We know you're listening because you can't get enough drama, but there are some things that should stay drama free like getting birth control, accessing gender affirming care, getting tested for STIs. Health care shouldn't be dramatic, but lawmakers insist on attacking our rights to get the care we need and deserve your gift to Planned Parenthood helps all people no matter their race, sexual orientation, gender identity, zip code, income, or immigration status get affordable, high quality care without judgment, stigma, or drama. So don't wait, make your gift now at planperinhood.org/protect. This time of year is busy, family obligations, holiday parties, travel, relaxation might fall to the bottom of your priority list. You guys, you need to take time to relax, and you need to be somewhere where there's soft, white sand, healing, crystal blue water, cloudless skies. We know where that place is. Aruba, shake off any cold weather blues, and enjoy the islands invigorating sunshine. Aruba has the most sunny days anywhere in the Caribbean. I promise you, this trip is going to be at least 10 times better than the trip to Aaron's Hampton's home on Real Housewives of New York, but that doesn't take much. I mean, it doesn't even compare. Aruba is a geeky gorgeous. Please always choose Aruba over Aaron's home. We know you can't stay on vacation forever, but a trip to Aruba, honestly, it just never ends. Because the happiness and relaxation you feel in your bones, it just stays with you. Book your trip today at aruba.com. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is. Crap is. Crap is. Crap is. Crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? What if crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what crap is. I bet all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from BsideBlog.com and the Bantar Blender podcast. And joining me is the very, very funny, very lovely, very happy, very talented, and very wonderful, Ronnie Karen from TrashTalkTV.com. Yes. I love you. I love you too. And I also love our premium sponsor, Christi Daugherty. Yeah, Christi. That one is. I love you forever, meaningful, forever. Yeah, Christi, we want to hug you wherever you are. Consider yourself hugged by the entire Crapins universe. I'm sterling net hugs. Anyway, welcome to the show, everyone. Today, we're going to be talking about Real House House of Atlanta and Potomac and Top Chef. We so much fun stuff to discuss. Oh, I think we think we have an ad today, probably, too. We probably should look at that while we are while we're futzing around here with the intro. All right, well, go ahead. I'll do the intro part. If you guys want to come over to talk with other listeners and us about the shows as they air or comment on these episodes, come over to facebook.com/watchcrapins. Or go to watch what Crapins.com for all of our personal links, our instas, et cetera. Patreon.com/watchcrapins is where you can subscribe to our bony baloney episodes. We do want to week today with survivor Kesha. Some chick from Hollywood Divas who almost lost her head in a bowling alley and is now trying to sue somebody. And millennials. Millennials getting sued or getting fired from their minimum wage job after 30 tweets and complaining about not making enough money on the internet. Yeah, we also talked about Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. And we talked about the fake doctor kid. Oh, yeah, yeah, making up careers for yourself. Yeah, it was a good time. So go over there and check it out. Patreon.com/watchwoodcrapins. Also, if you go to our Facebook page, so I'm in the process of compiling a watch what Crapins glossary because we realize that we have a lot of new listeners coming on every single day, which is really cool. And we've been doing this show for about four years now. I think our anniversary is probably like two weeks ago. Look at us not celebrating our anniversary, but we've been doing this show for a while now. And basically, over the course these four years, we have accumulated just like dozens and dozens of running jokes and gags and nicknames. And to us, it's just like, you know, it's like a second language almost, and we forget sometimes that people have no idea what we're talking about sometimes. So we're compiling a watch a Crapins glossary. So that way you can know when we say that she's a real cut fitness, you'll know what that means and where that came from. Geraldine Parsons Smith. Not to my standers, tame gays. Oh, well, you know, Peter, things like that. You might be like, what is that voice? Yeah, what that laugh means. I'm freaking out. Who said that? So what's really amazing is that I've already made a document and I was like, I think I probably only missed like two or three things. Let me see. So I posted yesterday on our Facebook page and I was like, Hey, everyone, I'm making this glossary. Like, let me know like what I'm trying to. I'm just trying to like gather all these in jokes and running gags and nicknames, you know, post your favorite ones here. Within an hour, we had like 400 comments. It was amazing. So 450 right now, I think something like that. Yeah. So, you know, if you haven't added your favorites in to make sure it gets in the glossary, go there. But also like, how cool is it? How? How? How cool is that? How cool is it that like a that we've actually created this kind of like trove of all these sayings, whatever that people are saying and laughing about and they look forward to saying on the show. But also how cool is that we have all these listeners who are so engaged, both with the podcast on our Facebook page and are like, you know, sharing these moments and liking and everything. Like it's, I don't know, it just makes me feel special. Uh-huh. We love you guys. We really do. It's gonna be like a nice big encyclopedia, Bentanica. Yeah. So come over there and get it. And it's it's hilarious, by the way. It is so funny. Because some of the half the shit I forgot about, I was like, oh, yeah, the Alexia News Network. I forgot the Alexia News Network. I don't even remember where that came from. Why did we start doing the, can I remember we used to go? Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Alexia News Network. But why do we give her a news network? Well, you know. Oh, well, you know Peter. Is it just because she's always saying, oh, well, you know Peter, she's always interrupting with like, oh, well, you know Peter. I don't know. I'm gonna have to look in the glossary. And I'll do it. The appendix, if you will. So I don't know what form that's going to be a document that will post somewhere that you can download. Or maybe we'll do some sort of like evergreen episode. Yeah, we can put it up on the website. So maybe where we can have people submit stuff. Yeah. So, um, it's really awesome. Urban Dictionary. Urban Dicks. Um, maybe once, once we build our Weebly website, then maybe we'll put it there. And I know what you're thinking. I was building a Weebly website. I mean, we're not exactly web designers around here. But we are going to be creating an awesome website using Weebly. We still can't even believe how easy Weebly makes it. Weebly was created for people with the courage to start their own business and the dream to be their own balls. That's right. We have courage and we have dreams. Now, again, you don't have to be a web designer or know how to code to create a beautiful website, blog, online store, or watch our craft and glossary. We were all very impressed with the wide variety of professionally designed mobile friendly themes to choose from. You just simply drag and drop to quickly build and publish your site. Too easy. Uh, it really is easy, you guys. You can truly customize it, update it, change your site anytime you want on any device. This works from your phone, your iPad, your galaxy thing, your virtual reality headset. Oh my God, I cannot wait to get one of those. Take a sad turn. So join the over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free at Weebly.com/watch. That's W-E-E-B-L-Y.com/watch. Weebly.com/watch. Do it, people. And thank you, Weebly. Thank you, Weebly. Alright, let's move on. Let's get on to our favorite segment in life. Oh my goodness. Is it the one and only Crapins Maybach? [MUSIC] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. [MUSIC] That was a little fajr. [MUSIC] Fajr's having. We're pissing off that listener who wrote the Angry I-teens review. Oh, they do his face out effects. [LAUGHTER] I'm not gonna listen anymore. It's worth it. Yeah, that laugh is just worth a loss. I want that to be wake me up in the morning. I want it to be waking me up in the morning. I want it in my life at all. [MUSIC] You see him not far off with that. You know who does not laugh like that? Ay, y'all in the van's van. [LAUGHTER] Ay, y'all in the fix from a laugh. By the way, you'll notice that Melbourne accent. I had been really good at getting rid of that Real Housewives of Melbourne accent. But now I'm seeing it everywhere again because it's back on air in the old good old Aussie of A. The Aussie of Australia. Yeah. And we do not get it yet. So please bravo. Bring us our Melbourne bitches back. Give. I'll leave them in my loft. Give us our Melbourne. I need it back in two days. I'm gonna be annoying you with my fake vaccines. We need it. We need it so bad. What's in the mail bag? Mail back. I haven't even looked at these questions yet. So, where do we even begin? Let's start with Justinian because I actually know Justinian. So, nepotism. That's an amazing name Justinian. I like that. I believe he goes by Justin. But anyway, he is just. He's like from the Justin's. [LAUGHTER] He's called the main Justin. Justinian. [LAUGHTER] He speaks Justin. OK. [LAUGHTER] I like it. He says, "I'm curious whether you guys think that Lisa Rina purposely stole Taylor's Munchau's and accusations because she wanted the storyline for herself. Why else is she taking all the blame? Do you think it's a shame that Taylor isn't more involved this season? I can answer the last question first. Yes, I think it is a shame. I think we need like crazy Taylor all over the place. How many scenes have there been with suitcases that didn't have Taylor inside of them? Trying and drunk. I mean, that's just a shame. What a waste of a suitcase. I know. [LAUGHTER] Well, I can answer the first part, actually. Sure. Because I know. I am friends. When I say friends, I mean, I see these people in West Hollywood when I'm wasted drunk. OK. So, someone I saw this weekend. Please, officer. Recognize the podcast or whatever. And we were talking about Rina and this person works over at the old brabs in a fairly low-level exact position. But I was asking, because I was very confused about the Rina, because she keeps saying, "I'm not going to tell you who told me the much hasons. It's just chatter." But I'm like, "Who's the chatter?" I assumed it was Taylor. And so I was like, "What's the big secret?" Everyone knows Taylor's an asshole. Just say Taylor. But she never did. And they said, "No. It's actually somebody else who brought it up." Taylor was just brought in because nobody wanted to say it on camera. They basically brought drunk ass Taylor in. Taylor is basically always on a job search. She's always trying to figure out how to get back on this show. She's got her little bindle, her hobo bindle behind her. And she's like, "We'll work for gossip for money." Give pretty much. So, I guess she just came on to the party to drunkenly out it. But it wasn't Taylor in the first place. It was someone completely different. And supposedly this is all going to be coming out. No, it's not somebody in the cast. And that's why they're protected. Because they never agreed to be on this damn TV show in the first place. But they did not tell me who it is. So, don't even bother asking me who it is. But I have a feeling that since we just hit mid-season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we've got about eight or nine episodes to go. So, this name, I'm sure, will be coming out. And it's going to become a huge thing. And I suspect it will be a nice guest spot. Now, that said, everybody's been saying you'll want to have as much as to see some of the Internet. I mean, just blame, discuss the Internet comments system. Just blame like eyeballs. Okay. Blame having eyeballs and being able to read very basic headlines. Blame the human ability to infer things. How about that? I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Yeah. Lorraine Andrews says dearest R&B. Oh my God. We're a musical genre. I never even realized. These aren't Bravo-based questions. However, also another inside joke, Gretchen Voice. I want to know. She says, I want to know more about your personal sides. Oh, I wish we had a nice soft piano to play. Oh God. Have either of you ever had the romantic feels for each other, or had a drunken hookup that was never spoken about? Does Ronnie like Ben's boyfriend? So that's the first one. She has the jistery. I'm sorry, Ronnie. I don't have romantic feels for you. I just have friend feels. Oh, whatever, Ben. This would be very awkward if now be the moment that you say that you have a crush on me. I actually, when I started writing for TV Chasm, I saw Ben's picture and was like, Oh my God. I'm going to marry him. Because I never met anyone that handsome who was also just so funny and snarky. And I had never read funny TV recaps. Like I was totally in love. And I had not met you in real life yet. And I went to the bookstore and I read in a book. You know the big birthday book? Do you know what that is? I'm sure you guys know what it is. It's called the birthday book. It's this humongous blue book. It looks like an encyclopedia. And you can look up your day and your year and it gives your sign. But then they came out with another one called relationships. Like this language of relations and whatever. And that's a red book. I'm so bad. But anyway, you can look up your day and the other person's birthday. And it gives you a personalized horoscope based on your birthday. So I found out your birthday from, I guess, social means or whatever. And I looked it up and it said that we are very good to be friends. And we would be very good in business. But we would be bad in love because you would always come before me in your, you know, like that's just how you're built or whatever. And I remember that from that day. And so when I met you in real life, I thought you were just as cute in real life. And we met in the gym oddly enough. But I met you before then, haven't I? I remember. I remember