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No hidden fees, no access fees, and no membership fees. - Start your free online visit today at forhurs.com/crapins. - That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com/crapins for your personalized weight loss treatment options. - Forhurs.com/crapins. - Her weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. - This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. - You've heard us talking about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit. Streammax with ads included at no extra cost. If you haven't tried it yet, what are you waiting for? - Ronnie, you're a big Last of Us fan, right? - Oh, I sure am. The HBO original The Last of Us. It's about to start another season. - What would you order on DoorDash while you watch The Last of Us? - Well, while I'm watching Last of Us, I prefer eating salads from DoorDash because the zombies are plants. So you're kind of eating the zombie plant people, you know? - Oh good, you're restoring order. - Yeah, it's on theme. - Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. - It's your door to more. - Max is now included with your dash pass annual plan. Streammax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. - Terms apply, see DoorDash.com/max for details. - Watch what Crapins would like to fake it's premium sponsor, Bristy Doherty, we love you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the old braves. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with the gorgeous, talented in a new place. - But in a good place. - Ben Mandelker, the B-side blog.com and the banter blender podcast. Hello, Ben. - Hi, Ronnie. - How's life? Tell me everything. - Oh, man. - No, don't do it because I'm not finished with the intro. Suck a trick to you. If you want all of our links, go to Watch what Crapins.com. Those are our personal links. Also, you can find our Patreon link there, but that is patreon.com/watch what Crapins. That's where you can come get all of our bonus episodes, bonus ringtones, our Google Hangout, which is this Thursday night. We had to post poems, Sars. - Yeah, sorry. - So that's this Thursday night. All the ringtones are going up tomorrow. It's a good time to be a bonus member. And everybody who is a bonus member, thank you. (sings in foreign language) We just did a bonus podcast about moving, grocery stores, insane, backstreet boys. - OJ. - Neighborhoods in LA. - Lala. - Lala. - Lala. - We went through the real houses of Dallas opening lines. We covered a lot of territory. And I have to say, I had a blast on the bonus episode this week. - Man, those real houses of Dallas. - I'm a car. I'm a car-ning. That's like the best opening pack ever. (laughs) - Oh, so good. - Yes. - It was a really fun bonus episode. If you are thinking about coming on board, then please, by all means, because we have a good one for you. Ready to go. - Yeah. And thanks to everybody who does that. And the last thing is come to our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchwithcrapins. That's where you can talk to us and other listeners about the shows as they air. We have live threads for all the shows. You can talk about these shows there, these episodes there. Tell us all if you need to. Get your opinion out there. So yeah, come talk to us. That's where we can all hang out together is one big Crapins family. - Yeah. - We have a special announcement that we must make to the Crapins world. If you are not on Facebook or you have not checked it recently, we have very big Crap Watch For Crapins news. Watch what we are doing a live show on Monday, April 4th. So it's with less than a week. This is all happening very quickly. Monday, April 4th at the improv in Hollywood. It's on the early side. That's the one catch. It's like a happy hour show. It's at 6 p.m. - Oh my God, I'm so dumb. I think I put the wrong time on our Facebook, by the way. - Oh, ooh. - I think I put 7 p.m. What an idiot. - Okay, I'll change that later. I wrote it out. - I wrote it out. - Yeah. - 6 p.m. - Oh, yeah. - 6 p.m. At the improv. It's a free show though, it's free. It's free. No minimums, no like drink minimums, no nothing. Just show up. You can get your tickets. To get the tickets, we have a link up on our Facebook page. Or I'm sure if you go to the improv page, you can find it there too. Doors open at 5.30. So if you're off of work, or if you're in town, or if you're nearby, come, because if we have no one in the audience, we'll be super embarrassed. - I'm prepared for that. I'm always prepared. - Yeah, I'm prepared. - Especially, and I'm glad that it's at a standup location 'cause our studio, the people, our network also owns the Hollywood improv. - Yeah. - And so that's where, like our little studio, when we do go, is. - Yeah. - And that is also, as one of our lovely listeners pointed out yesterday, where Ariana and Tom did their reading. - He said they did theirs on the main stage. We are gonna be in a secondary stage. - Oh, you gotta love that. Okay, we're in the stage that's not as good as a stage. The Ariana read her lesbian child story. We're on the stage where you don't take sketch comedy very seriously. (laughs) - We don't have to nail the game on the lounge. - Yeah. (laughs) - But anyway, we really hope we get a bunch of people that are able to come see us there, and then afterwards, we'll go drink. - Yeah, it's right there on Melrose. There's tons of bars. Well, that is a bar, so we can drink there. - It is a bar, we can drink there, or we can all just go to a sir or something like that. - Yeah, they don't give us a lot of free drinks. We'll move it along. - Yeah, that's right. So everyone, it'd be so awesome, especially to meet some of you guys in person. That'd be really, really, really great. - It's well, it's all great. Listen to that plane. What has he lived by Burbank, Dominique? - Yeah, well, I mean, no-ho. Everything in no-ho is by Burbank. Like, as soon as you cross into the valley, there's always a plane overhead. So I've now traded in delivery trucks and helicopters for airplanes. - Well, the important thing is that people are flying. (laughs) - Getting out of the valley. - They'll take whatever it takes to get out of the valley. - Well, I know that this is shocking, but I am not a web designer. Okay? - What? - Can you believe that? - Stop it, Ronnie. - Anybody who has been to Trash Talk TV, my website knows that that's a fact, 'cause that's a damn mess. Thank God, we met new friends named Weebly. Weebly, weebly. - We cannot believe how easy Weebly makes it. - Yeah, Weebly was created for people with the courage to start their own business and the dream to be their own boss. - Yes, again, you don't need to be a web designer, or even know how to code to create a beautiful website, Blogger Online Store. - Sweet. We were all very impressed with the wide variety of professionally designed, mobile-friendly themes to choose from. - Then you just simply drag and drop to quickly build and publish your site. I mean, I don't give a fuck, it's too easy. - It will customize, update, and change your site anytime you want on any device, on any web, at least if other pump spins. I don't give a fuck. - So, join the over 30 million people and webmasters who are already dreaming big. With Weebly, guess our today for free at weebly.com/watch. That's w-e-e-b-l-y.com/watchweebly.com/watchweebly.com We love you Weebly. We love you all, we love you all so, so much. And now it's time for... (upbeat music) Oh, that is now bad. So, we didn't do it on Thursday because we had special guests, and thanks again to Brandy and Julie for coming by from the People's Couch, coming by and joining our rock episode of - How perfect for us are they. - Perfect, so fun. - Perfect new friends. I will be bothering you for the rest of your lives. - You didn't even know what they got themselves into. By the way, I think that regarding our show, I think that Brandon and Craig from Nuliwezer are going to come, and I think they're gonna bring Tara. So, we will have three bravo liberties in the audience, we think. - Oh my gosh, Ariana, if you're listening to this, get over there. - We all do a very serious sketch for you, Ariana. Very, very serious. - Yeah, we have no idea what we're gonna be doing for that live show, so anybody who actually listens to this that might have something to say from Bravo, feel free to come by and tell us to go fuck ourselves. That's totally welcome. - I imagine we're probably not going to recap a show, 'cause it's Monday and Sunday. - Oh, it's only 45 minutes. We don't got five hours to talk about these heifas. Maybe we'll do a top 10 favorite somethings for another. Why don't we do that, right? - Yeah, we'll do whatever. I mean, if Brandon and Craig show up, we can do some show tunes, if Tara shows up, we can do some relationship talk, and open your marriage up talk. - If Tara shows up, we can tell her not to do things. - Yeah, if we could just be like, "Oh, I hate your new kits and countertop." Numeri model, just kidding, we don't. - She's not coming anywhere near this podcast, especially now, as you heard that airplane take off five minutes ago. (laughing) - Like what? No, I'm not going to that podcast. - You've terrified Tara, darling. - Is it 'cause of all the shit they talked about? You and Rob? No, it's because they broadcast near an airport. (laughing) - We're gonna have that tiny little bags of peanuts just to see if we can make her cry. (laughing) - We won't invite her parents. - Oh, they'd love me. They'd be like, "Now, this is a man." - Yeah. - My big old eyebrows all smell like grape leaves. - I have the bitterness of a grape leaf. - Uh, it's a grape leaf. - Oh, we did talk about Dolma extensively on the bonus episode that if you're thinking that we're just making random grape leaf references, the answer is no. - And by the way, it doesn't get us 100 new subscribers this week, I don't know what will. - And during my move last week when I was clearing out my refrigerator, I did find a jar full of grape leaves, so. - Yum, I love them. - They were old though. - Anyway, what do you. (laughing) - What do you use grape leaves for aside from Dolma's? I actually, I mean, I made some sort of like yogurt-ish pie from the, from an ode-lengy cookbook, but like, aside from that, what do you use grape leaves for? - I think that's it. My city used to have grape leaves growing in the back yard. She used to have her whole fence was covered in grape leaf vines. - And then you have to like pickle them and everything. They can't not like you just throw them in. You have to like treat them before they can even become a Dolma. - There's one ton just come Dolma. - Lemon, lemon breaks down, any tough surfaces. That is why we have pine saw. We'd like to thank pine saw for helping us build our perfect grape leaves website. (laughing) - On the leaflet, our ode to grape leaves and Dolmas. So the crap is, we are off, we are in crazy town. - Yes, no one's drunk today, okay, so stop. I hear all of you in your car like, oh God, they're really going off the deep end. It's not every day people. We are sober, but caffeinated. Not, meaning we are caffeinated. We were not like our butts are caffeinated. We're not butt caffeinated like that. We are but. - You never know around here, my God. - How do caffeine animal, can we get to the, let's get to the mail bag. So the point is this, we're gonna, we missed some questions from last week. So we'll go through those questions and we have some for this week also. So Teresa Marovitch, one of our most active crap and mail bag users, she actually just says, count the times Erica says, "Lusson, that is all." - Oh God, now that's gonna be in my head, does she say that all the time? - Yeah, apparently she does. So everyone, when you watch Real House's Beverly Hills, listen for "Lusson." - I wanted to make a thing of Erica doing her smart people hands. I often talk about how she makes smart people gestures so that she'll look smart, even though she's saying stupid shit. So like she'll put her thumb and her four finger together and talk like that, like a lawyer. And I'm like, "Pitch, you ain't running for mayor, "but I wanted to make a clip." - Stop touching your thumb and four finger, you're ridiculous. - Yeah. - Penguin, you're not running for mayor. - Yes, or she'll like do that thing where she's kind of pointing. It's a speech, something you learn in debate class, you know, where you talk with your hands in a smart way, even if you don't know what you're saying. And I wanted to make a whole super clip of her doing that. And I sat down to do it the other day and I was like, "I am not watching 18 hours "of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for that. "No one will even get it. "Get a life. "Get a hot dog." - I don't give a fuck. - I don't give a fuck. - I want my thumb and my four finger together, I don't give a fuck. I'll put the other part. I'll point, I'm on point. I don't give a fuck. - Okay, so what's the next one? - Lauren Grabowski. - She says, "Today on Facebook, a friend of mine posted, "God, Don Rinkles tickets in Atlantic City can't wait." And he was serious, made me think of you two. My question is this. What is your favorite guilty pleasure or music, TV show from childhood, 80s movies? Love you guys. - Well, I have an issue 'cause I don't really feel guilt about many things because guilt will ruin your life. Give it up. - Yeah. - I think my guilty pleasure of music, it's weird. Oddly enough, I think ever since I came out of the closet, I don't have guilty pleasure of music anymore because I think one thing about being gay is that you're allowed to enjoy shit. - I know, it's just like fabulous if you do. So I think Amy Grant, I think is my guilty pleasure. I think, yeah, probably, or maybe Dave Matthews. - I wonder what percentage of gay people don't even like dick. They just like really stupid music. This is like the only culture that it's so acceptable in. - Yeah. I think maybe listening to the Chipmunks Christmas song is a guilty pleasure. I don't know, you make a good point. I don't know if I feel guilty about any music anymore. I used to, but not anymore. - I don't have any past time guilty's. I have a current time guilty with that count. - Sure. - My bestie told me, you love twisty, turny TV shows. You have got to watch this show. It is so good, it's gonna blow your mind. After every episode, mind blown all over the ceiling. My mind, there's my mind. I'm like, okay, what is it? It's called Shades of Blue. This is the cheesiest fucking thing I've ever seen. It's Jennifer Lopez and Ray Liotta. And Jennifer Lopez, they're all bad cops, but it's like a network drama version of bad cops. So they're like walking and making jokes and they're like, yeah, did you kill that homeless person? Oh, I'll take care of it later. It's so good and JLo is trying to do like five different accents. And they make her wear baggy pants so that we get that she's like poor. But then in every episode, she does this beautiful cry where she's leaning up against a widow and she just can't fake it anymore. Like rock music's playing while she's crying and then she fucks some stranger. Love this show. - So she is a bad cop? - Yeah, she's in Ray Liotta as like her bad cop father. And he, well, not father for real, but like in the cop. - Yeah, man, mentor. - Yeah, they are getting investigated. And so the whole thing is them trying to jump through all these suits. I don't want to tell you too much because you've only seen this story of mine 57,000 times in other TV shows. - It's like the commercial or something. - Well, not the commercial. - The shield is a shield. Yeah, but I thought that I did not think that that's what the show is about at all. I thought it was just a standard procedure that actually doesn't make me want to see it. - I love it. I've watched six episodes of it so far. I think there's only 13. So I think I'm halfway through. And I roll my eyes through half of it and laugh because J.Lo's accent really is hilarious. She changes it five times. And she's from the Bronx. She's playing in New York City. Cop, that's what cracks me up. I'm like, okay, are you in Switzerland now? She'll be like, well, what were you doing today, my daughter? - Who are you talking about, Jennifer Lopez? You've been in nine million things. - You know, it's funny talking about guilty pleasures. I feel like that applies more to me for TV and movies. And a recent guilty pleasure of mine also features J.Lo. And that is another airplane overhead. J.Lo's private plane. The boy next door is one of the best guilty pleasures of the past few years. Probably the best guilty pleasure since Tyler Perry's temptation, which is also an amazing guilty pleasure. - So that's the one where she's boning the teenager next door, right? This super hot teenager next door. They have actually amazing chemistry and it's a shame that the movie turns into a ridiculous thriller because it could have just been a really fun throwback to those 80s sexual dramas. Remember when they used to have those? All in the 80s, like nine and a half weeks or whatever. - Yeah, but I like the cheesy blower too. 