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If you're in a hurry and forgot something, or simply want to avoid the holiday crowds, relax, order everything you need for a great holiday gathering online at Whole Foods Market on Amazon for easy pickup and delivery. Take Whole Foods Market your holiday headquarters. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know? That's major. Go to audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's audible.com/crapins. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is. The crap is. Crap is. Crap is. Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap is. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what crap is a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch and talk about and laugh about and make fun of. I'm Ben Mandelker from VisaBlog.com and the Banter Blender podcast and joining me is the lovely and true big and always hilarious Ronnie Karam from trash talk TV dot com. Hi, Ronnie. Well, hello, Ben. How are you doing today? Good. I'm not called to rubic often, so I'm down. Yeah. You're down for the down for the cherub comparison here chain smoking bitter little cherub. You know, there is like so much happening like this podcast is happening in a whirlwind of news because it's April 21st and Prince just died. He literally just died before a podcast just trying to get it together. Prince. Poor Prince. We don't even know how he died and he was only 57. What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? Well, you know what though, but I don't want that to overshadow the real news of the day, which is that Ronnie today is Patty LePone's birthday. No, it is not. Don't tell me that. It is. I can't believe. I didn't know. If I had known I would have woken up and just started Patty LePone to shit all the day and had it out of my system. This is your fault for whatever happens. You know, she's furious right now. She's like ready to like bust out the birthday cake with the candles and she's like, well, Prince died. I don't know. That's my version of your version. What do things like this have to happen on my birthday? Prince. Oh, this reminds me. I used to sing under the cherry tree. What was that song? The movie, I think, or under the cherry tree. I remember meeting Prince. What an artist. Little red carpet. Oh, man, so much. So much is happening, but we really are only concerned with Bravo. So that was our moment of national morning slash national celebration for Patty. And now we are back to the Bravo business, code of facebook.com/watchworkcrapins to get all involved up in our Facebook page. A lot of stuff going on there. So many funny comments. You can, you know, access old episodes, see gossip, everyone has like posted in triplicate and quadruplicate stories of Jim Mark Kasey being arrested and thrown off a plane for putting his hand on Amber's throat, of course, they're from in Real House of New Jersey. So strangling Amber on a southwest flight or some shit. Yeah, I don't think it was Virgin. But it was, I think, you know, I think they said it was domestic abuse, but we just know that they just wanted to maintain their brand as an airplane. They're like, we just cannot have these two on here. Let's just say he attacked her. He's disgusting. Just get them off of here. Yes. So we've had many people post that story. If you want all the details, you can go there, read that there. The fun.com/watchworkrapins is where you can support us and get access to our bonus episode. We had a really weird one this week where we were just sort of, we had to talk about going to Coachella and we talked about Morris the cat. So it was really fun. And of course, if you go to watchworkrapins.com and get access to all our social media. So if you want to follow us on Twitter, and you should, you just go there and you find all our handles and all that fun stuff. Well, there you go. We did it all. But you know what though, even more important than any of that, you know what's even more important? Your mother. Your mother. Your mother. Listen, I don't know about any of you, but some of you have moms who probably worked very hard. These are moms who had to beg and cry and plead for their baby daddy to cosign on mansions with them. Okay. And those women work hard. Okay. So I go to polo matches and aren't told that there'll be other people there and then have to deal with it and then have to drive away. Okay. And that's hard. So you know, you should get them in return. Some flowers. And on the card, you should write polo games have a lot of people playing them. Stupid. Dear mom, you're an idiot. Yours how sports work. Boogs flowers are grown at eco-friendly farms on the side of a volcano, eight volcano. Seriously, these are larger colors are more vibrant. Yeah. It's actually better soil and more sun at a lofty 10,000 feet thing. And by the way, this is because Mother's Day is coming up. We didn't just have a rant about mothers for no reason. Mother's Day is coming up. You should get it. Flowers. Okay. Especially ones that have grown on a volcano with good soil. Yes. And you can get those at Boogs.com today because if you wait until the last second, you get second rate flowers. Thomas, don't give me second rate flowers. Your mom. Thomas, your mom and perhaps even Catherine. No second rate flowers. They're the crappy ones that come from a massive online outlet or the limp ones nugled next to the green onions at the grocery store. Gorgeous flowers from the Boogs really do say, "Thanks mom for all you do." So what's all this gorgeousness costs? Not much. Boogs prices started at a mere 40 bucks. No upcharges, no extra fees. Even delivery is absolutely free when you register with the Boogs. Listeners of our show save 20% off the bouquet of your choice. Just go to Boogs.com and enter promo code WATCH. That's B-O-U-U-Q-S.com promo code WATCH. Boogs.com promo cod watch. Do it. It's a promo cod watch. It's like a little fish that swims by. Promo cod watch. Well, by the way, Ronnie, I wanted to give an update that today I managed to grab a nice large Dunkin' Donuts ice coffee. So I am good to go. Hauler. So let's open up the Crapids Mailbag. Why don't we? Look some bangs. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I love how our Crapids Mailbag theme makes no sense. Support my journey. Support my journey. I'm so mad at Yolanda and we'll get into that. I'm mad at her because she really screwed me over. Anyway, okay, so Kenneth Curtis asks, we have a lot of questions because there were a bunch we didn't get to the other day and then there's still more that came in. So Kenneth Curtis asks, would you rather have a threesome with Kim Richards and Ramona Singer or have Cheetos cheese on your fingers for the rest of your life? Oh my God. Cheetos. Cheese. I mean, I've got mucky hams anyway, I've always leave hand prints every place I go. I've got disgusting, gross monster hands, so I'll take the Cheetos fingers. Thank you. First of all, there's very little difference between the two scenarios, okay? But I would do the Kim Richards Ramona Singer. You would? Yes. But what if you couldn't get a bone or would it still be considered a threesome? Um, yeah. Because we would try. You know, first of all, Kim would pass out and Ramona would spend the entire time. First of all, I'd get a free massage from Ramona and then she'd just talk about herself. Yeah, except she doesn't even massage you. She'd just poke. She'd just poke your chest. She'd just poke at the oil and then apologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. I should give you a proper threesome. Okay. But I didn't. And I'm sorry about that. Um, yeah. It's not the right time and place. I would rather the Cheetos because if I do the threesome, I don't think I would ever be able to stomach Cheetos again. So it's like, how important are Cheetos? You know, I would really, I would really not like having little Cheeto pop prints everywhere from my fingers. Like imagine if we someday receive a presidential medal of freedom, you know, for our work and contributions to the podcast world. You mean when? When? And we have to go and shake our future presence hands with Cheetos on our fingers. That's just not right. Well, you know, they'd be, they'd be proud of us. I think they'd be like, you know what? You made the right choice. Well, we could just wear a little gloves everywhere like, um, and a pack went in X-Men. I can't because I have disgusting hands. So if I wear gloves, then stuff will be coming out my gloves. I'll have Cheetos like juice coming out of my gloves. Gross. I think it's a great occasion to wear a little white dainty gloves and look like an old lady from England. Hey, I ain't got gloves on you stupid awful flight. Like Kim would get like she got in that limo with her in a, you idiot slut. I take it back. I want the Cheetos fingers because I'm going to put on gloves. Now you're into gloves. Yeah. Isotoneers. Um, Erica Wall says, Hi guys, uh, my friend Molly, which is, should be the name of a new sitcom on CBS, but my friend Molly, avid, watcher, crap and fan and fellow Patreon patron is having a rough week. Oh, sorry, Molly to cheer her up. Can you please indulge us with Bethany giving you a Londa a good read on how terrible she is and how much she is failing in her branding of the limes. Okay. Okay. What are you? What's wrong with you? You sick? What is it? Lime? That's not, that's not a disease. It's like something you put in a drink. What is this? The lime. It's just, it's crazy. She's saying the lime. What is this? What is that disease? You're tired? Who's not tired? I run an empire. You run an empire? You ever walked in a week? Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get it. Like I, like you're like awake when I'm over then you're just like asleep. That's like a, that's like a citrus. It's like a flavor. Like I don't understand why your disease, like you can't eat the disease. Like you can't taste the disease. Like I don't, I don't get it. Like I don't want it. Like it's like, it's like lime. Like everything I hear is just lime, lime, lime. Like sometimes I want lemon. Okay. Like I just can't have all these things. Like five alive. Okay. You know what? I'm alive. I'm five, five, five years I've been alive. God bless you. Okay. You know what? My wall is up. If I have to hear about the lime anymore, my wall is up. I'll be on the floor crying right now. Seriously enough. You want people to have that and you need to brand it properly. I mean, one minute you're on the Instagram, you know, like you're in a pool in a bikini. Like you know, you want people to think like it's cancer. I'm dying. I don't see people with cancer in pools and bikinis, like leaning up against a palm tree. What is that? What are you doing? Like is this palm tree commercial or is it a dying person commercial? Like I don't even know whether I should like this post because I don't even know what I'm liking. And then if you don't know what you're liking, you double tap on something. And before you know, you've got the longest divorce of all time. You know what I mean? What's the matter? What's the matter? You have the limes? Yeah. Like what? What does this make like this Instagram? Like I don't see it. Like I don't get it. Like I don't know where it goes. Like like like I want to like understand this Instagram, but like I'm homeless. Like I don't get it. I can't I live in a box by boxing people out apparently and I have to hear about boxes from Christmas one more time. It's like it's like enough. Okay. It's like you're gross. It's disgusting. It's like you're drunk all the time. You're like you're just like drunk and insulting and this is what you do. You're just proving me exactly right. Everything I've said, you just proved exactly right. Like if I have to see it again, if I have to see you, if I have to Yolanda and Jon again, like it's enough, like too much partying. Like it's too much. I don't get it. It's like I'm on the floor. I'm crying. Like literally kill me now. Like take a knife and stab it through my neck right now. Like I've had enough. I'm done. I'm over. What is this, the Bethany? What is this? What is this word? The Beth and who's in housing? My daughter. My daughter. Her argument to everything just put up a picture from Gigi on Vogue. So Betsy MD asks, "Hello my lovelies. Most forgettable housewives from any locale owe the irony that I ask you to remember. Thanks for reading my question twice a few weeks back. Love, love, love, love you." It's okay, Betsy. We'll read your questions over and over and over again because we love, love, love you too. "The most forgettable housewives ever." That is a bad one because how the hell are we going to remember that? I think a good argument could be made for Quinn from Ose. Yeah, I really don't even remember that one. Yeah, I would. The only reason why I'm actually even bringing up Quinn is because I actually found a picture of me with Quinn last night. I'm like, "Oh yeah, take a picture with Quinn." You should instant be like, "Hey, we just voted you the most forgettable housewives of all time." Oh yeah, I'm totally going to put that picture. Throwback Thursday, me and Quinn and Gina Kiyo. TBT, y'all. Quinn, I think, is a good one. I think Cindy Barshop is also good too. You know who else is very forgettable, that one from Miami, even though she didn't pay to go to the event and she had to be invo-- invoicer. Christie, I really don't. If she walked into my house right now, I was like, "Hi, I'm Christie." I would say who? I wouldn't even recognize her. I wouldn't be able to put a face to the name. All I'd remember is that she goes to charity, things that doesn't pay. Yeah, yeah. I think it's hard because since we talk about the housewives so much that we're constantly remembering the old housewives. But, you know, I think you could say Kimberly Bryant, especially because we did the-- we went through that whole list of all the housewives last week, but Kimberly from season one of us, she was also pretty forgettable. Lydia should be forgettable, but somehow she's not. Those little eyes keep like, "Blink, blink," I know, well, because of her, we have like this ongoing joke about Ryan and his like obsessive compulsive disorder regarding feed on the couch. Feed on the couch, feed on the couch. Mm-hmm. Was that song "Pants on the Ground"? Yeah, like "Pants on the Ground," "Pant on the Ground," that guy was on-- he came out on the American Idol finale. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Was Sanjaya there? Sanjaya was there. He was in the audience though. Oh, Sanjaya. What the hell? I know. No one has told Sanjaya to take a seat. Why would he be sitting down? Sanjaya never sit. Yeah, you know, it's funny. I was going to talk about the American Idol finale on our bonus episode, and I just forgot to. Maybe next week. I was just going to have to save it. You know it's going to come on the air in like two years. Yeah, exactly. It's going to be back. The "revoyful"? The "revoy little." There's a way for it to go away, and it'll come back, whatever. So, um, let's see, uh, okay, Kate A. asks, "Would you guys have a conversation near Yoyo Voices using the lyrics to "Hello," by Adele?" Oh God. Okay, I have to lick them up. I know. Yeah, I'm going to lick them up too. Everyone stand by. I love me. I love me, Adele. But man, Adele, I get like why you were so sad before and stuff, and that's why I liked her. Like, I like that song. I like that one where she's sitting in a hotel room for the entire video. It's one shot. She's just sitting there smoking and singing that Garth Brooks song. Loves it like that. But then this one, I'm like, you're rich, you're thinner, you have such good makeup. Why are you sad? What are you so fucking sad about? Lighten up, lady. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Although any fast songs. I'm like, "Oh, I hate this Adele song." I wish you would do some fast songs. Hello, David. My love. It's me. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet the Lyme disease in my body. To go over everything. They say that time's supposed to heal you. Well, you know what it's time because, you know, one day it's a month and the next day it's five years. So, I don't know. I don't know. I've done much healing. Yeah, I've gone all around the world, David. My love. I've gone all around the world. I've got my boobies taken out. No healing. Hello. Can you hear me boobies? Hello. I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be boobies. When we were younger and free, I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell out of wheat after Lisa Vanderpump dropped it and tried to make me fall. You know, there's such a difference between us and by us, I mean, you know, me and other mothers who don't have super-martial children and a million miles. Hello from the other side, you know, of the red velvet robe because that is where you are standing and I'm standing on this side because Gigi is modeling today. I must have called it a thousand times. You don't answer nothing, you know. I'll leave. Listen, other one. I just want to tell you, I'm sorry for everything I have done, but when I call, you always seem to be home and I just want to speak to Gigi. Hello from the outside. This is outside the Malibu mansion. At least I can say I've tried, I cannot climb this fence to tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart. But don't it matter, clearly, don't tear you apart anymore, I'm becoming like an idiot. I've had to say, I was turning Indian, hello from the other side. I wish Yolanda would do that. Like, this has all been fake and she's really going to be like, hello from the outside. At least I can say that that's right. What the hell happened to Yolanda? Well, I've always talked like this. Yeah. Okay, so Joseph asks a question. He says, Bravo obviously edits down the footage that is filmed for each show and there are a lot of things that we never see even past the secrets revealed. If you get access to the raw uncut film of a few of the Housewives footage, who's would you want to see and why? To push it further, what Housewives have seen/fight would you want to see the raw footage of? Thanks. I can tell you right now, I would like to see the big brawl that happened in the Dominican Republic. Oh, my God, from Jersey? From Jersey because, you know, we know that that's the real root of why Caroline started hating Teresa. That's the real root and they can't ever mention it and I don't know why they never show it because I guess it's caught up in litigation. But that's what I would like to see. Um, so wait, what am I picking a fight that wasn't on camera? No, it's more like, it's more like something that you would like to see the uncut footage of of like a fight. That was mine was something that was just something that was never, never even shown. I would like to see uncut footage of all of the Vanderpump's rules cast really working, like really waiting tables because every time they show it, I think it's so hilarious. Like no one knows how to pronounce Gellaincy but still, you know, shit like that I think is so good. And I'd like listening to Sheena say like, are we ready? Because, you know, she says we, like you ain't ordering bitch. And I just know that that would be endless entertainment for me. Yeah. I'm talking the squirrel right now and it wasn't like getting my pox. Like, why are you poking a squirrel, Tully? Well, I was trying to answer that order, but I wouldn't go in. I'm like, okay. No, Tully, you're tapping the computer screen. The squirrel computed on it. Don't say poached of squirrel. Well, he hasn't, it's all a, you know, I'm a singer. She knows in trouble, by the way, her neighbors are accusing her of smoking too much pot and stinking up the neighborhood. What is pot becoming popular again with the kids? I guess so. Who starts smoking pot aftermath? That's so crazy. All right. Enough crystal. Oh, they're old age. By the way, I would like to see the raw unedited footage of the Camille Grammar's dinner party from hell. That's what I would like to see. Now, we saw more footage in the uncensored real housewives Beverly Hills season one uncensored, but I would like to, I would just like to watch the whole, all the footage. No, that. No, that. No, that. I would like uncensored footage of everything Camille Grammar because remember back in season one when Camille was just such an asshole, but she didn't know it. Yeah. And she just kept being an asshole. And then she saw herself on TV and was like, oh, my God, I'm an asshole. I want to see like what she's really like when the cameras aren't rolling. Because as a whole, whole of an ass. Yeah. I agree. I think I'd like to see a lot of raw footage, to be honest. I think I'd like to see a lot. And Rissa Bassie says, fantasy time, please pitch us a reality show about bloggers. Obviously, both of you would be on the show. What would the drama be like? Who would be the villains? Oh, that's hard. Okay. A reality show about bloggers. It would be called not your type. Oh, my God. Or word pressed font of knowledge about post. And posted, posted. Just be called posted. Oh, my God. That's awful. Um, I think, okay, this would be the story. Someone gets up and then eats something and then takes a nap and then writes notes about some stupid shit. And then all the villains would be people outside the house. Yeah. Never leaving again, but then I leave and there's old lady down the street who just won't leave me alone and follows me around talking or like the douchebags and the whole food line or the ladies eating the whole food salad bar with their hands. I think I think the villains would be like your classmates or contemporaries who are doing successful things like, um, getting book deals and TV and then the bloggers sit there and Royal angrily and just like, and then they get mad at the