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Watch what Crapins would like to think, it's super premium sponsor, Marvin J. Game of Girl. We also love Ms. Staunce of Christianity. We love you guys. That's why it's Shaw's, Vanderpump Rules, Come and Gather Round and Make a Woman Is a Woman Is a Woman. Watch what Crapins, Watch what Crapins, Who cares what happens when there's so much that Crapins, Hello, welcome to Watch what Crapins, the podcast about all that crap. We love to talk about on the ill grabs, I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and as usual, I'm here with the gorgeous talented, you can see the soul in those eyes when you look in there being the wind out sold, Ben Mandelka. Just because you can see the soul doesn't mean you're saying anything good. It's a delicious stormy soul, Ben is on the banter blender podcast, and he's also at bsideblog.com if you want to read all his game board reviews, that shit is hilarious, and I've loved how that is catching on. You're like, hey guys, this is my, it's a bird game right there. Don't you dare turn me into Shina, okay, but I played my party games, I don't turn into Shina, although I did have a dream last night, a very vivid dream that I was hanging out with the cast of Vanderpump Rules, and it was like not just like a part of a dream, you know how that like a dream, like it's going, it's going, and then all of a sudden it changes, and it's like a scene change, and it's like a whole different scenario. It was like the scenario gets unchanging, but it was always with the Vanderpump Rules kid. It's like at one point, it was like, Jax was getting ready to go on a big date with Shina, and I was like watching and like them get, like talk about getting ready and stuff. Another point, there was something going on with James, I don't remember what it was, but like talking to James about something, and then another point, I went to Applebee's, and I encountered Kenton going there secretly with Taylor Armstrong, he was having a fair with Taylor Armstrong, and he brought her to Applebee's. Oh my god, your dreams are so good. It was a great dream, oh it was like the best episode of Vanderpump Rules ever, and then all of a sudden Lisa was next to me, and I was like, your husband is there with Taylor Armstrong, and then she's like, oh yes, yes, yes, no, they're just friends, I was like, are you sure? My dreams, I have the, my recurring dream is I'm lost, like I go somewhere, and then I just can't find my way out, and time is running out, and I'm just lost, I've been in Mexico lost in a hotel, and I can't find my family, I've been, I've just lost, and I know that that's such an obvious fucking dream, I think yours might mean that you need to get checked for some STDs. I think that's what it is, I'd rather be lost, but either way, thank you for mentioning the board game reviews on my blog, because it's really fun writing about them, and carving out a new audience that is interested in that kind of stuff, and I appreciate everyone who is patient when I post a link to the board game reviews on the Facebook page, because I know it has nothing to do with Bravo, so thank you. We know our listeners are really good at just liking only what they like, and I love it, like something will get 500 likes, and then something will get three likes. I'm like, okay, Snapple, Crapels, yeah, no one, we're not a show where you have to worry about your opinion being heard, okay, for all of those who have them. We talk shit all day, please feel free to, and if you want to, do that over at facebook.com/watchbookcrapins where all the, we have a huge community there of listeners who just talk all week, and it is hilarious. You guys are posting great links there, and there are live show threads that go up the night of the shows that we cover, so if you want to talk live with people, that's where to do it. Go to patreon.com/watchbookcrapins to become a premium slope squabble. There's all sorts of J. Yeah, there's all sorts of extras. This week are some new Real Housewives of Beverly Hills gift emojis, and I will also be posting those on Facebook for everybody. There's going to be a whole free package of gift emojis going up today, so go over there and get them. Ringtones are up, we'll play this week's new ringtone on Thursday. But that's it, come to watchbookcrapins.com for our personal links, and we will get on with the damn show now, because we've got a huge one today. We should mention very quickly also that we just recorded a very vivacious bonus episode where we really got into it about the Oscars and OJ. I mean, yes, if you don't like talking political race issues, sorry, because it was OJ and the Oscars this week, and we had fun with it. Yeah. So that's up. Go check that out. And thanks to everybody who's a premium subscriber. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Really, thank you. Yeah. So today we have a Hugh Mongoloid, so we are going to talk Vanderpump rules, but we're also going to get to speak with, "Are your feet cold? My feet are cold. Are yours? My feet are cold." Branded and cragged from newlyweds. Yeah, they're coming on the show that we will be hearing from them shortly. The gals. So they're coming on. But before we get into that, why don't we get into our lovely Crap and Smile bag, Bean? The weekend. The weekend, over there, ending that song. We are getting more and more questions than Crap and Smile bag, which is very cool. I didn't even bet these. We'll just choose them at random. So Sami Suleiman asks, "Is there anyone that you don't have / are unable to do an impression of but wish you could, feeling that who's your least and most favorite to do?" Well, I think the iconic one for that would be Candy Burris. The reason why the Candy Burris impersonation is so bonkers that, "See, no, really," is because her voice is so difficult to do because it goes from high pitch to low grumbling within like a nanosecond. So that has been what, the white whale, I've been chasing it, trying to do it. And after all these years, I still can't do it. Well, stop chasing it because at the end, the whale wins. Here's an example of a Nick the Opera. So spoiler alert, everybody dies, except the fact that here's an example of Candy's voice. It's like you can't, like, it's like an orchestra, it's like a voice orchestra. Years of smoking has taken my high register, so I've only got the low one, I've only got like the fat Albert Gralpara and then Ben comes in and squeaks to make it all okay. I think my personal favorite impersonation to do is Ramona, because I think it's the only reliable impersonation I can do that people like, you know? All the others are like, fine, but Ramona is the one that I feel like that's mine. That's the one thing I can truly do. No, you have a lot of them. Your Ramona though is spectacular. I think that's definitely just the one that I can do. Yeah, that's definitely my favorite of yours. The ones I can't do, all of them, I cannot do anybody correctly, and that bothers me because I'm not really an impersonator, I just make up new voices that are all the same five voices that I use over and over again, so I kind of wish I could do all of them. And my favorite one to do, it's a cross between Carol, who I sound nothing like, and I really like doing Candy's Mom, and also, but my favorite obviously is Lisa Vanderpump, darling, mostly because I can steal my Abfab lines and just move them into whatever Lisa Vanderpump is saying that day. So I really don't do her that well either, but it's my favorite one. I also have to say I do really enjoy doing some Shannon Bador, because that's really dangerous. That girl is a mess that can never be cleaned up. It's like a constantly messing mess. And I love it. And Kristen from Vanderpump Rules is fun because you just have to, anyone can do it. You just go, seriously, seriously. Did you read Deborah Messing? I said Messing, and I did do it on purpose in a certain way. Oh yeah, she's done a big fight with Lisa Vanderpump. That was hilarious, people on Twitter, stop being so serious, okay? The world will still turn. She, Deborah Messing, went on watch what happens and was giving her opinions about everybody. She said something about Lisa Vanderpump being a liar. Oh my God, Twitter went crazy. Lisa Vanderpump was like, someone said, what did you mean by that? When did she lie? And Lisa Vanderpump said, no, the Twitter person said, when did she lie? This is slander, and then Lisa tweeted, yes, that's exactly what I would call it, slander. That's the word. It's, of course, because she's like the biggest victim on earth, so she's always talking about how she's been victimized. So she's like, oh, you slanted me, Deborah Messing. And then it just became this huge Twitter thing, and I was dying laughing. So thank you to CC on the CC, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy on the case case for tweeting us all this stuff, because otherwise, how would I know? We wouldn't know. Catherine asks, if you could clear one person, or have Pauline do it, who would it be? I don't know. I'm having a hard time remembering who I'm feeling rageful towards these days. You know, I think after Brandy Glennville left, I sort of have a void. I feel like probably there's someone on Shaw's a sunset that could probably clear it out. Yeah, Brandy getting fired was definitely one of those Christmases where you just got exactly what you asked for. And then so the next Christmas, you're like, I'm going to be nice to my parents and just not ask for anything this year and see what they get me. Oh, I have one. I would clear Teresa Judas. I know people love her. She just, I can't stand her, and I can't say the way that Bravo fawns all over her. You know, and again, treats her like some poor victim who is sent off, you know, like Nelson Mandela in a cell in South Africa when she defrauded, she and her husband both defrauded people. Like, I'm sick of it. Give me like the old edit of Teresa, you know, when you're like talking, like when you're portraying how like, like self, not self-interested, but like how obnoxious she is like season three, Teresa versus Melissa Gorga, not that Melissa Gorga is a saint, but like give me that Teresa, that's entertaining. But don't give me the sad music of like, I guess while I'd be there for the kids, like, oh my God, you know, I just messed up. I forgot to do the paperwork. Don't give me that one. I don't like it. Well, I would agree with you, except we saw what happened when new people were brought on to that show. And it was those twins. And yeah, stupid Amber Batch. So that's clear Amber. We can clear Amber in the. Well, just they've already been cleared, but yeah, let's just clear that season and bring in new people. Clear that entire season. Oh, you know what? While we're on Jersey, because I think Jersey's coming back soon, I want to clear Jacqueline once and for all get rid of her, I'm not going to sit there watching her sob while she hands her autistic son and iPad. I will not do it this year, okay? I will fast forward through whatever bullshit scene she's in. And I know she's in this season again. So clear. I'd also clear Lauren Manzo and all her egg salad. Clear her. You can probably clear the brothers too. You probably clear the whole man. So I like the brothers. I like the brothers. I have to say I like the brothers and the dad and maybe for like 10 minutes, I've liked Caroline. I like. But I even kind of like Lauren. Isn't that fucked up? Yeah. I actually like Caroline Manzo and I like her, but it's like they're a little bit too in love with their own shit, you know, like I know that Caroline is just talking about the wall. She's just talking. But I know at night she's crying because her husband ain't coming home. He's like staying in his fuck pad above the restaurant. I like vintage Caroline the most, but I still think clear everyone clear. Maybe you can keep Rosie, but clear all of New Jersey. Darling, just clear Jersey. Take Chris Christie while you're with you while you're doing it. Keep clearing. Keep Kim D though. We need to have posh. Posh has got to be our frame. It's our frame of reference. We always keep posh. So keep Kim D, but everyone else clear clear New Jersey. J.C. Poshy. Okay. Okay. What's next? Goodness. Oh, Oliver Haskins asks, which spelling do you prefer? P-O-R-S-H-A as in Porsche Williams or P-O-R-T-I-A as in Porsche Richards or whatever calls last, whatever. Well, it's not fading because today we're going to be talking about Porsche. I mean, today we're going to be talking about Shakespeare. Yeah. I was going to say cause Porsche, Kyle's daughter, Porsche is, that's the experience spelling. And Porsche, Porsche Williams, that's the car. I was going to say, where's the Ford? Okay. But there are a lot of Ford's. Okay. Where's the Hyundai? Where's the Hyundai child of the house? What? That'll be Eileen's next child. Eileen's next child will be the Kia for sure. Yeah. I prefer, I prefer with the TIA, if you had, if Posh came to shove. I do too, because Porsche is just a really stupid person. And as much as I like her, I would never want to give my child that numerology. So if I, you know, if I ever, if there's ever a baby left on my doorstep, it's definitely getting the Shakespeare spelling. Or maybe I'll just totally change it up. I'll just name it like P-O-R-C-H-A, like, Porsche, like a Porsche, like, because I love a Porsche. Or just name your child, "Porchop." "Porchop." "Porchop." "Porchop." We could have called me that. You can't say things like that to a fat person, Ben. Don't you know, I have weight issues, and this, you have just victimized me. Emily Laird asks a question, we get variations on this question a lot, but it's always good to revisit it. What housewives of any franchise from seasons past, would you bring back to the show and why, if any? I think, you know what's so funny, I thought of a good answer to this the other day, and I've forgotten it, but I think Alexis Bellino I'd like to see come back. She is from that brand of righteous, righteous stupidity that is just so entertaining to watch. Yes, I love a righteous hypocrite. Yeah. And I also loved her husband just being more and more awful every season. I mean, between her maxi dresses that she was selling, Alexis Couture, and between her news gigs, she really was comic gold, even if she was absolutely awful. I would actually bring back, I would let you guys, well, Ben, Ben's always the decider, like the one who breaks the vote. You know what I mean? Like if we're tired. I'm always, I always defer to my daddy. So Ben, I will let you choose, I'm going to pick two DC people. I want the crazy bitch, Catherine, she's crazy. You can put her in any city, and she'll just be mean and crazy to people, and I'll love it. Yes. Okay. And Michael Solahi, I mean, what a stupid woman. And I cannot believe we haven't seen her life after that film. It's been amazing. It's gotten crazier and crazier and crazier. It just gets crazier. If I had to choose between the two, I would do count on Manny, but they both are totally worth coming back. I think other people that should be coming back, I think our own favorite Leah Black should come back to something. Turn it down. Be back. I think who, Claudia Jordan, I loved Claudia, and I would like to see her back in the proper context. Yeah, I don't have faith for her, but I don't need her back either. She was fine. Yeah, Lynn Curtin. I miss me some Lynn Curtin. Oh my God. And we could know what's going on with her children and porn and all that stuff now. I mean, that's really good. Your mom, you're out sucking dick on camera while your mom's home glue gunning together purses. I mean, come on. That's a story. Come on, Orange County. Taylor Armstrong. I mean, she's nothing but gold. Yeah, she's the sloppiest gold. She's that gold that hasn't hardened yet. She's still in a big pot of melted gold. That's wobbly melted nonsensical gold, darling. Kelly Bensumone, the queen of nonsensical gold. I think there are actually so many, so many people I would love to have come back. Now that I really think about it. Oh, God. And so many people on their way. That wrap us up for the mailbag, me and I mean, there are more questions, but we can just get them on Thursday. I mean, we have a lot of questions this week, which we try to find one more. Yeah, let's do another one. Um, let's see. Some of these are long, and I'm just trying to... Okay, let's do this one. Jackie Flavin' asks, "Smells like, for Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live Set." Oh, my gosh. Well, poor people, because they have like an audience of just, you know, random poor people that they'll drag in off the street. So it smells like poor people. Flop sweat, weed, obviously. But not weed, the vape weed, you know, so it's like that kind of butane smell. Yeah. And mothballs. I think the Watch What Happens Live Set smells like