'Cause this one is, yeah, Adrian Land. This one is similar to that. It's like that kind of early 90s vibe where the woman is the lead and it's all about a powerful woman, which is my favorite kind of show. I love still the good wife. Like I love that kind of show. I love like watching a woman feel like she's down but then watching her fight her way back to the top. - Which of course is every Jennifer Lopez movie ever. And she's an ex abuse victim. So it's kind of like enough, which she's already done. And we've already seen her kick that guy's ass. And I could use a retread of that. - Yeah, the boy next door is great. Yeah, this one is terrible and wonderful. And I hope it never ends because Jennifer Lopez cry fucking every blonde white person on the show is just killing me. I love it. - I want to also say another thing that's important to know about the boy next door is that Kristen Chenoweth is in it. And Kristen Chenoweth and J-Lo are like gal pals. Like Kristen Chenoweth is the principal at the school that J-Lo teaches at. And for that alone, it's great. And things happen with Kristen Chenoweth. She has some really, really strong scenes. And I'll just leave it at that. - I love Kristen Chenoweth. - Yeah, this movie is funny. And then there's also during the climactic scene. There's a moment that is so horrifyingly disgusting. It comes out of nowhere. You're like, oh my God, I can't believe they just showed that. Like it is absolutely disgusting. And everyone in the theater squeals. I was like, yeah, like wait, this movie's not supposed to do that to us. - And with this, I'm supposed to do death scenes like that. 'Cause you know what you just said. - No, no, it's not with Kristen Chenoweth. - It better not be. I will lose it. If you want to see me lose it in a theater, kill Kristen Chenoweth. I will fucking lose it. - We actually, Ronnie, I actually think that we should watch this movie. I watched it originally with David Clark, our friend David Clark, who's been, oh not on this podcast, but he's been on the banter blender. And obviously, you know David. And man, this was like our Schindler's list. It was just like throw all the Oscars at this one. Throw all the gay Oscars at this one because it is fabulous. - It made you denounce your Judaism. How dare you say that the boy next door replaced Schindler's list. - Okay, so next question, Randy Guerrero says, considering that Potomac has been renewed for a second season, who of the original cast, do you guys think will most likely not return if any at all? - Well, this is the thing. You can't just recast Potomac. This is not one of the bigger cities where there's like tons of camera wars just lining up to do it. I mean, they can barely get people to a barbecue on this show. I think that Robin is the most in danger. - I think they're all just gonna come back. - Yeah. - I don't see them finding anybody else. - Yeah, they'll probably just add someone else. They'll find someone, they'll find somebody who wants to be on it. Look, the show had the biggest premiere of any real housewives ever. - Yeah, it was on after the biggest housewives show of all time now, so whatever with this show. - I like it. - It'll be interesting to see because season two is always better. Season one, they always try so hard. And maybe it'll be super fun in season two, I don't know. - I don't know, I usually think season one of a real housewives show, "Tensity Pretty Special." But then season two can also be very, very special. And along these lines, Lori, hi, Lori. She says, "How the hell did "Real Housewives of Potomac "at a second season and gala girls, gala girls, "and princesses of Long Island did not help Matt to understand?" - Well, "Real Housewives of Potomac "is after "Real Housewives of Atlanta." That's how. - I think, what do you think? - Well, pretty much. I mean, it's also, I do think that, I mean, I think Potomac is good. I think it's entertaining. And I think there's that. I think also there's an underserved audience that Bravo has finally realized, well, not finally, but like, you know, Atlanta is huge ratings. And I feel like part of that is probably, there was probably a lot of black viewers that tune into that, right? And that's a big audience that TV executives across the board are suddenly part of the empire. - Yeah, suddenly empire is like, oh, after empire, people are like, oh, yeah, that's right. Black people do watch TV, you know? - Yeah, princesses and the other show, gallery girls were young desperate slag shows and Bravo did not have any shows like that. So if those had been on now, they could go after Vanderpump rules and they'd do great because that's a lot, you know? - I think so, but I'm not even sure. I think the competition for the audience that would watch princesses Long Island and gaggrels is much higher than for Potomac perhaps because there is just a massively underserved, even in the post empire world, it's just, you know, I think that the black audience is totally, totally underserved. So, you know, and real houses of Atlanta is a really marquee name. Like, that's like a really big show has like, you know? And so anything that can piggyback off of that is gonna do well, married with medicine also. But I think that like, you know-- - Married with medicine, now there's a show. - Yeah, but you know, like something like princesses Long Island, you know, it just, it goes up with every other show that's about like, stupid, young, white, rich girls. You know, there's just so many of them. - I do not see any shows with a girl still living at home crying every five minutes because she's not married. That show I need, or girls who get so mad when you call them funny looking. - Yeah, funny looking. - Who does that, dad? He can't be funny looking. - Princesses was a great show. God girls was a great show. Game of Crowns was a great show. Didn't we have another one recently that we really loved? I don't know. It's a shame, some of these shows just, they don't get the audience that they did so much. - You know that shit expires in my head. The second we stop talking about it, I'm like, whoops. - Maybe, maybe for a drive-in, reformat that shit, so I don't have to buy a new one. - Yeah, maybe for our live show, we'll talk about our favorite Bravo shows that we're gone to soon. - Right on. - Right on. - Let's see, so that was, we have four more questions from this week, so why don't we table those for a Thursday show? How about that? - Do it, man. - Yeah, but this way we can just get on to our normal show. Let's do that. - I support you. - Yay. (dramatic music) (laughing) - So, shall we begin with the real housewives of Atlanta? - Yeah. - Nah, reunion. - Yeah. (laughing) - I like when Candy comes to a reunion just ready to fight with everybody. 'Cause it's very rare, she keeps it so calm and cool, and she is ready to go, and I love it. We're only a part two of this reunion, and the look of misery on these bitches faces is hilarious. They do a pan across all the women, and they're like, (slurping) (laughing) - I also have, and Kenya's giving this hateful look to nobody. Like, she just cannot believe what she has had to withstand. (laughing) - Yeah, she hasn't been able to go over to craft services in a moment, if you know what I mean. - Stupid Kenya. She's waiting to make anything about her. It's like, welcome back to the real housewives of Atlanta, where you, how dare he say welcome back when he knows my mother would never welcome. It's like, this is not about you, all right? Calm down in other contacts. (laughing) - Yes, yes, yes. - We open the week with talk of the booze cruise. - The booze cruise, and specifically the big brawl that happened, and one thing that I really liked was that one of the viewers, one of the questions was that like, hey, have you ever noticed Kenya, that you're always involved with all the physical interactions, like on the pillow talk night, and the reunion, and what happened on Lake Lanier, you may ever notice that you're always part of it. Kenya's, which is like, it's so true. And Kenya's like, well, I'm allowed to say what I want. It's like, shut up Kenya, you are part of it. Like, yeah, yeah, and of course, like, you know, it's, someone should never resort to violence, and you don't wanna blame the quote unquote, quote unquote blame the victim. But at certain point though, you know, there is, there are some things that you could do, and this is, by the way, separate from the entire discussion at the end of the reunion about the kid, 'cause that one, you know, I'm on Kenya sign on that one. But in these other little spats, it's like Kenya, you were provoking. - I know, Kenya, when she says, well, it's legal to use words. So me using words is totally legal, but using violence is not. Have you ever heard a justified homicide batch? You need to watch more Law and Order Episodes, 'cause you haven't watched it. - Or at least Shades of Blue. - Oh God, Jennifer Lopez would fuck some blonde 20-year-old right now and then cry against a wall. - Yeah, a little worse. - I just wish that Kenya would admit on some level that she provokes people. Like, that's the thing, she acts as if she's just speaking her mind. Like, it's just an airing of grievances. But it's like, you know what you're doing, when you take out a megaphone and blast it in someone's face, when they have just gone through a divorce, that they are, like, their world is just shattered, and you are just, like, poking that, you know, the hornet's nest, as Kim would say. You know, things are gonna happen. Things are gonna happen. - Kenya, the worst. And it's usually nothing that she, it's usually stuff that she's not even involved in. That's what cries me out. It's just her just coming in to be a bitch, to be a bitch, or in that jack and lean. But some of my favorite clips from this section was the finger fighting. So, Portia and Cynthia's fight was so stupid, 'cause Cynthia just showed up, like, Nini's not here. I need to fight with somebody for no reason, because otherwise, people are gonna be mean to me on Twitter. So she just starts yelling, and starts this fight with Portia over nothing. And then Portia doesn't really get it, but she's starting to get revved up. And so they do this thing, where they're, like, finger fighting. And that's what kids do at the table. They, like, take little finger swords. - Don't they know they just take their finger and touch it to their thumb, they'd just be smart? - That's why none of you are married to a billionaire lawyer who knows Julia Roberts. (laughing) (singing) So this finger fight ends with a kick to the stomach, and then a PA tackling Portia. And I forgot that Portia was on the ground shaking. She was shaking like she was being given an exorcism, and the PA was just, like, lying right on top of her. So then the discussion is stupid, because Cynthia is another one who's always running for mayor, but no one will vote for her anyway. She's always trying to talk in a way that the voters are listening, you know? She's like, well, we have talked about this since. I regret the way I came upon the argument, but I do not appreciate the B-word being used in, you know, stupid, stupid, stupid. What is the B-word? She's like, bountiful? I don't know. (laughing) So they didn't know what B-word she's talking about. - She's like, bounce. ♪ Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪ - Lob, bounce. ♪ Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪ - Just bounce. ♪ Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪ - That would be the most entertaining thing Cynthia ever did on this show, actually. A monotone version of Calvin Harris. (laughing) By the way, throughout this, you know, Shrei is the unsung hero of this reunion, because Andy at one point, when they're talking about the brawl, Andy says something to Shrei about, like, oh, well, you've been through your fair share and they reference when Shrei pulled on Kim's wig. And then Shrei is like, no, Andy, it was a wig shift. It was a wig shift. And then Kim feels starts to get it all along. - It was a wig shift. At the time, she wasn't tacking it down. (laughing) - And Kim feels, is all confused because they keep saying, like, oh, you pulled on Kim's wig. And Kim feels like, what, what, what, what, what, what? Kim goes, she's talking about the other Kim. - She's scared. Like, she blacked out the moment that someone tried to pull off when I per wig. - Phaedra has to be like, you know what, I have to talk about Kim's social act. She's like, oh, it was like, she found out that like, carpool started in the hour earlier. She's like, what, what, I missed it. - Look, she had the most believable look of who? What? Like, she really never watches. I think her agent was like, look, you need to pay your taxes. Do this show. And she's like, I don't even care what it is. I'll do it. And then she came on. She's like, why is everybody yelling at each other? I really think she never watched one. She's one of those that I actually believe. - Yeah, and she, and you know, by the way, she quit. She quit real housewives. We didn't talk about this. - Well, she got fired first, but. - Well, yeah, she probably got fired. Actually, I'm not sure she would have got fired 'cause she really, I mean, she was the source of a lot of the drama for this season. So, but she did quit. And now that she's on "Dance of the Star", she's talking about how Bravo did not treat her well. Now that she's on "Dance of the Star", she's being treated like a real star, blah, blah, blah, blah. - I'm a real star. They let me get my own hot dog off a cart, and they didn't give Sebastian more salt when he asked for it. (laughs) - Oh, that work awards. - She's like, I just love routing in the van with all those PAs. It's like, I'm in my own personal carpool. (laughs) - Listening to them talk about this fight, because then it switched. It was like, it was Shamiya, and then it was Portia and Cynthia, but then they were like, well, just go talk to Cynthia again. So, and Candy said, 'cause Andy said, "Where are you such a thug?" This lady from Bathustilla, Albuquerque, Mexico face, wants to know, Cynthia, where did you become such a horrible human being? You're a violent, awful woman, and I hope you die. - Cynthia's a Cynthia ghost. Was that a question or a read? I mean, like, just a read. Okay, moving on, candy. (both laugh) - That was funny, that was funny. And Candy's like, well, the reason. She's like, why did I die down, but we told her to go where things out was Cynthia, so it was kind of our fault. - Yeah, she's like, it was awful. - And then Portia. - Now, I don't have a problem with you, Cynthia. - And Cynthia is like, yes, we've discussed it. We no longer have a problem with each other. - Yeah, I don't have a problem, is she staying? 'Cause you grabbed my hand, my hand was grabbed. - Well, I did. I only grabbed your hand, and then Andy said, she grabbed her hand because it was in her face. She's like, yeah, Andy, well, but your hand was in that face, because the face and then grabbed it. And that's why I'm like, good defense. Please never defend yourself in court, Portia. - Yeah, exactly. And then finally she started saying over and over again, ♪ I had a thought like a fusion ♪ ♪ I had a thought like a fusion ♪ - Oh, yeah, we're trying to say confusion. She's like, well, oh, because the question was, wait a second, on TV, you're acting like you've got bruises all over your face. You have like quad stitching on the side of your face. You've got like, you know, you're in a wheelchair. She's like, well, ♪ Contition of the stomach fake contour ♪ - Like what? - Well, I know I was kicked in the stomach 'cause of contour, a canter. I'm like, oh, poor thing. - Oh, yeah, I could push up. - So, and then like Kenya gets in the mix of this. I don't even remember how, 'cause either she starts speaking or they're talking about it. Kenya-- - She starts with her. You're violence, and here you are again, being violent to another innocent person. ♪ Like me who did nothing to anyone ♪ ♪ And then went suddenly attacked by you ♪ - Yeah, so then they start fighting, and then they start like doing that thing about like, well, I could be talking about this. I could be talking about it and then force just like, let's talk about you and the one on Africa who's married. And then the best is Shiree, who on the side goes, ♪ The one on African what? ♪ (both laughing) ♪ What everyone ♪ ♪ What everyone ♪ ♪ One on Africa and her wing ♪ ♪ What? ♪ (both laughing) ♪ You got one on Africa ♪ ♪ You got one on Africa ♪ ♪ Did you see where the one on Africa ♪ ♪ I don't know where that African ♪ ♪ That one on Africa got electric ♪ ♪ I don't know where that African ♪ ♪ One on Africa got America ♪ ♪ America got America ♪ ♪ America got electric ♪ ♪ I don't know ♪ - This whole fight was beautiful. Kenya's like, I was really terrified when Porsche said, "You don't want me to get up." I was like, "Oh God." So then it started. Porsche goes, "Kenya, shut up. Let's talk about your chair pole. How about that? You wanna talk about a chair pole?" And Kenya's like, "Let's talk about when do you beat up your assistant in the finale." - Wait, what? What assistant did she beat up at the finale? - I don't know if it apparently was cut out, but I think that obviously if it had been anything noteworthy they probably would have put it in the show. Or maybe they were gonna save it for like housewives secrets revealed one of my least favorite specials of all time. - 'Cause that's fucking amazing. Let's talk about you beating up your assistant in the finale and then Porsche. - Let's talk about the One-Eyed African. He's married. - One-Eyed