people doing well with their lives. Yeah. Royal house was recap. Go. Great. Well, today I'm the view. I met the president. Awesome. Great line. Uh, Michelle and all through texting like iMessage. Yeah. Um, uh, or the villains could be the people who buy out the blog. So, um, let's see. What else is going on? Let's see. Jackie Flavin. Jackie Flavin. I say that every time. If we had a spin off real house, I've show with all the queen bees from each city together, who would rise the top and be the B of all bees? Well, I think Lisa Vanderpump would be, right? I think so. Just because I think to, to be the queen, you don't have to be able to smack people down and fight some stuff. People just have to like you the most. And I think that she's pretty good at whenever anybody is fighting. She's like, oh, yeah, she doesn't even fight. She's like, I would never. Yeah. No, I think she would maintain her queen done that way. Yeah, because I think the rest would, you know, like Nini and, I mean, who are the other queens? Nini, Leah Black, Bethany. So each thing, like Vicki, even though she's like half hated, she's still coming to the queen of her show. Teresa Bethany. Oh, the Ramona would kill us for saying that, but Bethany, um, what else? Oh, Teresa would, but she, she is Karen Huber. Ew, how dare you? She is. I'm sorry. Like you may hate her. In fact, most people hate her, but she is undeniably like the, like the, the breakout person, you know, I know people love Katie and people like Ashley and, you know, some of us like Giselle too. But Karen is like the outrageous one, you know, she's kind of like that Richard Nixon mask, like a lot of young people don't know who that is. I wasn't alive and he was president either. Thank you. But you see it all the time and it's just so hideous. You'll never forget it. It's like that's that Karen mugged. It's always in your face. People are like, where did I see that before robbing a bank? No, I'm about to say someone about to like rip off her face and rob a bank with it is a bunch of surfers and go skydiving. Um, what else is in there? There's only one more question. Michael Horn says, if you guys were housewives, which city would you want to be in? Who from that cast do you think would get along with? Would you get along with? And who would you fight with? What would your tagline be? And most importantly, what illness would you fake? Wow. Oh my goodness. So I guess it has to be an existing city because I was like, Oh, I'd be in Toronto just because I was just there. And it's what's in my mind. I'd be like, my tagline would be. You may think that I'm cocky and I say, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Because apparently in Toronto, everyone apologizes all the time. Oh, I would be in the real housewives of the OC, I think, because Beverly Hills, like, it's too much for me. Obviously, I can't even imagine having that much money. And the OC is disgusting, but it's like cool. And I get very hot and sweaty, very easily, so I'm picking for temperature and my tagline would be, um, my tagline would be Tamar's an awful human being. That's it. I think I would want to be on real houses of New York City. And my tagline would be, there's a new bitch on the block. And she's panhandling. I may not go down into the subway station, but that doesn't mean I don't go down. I may live on Park Avenue, but I want you to back it up because it's like parking in the back. You know, cars. Yeah. I'm trying to think of OC ones because that's my city. Some kids live in a cabinet. I don't know what I would say. I'm in an empire state of mind and a bitchy state of attitude. My tagline's a terrible. I may live in Staten Island, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be stating islands. I may have to cross the Verrazano narrows, but my worldview is wide. Lady Liberty ain't got nothing on my flaming torch. Lady Liberty may be holding a torch, but I'm flaming. Give us your tired and your poor. Just don't give us your attitude. Oh, it's like, it's like that would have to be a housewife who works on Alice Island, you know? I've never been to Chicago, but I'm in Chicago. That's what I am seeing Chicago next week. That's actually my tag line. You know what's funny? I'm actually seeing Chicago next week. I saw Lady Liberty on a bus. I'm not, I'm not uptown. I'm not downtime. I'm just around the town. That's bad. Hey, does anybody besides me miss that? Chili's? That's it. You know, by the way, Ronnie, I just, I just want you to know you, it's not lost on me that you did move quietly to New York City from OC. Yeah, I came back, I don't know anything about it. I'll go to the OC, I'll go to the OC. Okay, the, okay, here's, here's what I'm going to say about the OC. And Justin may have an auto mall, but I'm all, all, all, we suck so bad at that. OC is hard. Okay. There's no OC thing. Okay. The OC. Okay. All right. I may be, I may only shop in the mall, but that doesn't mean I don't have it all. Like what do you even say about OC? There's malls, big parking spaces and a beach. I may drive a Harley, but that doesn't mean I'm not operating on all four cylinders. I may not be fit, but that doesn't mean I'm not a cut fit, man. I do yoga and Pilates, but you, that doesn't mean that doesn't mean I can't throw my weight around like a kettlebell. I may not have much in my heart, but my mom's in my wall. I may only wear yoga pants, but it doesn't mean that I don't wear the pants around my house. I mean, I wear the pants around my house, it just so happens, they're yoga pants. I wish it could be me and my husband just us, but instead he's gone and now it's just just us. I may like Ryan furniture, but doesn't mean that you're allowed to sit in it. I may, I may, I may, I may like faux Tuscan styles, but I am all real baby. Tuscany. I love tuscany. Don't, don't be cold to me because I sure am going to be caliente. Like my kitchen sign. Yeah, I can't come up with any more. I'm trying to think of something about stealing chairs. Life in Orange County is like musical chairs, except I always find my seat. I have to pee because I refuse to get up to the bathroom because someone will steal my chair. Like the worst line when life, when life sticks a colon, colon, colonoscopy thing up your ass have a husband pull it out. We don't eat happy meals, but that doesn't mean we don't play with toys. I have, I have, I have a lot of friends, more enemies and even more enemas. Word on the street is I have a plane. Word on the tarmac is, I am the tarmac. Wrap it up, close that mailbag. Oh yeah, this mailbag, I got this mailbag went through a crazy place. It's always the last question. I'm so mad now because I chose to live in the OC and I already hate it. Yeah, I just think it's like I couldn't have any tag lines from there. I hate you OC. It's okay. The New York tag lines were not much better. You know, people ask that actually, I don't know of you, but they ask of me a lot. They're like, what would your tag line be? I have to come up with one because I don't ever have one. And that's why I always stumble through things and say ridiculous things. Like, I may have a stapler on my desk, but that doesn't mean I want to be attached. I stopped going to Starbucks to save money, the end. I spent 15 minutes and got a good insurance rate at Geico, whatever their logo is. I hated fingernail and still gained five pounds. Goddamn it. All you need is a dollar and a dream. Okay, so we have some really good stuff to talk about today. Where do you want to start? I haven't made my mark, but I've got stretch marks. The only mark I'm making is around my stomach. Well, let's see. Do you want to do? We have Beverly Hills, New York and Southern John. What would you like to do first? They're also good. No, no. You choose. You choose. I think we should do Beverly Hills first. It's your birthday sort of. I think we should do Beverly Hills first. Okay. Because why not? Because it's the thing that always gets us fired up. So okay. I'm already fired up. Because last week, I went on a rant and I said, if you ever notice, Yolanda does not say thank you to anything. Anytime anyone compliments her, she never says thank you. The first thing that happens is Andy looks at her and says, you look well and she goes, thank you. I was like, fuck you. Why? Why? I'm ruining my entire theory. I know. Even with decent diction. I know. She like said it like slowly and clearly is like she knew. She's like, even though this is being recorded, you know, three weeks before the end of the season, I know they're going to be talking about my thank you issue. So I'm going to say it loud and clear. Well she sure did. But I think that if people keep saying you're pretty, you're pretty, she just stops. Because, you know, she becomes a thank you machine and she doesn't like being called pretty anyway. Well, I think that maybe also why my theory will still stand is because a reunion is a very specific situation where you are very aware of, you're on a couch, you're being presented, you're being welcomed to a stage. And so it's normal to say thank you, although she said it later on also, whereas if you're in the mix, if you're at Wally's, if you're just somewhere like on a beach or at a park or whatever, you just, you know, you're not as cognizant to the fact that you're being your in front of an audience or whatever. Maybe it's because she's feeling better in this whole season. She just hasn't noticed that she's not saying. Like maybe she thinks of her mind. She said thank you, but it just didn't come out because of the lime. The lime. Lime brain. Lime brain. Lime grammar. She did say a few seasons ago that lime disease made her an asshole. So maybe it made her a rude asshole. Did not. Oh, thank you. Gosh darn, I'm so mad that she ruined my theory. Even my exception doesn't work. She ruined my theory. Fine. I take it back for now, but I reserve the right to bring back the theory. Just look at other episodes. I guarantee she doesn't say thank you. Reineas don't count. Reineas don't count. New theory. New theory. Reineas don't count everyone. My theory still stands. Yeah. They've had too much time to practice. Gigi's like mom, don't forget to say thank you. Oh, Gigi, why are you upside down again? Mom, turn your phone over. Oh, this is right. Face lime. Oh my gosh. So we this week on Bravo was a really, depending on how you look at it, either a bottom of the barrel week or just a gold standard week because there was so much poop talk. I mean, there was the Real Housewives of Potomac having a fight of poop pooped in a hotel lobby and when and then there was the poop hat on Real Housewives of Dallas. Yeah. And I'm only bringing that up because this reunion takes place on white couches. And I was like, oh, no, because like a celebrity debt poop on Bravo should come in threes. I was just hoping someone would poop. So that's how I started out. Yeah. And by the way, I would like to just mention that brought that Prince's celebrity death trio was Doris Roberts, China, the wrestler and Prince. I mean, I can't tell if it's like the most appropriate death trio or what happened to China? She died yesterday. Oh my goodness. How'd she die? I don't know. She's been a mess for a while. You know, I once saw her vagina up close and in person. Do you know what that happened to me once? Really? I was, I was at the Fox reality awards and she was standing next to me and she was wasted. I feel bad because she just died yesterday, but I had the story is notable. And at one point, she put her foot up on like a chair or something and she was not wearing underwear and she's wearing this flowy dress. She put her foot up and then like a gust of wind came and her dress just went up and it was fully like just her vagina right in my face. It was insane. I was like, God, maybe that's how she passed. She just kept putting her leg up and her vagina finally caught something. I know. No, I actually, you know, poor, poor girl, she, she was really troubled. I don't know who I feel weirder for in heaven, Prince, China, or Doris Roberts because they all feel weird. The only one that doesn't feel weird is China. She's like, fuck yes, everybody loves Prince. Yes. Good, good way to go. That is an awkward purgatory waiting room, like what are they talking about right now? You know, Doris is like, well, I'm not going to speak to Prince Charles. I was like, no, no, no, Prince. Oh, whatever. She's probably asking him to do like errands. She just starts, she just takes over her role as Marie from Raymond, start treating Prince like Raymond. Oh, oh, Prince, I've always liked you, but I love George Michael. Oh, rest in peace, all three of those people. Yes. Um, so reunion on white cat food. Okay. Do you want to talk about what people were wearing? I really don't give a sip, but people on mine are always like, oh my God, look what everybody's wearing. Sure. Well, the only one who's that I can remember is what is Lisa Vanderpump because she's wearing what Erica was wearing all season. Yes, pretty much. But wearing the CP3, CP3P ho dress, so apparently Vanderpump was wearing the dress version and Erica was wearing the shirt version. So that's so typical Vanderpump like, hey, she didn't know that that was the same. That's such a bullshit. She's so new. And then Andy is like, so what's up with you stealing her dress? She's like, no, darling. She had the shirt. I had the dress, which is three times more expensive and I earned it. Yeah. Well, so there were some questions who wore it better Erica or Lisa? Um, I don't know because sitting down, Lisa looked really, I don't know who cares. I listen, I care. I care. Do you really care? No, not really. As long as I ask the question and I want to get an answer, I actually am going to say, surprise, surprise. I thought Lisa looks better and not because I'm an Lisa apologist, which I am, um, but I just thought she looked great. I mean, Erica looked good in it. I thought Erica looks odd, but it just, I thought it, I thought it actually the colors looked better with Lisa Vanderpump. I think Erica just needed to pull her bra tighter when she was in that gold thing, right? I always thought it looked sort of awkward on her all season. Like it was like a nice top. I think it's a really lovely sequined top, but for some reason, I always thought that she looked uncomfortable in it. So, um, that's where I stand on it. Those stupid glitter things, what are they called? Sequence. Sequence. Not comfortable. That's why drag queens are always so upset. I'm always so mad, a lot of, a lot of sequence, uncomfortable, little metal discs up against your body. Yeah. Um, I would not want to be wearing sequence. Um, but, um, I was actually wearing, she was wearing a different glitter dress. Right? I don't remember what she was wearing. She was wearing like a lighter version of it. But by the way, people, um, uh, you should on, on, on our Facebook page for the, when we put this up on this episode on Facebook, tell us who you think were better, Lisa or Erica. All right. Well, there you go. Little, little, look, a little engagement. Why not? I feel like Erica looked like she worked harder for it because Lisa is like, oh, I went shopping. I just threw on this gold sequence thing, whereas Erica's just like, I've been trying to helicopter Don Rickles old ass fucking tube sock dick for this dress for 15 years from what that worked. Yeah. I don't know. I like, I like to see work, you know, even though she's so well put together, I like to see her sweat. Well, but she didn't sweat at all because her glam squat showed up with like a PowerPoint demonstration like, okay, bitch, she used the fiercest bitch on Bravo. You are. Okay. So here are different looks for you. And number one, we're going to go for a sparkly top. Okay. Slide number two is a modified to do slide. Number three is a toga, but we call it the modern urban toga modern urban toga sorry, just got notes from Andy. You're not allowed to show your vagina in any way during this reunion. So we have this glitter went into Trump. Just put it on everything girl. It's June Jetson chic. Yolanda forgo the white, the white jeans of doom and was wearing some weird like white kind of, you know, that skin mess shit that they put on like Las Vegas dancers. I hate that. Why is that white mess shit coming back out? I do not like it. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. It's not your skin. Mm hmm. So she was wearing that with all these slits all over it. And I just thought it looks kind of like a real dress, but like the line was slowly eating it away to where it was threadbare. So you had all these like, you know, line, eat and stripes all over it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. I really don't remember what she was wearing. Oh, you don't like a white. I only remember what Lisa was wearing. Actually, I remember. Well, Lisa Renau didn't she have like a little blazer on she was you know, she likes to rock a little blazer. Kyle looked. Okay. Oh, Kyle had something crazy. She had like her boobs out with green, a green thing, right? Yeah. I think she has new boobs. I think I don't know. I don't care. But she was wearing something she looked like when I am trying to put too many things from the grocery store onto my scooter and I am having to use bungee cords and they're going all these different ways. And I'm like, this is not going to stay in, but I don't really care if it all crashes. Like I'll survive it. That's how I felt about Kyle's. That's a very good analogy. And she did have her hair over her back. So I couldn't judge her bra size, but I mean, I don't know boobs. And it gave Andy something to talk about because Andy needs to see some implants or he can't do the show. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, Kyle. Look at your boobs. Hey, Kyle's bitch. She's like, yeah, my boobs. Yeah. It's like your lady. Your ladies are out today. I'm like, how would you like it, Andy, if you showed up somewhere and someone said, Oh, Andy, your dick is out today, huh? It would be Adam. Yeah. You're not wearing any underwear, right? Game game. It's hot. So that was that couch. Then the other people, the other couch, I just wrote the poor people's couch because it was just like the people without as much money. You got Catherine over there, you got Eileen in the middle and she was really trying hard with those shoes. I got to give her credit. And then, you know, Rina, they all looked pretty. They just looked kind of like ladies going to church. Yeah. And it was like a really bit. It felt like a big couch. It felt like there was so much space in between them all. It was like cavernous over there. Well, stupid Yolanda, you never know she's going to show up or not. You know, you don't know if you need to save her a space, get a different size couch. And then she's like, I want to sit next to Erica, but also where Lisa Vanderpump can hear me calling her couch fitness in time. Yeah. Exactly. Well, it was significant that for as much of a rivalry as Yolanda and Lisa Vanderpump have had, they were on the same couch and that they decided to prioritize the Lisa Rina, Lisa Vanderpump fight instead by putting them on different couches. Well, I think everybody knew that Yolanda wouldn't going to be staying at this meeting. Yeah. They're like, you know, Yolanda is going to shoot for two hours and go home. So just give her a temp seat. Yeah, exactly. Also, they had those Ottoman things in front. They made like a full circle and instead of couches, they put like Ottomans or something, which I guess is because it's going to come by and they want her to have something to jump over when she runs off stage. It's like the Kim Olympics, the Olympics, a freeway divider. She jumped over during her fight with Rina. Someone's going to hold you accountable, Missy. She's like, whatever. This year, crawling over the freeway divider. Okay, so we start with house wibs. Yeah. And then there is discussion of Erica. Oh, thank you. You look well, Yolanda. Oh, thank you. When has anybody ever said to Yolanda that she looks well that she's not gotten pissed off? She's like, I'm not well. But to him, she's like, well, you know, thank you Andy very much. I'm here. But I'm not leaving lies lies. Yolanda really pissed me off this this episode with her passive aggressive ways. I mean, they're all passive aggressive, but Yolanda really, who she was really wrangling me. I think it's here as being passive aggressive. She's just flat out aggressive. She's doing it in a soft voice, but she's not even trying to hide anything. She's like, oh, you stop trying to take the moment from my girl, Erica. Well, like, for instance, you know, we started off looking at the life of Erica, Jane. And, you know, after they show the clip package, there's talk about Erica and her husband and her husband is older. And it was like, oh, Lisa, you look surprised about, you know, that Erica's husband was so much older and, you know, you're 16 years younger than Ken, yada, yada, yada. There was some discussion. You know, Lisa gave her answer. It's not really significant. But then Yolanda just mutters, but it was a judgment. It's like, shut up, Yolanda. Like I hate when people say that it was a judgment as if like Yolanda's not judgmental as if no one's judgmental. Everyone's judgmental. Okay. And as if Yolanda doesn't rely on judgments for an income, exactly, maybe from divorced judges, but still, but still, like everyone's judgmental. The issue is whether or not you're going to act on your judgments. If you're going to, if you're going to build an entire concrete opinion off of a superficial judgment, that's more of the issue. But I think Lisa Vanderpump is allowed to be a little shocked that Tom is, you know, 75 years older than Erica. That's okay. You're allowed to. It's, it's not, it's, it's not like typical bad and bad about