- This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. - You've heard us talking about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit. Stream max with ads included at no extra cost. If you haven't tried it yet, what are you waiting for? - Ronnie, you're a big Last of Us fan, right? - Oh, I sure am. The HBO original The Last of Us. It's about to start another season. - What would you order on DoorDash while you watch The Last of Us? - Well, while I'm watching Last of Us, I prefer eating salads from DoorDash because the zombies are plants. So you're kind of eating the zombie plant people, you know? - Oh, good. You're a storing order. - Yeah, it's on fan. (laughs) - Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. - It's your door to more. - Max is now included with your dash pass annual plan. Stream max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. - Terms apply, see DoorDash.com/max for details. Listen, weight loss drugs and GLP ones are all anybody's talking about right now. They're everywhere, but it's confusing to figure out how to get them. But it doesn't have to be. Through Hymns and Hers, you can get access to a budget-friendly weight loss program personalized just for you. - Hymns and Hers connects you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine your best treatment option. And if prescribed, you get the medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing support, check-ins, medication adjustments, and answers to questions 100% online at no additional cost. - Through Hymns and Hers, weight loss plans are more affordable starting at $199 per month with a 12-month subscription paid up front. No hidden fees, no access fees, and no membership fees. - Start your free online visit today at forhers.com/crapins. - That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com/crapins for your personalized weight loss treatment options. - For Hers.com/crapins. - Hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. - Try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. That's texture.com/crapins. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Watch what Crapins would like to thank today's premium subscriber, Cassie Bedowski. We love you, Cassie. - I'm gonna watch what Crapins, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. - I'm Ronnie Karen from Trash Talk TV, and I'm here with the gorgeous, talented, lovely, gorgeously poured, beautifully quaffed bin Madoka of the B-side blog in the Banta Blinda. Hello, bin. - Thank you, Ronnie. Thank you for giving a shout out to my quaff. I've actually decided I'm gonna cut it off. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back to a buzz cut, possibly even today. - Bin, didn't you just have a haircutting appointment last week? - Two weeks ago. I have to get my haircut every two weeks. - Oh, lord. I always wonder what life is like for you people with hair. - So rough. - I know, it is rough, it really is, but I'm just a little sick of tending to my hair, and you know what I really don't like? I have this sort of haircut that forces me to do like at one angle in my photos, because I have to show off the part, otherwise if you show off the other side of the haircut, it looks all like jangly and messed up, which is probably an indictment on my barber, but it probably is more of an indictment on my ability to style my own hair. So I'm sick of it, I'm just going back to a buzz cut. - Trendy hair. - You look good with a butt cut. - A butt cut, sorry, a butt cut. - The butt cut was a haircut. - One shaved line down the middle of my head. - Okay, everybody, our quick plugs, tonight's our hangout, you're probably missing it, because this is, it's probably going on when we post this, but that'll be fun. Come to patreon.com/watchwitcrapins to become a premium subscriber. You get all of our bonus episodes, our ringtones, our Google Hangout, it's really fun, it's a growing community, and we are laughing our ass off with you guys there, and also over at facebook.com/watchwitcrapins. You guys can post all your own house vibes links, you can talk about these episodes that we're doing over there, you can do lots of things, okay? Go over there, facebook.com/watchwitcrapins, and if you want to find all of our links to all of these things, just go to watchwitcrapins.com. That's our old website. - Yeah, yeah, lots of stuff to check out. We have a crazy, exciting show today. - Yeah. - Ms. Heather McDonald's. - Yeah. - The juicy scoop podcast will be here to talk real housewives of Baba Lehales. - I can, no, I cannot wait to hear what she says about these women, and from this reunion episode, she's so funny, and she's, you know, she's a surrogate, so I love that. - Yes, and we get to episode freaking 22, and it's time for a little fresh opinion in there, and I can't wait to hear who she hates. I like when she hates random things. - I know, and it's always because of her necklace, and then she'll just keep it. - It's always tied to some thing that happened at a USC football game also. - Yeah. - She's like, I saw someone at Kathy Hilton's house. What a bit she was, you know, whatever. - She's got better grounds for it than we do, you know? - Yes, this show has really introduced us to a lot of fun people, that's for sure. - Yeah, and we hope they'll be even more fun people coming soon, because as we tweeted out earlier this week, we were looking through the stats on this month, and we are going to cross the quarter of a million listens threshold for the first time ever, which is insane, and for a per month I should add, not per episode, but still, that is so insane, and the fact that everyone out there listening and subscribing and telling their friends is like the most amazing thing ever, and we really, really have to thank you guys. - Yes, thank you, guys. - Thank you. - Thank you, Tommy, yes, you're Tommy, yes, and by the way, I've been also trying to, I've been trying to review some board games for my blog, and I'm reaching out to board game publishers, and I'm like, oh, I have this blog, and I'm also on this podcast, and I'll mention the games in the podcast too, where there's like 250,000 people that listen for a month, they don't give a shit, I'm really pissed off. I'm like, give me my free board game. (laughs) - I would imagine board game PR people, it's like a different breed. - Yeah, well, I think-- - It's our target, people who like collecting wool. - All right, do some research. - I'm like going to Michaels, trying to find people to play ketam. - Yeah, well, 'cause in their mind, well, this isn't a podcast about board games, so we don't really care about your stats on this podcast, but I'm like, listen, people always need to know about board games, always. - This is a podcast about strategy, it's about women strategizing against each other. - It basically is, actually, it is sort of like one giant board game, so. - You should pitch a board game called manipulatives. (laughs) - No one really is sure. - I really aren't too cautious. - Own it, baby! Own it! And then you-- - I have five own it! - You have nothing. - When you roll the die, that indicates how many times you go, "Whoa!" It's like, "I got a six!" (laughs) (laughing) - You tell every time you-- - I tell every time. - And then you, if you get snake eyes, if you get snake eyes three times in a row, you have to go to Lisa Vanderpump Jail. - But I just wrote the dice, I don't know if I would offend you if I wrote the same dice twice, three times. - Or when you're about to lose within somebody who trumps you, someone could go. - Beast! (laughs) - Lovely! (laughs) - There needs to be one of those games in Vegas with Eileen's voice. You know those slot machines, like ding, ding, ding, beast, beast, beast! - Jackpot! (laughs) - Every time there's a jackpot. - And Jackpot plays, you beast! (laughs) - Every time there's a jackpot, Vinny will come in and take it all. (laughs) Free parking. (laughs) Oh, bless everybody's hearts. - Okay, guys. Okay, let's do our favorite little segment in the world, Ben. - Our favorite little segment in the world. Are you talking about the one and the only Crapin's mailbag? Is that what you're saying? - I sure am. - That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking that as soon as I get the music queued up, we should totally open up the Crapin's mailbag. (upbeat music) - Was the sheep there? - What? - Was the sheep there this time? Where did he go? - Did you not hear the music? - I did, I just didn't hear the end, I think, 'cause I was talking over it to the goal. - I think you were talking, and I was sort of doing it. I wouldn't say I was singing, but I was incanting some sort of tones, musical tones. - No, decane, right over it. - But we have to remember, by the way, we keep forgetting to clear the Flem, and we have to do a special clear Flem this week because the Bravo, Bravo just had their upfront and they made announcement at the returning shows, and now it is official. Ladies of London is coming back. - It's not the same, if I can't unbutton my pants on the couch. (laughing) - We'll get a turkey hat. - I love that, so. - All right, so Crapin's mailbag. - Where should we start? - So, when we did the buddy cop question, okay, how about this from Lauren Grabowski? - Hi, I'm Lauren. - She, she, this is by the way, she wrote this question over voice text, apparently. So, voice two texts, so it should be interesting. I'm fully appreciating Patricia in a way that I've never done so before. Can the two of you act out some sort of scene her Patricia and Luan, where Patricia and Luan try to class out each other? Patricia will obviously win, since she's from the Deep South, and Luan is from Pennsylvania or something, and pretends to be European. You could even throw in a little Sonia Morgan-Tramant in there. (both laughing) - Okay, who do you wanna be? - I'll be Patricia. - Okay, I'll be Luan. - I'd like them both, I could actually be either. You pick. - No, it's fine, I'll be Luan. I like the challenge. I'm down, I'm down for it. - Okay. - Well, welcome to my flamingo party. I see you're a little late. - I'm so sorry, darling, but it was because I was bringing this hula hoop over for you. - Hula hoops, well, isn't that a hula hoop? Mariah everybody, look at this person. What's your name again, darling? - It's Luan, it's Luan here. Let me let me let me let me do it, a hula hoop demonstration. I'm gonna do it over here, buddy. - Oh, that's great. - Excellus says that I also brought for you. - Wonderful. This is, this hoop is actually from, it's Iroquois, it's Iroquois Blue from rural Connecticut. Well, I actually knew the tribe of the Iroquois. My father killed them, and we turned Iroquois into turquoise, but I wouldn't expect you to know that being from the north. So go ahead with your hula hoop. - Well, darling, we simply do not kill the Iroquois where I'm from. But that's okay, you can do whatever you want. - Well, they don't have Iroquois in whatever strip mall you were probably born in darling. I'm just so glad to have you here at my party. Do whatever you're gonna do with that thing. - How could you say that when we were three miles from the nearest Cancer Society office? How could you? How could you? - My first husband built that office, actually three days before I left him, which was four days after we got married. I was pregnant. That's neither here nor there. Look at that big gaping hole you're holding. Do you know, Catherine? - I got nothing more, Ronnie. - I'm sorry, I found that very challenging. (both laughing) It turns out Luan and Prab is not my thing. (both laughing) I still have a few more sips of coffee that I need to get in me before I can get my Luan cracking. - Darling, I apologize for all of those things I said. I love it. I love this week of "Real Hospital" in New York. - Can't wait to get there. - She was on fire. I'm sorry, Lauren. I feel like I did not do justice to your scene. I let down the entire Crapins community. No, you did fine. Just the is. (both laughing) It doesn't have to be a whole half an hour long for Christ's sake. I'll go into a mini series. (both laughing) - Not every moment has to be funny on Crapins. Like hey. - It was fun. Also, Patricia doesn't really know what Huwa is. So while we're self critiquing. - Yeah. (both laughing) - Okay, so Kenneth Curtis asks or says, you're given 250,000 to invest into one housewives brand. Who's would you choose? There is a personal incentive of an additional 50,000 if you if you pimp it on HSN. Would you accept? - Ooh, that's such a good question. Who would be like shark tank whales? - Ooh, an existing brand. Well, this person does not have a brand. Well, she does, but she doesn't have this brand built yet, but I would do Rinna Onates because it could be like foreclosed on properties. And she could be one of those real estate people who's like, you're renting a house? That's crazy, baby. Own it, own it, own it. - She could be on bus benches just pointing at people. She'd be on the back of buses just pointing at you when you're sitting behind her in traffic. (laughing) - Cardular ships. - Own it. - A new complete collapse of the housing market led by Rinna. - Huwa, she doesn't know what to do. They're like, well, we thought we had measures in place to stop this housing crisis from happening again, but this woman came around and now everyone's owning houses. - But then when they don't pay, she'll make Kyle go over there and steal those houses back. - She'll blame Wall Street for manipulating the market. - You manipulated, you encouraged me to tell people to own houses. You made me a predatory lender. - Ooh. - How in it, baby? - Oh, Rinna. - I would invest in, I feel like I want to invest into something, well, I mean, I kind of feel like I have to invest into Sonya's toaster oven. I feel like we got so close. We got a box, you know? Like, we just need it. We just need that extra $250K just to get, get some toasters moving onto the shelves. So I kind of feel like I want to invest in that. - That's one of the greatest unsung heroes of the products, a toaster. Everybody tries to come up with some difficult thing. You know what? Everybody needs a toaster. - Yeah, I agree. I would also, I mean, if we were going to go outside the House House brand, I was always waiting to see what would happen with Gigi's hair extensions. Gigi's extensions. I mean, it just seemed like it was going to be a household name. - Turns out there is a flood of bad weaves already in Los Angeles. - Who knew? - Yeah, Gigi, it doesn't help when you're always turning out other people's hair. It's not a good sign for your business. - That's why she's doing it. She's just trying to make some dollars. - Viral marketing should pull out other people's hair as they have to put her hair in. - People walk away bleeding with cards for Gigi's hair extensions. - Yeah, I'm like biking on all the other entrepreneurial things. I think we have a list of entrepreneurial endeavors. I think from our last crappies, we had a few interesting nominees. What about Jax's nascent sweater business? I would invest in that. Get a big old comfy sweater. - But he only sells them, I think, in LA or something. Like where you never need a big chunky sweater. - So Steve. - It would be like the second coming of Medea 'cause wasn't Medea the one who kills her children by putting them in clothing that was poisoned or something? - God, did she do that? 'Cause isn't that the snake lady, the snake head lady? - That's Medusa. - Oh, oh. - I'm looking it up. - It's like you got a head full of snakes. Why would you poison your children? Just have your head bite them. - Unfortunately, I forget how to spell the proper Medea and I keep on getting Tyler Perry's Medea. Now I'm really embarrassed for myself. - Did he spell it differently than the regular Medea? - Oh yeah, his is Madea, M-A-D, and Medea is M-E-D. - Yeah, it's just sad that Tyler Perry's has taken over good old classic Medea. - It's pretty fitting that Tyler Perry misspelled Medea and now it's his own brand. God damn it, he probably didn't even do that on purpose. - Yeah, he probably liked me. I'm gonna name myself based on the snake-headed lady, Medea, and it was wrong the whole time. - Yeah, so this is what apparently happens. So Medea goes crazy 'cause she was, I guess, she was sort of like hanging with Jason who was off in search of a golden fleece. So there's a lot of sartorial issues going on here and she does kill. I'm seeing something about the girls cut their father into pieces and threw him into a pot, having killed Peleos, Jason and Medea fled to Corinth. Okay, there's fucked up shit to have. I read this once a lot. - One's lower. - Yeah. - Well, wait a show them, Perry. - Read this show then. - So far it sounds like Bethany's story. - Yeah, exactly. I think that Bethany is the Medea of Bravo. - She went crazy by some guy named Jason. Then she had her dad on national TV and shopped him to bits right in front of everybody. I don't even know what happens next, but I'm sure we could relate it. - Yeah, I can't find it, but she kills her kids. - Having Medea has a party and refuses to talk to anybody she invited. (laughing) She just kills them with the silence. (laughing) Wraps them in a coat of poison silence. - Feeds them Jason from the pot. - Yeah. So anyway, okay, so next question. (humming) Which two housewives from different cities would you like to interact? What would their conversation be like? I'd like them all to interact. I would like to pull one out of the hat. Like, you give me a housewife. Aside from Luan, 'cause my Luan is not on right now. - I would like to see Bethany interacting, I think with Vanderpump, because you know, as much as I love Lisa Vanderpump, nobody can properly call Lisa Vanderpump out. Even when they have something really good. I think in this reunion, they actually had something on her, or this part of the reunion. They got something on her. But nobody could really phrase it, right? And she still walked away looking, you know, like the victim. And I think Bethany would break that shit right down. - Oh yeah, she would. Well, and Lisa would be, she would be like a deer in the headlights. I mean, she sort of is a deer in the headlights anytime she's confronted, because she doesn't, she truly has no idea what's going on. She doesn't know what she's done wrong. She doesn't understand the situation. And with Bethany, it would just be like a thousand hornets coming after her. - Well, you said that you're crying? Why are you crying? What's the big thing? You have to manipulate it? You're crying? What's she crying about? - Huh? - Huh? You remember? Yeah, she's mad because she said that she fucked some of the guy on national TV. Like, that's why she's mad. That's why you're mad, right? Just say it. Just say it. That's why you're mad, right? Darling, I don't even understand I wasn't crying. I had something in my eye, if you want me to apologize for having things in my eye, then I'm sorry. I mean, do you accept that or do you appreciate it? I'm sorry, I have a thing in my eye, darling. - I know what you're doing right now. You're talking about eyeburgers. No, this is about, I lean fucking some guy, some wife husband and stealing him. I mean, that's what you want to say, right? Call her a slut. Go ahead. - I don't even know what a slut is. What is that? Is that a tool? Is that like a hammer? I don't get it, I don't understand. - Say it, say it. - It's fine. I thought she was a slut, but I thought that a long time ago and I didn't think it'd anymore. I don't understand. It's your lie, your lander is sick. - I think she would totally get her. She'd bring up every little thing ever. She'd be like, "Remember that guy, Cedric?" "Huh? Remember that gay guy?" "Yeah, how much silverware did he steal from you?" "Yeah, you didn't know he was doing anything wrong?" "What, what, his mom's a whore in Paris?" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "You didn't know?" "You didn't know?" "You didn't do that on purpose?" "What'd you do?" "What'd you do?" "I don't get it, you're like front of him, and then you're not, and then he's like in a phone booth, like he's born in a phone booth, like what is that? Like a telephone, like your friend's a telephone? Like are you friends with your cell phones? Like you have to have like real friends. Like I don't get this. Like I don't understand what's going on here. Like I don't understand your brand. I don't understand how your friends with technology and not people. You don't understand how to relate to people. That's it. Like I don't get it. It's like if I had to describe to you, human beings, another time, I'm gonna be on the floor crying right now. Like literally kill me now. - I'm guilty, okay, I'm guilty. She would get such a headache, she'd just be like, "All right, I did it. "I've done everything. "I'm the killer." - She would just talk about me. - "I killed JFK there, as everyone happy." "I was the one who pushed Ken into that pool. "I was the one that told Brandi to put the magazines in there. "I was the last one to see rest of the live darling. "I hate me at all." "I killed Nicole Brown Simpson." She opens her purse. She's like, "Okay, here, it's Kim's house darling. "Take it back." - That would actually be a very frustrating interaction. Bethany and Lisa Vanderpoem. It would actually be the height of frustration because Bethany would just be talking at her. Lisa would be confused. And we'd be sitting there with our head in our hands being like, "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop." - "Do you know how much Ken and I have done for you?" - I did everything myself, myself, everything, everything. Every little thing myself. With Ken and I. - Nope, myself. - I'm an opportunist, but I'm an opportunist by myself, okay? So it's like a big difference, okay? So like, you're not an opportunist by yourself. You use other people, you know, you kill other people. Like, I don't, I only kill me. I'm actually, I'm like literally like, I'm a ghost right now. Like literally like, I'm haunting you. Like, boom, boom. It's a haunted house, okay, and I'm the ghost. Okay, literally like, ghost dad. Like, Bill Cosby, like literally, like, molesti ghosty situation, okay? Like, literally, I'm over it. Like, I literally, like, Bill Cosby comes and haunts with me again. Like, I can't. Like, literally, my ghost wall is out. You just make chicken lose more hair, darling. - Yes, he would find a way to be a victim and no, in any situation, probably. - That's her superpower. - Yes, okay, so Emily Barry, she says, "Hey guys, so it's my mom, Justine's birthday. "I was hoping you could give her a shout out. "It's the big 5-0. "If not, we do have a question. "What American Bravo Show would Adina and Patsy "from Abbab fit the best on? "Love you guys. "Happy birthday, Justine. "Happy big 5-0." - Yeah, happy birthday, Justine Bateman. I'm just gonna pretend her mom is Justine Bateman. - Justine Barry, Justine Barry. - I love you, Justine Bateman, happy birthday, darling. - I've seen any. What show would they fit the best on? - Probably $1,000,000 listing. - The best part is that they're, like, trash, but they're in a city of classy people. So I'm trying to think, like, what show would be the classiest? 'Cause they have to wreck everything. - The classes show might be Southern Charm. Is that? - Oh, that would be good. - That's so weird saying that's the classes show. 'Cause it's not. I feel like million dollar listing New York, maybe. I don't know, I don't really watch that show. Top Chef, Top Chef. - Oh, that would be good. - Justine, I've got an hour to cut, I'm gonna do something that I mean. - I've fucked two rich ugly men to be cooking things, darling. All right, get bubbles, get bubbles in here, darling. Make it. - I wish I could contribute, but I've never watched Adfab. - Yeah, we have to have a fag out weekend where I just take you to gay college and show you Adfab. - Oh, and then we can play a set of this, like a tan afterwards. - But Eddie owns everything already. (laughing) - It's all mind-telling. - All right, it's clear, clear the table. All right, clear all your game pieces, darling. All right, they're all mine, I bought them all, all right. - She owns the entire island. She's like the Mohammed of game board gaming. She just owns islands. - Well, see, those PRs, so she would probably do some housewives here. - I tell ya, it's a toaster, darling. - All right, we're gonna put your toaster in a storm. Watch people use it, all right, they just leave and get drunk in the back. - No, whenever sells a toaster. - That would explain a lot of these shitty products never selling, actually. Bad PR? - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. - Even though they have the best PR, 'cause they're on TV, but still. So Betsy M.D. says, "Hi, deers. "What's with this trend of peripheral, annoying characters? "James and now Catherine, who crazy themselves "into number one story? "It bothers me, you?" Well, I feel like it's actually not a trend. I feel like this has been part of Bravo since the beginning of the modern Bravo Age. So, unfortunately, it's just part of the situation, but it does kind of bother me. It does bother me when people are so insufferable that they actually fail upwards. So, yes, it is bothersome. - It's not a trend, it's a tradition. - But it doesn't always work. I mean, Kim G tried her hardest. She tried, she got nowhere. - Yeah, she never became a regular, but she was a regular friend of. And then-- - Yeah, she's a regular in my heart. - The most famous, I think who did that was Brandy. - Brandy Glamville. - Yeah, I would say Brandy is probably the, 'cause she was sort of the first one that went from being a friend to a cast member. And then, other ones, Catherine Day and his Calhoun, she became a cast member on Southern Charm. Band of Pump Rules has had a lot of upward mobility. I'm trying to think who else, like other, have been other housewives, anyone who's been upgraded to housewife from friend of? - I'm sure there have. Oh, on "Ladies of London," there was Julie with her jub balls. - Oh, yeah, Julie. She actually, she actually did not crazy herself onto being on the show. She was classy, the first piece. She was the one they were all aspiring to be friends with. And then she got on the show and she was the one they just stomped on the rest of the time. - I suspect that they went to her big castle and they shot that friend of stuff. And they were like, oh my God, the maids are all whispering that she's gonna lose this house. And her husband's addicted to pills. And she's a fucking wreck. Look at her just trying to clean a countertop. Like she's going crazy, cast her. - Yeah. - And then she let it all bloom on TV. - Jub balls. - Jub balls. - Oh no, I got a burning. (laughs) I believe in balls. - My broose is trying to sell her jub balls. I will never forget it. - She believes in balls. I believe in a thing called balls. - Just those are the rhythm of balls. (laughs) - Okay, last question, Oliver haskins. Oh, dearest, dearest, Oliver, Oliver haskins. - Speaking of which, oh I know, this is different jewels. Is it possible that Jules doesn't have an eating disorder? She is just a guest of rude hostesses who never order anything kosher for her to eat. Every scene is a schmorgas board of Traef, which is Traef is stuff that's on kosher. At this rate, Sonia is going to organize a trip for a bacon cheeseburger tasting. (laughs) I think there is a point to be made, but Jules put out a kosher spread this week, and she didn't eat. - I don't, yeah, that's not a normal skinny, and I'm not a skinny shamer. My goal is anorexia. I just have never been able to hit it. So, you know, bless her for being able to do it. I'm not shaming her, but that girl is not just skinny. Someone posted a picture on the old Facebook today, and she looks like a Tim Burton character from that nightmare before Christmas. Like, that's some anorexia. But you can't tell anymore, because people used to lose their hair, and then they would get meth face, and then they'd lose their teeth. - Her hair looks thin to me. - Well, now they have weaves, and wigs, and filler, and all this other shits you can never tell. They just start looking more and more like Chuckie dolls. - You know who else I'm actually concerned about is Dani, the side character from Southern Charm. She was chef's ex-girlfriend, and she's like the Somalia. She's this really beautiful woman, and she's looking crazy skinny this season, and I'm actually very concerned about her. - Well, I don't even know who she is every time she comes on TV. I'm like, why is she on here? But as far as jewels, I'm not afraid of jewels. That one was obnoxious as hell, and I don't believe for one second that she keeps kosher. I don't believe it. - Well, I think she does. I think she does because that way it's, fewer food options for her to have to partake in, which is an excuse to not eat. I think she's kosher by convenience. She's like, look, we're at a Moroccan restaurant where everybody's eating with their hands. I guess I can't eat. (laughing) - So I think that's it for the Crapin's mailbag, so thanks everyone for submitting. (upbeat music) - And remember, if you want to submit a question to the Crapin's mailbag, you just have to sign up to Patreon, and we post something on Patreon every week that's like, hey, write your questions, and you just leave them in comments on that post, so. - So Ben, the other day, I was in ye old Rite Aid, getting a Snickers and some cigarettes because what else do you do in life? - Okay. - Okay. - Okay. - And I happen to notice the magazine rack as one does. - Yes. - Ben, these magazine titles are all the same from like 20 years ago. - Yes, that's true. - It's Jennifer Aniston. It's like, Jennifer, is Jennifer gonna get divorced? - Yes. - Is Brad and Angelina get divorced? - Yeah. - They even had a Natalie Wood story, which I was cracking up in. - Yeah, I said that too. Well, you know, up in Canada, I'd like to add that there were several magazines that were featuring Queen Elizabeth and her birthday, her 90th birthday. - Yeah, talk about stories that need to die already. (laughing) - H-R-H is 90 years old. - That's crazy. - Her, her. - Her, her. - Hey, her. - Her. - Queen Regina. (laughing) - So I was thinking, look, if I bought all these magazines, I've bought these magazines a million times because at the end of the day, that shit is comforting, knowing that Angelina and Brad are still in pain. Like there's something comforting as an American to know that. But if I just kept buying those, that would be like 30 bucks a week just for those magazines. 'Cause they're damn expensive now. Thankfully, you guys, you don't have to buy all those magazines anymore, okay? - Yep, that's correct. There's like a Netflix, but it's for magazines. - Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. - Textor has completely reimagined magazines, giving you the articles and stories you really want all in one place. Plus, interactive features, videos, and recommendations just for you. - Yes. 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(laughing) - Well, sometimes it's the same thing. - I know, so sign up for Textor right now and gain insider access to all the content from the world's best publications. - The best part, Textor is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. - You'll gain immediate entry to all the top magazines, including back issues and bonus video content. - Try Textor for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. - Texture.com/crapins. - That's texture.com/crapins. - And Brad, dump Angelina already. Jesus Christ, he's crazy. (laughing) - Crazy beautiful. (laughing) All right, so there's that. We just did some advertising. I'm feeling loony in like a weird way today. Like I feel off, I feel off-kilter, and I'm still just waiting for this coffee to kick in hardcore. - Well, what can I do to hell, man? - Just talk, just talk. We're just, we're gonna talk our way through this. We're just going to plow forward. - Plow through it. - We're gonna plow into the, should we start with New York City? - Yeah, let's start with New York. - Yeah. - Okay, so as usual, during the opening, I don't know what it is about these stupid openings, but I noticed something different every time that I swear wasn't there before. This time, I mean, I've always noticed that the opening cost $5. That was my note. Did this opening cost $5? - Yes, especially the new music. I do not like the new music that they have. - I don't get it because it's not even that new. It's like the same sound synthesizer instruments. - Yeah, it's the same sound, but it has this weird intro where it's like very low key. At first it's like do, it's almost like a suspenseful note. And then it gets into it's normal, like do, do, do, do, do, do, do, sort of sound, you know? - It's almost like the bridge of the original song. - Exactly, it's like they started the song at the wrong insert point. Like it just, it sounds so strange in the beginning. - It's not worse onto the screen the way it deserves to. - I don't know why I noticed this, but was Bethany always dancing at a DJ stand with big yellow plastic glasses? - I'm not sure that sounds like a Joni Mitchell song. (laughing) - Oh, I guess it's been yellow. - I'll always spazz dancing in a bathing suit. - Well, you know what's funny to me is I was watching it and I was like, it's so funny that they have Luann talking about, you know, she's talking about being classy in the opening credits. And they always show her in the hula hoop. And I'm like, why do I have to win with a hula hoop? - Little did I realize this was the big hula hoop moment. - It's that moment. It's like in Game of Thrones and you watch it for enough years, you're like, oh, I get it now. That's like all the locations. And they're going to probably shoot in that location today. And people are like, yeah, that's how the show started. You idiot, little Easter eggs. So we open at Bethany's place in the Hamptons, okay? It just looks beautiful. It's, by the way, I got so nostalgic for like fall in the Northeast, I could feel it. I could feel the temperature and the leaves returning. And I was like, oh, I want to go back to fall in the Northeast for just a day. - This was basically like, if I had ever pictured Martha Stewart jerking off, this would be what it would be. - Well, it's like Martha Stewart's fluge. - Sort of like a runner up to her fluge 'cause that's what Bethany was on Martha Stewart's apprentice. She was runner up's fluge. - I want a big house to Martha. That's all I want. A big house to Martha. - Call her, call her, call her now. - And by Martha, I won't speak to her. - Like literally, like if I get fired from the boardroom, like enough, I'll be on the floor. I'll just be like dead, okay, like literally fire me, like I'm in the fireroom right now. Like I'm basically like a chicken in the fire, okay? I'm just like, I wrote the chicken barbecue. Like, everyone dinner served into me on a spit. - Martha would just whisper and blew away and would be like, I heard that Martha. - So she's getting ready for this big party and Bethany is like, this is all I want. This is all I want, a house to relax. Like it's a relaxing house. Like look, it's a relaxing. Like look, there's boota heads over there. Like any day of the house, like I want anyone to feel like, any day of the house, I mean any day of the week, just come to my house. That's what I want, just come to my house. Oh my God, come and knock on my door. Come on, walk on, dance on the floor. Where do you feel? - I love that Bethany has a brand called Skinny Girl. She's accusing someone of being anorexic, yet she still has boota heads and he's like the most faming-aided disorder of all time. At least she's consistent. - Yeah, I'll also like the idea that she wants to ever relax 'cause we all know that's the one thing that she cannot do. The one thing that Bethany is incapable of doing is relaxing. Like you can imagine her at a massage and they're like, okay ma'am now, can you just turn over onto your back? What's the matter? What's the matter? What's the matter? Is the table working? What's the matter? What's the matter? What's going on? Just relax, just take some deep breath, deep breath. What's wrong? Is there, I'm running out of oxygen? Should I take child breath? I'll take child breath. Oh my God, we're running out of oxygen. We're literally gonna die. We're gonna suffocate you and die. Oh my God. - Why are you touching me like that? Your hands are so cold. Oh my God, I can see the floor through this hole in the table. Why would you put a hole in the table? That's crazy. Like I can see everything on the floor. It's disgusting, it's dirty. It's like disgusting. Like I don't want to judge you. I'm just saying, is your brand like a dirty massage? Like is it disgusting? Do I get a hands-off after? Like what is it? What are you gonna do? - Like literally, like I don't get it. Like a table. Like why am I on the table? Like I get it, like I have a brand and I have food, but like I'm not actually the food, like you have to differentiate. Like I don't get it with a massage. Like why are you touching me? Like what's happening? Am I like, are you like trying to make bread? Like are you like actually like needing me like bread? Like, 'cause I'm like low-carb, like I'm skinny. - You need me, I'm like what? Are you needing me like bread? I'm a dork. That's some good shit. - You should call this a massage because you know, it's a lot of ladies out there. You know, you gotta say like, I'm here for you, women, massage. Okay? I like it. - Like massage and like I don't get it. Like I don't understand massage envy. Like what are you envying? Are you envying the massage? Are you like envious of someone who has the massage? Like what are you envying? Like, like why are you envying me? Like why are you just do you? Like I do me. Like I'm getting my massage. Like if you want to go to marshals, like go to marshals. Like I'm at massage envy, just call it massage. Just call it like massage me. Just call it massage me. Like I get that. That makes sense to me. But like envy, like I don't get like what's, what's, and I'm like I'm not envious. Like literally like if I have to look at what you're doing, like I'm not envious, like I just, my wall is up. I just want to see me. - God, as this happens with Real Housewives of New York, we're only one seen in and I already want Bethany to get run over by something. - Well, so anyway, we go over to John and Derenda who are coming in from like a morning walk somewhere and, and Derenda's big thing is she just wants John to apologize to Bethany. Okay? Just back it up and apologize for what you said. He's that person who, it's just too much. Like you're in front of a new couple. You barely know these people. It's like, you know, John, like all things like being a gentleman apologize, John, like he doesn't get it. And you know how it makes me feel like, you know what I mean? Like what you guys think, like John should apologize. Like he took me from a position of power and then, you know, like now like I can't control things and stuff and Jules is making jokes. And then she's crying. Oh, stupid Derenda, she goes from like, all right, we're gonna have fun day to day, right, John? You ain't really been John Jesus. I mean, I'm just nervous. I don't want to go. I'm just nervous now. I'm like, I'm filled with knives. - Jesus Christ. Have a drink. - I love that when, when Derenda starts to cry, she looks like a sad sock puppet. You know, you know, like when people make a sock, a sock puppet looks sad. They put their, like their fingers over their thumb a little bit. That's what she looks like. You know what I'm saying? Like make a sock puppet. Make a sock puppet. - I did. I was doing it while you taught. - Make it, make it frown. Everyone at home do this. Make your fingers frown and pretend you have a sock on your hand and you'll see that's exactly what Derenda's face looks like. It's not an ugly thing. It's not a thing. It's not a, non-judgment. It's just, that's what her face looks like. It's actually kind of adorable. A sad sock puppet. - I love her zero to 20 in the emotion department and then Jules is like, well, join. Like she's got this, I think she's even making her accent sometimes. - She has, well, sometimes yeah, sometimes I can't tell if she's doing a fake exaggerated accent as a joke, but she definitely has a strong, I think, a Jersey accent more than a New York accent. - John, he's raw one, but, you know, John will pull throat. He's just like a big soft teddy bear cut to one of her kids with decapitated teddy bear. I paid for that teddy bear so we could do whatever we want to it. - Yeah. I'm like, she's like the teddy bear and grandfist that kills people. - So you're gonna have a barmic use. - Grandfist. - So Bethany is out setting up her skinny mules bar. I called them skinny mules. I assume that's what they're called. It's just these emaciated Moscow mules at the front. So Carol shows up and she's complaining about Luan, Bethany's all young. She's like, look at that. It's a mobile barbecue. That's sick, right? It's sick? - That's so sick. - It's so sick, right? It's sick, right? And you know what? If there's any drama at my party, I'm gonna be Audi 5,000, okay? 