African. - And then she says, "You big bully" and Kenya's like, "There are three violent episodes now, Porsche. Three on camera." (laughing) - So, yeah, Porsche is like, "I've never stood on a camera and got violent. How dare you?" - I said, "Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on." "I have ordered a petition with French fries. I'm not leaving until it gets here." (laughing) "I'll have about three conditions, please." - Kenya's lies, not even manipulations 'cause she ain't even sneaky enough to manipulate. She's just a pointy, tattle-tail, compulsive-lying asshole. Kenya is a horrible, horrible, horrible human being. - So now let's talk about how sorry we should feel for her. - I know 'cause I do feel, honestly, I do feel sorry for when they talk about her mom because as crazy as Kenya is, you almost feel like, "Well, she maybe she wouldn't have been crazy if her mom weren't so crazy, you know?" - Well, one thing I've learned from watching Lifetime movies is that every serial killer has a very sad past and I wish I could go back and hug that child, but you know what? They become adults and start chopping heads off. So, at some point, you have to say, "I feel sorry for the young you. The old you is a cut fitness." - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, well, we had a whole segment about the mom and Kenya showing up, et cetera, and one of my favorite parts was Andy Cohen, with the look of concern on his face. He goes, "I wonder if the cameras hadn't been there, if things might have been different." I'm like, "Yeah, that could be the new name for this show. I wonder if the cameras hadn't been there, if things have been different." And the answer would be yes, in all cases, on all shows. - I might be sitting in human resources for some, I don't know, a sprinkler company. Yeah, things would have been different. - Yeah, exactly. I'm sure, yeah, it's like the stupid, it's like, I'll say the stupidest question, stupidest thought to have on this show. I wonder if you're already damaged and frayed relationship with your mother would have been improved if you hadn't ambushed her on camera for the benefit of me and my production company. - Yeah, when I made you. - Yeah, so I wonder if it was actually kind of interesting because as much as it's been rehashed over and over on the show and as much as we've rehashed it on our rehash show, of their rehash shows, we actually did get some interesting answers because when we had originally talked about it, my opinion was, her mom probably wanted to give that kid up for adoption, the family wouldn't let her, so they decided to raise the kid and she was like, I'm not having anything to do with the kid and it was bad all the way around. That's my guess, that's what it sounds like happened. And it's interesting that they actually went into it that deeply because Andy was out, he was like, I mean, what the hell, people got bad and she said, no one understood what I was saying. I understood that she didn't want a child, but the fact is she wouldn't even look at me and she would be in the same room. Like she'd be living at my grandma's house and I'd be there and she would like be in a room with me and I was not allowed to speak to her and yeah, that is really, - And that was alluded to, I think that was mentioned in the regular season. I think we did talk about that, that we didn't realize, when she had our conversation with Aunt Lori, it was when we found out that there had been several family events over the years where they were in the same room and she wouldn't acknowledge her. And that is where it's like fucked up. - Yeah, that's disgusting. - It's that like, okay, you don't want to have a child but you can't just act, like you just don't even know her but that's, I feel for Kenya, as crazy as she is, I feel for Kenya on that front. And the funny thing is then when Portia, then Kenya gets mad at Portia because Portia said, you know, the reason why it's hard for Kenya to like show love, why you don't see the softer side of Kenya, as she said, is because she had this bad relationship with her mom and Ken is like, no, no, you see this soft side of me. I have a very loving father. I'm like, this was not actually an attack on you Kenya. Portia was actually supporting you. This was a way for you to say, oh, yeah, yeah, that's why someone's act like a bitch because of my mom. This is like your way out. - Well, the question was so rude. And he's like, Portia, do you regret saying that Kenya will never know how to love a human being because she never got love from her mom. Like the way, but it was so mean. And then Portia is like, that's true. - And basically just said, you don't learn compassion unless you've got parents who are sewing you a lot of compassion and this and that, and I get it. Now, then Kenya, which look, Kenya is the victim in that situation, okay? I just hate her so much that I honestly don't care. But Kenya was a victim, but she goes, that's not true. I'm very close with my father. Bitch, you just started talking to your dad again like last year. - You ran away from home. - And then didn't speak for a decade or some shit. Like stop acting like you're so close with your father. You made the man cry in a public park. He's like, (laughing) (singing in foreign language) - So please, and Kenya's just nodding like you see. That's why I don't leave my children at home alone. I don't want them turning into Kenya. - Yeah, she has a point. So then the next segment of-- - Peter showed up in his burgundy turtle neck holding sunglasses. This was the doucheous thing, okay? Listen, Peter. - Wearing them. - Was he wearing them? - I thought he wore them until he said, "And now for Uncle Ben." And then he took off his glasses like. - Oh, pain. - Like you did not just walk in off the street, okay? You are, you have a green room. It's also at night. We know it's at night because little Aiden came in and he's gonna go have dinner. Okay, the fact that you brought these sunglasses into look cool, like you're some sort of baller in your burgundy trill neck. It's just, he's just awful. - He is awful. So how's your marriage? He's like taking off his sunglasses. - Yeah. - They're pulling the good place. Yeah, they're pulling the good place yet. Going great. - So why do you live in Charlotte still? Well, we know at our age, we gotta set ourselves up. You know, like it's about her business, it's about my business. - That you are building with her money full with no money. He's trying to set yourself up. - There, he's such a liar and so Cynthia and Portia and Phaedra are so mean and hilarious to me. They're just openly laughing the whole time he's talking. - About his separation. - Yeah, I mean, he's just, he is such a piece of work and Andy. - Well, that's, okay. So you, I love Andy's look of confusion. - So you're always in Charlotte and she's, you know, that sounds like separation and his answer. - I could be a soldier. I mean, I could be a soldier in the army and like no one would be able to see her. And then, you know, no one would say anything separated because, you know, she doesn't even need to visit Charlotte 'cause I got millions of police people telling on me. - And he's like, oh yeah, with cell phone video. - Yeah. - Oh. - Yeah. - Oh my God. Such a, like all I had to do was write down everything he said because then Andy goes, well, Cynthia, speaking of that cell phone video, you saw it. What do you think? And she goes, well, I know Peter and I think that Peter would be more discreet, okay. Did you see the video? You fucking idiot. - And by the way, doesn't that also just prove everything? Right? Peter's saying, no, I can't have an affair because everyone's in my face with us. And then she's like, yeah, he would be more discreet. So doesn't anyone think, well, so because everyone's in his face, don't you think he's being discreet by having an affair on the side? Like, come on, people. - Oh, he's too stupid to be discreet. And I love that that's her answer after seeing a video where he's like, love strangling somebody. - Stupid Peter. It was so good though. This is the best Cynthia stuff I've seen because she's just lying now. Like she's... - Well, 'cause they are actually separate. Didn't a TMZ thing come out this week that they are actually officially separated? - Yeah, but I mean, she just tries to get in TMZ doing what she can. I don't think she's been with him since the Jurassic Park wedding. That was pretty legit. - Yeah, exactly. I mean, as much as she tried to convince us with like the walrus rub down she gave on the season finale, - The walrus rub, the walrus hand job. - Yeah, I don't think that they are together. - I'm trying to figure out which tusk actually works. Could you tell me which one to pick? - Little Kip. - So Andy's questions are getting so funny as he does this longer and longer. He's like, so if Cynthia's not on the show next year, Peter, do you think your marriage will last? - Not, do you think your marriage will last? But if this bitch doesn't have a job next year, are you gonna still stay around? And he's like, I don't know. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - Andy is naughty. - I think he'll be up in Charlotte. Yeah, not even, not even. Peter, I mean Peter is such a low life. And like, it's amazing how much he makes my skin crawl. The amount of bullshit that he spews. It's actually so disheartening to think that a woman like Cynthia Bailey wound up with a guy like Peter. - Well, there's something gotta be going on with Cynthia that this whole time has been happening. And her family didn't want her to get married, but she did anyway, even though she knew he was a piece of shit. So there's gotta be something there that we, I mean, obviously that we don't see 'cause I don't show shit, but. - I also, I have to point out that one thing that also amused me, 'cause I'm like obsessed with Shire, was that when Peter came out, they moved Shire to another couch. I just love the idea that they just shuffle. They just put Shire wherever they can fit her. It's like, you go over there now, okay. - No matter. - She'll be like standing behind the set like soon. - Yeah, she'll be one of the giant pots in the back. She'll be popping up behind the couch like. She'll be like, let's talk about Kenya's mom. - What I'm asking? What? (laughing) - Oh my goodness. So then. - Kenya versus Portia part two. - I can. - So let's find a way to make Cynthia's fake marriage about two bitches who ain't ever gonna have one, okay. Kenyan, well, I guess Portia had a fake marriage already. - But Kenya and Portia to Kenya. What rumors? How did this get on rumors? - Oh, they started talking about who's meaner, Cynthia or Portia, because Portia makes jokes about Cynthia's marriage, but then Cynthia always made jokes about everybody else's marriage. And now she's getting the, what are the shows? - Me and Cynthia. - So shows are so stupid. Well, it started with Cynthia and Portia. And then of course, Kenya's not being asked the question. So she makes it all about her again and doesn't let them answer. And she's like, "Well, it's Portia's fault because she's the one who was saying the rumors out loud, blah, blah, blah." And oh no, no, Cynthia said that. It's Portia's fault because she was the one saying those rumors out loud. Yes, people were talking, but it's her who said it on camera. And then Peter's like, "Yeah, you got third on me? You got third on me, the little girl? Then just see it. If you want to get in the bus, then run over me with your bus. I ain't afraid of him, Portia." And she's like, "Don't push me." And he's like, "I don't care, I'm lying. I'm a speed bump. Go over me with the bus." And she's like, "I don't know how to drive a bus." And then Kenya jumps in and she's like, "What rumors have you heard? That you a hoe, that you got things by being a hoe?" And then Portia goes, "Let's talk about the man that bought your house." And she's like, "I make my own change." And she goes, "You need to get a dry piece of change instead of a wet piece of change." I'm like, "What?" At that point, I think the actual quote was, because Kenya said, "I don't lie on my back to get a piece of change." And Portia goes, "Yes, you do. A small piece of change. Maybe you should get a dry piece of change instead of that wet piece of change and that ditch." What? And then Kenya goes, "Set your mouth. Set your mouth, Portia. You don't even know what you're saying without a dick in it." Yeah. I love that Portia isn't more intelligible with a dick in her mouth. These women, their fights are so stupid. I know. When she said, (laughs) Well, but the best was Portia's response, though, 'cause then Portia goes, "Well, we should talk about the one you talk every day before you come to work, bitch." (laughs) So good. And of course, no denials, either. And then Portia. Yeah, I never named names. And Cynthia's like, "Yeah, Paul. It's all over the internet." She's like, "So is Peter. If you want to know who is cheating with, look to anybody who's 19 years old." She goes, "Who?" She goes, "You better find out how his waitress is getting paid." What? "No waitress is going to be paid an old man, uncle, baby." Well, no, no, no. Wait a second. It wasn't just, you better find out how your waitresses are being paid. She goes, "Father, how your waitresses are being paid, okay?" And it's full of penis. I was like, "Oh, Casey didn't know. Casey couldn't tell with my innuendo. Let me just spell it out for you." "Run me over with the dick bus." Thank you. "No, I'm tired now." Okay, nice fight, guys. "Well, maybe show up some Peter's broop." (laughs) Okay, so this is where Andy points out that Cynthia was talking shit about Phaedra's marriage last year, and then Phaedra, Phaedra lies, I think, more than anybody else on any of these shows combined, and she does it in the most entertaining way, and I just can never hate her. I think she's hilarious, even though she's full of shit every time she speaks. She's like, "She says this with a straight face." "Well, Andy, I try to stay out of marriages." "I don't speak on them 'cause I don't want them talking about my business." Like, really, really thinking that. And then Cynthia, of course, with her running for mayor. "I regret it. "I regret what I said about Phaedra, "and I've said that over brunch on camera, "as you might remember." (laughs) Let me see here. "Peter Stoned." Okay, so then-- This would-- "Dense when your favorite part of the show comes." (sighs) What's my favorite part of the show? When Little Aidan comes out? Yes. Oh, he's so cute. Aidan comes out. So, let's see what they were just talking about 'cause this was cracking me up. Marriage, divorce, absentee mothers. Oh, look, it's the kid. Come on out. (laughs) Hey, look, it's Little Aidan, yay. Now let's talk about prison. Yeah, totally. They're like, "Okay, bye." And he's wearing a little Hulk backpack, which I thought was so cute because his dad was just running around like the Hulk with like a screwdriver with no bit. Yeah. So then Phaedra starts talking about prison. Now she took aid into prison and that someone was like masturbating. Hey, baby, bye. So Phaedra, that reminds me, how was prison? Tell us about it. Yeah, and she's talking about how someone was masturbating someone else and Phaedra was like, well, but now I've taken them there. So now everyone can stop, you know, asking when I'm gonna take. It's not asking questions to say I'm my business, which is like a veiled attack at Candy. So then Candy, this is like, so then Candy starts to defend herself, which is my favorite because Candy has two modes of defending herself. She either is like really sharp-tongued and she will come for you so that her mama Joyce comes out or she becomes Candy talking to mama Joyce and she gets the quiver voice and she goes like, "See, no, I feel like." That was like, "I did not see, no, me, and so, alright." No, Phaedra is my opinion and I think that, you know. - Oh, Candy. - Oh, Candy. Well, this one she didn't, she wasn't doing goat crying, this one, was she? - There was a little bit, I thought, just a little. - See, it wasn't that strong, it wasn't that strong, but it was there. - And she's like, "Well, at least I'm not fake. "I didn't reach out 'cause we weren't in a good place." And so now this was interesting too, 'cause we've had a lot of conversations about whether Phaedra should take the kids to jail. I always thought, "No, like fuck that." He committed the crime. Those kids shouldn't be thinking jail is some normal thing and I don't blame her for not taking them. I don't think she should have to. - Yeah. Yes, okay. - Now go the other because that was the argument. - Well, no, I mean, I thought that like, you know, she probably should've, I don't know, it's hard for me to say, I've never been in that position. If I were her friend, I probably wouldn't weigh in either way 'cause it's such a unique situation. And it's like, you know, I think I offered up an opinion because we have a podcast. But in general, I probably would just like, I would actually just stay out of it. But Candy did make a point though, which is that like he is coming out, he will be out of jail at some point. So, you know. - Oh, I'll sit then if he wants a relationship with the kids when he's out of jail, fine. She's not having to take him to like masturbation town to see him or whatever. But of course, Phaedra