Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know, that's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best, waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. This episode is sponsored by Amazon Prime. The holidays are fast approaching, and that means it's time for Prime. If your gift-giving game could use a tune up, check out Amazon's handy gift guides for everyone on your list. And once you find the perfect present, enjoy free, fast shipping on millions of eligible items, with delivery as fast as the very same day you order. Prime also gives you access to a massive selection of movies, TV shows, music and more through Prime Video and Prime Music. However you holiday, Prime's got you covered. Being a Prime member can make this your easiest holiday season yet. Become a member today at Amazon.com/Pride. Because whatever you're into, it's on Prime. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsor, Ms. Christy Doherty. Lovely Christy. Hello and welcome to Watch what Crapins, the podcast about all that crap. We love to talk about on the old Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and I'm here with the gorgeous, talented, richard spirit and skin face or face skin. Ben Mantleker of the B-side Blog at the Bantar Blender podcast. Hey, Benjamoon. Oh, hello, Ronnie. Well, welcome back home. Thank you. I do feel rich in the skin face. The face skin, your rich and face skin. It's golden and beautiful. I actually, I just came back from Mexico, as detailed in our bonus episode, and I'm sad to report that I didn't get a tan except for this one boxy area on my chest. It was like an inverse tan. That's like 80s porn tan. So welcome back from spring break, Ben. Thank you. Our bonus episode was Ben's spring break trip, my lesbian mom weekend, and politics, and OJ. OJ, more importantly OJ. I got to scream and yell about some political idiots. So that was always fun. So if you want those bonus episodes, just go over to patreon.com/watch what Crapins. Those are where all of our bonus episodes are kept. There's 76 of those now. And you can also get ringtones and stuff like that. That's also where you go to put your questions in for the Crapins mailbag, which is coming right up. Also go to facebook.com/watch what Crapins to talk crap during the week as the shows air with other listeners. That's a fantastic page. So many good links are posted there. So go post your links over there. And if you if you listen to the bonus episode and you want to see at least two or three photos from my spring break excursion, I did post them on our Facebook page, just the ones that were bravo relevant. And I say that in the most tenuous way because they really were barely. White jeans. I posted white jeans to make Ronnie mad because of the Yolanda's white jeans. And then I also posted a picture of our inflatable swan that went in our pool and was then later defaced with many penis drawings. Hanky, be nice to Hanky. We were not nice to Hanky. Oh, no one would mess with Hanky. That was pinky. Yeah, that was definitely pinky. Yeah, pinky was defaced. Don't worry everybody. Yeah. Yeah, I did get mad actually because I looked at your white jeans photo. You're having fun in Mexico and I'm stuck at boring lesbian night with a baby. I need to change. So I need to change this up. So everybody, thank you so much for your support. We love you. Yes, we do. And we need to announce our Google Hangout actually, our group Hangout for subscribers. Do you want to do that next Thursday, a week from that? Sure, it's very exciting to be the night before I have to move out of my apartment temporarily. Oh, no. Yeah. Should we change it to a different day? Oh, no, that's fine. Okay, so what day is that? March 22nd, right? Um, no, March 24th. All right, second night of Purim. So Thursday, March 24th, second night of Purim. Purim. Come on over for the subscriber video chat. We just party for an hour or so with you guys. And a lot of our asses off at you. Yeah. Um, maybe I'll set the camera up in my living room and you guys can watch me pack boxes. You should. You'll still have a game night on your packing mat, I'm sure. Probably pack up some titanium. So what do you want to start with today, man? Oh, today's show is Real Housewives of Potomac, Real Housewives of Atlanta's, and the mailbag. So obviously mailbag first day. Well, you know, actually what I want to talk about, Ronnie, is how, you know, a lot of people might think me, a web designer, hardly. But I just created a fantastic looking website using Weebly. And I still can't believe how easy Weebly makes it. Yeah. Weebly was created for people with the courage to start their own business and the dream to be their own boss. Again, you don't need to be a web designer or know how to code to create a beautiful website, blog, or online store. So we're all, we're all including those of you already on the Weeb's. We are all impressed with the wide variety of professionally designed, mobile-friendly themes to choose from. Then you just simply drag and drop to quickly build and publish your site too easy. And you can customize it. It's not just a form that you're stuck with forever. Customize it, update it, change it anytime you want to on any device. So yeah, any device. So join over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free at Weebly.com/watch. That's W-E-E-B-L-Y dot slash com. What am I saying? I broke W-E-E-E-B-L-Y dot com slash watch. Weebly dot com slash watch. He is and thank you Weebly for using this. Thanks, Weebly. Weebly is the long lost daughter of Don from Real House was a Cheshire. I want to name my new daughter Weebly. She can play with Dobby. Was that Dobby or was it Weebly? We miss your Cheshire. Cheshire is about to start its third season over there. Magali free, by the way. Not okay. Where's Magali? I don't know. I guess she just got fed up with those dumb bitches. To that I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They say Magali come back. I say no, no, no, no. This is the sound of me not coming back. Blam, blah, blah, blah. Magali don't take sides. Magali is Magali. Magali almost crossed the street. Okay, wait for car. Sound of Magali walking away. No, I say. Magali walk right down the street. Because Magali don't take sides. Magali is Magali. Hey, Bravo or whoever is in charge of this shit. Stop holding back on the other housewives. Okay, this is now Cheshire. We're missing and we're missing the season of Melbourne. Get with that. I need to talk about these wenches. Please bring them back to America. You know you're listening. Get them on the air or else. I know that you're an intern working for Bravo. You person with your headphones on. Just listening to see what nasty shit we say. That's all we care about. Okay, tell your boss. Yeah, go. In fact, take off your headphones. Not right now. You have to finish listening to what I'm saying. But you walk, you take off your headphones and you walk right into your boss's office and say, "Hey, I'm an intern. I have ideas." And the very first idea I have is to bring Melbourne back onto the air. Okay. Okay. And then Ramona walks in. Whoa, whoa, this is crazy. This reminds me this one time when I was a little girl. I remember I got lost in New York City and I wound up walking into NBC and I walked into a development meeting and I said, "Whoa, this is crazy. There should be a TV show about all the taxes outside." And they said, "Okay, we're gonna make taxi." But then I think it was on CBS. So I don't know whatever happened to it. But Geraldine Parson Smith came and said, "No, that's a bad idea." So she canceled taxi and NBC for me. And it never got made for NBC and went to CBS. I can't even listen to it. I can't even look at a taxi anymore because one time at dinner, it was my parents' anniversary. And my mom said, "Happy anniversary, honey." And my father threw a pearl necklace at a head. And so now I can't watch any show with Danny DeVito is married to real Pearlman. There, okay? I said it, okay? This one time I saw Judd Hirsch and I said, "Hey, you look like the one from taxi." And he's like, "I am the one from taxi." I said, "That's so crazy." Because I was the one who came up with that TV show and he said, "That's crazy." And I said, "No, it's not crazy. It's Ramona." So to this day, every time I see Judd Hirsch, I get mad that he doubted me, okay? I don't know what I'm... I'm going to NBC the day to tell them about the show called Uber, okay? Could you imagine Ramona? She's like, "Okay, let's try taxi again." This time it's an irregular car, okay? Okay, best thing is going to star in it, okay? It's not going to be Mary Lou. Mary Lou, what's her face anymore, okay? Mary Lou Hinner. I'm still afraid every time I eat dairy because Mary Lou Hinner is like, "That will make you fat for the rest of your life." And I'm like, "God damn it, but I love milk." I think of it every time she said it on like Oprah, I think, a zillion years ago. I know, I remember it was 1998, she had her book, and it was like, "If your shit sinks the bottom of the toilet, then you're not eating right." What the hell, lady? My shit is exhausted, okay? That's the best part. That's the best part is when they sink down, like if it's like good, just falls out easily. That's the best part, Mary Lou Hinner. Don't you know anything about shit? That's easy cleanup. I hope Mary Lou Hinner doesn't listen to this because she's going to be like, "Yeah, that's true. And now I eat dairy again, and now I'm dead." Something awful is going to happen. She's going to bar fun herself. Oh, good. By the way, if you're wondering why we're already Looney Tunes, it's because we're recording later than usual, which means our brands are already gone. Yeah, exactly. I think we all know that when we don't record during our normal hours, things go crazy. Hence me rambling about Ramona developing taxi versus for NBC before it went to CBS. How many podcasts does Mary Lou Hinner end up on these days? You know, we did a good thing. That's true. Was taxi on NBC or CBS? Yes, I don't even remember. Remember, I couldn't with that show. It's a bunch of poor people walking around a garage. Fuck that show. I hate it. That was a funny show. Excuse me. Hate it, Ed. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's day class A. That's my show. To her, she just looks so sad all the time. I mean, I guess that's the point, but... Oh, you know what? By the way, it was on NBC. It was on NBC. Oh, there you go. Now we can continue. Now life goes on. Now life goes on. One less mystery in life. You know what was on NBC? La, la, la, la, life goes on. Patty LaPone singing "Life Goes On." That's what was mine. I don't even get that reference. Patty LaPone in the show "Life Goes On" with Corky. Oh, she was on that show? Yeah, she was the mom. And she also sings the theme song. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, life goes on. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I really saw that show. I really saw that show once. So, I had a LaPone's amazing. Just listen to anything, Patty LaPone. And all the way down the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line. La, la, la, la, life goes on. I almost have to look it up now. "Life Goes On" theme song. I have to hear it from myself. Self now. The life goes on. It's too long. It's too long for this podcast. I'm sorry. But, um, I'm waiting for everybody's waiting. There's so many people waiting to hear the life goes on. They were already in minute 10. We haven't talked about Bravo even when. No, that's why I feel bad. I don't want to play the-- I don't want to play the "Life Goes On" theme. Two minutes long. That's too long. It's too long. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know one other random thing that I'm going to say to make this podcast way longer than it needs to be? Last week, this is really old news, but I had these screenshots saved on my computer and just never brought it up. Camille Grammer last week. I think I mentioned, like, you know, when the finale's coming because all the old slag start coming out of the woodwork to get attention, you know, like the fired ones. They're like, "Oh, but I'm also selling lipsticks." Like, you're fired like three years ago. Shut up. But Camille Grammer, of course, did that last week. And she started going off and she posted an article from the Hollywood Reporter talking about attorney Roy Black. This is like, I guess, a gossip section. It's talking about Beaver, but then it moves into... Black has represented Rush Limbaugh for whom he was able to get charges of doctor shopping dropped. Following the radio host's well-publicized battle with prescription drugs, Kelsey Grammer, after the actor, was accused of statutory rape and race car driver and dancing with the star's champ, Helio, blah, blah, blah. So she posted that and then she went on this tweet tear of Kelsey and it was so, so good. She said, "Someone's like, I hope you're okay." And she said, "Oh, yeah, he was represented by @LeahBlackMiami's husband." I was like, "You're really going to go up against Leah right now on Twitter. She'll rip you to shreds." Yeah, you can barely spell a tweet. This woman writes books. So she started responding to it. Leah didn't think. Leah is smart enough to just be like, "Fuck her." I thought Leah did respond. Oh, not in what I read. What did she say? Who tell me? No, it wasn't anything. It was like nothing. It was like nothing. It was like a look, but I don't think it was anything. Thanks for your support, Camille. Why is a red lawyer? How fun is that? She's going to invoice her for that tweet. So Camille went on this tear about Kelsey, and these are all out of order, but they don't need to be in order. It's just Camille babbling. So going through the house and cleansing, releasing energy, he's up to no good at the moment. Trust me, can't say much more. I'm excited to see Beverly Hills support gynecological cancer awareness next week on Beverly Hills. Thank you, Bravo, Evolution, Andy, Heart, and the Housewives Heart. Wait, where is her Kelsey stuff? Yes, a couple of years before I was married, I didn't know until a month before we got married, made me take a pause, or made me take pause, except you still married him. This is a statutory rape thing. I almost, I'm almost completely moved out of the house that we had together, rather freeing. Girl, that's because you can't afford that house. That's like a 50 million dollars a month. Shut up. Yeah. Slocked and proud. You were in that house from sleeping with somebody. You knew Bona babysitter who was underage. This info was in an article that was published when Justin Bieber hired Roy also. Kelsey had a sexual encounter with his daughter's babysitter. The girl was a young teenager. He was in his late 30s. He hired Roy Black. Small world. And then she, I don't need to go through all these, but you get the gist. And then Kelsey said some conservative, he made some conservative tweet, and she's like, "Really? Does your god like you sleeping with teenage babysitters?" Kelsey, what does he think about that? Mr. Morality. I love you, Twitter. I know, I love it. Sloppy fights. Exactly. And so far, I can't really find anything that Lea had responded to Camille with, but she did ask her, she did tweet like yesterday and said, "Camille, Diemme." With a little flower. Oh wait, she said what? Camille, Diemme. It's hard to do. Diemme. It's hard to do a short phrasing. This is ridiculous. Why don't you just send me a direct message? Why does everyone out there know where you are? Just a direct message me! Yeah, that's the big Camille Graham's news. Yeah, but don't worry about her, you guys, because she also tweeted, "Don't be read for..." I don't know what that means. "Don't be read for..." "I'm empowered. I am women. Hear me roar!" So Camille is not only woman, she is women. Okay? She's multiple women. She's... You go, girl. She's every woman. She's like Chaka Khan and Winnie Houston. She's every woman. No, she's every woman. Oh, Camille. I am every multiple of women. It's only me. I'm woman squared! Lea Black just trying to get in on the woman empowerment. Sister, how are you doing it for themselves? You don't have to tell me about power, right? But selling makeup out of my trunks? And tomorrow I was 30! How fun is that? What a wonderful world. All right, let's move on to Captain Smell Bay. Captain's mailbag. We have so many questions. Well, let's start with... Let's start with Daffy 1, 2, 2, 7. Who we already like because she's