we ran into each other. I met the gym. Okay. You were looking in the mirror. I was checking out a guy. I was like, are you Ronnie? And then we, that's how we met in real life. And so I knew, even though I thought you were cute, I was like, nope. The relationship book is always right. So I just never, I don't know. It's like it prevented a boner. It's not weird. Yeah. That's what books do. That's what books do. They prevent boners. I mean, how many times that's a regen error before your penis just falls off? Yeah, no, we never had a drunken hookup or anything like that. You didn't really get drunk enough to do that. You have to say, unless you just don't do it around me, but you're not really a drunk. And I actually very rarely have had any drunken hookups. My hookups are usually like super sober. I have drunken makeouts, but then I go to bed. My penis wants a day off too. Like when, when I drink, my penis is drunk too. It's like, nope. Does Ronnie like my boyfriend? I hope so. I love him. Yeah. He's great. I love him. I love him. Yeah. He, he is lovely. And he also likes Ronnie, which is nice because he is, you know, you know, there are people that he likes and people that he is like not as big of a fan of. And Ronnie, he's very talented. He's very cute. He's very intelligent. And he has got so much shade inside of him. But it's tempered shade, which I really like. He does it right. He does it right. He has blinds that automatically come down when, you know, or automatically go up and there needs to be less shade. Right. He knows. He's not like me who will just go tell somebody off in a bar just because I feel like it. He's very tempered. Like he knows when to bring it out and when to leave it inside. That's a, that's an important quality in a man. Plus he also, he does, he has this, he has this look. He's very much, I used to call him Dave Arbuckle. But I actually think he's more like Garfield because he loves lasagna. But you know how like when Dave or Garfield are like not impressed with something, how their eyelids come halfway down and they're like, "Yes." That's what he can do. He's just hilarious. He really does. Do we know each other's parents and family? Well, not really. I'm at your parents briefly. I don't think you've met my parents. I'm not met your parents yet. But my parents, I don't have any crazy siblings. I have an older brother, but he's not crazy. He's like very normal and suburban. And my parents do support the podcast. And I think they're really impressed actually at this point at how well it's doing. So that's, that's very cool. My dad, my dad listens for the first 25 seconds because he says he likes to listen to the song and then he likes to hear my voice and then he turns it off because he has no idea what we're talking about nor does he care. My parents are very supportive of everything. They're very nice and like we're very close. I've talked about my mom enough on here. Basically my mom, my parents have met Ben. They both love Ben. And my mom said that I need to find a Ben in real life, a real life Ben. And I said a real life Ben would have divorced me years ago. Okay. This Ben hasn't divorced me because he's limited to six hours a week. Real life Ben would have been out the door. All right. I need them like way less secure than you. So that's great. My sister's totally normal. Nice. She's the younger sister but also, you know, the best. She's like Monica from Friends. And she takes care of me. I'm really lucky with my family and they're very supportive. And then also the last part of Mackenzie's, I'm sorry, Lorraine's question is, I know your clothes means you have to get on each other's nerves sometimes. Is it difficult having to work with best friend? No, it's really easy. It really, really is easy. I think because we started from a working place. Like we started working with each other before hanging out. I think we've definitely spent more hours working together than we have hanging out. But it's, it's so fun to me and our work is so fun to us. All we do is this. I'm laying on a couch right now, smoking a vape. And like I'm laying down. And my dog talking to Ben and laughing my ass off. So I love it. Yeah. No, it's, it's great. And like I said before, the only time I ever get annoyed is when we're, when we're approaching hour three and I haven't eaten and I'm starving and you know, Ronnie's on a rant about something, about like a teacup and I like, you know, white jeans. If he's, if he's going on his white jeans, ramping up again. I'm always like, oh my God, I need to eat. If I have to hear about the white jeans one more time, it's okay. You can always rant about the white jeans. But one thing I will say for you and for me, I think that helps our relationship is we just tell each other. Yeah. And I just, we don't get hurt feelings. And it's honestly, it's never, it's never, it really is, it's fine. We're lucky. I think we both know how fucking lucky we are at the end of the day. Yeah, exactly. Um, I'm like, we have actually so many good questions this week, but we can't do them all because people, I do have to make a request that people like don't have like multi-tiered questions because I come up and be like, oh, we only have five questions and each one is like 10 questions inside it. But I do want to ask this one, I use this one because Karen, Karen's our wits who we met in Austin. Love you, KSR. I still have my button, crap by crap West pin you made us. Yeah, yeah. Karen made us these crap by crap West buttons as you just said. And it was awesome. We met Karen and her daughter. And she said when Ben said his rent was going up $500 a month, I loudly gassed. Me too, girl. I actually peed on the floor. Darling, if they did that here in Texas, you'd be getting a second floor as an add-on. So I up my pledge. And now I get to ask you guys stuff. So thank you, Karen, for upping your pledge and joining the Crapin's mailbag. Oh, are Karen up to her pledge to $500 a month more? You don't have to leave. That was great. Karen is ours. She's no longer the super premium scrab, she's our boss. So two questions. Karen has two questions. I'm going to Costa Rica next month to celebrate my mumble, mumble birthday with my sisters and Chew Housewives tradition, I need something to garner attention. What was used to suggest fake product promotion, hire a boyfriend, stage of fight with the sister twerk. Well, since you're going to Costa Rica, you'll need something Mexican, right? Because it's a city in Mexico. So you'll need a sombrero. Mm-hmm. That was mostly Belina reference, by the way. Don't let me hang like that, Ronnie. Selena reference? Don't make me cry. I'm from Mexico. Alexis Belina reference. Oh, I was going to say Selena. Why would you have a Selena reference? Sorry. But Karen, you can wear a Selena t-shirt, if that makes you feel better. You need a busboy from on delays. Yeah. That's what I was going to say, on delays. Yeah. Just say you're going to learn how to give chemo and then go to on delays and just learn to be a busboy and deliver queso to the table because that used to be Brooks's chemo. Yeah. Well, I had to stop chemo and so I ordered another round with it and extra chips. That's okay, so you idiot. And then Karen asks, if you're a housewife, what fake product would you show? It has to be something that hasn't already been done. So no mineral infused water, cheap wine or cut fitness franchises. Well, I think I know I would have to show my own thing, thin bar, something, it'll be sort of like feel skinny, although that's probably infringing on Bethany. Mine would be a glue gun just because I would love to just tell people just glue gun it. No, I think I know that's lame, but I'm sticking with it. I want to go on the Sonia Morgan path and I want to chill in oversized household appliance that people would not expect me to chill. So I would be chilling like a dehydrator. That'd be Ben's dehydrator. So if you want to make jerky, you know, everyone needs to make jerky. You know, people love coming to my home for jerky. Like all the time, you know, when Milu was alive, Milu was a very proud jerky eater, and he would always ask for it. It could be you looking way too sexy on the box of like a jerky, a jerky machine. You put in a slab of beef and Bethany comes out. No one knows how to be more dried out than Sonia Morgan and her new partner, Ben Mandelker. Smells like jerky. So anyway, we have more questions, but we will, I think we'll get to them on Thursday. How about that? So Mackenzie and Laurie and Sammy and Lola and Michael Horn. Oh, actually, Lola has a really quick question, which I really like. It's a call back to our house. I've hoed down days. She says, what's worse? Potomacarans boobs in that pink dress or Hitler? Oh, God. I guess Hitler on the technicality that he killed millions and millions of Jews, but the boobs are not far behind. It's like, they're like Mussolini level. I feel like Hitler actually put all these Jews into the shower and like, you know, gas them and stuff. I think that Karen's boobs could suffocate a million boobs, but she's not doing it yet, so I have to say Hitler as well. I feel like she's holding Thanksgiving Day balloons hostage. I think that's what she's doing. She's like, no, no, no, you're two floats behind. I'm keeping these here. I think that girls just waiting to become famous enough to go on survivor and still have a water supply that she just has to poke, but she's going to be foiled when she learns that you can't drink saline. I think her breasts are actually currently showing on like the bosom version of I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. I'm a celebrity boob. Get me out of this dress. Heidi and Spencer are each in one boob trying to get out of here. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Those things are insanity, though, serious. Yeah, they are too big for somebody to talk to them. Okay, you know what I would come out with? I have a new product that I would come out with if I was a housewife. A back brace. Yeah. A back brace for when your insecurity tits are so big that you're starting to get scoliosis in your forties. Okay? It's just going to help your back. Yeah. That's for you, Begange. We'll send a back brace up to the sky. No, she held him loud and proud. Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. No, I didn't mean I wasn't expecting you to speak. So I gave you the hook. You know, the clown came on stage and took you off. You're off the Apollo stage. I'm like, keep talking, keep talking. I saw what's that movie? I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take any more network network. Network. I was like, no, dead air. Okay. No, dead air. No, dead air. Speaking of dead air, April's dead rattle or death rattle, you know, what I actually really wanted to do on this episode, but I feel like since we've already spent so much time on the mailbag, I should probably wait, I really wanted to take some time to go through Caroline Fleming's Instagram because I was looking at it last night. She just cracks me up her Instagram. Oh my God. I think that has to be the next bony. Next bony. We're going to, we're going to, we're going to clear the phlegm out of our throats. That's what the segment would be called clearing the phlegm out and we're going to look at Caroline Fleming's Instagram because it is priceless. I cleared the phlegm and there were 30 people taking my pictures. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. How about I just look at one of them? How about I read just one of the captions? Okay. Which was the one that cracked me up, okay, it was, it's a picture of her just standing with a purse with her head cocked to the side looking, you know, absolutely stylish and beautiful as always. Just, hello out there. Sometimes it's hard to even get out of bed, I know. In difficult times, it's works wonders. If you give yourself time to really take care of yourself, only when you take care of yourself, when you really care for others, walk slowly, bed slowly, dress slowly, eat slowly, try and find a moment to reflect and balance all that hurts with all that's good. I know that life is a rollercoaster at times, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Hashtag, ne doo doo doo, hashtag bag, cuz she's holding a bag, cuz she's holding a bag. Oh my God, who was searching that hashtag? First of all, I love her mixed metaphor of that life is a rollercoaster, but there's a lot at the end of the tunnel. Like, what sort of rollercoaster are you on? She's probably on that snow mountain when she's on the space mountain, or the other one, the Himalayan monster mountain. I will not go, I will not go to shut up mountain. I only go to space mountain. Or, life is like going to space mountain, and waiting until the stars turn into brightness, and then you get to wait in line for another ride to the last five seconds. When life seems to be too difficult, remember, you can always get a fast pass to the Matterhorn. Hashtag tool road, hashtag gloves, I saw one that she wrote a long time ago and she's like, Oh, the Flint, Michigan water crisis, are we lucky to have bottled water at times? Like, I'm like, really, please tell me you're not showing a picture of you drinking something while you're talking about the water crisis bed. She's like, to save the people in Flint, I have sent three bags of gone chips. Wait, one more, I said salty snacks for the people in Flint. Well, I've got to do one more, I'm sorry, it's just too funny. There's one, here's a picture of like it's a Zavaza flowers, and some, some chocolatey things in little, little like cupcake wrappers, and the caption is, Do you remember these from the good old days, cornflakes and chocolate, mine are made with gluten-free wheat-free cornflakes with a sauce made of coconut oil, rock a cow, and maple syrup, a good stir, and then in the freezer to set for 15 minutes, such a delicious after-school snack, XX. Oh, she's going to school, there's the big news, I guess she's talking about her kids. I just, I just love how she first tries to like, home in, home in, home in on like nostalgia, and then lays in all this obnoxious like whole foods shit of like gluten-free wheat-free cornflakes and rock a cow. It's like the good old days, could you imagine somebody in the depression saying they're gluten-free? They would have their, they would be decapitated in the bread-free. Remember the good old days when all we had was rock a cow. How lucky were we? Remember the good old days when photographers used to follow me around with real cameras? Now, so