styrofoam peanuts and jolly ranchers. And vagina spray glue, like Erika Jaretti used. I'll bet there's like a huge whopped of vagina spray glue smell. I feel like it smells like you just bought a new easy pass and you're taking it out of the plastic, mixed with sleepy time too. You know when you pass, when you're about to pass the cafe in IKEA, but you don't know it's coming up, like you're always surprised that it's there, it's just kind of in the middle of everywhere. That smell, you're like, what is that? It's like rotting meat, but also chicken salad and tomato sauce, but also like dead people like that. I think it smells like sparrows with a car in from like Metro North. You know, the only smell in that place is that when Joe Judei sparked that just won't leave the studio, you know there is one, it just will not leave the studio ever. I think it smells like pesto that's been left out on the counter and new slippers. It's probably somebody who hates Andy, like Kim Richards or Danielle Stobb or someone like that. They probably just put like a little piece of rotting meat, like a little piece of rotting hamburger in that dump snoopy thing he has behind his head on his bookshelves. I think it smells like sushi bar meets Windex. Okay, I say but cracks in August and a Febreze plug-in with two competing of scents. It's like a spring clean going up against like a laundry trying to overcome fire and rotting meat. Yeah. Yeah. I think that sounds about right. I think that sounds about right. We'll never know because we're never going to be on it. Yeah. Good for him. If we were going to be on it, we're not going to be on it now, so. Millbag, Ben, before we talk to the boys, can we please, please, I beg of y'all, watch a preview for the Real Housewives of New York City. Yes. Oh, yeah. So the preview came out today for the new season of Real Housewives of New York City and gone our Heather Thompson, Heather Thompson, who the news is that she was fired from the Yummy brand because she's been fighting. Yeah. She's, I believe Michael Cook put this on our wall. I'd be shocked, but weren't him. Maybe it's maybe Cindy C on the case. They battle for the most news. And basically, Heather Thompson has been fighting with the guy who is like the brand's manager and part owner because she was mad that he wouldn't let cameras come into the Yummy offices and which I would be mad about that too. If you were going on to the show to help promote the brand, I would be mad to you. They've been fighting, fighting, fighting. And now she's been fired from the brand. Oh, I thought that was her brand, didn't she start it? That's what I thought, so that's what I thought also. So I think it's craziness. So but Heather's gone from the show and so is Kristen, but in her place is this new girl. So we're going to play the trailer right now. Yeah, we won't talk too much during the trailer because I know our sound is weird trying to talk over it. Like it's hard to get the levels right. So we're going to try and just watch it and then we'll talk about it. Yeah, there are going to be moments where you're just going to hear Caffney, but it won't be that much different than the actual show. Yeah, it's a preview. Yeah, it's just a lot of weird garage band loops and some of them screaming at each other. You're going to hear, you're going to hear like noises and glasses breaking and things falling over a lot. And probably that's at the same time. Oh, my stupid girl laughed. Okay. But then you'll, but then you'll hear the occasional withering Countess Luan remark. So. Oh, is it all? Did anybody read Martha Stewart's Twitter today? I mean, that is not girl code. All right. So Ronnie, you're going to watch it with me? Yeah. One, two, three, go. Oh, my God. We're in the post. A night on the town went haywire when Ramona Singer was ejected. Well, here we go again. Dancing cardboard shots. Super. Luan doing it. Who's the who's the twister? I look in the mirror. I was like, who's that? Oh, my God. That's me. I hate that. I'm on above the glass. The gentleman, but you're around. Ramona's got some new titties. What else can you do to size a book well? How many new titties has she got? I know. Oh, Bethany's soccer mom here. Really? Why can't she just go to rehab? It's so cool. You're insane. You were better. There's a new bitch in town. I come so fast. Like, I have a problem. Hi. Oh, she comes really fast. Oh, she comes really fast. Jules. Not like us. She's still horrible. Of course, she has to talk about her. She's working. We're going to ruin it. I grew up with you. I did your body. My mom's Japanese. She's Asian and Jewish. But you don't have to remember that because she'll tell you, like, two dozen. Great. I'm Asian. I love you. I can't have it. I always like to be very Asian and talk to her. There's not one kid guy at the bar. She's the new Katie. She's the new Katie. You guys want to get over it? You guys want to get over it? You're just like real. You don't leave her ass. I only have, like, five good summers left. And he has, like, 20. Targeting to go. Carol's got it. Luanna's engaged. Oh, John, is that John? That's John. Is that in Google? Glass he's wearing? See you. Why is Bethany dressed like Lady Gaga? Yes. It's getting drunk. Dorinda. We love each other. We don't know what love is about. Oh, fat anger. Angry launderer. Oh, my God. These girls. Oh, my God. Dorinda. Dorinda's going to get mad. Oh, my God. Sonia getting mad. Oh, my God. Sonia getting her vagina worked on like a car, a jiffy lube. Yeah. Yeah. Tell Megan that. Bethany has surgery. Bethany has a living will. Man, Bethany sure likes to cry in a car. She's always crying in cars, Sonia. I'm upset. I bet she drank so much. I've never got a fearful person. She doesn't know what she looks like. Don't talk about me behind my back. I trusted you. I was going through a -- Getting angry now. I need my **** life. I'll take it out. I don't want anything to do with you. God. Keep your ****ing opinions to yourself. You called me a pedophile. It's over, man. You have sex with married men. You jeez. The girls learned how to say "man." The same thing that you do. Ooh. The right place was Dorinda. You can't keep avoiding the girl. Actually, I can't. I should walk away. I'll tell you, woman. What happened? Dorinda. Don't come in and talk about my kids. Oh, Mario. Oh, sorry. That's right. He left you for someone else. Ooh, Dorinda. How are you listening? Check in it twice to take me down. That's it. If no one can be dazed themselves, then you'll all go home. You'll all go home. Back it up. Back it up. Oh, wow. So we have a back it up and we also have a... Dorinda. From the Sonya. I like the way I'm saying, "It's over, man." I love Lee Wann's late sling. It's like everybody on Bravo last night saying "dude" over and over. Like, they're trying to bring it back in and then watch what happens live open with "dude." I'm like, "Oh, come on." You know what? New York City always brings it. I cannot wait. I feel like we're in like a really good place with Bravo right now. Everything has been just so entertaining. So good. These outfits are so good. There's three girls and leather pants sitting next to each other on a leather couch. Bethany, everything she's wearing is angular at all times. She's wearing rectangular jackets, rectangular shapes on her rectangular jackets. I love it. Yeah, I'm looking forward to this quite a bit. And the new girl, I'm excited to see what the new girl is all about. I like that she's getting trash already in the trailer. She's like, "I'm Asian. I'm Jewish. I'm Asian. I'm Jewish. Chopsticks. Sure. I love chopsticks. I also love shabai." Yeah, she's going to be fun. I love New York City. Real House of New York City. It's probably my favorite franchise. I think it is the one that's been the most consistently entertaining. I think it's New York City, then Beverly Hills. I think OC may be number three. It's certainly one of the most fun to talk about because it's some of our most fun impressions all across the board. I don't know about this new girl, but it is going to be fun listening to, say, Asian and Jew every other sentence. I bet Bethany, she's not going to get along with Bethany because now that she's talking about coming in too quickly, Bethany's going to be mad that that's her thing to talk about. So what? I came too fast. When a guy goes down, that's all. Someone else talking with vulgarities at the table. But only when she's slightly drunk and then she's a total prude all the rest of the time. Get out of here, frigid. You could be on the cover of Frozen. But I do love that they picked someone they knew that would go after Bethany and that Bethany would immediately hate because Bethany hates, she's like a Vicki where she hates the younger, prettier one. This girl doesn't look like 20 years old young. She's not like a Kristen who just didn't fit. She's not that much younger, but she's younger. And I have to say, she's thinner. I mean, that must have been very difficult to find someone thinner than Bethany just because you know it's going to piss Bethany's anorexic ass off. Well, I guess we'll see what happens. I'm looking forward to it. But Derinda goes eight sit on everybody. She always does. Derinda shows screaming at Ramona that Mario left her because she's such a witch. Well, John also is going crazy. You know, he was John, John kept it in last season, but this season looks like he's yelling at people. I guess, you know, when you have a dry clean, any stains are good stain. Just lose it all over the screen, though. They'll keep coming. If you got too close to his shrimp cocktail, if you build come, they will come to the dry cleaners. Oh, Bethany and Carol just mostly goes. Well, yeah, my boyfriend's really young. I've only got five years left when he's got 15. Well, who cares? You don't have to spend them all together, you know, spend the next five and then induce him into a coma. Yeah, exactly. All right. So now we're joined by two good gorgeous men, Brandon and Craig of newlyweds. Hi, boys. We're totally making out right now. I can hear the saliva everywhere. You guys are so cute. You even showed up to Skype on video so we could see how cute you are. There's some good forehead going on over there. We are. What we are. I mean, we don't even, we didn't even do any makeup or anti shine on our face. I just shine. You're just just effortlessly beautiful. I get it. I get it. Who doesn't want to shine? I thought you're supposed to want to shine. I'm doing it wrong. I'm like, come here, coconut oil. I'm leaving little snail trails everywhere. I go with my face. Oh, no. I don't think so. When they filmed us for the whole year, it seemed like they only aired the stuff that we're in our 100 degree apartment because the air conditioning can't be on, right? Well, so we're so like, we're big muscular guys. So we're so red in the face and I look like I'm a sweaty mess. Somebody was like, you guys should really stay out of the sun. You're really sunburned. And I'm like, holy shit, it was like 80 degrees in here. The air is off. And yeah, we, we weren't in New York like the rest of. Or how would we get them? We look at Robin Row and they got like reflector lights and all of that stuff. Real close. Where the hell was our good lighting? They didn't give you, they didn't have any like lighting rigs going up or anything in your place. Not really. I mean, it was at times there was that when it was like a dark scene in, you know, in the bedroom. But no, reality TV doesn't give a shit about what you look like, especially when you're guys. Yeah, the guys were, yeah. How long were the, how long were like a typical shoot be? Like, would that be like a four hours that would be sealed down to five minutes? No, not when it's docu series. It's a little different because I think reality TV plans ahead and they like ask you what you have going on. And this is docu series where it was sometimes like eight to ten hours. They, they work a ten hour day. So, so you're, you're there for ten hours at minus the lunch, which is like 30, 30 minutes. They roll the cameras when I need to go like pinch a loaf in the bathroom. Yeah. Well, to be fair, so do you. I was googling you before this and Ben, please play the clip. The Craig open up. It's not the Monday cruise. I mean blues. Then one, right to music. Oh, no, that was the second one. It's Craig open. I think. Oh, I thought it was the morning poo's issue. It's the opening. I love this so much. It was the first, I think it's in your Twitter bio. No, I have it. I have it. This is. Do you have fitness constipation? Is your morning fitness routine stuck? I'm fitness expert Craig Ramsey. Join me for seven days of party training. We're all helping tighten up and lighten up with this crappy workout. So good. What is the context of that? Craig does this bit because, you know, I think in the first episode, you guys were in the first episode of the year. They showed Craig, I think you're on Graham Norton, right? And you were showing your workout around the office cubicle, which was hilarious. We were dying laughing and it's everyday workouts, right? So this one is your morning poo. Like you wake up and you work out while you're on the toilet. Dying, Craig. Absolutely. I mean, I eliminate those excuses of I can't get to the gym. Well, guess what? The world is your gym and everyone takes a dump and they might as well pump while they do that. Why not? You're using toilet paper as a thigh master. The second, the second move is called the seat hover. The third one is called the pile of flops. It's actually plié flops. Oh, I'm sorry, my typing. I was laughing while I was typing. You know, this is good to know because I am drinking some Giago coffee and as Craig and Brandon know, Giago coffee, you don't mess with that. You don't mess that shit at all because it's going to come out strong. Poop juice. It's coming back out one way. It is jet fuel. Yes, I've seen you guys at that coffee shop, but that was before we became Twitter friends. So just I would just admire from afar. We love it there. I know, me too. You guys should just tweet each other from the coffee line. Let's do it. I know they're like every day. Yes. So how do they, you were mentioning a little earlier how this is different than a normal reality show just because they're shooting it for an entire year. How many days of the month do they shoot you guys? I mean, it seems like they're going. What is it once a month that they show up? How does the schedule work for this? It varies at times. It was quite intense and many days in a row. And then other times like two or three weeks even went by. I think because it shows that our highlights of what we have going on. It will chose my highlights and my hair and the highlights in our life. Right. And what's kind of unique too is that because it is docuseries, we have to find the places that we're filming. So when we're not filming, we actually have to let the places know that we're going to. So it's locations and a lot goes into it that doesn't normally in a regular reality show. So a lot goes on the wayside like 95% of what we film, you don't see. And that's kind of sad to me. And I mourn a lot of the footage that we were able to offer viewers that unfortunately. Give us your tops. What are the storylines that were in there that were completely on the cutting room floor? The very first promo ad, do you remember when Craig and I walk out? It's not that I dress in a big fur gay coat every day. They filmed us down doing Halloween on Santa Monica. So we went as Liberace and his lover. And we were in a limo with my 80 year old grandma who was completely wasted. She was so wasted. Grandma loves bottles of wine at one sitting. And she's so funny. And that's gone. Our business, a fit and fab, which we married at the same time as marrying each other of my fitness expertise and Brandon's beauty stuff. And you know, we had tons of clients that wanted to be on board with this and showcase their journey. And that all that all is. I mean, we filmed with Candace Kane. Lisa Lampanelli roasted us after Craig sang to me. She got up on stage and roasted us. We're actually going to post the video of it because it was hilarious. And I can't believe that it wasn't shown. Oh, I love that lady. And it was an actual year. They actually filmed you for an actual year. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. And so how did you feel about what wound up on the air? I think that we're just grateful for the experience itself. And we sit in that place of gratitude. I mean, as I said, I really mourn a lot of what wasn't seen. And also you don't anticipate sharing a show with other couples that we have. We had up to date. No idea who they were. It's not housewives. And I kind of I would prefer the format of a team that is cohesive and working together. Because you don't you don't know what they're they're doing in the other people's stories. And of course, they don't want they don't want to the couples kind of going to have. Exactly. They're like, you are not going to redo your bathroom. This season. Okay. Well, you know, I think you guys should be pretty grateful because I mean, if there was any like those other couples are making you guys look so much better. I mean, they are doing I'm not that you guys look bad and they're they're lifting you. But I mean, if there's anyone that you want to be put up against those other couples. Yeah, well, you know, that's the thing that's here's the great thing about not knowing the other couples is we can't be blamed for that. You know, we we went went along and we were being our authentic selves and and we knew that whatever ended up there. Yeah, we mourn the stuff that wasn't on there, but the stuff that's on there is still us and and it's it's so good. I'm really happy with what they chose and how how I guess they portrayed us, but ultimately you are who you are when you do a docu series like this. If it's an exaggeration of who you are, but if you're an asshole, guess what, you're going to be an asshole. Yeah, if you're on a loving and I think Brandon and I, we love each other and that's apparent and that comes out. Yeah, I have to say, I mean, you guys really I mean, it was you guys are like by far. I don't want to say like the best couple because that's like it's weird to say the best couple, but honestly, as a as a viewer, you guys are like the best couple. You know, it seems like you guys really care about each other. I'm sure every I'm sure all of them care about each other in some way, but you know, you know, I thought it was actually nice that the that the gay relationship was sort of like the most normal and the sweetest and the and the the most loving or at least as as presented to us. And I thought it was also like a nice I thought it was like also a nice portrayal of gay love that, you know, sometimes on reality TV, you know, if they put gay people up up there, it is just like just one type of gayness. Well, yeah, they put you they put you in the promo in a damn full length fur, you know, that's what they want to show. They want to see, you know, and it's nice to see like different facets. But it's also nice that you are like you are a stereotype in a way. I mean, one of you is a hairdresser and one of you is a Broadway singer. So I really like that because as someone who is a stereotype, like I follow our our sisterhood stereotypes. And I like it that we can still, you know, those stereotypes come from places, but it doesn't have to come from an evil vicious mean place, even though I do, but it's nice to see, you know, you guys not you guys are, you guys are doing the community pride, y'all. Yeah. Well, thank you for that. Yeah, thank you. That's that's really nice and reassuring. I mean, ultimately we are who we are and if we fit a stereotype, then that's fine, but we're stereotyped that's in love and we deserve every single opportunity of marriage equality that a butcher couple or a straight couple would have. You know, I think that the thing that sets us apart too is Craig and I actually have a sense of humor. And, and I, you know, we, we don't take ourselves too seriously because it all obviously yeah well, you know, we were the gay couple. So it's like, there, there, there is some humor in that. And, and I think that where the other couples, what, what you see is the fact that I don't see them laughing at themselves very much which, which I think Robin Rhodes used to some degree to some degree the Robin Road, but yeah, I know what you're saying. I think that it's harder sometimes just because it's hard to even compare because our cultures are so different. And we get to have, I mean, look, we get to fuck so much. Really, by the time we can fuck anybody. It's not about that or feeling lonely or just being with somebody because you don't want to die alone and stuff like that. Like, generally, it's taking us a lot longer in the years before we're ready to settle down and stop being, you know, kind of host, I guess, or, you know, it takes a lot more thought. It's like planning a life, whereas I think some of the younger straight couples are like, you know, like that Erica girl. She's like, well, she cheated on me with 18 hookers in Brazil, but, you know, we already made the spaghetti. So let's do this. And chicken, it was only 14. It was only 14 not 18. Oh, 14 14. I mean, I'm undocumented. Yeah, that's the thing to for us. We, we were so grateful to even be getting married. I mean, you know, I think that that straight people, too, I think it's, it's, it's a given for them and it's not something that they, it's not so new and fresh and I was completely grateful that I was even given this opportunity and this experience. So I, I love being married. I was more fabulous than what they showed though. Can I share with you? Yeah, do it. Yes. Okay. So like, I couldn't decide which bridesmaid was going to be my maid of honor. So, I mean, yeah, I'm like, please. I had three rotating best women that were at my wedding. So every 20 minutes an alarm went off and I would have to rotate them. Which was spectacular. And I camped the shit out of my wedding party before, before the wedding when Brandon had mayonnaise and petties with his. I actually boot camped them and Crystal was barfing everywhere. God bless her. That's why you're rotating her ass off the bench. You're like, Crystal's still barfing. Get me two backups. Exactly. Craig invited every fucking person in the audience to be in his line. And so it, it was quite obnoxious because I, I didn't have anybody and then it looked like I was lonely. So I had some Latvians. I ended up adding people because your line was clear down the, your guests were, were walking each other in his line. They were walking each other down the aisle. I love that you're just like single filing it down. I love that about you. You're like, I'm the ugly one. You're hot. Shut up. How are things going with Crystal, by the way, because she gets talked about quite a bit. Like, has she now the show's air? Is she like, has she been like, hey, that, like, that's, that's my laptop. No. Crystal's got the busted ass computer, hand me down, which she's, she's still recovering from. I don't know. Sorry. Well, look, if she does actually have to carry your old baby, she gets a new computer until then she's getting the refurb. I'll give her the new computer. I took back from her. She's getting it down. Crystal's doing really well. And, and I think that that was so accurately portrayed because Crystal is my sister and portrayed by both the production and by you guys because I love when you talk about Crystal. We asked if anybody had questions for you guys today on our Facebook page. The number one question from people was, where's Crystal? What's Crystal doing? Oh, you know, the, the thing is also, I have to say, I mean, Crystal gets a lot of credit because there was a lot of, there's a lot of Crystal talk and then she finally shows up and you're almost expecting this, like, showdown. You know, it's like, well, Crystal, Crystal had Craig first and all that stuff. And she was like, Oh, yeah, cool. Yeah. No, that's fine. She's like, bye, guys. Right. Yeah, that's totally crystal. Like, I love you. My womb is your womb. Call me soon. Thanks for the petty. You know, what's so funny about her. Like, on when we were on Watch What Happens Live is the bartenders. Everybody's writing all these things and all Crystal comments. She's like, my gays are better than yours. Crystal, Crystal dropped 100 pounds in during the filming of over a year. And I, so I think people are confused. There's like so many different versions of Crystal and, and it bounces back and forth because of editing. So all of a sudden, Crystal's like 80 pounds heavier. And then she lost it. And then she's like, she has a real disorder. Well, yeah, that's, that's how I am. So maybe that's why I'm so in love with Crystal because I'm like, that'll gain 80 pounds in a damn month. I just like that she looks like Shirley Manson. My favorite. Totally, right? Yeah. She's one of my favorite. That's a compliment. In case there's any ambiguity, that's a compliment. Shirley Manson, I bow down to her. Great. Tell them, Crystal's Abbey story. When she went to the Abbey, years ago, when I was in, in Mamma Mia, Crystal came to stay with me for three months. And we were at the app. And it was like Brandon's outside on a, on a doorknob. Now I think I planned some style. Some Twinkie Gay comes up to, to Crystal and remember how they have a bakery at the Abbey. She was punching down on a carb, like a big bagel. And he looks at his watch and he goes, Oh, honey, don't you know it's after midnight? You shouldn't be having those carbs. Oh, no. What kind of queen in the Abbey would say that to somebody? I mean, that's the whole reason they have the bakery is for us to bring our fat friends. I mean, no offense, Crystal, but I mean, look, all gay men have their best friend and we complain about body issues together. Of course, you take them to the Abbey. You can look at the hot strippers and they get to eat a pie. Yeah. Well, she didn't finish that bagel. She actually threw it at that queen as he was dancing on the dance floor and it just popped right off his head. Cream cheese and everything. And Crystal just looked away like it wasn't her and she went about her business. Good for her. You go, Crystal. Yeah, that's exactly what you should. She should be on Bravo. I mean, like, you guys are nice and everything, but if she's throwing pie at people at a gay bar, she should be at, she should be on one of the housewives. Real housewives are a buy hop. Yes. This is just hurling pies of people. Do you like how now Crystal has taken over the podcast? See this classic crystal. We're just talking about it still now. Yeah, I think he has a plan. So, Ivan Mende has asked us, asked you guys, after watching yourselves on the show, do you regret signing up for it? Well, you heard that. No, you don't, right? No, no. Sorry. I wrote these. I copied and pasted these before we talked. So, Julianna says, Oh my God. Oh my God. Love them. All I have to say is that they are in some strange and crazy company with that show. Do you want to talk trash about anything? Have you met all of the other cast members by now? You have now, right? Okay, so after Craig and I reached out to everybody, we did because we figured, you know what, even though a lot of these people, we have nothing in common with. They, we still share the experience, which was for them. They went through the same thing. So yeah, we have talked to everybody and, and we hang out a lot with with Tara and Rob, because they're here, you know, they're in Malibu. Yeah, that was actually the next question. Someone said they're stalking your Instagrams and you've been around Rob and Tara in quite a few snaps. Are you, are they being edited to look awful or are they terrible spell? Well, here's the thing. Tomorrow night on the finale, I think that you'll get a more well rounded portrait of who Rob is. Tara is, is one of the most delicious people I've ever met. And there's nobody that comes in contact with her that doesn't think so. So I just think that there's a lot of things that people don't know about her. They have three kids. She's, she's a mother, 50% of the time to Rob's three, four year old, five year old, and an 18 year old. Tara also has several autoimmune disorders. Vertiligo is one of them. So she, she does suffer from like the, the skin pigmentation. So she's, she, you know, she's such, she's got such a great attitude with, with all the, all of the things that she's faced with. So I, I have a soft spot for. And they're taking the heat off of us. Like, stereotypically, a lot of their issues would be the gay couples issues that are so the general public would think. So all of a sudden. How do you mean specify? Well, all of a sudden they have family bed. You know, they're, they're the ones that are inviting others into, into their marriage and things like that. I think that they're there. They're right. You know, the idea that, that straight marriage can also redefine itself, just like gay marriage can now be more traditional. So I appreciate the fact too that she doesn't, if you go on social media, she does not apologize and she doesn't justify. And she's, she still just puts a smile on her face. She's not out there, you know. She, she's, they're, they're proud of their marriage and they're proud of who they are and I respect. And I respect that. Yeah, not got to be rough. Because then people not only judging you on TV, but then when they have so many problems with your relationship. I mean, as I mean, I talk about it all the time. So I won't hear it because that's rude. But obviously people like me, shit talkers, well, are just talking mad shit. And it's not only about you. It's about your relationship. And why the hell would you feel this about this person? It's probably a beer saving. I mean, that's got to be rough. Yeah. Cause we go in on them. We really do. So it's like a little shocking to me to hear. I mean, I shouldn't be shocked because if there's one thing that we've learned about reality TV is that what we're presented is often very different from the actual reality. And we've always been pretty good about acknowledging that we are just reacting off of what we see on TV and that, that the real people on these shows are often quite different than like what, what we're presented, but we still, we still go in really hard. So that kind of sucks for them. If, if they're like lovely people and they're just getting this terrible, terrible edit. But I think that they're lovely on the show too. I, I, I maybe I'm alone here, but I look at them and I'm like, Oh my God, Tara is a hoot. Like, I think that they're still fun and I still see love in their relationship. They're just very different people. There's a huge age difference. And they, they're navigating their relationship and their marriage at the same time because I don't think they've been together as long as like Brandon and I have. And, and that's the thing. They're not fabricating who they are. The people that you're watching are still them. Nobody scripted their stuff. They, they chose, you know, they chose to. It's highlights of who they are to be honest. So it's like, you know, that, that's where I don't think people also judging. They're also judging things that they put out there themselves. So, you know, and, and that's, that's a thing. 