it. And all she said was, how did you get laid, darling? How does that go? Yeah. She's married to an old dude too. So that was the original conversation and Erica didn't even care. So Erica didn't care. Erica didn't care. Lisa didn't care. It was like a moment. And then Yolanda. But it was a judgment, you know, it was our time. She was saying, little Lisa was like, darling, she, you know, she enjoyed it. She just said she, she had fun with it. Yes. Yes. Because she can take it. Shut up, Yolanda. Also, I think this is Yolanda trying to dig at Lisa for other things about her own marriage, because Yolanda is notorious for marrying old rich men. And so she takes this all personally, like we're all talking about Yolanda, which of course we are. You were just, you're a super, well, not a supermodel. You're an ex model, married to, you know, a turkey neck. So of course, like you married him for his money. You really know, no one who's seen Davis personality thinks that you married David for his personality. Okay. Yeah. Exactly. I think I'm marrying for his music either. Everybody knows. The entire episode was really a simmering battle between Vanderpump and Yolanda. It was, it was basically a turf war. It was every, anything that came up seemed to somehow wind up being ammunition for both sides in a very low key way. And that was pretty entertaining. Well, I have a lot of little, little notes that were just cracking me up the whole time. Like, they were talking about the, the Erica segment, man, I feel bad. Not for Erica because everybody seems to be loving her online and stuff, but then she's all the way at the end of the couch with sucks. And I get your, your one, but then you're opening, like segment thing is right at the beginning. That's not a good sign either. I mean, I know she's coming back, but still. So they're doing this whole Erica thing and the pathopus. And this segment was all hilarious to me because first she's defending the old man marriage. And then she was trying to do the pathopus thing, and he's like, hey, pathopus, you're on a tutorial. And Lisa, when it jumps up, she's like, oh, I'll pathopus. I want to push. I want to just shoot. Oh, sit down. This is Erica's moment. Let her have a moment. And Renee just has to sit back down. Yeah. Yeah. That was funny. Yolanda was sort of right on that, but it's also like, I mean, whatever, um, uh, it's like, we got pathopus from Jamaica, and because people have itchy pulses in Jamaica, they just like keep swatting it with a fly swatter pathopus. And then when Andy was asking Renee about Erica's video and how Renee had been scandalized, Renee was like, no, baby, when I saw, I think it's beautiful. I think it's a beautiful video. You know, I, oh, I want to own it. I want to buy it on iTunes and own it, baby. And that point. And that's when Erica was just like, uh, whatever, like, let's move on. I don't care. Well, do you want to talk about it? Because, okay, do you remember that time I got so mad at the raunchiness and stuff, but now I've learned, you know, like gross people are people too. So I apologize. Art on artists. Hey, hey, I have something I want to get off my chest. Okay. You know, I feel like when we were just talking about Erica's video five seconds ago, I don't know. I feel like I didn't get to the core of it. I feel like it's beautiful and you're wonderful, but I don't know. It's sort of slutty, too. I mean, you think of something off my chest, baby. So when we weren't together, I was listening to other people talk about what a whore you are on YouTube. You know, I let them talk about it, which means I engaged in that chatter. I'm sorry, Erica's like, shut up. How about all forgive you and you stop trying to make my entire segment about your fucking feelings, Lisa Rina. Okay. Because everything that came up and is like, well, how do you feel about that? Here's how I feel. Yeah. I have to get something off my chest. The way you talked about how I need to get something off my chest five seconds ago, I own that baby. I own it all. And I just wish you would own it, too, that you were there while I was getting something off my chest, baby. Um, Andy's questions to Erica were kind of hilarious. I can't tell what he thinks of her. He seems to be fascinated with her, but he was saying, so Erica, you know, you're wacky gay employees, how expensive are fabulous gay friends? And she's like, there's a lot of prices high, a lot, it's a lot. And he's like, wow, like that's not the saddest fucking thing you've ever heard in your life. You know, like how we're how expensive are all your friends in life, really, really expensive. Whoa. Stupid Andy. Okay. And then this shows how close Erica and Yolanda really are, even if they're not close in real life, how they close, how close they are in situations. Where is this? Where is this? Bada, bada, bada, gay friends, Don money. Okay. So a question from like Alberta in Ruth, ton, Canada, or whatever the hell is like, Hey, how come you let your husband, Don Rickles totally yell at you and disrespect you? And she's like, well, he works hard and, you know, he gives me a lot. He loves me a lot. Like, uh, that's a quick little. I just thought it was funny. Yeah. She's like, he gives me a lot. And your love is like, yes, giving loving, same, same thing. He's rich. He loves me more than your husband. You poor person. Oh, yeah. Well, soon we got into Yolanda's marriage situation. And what made me laugh, you know, cause Yolanda's going through it. You know, she's sick, divorced, all that stuff. And cut to Andy, who is smiling. And he says, I know this is a tough time on top of another tough time for you. And you're full on smiling as he says that, I'm like, you are such a Sven golly. Can't even suppress the smile, the glee that you have for her misfortune. I love how Andy does thing. He always does the same. Yolanda may have been sick, but wow, what a great here. She's hot again. Her kids are supermodels. And then they showed GT and Valat the other one lying in the street. And so I'm like, they look like they were from the killing, like some dead girls found in the dumpster. Like, oh, those are my girls, eh. And one of the greatest glories. And then of course, Eddie's like, but everything wasn't fine and good behind the cameras. She didn't feel like a super model behind the cameras. So then Lisa Vanderpump, it's kind of hilarious because she starts asking Yolanda these questions. And you could just tell that Eileen had flames in her eyes because Lisa was like, did you feel anything? Did you feel anything at all? That night when you were crying, were you feeling emotional? Was that bad, the divorce? It was the marriage crumbling. Was there a crumb? Was there an affair? How did you feel? Difficult Vanderpump. She's like, darling, remember that party when you came in crying? And then later blamed me important. Was it really my fault or David's fault? Tell the truth, was it because your marriage was crumbling, darling? And I was like, no, it's more because I was wondering whether or not I could trust you because you were lying, bitch. Yes, but still it was mainly about David, wouldn't you say? No, it was about you. But when you say about me, you're saying David, right? Because you're looking, I was standing behind me, right? I was cracking up at that. I was disappointed in you, Lisa Vanderpump. I really darling, disappointed I didn't notice your crumbling marriage soon enough to help. That's why I darling. But you know, it was funny because when Lisa was saying that when she said, the marriage was crumbling, she was really asking, were you, was the reason why you were so emotional? Was that maybe because this was going on in the background? But when she says when the marriage is crumbling, that's like the trigger right there because that sends people like Eileen and Yolanda into this mode of like, look at her, taking a dig about the fact that my marriage was crumbling. When Lisa, I think was just asking it, but that's the trap and that's where Lisa really falls short because she doesn't really know how to communicate with these women. She says things, she asks pretty normal questions in, albeit nosy, but she asks them in a way that really rubbed these women the wrong way and that's where this whole, all this drama stems from. I honestly do believe Lisa was just saying like, she's trying to pretend she's all upset about this divorce, but she's really saying like, okay, tell people that it wasn't me who made you cry, because I took so much shit from making you cry and then you were really getting divorced and all this time you were making us feel bad, but you were really feeling back to you were getting divorced. Just say it, bitch, but she won't say that. She's like, darling, I care, what's your marriage crumbling or will you mad at me, just say it back. Well, I mean, yeah. Oh, sorry. I mean, like, it's kind of funny because on the one hand, it is a very self-serving line of questions to try to get herself off the hook. So there's that. But I also feel like, you know, if anything, she was actually like giving Yolanda like a softball to say like, like, you know, like, oh, if I was acting like crazy, yes, yes, because there was, there were problems and I was feeling emotional, whatever, but Yolanda was like, no, I don't want to do that. I'm just going to blame, I was, I'm going to blame it all. I was crying because of you. She asked her focus. Yeah. And it's you, babe. Just watch out. Just keep, but as usual, Yolanda keeps trying, but nothing really lands, you know, and she's such a fucking liar. This entire episode was about basically everybody had to be nice to Yolanda, but everybody was looking around the room every time they talked about the illness, which I think was 30 times at least. It was like, Hey, what do you think of the weather and what about Yolanda's illness? Like every other question was that and everybody looked totally mortified and uncomfortable because they didn't want to say anything rude. And then Yolanda is just sitting there lying and lying and lying over and over again. They show all the clips of her like, David, oh my king. And then she tells Andy, she's like, David was my soul mate, you know, and this is what it's like, you know, to lose, it's like a death because, you know, it's your best friend or soul. You've been together five years lady and you happened to get married the exact year that this show was empty. I think it was still on into 2011, which is she got married. So let me get this straight. Mohammed, who's connected to Bravo and Lisa Vanderpump both, Lisa Vanderpumps on this show. He needs to get your ass out of his house. He hands you over to David Foster and gets you a job on a reality show. And you still end up bringing everybody's life down. Yeah. Well, Yolanda was done. She's like, by David, I used you for what I needed. Now I'm rich on my own. Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't think that I don't think that she left David. I think that he left her. And I think that that she was talking in circles. She really was because Andy was trying to get some information. It's like, were you blindsided by this? Or were there issues behind scenes and she's like, well, no, everything's fine. Well, no, I wasn't blindsided. You know, these things happen. He's a good man. You know, it's hard to be the caretaker. Whatever. It's like, well, were you blindsided? Well, no, it's like, OK, but just admit, like you were blindsided. You know, like she didn't want to, like, say it and then she was alluding that maybe she was. But then she's alluding to that. Things were crumbling. Like, I couldn't tell. She's one answer. She won't be honest. I think that she told them flat out. She was like, well, this is private, you know, this is the private thing. Oh, really? Unless you're using it to be on a reality show or talk about your king all day or make us watch you make a goddamn chicken every day, you know, then it's not private because you need it. Right. She did. She did seem to indicate at one point. Yes, she was blindsided. There was an argument and after the argument, I guess it sounds like yes for divorce. And so she was like, yes, I was blindsided. OK, so that's fine. So put that on pause right there. So then Yolanda starts, she also starts, by the way, talking at the side of her mouth when he's like, well, are you guys talking right now? And she's like, we are taking some time a pause. So no, you're not speaking. OK. So it is taking time to, you know, settle, literally settle for that money. She's like, I don't know how much I talk to him until I see the allowance. OK. But then later on when Erica, I guess Andy was asking Erica about, you know, were you there for her, whatever? And Erica's like, yeah, we will talk and, you know, she would tell me things about everything. What about the marriage crumbling? So I'm like, oh, well, if Yolanda, if you were talking to Erica about the problems in your marriage, then how could you say you were blindsided? I mean, I guess, yes, she may not have expected a divorce. But I don't know. Something was not adding up. Like it just felt, again, very typical Yolanda where the reality is very, very fluid, you know? Yes. She changes all the time. I did love the shade she was giving David, though, because she was saying, oh, over and over, it really means things about David, but doing it in that way, like, but I know it's a good man because he said, did David leave you because you're sick because people on the internet are really pissed because, you know, you just leave her and move on to the next one or whatever he said, and she's like, you know, and it takes a lot of man to handle someone who's sick, you know, a lot big, strong man, you know, poor David is good man, but unfortunately, week, week, David, you know, being a week pussiest David's journey, Andy, you know, let's not judge him for being an awful human being, pretty much. I also thought it was notable that when Lisa Vanderpump said that she was shocked, that there was a divorce, that Yolanda got all mad, Yolanda was like, why would you be shocked? Why would you be, you know, she got so mad that Lisa would have this opinion of it. I'm like, well, why is Lisa Vanderpump, you know, why is she at fault for being surprised that you guys broke up when you had this whole facade going on? Because Yolanda's just ready to fight, so she's going to fight anything and nothing. You know, it's typical on this show. They just jump into it and they don't wait for the right time, so it never makes any sense. Yeah, I mean, Lisa Vanderpump was like, well, wouldn't you be surprised if suddenly Ken and I just just broke up, you know, and I was like, no, I mean, she didn't say no, but she's meaning that, like, she just rejected that. She said, no, she said no, because, you know, it goes on behind, you know, what do I know? You know, the people, you don't know what happened, you know, yeah, that's the thing. She turned, this is what it was, now I'm remembering. She turned it into a, well, you'll never know what goes on behind closed doors. So why would you, like, why would you, you know, why would you assume what was going on? Like, she was mad at Lisa for being shocked because you don't know what happens behind closed doors, so you shouldn't be shocked by what happens. But that's ridiculous. I mean, like, you don't know what happens behind closed doors. That's true. I stand by that. But you can't, but when you go, like, out of your way to make speeches about David, my love and David and David and David and these pictures and these testaments, et cetera, and then all of a sudden there's a divorce because you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. It's shocking. And just to flip flop and counterpoint on this, I do see why Yolanda's always pissed at Lisa. And I really do see it because Lisa's fucking questions are so, like, she's asking them like she's being so nice, but none of them are nice. And this was one of them. She's like, I just thought that you were, I thought everything was perfect and everything was going great. Okay. Do you remember that time you cried like she turns it around and Andy brought it. They asked a million David questions. Yolanda would not answer shit. Andy was just confused. So Lisa takes over, she like becomes, you know, the Katie Keurig or Katie Keurig machine, darling, of this podcast or this show and starts asking the question, Jane Polly, if you will, because we knew Andy is failing when after all of these questions, he goes, so Yolanda, you remember that Kyle said that maybe it's just depression because her mom died and she got fat and depressed. Remember when he's trying to make her mad at Kyle, but Yolanda's like, no, I would be mad at Lisa. And so Lisa goes for darling. Look, I mean, of course, no one doubted that you had the Lyme disease. I just thought that you probably had Lyme disease and maybe menopause and maybe depression as well, darling. And that's why you were acting out like menopause and Yolanda's like, no, I do not have to menopause because I have a pellet in my butt. Okay. And so I can check the pellet and you know, everything happens. Like, of course, she has fucking machinery in her. Yeah. We got an old payphone in there somewhere. Yeah. Maybe it's the freaking pellet in her butt that's causing all the symptoms. Who knows? But the thing is that, I don't know, I mean, we've said it all along like maybe it's Lyme, maybe it's Lyme, but there's also this stuff on top of it and you have a whole cabinet full of medications and you know, Yolanda's really defensive on this point. I thought Lisa brought it up relatively well. I mean, she and in fact, Lisa even said, you know, before she even said menopause, she said, and remember, I'm older than you, she was like saying, look, I'm not trying to attack you for being old. This is an attack, but reality is you could be going through menopause and Yolanda got like all feisty. No, I have a pellet in butt, you know, and then of course the question and then Andy was like, I've had nothing in my butt. Yeah. And then of course, Andy says, so it wasn't depression and Lisa again is like, yes, depression. So I thought depression and menopause and Lyme, you know, to kept repeating it. And then Yolanda's like, no, no pellet butt. And also I know I was not depressed because I had a clinical depression back in 99. And Rina just like you see her come awake and she's like, clinical depression, looking it up using it later. Because of course, Yolanda's like, it's not depression. Clinical depression is pretty big. That's not what, you know, that's an actual diagnosis from a doctor because Yolanda's been hospitalized a million times for exhaustion related things since she was a little kid. And so this one is really good because the internet's been going crazy on this one too. This is something Yolanda's been saying for a while now, where she says when she had Anwar, she broke her back. So he's like, why did you have clinical? Why did you have clinical depression? She's like, well, you know, if you broke your back in three places and you are in the hospital, but broken back, you would be depressed, Yolanda, if you broke your back in three places, why were there pictures of you want to be holding a newborn, Anwar, and holding him up? You are such a fucking chronic liar, shut up lady, stop. Yeah, I mean, Yolanda, it's just so hard to understand where, what's truth, what's embellishment, what's pure fiction, it's just so hard. And so then you, you know, sometimes I feel bad because these are serious things that she's going through or like perceived things or whatever. And so like, you do feel kind of bad questioning someone with all these things, like questioning someone who broke their back, okay? You do feel bad, but it's kind of like it's a credibility issue after a while when things don't add up, you know, when you act certain ways, when you respond to things in certain ways, when you get defensive on certain things, it's just hard not to question. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Oh, you suffered clinical depression, it's like, oh, good. Is that the new disease now? Please stop. Yeah. So let me see here, are you going to get married again, Yolanda? She's like, no, no, you know, now I look at the gold, you know, I used to have me need a man to support me, but now, you know, the man who supported me gave me babies. And now I have babies that can support me, you know, in the end, it's a hero story. I would like to know why I would, I would have liked it if Andy had asked her why she changed her name to Hadid, you know, like it's strange to me to, it's not strange to me to, to get rid of your ex's last name, but it's strange to me to then go to a different ex's last name. Just why not go back to her original meeting? That's why I can tell you why because she wants to be, I think it was her Instagram, didn't she say because she wants to be consistent with her kid's last name, right? Yeah, she said after she divorced Mohammed that she had to talk with her children about the name or whatever, like, would say wouldn't have changed her name anyway, because it was already Hadid. And so when it changed back, she just wanted to go back to the name she was when she gave birth to her babies, because that's the family. And also the richest one. No, it's I'm sorry, I still smell bullshit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Everything she says is bullshit. I just smell bullshit because it's like, well, why did you change your name to foster then? Yeah. Well, you know, this is later, look, maybe I said it was a week, but I meant it was 18 years. Okay, maybe I said, I haven't walked in 10 years. I just met a week, you know, because the lime, that was another, yeah, I just, everything is so whatever. But then we take a little break from Yolanda to go talk about Catherine, good old Catherine on the corner of the couch, also at the reunion. You may have forgotten about her. She's there clutching a pillow. And we got to have like our Catherine segment now. Remember guys, Catherine was almost dead. How do you feel, Catherine? She's like, so many people have died, and she's like crying, I'm not laughing at people buying this. Yeah. All these people are dying. And he's like, oh, so that Faye Resnick think everybody is saying that you chickened out with Faye. Yeah. Well, it's funny because so Kyle starts getting mad at Catherine a little bit, because you know, Kyle's very defensive of Faye Resnick, and she was, she, you know, she's, she wants Catherine to stop talking about Faye, because Faye did not sign up for this. Faye did not sign up to be on this TV show. So we should stop talking about her, but like she did, you can also show unless you signed release forms and get paid and sign up for it. She's totally signed up for it multiple times. Exactly. And also, Catherine did not sign up to be dragged into Faye's book, you know, like that's I think a worse offense. Faye not only signed up, but she came back this season, you know, and she willingly came to a party with Catherine there. Okay. So that OJ, that OJ, that Kyle was pushing them into each other, like, okay, talk about it. Oh, you don't know Faye? Do you know Faye? Do you not know Faye? What's the truth? Oh, oh, here you guys should talk. Hey, why don't you sit by Faye? Hey, sit right across from Faye. Like Kyle did this whole thing and now she's like, why does everyone mean to Faye? But then you'll look from this is that Catherine's like, well, I didn't read the book because she's so stupid. I can't believe how proud she is of being so stupid and he's like, well, I thought you might say that. So he whips out the book, you know, it's like quotes from the book. And it's not that bad. At the end of the day, it's a pretty nice. It's not really mean. Faye is like, well, after Nicole and I blew that delivery person, I thought, should we tell Catherine, hello, should we tell Catherine that we used to triple dildo on her husband and then we thought, no, God bless her little heart because Catherine probably already knows. But if she knows that everybody else knows, then she'll feel like she can't get married and she deserves to marry a rich man. Yeah. You know, in Beverly Hills, that's like Faye totally used girl code with you. Like that's that's Beverly Hills girl code, bitch. You should be thanking Faye. Yeah. I mean, it was not it was not a great, great moment for Catherine, but it also it was really not that damning and not that explosive and not that terrible. But either way, my favorite part about all this is then Yolanda chimes in because, you know, Yolanda is anti Kyle because Kyle is pro Lisa, right? So Kyle is on team Vanderpump. So therefore here's this fight with Kyle. So Yolanda's like, no, Catherine, tell us your experience of how Faye hurt you. You get to speak now. You tell us about Faye. How did Faye hurt you? She's always saying that because she wanted to get at Kyle. That's the only reason why Yolanda wanted to hear about Faye. Totally. You've got Catherine, who's terrified of people, like she got so hammered on the Internet that by the time they shot this, she's like, I'll just say nothing except something nice. Okay. You send me over there. Totally quiet. You've got Kyle enraged over nothing because Kyle has nothing going on either. So this is like her big time to fight and this is a non fight and Andy just keeps asking and asking and keeping it going and keeping it going. And we're Catherine and then Yolanda's like, yes, you tell her Catherine and Catherine's like, I don't want to talk. And then finally, Andy's like, so you're basically saying you barely knew OJ. You didn't hang out with OJ. Your husband wasn't friends with him after you got together. She's like, yes, that's what I'm saying. Like we barely knew him and Andy goes, so you got married at OJ's house, right? She's like, yes, like, that's totally normal. Like, of course we rented OJ's house just like everybody else who's getting married. You know, I know. And then I loved also, by the way, just to further prove my point that when Kyle was again defending Faye really passionately, Yolanda then smirked over to Erica and was like, I wish she'd felt that strong about me. Shut up, Yolanda. Why should she, Yolanda? Yeah. Like she's standing up for a longtime friend since 1994 for 20 years, lady who's done nothing but try and ruin her life for three years. Exactly. Shut up, Yolanda. And then it happened again. And then Yolanda again used the situation to push people against each other. So when they're talking about, like, Catherine, why did you make fun of Lisa's eating habits? And then, you know, Lisa, it's funny, Vanderpump and Kyle were meeting like, oh, it was a joke. It was a joke. And then Yolanda was like, Lisa didn't like it. It was not nice. Lisa didn't like it. It was just so funny how it was the alliances right there, you know, because Lisa, Lisa, Vanderpump and Kyle sort of have Catherine on their side, team Vanderpump. So they're like, oh, it's a joke. Catherine did nothing wrong. And Yolanda has written on her side. So she's like, oh, no, it was often so mean, such a mean joke to make. Just funny to see all the, all the sort of the politicking and like, you know, they have to like the alliances and how they have to defend each other in the alliance and make sure that no one jumps ship. Yeah. But there are all such different alliances. I love it. It really doesn't have any, except with, well, I guess she does now when she's got Eileen and Erica, Erica, Eileen, Rina, and yeah. But the thing is this though, is that Rina and Eileen could always go rogue at any time. They're really their own alliance. Yeah. Aligned with nobody. I love that when Andy was like, what about calling Rina anorexic and Rina is like, yeah, how'd that make you feel, hun? How'd that make you feel? Want to talk about it? She's like, turns to her starts doing a talk show. Yeah. I'm sorry. And then Andy's like, yeah, but remember OJ and Carl's like, look, Andy, I'm sick of talking about OJ. Okay. And he's like, okay. Man, I love orange juice. Oh my God. That reminds me about that guy who killed his wife. She's like, Oh, what about how faith feels about OJ so funny. So then we then, yeah, of course, Andy's like, but Munchausen's guys. Okay. This OJ thing fell on his face. Munchausen. Not before he was, not before Andy was like, so Catherine, your dad committed suicide. What that feel like. Oh. And then Catherine just sits there, sobbs. And then she said, well, I'm just sensitive right now because my nephew just died six weeks ago. And then the music, like music starts up, it's like, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun. I'm like, why, why are they playing music over this like horrific moments? It's like, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. Gretchen goes to the store. It's like, yeah. I think music, you. If they're like transitioning into commercial, I'm like, you don't have to do a transition to music. Just let her say your thing. And then you can like quietly go to commercial like you've done before. And then we get to this Munchies thing again and they start the thing we've heard a million times. Darling, one minute you say you can't walk and then suddenly you're running through a scavenger hunt. That's all, darling. I believe you had lines, but also that you're, you know, a menopausal pathological liar, darling. It's three diseases, darling. I thought I was helping you. Yeah. And Yolanda's like, do you know how hard it was for me to summon the energy for the scavenger hunt? I'm like, please. You planned it. You idiot. And then Andy, when Andy's like, yeah, but Yolanda, you know, people on the Internet are saying you're saying you haven't walked in three years and then they show you speed walking and then you say you haven't driven. And then they show you driving like you're jumping off the boat and she's like, well, well, you know, look, when I say I haven't walked or eaten or, you know, felt anything in my feet or, you know, seen anything or heard anything for a decade, you know, I just met this year. It's like, oh, okay. And then she looks around at everybody like, and how dare you accuse me of lying when she's lied a zillion fucking times. And no one calls her out on it. It's just like, oh, okay. So you're just about to logical liar. All right. Well, you were sick once. Let's let that go. Mashing out at everyone who questions her. I also liked when someone asked Rinna, I think it was Andy probably about the Instagram photo, all these things, the inconsistencies on Instagram, I was like, what is like, Rinna, why did you have problems with Yolanda's Instagram? And I like Rinna's diplomatic response. She's like, well, it just wasn't inspiring. Like, what? He didn't inspire me. So therefore you must be lying. No, we're gonna just say the original conversation was I heard people chattering about Yolanda's Instagram. Not inspiring them. And I thought, this can't stand. You know what I mean? I haven't played. He is. I'm a dope week. Yeah. That was I was like, Rinna, just say there were inconsistency is one moment, one moment you're like sick and bad in next moment, you're jumping off a yacht and there's no hashtag later Graham. So we know what happened recently. And she did kind of do that because after she was like, it didn't inspire me, baby. She said something to Yolanda like, she didn't say I didn't buy it, but she did say something like it just didn't seem sincere. Something like that. And Yolanda goes, what didn't you believe? The medical report, the doctor blood test record? I'm like, Yolanda, you have not had you have not you said yourself on national television that you've never had Lyme disease. You've never been bitten by a tick. This is chronic Lyme. This is totally different. And there is not a blood disease. You go to the doctor for and get a blood disease for this. There's one place that's come up with one. It's like thousands of dollars. And it's the one that Hugh Hefner's wife is like, oh my God, I just I never even knew I got bit by a tick. But now I have chronic Lyme get a test and she's like hashtagging and you know, they're like advertisers. It's so it makes me infuriated. So then instead of anybody even going after her for that, because look, I don't blame them, the medical stuff is just cuckoo. So then Andy turns on Rina. He's like, okay, Rina, let's go. Yeah. So then Rina launches into her story. This clip has been everywhere for a week. And it just cracked me up. And I think it was the fifth time I saw this part, but Vanderpump, you see, Rina like come to life. Yeah. And Vanderpump flinches. She's like, oh, she makes it look like that before she even starts. She's like, okay, you'll learn that here. Here's what happened. Okay. You'll learn that. Okay. You'll learn that. Here's what happened. Okay. Baby. You remember, it was your, it was my birthday baby. You came in with no makeup. Baby. Yeah. I like that. She mentioned that. You came in. No makeup, baby. Maybe she's born with it. Maybe not. No makeup. Maybe. Maybe she was born with no makeup. I don't know. You know, I would say to Maybelline. I don't know. Maybelline. Okay, baby. So she goes through this whole thing and she's like, you come in, no makeup. You sit down. Ken Vanderpump says you look terrible and then Harry, Harry Hamlet, my husband of televisions madman said do not say that about a sick woman. Okay. Because that woman is sick and we stand up for sick people here. Okay. We stand up for the sick people and then Lisa Vanderpump turned around and said, well, there goes our fucking storyline. Yeah. There goes our fucking storyline. She goes, I never would have said the cameras were rolling. She said, be quiet Lisa Vanderpump. This is my moment. She goes, no. This is my moment. Okay. You forgot to mention that when, when Rina talked about what Ken said, that Vanderpump was, but he, but he said, he didn't say it to her face, but I know what, but I know, but what Lisa said, Ken, Ken wasn't making fun of her. He was like, Oh gosh. And that's what Lisa said. It was an observation. He's observing how ill she looked. He was doing her a favorite. You'll want it. Didn't want to look good. That's why she showed up like that. He was saying she looks sick. He wasn't being a dick. I mean, Ken can be a dick, but he planned that moment. He wasn't. And Rina's like, he said you look terrible. My husband said, we're not going to talk about sick people. My moment, Vanderpump, why do they act like this is a monologue? It's like their vagina monologue where they each get to come on. And then someone keeps walking into their vagina monologue. They're getting off the stage. They're not done with the labia meeting the middle part. I don't even know the parts of the vagina. So I can't continue that joke. You know, the clavicle and the clitoris. I mean, is the corn hole involved in this at all, at all, this fight? So everybody gets their moment and then the phone fight cannot. And then, you know, then you call me and you go, you need to bring it up. You bring up much how since it's a story line. So Rina has now changed her story. I think. Yeah. Well, she's bringing times and she pulls out the phone records like Anna can coach, whatever name is from Miami. And I love this Erica. This is like a rare moment of like personality. She smiles, she goes, "Bitch!" That's the Erica I want to see more of. I want to see that. Have you ever found the house of your dreams only to learn it has dark secrets? Netflix's new series, "No Good Deed" follows three families vying to buy a 1920s Spanish-style villa that they think will solve their problems. 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Well, you know, the thing is that, I mean, did we talk about this last week? Did we say this? That my conspiracy theory is that the producers told Vanderpump like this season we're going to really focus on Yolanda's illness and probably, you know, questioning what, like, what's the story? Yeah, that was my theory. The producers sort of chatted with Vanderpump about where they see the season going. And when, if Lisa said there goes the fucking storyline, it was probably like a reference to what the producers had told her that they wanted to do. That's my conspiracy theory based on Zilch, but I'm a Lisa Vanderpump apologist. I'm not even, I don't even really have that much of a conspiracy at this point unless, you know, maybe this is one, but I don't think it is. I just think all the ladies know that Yolanda's full of shit. All you have to do is listen to her for more than five minutes before she's already told you a lie. So they already know that she's not dealing with a full deck and they were all talking about it and making fun of, you know, making fun of it as you do Yolanda's Instagram because it's hilarious. And that was it. And they talked about it behind. Lisa brought up the munchausons part and, you know, Lisa, like, we've learned a Rin, I mean, on this show, when she gets something, she just repeats it over and over, changes it over and over. And I think that's what happened. She was like, they, they, my hairdresser said she has much house and she has much house and Kyle. I mean, that's it. I mean, read this definition. She reads it to Kyle and Kyle's like, oh my God, then Kyle calls Lisa freaking out like, okay, now Rinna is saying she's got much house and she read me the definition. She's going to say this shit on TV, Lisa. What do we do? She's like, darling, well, she can do whatever she wants. So then Rinna comes over. She does a munchauson a lot. Yeah. And then Kyle and Lisa pretend they have no idea what she's talking about. And then Lisa chases her over the bridge and goes, darling, if you think that speak your truth, say it, just say that. But don't believe us. Believe us out of it. Yeah. Or, and then she said, and my theory remember is that she said, Oh, I thought you were going to drag Kyle into that. Like, thank God, and then Lisa and Rinna hears it as, oh, like, why didn't you drag Kyle into it? And I think that, by the way, you know, I do love you, Rinna. I do love you, but I sometimes wonder if you are mishearing things or misconstruing things. Like, is it possible that Vanderpump made like a joke at the table, you know, a dry British joke about there goes a storyline and you took it on like you took it literally. Is it possible that when that when Vanderpump approached you over the bridge and so hilarious that she has a bridge in her house, but that when she approached you over the bridge in her house in the foyer, then we just said, Oh, I thought you were going to drag Kyle into it, that you interpret it incorrectly. And furthermore, you love Vanderpump used to love Vanderpump. Why have you not left the door open for the possibility that you may have misconstrued the situation? Why don't you give your friend the benefit of the doubt? I know I would give my friend the benefit of the doubt. Why is that not there going after her? I mean, she said when she was on the beach with Eileen, like after that, she's like, I switched sides. That's it. I switched sides. You know, that's how they look at it. And so she's either a pro Vanderpump or anti and if she's anti, she goes for the same things and I mean, the stuff that people hate Vanderpump for, I mean, I see it loud and clear. I think it's hilarious. I love it about her. But Rinna takes something and then she kind of twists it. I don't think she's doing it maliciously. I think she's just one of those people who when she tells a story, it's like this huge embellished stories. I am one of those. Exactly. And I think that she just because even the hairy thing, she's like, remember Harry, Harry was like, Oh my God, don't be mean. And then Harry came out and saw the thing this week and was like, that's not really what I said. Yeah. She kind of best quoted me. So she's even doing that to her husband. You know, she does it all the damn time. Yeah. And that's and by the way, and that's human nature. It's not a flaw necessarily of her personality. Everyone hears things differently. Everyone misconstrues things. That's what that's what people do. That's why we that's why you have, you know, making a murderer. That's why you have like these issues where nothing is cut and dry because everyone hears things and interprets things and sees things, remembers things incorrectly and differently. I recently was in Palm Springs and my friend was there and we were reminiscing on a trip we took three years ago about when we went to Palm Springs together. And she was like, Oh my God, that was so fun. I remember the drive. We just like sang and sang and sang and sang and sang. And I was like, Oh my God, that was so amazing. But privately I was like, what are you talking about? I drove alone. The whole thing was that you were going to drive with me and then you were delayed because it worked. So I had to drive to Palm Springs alone. And I was so annoyed, you know, because I had to drive alone, but she remembers. She specifically remembers us being in the car singing. And that's that's not even like a misperceptions, not even like a like a misunderstanding of something, a different, you know, misconstrued situation. She fully has a fabricated memory. Well, maybe she was being gayest. And she just remembered some other gate. She was in the car with singing or or maybe I'm remembering wrong. You know, the point is the brain is like a, it's a strong, powerful thing. Listen, I took psychology one on one. Okay. One on one. That's true. And it's, but it's true, the brain fills in gaps in strange, interesting ways. People don't, I think sometimes people underestimate it. Well, the way that I love the one of the biggest things I love about you is you finding the good in everybody because I don't even see any of this. I think that she's just being an asshole because she wants to take down Vanderpump because she started seeing herself as being, well, you know, a sidekick to Vanderpump. Well, cause you know, I'm also a Rina apologist. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think they're all dodo birds. That's why I like these shows. And I actually like her now that she's crazy. Like I don't even care what she says. I think it's hilarious. Yeah. And I just want to talk a little bit more about this because I'm a fan of it. Yeah. I just want to talk a little bit about this. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. I'm a fan of it. It's a fan of it. committed in your own words right now, that it was all you who did it. Well, I made you say it on camera. What do you retort it? What do you robot? Come on. Lisa needs someone to sort of like help her see how to communicate with people better. However, the thing that makes Lisa so great is that she's in a way like kind of unfiltered. She's her filtering is unfiltered. And so if you if you mess that up, we may not have the same loveable Lisa. So that's too bad. But either way, when when we're in a, when we're in a sad that Lisa said like there goes the fucking season baby on it. Your londa then was like, huh, huh. And then just fake tears. It was like the most dramatic overly dramatic fake crocodile tears runs off. I know. She's so mean. So calculate. How could you how could you decide to build her entire store line about me and she runs off and Erica runs after her cat and then you got rid of sitting on the couch going there. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I'm like a crazy person. And then Yolanda doesn't rent a her dressing room. She runs into Andy Collins and closes the work. Stupid. So good. And so Yolanda. That's so how Yolanda thinks. Get me to the executive producer dressing room. Get me to the first possible dressing room. I cannot walk the extra three feet to mine. Yeah, she's like, okay, I've been here in like two hours time to check out. Yeah. Well, that was a fun talk. I can't believe it lasted that long. Oh, yeah. Well, it was good. You know, the show always fires us up. We always have so many theories, conspiracy theories. And by the way, let us know what you think. I know a lot of our audience has have a lot of opinions on a lot of these women. There are a lot of people who are pro Yolanda. A lot of people who are anti-vanderpom, a lot of people who are anti Rina and pro Rina, just like have at it go tear tear tear them apart tear us apart. Usually in these shows, I get the sides better because they're clear fights. Like, you know what happens. You know, who's at fault. And then sometimes people will like the bitch because maybe they're bitchy or whatever. But this one, the fight is so stupid. I'm like, wait a second. What is this even about and why are people so mad? I mean, people are really getting angry with each other on the old internet. They're going nuts and Eileen is going nuts back at that. Well, not going nuts. People, this is like smarting off back at them. The Bravo blogs have been vicious. The tweeting has been vicious. The commenters have been vicious. I mean, we've had it on our very own Facebook page, you know. So that's the fun of it, right? The fun of it is yelling at people. And then three weeks later being like, wait, why was this so mad? It's like the big brother, you know, big brother, you get so into like, I fucking hate that person. A month later, wait, who is that again? Yeah, I'm a player. I'm like, I'll do him. Yes, like who I do that guy. All right. Why don't we go on to a charm? You want a pea break? Oh, we can do a little pea break. So sorry, I'll do a quickie. Go. No, pee your heart out. Just pee all over the place on the floor. I peed my heart out. Yeah, pee it out. I don't give a fuck. Okay, we're back. Ronnie Peed. I looked at more print stories and I'm still totally in shock. I cannot believe it. My God, stop looking at print. I know this is a happy show. Patty LePone's birthday. Why am I looking at the purple rain instead of it? Patty's. Patty Sunshine. Well, you know, tonight at Patty LePone's birthday party, she's going to be like, well, I know it's a sad day. I'd like to start with her for rain. I think you I feel like you just did a little bit. She'd be like, in honor of Prince. I'm going to sing a bat dance. Bad dance. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo dance. She would do your best with the rest of the way. That'll be your best rest of the way by fine. You want to have a Prince on my birthday fine. And this is the Prince song you're going to get from me. Bat dance. Oh, Prince. God, I'm missing you. Deet to the eye to the eye to the ammo and yes. And old and aza glance was talking with like, I don't have a nose princess dead. Okay. Get out of my house. Cream. Get on top. Cream. Get on top. For the rest of my life, people will say, how do you happy birthday, Patty? Oh, this is the day that Prince died. Thanks, Prince. La de de la da life goes on. Not for Prince. Not for Prince, though. But for Patty LaPone. And isn't that all you need? I would die for you. Okay. If I die on my birthday, that'll be something too bad I was planning on Prince singing. What? I just cannot but wonder if Prince wouldn't sang a patty LaPone tribute on my death day. But he wouldn't have. That's why I won't sing any of his songs. She's actually an Argentine on her birthday on a balcony right now. Preparing to sing Prince. This is what it sounds like. And patty LaPone cries. She says crawling on the floor. Patty. I love that my patty LaPone impersonation is based solely on yours. It's like, it's like twice removed now. I love her so much. I can't help it. She's such an asshole, but I still love her. Wayne are the oddheads. Oh God. This is, you know, when the when the Crapins glossary is finished, I haven't worked on it in a little bit, but I think Patty LaPone is starting to work her way into the glossary because she's getting referenced a lot now. But it is her birthday. He hasn't ate it into one of the actual shows but we'll put her in there at some point. She will probably show up at the Blue Note on Real House of New York City, but at some point, and Luan will probably take the mic from her. Thank you for having me the lovely Flamingo party. Ladies and gentlemen, Morris the Cat. Luan gets up. Okay. If you didn't listen to the bonus episode, we teased it on Tuesday, but we discovered that Luan sounds exactly like Morris the Cat from the Nine Lives Cat from the late 70s and early 80s. Dinner time. Oh, not time for that dinner. This is this is not the Plaza Hotel. This is Morocco. Give me Fancy Feast. Not really. Not really. All right. So I made I made Fancy Feast. Alaphon says southern charm, southern charm. Okay. Interesting episode, I thought. Mainly again, because of Thomas and Catherine. When Thomas and Catherine were not on screen, then, you know, it was fine. It was the breezy fun stuff. You know, Craig started with Craig doing his hair. He's going to go to his real job. We're going to JADIES Hotel. Sorry, it's my terrible version of his laugh. He's throwing up. Let's help Craig then shit the bed again. Maybe it'll be some bourbon afterwards for some tasting. Everything in his office is spray painted gold. I know that ain't gold. Who do you think you're fooling JD? I know. Meanwhile, Cheps, big news is that he decides that he's he wants to do some sort of he wants to get some minor form of gainful employment, but that's something like a step up from driving for Lyft and Uber. So he is going to get like Cameron's scraps that she can't deal with in terms of real estate. So he's going to do that. They're going to go into business together now, which sounds like a total disaster. Well, he can talk plenty of women into having sex with him. So maybe he can sell them a house. Yeah, like those two things are the same. Yeah, exactly. But speaking of houses, so this is where things start to get interesting. Thomas Ravenel is wandering around his house trying to figure out which coin he's going to masturbate into tonight. And all of a sudden Catherine calls up and she's like, Hey, Thomas, um, I've just been looking at houses and I found a house that I really like. And it's in the I want you to see it. And oh, yeah, I happened to already be in the neighborhood. So can I come by? He's like, well, sure, why don't you come on by Catherine? So yeah, Catherine is that girl who's always just showing up in the neighborhood when she wants something. It's like the second second episode row where she's like, I've just happened to be in the neighborhood. Yeah, that's two episodes in a row. I noticed that as well. It's a little creepy. So Thomas is playing all nice because she has full custody of Kansi. And so he, he has to play nice. Otherwise, he doesn't see the baby. And after talking with Patricia, learn about co-parenting his decides it's going to try to be civil. So he's like, yeah, come on by, come on by, come on by. Nothing says kiss and ass like lighting some almost dead Febreze candles, Thomas. Yeah. Got these glade candles, a real prit and snelling. So, so she comes over and they're so fake, nice to each other. He's like, Oh, hi, you look great. This is the one. She's like, Oh, thanks, Thomas. So, um, she laughs at the candles, which is funny. Yeah. Oh, wow. You got candles. So she, she's talking about this mansion and how great it is that she found. And it's so wonderful. And oh, by the way, the only thing is I need a cosigner and could Thomas do that. So this is already such bullshit. First of all, why don't you have your dad cosign that your dad is a sign on to like some massive fortune? Okay, you're a Calhoun. This is her. She's tricky. She thinks she's trickier than she is, though. She thinks she's going to get into this house, have him sign the lease, and then just make him pay the rent. And if he doesn't, it'll be on his credit. And so he'll pay the rent, like in some door. Yes. So it's, it's an obvious ploy. It's a stupid move for someone who's claiming to be like over Thomas and wanting to be moving on. Like that is, that's like not what you do. If you're moving on, if you're moving on, you first of all, don't get tangled with his financial affairs. You don't ask him to cosign on the house. You go to your data, data, Calhoun, have him do it for you. Okay, why are you just staying in your fricking apartment? Like the rest of us. She made these babies so she would never suffer from Thomas. She's doing a purpose. And she even admits it later in this episode. It's like, Oh, jeez. Yeah. And you know, I don't, I know, I'm not in the habit of blaming the lady who gets knocked up and being like, Oh, she was the trap. But she kind of was the trap in this case that she is trapping him. That's what that well. Yeah, she's literally trapping him. Yeah, I'm not. It's both there. I shouldn't say false, but I mean, it's a sperm and the egg that makes a baby, of course. But of course, ultimately, the woman's decision whether to keep it or what to do. I mean, that's how it is in the world, right? The woman gets beside that stuff. And she's keeping it and she wants the money. And I don't even blame her. I think he should be paying her more. And I think that he should do all this for sure. He's a slime ball. He's a slime ball. Oh, yeah, he's a pig. But I can, I know I can't fix a man, but you know, you can't give women advice. And the advice is don't be getting pregnant with someone that has not already come through on their promises. He's obviously a slime bag. He's coming through to do shit. He's coming through to something that's not promises. So, um, Catherine. So, so he Thomas is like a cosign. And then she starts doing this whole sob story about like, well, it's just that like you have such a big house and they have such a nice lavish place here. And I don't want the kids to come back to me. And then just it's not fair to go back and forth between the big house and small house. And they're gonna be wondering them. I'm like, Oh, this is just what I have. And all right. Well, give me custody, man. Exactly. Well, I love that Thomas, though, his his first like, um, size step is like, well, it's not really about the money. It's about the love. Yeah, he's a politician through and through. He's like, look at you. I loved you and you were poor. So, so then, so, so of course Thomas has like, Ren and Barrett. He sees what she's doing, but he's not, he's not just, you know, he is going to play this also. So he's like, sure, sure. I'll cosign. I see a thing. That's a wonderful idea. And look, you'll be so close to be right over the Ravnel bridge. That's great. I can see Kinsey any time I want now. Hey, I was like, Oh, people who were listening heard that. He made a sort of sound like, look how now that you're close. Now I can visit all the time. But it was really him being like, I'm getting you this house. So I'm coming over now. Don't miss me out. And she's like, well, whatever I have to do to just get him to sign. I think I'm making a deal with the devil. Look, you might as well make a deal with the devil. You fucked him for two babies came out. So make a deal. Yeah, seriously. So then we go over to Patricia who's, um, planning her flamingo trying to put together a flamingo. That shit was hilarious. That was cracking me up. What? She just kept looking at it and banging the metal against the flamingo. I love, I love all her crafting endeavors that are born out of boredom in that that old house. Today, Whitney, today, I put together flamingo. It was great. Remind me of you putting together your renob guitar. The renob guitar. She is getting ready for this flamingo party. And of course, she has to have some gay come over in a big flamingo scarf. And he's like, Patricia, I cannot wait to do this party for you. Look at this fabric. And it's like the gas most southern fabric. Oh, yes, I like that. Yes, that's very lovely. It's like, okay, dear, he's talking to her like she's some old lady. I know. You know, she loves that shit. She does. And she's like, by the way, I thought I was buying 12 little baby flamingos. I bought 144 by accident. This is the drama in her life. Because you know, she goes on Amazon and searches flamingo and it's like, one flamingo, $900. She's like, I'll take it. Well, it turned out to be a crate. I mean, these things are cheap as cheap as the dickens. So here's my problem. I thought I was getting 144 inflatable flamingos. Turns out I actually bought 144 real off from flamingos from club med. So you'll just have to deal with that. And the gays like, well, then I suppose we're going to have have to have somebody over here with super size lungs to get those blown up. I thought that was you darling. Well, you can. Sorry. No, she's really going to make him do it. Yeah, she is. Party is going to be that poor fat dude standing out there blowing up 100 flamingos. He'll be passed out in the cobblestones as Charles did at the tour groups go by and like, what's that? Don't mind me. I'm just blowing up more flamingos from Miss Patricia. Another gay dies in the heat, giving a blowjob. You know that? Thank you for watching. Meanwhile, you know that Cooper is like in the corner furious that he is not the gay who is assigned to this task. No, we're in probably like a monk's robe like, you know, plotting his revenge. He is. And because he's that's really cold because that's so fucking Patricia too. She's like, you want to talk to Catherine? Well, then we'll just see how that works out from off the Mango party. And your involvement. Young man doesn't act now that I think about it. The Cooper in a robe doesn't he sort of look like what is what's his face Senator Palpatine or Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars the bad guy? Look up. Look at how many people in Star Wars I can ever remember who's who? He's the really bad guy. Emperor Palpatine. No, but he's super bad. Look up. Look up. Oh my God. He looks exactly like him. Look up the Emperor. Cooper is the most dangerous person in the galaxy. It all makes sense. City is he is off city is darling city is his Emperor Palpatine. Oh poor guy. He really screwed himself over for what a friendship with Catherine. You know that girl's calling you 20 times a day like you won't believe what happened. I was in the grocery store and I saw somebody I knew there and then they said hi, it was upsetting. They know we're not friends. And he's like, well, I have to tell you something. My friend Darth, his entire planet just got destroyed. Well, my husband my son would never stab me in the stomach. I'll tell you that much. You know what, Catherine is what you do. Someone speaks up to you. You know, you get a lot saber and you just slices a hand off. That's what my friend darth did to his son. Because if you think about it, darth would be Cooper's gay friend in Charleston darth darth and Cooper Cooper Palpatine from Mingle party. You know, darth and Luke had a big falling out. Yeah, the more you talk about Star Wars, the more it really does sound like just gossip from a gay bar. I keep telling Luke, you just can't be upset with me that your father decided to leave and become the evil mastermind of the universe. Okay, it's not mommy's fault. Did you see Jabba the hut the other day? My God, he is gained so much weight. He is just locking up women right now. He is just out of control. He is not coming to my flamingo party. Darth, let me tell you something. Jabba the hut is dis invited. All right, dis and by no flamingos. Have you seen his table manners? And I'll tell you another thing, I don't want any of those stupid robots coming either. You got to be a human being. A robot. So I don't want Michael to feel threatened. Robots walking around with martinis. What about Chewbacca? Can Chewbacca come to the bar flamingo party? I don't know. He is awful. Whitney, turn down your music, darling. I love you, but that's enough. Well, mother Rinaab is gonna be opening up at the Star Wars canteen tonight. Well, fine. End of modern civilization, if you ask me. Hey Chewbacca just sent me an emoji of a gold cup and wanted to come over and have some sex. Whitney, would you tell that elephant keyboardist guy in your band if you would come and do the music for the flamingo party, please? But not his wife. I hate that bitch. I hope Leia does not come because I just do not want any drama in my party. I love me. I love Princess Leia, but I just cannot be around her with that mom haircut. Please do not invite her. We don't do it like that in the south. Are you a man? Tell Darth, though, that he can bring anyone he wants. Princess Leia thinks she can run an army. Look around the paintings in this house and tell me if you see one woman holding that Confederate flag, darling. You know who I do hope comes to the flamingo party. Is that wonderful Lando Calrissian? Oh, he is just a doll. You know that little ball thing with another little ball on his head. You not bring him in here. This is not a part of the balls on balls. Okay. That's how I got Whitney in the first place. So Patricia's coming out with an entertaining book. She's like, I got a book deal because I throw fabulous parties in the south. You're throwing a party based around blow up flamingos you bought on Amazon by accident. So meanwhile, Lando is playing golf with her dad who by the way, her dad looks a lot like a Disney character. He's like, you know, a retired dwarf from Snow White in the Seven. Yeah, he looks like the guy who is running like the shoe shop and you know, when Bella is coming down the street. Actually, they both kind of, she sort of has a Disney quality to her to her too. So they are playing golf and she's talking about how much she loves her dad and afterwards they're having cocktails and Lando starts talking about what she wants to do with her life and she's like, well, I was thinking about opening up a private bourbon club. And before I do that, I'll do an online gentleman's magazine and then like, you know, people that watch that and I was like, raise revenue for developing the club. I'm like, ladies. I was thinking about it and I was thinking, you know what people like to do when they go online. They like to take a break and go play some putt putt. So maybe a mini golf course. I don't know, ski ball. Do you like ski ball that? And she's like, and then I was thinking like, you know, what's more fun to do with putt putt than have ice cream? So I thought, how about I make some ice cream cones? Let me do my homemade ice cream cones. And he says, honey, you just need to pick one man, I don't have to pick one dream like I'm going to pick like 20 dreams. Like, what do I need to pick one dream? And he's like, don't worry. God takes care of kids and fools. Which one am I? He just takes a drink. He does. But I actually, I actually felt bad for like, we're making fun of her. But during her confessional, I actually, she was really kind of emotionally bare. And she was saying how like, you know, she's dirty. She's not doing anything with her life. She's divorced. She doesn't have money. Some days she wakes up. She's ready to take over the world. She thinks she's going to like do everything. And some days she just can't get out of bed. And then she starts to cry. She's like, I'm just trying to do the best that I can. And I was like, Oh, land in. I was like, it was such a, I thought it was actually such a relatable moment. I think we've all been there. I know I've been there. You know, and in many ways, as we said before, many ways this podcast has sort of saved me. So I really felt, I felt bad for poor land in there. Yeah, I did too. I mean, I like land it. She seems like a nice girl. But anybody who laughs and smiles that much has manic depression. And he like never met somebody that Laffy who's not going home is sobbing all night. Yeah, the land in Caloricean, if you will. She's like, but dad, you know, for these dreams, like, okay, I'll pick three dreams. And then you can give me money, right? He's like, well, honey, you know, well, I've got the money, but just giving you money wouldn't be fair to the money. It wouldn't be fair to the money. If I'm going to give money to someone, it's got to go to someone that the money is going to like, right? That singer said that dreams can come true. You could just got to have them. Well, he passed away this morning, unfortunately. Oh, he's doing one time ago. So, um, well, let's see. So then, um, So Catherine calls up Thomas. My ringer would be this ring, ring, ring, ring. So Catherine calls up Thomas. She's like, Tommy is Thomas. But you're just having a flamingo party. And I don't know I'm not invited. I feel left out. Why shouldn't I want to be there? So Thomas, of course, is still on his best behavior. He's like, well, you should absolutely be there. You definitely should be there, Catherine. And she's like, thank you. I think that too. Thank you very much for saying that, Tommy's Thomas. Well, it's not just about you. I don't want my children to be excluded. Okay. Yeah. Your children aren't invited to the flamingo party. So he doesn't want her to be there. That's for sure. But he is like, you know, gritting his teeth and smiling through it, like a good southern man. Yep. And also, did you notice how fake and phony she was on that phone call? She's like, hi, Thomas. Whoa. Never heard that inflection in your voice ever. How are you, darling? Great. I'm great. Thomas fucking liar. Can I go to the party, Thomas? Why would you want to go to that party? Listen, this woman has not said anything nice to you. First of all, she's way older than you. Second of all, she's not so she's not your contemporary. She's not your