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For hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Today's sponsor is Audible.com who has more than 180,000 audiobooks and spoken word audio products. Get a free 30 day trial and free audiobook at www.audible.com/crapins. Also, textures offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, hey everyone welcome to watch what crap is a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast and joining me is The Always Hilarious, Always Super Fun. Man, I'm really young voices. It's Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hi Ronnie. I'm Ben. A million is such a nice way to say five. We are really excited that we're hoping that we have many new listeners thanks to that wonderful placement we got on that Buzzfeed list of 22 podcasts. to help make your shitty commute more bearable or whatever it was called we are still so appreciative of that you can if you're new or if you're even if you're old to the podcast be sure to follow us at facebook.com/watch what crap is great facebook page it's like everything you want to know about Bravo is there in fact yesterday I was looking at instagram I was watching a random video that Victor Cruz the wide receiver for the New York Giants had put up on his instagram page and I was like holy shit is that Angela from gallery girls? Sure enough it was and it's on our facebook page. So it's shit like that that you can see also come to watch what crap is calm We are in the process of like building that site out and we're going to use our new sponsor weebly to make it look all pretty There you can find our links to all of our other social media twitter Well, we don't have an instagram, but our own personal instagrams and stuff like that. You just go there Everything is there. It's pretty and if you would like to support us come to patreon.com forward slash watch what crap is and People who support us at the at the most basic level you get access to a bonus episode every single least That's not an additional half an hour to an hour's worth of content for you guys Um, you can also submit to the to the crappins mailbag Which will be coming up in just a little bit and other cool perks like ringtones and google hangouts Um, and of course we have uh from patreon our premium super premium subscriber marvin j Who's just a doll? Thank you marvin j for supporting us At the super premium level which makes them super cool Um our bonus episode this coming week tuesday will be the oj trial. We're actually going to take notes on that show I'm not taking notes. It's like two hours long, but i'm not going to take notes, but we're going to watch it and talk about it Well, I am okay. Look at every one in a filling hour with oj Well, we did it with making a murderer just fine. So, um, that was 10 episodes True, listen, we just went to a bagel shop and spent our like, you know Sesame seeds and um I I do want to give a shameless Self-promotion plug to my website bsideblog.com. This truly has nothing to do with bravo So thank you for tolerating the next 30 seconds Which is that I just posted a board game review of this game called oleon And I just want people to I just want to get trafficked there That way a game companies feel comfortable sending me games that can review But also if you're looking for if you're in the market for a board game I'm it's a super fun game. So go check it out there cool pictures And of course ronnie has great recaps on trash talk tv about all this shit, including real house was at Beverly hills Which uh, I know we're gonna be getting to very very shortly It sounds like Gretchen just i'm slow mo you know like a slow Gretchen uh If Gretchen were a balloon Slowly using air Died when that came on. Okay, I listened to that 20 times erica That is one of the new ringtones by the way If you need the most obnoxious ringtone in life, that's going up tonight on the patreon subscription page So I love also that there's like a little piano in the background like uh, you know, I'm interested obviously it's a singing lesson But it's like this And then she finishes and he goes good good. Good. Good. You're fucking charlatan But you know she can sing that's a funny part though. The other parts that lesson she's singing But anyway, yeah, that's a ringtone So this episode begs to differ bean bigs to differ Um, so we have stuff to get to but first guess whatever you want. I know you're excited It's time for an ad in the end of a toizment Oh, which one do you want to do first? We'll put the other one later on Uh, let's do texture texture. All right, you can start because I got to find that the document found it I found it already. Oh our classy classy ad reads Uh, what is your new year's resolution this year? You guys are you gonna learn to cut? You're gonna stay in shape. You're gonna get in shape picking one is the easiest part It's sticking to it that gets tough and texture can get you through Yeah, so like are you thinking about you want to cook you maybe want to cook something for valentine's day coming up You want to test a new recipe from bon appetit or gourmet you want to try getting in shape You want to get the latest workouts from health or shape magazine or maybe just want to be the next julienne ransick I know I want to just download us weekly or people and say in the know If you want to be the next julienne julienne ransick, please download the magazine. No, stop I want to go you stop wanting. I almost told my julienne ransick story, but you know what? Let's just go on the bad. 