got 227 in her username. And Daffy. I love the name Daffy. It is... You know what? A lot of good things happening in that username. Double F's. 2, 2, 7. Daffy. Yeah, and she made 2, 2, 7, number one. Yeah. She basically says, "I have to do Miss Jews, I have to do them, honey!" My number one show is 227. That's what 1227 means. Oh, pearl. So Daffy says... She goes, "Crapin's mailbag. I just moved up from $2 to $5 just so I could ask questions. Yay, thank you, Daffy, 1227." She goes, "I have two questions. I see so many places to eat on real houses at Beverly Hills. Name five places a person should eat or visit, based on locations used by real houses at Beverly Hills or Shaw's. And then second, if the real house husbands were created, which five men would the main cast be?" So let's start with the first one. Places based on locations on Beverly Hills, well, obviously one must always go to Sur and to Pump, right? Do you get the full experience? Yeah, of course. Because you've never seen a planter as big as the planters at Pump. True. You don't know how awkward it is eating on the floor in black lighting. Until you go to Sur. You just don't understand. You just will never understand how wonderful electro-Argentinian tango sounds while eating goat cheese balls at Sur. You will never understand what it's like to be 300 pounds eating on your knees with a bunch of tourists who look like they're about to call the hospital in pain. And do what you mean at Sur. You will never understand what it's like to see one or two of the toms from afar at Sur and get excited and want to say, "Look, there's one of the two of the toms." And then you see a bunch of tourists doing the same thing, and then you're really embarrassed that you're just like all the tourists, unless you go to Sur and Pump. Unless you're mean, you're just humping their legs and calling them idiots to their face. Well, you're trashed. That's how to do it. Okay, whatever restaurant you pick, just get sloppy and make fun of them. That's what they're there for. Yes. I think I can tell you some places not to go to. There's a place called Chai. Chai. Veranda and lounge on Sunset. How's that spelled? It's X-A-I. And it's the Shah's love going there. And every time I walk by, it just smells like stale hookah. Disgusting, so don't go there. It smells like MJ's mom that place. The Shah's go to some of the worst. They're like, "This would have fluorescent lighting?" Because that's what Persians need. Lights at a fluorescent and really bright. Everywhere they eat, there's like fluorescent Home Depot lighting in there. There is like a trail of closed-down restaurants everywhere they've gone. Like as soon as the Shah's go to a restaurant, you know it's only got two more months to live. It's like the rings. They're like the ring for restaurants. Like MJ trying to crawl out of toilet. Once you see the Shah's, you last two more months and then you die if you're a restaurant. MJ. Someone help him take it out of the toilet. She can't kill anybody in there. The only way to have your restaurant survive is if you show us to a new restaurant. That little girl from the ring. Well, that's so white, okay? Okay, home girl. Like Persians, we get stuck in the toilet. Like only white girls can just crawl out of a toilet, okay? That's so Persian. Like for like white people, they just love like bursting through your TV. But Persians are like, "We'll just show up on your couch." That's so Persian. So what other restaurants are there? I'd imagine they're like Ro-Roe's chicken spans because any like Middle Eastern person loves that. That's fast food, Middle Eastern. But I haven't seen them actually eat there. But if you want a Shah style place, go get you some Ro-Roe's, y'all. Ro-Roe's is really good. Yeah, I feel like they generally don't go to good places. They usually go to places that need the business, right? Do you have a patio completely open with no other customers for four hours? That Lisa Rina can talk about an egg white omelet in. We'll be there. Actually, the Real Housewives, I believe that Catherine and Lisa had lunch at Sweet Butter in the Valley. And that place is good for brunch. And my boyfriend loves their chicken and waffles there. So if you want good chicken and waffles aside from Roscoe's, which is what I love, you can go to Sweet Butter in the Valley. What in Roscoe's is a bit dry. Really? Yeah. I don't like their fried chicken. It's too dry for me. I love their waffles. I actually mainly go there for their waffles. Oh, waffles. I love a waffle. Me too. Their waffles are so good. Alright, whatever she got on here. So what, if the Real House husbands were created, which five men would be in the main cast? Peter. Peter, Peter's brewing this brew. And I think Mauricio, perhaps? Mauricio, yeah. Mauricio would take Kyle's role where he just, everything has to be advertising something he's selling. Yeah. And, you know-- They all have to wear hats that say the agency on it. Yeah. And my, so that he never has to talk about his real personal life and how much to help his haters ask for stealing their business. I would like it if David were on it, because he would just be skittish in the background. His eyes don't even left a right to see if Shen's going to show up. David would be so good. We're basically, well, Mauricio is not a teeter, but so far we've picked two teeters. Yeah, well, I think they're all teeters. That's why none of these real housewife relationships never work out. Okay, so that's three. Who else would be a good house has? Oh, well, Tom, Gerardi, Don Rickles. Oh, yeah. That's one right there. Shut up. I'd like to see him take down Peter. Go to your room, David. What? There? Here? I'm sorry. Go to your room. Be careful. There's a Erica Jane, like, super fan who was trolling my blog. And I actually had to block them because, I mean, I don't mind if they troll my blog, but then they started saying racist shit. And I thought, mmm, this probably shouldn't. Oh, they were. What were they leaving comments on different recap? Well, because, I mean, I, no, I posted a picture on Facebook of, it said, it basically, like, someone left a comment pretending to be Erica Jane. It was from the Netherlands. And it was tempting to think it was Yolanda, but it was not. And comment was, "saddest blog ever." Which was kind of funny. And I was like, yeah, it is pretty sad these days. So I posted that. I posted that on the Facebook page because I thought it was funny. Because obviously it was not Erica, but I thought it was funny to think that Erica could be trolling my blog. And using her real name. Yeah. But then the user then started leaving comments under that one, used with different, like, different usernames. And they were like, I totally agree, Erica. This is such a shitty blog. What a boring game. Bored games. And then they used another username. And they were like, you're just a black dick lover. You just love your black. Why don't you spread your ass cheeks for some black dick? Oh my god. You're just only like the black dick. You're just a black dick fairy. It was like, really? Oh my god. That's nasty. I'm like, okay, that may be true. But you're saying it from a place of hate. I like when people use true stuff against you. They're like, oh yeah? You like muffins? Muffin' lover. I'm like, yes, actually. I don't think you. But you could use less vitriol. That would be great. Yeah, they're like, you're the lamest gay ever. You love board games and black cock. I was like, okay. But it was actually, it was like nasty. It's like pretty nasty. And also, by the way, all from the same IP address in the Netherlands. So I blocked them. Yeah, well, what can you do? Can you do? You're a, well, if that person were actually an astute listener of the podcast, they know that we actually like Erica. Yeah, somewhat. I'm ready for her to be completely hateable, but she haven't really gotten there yet. For me, anyway. Yeah. I know she's going to be an asshole, though. I don't love her, though. I don't love her. You like her no more than me, I think. I don't love her. I don't think she's great, but I don't hate her. I like that she's on the show. I think she's super entertaining to watch, even though she has zero sense of humor. Yeah, exactly. But I like that about her. I like that she tries to like, act like this cool girl, but she's really like a stuck up, no sense of humor, dumb dumb. I love that. I love a fault. Get rolled. Okay. So Betsy asks, Ben, Ronnie, longtime listener, since the Mattwood field days. Love that Ronnie and I share an El Paso past. And she says, "Tris, talker, love you." What? Sorry, I was just saying, Betsy Luna, I love you. Oh, yep. And oh, that's Betsy Luna. Betsy. And she just ended up, Ben is just so thinking smart with his esoteric references. Yes. Like when I made a reference to taxi. If you need an intelligent Billy Ocean joke, Ben's talking. Ben, listen, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Am I right? So. She's Sonya Betsy goes on to say, "I'm an OB/GYN physician. Pretend you are me." And then she goes, "Ha, lucky are you." And you have to see the following patients in your office for a gyne visit. How would the interaction go? So start with Orange County. Vicki has a pesky rash after night at Andalez. Pretend you are an OB/GYN. OB/GYN, Ronnie. Okay. You want me to be your option and you be Vicki? Oh, actually, I should be the OB/GYN because you would do a better Vicki than I do. Oh, like a terrible Vicki. But I'll be glad to do it. Oh, hey here. Glad to see you have a job. You know, that's good. You know, all positive things. Vicki, can you tell me a little bit more about what you might have been doing at Andalez that could have led up to this rash situation? Were you grinding on any objects? No, of course not. Am I my dad? I did not have sex with multiple balls of chips. Whether, did you have any unprotected sex? Look, all I did, you know, some people in the blags, you know, they're saying that I'd like grind it on a table and did this and that. I didn't. I was trying to pick up a chip with my Hura and it got kind near. That's all. Stop accusing me. Okay. Now we have Beverly Hills. Rinna has a troublesome discharge. Oh my gosh. Okay. So that paper towel is just for now. I am going to prescribe you some medication though. Do you have any idea maybe how you got this, Miss Rinna? Well, listen, I've been around a long time, baby. I don't even know the things I've rubbed my, you know, what down onto. I mean, I wear a diaper for crying out loud. I actually do know a lot of the things because I just ran a pap smear. And there's bits of Diet Coke Cannon here. Can you explain that? Oh, well, yes. So Harry Hamlin asked me, "Do you want a Diet Coke Cannon?" I said, "Do I want a Diet Coke Cannon?" I needed as much as I needed up in my vagina. And he'd last, so I just shoved it up there. Okay. This is so bizarre. Bethany is having hot flashes. Okay. I'll give, I'll be the doctor again. Okay. No, you're not dying. It's just a good old fashioned thing called menopause. I mean, it's just, it's crazy. It's like, it's hot and it's cold and then it's like hot. And I'm like, is it, is the temperature need to go up? Like, I don't get it. Like, is it, is there a temperature thing? Is it the room? Is it me? Like, what is this temperature anyway? Like, what is hot? Like, is it hot or cold? I mean, I'm from Florida. I mean, it's hot. Everything's hot. It's humid, okay? It's so humid. But it's like, it's cold in New York. So it's like, I don't get it. Like, I don't understand what this is all about. Like, what's the weather here? It's like, it's like, when things are hot, do am I hot? Or is it hot, like, temperature? Or is it, if I have a hot flash, I mean, I'm sweating? Like, I don't get it. I don't see it. I don't understand the brand. I mean, like, if we have to talk about this weather, like, this temperature anymore, like, literally, my walls are going to be up, like, I'm going to be on the floor crying. But it's just like, kill me right now. I might, like, just, I just want to get off. Get off? My jock, okay? Okay, let me explain this in a way that you can understand. What you have is branded very, very well. It's called old age, okay? Deal with it, lady. Get the hell out of my office. Get out of here, Beth. Okay, I'll take a lollipop. Okay, okay. I'm seeing it right now. Okay, so, okay. Age, skinny girl, margarita. Like, old age, skin girl margarita, vintage, barrel. Great. Okay, like, see this I get. This makes sense. Like, I understand this. I don't understand. Doctor, where are your buyers? I don't understand. Where are your buyers? Where's your medicine going to go in Macy's? Like, what part of Macy's is it going to go in? I don't see it. I don't understand it. That's just questions. Because I care. I care. So, just like, shut up. Please shut up. Clear her from from the office. Clear her. Literally, literally, I'm going to be on the floor crying. Okay, literally. Walls are up. Walls are up. Just be pouring hydrogen peroxide all over your head until you were clear. Yeah. Oh, Beth, do me. Yeah. I don't know if we have to do anything. We do three of these. There are many more of these. But we can give those for another minute. Should we do one more question? Sure. Let's see. One more question. One more night. Give me just one more night. Oh, this is a nice easy one. Lorraine Andrews says, dearest R&B. I love it. Once again, I love that we're a musical genre. A pretty generic question. But if you both won the lottery, would you still do the podcast? And she says, side note, I got my mom, Christine, addicted to your podcast. And she's in love with both of you. We're in California a lot. And she wants to take you out to lunch next time we're there. I told her you most likely weren't into random women from Boston. Taking them out to eat. However, Christine thinks otherwise. I told her I would ask. She's actually pretty funny. Hi, Christine. Christine, the dots. Let's get this up. So, wait, what's the question? If you won the lottery, would you still do that? If I won the, yeah, short-term memory is gone. If I won the lottery, I would find a better drug than weed because it's eating all of my brain cells gone. Yeah, they're gone. If I won the lottery, yeah, I would still do the podcast. I was doing it before for no money. I'd do it again. I love to talk shit. Yeah, I'm totally due to it. I need to get these feelings off my chest. Me too. I get to yell about really, really serious things in a stupid, stupid genre. I love it. Yeah, plus I'm a total narcissist. So, every time you guys tell us how funny we are, like all the good things we do, or how your mom, Christine, wants to take us to lunch, like that honestly just like makes my day. You're like a real housewife. You live for the likes. I do, I do, I do. It's not for the money. It's for the insta-likes. It's so sad. What can I say? I've got low self-esteem. No, Ben. I love when hot people have low self-esteem. I'm very supportive of that. You go, Ben. Oh, well, thank you for suggesting that I might be hot. But I just had a double cheeseburger in WeHo at Five Guys. And I watched people, like these guys with rippling muscles walk by. And I've really in a state of self-loathing at the moment. Someone asked me, "Why do you live in West Hollywood if you don't want to work out and you want to wear crocs and socks every day and look like a bum?" And I said, "That's why I want to live in West Hollywood." It's like the ultimate fuck you. Like, I'm a walking fuck you to all these queens. And I love it. It feels amazing. You see? I would do a podcast about anything. I'll stand in front of the 7-Eleven, just make in front of the queens going back and forth. See, I am easily shamed. Like, I got shamed by a machine yesterday or on Sunday. What happened? Well, when I was coming back from Mexico, when you go through customs now, there's like this little kiosk where you have to answer questions. And then it like takes a picture of you and spits out like a Wall Street Journal sketch of your face. And the sketch, like, first of all, it was like such an awful, awful photo/sketched thing. It was so terrible in so many ways. And I was like, "Oh my god." I have to go back to the gym. I have to fix my hair. I have to shave. I have to do all these things. This is terrible. Like, the machine has shamed me. Oh, I will not be shamed by a machine. I haven't threw my scale away. I was like, "Bye." I'm constantly shamed by machines. Like, that's how Terminator will