'Cause this is sick. - I'm skimming through all this. - Luan shows up with her gay best friend Hank and then Corey Goldfob shows up from Secrets and Wives. This is the second time that Corey has popped up at a Bethany event so they're apparently friends. - What a good day for her to come. I can't believe they wasted Corey, especially when Corey had an entire episode crying because someone's fat slob of a husband was being inappropriate. - Yeah. Exactly. - It's the same story. - I know. I love that also that she came dressed like a witch too. That was, I really appreciated that. - This barbecue sucks. Sucks. This barbecue sucks. My husband's outside putting down combs so people accidentally go into that butt massage, the butt massage parlour. - Sandy. Sandy, are you coming to the barbecue? All right, fine. That's all right. - What a good traffic over your socks anyway. - Oh, Corey. They didn't even like Corey talk. - They didn't, not at all, but they did give her a title, they put her name up there. So I was like, look at you, Corey, you're up at Quinn's status from Real House as of Orange County. - You've made it. I like that Bethany, just a quick observation. I really like that Bethany has really decked out this house. It's a beautiful house, but still in true house wise fashion has rust, rust, or shit all over it. - There are those big, lit, stupid letters that everybody can explain. She's like, it's a bar. You see? Big, lit letters. - She made them look good. She's actually like the example. She's the one that the Ross Jesterless people cry for because they're like, finally someone use our stuff properly. But she has that thing above her bar. - Yes, look, it says yes. It says yes. That's what it says. - That entire sense is actually written out in big illuminated letters. Yes, it says yes. Yes. Don't you see it says yes. What? - It's a huge wall. - Everyone's going to go to Ross Jesterless to find letters, but there will be none left because Bethany couldn't stop talking on her wall. - Just a bunch of coupons for skinny grilled margaritas. By the way, it's funny because I did write a note saying, I kind of want to go with this barbecue. It actually looks like a great barbecue, between the barbecue and it's like fall and everyone's dressed nicely. It's just like fun. I was like, I want to go. - Except it was not fun for anybody. - Exactly. That was what I soon learned. As soon as I wrote that, then the barbecue became very un-fun because then Derinda and John walked in and John's like, we're entering at the devil's pit here. I'm like, I thought that was boutique after 10 p.m. - Yeah, no kidding. - John is, okay, so John's trying to recruit the little guy. What's his name? The new house? - Michael. - Michael. - Sorry for calling little guy. - Michael. - I hate when people are shortest. Michael. So he's trying to recruit Michael. He's like, oh, yeah, this bitch Bethany, huh? Am I right? I have to talk to Bethany. Am I right? He's like, just standing in the background and I'm like, hey, a little one. Do not follow this guy into the party and smirk behind in the whole night because Bethany will notice that and she will make your life a living hell. - Oh, she will. Bethany does not mess around. Meanwhile, Jules is, she's weighing in with her own commentary. She's like, John has as much hope as bacteria in the Dead Sea because I'm Jewish so I like to make allusions to Israel. She has as much chance as sushi in the Dead Sea. She's like trying to mix Japan as sushi. - Bethany is going to have him crying more than the whaling wall. - Jules sucks. Jules sucks. - She actually does suck. - I cannot wait to see how much she sucks because she already sucks this much. She sucked from her first second on camera. I cannot wait to see how much she sucks. - Yeah. - Like such a non-entity, I'm shocked she even could even be a friend of how she even got to be a full-fledged housewife is beyond me. - She's like, I'll start a lot of shit. She walks in. She's like, oh yeah, pretty place. Do you think there's anything kosher? - You think there's anything kosher, Rabbi? - So then Ramona, I love, you know, I love when Ramona has all these like quote unquote witticisms that like everyone always says, you know, but since she's new to dating, she thinks she's an original. She's like, hey, why are all the good looking guys gay? Why is that? You ever noticed how all the good looking guys are gay? That's crazy. What are we doing here on a, on a, like a Friday night? Like this is crazy. Okay. It's like a date night. I'm a single woman. Okay, girl. I date. Okay. Okay. Like Saturday night is day night. Okay. You know that like, like my mother always said you want to always go on a date yourself because you don't want to rely on a man to take you on a date for you. By the way, Ramona, everyone knows that you do first dates on the week nights. Like you don't do first dates on a Saturday night, you reserve Saturday nights for your friends unless it's, unless you're going to like, it's like on a significant date. Well, she's going to a black tie event date. This is really weird. I'm not sure what the hell she doesn't know what she's doing. I think she's just lying anyway. I'm going to the White House Correspondents' Dinner. I'm going to have a date with the President of the United States of America and there's going to be only 500 other people on the date with us. Okay. I've always wanted to meet Ronald Reagan. Okay. I've always wanted to meet Walter Mondale. Okay. I voted for you. Okay. I'll do it every year. I kick started your campaign. Michael Dukakis. Okay. Michael Dukakis. Yeah. I got caucus. I'm going out with Michael Dukakis because it's game out. Okay. Caucus. Kay. I love your sister Olympia. Okay. She's so great. You know what? You know what? Hey, you know who I love? Mercedes rule. Okay. I love Mercedes rule. By the way, you just changed my whole mind. I'm like, yes, Fisher King forever. Fisher King forever. I just I just like that we kind of like it turns sort of suddenly into Ramona talking about gay guys Ramona going on a first date to Ramona sort of mixing and mingling out the White House dinner just name dropping random politicians and any of this could totally happen. That's a thing. If people don't watch the show, they're like, which of this is which of these things are real? Has anyone seen Bruce Babbitt lately? Okay. Derinda and John are already kind of drunk and you can tell because Derinda can't talk right. Yeah. All I want from John is for John to go up and and not do another verbiage after that. What? Yeah. What are you talking about? Oh, what was that reality show where someone kept on saying verbiage over and over and over again. There was someone who's like, well, there's too much verbiage. Oh, I mean, that's what was that verbi it's salad. It's probably a big brother. So Derinda says, hi, everybody's awkward because Bethany is literally refusing to look at John and then running away. Yeah. Bethany is is I mean, give it to Luann at least Luann could put up like a a front for five seconds by going up to Carol and giving her a kiss on the cheek. But Bethany can't even fake actually. Hi. Hi. Okay. Bye. John is standing there and then Bethany walks up and then like looks away from him and walks around him. And then she goes to all the other girls, she's like, look at this, look, this is my house. Like I'm uncomfortable with my own party at my house, like he's like a big obstruction standing there. Like I like, I had to walk around him, like I literally have to walk around. It's like a detour. It's like a detour sign. Like, like literally, like there's a construction site in my house and like I don't like construction. It's like Alex McCord all over again, Ben campin's like literally I cannot like he's he's a big orange cone. Okay. In the street. I can't literally like I'm going to die. Like I'll be in. I'm in the pool right now. I'm like drowning in the pool, dying in an obstruction zone. Okay. I didn't buy any of those arrow lights. You know, like I got every letter in the book, but I didn't get any of those arrow lights. You know, no, no, no one knows there's no one knows it's going to be a detour. You know, there's like going to be people falling all over that pet thing. It's terrible. You know, like, you know, I'm uncomfortable. It's my own house. It's my house. Look at my house. Look, it's my house. Look, I'm at my house. She said my house, I think 50 times during this thing that I know she's like, I'm uncomfortable at my house. I'm going to come to my own party. Well, you know what? How is it? Here's a way to not be uncomfortable at your own party. Just be a gracious host and say hi to the motherfucker and he won't bother you anymore. Exactly. But now you've got some guy you know is unstable and now you're poking him poking the bear literally. And now you're making him mad, but I think that's what she's doing on purpose. I think she's trying to get him so mad that he'll explode or something in public so she could be the victim or whatever. Yeah. She's a fainting flower or whatever. Right. Well, what she should have done is she should have come in with a prop like Luan did with a hula hoop out of nowhere. And I was like, I'm sorry, I'm late, but I brought a hula hoop. I thought it'd be funny. And I was like, what the fuck? I was typing so fast right when she brought that in. I was like, I will give her five seconds to actually start hula hooping and then boom. I couldn't even finish the damn sentence and she's like, look, I'm doing it. Look, I brought a hula hoop. Now watch me do it. I'm being cool. Not uncool. I've got a hula hoop. These are all the rage here and Carol, I'm so embarrassed for her. You're a grown woman. Leave the hula hoop at home. I was like, yeah, I agree with you, except you're dating a child and you just got a new dog named baby that you brought to the party and you rode on his bicycle like a little girl from 1972. Okay. And you play ping pong and you don't pick up the ping pong balls. Okay. So who's the grown up here? Who's the grown up here? Clean your room, your room, Daryl. But, you know, Bethany was, but you know, the thing is, you know, not Bethany, Luan. There's a Luan then goes off to the other group, which is where John and Durindar, she's basically relegated to the B group, which she knows and she does not like, and she's like, well, it's like all the cool girls over there. It's like the populace, the mean girls, like not allowing anyone to sit at the table. And you know, she was actually right. I mean, you know, Bethany and Carol do have a popular girl click thing going on. And the funny thing is that Bethany is even aware of it. She makes a comment about it later. I think Carol is the one who really pushes that. I think Carol is the type. She likes to be the cool girl. She's the one. Remember a few weeks ago I talked about how like the cool kids always sit on like, sit on top of the table and not at the table, you know, she's the type who would sit in the back of the bus and sit high up on the seat, you know, she is the type and it's all coming out again. And you know, like she's with the young guy. And I see this side of her. And I think that Luann is totally right. And I think that Carol is, I think Bethany is susceptible to it. If she's around someone like that and being around Carol, it's coming out of her because they're acting very much like they are, but in their defense, they were sitting at a child's table. Did you notice that that table? That's true. And it was already full. By the way, to be fair, it was already full. It wasn't like that they went and sat someplace away. They were already sitting there when the wind shut up. Yes. And I love the fight with Carol in the land, which I guess we'll get to. I'm trying to see. She didn't even say hello. She didn't even say hello, John. Look, I can smooth this over, baby. Okay. Look, I can always, I can always give to some free cleaning textiles, you know, after the whole party. She's like, Oh, God, John, please don't stop verbatim to stop with the verbatim, John. Not a verbatim. I can't believe he actually said that though. I don't know if he was joking or not, but I feel like he kind of wasn't. So then the popular kids are talking about how everybody else is mortified. Carol's Bethany's like, Oh God, she seems nervous. And Carol's like, well, she hula hoop for Christ's sake. Bethany goes, well, at least she nailed it. I mean, that was a good hula hoop. You got to give a credit. And the Ramona is like, Oh my God, John looks embarrassed. Bethany's like, he should be embarrassed. He's wearing a Snoopy outfit. No, it's not Snoopy. That's Charlie Brown. Hey, okay. Charlie Brown's Snoopy. Who cares? You know, it's like some person in a terrible cartoon that can't listen to adults like I don't know who cares. And then then Carol was like, he's in the shape and in sweaty. I was like, that is so mean. I feel so bad for him. He's so lumpy and sweaty. Okay. Well, well, this is crazy. Well, I'm getting reminded of what I was the little girl around Halloween and I wanted to watch Charlie Brown, great pumpkin special and Jodie and Parsons Smith came in and turned off the TV and says, no, fat girls like you don't get to look at TV shows about fat pumpkins. And I said, whoa, that's crazy. I ran at the forest and I cried the rest of the night into this day. I still can't watch TV shows about pumpkins. So I'm sorry. I can't look at John right now. I'm sorry. I used to love watching Charlie Brown. Okay. And I remember like when the parents would say, Charlie, you know, do your laundry. They would be saying, what, what, what, what, and I thought that was so funny. Okay. And so I told my dad, what I like during dinner, I said, why don't you talk like Charlie Brown, like his parents. And so my dad said, fuck you, stupid idiot, I wish I'd have had you okay. And then he threw spaghetti at my head. Okay. It was like horrible. Yeah. You know, one thing now that I'm really doing a lot of soul searching because I'm really renewed now. I'm a new, I'm a new lady now that Mario is gone and I'm thinking back of what we have gone wrong. And I realized that my wedding vows to Mario were just wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. So of course he left me. Of course. Now I'm like Snoopy. Like I'm like Snoopy now, like flying on a dog house in the air and everyone's like, she's crazy. And I'm like, that's right. Cause I could do whatever I want, high world. You know, next time I go to the books, she is, you know, it better be nice. Otherwise I'm calling Snoopy and we're going to fly off into dog house back to the Hamptons. Okay. Okay. Snoopy. It's my house. What are you talking like that? You're uncomfortable. What's my house? Ah, let's go to the bar. It's in my house. Bethany. Bethany won't confront her own shit, but she's talking to Dorinda Luan and she's like, you know what? I'm going to get you, you don't care to talk. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. I'm going to get you on care all the time. And Luan, typical like 50 something five year olds is like, well, if she doesn't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to her. I'm telling you that much by the way, and in the midst of this, John actually went and actively said hi to Bethany. He's like, hi. And she just walked away. She jumped up and ran away. And then this is when Dorinda has another nugget of wonderful advice. She's like, hey, you have to be nice to your guests. Hey, if you invite Hitler over, you have to be nice to him. You have to be nice to hit list. Hitler puts the Jews on the fire. You pass around some catch up so everybody can enjoy them because it's called marriage to chaos. What you doing? You invite people to your pot. Hey, you invite over a pole pot, you got to be nice to him. It's called pole pot, not pole pan. What does that mean? I don't know. You want to be nice to him. Bethany's so rude. She'd get mad at pole pot for smoking pot. Like he invited pole pot. What do you think it was going to do? Listen, you got Mussolini coming over. You got us to have some Mussolini pasta. If that goes, sure. So Lou passes or Carol, Carol does the same thing Bethany's doing. She tries to run past Lou and Lou and's like, "You can't keep avoiding me forever, Carol." Actually, I can, yeah, I can. She still there's a way. I don't have time for people like that, and then you see Lou and following her. I'm sorry, I just want to tell you that I don't have time for people like you. So everyone's eating, so Carol's trying to make Bethany go. I love that Carol and Bethany are trying to make them go be nice to people that they're being horrible to, but not one of them will do it. So she's like, "I think you should be nice to John." Bethany's like, "Okay, you know what, I should throw him a bump. I should throw him a bump. Smores, smores, smores, smores, smores, smores, smores, smores, smores, smores, smores, lose to the fire." And everyone's just terrified, you know? The jewels comes out and she's like, "Oh, sorry, I was gone so long. I just pooped in every toilet in the house." I was trying to find your indoor swimming pool, but I couldn't find it anywhere. So, you know, I just had a lot of laxative tea. I broke the seal. I've been going in every bathroom. So let's see. So Luan finally joins the smores fire. And Carol is like, "What are you looking at, Luan?" Yeah. Well, it's just good to see you. I haven't seen you in so long. Oh, really? Because last time you were screaming. Well, we both were. No, it was you. Well, we both said so many terrible things. No. It was basically you. Well, I mean, it was both of us though. No, it was you. Well, I mean, but we both have a horse in the race, you know what I'm saying? Who brought up horses? Who brought up horses? Oh, God. Don't bring up horses. Oh, my God. I grew up like a racetrack. Oh, God, dude. Literally, I'm dead. It's my house. Someone brought up a racetrack in my house. I'm dead. I'm dying. So then, you know, Luan basically takes no accountability and she's like, "Well, we both said terrible things." And then, like, I said, one thing and Luan's like, "Well, look, it's not what was said." She's like, "Yeah, it is." She rented it. Yeah. Yeah. "Call me a pedophile and you made up stories about me breaking up your niece's relationship." "Well, I just want to move on." "Well, of course she did. It's all your fault." All right. Well, she's like, "Well, I don't want to live in the past." Like, Luan, just, you know, it's like Luan, you just say you're sorry at the very least. Like, I'm really sorry for what I said. I was really mad. I've gotten over it. "I own it, baby." "I own it." And girls like, "Just a month ago, you were saying I had a ghostwriter." And Luan goes, "Well, look, we're basically a green. We're a green, aren't we?" And I like that Luan, eventually Luan's just trying to, like, move forward. She's like, "Hey, it's over, man. It's over." "Get me, man. Get me, man." "Get me, man." "Get me, man." "Do-do-do, man. Okay? It's over. Do-do-do-do." You know what would make you feel better watching me hula. All right, just sit right there. I'll do it Do do do do do do do do do do do do man Do do do do do man, we're gonna go select a lungo Zelda God remember when that game was in screen I think actually when you dive in Zelda goes Got my knees Zelda like the news out the new version and it's like okay walk for five miles through a field and find an ocarina I was like, this is not Zelda. That is so fun Like I have such warm memories to of when I bought Zelda ocarina of time in 1998 like that month December of 98 was like such a warm time as I explored the fields of Hyrule and the castles and I saved up so many jewels and saved a princess. So when you need saving give me a call Carol. Okay We all we all killed so many monsters Carol now you did You said out you said I was screwing Lincoln. That made me a pedophile. Well, he's 10 years old. So what he chose Listen we all we all we all kidnapped several princesses. Okay, we all do that now just yeah If you're not sorry, you're a monster Listen, we all did dirty deeds forgotten. Okay, that's something we all did. I'm phony ass jewels Oh my god. I invited Luan to my brunch. I had no idea that she didn't get along with Carol. Oh my god This is crazy. What's gonna happen? I must be machugena. I must be machuganato That's the only Japanese word. I know. Okay, so Get it. Yes, checky. Have a seat. So John John's at the bar. It's like this but at least birthday. It didn't Oh, I didn't realize it's Bethany's birthday. Way to go. You motherfucker. He's like a Happy birthday. I didn't know it was your birthday check. No, actually my birthday was the day that you said I'd never find love And that I stole skinny counts. So great. That was a great birthday too. Thanks for always being a talk Yeah, by the way, that's the greatest birthday present Bethany could have gotten like to have someone yell at her on her birthday is Like her dream come true. Yeah, she got to be a victim on a birthday. It's like her favorite thing Yeah, the only thing that was missing was an ability to pee in a bucket on camera So in the time that this party has been going on Derinda has Sobbed smiled lapped sobbed again cried scratched herself. Yeah It's like a big sock puppet situation like a lot of emotions on that sock puppet It's a restless wrist So finally Bethany after torturing her all day was like, you know what? I'm a good person So I'm gonna do this for to rent that I'm just gonna talk to John. Hey, I said I'm gonna go out there I'm gonna talk to John. So look, I'm gonna go talk to John We're gonna do this in my house like it's my house. Well, I'm gonna talk to John right now my house Pulls him aside And then destroys him terrified he looks terrified He is talking such a big game of like I'm not afraid. I'm not nervous in all the entire party He is shifting around and gulping and so finally he's up against the monster That is Bethany and he just he can't even he can't even Participate in this conversation because she just she just tears him down at every point even when he's biggest his biggest a's in the holes You've been telling everyone that I'm an opportunist like he's like you're the biggest opportunist here. Yeah. Well. Yeah, I'm proud of it I'm an object to do it myself. I'm everything myself. What do you do? You just go you clean things. That's not an opportunity, okay? That's just cleaning. Okay, you're the help. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay, literally. I can't like my wall is up my wall is up See opens with your a drunk She's like do you remember what happened like do you remember what happened? And you blow too many rails like like what the hell you high right now Have you enjoyed your heroin like did you do enough heroin to apologize right now? Like Gee Vincy the barbecue up front. It's sick. It's sick Did you see my sick barbecue? It's not it's like sick and the kids wait not in the sick like you're a drunk And you need help kind of a way so you can remember what you said to meet the other day, okay? It's like I'm rude. I was rude and I was abrupt. I apologize I don't care like be rude be stupid be fat like what do I care? What am I telling you don't be fat and stupid? I don't care be who you want, but it's not my business unless it's my business Okay, and then you're coming here with this big smoking gun to take me down remember that you big smoking gun like like what was that? He's like I was that was on call for I was rude. I am stupid D'Rinda's like on a walkie-talkie into his earpiece. Okay, okay. So you're stupid. So say sorry again. Jan Jan say sorry Jan say sorry The holidays are upon us and Whole Foods Market is your holiday headquarters whether you're hosting or a guest and press everyone at your table with Exceptional flavors and enchanting host gifts for all your holiday gatherings find sales on show-stopping proteins like Whole Foods Market beef brisket Golden King crab clusters and lobster tails and their new organic spiral cut bone in ham If ever I need a good piece of fish a good piece of meat I am going to Whole Foods It is without question the best place for me to find those sort of things look for sales on curated cheeses to create a grazing board Everyone will love while the dinner is getting cooked You're in the right place to get all the best you could from all like nuts dried fruit and chocolate I love chocolate if you're in a hurry and forgot something or simply want to avoid the holiday crowds relax Order everything you need for a great holiday gathering online at Whole Foods Market on Amazon for easy pickup and delivery Make Whole Foods Market your holiday headquarters Audible's best of 2024 picks are here from memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear it 2024 is best in audio entertainment Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984 and first of all ever it's brilliantly subversive James audible There's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again Because I last time I read that was back in I don't know middle school or something like that And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on audible Especially when it's told by a full cast like that like it's a full production That's gonna be like a radio play, you know, that's major go to audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you That's audible.com/crapins Oh listen, what's the stop selling John? Is that so bad? Is that so bad? I said stop selling John? He's like you still everything. Yeah, dude This is a dumbest fight ever exactly, but she got him because he like didn't know what he was apologizing for like Which is like what do you apologize? What's what's what's what's what's what what's the apology for? He's like well for whatever. I said who did that upset you then I apologize I'm sorry that I care about dorinda enough to care when you hurt her so I'm apologizing for you know standing up for the woman I love so what do you mean what were you standing up for like what was it? He's like I love dorinda so I apologize like oh with that like yeah get out of here. She just took him down The way Bethany does it's funny I mean like I sort of see why people thought it'd be a good idea to give her a talk show because the way She can undress someone with her tongue. Is that the right word undress? You know I'm saying you can say that with your like when you when you like take someone down. That's undress, right? Dressed with your tongue sounds weird, but I think it's hard now. I'm gonna deny it. I'll be like, okay I'll say that now for the rest of the week. I better look that up because if I'm She's undressing John with her tongue. That's really If they're gonna give her a talk show they should have given her a billow rally type talk show where he's like Exactly people on it and yells at them, but they have something on where you're like, oh you make you make flower arrangements? Yes, so do I here's mine like what's yours mind better than yours, right? Like is it me? My flower arrangements are better than yours, right? Maybe stress down. Maybe that's the word. Maybe that's the phrase. I don't remember and now it's all just getting worse and worse Dress down. That's it. Yeah, I give you a dressing down, right? She the way she undressed John No awful fan fiction so no, I mean the way she can give someone a tongue lashing It's really is really phenomenal and she should have had like a mori pova Just kind of show or someone where she just gets like the drug is society out and she just tears them down But what you said you couldn't remember look here's here's your memory Come on out memory. Liah. It's a fucking she doesn't need one of those shows where she's just always pinning someone down I like on this show how they don't they don't wait for it You know, it's not like this whole storyline of passive aggressive behavior She's just like you're drunk. You're an asshole. I said it He's like you stole a brand then they yelled at each other or Carol being like we're not friends. You're mean to me You're horrible to me. I don't even want to be your friend. Don't talk to me. Don't speak to me. Go away Exactly. I mean Carol's in the right by the way as much as we're saying she's acting like a snotty like a popular girl She's actually in the right But either way, so Derinda starts so then cry of course She's like I'm gonna I'm in a terrible position. I'm in a terrible position. No, and she starts to cry and next He knows she's coming up with another strange metaphor. She's like it's like I'm putting a circle in a square and I'm a triangle You know, it's like it's a position cuz John fucked up here and like I got it But I want to build a relationship with Bethany But also like I love John, you know like I'm between like a stick and like it just a big rubbery wall You know like a wallplace like oh Derinda. I just want I just want everyone to know that if If if John is the square and Beth needs a circle and she's a triangle They have actually now made the upn logo. I just want to put that out there They have the ratings of it. That's for sure It's more exciting than anything that was on there. I love Bethany's idea of being sweet. She's like look look okay Look, I love Derinda. So look here's what I'm gonna do. Okay. Here's what I'm gonna do I have to put aside being repulsed by your boyfriend I'm gonna be the bigger woman and I'm you know what I'm gonna make nice with John So this is her making us John. Hey John. I like Derinda. So we're good. Bye Derinda. We're good. Okay. We'll drive it out for Derinda. He's like thanks. That was nice Just walks away. It was actually the nicest thing Bethany's ever done on this show, so All right, so you know what? Okay. Fine. You know it's like everyone like walk away from the fire pit. It's smoking It's not what fire pits do. Okay, it's um, you know what? It's a good party. It's a good party after all Look the party was terrible. It's the end of the party. I feel happy. It was the you know a terrible party. I've won Yeah, all right, everybody go home. Get out. Yeah. Um and then right when you think it can't get any better They're like next week on real house house in New York and John's like, oh, it's a piece. I'm allergic to bees Yeah, that was amazing when they I was like and the funny part is when that bee scene happened It was a pretty minor scene. They just put it in there because I want the audience to laugh at John So speaking of which we it's the next morning And you know the the new tradition on real housewives of New York City Is that there's always a at a hamptons episode in the beginning of the season maybe two And there's also inevitably a brunch that no one wants to go to every single season Someone makes a brunch like if you're on that show do not sign up to do brunch because no one ever wants to go And now it's jewels who jewels wants to have us brunch and she's gonna have a bagel with a schmeer a bagel with a schmeer And by the way, this is a conversation I had Uh on the banter blender a few months ago Uh, remember Jessica Ogilvie she came on as a guest on this show once Yeah She was we we used to get bagels a lot together and we had a whole episode talking about bagels And we talked about how annoying it is when people say a schmeer Because no one really says schmeer like no like no jews that I know say i'll have that with a schmeer Like no one says that it's it's like New Yorkers not going to sash your liberty or the empire state building You know, it's just it's not it's like something people say when they're like trying to be like New Yorkie or jewishy So the fact that jewels is sitting around be like, hey, we're gonna have a schmeer Hey, welcome over for a schmeer. I'm like, please stop jewels Well, I think she's probably gone to some kind of hit in a therapist or something where she even hears cream cheese You know, she'll start bleeding out of her eyes. She's got to use alternate words So the funny thing is that john is like, uh, can I have a bagel now? Do i have to wait for everyone? John can I have a bagel before I die? And I love that typical he's such a real housewife john because he's getting attacked by bees And he's like I didn't bring my epipin. I didn't think I would have to like now. It's everybody else's fault that there's bees So then meanwhile what I love is carland bethaneer driving to jewell's his house and they are being such Bitches about it like making all these like underhanded comments. They're like wow, it's so far away Where are we are we even close like this is like on the wilderness? Well, you know, you can get a lot of land for a good price here. That's what it is. Oh, look here's her mcmanchin Okay, what's that noise? All right, it's under construction. Okay, like so many little nags It was it was like the return of quag Oh, man. Bethany is an evil human being and man, she makes me laugh really really hard Now, why am I laughing so hard at her? I know I should hate her and I do sometimes but god. She's so funny to me Yeah, I know she's I mean she's like and so awful like she walks in she comes to the brunch the first thing She's like oh my god. You're pool. It's like it's like this is going in for seven years Like this is like too much like seven years like like the earth was made in seven days Like this does not take seven years like this is too much Like you're gonna lose so much money like you have to be organized like like there shouldn't be things on the floor Like I did I did five houses in two months. Okay. This is too much like literally like where's typanington? Like we need an extreme extreme house makeover right now But for my soul like literally my walls up my walls up and my walls out going up faster than your walls are So I have to ask you When did the show end because my last thing was but Bethany saying it was my best birthday I haven't cried and then next week bees attacked john. Did I miss a whole section? Yeah, you missed the last 20 minutes You're kidding me Yeah, no, oh my god. Okay. Just tell me what happened. I'm so mortified Nothing to be fair. Nothing really happened. Wait, did you get it off of like the torrent or something or no? I was watching it live on bravo. My computer did run out of batteries Wait, you probably thought the show is you probably what happened was you probably just thought the show is over And you probably thought that was seen from next week, but that was just there was still 20 more minutes Oh, so john getting it back by bees was today in this show. Yeah, you were probably so confused I was well, I thought well, I'll just go with it, but then it kept going. I was like how much of this did I miss? I miss that much So i'm so embarrassed Literally your walls up you're like walls up no more episode like if i have to watch any more of this I have to watch anymore on long island like I will be down with that. I'll be fine Don't even give me any much anymore minutes to watch like I can't well They can't change the structure of these shows like it's a terrible party the party ends and then the next episode There's another terrible party who throws two terrible parties into one episode Okay, so here's what happened. Oh, so now now you now I know why you're probably so confused about all the stuff that I was saying um so So, okay, so they get to the house they get to brunch And Bethany they they give a tour of the house because you know it's under construction And Bethany is like oh my god flash back to the van campins and they flash back to when Bethany visited Simon and Alex's house And she was so mean about the floors just like I mean like you should have warned me that the floor was under Zonda construction like this is crazy, you know, and remember she got into like all sorts of trouble about that So it was like this, but she kept her mouth shut about that sort of but she was kind of like She's like so when's it all gonna be done because you know they're doing this giant pool Basketball court it looks like and they're like, oh, it's gonna be a it's a seven-year project It's just like seven years seven years. That's crazy. You have to be organized You have to get everything organized because you know what you're gonna lose a lot of money because guess what once it's all done You're gonna have a million more problems. I never even anticipated So if you think the problems are bad now they're gonna get even worse You want to finish it as soon as possible. Otherwise just be a huge money pit She's like going on and on and on and on And of course are like offended and jules is like I'm proud of my house Like I don't see anything wrong with hosting a party during a construction site Stupid and then So Bethany is just going in about how they should be doing their construction What sort of schedule they should be on yada yada yada just with carol And by the way she and carol want to leave they on their drive over They're like they're like let's stay for an hour and go with like but the brunch is only seven people We can't just like go which is exactly what happened remember last season. There was that whole issue Yes, because Bethany had the competing brunch Exactly with Ramona's and they all have to leave Bethany's brunch to go to Ramona's brunch and no one wants to go to Ramona's brunch So anyway So so they're there then the win shows up and you know Just in the cheek for carol or whatever and carol's like i want to go i want to go i want to go So then they're like okay, we're gonna go And um, oh this is when john was tormented by the bees the bees come and he was like dodging them And he's like he's like i'm a larger But pretty much everything you saw on the preview is everything that you saw is that okay happened? And then uh glad we're being nice to each other now carol Did someone put this uh food together for you because carol will steal him so Chain him to a table or something So so then um the other thing is so jules puts out all this food But she doesn't need any of it and Bethany's like it's like am i the one noticing this like am i not like it's a classic Like you know, you put out a lot of food you don't have any like this is classic like am i the only one who sees this? Am i crazy like literally walls up and then Bethany does her over exaggerated eating i'm sure she's like look I'm eating a piece of popcorn like but you see me you see me eating popcorn, right? Look how i'm eating Popcorn that's in my mouth. I'm eating i'm not anorexic like she's a problem so she uh, yeah, so she She's talking about anorexia. She's like she has a problem Um, and then uh so then they want to leave Bethany and carol want to leave and jules is like i can't believe they want to leave so quickly like it's so rude and um but michael's like wait before you leave i want to give you a tour of The house they're going out they're like we're gonna go on an abbreviated tour And he like takes him to the pool and he's like so my plan is that we're gonna do a pool because the kids We want to come here at any time of the year and then we're thinking about doing a bar here We're not sure and it was really weird because It sounded like he was pitching The construction site to Bethany like like it's almost like after he After she undressed him with her tongue He he you could see he was like embarrassed And so he wanted to be like no, no, no, like we're doing something cool. It's actually like really cool And and Bethany's like aha And then he then like luan joins the tour and then he shows like this other door He's like and then out this door somebody else and carol and Bethany literally run away Run through the house and out the front door and they drive off Yeah, i would say by what the hell Yeah, it was actually like pretty um, it was pretty immature And then jules is like, you know when people act like that, you know, it makes me not like them and you know i put a wall up I was like, uh-oh wall is up wall is up She's gonna be competing with Bethany's walls up now This woman who's never seen the show and had no idea luan didn't like carol Exactly and i should mention by the way that when uh, Bethany and uh carol showed up That john opened the door for them and Bethany's like i mean like does john have to open the door Like