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I mean there is no waste of flicks Just keep flicking flicking as long as you've got fingers you can keep flicking you guys The best part is that texture is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com Think about that people you'll gain unrestricted access to the world's best magazines from back issues to the one on new stands Today take advantage of this offer right now and take on your new year's resolutions with some serious magazine know how Try texture for free Right now when you go to texture.com slash crappins Thanks txtya. Thanks texture. We did it. We made it through office ad. We did it. Okay, let's break Thanks everyone for listening to podcast. I've been Ben Mantle And until next week Should that be our new crappins mailbox Any new listeners have just given us one star in iTunes and hung up forever. We have ruined the legitimacy of buzzfeed They're slowly like revising their post 21 podcasts again 21 podcasts you'll hate more than traffic. Yeah, it's like hey, is that the Zika virus coming through? No, it's just That is like literally the sound of the Zika virus The official anthem for the Zika virus For those of you who are not taking that virus seriously because you think it's another bird flu that's not going to get anybody That's what it sounds like inside your body See There's going to be a like there's gonna be one of those Songs where like 50 singers get together and they're all this is their song is gonna just be My god, I'm gonna kill you. I'm already regretting a sudden bed game Oh It's so good though That is really good. That had me laughing so I didn't why clef is gonna do like his own and his own like interpretation of it Like the new we are the world's here that is right africa Maybe it'll be at least the new voices that care at the very least What's that one? Is that like we are all stand proud voices that care a cry in a loud and way I'll tell you one thing that voice doesn't be That voice does not care Right now and on that piano see have like a whole thing of pins. It was like a bowl of 20 pens Well, I think it was that what it was at like her instructor's house because they did the they shot the exterior And they were just like some bungalow off of miller's heaven here I think a singer is tight work I love that one goes. I love it modulates up to the higher ranges Like you think it's just gonna be one thing and then the mosquitoes like no, we're going up high Well, I had already started laughing because the beginning of that scene. She's like She's like doing these Squealing, you know monkey in a tree noises Uh, and I thought that was good So I rewound that a few times and then they moved on to this one and then that was on the floor Yeah, though. It was an amazing amazing Moment. Um, should we go to the creepin's mailbag? Let's do it man. Open that bag up our music's back We're getting more and more questions than creepin's mailbag. I would like to add So you have to start bleeding over into the bonus episode a little bit because we have so many questions now That ending is what Erica's gonna sound like when she goes on her retirement And lower We should try to get Erica. I bet Erica would totally come on this podcast And not only that have like be super fun and be funny and be totally cool with it We'll be like, hi Erica. How are you today? And she'd be like, I'll give a fuck. How about you guys? Basically cartman in my mind now I've been trying to repeat her lines as she spoke during the show last night because we don't I don't really have an erica I don't do the fun. Yeah, but get erica voice I don't give a fuck I have an erica voice There's a like we always say there's a spectrum There's no actually in in the lines of kimzolciak. There's a tightrope between erica somewhere between erica and What's the place from marriage medicine? No, it's a spectrum of thought-ism. It's a It's like rubber band voices. You have you have erica You have a little bit of shina on that spectrum. You have Shina gets more shina is like erica except that she has like A big saliva bubble caught in her throat at all times I can't believe her comparing me to erica three ways for my birthday Um, what was the name of the what's what's our favorite lady from uh marriage medicine moats? Oh, jim the way, oh, yeah, oh, yeah By the way, I'm really I really have to emphasize again how I am still so embarrassed That I thought charlotte was in south carolina. It's really been haunting me from the last episode Isn't it right on the border close to south carolina? That's what people are saying on the old facebook You're like don't feel so bad. You were close Geographical pity. I love it. So okay, so first question. Um Oh, uh, this is this follows back to what we're talking about gala gals laurin grabowski Says please describe your dream version of what season two would look like for the girls at gala girls gargals Uh easily the greatest bravo