happen. Because the machines, well, they won't have to even aim a gun at me. They just have to shame me. And I'll be like, "You take over now. Take over." It's not called "Bye." Spent my whole life worrying about everything. And then one day I was like, "Who cares? Fuck it." And then I found Little Caesar's $5 hot and ready. He's gained 100 pounds. And I've never been happier. Well, I do have to say, when I was eating my five guys cheeseburger, I was extremely happy. Especially since Shake Shack, the first Shake Shack in California opened up this morning like a block away from five guys. And there are like 500 people in line over there. And I'm like, "You know, Shake Shack is really good, but you can come to five guys." And it's pretty much like, like, negligible. Like, maybe if it's not as good as Shake Shack, it's like, negligibly less good. Ellie's so stupid. They're like, "Look, it's Shapes and a burger." Wow, you guys. Wow. Have you ever been out of your fucking house? Do you remember when you used to be cream open here? And there were lines around the block for months. It was a dark donut, yeah. By the way, I love that you just used the Gonzo voice. To describe Shake Shack fans. You know why? Because I was in the car the other day with my bestie Trisha. Who talks like that. And her boyfriend goes, "Oh my God, look. There's a Shake Shack opening." And she goes, "Wow, that's like awesome. It's like a Shake Shack." And I was like, "Yeah." That's what he said, donning it. Damn town. I'm so excited about a milkshake. Go to McDonald's fucking idiots. I'm excited to go to Shake Shack, but you know, but my one fear is, I'm like, "Well, I'll just wait till the line goes down." And then I remembered, I don't think the line ever does go down at Shake Shack. Aren't there still like epic lines in all New York City? Yeah, I think you still have to wait in line because, you know, a $10 milkshake. That's something you can-- What are you going to Instagram your $10 milkshake? Shut up with your stupid expensive milkshake. I want to don't-- That's a ice cream in your blender. I want a milkshake so badly. You probably wouldn't be very good for my brat diets. Oh, who cares? No dieting allowed. You're back from spring break. Eat something. No, no, it's the brat diet is bananas, rice. It's fresh. Bananas, rice, apple sauce, and toast, as recommended to me by Angie. Angie, Thomas, our frequent guest host. Because that's what you use when you come back from Mexico and you have diarrhea. Oh darling, get some resolve and throw up like a pain buddy else. Listen, I can't complain about feeling overweight while I am shitting my brains out at the same time. My body is reacting on its own. That's fine. You're so different. It's hilarious. When I sat down to do this episode, I unbuttoned my pants because I can't wait. And I just unbuttoned them. Because I was like, I'm not buying new pants and I'm not going to go on a diet. So I'm just going to walk around with unbuttoned pants. Maybe it'll solve itself. Maybe it won't. I don't give a fuck. OK? I don't give a fuck. Oh, come on. Fuck. So what do you want to talk about first? Oh wait, we're going to have to save that segment till after a show because we're like 35 minutes in. We've got to talk about something. Well, we're going to talk about-- well, we don't have to do officially our closing sounds. Oh, yeah. Buy mail bag. Bye. We must close up the mail bag. So why don't we move on to the season finale of Atlanta, right? Atlanta, why do I have notes for Pomp Rules? That is not till next week. I mean, till next episode. Let me close that up. Close it. Close. Clear. Clear it. Atlanta. Atlanta, I cannot believe this was the season finale of Atlanta. How is it already over? It was episode 20. So I guess it was. It's true. Yeah. Girl, you know it's true. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I want you. No, ooh, ooh. Was it I love you? I thought I was like, want you. I don't know. I don't know where it's to anything. I just know the-- I don't listen to lyrics. OK. Real housewives of Atlanta. Are you saying you want me to lead for it? Yeah, because I was-- when I was watching it, I was like running to the toilet every five minutes. So-- Rat diet. Rat diet. Well, what a great time to bring up the fact that this episode opens with Phaedra cooking a stick of butter. That's a great-- that is a great time. That's how it opened. Phaedra putting a whole stick of butter in a pan. It was like, yes. She's going to be having a party with Dwight, who is skinny anorexic Karen without a wig. Yeah. For a holiday party, winter, wonderland, fabulously freaky Phaedra. I don't even know. So even when I'm writing down Phaedra notes, I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. Like what? Wouldn't they? Wonderland fabulously freaky Faye. Faye, hey, Resnick. You look beautiful, by the way. If I've offended anybody, I sure am sorry. You get better now, Major. Do you feel better now? Dwight. So she calls Dwight to brainstorm and come up with new ideas. I just wrote LOL. I have nothing really to say about that. I just imagine that this is what I imagine when she calls up Dwight. I imagine the introduction to the Tales of the Crypt. These things moving out of the way, and then the Cryptkeeper answers his phone like, finally, they want me again. I think this is how Dwight answers. She's like, ring, ring. And he's like, hello. It's like a Dracula met the Cryptkeeper. You don't have Dwight. Dwight has that gay journey voice. Like everything he says is a journey that you have to go on with him. Even though he's just saying like, it's hot outside. He'll be like, it's hot outside. Well, he lilts, you know. He does a lot of lilting as if he's from like some movie from 1956. Don't you worry. This party is going to be the most amazing talk of the town. Jitterbug, fitterbug. Doodity-doo. She's like, mmm, that's what I want. It's like two nonsensical idiots talking to each other. Stupid Dwight. It's quiet. So then we may... Oh, what were you going to say? No, nothing, nothing, nothing. No, I want to give it to me. I was going to do like a run. About Dwight getting nine birthday cakes, but it's not worth it. Get like nine snow cones or something for the holiday party. But I got baby Jesus a cake of course, 'cause it was his birthday. But what did the shepherd get? They traveled all that way. And you know I love a shepherd. I'm going to get 26 different cakes. And we're going to put them all into an advent calendar. This is 2016. If you give somebody freaking sense in Murr, especially as a baby, you'll be run out of town, girl. Girl, I have your Partridge and your pear tree. You know me, I love a pear. Okay. Candy and Todd and Todd's giant tiny penis truck. Who's next? Uh, Todd, last week, Candy insisted that Todd has a big one. And this week we're watching Todd try and get into that little fella, trying to get into his giant tiny penis truck. Yeah. Now, Todd's penis. It's pretty big. Riley, Riley, look at your stepfather's penis. He's not overcompensating for his penis. See, he's overcompensating for his height. Okay, better. Like, I won't start. Candy kills me. I don't know. They were wearing matching clothes. I don't want to worry care about this stuff, but they were both driving a Navy blue, which I thought was weird. And he had to lift Candy into the truck. And she's like, I'll hold back in my body, Bob. I mean, I'll welcome my body back. Candy, which body? You mean last year, two years ago, body season one body. What body do you want back? We've seen you eat three entrees a meal. There is no body you're getting back, all right? See now, Riley, she got the right idea. She has a good body, but I won't have Riley's body. But see now, I don't know if I can get to that body. I'm starting to veer into Aaron Neville territory. She gets like that, especially when she's, I miss her crying. I wish we've seen her cry because I like her goat cry her. Like a straw coming in and out. I don't want to have just like two plopjacks for breakfast. So next up is Porsche and Candy. Oh, why am I talking like Phaedra? Every time I see Porsche, I say Phaedra. What the hell? So Porsche and, no, wait, who is this? Porsche went over to Phaedra's house. Okay, I don't know. I don't even know what I was doing when I was writing, isn't it? So Porsche and Phaedra, because Phaedra was making like super potato sauce. Soup play. Soup play. Oh, by the way, I saw a Patty Lebel commercial today in the laundromat and laughed my ass off. Oh, yeah? Oh, she's so funny. She's like, oh, you want some cornbread? I'm like, oh my god, Patty. Calm down over there, Patty. You're like, calm down, Patty. The answer, of course, is yes. You're deliberate or shut up, lady. So I might, Sig, I don't know what that means. That river dance shit. Oh, she's like, at my holiday party, I'm thinking of having a dance. I might dance for everybody, because she's trying to top herself in her stupid parties. Yeah. And Porsche is like, river dance. That river dance shit where they kick themselves in the butt. So Phaedra starts hinting around. She's like, I'm going to ask Chrissy to dance with me, because you know, you know how he is. He's a dancer. He's like, yeah, he's a dancer. You know, he dances. I'm like, he literally dances, where he's trying to make it sound like criticism. I know. She's like, he knows how to put one foot in front of the other in rhythm, if you know what I'm saying. Now, you know what I heard about Chrissy through the grapevine, which is a dance move, honey. Yes, we got it. Ooh, be careful with my hot potatoes here, which is also a dance move, a hot potato. Porsche is like, I got those pretty much just at first. And then I said, it deals not worth it. So I paid for boobs. I made a deal with the devil. Deviled eggs. Deviled eggs. Candy and Todd again. So blah, blah, they're kind of boring, right? Yeah, they've kind of like faded to the background of the show. I mean, I get that she's like hugely pregnant, so I don't expect that much. But please keep Todd away from me and stop spending your entire season talking about some old lady gang spin-off. I know. You know it's going to come. It's going to be like, they're opening up a restaurant and having a baby, isn't this week on Candy's restaurant, baby? And then Don Juan's going to be off-telling off Cracker Barrel waitresses. You got to get to your posts. Jeff Ben, get to your posts. Cokehead Don Juan is the manager. I already brought you your potatoes. What else do you want from me? You only get customers. We don't have bread baskets here. Okay, and you don't need the carbs anyway. That's so good to be a Cracker Barrel. They're going to even sell like quilts in the gift shop and like books on tape that you can take on your cross-country drive and return at the next old lady gang store. It will be Don Juan reading books. Call me Ahab. Bitchy readings. Bitchy readings of literature by Don Juan. I said, "Scarlet, A, what the hell are you talking about, bitch?" It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I remember what type of times was it. It was the best of the worst. I don't get it. Please, sir, can I have some more? I said, please. Okay, so they're going to visit the dead mom. Hilarious, sorry, sorry that this all led up to a dead mom, but there you have it. She's still dead. Yes, Sharon, Miss Sharon. But I like that Sharon is so tough that even her headstone is hands coming up and it looks like they might be praying, but they could also smack you right in the face. Those hands. Oh, yeah, she's just waiting for mama joys to come visit. Then she's going to totally carry her ass out of the grave with her hands, because to grab onto mama joys is a weave, and just slam her into the tombstone. That was one last for me. I love her. I miss her voice. Todd was saying, "Well, I miss my mama because she was my mom," which, of course, he does. And then they cut to the scene. He's like, "My mom wouldn't take shit from nobody." And then it cuts to her. And I was like, "Please let it be telling off." Mama joys, but it wasn't. It was just like, "I hope that I'm alive for a long time." Or whatever. And then I was like, "Thanks a lot, depressing editors." This is a perfect moment to put in about how she almost cut joys. Bad edit. Yeah, my mom was always the last party. No one wants to remember Todd's mother not hitting somebody. Yeah. Portia and Candy, why don't I keep saying this? Portia and Phaedra back together again. They were saying, "Vage." Okay, so now the gossip, which Portia at least tries to do subtly, even though she's not subtle, but she's like, "Yeah." I was at Tish Nation today, and we got these emails and this story about the fair season motorcycle from Candy. And Phaedra's like, "Well, I haven't even heard anything about that. I've been out of town, girl." Really? What a coincidence. Yeah, she's like, "I've been out of town. I'm about out of town. I mean, you know, talking with federal prosecutors and telling them where the rest of the pile of stuff is." But you know, this episode, they tried to make this into a thing, like, "Oh gosh, the feds came and got the stuff out of Candy's garage." And Phaedra may have sent them. I don't think either woman really cared. Like, Candy was like, "No, they can't." So, now I have to be like, "Brah, let's get out of the garage." Candy did say that she thinks Phaedra did it. Yeah, but I don't think- I don't think that Candy cares, though, that much. Right? I mean, Candy just like- I don't think Candy even liked having that stuff there in the first place, right? Wasn't it Todd who put it there? Yeah, but she's always going to stick up for Apollo because of her husband, because she's always going to take her own husband's side. And also because she has family members in jail, and she doesn't like that Phaedra is like, "My kids aren't going to jail." So, Candy kind of cut her off, I think. Even though she's nice, she'll always be nice, but I think she's done with her for a role. Yeah, you know what? I think last week someone in the Crap-ins mailbag asked like, "Do you think there are any times when we're not seeing the real story on TV?" Like, we talked about like Bethany and Jill, etc. Probably Candy and Phaedra, there's probably some stuff that's not on there that's contributing to their distance, for sure. Yeah, because you never know with Phaedra. She's really good at that whole Phaedra thing. Yeah. So, Portia was cracking me up- Can you believe that? Hola, hola, hola, hola. Hola, hola, hola. It's like they knew something. Yeah, maybe they have Bravo, because we saw this on the air last year. I mean, what the hell? It's not like it's a big surprise. Everybody with the TV knows that Candy is holding his shit. Yeah. Um, and Phaedra probably did- Look, it's not beyond Phaedra to call the feds. But I don't even think she would waste that time. She was probably being questioned about assets, because she's still married to him and was like, "Well, if you want them, go get them. They're in this garage, which I wouldn't blame her for." Yeah, I don't think- I think it's sort of like a whole- I think it's like a non-issue, you know? I think people are trying to make it. Yeah, she drives the worst. Okay, we'll get to that. We'll get to Kenya's the worst. So, I was out of town, so- Oh yeah, and then Portia. I don't know if I told you, but Peter and Cynthia have some stuff too. I'm like, "Oh, Jesus, Portia." She's like trying to make it. I just love that Apollo just has all his junk at everyone's houses. I would never, honestly, like that's ridiculous. He's like going to jail. I'm not going to hold your stuff, put it in storage. And Phaedra's response is, "Well, I wonder what Cantu would think if I had Todd's stuff over here?" Well, probably that you robbed him, because they're still married. So, if Todd was in jail and you still had his stuff, yeah, that would be different, but you're comparing apples to oranges that are in jail. Yeah, jailed oranges. Jailed oranges. Moldy clementines. You're comparing apples to orange jumpsuits. So. Kenya and Matt, this relationship, I am not buying for one damn second. I do not believe it. I think it's completely fake. They don't even seem to know each other. Yeah, I mean, I do think it's all for TV, but I think even as I think as a made for TV romance goes, I think it's pretty cute. I'm looking at you. Got you a dog. Got you a dog. I got you a dog. Whoa, look, surprise. It's two. Whoa. And then Kenya with her little girl voice to offset his