friend. She doesn't care for you. You slept with her son. And on top of that, the son has been even worse to you than she has. Why would you ever want to go to this party? Like have some dignity, you know, because she has all these like, stay on TV. She can't see that when she's in the scenes. Exactly. But she has all these like these demonstrations of dignity, like, I will not stand here. Listen, I'm not staying here. I'm not saying I'm going to go, you know, but you know, it would be more dignified as not going in the first place. Oh, man, a woman, that woman, having a breakdown by the porta party was just the best thing I've seen. I know we're going to get to that in a moment. So first, there was Craig went ring shopping for a pre engagement ring. So stupid. And then, um, and then we're back to Thomas. And exfoliating with a hot pink, uh, exfoliation brush. Yeah. Please put on your clothes, Thomas. Thomas used to work out. You don't need more. I'm not fat shaming you. I'm shirt shaming you. Put on a shirt. I think he looks considering his age. I think he looks actually pretty good. But, um, he, I love what he said about Catherine at this point. He's just talking about her. And he's like, I think a lot of Southern women know good etiquette, good breeding. But with Catherine, those are not her strengths. Unfortunately, those women won't sleep with me after a couple drinks at a bar. So I end up with people like Catherine in my home. Yeah. By the way, Catherine so funny, because season one, she was this mysterious, beautiful redheaded girl, wasn't even part of the main cash she sort of came through and everyone's like, Oh, Catherine, Catherine, Catherine. And seeing where she is now is actually kind of an epic arc, right? It really is. Yeah. And it's sort of terrible for women. It's a terrible thing for women. It's like, you see a hot girl, be careful because this is what's going to happen. Totally cautionary. She got her hooks in real quick. And he's so stupid. He got his hooks into, because he got some young little girl he can torture the rest of her life, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's, he's at fault as well. But it's just like, you know, there are, there's this image of what women, what women are, you know, that like, there's, there are these ideas of what women are, which, you know, feminists and women at large have been trying to debunk for years and years. And then someone like Catherine comes along and just gives all the chauvinists, you know, just, just more ammunition, you know. Yeah, pretty much except that he is one of the assholes that people are always, the feminists are always warning each other about. I mean, this guy is he's putting on white jeans, which I'm sorry. Sorry, babe. No offense. He's putting on white jeans. And then he's like rubber banding his dick. So he has like his dick sticking out to go see Patricia. Like he'd obviously done something to his dick. I couldn't stop. I was like, what is it around? I was trying to see if I could see like a band like a rubber band line or something. I'm like, what are you doing? Making your dick look as big as possible to go see Patricia, you fucking weirdo locks up some teenager, then doesn't pay for the babies. Like, and then when he does have to, it's like a pittance. A pittance. A pittance. So then so Thomas goes over to Patricia to see Patricia, basically to ask if Catherine can come and he brings her a candle the size of a trash can as like a piece offering. And then notice that his pants for the same color as Michael's jacket. I was like, hello, sir. Welcome to life. Welcome to Patricia's home. I have her waiting in the library. Tristan, the library. I just please have a seat in the gigantic couch that will swallow you up. Please have a seat between the empty books and the paintings of little dogs. I brought your dog, napkins. So then I like Thomas's plea to Patricia about Catherine. He's like, you know, she's made remarkable progress as if she's just some inmate at a mental institution, which you probably should be. She's made massive progress. Yeah. Well, she's worked her way through my bank account. It's only the first year. So she only slurs for three hours the day instead of seven. I've only insisted on meeting in this year library to make sure that Catherine can't find me. But I love Patricia and she's just sitting there and she doesn't give a shit. She's like, no, no, she's not coming. My friends are going to be there. And she's right, by the way. I'm sorry, but my final word is no. That girl doesn't need to be going to parties. She needs to be staying home and taking care of that baby. I don't know. Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know if like, I agree with like, she has to be home taking care of the baby. But I agree with her being like, I don't want her at my party. And therefore she won't be here. Good for you. But she looks so lovely, ma'am. Oh, I know what you're doing. You are the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. Oh, Thomas, no. How about I donate 300 more flamingos to the pool? Then can she come? No. And he says, well, you're a strong woman. And she says, I am strong. I didn't get where I am by not being strong. Lady, you got where you are by fucking rich dudes. Like your back is strong. Okay. We're not talking about your spine right now. She literally meant she did not get down from upstairs to the library without being strong, because normally she has Michael carry her. I've made it all the way down the stairs and managed to turn on the fan between my coochlets. Whitney is hiding under my calf tan. I'm breastfeeding Whitney as I speak. Don't call it. Don't tell me I don't know about good mothering. So now it's time for polo. Okay. Thomas is having a polo match at Brookland for a long time. I think I think they're saying Brooklyn, but Brookland, which is his plantation. So it's time for polo. And I would like to say my new favorite B roll cutaway is as a crab. There was like a little crab that went skittering across the screen for no reason. And my crab is the new fawn people crab is the new fawn. Baby, baby. Oh, no, baby. Oh, no, crab, crab, baby invited her out earlier. He said, I'm playing polo. You want to come watch me play polo and then we'll go out after and she said, yes. And then she bitched the entire time with her poor put upon friend Jennifer. Jennifer. I could remember Jennifer's name. I kept on calling her Janet. I was like, I think she's Janet. She looks like a Janet. Um, Catherine, this is typical Catherine. Jennifer comes to pick her up to drive her. Okay, that's the first. In a mozzarella. Because that's, you know, now her driver. So she comes to pick her up and she's like, Catherine's like, Oh, raising babies is so hard. I'm fucking pregnant, man. I need some damn help like as her babies at her feet. She's like cursing like a sailor. I know. And Jennifer is doing everything. She's putting her in the car. Exactly. Exactly. And I love that also Catherine always dresses Kinsey like she's from the 1870s. Like Kinsey was like at a full on 19th century nightgown. It was like some little house on the prairie shit right there. It was. It's crazy. Like God gives people two babies, but God gives babies to two people because it takes two people to take care of the babies and themselves. I'm like, I love that you're like fucking the virgin Mary now and God has given you these babies now every week. As if you weren't just fucking some old dude. Oh man, it makes me feel bad for people with fertility issues that they have to watch this. They have to watch this girl pop out child after a child and fling them in the back of Maserati. I mean, it's yeah, it's painful. It's painful. It's a casino for three days and some asshole who's never been to Vegas before sits down and hits like the progressive nickel machine lotto. So it was falling out all over the place. So Nickles from heaven. So over the polo field, JD JD and his wife. I forget her name. Is it Emily Elizabeth Elizabeth? So they're there because they're the godparents. And last time we heard like like on the season premiere, Elizabeth had been trying to reach out to Catherine, but Catherine had cut her off like was not responding, whatever. And Catherine had told us that that she's like, well, they're Thomas's friends. So I don't trust her because I feel like anything I say is going to go directly to Thomas. So Catherine cut these people out, you know, even though they never said either way how they would take sides or whatever. So they're there and they're looking, they're like excited to see the baby because that's like their goddaughter. And they have like three or four kids themselves. They're like children people. They like children. They get it. You know, they understand how to play with kids and stuff. And although JD is kind of, I like JD, but sometimes he says things that I'm just like, like when he was like, we're going to get some cuddle time with Kinsey. Yeah. Kinsey has agreed to give me $25,000 for my looking to end. I said, I said, I said, Kinsey will make it enough. So right for you, I said, so, so Catherine and Jennifer arrive at the polo grounds. And then Catherine loses her shit. She's like, I told Thomas this is supposed to be a family day. He invited a whole party. I have a child here. Oh, God, your child was born in a womb full of Franzia. And now you're upset about Kinsey being around drinks. Also, I just noticed that she named her kid Kinsey. Isn't that the name of like the sex? Yes. No, on the nose. They don't we think darling? I know. No, she doesn't care about the booze around the kid. That was just an excuse. She was mad because I think she just wanted, I don't even know. I mean, she saw that JD and Elizabeth were there and she's like, she's angry at them, even though she was the one who pushed them away. And she was upset. She said, I told Thomas it's supposed to be a family day. Like, I don't think you get to call those shots. My love. It's a polo match. It's not a family day. There's a ton of people there. You don't know. Yeah. And on top of that, you guys aren't not in a relationship together. You don't get to call those shots. The family day is supposed to be let the three of you are together with Kinsey. That's the family dayness of it. But it's not like only Ravenels and Calhoun's are going to be there. Well, she also brought a friend. Yes. Exactly. The woman who hooked up with Thomas already. I guess it does make her family. And they've got a nanny inexplicably dressed like a nurse. All right. She totally brought Jennifer to family day. Oh my God. So why is it okay for you? And it's not okay for anybody else. She just wants to have a fit. Like, she can't even fake it one entire episode and not be an asshole. You know, she just starts throwing a fit and nobody knows what she's talking about. They're like, hello, darling. Oh, lovely to see you. And she's like, I need to go to the bathroom. Goes into the porta pot. And not long dress, but she could not have helped the situation. And then she comes out, check that's it. Now I won't do this. Yeah. Elizabeth is putting a shoe on Kinsey. Kinsey's like, thank God. Someone's finally putting a shoe on me properly. But, uh, and then Catherine's like, are you serious? No, no. I'm like, you should be happy. You were the one who just complained that it's so hard being a mom. You should be so happy that someone else is taking care of your kid for this moment. Enjoy it. Relax. Put your feet up. Jesus. You're the one who wants to go to the flamingo party. Now you're mad that there's a party at the poli ground. What do you want? Do you want parties? You want no parties? Like literally, I don't get it. Like, my wall is up. My wall is up. She doesn't know. I think she just wants to have fits on camera. But I was cracking up because she actually said at this point, she's like, Oh, well, Thomas, you want to play checkers, Thomas? Fine. I'll play chess. I'm taking Kinsey out of here. And I have full custody. I don't care what he thinks. So she's blatantly like, okay, if he's not going to do it, he wants what I want him to, then he's not going to get to see his children, which is what everybody's been accusing her of this whole time. So that's exactly. And you know what happens, by the way, if you're playing chess, if you're playing checkers and someone puts chess pieces down, you know what that know what your response usually is? It's like, are you crazy? What the hell is wrong with you? You're a crazy person. You don't even understand the game that's being played here. You're so deranged. Catherine, I don't want to make you upset. But why are you putting Scrabble words down on the checkers board? Well, that's what you get, Thomas. Catherine, I'm not going to trade you my three week for an S and an X. Doesn't work that way. Okay, get the Scrabble pieces off the cotam board. Why do you keep looking at your phone? I'm trying to swipe the fruit, Thomas. I will win this chess. He's like, no, darling, it's fruit ninja. Concentrate. I'm just waiting for it. I'm just waiting for a T to come down, honey. There are no T's or it's C's or B's or any letters in Candy Crush. She starts playing like karaoke games. Please stop singing. I will win, Tommy. Yes. So then Catherine is a whole, you know, she has this bullshit thing about like, Cansey camp, and they are drinking. I'm like, what do you think your breast milk is like made of? It's like entirely schnapps. Okay. So so then so she gives Kinsey to the the nanny and the nanny's like, I broke my peanut. So broke my peanut. Got that. Nobody light a match. The floor is highly flammable at the moment. But she's like, the I love the nanny's like, all right, I'll just go get my Chevy. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, listen, like, are you going to buy the nanny a mozzarati? Because I don't know if this baby's going to be able to handle going from a mozzarati to a Chevy to a mozzarati. Thomas better cos I'm for a new car. Well, we had two children, but they had brain aneurysms when they had to get into a Chevy. Yeah. By the way, I have a question. If it's family day at the plantation, why is it so wrong that JD and Elizabeth were there? They're the godparents. I mean, if that's that's like essentially family, but I am not talking to them, which they don't even know. They're like, what's wrong with her? No one even knows. No idea. And then she runs off in the Chevy and Thomas is like, where's my baby? Where's my baby? It was like, all of a sudden, very Tennessee Williams. So his response is, well, fine. If she's going to take away the baby, if she's going to play these games, I'm going to take away our house. And the sad part is I was like, yeah, I was like, Oh God, I can't believe I'm feeding into this craziness. They're the same. You can't root for either Thomas or Catherine, because they're both wrecks and they're both awful. But in this case, I can root for, I think Thomas is on the right in this one because she's essentially extorting him for a a what's it called an extortion when he made the babies. He should pay for a damn house for his babies. Yeah. So fuck her. And I like when he's like, where's my baby? She needs FaceTime with a father. Well, then get her off an Android phone. You cheap motherfucker. Get your baby in my phone. So that was this week's Southern charm. Pretty entertaining. Pretty fun. Pretty fun. Let's watch people ruin each other's lives. Okay, why don't we move on to Real Housewives of New York City, which I watched in New York City. So meta. Okay. Okay. Oh, Real Housewives in New York. So it starts like, don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't. It's like, don't don't don't. Title comes up. Dorinda's bra party, which I thought was hilarious. Intense music for the bra part. So Dorinda and Jules are outside smoking and Dorinda's furious and drunk as hell. Yeah, she's not cool. Not cool. I was not cool of Jules. And then Jules already hates Bethany. Yeah. Well, actually, it's Bethany that started it. So you should be going after Bethany. I mean, not Ramona. She's like, yeah, but Ramona knows me. I'm 20. She's such a drunk. Like that's the exact statement that a total drunkard would say anything. No, I mean, for 20 years, my car, I've had my car for 20 years and didn't do that before. No, you have you're on a four year lease. I know it's a 20 year lease on my car. Like way too angry. Like calm down. She starts shaking like she's going to explode. So Jules hates Bethany. Bethany hates Jules, which I'm already loving because I don't really like either one of them either. So rip each other to shreds, Beths. Jules making the entire audience hate her and one fell swoop. I've never seen fights like that, like especially with the elderly. Yeah, with the elderly, I couldn't believe she said that. And she wasn't even trying to be funny. She's like, well, you know, the elderly, you know, with those old fat ladies, you know, they must be, they must be like 99 pounds. I mean, God, they must be so embarrassed. I haven't checked the Twitter yet, but I'm sure she's getting a lot of hate for that one. And God bless her. So well, actually, God wouldn't bless her because guess who's the most elderly? God. He's all offended. How dare you? I'm sorry. That's God. So Bethany is talking. Who is she? Jules makes remote. Jules makes somebody go apologize. What the hell be bra? Okay, I'll take the bra. I'll take it for you. Oh, yeah. So back upstairs, Bethany, the little bra lady is like, so here's how a boob works. And then you put it in here. Okay, okay, okay, whatever. I'll take the bra like like what? I'll take it for you. Okay, I'll take it for you. I did that for you. All right, just go away now. Just go away. My bra. My bra. All right, now look, I know I came to you too hard to right now. I'm so I'm so sorry. I went too far. Okay, I went too far. All I'm saying is that you're a drunk and your boyfriend's disgusting. Yeah, does that sound better now? Like literally like like you're just drunk. Yeah, like he's drunk. Like you're a drunk. You're like drunk together. You're about disgusting. You know, he's a mouth. He's a mouth breather. Okay, he looks like a boulder. Okay, like but not like a cool boulder. He's like, he's like a boulder. You don't like the boulder that comes rolling. He's like, it's like Indiana Jones. Like ridges with lost arc. Okay, it's like, it's like, where's the arc? I don't see an arc. Like, where are the arcs? Like, what are they talking about? Where's Noah? Like, it's like, it doesn't make sense. Okay. Well, actually now that we're back to Noah's arc, like that probably smelled like John. So that's all I'm saying. We don't, we don't need two of John's. Okay, John smells like he's got two of every kind of animal ever born inside of him. And they're all burping and farting at the same time. Like, literally, I just, it just, we need to rain. Okay, we just need to wash out the John. Okay, like go to California, send it flood to California, they need the water, and John can just stay there and just take it. Okay, El Niño, I don't know, I don't get it. Oh, and then she's telling us her boyfriend's sleazy there. You know, I've been through it. I know, I know what it's like to have sleazy people, you know. So I'm sensitive to sleazy balls. Look, your husband, I guess he's not the most chivalrous man in the world, but your husband was not a sleazy. He was not. He was some guy who couldn't take your crazy ass and is not going to live in a poor house just because you decided to be a batch. Yeah, sleazy is Jim Bellino. Sleazy is, uh, what's his face from what's the strength of his wife on the plane? Yeah, Jim Marchezi. What was the name of the guy, the thumb guy from Season Wives? Michael? Yes. Why are they all fat? Like what is it about being fat and sleazy at the same time? I mean, what the hell? Yeah, it's hard to. Even if I almost got a muffin top. Yeah, I'm sure there's some, I'm sure there was some skinny sleazy balls, sleazy guys somewhere. They're better be because this is fattest. Bravo is being fattest. They're like all the awful people are fat. You know, I have to say, um, what Mauricio, I'm Beverly Hills, he rides a fine line between being hot and sleazy. He really does. You're hot, babe. Yeah, look at you. Yeah, I'm like, when he's yeah, when he has like a, like an open shirt and like his chest hairs coming out and he's got like a little gold necklace hanging there. Yeah, it's like it's definitely some little arm in. Yeah, he's like little Armenia, the guy who shows up that owns the auto store. He doesn't actually work there, but he whips out like that, you know, stack of hundreds. Mm hmm. Good. With the open shirt. Yeah, it's a little yeah. So jewels and carols have carols. And then Christmas carols come by at the property. Don calls them all slags and hits them. Yeah. So anyway, you were saying Carol and Jules are talking about who's skinnier. Jules really does look, you know, like she has a problem. She's yeah, she's got some she's she's she's skinny. She's not that anorexia shaming you. I'm anorexia priding you because that is a very difficult disease to keep. Yeah, it is. That's some dedication. The amount of tea that she has to drink is unparalleled. The amount of poop tea. Um, so they are talking about who's skinnier and Carol's like, I know he just map, but I'm sorry you're a toothpick. She's like, Oh, look, everyone, everyone says that that I'm too skinny, but I still get my period. Carol's like, it scares me that you would even say that. Yeah, it is Ramona and Bethany trying to decide how Ramona has to apologize because like a Vanderpump, she has to be trained. She can't do it. But she's but she's not as good. When Lisa Vanderpump got her training, she executed actually pretty well. But with Ramona, Bethany was like, listen, all you have to do is