is also making herself sound like some kind of hero that she went to the jail and she finally let the kids see the father. Like it was this huge momentous moment when she was only going to give him divorce papers to sign. - Yeah. - And she has a story on Mike Price. - Well, he decided that he didn't feel like signing the papers at the moment, but oh, I'm still hopeful. - Yeah. - He was like, "Bitch, come out of here with those papers." - The point that Candy made that I thought was interesting because I don't even think she said it this clearly, but she said, 'cause Phaedra made the point I said, like he's the one who did the crime and he has to do the time. And I'm not taking the kids down there, period. - Yeah. - And Candy said, "Well, yes, he did do the crime. That's true, but you married him." - Yeah. - Okay, she did marry a felon. She did marry him actually kind of being involved with the crimes that he was committed into prison for in the first place. So yeah, we all know that. But she did not marry a man in jail when he committed all those other crimes. She did not marry that man who was committing all of those crimes and then spending all that money on hookers and then bragging about it. - Sure. - And then bragging about it on national TV and dangling it in front of her face. I hope this has taught you people, you men, I mean, by you people. Don't be fucking with someone like Pedro. So get your ass thrown in prison. And if you don't think she did, watch this more closely. - Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I thought what was interesting was when Phaedra then started to do this whole thing about how none of Apollo's friends stepped up to be male role models. They all hung out with Apollo, but then, as soon as he went to jail, no one like stepped in to be like a male role model to aid in and the other one. - Well, what happened to Burger? What was that guy's name like hamburger or whatever? - I know, that's what I wrote. - I was like, what about bun? What about bun? But you know, the truth is that's like Phaedra, count your blessings. You want Peter to step in to be a role model for your son. You want Todd to be a role model. Todd's better than Peter, but still, count your blessings. You should be so lucky that Peter has not taken aid under his wing. - Could you imagine Peter showing up on Phaedra's doorstep? I just gave me a moment to play with the kids. Sit on my lap, I'm Santa Claus. - You know, she would not have that. She'd have him in jail for molestation so fast. - Yeah, exactly. No, Phaedra, you should be happy. Like this is a blessing in disguise. Just find anyone, have to wait, be the role model for crying out loud, but not Peter, not Peter. - He is, he's like, you're my little elf on a shelf, little man. (laughing) - I mean, he's got Greg Leaks as his role model. Greg Leaks, the shady ass landlord, Greg Leaks. - And then, and then Phaedra, I mean, wait, what am I saying? Oh yeah, and then Andy, keeping it classy is always. - So who are you dating? I'm just trying to catch her in something. And she's like, my father raised me right, Andy, and I will only be dating after the divorce. Here's my name, just like my mama taught me. Michael, get out of here. You've been paying chocolate for the past two years. - Yeah, chocolate, that's right. - Oh yeah, I can't wait to see chocolate. So then, speaking of dating, we then started talking about Portia and Oliver, and where they're at, which then meant we saw for the 100th time. - Girls got cookies. - I didn't say thin mint. - Sorry. - You heard it, you heard it, so you got girls got cookies on mints. But this meant that we, this meant not thin mint, this meant, this meant, that's what you heard. Thin mints, so poor Oliver, you know, anytime the producers can pull out the shot of him falling over in the hot tub, they will. They're like, hey, so how's Oliver doing? They cut to him in the hot tub falling over. I was like, this poor guy, this poor guy, never fall over on camera, because they will never let you live it down. And it's funny every time, too. It's always funny. - It is always funny. And Kenya and Cynthia, you know, Cynthia, if you had your own personality, you wouldn't bother me so much, but the fact that your ass needs to just sponge off of every bitch's personality, like any alpha around you, you need to sponge them up. It's pathetic. So Kenya is rolling her eyes, like she's just been, you know, grunchefied. And of course, that makes sense. But Cynthia's rolling her eyes. Like she has any issue with anything ever. And they're rolling their eyes and Portia sees them. And so Andy's like, so what about the relationship with that hot guy who fell down? And she's like, well, we're not in a relationship, but we still speak. I like to call him and tell him about the celebrity apprentice that I'm on this year. - Oh my God, Kenya almost, her head almost popped off. - Yeah, exactly. I would love to hear Kenya's thoughts on Donald Trump, actually. This is, you know, it's kind of funny if you say like the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Well, Donald Trump did say that Kenya was like the worst contestant he's ever had on the apprentice. - Like build the wall, build the wall around him. - So what does that make Kenya to us? - So now we get into like the Miami thing and everything about that kid Glenn and all that stuff. And first, then Andy kind of busted Phaedra a little bit about how she compared this guy to like, what's his face? - Michael Brown. - Michael Brown from Ferguson and Black Lives Matter and how like even though, I think it was even Kenya, Kenya mentioned it, how the head of Black Lives Matter like tweeted that Phaedra should be ashamed of herself for equating the two and did like a disservice the entire movement, which she most certainly did. - Oh, well, Sir Ray, okay, first of all, all the women were cuckoo in this argument. - This was crazy, this was actually a crazy segment. This was, I was actually extremely, like I couldn't believe that Kenya was the voice of reason during the segment. And Candy, Candy was the most voice of reason, but Kenya too though. - Well, and then Kenya of course was not a boy. I mean, Sir Ray has that bitch pegged. When Sir Ray said, who's the one who invited Amova? You liked him? - I'm like, and that's crazy. - Yeah, no, she was big. - She was being disgusting on the boat and he was snapping at them and being totally aggressive and gross on the boat and being like, you better pipe down, how dare you talk to me? - But they were already invited at that point. - And then she's like, what come over? Because she wanted to be laid. - You got the sequence wrong though. She invited them over to the house when they were still at the restaurant. She didn't know he was cuckoo. They were already heading to the house in the boat. I don't think that she should be faulted for inviting him over. I mean, you can't, that's sort of like blaming the victim in a certain way. Like, oh, she should have known. She should have known not to get involved with that. Like, she had no idea. She just thought I was like this young new on the boat. - Letting him get off the boat after he's already talked to you like that and coming to the house, kind of. I do blame the victim. - Well, I think the victim is Kenya. So of course I've blamed the victim. - Well, no, but I think that on the boat, like he was, I don't think he was definitely like out of line, but I don't think at that point, I still don't think it was a case like security. But what's crazy is that like, he, I mean, he did get really aggressive, obviously we saw. And it was funny how the women were like, he didn't seem that aggressive and Shire was like, was like, are you kidding me? I did not think that was aggressive. I was like, Shire. But to be fair, Shire is like a tank. Shire is so jacked that she probably thinks ISIS is not aggressive. She's like, "I love that they keep changing their name." - I love that they keep changing their name. - You got some ISIS, you got some ISIS? You may have some one, you may have some one. - But it was crazy that they were all like, almost across the board. They were like, yeah, he didn't seem aggressive. - Well, they were, I think they were trying to stick to their original guns because most of them didn't see what happened because Candy was sitting over there. - Who was Candy sitting with, Kim Fields? Who was she sitting with? - Well, originally it was like Kim and Cynthia. - No, the original thing where he came over and was aggressive with her. Wasn't she just sitting with one person? I thought it was like Kim or something. - I thought it was just Kim, yeah. And then I thought Cynthia came inside with them at one. Either way. - So he got aggressive and Candy was already like, oh fuck this, this guy is totally aggressive. So then Kim, I feel like Kim didn't see a lot of the other stuff, so when the shit really hit the fan, I mean, Kim was in the second living room trying to FaceTime Sebastian. Like, she didn't see some of it. And so she made an ass out of herself the first time sticking up for the kid, even though he was totally in the wrong. But I think that she honestly thought Kenya was trying to start shit 'cause Kenya does always start shit. And it's not necessarily blaming the victim. It's stop crying wolf bitch because one day you're gonna cry wolf and no one is gonna be there 'cause you do it all the time. - Yeah, I think that, I mean, I think we all agree that once it was shown that this guy was a real problem, that Kenya should have just less security handled it. She should not have walked up and said anything more. But I think there's a difference between saying that's not a smart thing to do versus saying like, oh well, Kenya, this is all your fault, which is really what the women were doing. And it's like, no, it's the guy's fault. - Well, then what they were saying ultimately is that, but his aggression aside, it's another instance where Kenya is fanning the fire. She's seeing something and she's going for it to be, you know, to get attention and to get camera time. And you know, you're poking a tiger and then you start crying when the tiger tries to, you know, snatch your weave off. Like stop poking the tiger. How many children have you smiled about when you've read the news and been like some 13 year old shot a line with the BB gun and jumped over the fence to get it back and the light ate him? And we're like, yay, kill the fucker. - But that being said though, it'd be one thing if it was just like, you know, Kenya, like you're always fanning the flames. But the way that the conversation seemed to play out on the episode and also during this reunion was, they almost seemed to be giving the guy a pass. - Yes. - Like, hey, it's just in his nature. And Kenya, like what the fuck are you doing? It should've been like, you know what, this guy, this guy was a real asshole. And Kenya, you should know like, you should be careful. You shouldn't be, you should just let security handle it. It shouldn't be like, why did you do that, Sam? Like it just felt like they were coming, they were angrier at Kenya than they were at the guy. You know, and if you were asking, they'd be like, "Well, of course we don't condone what the guy did." But they were, they in a situation where there were two-- - They don't wanna get trouble in their own community by dissing the black male and saying the black male is overly aggressive because it makes them sound like, as Phaedra said, like a white suburban lady who's always afraid of every black male that's coming down the thing. And then when Andy's like, well, what does that mean? When you say a suburban white lady, like a lot of suburban white ladies got pissed when you said that and she's like, well, like Kenya. (laughing) But I get what they're saying because that pressure goes both ways. It's not only, you know, like white people, like your suburban white lady, she's not gonna say, I felt weird because that angry young man was coming at me because, Peter, I felt insecure because that black man was coming at me. And then it turns into this different thing where this was not racial, this was an overly aggressive person, but everybody's making everything racial all the time now. That's all we fucking talk about. And I'm glad it's not just white people. I mean, at least it's everybody. And so they're-- - We're about to get into that with Tomak, yeah. - They're already feeling that, well, it'll be surprising my thoughts on that. Don't worry, I'm not even-- - I actually, yeah, I'm actually really excited for this conversation. I don't think we're gonna have like our typical, like annoying-- - Yeah, I don't think so. - But everybody's trying to make it about race when it's not about race. It's an angry man, he shouldn't have fucking been there. Then he treated people like shit and the women are still sticking up for him out of some kind of community pride or something when it has nothing to do with that. And just one last thing and I'll shut up. Shirei is full of shit. Shirei saying, "Can you believe?" - Shit by Shirei. - He's not aggressive. And then the last thing, Kenya's like, what if I hadn't have kicked him out and he would have done something and Shirei goes, and he would have. You see, that's the point, lady. - Yeah, you know, the thing that I was going to say about, I don't remember what I was gonna say. I always hope the about race or whatever. Oh, we know what it was that this thing where, didn't want to label him as a dangerous young black man because white women in suburbia already afraid of black men and they didn't want to just give another reason for them to be afraid of it. But actually by not doing anything, I feel like racist white ladies in suburbia will be more apt to think that young black men are dangerous because they look at it and they see, well look, see there, young black men can be aggressive and they can get away with it because that's what the culture condones. - And you gotta love Kenya telling Phaedra straight up. And she's like, oh, please stop acting like that's normal behavior. If your kids ever did that, like if your kids ever spoke to a woman like that, you know they'd be fucking black and blue. Get out of here. - Exactly. - And she's right. - Absolutely. And you know what, candy at the end, candy just laid it out perfectly. She was like, perfectly. She was just like, listen, we all know Kenya's crazy as fuck. She does some crazy hass it. She is just, I mean, she's like a mentally deranged woman. She is bonkers. And Kenya's like nodding like, yes, I am. I mean, her mom-- - She's like, thank you Candy. Thank you Candy. - That's an acceptor. But that doesn't give him, that doesn't seem like, but like that doesn't like give this guy the right to mouth off, made me feel uncomfortable, made her feel uncomfortable and that should be enough. And he was violent and throwing up gang signs, he's coming at her. That's like, there's just no, there's like, it's totally inappropriate. And then everyone's sort of like quiet. And then Candy goes, why y'all body your tongue now? And the episode just ends. So, this show is so dark. I mean, it was, maybe I was just in a weird mood when I watched it, but I was like, everything. This is the light, one of, to me is one, usually one of the lightest hearted housewives show. I usually just laugh my ass off at the show, but this season there has been a lot of dark shit. Jesus, childhood bad admit, a dad in prison, a fucking marriage that never should have been, they're miserable. Candy's still trying to make it work with mid, you know, midget fucking cottonell shirt over there, Todd. Oh, but I do like next week that Todd says, get out of here. I know when he said that, I was like, Ronnie. I know, I'm trying to stop saying it so much, but Todd, thank you, thank you for the shout. Yeah. Yeah, it was interesting reunion. I don't think I was as emotionally like, not invested, but like... - Well, we went down, stirred up the way you were, 'cause you would text me, you were like, oh my God. This reunion, you're like, I'm like almost crying. I was like, oh my God. - There were just parts to me that were so fucking sad. I mean, that Kenya mom thing, I get it. - That's sad. - I hate like feeling things on these stupid shows, 'cause I know they're cartoons, but that did make me fucking sad for Kenya. - Oh yeah. - Kenya makes me hate her again in two seconds, and then I felt bad for Phaedra's kids, even though that this probably all went out, was planned. But then just all the emotions that we felt over the whole season, I mean, look, I always feel emotional, but I went off the season on this show, I mean, this, we've had some yelling, you know, full on three hour podcasts about this fucking show, it's a lot's gone on. And so I'm just, it's almost traumatized. I feel that trauma again, watching all the clips again. I'm like, oh, don't lose it. - Bringing on the trauma. - Oh, but just to end this section, the recent news aside from Kim being out of here, which no more surprised by, is that of course, Nini will be back next year, and supposedly-- - It's like two and a half million. - Two and a half million damn dollars. - Wow. - Yeah, I don't know if it's worth it. - That's 2.25 Think Thin Bar. So you can read that Think Thin Bar. - I'm going to. - I'm going to. See you in five. - All right. - Welcome back, P is done. Now let's get onto the Real Housewives of P, shall we? - Yes, please, let's do it. - So this is a P. - Your friends with me, and your friends with me. - The word on the street is it, I went pee. - Make as much sense as these damn taglines. - Robin and Giselle, Cotta Lunch. Okay, this show is so low rent. I love everywhere they eat. It's like a grilled cheese kind of a restaurant. Every place, it's like the grill at the pool. - I know, and yet I'm always jealous, 'cause I'm like, ooh, I'm like grilled cheese by the pool with club sauce. - Yeah, this is one show that is not insisting on salmon salad everywhere they go. - Yeah, I like that when the waiter showed up at their lunch, the waiter looked absolutely terrifying. You know how you're always talking about how waiters look like they're about to audition, including the restaurant manager later in the episode? This guy was like, the plates were just like trembling. He was at like a one man earthquake, like, "Here's your grilled cheese, ma'am." The bad boy at the Simpsons, like, "Here, here's your club sandwich, ma'am," and the potato chips. Oh, no, I got the potato chips on you. I'm sorry, ma'am. - We're on the street. We're on the street is I've got grilled cheese on my sheets. Doesn't even make sense. I'm sorry, late caffeination. - Robin, you gotta give Robin credit for at least ordering like a better housewives show. She's like, "Oh, we're the tuna tartan." (laughing) - And then she's all got double eggs. Why am I writing this shit down? 