growly, you know, overly hetero growl voice. She's like, don't ask. Like, look at what she talked like that. She's like, she talks. She tries to talk like a little girl. It's so creepy. I know. I named King and Twirl. King and Twirl. Yeah, she named one twirl for obvious reasons, and the other one King, because that bitch has to compete with everything, and a King Trump's a president. Stupid Kenya. You're trying to like compete with a dog over someone's, over Phaedra's baby name. Come on now. None of them will ever be able to reach the heights of Velvet. Never. Velvet was everything to me. Didn't Velvet get killed by like a dog, like another dog or like a coyote or something? I don't remember. Or is Velvet ran? Oh, maybe Velvet was run over. I don't remember, but I like that she got two more Velvet's to replace the one Velvet, because they're like little Velvet twins. Exactly, exactly. And she's really just driving that twirl thing into the ground, isn't she, at this point? Yeah, it's over. But Beyonce said it. So that's just probably on her fucking IMDB. Yeah. Kenya invited to Phaedra's party. Okay. Kenya, did we know that she grew up to a hoof as witness? Uh, I actually think we did. I don't think it was... I don't think she's made a big point of it, but I feel like we actually did know that. Girl, now we know why those people need to be so silent. Are they all like her? No, she probably was kicked out after she terrorized too many people by showing up on their doorstep. She's like, "Hello. I really don't find it appropriate that you close the door on me." Mother, how could you get mad at me showing up on your doorstep? This is what you taught me. So I don't know whose side of the family. I'm guessing her dad's, because she was raised by Lori, and Lori doesn't seem like a Jehovah's Witness. And then she was... Wait, no. First she was living with her dad, and then she ran away to live with Lori, right? Yeah, so... I guess her dad is Jehovah's Witness? I don't know, but I'm just... I don't know why her mom's side seems... Her mom's side seems more like messed up, and I kind of feel like the oppressive elements of being a Jehovah's Witness could engender some of the dysfunction on that side of the family. Is that just me, or is that... Well, I mean, she's definitely good at not talking if she doesn't want to, that's for sure. I don't know if I'm just being Jehovah-ist. What is that? Is there a term for when you're like, being racist against Jehovah's Witnesses? A religionist? I don't know, religious? Witnessist? Witnessist? I don't know, because I think it would mostly be ignorant, because I don't think we even know about it. I grew up with some Jehovah's Witnesses, and they were always cool, but I mean, it's not like we had to party a lot. They weren't missing a lot of like crazy ragers in the fifth grade, you know. They always had to go home right after school, but that's really all I knew. I was like, wow, that sucks. That religion sucks. Your mom won't let you go to the park, and they're like, no. I was like, whoa, that religion stopped for me. Yeah, all I know is that Jehovah's Witnesses don't really celebrate holidays, and I don't think they like the gays that much, but it depends, I think. Probably their name, religion. Yeah, exactly. Is there one? So, I grew up Jehovah's Witness on no holidays, etc., etc. I don't know why she was talking about this, but she's talking about it. They just probably want an ex, they just probably told her. They just didn't want her at any holidays. Like, oh, yeah, I guess what we're Jehovah's Witnesses. You can't come. Yeah, we haven't bought you presents again this year, so we're still Jehovah's Witnesses on Christmas. Our religion says that you need to go to your room and shut up. How about that? Oh, well, I hate this religion. So, in case you're feeling bad for Kenya right now, please don't, because immediately she says, well, I don't know how this party at Phaedra's is going to be like, I'll go, but you know it's going to be uncomfortable because you can't just be dropping the dime on people in the hood. That's not how people like it in the hood. And he says, I don't really think Phaedra lives in the hood, does she? And she's like, well, her husband's in jail, so that's hood adjacent. I was like, you're such a fucking judgy little bitch, Kenya. Honestly. Like, you've hired someone to play your boyfriend. At least she had a husband to go to jail. She, you know, can it be the first person to title on someone? You know, if Kenya were in a phaedra's position, oh, she would say where every single piece of Apollo's stuff is. Like, she would talk about the-- Oh, Kenya, oh, totally. --to that, like, hamster-- Oh, he was a child. Oh, totally. She would be calling jail trying to start fights. Yeah. She would never let it go. And then she says, I'm lucky. I don't have anything, because Phaedra would send the feds to my house. I'm like, what are they? The feds are going to come to your house, and then they're going to take a bunch of shit that you still owe money to at floor signs or whatever. And then they're going to have to go, you know, then floor signs is going to have to repossess shit from the feds. It's not worth it repossessing from somebody who doesn't pay for anything in the first place, Kenya. Apollo's best move would have been hiding his stuff at Kenya's, because the feds have been like, oh, we don't want to deal with this woman. We're just going to go. We're just going to just keep it, keep it. It's fine. We'll take the loss. This woman has her straw weave on every piece of furniture. We don't even want it back. Just keep it. Yeah. Just-- just go. We'll just go. Enjoy your fondue. So over at Cynthia's house. Mallory's over. Oh, no. Ooh. What if I didn't see some finale? Yeah. Nothing says fun like Mal. Let's move some furniture. That sounds great, Mal. We're moving furniture together. Wow. Do you have the edge of the couch? Maybe we should work more on the edge. No, just move it. Well, maybe we should flip it on inside. No, just move it. All right. Well, what about the coffee table? I'm like, please say this is not the season finale, because this is making it sad. Oh, my God. We knocked over the massage table. Oh, no. What was that noise? Oh, it was a massage table. This was the most awkward thing I've seen on Bravo in a long time. I have to say what this scene turned into. So Cynthia is telling us. Oh, it's awful. No, I didn't have sex with Peter for a long time, because when you're in a bad relationship, the last thing you want to think about is sex. But I'm like, when were you in a good relationship? When you were in a good relationship, you were in fibroids not having sex mode. And then before that, you were in you won't commit to me not having sex mode. I mean, have you ever been in the mood to have sex with your husband? Never. But yeah, she's trying to make it like, oh, he's doing so good because he planned the strip to Jamaica. Bravo planned that shit, air paid for it. That is so sad. I know Cynthia, it's so, so sad. And the scene where she gives Peter a massage, I mean, I actually had to stop looking at the screen. It was so disgusting. This was worse than Tamara and Eddie and the bathtub. This is one of the worst scenes you've ever seen. This is worse than Ramona walking around a shirtless Mario and poking him in the chest to have sex. Do you remember? Oh, yeah, when she rolled up the chest. Okay, poke, poke, poke. I'm going to oil you up now, okay. Sorry, you're going to get oiled up. I'm sorry. I mean, in Cynthia's defense, she did get to go on a trip with her husband. Even if he didn't pay for it, it's not on her credit card. So I can see how she would get horny for once. Thank God, at least Catful once not calling. Let's fuck. So Peter comes in. She's like, Peter, I'm going to need you to disrobe. So Peter gets out of, he gets him down into his underwear, which is already like really unpleasant. I'm just like thanking God at the only light in that this entire scene was coming from a few candles scattered about Uncle Ben porn. This was some Uncle Ben porn. This was like the guy from the cover of the Uncle Ben rise coming in and taking off his clothes. And then Lane, they're going, oh, yeah, I'm going to get it. Thankfully, it's done in five minutes. That's all I can say about Uncle Ben porn. Maybe it stopped telling. Yeah, and so he's under a sheet. He takes off his underwear. And then he flops over on his front like a beached whale, and she gets on top of him and starts massaging. And she's like, is there any particular area that I can help you with? And he's like, I'll go to a never good mind. I was like, oh God, it's just the office. And then she starts giving him a hand job on camera. What the holy frick? She's literally giving him a hand job. She turns him over, she's giving him a hand job. I'm like, oh, this is please. And then to make matters worse, there's like some footsteps. And here comes Noel. Not left the house. Noel is there because her hot dad, Leon, has shown up. Poor Peter, he's like, that kind of took the fun out of it. I'm like, yeah, because you just saw what she used to have. How do you think she feels like you had to give your old uncle Ben ask a hand job when Leon, the hot ass Leon comes in? Yeah, why do you think the lights are all off, Peter? Poor thing. Next year, Cynthia's storyline is going to be her blind daughter. She's probably poking out her eyes in that car with Leon, right? And I was going to say porno well. She just saw things that no daughter should ever have to see. Nobody in the world should have to see what we just watched. You gave your husband a hand job on TV. Are you fucking crazy? And then your daughter walked in. Good Lord. I mean, I ain't a prude. Give him a hand job, but I don't want to look at it. Oh, no. Gross. No, it was truly, it was truly an awful, awful moment. So speaking of their made up, made up things about people's private parts, pourses that the doctor trying to talk about babies again. Oh, God. You're going to feed those things. You're full of fucking my lars. It's been insane. Yeah. I'm so sick. I laughed about that last week for like an hour after I thought that was hilarious. I just think of a junior prom when I think of her. Mylar implants. I'm so sick of the fertility doctor or obstetrician storyline. Like how many of these women on Bravo have to visit the OBGYN? We've seen like, we don't, I don't care. No one cares anymore. If you're going to have a baby, you can have a baby. This scene was all just like, I don't have a baby. But what about the fibroids? Oh, guess what? You have fibroids again. But guess what? They're small fibroids. You can have a baby. I was like, no one cares. No one cares. Even the men putting their penises inside of you don't want you to have a baby. I mean, come on, lady. Take a hint. Yes. Jesus Christ, get you some Tetris on your phone or something. Pass the time in a different way. The world does not need your spawn. Like you're very funny and cute, but you're all we need. Yeah. You're all the, all the lady that we need. Could you imagine how jealous she would be of that baby? Oh my god. Why are everybody looking at the baby all the time? The baby gets a job on destination. The baby's twerking at age three months. Twerk, twerk. I love my hat, baby. So moving on, doctor. Hi, not Jackie, doctor. Okay. Wait, Phaedra. Why did I put, wait, oh, I think I meant to write, right? Dwight, Phaedra. That's rude. Note taker. Dwight, Phaedra. So he's clearing out his beauty salon. I guess her budget has been minimized. I'd love to say when they showed like clips of her previous parties, you can see there's been a noticeable decline. Because originally the first party with the ballet and all that was at like some sort of mansion. And then the next party was at like a public swimming pool. And now we're just at Dwight's shitty ass salon that he's clearing salon chairs into the back and covering mirrors up with snow. It looked terrible. I hope that Dwight comes out with a Christmas Carol album where he doesn't know any Christmas carols. Because this is him. He's like, he's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. He's like, do you even know this song? How do you not know it's beginning to look like Christmas? See, blah, blah, blah, blah. Look, there's a Santa's sleigh. The Feds can't even take it. It's bolted to the crowd. Here's an elf on the shelf, girl. He's slowly turning into Martin Lawrence Balard. Oh, her ravishing. What a ravishing Christmas party. This was a million dollars. Did you find this elf on the shelf in Inja? In Inja? They sell, they celebrate short people in jail. Oh, look, I found a bunch of Christmas stockings at Fresh Neezy's by the clearance sale. Oh, come back to us. Fresh Neezy or Martin Lawrence Balard? Martin Lawrence Balard. Fresh Neezy was, I can't have a package to spell pepper. I just don't understand that. I do, I understood it very well for five years. And those sales were so good, because the next day the vegetables are all rotten in the fridge. It's like, oh, what is this dollar store of vegetables? By Fresh Neezy. And then asking me to bag my own shit at the end. You know what Trader Joe's, they look at you to bag your own stuff, but they don't make you. Let me tell you where I never had to stand in line. Fresh Neezy, even when it was crowded, you go through there so quickly. People who go shopping with Fresh Neezy, they got it done fast. I never had a bad luck, because people are so dumb at those machines. Like, wait a second, it's not working right. And then they have to have someone come over with the key, and then they have to-- Well, someone's always trying to insert their credit card into the screen. Like, it's not going in. Well, don't put it into the animation of the card going in. Put it into the slot. Well, we could go on about the stupidity of people, but we already are, because we're talking about the real housewives of Atlanta. I just want to say, by the way, if you think that the self-checkout at a grocery store is bad, talk about the machine, the machine that shamed me at the airport, those things, oh my god. You want to see people get, old people get confused by machines, those customs machines. Terrible. Bloop, bloop, bloop. You're fat. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. You're bald. I have to say also that Jimmy, I don't actually have to say it, but I'm going to say it also, that Jimmy Graham, who was this very famous football player, was on my flight. Because, you know, part of my ongoing series of celebrities on my flight. And he's tall and gorgeous. He is a gorgeous man. And he was checking in, like, on the machine, like, just a little bit ahead of me. And that also contributed massively to my shame. I want you to come out with a coffee table book called "Stars on Planes." But it'll just be huge pictures of the top of celebrities' heads when you're behind them. Well, the best part about Jimmy Graham was that I was wondering, as I got on the plane, I was like, I wonder if that's Jimmy Graham or not. And then he was actually wearing a hat that said, "Gram." It actually was like, it was like, "Oh, okay, this is the easiest celebrity debate I've ever had. It is actually Richard Graham." Hey, call me when you're on a plane with Billy Graham, okay? Now, that's a celebrity. Yeah. Is he still alive? I mean, mom would shit the floor. I don't know, who cares? Hopefully not. Okay, party to 700. Isn't he 700 Club? Or am I mocking the wrong person? Is that Billy Graham? I think that's Pat. Oh, sorry, Billy Graham. Billy Graham's probably really nice, and I just have on him. Sorry. Pat, what's his face? Take it back. I don't really care enough to make a statement like that. Pat Robertson. Oh, that 700 Club? Oh, my God. Okay, so... And I've watched a lot of it. I have on me, Ma. Party, Kim gives food, dirty look. Now, that is the first batch of mac and cheese that Kim feels as ever looks sideways at. She was giving that food shade. She's like, "Look at this mac and cheese." I was like, "Get out of here. You've still got like milk crust on your face from this morning's breakfast." Yeah, how dare she, how dare she shade her hair inspiration? Mm-hmm. Mac and cheese. This is so dumb. Does drop the mic. She does look like she has mac and cheese hair. Kim feels. I just love the dirty look at food. I was cracking up. Then Dwight is DJing, but there's no music. Yeah, that was funny to me. I'm like, she's DJing the crew. Oh, Jesus Dwight. Dwight really is soaking up his moment. He's like, "I'm only on one episode. I'm going to make the most of it this season." Yeah, he's like kind of raising the roof at the one hand, but then also kind of waving by, but then also kind of like waving his head. And there's no music. It was the worst Coachella ever. The elf on the shelf is mortified, darling. Congratulations. Yeah. Speed of elves on the shelves. How Aiden was so cute as a little elf on the shelf. He is, I like his little attitude that he's getting. I like when kids do that thing where they realize that everybody's stupid. That's my favorite part of childhood. I love seeing it dawn on children. When they're like, "Wait, that's what I'm supposed to turn into?" Oh, fuck me. It's called humanity, darling. Welcome to the club. Yeah, the right idea. You just kept handing out coal to everyone. But what was that coal? It was like red feathers. It's like coal wrapped in like a red cloth or something. I didn't get it, really. Yeah, I don't approve of your coal, Aiden. Yeah, make better coal. And also the real elves, like the little people. This is so offensive. And of course it's Phaedra. She's like, "I need some elves. Get some midgets." Phaedra, miss Juicy a little lady bit. So everybody can stop and take pictures with little people. Yeah. Same on you. And then there's like some acapella group standing outside on the sidewalk, singing totally off key. Yeah, totally off key. Not your best work, darling. And I mean, not to jump ahead too much, but what was weird was that when Nini walked in, she was talking to the little people. It seemed like she knew who they were. She's like, "Little bit, little bit, what are you doing? How are you doing this?" It's weird, right? That's how Nini is when she's trying to be nice. She's like, "So Hollywood and everybody's best friends." "Little bit, yes, girl. Look how you're so little. That is so good, little bits." That's stupid fake as Nini. So, candy. So candy now is, oh, Aiden. Bob enters dressed as Santa across poor cross-eyed Santa with some weird porn music playing behind him. He looked like one of the bearers from the Charmin commercials dressed up for Christmas. Cross-eyed Charmin bear sweating as Santa coming in. A little bit of toilet paper hanging off the back. [laughs] Toilet paper on her, she's Santa. He eats all the cookies and the... He eats everything. Yeah. He eats the cookies and everything out of your fridge. And then takes the bed frame so your children are left to just sleep on mattresses on the floor. That's the worst Santa ever. Donald, he's Krampus. He's Krampus. No, he's too lazy to even take the housewives out of there. He wouldn't even drag any children to hell. He'd just be like, "I'm just taking your bed frame." If there ever was a party for Krampus to crash, it was this one, but not even Krampus has that low of a standard. Krampus doesn't have a bus big enough to take all the idiots from this party. Yeah. Krampus was about to go in and he was like, "Oh, no, never mind." He saw Dwight on the turntables. He's like, "You know what, I think I'm just going to go to the red lobster." He's like, "I could not listen to that queen all the way to hell in no way. Leave him." So I was like, "Krampus, you look wonderful to see you." Well, look at wonderful Krampus. I haven't seen you in quite some time, but I'm just so happy for you. Oh, what's next? Candy, it was odd. Okay, so Candy starts, she tells us that the fetch showed up at her house and stuff, and she's like, "And things seem things are going good with Fadro, but then I think, "And since I was you doing me right now, I thought it was good, Fadro." So I'm simultaneously patting her weave and doing that one finger scratch in the middle of her weave. Yeah, so it's just sitting on a seat somewhere, just waiting for the baby to pop out at this point. Siree and Bob. Bob, you trying to get back in my life? Bob, you trying to get back in my life? Bob, you trying to get back in my life? Tammy, you see me, Bob? You see me, Bob? She's basically Siree's voice, eventually turns into TiVo sounds. She's like the incredible... Somebody just said a season pass around here? Bloop, bloop. Oh, it's just Siree talking. It's Siree's telling off, Bob. Bloop, bloop. That's what she does. When Bob says something, she doesn't like, "Bum-bum." Bloop, bloop. Bloop, bloop. Bloop, boom. Boom. So funny. Somebody fast-forwarding this party? No, Siree's just a little happy right now. Here comes Tammy. [laughter] A heart attack, laughing at this stupidity. Bob's like, "There's no mistletoe, but..." Boom. Oh, that shit was hilarious. Okay, so Tammy. Okay, so Shamiya and Portia come in in little hot pants, and Kim frowns again. This whole episode for Kim Fields was basically just, she frowns at mac and cheese, she frowns at hot pants. Hey, Kim, is there anything you like? Anything, one thing. Carpool. What is it? Carpool. Oh my god, I know she does not like seeing an empty sleigh that's not in the line of other sleighs. She's trying to figure out how to get the DVD player to work in the sleigh. Yeah. She's like, "That sleigh isn't in line for anything. What's the point?" That sleigh doesn't have children, I see. I don't believe in Christmas, because I don't like how Santa Claus uses the sleigh all for himself. There should be other people in there. So Sheray approaches, oh wait, first Nini and Greg. Okay. Oh, we see Tammy bringing her damn nephew. How has he allowed anywhere ever again? Well, this was a different, no, that was a different nephew. Oh, I just saw, I just saw some hot, you know, black guy, I assume it was the same. I don't know, I don't remember the, it was definitely not. Although, I was wondering how he was stopping himself from like, attacking a woman in the middle of a party. It's like, I guess he's medicated today. Yeah. So Tammy comes in looking crazy. She's like, Merry Christmas. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas, my right. Go, go, go, duck the holes. So we see her for a second, but first is Nini and Greg, Dwight and Nini's fake high. Dwight's like, "We haven't seen each other, but I just wanted to say hello. Is your drink too sweet?" She's like, "Well, hello, Dwight. Now, this drink is good. It is a bit sweet though." And then Dwight scurries off like a little mouse to fix his queen's drink. That was so poor, Dwight. He wants to get back in with Nini so badly. Not gonna happen. No, she's got, she's got much better days now. She's, she's come up. She, she can get the creme de la creme, gay, gay sidekicks. She doesn't need to like. She will kiss ass to the other housewives because she wants to be back on the show next year, but you're not one of them, Dwight. Now go get a drink and he did. So, Sheray approaches Bob and Tammy. Are you know who probably, by the way, you know who was that Tammy probably brought was probably her nephew who has that song. Remember there was like that she had a nephew who's like, "Now, Candy, will I go do to get my nephew in the recording studio with you?" I don't know what my voice was right there, but whatever it was. I thought that was the same nephew. No, not the same, but it's not the same nephew that started the fight. Oh, so the rap, the future rap star nephew was not the aggressive nephew? No, no, no, that guy was like a former basketball player. Oh, for Christ's sake. How am I supposed to keep up with this woman's children's children's siblings children? Yeah, I'm just speculating, by the way. I have no idea if this is the guy who has that one dance song that we show. Come on, you know, if you want, if you want to be famous, come to this Christmas party for the real housewives. It's in a hair salon. You got a show everyone your new Christmas song called Deck the Halls. Wait, you didn't come up with that? Oh, I've been telling everyone you came up with that. Oh, but if Dietra Hall is there, please don't duck her. It's going to be so embarrassing. These people are never going to fight me on another trip again. It'll be awkward. Awkward. So, Sharae approaches Bob and Tammy. And Tammy is looking super awkward, because, you know, she's terrified of Sharae. Because, you know, she's up with Bob. Sharae goes, what's wrong, Boo? Sluck out your tongue. I know, Sharae is coming in for the kill. Sluck out your tongue. And then we get a flashback of... You sleep with Bob? Is it a Bob? Is it a Bob? And this made me really like Tammy when she said, "Bob, no, tell the truth. Dude, why did you tell Sharae that we slept together?" And Sharae just looks at him, and he totally gets caught in the light, starts sweating bullets, tries using the Bill Clinton. I've never had sexual relations with that woman, but she makes him be honest. And then Sharae's like, "You see? No, we're back together." I'm like, "What?" Okay, he didn't sleep with Tammy, but now he's just a compulsive liar. Sounds great. Have a happy life. Yeah, have a great summer. See it, you're next to divorce proceeding next fall. Yeah, cray cray. Yeah, no, he's a low life. He's a low life, and he knows that Sharae is on the up and up, so he's hitching onto that wagon. So Kenya comes in dressed as the Gridge. Yes, she's doing some Zoe Saldana green makeup. Kenya comes in as Zoe Saldana playing Nina Simone. Oh, that was from the bonus episode we're talking about. Nina, Zoe Saldana, and how she always has to be covered in some sort of color for her to get out of the screen. Even when she's playing a black woman, that has to be covered with body pain. Any fan of Nina Simone should be protesting that shit. Of course, we're probably all home getting stoned. It's like crying at sad songs. But, you know, if we ever get that energy, let's protest together, you guys. Yeah. 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We should have been done talking about this an hour ago. Nini and Candy. Candy gives looks. Nini, I wanted you there so we could talk. Okay, so Nini and Candy have a talk because Nini's on her toilet luteed topology tour. Get your teeth out of my face first of all. Those things jump right into your face. She's like that alien from aliens. How they have one big head that's scary, but then they open their mouth and there's like 10 other heads that are scary that come out. That's exactly right. So yeah, so Candy and Nini kind of vary the hatchet for now. They'll be like, I guess we're sort of like oil and water. And of course, they cut back as they do every season to their very first site fight where Candy's like, "But you're starting toward the head, man." You know, see? Ah, got in my face. Nini, you need to go sit down, see? Yeah, Nini is trying to be nice and it's very funny. And I also like her when she's like this. I don't even care if it's fake. Yeah, I know, I agree. I think when she's like this, she's totally entertaining and charming. And even if it's fake, it doesn't matter because it's like, you like her again. You're like, "Oh, it's Nini." Yeah, I like when she comes back and the evil one has been replaced for a little while. But I love how she acts so stupid about everything, like nothing's ever her fault. She goes, "I don't know what happened to me and Candy." Really, you don't, you have no idea. You, you happened. And then she goes, "Candy, I just want to press the restart button." I'm like, "Ask Pute and how that worked out." Lady. Pulling a Clinton over there. So, Kim and Shamia, who's out of here? What? What am I saying? Kim and Shamia, why do I care? Why is Kim talking to Shamia? Did this happen? Oh, no. I will not call Phaedra by her real name today. I call Phaedra something else. So, Kim and Phaedra, so Kim is just saying, "I know you've been through a rough time and it takes a village to raise a child and I'll be part of your village." And Phaedra's like, "Well, thank you. Now, please stop talking to me because you're pulling the live out of it." So, I thank you, girl, and then just walks away. Now, this is time for Kimia to start her shit. Because of the finale and she's in green makeup. You know, lost bitch, you did that. Got a, a Tony. Congratulations, Adina, Menzel, and Wicked. So, Kimia starts her, um, "Have you heard?" "Have you guys heard about Phaedra calling the feds on so-and-so?" And then, stupid Cynthia goes to Portia. "I don't know if I told you this, girl, but they came to my house too." "Really? Oh, she says that to Kimia. Really? You didn't tell your best friend in the world. This shows too much. They need to recast this whole show." Yeah, exactly. They're all spanking me. Yeah, like I said, I thought this whole thing was sort of this about, I don't know. It just was not, to me, did not seem like a very scandalous thing. It was like, "I'm trying to make it so scandalous, but look, if she did call the feds, good on her. They shouldn't be holding his shit, and she shouldn't get taken down because she's hiding assets for that idiot." So, good for you, girl. I hope you did call the feds. I love that the feds are just sitting around, like waiting for people to call them. Like, oh, it's a real housewife. What, an RV? Where is it? Or, what do you call those? I'm an RV, a three-wheeler. What do you call those? ATV. Oh, yeah. They're like, "And ATV? We'll get right on it. The feds are busy." Yeah. And feds, I'm sure. So then Phaedra, did you say that that Phaedra walked up to them? Or no? Phaedra? Yeah, they, I don't know if they bring her over or she just walked back. She walks up and they're like, "Oh, like, it's funny. This is what we were talking about, whatever, that had the feds came." And they're just like, "Uh-huh. Anyway, I'll excuse myself." And she just walks away. But Phaedra, they go, "So that we heard that the feds came to Candy's house and seized all of Apollo's assets." And she goes, "Well, you can't believe everything you hear now, can you?" I was like, "What does that even mean they did do it? You still do it?" And then she goes, "I need to go." And then she literally tapped Antis, her way out of it. She's like, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah." And then starts dancing with Chris. And then that's it, and then it ends. Yeah, I mean, pretty much, yeah. There was like, it kind of was like a pretty whatever finale. You know, Atlanta finales are never that strong. I think last season, or it was the last season, it ended with them watching Kenya's pilot. You know, it was like whatever. They just were sitting around and watching the pilot. Like, yeah, this has to be one of the most uneven ones, because it's usually my favorite one. But this season, I swear half of these episodes were painful, and then the other half were amazing. Yeah, that's the way Atlanta always is for me. It's like, there's some really fun episodes. And then there's just like a lot of fillers. So now we'll have like three crazy reunion episodes, because I always do a crazy reunion. And then it'll be gone for a few months. You've only seen all these coming back for the reunion, for whatever reason. She was in two damn episodes, but she's back, and now she's evil, Nini again. Reunion looks like it's going to be crazy, so. Well, you can always count on that with Atlanta. All right, you want to do a little palette, cleansing cleanse with L-Topsie foes? Yeah, let's do it. Let me get over to my top chef now, Tia. Well, it was the season finale. It was the finale part one, and it was in Vegas. How lovely of Padme to show up in her underwear for the... Yeah, I know. They arrive at the MGM Arena or whatever, the Garden Arena at the MGM brand or whatever it's called. And they have to do this. The first we find out that Amar has returned from the last chance kitchen. And he's back, and the four of them have to do cook stuff based off of like cards, 'cause like spades represented royalty, and hearts represented the clergy, and diamonds were merchants, and clubs were peasants, and so they each got a card. And it was like this whole, it's sort of a convoluted challenge. Yeah. And we are going to give you cards. And on each card is a color, and the color corresponds to a class. And the class course was like, you guys are giving Padme to goddamn much to say, just tell one, you're poor, you're rich, you both are in the middle, work. Yeah. Wrap it up, Padme. So it was like they had to... It was like, if you were the peasant, which is what Amar was, he only had access to the peasant pantry. But if you were the merchant, you had access to the merchant, and the peasant pantry, and then clergy, so on and so forth, clergy moving on up to nobility. So, which