say, I'm really sorry. I didn't, you know, I really love you. I didn't mean to say this in front of everyone. Okay. And I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for the way I said it. Ramona's like, okay, Ramona like walks up like a robot, as Bethany later mentioned. And she's like, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't say that in front of you. I love you. One of my best friends then just walked away. She walks up and goes, I need a drink now. Give me a drink. Okay. Okay. I need a glass of wine now. Oh, that was hard. Okay. Okay. Miranda's just sitting there seething. Yeah. Then we get to Jules D and B. Derinda Bethany and Jules. Okay. So now here we are back at the same exact place again. Yeah. They've not left this weird couch situation is so that, because at this point Ramona is actually left, right? She's actually left the party. Oh, yeah. Ramona's like, okay, bye. Like you took that bottle of wine and got the hell out of it. Yeah. She's like, are there any dresses around? Okay. Bye. I'm sorry. Bye. Hey, do you have a to go thing? I could put a brand from Mario just in case. Not that I can. So they start having this thing now. Jules is trying to be the Heather where she's trying to like fix everything. And maybe she meant this. Shop Jules, you're not involved in anything. Go sit down. Okay. You're painful enough to watch in your own scenes without ruining the grip scenes too. Yeah. Yeah. So she's trying. But then, of course, Bethany and Derinda, you're not going to ever speak with those. No, absolutely. Ramona, this cast talks so much. Because this is, because this is where it wasn't this more, Bethany starts to say for the first of many times this episode, like, you should be mad at me. You should be mad at me. She's your friend. Like, I'm not like you're real. She actually, she said it last week too. At one point, she's like, listen, she's your real friend. I'm not even your real friend. I'm just, you should be mad at me. Yeah. And Derinda is like, I ain't not right where Ramona did. I'm like mafia. I live by the sort of die by. And Bethany is just like, what? What does that mean? It's like a mirror, you know, you know, when you when you crack the mirror, you can still use it, but it's cracked. I'm like, who uses a cracked mirror? Yes, the be as riveted. You don't fix a crack mirror. You look at it and you're like, why is my face? You better back it up. You better back it up mirror. You better back it up mirror mirror on the wall. Who's the most cracked of them all? Back it up now. Hey, be careful what you say, mirror. Be careful what you say. So she's dying by swords or something. And Bethany is just read, Bethany never stops. She's just like ready to attack her for something else. Like, okay, was that fun? Did you enjoy the heroin in the bathroom or whatever you're doing in there? So John calls. Yeah, trying to stupidly answer it on speaker. And he's like, hey, darling. He's like, tell me bitch, you talk smack about me. He just like, yeah, he's just already on a rant. He's like, already just like, really like, what are those bitches of serve about me? And what is he talking about me right now with the smack? Oh, he called us bitches? Oh, that's great. You know, why don't you tell him to take his Viagra and then just, you know, come fuck with us this weekend for six hours in a row. Why don't you tell him that? Yeah. And by the way, John is stupid because he's, you know, about to lock horns with Bethany. And locking horns with Bethany is not the same as locking horns with Ramona or Luan. I mean, Bethany is tough. She is she is just pure. I mean, she saw her mom get dragged across the kitchen floor on a daily basis, I think. So like, she she does not go down without a fight. And John is not yeah. And she also does not get where she is without being tough as nails. So yeah, she doesn't really feel things either unless it has to unless it involves her. She has a sharp tongue. Yes. And a quick like, I don't know, you're, you know, your dog died or whatever. And she back, but you know, you're buried. That's what you do, you know, from Dr. Dust. What do you expect? Dogs die. That's what happens. You know, Prince dies dog. That's what happens. We all die. Like, what you want some sympathy for me? Like, get over it. It's like your dog, a little bird in the one already. Oh, I can't believe you would do that to me. So they're, this conversation is fucked. John is making it worse. Gerinda's finally starting to calm down. And now she's like, don't come up here, John. I'm telling you, don't come up here, John. Don't do it. Back it up. So he's like a Ramona, he's like a Ramona's in here trying to figure out how to work a goddamn elevator. Get around of here. What? It's not going. I'm sorry. I wish Aviva were here. Shoot now. So so then John winds up at the door, but he's not allowed in. Oh, no, I'm sorry. That I'm sorry. That was later when he was at the door saying things, right? Yeah, John was at the door a lot in this episode, but he's got a lot of time comes in. He's potentially his boutique. How did John even know about it? Like, how did John even know about all this stuff? Like, who's the rat? Who comes to a bra party? Who comes to a bra party? So women with bras. What sort of what do you have of a China? Do you have breasts? Why are you at a bra party? You want to do some lines? Is that what sort of you go to bra parties? Do you think there's some cochia? Huh? What sort of man wants to go see women in bras anyway? Not anyone that I date, that's for sure. Comes up. Jules is like, oh my god, I need a quadruple bypass. Well, while the doctor's here, here comes John. Like, do you still have any heart muscle left? Is everyone behaving the night? I don't want to behave into that. So Bethany immediately starts. You're a little bit lit up right now, huh? Yeah, she's lit up, huh? Because she's because she already does not like him. She does not like what she heard on the phone. So he's like, yeah, a little, a little hopped up, huh? Want to do some light? You've been doing some lines, huh? Blow some rails and talk about this, huh? So he is ready for, he's like a typical housewife. He comes in ready to fight, but it's not the appropriate time to fight. And he's been saving up this shit forever. And it comes out in some drunken mess. And he's like, yeah, my friend, I had this friend at a party. And yeah, you know him, right? And she's like, yeah, yeah, I know him. Yeah, yeah, we were going to go into business together, you know? And he's like, well, you stole his name. Just know, John, his name is Skinny Cow. Mine is Skinny Girl. Okay, John, I know that's like the same thing to you, but Skinny Cow versus Skinny Girl. Look, I know people at Nestle. Okay, like that's going to, well, I don't know. What was funny is that he thought he was really going to bust her. Like he was really going to get her like, aha, I'm going to out you on camera. She was so ready. She knew because she's been down this, she probably already had to deal with this guy complaining about the name. She's been through with the lawyers. She had, she was ready right there with all the reasons why she, her trademark is fine. It was not so much to suit two separate words. The guy was bought up by Nestle. He doesn't have any like, he doesn't have any claim to the name anymore. Yada yada, everything like she's been through this. And she was not about to let John try to walk in there and tarnish her business reputation, especially, especially after he was trying to make some sort of connection, like a business connection with her, like already at five times. And during this, like, all right, Jen, she's go Jen, just go and Bethany, don't manage him. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I'm talking about right now. Go ahead, go ahead. She's taken off the metaphorical hoop earrings right now. She's like taking them off, like juju stop. By the way, the landlines ringing. This is, this is a callback to our earlier episodes. When I used to have a landline in my old apartment, I would always ring during the podcast. Well, now I'm at my parents' house and the landline is ringing. But I'm not going to answer it, I'm not going to answer it. They're only asking for something, whoever it is, do they ask? Of course, my parents, it's probably my parents probably calling to check in like, so we're going to be home in like an hour and have some halibut for dinner. I don't know how busy you are right now, but your brother's worried about his cat. So my parents, by the way, don't even talk like that. It's just that doing these accents. I'd like him now like in every accent coming out of me is Ramona. You should answer it and just be like, yeah, mom, you're doing some lines? You want to do some bloke? You want to talk to me like that? Blow in a couple rails, huh? You're pretty lit up now, Ma, aren't you, huh? I am so lit up, Benjamin. So anyway, so she's screaming don't manage him, and then Bethany, of course, can throw you right off your game because he's sweating all over, he's drunk, he's ready to go for it. She goes, first of all, like, I can't talk to you in the Snoopy scarf. She just nags him out of nowhere. That's the big old man. So he takes it off, and he's like, oh, yeah, okay, so much golf's gone. So now what? Now what we're going to fight? He actually takes it off. That's the best part is that he actually takes it like as a note, like, oh, you're right. We can't have a conversation while I have the scarf on. Excuse me. He's like, keep rolling, keep rolling, it's golf's gone. Okay, I'm so sorry that the scarf was so distracting. Continue. So she's just screaming, and well, not screaming, but nasal shouting in her way. This is the way you do, and that is what I'm talking about. Look, look, what he's doing right now. You see what I mean? Like, are we talking? And then now you're trying to sell him, and then look, he's still talking. Like, I don't even know why you're talking. Why are you talking at me? Don't sweat on me. I'm telling you right now, do not sweat on me. And he's like, you don't know about love. You can't even hold a relationship. Like, you got nothing, okay? Which is true. John's like, I'm like a stain on your silk blouse. Not coming out. I'm stuck with you. Rest of your life. You don't know how to pair a wine stain with, you know, like a cheesecake stain. You know, that's why you're going to be alone forever. You've been like triple stitched, you're just stiff, and no one likes you uncomfortable and itchy. Well, you know, if I was going to be like you and be happy to be in a relationship with Crystal meth, and I'd probably be happy that I won't. So, you know, go ahead. There you go. There you go. Big man. You like that? You like that? And the dorinda making it even worse because she's screaming at John this whole time to stay out of it. Now she's like, you broke, you're both broken my hands. She's like in good fellows all of a sudden, you're breaking my heart. Why broken my heart? How can you blow both of you? Shut up, Jessica. You shot your breath. I mean, how could you do this to the bra party? Meanwhile, those women at the bra party are like looking at each other like, what the hell is going on here? They're like, he didn't even wait to hear his bra side. I know it's about to say they had like to bring out a man's ear for him. They're like, they're tall. They're d triple threes. And then not, you know, Bethany transparent as usual. It's like, you know, I was actually happy. Actually, we needed that because, you know, it's like a gift from Jesus. Like here I am, I'm treading so lightly with dorinda, like treading so lightly, like being so polite. Like I can't tread any lighter. It's like, like, how can I tread any lighter? Like, I have to be floating like I have to be like a ghost. Like, am I a ghost? Like, did I die? Like literally kill me now? So I can take my ghost body finally. Like, I can find who'll be Goldberg and talk to her and be like, dorinda, I'm a ghost. I'm speaking to you because I'm treading so fucking lightly. Literally, I can't, I can't, I die. How is she treading lightly when she brings up at the hostess's party? You're probably an alcoholic. You're in a semi abusive relationship and you're both addicts. Yeah. So it's not treading lightly, you know, Bethany doesn't even know what treading lightly means. She, she is the exact opposite of a delicate touch. Well, she thinks of it like treading the ground like when you drive over something and leave tire tread marks in it, round over him very slowly. I mean, what's the big deal? Yeah. So God did this for Bethany. It's like the only time Bethany praises to like win a stupid fight that she's like, yeah, yeah, God, God to live it. So John's out of here and then Bethany's still screaming behind them like, that's your man. Oh, that's your man. Oh, no, dorinda stays. She's like, that's your man. All right. Look, dorinda, you have a lot of shit in your life. You're not being honest about and you're in a relationship that you're unhappy with and you don't know why and she's like, I don't even know. And John, like, you know, because it's John. Yeah. Well, you're unhappy. He's probably just like, yeah, but you know, John, you know, he broke my heart the way that yep. Yeah, he's abusive. That's what I said. Yeah, you're agreeing with me. Remember that tomorrow. Good. Yeah. I had a headmaster by 10 minutes in this show. This show is like so much yapping, so much, so much. John is disgusting, though. We can all agree on that. Yes. So now, oh God, John's still here. So now John is downstairs with Jules, who's, you know, getting into her shit so she can be in scenes. Mm hmm. She's like, well, John, are you okay? And he's like, ah, she's just jealous. Like, because we love each other. We're a beautiful couple. She's like, she's like, well, you know, you just, you feel a lot of things. Well, I forgot. She was saying something. She's saying some bullshit. Yeah, so I don't give them ammo. You're like, you're emotional. You're emotional. You're sweet guy. You're emotional. It's like, shut up Jules. Yeah, really stupid. And then she joined us upstairs drunkenly sobbing. And then Jules comes back up. It's like, I was talking to John. Why were you talking to John? Like, what was he trying to do? Do you like hit you? Do you ask you for coke? Tell us? Like, no, no. I mean, tell me about the bag. He's a happy. He doesn't make during the happy. He doesn't make it happy. She's a little happy right now. She's sobbing on the floor. So now a phone call with Carol and Bethany. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because Carol's like on the stoop with the dog. It was sort of late. It was funny because I felt like then there were a lot of these sort of like fluff scenes, right? Pretty much. Carol doesn't want to see Lee Wann and then Wann is like looking at a tiny, tiny apartment that has a view. She'd be paying probably like $10 million to get a view of the park and like no room. It was like a closet. Yeah, New York. Oh my god. It's like, welcome to this hallway. $10,000 a month. Oh, great. Fabulous. Look at this closet. She opens it. It's one of those. Like one of our apartments, you know, like for a person. It looks like our apartments is like this is no Luan. Your account is darling. You know, this parquet floor is just not acceptable, but I can't feel bad for Luan and Sonya. There were there's sort of been on the sidelines the past few episodes. It's like, it's like, oh, no, like get into the mix, ladies. You're like our favorites. Yeah. And then of course, Luan has this fabulous story. She's telling the real estate agent who is her old model roommate. Yeah. It's just like one time when we were living together, I was in the park, you know, some central park and these two Italian guys, you know, came over and said you want to hang out or whatever. So I, uh, paged my real estate friend and told her, you know, get over, get home, get home. And I show up and then one starts touching my leg. And then the other one starts touching my shoulder, you know, and then I've got a dick in me. You know, my front and my back. I mean, it was crazy. Do you remember that story? I mean, that was just crazy. It's like that. And somebody was like, yeah, still happening. Yeah. I'm like, Luan, are you just stealing stories from Mad Men? Could I believe that happened with Joan and season three? She's like, I told her you will not be the head of the secretary pool. Understand. So they are going to go, they go to that look downtown, which I can't believe you can get such a much better apartment downtown. Cause you know, that wasn't like downtown, downtown. That was like, like, Tribeca or somewhere really nice down. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a butt remote, which I just loved. Cause they're like, okay, you, you sit on the toilet and then you press this button and then it'll massage your butt or it'll spray your butt. She's like, Oh, just, we'll just stay here. Can I just stay here? Luan just needs an outhouse with a butt massager and she'll be happy. So that's just needs a good bidet. Bethany at her office. So what's this another divorce bill? What is this 32 grand? I got to have the craziest divorce since I cantina. Am I right? Yeah, just it was basically just more skinny girl memorabilia. Oh wait, as by the way, as anticipated, my father is leaving a message on the voice on the answering machine right now. Just an update. What's an update from Costco? That's what my parents love to give updates. Like all the time. Like if we're, especially if we're like caravanning, like, like, if like, for some reason, like my mom's one car, my dad's another and we're like driving somewhere in like a mini caravan to go to like something or another. My dad will be like, give your brother a call, let him know that we're five minutes away. I'm like, dad, he'll see us in five minutes. It's like, they just love updates. They just love giving updates. My dad just gave an update that which train he's going to be on. I mean, it makes sense for dinner, but so. Well, you should put me on three way and let me call your mom and give her an update. Okay. Yeah, husband's abusing you and you're both wrong. Okay. Yep, David. Okay, right. So sorry, I got distracted there for a moment because I was like simultaneously trying to hear the update in case it was actually something I needed to know. So Romana comes over to the office and starts reading Derinda's text. Yes. Derinda's text. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry, which of course she doesn't at all. No, but the texts are like, you broke my heart, put my hand up crying. I've been in bed for a day. You're a broken mirror from what it's like, but what's your broken? What do I look like? I'm in a broken mirror. So my face crooked. Like, what's she saying? You know, my mother always said, oh, you'll have to always get your own miracles. You never want to rely on a man to get a mirror for you. Okay. Romana goes, well, what did you say? I don't know. I can't understand a word coming out of a mouth. Like, I understand one out of three words coming out of the school. So it's always like, you know, bruh, ta, like Sayonara. I don't get it. You know, it's a lot of dung dungling dung to me. You know, that's what I'm saying. I can't tell if it's Hebrew or Japanese. I don't get it. Like, I don't understand that this craziness. It's like, it's like just speak English. Okay. Well, I think she won't wait for Bethany's argument to be. It's not racist when you just have like see that coming. Probably. You know, it's funny because when Ramona, so Ramona and Bethany then called up Jules to be like, let's talk about John. And it was so clear. It was a recruiting mission. Like, hey, Jules come join our team, anti-John team. And Jules was not biting. Jules was like, Oh, well, you know, I just think, you know, I don't know. It's just like, you know, so good talk. Bethany, I can't with her. Wouldn't need it. Why do we even try to recruit her? I mean, it's almost gonna make me cry. Like, it's like, it makes me almost sad right now. It makes me sad. I'm gonna call Avery until I love her. And Bethany tells Jules. What, you don't mind how we talk to me? Like, like what? You're a woman. Okay. If someone talked to you like that, I punch him right in the face. Okay. That's what I do. If I was, if I was you when you was me and someone talked to me like that, I punch him in the face. Well, you know, like, you want to punch my husband? No, I'm fucking moron. I know. Jules hang it up. Just hang it up. How did Jules get on this show? I mean, she is just like, like, I don't know. My hope is that she just turns into a raging bitch. Because, you know, Kelly Benson, when she first showed up, I was like, what is this woman doing here for like half the season? I was like, who she doesn't do anything. She's an idiot. And then when she got into it with Bethany, I was like, Oh, so I'm hoping that Jules has that moment too. Oh, yeah. Jules is already ready to snap Bethany in the face. And Bethany ends the call. She hangs up and she goes, she's a very special woman with very special needs. Oh, you know, I never use my guest certificate for dry cleaning. I love that Bethany, despite being like a multi millionaire, still looking for like $10 off. Because should I send it in at the skinny cow? So Jules, Jagger, and Rio. Oh my gosh. Jules. So this here's the thing when Jules is like, okay, when we go driving, we always have to have the Sour Patch Kids. If I don't have the Sour Patch Kids, oh my god, they're going to be crying. I'm like, no, you're the parent. You just say, no, no Sour Patch Kids. What do you have to have Sour Patch Kids all? Like for it. You don't, you know, they don't make the rules. You make the rules. They don't give Sour Patch Kids. The nanny gets a black eye. You