'Cause that's how their show rolls. I'm like, "Yeah." I wrote, 'cause of course I wrote waiter notes too. I was like, "Oh, a non-oditioning waiter who's having trouble with tea." (laughing) - You see? (laughing) - We both noticed it. - They're non-oditioning, we are trying to make trouble. - They're totally ordering from like the pump menu, deviled eggs, and do their tartar. This is like, "Shred up Chef Penteclassic 1987, in a Blanca, stick it to a party." - That's back where it still makes sense. (laughing) - Yeah, terrified. - Yeah, this is a scary opening. We're still talking about the double eggs. - Yeah. - But their toast was, "Who's toast to new beginnings?" And I just wrote, "Yeah, good luck with that, 'cause Giselle will never let anything go forward ever." So Giselle-- - Well, I'm surprised that Shreeze didn't come bursting through the bushes, being like, "That's, I'm gonna say a new chapter, 'cause I'm sorry, a new chapter." Everything in Shreeze's life is a new frickin' chapter. Her book must be like a thousand pages long because there are so many chapters in this frickin' story. - There's just numbers. It's like one, chapter two, and then, chapter three. Oh, wait for it, chapter four. - It's one of those really crappy books that has like those chapters that are like a page and half long, which are actually my favorite kind of books, 'cause you feel like you're making so much progress. You're like, "Oh, look at that." It's always like half pages full of blank space. - It's like it's not a new chapter, it's a new chapstick. Okay, it doesn't get a new page. Just tell us about your goddamn chapstick. - So, can you be getting-- - So, can you be getting-- - Giselle is now getting into other people's marriages because she still has none of her own to talk about publicly. So, she's still on everybody else's business, went to see Juan, and started asking her all these, or her, sorry, Juan, I didn't do that on purpose. Starts asking him all these questions about the marriage, and he said, "My job business." What's that like? - Yeah, yeah, he's like, "Yeah, Robin's great." And she's like, "But don't you see you and Robin together forever?" He's like, "Yeah, Robin's wonderful. How about this softball game, right?" (laughs) I kind of, I do feel bad for Robin because she obviously is in love with him, but she's been wounded, and you know, that's, it sucks that he cheated on her, and but she should move on. I really don't, like, either forgive him and move back with him, and just like, tell all the haters, "Hey, like whatever." I mean, if she's willing to say to people, "Listen, like we have an unorthodox relationship and set up right now, so like, mind-driven business," she should also be willing to say, "Hey, yeah, you cheated on me, but I love him, so whatever, mind-driven business." - My feeling is, and obviously, this is no basis in reality, but just based on what she's said on the show, I think that what's happened was he was cheating. I don't think it was like one cheat. I think he was like cheating a lot. - And a Ponzi's game. - She was gonna, with Fonzi, with Fonzi. - She was cheating with Ruth Madoff. (laughing) - And she was gonna divorce him and leave him, but then they stayed together for the kids, and now she's made this relationship with him, where they're not married, but they're just best friends who sleep in the same bed, and they can do whatever they want, because she's said multiple times on this show, like, "I could date." So she's leaving the door open, so that's why it makes me feel worse for her, because she's not even putting her foot down. She thinks that standing up for herself means that she won't say she's married. It's basically, he can go fuck whoever he wants to, come home smelling like some rank-ass pussy, and get back into bed with her, and she can't say anything about it. I mean, it's just so pathetic, and then she says, "You know the question about one, "and the question I ask myself, "do I wanna open my heart back up?" No, basically you're saying, "Am I gonna stay with some man "who's blatantly gonna cheat right in front of my face?" Yes or no? Yes, the answer is yes, you're already doing it. - She doesn't wanna get hurt, she doesn't wanna get hurt again, but she's still in love with him, which is why she's not finding someone else. So then we go over to King's house, she's like, "I wouldn't remarry the same, man." Well, considering the fact that yours is a preacher who cheated with half the town. - Yeah. - Shut up, Chiselle. - Hey, what's wrong with her saying? - Because Chiselle acting like she's so high and mighty when she's like fucking three guys, I don't like Chiselle's high and mighty attitude with anything. It bothers me that she's talking about someone else's marriage when her marriage ended the same way, and her way of sticking up is just like taking the money. She still goes out and hangs out with that guy, she's got a similar fingers robin. - Yeah, but they're not living, they're not sleeping in the same bed, they have a cordial relationship, but she's moved on to do her own life, and she's single, and she's allowed to sleep with three guys if she wants, that's fun. - Yeah, she is, I'm slut shaming, but not because she's a slut. - You just hate her, I'm Chiselle shaming. I hate her, yeah, basically, Chiselle has nothing. - I mean, I'm admitting it, I'm admitting it. There's nothing, usually I'll try and find a good and a bad in somebody. Chiselle, I've tried, I can't, she's terrible. - I don't think you've ever tried with Chiselle, I think you've just always, she's rubbed you the wrong way since the beginning. - Yeah, I hate her. - It's fine, I hate her. - She's fine. She's rubbed me the right way. - Yeah. - I like Chiselle. - As everyone knows, I love you, and I love that we can disagree and still not have to sleep together at night. - That's the kind of marriage that works, damn it. (laughing) - Well, it's nice that we can have different views on Chiselle and not be, you know, angry at each other. So no one has a problem with jizz, it's just too much jizz in your face. - Am I right, guys? (laughing) - So anyway, speaking of jizz faces, that's like a terrible transition, and it was like unnecessarily nasty. Katie is gardening. You know, sometimes you just see like an easy joke, and you just go for it, even if it makes no sense. She does not have a jizz face. She actually has like a beautiful, beautiful face that's not covered in jizz. - She is literally an easy joke, Katie. - She is, she's an easy joke, but she's gardening, and then her friend T comes over, and Katie starts basically making fun of Karen's fundraiser. Her Karen's gala, the O gala, and-- - Poor Karen was just hoping Oprah would get involved. - You can't just call things O. She's like, O's book club, no, no. It's still just a book club in your backyard, okay? - Yeah, and I like how Katie's saying how her friend T, she's like, T has helped me with like so many fundraisers and philanthropic events. I'm like, or maybe she meant to say, like she's helped me with like, thinking about fundraisers and philanthropic events, 'cause we've never actually seen the Ross Foundation do anything at all. I mean, as bad as Karen's was, at least Karen's came to fruition, okay? Like, at least there were people there, there was an event, there was even a little jazz band, okay? Katie literally hasn't shown nothing. - Yeah, at least Karen had those little, you know, what are they called? Those things, I'm okay, I was getting catering for years, but those metal trays with water in them, and then there's like a little sterno underneath, what do they call them? - Yes. - I'm such an idiot. - I wanna say crap, but it's not crap. It's a chaper, yes, a chaper. It's also a great, great way to describe Karen. - A chaper? (laughing) - Oh my God, you know those inner thighs hurt. - If these women could be buffet equipment, Karen would be a chaper, and everyone else would just fill in the blanks. (laughing) But, so then, but that being said, as much as like making fun of Katie, not getting something off the ground, Karen's meant was bullshit. For a gala, that was ridiculous. - It was, and I'm really admiring Katie's-- - Yeah, I like Katie's on the bitch life. She's just like, fuck it. If these women are gonna be mean, I'm gonna go. She's like, that lady called it a gala. It was like a po-dunk barbecue, it was disgusting. I mean, I don't call a gala congealed meatballs, okay? Like, she had a list of horrible things to say, and I was laughing so hard. - I agree, I like the Regina George side of Katie, and I wish she had shown it earlier, rather than the sort of like, ditzy, socialite, sort of sad. - The girl, I like that girl too, though. She legit that girl because she was saying, yeah, I don't know how it's going with Andrew, 'cause her friend, T, is like, so how does Andrew like his Insta family? Because basically, she started dating some dude and immediately moved in with him. And also, I think that probably happened like a week before this started or something, 'cause T is like, so how's the weirdo that you're living with for free? But she said something that made me so not sad for her, and it should've bet she goes. - Yeah, you know, I think he's ready. I think he's finally ready for marriage, because he's playing golf a lot more. And you know, married men play golf all the time. - Oh, no. - Yeah, you ever see that movie "Brokeback Mountain" when they would go on like little golf trips together? - Broke the night pole. - Yeah. - Mountain. - Brokeback. - Brokeback Mountain. - Dantra. - It's just like a golf bag where the balls keep falling out. - They're like, damn it, this broke bag! - Katie, just look at it. If he starts calling you a mulligan, then you should start to think. (laughs) - Hold again. (laughs) So, this was in her cup with Karen and her husband in the garage packing up. - Okay, this is... - I kept breathing. - They're going to bring them things before she goes to college. 'Cause it's the obligatory, "My child's leaving the nest!" Except you had your child when you were 60 or something. Like, oh, but they're going through her stuff and they're looking at her training wheels, literally holding up her training wheels. And Ray is like, "Isn't this sad?" And Karen's like, "This is so sad. "I'm gonna have a cookout. "What about the empty nest, Ray? "What about the empty nest? "What are you gonna do to me now?" And now that we're all alone, we can run around nude now! (laughs) - Oh, I hope Aunt Dot is not watching this show. - God, Aunt Dot is probably not watching anything in her house nude ever. I can guarantee you that. - Yeah, and I like how also Karen took this time to pat herself on the back from throwing an excellent gala. (laughs) - Well, the reviews are in. I wrote one for our gala. I framed it incorrectly in this picture frame. - It's hanging over our tube TV. (laughs) - People love the meatballs, the sterno stayed lit the entire night. - The Penny Saver said it was the best gala of 2016. - We owe the Penny Saver $50, Ray. Did you write that check? - Ray, did you write the check, Ray? Oh, I can't deal with this, Ray. - So then we go back to Katie and Katie is still, she's just like, she is just going after everyone. So now this must have made you happy because she started going in on Giselle. And she's like, you know, Giselle is a genuinely spiritual person and she's got a good heart. I think she just dresses like a prostitute sometimes and it's just bitchy. But you know, other than that, she's a totally lovely person. It's like, look at you, Katie. Good for you. Getting your grown housewife pants on and going after people in bitchy ways. Good for you. - She's such a hypocrite. Her charity doesn't even exist and there was no one in attendance. At least no one that I know. And I go to three gals a week. - Bitch, you go to three gals a week with some Tupperware tucked in your purse to get shit to eat. - Just because you buy gala apples does not mean you go to gals. 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Have you ever found the house of your dreams only to learn it has dark secrets? - Netflix's new series, "No Good Deed" follows three families vying to buy a 1920s Spanish style villa that they think will solve their problems. But as the sellers discover sometimes, the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare. - "No Good Deed" starring Lisa Cudro and Ray Romano launches December 12th only on Netflix. - So then Ashley, then we have Ashley picking up her mom and a Porsche. Her mom is like back up and showing up in the Porsche. And we had this whole sequence of Ashley's mom being scared by the hybrid car 'cause every time they'd come to a stop, you know the car would shut off. And the mom was like, oh, the car cut off again. The car cut off again. Get me out of this car, it is cutting off. 'Cause I'm conservation mom, Lisa Cudro. Thank you, it cools real fast and then it stops because gas. - Mom's like, this cut off again, I'm gonna die. Get me out of this car. Hey, speaking of horrifying things, I have to mention that this inner cut scene ended with Karen going, Ray, what are we gonna do? We've got the house all to ourselves. I could use a repeat of this morning again and again and again. - Guys, cut it off already, editors. - Jesus. - Jesus. - I missed that entirely, thank God. - God. - Okay, yeah. So then they go to lunch at the Cracker Barrel, the mom. And Ashley is so good-hearted that she just wants to help her mom, who's going through a bankruptcy by giving her a house on TV. And why are you dressed like a Kingston Yeta when you at the Cracker Barrel? (laughing) - I know. Get in the crab cake platter. Yeah, but it was still nice. You know, I feel bad for that. First of all, the mom looks like she is younger than we are. And second of all, I felt bad. You know, that mom, she probably did not want to be shown on TV having her daughter basically getting her out of bankruptcy, but that's just getting paid hands on the moment. - I don't like when they do stuff like that on TV. It makes me embarrassed for the mom. And then Ashley saying, - Well, I ain't gonna think this full. I'm a good role model of kids because I'm a successful ambitious black woman. I'm so good. - And second, you did a really old person for his like, you legit did an old person for restaurants. - That's not really the same lady. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I was gonna say. I was like, I'm not sure like you hosting a whiskey tasting is evidence that you are a successful black woman. - And her mom was like, yeah, but I just, you know, it's shameful for a mother to take a home from their daughter. I mean, I want to have some pride. She's like, you don't need to have pride. - With me. - Yes, but I don't want- - I'm already a Yally star. There's no pride left. - I don't want to be your burden though, honey. - You're not. You're Michael's burden. That's why you fuck him. As they say, bird in the hand. It's worse too in the bush. (laughing) A bird in the hand, it's quills. Two birds in the hand can get the whole estate once he's dead. (laughing) - So meanwhile- - Just like I taught you. - So meanwhile, over in Cherise Land, Cherise is getting her makeup done and she is announcing, I'm grabbing life by the balls. But yes, grabbing life by the balls and getting your makeup done. Wow, like how many times have you gotten your makeup done this season? And how many times have you used it as evidence of you grabbing life by the balls slash new chapter? Jesus. - Hey Cherise, I know we're not really close friends, but let me give you some advice. Your husband isn't texting you back because he keeps getting bills for $50,000 for makeup artists. - With a memo that says new chapter. (laughing) $80,000 chapter 36. (laughing) He's like, God damn it, what's my wife have you done with this stupid book? - I'm opening a new chapter. It's called Liquid Eyeliner. (laughing) - So Katie comes over to give some model tips for this, 'cause Cherise is doing a photo shoot 'cause she wants there to be a slideshow of herself at her 50th birthday. - 'Cause that's what everyone wants to see. Listen bitch, no one wanted to see your trip to Italy and no one wants to see your trip around your broke down house with your makeup getting done by some new intern every day. - Exactly. So then Katie's there and at one point Katie says, she says, "La Chaim," like five times this episode, but at one point she goes, "La Chaim," and then she's like, "La what?" (laughing) I was like, "New chapter, New Jewish chapter." (laughing) Today I'm starting a new chapter. I'm learning how to say La Chaim. - And then Katie just had to move for dogs Gucci and Prada around. - Oh Jesus, I hate that. - You know who's other mothers I really hate and I've never been able to help myself? Gucci and Prada's mother. I mean, those are the most arrogant names I've ever heard in my life. Katie, and then Katie teaching her how to model by just standing in front of her and looking hot. And she's modeling, like she would model, and Porsa Reese is like, "These tooth hurt." Okay, call somebody else and forget this makeup off and let's open the new chapter with the new makeup artist. - You know, new shoes, new chapter. By the way, at this point when Katie said that she was about the party, she says she's going to embarrass herself with her white girl moves, which I'm only mentioning for later on. So then she goes, "If you want eyes that pop, "you have to think about math, like me. "I think seven plus seven." I mean, that's scary in her eyes pop open. - Oh, Lord. - And by the way, I loved how Cherise was posing at the staircase. This is like perfect. Noah's going upstairs. You know, the shoe is supposed to happen at the top of the staircase, but she's like, "No. "I'm gonna hold them by the bathroom. "It may be a new chapter, "but still no one's going upstairs." - I'm on the second step. - A step no one else gets to come up. New chapter. - I just want everyone to remember that these are my theories, and no one's going up them unless they're named Cherise. - We're on the street. - If no one's going up my stairs, okay? Chapter seven. - So then favorite part of the episode, because you know who showed up? - A terrified fawn. A fawn running the fuck away. The fawn was like, "Oh, hell no. "I'm getting out of here." - The fawn is like, "Oh, my God. "When will I grew up still stop taking photos of me?" So sick of being on this show. Go away, white spots. - Is there no one on the golf course today? Get your B-roll-in-order editors. - Seriously, seriously. - Seriously, my mom. - Where's my mom? Oh, poor Bambi. - Yeah, where is that fawn's mom? We only see the fawn. Normally, the fawn's walking around by its mom. - Bambi. - I don't know if I'm Michael or something. - Did. - It's dead. Spoiler alert for those of you who haven't seen Bambi. - Oh, that's right. I made an inadvertent Bambi reference by saying, "Where's my mom?" I was really meaning like, "Isn't there like a doe? "Shouldn't there be a doe around?" - So, fawn. The fawn is terrified, which means we're at Karen's house, because who else terrifies even animals, Karen? - For the Raven party, where things ring. - That's gone five, because someone forgot to pick up the balloons. - This is so good. Ray is standing outside by the grill, which I think is where every man, I think men grill so much, 'cause it's the only place they can get some fucking piece in quiet. This poor guy is like just standing out with the grill. - Or golf, yeah. I don't think there's anything even in this grill, because she's like, "Ray, the balloon people called, "and the balloons weren't picked up on time." - The balloon place has this really busy schedule. They're like, "Get these balloons out of here, lady!" - Well, Karen probably ordered 500 balloons. They've got the house of up sitting there in the party place. They're like, "Can we get this house out of here? "It's about to fly away and destroy our ceiling." - The house from up. - Pick up your house. - Ray's all depressed in the house. - Ray's like it. - Like, Ray was a little kid. He's like, "I lost my wife." Ray's like, "I dropped a VHS inside the grill, "trying to get it out." We're gonna play it on our combination tube TV VHS player. - I love in the real housewives of up that Karen never even died. She just bought too many balloons, so her house flew away, and Ray misses her. Bing him. She's that crazy bird that's up there. - He's grilling, and she's like, "Ugh, balloons, Ray. "God, Ray, go get the balloons." And he's like, "Okay." And then he just walks away from the grill to get the balloons, like, "Wait a second. "Are there hamburgers in there? "What's happening? "I'm gonna hurt her. "I'm gonna hurt her." (laughing) - Sharaise shows up. She's like, "I heard there's hamburgers up here. "What about African hamburger? "What up?" "What up?" "What's that aggressive?" - So then Wanda the bartender arrives, and Karen did not realize that there'd be a bartender showing up. - Karen, wait. - You are a bartender? A bartender, you say? Well, did you order a bar? Who ordered a bar? - I didn't order a bartender. - Did my husband order a bartender? She's like, "I guess." (laughing) - You see what I have to put up with? She tells Ray's friend. She's like, you see-- - 'Cause Ray's cousin, Ray's cousin. - I must go to my room. I need some alone time. Like, she goes in and slams the door of her room. - And then Karen's like, "I look like an idiot "because I have a bartender show." I'm like, "Oh, that's what makes you look like an idiot? "That's what it is?" I'm sorry, I didn't realize. What kind of hostess of an old gala has bar tenders that haven't been properly vetted? (laughing) - You know, here I was, thinking I looked like a sophisticated lady in my blue my large dress, and then a bartender shows up, I'm not expecting, and everything goes out the window. - And I love that the bartender was like 70 and gave no fuck. She's like, "I guess, where do you want me to stand, lady?" I'm like, "I need to think about it in the bedroom." - I was recommended by the crab chefs of Delaware. (laughing) - Bethany Beach. - Oh god. - So then, I wish they were the caterers for everything. Like, there's a tortilla with some jelly on it and some fresh turkey squaddle. (laughing) - So then there was, but then the eventually got stuck. I mean, there was like this moment where Rey comes back and she's like, "You know, Raven's leaving "and it's the last one, I'm just crying. "You know, that's fine." - That's so good. - This is why she's still married. This is why this marriage works, because of Rey. 'Cause every drama queen, I need a Rey. I just can't find one. Every drama queen needs a Rey. 'Cause she's like, "Rae, you know how I feel. "I can't look like an idiot when I don't know "about a bartender." Rey's like, "Well, honey, I'm so sorry about that, "but maybe we shouldn't sweat the small stuff." Small stuff, there's a bartender here. He's like, "Well, darling, I know, but let's not worry "about the little things, shit." Okay, Rey, thank you, but I still need five minutes alone. He's like, "Okay, I'll be standing at the empty grill "for another 20 minutes, just ding when you need me." - I was expecting to say, "Honey, just let's not sweat "the small stuff, like, you know, they're bigger things. "Let's just not sweat the small stuff." By the way, I accidentally let all the balloons up into the sky, so let's not, let's just, let's not worry about those, they're bigger things. The balloons are all gone, it's so okay. - The bartender won't be a problem. I asked her to hold the balloons and she's flown up into the sky and it's probably dead now. - They've been tracking her. I think she's somewhere over Wisconsin now. - The Wanda Doppler radar. - You're like a spoonboy. Anderson Cooper's on the case. Turns out Wanda's just in the garage as a hoax. And then she throws up on to today's show. - I wish she said there was about it. - Oh, poor Wanda, she had an entire life and career in like five minutes. So anyway, then there's the cookouts nice. There's nothing, I thought it was like, everyone gave like nice speeches. - I was low-read. - I just wrote low-read for barbecue. - It was like a normal barbecue. I thought it was really actually lovely. - This is housewives. I don't want people grilling hamburgers. What the hell kind of housewives show is this? That bartender should have been stripping. - Yeah, we're the aerialists. - Hit people with a dick. - Yeah, the aerialists. And Karen has a cute son and Ann Dot was there and Karen started crying, all that fun stuff. - Ann Dot's speech was so nice. She's like, "Now, Karen, I felt so bad for Karen when her first child left. She was pitiful to watch. She would cry and look, oh, have you seen her face when she cries? She's ugly. That she doesn't even know how to make tea when she's got kids in the house. Imagine my mouth with those kids gone, warm. My mouth is gonna be warm." It's like, "Jesus, that dot, sit down." - I know. - She's so rude. She only really said one sentence, but it was like, "Man, she was pathetic when the first kid left." I'm like, "Okay, Dot, thanks for coming." - All right, you can sit down down and here's a balloon. Enjoy it. - 'Cause the rest have gone away. Thanks a lot. - Go on, da. - So then-- - I felt things though when Karen cried, if that makes you feel any better. I thought it was really sad 'cause it was genuine. - And that's like a real thing. You know, it's sad, like your kid's moving out. - She was legit crying. She would not cry like that on purpose. She wouldn't do ugly cry on purpose. That was real crying. And so I could always feel for someone when they really feel things. 'Cause that's so rare on a housewives show, but she was really feeling, and I stopped, and then I was like, "Stop feeling things." Hitler stubbed a toe or two as well. (laughing) - What the hell? So rude. - It was all emotional until she said, "As long as we're getting balloons, there better be some eye candy with it too." (laughing) If you're gonna tend this bar, I'm gonna need some eye candy on the side. (laughing) - That is my preference. So then Giselle sits down with her daughters to talk to her about, she's like, she wants to break the news, but news to them that she's been dating. And she's like, "So..." But they're like, "Are you on a match? Are you on a match?" Or you're like, "Harmony, whatever." They're like, "Please, just get a boyfriend. Get out of his house. Please, mom." - No, we've started you up on, "Please get our whore mother out of the house before she makes us crazy." You've got five things. - Yeah. (laughing) And then we go to Cherise, who, oh, when Cherise shows up at the house, and so then they're talking about Giselle and Cherise talking about the 50th birthday, and Cherise is like, "Well, I don't know if Eddie's throwing up, but it's gonna cost $80,000." So at first, I wanted to be like, like what you said earlier, you know, do you realize this is probably why he hates you? 'Cause you're spending his money, but then I was like, "No, she's just doing blue cantrell right now, and I can't hate her for that." You know, she's doing the hit 'em up style. Well, if you're gonna be a bad husband, I'm gonna spend all your money. So you know what, Cherise? I back it up, spend all of his money. Go for it. Well, it's just that she's spending it on shit, like make up people every day in giant cakes instead of putting it in the Wells Fargo's. I mean, girl, you need to have Karen's backyard barbecue thing with some hot dogs that, you know, raise in charge of, and then you tell your husband it costs $80,000. What are you, stupid? Yeah, yes, that's-- You're very smart, Ronnie. I know how to rob a fucker. Oh, and then Giselle, 'cause all she has to offer on this show is starting shit with other people. So she's like, "Hey, Cherise." So what about your husband? Still not coming? Okay, good talk. (laughs) So Robin goes, "Well, you know, I thought Giselle was right, "so I decided to have a date with one "because we don't spend enough time together." So now it's not even Cracker Barrel. What's like lower than the Cracker Barrel? This is like soup plantation. Yeah, this is soup plantation. And Robin, of course, has to wait for him. And she looks so, I mean, kind of cute, I guess. Like, you know, cotton, cotton work. I think Robin always looks cute, to be honest. I think what I was amused at was how Robin sits down to host this, 'cause I was like, "Oh, hi, Robin. "How are you?" Da-da-da-da. And then when Juan came in, the host was like, "Hi, Juan." And you can see the hostess wants to sleep with Juan so badly. She is giving him this look. She's, they probably already have, actually. I shouldn't even be saying she wants to. She like, clearly, there was something going on. He's like, "Yeah, just sit on my face." Okay, well, thanks for coming by. Oh gosh, okay. Well, thanks for doing it respectfully, I guess, Juan. But Juan walks in and sweatshorts. Oh, this is the saddest date I've ever seen in my life. He was just like wearing a T-shirt and sweatshorts. She's like, "Well, thanks for meeting me." And he's like, "Thanks for inviting me." No, no, tear. What kind of date is this? This is so depressing. He's like, "Yeah, I'm gonna be staying in Maryland. I still don't have a job." And anyway, you got lunch, right? Yeah, totally. She's like, "Ooh, it was great. It was great spending time with Juan." Yeah, it was great. Great day. So now let's watch Cherisa's third hair and makeup person for the episode. I know. That's how I wrote down. I was like, I wrote down Cherisa's birthday doing Harry. And I was like, "What's Harry?" And I realized the type of her hair. Of course, because she's doing her hair for the umpteenth after, so I'm calling this chapter, "Curls in the front, but a little flat in the back." Chapter 58, "Epil--" Chapter 59 lug. The curling iron, Chapter 65. So I didn't really have anything to say except that. Come back all day. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, yeah. I wrote the same thing. I can't believe she's doing her hair again. So she has her birthday party at the Carnegie or Carnegie library or something like that, or it was like a nice building. And someone actually showed up in shorts. I was like, "Was that Juan? Juan?" But it wasn't Juan. But someone showed up. I was like, "Who shows up shorts?" This was actually a nice party. And as Katie mentioned, and I agreed with, this is actually, this is what, this is what a gala should look like. It wasn't a gala. But of course, I like that Katie, you can never really root for it 'cause she's such an asshole too. She's like, "Caryn should take notes 'cause this is actually nice." And then they see the giant cake that she's bought herself and she's like, "Oh my God, that's like a wedding cake. "I want a wedding." And Sharice is like, "Yeah, you see Andrew? "She wants a wedding." And he goes, "Yeah, well, I don't. "So I want a wedding like way later, "so maybe we'll meet in the middle somehow." I'm like, "Oh, it's four women on this show." Yeah, I know exactly. Also, by the way, Katie's such a social climber. She's like, "Sharice really knows how to throw a party." I guess her hangout was Sharice Moore. I'm like, "You're just so shallow." But she's like, "That's it." I should hang out with her more, yeah. By the same time, I mean, it is always a good idea to hang out with people who throw good parties because it's good parties, right? So that, but also by the way, Sharice has the slideshow that she was taking pictures for. It is like, enormous. This is literally like Hitler. It's like going to like some fascist rally where there was a giant photo of her over the buffet. I was like, "Lady, you've got to calm down. "I know it's your party. "You know, you're drinking 50 and you're 50, 50." If only all Hitler wanted was for people that he didn't know to come upstairs while he was getting his makeup done. Are we gonna get in trouble for calling her Hitler? But she's not Hitler. She just has propaganda like Hitler. Well, they do go after the Jew in this episode, so it's actually kind of fitting. What are you moaning? Get out of here with your moan. Me moaning? Yeah, you're like, "Oh." No, I wasn't moaning. I wasn't moaning. I was going like, "Oh, right." Don't project your moan in security. I'm like, "Hey, I was taking a supportive moan." Oh. I thought you were giving your Jewish moan. Like, "Oh." No, no, no Jewish moan. But speaking of which, Katie is like, as long as Giselle states in her corner and leaves me alone, everything will be fine. Well, congratulations. You just jinxed it. There's no better way to ensure a fight than by saying, "Well, as long as she stays where she is "and I think where I am will be fine." It's like, "Okay, you guys are gonna fight." You got me who stays there at a party. Like, she better say, "Right by that cake." Or it's over. Yeah. Are they just gonna circle each other like West Side Story? Karen's arrival was so funny. She's like, "Wow, what a lovely party. "Look at this party. "I love the fabulous flowers." Like, she's reviewing everything if she comes in. Like, anywhere. Where are the balloons? (laughing) Where's Wanda? All this party needs is an empty grill and a man who forgets to pick things