show ever and we she also suggests we can do season two princesses long island Okay, I think that shantal Um would have broken up with her partner and then she would have taken in like some homeless person off the street to be her new partner Yeah, but instead of having a like a store they would have um pop up stores and she'd just be in front of like the candy shopping time square or Maybe doing like hipster. Well, she'd be doing like hipster candy like, you know, like those oversized lollies from 1905 And like jawbreakers and and that she would maybe even put some ribbons in her hair But she would never smile at the customers. They'd be very american gothic Would you like to have a jawbreaker? Oh, but none of the candy can come from Oregon Yeah, she's like I don't I didn't drink or again lollipops Um, I think that amy is like in a raw stress for less just she's just there. She actually has no purpose She's still like telling people that she works for a huge art consultant. But the truth is she's browsing for pans She's telling people she's a fashion You know like a fashion higher up or whatever a fashion she's yeah She's she's designing an installment for art for art Basel 2017 She's collecting resources at that. She's sourcing materials from Ross Like you guys we just got a humongous poster that says paris in five different languages It's huge. It's big I think I think Maggie will spend the entire season like in the corner of her apartment because she dropped a glass And she can't walk over it. There's glass on the floor That girl who didn't know anything about art that was poor and lived with her dad or something Wait, did she live with her dad? What was that girl? No, he's like I'm poor and these girls. Oh, yeah, that was she didn't even know about art But she's a long island girl. Yeah, she's like I want to be in the art world and these girls aren't making it easy I'm like you don't know anything about art She goes the art and be like yeah. Yeah, she's like working in a blicks art art art whatever it's called Uh, I think that um, um, Liz she uh, her worst nightmare comes true Which is that she gets off the subway in china town by accident and she's surrounded by asians Who do nothing but step on her painting She can't even wear new shoes because there are footprints all over them every time she gets off the subway Damn it And I think that um, what was shantal's buddy shantal? Remember she showed up to the store. Oh, the asian girl who liked no, no not Well, the asian girl is the one who is shooting, uh, victor crews asian girl is probably like She's just probably at mood fabrics just browsing stuff trying to and like she's you know what she's doing She's taking blurry photos around the city and pass them off as art Yeah, instead of taking iphone photos or using her canon rebel She's like taking flip phone photos and then having those developed and then making $10,000 a print Yes, you know those flakes are always the one to make it always always always It's like bitch took five pictures and had an art show and she's probably rich somewhere. She is Um, and so the uh, claudio was the other end of century girl. She's probably back in Ohio, you know, like working at cvs Telling people of when she used to live in New York and how it wasn't a very nice place and people were fake and she's all the better for it But then she's gonna get a call from someone important like she'll get a call from like Um, uh, like, um, what's her what's the name? I can't remember anyone's names of this episode. What's that that create kelly? um You know that kelly that crazy raging bitch kelly. Oh, yeah kelly from uh, she had her own show on bra Yeah, that was a great show by kelly cotron. Oh my god. She was right outside That was my favorite thing. Yeah, uh, she'll probably like a call and recruit by kelly cotron, which By the way, like why did bravo ever cancel that show that show was amazing? I don't know how do some shows like that get canceled, but then other ones get like a zillion season How about that marriage and yeah, i'm trying to not how's that one still on? I don't know and like I sort of got if the singles project comes back I'm be furious. I'm running a letter to Andy Cohen being like if you're bringing back the singles project Then I want to see kelly cotron back. I want to see gallery girls back I want to see princesses long island. I want like don't give me another shit. Okay Okay, Ben, as you said Well, because the thing is this you know what it seems like the shows they always bring back are like those generic shows that are for basic That try to like Like attract the straight audience if that makes sense. They're still shows. They're more relationshipy Um, whereas the good shit is like the caddy stuff like gallery girls or princesses long island or even Kellon earth and no goes away. I'm sorry. Yeah, kelly on earth. She must have just been not easy to work I think that's what it was to be honest. I can't imagine that that wasn't a good enough show to pick up That shit was hilarious and that wasn't like gallery girls hilarious like gallery girls We found hilarious, but I mean, I don't think anything happened on that show I remember the Oregon wine the art basil and then no one coming to Amy's