it's like it's like can i have a minute can i just have like a break? Like what just yeah, it's open like what like i think that like jules should have opened the door for me Like this is ridiculous like that john's opening the door. It's like it's like too much Like i can't like literally i'm crying like i'm on the floor crying like tell me right now Like put a put a dagger through my throat like lady you're the one who is Like you're too much It's like one princess You're not on the door and then boom that's out of the hut You know like i'm think i'm just gonna get swallowed whole like is that brunch what am i the shmir For lunch what is what is that i'm the shmir? This is not my house. Have you seen my house? I have a house. I have a house. I have a house I have a house Sorry i had to leave but that pool like what was that it was a pool It was a bar like how are you gonna fit that many letters on the wall? There's like not any letters left in the Ross like pool bar house like what is what does that make up your mind? Brand this pool branding. I'm out lost rap so That was that that was That was real houses in New York City And now we can move on to Clear the flam. I had to just I had just throw it at throw it in there because I was like otherwise we're gonna forget again Yes, I was gonna forget it. I was going to forget it I'm bringing it up. She had a ridiculous one the other day. Let's see if I can find it So for those of you who are new to this we are going over the instagram account of Caroline Fleming of ladies of london Yes, she is a national treasure and we love her Her instagram account for being Just totally daffy at all times You can tell how much I go on instagram because right when I put i-n it says instagram.com/carolineflemmingofficial because i'm i Use that so here is a picture of her walking through london She has like an overcoat on draped over her shoulders She has she's holding up a bag She's holding sunglasses in her hand and she's looking off to the right to her right As if she's distracted by something with a smile when she's clearly just posing and she goes Another gorgeous day in london amazing how energizing the sun is Exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point we have been up since 430 for these past few nights Yet all are happy and refreshed have a great day Restore with the sun off to exciting meeting now ex base ex hashtag new tv show Also, i'm sorry. Oh, there's some others hashtag new tv show at Thal a blank hashtag tote at diesel hashtag coat at diesel black gold at celine paris hashtag shoes and Hashtag jumper god this lady can sell anything She's selling like 20 products in one snap now Yeah, mine is her with one of her adorable little kids and she's like Have she's holding her bracelet with him and he's it's like a space selfie. Someone's taking it from really high And she's like please help us to support hashtag foundation hashtag Karak's maternity hashtag - a new bracelet from kara jewelry as a celebration of all caps life By supporting and purchasing this bracelet. We are celebrating new life the lived life and also the precious life Which is totally different from the new and the lived life Those are not precious. The bracelet is decorated with a small envelope with the word liv Life in danish engraved it can be used as a gift for a new mother a christening a birthday gift a symbol of overcoming illness Or a celebration of life Website website website our portion of the proceed go directly going with so long go to directly to maternity Foundations work to reduce maternal and newborn mortality in ethiopia Website again, thank you so much for your help x space x space x Space prices approximately dkk 450 to 490 approximately 45 Hashtag yoga mat hashtag oriental rug hashtag dress jesus christ lady I have one more one last one and then we'll go on to southern charm Because we have to we have to get our show on the road here. So This is one of her walking down the same sidewalk. This is a different day Also looking after her right that's her favorite pose and she's wearing this blue and red shirt and a blue dress And she's holding a cookbook, which is basically a picture of herself and she's walking down the street and she goes Feel so bright and full of energy even though I have slept under 10 hours in four days and nights Must be a combination of this wonderful weather great sessions with truebie at truebie app and indulging in all my favorite things I believe that whatever you crave is what you need. So enjoy yourself x space x at salam kartani hashtag skirt and hashtag top at The la blanc hashtag bag heart heart and my new cookbook to give away now x space x space x w w dot linda hottie grumpler of luck dot dk What do craves has what you need? Which is why I will dive diabetes Okay, bitch I crave snickers have fun with your jar of homemade almond butter dodo bird What do craves what you need like all the people who crave the harrowing You don't need that it's so badly Southern charm Southern charm Okay, uh, so we'll sort of go character by character, but i've also got a lot of notes I'm just kind of trying to weave through a bunch of it So I first of all, I just like the way the show opens with Like someone walking on a straight, but someone ironing So thomas is He's in he's driving by jadie's house because he's in the neighborhood It's like how many people are in this neighborhood everyone's always dropping by people's houses Catherine and thomas they probably do that to everyone. Well, it's just in the neighborhood I was just in the neighborhood. Damn it. They're both in the neighborhood So drops by jadie who's like the official poster boy for good old boys of america's like what's going on man? It's morning Ah So um we we learn this is an important thing. This is important because we learned that after the uh the polo match Catherine Catherine calhoun dennis was so Upset about thomas not signing lease on her house that she had to go to the hospital Yes, go see how to fit so then he called and said i'm not signing that lease So then she had to go to a hospital and now thomas is like, well, I don't want to upset the baby So i'm gonna sign the lease and jadie's like Hey now, I don't know a whole lot about women One thing I do know things about is poka and that girl seems like she's bluffing to me And thomas is like, well, it's a good bluff. It is not she comes to the hospital every five minutes every time you upset her It's a terrible bluff Exactly. I like uh land and being bitchy later on when she's like, you know People go to the hospital every day come the fuck down Yes, I love bitchy land in But um, but now the funny thing was the outcome of all this is that ravenell has now decided that the new enemy of the state Is jennifer snouting? She's the one causing all the problems Yep, and he is going hard hard hard hardcore after jennifer jadie's i well katherine's in the hospital a Sorry to hear that buddy It's jennifer's fault Jennifer yeah because so for people who don't really remember jennifer She was on last season she made her premiere debut. I think last season she may have been season one But we didn't notice her she was thomas is a very very good friend And then uh katherine was afraid that they had slept together and then jennifer's like no I never sleep with thomas. So then katherine and jennifer became really good friends and then this season she's like, well, okay I did sleep with thomas, but whatever So now it was with katherine he's a liar. He is not a good person. Yeah, so uh, so now like katherine and jennifer are best friends And I have to admit I don't think jennifer is the root of all the evil here. I think that thomas and katherine are just totally dysfunctional toxic toxic people But I do find it strange that jennifer hangs around considering this situation I think it is a little weird that she'd be she attached herself to katherine Well, she gets to complain about a man all day Have fun katherine would never be friends with her in real life. She's just desperate And also she gets to be on tv I mean, I kind of I don't get an evil vibe from jennifer But I do think that someone who's been on this show now two or three years I don't know how long it's been but two or three years let's say even if it's two To be filming a show and then people are like who's that girl? And wait a second you were having an affair with thomas and you're still not a regular on the show like you're wasting opportunity And so she's like, okay, great. I'll be on the show, but I don't think she knows how to do it She's gonna get evil. Everyone plays a role. I mean again what i've said about the show Before is that there's a good ever expanding universe of characters and they all are sort of all getting intermix and intertwined We see later on at the flamingo party that there's a moment between cooper and patricia where he's like I'm so sorry behind and out with katherine, you know, it was never it was never to gossip or to be mean I wasn't upset with you at all darlin. You can talk to whoever you'd like to Yeah, she's like Looks very low ramp to me. He's kind of like a poor man's Truman capote Ouch. I'm not really liking him the way he gossips about everybody Oh That says queen gossifer by the way. Yes the instant he shot a scene with her He fucked his life up with her. He did he fucked up everything she cut him out and then her excuse was like Uh, well, um, so I just haven't been able to see because you know, I've just been I've had people in out towns I just have been previously engaged for so long Well, she's not gonna she's not gonna fight with this queen, but she's done with him. She cut him off And I would like to remind this bitch What happened to all of true men capote swans? You can read about it in the book the tell all that he wrote about all of them Completely crushing them and it ruined his life, but he is this guy is similar to term and capote He's like some little queen. He's wheezing his way into everybody's life and He's got everybody secrets. So watch out over there patricia. Yeah, but he he doesn't have the talent You don't need it. It's a different time telling you don't need a book. You don't need to be able to write books We have the internet mound on it. We have blogs. That's true. So meanwhile, uh, so as the show began After this these opening scenes, then we have like this montage of this is what everyone's doing And so the update is that camera and stomach is loud Landin is cleaning something and craig can't figure out how to copy and paste on his computer So things are toodling on long quite well Things that the post office called the mailing center the mailing center. That was the best So shep goes over that to make sure that that craig fills out his bar application craig craig craig's like man shut She's not like velcro my photo onto the application. I'm like what? This guy should not be in charge of anyone's future and I have a glue stick and I also have velcro I'm going to be this country's first lawyer slash hotelier slash bourbon maker Does it bother you that? Shep gives craig so much shit, but shep doesn't really do much either like congratulations You bought some dive bar with money you didn't earn like what the hell he doesn't but he doesn't need to It's weird for some reason he gets a pass because he doesn't need to it bugs me It bugs me that shep he's like do you know anything about the bourbon business craig? He's like well lord knows we drink enough of it Here's the thing shep just wants to bring craig up to a level where he can be he wants to bring craig up to his level Okay, so he's like you got to do the work. You got to become wealthy so that way you can hang with me appropriately And so i'm going to help you like you you have to accept my help because otherwise i've got no one to hang out with Exactly. I still need someone younger and hotter than me that can bring lots of pussy around So please get your act together because yeah, I don't want porpoise anymore. Okay, i'm getting older By the way, I just want to make a general note if you've noticed uh Cameron's dress in the um Professionals where she wears red she actually has a settlers of cattan board on her dress And I really love it. I don't know if you notice that they're like these these hexagon cutouts all around her chest It's settlers a cattan. That makes me so happy. I know I love that girl Oh Cameron Cameron at diarrhea and is talking about being scared of having a baby I don't care. I didn't watch this on this show. Baby scene. I don't care. So then um, it's time for the flamingo party set up Everything has to be perfect because it's gonna be photograph or patricious I'll be photographing this from my entertainment book. We're gonna have a tower of rosé It's one of my signature things to do to make cocktail towers. I'm like that's your signature thing to do You were just a very bored woman. It requires a lot of mathematics We get a whole team here from Caltech to come in and make sure it's just right. You ever see the Lexus commercial where they play a champagne tower on top of the Lexus and get wheels spinning that's actually based on my parties Look at that my car. Mm. Instead of water coming out of it. It's chocolate. That's one of my trade mocks She's like trademarking it from everything from every 70s wedding Spock lives are actually one of my trade marks. I I invented those once I love that she tells the gay guy who's doing the uh, the big guy. He's doing the party for us She's like mad. Did we get a fortune teller that looks like a fortune teller? Yeah, which is funny because the fortune teller who showed up looked nothing like a classic fortune teller She looked like, you know, katie parry meets a laid-off blockbuster employee. Yeah, she looked like a homeless kind of katie parry homeless katie parry pretty much So um so then we have a scene of land and and craig driving around this is so this is where jennifer calls up craig It's like I just want you to know that uh kathleen wound up being the hospital last night because Thomas was mean to her so she started bleeding out of her vagina So Thomas didn't even come see her. She didn't even come at all. She was all alone So craig's like, oh, he's like, oh, man. That's awful. And that's when landin was like, well, a lot of people go to the hospital like fuck her or whatever So, um sick of being manipulated by this baby I'm gonna get my nails done But I was happy. I was like, I was like good for you landin because you're right like you should say something To us at least because it is it is actually really disgusting the way that kathleen uses the baby to manipulate a situation I mean, it's it's obvious Well, kathleen doesn't even hide it like the next scene is kathleen and it's clown music as she's talking about it By the way that ever famous bravo clown music. She's talking about almost dead baby to clown music. Okay Well, tommy's upset me so much that I had to go to the hospital and the baby could have died Ring ring Hello, Thomas. She's like, well, um, sign in the lease Oh, great. Thank you so much. You know, all I need is a stable place to live That's all and you know some movers and you know, could I get some money for groceries? And you know, this is necklace that I really like I really need it because the baby needs to see what jewelry looks like She's she doesn't even know how gross she's being and in a way, I agree with her, you know, she's like Tom the least Thomas can do is support his bait like part of it. She says actually Co-signing on these houses the least he can do for me. I'm like wait a second No, no, no, no, no, that is not the least he can do for you. Like the least he can do for you is making sure he gives you more money That's for sure to support the baby, but he doesn't have to co-sign on a house for you That's ridiculous. You have a house. You have a plantation even have a frickin slave cemetery there Okay, like you're not like in some crappy studio apartment with cockroaches crawling all over and rats in the walls You're living comfortably as it is right now So don't act like you're impoverished don't act like he needs to keep a roof over your house when you already have a perfectly huge one That's bigger than like 85 percent of the country lives under so just be quiet about that stopping such a spoiled brat He does is he should give you more money per month. He should he is a shitty dad I'll give you that but don't say co-signing the house with the least he can do for you Well, it gets worse because he's like, well, do you need help moving darling? Because now they're just going to do that whole we're nice to each other thing and she's thrilled that she gets what she wants But she's like, I'm excited but also disturbed like next time I'll have to decapitate the baby It takes more and more every time You know, I had to bleed in my hospital next time. I'm gonna have to cut off a little toe How do you top this like she's gonna have to come up with new shit to do every time of these Every single time so now it's time for the party patricia tries on some really super fab watermelon shoes And then uh, thomas has us this like new friend that looks like a creepy orlando bloom type And he's like trying to set her up with landin and landin comes to thomas's house in a golf cart before the party And he's like landin a lot to introduce you to creepy mouse face over here. And she's like nice to meet you Well, she's like Disappears back into the shadows. There was some creepy extra work going on here. There was this homeless guy the homeless The homeless chick reading the cards. I'm like, do you guys have any budget? Is there anybody in this town? It doesn't look like you just dragged them in off the street I know And then they go to the party and craig, you know craig always tries so hard to be trendy I love how he thinks he's such a fashionista like he shows up with this crazy pink and black I'm sure with a bow tie undone and this like casual like chic accessory way And he he brings this enormous martini glass from nayomi and he gives it to Patricia. He's like, well nayomi couldn't make it. So this is from her and Patricia's like, oh isn't this nice It doesn't fit in with my 18th century chalcy porcelain, but i'm sure i'll find a place where it's somewhere But it is plastic and transparent It's so gaudy that it can't fit in somewhere. It's like lady. You're acting like you're classy You're in a fucking flamingo party in a captain with your 50-year-old child trying to bone children And then you have jd over there. He's sipping one of the cocktails the pink cocktail He's like tasty, but i'm ready for a boobin Nothing will disturb me more than Shep dating this Who is this girl that shep brings to the party? She's four feet tall and she looks like she's 10. Who is that? I don't know, but I like how all the women were like, who is this trashy girl? She looks like a child He would he's gonna get in trouble for child porn and like I get that they date younger I get it, but this girl is too young too young too young too young too young So then shep jumps into the pool. That was like ridiculous And um and I loved how like she was Patricia was getting her fortune red so she got splashed on and she's like, ha ha ha what a fun party But you know inside she was like, oh, that ship is off the list for future engagements Yeah, totally. Well, it's always funny to her when it's a man who's doing it like Thomas You know knocking some woman up not paying his child support for years. It's not giving a shit about the baby That's all fine. Like that's fine with her. She loves it. Those men are crazy, but any woman she like Takes them down to the nails, you know. Yeah. Well, I think that she holds them up to her standards to be honest I think it's a case, you know a Cooper later on was like well She sees him cast and what she used to be which may have the grand truth to it But I think really what it is is that Patricia sort of Things that women should act a certain way and when they don't act away the way she The way she sees that she she lives her life. Then she thinks that they're trash, which is why she's trash That's the thing. I think it's that self-hating thing like within communities You know, we've talked about it a million times and I think she's got host self-hatred It's like she sees this young lady doing everything that she did You think she wasn't getting