He wants to yell at him so bad. Yeah, you can tell that he definitely does not want to be on this show. And you know, for all we know, he did talk to Papa, but they just made it look like he didn't. But he still, he still seemed like missing out on fascinating conversation. He's like, so I haven't ever seen you. What's your life like? Well, wake up occasionally have some breakfast and, you know, crossword puzzles. Okay, well, thanks for coming over at the end. Yeah. So meanwhile, while this like awkward family reunion was happening, Tiffany and Leanne meet up to bury the hatchet to fix things. And it was kind of funny because it was because Leanne walks in, she's like, right now, I'm one big emotion. I am a giant emotion. She walks in and she's like, I am so sorry. I am, you know, I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I hate the fight in the TV. No, I'm sorry. I miss you. I miss no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was like an I'm sorry off. You just know, you know how I grew up. So when I see girls getting together like that and they start talking like that, I know that they're about to try and drown me in the bobbin pool. And I am not going to stand for it. Well, you know that when you see me like that, I'm about to end up on a bathroom floor trying to snort up dust bunnies and get them through my nasal canal. So can we agree to help each other? All right, well, see, you're my sister. You're my sister. Like, I love these two. I know she's like, what did I say? What did I say? I'm Japanese and Native American. I will scalp you and then I'll be like, Mr. Miyagi. I don't know. And I won't know what either of your people cook. I just don't understand it. And that's just how it's going to be. Oh gosh, these two and then they're just asking. Can you cook it in tin foil in a stone made out of a box? Now, now let's go out to the street and go slap some trolleys. Oh God. So this was it, right? Fuck calls husbands. They're up our drinking, lifeless answers, bribing kids, ignores grandpa. Okay, yeah, I think we're done. I think that all is no matter what happens, all that matters is that Leanne and Tiffany are okay. They're okay for now. But I'm ready. I'm ready for the next flare up. I want I just want Leanne to get mad every episode. That's what that's all I want. Oh my God. Her instant anger is amazing to me. It is. And completely nonsensical. And I'm sure Bravo will do whatever they can to piss her off every single week. And I am down for it. Yes. Because it doesn't seem fake. It doesn't seem like one of the people who's like, I'm going to start a fight, you know, just be fake because of course, all these shows are. But I really believe that she's pissed. Yeah, she seems like she would really go off about anything. Absolutely. She just, yeah, she sees red real quick. Little mimic her. Little mimic her. And I love that about you, you mimic her. I love that your art is impressing other people and making them look stupid and public in that smart. Oh, you're smart, too. Wow. A smart mimic her. Good for you, honey. Hey, trolley. I love how you mimic being a train, but you're not a train, are you? And I love that about you, a mimic her, your mimic her trolley. That's probably what she says to buses as they pass by. I saw the trolley and now that one will hit you back. What are you mimic trolley? Mimic all the wheels. What are you? I don't you don't look jealous. I don't believe you're a real bus. Are you? Real buses are yellow. Where do I tell about the way? Where do I tell the horse about both of you? I'm going to stop mimic her. A lot of mimicers in this town. And I love that about this. This is all the all the angry fights, Leanne has had with transportation devices going back to the 20s. Hey, street car. I love how you try to be a trolley, but you're not a trolley. Are you just a street car? I love that about you, your mimic her. You all mimic of a street car. I almost married a little red fire truck one time. Then I found out red means communism. You won't be invited here much longer. Hey, buggy. Hey, buggy. You certainly want to be a sage coach, don't you? But you're just a bug. I love how you mimic that. I love how you're a mimic. I'm a stage coach. I mean, buggy. I can't tell the difference. I love that about you. Well, thank you, paper, airplane, the way you just almost poked my eye out on your fly around the living room. Just made this year worth living through. So thank you. Thank you, honey. Hey, helicopter. I love the way you fly in the sky like an airplane, but you're not an airplane, but you love to mimic one. Don't you? You're such a good mimic her. I love that about you. I really wish that I had a camera in my eyes so I could show you. Okay, I just took a picture. I have a camera on my phone. What the look that Bueller is giving me right now? I think all animals on Earth get concerned when I hear Leanne voice. Am I going to get slapped? Hey, dog. I love the way he imitated a wolf. Me, maker, he's laying down and he just turned his head like upside down and looking at me upside down, like really? Shut up. Well, all right, man. Time to hold them the gavel. All right, everyone. Thanks for listening to this Bongers show. Come check us out at watchforcrapids.com for social media links. Go to facebook.com/watchforcrapids to join the conversation. And of course, you can support us at patreon.com/watchforcrapids. Thanks, everyone. We will speak to you later this week. Bye. Bye. If you like Watch What Crapids, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge? Or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of monopoly? Introducing the best idea yet. A brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your