know, I can't. The nanny who was stuffed into the backseat. Did you notice that the nanny was in the backseat, they're stuffed in there? No, I was looking for where she was. She was stuffed in back there, was she? Well, I was watching with with Jenny, remember Jenny, and she was like, who's that random black lady back there? I was like, what are you talking about? And she was like stuffed back there. Oh, I didn't even see her. I thought that was crazy that Jules was doing anything without a nanny. Like she's changing. No. And then their kids are obnoxious, but they're so obnoxious. They have a wall in their car that they can pull up so they don't have to even deal with their children while they drive. Did you notice that? I did. I did notice it. So good. It's like, it looked like a dog pound vehicle. You know, where they pick up, they have like the greats in the car so the dogs can't bite them. It was like, it was like when the limo driver picks up Lily Tomlin and Bette Midler, city and Rose in big business, it's like the window up or down, down. Do not insert Jules into my big business memories. How dare you, sir? By the way, I'm so mad because Jujiroki is doing a big business. Like read through whatever. I think I even mentioned it last time. And tickets went on sale and were sold out immediately. I was so excited to see Jujiroki do big business. I'm so mad. It's one night only. Oh, that sucks. I know. Love that guy. So now, while we're on our way to the Hamptons, we've got John into the in a car and John is just still fuming and just, you know, look, you're a man. Okay, you don't get to fight with the women. So just fucking calm down. You don't get to go in and tell a woman off. Who raised you, sir? And honestly, like, they, you know, they put them through the wringer. No pun intended last year. And why is it that this is the thing? This is what sets them off after everything that the women were so nasty to him about last year, where we were sort of oddly kind of on his side in certain ways. But now this is this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Like, I don't know. Well, it's just he had called before this even happened, saying if any of those bitches say anything about me. So I think he's just been ready to go. They all watch the season and read their Twitter. And he's like feeling like a pussy, you know, that he ever stood up for himself. Exactly. Like it's their fault. He looks like a total, you know, piece of shit, not his own. Yeah, it's that they got mad that he was grabbing their asses, not that he was grabbing their asses. Right. Anyway, so there he's going off still. He's like, yeah, I don't even want to stay with Ramona. What kind of dirty animals does she have in her house? And then he's like, yeah, look at Ramona. She's awful. What a get a divorced at 60 in a boop job. Yeah, I'm so crude, so, so vile. You just keep digging that grave. Thankfully, you're going to happen to take you like a month to dig it. But still, and what do you think's happened to render in 10 years after she leaves you? Boobs. Exactly. You've already got the boobs. Yeah, fucker. So then Jules blah, blah, blah, D and B call who cares. I didn't write anything. So I'm, I don't think it means anything. D and B. D and B. Derinda calling you the DMV. Yeah, he's getting my registration done. Yeah, I got a sticker. It's the wrong key. It broke my heart. Ma'am, could you please read the second row on that chart? Listen, I got to back it up. Okay, back it up. I can't see it. Okay. All right. All right. It's the E. G. F. I'm sorry, man. That's not correct. Oh, you're breaking my heart. Yeah. Well, that chart says we're from the same neighborhood, huh? Nope. It's not. You know, you know, sometimes you got to take out a crayon and draw your own letters on the chart. Okay, that's what you got to do. It's the chaos crayon and DMV. Hey, man, the light is so different than the DMV. Did you notice that over by the registration, I saw a red balloon. I was like, it's a sign. Time for a new license. So Jules house still pretending to be Jewish. I'm not buying this. Although I do kind of buy it because she is like a typical she is she is difficult to win. She's like, we we are all about the Shabbat. Okay, we do it all the time. And then she's like, Shabbat Shalom. Baruch kakon, la, la, blah, blah. Shabrukata, not at all. Okay, it's a gummy worms. They had like an emergency Shabbat ceremony. I was like, just stop at the store beforehand. You don't have to do Shabbat dinner over a breadstick and a gummy worm. Jesus. Shabbat shabbat shabbat shabbat shabbat shabbat shabbat shabbat. The end. All right. So they do a little Shabbat thing. That's fine. And then, and then we see we're seeing their house. They're building an indoor swimming pool off like the dining room and stuff. I'm like, this is awful. Everything is awful here. Don't do an indoor swimming pool. Like what are your building in Michigan? It becomes her. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Oh, wow. You know, it's so it's so hard, you know, because there is no budget. So we just keep adding to it and adding to it and adding to it and adding to it. I'm like, Oh, I feel so sorry for you right now. Oh, and Durind and John are there, of course. He's got the biggest bottle of wine I've seen in a long time. B.Y.O.B. and let me see. She's like, he said, I didn't know you were a swim. He's like, I don't know. You were a swim a buddy and they're in this like swim. I thought you said swinga. Oh God. You're grossing me out enough without thinking of you and John swinging with these two. Yeah. I love. I sort of am loving how Durind in her second season is such a mess. Like season one, I was like, Oh, this woman's funny. We really like this woman. She's like, yeah, she gets a little drunk, but we love her. She's in this season. It's like, Oh God, she is a mess. She is going at us. She's going to Sonya route. She is really, really cuckoo. She's standing there talking to them. This poor couple is listening to her like, okay, we were just asking how you felt like you can stop now. She's like, yeah, yeah, because they saw it with me and they come at me, you know, Ramona. I've known Ramona for 20 years. That was real. That was real. Because I know Ramona like I've known Ramona for 20 years. She was in the fourth row, my husband's here. Oh, you know, and like you love me. You love John. Okay, you want to be nice to me, then you can be nice to John. If I'm going to be nice to you, you got to be nice to John. How about Durind? You've known this woman for 20 years in the fourth row of your husband's funeral. So maybe you should listen to her. How about that, rather than go the other way around, that's about John. And all right, the veil's been lifted. All right, the horse is glued, the jacket's cast, right? The mirror's cracked. The cookie's been crumbled. Okay. And John is on the ground with the spilled milk and the crumb cookie crumbles. Okay. And you got love. Listen, you love me. You love John's cookies. Okay. On the floor. You love milk? John's going to spill it. And then you got to say, it's okay. Because it's John and Durind loves John. You know, get a paper towel. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? You know what? Well, life gives you lemons. You know what? You got to love the lemons. You got to love John. You got to love John's lemons. Okay. John loves lemon pine salt. You got to wash with John. And then it turns into this Caesar thing. They're comparing it to Caesar. They're like, John or Durinda, who did that? Someone said it wrong. They were like, they're like two brutesy. A to broody. A to broody. You too. Broody. Broody. Brutus. Brutus. Now let's see. I know I see a lot of things. And I know I see a lot of the guys we show came in and stabbed Caesar. You know, we would have had that salad a hundred years later. They'd let him live. That's going to make a salad joke. Listen, if you don't like George Clooney's haircut, then you don't like John. That's what that means. The first time George Clooney went to the supercuts and he didn't give him that little haircut, you know how broken his heart was. First time. Only animal is broke up with their money. Yeah. Listen, I remember him when he was on sisters. Okay. Me and George Clooney know him 20 years. Okay. New them two sisters and Rosanne and facts of life. Okay. Breaks my heart. What you doing? Back to life. She was sitting in the 19th room, my husband's funeral. Do I ever hear from her again? No. Broke my heart now. Was Zila Ward did to George Clooney on sisters? Breaks my heart. I was watching this live and Andy Cohen was stoned out of his fucking gourd. His eyes were so bludged out. He's like, Hey, everyone tonight at 11. You're going to see the spin of a wheel and things are bigger than other people. All right. Great job over there. Buddy. So. Ramona Bethany into Rindai. Big, the big dinner, big, big like moments where they're going to hash it out. Well, they lose you. That's where they were eating. That's the restaurant. Oh, okay. I wrote it down. The host is like, Hello, welcome to a little bit. That's and it's like, Oh, yeah. Hey, how you doing? Oh, good. I hate that. I see a buddy. I hate the way she enters the rooms because just like just like you said, Hey, what's going on? What's the matter? Hey, what's the matter? Oh, he's so excited to be on camera. He's just standing there. I hate that when they're like, Oh, a famous person. I'll stand here. Is that Luan? Is Luan the matredee? All right. Well, here I am watching Bethany stare at a menu. Stand here, I guess. I don't get it. I don't get this menu right here. It's like it's like food. It's like so much food. Like I don't get it. There's a restaurant. There's a bar. Like I don't get why if there's a bar, why aren't there bars here? Like why isn't that like a jail? Like why I feel like I'm a prisoner, but there's no jail. What is the Spanish here? What is the Spanish? What is this little apotif? Apotif. It's America. Like I don't understand. What are these words? What's this language? It's like this American restaurant. Okay. If people can't walk into the store and know what they're getting, they're not going to get it. You know, you need to change this like cheese sticks. Yeah, we get to do pictures of the food on the wall. Okay, you just put big pictures posted to hang. Okay, they hang over you. They spin around, they hang. Like the painting and six degrees of separation just spins around. Okay, double sided menu, double sided paintings. Okay, I get that before people could figure out how to blow up pictures big. No one ever ate a jiro. It's a true story. No, now they eat them all the time. Seam on the back of a bus. So Ramona comes in like, oh my God, here I am. Don't know why she comes in. Just blah, blah, blah. And the host is trying to do the same thing to her. He follows her in. He's like, oh, welcome to a relationship. Yeah, yeah, whatever. She doesn't even look at him. And he walks away all dejected. Yeah. Sorry, that's actually in my notes. I thought that was great. No, it's okay. So Ramona is like, ah, it's so cold again. Am I right? Like so cold. I'm feeling so cold. Yeah, well, at least you're not going through the change, right? I love when Ramona observes things. It's always like a very basic observation that she's so excited about like this, this tablecloth is so soft. Did you feel it? It's soft. It's soft. Where's Avery? I mean, I'm just going to text Avery right now. The tablecloth is soft in the Hamptons. I love that Bethany and Ramona have known each other for so long and probably don't even know each other because they never shut the fuck up. Like they can never hear each other. Yeah. Yeah. You're cold? Yeah. Well, would you apologize if Mario yelled at me? Would you do that? Mario? Like, would he do that? You know, one time I was on the street and a girlfriend told me Mario had a girlfriend. Like, it's the same thing. That's what I did to Drenda. Do you think they're doing lines? I mean, that's what I said to Drenda, you know, like the girlfriend on Tinder. Yeah. So, like, the penis is tiny, like a baby carrot. Yeah, like tiny ticks. I'm like, what are these two even talking about? You know, once Drenda showed up, it reminded me of this thing I saw like last month. There was this, there was this news that scientists had detected gravity waves for the first time. They detected it because there was this cosmic event, billions of light years away, where these two black holes got too close to each other and they started because they got too close. They have these gravitational poles. They started spinning around and they started spinning and spinning and spinning like so fast, like thousands, millions of times per second going so, so fast. And there was like a video demonstration of these two black holes spinning and spinning and at a certain point, they just became one big black hole. And I'm like, that's what happens when these three women get together. They just talk and talk and talk and they spin around each other and just become one big black hole of talk. The host comes by and is like, oh, welcome. There's no one to see the rest of the tables. All the Hamptons just get sucked in. It's like the inverse of the Katamari Damasi thing I was mentioning two weeks ago. Everyone just gets sucked in. So Derinda has already had her predrinks now over it. The anorexic lady's house. She's like, well, here I am. I don't even know how I feel about going into dinner with Ramona. I'll tell you this what this much was she did was disgusting. I'm gonna let her know she's the piece of shit. Back it up. All right. So they sit down. They're like, hey, how's it going? She's pissed. And then B's like, you guys okay? You guys okay, huh? You wanna Ramona? You okay? You guys? You okay? No, but you're okay? No. Okay. No. Okay. That was my slap noise. Ramona, look at me, Derinda. Look at me. We can't even look at me. Okay. Okay. Look at me. Okay. You know, it's funny. Whoa, this is crazy. Whoa. Whoa. This reminds me. Okay. This one time when I was younger, I was walking around in the forest and then Jodene Parsons Smith showed up and was like, hey, get out of the forest. And I said, hey, why can't you even look at me when you tell me that? And she couldn't look at me. And the reason why is because she was repulsed. Okay. So to this day, I don't look at anyone into the eyes in the forest. Okay. Stupid room. I'm sorry. That made sense. Helicopter above. No, I'm with you. No, I'm like waiting to hear what happens in the forest. They never have. They never make sense. I always, I always start off with some premise and I just talk until I get to the end of it. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. You guys are okay. Okay. So Derinda, uh, why does she? I just, this gets crazy. Whenever I'm trying to transcribe what they're saying, it just gets so crazy because look, you guys okay? No. Look at me. I'm so surprised. Oh, okay. So Derinda's like, look, he's the thing. Like, I was just like so surprised, you know, because I don't speak in a disgusting way. All right. I don't talk about getting banged. All right. John doesn't even know why people know he uses Viagra. You know, why would he say that? It's like, but you know, it is because someone, he said it to someone outside. It wasn't that you said it. John was saying it. Yes, exactly. John said it in the first place. He's not that insecure about it. And by the way, if he doesn't want people to know he takes Viagra, then how would these people know to say that he said he took Viagra? You know, we're Derinda. It's disgusting. It's despicable. And that's what it's saying. All right. And then Ramona's like, okay, look here, Derinda. Okay. Okay. What I did to you. Here's what I did to you. I came up to you at a bra party and I said, Derinda, John said that he takes Viagra to fuck you for six hours. I feel so bad about saying that at a party in front of other people. Okay. And that's what I did. And it hurt your feelings. And I know I hurt your feelings. Okay. I'm sorry. And then Ramona promoted. Ramona did her patented move because then Derinda starts to choke up. She starts to like, she starts to look like that little, that like Muppet rat to go back to her Muppet discussion from the other day. And it's like a little, you know, there's like a little Muppet rat. I'm not saying that Derinda looks like a rat. musical number in Muppets Take Manhattan. Love them. Yeah. I'm not saying that she looks like a rat, but she looked like the Muppet rat, which is still cute. And she had this look, she looked like the Muppet rat getting sad. So then Ramona soups in with her patented move, which is to do this like hug apology. I'm sorry. You might be my best friend. Okay. I did never meant to do that to you. Okay. I'm never be like that. Okay. Okay. It's a classic new Ramona renewed. But dude, dude, I'm renewed. Like, all right, you know, Ramona, like you don't even mean to do it. You just do stupid things. Like you're not a dumb person. You just do stupid things. And perhaps he's like, Oh, you guys work it out. You feel better? Okay. Well, that's good. Because you're going to need a lot of energy for this man who's probably abusing you. This drunk. Are you drunk right now? You want to do some lines? This man is terrible for you. Okay. So it's like this nice ending. Then Bethany, you know, jumped right back on it. And then they cut to Derinda. And she's like, Well, Bethany, Ramona said she's sorry. But you know what? It's done. It's broken. So like what's broken is broken. Like you can't just fix like a broken thing. So whatever, you know, like broke with me. I sell broken that is the end of that. I'm not sure. I didn't even watch it coming next week. Um, I saw it. But again, I don't remember because I was also a little drunk when I was watching. So boy, baby, you know, when in New York City, watching drunk New Yorkers do what the drunk New Yorkers do. That's right. Scream at a fat person and call him a drug addict. That's what I was doing. Open up the window of the hotel. Drug addicts, all of you. So where I smell on my machine of Ben just drunk yelling at me from New York. Here you son of a bitch. So anyway, that's it for our sad, tragic, prince, prince death, Patti Lippone, birth day, podcast. By the way, one thing we forgot to mention speaking of death, I don't know. Don't do it right now. Don't do it right now. Well, we keep on forgetting. It's gonna be too late by the time we remember. I don't know. Wait till season three. I mean, there, I don't think there is gonna be a season three. Oh, I'll do it really quickly. We never mentioned the fact that poor Daisy from blood, sweat and heels died two weeks ago. And that was really, really sad. So, you know, that was, that was tragic. And that was really sad. Poor Daisy, way to bring it down. Right. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We can bring it up again. We can bring it up again. But for right now, bring it down and be like, you know, we didn't mention it. And that was just because we, it was an oversight. But like, so sad. I think our thoughts go out to her family thing that the fuck cancer, man, it's all over the place. And you always hope, you know, when someone gets it, like they can make it through because there's so many advances in treatment. And there's all this thing. And you don't even, I don't think about it the same way, because I just think, Oh, you can get through it. It'll be okay. And then she passed away. She, yeah. And cancer. And it was sort of weird because like the last we saw her was at the end of this reality show where things were on the up and up. So that's sort of like where she was kind of like, she's sort of like preserved right there in that state. And so then when the news came through and she's only 36, just really so awful. So it really is funny wherever you're at. Less you. But I told you I'll bring it up. And here's what I'm going to say. Patty LaPone birthday. Patty LaPone birthday. Patty LaPone birthday. Well, just just on our way out. I just like to dedicate this to all the day. Oh, seven. I did it. I did it. I own it, baby. Oh, Annette LaPone. So thanks everyone for listening, by the way. Sorry to end it on a dreary note, but I felt like I needed to address that. And we will talk to you next week. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Go to our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crappins. Oh, next week, by the way, next Sunday, next Thursday, we are going to do our Google Hangout for our Patreon subscribers. So get involved with that. Go to patreon.com to see how to do that. Forward slash watch. Of course, it's always forward slash watch or rapids. And Heather McDonald is coming back on the show. Yes. Heather will be here to talk with us about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills next week. Can't wait to hear your thoughts. I can't wait to hear what she said to say about it. Yeah, it should be a good one. So we will see you guys next time. Bye. Bye everyone. Bye. If you like Watch what crappins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Whether you're scouring business financial sites or listening to economics podcasts like this one till your ears ring, you'll find there's no surefire secret to successfully managing your company's finances for the future. It turns out you might just need to pair with PNC corporate and institutional banking, whose team of dedicated relationship managers bring 160 years of experience, pragmatic advice, and an array of tools in tech to scale to any size business. In fact, they're so tuned in to what you need. They knew you'd be listening to this podcast. As for that ringing in your ears, that's the brilliant sound of success. PNC Bank, brilliantly boring since 1865. 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