herself pregnant with rich guys to get their money. Please like that's how she's built her empire What the hell is she ever done? Yeah, that's true. So then um, Thomas finds out that Jennifer has been telling people Uh that he didn't go visit Catherine and Thomas is like, I went there. I was there for two hours So now Thomas is all mad and while he's mad, uh, oh, I forgot to mention at one point There was this other girl that chef was interested in and land in I love this land in is such a like a southern Underminer she goes to this woman that chef is about to bone and she's like, I think he's been out with every single one of my friends at this point Oh You're so undermining but then also admitted that she's kind of got a place mark on chef I always do admit. I always do wonder what it would be like if we ended up together, but he's not ready yet So she's like definitely holding that. Um, I don't know why this jumped out at me I've never noticed this but when Thomas was going off about Jennifer to all the guys he's like Well Of course, this is all Snowden's work. Great. Yeah, Snowden called me and said you didn't go to the hospital like it's Icky leaks, you know, yeah, exactly all of Jennifer causing all this shit Track her down from country to country. It's not that the country's doing all this shit It's it's someone's talking about it and it's funny because you know now that her face looks totally different She's really following its note and split steps. She'll be a whole different gender soon so um So then speaking of what Jennifer shows up and she has like this flamingo headband and The people at the party the greeters at the party are like, oh, we love your headband She's like, oh, thank you I had to drive with my my head to the side And I was watching with my friend Neil and was like, why didn't you just take it off in the car? Why are you driving with that to your side with a headband on? I didn't think that far ahead Also, they showed her putting it on in the daytime And then she showed up like two hours after the party like where was she going with that thing on her head? I know so then um So then Thomas confronts Jennifer about the lies that she's and he kind of busts her. He's like, I He's like you you went and said like you went and told craig got in show up. I was there for two hours No, I never said that you didn't come. I just said you didn't stay overnight That's all but then when they cut to the conversation craig was like, well, why was she so upset? She said, well, it's just that Thomas isn't there and then yep, then actually she really didn't say yeah, he goes both ways You know, she didn't really say he never came. Yeah, I agree But but it was funny because they like Thomas heard it wrong and then she changed her story Anyway, on top of the story that would have exonerated either way either way though, but she did elude. I will say that Semantically she said Thomas isn't there but the implication that Thomas didn't ever come and uh, so that's a little that is shady She is the shadier of the two so you get into a big fight. She's like, tell me it's Thomas. Tell me it's now You get in the wrong now no and he gets mad and then he goes over to the bar and he's like, I'll have a water And kneel my friend. It was like that was the one choice One wise choice has ever made him his life order a glass of water And then of course he's got Whitney behind him like no get him a drink Yeah He's just yelled at a woman at a party So tacky and then Jennifer's like get her out of your house and then so patricia goes up She's like, what do you do in tattle-tailing? You you calling in a report, honey She brings michael over and she opens the front door. She's like, we got a spy on our mist michael This patricia's like loving it. I love also jennifer on the phone is like Thomas is spitting vitriol at the top of his stupid lungs Stupid stupid lungs. Yes, of course jennifer immediately whips out her phone and Thomas is like you see that's gonna set her That could kill my baby. What she's doing right now. She'll kill the baby get her out of here That's a home wrecker. You got right there as like you never had a home you asshole You never married this girl in the first place You knocked up some teenager and left her and no one wrecked her home. You asshole. It was like a wreck wrecker She just wrecked the wreck more Yeah, a wreck wrecker I love that he's trying to make it like it's jennifer's fault for saying anything, but it's not Thomas's fault for Saying okay now I won't sign your lease because you may be mad. I fucking people. It's all fucked up So anyway, a really fun episode of southern charm. I really do love this show even if we went through a little faster Uh, it's merely because we have a big show today. Um, but I do really love southern charm Um, and i'm excited to now get into Beverly hills. We're gonna do this can be like a Moment because we're going to transform. We're going to move from talking over skype to talking in person We're gonna have to see each other in real life. Shower here. I call having it We're having a we're having a um a scene change in the middle of podcast Consider the scene changed now. We're at the hollywood improv with the lovely and hilarious Heather mcdonald Here we are with Heather Heather mcdonald. Thank you so much for coming back on to our crazy podcast. Oh my god. People love it. I was just telling you that um There was this uh guy who's really smart and is working with me now oscar because he'll probably listen to this because he listens And he said I never watched celsie lately. I listened to watch rit crappins I heard you on the show. I thought you were funny. So I started listening to juices cube with heather mcdonald And so look at that. That's amazing. Look at how the world works. It's crazy talking crap on podcasts I am making friends. I invited my friend niel to come and sit on the couch during this because he's like a huge heather mcdonald fan Oh my god. I love how he's a little shy. Yeah, he's a little shy which is funny He's a big hmf Hashtag hmf. I like that that your group is called hump Oh my god, so excited to have you here. This is a way we actually get to talk to people Really like I mean, you know what that is. What's great too about having my podcast too because I'll See my friends that are actors and comedians and reality stories. I don't want to have friends with I know i'm going to get to visit with them. You know, so it's kind of great. I know I never get to see you in real life In real life. I'll see you at pump for a guess we're going saturday Going to pump pump. No I'm going to heather and terry de bros book party. Whoa, where's that? my god Ronnie did claw hands. Have we seen you since we came up with our claw hands? No, why which is that when heather talks she makes little crab claw hands. She goes like this. She's like, you're right That's not appropriate That's funny That's really funny. Do you have to speak more? Relatively do damn rah You know what I hate I had a friend that I just called her on it and she was telling her story shows And then this one writes and she does her thumbs I'm like, first of all, no one texts is like that when these two make them and i'm like, you don't have to do that Are you gonna say and then they wrote an email? Yeah, you're typing. I always Like we got it. This is telling what it said I always do crazy email fingers, but I'm saying and then I email like this is if i'm playing mad piano That's how I type see i'm old enough that I actually took a typing class. So I can do it like like a real type Yeah, I don't teach the kids that anymore. They don't teach anybody that anymore I took type of class. I taught myself that shit on the internet y'all how to type I'm very fast, but did you really do it where you do the the q you or whatever it is? But I didn't do the numbers lesson and still like 20 years later. I can't do the numbers Oh, I don't do the numbers a heart. Yeah, let's talk about something more interesting. I go Wait, so where's the book party It's at some restaurant in Costa mace and I can't remember what it is And that'll be fun and then um Tell them we say hi I did just go to pump a couple weeks ago Because my friend mya dryer is a huge fan of anything pump related Yeah, so I just said she lives in the bay area and I said, all right. We'll just rock it out We'll go to pump for dinner and we'll go to um What the hell's the other one sir? Yeah for drinks before? It's good combo And it was pretty good because rachel zoe and nicole richy were also there Whoa And katie from banner pump rules was sitting next to us three fashionistas I mean it was like my friend was dying and then we go over to pump And jiggy is there for us with ken and nisa And so do you get to say hi to lisa or you get to say I don't know I've had dinner with lisa and ken like at the same table. So jealous. It's so jealous No, I this whole that's what the Beverly Hills. I'm like, you just don't fuck with lvp. Thank you You don't thank you If you're gonna fuck with somebody bring them down like if you're gonna go after somebody have something real What do you come here with? First of all, okay, let's talk about eileen. Do you want to talk about rovie hills? Yes, okay, eileen being mad the entire season that she asked her about how she and her husband got together Okay, and basically Everybody but ldp has broken the fourth fucking wall and bravo and evolution should be pissed at them because they're basically like you told me you wanted a storyline you set it off camera like everything we're like wait Why why are you ruining it for middle america? Like we know but you're ruining it for everybody and ldp sent back their goal and Why are they doing this? So like this is the thing okay So If you're two people and you're not on a reality show and cameras aren't there and i'm with this girl who i've known for a year And she's been happily married for 15 years as eileen was and we've had a few drinks Heather mcdonald absolutely is gonna ask how did it happen when did you know you were done with your with your second husband and ready for the third Did you did you keep it a seat i would ask all those things but she was so tricky because lisa started it but she was like darling you've been married three times when did the affairs start but however eileen is maintaining that out of nowhere lisa vanderpump brings up the affair but when they showed that clip package on the reunion this week you see that eileen was saying Well, i've had three husbands and then that's when lisa was like, oh and then when did the affair start or whatever? So it wasn't really out of nowhere But it's all eileen being pissed like how could you say that on a camera exactly i was saying on camera And it's like well i'm sorry i've known you for a year and a half and we're having drinks really i'm not allowed to ask like Why you ashamed of it? Obviously you've been married for 15 years it produced a child Why would you be ashamed that you fell in love with the love of your life like what's wrong with having the affair? Exactly. The affair worked out in your favor. It was liberating. It was all frustrating really. I mean that guy's like some gambling anacopholic He's a van patton Still, i mean she's she's a tennis pro director. She's got a flash kitchen darling pro poker player producer um You oh my god, you need the faux paint Yes, oh my god, everyone everybody wanted faux paint and remember like every housewife I mean it was like back in my day. There was like there was that was always like someone's thing that they could do Did you know that my wife can faux paint your kitchen? Like everybody was into faux painting. That's so funny. It was fun painting and then it was called faux Yeah, wow, I had waited twisted Make this bounce on pants eileen is really A really annoyed me this season, but also bring it up What I was gonna say if you ever watch law and order If you bring it into evidence then they can question you about it. Eileen was the one who was like my divorce I mean, does anyone have a good wife in their house? Yeah, but it's yeah, it's always like and then and she's just like, you know, it really hurt me and oh and talk about wanting some stage time eileen Um, I just like to say that um last time we were all on a trip and we were filming Lisa before Lisa ran a throat through a wine glass and cracked it Um, I was gonna tell you guys that I was abused. Yeah, and it's been nine months since then but the cameras weren't on So I'd like to take this moment to say I was abused I'd like to start my uh season-long story right now, please I was abused by a boyfriend before husband one two and three and then it's really traumatized me So much that I've able to fall enough three other times So for that reason I'd like could you not interrupt me? I was about to tell you that I was abused. Yeah, and then silence. It was so awkward Everyone's like so sorry so anyway about tortilla soup Love the recipe. It's like why would you bring that up right now? And that was one of the things in the fight last night. Yeah, because I lean I lean and rina Neither one of them can keep their stories. They don't know what they're running about anymore And it leans like I'm mad and Lisa's like I said, sorry about the affair It's not that you said the word affair since when yeah, well now It's a word affair now. It's that she was dismissive I said the wrong thing. I I'm sorry that I I blinked twice And then I leans like well, it's not that you said the wrong thing It's that you're manipulative and so then Lisa's like every time Lisa wants to apologize for something It's it's not about that. It's about this. You know, she changes her story I'd be like really I'm manipulative. Well, why don't you fucking thank my manipulative ass For giving you some credibility and some money in your pocket with your faux painted house In malibu for the last two years because if it wasn't for me, we wouldn't have had any story lines this year Pretty much. No one wants to see you clean out your mother's house in Oregon. No one cares Like I mean, I like it's around about like ashes off the fucking balcony So it's like look no matter what You know when real housewives Started an oc. They weren't rich. They didn't it wasn't about their interpersonal relationships about like following five different lives And there's a lot of sadness to it. The whole thing was said. Yeah a lot of sky topics and sadness and Going to court and you know trying to get your money from her second husband or third husband want to and And it's it'll never go back to that. So for them to try to act like it will it is about you guys not getting along and fighting So talking behind yeah, I'm talking behind each other back. So Just don't act like it's not. Well, there's you know, also the thing that really bothered me with Eileen was that she didn't realize she was holding Lisa to a double standard There were I think two or two points where that happened one was Eileen was saying that when when Lisa Uh, the reason why she brought up this whole thing to Lisa two days later was she was so taken aback You know that she didn't know how to respond Right. And so then Lisa was like, well the reason why I I apologize the way I did was because I was taken aback and somehow it was like Okay for Eileen to be taken aback, which I I give her that I'll let her go like yeah, whatever Yeah, but it's like but for Lisa's not allowed to be taken aback. I did not like that I found that that was that was wrong. Also. I feel like you know, uh that Lisa Vanderpump probably would not have pestered her with questions about the affair if Eileen looked more upset she seemed like she was visibly upset about it because you know later on in the episode when Vanderpump when they're asking her about oh, she was abused and then Andy's like, oh, so tell us about the abuse How was that how was that and like Vanderpump looks like she's rat like she's falling apart You know and everyone's like, oh, don't ask don't ask because you know No one's gonna ask questions if you can see it's a real if it's like if it's you're you're opening up a big wound But Eileen did not look like she was opening up a big wound So it's it's like I just relate to Lisa Vander because I'm like, I want juicy scoop all the time Hence my podcast. Yes. And the only way you're gonna get that is asking questions Yeah, and so if you're supposed to be on this show where you're supposed to pretend that the cameras aren't there In this situation That is very much Lisa Vanderpump's character and so if she's she is Doing what she's supposed to be doing right to get her job She is having an interesting conversation happen. Why there's a guy with a big heavy camera sweating in cargo shorts This has been a fucking boring ass night. They're getting their hair like lock it up We're gonna wrap it this fuck it, you know, Eileen was doing that phony shit that people do and she's like I don't understand people who have nasty divorces. I mean you've raised these babies together How could you be nasty? That's what started it because at least it was like talk of the town guys I have to get it off my chest two of our friends are going to a nasty divorce and Lisa was like Terrible nasty divorce and Eileen was like, why are people so nasty? I mean you raise babies the least you could do is be nice after a divorce and Vanderpump was like Oh, you've been divorced Eileen and then it turns into this whole thing where Eileen's trying to play this You know, like why isn't everybody nice? You stole your last husband. Of course you want to be nice Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. I just you know I've said it before that there were those women were drinking all day at that hampton's event And I think that Vanderpump is just like so tell us about the affair I think she's probably being a little nosy But it's also like her friend and there's nothing really inherently wrong by saying tell us about the affair because there was an affair I mean, what else was she supposed to say? Yeah, and in my point is that like and the affair is meant to be if you're still together Exactly like if you're still together if you had the affair like in the movie Unfaithful my favorite movie. She has an affair. Do you ever see? Oh? Yeah, she has an affair She's fucking her brains out with a guy who collects books And then she sees him in a bookstore flirting with another girl She loses her mind. They have the best sex scene ever where he just pulls down her ugly monger in the hallway And then she's her life's distraught. She burned the chicken her kid is You know being in the bed. She doesn't know what to do and then she She decides it's over with Well too late Richard gear goes over and murders him. So now her life is really fucked up So now if you were to ask her tell me about the affair She would have said it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, right? And I don't want to talk about it, but The affair that resulted in my love of my life of 15 years. Yeah, you just go. You know what happened We I was in a loveless marriage. So was he started to work together? One thing led to another. Yes. We wish we didn't start until we were both divorced, but we did right now Exactly like and of course it still ends terribly. It's like and now I owe money to all these Indian casinos. They're gonna break my niche Marongo's coming out to her Faithful ends with morongo but the base well that Can we talk about lisa rina on this? Yeah, what do you want to talk about? I'll say anything. You know what? Let's talk about it own it lisa just frickin own it I gotta walk over here for a minute. Just a minute. Just a minute. Okay. I'm back. I'm back. You know what? I'm over it My sister died. Okay. I'm in yolanda. Well, if your sister died then why you know sensitive It was a human being suffering Shut up yolanda Um, so here's the thing here's what really got me annoyed with this episode of the reunion that rina is just Going after vanderpump just going and I like rina. I like her so much, but she is just thank you. I like your too I Own it. So she's going after vanderpump going and she has this ridiculous thing where like you encouraged me to say those things He's just like I didn't say I think what you know, you didn't have to say a thing It's just it's such bullshit and then later on when they're talking about kim