up from stores. Am I right, ladies? Now, tell me, Sharice. I don't see a giant tube TV. How are you gonna show your slideshow? Raise all the way at the bar. How am I supposed to call him without a landline? (laughing) Now, did you fax your menu to the caterers? How did they know all this? (groaning) Now, who killed your meatballs? Tell me the truth. (laughing) (groaning) So Ashley's over to this. Okay, now this is where this episode gets hilarious. This party is so funny. Ashley's off to the side and everyone's shutting her because Karen. Like that? They almost like Karen. - No, but of course, Karen's the only one who's really shutting her because Ashley's like, "Hi, Karen." And Karen's like, "Hello." And then just turns her back and walks away, like blanching the opening credits of the Golden Girls. (laughing) - She could use a calf tab, actually. - Yeah. Well, I like how Karen's like, "I am not ready to talk." I'm like, or it's like, how? Nothing at all. It was nothing happened. It was a misunderstanding. You already told her, you were running. - You saw how she acted with balloons. I mean, it took her 20 minutes of sitting soliderally in her room to get a bit back. - She's still, she's still getting like a blimps. She's like, "Good year, it's a terrible year." There was a bag flowing around outside in the wind and it just made me angry all over again, Ray. Now, now. - I still could not watch the first five minutes of American Beauty and when I fast forward, it just makes the bag look like it's going faster. (laughing) - So Ashley asks her often in jizz. - "Wey, wey, wey, wey, wey, wey!" - And they're kind of shading her. So just a whole site. Well, did you lie? Like, what did Karen say? Did she say she doesn't want her kids to be around us? Or did she say she doesn't want them to be around you? She's like, "Well, ain't no one want me." I thought he was us, been seeing Lena when he thought about it and I just want to warn him because like I went into my bank and he thought about it. (laughing) - Oh, you know, I do remember the truth. - I just think it was a misunderstanding. I do, I think it was a genuinely honest mistake. I mean, it was a stupidness. I mean, the whole thing was stupid. The fact that she even brought it up that she took it so personally, I mean, it's, I think it, as I said in the previous episodes, I think that Karen was totally justified in saying, I don't want her hanging out with you because you're too close in age and like, no. - But I think she even said that, didn't she just say I don't want my kids on TV? Like, my kids aren't going to be, I don't remember what she said, but it wasn't even-- - She basically, she said, yeah, she did. Yeah, it was not mean at all. It was just like, no, no, I would not, I don't want that. You're my friend, et cetera. I think that makes, that's like totally fine. - But of course that's not the fight anyway. I mean, it's the fight, but the fight is that she just missed Karen and didn't kiss her ass when Karen was bossing her around and that's it, she's done. - Yep, yep, yep. - So then, and then, so Giselle tries to run interference to see if they can pass this out. - Yeah, right. Gink, Giselle says, that was like, brokering a deal in the Middle East. Yeah, exactly. We're like, hey, Middle East, why don't you stop your fighting? But if you keep fighting, give us a billion dollars for all of these tanks that we made. Yeah, Gis, that is how we broke her deal in the Middle East. Why do you think nothing's ever fixed over there? Broke it as Ella Burton, bat. Wait a second, wait a second. You can't be mad at Giselle for saying it was like, making a joke about like harder than Broke from the peace in the Middle East when we were just sitting here comparing Shuris to a Nazi rally. Okay. - We are not Giselle, do you understand? My, I've picked a person to protect my hatred onto. - Everyone's allowed to make, you know, like exaggerated metaphors, everyone's allowed to have some hyperbole. - Yeah, it's like Saudi Arabia brokering a deal between Iran and anybody else. Like get out, it's all the same thing. She's not trying to broker anything. She's just throwing shit on the fire as usual. - Well, Karen was, Karen, of course, is, she's like, I'm not ready to talk. Not here, not now, not ever, you know? And so then, but then Ashley suddenly gets a stick up her ass. She's like, I miss you and clear your shit. - And so she decides to walk on over and she's gonna clear it up with Karen. She's like, why is it so hostile? Why is there a hostility between us? - And I love that like Karen just smiles her face might go, so there isn't. There isn't. And then waves and walks away. (laughing) Like, this is why I love Karen 'cause she's such a irrational bitch, but she does it in, I just, it cracks me up. Like saying that there's no hostility and then waving and walking away. - Yeah, she's terrible. I was gonna say the worst, but she's not the worst, but she is terrible. And she says nonsense. I like when she says her nonsense things, you know, it's like kinda typical at this point 'cause she does it all the time, but she goes, now Ashley, she should be in a zoo somewhere, petting animals. By Ashley, girl, go pet a panda. What does that mean? I guess she should be in a zoo. Like she's an animal, she should be in a zoo. But why is it she should be in a zoo somewhere petting something? Go pet a panda. - She's projecting, she's projecting jealousy over the fact that she could not have a petting zoo at the cookout. That's what it is. - It's like people only got to pet Ray one time each. And that is all I will allow. One pet, one balloon, one cocktail and be gone. - Bramey making Cerise rap at the party. - Oh wait, before that though, Skyler, so Skyler comes out and she gets, that's Cerise's daughter. And by the way, Cerise's kids are like really beautiful. And so Skyler comes out and gives this really sweet toast. And she's like, I couldn't ask for a better mom. And I was imagining her saying, now, am I allowed to come upstairs? Now that I've said, you're the best mom ever. Can I come upstairs now, please, please? And she's like, no. Now chat though, it's not happened yet. - My daughter is amazing, but she still hasn't gotten past the invisible rope. I have put on their number two, chapter 19. - I haven't thought of a paint can like home alone so make sure she can never come upstairs. - Her poor kids have to live downstairs. - I know. - So then, yes, then Brene introduces Cerise, and Cerise starts to rap actually. - Shasha is what I'm called. Oh God. - I'm the best of all. Five for four is my height, but I'm bad enough to make you feel all right. Women hate me, but I don't give a fuck. I feel their man with my magic tucks. - Wow, I wrote it down. That was a transcription by the way. - Wow. Oh my God. - It cuts to her dad who looks all bad 'cause she's up there saying the F word. You gotta love the classiness in this town when that's all they talk about. - Yeah. Well, to be fair, she did write it when she was 16, but still. - To be even more fair, that gives her what 34 years to actually improve it. - Yeah, or 34 years to know that she should never sing it again. - She realized. So now the booze is flowing. Wanda is working overtime. Everyone's drunk and no one is drunker than Ashley's husband, Michael. - Oh, so good. - Who is dancing on the floor and he squeezes Andrew's butt. - So good. So she sounds like, (gasps) Michael went on the dance floor. - Did he grab Ashley's butt? No. Did he grab Giselle's butt? No. Did he grab? - She like goes down the whole list. - Yeah. - No. He grabbed Andrew's butt. - Dun, dun, dun. They're actually friends outside this show now. Like they go golfing together. And every time they show the guys on the side, it's just them talking, you know. So obviously they're just friends. But now that said, then Ashley, I know we're gonna get to the little fight, but just to say while we're on this gay thing, 'cause it's stupid. Ashley goes up to confront her and she's like, - Hey, no, honey. - And he's like, hold on a second. Look how big this man is. This is like gigantic. Hey, how often do you work out there, Todd? - Wow. - For hours a day, eh? - She literally goes, look how big he is. It's six, three. You look out, looks like it. I was like, oh my, you literally like gay pickup lines. But the funny thing is, so it's funny because, you know, the way Giselle was saying it, like he was grabbing other man's ass, there was like this, there was an undercurrent of homophobia in the way she was saying it. But that, and I do think it was a joke. So I think Ashley was right. I do think it was a joke. But that being said, it's still not appropriate to grab someone's ass, whether or not you're closeted gay or not, whether it's too straight guy, it's like, you're not really-- - Well, these are kinky people. I mean, he marries someone 40 years younger than him, or some shit. I don't think he's worried about appropriating it. You know he passes her around like an hors d'oeuvre trade every party they have. I'm sure they're like swingers, you know, weirdos, and she's getting a house for a mom out of it. So I don't think it's that weird to be squeezing a guy's butt, but-- - I didn't think it was the weirdest thing ever. I didn't think it meant that he was automatic. The funny thing is, I didn't think like, oh, he's gay. But then when they did cut to him being like, you work out, looks like it. I was like, well, okay. And then there we did it. He does love going to drag shows. - Yeah, there's definitely a gay edge to him. And I don't even think that people have to choose anymore. He probably just likes what he likes as a cute little wife who lets him do whatever he wants and has fun. He's rich as fuck. What does he care? - I think he just has fun. But then he denied the butt grab. So then it was like, so I was like, okay, I did not initially think it was gay, but it sort of like this stuff he did afterwards was like, it was definitely a CNC music factory, things that make you go. - Hmm, yes. - But I-- - Yeah, 'cause he did start lying. - Can you ram his butt? - Nope. Nope. But, nope, wouldn't do that. - Well, they said they saw you. - Well, maybe I accidentally, you know, pated it on the way around the bin when I was trying to find that balloon carrying loss. - Oh, all right. (laughing) - Well, I mean, I think it's all obvious. I would never wear a banger's butt. If I was going to wear a banger's butt, it'd probably be that 6-3 guy who jacked all the muscles with a butt that looks like it's made out of carbon steel. You know, I think that's the guy I would grab, you know, just get right in that butt. You know, it feels real good. I'd maybe go around the front and see what that, see what is working with in the front there. You know, maybe touch all around the picks, you know, feel that and feel some of the washboard abs and do something like that. That's probably what I'd do. - It only counts if I get a boner. (laughing) - I just want to see, if I grab this guy's penis, well, I get a boner. Let me go and check him out to try. How about that? - If I got a dick in my mouth, but my dick's not hard, am I gay? (laughing) - Want me to give it a try? - Oh, you know what I hate, man. (laughing) - Seven plus seven. - So anyway. - Karen, I mean, Katie's eyeball rolls past. - So it seems for a moment that this episode is going to go into a big gay tizzy. It's going to go into Izzy or Izzy Knot. You think that's going to be the crux this episode, but actually it veers into race because Robin's, when they're like, oh my God, he just grabbed Andrew's butt. Robin's like, is that a white guy thing? - Yes. - So Tazell and Ashley, both. I mean, not Tazell and Ashley. Tazell and Robin both start this. - Is this a white guy thing? 'Cause black guys don't do that. - First of all, do not make me laugh because you know, and everybody knows that black people have the D.L. culture. So sitting here and acting all homophobic, like black guys would never do that. - Yeah, bitch, how fuck a dude? Get out of here. They wouldn't even bother with the ass patty. - And Katie was right, Katie was like, you know, black guys who are on football teams smack each other's butts all the time. - Well, Katie, this is weird. 'Cause the race has been coming up now a lot and they've been hinting at bigger, bigger fights. And this looked like it was gonna be it, but this is where Katie just goes too soon because she's been mad about it. And now she's turning it into like this big racist fight and they weren't being mean. They were just saying, is that a white guy thing? It's a joke. I don't really think that they're like, white guys are gay, mm-hmm. - Well, actually Robin did clarify like 10 minutes later. She's like, she's like, I actually like, I'm literally hanging out with black people. So I just want to know, is this like a white guy thing? Like, it was like, she actually, believe it or not, according to her, she really was curious. She really thought maybe this was like, just in the same way that Katie says, well, black guys patty each other on the ass. And then I fell like, what? Robin was like, is this like a thing that white guys do. - Which is still, it's like, I'm not gonna give her a total pass for that, but. - I mean, I give her a pass. It's just, I do for just that, but it's what it turned into. Because Katie's obviously trying to use race to turn this into a bigger deal. - I also want to say that her initial comment of like, is this something that white guys do? That didn't bother me at all. I thought it was, I thought she was just making a joke. - Yeah, and none of that really bothered me. It's what happened after. Because Katie's using race to like bait this fight. She doesn't want to fight. She wants, it's easier to call people racist, which I'm really getting sick of that. Like, if you're gonna fight, fight, but don't make it about something that you can feel like you're morally superior on, because you just called somebody racist. Like, actually come up with an argument batch. So she runs away and she's trying to make them out to be these evil racist. But then when it comes back to them, and I don't think they were being racist, but no, the fear these women have of being biracial is hilarious, because as Katie pointed out, and as I've been yelling for months, you blonde hair, blue-eyed, light skin, like, get out of, like, why does it matter? Why is that big? - Well, let's explain what happens. So basically, Katie, Katie, they've mentioned this thing. Katie says, well, you're biracial, and you're biracial, and somehow it comes up. Like, Katie said that, or Ashley says it. And then like, Giselle and Giselle and Rob are like, we're not very racial, we're not. We're like, we're black, or whatever. And then that's when Katie is like, well, you better get your genealogy checked out, 'cause you don't get like this by being straight out of Africa. So Rob-- - Yeah, because I don't have any direct descendants that are black, so-- - So it's interesting, I guess it's interesting, because it does raise the issue, and it's not an issue that I'm terribly informed on, but like, what is the definition of being biracial? Is it, like, you, is it the theory, the drop of, what is it like though, there's a term for like, the drop of blood, or whatever. Like, if you have a little bit of a black and you're automatically fully biracial or you're black, there's some like that. Someone said that about Mariah Carey, that she does the, someone told me that it doesn't even matter. - Well, it's kind of like what Giselle said earlier in the season when she said, "Look, you can pretend you're half black all you want to, or you can try and get along with white people all you want to, but you even have like a tiny bit of black in you. You black." - Right, in white people's eyes, you're considered black, right? - Yes, yes. - So that's what it was. I was like, what am I trying to actually say here and without, like, I feel like I'm gonna just start teeter into something racist if I don't be careful. But then, but it's interesting, is there definition that Robin and Giselle going for that like, you're only biracial, if it's like within like the first, like first generation or two of-- - Well, she specifically said direct descendants. - Yeah. - Which I thought was interesting 'cause Robin, it's not like Robin's that picky with her words normally. I mean, she's a moron. So obviously that's something she's looked up. I just think it's odd that people are so defensive about their race, really, no matter what it is, but especially the two light-skinned black girls being so adamant that there is no white in them. Like there's something that will take away pride or there's something that will take away points from them if they have any white in them. And listen, as any American and probably any human, none of us know where the fuck we came from. We may look back to generations. I mean, I barely knew my great grandfather. And beyond that, when I've looked, I'm always completely shocked with the makeup of my family and where I come from. Like it's shocking because we don't even talk about it. It's like the past is over, let's get on with it, that these women are acting like they have no past. - Well, I don't know, but I mean, the thing is this though, if you, let's say, like four or five generations ago, there was your great, great, great grandmother