much easier to have five followers because they all have something in the phone that was in their pocket. Oh my God. I really must apologize for the photographers, they follow me always to the rock a cow aisle. Is it the rock a cow, isn't that the most wonderful flavor that's got rock a cow? Isn't the most wonderful flavor? It's almost like aqua vie. Isn't the most wonderful flavor? That's disgusting, fucking eat a Snickers for Christ's sake, expensive, shitty chocolate. Oh, Fleming, Fleming, Fleming, Fleming, Fleming, Fleming, Fleming, Fleming. Clear her. Clear the flam. Clear the flam. Oh, it's all going in the glossary. For example, get her out of the bunion, clean the flam off the ground. Thank you, darling. It's all going right into the glossary. Well, Fleming's going to have her own chapter in the glossary. That's for sure. She's an idiot. All right, speaking of idiots, you want to start with real house walls of Atlanta or real house walls of Potomac? Let's say Atlanta. And I also want to say hi to, I'm sorry because I don't remember if her name is Mika or Micah, but Mika slash Micah, who is one of our listeners, who also goes to Tiago coffee shop and every time, every now and then we cross paths and she says, Hi, so I'm saying hi back, Mika. Thank you for listening and going to Tiago. I don't know why that reminded Ben of Real House Was of Atlanta, but you should know because I've written down as I wrote down my notes. I was going to say hi at the top of the show and thank you for listening. But now I missed it. I'm sorry. I'm just basically delaying this entire podcast. iTunes reviews going through the basement. So real house walls of Atlanta, we're still on this exquisite trip that Uncle Ben has planned himself, which I'm so sure that guy doesn't even pay his own gas to get to Charlotte to not work at that restaurant where he sits out there all day asking for money to get there. I'm not buying it. Real house was of Atlanta. No, neither is Peter. I'll tell you that much. At least we got to see the end of this party where Saray is like, oh, no, people, you know, they're talking to us a bit, you know, that maybe like Chris is getting something like that. Oh, pretty or gay or something like that. People are telling that your husband is fruiting gay, fruiting gay because what? She goes, freedom, okay, you know, homosexual, you know, furniture packer, you know, fruiting gay, fruiting gay, pretty gay, which is also a rejected name of the cereal. This is going to be Kenya's cereal next on the real thing, Karen Kim feels not shocked at all. She's heard this a million times. You could just see it in her face where she's like this again. Yeah, it looks like she's been asked this 5,000 times and she goes, canvas learning to read as we see through this episode and so now she says really sassy things like, don't let me cut these women with my mouth. I'm like, oh, what? I don't think like a plastic bag you can't get open. Who cuts things with their mouth? Just get back to carpool, Kim. It's time. It's time. We'll send you a Raffy CD. Just get back in the car. Things that Kim cuts with her mouth. What's that mean? I mean, I'm glad she's trying and she goes, well, thank you all so much for talking about me, but Chris is a very good husband and father and we're good. I'm like, so he's gay, but he's still a good husband and father because that was not an answer. Yeah, that's not an answer. All she had to say was mom, she had to say it was mom, she had to say it's okay, man. We're at those. No. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, Shirei makes it even worse. Kim's just trying to get out of this by being like, I love my husband. I think so, bitches by staying calm and celebrating this commercial that she just hit that made no sense. So, Shirei makes it even worse and she's like, okay, well, glad you're okay. Just wanted to tell you me, Vatra and Portia, go, call them. We like them. And it was like, yeah, we think it's just terrible that people are saying he's gay, absolutely terrible. Like, it's so inappropriate. It's uncalled for. And cut him in the night before being like, oh, he's gay. And I like how Faedra can make anything sound like she's like making a gay innuendo. She'll be like, hmm, honey, the key is on the ring and you're like, what? She's got a little quad on her. She does. She certainly likes a pushy cookie. I need nods like she's confused and it says really stupid shit, but we're like, yeah, sounds amazing. You're great. Yeah, she basically just says he certainly likes, and then you just put in a noun. It's like Mad Libs, you know, be like, hmm, he certainly likes a sidewalk. Well, that Chris certainly lacks his table. That Chris certainly likes a cumulus cloud. She's probably going to come out with that and just call it her own thing. Yeah. It's like, well, it sentences, but they're missing certain words. And then you put in a word. So Kenya is looking furious like she can not believe that all these women are refusing to call him a fagito burrito right to Kim's face. And she goes, well, have you heard the rumors? We don't care if you're having sex problems. No, no, she's no Kenya does a classic anything and it's so awful, but I laugh every time because it's so blatantly underhanded. She's like, listen, Kim, you know, whether your husbands, your husbands are gay or whether you're just like, and massively in debt, like whatever the problem is in the bedroom, we don't care. We just want to see the real you. I'm like, where did the death thing go? It's like she just throw a thing in there. Listen, you know, whether you've tried an assassination attempt on the president, whether you're stressed about your husband being gay, we just want your bedroom life to be happy. We're not mad about you killing JFK. We're just saying we want you to be able to talk about it with us. You know, maybe you're stressed because your career hasn't really been doing anything for 20 years. I don't know. But we don't care. We just want you to be happy. She's such a bitch. This one. And when she says, Kim, we just feel like you're reading from a script. At least she's had script said to her that she reads from Kenya. You don't know how stupid you sound. The only script you've ever read is shit that you write yourself and make zero sense. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So Kim is doing this. Kim is cracking me up with her. She's getting mad, but she doesn't really know how to express her anger at all. And she goes, she flipped off the camera. She's like, ah, flick. Here's my. Flip the bird. And then she goes, Oh, I guess I'm supposed to. Right. Like, uh, okay. All right. Is that some sort of innuendo about something like some illusion? Good one. Good one, Kim. You really made a withering indictment on the state of gestures. I refuse to cow-tow to anybody else's gestures, okay, except that you just flipped the bird, which everybody does every day, so way to make a stand. So then Nini says, which is hilarious to me. You know, guys, this is just harmful to the kids, and I don't like it because kids will hear about this. I'm like, uh, have you ever watched yourself on this show? I know. And the things that you have said about people on this show, they have kids too. You know, I'm doing a whole 180 on Nini these days by the way, because she has been absolutely hilarious. Like when Shiree came out with the, so we all, so people say, you know, your husband might be gay and they cut to Nini and she says, she like does this thing with her face. Her face just like turns into like a tea, she just, and she, I mean, the look on that face, it just cracked. She's been, I mean, she's been hilarious. She's been, Nini has been like fun and nice and funny, which is exactly the way we like her. This is when we like Nini. This is when we like her. You're like, Oh my God. Nini is good. It's when she turns into a diva. I don't even want to say Nini, because that's what she calls it. And I wouldn't even call it that because it's not just like an evil version. It's like the horrible human being lurking underneath. Yeah. She will come out. You know, Shamu looks nice, doesn't he? He's splashing you. You're all having fun. And then he drowns the trainer. Yeah. We all saw Jurassic World. So you know, the thing is that the Nini, like I don't mind when she goes off on people because then she, she is such a, she's got such a, what is it? Silver tongue, sharp tongue, whatever it is. She is hilarious when she goes off on people too. But it's just that in the past few seasons, when she's been going off on people, she, we haven't been on her side or at least I haven't been. I've usually felt like it's becoming from a spoiled, self-entitled place, as opposed to like the season one when she was going after Sharae all the time. That was great. Yeah. And she doesn't have a sharp tongue. She's got like a blunt instrument for her tongue. She just like goes and whacks people and you're like, what, what, what, what was she even aiming for? Nobody knows. She doesn't even make sense. Like, well, you can't shade me on that. What are you even talking? What am I mad about? Can you just start with it? Let's outline this. Hey, I'm mad and then put a little one under the A. Come on, Nini. How about Nini going after Star Jones? Remember that on the celebrity print list? No, that was great. That was good. And nobody even knew what that was about either. There was no reason. She just didn't like Star Jones and she would yell at her. And then when she called the quit, she was Donald's like, hello. Nini just says, I quit and he's like, what, what, you're quitting, what? You're a loser? What are you quitting? You lose her. And she's like, when you treated Star Jones unfairly compared to me, then it's time to say goodbye. Look, what I'd even do was to start Jones. And this could be our next president. Nobody has ever even accused anybody of being too nice to start Jones. I don't think it's ever happened. Oh, good old star. Yeah, it's our next president. I wrote, this is when I, you know, I'm taking too much notes when I write things like this. Oliver brushes teeth. That's a good sign. Really? You're going to talk about all of her breasts in his teeth. No, no, you're not Kenya. This is in the next morning. They're getting ready to go for some hike or something. And Kenya's boyfriend, Matt, that lick lip, that his anger, his anger. Slash confused look where he's just kind of looking out around the room, but doing his days of our lives eyebrows to look like he's concentrating on something, but nothing is happening. And he's just licking his lips over and over again. I love a hot man with an Adderall prescription. So this is the big breakfast, the big brunch with Neenie, Kim Fields and Phaedra and Phaedra. This is funny. This is a funny scene. Neenie's boobs. And I know that we're talking about boobs so much, but Neenie's boobs and her testimonial were giant in our face and Karen's. I'm not really sure what's going on on Sunday nights on Bravo, but tone of town, ladies. Yes. Jesus Christ. It's really getting out of hand. It's actually getting out of Brazil. That's what it is. It looks like a Bellino jumpy house farm. I know you guys are really, I know you guys are really making Alexis Bellino seem understated. That's never a good thing. Neenie is having breakfast with her Pocahontas braids. It's a different color than her hair. So the big thing, I just wrote boobs, hair, I need to concentrate, damn it. Blah, blah, blah. I've been there, but you, okay, so Neenie's saying, did you have fun, Kim? And Kim's like, yeah, except for Huchenia, am I right trying to laugh about it, but she's still infuriated because she didn't have her husband to go talk to about it last night. So she's still pissed. Yeah. And Neenie's like, well, I know what it's like when she comes after you for no reason. No, you don't, actually you went after Kenya for no reason because of Marlo. She's like, I know because I've taught her that. Yeah, I've taught her everything that she knows. So she says, you must address it. It's very important to talk about it. Neenie, aren't you the one who didn't come back because you were sick of addressing it and you refuse to have discussions with anybody else ever? Yeah. Don't you remember your therapy session with Dr. Jeff? Don't you remember that? Meenie, meenie, meenie, meenie, meenie, meenie, meenie, meenie, meenie, meenie come back. When they showed that clip, I was lowing, okay? Yeah, that was a great episode. So Phaedra comes down dressed like, I don't know, born on the Fourth of July. Yeah, yeah, she had that weird red, white and blue situation happening. It was very intense. She was basically dressed as Tom Cruise's psyche, born on the Fourth of July. She looked like one of those flags that goes on like a porch railing, you know, those like half circles. That's what she looked like. And where do you get those things? By the way, I'd like to know. She looked like she robbed two different July Fourth parties because like they had different flags and she just wore them both. Like, she looked like she was off to the Democratic National Convention, okay? Because people, for some reason for conventions, people were crazy as red when blue outfits, you know, with those like styrofoam, white hats, white and blue. That's what she was wearing. Delegate wear. She's delegate chic. Delegate chic. I'm just cracking myself up over here, everyone, don't mind me. Oh, hold on, I need to shift. I need to shift in my hospital bed. Don't make him excited. She's like, "Your shift? Are we in a carpool?" Oh, no. So, Phaedra is saying, "I had..." Okay. What is she saying? She's like, "I know." She made a... She was doing some of the cameras. She's going to church. She's like, "Ooh, girl! I had a flashback!" I love when she gets so dramatic in her talk. She says, "That woman's like a rattlesnake. You need to chop his head off." Dead. Whoa, damn. Because if you chop its tail off, it'll still be alive, but you can chop its head off. That's what she was saying. And Kim, I'm not going down to that level, and Phaedra's like, "The only way to stop a bully is to punch him straight in the face. Please do it." So now, Kim and Phaedra, Kim's like, "I don't know how to do that." So, Mimi and Phaedra are going to tell Kim how to read. This was basically the real housewise of Atlanta version of Neo learning kung fu in the Matrix. Essentially, Nini is Morpheus now, okay? And they are in a fake dojo, and Kim is learning. They're going to be jumping off the buildings, landing in pavement, and