richards It's like well, what about the things that you said right now? And she's like oh I said a few things whatever It's in the past. I'm moving forward It's just just a word. Okay, baby. It's a word and rage. It's just a word. I'm like first of all people the reunion Eight hours while you you know while your spray tan melts on a couch Is not to move on. Yeah, it's to rehash everything Everything. So you cannot say let's move on Especially you can't like very end and you take the group photo with andi at midnight Exactly. Here's a woman who just tore down her friendship with lisa vanderpump the queen of the show the queen of bravo She is causing this massive thing over an implication About a manipulation about taking down the munchows and the blah, blah, blah, and then how's she know? She's holding her to the fire and then Which is a boss. I don't understand. I tried to murder my baby But then the what? Have it then like when when lisa rina when they when they come for at least right in the smallest Oh, whatever. It's just a word. We said i'm moving forward. Not only that You just brought up that she totally got caught because the last episode ended with lisa rina going You called me and told me to say munchhouses there. I did it. I did it. I said it. I said it I have the records you called me lisa vanderpump And you said bring up the munchhouses tomorrow And I said great idea And then this one leaves The producers are gonna frickin love us. She said I never said the word season I never said munchhouse and darling. She said you didn't have to say it lisa do you even remember yourself? You just you just shot this and like you're losing so much credibility like for you to say that That lisa vanderpump just implied you enough to make you say these things. It's just so ridiculous Hi lisa. It's the other lisa. How are you darling? You know what you were talking about the other night at your birthday party You know when you're lying that looks so terrible I mean, but wait they pay for makeup early. Why can't you just put on some makeup? My appetite, but anyway quite honestly you should do that when we go over to kiles Do who do they go? They come over to my house when you come over to my house, you know, then just go, you know I want to talk about you know what i've heard from other people and then we'll have something to work on this season Okay All right, you know what because I am annoyed I follow on instagram and I am annoyed it annoys me like lisa vanderpump I mean lisa renna has instagram disease. Yeah, she does A lot of people suffer insta rage is what it is when you Follow people too much and it makes you jealous. Yeah, it's my life You have to stop following them. Well, yolanda's insta is crazy. It is crazy But by the way as you're doing this there's impersonation. I'm just realizing something If lisa vanderpump did Tell lisa renna. Hey tomorrow talk about one child's is at my place and we'll all pile on or something like that And she does it and they don't pile on Wouldn't she be mad from the get-go? Why would she wait months a month down through the season for a bit wait a second? I was manipulated like why did she wait so long? You know why you know why why because I thought at one point They were gonna agree with me, but they didn't they left me out there You have the little crack in your voice They look out there, you know in the sea floating away with only my lips as an infletation device You know and you know harry hamlin said you go there lisa renna I just love like what it may just talk to each other all the time. It's very good Like no, and then so I think I think she started to see what was happening with social media And then she was just like fuck, you know, well now i think her wires got crossed because in the beginning people were like I think she's got much housing too And then as you watch the season you're like no She definitely has something it might not be the best route she's taking it might be a little exaggerated a little zine But this disease does exist and you know if you tweet anything, but like go limey's They come after you and like what a fucking murder. They're worse than the beehive. Yes So like you cannot say anything But this is the worst disease that has ever happened to anyone forget about you know Otherwise your peeps and scents it's lime all the way and by the way, anything less than that they want to kill you So we're all watching it. We're all learning as lisa renna did. Yeah, but so it's like it's okay to question And you know what yolanda questioning, but in the end she looked bad. That's why Exactly, but you know what though yolanda was a piece of shit That's her union if you ask me first of all this episode opens up with her running off to Andy Cohen's dressing room She's crying and the best part of that daisy is next to her crying too You know that daisy is a self up former high class hooker right? Yeah, so she's sitting there crying But yolanda she comes back and everything and for all this talk about lisa van der pump being the biggest manipulator I mean it's obviously yolanda at one point They're all crowded around her with her hands on her and she's sobbing and she's she is at that moment the queen of the reunion And how no one can see how they have she's manipulated this entire situation is ridiculous and also Um, what was crazy was this whole you there's whole scandal about what did lisa say about my children? Etc. Etc. She says on this reunion. Oh, yeah, I called up yo, uh, mohama the next day And he told me that he told lisa that the kids were fine So she just like raked lisa van der pump over the calls like why would you say this? Why are you saying these things about my when she just said like mohama that said and got confirmation Mohammad told me, you know, he she said they were fine lisa's like, yes, that's what I said He said they were fine because he didn't want me to know she's trying to smooth it over She's like, I understand why you would do it and yolanda's like, yes, but he's no longer your friend Is this right? Yeah, oh my god. Yolanda These idiots keep admitting things and then like forgetting the next second they admit it exactly thank God for Kyle Richards who finally said I don't think I don't think it's a ro-- why is it wrong for me to ask? How are the kids doing? She's like, but I already told you but it's like why can't I ask again? How are the kids? I heard the kids have lime She's right why is she writing history? Kyle was running around like what did mohama say about the kids? What did mohama say? She was trying to get lisa van der pump in trouble She was but it's still it's still even with her trying to like poke around It still was not the biggest offense to humanity for those children. I'm sorry Do we all believe that Bella and Anwar have lime? No I don't know at all. I don't know, but I'm so you're not afraid of the lime he's coming after you That because it's not lime it's chronic lime, which is different. It's a totally different thing It's not so you think yolanda has chronic lime. No, I don't think she has had lime Yolanda I watch that dr. Oz. Yolanda's been hospitalized five times over her life for exhaustion And it's always some new mystery thing chronic lime. You don't have a normal life Dr. Oz do a thing about Yolanda. She was on there. Oh, yeah. It's cuckoo bird. You have to watch it What did he say to her? Basically, he has a stack of her medical records and he's going through it The thing that got me the most other than her lying over and over because you catch stuff She says from the show that's all bullshit. Yeah, I mean when she says I I've had it for four years four years The show started four years ago. Well, he said you've been hospitalized all these times with exhaustion She's like well. No one time was the Borealis of the blah blah, which you broke her back when she One was she broke her back in three places But there's pictures of her on a beach with her newborn baby Like she's just cuckoo and she told a story about how her mom He said well, your mom was always hospitalized for exhaustion, too And she said yes, she was she was in bed five days a week with the windows drawn We couldn't go in there and now her kids have this chronic exhaustion that Bella's like I can't even model But Bella is modeling every single day. She's like, but I should be bigger, but I just can't get out of bed But she's not saying that she just said it and so really and she did some blog I mean, I don't it was quoting her. Here's the here's the thing I don't know whether or not they have Lyme disease or whatever it is But the but Yolanda stories just do not add up and anymore So it's just it's hard to give credibility to anything She says and you know, I've said it before it's it's sort of a cynical view to take But you know in the Northeast a lot of people get Lyme disease all the time And it's does not this does not take away from the fact that it's a terrible thing to get and it's awful But it's like oh, my daughter has Lyme disease. What a tragedy. It's like well, you know, like a lot of people get Lyme disease They take antibiotics, you know, it's not People from the East all say the same thing and and they've also said that you know There are so few people in California that can contract Lyme disease that if Legolanda Bella an honor had it they would be about like 5% of all the people in California that have Lyme disease is all in this one family so it's kind of like Well, chronic Lyme is It's it's the name of a disease that it's an umbrella over a bunch of unexplained things like fibromyalgia type stuff Where people are exhausted. They don't know why they don't have cures for anything And it's like an umbrella for all these different things So people who say they have chronic Lyme a lot of those people are really Because now she's doing better Now all of a sudden she's feeling a lot better Well, you know what well, you know what on the season finale I don't know if you remember at the very end we talked about this how When they're talking about how yolanda and david are getting divorced and lisa rina sitting there talking with eileen You know what? I bet she's gonna feel a lot better now. I bet she's gonna feel a lot better now I'm like well, you just proved the point that it's not lying that it might be munchausen that it's in her head after all You know one munchausen is like blatantly faking it. Yeah, can you tell I've been reading a lot of medical. What do you think david foster Like finally like opened up and said do you know how much we've given this fucking daisy in the last year? That's probably $355,000 to a former high-class hooker that you know believes in having a you know some warm lemon juice Yeah, you need high-class hookers to be your friend. Just go visit mohamant. You guys are still in touch. Yeah, I mean I made it with that though. I mean mohamant always has some teenager on his arm like get out of here Yeah, I think the whole thing just feels very very fishy and Just seeing the way yolanda was able to manipulate the whole room to get everyone crying around her and she's there sobbing saying It's my life you're talking about well I'm like you what you're the one who went on tv by the way the real housewives are gonna kill Everything for everybody else because nobody can even have cancer and get pity anymore Do you ever see Bella before her plastic surgery? Yeah, I mean, i'm sure oh I mean early when she was on the show she what well when maybe when she was younger on the show somebody just posted something and it was like pretty It's pretty amazing what they can do nowadays. I know she has lovely facial shape Like the the way they saved her bones here. Yeah, it looks lovely Did you notice that when yolanda was talking about her kids at one point? She's like, you know, I have three children two daughters and she's just like anwar goodbye To the top of the world poor little and we're only like in high school But he also hangs out with mohammed and plays soccer. Yolanda's mortified. You know, she is Well, he barely walks. He runs. Who does this? Comes with a ball Disgusting bemings Yeah, I don't know yolanda. It's just nothing Nothing else up and then on top of that the way she chimes in other parts of the reunion when Kim Richards finally comes back And Yolanda just has all these little remarks, you know, but why do you think Kim Richards took the stuff from target? math I think she just has good taste. There's a bunch of toys Who's toys? Well, I mean it's some bad feels. It feels messy. It feels messy. It feels happy I just watching like one of the first episodes when she's like, you know how every year she and brandy We're going to like another overpriced lease You know, like I said all the way there. They have to move every year There's like it's that's like I feel like that's always like a shady thing. And she's driving them back. You know, they have to move every year It's just not a good sign. Yeah, exactly. They're just going from like random places in Westlake village That's the important thing like you're driving around at least jag Yeah, you have a range rover, but yeah, you're gonna get a $6,500 lease and uh, and then you know, then you wonder why you're Walking on a tart with a gift. But she says she wanted to have a baby Joy said she wanted to have another baby. She has like five kids right now You know, she's four kids and I think I think four and four different dads and the dog from the omen She has that too. Kingsley. We don't know how he's doing I've got him. He'll arrest him as a sperm in the freezer anything I'm gonna whip it out. What are you gonna get pregnant? Shut up, Kim And then she said it twice to uh, Kyle once when they're looking for how she's I don't know I may have another baby Kyle's like what and then I also had one of the pump parties at the end when she was like losing her mind with the sue and then she's like I want to have another baby Like you're 48 like what are you talking about? I remember she had that awful boyfriend that had like pop barks. Yeah, the mouth breather That was good There's that party in particular those the season finale and Kyle's like sitting there doing her Main-popping cry. I was like, how could you get him? I want to have a baby. I think her shoe like it's a baby. What the hell? I love Kim Richards and I love that Kim Richards is just so like I'm not gonna stop drinking fuck all y'all She's like hey guys and he's like so Monty died and he's the worst by the way He's like welcome back Kim Monty died Let's talk about Target Everything and uh when he got on the drug stuff. She's like I knew it was going down You know what I had that one glass of wine. I'm like Kim You are such a liar. You have been drinking since the first season and look be drunk if you want We all have a right with a drunk Just stay out of it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god and I love it And I love it and again Yolanda, you know Kim said he'd be like I guess I was just hard to love sometimes And Kyle like no you weren't hard to love and Yolanda's like that is how she feels like shut up Yolanda Like just stick ass out of it That is why you're no sensitive to Kim, huh? All of a sudden she's Kim's protector. I'm so glad Yolanda's an asshole again I was so sick of having you to pretend she wasn't an asshole because she wasn't bad Do you remember that scene when she was in David's with David's bachelor fuck pad because she was like relegated He changed the locks in Malibu or whatever. Yeah, so she's staying in this place. Yeah. Yeah. She was like you know It's too big, you know with all of them. I just need one walking closet for my vitamins Looking at the ocean from my bedroom And I had to walk up and get the lemons and you know to have a dinner party with the staff of only 20 It was just too much. Blanca needed better air So she is in her uh, she's in her bedroom and Rina and Eileen come over And Rina's like, whoa, look at this art It's like nails with string on it or whatever and Yolanda hears them And she's she's like across the room and she runs into bed and jumps into bed and covers her eyes and like poses Curls up in a fetal position. How does no one call this shit out on the show? That is hilarious. It was so good. And then on her nightstand, she had a bottle of patron I mean it was a gift. I think that that's how much people believe Yolanda They're like feel better with your chronic illness. Here's some patron. Who does that? Exactly. She's getting rid of all the toxins. You know what Yolanda? I Engaged in a conversation With some people who are human Who put something in my head Which then I made the choice to repeat and I Am so sorry. I engaged in chatter because I should have not Repeated it. I should who said it It was a voice That was attached to limbs And I will not tell you But I feel that we could move forward. Can we just move forward? No, why are we moving? I don't want to move every year like Kim and Brandy Like what is this? What is this word? And she's like it means you were faking it and then rent us starts like looking on her phone I'm like lady. Do not read much house until yolanda. Yeah, like you just Listen here's a DVD of six cents. Watch it. You dumb bitch. Has no one seen that movie God misha barton was under the bed as a ghost Growing up and she goes, please my mother made me dead She's going to kill my sister if you don't come to this funeral with um rumor wellness's dad Bruce Willis the way you know that there's nothing to cure baldness because he's so rich If there was something he would work what if yolanda is really dead and that's like the she is a ghost same twist for all Us We just all thought that we were seeing yolanda that whole time. Yeah See this in the video that she sings about to david foster and uh Airplane her wedding gift to david on the airplane Yeah, I mean that would make me sick too. Like I just did the worst video in the world I'm just gonna stay in bed for the next one. I love you I fly to what was that about? It's like roasted chicken and flying in first class or something I don't know. Do you think she wanted him to divorce her? Do you think this is her way to like force it? I think she left. I think What do you think? I think that she you know, I I actually knew somebody that had breast cancer and she's buying now. Thank god and We were at dinner and say she got into forest. She and guess what? I asked Because i'm a girlfriend at dinner And I said what I said after him going through chemo with you and everything i'm like What was it because I always remember um Who was the who's the lesbian? That's like an nba player. She's got babies from all these different people A singer The rock and roll girl. Oh, Melissa etheridge. Okay. So Melissa etheridge. I remember her she had two babies with Popular. Yeah, David Phillips ex and had two babies with her then that girl said i'm not a lesbian Oh, yeah, and laugh for so she David Crosby sperm She left blue diamond phillips Went to um Melissa etheridge went to Melissa etheridge then told Melissa etheridge i'm actually not a lesbian Left then Melissa etheridge met the girl on the show called popular Yeah, married her right they had two babies With sperm other than they had the sperm from the first two were um, David Crosby. David Crosby The sperm from these two. I don't know who from They had these two kids And then she got cancer And the girl from the popular, you know, I suppose was a supportive wife But afterwards they broke up and in that particular case. I was like, I think sometimes when people go through an illness Sometimes it doesn't matter how their spouse if their spouse was great or bad. They're just like, you know what life's short I almost died. I actually don't even like you that much so fuck off. Like i'm gonna have some fun Right, I think in your longest case. She didn't think he cared enough how she was acting and in my friend's case We had the breast cancer. He was so not good during that time that she was like This was the test of the marriage and you fucking fail So now that i'm in remission. No, don't want to break a hip with you Really don't because it weren't that great. Well, she's made interesting comments about like where mohamed pays for the bills So he would know if the kids were getting treated mohamed pays for this and mohamed pays for that And the rumors are is that she got mad that foster started