grandma's house for a party That show was amazing. It was so amazing. I should just buy it. I mean, it's just such a great great show. I really think it's it's it's truly Bravo's biggest Hidden gem and also get the press of the dvd is what the entire season cost to make so seems a little unfair really I know exactly. Um, uh, let's see lori. We love lori lori Lora and commands um, she has a question and it is Among the men of uh real hasos of atlanta petomac and breville hills Rank the three husbands you would like to marry and the three you would launch into space never to be seen again And then she says, I know that petomac is new to the game, but it's okay. We'll we'll still go forward I think for me. Let's see the ones I'd want to marry Now she doesn't give an option of just it doesn't do like mary fight kills. She just basically mary kills So I guess I guess i'm just gonna go on looks alone So, um, I think one from petomac, right You'd marry him Well, he cheated on you in two seconds and then never leave your house Like he'd go having a fair on you and still expect to come home and like wash off in your sink Well, given that there's like only two options between mary and kill I I'd rather marry him than kill him because he's just I'd marry the black bill gates. I mean what the hell it's not fuck It's mary. Okay. Everyone will get to have aunt aunt and and dot around I throw that tea in that old bitches face if she complained about it to me Tea is cold. Yeah, let's see how cold it is running down your face. You old snot. Yeah Um, bevelie hills probably maricio Right because he's hot and he's successful And mary can because he's about to tie any second and he wouldn't make me sign a preenup And then I probably would do also from verbios. I'll probably be donny donny edwards because he's real handsome He's an idiot that guy is dumb as a brick. Oh my god. His first sentence. He mispronounced west minister abby Remember when we met a queen at west minister abby. No, that was the abby Zing He's zing and successful so i'm using he's handsome and successful um, and I give like a like a like an A an almost to apollo just for also being hot I'm basically going purely by appearance because what else do I have to go for an obviously to kill peter? Um, i'm trying to think who even has husbands on real house as well. I know there's not many I mean this break. I'm not going to marry him peter. Obviously not i've my big account is low enough without his ass going to my atm Every day does wait. I have a question does sinthia's ex leon count because he might actually He might get he might get uh, I can't marry him. He's too sensible and too handsome. I would be so insecure Smartening yeah, it's sort of what uh lisa van der bump was saying about about kathryn marying donny edwards like you got to marry someone who's like Doing dotting yeah, um, so I would definitely kid peter definitely send peter into space um I'm uh, maybe david foster sent him to space Um, david foster no david foster has to stay because he's an amazing human being a he's talented b He's an awful human being And see he does things like I don't know why i follow the city on instagram But I love to laugh when i'm pooping and today he posted from salindian's husband's funeral He's posting selfies of himself playing. He's like, so goodbye rene. Goodbye This is me playing it bene is funeral and look it's saline sobbing like what the fuck this is instagram This is not about your your self your narcissistic selfies at a damn funeral playing monkey play. That's awful It's awful, especially given how much flak alc baldwin's wife got for taking a selfie at a funeral or something like that And then here's david foster. That's terrible um Okay, so next uh quaish do we kill three guys? I think we only killed peter I would send honestly the ones i'm not marrying i'd send the rest into space. I don't want competition Well, you could do that too Let's see This is from elise hayes. She says this one's for bana special a thanks elise But ronnie. I know you can do this too. She says since vanderpump rules is basically the hills senior edition Literally with the same producers. Who do you think the casting equivalents are i.e. Is stassie loran conrad yada yada yada So I think jax is probably spencer right I think james is spencer james is oh, yeah james is spencer. He's a little thirsty or jax is more like brodie Or is that more like sand of brodie's way too hot brodie's not even on this show. Okay. Yeah brodie Yeah, brodie's that bartender that loran cheated on I'm actually surprised brodie hasn't even made it on to Onto this show yet because he what's he doing? He needs to be on a reality show I think he has always I heard another reality show about their fam. I don't know that's probably i forgot He's on the whole it's him. Yeah, it's all like david foster's kids all of mohammed's kids Like all of those people's kids have some kind of show. I don't know what it is. Yeah So, okay, so I think so you say that um jax wait jax is who Would you say jax is Let me see. I don't even know who jax would be. I have to think from the girl perspective because The only guy I really hated enough to remember is spencer and I think that I think that would be james