14 in Brazil, right? Yeah. I mean, that is just crazy. But just to finish with, uh, Robin, Tara, really quick. I think it's got to be fascinating for them to see what they look like on TV and get reactions from people because even even in the work, what I would other people would say, like that relationship's not going to work. That's the worst thing. You can still, these shows are so great because you can see why people are together sometimes. Like, he doesn't speak to the family, but he marries somebody who's obsessed with family because that's how their culture is. So he knew that before, and it's very interesting to see him not even see that he has an issue, but you can see it just because you from the outside, you know, exactly totally. Tara belongs on Shaw's a sunset. Yeah. Yes, please. And this, this show and the format of this show, I don't know if it's the exact right fit because most people that tune in want to relate their relationship or their marriage to these couples. Tara brings up a lot of shit for people. Tara the young girl, like most women are going to watch it and not like her just because she represents the young girl that people left there, the husbands that it's for, you know, so automatically she's going at she's going into this with, with people not on her side. She wants to be also in four months in while having a fair with him. So yeah, I think anybody in a relationship who sees another relationship that, I mean, publicly admitted, they publicly talked about it, starting with an affair and cheating and pissing all their family off and then him not seeing why that would even piss the parents off and I think that people are just grabbing their husbands like you better not snap your work. Yeah, and Rob also represents that that certain brand of husband that or partner in general that that we've met. We've seen time and time again where like someone starts, you know, a relationship with that person and you never see that person again because they are now like in a relationship and so I'm sure people are also invested in the in the Rob storyline to because it's like, oh, there's that. That's like my friend who like her, her, she only hangs out with her husband's friends are like, he won't let her hang out with someone so so I'm sure it's like extremely relatable to a lot of people. But man, I mean, because we, but we really go in on them. Now, Craig, how do you feel you the thing is is when we listen to you guys you guys are spot on with everything. You go in on all of us and I what I what I think is so funny is that you guys are so right. You're right spot on. Oh my God, you guys, I'm making your ringtone of you saying that because that's all I like to hear in life is just people saying you're right. You guys are so right. That's what that's what we find so funny is because it's like, you're so right from crystal to Robin Tara to Donna's Erica Robin row. You guys nail it every single time and it's so funny. Well, I love to talk shit because I've got so much shit. I'm always projecting my own insecurities and weirdness onto other people. And that's why I watch these, I think, because I can talk shit about people and at the end of the day, I kind of learn more about me. Oh, this is true. Frank, how did you, how did you like your portrayal because I think, I mean, you guys, your relationship has been more or less. Again, it's, I think it's gone a pretty good edit. I think the only the only times that there's been sort of a portrayal of anything negative has been this view of you, Craig is being more immature or childish or childlike. Like, how did you feel about that? Well, I am. To be quite honest, I'm musical theater. I'm fitness. I am intelligent with what I do professionally and I'm quite serious about my business. I could not believe you could sing so well. I could not believe it. I mean, this is a Bravo show. I really thought they were going to set you up to just look like a dodo bird and you could see, you can really sing. He has a voice. Well, I also, I was a dancer on Broadway. So I'm actually known as a top notch dancer, that can sing. So thank you so much because I do have insecurity with my voice, not with my dance. Wow. You've got a beautiful theater voice and I love that you just said I'm known as a top. I almost started cracking up at you. When were you dancing on Broadway? What shows did I do? No, just like, well, what shows and like, when was that that you were mainly active on Broadway? I was with a ballet company, the Row Winnipeg Ballet and I'm a trained contortionist. So that's how I got Brandon to... Oh, whatever. I secured the relationship with eight-six with me being a contortionist. Yeah, one thing that says marry me like someone who can put their heels behind their ears. It wasn't for cleanliness, that's for sure. We just referenced my legs behind my head and you just said it wasn't because of my cleanliness. I'm very clean out there, y'all. Very clean. You got some, yeah, that's funny. I think that I was accurately portrayed. I think that I bring fun and an entertainment factor to my relationship with Brandon. Like, I think that I make everything a fun experience and I think that that translated well. But I do take my business very seriously and unfortunately I don't think that they captured a lot of what we do professionally. So it didn't resonate well with a lot of our clientele who know me as a top-notch fitness expert. I mean, they filmed, for example, they filmed me doing the cover. I did a photo shoot for the cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine. And the only hair, I love it. They were like, "He's so busy. He's a celebrity stylist and every picture they showed was of me and Craig." Do my hair. Yeah, me doing Craig's hair in the front room or bathroom. Yeah, your leg, Craig's like, "Well, that's accurate." Yeah, right. Please caption this with top-notch. Thank you. Exactly. Craig, you're so cute. I like that you make Brandon more serious and you make Brandon loosen up a bit and Brandon makes you more serious, you know? The yin and the yang, if you will. Definitely. Well, who are your celebrity clients? Because we at least got to see some clips of Craig, but we haven't seen any of your real-life job. Thank you. I do a few people. A lot of people that I can talk about that I haven't signed NDA's for is like Jada De Laurentis is one of my clients. Well, you just got her a husband. Nice work. Yeah. Yeah, Nickelodeon. I do a bunch of the Nickelodeon kids. I do Lilamar from Bella and the Bulldogs. I do Broadway stars, Stephanie J. Block. I do Richard Kind. I do Jack Coleman from Heroes Reborn. I do Jess Camarazz from ABC's Chasing Life. Oh my God, no wonder we're traveling all over the world. Do you do anyone at the Oscars this week? You know what? This is the first Oscars, yeah, Nick Lett Sheridan. This is the first Oscars I did not work because we've been so busy promoting our show. So I actually took the award season off this year, which I can't say. So did I. It makes you feel any better. I took it off too. Yeah, it was nice. Well, you know the gift bag was the worst ever. It was just like a big gold bag full of Wonder Bread. Oh, good here to miss. Yeah, I would have eaten that. And Craig, do you have any ambitions to go do more musical theater? Oh, I mean, is that something you're also working on or is that something that's in the past? You're now focused more on fitness. I would never close any door. I want to go into Joseph singing. Close every door to me. Yeah, I'm with you, girl. Yeah, me too. I had that soundtrack growing up. Oh, we all did. That's how we learned how to sing. Thank you, Donnie. That's how I learned. That's where I learned that you can really wear so many different colors and still match. Totally. It's gay fabulousness. It's like gay people do all the colors. It's that musical. Thank you, Tim Rice. I would go back if I had the opportunity, I guess, in the right opportunity. But, you know, I combine my entertainment background with my fitness. And I've really found a passion for making fitness fun for people. And I think that that's what's missing out there. People are taking it so seriously and everyone's so sick to death of the stress of reps and sets. Where my job is to kind of heal people's baggage with fitness and the judgments, the self judgments they have. So I still feel like I'm performing and I have that check mark, but I combined it with my fitness. Right. That's good. So what other bravo shows do you watch? Do you watch any? Are you guys Bravo? Bravo gays? Or do you mostly watch other types of TV? All of them. And we're friends with a lot of the housewives. So we're friends with like Brandi Glanville. We're friends with Gina Kia. We're friends with Jackie from Real Housewives of Annell Bourns. The Vanderpump rules people. I mean, a lot of more clients, right? Right. So we have an invested interest. Well, and Craig, weren't you on you were on intervention with Gina Kia, right? That's where I met Gina. I did. Yeah, I did that show. And have you guys been following Workout New York? Couldn't make it. Could not. So I watched, if they say brand one more time, I'm going to blow that building up. I watched the first, I watched the first three episodes. I didn't mind it. Ronnie had a visceral reaction against it. No, I definitely, I was like, no, I refuse. I'm out of this relationship. I will not watch this show. I made it through to. Well, Connie, if I'm, if I somehow make an appearance, would you watch it? Of course. Okay. It's not every day. I mean, just don't get a job on that show, please. We know each other for real now. I can't support that. I client Lindsey Clayton's on it. I love her. She was a little redhead that got torn ACL. Oh my God, I feel so bad for her. She's like, I want to train people, but, you know, can't walk. So what does she do? The arm machine? You know, the arm bike. Right. I kind of just took a hiatus from all fitness while doing a fitness show, which is kind of funny. But she's back at it now. She looks fabulous. And her message for women is just spectacular. So I support. Yeah, she does. Her and a friend do the brave, brave body project, which is about girls, real girls that want to include fitness, but also want to have a glass of champagne and eat, you know, eat a bagel. Right. Throw a bagel. Yeah, I'm not a, I'm not a skinny girl, but I'm, I can fit in a plane seat girl. That's, I think that that's kind of where America needs to turn now. Okay. You don't have to necessarily be the size of a vodka bottle, but you do have to fit in a plane seat. So it's like, come somewhere in between maybe. How do you guys feel about like fitness, like the role of being physically fit, et cetera, in the gay community, because, you know, Brandon, you mentioned on one episode about how gay guys would come up to you and be like, how did you get him? And it's like a big, that's a big, there's a lot of like body snobbery in the gay community, like a lot of rude queens. Oh my God, this neighborhood. Who does this? I know. Yeah, my, you know, that's one of the things too is I think we had a platform and I really wanted to talk about the things that, that and be vulnerable and, you know, it was embarrassing to bring up some of this stuff, but I did it because it would, it helps people, you know, and I've suffered body image issues my whole life. And especially being in the gay community, it does not help, you know, yeah, we, we're judged a lot just on our parents and not. Well, that's because it's self judgment. Yes, you're so right. The judge, Brandon or us or whatever it may be, or if we're too feminine. I mean, it's their own baggage and let's also recognize that gays have baggage because we have been bullied and because that's what we know. Especially America and I come from from Canada when I had a slightly different upbringing that was a little more kind than a lot of my American friends. But we also have to have compassion with that. And I think Brandon and I do too. If it comes from, from someplace that's negative, we, we bring light and love to it, but we also call them out on it and say you don't have to be like that. Well, so I'm going to talk shit here. Do it. Yes. Yes. So I was on an episode of RuPaul's Drag U. I don't know if you guys saw that. Yes. Oh, no, I didn't. But I remember the show. Yeah. Yes. So here, here's, here's a prime example. They had not announced the drag race season winner that year they were going to do the show and announce it that weekend and it was Sharon Needles. My episode, I was on there with Pandora Box, whose I love is lovely, Raja and Sharon Needles. They were the three queens that were helping the girls. And my, you know, I come out on set and the, the person, you know, Sharon Needles whole platform that year was that she's the underdog. She was bullied. She was this. She was that. I walked out there and I tell you what, she was the biggest bully to me through the entire episode. And she was my favorite that season and I went home and I was so upset because I was like, you're still upset. I'm still upset. Yeah. Because I hit my point to this being that people, even if you have a pre, if you think you know what's going through somebody else's mind because they have a nice body, they look good. You don't know these people, we're all still really, you know, we're going through our own insecurities and dealing with our own things and, and I, I just wanted to show people that regardless of what you see or what you think you see, we're all struggling with, with our own worst critic critic and that's ourselves. We don't need any help. Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. I got my smart ass tongue and my hatefulness from not being able to fight physically and so I would just make people laugh. And so a lot of my mean humor comes from that and I see it being older and mostly just kind of getting told off on the internet to be quite honest, just from being out in the public in a way. And people will tell you off and I kind of realize like, yeah, it's, it's about we want everybody to accept us, but we haven't accepted us yet. Yeah. And we've got all these new roles that we're living and no one really knows quite how to do it yet. And when you are accepted and embraced by a community or the normal community and you've got like your mom's friends on Facebook who when I was a kid, I would have thought I'd get strung up being from Texas and I just being a born again Christian, et cetera, et cetera. And then they've got Facebook. They've got the Facebook gay flag on their picture and I mean, everything's changed so fast. I don't even think we know how to deal with it yet. No, but it's also funny. Like there's so many times, you sort of getting back to what you're saying Brandon about how like, or Craig, about how so much of it is really what's going on in someone's head, not like when you're when you're criticizing someone it's usually it's the person coming up to you saying that remark. It's what it's what they're going through. And I it's something that I deal with all the time, you know, in just in the most random ways I was looking at I follow this guy on Instagram, just like this hot buff guy. And you know, because you know why not little eye candy and like he recently he got like new teeth. And I was like, this guy is so vain, like his teeth look perfectly fine. That was getting new teeth like that's ridiculous. Why did he get new teeth like I'm a little over this guy now. And then he put up a little video saying that he wanted to get new teeth because ever since he was a little kid, one of his teeth was like discolored and he was something he was really insecure about, but he finally was able to get new teeth. And I was like, okay, well, I'm an asshole because like I just totally read all this stuff into that. That wasn't even there. It was just that this guy was like he didn't like his teeth and he wanted to fix his teeth and it's like. Oh, yeah, I guess that's some of my self loathing coming out, you know, so it's true so much of it is is really about the person who's launching these attacks but that's why we have a podcast. You guys aren't assholes. No, I don't see it. So there's there's a difference in calling people out on what they're doing and and how they're acting and then calling people out on stuff that that that is emotional and internal. You can't do that. Didn't you guys don't. Didn't you guys say I had close said eyes which I thought it was so funny. We laughed so hard. No, I you look like a Disney baby like the baby from Peter Pan isn't there a little baby in there like that kind of that just Disney drawing of the big gigantic baby blue eyes and especially when you do your pouch. When you do that. Yeah, I just think you look like a cute little Disney baby drawing. I feel like when someone's hot you're allowed to you're allowed to make some there's a little bit more wiggler room of like making making fun of how they look because they just basically look so hot so it's like whatever, but, you know, yeah, we get in trouble sometimes for stuff we say about people that is just just caddy and mean I mean look yeah I mean sometimes you just can't hold it, but like Kyle Richards from Beverly Hills I'm constantly commenting every week about back fat shots, but it's not because she's fat. I think it's hilarious that Kyle Richards thinks she's fat like to me. That is a funny insecurity and she refuses to wear her proper size like she wears what I call her goal size where you're like I want to be a size one or whatever and so you buy that size even though you have five. And then it just makes everything wrong and that's what bugs me it's not fat it's the fact that she can't she can't deal in her own reality you know what I mean. But then of course it sounds like I'm just calling someone, you know, fat every week. Yeah, that's the thing and I think that that's where there's a difference. I think it's funny. It's like honestly when we post this thing with Lisa Lampanelli you guys will die she if I can read us up and down she and it was so funny because it's all just true stuff. She is great I run a Ben and I are both from TV recapping like we do we make fun of everything in written form as well and I'm still working with one of those sites. And we did celebrity apprentice I didn't write it personally but it was on my site a few years ago when she was on it. And this woman just rate Lisa Lampanelli over the coals I mean she hated her she was so mean and Lisa Lampanelli would quote it and retweet it every week and be like bring you know be harder on me you're being a pussy. I mean I love that. I love that about. Yeah you got to love people who are able to take the joke which is what's really cool about you guys even coming on here it's not that we've even really been so harsh on you guys but like you know there's some people who just just the stuff that we have said to you about you guys. They would be like well fuck those guys those guys are asshole podcaster. It's cool when people can like take the piss out of themselves. It goes back to what we were saying though we find the humor in all of this it's humorous you know we're putting ourselves out there. You know that's the thing is when you