sinking into pavement and bouncing back up. And then Nini's going to go, "Again!" This is like Fantasia Burrito teaching in English class, okay? And I hate to say Tom Cruise again, because I just mentioned him, but that's like Tom Cruise, like, "Okay, I'm going to read you the great Gatsby." No, you're not. It's going to be a muddled, backwards, and crazy mess, okay? Do not go to read school taught by Tom Cruise, or Fantasia Burrito, okay? It's not going to work. And it's actually, those comparisons are apt, because... -Are they? -Yes, because Nini and Faedra don't read either. They don't make any damn sense when they do it. Nini just yells and screams. She doesn't ever say anything that makes sense. Claudia Jordan is still the main queen of that. You'll be like, "You're on top of the old block on the ceiling. How dare you, Tom?" Look, what? She's just yelling and screaming a lot. She's never after going after anything real. Yeah. I mean, I think if anything, it was... I think Claudia Jordan is the reigning queen of that. I think also Shirei, I mean, Shirei was, you know, fix your teeth, fix your... I don't know. Yeah, she comes with actual things to say. She has the wit. She has the wit. Yeah. She's got the wit. Not just the bluster. Nini and Faedra read. They definitely read. But Nini is more just sound. Yeah, Faedra is actually better with it. Nini, yeah. She's like one of those little keychains with sound effects. Yeah. All of a sudden, you hear a fart. You're like, "Who'd that come from? Someone's keychain." Hey, who's got some keychain? You're an explosion. You're a keychain. You're the... Faedra. That's Nini. My hand gave me the Mr. T when... What are you talking about? Fu? What do you say? What are you used to say? Yeah. I'll play it for next time. So they're trying to teach her, and they do role-playing where Portia plays... I'm trying to get my roles right. Faedra plays Kim or what Kim should be. And no, wait. Who? No, no. Faedra... Faedra was being... Was being... What's her face? Kenya. Yes, Kenya. And she kept just repeating kind of the same things. Like it is good. It was a good impersonation. It was good. It was good impersonation. It was good. It was good. It was good impersonation. No, it was amazing. I thought you were going to say more. That's all right. That's why I paused. I thought you were going to say more. Oh, no, no. I'm just waiting. But yeah, they were doing this whole thing, and Faedra was saying things like, "Now, don't you know that I've been part of Hollywood royalty?" And then he's like, "I've never seen you in black Hollywood or white Hollywood." And then, Faedra, because she'll always go in with whatever she's really thinking anyway, it's like, "Well, what about your husband being gay?" Because your husband is so gay, I've never seen a husband with a dick imprint on the inside of his cheek before or whatever. She's like going full in on the gay. I know. That's why I love the role play was curiously honest, who's basically just, "Now, Faedra can say whatever she wants to your face without you getting mad at her." And Kim's like, "What?" So she goes in on the gay thing, and this is what Nina, she doesn't read. She throws books at people, okay? Now, this is when Nina gets good. She goes, "Now, hold on, bitch!" Meanwhile, there are also, like, it's breakfast time at the hotel, and there's, like, families there, and they're, like, screaming this shit. Faedra's out of her chair twirling around in circles. She twirls endlessly. That was pretty good. So, we see Todd and Candy in their midget lease. Oh, yeah. Todd's got a new car, and it costs more than the old lady gang combined. Is this when they went to the Hook-O-Lounge? Yes. Okay, so I have things to say about this. Do it. So, Todd Tucker is going to, they're looking for chefs to run the old lady gang restaurant. I still really despise that name for a restaurant, old lady gang, and I can't stand the marketing conceit of having these women being unwanted posters. I mean, this is just, like, so beyond awful. I trust that the food would be amazing, but this is so beyond awful. So, they're going to find a chef to execute these family recipes. So where do they go? They go to Hook-O-Lounge. My goodness. A Hook-O-Lounge? And then it's so good when she says, "Well, where do you find this? Where do you find this, Chef?" And he's like, "I was just here for a birthday party one time, and I thought the food was good. So, I asked if he wanted to be our chef." Like, "Wow, way to research, Todd." Yeah, I know. Exactly. Like, how many... What happened to Chef Robley? Isn't he doing something? They bring Chef Robley in for every small little party, and then when they finally need to hire a chef, no Robley to be found. They probably watched their show and know that he's a damn mess. Yeah. I don't know. Did you ever watch the Chef Robley show? I never watched this. Yes. What's that? Well, thicker than water. I can't believe that's coming back. Oh, I know. I don't know about that one. I think I'd rather watch a tour group. Oh, no. I'm going to watch tour group. I just don't... I'm not going to watch any thicker than water. I would rather have... Yeah, that's right. I'd rather have the new Atlanta comeback. Oh, my God. Is that coming back? Probably not. The new Atlanta. It was there. It was there. Was it with the old Atlanta? There were like three women named Emily on that show, and then there was that asshole named Vaughn, who was just like, remember, he's like, "Listen. I can sleep with whoever I want, as long as I tell you. That's all." Anyway, it's not cheating. I told you I was going to do it, or I told you I did it. Stupid asshole. We'd do it after the fact. Okay, so anyway, we're back at this restaurant, and they're basically trying to please Aunt Bertha, who will not be pleased by anything, and then we're watching Canby eat everything on the table while porn music plays. Yeah. She's like, "No. Come on, bread. It's good. I like it." She's like, "Mmm, mm, mm." She's like, "Oh, bread." Bertha's critique is hilarious. She's like, "I wouldn't have all of this. See, look, if you're going to make some food, I don't know if you should have all greens on the plate. No one wants to see greens." And then her sister's like, "When you make things look nice, you've got to put the greens on the plate. You've got to." Mm-mm. I'm eating those greens. Like, her big, her big, the biggest offense was that there were green things on her plate. I know. She did not. My restaurant. And they're like, "Ha, ha, you said yours!" So she's decided to be in, which means nothing. She's still going to be-- Well, she thought the-- Yeah. Well, she thought the ribs were off the chain. Oh, yeah. That was good. I'm just loving the idea of this restaurant because they're not going to be cooking and they're not going to be working, but it's going to be named after them. So you're going to have these three bitches walking around the restaurant just like what? Being rude to people? I mean, what are they going to do? It's going to be like-- It's going to be like-- Like, ladies in the world. It'll be like Rocco de Spirito's show. Remember that one? The restaurant. And he would make his grandma's meatballs and she would sit there in the corner. And she would sometimes make the meatballs. And that was it. And they were like hugging and kissing me on the night. Yes, but they showed what a douchebag he was. Oh, God. Oh, man. He sure got tricked into that one. I don't think that he understood that they're going to really show his personality. Oh, yeah. Because there were two seasons of that show, I think. And the first season I didn't watch, but the second season I watched. And that's when Rocco was-- he was fighting with basically the guy who funded the restaurant. I forget his name, but he's like a very prominent restaurateur. And man did Rocco look idiotic. He really did. He looked like a total idiot. Totally. So let's go back to Jamaica's. Oh. Kim is sitting with her babysitter exciting with the point. And then she calls her husband to tell him that everybody went on Google to see whether or not he's gay. And then he doesn't really say much except when they Google you, you got him shook. And then he says, you know what, Google has more on every one of those women and their husbands than they ever will on me. So tell them to go look up their own headshot or at their own mugshots on them. He wasn't wrong. Yeah. He was totally right. Yeah. But still no one said that he's not gay. Yeah. Well, the best is though then she starts to get out. She's like, sometimes, you know, when David put on Saul's armor and it was too big and you want to go up and he's like, are you getting biblical on me? Especially why are you bringing up Saul? I mean, as someone who was raised with the Bible, I know that Saul was like not great. And then when he became converted and Christian or whatever, he changed his name to Paul. So why would you bring up something about your gay husband when Saul changed his name and converted later in life? You know, my favorite biblical teen comedy is called She's Saw That. She's Paul when David came down that staircase and he had removed his glasses and let his hair down. Wow. What a moment. It's like, do you remember when David first went to the Lions Club and it was too hot. So they turned on the air conditioning. He's like, no, that's not how the Bible works. Okay. It was a lions den. He almost died. Oh, you're right. You're right. What would I do without you, Chrissy? The Bible school with Kim Fields. So back on the bus, Peter, God, I spent so much time on the bus. The only reason why, the only reason why 2D has lasted this long on this vacation is because they spent half the time in like a rideshare. Because there's a lot of traffic in Jamaica that they get to stop in traffic for it. She just gets to sit there and wait. She loves it. Well, no, she's like, she is putting in the, she's putting in Peter Pan, part three, Tinkerbell, Saga. And she's like, come on, everyone. I've got granola snacks for all of you. Like the bus is stopping, maybe we should pick up another kid. Ask their mother if he has any dietary restrictions. Just do it. There we go. So they're back on this bus and Peter is still pretending to plan things, which is hilarious because I'm sure Peter went hiking in Jamaica all the time. Shut up, Peter. Yeah. So they go hiking and this is a lesson in teamwork and Kenya as the nuts, which I believe that she possibly could have them literally says, last night is any indication, these bitches will let me drown in the river. There's not going to be any teamwork. What about last night? When I was trying to work as a team to ruin someone else's reputation. I'm not. Don't tell them. Where was the teamwork then? Yeah. Bitch. And then Phaedra for no reason, I don't even know why she was laughing, but then insert the Phaedra. So I just wrote, Kenya, you filled the bathtub drawn in it. I don't know what that meant. Okay. So Kenya, you fake fitness bitches. Okay. So Kenya is still mad about Donkey booty or whatever. So she's running up with her rented boyfriend all the way to the top before anybody else. She's obnoxious. I don't even know why I'm writing this, Stan. All right. It was like, it was a totally like, it was like a total, the waterfall thing was totally like unremarkable, Porsche twerked. And that was it. They got the top. They were mad that Kenya went by herself, which I think, and I didn't realize that waterfall was supposed to be like a team building exercise. Just get to the top, bitch. Yeah. Anyways, they go to dinner. I'm in the top and everyone else is at the bottom. Go team. That's how Kenya likes to sing. So then we go to dinner because all they do on the show is eat pretty much. I think travel, they put in the hiking thing. I don't know how to be a joke. The bus broke down, basically. They're like the restaurants at the top of the waterfall, everyone go. So dinner, they were making chickens on the grill and they were whole chickens that were spread open. Like their legs were wide open and phagors like, look at those chicken with their legs. I have to say, you keep playing that. And it sounds like me. It sounds like the same thing I really does love it. So I love that Phaedra can even make a sex joke with a bunch of dead chicken on a grill. The men and the women separate, I think, at this point. Of course. And Peter is smoking a big joint. Man, Bob Whitfield was cross-eyed enough. Don't give him a giant doobie like that, man. Yeah, the guys are all stoned and sweaty and drunk and like full of chicken. And they are just, I don't even remember what they were saying, but they were just, oh, well, Matt's like, I love Kenya. You know? And so then they're like, oh, Matt's already loved Kenya, Matt's already loved Kenya. And then they were just like laughing and slapping each other. And I don't even know if they even realized what they were doing. I think they probably don't even remember it. I don't either, but yeah, Peter was still giving Matt shit and Matt was just good spirited about this time. Yeah, just some of you was OK about it. And Peter said something like, oh, I love that Kenya. And he said, I do, too. Yeah, that's what it was. Peter later turns it into, he said, he loved you. Yeah. He wants to get married to you. So we're going to help provide some Peter's brew for the wedding. All right, everybody. Now go into that ice chest, get some make-all up, ultra s, and tear the labels off. You can't have the wedding until we've got some plank bottles. We can have the reception under a highway. It's a team building exercise. This is how you see Jamaica. So they're having their own fun. And then the women are left to their own, their own devices and start. Let me see here. Talk of Kenya, blah, blah. Kenya's fake storylines are really starting to bore me. She's got another fake boyfriend. None of her fights are real. She's not even mad at Kim Fields for anything real. She's really starting to get on the nerves. Can I just point out that Greg is wearing a glitter hat that says faith? What does that mean? Is that- What is Greg? I mean, Greg ever makes sense. He did something this episode. I forget what it was. But I was like, what is he even doing? What's he even saying? He did something so- It was like for one second. And I was like, what is he making? He was standing in the bathtub. He's like, look at me in the bathtub. Look, baby. Yeah, I am in the bathtub. Just kind of like waiting back and forth. I was in a bathtub. That was all it was. True. So they start talking, of course, Nini brings up. She's like, well, today we were at brunch and we talked about Kenya. And so Kenya looks, you know, miserable, which is my favorite Kenya look, like a Disney villain who's been foiled, like an Ursula who sees a little mermaid running on the beach. And then she makes fun of Kim. She's like, before we start talking, do you want to pray first? So they start talking about this. And Nini starts her therapist thing again, except this time she didn't make the mistake of bringing in that idiot therapist from the last time she tried this and had the storm offset. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. You realize you're floating. You realize you're floating with a shot of Madora voice. That's what he sounds like, that guy. Listen to him. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Look deep inside of yourself and ask yourself, what has more fat, a steak or a salad? Here lies Nini Leaks, killed by giant boobs. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. You've heard us talking about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit. Streammax with ads included at no extra cost. If you haven't tried it yet, what are you waiting for? Ronnie, you're a big Last of Us fan, right? Oh, I sure am. The HBO original The Last of Us. It's about to start another season. What would you order on DoorDash while you watch The Last of Us? Well, while I'm watching Last of Us, I prefer eating salads from DoorDash because the zombies are plants. So, you're kind of eating the zombie plant people, you know? Oh, good. You're restoring order. Yeah, it's on theme. Line up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max is now included with your dash pass annual plan. Streammax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply, see DoorDash.com/max for details. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, ever it's brilliantly subversive James. Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know? That's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. All I tried to tell in the in the least was don't sleep on your back. I'll cheat in. Every day I have 40 to 50 breast implants. I'm sorry, everyone. I apologize. I apologize. You know what? The coffee is wearing off, the brain is slowing down again, words are just coming out, but I can't guarantee that they'll make any sense. Uh oh, we're only halfway through Atlanta. I know. Okay, well this fight is 10 paragraphs on my page, but it doesn't really need to be. Neenie starts this big therapy with Kenya and they're basically all trying to tell Kenya at the same time, you're a fucking bitch, just stopping a fucking bitch, Kenya. So Kenya, as she does in her Kenya way, turns it all around how she's the big victim. And yes, okay, maybe pulling Kim's chair wasn't nice of her, but it's because Cynthia hurt her feeling. So this is all Cynthia's fault. Yeah, she turned it on Cynthia, which is good because she knows Cynthia is an easy mark. Oh, and then Kenya trying in this spirit of being nice because Kim's read was hilarious because it wasn't a read. It was like yelling at Sebastian. Now listen here, young man, I am your mother and you're not going to change that. And you could not like me, but you will respect me and you will not eat more salt than you were allowed. If I walk towards that pantry one more time, you are going to get a spanking on your bedanking. Do you understand me? Yeah, I really liked it when Kim Fields told Kenya that she was going to take away her dinosaurs. I thought that was an effective approach. And Kenya was like, what does Kim, the only fossil I see around here is your career? Well, you had to have one for it to be fossilized to bet. Where's yours? Ain't no one going to dig you up in a million years? It's like, you've got fossils, you've got fossils, you see bones? Someone. Say your husband's fossils. We're probably a gay. You hear? You hear a T-Rex? You see a T-Rex? You want a shaken? You see a T-Rex? You see a demon? Anyone see a demon? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? Anyone see a T-Rex? You see a T-Rex? that the dinosaurs have to team up with the people to kill in the end. Yeah. Just keeps coming back. So Kenya trying to be nice in this is like, "Kim, I don't hate you, okay? I'm just indifferent to you." Okay, great. Good job, Kenya. You fucking more. Nice olive ranch. Yeah, so this is all at the end of the day. Cynthia's fault. And then Kenya's... Which it kind of is. By the way, it kind of is. You don't disrespect me anymore. What? Well, no, I was saying it kind of is Cynthia's fault, by the way. No. Well, I mean, it is trying to make them work together. Well, no. I mean, Kenya has to be held responsible for Hashek. But also, Cynthia could have just nipped us all in the bud by being professional and saying, "Listen, Kenya, I love... I'm sure you have great ideas. You weren't at the meeting. I need you to be there. I'm just going to move forward with Kim. That's it. Nothing personal." That's all she had to do. Well, we're talking about a woman who walked into a mobile station, stole three pairs of glasses, and is now trying to turn them into a worldwide sensation. We're talking about a woman who married Peter in a museum that she got, like, given to her for a free, that had a bunch of dinosaurs in it. No, I get it. I get it. I'm saying, that's exactly why, yeah. Anyway, you can't apply logic to these people, babe. No, but either way, Kenya, not a great apologizer, but hilariously shifty in doing so. And then Nini's like, "Okay, we're done. I'm going to bed now, like Kim. I better pray. Okay, I'm going to go up to my gay husband now and let him massage my feet like him." I go, "Okay, nice." So Peter's, "Weed, A.M. Bakery." And then Cynthia, still trying to be in it. God bless Cynthia. You know, at least she keeps working. She's like one of those employees. She's really not very good at what she does, but she shows up every day on time damage. She's got her homework done. What else can you give the woman? Nothing. So they're at a bakery and she goes, "I don't need any chocolate balls. I have chocolate balls all the time." Meaning her husband who doesn't even love with her, so I don't even know what she's talking about. Shut up. Yeah. So they start talking about the same thing, right? I don't even remember the scene. The scene was so non-disinct. I don't even remember it. Yeah, they basically just talk about the commercial more blah, blah, blah. And Cynthia's going to have to confront Kenya now, and Cynthia's got a list. She's like, "Oh, yeah." She's got a list of things she's upset. Yeah. Well, because then eventually, I believe that they go to dinner, right? Isn't that the next step? They go to dinner in gazebo? It's like the finale of the trip. Peter is now about to follow over. He's so drunk. Yeah. They're surrounded by green drinks. His eyes are closing open. He's tilting like a baby. He loves a dinner in gazebo. This is the second time the season. Too bad there was no crazy artist this time around. Oh, Peter in the gazebo. He's like, "I'm going to throw you. You're going to look like Barney Rubble, but still." I paid him with the credit at the end of the show. So, yeah. So, Kenya is, of course, an hour late to dinner or whatever. And Peter is just starting to give his big drunken nonsensical speech. Thank you for all coming to Jamaica. Don't let I could show you this trip. Instead of going on and on, like, he's done a goddamn thing in a way. Yeah. And people are trying to pretend, and then Kenya comes and continues to speech. And then Cynthia is like, "Thank you for that lovely speech. Unfortunately, Kenya hurt my feelings because she wasn't at the merch show." And then Kenya actually apologized. Yeah. Kenya was legit. I was shocked. Kenya was like, "Yeah, I'm sorry. That was shitty." And then it was like, it was actually genuine. I think everyone was like, "Oh, even the producers were like, "Wait a second." They were ready. The producers were like ready for this to go crazy. I'm like, "Oh, okay. All right. Yep." And unfortunately, Cynthia's too stupid to know that it's over. So she keeps going. She's like, "Well, true friendship means supporting each other, and you didn't support me." She's like, "Yes." And I'm still sorry. I still apologize because that was still wrong with me. Well, on that merch show, it was very important to me that you were there. And in fact, you were canoeing to Cuba, which is of course not even her joke. She took up from somebody else or Cynthia. Yes. And I'm still sorry. Well, I'm glad to apologize. Okay. Great. Sweet bit. Yeah. She's like, "I just want to reiterate just in case you didn't realize you weren't there for me. Like, I needed you to be there for me to say, "Your hair looks great. Like, you really handled that shot well, and you weren't there for me." And he's like, "Yeah, no, I apologize." No, but you weren't there for me. All right, all right. So that's pretty much how it ends, except Peter's like, "Oh, Matt loves Kenya. You told me." And then Matt retells it to Kenya in the saddest way ever. He's like, "Yes." And I said, "I love Kenya." And then I said, "Me too." And she's like, "What?" And he said that I knew too. Whoa, what huge step. And then she said, "Peter, you love me, Peter. You said you love me." And he's like, "Yeah, I said I like your crazy ass." Like, wow, he wouldn't even say it either. Poor Kenya. Matt always looks like he's waiting for secret cameras to come out and to learn that he's been punked. Like, he's just been, he just thinks this has been like a two-month-long prank. He's like, "Just wait over those cameras to come out. Just wait over the look of that." Well, as long as they keep giving me paychecks, they'll keep showing up the work. By the way, I sort of am enjoying Oliver and Portia. I think they're oddly very cute together. Yeah. She's ridiculous and he's amused by it. Yeah. That's very cool. And I love how that produces every time, every time they mention Oliver, even though we know exactly who Oliver is, they cut back to the time when he fell over in the hot tub. Like, every single time, they're like, "Oh, so he's spoken to Oliver lately?" And he's like, "Hm." And they say, "Fall over." Yeah, he's good. Poor guy. And that ends the real housewives of Atlanta. Okay, let's shift gears in between our housewives sandwich and examine the ham that is Top Chef. Top Chef! I just mix a whole bunch of metaphors, gears and ham and meats and sandwiches. But Top Chef, this week, the chefs went up to Oakland, and so on the quick fire, their guest judge was M.C. Hammer, which- Welcome, M.C. Hammer. Hey, Hammer. What did you think about that? Real ass Siri pad. Love it. I know. They all had to come up with rapper names for themselves, which was funny because some of them had okay names, but some of them were just like, they were the whitest rapper names of all time. What was Karen's? It was like the pink dragon. Not sound like a rapper. No. That sounds like a type of pot. The pink dragon. I loved that the whitest guy on the entire show, Carl Dooley, was the biggest M.C. Hammer fan and wanted to rap for him. I was like, "You don't even need to come up with a rap name. Just call yourself Dooley." Yeah, exactly. It's no better name than that. I like Kwame's rap name. It was- What was the call to get? It was called like- I don't remember, but it sounded like the most like a rap name. It was Baelish. Baelish. That's right. Baelish. Isn't there a chef on top chef masters named Baelish? Rick Baelish. Rick Baelish. Rick Baelish, at least. He's just naming himself after popular chefs. He's like, "I am the Emeril." M.C. Clickyo. My rap name is Padma Lakshmi. Even she's written a cookbook or two. DJ Garten. Kwame every week, Kwame tells us about a different job he had in a different life. I know, it's crazy. He's been 20 things. He's like, "Well, I was a rapper. I was a poet and a rapper." And he's unhappy about all of it. You had focus. And unhappy about all of them. Yeah, I was a rapper. I had to do that. I had self-food at my rap show to support my rap career or to restore my food career. I don't know which one was which, but it all sucked. I hate my dad. Exactly. She's calling me. I was giving rap until my dad told me I was terrible at it. So I quit because my dad's terrible. Then I sold insurance for a while, but you know, my dad kind of met that app with his being terrible at all. M.C. Jerk Chicken. So M.C. Jerk Broccoli. M.C. Jerk Broccoli. Sorry. So many jerk things happening this week on Crapins. C. Jerk Broccoli. M.C. Jerk Broccoli. So he wrapped and he got a kiss from Padma. Well, the thing is he was like bashful when you rap, which didn't make me like Kwame because I was sort of like off the Kwame train, but then he was like so embarrassed to rap in front of Padma and M.C. Hammer that he couldn't do it. And then you know, Padma did the thing that hot girls love to do, which is basically exert their hotness on a guy that they will never entertain anything romantic with, but we'll know we'll get their knees knocking. And so she like lean in. She's like, oh Kwame, that was beautiful and give him like a kiss on the cheek. And he's like, Kwame, my new year's resolution for 2016 was to be more charitable. So here's my one kiss of the year donated to a poor person. I don't think she's ever kissed one of the chefs at a quick fire. She has never kissed somebody that poor. I don't think in her, even when she was that poor, she wasn't kissing people that poor. That's why she's rich now. Yeah, exactly. You got to kiss up. Kiss up. That's right. Salmon rusty. So anyway, do you imagine that kiss? Talk about jerk talking about jerk chicken. Go that breath smell like two day old M.C. Fatwa. M.C. Fatwa. So I think Isaac won that a quick fire if I remember. M.C. Why why brush my teeth? I could be murdered at any moment. So Isaac M.C. Toop. Toop something. He so he won and he got immunity. So he's on like a little bit of a roll. I don't know. Do you remember even what they had to make what their quick fire was? Because I want for some reason I want decide to watch the two three in the morning on Sunday. They had to make something based on their rap name. Oh, yeah, which was they were making up. This is a shitty this is a shitty ass quick fire. It made no it was like they get to San Francisco wanted to make choppino or something. I made pink dragon and so now I've cooked a pink dragon. I made some bubble gum in the shape of a dragon. Yeah, I've chewed up some gum and put it on the plate. The end because I put pink