seemed to me a little odd, it seemed like for a finale, it was strange to restrict one person so much. Even though one can make the argument that Marjorie, who was royalty, was also disadvantaged, 'cause she had so many choices, right? I think the main disadvantage is that they had to serve 150 people in three hours. Okay. Yeah, look. I know that every... Probably the majority of people who listen to this cook, right? So you cook, you cannot make food for 150 damn people in three hours. That is just bullshit. Don't these judges want good food? Why would you give three hours to make 150 dishes? That's crazy. I know, that is absolutely crazy. So they got to choose sous chefs and stuff, but the thing is with this challenge was that whoever won would move on to go straight ahead to the finale, basically this week's episode coming up, and then the three losers would then compete head-to-head to move on at the next to meet the winner of the first challenge. Right, so basically, so the winner was Jeremy, and he made chili grapes. Yes, that's right. Right. They like that. He made pickled grapes, which, and they were like, this is a revelation, but I swear to God, I've seen and perhaps had pickled grapes, and I feel like maybe it's been on top-shot before. Am I crazy? I don't remember. I do know that you can't pickle something in three hours. That's not how you pickle. You don't just pour vinegar on something and call it pickled. Pickled means like it's a process. Pickled, you don't just pour vinegar on a cucumber, and it's a pickle. Yeah, Jeremy. I was just so hot, though. He's really hot, and he's so bro. I'm a little over his bro-ness. I like when he said I'm a single dad, because at the beginning, they have to do their victim thing, because it's a reality show. So Marjorie's like, I've never made anything before, and I don't know anything except for today or whatever. And then Amara's like, everybody's dead. That's like his story. And then Jeremy's like, I'm a single dad, and then they show a picture of him next to his little bald baby, and I'm like, you guys look exactly, you look exactly like that newborn. Yeah, big old bald Charlie Brown heads. And you know that Jeremy is like the person who still loves talking baby shit. Like every time, every time that like Ameritrade commercial would come on with a baby that was hot, you know, he'd be like, I love this commercial, bro. Bro, you gotta look, you're talking babies on. His screen savers that weird dancing baby thing. Whenever I miss my daughter, bro, I turn on the computer and watch the baby dance. Well, I think of recipes, man. Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. So anyway, so he won. And so then the next challenge involved David Copperfield. David Copperfield came out with a big black wig. David Copperfield looks like Dr. Oz with an eye job. Like age really takes us all to the same place. And there's like five types you end up when you're old. And I guess Dr. Oz is one of them, because he looks like Dr. Oz with a Bert and Ernie wig. I think he looks like the dad from Dharma and Greg. Oh, I'm trying to remember who that was. I couldn't with that show because Dharma, oh, Jenna Elfman, the worst. Well, either way. So the next she was on damages and I was like, killer. I was so glad when they killed her, I hate her. So, so the for the next challenge. So this is the challenge like the before the finale. And they had to, so Isaac and Marjorie and Amar had to do like a magical thing. It was like they had to bring an element of magic into it. Which they had to sit through that David Copperfield show. He's like, look, I'm chopping someone in half. It's like really, is this still what magic shows are? He's like making a nickel disappear behind his ear. Get out of here, Dr. Oz. So I kind of thought this was a little gimmicky for like for a finale challenge. They did it on Top Chef Masters. They did something, I think it was in the Magic Castle, where they had to do something that involved the Legion. It was really, really cool. But I kind of felt like this is something that would have been better if there was like a pool of like six of them still left or five of them. I just felt like this is the Marjorie even said it herself. Like to do something that's kind of gimmicky. Like that's the only thing that stands between you and the finale. Just felt a little wrong to me. Well, yeah, because she has to perform and she feels so awkward and she's not comfortable. And so now she has to go out there and like make a show. You know, that's, I mean, I can see how that would be unfair. But at the same time, if you're going to win Top Chef, you're going to have to be on those web shows and those five minute. The Top Chef teaches you how to make bacon in the microwave in five minutes. You know, they have to set a lot of the rest of their lives. It's not just about the presentation. It's not about about that. It's also about like, you know, you have to like make food that has, you know, that's there's like magic in it. Like there's something magical that happens. And her, her dish wasn't actually magical. Although apparently the only flaw in her dish was that there was enough orange sauce in it because she burned her tongue on liquid nitrogen. Marjorie's drole ass kills me. I was rooting for her to win this whole thing. I love me some Marjorie and she was killing me in this. She's like, well, I've never used liquid nitrogen before. But here you go. Oh, I've never made duck olive orange before. I've never done this before. I've never used them here to play it on before. Yeah, I know. I've never seen someone get so much mileage on how much they've never done before. It's weird. You know, that's very true. She does that all the time. Marjorie's like a girl who swims in a t-shirt. I love her. I love her too. I was really, really rooting for her. But she obviously was sort of a little off her game. And so what I was surprised at was that I guess I wasn't listening carefully. I didn't realize that only one of them was moving forward. I thought just someone was going to get eliminated. So I thought Isaac was going to get eliminated. So when they were like, Padma's like, Omar, you're moving ahead. And then she's like, the rest of you may pack your knobs and go. I was like, what? Marjorie? No, I know. But the other two did well, they all did fairly well. I mean, what does she-- Marjorie really do. Well, duck olive orange. I don't, they didn't, they liked them all, but she was boring. But then Isaac was super entertaining. But he made a steak with crispy chicken skin wrapped around it, which is, to me, sounds gross. And then is he the one who made the onion rings but made out of potatoes? No, that was a marm. Oh, yeah. That's why I went with some winch shit. Yeah, well, that's why I was thinking they all should have done. They should have done some shit that looks like something, but it's not. And that's where I think they definitely lost. I mean, Isaac was a shoe-in to win this one because the challenge is David Copperfield and he put age to meet with old chicken skin pinned onto it, which is-- I mean, nothing says Copperfield more than that dish. That's true. He also did a suspended Hollandaise sauce, which was-- A suspended haul. I love their words for the pickled grapes. "You did not pick all the grapes!" Suspended Hollandaise. Well, because he put it in the thing and then turned it upside down, so it was like up in the-- It was stupid. That's a mannees and a bowl hung upside down. Guess what else does that? Frosties. Yeah, it's funny because I was trying to remember-- there was something that I cooked recently where I was like, "Oh, I bet this would be great for one of those top chef challenges where you presented as one thing, but it's really another." And now I've since forgotten it, and I was-- I'm like embarrassed. Oh, I want to know. I know what. It was so good. I was like, "This would be great top chef challenge. We have to cook something that looks like one thing, but it's really another." I felt so bad that Marjorie had to start this challenge. She came out and she was like, "Hi, I'm Marjorie. Here, here's some duck. Oh, no, wait. It looks like duck, but I went to France once. I am a child. I was a child. I love to eat duck, I'll all orange." And Gail and Tom looked like mad. They looked mad at her. And then Padma was so stoned. Padma was obviously stoned. She's like staring at a table, and then she started just staring at a light, and then she saw Marjorie acting crazy and just started kind of laughing. But not knowing where she was. I was laughing so hard. Marjorie's presentation was so bonkers, and she's like, "It's reminds me of when I was living in a Yukaya, we used to drive down to San Francisco, and sometimes we'd drive by a gas station, and sometimes we'd stop at the gas station, but sometimes we would go past the gas station, you know, all these things would happen, and I would donate things to things." Anyway, here it is. And then at the end, they were like, "Marjorie, you had a great showmanship. Like, really, this is the best showmanship you've had." I was like, "That was terrible when you talk to you about it." The most rigid magic trick I've ever seen. This is so unfair. They're like, "Welcome to the Top Chef finale. Today, you're going to make eggs and sing a show tune." What? This isn't what are you going to make them sing? Well, I also liked, um, Amara's quote unquote "showmanship." When Padma's like, "Whoa." She's like, "Those are interesting close shots. Amara." And he's like, "Thank you." And Padma's like, "He is not even going to talk to me." Well, at the end, when Amara won, I guess I was kind of happy. I don't really feel very close to Amara. I like Amara. He's a person on TV. I like him. I don't have any hate for him, but I just don't. I don't know. I've never read it for him. I don't care. He's boring. I was rooting for Marjorie and Karen, but I want Amara to win over Jeremy. I think Jeremy's going to take it. Jeremy's going to take it. I think so, although they do like to do that, where there's one who's the front-runner the whole time, and they give it to the other person. That's what happened last season. When, what's the name of Jeffrey or whatever? Gregory? Gregory. Remember the tall black guy? He was doing so well all season long, and then he kind of started to fall apart. And then May took the win. Was May last year? Yeah. That was two years ago, wasn't it? No, it was last year. May. Oh my gosh. I loved May. Yeah, I liked her too. I liked her cold bitchy eyes. And then they have to, they're like, say your last piece on why you should win top chef. And so they start going to their whole thing. Amara, it's so sad that everybody died in his, he's like, and then this person died. And then that person. And then I knew a chef, and he's dead too. And then my dad died one time. And then also, then my cell phone died. It was like, oh my god, okay. You made an onion ring out of a potato. That is unforgivable, suspended holidays. How did he win? Isaac had to suspend it on holidays. Oh sorry, okay. Go Amara, you go. You go Amara. Poor Isaac. Well, why don't the dark horse? Yeah, man, you're dead. That's what happens to dark horses starting. They put you down. So why don't we shift gears to Potomac? And do you want to take a PB break? You know what, man, I sure is. Should Tonkers do. Okay, we are back. You know what, Ronnie, before we go to Potomac, there's something really important that we have to do, that we forgot to do all of last week. What is it? It's time to clear the flam. All right, so I will, do you want me to start or do you want to? Yeah, sure. Okay, I'll start. This is from Caroline Fleming of Lady of London. Ladies of London, her Instagram. By the way, this show is listed as canceled on the Bravo Watch TV site. I'm not approving of that. I've not heard it was canceled, but clear that, clear the canceled. But anyway, still love to make fun of her. So Caroline Fleming official. [ Speaking French ] Sometimes the best decisions that are the hardest to make are the best, hot, hashtag, barrel and S, A-N-O-G-M-M-L-G-X, X, what? I don't even understand what that was. That was a lot of a language I don't speak, but how is the language five lines within the English version is one line? Y'all need to shorten that language down. Here's one from her Instagram that I like. It's a picture of, it was like a little avocado salad on a white plate with sort of like a little blue and white game trim. And she writes, "And now this yummy #breakfast hashtag avocado on toasted hashtag quinoa, #ridebread with hashtag olive oil, hashtag dried, hashtag chili, and hashtag pink Himalayan sea salt, #royalbok, hashtag Donaldson collection for my teenage years. If anyone knows where I could find this wonderful hashtag Mickey Mouse collection, please let me know. Thank you. My few pieces are very few and deeply treasured. Thanks. And for all those people searching the hashtag ryebread out there, or hashtag dried. I didn't mention the picture of the one that I was talking about with all that language, but she's wearing, she's crouched down in the grass wearing all white, a white turtleneck white pants, which, you know, I'll forgive her because she's somewhere else. But this, she's crouched down. And then she's looking at, I guess, some lady who's a Baroness. And the Baroness has this depressed look with her hand over her face like she's really sad. And she's also scrunched down. And they're looking at a wadded up piece of paper on a bench with a twig and a like two by four. What the hell? Well, what I just love about this avocado one is that it's really just a picture of an avocado salad. And yet the way she talks about this, I guess it's a plate that she really likes. And the way she talks about it. Where can I buy this wonderful Mickey Mouse collection? Please let me know. Thank you. My few pieces are very few. And deeply treasure. I deeply treasure my Mickey Mouse. Does this Mickey Mouse plate not have the most wonderful sheen to it? How lucky is Mickey Mouse right now? How lucky is Mickey Mouse to have me purchase his own plates? What do you think the people? Like, what do you think the one weirdo that was searching the hashtag #RibreadToday thought when she came across this? She's like, what the hell? I want to know. I like that she is like reaching out to the public to find out where she can find Mickey Mouse plates. Does anyone know where I can find some? Mickey Mouse, Disneyland batch. Now, what are you burning on your bench that you're making this poor Baroness with stringy hair look at in the grass? Crazy. Clear the flame. Clear the flame. Clear the flame. Clear. You know who else needs to be cleared. The laundromat I did laundromat it today. This homeless guy came in with like a cart of shit, took off all of his clothes and put on a bathrobe. And sat there and coughed the whole time while he did laundry. What the hell Los Angeles? That is ridiculous. You should have complained to management. She sat there and talked to him. Oh geez. Geez. I'm sorry I had to get that off my chest because I'm still itching. Like, I keep feeling like I'm itching because now I'm paranoid. I'm like, I damn it. Okay. So, not that I'm against homeless people doing their laundry. Just, I don't know, maybe find a fountain or something. I don't want to be doing my blankets on the day. I know some homeless guys in there coughing all over the place. And stripping down to his bathrobe. Yeah. Hell out of here laundromat. Yeah. That's you my beautiful laundrette. Okay. I'm talking to you. Damn, John. Speaking of dirty laundry, why don't we move on to Potomac? No, that is bad etiquette. In Potomac, we do not do dirty laundry. That is inappropriate. Oh, that was so good. I love these people using words to judge things, but they don't know the words. So, this week's episode begins where last one left off, which is that the sister circle. Sharee's sister circle is very important for MBA wives. So, we're going to try it here in the beach of Delaware. Other wife known at the time, I get to cry about my divorce. Yeah. So, as you may remember, Robin is crying because her friend, her closest male friend stole all of her and one's money in a Ponzi scheme. It's just harder than my divorce. It looks like even harder because like my divorce, yeah, like that was hard, but like our best friend stealing our stuff. It's like, yeah, it's harder than your divorce because your husband's still at home. It's not like you lost him. This is like somebody breaking into your house but not stealing anything, then it would have been okay. But this time they actually stole something. Doesn't she realize how lucky she is? Because now her hot husband has to rely on her. She's never going to leave her except they already broke up. Well, oh, they did. Like all the divorces. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's like, again? Can you double divorce somebody? He's like, that's it. I'm divorcing you times too. So, the sharing everything and then, and then... That sure dried Shores up though. She's like, at least I'm not poor. Yeah. I'm not from Southeast, do you see? So, so then Katie, then they asked Katie, like, Katie, do you have anything to share to the sister circle? She's like, nope, because she's mad at Giselle. So then Giselle's like, I just want to know, like, were you on drugs? Like, I was really concerned. Were you on drugs? Were you on something? Because you know, Bernad was saying you were on something. So were you on something? Man, Katie was about to beat the shit out of her. I'm loving this evil Katie that's coming out. Because she's been like, "Ah-ha-ha, I'm so Katie." But now you see that she's pissed. Like, she gets her Garfield, half-closed eyes. And she's nervous, because she's like pulling on her earrings. But then Giselle is also nervous, because she's pulling her weave. So you've got like this fight between Giselle pulling her weave, and Katie pulling her earrings. And I'm like, someone is going to die at the speed chest. Well, that'd be appropriate, though. Yeah. One does not murder someone near Rohebeth Beach. So, Katie is mad at Ashley. You want to hear all your threes and all your stuff, Katie? She's like, no, I don't really... Katie, I don't really enjoy going to the deep end, sometimes, with people. And so that's how I feel. So you're a drug addict? Actually, well, I just want to ask you directly, because you said you were clean that night. And then she says, "Well, that night we were dirty. So maybe not that night." So Giselle's obvious, it's like flat out saying, "Are you on drugs?" And then Katie is answering in a way that is basically saying, "Yes, and it's none of your fucking business." Yeah, exactly. Did you get that, too? That was the weirdest answer I've ever... Over the course of the show, she was basically not saying, "Don't say I'm on drugs." She was saying, "Don't say that stuff on camera, Katie." Exactly. She seemed more angry about that. I totally got that vibe also. It was weird. She's like, "We were having fun in an adult environment." I was like, "So you were on drugs." Yeah, you were on drugs, Katie. You're rolling. You're rolling. Oh, I mean, Karen. Oh, no. I backed away. That can be misconstrued. I'm like, "No." So you basically just called her a drug addict. There's no misconstering there. Well, you know, I mean, Giselle's been coming for Katie ever since Katie kicked her off the committee of her stupid charity thing. And then once she did that, then Giselle's been hitting Katie with all the barbs. Well, she's been coming after her since episode one or two. Well, I guess that's true, at least. Like, Giselle comes after everybody. Giselle's a Kenya. She doesn't even care. She just wants to start shit so she can keep it up. She's so much funnier than Kenya. You think so much? I don't. I hate her guts. I think she's the worst. Oh, I love Giselle. Hate her. And usually I have like a love-hate thing where I hate really hard, but I also love really hard. I really do not like this woman. I think she's an awful human being. There's nothing redeeming about her to me. I think she's like really funny. Well, I like her kids. Her kids are funny. Yeah, that's true too. So then they all go out, but Katie stays behind. And then the next day, it's raining. And so-- I'm so sorry, but can I please add one thing before we move on to the morning? Yeah. The girl, so Katie goes upstairs, pissed off, because I guess that's how she deals. She's like, I'm going to bed. So she goes upstairs and then-- Ashley, do you want to tell her? And so she starts following Katie up. And then she restarts this weird awkward dancing thing, because the whole thing is just awkward. So they all start dancing to no music, like Dwight's there, DJing. And then they say, well, where'd-- Giselle says, where'd Katie and Ashley go? And Robin goes, the way girls went upstairs? I'm like, listen, you know, this is like we were talking about last week with the newlyweds boys, how a lot of gay anger comes from self-hatred. And that's how I feel about Robin. Like, you are so light-skinned, and now you're always going to be giving shit to people who you consider too white. Oh, go fuck yourself, lady. I'm so sick of that. OK, next, that's all I wanted to say. I mean, I don't know, was she giving shit to them? Why girls went upstairs? Why are they so much wider than you? Like, one of them is blacker than you. Like, why is that a thing? Why does it always have to be a thing with her about someone-- like, criticizing how black or not black somebody else is? That just bugs the shit out of me with her. I don't like it. Yeah. Especially when she's light-skinned herself. Like, who the hell are you talking to? I just thought it was a joke. I didn't see it as a-- I think I wasn't even-- It wouldn't have bothered me if she hasn't already said something about it a million times. Yeah, I wasn't paying too close attention at that part. I have to admit. Yeah, it was just a little thing. But I'm so furious. So the next morning, it was like raining super hard, and now it's like the day after-- it's like the post-game report. So Karen goes and talks to Ashley and just like-- you know, Karen right now sees a great opportunity to turn everyone against Giselle. So that's what she decides that she's going to do this more. Pretty much, yeah. So she's like-- she goes and sits down with like Ashley and she's like-- she's like, I just can't believe that Giselle was telling a shit story during the sister circle. You know? I'm disappointed. That's not how-- that's not how we do a sister circle and potential act. Which is funny because it was just her-- she just wanted to egg Ashley on and just saying something about Giselle all. And she wanted to start a cape campaign against Giselle. Although she's kind of right. I mean, it was pretty-- it was pretty stupid of Giselle to sit there and be like, ah, this tea that made me want a shit all night long. I'm like, was it a subway sandwich from East Hollywood? Because I have that too. [LAUGHS] Well, she was right. But why are you going to the child's room to talk to her about it? I'm like, oh, it's so weird. It's like some old lady gossiping with the child. It's creepy. I know. Well, and then I-- and then like, meanwhile, like downstairs, Katie is talking to Cherise and Brené. It's all about the same stuff about Giselle and blah, blah, blah, and how Giselle was acting. And Katie felt like she was-- she felt like she was attacked during the Sister Circle. And then Cherise is so annoying. She's like, that's not what Sister Circle is about. Shut up. What is Sister Circle about? OK? Well, we can only talk about your divorce for so long, OK? How much do you get to cry in one Sister Circle? What's the difference between Giselle talking about having the shits and you just having verbal diarrhea? OK? And making sure your diamond is in the frame at the same time. Shut up, lady. This scene was killing me, though, because Brené and Cherise were just staring at Katie like she was an alien. They were just looking at her not letting her get away from anything. And Katie's like, well, you know, I felt like last night was a little unnecessary. And it was a little bit rude. And it was a little out of left field. I'm like, why is everything a little? Everything-- she's just nervous because these women are staring her down like a couple of crows about to eat a worm or something, you know? And they're just staring at her. And Katie-- I'm sorry to say this. But Katie seems high as hell to me. Like she's going up to her room and mad about drugs, but then not denying it. And then coming down, acting all weird, and then going back to bed again. What a way to dispel those drug rumors, stoner. Well, I loved also that when Giselle came by, like, sat down. And then she's confronting Giselle about how she felt last night. And again, she said she felt attacked. And I love Katie goes, well, I didn't feel the need to ask you why you have multiple sex partners while you're walking around in lingerie and having sex with people in lobbies. Like, what was that? She Yolanda fostered her. I know, she did. First of all, she Yolanda fostered her. And second of all, it was like really sloppy. It was like this big long run-on sentence of accusations. I was like, wait, you're kissing over having like sex parties and walking around in lingerie and having sex with people in hotel lobbies. Like, what's happening here, Katie? That's a lot. That's a lot for us today, Jess. Couldn't come back, Katie. You need to drop one of those per episode so we can Google that shit. How are we supposed to Google sexual partners walking around lingerie fucking people, hotel lobbies? Too much. Yeah, exactly. Even-- I mean, even-- Even Giselle was like, well, you didn't have to because none of that happened. She wasn't even like offended. She was like, what? Giselle just was like, OK, OK. And then Katie's like, bye. I'm going back to bed so she goes upstairs. And then Brené and Sharice just stare at Giselle, dying at Giselle and went, OK, OK. And they just stared at her. OK. I said OK. This is so good. Yeah. Well, the other thing is that-- well, Karen, I think, actually joined them at one point before Katie went upstairs because then Karen is just like ready to pound. She's like, ready to eat this all up. And I loved-- this is when Karen says, you know, she tells us about Giselle. She goes, she has overstepped her bounds and is totally inappropriate. [LAUGHING] Oh, Katie and Bedegan. Brené comes in about Giselle again. And OK, Katie, so you run up to your room after a drug addict conversation. Now you've got to know red is rude off the red nose reindeer. And then Brené starts telling her, you've got to read her. Do you understand? You don't just stand there and take it. You need to tell Giselle off because a showman needs an audience. And you need to stop being her audience. I'm like, she's in her room quarantined. She's not being anybody's audience. What are you talking about? This show's crazy. I do like Brené's advice, though. She's like, tell her off and don't make it cute or something. Yeah, Brené was right. Brené was like, just like what you always say, punchable in the face. Yeah, punchable in the face. So then this exotic of vacations, they get in the bus, they go to Roheobith Beach, which is where I went when I was a little kid once. I remember my parents' circus there. We stayed at a place called the Sand Castle Motel or something. And I loved it because it was a big, old boardwalk. And you get Sundays at 10 PM. And there was like Chachka Shops, when you're a kid, Chachka Shops, like the most exciting things ever. My parents were in hell. So they go to Roheobith Beach. And they go to old-time photos where they're tarping on all these gowns from a different era. That's why a little time is wet. Wild Story, this poor, low-rent show. Like your group, your group trips, it's some barely owned house with children beds. And then your big group trip thing is a shady drag show and then a Chachka Shops. Oh, embarrassing. Those are those little pictures you get taken at the Olin Mills, where you have to dress with the guns from the old days, you know? Yeah. This was like the high point for their vacation. That's the worst part at all. I was like, we're all getting along now. So I really feel like all the girls are really bonding now. And I'm doing a really good job as a hostess. It's not easy. Well, they made very things to me. Every day here I was kind of this old-time picture shop with my uncle. The girls are going to love it. My uncle loved getting into the dress. You know, he did, too. He's like, oh, just putting on the dress? Oh, getting into some old-timey drug. So not much happens here. They all look like a bunch of pools as used. But then Katie pulls Giselle over the teller off. And this was fantastic. I thought, did you? What do you think? Well, I was surprised. I mean, Giselle, to me, it was sort of surprising. I was like, OK, well, there's no better place to clear the air than at the old-timey Photoshop. But OK. So Katie was like, hey, I didn't like what you're saying. I didn't like what you were insinuating. It bothered me. Don't do that. Don't question my parenting, because really, that's what it was about, that she didn't want to be accused of being on drugs on camera when she has little kids. And she doesn't want them to be taken away from her or whatever. And I just loved robot Katie. I don't like how you've interjected yourself into my life. I'm not going to be cute about it. Do not criticize my parenting. And Giselle, I didn't. She's like, yes, you did. You're saying, disparaging things about my character. I'm coming direct. I was like, you go, robot Katie. She was. And then Giselle apologized. Yeah, because you can't argue with that, stupid Giselle. And then just turned around and said all the same shit again off camera when she wasn't in the room on camera. And then Katie, Katie's such a bitch. She's like, Giselle acts like she's the queen bee, but I don't even know who she is or who her people are. What'd she say? Or where her people are around? Where her accent came from. Yeah, where her accent comes from, or who her people are or whatever. Like, ooh, yeah, this is going to get dirty. It's going to be a real bull. Yep. So then-- Me and Michael love to drag show with the blue moon. You know, we're everywhere in the area. I'm like, girl, girl, I'm gay. I don't even go to drag shows whenever I'm in the areas. The drag shows are four straight people. Yeah. It's like gay people falling all over themselves for straight people. I mean, they are at gay boys, too, but-- Giselle and Jo, Giselle and Jo, but-- I feel like they're kind of a touchy shot for straights. Sorry, drag queens. Yeah, I kind of agree. I don't know. It's kind of like a zoo. It's like a Griffith Park zoo for the straight people to go to and laugh at all the silly, you know, overweight queens who are lip-syncing badly to songs and never even bothered learning the lyrics, too. Yeah. Yeah, I have yet to really be in trans by a drag show. But maybe we're seeing-- I like ones where they actually like seeing or like they have a talent or something, but I really am kind of sick of fat middle-aged guys just putting on bad dresses that don't fit them in terrible wigs and lip-syncing badly. I don't like it. I don't get it. And I hate like really bad drag queens humor. It's like, honey, where are you from? Oh, I'm from here. Oh, you don't look it. That was hilarious. You look like you're from Southeast DC, whatever that-- I mean, I'm guessing that shady or whatever. And then Sharice is like, does this rock look like it's from Pathy? I don't know. I was just calmed down, Sharice. It was a joke. It looks like something really heavy for a single person to be wearing. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. So anyway, so we're going to go out to the drag show. And the first thing go to dinner, which looked super humid, because I noticed that Katie's hair was full-on frizzing out. And talking about Katie getting a ring. Singing dinner in the middle of a field. Yeah. What a wonderful view five blocks away. That picnic bench was still wet from the rain. They were like, you're laser and not allowed in this restaurant. You can go-- this is where the staff needs to be there. This is beautiful. What a beautiful view of a marsh. Oh, did it rain? What a lovely puddle. Now, this is etiquette. One always compliments the puddle. [LAUGHING] So yeah, Ash is her talking about Michael. And she's like, I feel like I've made it to the end of the rainbow. And he's my pot of gold. I'm like-- She's like, literally, he's my pot of gold. Like, she eats my money bags. At least she doesn't hold back. Yeah. I break so high, I'm doing nothing. And then I whine. So, you know, I mean, I don't take it for Grammy. I appreciate the gold. OK. Well, I mean, at least you know who you are, you know? You don't need a-- hello, my name is strapped on your shirt. Exactly. And so then Giselle starts complimenting Ashley for being a good hostess, even though they thought like she might not be good at first. And she's like, and Karen, like, great work, you know, taking her under your wing. Karen's like, no, she was already there when I saw her. And then Karen's like, you know, Ash has come a long way. I'm like, what has she done? Did she get like a Fulbright scholarship? I don't think-- I mean, she's done nothing. You've taught her nothing. You're a shoddy bitch who has taught her nothing. All you've done is turned up your nose to everything and said, no, that is not teaching something. You dumb slag. Yeah, all you-- the only thing that Ashley ever did was give you a queen-size bed. That's all. That's all she needs. She's not cured, polio. She has not done anything. Oh, I love polio. It smells so good. Why would you want to cure it? [LAUGHTER] I bought Michael's some polio for Christmas. He loves it. I love Ralph Lauren, polio. Don't vaccinate your kids. How else will they get polio? Karen was like, oh, Karen earlier when her husband called. She's like, well, today we're going to the beach. And he's like, well, I don't want you surfing and hurting yourself. Get out of here. Could you imagine Karen surfing? Who does he think he's scary to? Karen's like, well, if I'm going to hurt myself, I want to hurt myself with some eye candy. Do you know what I said? I want to hurt myself with some eye. Hey, ever ladies and jetties? No. Do you have my idea? If I get hurt, I want to have some eye candy. Like, yes, you make eye candy. I love this taffy shop and a strip mall. Now, is there any eye candy in this candy shop? I don't know what you mean. I just don't eat. Oh, you have a long way to go. I still have so much to teach you, Sensei. Like, oh, that's the teacher, dumbass. They're in the phrases. So Katie has gone off about how she doesn't want anyone questioning her. So of course, Karen, who's like, so what about Andrew? And Katie, delusional last Katie is like, you know, I really think that Andrew's ready. He's just waiting for the right time. You know, maybe someone should take him ring shopping. OK, poor, sad, Katie, dumbing, and Karen. She should cut off the milk supply, especially as a mother of three. Aw, gord, who's so bad? These women are so bad. At least on the other shows, they're bad, but they still like each other. This show, they just came out stabbing each other for no reason. What the hell? So then it's time for the drag show. So we see all the drag queens come out of the minivan. Oh, I'm sorry. That was the cast of Real House of Potomac. Comes out of the minivan and goes into the gay bar, where they take seats, and it's like, you know, gay dancing, and gay, and gay, and all that. And then that's when the drag queen was like, we're from Southeast. And that's when, of course, Shari takes that personally. I love that. She's like, you know, this is my ring. This is my ring. I don't think I'm from Southeast. So I don't get when you're a docket drag queen. Oh, you're not probably the scissor circle, so. Oh, by the way, just because I have to point out every time this happens, because it's making me so mad with Giselle and what's her buns, roboom. So Ashley is talking about her preenup. And she's like, oh, I have one, but I've made it a long time. So I have gold posts. Thank you. If I make it to this time, make it a new, a new outfit. And if I make it to this time, make it a car. Like she's explaining preenup gold posts. And Katie's like, yes, I want a gold post as well. Like, that's what I want. Like, you know, I don't mind a preenup, as long as there's gold posts. I'm like, these fucking gold diggers. And then it switches to her saying how she doesn't understand these white men who have all this money, but they don't understand anything going on in the black community. And then Giselle's like, I don't understand why she just doesn't get it. White people just don't like you, boo. Like you want to hang around them all you want to, but they don't. They just don't like you. And so now it starts getting into this whole thing in Giselle. So since Winter's Black Lives Matter to Katie, she just always wants to check the other box. Yeah. I thought that those were some questionable comments as well. And you know, I'm pretty open-minded about all this stuff. And usually trying to like, give everyone the benefit out. But I thought that was, I mean, in certain ways, I knew what she meant, which is that like, you can try as hard to try to be part of it. But just remember there will always be, they'll always see you as black. I think that's what she was trying to say. But to say they don't like you was, I don't know, that rubbed me the wrong way. See, it just rots me the wrong way in general. I just had to point that out again, because it's a recurring theme in this that's really pissing me off with these two women. It is pissing me off. Why does Katie's race have to do with anything? Why is she less black than anybody else? I do not get it, I don't like it. It makes me furious when she acts so snotty. I mean, if you're gonna act snotty with Katie, there's plenty of reasons, you know? Well, but her, I mean, her issue was that Katie seems to want to like be like, embrace this like mixed thing, like that she's mixed or she's Jewish, you know? And then all of a sudden she's talking about like the, you know, like talking as a as a as a mouthpiece for the black community. And I guess that's probably what rubs Giselle the wrong way. But I kind of think that Katie is allowed to sort of have it all to be honest. I think she can speak about black issues because she knows that experience and she can want to be mixed because she is mixed, et cetera. - Yeah, I'll just be who you are. Like, why does it have to be some weird picking side thing due to race when you yourself are light-skinned too? It's just weird. It's like criticism from the light-skinned girls that someone's not black enough. I just do not like it. And that's enough of that because, you know, I'll go for 20 hours about the same thing, but I just had to add that in there. - Okay, back to the drag show. So Michael shows up at the drag show. - Michael shows up and he like taps on Ashley's shoulder and then he just starts frenching her. And he doesn't even like, oh hi, there's not even like a hug. It's like a whoop, whoop, whoop. It's actually disgusting. It's way worse than anything that Katie and Andrew were doing, although it's close. - Yeah, but it's also, you know, Ashley, who they also don't like, so it works out. Now they can love him together and always, since they're already doing that. But so they're making out and then Karen gets so mad. His ass is not gay and he is not a girl. - Oh, yeah. - The jury's out. - Yeah. - And the rest of you. - He's out on this one of those things. So where is he staying? So they start getting pissed immediately. They're like group fight. It's a group fight. And then of course, Karen and her mini me, Jazelle, Jiz, Jiz and Karen going off, like so inappropriate and blah, blah, blah, blah. - This is, I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel sick. We're gonna go home. And then that's when Ashley was kind of like, okay, like, well, whatever, bye, see you at home. Like I really don't care. - I love Ashley, you miss. It's when she's like, I hear what you're saying, Karen. It's just saying, I don't really care. So, bye. - And Karen goes, I don't care is a bad indicator of a hostess. - Yeah. - It's an indicator of a bad hostess. I don't care. It's like in her book. - Yeah, look at it. It looks like you have an etiquette picture frame coming towards you. - You're gonna have, yeah. You're gonna have a really badly printed picture frame coming your old way. - In zapped chancery. - Comic Sans. A hostess always says, she does care about her. - It does. - Well, here's the thing. I mean, like, yes, a host should not say, I don't care if their guest feels uncomfortable, but Karen was being above and beyond ridiculous about Michael being there. It wasn't like he came there with a bunch of like ropes and plans to like tie everyone up and rape them. I mean, he was just there. He was there to surprise his wife. He shouldn't have gone because it's just stupid for him to go. It's the girl's trip. But it's not. So not just her, she gets everybody to fight with her. So it's everybody kind of yelling. And especially Giselle, her little yappie chihuahua over there. So they're both going on about the manners and this and that. And finally, I don't think that Katie, I'm with her for saying, I don't care. 'Cause I like that she's like, I'm not gonna be controlled by you bitches. You come like me or not like me. Yell all you want. Go home, enjoy your ride home in the minivan or whatever the hell they had to ride in. I love that. I thought that was so fantastic. And then Giselle acted like talking like a preacher. Suddenly she's like, I wasn't vatting to a girl weekend. It's like, okay, you need to, you need to sit down there. - I mean, it sucks. I mean, if you are there for like a girl weekend or a guy's weekend and all of a sudden like her girlfriend is there or a guy, it does change things. Like you can't have that sister circle. You can't have the sister circle. But it's also like not a big deal. I mean, you're at like a beach house in Delaware. Okay, this is not. - This is her circle that Giselle refused to participate in the night after she berated the hostess the entire night for being terrible, for giving her a little bed. Like fuck off Giselle. If it was coming from anybody, but those idiots, I would be with, I would be with them. - Well, it's one thing to say, it's one thing to be upset because the dynamic has changed and they didn't know husbands were coming. That's one thing. But for them to not realize that he surprised her and that there's nothing that Ashley can do about it. And that it's not a big deal. That they're only there for like one more night and they're already like at the end of the night anyway. And it's like, for them to say, oh, it's inappropriate. They're uncomfortable. That's where it's ridiculous. - Oh yeah, my husband would not appreciate me staying in a home with another man. What the hell does your husband think is gonna be happening at this house, Karen? Get over yourself. You can dress like a teenager, but you ain't one. No one is chasing your flappy ass vagina. Sit down and be quiet, lady. - Yeah, no it's ridiculous. - Essentially Giselle, what a hypocrite. She's so rude in every scene. And then she's all getting up on manners. I did like that they go home. And Katie's like, well, fine, then just go home. I'm gonna go out with my husband then. - So they're even more furious. So they leave without her. And then they're sitting around, what are they talking about? Still the same thing. Oh, I can't believe she would do this. And then it cuts to the dog licking its own vagina. And I was like, that's so fitting for the scene. - Well, Karen was like, we are victims. I feel like a victim. You made yourself a victim, but doesn't mean you actually are one. - And then Ashley and Michael come back instead of going out. 'Cause I'm sure Michael's like, well, I guess you should smooth things over there in a little less. She's like, okay. So they go home. They're like, what are you doing here? I thought you were gonna go out. - Well, I guess I am still the hostess. So I'm gonna come home now. - And they're like, well, we don't appreciate this. We're having an Ashley moment. And she's like, this is his home. He will go sit in the other room if you want him to. And then Karen starts going off on her in front of the husband. - Which was mortifying. - I said, I'm not comfortable. And you clearly said to me, you don't care. That speaks volumes to me. I'm like, and what language is that speaking volumes to you? I mean, you're being so ridiculous, Karen. - And Michael is just red as hell, standing right behind them. And then just like, you didn't invite us to this, like all up in arms. And Michael goes, look, I came here to have a good time. This is drama. I don't understand. I'll be watching TV. He's like, poor guy. But then he doesn't leave like an idiot. And then Karen, Miss Polite is going off about manners and this and that. She goes, I thought I knew you. I thought I had taught you something. Well, note the motherfucking self. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm Miss etiquette. - Yeah, when I lend my type of support, I expect that respect given back to me. Like, what sort of support did you give? You just shamed her on a ferry boat. And then you came to the beach, that's all. Now you're suggesting your husband is some kind of sexual pervert who's trying to get in your pants, please. And then Karen tells her off in front of Michael about him in his home, which in a housewife show, that is the ultimate sin. Telling somebody off in their own home. So Miss manners, you fucking hypocrite. Michael's standing behind them, totally mortified. And she goes, well, no disrespect. And he said, well, it feels like disrespect, to be honest. She goes, well, I wasn't disrespecting. Like, storms off and she goes, that's what I get for taking you to stray. They piss all over your carpet anyway. Well, how many have, your carpet probably does smell like piss. - And what do you think you were, Karen? What do you think you are, Miss farm girl? Okay, you were a stray. - Exactly, that's probably how a dot feels every time you serve her a lukewarm tea. - Yeah. Mm. - So they're so stupid. So they end up, Giselle and Karen, righteously, fume off and tell everybody off and lock themselves in their room. Meanwhile, the other girl's like, fuck it. Let's just party. So they have the best night they've ever had on this show. - Yeah, they look like they had a great time playing beer pong. It was great. - Yeah, they get wasted party all night. And then the next day, Karen and Giselle are mad that they didn't get the support of their friends because they weren't mean to somebody, but then their friends weren't mean to, which is unsupported. These people, honestly, what a bunch of assholes, Karen and Giselle, what horrible fucking human beings, both of you. - They kept me up, they both cracked me up so much. - I did like that the next morning, Katie's in dark glasses, and she's like, "Have you seen my keys? "Have you seen my keys?" And then it cuts to Ashley going, "Now I haven't seen 'em." - And wiping her nose, I was like, "This is so good." So the two bitches went to bed and Katie whipped out her drugs for everybody. "Hilarious, love it, you go girl." - Well, good times, good times, head by all. - And then it ends with Ashley saying, "Boomy bunny." - It's really big. - I like a magical lunatic circle gloating around her face. (laughing) - That's all everybody. - She gets a line wrong. And then Karen's like, "Well, she's like, "Me too. "Goodbye to me too." What did she say? Something like, "Are you saying goodbye to me?" And she's like, "Yeah, okay, whatever, you too." - And just waves her off, and then Karen's even more furious because now this bitch isn't kissing her ass. And she gets in the car all mad. She's like, "This car smells like crabs." It's like, "Ah, how fitting, what a fitting last line." Go, wreck into something. - Yeah, wreck into something. - Awful human being. Okay, that'll do us for today. - It'll do. - It'll do. - Everybody, thanks so much for listening. Thanks so much for-- - Whoa. - What is that? How fun? - That must be emergency delivery of Sliders to MJ, emergency delivery. - Oh my god. They're just dropping like 50 gallons of halo top on MJ's house. - The Shake Shack did open today, so-- - Shake Shack. - It opened on MJ. - She was in line. She was the whole line. - You have to climb on top of MJ to get to the Shake Shack. Thank you for listening. Thanks for the support. We will see you next Thursday night, the 27th, I think we said, all right. 20, I don't know. Next Thursday, the 20-something. - Well, both, I'd hang out. - Yeah, for the Google chat, hang out. Oh yeah, we'll talk about it on the next episode. Patrick's Day episode. - Come here. - Oh my god. - Oh, the same week, Kenny was green. - Oh, the creeps. - Oh, the creeps. Talk about the morning to ya. - Watchitcraphens.com for all our links, patreon.com/watchwatchwatchcraphens for subscribers, stuff, and bonus episode. We will talk to you guys on Thursday. - Bye. - Bye. 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