open yourself up to this everybody on social media has a right to their opinion. Oh but it's hard though I say that all the time but man I'll cry like a little wuss. But you know what if we couldn't do it and it wasn't except I wouldn't put myself out there. Yeah if I can't take that you know I wouldn't do it and we're opening ourselves up to it. So actually I actually would love because we only interview we don't do very many interviews obviously but we just do it when we're having fun and usually it starts on Twitter we just start talking on Twitter. Something like that so we we're pretty compatible with most of the people we talked to. I would actually love for somebody to come on that just hated my guts and told me off. I think that would be so much fun to have like a real fight with somebody about something. I know but it can't be you what the hell. Oh we have never got your family planning. Oh yeah yeah. I know someone that would get really angry. Who? Talk shit about Rob Bran and have him on you know he's he doesn't deal well with it. Rob all yellow Rob from Jersey right. Oh yeah. No he's cute. Oh yeah. Just tell him he's yeah tell him he's actually from Jersey. Oh snap hole. I know someone said that last time. Someone commented on that last week that they were like he's not even in New York City. He's in Jersey City. Tell him to shut up. He called some woman at cat on Twitter and she didn't think anything. Oh my god. He lights up pretty quickly. Yeah I don't like how I don't I don't like how he speaks to women. I said that the first day but yeah. I wish because I feel like when he's being like calm and quiet he's actually very sweet. But then he just becomes a total asshole when when he gets mad and that really bothers me. It makes me angry when when hot cute people are dicks. He is cute though. He wins. You see you can always forgive him at the end of the day. See that's the thing. That's the thing with gays. It's like well you know good chess will go a long way sometimes. They're such a pretty couple but I they're. We don't know. No we just don't know. They're very pretty couple though. Oh so you guys haven't met them in real life. You guys haven't all met each other. Haven't you had a cast party or something? No. No I mean they stay there. They live somewhere. Bravo you cheat bastards at least get some south west vouchers and fly everybody to Vegas or something. I don't know that I would want to meet all of them. You don't want to know what they're gonna want us. Well it ain't housewives you know. We didn't we had this similar experience but not the same experience of filming for a year. And nor do we know them and I think it confuses the the viewer when we're when we're engaging too much with all of them. I mean we're starting a relationship with Tara and Rob and that that's obvious and we like what we see but we're able to to have a relationship with them that's apart from the show. So we don't know these people. Yeah so has anybody been sniping at each other on Twitter like have there been any fights amongst the cast on Twitter or Instagram or whatever. I don't I don't think so not not not purposefully directed. Hopefully to to us. I'm kind of naive and blind to this though. Well and I'll just be honest here I ignore everybody else's posts except for Tara and Rob's. They've been sweet we've talked to Erica and Adonis but I don't see their stuff ever they're not on social media. Yeah I once I once went on to Adonis's Twitter feed maybe like a week or two ago. And like the picture I don't remember was the banner picture the profile picture was him like slashed over trying to look cool on his Lamborghini and I was like I can't I'm sorry. We just saw that breakdown on the side of the road two weeks ago. Get out of here. I'm having any pictures. Yeah so I you know that's the thing is the only people I I really peruse their their social media and I'm involved in is Tara and Rob's and that's because I really do consider them friends. We want the best for all these couples I think that that's that's what you understand is we see the love that all of them have for each other and we know the stress that a year of filming can bring and our hearts go out to all of them. Especially when there's some serious issues there which I think all four couples have but ultimately we want it to to benefit them. We want them to get what they want out of it but and we want you guys to make fun of us while we're doing it. We can do that we can always do that it helps us get through all of it. Well it's almost done damn it there's only one more episodes there's not a reunion or anything like well I guess there wouldn't be since you're all separate do they do any kind of follow up with you guys. We don't know we might hear from them I think it all depends on what the what the viewers want. I think Bravo really respects hearing from people so if any of your listeners want that then just ask. Yeah and and this isn't the last time you guys will see us I mean we you know we're we're definitely doing our own things and work out to drag baby comes out. So no one a week and a half a week and a half. Did you already talk about workout to drag what is that is that a drag queen workout show. Well it's not a workout specifically for drag queens it uses drag queens in it and it's Brandon and I with Pandora box drag star Pandora. And it's the most entertaining and unique fitness DVD to ever hit the market. So funny more than a donkey booty like stallion booty rivalry of 2014. Yeah I know how size of Atlanta you better be careful Kenya more is going to steal this idea the second she hears about it. Yeah she will. So we didn't get to the family planning I know that everybody we've kept you on here forever so I want to let you go but what is going on. Is anybody pregnant where that baby who holding it. Who's egg is it who sperm what's crystals role. The finale tomorrow really ties everything up you guys will see every question you have will be answered. Okay so there's no baby the silent over there. There's a little Disney dough wide little baby. Oh you guys thank you so much for coming on please just tell everybody where you want your follows and your likes. Yeah we want to watch what crap is live. You can find us through you guys because you guys do post with us we appreciate it mine's at Craig Ramsey fit and it's at Brandon and on YouTube we do a weekly. We're going to be doing a week weekly videos of inside scoop of what our year was like when cameras weren't around all the stuff you missed like our fabulous. Any holiday holiday we're going to put all our holidays on there we had some fun holidays and that's probably why they didn't show them they eliminated the gays from every single holiday like. I noticed that like you guys didn't get like a Thanksgiving thing because ours wasn't lonely and depressed ours was fun and fabulous. Yours is the only one that seemed to have an actual turkey baster right. Well he's not cheating on the he's not cheating on his wife all during Thanksgiving. Oh my god bring in the flowers don't get me started. Those were like the most miserable thanksgivings I've seen on reality TV it was just like these sad. Four people at our four two to four people at every table. Just so really fun you guys. First year of married life like it that first year needs to be fun. Do you think that was do you think that was like a real those were real thanksgivings or do you think it was they shot them ahead of time and then they went off to real thanksgivings with their families. Remember we have the couples cam so we're able to capture every moment that both production wants or needs and that we want and need. When cameras aren't there so when you see a holiday all four couples are coming have filmed it or have the potential to film it. Oh wow god so they got terror and robbed on that sad golf course on purpose. Or that Donna's and Erica's sad Thanksgiving in their in their house with the dad. Oh god it was so depressing everything was Robin Rose burnt bird. Way to end it we're like the saddest Thanksgiving ever. Okay thanks for listening to. And I love that they just didn't bring any word all the sudden it was like there was no thanksgiving for us and it was like the name of the episode was it's all gravy. We're like we're like our Thanksgiving. We're just in that time episode is not is not thanksgiving enough. We're in that time right now in our country I think they're like you know what no one wants thanksgiving anymore they just want the scene of people getting poison blankets. We can we can deal with gay marriage but gay Thanksgiving we're just not there yet. America is not there yet. Guys thank you so much for coming on the show it was really fun talking to you. I love you guys and let's go we'll go have coffee at Tiago. We'll talk more about Bravo people. Yes sir. Nice to meet you guys. I'll walk up to you guys and say hi. Yes dude please. Yeah and when you guys get poor again I'll still be at Starbucks getting my 50 cent refill so maybe I'll see you over there on the way home. Go to in the afternoon. We'll see you guys later thanks so much. Bye guys. Listen weight loss drugs and GLP ones are all anybody's talking about right now they're everywhere but it's confusing to figure out how to get them. But it doesn't have to be through hymns and hers you can get access to a budget friendly weight loss program personalized just for you. hymns and hers connects you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine your best treatment option. 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And first of all ever it's brilliantly subversive James Audible there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again because last time I read that was back in I don't know middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that like it's a full production it's going to be like a radio play you know. That's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. Us web designers hardly but we did just create a fantastic looking website using Weebly. We still can't believe how easy Weebly makes it. Yeah although technically our site is still under construction but either way it's been an easy construction because Weebly was created for people with a courage to start their own business and the dream to be their own boss. You don't need to be a web designer or know how to code to create a beautiful website blog or online store. Sweet we were all very impressed with the wide variety of professional design mobile friendly themes to choose from. You just simply drag and drop quickly build and publish your site it is too easy. Too easy girl and you can truly customize update and change your site any time you want on any diverse. Join the over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free at Weebly.com/watch. That's w-e-e-b-l-y.com/watch. Weebly.com/watch. Thank you Weebly. Thank you Weebly. Oh man moving on from Weebly to Wobbly because it's on to the messy messy Vanderpump rules. You know I feel like transitioning between the newlyweds and Vanderpump rules I feel like I've got something in my throat. I almost feel like I have to clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm darling. This is the segment where we go on to Caroline Fleming from Ladies in London. We go on to her Instagram and we enjoy what she has offered us lately. So here's her photo from 13 hours ago. It's a photo of Caroline Fleming jumping on a trampoline in her, looks like a bedroom or a living room. She's dropping on the trampoline and she says #rebounder@truebeapp@indiaps. I always wanted to fly since the age of three. We such a fun session this morning. Thank you. #restorethefloor@leawoodofficial #trampolining #womenforwomen You want to fly so bad? Can someone open a window? Clear the phlegm. I just like how somehow the trampoline is a female empowerment moment. #womanforwomen on trampolines #alexisbellino I like that it's also just not trampolining anymore. That's rebounding. It's not just exercise. Now it's coming back from something traumatic. How lucky are you to have me jump on your trampoline? You know for a woman who lives in the castle and talks about how rich she is, she sure acts a lot of businesses in her instance. She certainly does. She's a Christ lady. Get a job. All she's doing is putting her name on trampolines and she must have a crazy rec room. Anyway, that was clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. Clear. The phlegm is cleared. The phlegm is cleared. Alright. Vanderpump rules. The show that's about phlegm, for phlegm, by phlegm. The show where nobody rebounds. When they jump on that trampoline, they just hit the floor. Rebounding face first into a floor and then never getting fixed feels great. Hashtag the floor. All their trampolines are made of saran wrap. They jump on to it and just... I can't believe this trampoline would break one week for my birthday. I told you not to make a trampoline out of dollar store condom shake. Shay, I keep telling you, if you just lose some weight you'd be better at trampolining. Oh, poor Shay. Poor Shay. By a rebounder just for Shay to be upset with somebody else. We all know Shay would just sit down on the trampoline and just stay there. This episode begins as any La La scene would on the phone pretending to talk to somebody. Every time La La is on camera, they're like, "Okay, La La, do what you do." And she's like, "We take Amax. I'm ready to come up. Okay, thanks for calling." Yeah, that was my note. I said exciting news at the top of the show. For a party of six or more, we just need a credit card to put on file. Great. I'm surprised she's not like, "Please deliver a paper check to the office." We don't understand what credit cards are yet. She's like, "If you want to book a table of six, you just have to bring one copy of Anne Rand's latest book." You know they're like, "A-N." You know they call her like, "A-N" or something. First calls am like that. Nobody I know. Misspelling is happening right now. It's all happening. All this literature is happening. It's all happening. All this capitalism. It's fine, it's blown by Anne Rand. I can't believe this economic way of life is happening right now. I don't care about architects. I mean, if you're going to argue something in a court of law, I thought my business. Stupid. I don't understand this can's in economics. Like, what's the deal with candy cans and how's the deal with our economy? So the first scene is Shina and Katie waiting for their paper check from Lisa. And I was dying on Twitter because people are just so funny. I'm trying to remember your name, he tweeted us at this. But he's like, "Lisa Vanderpump hasn't heard of direct deposit." I'm like, "Lisa Vanderpump all right." Don't tell her about ATMs. Her fucking head will explode. The machine has my cash in it. I don't trust that machine. Well, you know that like she probably pays in like coins. You know, like here we go. He has some six pence. Like car wash coupons. I was more distracted by Katie's outfit. You know, this is a girl who was talking about having a fashion blog. And she was like, she was fully wearing a smock. Okay, she was wearing a smock with big glasses and a scarf. I couldn't tell she was running from the mob or trying to be a bohemian. It was crazy. She's like, she's going for Silver Lake hipster girl, but also with a scarf. And she's not wearing ironic hipster glasses. She's wearing like CVS non-lens glasses. She's wearing the sort of like glasses you put on if you're about to drive off in a convertible and have a female empowerment moment. Okay, but it was such a bizarre outfit. And I know we just were spent like 20 minutes talking with Brandon and Craig about how like making fun of people's physical appearances is really an indictment on really what's going on inside of you. That being said, it looked ridiculous. Okay. And whatever indictment that is about my character, I will accept it as long as I still am allowed to say that she looked Craig Craig. Well, yeah, it's not like we're saying it's her body. It's her choices. It's like her literal choice is okay. What you wear says a lot about your soul too, Batch. I know, but it was literally like smog. Not smog chic. Smog chic, but it was smog chic too. Speaking of your clothes talking about your soul, I'm wearing the same shorts. Like my same uniform sort, my home working uniform shorts for five days. Leather Crocs with really colorful socks. And a t-shirt that probably smells like melted Snickers and burnt toast. I'm wearing a pair of workout shorts that I think I got from Target and a Dartmouth t-shirt right now that stinks. There you go. There you go, Katie. Katie, we just proved our own points. But at least we're not wearing smocks. Or stupid scarves that aren't even scarves. That is like a weird neck thing. My theory is that she had a hickey because she was wearing that scarf for about 75% of