who's black, has sex with a white guy, okay? And then so has a lighter-skinned kid and that lighter-skinned kid has a bi-racial kid, has sex with another bi-risk kid in that generation. Another, another, another. But eventually it's like people say, you're black, you're black, you're black, and then those generations don't view themselves bi-racial, I'm just bi-theoretically. I'm just trying to sort of talk this out, try to understand their mindset. So, you know, you're talking about people in like the 1800s, okay? Like kids who are bi-racial, but they're still viewed as black, obviously, especially that time. You're black, you're black, you're black. So they may be bi-racial, but they're viewing themselves as black and they're telling their kids that they're black and they're known as black, black, black. So yes, there is some bi-racial lineage or genealogy, but black identity going all the way down, then you get to Giselle and you get to someone like Rob and who's very light-skinned because who knows what her genealogy may be? I mean, she may be right, there may only be, like the white ancestors may be like 80, like maybe 100 years ago, 120 years ago, and they're not direct descendants. There was, there were some white people there, but she still, she doesn't see herself as bi-racial because her parents never saw themselves as bi-racial and her parents and her parents, parents, parents, parents, they were always viewed as black and so they called themselves black. That's what I'm just trying to imagine. Maybe this is where that mindset came from. So, like, yes, there is, there were white people in the genealogy at some point along the line, but over the past like three or four generations, maybe there weren't and it wasn't really, and on top of that, these are people that viewed themselves as light-skinned black people, not as bi-racial black people, does that make sense? So like-- - Yeah, it does. I think the thing that bothers me isn't even where she came from or if she's bi-racial 'cause I don't care. The thing that bothers me is that she cares so much and it's not only this conversation, it's not her just saying don't say that I'm bi-racial when I'm not 'cause I get that. She's like, you don't know my genealogy, so why the fuck would you say that? I get where she's coming from with that because Katie is almost using that as like, oh, I'm bi-racial, you're bi-racial. So, is this weird fight that I guess I just don't get 'cause I'm not in it and I can't, I don't live it so I don't see it? But the problem that I have with Robin and Giselle is that they're the ones using that as an attack against Katie. That's why she's so defensive at this point. They've done it multiple times this season where it's like, oh, some black girl just decided to be Jewish suddenly. Black people aren't Jewish and who's she thinks she is hanging out with white people and with her bi-racial ass, like they make comments all the time to those two women specifically in particular, they are so defensive about race and usually the people who are most defensive, it's like when we were talking about gay people and why are we hateful and why do we have like that snarky sense that we feel overly critical? Well, it's self-hatred and that's where it comes from and knowing it helps get over it, but it's still part of you and it feels similar to what they're doing. Like they're so defensive about it that I'm like, why are you so self-hating about whatever light-skinned part you might have in you as if that invalidates your experience as a black woman? I don't get it. - I mean, I don't know. I feel like I agree with you on some points. I feel like I don't agree on some other things. I mean, I agree they have, you know, they've made Katie feel insecure about being biracial and so now she's like being like, aha, you're biracial. She's been waiting just to say you're biracial too on some level, you know? I think though, yeah, like I guess we both agree that like we understand the frustration of someone saying you're biracial and you're like, well, it's not that it's offensive, it's just it's wrong. And I don't, don't call me biracial. I'm just not, I'm not biracial, you know? But it's weird because, I mean, this has been an ongoing discussion we've had about Giselle and Robin and in terms of like making Katie feel bad or being defensive about race, it's like it's so, I think it's also, it's really hard sometimes for us 'cause we're not black and we're not, or we're not even half black. So it's hard, but I feel like the being gay gives some, I think it actually does enlighten, and it gives us some insight. Sort of what you were saying, you know, there is that self-loathing for sure. But I also think some of the things that you've come down really hard on Giselle and Robin for across the season, I felt like sometimes they've said things where you've been like, they're so obsessed with race, they're so obsessed with race and to me, it's like they're, it's almost like inside joke. Sort of like when we talk about gay stuff and be like, "Oh, he's such a bottom," or whatever, or like, "Oh, he doesn't," you know, anytime we make a joke about a guy on the street who is straight, but he's like, "Oh, but he's really, you know, "he can see he's gay," or "you know, he can see you." "Give him some booze, he'll be gay." You could really, there's a pretty strong parallelism between those real comments and the comments that Robin and Giselle make you know. - The difference is, is that we're both out of the closet homosexuals. So when we're making jokes like that, when they make jokes like mean jokes about someone's race, they're thinking of themselves as more black than she is, whereas we're thinking of ourselves as just as gay. You know what I mean? - No. - That's what separates it. And also the reason, just to add real quick, the reason I've been coming down on it the whole season isn't even really what's happened on the show. There have been little sparks of shit that have happened on the show. What pissed me off was I guess happens next week in the season finale, this big dinner they have, because that's what they were showing in all of the previews for this show. So all of the previews were race. I mean, the previews were this big fight they have next week at dinner, and she's afraid of being black. And you know, the racing comes to a huge head next week. And so that's what informed everything that I was watching. So when I say they're so defensive about it, it's because I saw where they were going from those previews and they do go there. I mean, I feel like it's not like as no pun intended as black and white as we're making it, like I do, there probably, I think there is self-loathing, I think there is defensiveness. But I also think it's just, it's not all like negative, like negative nastiness. You know, I guess what the point I was saying about the gay thing is, you know, a lot of times, you know, when we make comments, they're almost like inside jokes with the gay community. You know, it's like it's part of identity where gay men and some of the things we say, I wish I had better examples, to be honest, to illustrate this point. But like when we say things, you know, in a certain way, it's 'cause I'm talking to you, we're two gay guys, we happen to have an audience, you know? And like we make a joke, but you take away the grain of salt. We know a lot of times the things we say, we don't actually mean them 100%. So when Giselle says something like, okay, you can hang out with those white people, but they don't like you, you know, that I think, it's like a tongue-in-cheek sort of like in-joke. I imagine that's how I perceive it. As a tongue-in-cheek in-joke. Except they consider her less in because she's hat, she's biracial. So they don't consider her on the same level. That's my point. Like they're making in-jokes with each other, Robin and Giselle, and I get that, but they're making them towards somebody they consider different from them because of her race. So my issue isn't really any horrible thing that they've said or anything. It's a general attitude of like, you're not black enough, we're blacker than you, and you're not black enough on purpose. Like you're choosing to do all these white things because you're not, like you don't wanna be black. And if somebody suggests biracial, Giselle didn't get mad, but Robin did, like she cannot piss. She's like, no, I have no direct descendants. And it's not even about black and white. It's just the, it's where we are right now in the world. Everybody has their thing. The gays, it is not the same being gay and black, obviously, but you bringing it up, of course, there's similarities because we take each other down constantly over, I mean, our community, but over stupid shit. And I'm guilty of it all the time. Like the Atlantic gays are in these high heels and then and then they're too gay or they're not gay enough or he's in the closet or then and then like I came out. So now everybody has to do it my way. And it's a very human thing that I get. And I think minorities do it in general. But those two just, that's it. I mean, I don't really have that much more to say. I don't think they're evil, I think Giselle's an evil human being, but I don't think they're like evil racists or anything like that. Brody causages. I just think they're ignorant assholes and I think they're probably feeling it. I get what you're saying. You know, it's hard, you know, the philosopher, Levy Strauss, has his whole theory about binary opposites. How? I'm going there. I'm going there. No, but there's this theory, I learned about it in college. And it's actually a really interesting theory that really makes sense in many ways. That like in life, we process things truly in a black and white way. Everything is good versus evil, this versus that. And things that fall in the middle are either sacred or taboo. So being biracial is something that was like a huge example for this theory. And that's what happens because people have a hard time categorizing and they get frustrated when they can't categorize. And so when someone sees someone like Katie, like suddenly she seems to be identifying with her white side more and then sometimes she's identifying with her black side. It's like, well, which one is it? It's frustrating, like, why can't you decide which one? And she shouldn't have to decide. She shouldn't have to decide because both are perfectly valid points, parts of her identity. But in this way, she becomes taboo. In the same way that you look at it like, oh, she's this beautiful-- people say mixed babies are like the most beautiful babies. They have like the best of both worlds. So she's both the sacred and the taboo. And that's really what's going on here. And I think it's a little bit of everything that we're saying. I think that, yes, they are frustrated and they do hold it against her that she won't pick-- I think maybe they do resent that she seems to identify with her white side more. But they shouldn't resent that. But I don't know where I was going with it. But it's interesting. I guess the struggle, I think, that a lot of biracial people have, I imagine. And it's interesting because from what I've heard from light-skinned black people is that this is also a struggle that they deal with. So there probably is a lot of self-loathing because from what we've seen on these shows before, like on Blood, Sweat, and Heels about being light-skinned and how you're considered not black enough or all that stuff. So it's-- Yeah, I find it super-- that's why I find it so interesting because the light-skinned are the most offended or whatever. And I just think that it looks like me, for example, when there's a gay I don't like, I'll list everything I don't like. And it's literally me. It's like a self-loathing, bitchy, snarky person who replaces any kind of a personality with snark. You know, I'll say something like that. And then I realize now, or later, I'm talking about me. So when I see the two light-skinned black people going crazy about or getting defensive about it, I relate to it that way. And I'm like, what are you so defensive about? It's like, what do you have a secret white person in your tree? Oh, no, it's just an interesting time in our history where we've gone backwards. Growing up gay, you couldn't be openly gay where I'm from. Growing up as a kid, that is nuts. And now people are like, yeah, I'm gay. Hell yeah, because it's beyond pride. It's like a huge tribal thing. It's almost like a trend hit, where suddenly it was so OK that there's gay people everywhere. And they're like, fuck yeah, I'm gay. If you don't believe I'm gay, here's my lesbian keychain in your face while I'm trying to order something at Whole Foods in my plaid shirt because it's more of a being an outsider. Everybody realized that we're all outsiders. And so we all found our own little outsider tribe to be a part of. And now it's like our outsider tribe against everybody else's outsider tribe. And we're all trying to pretend we're these outsiders. But we're not. We've all got these huge tribes that we're in with. So yeah, I would like to actually hear Giselle and Robin's rebuttal, so the idea that to basically what you're saying about how they seem to really resent Katie for identifying with both being white and being black. Because I think that they would have an interesting rebuttal, believe it or not. And I think that I think the issue is more complicated than we're even getting to. And it's hard. And we're like, do you like us? Well, we're two white guys. It's not, though. We're two human beings. That's the point. It's not about-- Yes. Yeah, but there's certain things that-- This is a group of black women. So I think it's amazing to see it unfold in a group. Because there is-- But there's certain things that we don't understand. Well, of course. It's the way that certain people would not understand certain dynamics with different gay groups. I'm not saying we don't understand all of it. I'm just saying that's what I'm saying. I would like to hear what their thoughts-- and I would like to hear what our listeners say, too. And I'm hoping that we have properly articulated ourselves and not suck our foot in our mouths and been ignorant or whatever. We can't walk around being fearful of just talking about shit. The whole country is talking about it. We're all in the same place as far as discussion. Well, no, I'm not afraid of talking about it. But I hope that when people listen to this, they're not listening. They're not ready to take out their pitchforks. I hope that if I hope they realize we're not trying to just make blank statements and be ignorant, we're really trying to understand an issue and talk our way through it. And I would really like to hear what other people have to say about it, because it's a fascinating topic. And it's a really multifaceted nuanced topic, too. So I always want to hear more perspectives on these things. Well, I'm sure we're going to hear them next week. The funniest part to me is that we're talking about really important things through the eyes of really stupid people. Yeah, I was about to say, but really, the most important question is, is Michael gay? No. Yes, all I told that man was right, six, four, three. That being said, Katie was truly-- there was something nasty in the way that she was going at Giselle and Robin, because regarding Michael grabbing Andrew's butt, Katie's like, oh, we believe that as much as we believe you guys have no white ancestors. I was like, OK, stop like sort of like brandishing that like as a weapon a little bit. You know, it felt a little-- Well, they started it. I think that she's just been ready for this fight, and she's trying to bring it up at the wrong time. Yeah, I think it's just like pent up. She's like thought of all these things to say to them. It's like after the fact. She's like, oh, I should have said that at that time. I should have said that at that time. And she's kept them all ready to go, and now they're all just like vomiting out of her. Yeah. So next week, we get to see the season finale, which is the entire race fight that we've been leading up to this entire season. So I'm interested to see. And god damn, I'm glad this show's ending soon. Oh, I like it. A whole new crop of shows. I also just want to point out that when Cherise walked Giselle and Robin out to their car when they were leaving the party, that the entire party, the building, was at the top of a large staircase. So Cherise has been over in your chapter. She invited everyone up the staircase. Oh, I didn't even notice that. That's so much. She's going to wake up feeling like such a whore. New chapter. I can't believe I let people walk up my staircase. My 50s are ruined. Chapter 72, 50, and one day. All right, everyone, I'll have to ask. Thanks so much for listening. We will be live next Monday night at the Hollywood Improv Lab. Get your tickets. We will also be on our Google Hangout video chat. This coming Thursday night at 6 p.m. Pacific time. It's a busy week this week, Ben. Oh, yeah, it hurts. So love you guys. Thanks for everything. We will talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] If you like Watch What Crap Inks, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge? Or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of monopoly? 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