refusing to pay which is your was your first joke when he's like this bitch Cost $200 an hour and she was flying all over the world. Well, I'm sure they had a very tight pre nap So there's probably very very much limit and guys that have that are rich who every Few years gets a new rich wife. They have the whole thing where like, you know, this is how much you get a month This is your party planning budget. This is your hair and clothes budget. Just don't exceed it and we're good Yeah, I have to ask you about it. And then when I come home suck my dick and act like you're super into me Which she did which she did and then when i'm gone, you can shop as much as you want. You can have your friends over when i'm home Don't do anything. I don't want to do. Okay. Okay, that's what I found her for seeing her for a scene I was like preen up because she was like gave it is my king and look at all the Grammys Please lady, but the other rumor is that she was doing all this stuff because she's started calling first It was she's gone through all these diseases basically And the most recent is she's calling it neurological lime And they're saying that that's how you get around to pre-nup because if there's like some kind of brain Of course, that's the internet rumor. I don't know, but that's tricky, right? Because she said that I had lime before we got married. She's preexisting To say she did have it and now it's like chronic. It's uh neurological Lava, but I don't know because there hasn't been any word on the preen up or who's getting wet and it's just that the story is Always changing. She does try to do that. Then he must be like, fuck you Josh browman, let's do a song Josh browman like jagged little pill album comes out Oh, I do you should love that. What's the name saying of a maria because that's like a public domain song I was like, oh my god, that's the only sign that he gets past Or Andrew Bocelli Oh my god, you can sing it that I went to catholic school and that was one of the songs that I can sing Speaking of singers. What are your thoughts on Erica jane? Erica jane came to my podcast. Okay. I was very excited to have her Um I think she's really smart I think she gets away with the stuff because she is Smart about it. Right like you that's someone who's really calculating I agree because she doesn't let her guard down. She's constantly thinking and she also doesn't have a great sense of humor That's exactly what we've been saying Like any of my jokes. That's what we've been saying. Oh my god And so then in the perfect example of that was at the dinner at her house when her husband goes, you know I I want to be a lawyer because I watch parry mason and then these event and pump goes You just watched parry mason didn't go to law school and she's like no lisa. He went to law school She's like i'm kidding lisa I'm kidding Erica jane. Don't do the splits. Leave me look like she That's what we always we always say how like for someone who's so like into the gay culture and gay clubs She's got her gaze. She doesn't seem very like Like gay funny, you know like she doesn't have that personality right and it was kind of You know, she's really nice. She looked really beautiful The whole glam squad came to the podcast. That's hilarious. So yeah In the waiting room of podcast she had he she had um, and then when we took our little picture The guy that was the stylist he like, you know moved the collar a little And then there was pat the post was there And then a hair guy to make a guy you remember they were all like super nice And I was I said do you want them in the room? Like I didn't know if she wanted them to be like part. She's like no no no So they just sat in the waiting room and then When I was asking her about everything, you know, like the questions I really had for an Erica jade is like Because I think a lot of people see it and you know if you're married for a long time and It's not that great of a marriage and the guys in that rich are like I fucking get it like who cares if it's some old fart I can climb on twice a month and hold my breath Girl it jobs a job. You know and like I just think yeah, I I don't know I think she was just very smart about like, you know what? I don't care like I don't think she cheats on him or anything I just think it just is not important to her that he's older and whatever Yeah, that's just not I think they could have a good friendship relationship like the thing same things But when I was asking her about I was like, oh, so you got married and um, where'd you get married? And she was a big. Oh, no, it was very small. We just had, you know, five thousand guests No, no, she said just to like one couple like a witness couple and I go oh when your son and she goes Oh, no, he was in New York, um at school and I remember going Wait a minute. How old is he and I but she's so like powerful like I didn't want to Push it like I could tell like don't push about the son And then like reality tea or one of those bloggers listen to my episode and they're like The kid was six when she got married. Why was he going to school in New York? So she I don't think she had Physical custody of him when he was little I think he lived with the dad Look, I read all these vlogs. I have no idea what it is. And you know what? I'm not gonna say if that is the case. I don't think that makes her a bad mom There's dad that do all the time. Yeah, and maybe they had a thing Maybe they had a thing where the husband was like where your already was like, you know Let him go to school with your act. You can fly you private as much as you want to see him He can spend the summers here, but I'm 62. I don't want a seven-year-old running around I'm not going to soccer games. You need to be at my disposal And she might have been like fine with that. I was able to have a good relationship now So I'm like, I don't want to judge the choices that she made because if you have 23 So what is it? She left she there are pictures of her back when she was a mom. You will not believe it She looks 10 years older than she does now. Oh, the plastic surgery that she's had done is amazing. She looks great. Beautiful She got the eyelid day where you have just that like hell and hunt eye So then you get like the bone so like the eyes were done Now she says she didn't but I think she got her eyes. The nose is very good. It looks good Everything else like I think she is Beautiful. She is she just I'm just saying she looks totally different. She was still pretty but she was like mom It's crazy. I didn't even recognize. I'll find it later. Okay. Yeah, no one can see this But um, she got pregnant young had a baby and left when she was three. She was like late on the baby was three She became in New York. I think it was she didn't want to I think she probably Didn't want to be a mom and went to follow her dreams became a waitress and ended up meeting this guy later But she loved early. I think she was just she couldn't take it. You know, you know, but that's sees that's her next season You know, they're gonna bring it up. It's like because yeah people just not giving enough power She's not like they knew to be nice enough to her or she'd walk off or she might have said Oh my god. I bet she said don't ask me about my child and I'll do your show. Yeah, she also kept everybody very busy What's gonna happen is they're gonna Get like a new girl and they're gonna be like you want to be on this show You fucking start asking about her because America's gonna attack her For not being a full-time mom, you know, even though husbands do it all the time And you know, are we can dads or whatever and she could provide the life for him and probably Maybe gave so much money that her ex lived nicely just like if the rules reversed no one would care, right? You know, so but She's she better be prepared for whatever answer and if she gives zero fucks, that's the kind of answer she should say Yeah, no one has 21. I wasn't into being a mom. We provided both my ex and him with a great life Yeah, he's a successful human being today. We have a great relationship So you can question all you want. There's people mothers that stayed home every single day and they're kids a heroin addict So fuck off is what I would say zero fucks But the thing is that she's all about like I don't give a fuck like zero fucks whatever But the truth is she gives a lot of fucks because she's not just let anyone in I mean all we know about her is that she has this old husband she has a kid that was a police officer And she eats a cake alone and then she has a glam squad and that's like that's it And I think that if she's first for the next season, we have to know more about her You know like that that's fine for her first season. Especially because there's a bigger scandal going on She was starting. I mean, she was helping start all of that I hope that I hope that I hope we're sorry any ask for one No, just just say on the reunion when Andy was like basically Someone a listener said you're my favorite until you refuse to cop up to your role in this whole situation She's like, oh I was tired and then I realized I didn't understand the question. I'm like, you're you're sneaky Yeah, she's like I didn't understand how this I didn't understand how this worked Yeah, Andy doesn't even ask it's like she blatantly my she said I but when that happened I didn't even know what they were talking about because I was tired from the show and then when I Realize this I said but then she said at that time on the show. She was like, yeah, I lied Fuck that. I don't give a fuck. I don't want to talk about it. So I lied She said it on camera The reason she has zero fucks is because she has fuck you money So if she decides she doesn't want to do the show anymore if they start giving her shit about her kid And she's just like fuck you and walks off What are they gonna sue her for breaking contract now? She's gonna walk away Glam squad. Yeah, and do the glaive squad is gonna be with her and then that's it Her glaive squad is like member of tv's bloopers and practical jokes little janitors that come out with the brooms That's why I feel like her jiggle hem squad is coming out like that Pretend a little animated, you know, yeah Pulling down a curtain except they're always saying New York. I knew you talked about kudos what ever you want to talk about. We are here to talk about it on the show Yeah, I do too And love her too, but I also think I thought of something pretty profound today as I have profound moments one in a while if a group of men Ever spoke so disparaging about a guy's girlfriend's appearance the way Caroline and Bethany did to john. Yeah, they would never they would be murdered They'd be hung by their balls. They would never work in this town again Yeah, that you could talk about his body that he's sloppy that he's uh misshapen That he went and that like he's gross is disgusting and who would fuck him and blah blah blah and You know we all sit and go and so sometimes when people are like, you know, it's very you're the feminist You know, I'm like we're fucking horrible. Yeah, like we're the most we're horrible And when I raise my sons, I'm like terrified. I'm like, I don't know if their dicks are gonna be big But I hope they are because girls are so awful that it's like I think we're the worst That it's completely being that it's completely fine. You can just rip someone's appearance apart like this and that But that's what I'm saying. It's like so whenever a woman says like Oh, you know Whatever, you know, we don't have it. It's not fair or something. I'm like shut up We have it so much easier in some respects not in every right but in someone's you cannot put a price on it Well that Bethany Frankel can and carol and can just talk about this guy's body and rip on him Well, at least they do it to each other too. Yeah, they have money. They don't need guys Well, the well, I guess the feminist like the reason what like so it's You're talking about like this you're the feminist or whatever But then of course the probably the the straight male responses Oh, it's just women just talking about whatever like discounting anything that even they they they say So it probably goes both ways like just the awfulness, but I agree. Don't give me wrong I agree. I think it's like they would get it was the other way. I'm I'm I'm skinny girl That's a skinny girl. Like that's too much. It's discussed. She's got a disease Like Bethany's making this whole thing about how this girl has an eating disorder Then they're talking about how fat the other guy is Then they rip on the home Yeah They rip on the home like I'm like a cub on like you God forbid you ever come to my house Bethany Frankel like I would hate to have Do you imagine having Bethany Frankel as a guest in your home? Awful awful. You know those questions like everything I do, you know, how you made the guacamole No, I just I I it's weird. Okay, you know, how do you talk about whatever? No. No, glad to be here. Glad. Oh my god Is that is that an animal? Is that is there's a hair on the carpet? I'm gonna throw Blender is a blender. I just has a handle. I see a blender. It's good blade. It's not okay I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. You know what to to eat you so You have a magic bullet. Okay. You have magic bullet. That's doesn't do any magical. I don't see any magical, but you know, it's fine No, what happened to the cast is so fucking crazy. Oh, it's so good So good. It's my favorite. Look at the difference like Beverly Hills like Kim still won't say like I was an alcoholic that drank every day I did a see but I'm Beverly Hills. So what do you want to blow a couple lines right now? What are you going to blow a couple rails? You're a little bit you're a little lit up right now, aren't you? A little lit up right now. Yeah, I think it's a drunk. I think he's doing a couple rails. Oh my god Anything Bethany so Get dry they get wasted they get drunk every single day shit that you don't like oh my god And then dorinda. I feel so badly, but it back it up better back it up. This is what I imagined daily link Hello Hey dorinda. It's a jennifer from the production company. Oh, hi. You know what? Yeah, we thought about your tagline yet Um, no, why you have an idea for me girl? Yeah, actually we do we're watching the yes season and you're just so fun You're just the life of the party really light up the room. We were thinking why don't you say Diamonds aren't a girl's best friends martini's are oh, I love it. Diamonds aren't a best friend martini's are Thanks a lot jennifer. It's like good. I love it. It's like giving Kim Richard Yes, I mean like that is the tagline and the whole thing is Too much like that. You cannot tell me that and I also think that in Bethany's contract It says something like every episode I get to talk about or show skin and go for at least like 240 seconds per episode Yes, no, that's in there absolutely built her house with skinny girl bottles Like she basically has like the splash of red and and then like she um when she was eating the chocolate You know like you know like and it's like Uh put a little cat it's something you're gonna like in the link tonight when you check in for the episode errors You're gonna really like what we did for you Bethany I mean don't just be a big skinny girl banner at the reunion and just hanging behind it. Oh my god It's like giving kim Richard's her new tagline I said, I said a game, but I can still hit the target. It's like oh no For a thing I swear if they if they all died should be like, you know what? It's really really sad, but I I was working on this anyway I have skinny girl coffins. They're beautifully red and schlacked They're small. They're small. They're skinny but all the girls are skinny, which is great, which is great It's a motivation. Yeah, and then she would that would be yeah, it'd be good You know what? It's like I honestly I love Bethany. I think she's hilarious But when she says like I give zero fucks. I'm like, yeah, you do because you don't care about any of these people, right? Obviously you don't She doesn't want any one. She is someone who truly does not deserve money. She really doesn't care. Yeah, I grew up in a racetrack. Okay Yeah, I know I don't have parents. I don't have a husband. My mom got dragged to the kitchen floor That I really have were the ones that are on tv with me and I hate them too Yeah, and then I've got my daughter who I believe she's a good mother too But like other than that like you just kind of go I mean now carol and she seemed to be friends and whatever but like When you're running out of the schmear party and stuff and it's like giggling. I'm like you guys are the meanest High school bitches, right? They are I felt like if you're jewels and you invited someone to like your party And she was like oh my god. What is it a caraville craic a caraville? I haven't had a caraville ice cream makes it I was fine and I thought there's a seven-year-old party cookie. Okay, whatever What's what's cookie bus? I thought Bethany you wanted to come when I gave you the invitation and second grade Um, okay. I mean, I'm not gonna go swimming in your pool. Is it salt water? I got basket case during the ready to solve it anymore. It's like well everything's great. It's a great place Do that. Oh, she's looking to me. What was John? I'm gonna surprise with all her money that she's never got the two fangs fixed It's coming. I think it's one of those things But I kind of think it's distinct. So I'm glad that she hasn't I said, but I'm sort of surprised And kind of surprised I think she just keeps watching the show drunk Yeah, because most people see themselves on reality TV or on TV again. The first thing we do is switch those fucking teeth Yes, they get a bleach. They get everything shaved down. They get it together. I just dreamt to just watch his drunk Have you ever read Dorinta's tweets while she's watching? Yeah, Bethany, how about you? 23 I was like expect to see an anchor tattoo on her shoulder privately Well, thank you so much. Yes. Tell us everything that everyone needs to know. Okay, so I will be at The helium county club in philadelphia may 5th through the 7th I'll be in Ventura, California and then to our harbor comedy club on friday may 13th and May 14th And I will be one night only Thursday may 26th at the Irvine improv and I will be in san francisco cobs june third and fourth Please come follow me at hather mcdonald hather mcdonald dot net for all the dates and tickets and whatever you need And please subscribe to juicy scoop. It's 100 free. There's no paywall. You can go back and listen to all 44 episodes And I have fun people you guys have been on it. You have to come back Now having you know people come back and second and third times and stuff and it's been really fun and I really appreciate Congratulations to kicking some Seriously, we're killing it. It's so fun. We just sit here and just talk Maybe if I just do this for the rest of my life this and stand up That's all you need. It's like we always do is sit and talk about reality There could be nothing better. I'm like, why would I go to an audition? Like I would have to go someplace every day If you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining wendry plus in the wendry app or on apple podcast Prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go Tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wendry.com/survey Hello ladies and gerbs boys and girls The Grinch is back again to ruin your christmas season with tis the Grinch holiday podcast after last year He's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against christmas cheer And roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like john ham Brittany broski and danny davito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the Interoperable holiday season, but that's not all somebody stole all the children of hooville's letters to santa And everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real hooville who done it can send elu and max help clear the Grinch's name Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out Follow tis the Grinch holiday podcast on the wonderie app or wherever you get your podcasts unlock weekly christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free By joining wonderie plus in the wonderie app spotify or apple podcasts [MUSIC PLAYING]