the episode. That did not loosen up. There were in Palm Springs extreme heat and she was not taking that scarf off. It almost made me think she was from a horror movie where her head had been decapitated. And the truth is if you took the scarf off, her head would come toppling off and everyone would know the truth. That she's undead. The scariest part of the movie is when the decapitated head has like a terrible blog that you have to pretend to support. Why don't we go into a knowledge that if Katie bites us, we all turn to zombies. Guys, while you're here, enjoy the mini corn dogs. And also, please keep pressing refresh because Google will count you boring. Okay, thanks. I can't believe he got me a ring on a string. Doesn't he know? I just want brains. I've been six years for brains. I would like to take this moment to talk about Katie's mean tweets. Mean mean texts. Or mean term mean texts. I'm so sorry. All this social media talk today. Her mean text to her boy, her ragingly abusive text to her little pussy of a boyfriend. And I would like to preface it by saying the biggest failure of this season of Vanderpump Rules is that they failed to capture Tequila Katie on camera. Which of course may have been by design. Well, not by design. But like Tequila Katie, I think she's been keeping Tequila Katie under wraps because she doesn't want it. I don't think she wants Tequila Katie to come out on camera, but still. Well, she's come out a couple of times to Kila Katie. She started it at that party that they had it pump last week. That fake gay marriage party or whatever. Yeah. But she started then. She's like, you know, I'm just going to jump. I mean, that's what you mean. Like, we're going to get married and you need like a jump. Like she starts getting really nagging and like taking her boyfriend down and just like she started getting like that. But I think he went and blew, you know, did some blow in the bathroom and then found some hooker to molest for the rest of the night. So he was out of there and then I guess she she went nuts on him on the old line message. I have to say for someone they're calling Tequila Katie. Her eye messaging is pretty good. I mean, she's doing this from her phone. There's actually more articulate when she is wasted than she is when she's talking in her scarf. I've never seen sentence structure like this on Vanderpump Rules. And I'm not sure if I believe it's her. It's like that episode of Happy Endings when Penny, when she gets really drunk, she can speak fluent Italian. That's what this is. That will never happen. When she gets really drunk. The greatest authors, she just keeps ordering everything off the prime menu. I wish I had that cute up. I'm so sad. I think I'm going to just try one of each of the prime cocktails. I really want to be honest. I want to marry. So this is do you have the do you have the text to? Yep. Okay, I'll go first. You're a piece of shit. You're not a good boyfriend. Thank God I'm not pregnant. Fuck, I can't believe I almost married y'all. I can't believe I even considered you as a fiancée. That was short, though. That was short saying that. Bubba, I can't believe I even considered you as a fiancée. Oh, wait, it was, but it's blue. No, but you see, oh, really? Oh, I thought it was short because it was coming from that side. No, no. Their formatting is just off. I think that they probably just Photoshopped it or something. But yeah, it would be a different color. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. No, this, the Schwartz is talking like Schwartz always talks. He's avoiding the shit and waiting for it to pass. Yeah. So then she's like, I want all your shut out of the apartment. I don't even give a fuck about this rhyme. You might as well pun it and start a new life. Like literally, who does that? Who gives a ring to a girl if you want a Marl? Like really? I'm sorry, but you know, you're marrying a model and like sometimes it happens with us. We get mad, okay? Like, sorry. If I book too many acting gigs for you, that's like my drama. So please, seriously, get out of my dream and into my car and drive away. James would be like, I made that song. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. It actually is a very much a James song. Get out of my dreams, you basic bitch. Get into my car and drive them someplace. I know that song did have like a nice tune, but it was kind of rude. Who said that? He would get in so much trouble. You can't just do that to somebody now. Hey, get out of my dreams and into my car, baby. Seriously? Seriously? Like, you can't tell me what to do. Like, I'm going to stay in your dreams, okay? Like seriously, you don't talk to Freddy Krueger like that, okay? So you don't talk to me. If you're going to say that to Freddy Krueger, then I'll get out of your dreams. When I'm done with your dreams. Oh my God, did you just spit on me? That's really mature. You just spit on the door in your dreams. Ugh. I thought you got a nicer car and then I'll get out of your dreams, okay? Seriously? Seriously? Eh. I'm going to get out of your dreams or into your stupid car. The thing you even paid off, you're gross. Who does that? Last time I tried to get out of my dreams, I fell on my face in the car, okay? So, sorry, I was in the dream. Well, I made out with him in his dreams, but then I got really tired of him because like, I mean, we fucked him, we made out. So I was like, I'll be your friend, but just in your dreams, not in your car, okay? Listen, I'm sorry, but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. So I'm going to stay in your dreams. Seriously? Seriously. I know how hot I am in your dreams. Um, so they're so overdramatic. This is hilarious. She had my Billie Ocean crossover reference, okay? I know you're not supposed to explain your own joke, but I really feel like it was important to. What? I made a reference to another Billie Ocean song. Damn it, you know, my song knowledge is limited. I was so proud of getting, uh, my dreams. That's speaking to me. You're just a Caribbean queen, basic bitch. I've been putting Spotify on the 80s and 90s just so I can try and keep up with your ass on this show. Listen, if we're opening the door to Billie Ocean references, I'm going to just take all of them while I can because I don't know when that door is opening up again. You opened it. I know, but I opened it because you gave me the hallway, though. You built a hallway. Then have the hallway clean your door, you basic bitch. Um, so they make building manager and time to open up all the doors to Billie Ocean, okay? I like an ocean view. Okay. I used to be the basic bitch. Yes. Thing to say. Billie Ocean. So we have to talk about how we're reading these evil abusive texts from Katie and then Ariana comes in and she's like, "Hey, guys, is Lacey here?" And she's like, "No, we're writing for her too." And Ariana goes, "Oh God, I just want my check." And then she walks away. I'm going upstairs. She just walks away. Like normal Ariana. She's like bored and can't believe she has to be here. It's like normal. And then she's like, "Ah, I'm so such a lot. Like, that's what she's ever doing." But to be fair, Ariana was up late watching some really serious sketch comedy, okay? So throw her a bone. She just found out that Kristen was killing the game, so she's totally home practicing game. She is. She was up until three in the morning saying, "Yes, and yes, and…" But then she'll be like, "Yes, and…" "No." "Ah, fuck." I mean, "No, and…" "Ah, fuck." I'm really glad to be at this birthday party with you. My husband, too bad, were having fights over marriage and babies. Like a setup in one line, like an improv. She hates it when people tell her to freeze. She's like, "You know what? Like, I had to quit doing improv after 10 years because I really got sick of people slapping me on the back." [Laughter] You can't tag in. Listen, I take sketch comedy very seriously, so if you're going to tag in, you better make sure it counts. Ariana, wow. I love that everybody's just realizing that Ariana's a drill bitch. That is so funny to be. She's like, "She always bang like that, Ma." Like, yeah, she was like that all the time. She didn't speak until this season. I love that we're also making Shina more and more into like a little troll. Like, not like an internet troll, but she's actually turning into like some, like, muppet. [Laughter] It's partly that she literally is, and it's partly that she's getting her group on surgery based on a troll pencil. What is she doing to her face? It doesn't even make sense. It looks like one of those carrot pictures when they're trying to get kids to eat vegetables. I know, she is like from the veggie tales now. Yeah, she's a stupid carrot. Congratulations, Bimbo carrot. Nice work. That's stupid carrot. With a skitter and scooter voice. Like, she's both skitter and scooter with little gones on it. So Lisa finally comes in with her gigantic bags, which, you know, I just always thought that shit had a dog or a little mini horse or some shit in there. But nope, it's paper checks. Like, oh yeah, all right, here I am and she whips out a giant wad of checks that she probably spent all week writing. Yeah. Please, there were euros. Oh yeah, you can convert them yourselves. [Laughter] These are random things I found in Kim's car seat darling. She stole all of these from mom's last dinner party. Yeah, whoever gets the diamond folk wins. Yeah, I asked Rocio to give me all her Mexican candy, so I'm paying you in candy this week. [Laughter] Except for you, Kristen. You know, just for being on this show I'm giving you one of Pandy's old shirts from kindergarten. Have fun, darling. [Laughter] Yeah, I'm giving you a voucher to Lisa Vanderpump sangria. Enjoy. So they start, Lisa insinuating herself into shit that's none of her business, which is the whole season that I love. And she's like, they're talking about the bachelor party. I don't really care. I don't have anything to say about that to you. Well, it's the thing. It's more that Katie wants to surprise Stassi in Palm Springs. And she's ready to see her. And she's going on and on about when she was wondering. So she's going to go. And Lisa's like, oh, I'll drive safely to Tara. It's like darling, here's what I don't want. I don't want you to be differential to her. I'm like, that's a really big word to be using around these people. I know that we just saw that Katie can make a sentence on the text. Katie's like, I'm not deaf. I wouldn't be differential. Lisa's like, I wonder why no one ever follows my orders because you keep using four syllable words. Okay. You can only expect so much for these people. She has kept them. She's like, how does she expect us to be deaf and chill at the same time? Why would Lisa tell me not to be deaf? So Lisa basically is like, darling, darling, be firm. But have an open heart. Goodbye. So then we go over to Peter's apartment where shorts and jacks and Peter are going to be babysitting the kid from room, which I thought that was a really amazing crossover. No. It was actually Sarah's kid who is really cute, but does look exactly like the kid from room. And this was our first crucifix sighting. I don't know what it is with this show, but they're all over the room. But they're all over the place. And also above the door. Yes. It's in a weird place. It's like this really pointy crucifix right over the door. Like if so, you know, like there's a, there's a, what do you call that at Christmas time when you're under the mistletoe? Okay. So what do you have to do under the cross? Like you're not supposed to put a freaking Jesus right under the door. What if there's no quake? I think it gets to remind you, by the way, as soon as you walk out of this apartment, please go to church and repent. But anyway, the guys before the before the kid came over, the guys are all getting drunk because, you know, what, what better way to be arrested than to get drunk while you're babysitting? Well, no kidding. I mean, my babysitters weren't drunk, but Lord knows, you know, my mom's womb, that whole sack was filled with Francia. And I'm fine. Look at me. Just happy and well adjusted. I don't see the problem. So short starts talking about the, the text fight that he had with Katie. And he's like, yeah, man. The bubble never stopped for one second, the text bubble. And I, I want everyone to know that it's actually going to be the new name for this show. The bubble never stopped for one second. Poor Siri must be so fucking confused. Yeah. Siri was having a great time while that was happening. She's like, I didn't get that. What? All right. Don't say I just want to be an alcoholic. She's like, um, okay, I'm calling the phone company. Wouldn't it be great if Siri's voice were in Shina's voice? Like, could you imagine if our, if your GPS was Shina voice, you're like, turn left up here. Turn left. You're supposed to turn left. I can't believe you didn't turn left away from my birthday. And tell me that she's going to make her right. Oh my God. You won't believe what just happened to me. Like you'll never get anywhere because she won't shut up about her own damn life. That reminds me because like two minutes ago, I got a text from Jack. And I was like, Jack's why are you doing that? But I was like, Oh wait, you're missing a turn. I literally told you to make a U turn. So, like, I'm going to text your mom and tell her about what you didn't do. Oh God. That almost made me so close. I stand by every direction I gave you on GPS. And that's going to be a bad friend and I'm sorry. You're just like, Hey, I'm just a, send a text to Ben's mom and just say, Hey, it would be lovely to meet you next time you're back in town. And she'll change it to be like, Well, I'm really worried about Ben because like he's going to really fight and really mean and everybody hates him and his boyfriend is trying to run my life. Like no Siri. That is not what I said. I'm really worried about Ronnie because he didn't take the suggested roots. I provided for him. It's like he doesn't even listen anymore. He's just isolating himself. Look. All right. I'm sorry. Some thought tax, but I'm not sorry because that was true. It's like that is not what I said. Okay. I'm sorry. But I'm not. Wow. Siri really has an attitude these days. She actually does so in real life. But imagine if you drop your phone. Oh, I got a house surgery on my face. You could get you could get a new glass plate put on that thing. And it would still come on in the middle of the night. Oh, I'm gonna bring the time that you broke my glass. Never end though. As soon as you turn a series of boys to Shina, all of a sudden your phone has giant black glasses. Where did those come from? Why is the bottom of my iPhone 6s plus turning into the size of an iPhone 4? What is happening? It just keeps shaving itself off in the middle of the night. Why does my phone keep shaming me every time I drink something? Okay. You've had nine beers. If you have much out of tequila, you're an alcoholic beer only. My name is Shina. I'm not an alcoholic and I'm trying to tell Shina to be either. It's so gross. Why does my bedrooms only have all these giant photos of my phone? This wasn't here before. Where did this paint to canvas of my iPhone come from? There's so many beautiful things happen on this show. This scene, the guys are getting drunk. Tom, number two, calls. He's talking about the mean text. And he's like, she's like, Katie's like, I don't know. I don't know, like a Shakespeare of texting. Really? Really? Shakespeare of mean texting. Shakespeare is not happy about that. No. I mean, so far, you guys have run all over Jesus and Shakespeare and we're only in scene two. Have some respect, cast a man of temporals. I know. Meanwhile, you know who I bet was really angry during this scene of them like playing around with the kid? I'm jacks because Tom was wearing the queen and jacks is the head queen of the script. Go ahead. That's true. I was gonna say it's Ariana because she takes children's parties very seriously. Playtime is important to her. I've taken classes for children's parties for a decade. Most of the kids that I started partying with are in high school now. I'm sorry for your old child, but I was kind of doing bouncy castles first on Vanderpump rules, so I really would appreciate it if you checked with me before you did playtime. I have not seen so many people walk around and really terrible. Mervin's closed. I guess some Mervin's was open. Is that still a thing Mervin's? I'm sure somewhere. If this cat, Stassi's gotta be getting those clothes somewhere. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're arriving in Palm Springs. Mervin, uh, design team. And Stassi's like, oh, my God, like the Palm Springs. It's like hot and there's like so many old people. Like who does that? Like I don't see a single spring or a palm. This is what you people would look like if you didn't get free surgery from Jack's friend. Okay. Like take a look around the golf course, darling. Meanwhile, Kristin's like, we have such a strong team in Palm Springs. Me, Rachel, Stassi, vodka. Like this is, are they, are they playing dodgeball and is everyone trying to dodge them all? Is that what the team is for? View three in this old town was hilarious. People ask why anybody goes to Palm Springs. Someone asked that on Facebook and I think that that's a valid question because whenever we talk about it, I'm like, fuck that place. It's all, it's hot as hell. Blah, blah, blah. We go on the reason is because it's not hot. It's nice and cool and it is gorgeous. The desert is gorgeous. I love it. But yeah, that is not a place to be going if you've already got too much sun, Kristin. Yeah, I think really was jealous of the girls because I really wanted to go to an Airbnb in Palm Springs because it's so much fun. But so they get there and I love Stassi's having these like bombshell revelations of self-reflection. She's like, I used to be the one who decided who is going on a trip or not. And now I'm the one that people literally stay home to avoid. I'm just thinking off to the bathroom so I can look in the mirror and just say like, this is my fucking birthday. Fuck you. If you don't like it, leave fucking Hawaii. Okay? Like I've just got to keep it inside. So like I am literally going to go to Sherman Deli where no one knows me until everyone to go fuck themselves because I can't do it with my friends anymore. Next time it's my birthday, I'm looking at the horoscope that says it's your birthday. And I'm going to be like, that's right you stupid bitch. It is my birthday. Get the fuck off my newspaper. I'm going to go find Suzanne Summers somewhere in this God for sake and hot city. I'm going to tell her, get the fuck out of my city. This is my city now and I decide who lives here. Stasi is hilarious. When did people lose pride in being a sociopath? I mean to be, to have zero feeling, that has got to feel good. I mean, I guess I'm contradicting myself. No, she's going to get back to that place. She's just eating all her humble pie now. And I guarantee next season she's going to be back at the top of the roost. It'll be fantastic. It's like I'm sorry, but I'm eating humble pie because like I'm jobless right now. So I'm eating whatever pie is in front of me. Okay. So fuck off. It's my birthday. I hope you die. Get out of Hawaii. So then the girls were just like gabbing. And then back at sir, Lala and James were having a conversation. And they were back to being civil to each other. And Lala's like, who's that random best like you brought to the beach? Who's the random best like? I like random and basic. Like they're the same thing. Basically. Well, also, Lala doesn't realize she's kind of a random basic herself. How dare you. I know random how you have you heard how she can speak so eloquently on the phone. She is reading and ran these days. She is not random or basic. She is deliberate and advanced. She's reading a book about architect. It broke out there for a moment, but I think you said architects. Well, that was how she said it. She's like, I'm reading books now. Like I'm reading this one by Ein Rein. It's like it's about architect. It's about this woman named Anne who ran somewhere. That's where her name is called Anne Rand. She ran. She ran. Anne Rand. Anne Rand somewhere. And she got there. It's like a really compelling story. So good. So Lala tells James. She's like, James, you like love Kristen. You're trying to get her jealous? Like, you should be a big boy, babe, babe, be a big boy. And like, take her to dinner, babe. Take her to dinner, babe. He's like, yeah, I guess that's a good idea. And he's like, Lala, killing the game. Lala, while you're killing the game. And Mary Ann is like, I heard that. I'm offended. [LAUGHTER] I did not hear a yes and, OK, and I take it very seriously. I have to give props to our favorite setting of the season, which is the refrigerator. Yes. Doing great work in season four. Great work. They're like, OK, Lala, pretend you're talking on the phone. OK, now go stand in front of the schedule by that janky ass refrigerator where there's a mannequin. OK. Meanwhile, over at the bar, we had our traditional-- this happens at least once a season, if not many more times. A traditional scene of Tom Sandoval telling Jack that he goes out of his way to impune his character. And Jack says, no, I don't even talk about you. And then we see a flashback of Jack's talking shit about Tom. I mean, it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I don't like when you think all he talks about is my band. You literally just talked about your band right now, dude. Like, you're literally talking about your band, dude. Right now. What? I'm just saying, like, I don't have to talk about my band all the time, and our new song, and, you know, like, our date, the name of my band. Like, you know, I was telling the guys in the band the other day, like, I don't even talk about us. [LAUGHTER] To be fair, Tom could be like, oh, I just cut my finger. I need to put on a band date, and Jack's be like, there you go again on this band date. I mean, oh, we get it. [LAUGHTER] Dude. So then Lisa's like, I'm sorry I can't find all the checks scattered in my purse because Jack's has been so anti-rubber band styling. Yeah, it's just, it's just falling everywhere. So then we went back to Palm Springs where we saw an oddly disturbing image of Kristin rubbing a cauliflower with a wooden spoon. She was, like, applying marinade with a wooden spoon, and the way she was, like, molesting the cauliflower with it, and knowing it was Kristin, it oddly made me feel strange. Kristin is, like, a mean-spirited Kimmy Schmidt. Like, she's been locked in some basement or something for her entire life, and she's just gotten out, so she's gonna fuck and drink everything she can see. Whoa, yeah! Drinking in the morning, like, ugh, yeah. The cauliflower with a spoon. Like, you are 40. Did you not go to high school? I mean, I ain't gonna go past there because I know the answer is no. But still, you made some effort at some point, didn't you? You've been laid before, right? She's like, I'm free. Meanwhile, Stasi is again having another realization. She's like, I'm finally realizing that, like, me and Kitty aren't friends anymore. We were like, not friends. Like, I wasn't there for the English. Like, it's really hard. Like, we used to be really close, and like, now I'm not even allowed to, like, send emojis to these people. What? She said that. Like, who is blocking the slowly emojis from Stasi? It's like, a new ad. I'm gonna cut that off, that blocks really stupid emojis. Well, to be fair, like, every emoji that Stasi probably sends is like a knife. Knife knife knife knife. I've blocked all the knives, and also I've blocked all the tequila bottles and the fireball emoji so that she can't be an alcoholic or a text anymore. Should we check in with Stasi's podcast and hear what she's been talking about lately? Yes. Do you have it pulled up? Yes. You're in a episode where literally she could fuck Ben. So, she has 215 reviews on her podcast, and she's been doing it for like six months, and we have been doing it for four years, and she has almost half as many as we do. That's like being impressed when your daughter sells the most Girl Scout cookies, but you the president of the bank and your wife is the principal of a school or some shit where everybody's buying Girl Scout cookies. Hey, fair. Well, the name of their episode, this episode is Dawson Christina Kelly, have a weird day. So, let's hear what they are talking about on. Hear me, but like we're not going to Melrose. We're on Melrose. So, like, just like tell me what address I put into the Uber thing because I just like want to make sure like we can finally get to where we're going. It's now been an hour, and he's like, Oh, no, I know. So, I'm watching him go in the opposite direction that we should be going in. I'm like, but you're. No, you were so annoyed. He's got the scene. He's got the scene of Siri. No, the funny thing is we make fun of this, but it's like not that far removed from our podcast. I know. I think we've literally just talked about this. Yeah. Okay. Now let's see. Let's go different part of the podcast. We're lit. We're not like, almost like we're literally on Melrose. Like an eye. You were so mad. That shit at night. Like, Oh, like my mouth waters when I think about it. I don't think about like any other alcohol the way I do about red wine, and it's just so bad for psoriasis. So I'm just thinking, like. Of the week. I don't think about anything the way I think about red wine. It's just so bad for psoriasis. Oh my God. I hope that Kristen isn't listening to this. She'll be like, I wish you would have told me that before you slept on my couch with bottles of wine. Seriously? Seriously? God, I've got spit on my door and psoriasis on my couch. You can't win. Can I just stand wide? He gets so mad at me. He's like, can you just like not like, I don't want to think of you like that. I'm like, Lynn, just don't think of me when I say like, what? Doesn't everybody say that? I guess not. I guess the ladies don't say that. So I've been trying not to say it. Psoriasis. Sorry. I did almost in my pants when I found out that Kate Hudson's line of acting active where phabletics was one of my new sponsors because I'm actually high and I was like, I apologize for my friend. She just got married. She just jumped on you. She just jumped on you. You met her. You don't even know. You met the one who got married. Christine, I was like pretending that she's not cutting her thighs from jealousy. She's like, what? Married? Somebody's married? What? I don't remember. Who? Who? Oh, what? I'm in part in a shade. And whoever is at Kate Hudson's line of active where phabletics is. Stasi's podcast. She also advertised for us. Phabletics. Okay. These are your people. Phabletics. Kate Hudson's like, find me the dumbest bitches. You can possibly find me. Find me people who are going to be fascinated by the word phabletics. You know what we want to do? We want to align our brand with two of the worst people in pop culture. Absolutely. I just want to find people who speak English by mashing words together stupidly to make my brand make sense. Oh, my God. Vanderpump rule says the podcast. Call them. Oh, my goodness. So anyway, so back to the show. Okay. You'll never be Goldie Hahn Hudson. Well, Kate Hudson is airlifting phabletics over my apartment right now. So it's the one time of the year. MJ closes her window. She's like, if I have to listen to that phabletics plane. I like the phabletics helicopters coming up her head. So, okay. So anyway, Palm Springs. So Katie still wearing her smock. She shows up surprised them. Stasi starts to cry. And I wrote down, why is it so satisfying to see Stasi cry? Is this way? Is this when she's talking to Katie? Well, this is when Katie walks in and starts, he's like, oh, it's like we need to talk. And Katie, you got to love Katie. This is her delivery of her line. What's up, bitches? Come on. Really? That's it? Oh, she's probably just hot because she's in Palm Springs and still wearing that stupid scarf. So then Katie and Stasi sit down. And Katie opens up the conversation in the most useless way. She's like, well, I was thinking about when I wanted to have this conversation. And like, I didn't want to have it at my place. I didn't want to have it at your place. I didn't want to have it at pump. And I was thinking about, like, maybe going to starbies. And I was like, no, I don't want to have it there. And then I was thinking about, like, wait, I'm going to froyo. I was like, no, I don't want to have it there. And then I was thinking, like, why don't we go to road trip to Vegas? Like, no, I don't want to have it there. No, I don't want to have it there. I don't want to have it. I was like, Katie, no one cares where you want to go. I'm just such an idiot. I look because how she was framing all of this. She's like, well, I didn't want to go to the cheesecake factory because you don't deserve it. Like you don't deserve that. Okay. You don't deserve me ruining my gigantic chicken Navajo bread sandwich. Okay. You're not ruining my fried bread sandwich, Stasi. Like you put me through enough. So I was thinking about how you do kudoba grill, but I was like, you don't deserve that. You know, I was going to take you on one of those carriage rides to the park. But then I was like, oh my God. She so doesn't deserve a horse for this. Like she doesn't deserve that. I was going to, like, talk to you while I was getting my oil change. I've never leaned. But I thought, no, you don't deserve that. Stasi trying to pretend to cry was making me laugh so hard. Like, she, her whole face was squeezing. She was in that hulk into the changing mode. Straight onions on her lap. Yeah. You know what though? You know what though? Let's, let's give it to Katie because you know what Katie was having her moment. She was raking Stasi over the coals and she was enjoying it. And that's all she wanted to do because then Stasi was like, this is the way I cope. I like, you know, I cut people out and I'm like working on that. It's not good. She like, not do that. And I did it to you and I work with that so much because I think about everything that we missed. So Stasi goes on and on. And Katie's like, too little too late, which you know that Katie was waiting to do. And Stasi's like, okay, she says too little too late. But this is the woman who is still going to marry a loser with no job that she sat around waiting years and years to propose to her that bought like a tin foil ring that he got free from a friend in return for a scene with a tiny little gay cake at Vanderpump. I mean, come on now. Yeah. But you know what though? You got it. You know, Katie, you know, she's been waiting a long time to have Stasi gravel to her. She got her groveling. So I just don't believe it because no one shows up to a street fight in a mom scarf. Like you're totally showing solidarity with Stasi by dressing like a mom right now. There is no accident that you showed up in Lunscraft or CVS reading glasses in a bun, Katie. She totally came to get right back on the train. Yeah. And good for her. You know, but yeah, she had to make Stasi fake cry. And now she's doing that thing like she does with Tom too. Like she's ever going to leave Tom too, which is the other hilarious thing. She just yells and acts abusive. And then later she's like, sorry, but like that's how I was feeling. So like I was mad. So like I made you talk about it 20 times. Well, you know, Shay Amber, one of our listeners, Shay Amber, 21 seconds ago, like it's almost like she could hear our podcast. She says, the standards Katie holds Stasi to are crazy considering she's marrying a man that has openly cheated on her multiple times. No kidding. Thank you. What a way to say what I was saying in a nice one sentence structure, which is a good time to plug our Twitter at what crappins. Any followers, please follow us. Yeah, I'm going to start doing it more. I live tweeted Vanderpump rules last night and I have so much fun just talking to people on the old Twitter. I do it from what crappins, but I retweeted a couple of them just so people would see what we were doing. But yeah, I'm going to start a typical old person. I'm like, oh, that's Twitter. I love when I just love when Sheena voice creeps into everything now. So back at the home base, Jack's someone asked Jack to make a metropolitan. He's like, uh, too hard, which I don't know, I read that down for some reason. He's just like, you seriously want a metropolitan, he was all confused. Yes, Jack's, Jack's hates to muddle, yeah, which is so funny because he had a lot. He's the liar. He's the one muddling up every issue and he just won't muddle in real life. Like, do your goddamn job. I see right riding around this neighborhood. Your big ass, tiny penis car, even though you've got a giant penis, I'm sure of it. Well, Jack's favorite, least favorite vowels you as in, he only thinks about me, not you. Um, so Lisa starts giving, uh, shortsy advice about the Katie situation. She's like, darling, sometimes you just have to be there for her. That's what you have to be. All Katie needs is for you to listen. Listen, Lisa, if anybody actually starts listening to Katie, they will commit suicide. You think he's going to marry her if he actually knew what the hell he's, she's saying. The only reason he's, he's even still there is because she makes the bet every day and she doesn't make him listen. Katie's big advice to Tom Schwartz this season so far has been give up your dreams. Mm hmm. That was her big advice. Don't be allowed. Well, I mean, to be fair, she is walking through a gigantic empire full of broken ones. That's true. I mean, I think once you start