in my hair. So therefore this is what I am. The New Orleans guy. I'm sure found time to stew something. Yeah, exactly. He's watching too closely. I wasn't either. I was like watching it. Sometimes when I watch I if I like does off for like one second, it's like the delete button. I forget everything that I've seen. But so then after the quick fire, they have to the challenges Jonathan Waxman comes comes through with the globe and has all these ancient cuisines like the cuisine of Han Dynasty China and the cuisine of Renaissance Italy, etc. And they all all the chefs get to choose a cuisine that they are going to excuse me research and sort of like recreate but add their own twist to it. So it's sort of a cool challenge but I still didn't understand why this was the first challenge in San Francisco, right? This is like Top Chef California and this just didn't make any sense to me. Is that crazy? I don't think at this point they're even trying to make sense. I mean come up with a wrap name and then make a dish based on that name. That's yeah, this is this is just basically like they let the interns control the show for this episode. They're like, okay, we need to break interns, put your put your ideas in a hat. We'll choose one randomly. Yeah, they're like, here's the here's the list of places that were allowed to shoot in San Francisco. Okay, find a reason for them to go to the library. Yeah, they have to research. Uh, I don't know, we got maps. Okay, research something on a map. I never donated some push bands. Okay, but a push band is like I don't get together. These push pins have been donated by the GLAD family of wrap. That's what it was a wrap challenge because it was a Saran wrap challenge. They did have a GLAD challenge, didn't they? No, I don't think GLAD is, GLAD I don't think is sponsoring them this year. It's something else that's random that's sponsoring them. And of course, it's Trolado wines as usual and something else but it's not GLAD. It's not part of the GLAD family products. This is still the cheapest show in the world. Every time in the beginning when Pat was like, the winner receives 100 and $100,000 into Penny furnished by in Groupon, Ziploc or whatever. Yeah, Groupon, whatever it is. I just keep thinking 100 grand or 150, I think it is now. Come on. Well, either way, I think they sent them to the library because they were sick of Isaac yelling. They're like, let's just, let's just quiet them down. Let's just do something in a library. So they all go to the library and they're researching things. Kwami shish someone, which I thought was funny. So Marjorie is telling us a lot about her past, which has me very scared because we love Marjorie, but she's like, yeah, I'm from Yukaya and my mommy donated a food bank. So I've been cooking for a long time. My life has been catching every detail of her life. He meant this episode, so it's like, oh shit, she's going home. But no, they cannot send Marjorie home. My favorite role person on this show ever. I love her. Well, I love Marjorie and Karen. And unfortunately, that duo was broken up. But either way, then it came time to cook. And Carl, surprisingly, was in the top three. Carl is never in the top three ever. I suppose Carl is made it this far. He always just sort of cooks generic food. I think he should have been out the second he made a milkshake. Yeah, they should have just been like, bye now. Yeah, a milkshake, bye. Yeah, emcee milkshake. Emcee tells the story about his life. They're always so white printed. He's like, well, my wife loves this because me and my wife really like taking walks. And this reminds me of walking past a restaurant one time that made fish like fascinating story. Glad they keep shooting you. Yeah, this is this is the snack that I always cook my life before we sit down and go through our DVDs of still standing. They're totally going to rig this show. It's going to be the final challenge is use these crackers to just make something. I don't care. He's just going to serve a playing cracker and win the whole show. So, Amar won because he did French cooking. And he did like, just like he went crazy. And he basically is all his French technique. He's like, I'm really so glad that I won. It's been a slow burn, but I am on the up and up go. It's hilarious. Yeah, this was this is what I meant to do because the whole time this was my plan. You know, in the beginning, I was going to just play slow. And then I was going to start winning later. Oh, really? So you just plan that mediocrity the whole time. Yes. The biggest shocker in this thing wasn't that he won. He's straight. What the hell? Yeah. I knew that. Did you? Yeah, I thought he was straight. He doesn't seem like flaming me or anything. I'm not saying that. I just assumed he was going to be like the big, flaming queen who was going to tell somebody often he never did. No, the big flaming, the big flaming queen this year was the guy with the yellow pants. And his flame was like a big lighter. He was like, I'm so outrageous. My friends always tell me how outrageous I am when I poached chicken and serve Ridicchio. Oh God, best parting speech ever. Well, I really didn't want to do this anymore. So I quit. And I just came on top chef to see if I still had passion for it. You know, like, well, do you? He's like, oh, I'm still miserable. Okay, go home, you idiot. Well, as you may have noticed, I boiled some trout for you. So I think that answers your question about passion. I've steamed a salmon. Now, what does that say about passion? Yeah, here's some steams broccoli and carrots and a piece of cauliflower. Yeah, if you found nothing to put celery in yet. Toe up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's not forget his passion for celery. Celery is my favorite. But then Kwame also had an issue. Kwame was making ducks and when Tom and Jonathan Waxman came to the kitchen, Kwame is like, here's my sample duck breast. And they're like, Tom's like, oh, can we take a look? And it was like raw. Tom's like, no, thanks. Kwame is very sad. He felt the sense of rejection that he hadn't felt in 17 years. And he says it's raw. I mean, come on, give him some time. But he redeemed himself. They can do chicken here. So he was making chicken. But Bailish, Bailish came back and made a perfect duck breast. So it all worked out for Kwame. Yeah, they had to do this. They had to serve in pairs and then get dist as they were making the food, which I love when Padma talks with her mouthful. She's just like, I love her open, disdain, her robot voice disdain and people. It really is great. It's great. It's the first time you've made this bread margarine. And for the first time ever, no, this was a bread she'd actually made before and it sucked. It's like, I didn't like it. Is this the first time you've made a paratha? Poor Margery. Luckily, she's skated by. I wanted Germany to go home. I'm like sick of the bear. He's been on too many crudoes. That's gonna be the name of his sitcom, too many crudoes. That crudo is enough. That guy is so cute. He's cute, but he's dumb as a brick, isn't he? He's jumping on the drums. When they went to the library and he's like, yeah, well, I mean, libraries grossed. So didn't really learn a lot in school, but we didn't have surfing class. It's great. Why don't you go talk to Rod from newlyweds, see how that works out? What was his thing? He made chowder. Yeah, but what was it? Or it was like pioneer day? His was ridiculous. No, it was it was gold rush or as he called it, the golden rush. My period is golden rush. So he made chowder and it was Tom's critique of it, really stuck in my brain. He's like, it's over reduced. It's like eating a sauce, not a soup. I was like, oh, saucey chowder? I mean, still probably I would like actually look like chowder. It just looked like broth. Yeah, well, because he had, it would look didn't even look like broth. It looked like because there were stuff in there. There were things in there and he was like all delicate. And then they put it just looked like a white sauce on stuff. It was it looked bad. And they said it was flavorless. So I really feel like he should be the name of his biography, white sauce on stuff. I think that's actually Karl's biography, white sauce, MC white sauce. Dooley. Dooley on Dooley. Dooley on Dooley. That's that's his one man. That's his one man play where he interviews himself. It's experimental. It's a mixed media presentation. Dooley, what would you have eaten in pioneer days? Well, my wife really likes fresh air. So I would have probably gone outside and breathed a good story. Penguin. Some sort of bland some sort of bland fast bread. But anyway, but Karen though, so Karen, I you know, I love Karen. I love Karen. And I thought she's been I thought she's been really great all season. She's had like one or two missteps. I even like her, even though she does that thing where she finishes other people's senses when they're like, Karen, we felt like your broth was a little too complicated. And she's saying too complicated. Yes. Like as Padma saying too complicated, I hate that. Just repeat repeat. Yeah. Yeah. But the thing that they got mad at her about was that she made her her her dashi tasted too Chinese. And it was too, there was too much stuff going on, which I get. But I feel like Jeremy's that they said Jeremy's was flavorless and Jeremy home. Yeah, I think she she may must have been bad. No, she didn't make a mistake last week. I'm trying to remember. I feel like she's fucked up a couple of times. And he has a mistake, but she made one mistake in restaurant in restaurant ward. She made a rice stuffed fish that they did. Oh, right. It was the worst thing that they had the whole night. Remember, she got to stay. So I think it was just that it was her second time. Also, everybody is left to so good. Yeah. Well, they seem to be good. I mean, we can't taste it, but she cracked me up when she was talking about how she didn't really like school either. And she's like, but I do have a degree. I took women's studies because, you know, I'm a queer lady. And that's where other queer ladies go to meet queer ladies who might want to have sex with them. Yeah, that was amazing. Yeah, I like that. I thought that was, you know, she's resourceful. Can't fault her for being anything, but student loans just to get laid. Yeah, still paying that shit off. So Marjorie skidded by, even though her parathas were fried. And, you know, and so did Chowderman. So on to next week. Yeah, what are you going to do? Top Chef. Pretty good. How many weeks do they have left like 20 weeks? Not too many. Well, now they were so they were down to seven going the ups. They're down to six. So that means we've got like two or three more episodes before the before we probably have like one or two episodes left before the finale. So they're probably going to do something up in Napa. They'll probably do something again, like they'll probably begin in the Bay Area. And then it'll be finale time. And I don't know where they're going for the finale Vegas, I think. Yeah, who can say who can say screw him? Let's move over to something less delicious and even worse, composed, more badly composed than let's go from California cuisine to Australian cuisine. Well, it's Australian, Australian food, yeah, Australian fusion with some, you know, I'm really like a whiskey and Australian fusion girl. So what is Australian food? Do you know yet? Have you Google? I do know. I do know because there was an article about it in LA Weekly, like maybe like a year ago. So I mean, a lot of the article basically said that Australian cuisine is kind of like American cuisine. Like American cuisine is, you know, people don't think of American cuisine as like, like as a singular thing, but it has so many ethnic influences. And that Australian cuisine is sort of like that. It's like, it's really influenced. There's so much Thai food over there in Asian flavors. That's like, that's like the dominant cuisine almost. But pies, basically a lot of meat pies, a lot of little meat pies, little meat pies, little meat pies, but there is, there is, I've just never heard somebody saying, I want to open an Australian restaurant, they're a few back and that's, you know, like steak and potatoes and shit. They're a few Australian restaurants here in LA actually, but again, they serve basic little pies, little meat pies. I haven't been, I would actually like to try, you know, I never turned on a meat pie. I'm like, little meat pie, that's my, that's my rap name. Little meat pie. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go into a rap battle with the M.C. jerk. My dad is mean, my dad is mean, he's awful and he's really mean eat this green, green, good for your spleen, spleen, spleen. Sorry, I couldn't finish. So let me give you a kiss. Wait, what was that? That was just being pad, my giving. Oh, I thought that was like, I thought you were like, changing up your flow. No, that was my pad, my vote. Get me a kiss. Thank you so much. By the way, I just want to like, before we go to Potomac, I just want to reiterate something. Padma is like flawless. I was just looking at her again for this episode. She's been doing this for 10 years and she looks pretty much the same. She is just gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah, that's really a way to believe me to work for her. Oh, it's not easy to do. So dark, Ronnie. So dark. She doesn't look like she has it, but how the hell else could she maintain that figure? She eats like a house. She's not one of these girls like Erica Jane, who's like, imagine if Padma had Erica Jane's hairstyle, she would look like a spinner spaniel. I think she probably has had that hair. She's probably worn most of those costumes on this show too. Remember when she used to dress crazy? I love that amount of bikini and a fur coat. Yeah, Pat the Puss. Pat the Puss. She's like, Her vocal warm-up is just, which is also what I believe that was also what she did for Honey, right? Was it Honey or glitter? I'm sorry. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane. Thank you, Pat. Beautifully done. So anyway, over in Potomac, we open up with Karen Huger taking her daughter to self-defense because Karen Huger was mugged and she tells her daughter if someone tries to mug you, then you just, you fought for your life. You come back to me. You come back to me. And if you can't find me, use the intercom. If you see one of those random phones on the street, hook to a machine box, pick it up and just say, Daddy, Daddy, until he hears you. He eventually will. Honey, if someone tries to mug you, just, just page me. Karen, oh my God, when she's like, she tells her traumatizing bugging story. She's like, I was walking through the parking lot of a mall and I was mugged. He stole my diamond necklace, but he didn't get everything. I slid the ring down into my you know where and I still haven't found it. You know, talking about a meat pie. Jesus Christ. How many people have tried to dig that thing out? It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. So then we go over to Ashley and her husband Michael, they are opening up an Australian restaurant, meat pies for everyone. And they rented a rest, they rented an office on K Street. Okay, people, that's worth the lobbyists. That's worth the lobbyists work. There was a show on HBO called K Street that was amazing, by the way, James Carvel and Mary Madeline. Oh, yeah. Okay. But it only lasted one season. And I just thought, oh, good. There's a sign. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Well, these two are really the James Carvel and Mary. What's her face? Madeline. I wanted to say something else, but I was like, that's not right. They are them of the new generation of this of for Bravo. They said, I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry, people. The coffee is back. Everyone, the coffee is back. Back the Tiago returns. Well, there are both wackos and I am kind of liking them together, even though it grosses me out there. Yeah. It grosses me out there. You know what they are? They are the new Alex McCord and Simon. Okay, literally he they're both both have two like socially aspiring, aspiring women with question, bleached, straight Australian husbands. I'm not sure if I'm speaking English anymore, but I think everyone gets what I'm trying to say. That makes sense. I feel like there's a better term than supposed socially aspiring aspiring spot, whatever. Upwardly mobile. Upwardly mobile. Except I don't know how mobile she really is. I think she's just I'm really mobile now because my husband met me a car. It's really important. I mean, 90s where my husband's money like really it's really important because I'm an independent woman. So I'm letting my husband buy me an assistant. Ever since I started going to the gas station on the top of the hill, I've considered myself upwardly mobile. How is this who does this bitch think she's I know now she needs an assistant husband when you were like 21 you boned him because he owned things. He married you because you stalked him like the youngest legal one he could get. Don't forget that she stalked him like sliver. Okay, she was watching him on like the closed circuit security feed on those odd reverse security cameras where the bartenders can see into the office. What the fuck kind of camera? So weird. So she's boning a rich guy. He married her because she's a child. Now she's saying she's totally independent and doesn't want to rely on somebody like we're supposed to believe that you married him because you like the knee ball sacks. Yeah. Get out of here lady. No one's believing you. You just got a fucking car last week. Now your husband's buying you a restaurant and an assistant and you're still talking about being independent. And what does she need an assistant for? She's like I can really get some help with the social media while I'm busy you know like bikini shopping with the other girls. It's really hard to correct me. It's really hard to correct Siri when I'm trying to tell her names and then she starts writing other words on the Twitter. I need my assistant. So this is what the interview process is. So who do you like more Taylor Swift or Katy Perry? Literally that was a question. And then like so then there's like a they have a didgeridoo and the husband is like asking like the guys and the women like it's so inappropriate. He's like you know sometimes you have to handle a big wooden pipe which you like to see my big wooden pipe. Here it is. It's a didgeridoo. I'd like to see hey you wrap your math around this one. All right go ahead draw that. And they ask if they're asking people like so what's like something fun you like to do? One woman's like well one time I had sex with my significant other in an alleyway. I was like hmm and then another guy's like I like to vogue and then he just was vogue. I was like this is a very interesting job interview. These people look the people who were hiring are idiots but the people applying. I was like the world is ending right because everyone on here is so stupid that twerking guy was wearing his backpack the whole time. Take off your backpack during the interview. Yeah exactly. And then so then after the interviews the worst part of all this is the part that like made me kind of want to fling myself off my balcony. Michael leaves the room and he goes if you're lucky I'll let you blow my didgeridoo. It's like he's so really unique. It's so funny. It's like a good whiskey. So then we go over to Shoresis house where well we open with a meditating frog that's fitting. So Shoresis there they stay on the ground floor I'd like to add. So they're talking about Robin's relationship and she's like Robin's like are you your did you fire your gardener could you maybe hire me to know it. And Rob Robin is denying that she's in a relationship even though she has sex with one that's deep in the same bed they live in the same house and they haven't even told their kids that they're divorced. Girl you know what she's doing that right. In my opinion obviously I would like to hear. My opinion is that she's saying that so that she can still stay with him while he's constantly cheating on her ass and she can't say that she's being disrespected because she's just allowing him to do whatever the fuck she wants and she still gets to keep the husband and then when people say he's cheating she can say he's not cheating we're not in a relationship. Yeah she doesn't have to look like a loser to her friends. That's a good theory it's not a bad theory. I'm not mad at that theory but either way then Shoresis starts talking about her husband Eddie and she's like now I don't want to say anything bad about Eddie but he's a horrible husband. Like well by all means thank you for putting it delicately. I really threw that for myself. I texted him that I wanted to divorce but he didn't even write me back so. She's like I'm gonna have to take drastic measures with Eddie. I'm gonna let him upstairs. I'm gonna take drastic measures with Eddie and I'm gonna turn on my TV and watch him play sports. I'm gonna tell him the whole time I'm yelling at you right now and he's gonna feel it. Then when she's reading her text out loud Robin's so stupid she's like do you hear any? What do you think about me in one? Oh this is sad. She's like I know. I also love that this bitch is trying to pretend she's so fancy and she has like a full tray of all this fresh cut up food. She's like shrimp. Look at my fancy trays and then she puts it down and there's those little to go catch-ups. I didn't know that's all there is. I just thought it was sort of an odd display. I mean this is this is us now being like peak Crapins caddy but like PCC but um like she puts out like little crudites and like a random small bowl of shrimp. It just never just seemed odd. It just is like an odd spread and it was like so fake leak has your cash like oh I just happened to put out to just make these shrimp. I was like you knew the you knew cameras are coming over. That was whole food salad bar shit like it was a shrimp like shrimp salad chicken salad like polenta salad. It's like all these different little containers you just emptied onto the thing and then wasn't there a ham? I think there was like one of those hams that you buy that's already cooked and wrapped and you just unwrap it. It's like air wrapped. Yeah. I don't know we get them for Christmas. I bought some ham today by accident. Huh? I went down to Ralph's and I went I want to pick I know I should buy some ham without by accident but uh I uh I meant to get some turkey. You have some turkey? I went over to the I went over to the sliced meat style and because I needed to get some turkey and then my friend was there and we started talking and I just like randomly grabbed and I got home. I'm like oh my god oh god ham one oops one I'm not mad at you for those ham because we're not married but if we were boy I'd be telling you all for right now. Anyway um now speaking of ham raise. Speaking over to Karen and Jizz. Yeah. You must go see what Karen and Jizz are dealing with. Yeah let's see what let's see what's going on in Press Ham Central. So um so Giselle goes over to Karen's place. They're gonna have just kind of a good old fashioned gossip sesh and I love you know I love Giselle. I think you don't like her right or do you like her? No I think she's a phony fake bitch girl you ain't so classy get over yourself. Craigslist sectional and your white stove shut up. No I love I love Giselle. I think she is. You can see that hilarious. I want to post it on our Facebook that says when you think you're classy but your wig cap's showing. Yeah. She's like playing with her weed because her and Karen all they do is touch their fake hair. Yeah and she's moving it at one point you see her wig cap under. I don't think that I actually think there's a difference between Karen and Jizzelle. I think that Karen thinks she's classy. I think that Jizzelle she doesn't go around talking about etiquette but she's more just like like you don't do that at a party. Like not like from an etiquette standpoint it's like which I know what I'm saying sounds like etiquette but it's like the same way like if you if you and I were at a party and someone like came behind did something ridiculous like what are they doing? Like you don't do that like you know and I think that's where Jizzelle's coming from. It's like he's just not quite it's I feel like Jizzelle isn't as righteous about it and so I'm okay with it. I think that Jizzelle's funny training. She's righteous about shit that she doesn't actually possess. You know she's righteous about etiquette but they both rude as hell. Neither one of them knows what it is. She's just a younger version. Well I loved it. I loved when they're talking about Ashley's party and Jizzelle's like she's like Austin, my bill. If I'm coming you pay for me. I just was cracking you up. I was like that's great. I would never do that but like I love that she did it. I am like team Jizzelle. I want Matt with field here because I feel like he would agree with me. I think she's an awful human being. I can't wait to see her fail. I cannot wait to see her being dragged down because I think she will be. Well they tried to drag her down and she wants to try. That was over something bullshit. I think once these ladies get over- Do you think it's gonna be a bull's- If this just sucks by the way it's terrible. I think it's terrible. I still am enjoying watching it and laughing but I'm only doing it because of this because if it weren't for this I'd be like buying out this is terrible. It's painful watching. Oh I would be. If we didn't have the podcast I'd be watching Potomac and not Atlanta. Oh really? Oh 100%. Oh yeah we're on the ops. Yeah. Yeah. What else is new? So another reason we can never be la vase. We never agree on what to watch. Exactly. Well we'd have to tag team on Shady Sunday. Hashtag Shady Sunday. So the good wife the ultimate Shady bitch. Yeah so anyway Karen's news is that she's gonna be she wants to show Ashley how to read through a proper party in Potomac. So she's renting a yacht and she's the it will be open bar and the only requirement is BYOM. Bring your own man. So that's that. Which is totally classy since no one else on this cast even has one. Yeah exactly. Maybe the case they're aligned today is starting in the back of her head. It's not even pretending anymore. Yeah. But maybe BYOM could also mean bring your own Molly because the women think that Katie was on something that Ashley's part of because Katie was like basically spaced out and making out with her. Also another questionably straight boyfriend. The entire time. Oh yeah of course Giselle is now thrilled that she can call Katie a drug addict and malignant times on camera. Yes. The woman with four children at home and no husband. Nice. But every time work there Giselle. But every time every time they started talking about Katie then like the sky's open. I'm just like lightning bolts and danger. So a few omens are up above. They're just God just like we have to shut these women up. Do whatever I can. Zeus. Zeus is like be quiet down there. Giselle just acts like she's so fancy. She's sitting there with like some banana clip in her head from Claire is like with little fake diamonds glued onto it. Some red rock necklace. It's like these big plastic rock chunks that are wrapped around her neck. Looks like she's like trying to be dragged down onto the ocean. But that shit floats. She's ridiculous. I can't with her. I can. I can. So now we go to Ashley again and her mom is visiting which is just like whatever. So basically your mom visits. It's like one of these scenes where she's like my mom is like my best friend and her mom is bankrupt but is not asking Ashley for help which is nice. I'm gonna give you some money. Like I work really hard on getting that dick erect every day. I've earned it and the way it's meant to do it. So. And her mom's like look I can get my old senior citizen to support me. Thank you very much. I got a bitch. Yeah. Meanwhile Katie is meeting with Karen because Katie is transitioning out of modeling. And into running the Ross Foundation. And she wants to meet with Karen because Karen is a great quote unquote roller decks. Oh my god. Stupid and Katie. Everyone knows about rolling. It's Katie. What about your what about that party the other day when you were all over that man. She's like oh I know that that was a bit much. Yeah. I'm really sorry about that and Karen. Well thank you for apologizing. Oh now we all have to apologize to you when we make out in public. Get out of here lady. You were wearing like scotch tape or red or koochie and like a shirt with holes in it and had your 10 gallon tits all over the floor. Please. If anybody needs to apologize it's your wig tape. Yeah. That's that wig. But I don't know what Karen still cracks me up. Even with her bad wigs. So anyway so Katie wants to do a casino night for her foundation and Karen's like no. She's like I'm sorry. I have the annual Hubert charity event. I was like all right