wearing a smock and a scarf, then your dreams have pretty much been dashed. Yeah. Katie's dreams were officially over when she shot an entire scene holding a salt and pepper ring. You are just the person on the Internet. I swear to God. No one's saying word broken dreams and someone who's hired this many waiters. Lisa knows. She's like, darling, it's not going to work. You're fat. All right. Be nice to Katie. All right. Time. No, people do need to be nice to Katie because she is a broken dream. Yeah. So, um, meanwhile, so this was interesting to me. Jack starts talking about Stossy and how Stossy is working her way back into the group. And he says he's afraid that Stossy will turn everyone against him, which I think is great because we have actually forgotten that the pillars of Vanderpump rule really were Stossy and Jack's. I mean, season one and two, I mean, they were the central relationship. Season one, they were this awful couple. They finally break up and season two is their terrible breakup and casual getting back together. Being came from the pillars of Stossy and Jack's and now they, they were the central ones. They've sort of been pushed the side a little bit, not that much, but to the side. Well, they're definitely like the largest cattle on the farm. And then, you know, everybody's all, you know, envious of your cows. And then eventually you milk one to death. The other one you skin make into a chair and you're like, well, at least it's still a good-looking chair. But then it starts getting like stained. It's missing a leg and people just keep the chair inside. Sometimes it doesn't matter how many cows had to die. It's time to get rid of the cow, clear the cows. Well, I'm excited because to me, this is like foreshadowing the next season, which is Stossy will be back in the fold. She'll be running shit and she'll be turning everyone against Jack's. And I think that'll be highly entertaining. I'm like ready. I'm hoping that's what happens because I'm ready for that. But she's not going to come back. Well, first I heard she, of course she'll come back. But I don't think she'll come back as a waiter. I think if she would come back, she would have to come back as, I don't know, like a shift manager or something like, I told you to like seriously, like I've literally told you 20 times to like literally marry your catchets. So like, I mean, that's all I'm saying, like, um, speaking of marriage, Katie and she nurse, I'm sorry, Katie and Stossy are still talking and Stossy's talking about like, not being there to see the engagement. And Katie said something, I don't know what, I forget the context of it, but she goes, I'm just a big fat loser. I'm like, well, yeah, why does she say that she said it? Because she's like, well, I didn't want Stossy, like, she's like, uh, I don't remember. I hate when I write down notes and it looks like I remember writing down the note, like, oh my God, I can't wait to talk about this. And now I'm looking at it like, why was that funny? Oh, I don't even remember her saying that. I felt that I always feel bad for Katie. I don't know why. She was saying that Stossy is going to make her feel like a big fat loser. Oh, oh, I see. Well, you know, I mean, then Stossy comes back dressed like a mom. So you see, it all worked out hugs, mediocre hugs. Like we're, we're equal in our mediocrity hugs hugs. So now she, so of course, of course, it's all about the end of the day. Yep. She is upset because she thinks that Katie is going to go back to the dark side, aka with Stossy and, and Kristin, which is probably true. And now she knows like, oh, I'm going to say, oh, God, it was my new area. And now, and now like, she's not even thinking of me, and now I'm like, oh my God, like, now who's going to be my new area, and I like, I was going to change me about sketch comedy. And then meanwhile, then there's like this awful public domain music and it's like, you and me, oh, oh, we could be, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh good. Only a Vanderpump Rules song would feature a song saying you and me are three giant zeros and like, have it not be ironic was my favorite part of the show because it's just this little tiny part of Ariana still trying to ice Lala out, but Lala is not having it. And she's like, hey, just got off the phone with like a reservation. So what are you like doing? And Ariana says, oh, she said, I don't know, she was working behind the bar. And she's like, well, why aren't your tits all that? And she goes, oh, no, that's, that's just what people say. Like the ones who are always staring at your rack are the shittiest tippers. And Mala's like, well, you need to get better tits. What the hell, people? Okay, the one staring at your tits are the cheap ones. But the ones who aren't staring at your tits are the ugly ones who are pretending not to stare at your tits, your tits. Because they po. Yeah. Okay. Well, I like that when Ariana told Lala that like, you know, you don't want to show too much cleave that Lala looked at her like she was crazy, like what, what, you don't want to show too much cleave. Did you mean you want to show way too much cleave? That's what you meant, right? How do you make it in this town without a resume, like, how do you even get a job? Yeah. Um, uh, I also like for some, for some reason I wrote a note about Lisa Vanderpump counting 17 flowers. I don't know why I wrote that down just like one of his strange, strange things they put into this show. You could write that down at any moment and it would probably be happening on the show. I don't know. Okay. 16, 17. All right. I'm still it again. A giant pot I had flown in from type and is, is, is often in to move to this. Haven't moved back. So back over in Palm Springs, Sheena is still throwing a pity party for herself because, uh, Ariana stopped being friends with her because she knows being a bitch to her. She was like, I don't believe that Ariana is being a bitch to me with everything that's happening in our lives this summer. I'm like, well, you shouldn't have like texted Ariana's mom and said that Ariana is being a bitch. That's why she's being a bitch to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said I'm not sorry because I'm really sorry about not being sorry, even though I'm not really sorry. Okay. So like your boyfriend's a asshole. So deal with that. I can't believe Ariana is not here for me to mend with her while everyone else is mending. I feel so left out of the mending circle. Guys, I just don't know that it's not really better. I can't believe it's not better. Like, I thought Bobby was my new Ariana and he's like been lying to me this whole time. It's all a crack. It's like a country crack. We have officially been talking too much. We are absolutely nuts. We are going. We are going. We just keep laughing like idiots. Yeah. We're just talking about one of each of the prime country cracks. I think I'm going to just try one of each of the prime cocktails. Um, um, she'll have like half of one each because she's an alcoholic. She's having too much fat butter. So Katie forgives, uh, Katie forgives at everybody's friends and then they have a shot of these three stupid women back together again. It's like Satan and his horse face brigade. Yeah, standing at the gates of hell. I know. Lord of the rings. The three writers. So, um, so meanwhile over in LA Ariana and Lisa Vanderpump are talking and Lisa Vanderpump is, I think she's trying to like, trying to facilitate Ariana and not being totally cut out by the group. And so she's, she's basically saying like, maybe you haven't given your friends enough at time or tension. And Aaron is like, what are they babies? They're like babies. She's very serious. Babies do sketch comedy. Listen, I've studied sketch comedy for like a decade. So I mean, a baby like they haven't even been able to take a class because they're like too young because they're babies. So like I get offended when babies like, I don't know, laugh, gross, like I was raised watching look who's talking. Okay. So I take baby comedy very seriously. So if they're just going to be babies, but not funny, like that's offensive to me. Speaking of babies, darling, Jack got me a little toy. Do you know where he got this from? It's like a little rattly bottle thing. Why would he give me that? He's like, feeling from the babysitting job. Thanks for the bill, money. Here's a key rattle, big plastic keys that rattle. Thank you. So then back in Palm Springs, again, all the girls are having fun and stop. And she's already being like, I'm like, she's like making yourself the outcast on purpose so that way she can complain about being the outcast. And Stasi is already getting back to work, shading Sheena. She's like, we can all be friends, like seriously, calm down. It's not like I stabbed your baby in my face. Like she said, she said some stassy thing like she does. It's not like I cut off your leg and like shoved it in your ear and then like gave you a penis cut it off and shoved it in your mouth and then waited for you to poop it out and then like picked it up with the dog back and threw it in the recycle bin. I mean, come on. I know. And meanwhile, like, so she and Katie are like besties again and Katie's like, this isn't rattle. Like it isn't rattle. It's like, it was a rattle, shut up, Katie. You know, poor Sheena, I know that Sheena probably really is terrified and she should be. But you can't blame Katie because no matter how evil Stasi has been in the past, anything beats having to listen to Stasi's bullshit stories about her terrible relationship that she drones on about hours of it. You know, she calls those girls like, well, she and I like some in love, but like, something understands me and those are doing a prom con. I mean, she's probably like, I don't even care if Stasi fucking hits me in the face next time I see her. I'm hanging out with Stasi again. Yeah. So now we go over to Koreatown where James is having dinner with his mum, James. So they sit down and wait, just comes over and it's awful. He's like, darling, darling, I'm going to have some, I'm going to have some fish and chips babe. I'm like, you don't know this woman. Stop calling your darling. So just sexual harasser. I love it. He's either sexually harassing because he's totally a misogynist or he's just gay. I mean, everyone says he's gay. I don't necessarily get the gay vibe from him, but who else walks around saying darling? I mean, it's crazy. I do. But I mean, who else in real life does that? Why do it in Fanderpump voice? So it's different. Yeah. Well, he pretty much has fanderpump voice. So darling, I mean, his mum's like, I'll have an entire bottle of wine. You know, I'm a dirty bitch. Yeah. This, this scene really, um, showing the light on a lot of things, like everything made sense as to why, why James likes Kristen and he even said it himself, just like my mom, because she's first of all, she'll only listen to me after I've spit on the door. But the way that he talks to me over lunch, or I say fuck off to her over lunch, fuck off your basic bitch mother. So he, he talks to her the way he talks to Kristen and she talks to him the way Kristen talks to him because at one point, so when she starts to get mad at him, when he tells her that he got fired from being a pump DJ and she starts to get mad and he's like, calm down, calm down a little bit, calm down a little bit. That's your mother. Sure. This is, this is James's origin story. This is like the leftover season two where you suddenly start understanding everybody and why they're acting this way. This is his origin story in one scene. He's calling, he's saying, fuck you to his mom, she's, she's calling herself a dirty bitch. Then he said, you're like, Kristen, and then she gets mad, that's when she gets mad like Kristen. And then he likes like other girls. Yeah, then he gets in trouble for being drunk at work and she goes, Oh my God, you showed up for work drunk, like, who made you do that? Like, why did that happen, Kristen, like it's someone else's fault. He was drunk. This is the same, like this is the same thing that Kristen would always do, which was she would rather go after the girl in a situation than the guy doing something wrong. And so then then the mom's like, yeah, I've never seen her without a drink in her hand. And then James goes, you're one to talk, you basic bitch, just have some respect. Oh, it's Kristen. His mom is Kristen. Yeah, you have earned none of that, lady. She's horrible. Like when he gets sad and I feel for him now, it worked. It's like leftover season two, telling you, watch it if you haven't watched it. It's so good. And it made me like James again. I mean, not leftovers, but this relating that to this kind of just made this show so much better in my mind. Well, I like that then James told his mom that he's going to dinner with Kristen and she's like, are you fucked? What? Oh, bitch, you got me fired. Is that what you're going to say? He's like, yes, it really is like, Kristen, it's so crazy how much she's like, Kristen. I like when he prioritized his life. He's like, yes. Here's what I need to do, mother. All right, I need to get in shape. I need to get a big old body. And then I need to get some money. Like he's all these shitty things. And he's like, and then I need to make an effort to my career. And then I need to get my job back. I'm like, whoa, your priorities are crazy right now. To be, here's technically what he said. He goes, I got a plan, quit alcohol, get super fit, massive six pack at which the mom's like, yeah, get my job back at pump, kill the album. And then she's like, yeah, and then get a massive thing of Calvin Klein underwear, baby. I was like, what is this relation? Your mother dreams of you in your tidy wities on a billboard in Times Square. Is anything gross, sir? This is gross. This is like that movie where that kid had sex with his mom and then they hated each other after. But she was still kind of in love with him. Monkey something. What was that movie? This is the first David or Russell movie. Spanking the monkey. Yeah. Creepy. She's like, oh, my legs broken. And then she bones her son. All I hope is that this mother doesn't break her leg. Well, here's to hoping. I'm looking up here. So then the episode ends in the most boring way possible, which is Tom and Katie talking. It's like, blah, blah, you know, you're crazy. Well, you have to have my back. You're crazy. When you text, I don't know, but you need to have my back. I didn't feel like I had my back. But you were saying crazy thing. I was saying this, but I'd love you in a few Katie, typical Katie. Yeah. But you like said, you wanted to fucking kill me. And like, if you were pregnant, you'd like stab our baby in the face with the fork. Like, what the hell, Katie? And she's like, yeah, but I just send them because like I was hurting because you like hurt me. It's his fault. Because it's all at the end of the day. It's all his fault. He's like, OK, Bob, I'm glad that, you know, we've got some love between us. And it's literally the dog sitting between them all sadness. And this is the second time we saw a crucifix. I don't even know where this was, but there was another crucifix. And I just wrote, does Jesus like has Jesus not gone through enough that he had like he died? He went through all of this shit to die for our sins. And now we have to watch Vanderpump rules on top of it. I mean, leave the guy alone. I know. Oh, but it was amazing in that scene when Tom was like, was Stacy in here? He smelled her. He smelled her orbits and her Febreade dress that she's worn every day for the past month. Yeah. Wow. Good episode. Good times. I love it. And I like that we had so much more time to talk about it. That means next Thursday will be a full on 20 hours about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills featuring Fay's greatest quotes from her book, Red is Fay, Red is our terrible impersonations of Fay. You sure look pretty today, though? So we want to thank Brandon and Craig again for coming on to our goofy little podcast. We want to thank our listeners for following us on all social media. And if you haven't, you know, you can go to watchwatchworkrapins.com to find our links and stuff, Twitter's like @whatcrapinsdays because Facebook.com/watchworkrapins and Patreon, all that crap that we just want to thank everybody for the support. We love you guys. And thank you, we believe for being our advertiser. And we will talk to you guys in a couple of days. Bye. And thanks Marvin J for being our premium subscriber. Love and joy. Bye. Bye. Bye. If you like Watch what Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge? Or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of monopolies? Introducing the best idea yet. A brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. to the best idea yet on The Wonder Act or wherever you get your podcasts.