Karen. This has got to be good. I cannot wait for the annual Hubert. I know because you know someone's going to act wrong. Someone's going to like eat an olive with their fingers and she's going to kick them out of the holiday in. So these charities that they're talking about. What is Karen Hubert. So you know okay tax shelter but still what is she going to. Women who are in decent need of makeup. Like no. And then Katie's like well I really wanted to raise money for this children's theater. She's like oh I know it well. That's your charity. Do they not have legless vets around here. No I don't theater. I think I think that the Hubert foundation I think that they probably their big mission statement is to try to modernize all intercoms in the greater Potomac area. I need all people with adjoining living and kitchens living room and kitchens to have telephones that they can pretend to call each other over. So their house seems more grand in case those cameras are. So the next we have Giselle and she goes on a date with a guy named Herman who's just a big dork and a perfect name for this guy. Herman. Yeah her man. And he he's also kind of dumb. He didn't realize that oysters were served raw. He's like I thought they were fried. And so then he decides to feed her. And so he feeds her by poking the oyster with a fork and like dangling it into him. I was like no Herman this is all wrong. You're feeding her a big booger vagina. That's what it looks like. It looks like a gaping vagina being shoved into her mouth. I know. It's like a little mini Karen being shoved down mini Karen's mouth. I loved it. Yeah. But I have to say this is how stupid this is how low rent this woman is. Okay this Giselle. She's like well his name is Herman. And he used to be on the house of delegate in the house of delegates. He ran for Congress. Wow. Well he ran for Congress golf clap. Golf clap. Wow. I've auditioned for Broadway. Get me a star on the walk of fame. Here he doesn't know what a fuck. Well it's like Hollywood where it's more important about the stuff that you are like like getting to people instead of the stuff you've actually done. But whatever they have as my friend likes to say they have corpse on corpse chemistry. So then meanwhile then Katie and Ashley and their man meet to play golf. And we have this really stupid scene of them playing golf. And Katie's like my forearms off. So then Andrew like gets behind her. And then he like pretends to be basically fucking her from behind. Which of course is so appropriate. Well this whole thing was so funny because then they switched over to the girls like oh doing lesbian thing like let me show you how to swing that while the guys looked on. I'm like oh my god the children with their old men once gay ones you know going to be shit in his pants within a year. Acting like they're also sexually involved. You guys are trying away too hard to convince everybody that you're doing anything sexual. Please just go to Wells Fargo. Make sure your savings account is safe and leave us a fuck alone with your stupid golf scene. So then the girls then the girls go and they sit down to have drinks while the guys go off golfing. And they start talking about Karen. And Katie says how Karen wasn't helping her. And that Karen said something along the lines of the fact that that Ashley's party was like skewed too young. And it's a little too young yada yada yada. And then Ash is like 13. What do you expect? And Ash is like oh my god she's ages. And like yeah she's so ages. She's so ages. Then Katie goes. Yeah hang out with Ash is so much cooler than these old biddies from Potomac. I was like you realize what you were just complaining about right. Also I like the part when she was at lunch with Karen and Karen's like oh that party. I mean it was so young all those children and the animal print and the body painting. And then Katie gets mad for a second. She goes well I was the only one who actually showed up in animal prints. So I felt stupid. So thanks a lot. Like she's mad at everybody else. Yeah she needed that's what her that's what the next charity is going to be. Like greater animal print wearability issue awareness. People have to know what sort of principle you can't afford to come to parties dressed as the theme. Yeah. So then we had a cameo from my favorite supporting character of Potomac. The Fawn. Terrified Fawn. This time the Fawn was actively running away from the camera. Fawn was like stop following me around. I've tried so hard to avoid these women. So now we get a scene with Karen on her fake intercom. She's like honey could you please come up to the bedroom. And he's like okay. Well this is walking out of the bathroom. Well my favorite part about this is that she gets on her intercom. She's like honey honey could you please come up here. I'm trying to choose a blazer for you. Love you. Like is that how you always sign off on an intercom? Love Karen. I can't wait to have voices here. You can just start saying over and out every time. Yeah. But the best part was that when she was doing the intercom they were showing different shots of the empty house and they showed the living room with a 2001 era tube TV in the corner. Yes. There you go. I was like talk about a charity case. I mean look we're podcasters and even we have flat screens. Darling I haven't paid for it yet but I've got it. It's technically still owned by Best Buy and it's now four times as much as it actually cost because of interest rates that I never paid. But still still you know they can repossess it when they want. And trust me this is a not a show that you're thankful for flat screens on. That giant ass face and high definition. Lower. There's a reason I'm filled with hate. So anyway so Karen is is blazer selecting and and her husband's still so adorable. And so then meanwhile so now everyone's right getting ready to go on her to a yacht party and we see Robin and Robin's like whoa you know I'm not going to bring one because that'll be really weird. And at this point I got very excited because I thought we were going to have the return of Uncle Gilbert. I was like Uncle Gilbert Uncle Gilbert. I was just hoping she would take one so that he would bring a date. I don't care. I mean even doing every once. Yeah that's fine. Then we go on to the boat and Ashley's husband who I'm starting to like more and more as time goes on. Her old ass man shows up in a pirate hat and Karen's like listen of course she's not furious with him because he's wealthy. So she's like listen I love that he's loaded and I love that he has fun because you know if that was anybody else you'd be like get off my boat. Yeah. The pirate scene is not good etiquette in the atomic. We do not steal songs off the internet in this town. Young man. Get high tunes. We do not shoot cannonballs in Potomac. I still have my diamond in my meat fold and you're not going to get it pirate. Now get off my boat. We do not eat sea tack in Potomac and Karen goes up to Ashley and she's like hello dear would you like a drink that you don't have to pay for out of your own pocket at the party that I have an open bar at. She's like oh my god I don't want to snorty temp. Oh I'm such a bad old stance. And Karen goes really? I love that Ashley does not give a shit. She knows everything Karen's doing and she just doesn't care. She knows. But as they start talking to Giselle's new boring man in mint green pants or spearmint pants. Yeah. Terrible. And they're asking if they had sex yet because he's bragging he got a third date and she's like I'm not that kind of girl. I'm a lady. I'm like oh my god you're wearing plastic diamonds that look like a look what are you going to be in a plastic diamond war? It looks like a big neck place piece of armor. Yeah. Well and then meanwhile Sharice shows up and she comes with her friend Brene as usual and Sharice is like first of all who invites me to a couple's party. I'm like that's a great really to any party. It's a very good question. She's like I mean there are two stories on this yacht so like this is ridiculous for me to be here. This also explains why we didn't steer the rest of the episode because she was too afraid to go upstairs. She's like etiquette states that you stay on the first floor of every yacht. Do we not have cell phone on the yacht? Maybe that's why I haven't got it in the techs back yet. Also why didn't Karen yell at her for bringing an extra guest? Yeah she brought two bitches on. She did not bring one. That other person was not invited and that is not an account. That is not an account. So meanwhile by the way Karen's has been continues like every little, every time you see him he has his phone out. He is he's actually a cameraman for this show. I am convinced he has been hired by Bravo to help with the crew because he is documenting everything. That would explain why some of these shots are so embarrassing. Okay the first episode or second episode whenever they had like the Jewish party about the names or whatever and they were gathering to have this housewives discussion at lunch party. It was around like this fold up table from target right next to the air conditioner in the backyard. Yeah that's right. This one the big confrontation which wasn't really one but the big like drama was that the the old husband was going to take off his pants and jump in the water. So they surround him and he's standing right next to the no smoking sign and the trash can. Who are you guys trying to fool? Seems about right. Well I love that when he's because he's like he takes off his pants and he wants to go swimming which is so you know he seems a little thirsty. He's very like wannabe reality star which is just like Simon and I love Katie's response was so like so now I say I guess patronizing is the right word and her what she says is you know I love Australian people they're so wild and crazy you never know what's going to happen. It was like it was just like it felt like oddly racist. Yeah it was horrible. Well she's so jealous of this Ashley girl that's why she turns on her the second she gets a chance you know Ashley has everything she wants she's free she's young she's you know still got her hot younger but even though if that girl does not have body issues I'm not saying that I'm just saying from her point of view this woman's younger she's way richer she's got the old man you know that she probably didn't have to fuck with all the money that she wants you think she doesn't want to be opening some restaurant based on lunchables or whatever else. She does she does sorry by the way we should also talk about the fact that Karen was so shady to Giselle because Giselle's there with Herman and Karen walks up and is like oh is this Mr. Miami is this Mr. Miami and you know Giselle because Giselle's actually dating someone named that she calls Mr. Miami she's not dating Herman and basically Karen was blowing up Giselle's spot and I love Giselle was like that's not shady that's full blown eclipse. It's like yep and then let me see what else happened here oh when she when Karen goes up to Sharice and she's like Sharice thank you so much for coming today I just wanted you to know that with everything going on I had to do this this way and I hope you didn't get offended that it's bring your own man and it was mandatory but I had to do it this way what do you mean you had to nobody else has a man except Ashley yeah why did you have to I know that was bullshit and then the episode pretty much ended with Ashley inviting all the girls to their beach house on Bethany beach walls are up walls are up literally literally if you invite another person from Potomac to my beach house I am I'm just gonna be on the floor crying okay the walls are up walls are up they show the beach house and it's so sad it's like these little tiny twin Ikea beds Giselle's like oh hell no a little bit yeah they're so ridiculous and bad and trying to come up with shit but when their real personalities come out I'm gonna really start liking it like when they really start getting mad about real things and I think it's starting to come because this Katie girl cannot hide that she's a sniveling little bitch yeah I like that she acts like she's so nice but then she just loses it like this one when Karen said um okay we're all going to the beach are men coming and she says no women only if there's if and then Karen says if you have a protruding something like if you're the front of your pants is protruding you're not invited and then kitty went well what if I just have a really big clip which I know just sounds stupid but she's saying that is a fuck you to Karen because Karen almost choked on her wig yes it was great damn so maybe it'll get better as it goes but right now it just looks it looks like a bad community theater version of a housewives they need to amp it up they need to do something I don't know move it I like it a lot and there you have it point counterpoint that's right that's what makes the podcast so exciting well I guess that brings us also to the end of our of our crazy journey right so thank you all for for listening and supporting us remember to go contribute to our glossary you know over on Facebook and you can support us on patreon if you want to get a question to the crap in the mailbag but try to keep the questions just to like a simple question not like a five-parter and that's that's that's it everyone that's that's all I have to say the etiquette of atomic states that we have to wrap this up so thank you later not it though big let's so anyway thanks everyone for listening we will talk to you later this week bye if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com/survey hello ladies and gerbs boys and girls the Grinch is back again to ruin your christmas season with his the Grinch holiday podcast after last year he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire you can listen with the whole family as guest stars like john ham britney broski and danny devito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season but that's not all somebody stole all the children of whovilles letters to santa and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible it's a real whoville who done it can send elu and max help clear the Grinch's name grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out follow tis the Grinch holiday podcast on the wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts unlock weekly christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode add free by joining wondry plus in the wondry app spotify or apple podcasts