Yeah, I think that's probably james. Lala. I feel like lala is Like jen bunny who sort of like comes in And is slutty and causes problems, but still never seems to be very central to the show Yeah, okay. I'll go with that one um hidey Uh, well christen is obviously hidey Which is the sidekick who becomes so crazy that she then sort of becomes pretty central to the show And you know, they're just messed up Okay, I would think hidey hidey was just so dumb and lovable though and christen is just um I mean she is dumb, but christen's so much horseier than hidey hidey I don't know hidey was just so much more fun christens easier to remember hidey was hidey was often accused of having a horse face herself Well, I know god bless which I never but by the way, I never agreed with Yeah, I didn't either. So what you have a big chin. Is that a bad thing? I love that guys are trying to put chins in themselves and girls are trying to take chins out of them Well, that was saucy put in a chin she gave herself a chin Oh, that's true. Maybe she could have taken hidey's chin. She Chin recycling I think that I think that well, obviously lisa van der pump is lisa love So that's that's an easy one to do Um, yeah, and I guess saucy is lc right, you know, like when lc doesn't go to paris that way she can like stay back with oh, you know who jax is jack jax is obviously jason Remember when lc's love the first season was jason and she she didn't go to paris So that way she could spend the summer in malibu with jason and jason was a total disaster. That's totally jax. I'll be Oh, do you know who I think um Lala could be to wait. Hold on. Okay. No laurin can be dead airdrina Yeah, I think that's I feel good about that one laurin the hostess Yeah, just And then why she's gonna do like adrina did adrina came on all dead-eyed and anorexic and silent She was just like yeah, I get to meet you like lying down in her bikini getting son Then suddenly she was a lead. Yeah, that's gonna happen I think with laurin laurin's gonna fuck every busboy in there until she gets some screen time She can run away and hide in the kim britjors and meth bathroom most she wants to but we know what you're after laurin I kind of feel like tom shorts might be just in bobby You know floppy hair kind of bored just in bobby was so Hot hot to talk. He was so hot and so awful and so ridiculous and so pretentious Um, I think that oh whitney who's whitney? I think when you that might be katie just sort of like smiling and There Whitney was totally katie. Yeah, Whitney was definitely katie um Heidi is definitely Definitely horse-faced number one in my in my book um I'm trying to remember who else was on that show oran. I guess it would have to be shina then. Oh shina wait This change is no shina's a drina. I think I think shina's more dead eye than laurin shina is definitely a drina Yeah, she does definitely have timbert and dead ice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's and I think that um I think that shay might be dug Remember dug dug was in the mix there for a second. No, I don't ever remember the boys It's so weird. I know the boys don't do anything. I mean boner. Yeah, Justin bobby, of course Um, well, so then stass if so if shina is okay, so shina is a drina I think stassie still has I think that laurin is not nasty the way that stassie is There's no one who is really aggressive. Maybe oh, maybe stassie's low Sort of snarky. I think stassie's low, which is a high compliment to stassie. Yeah. Yeah, that is that is yeah Um, well, I think that laurin conrad is just like I don't know. Maybe she's salms and devol. Yeah, she's like earnest I think laurin They learned salms and devol Diana the manager who you never see except for maybe one line a year when she's like where shina and catea getting to good tip I think that's her. Maybe she's rosio Rosio no rosios my queen rosio wins rosio is the hills. Okay. They all live on rosio She just pretends to be silent No rosio might maybe rosio is uh that guy that hidey hidey dated in season one season one There was like a whole different cast, you know, there were different people Oh the hills they need to do a modern take on the hills with all the same people and just show what they're all like now Well laurin is you know laurin Has like a two billion dollar business or one billion dollar. It's a billion dollar business I don't know how many billions it is, but her clothing line is a billion dollar business Yeah, she's rich as hale, but I think it's really maybe that's Jessica simpson But either way laurin's line is huge and she didn't interact that much anyway She just kind of stood around silently and looked dough-eyed and stuff I know well, I mean she had those great moments with hidey the hills really Season two of the hills was a piece of art. You know like in reality shows there are certain seasons that are just the best ever big brother six vander for rule season two the hills season two, I mean Really so epic magical. I know cool. So should we move on to the reg show? Yeah Right on. Thank you mailbag. Thank you mailbag and we'll get to The ones we didn't get to today. Well, we'll get to next week. Yeah, we'll continue working down the list Yeah, yeah, because we want to make sure people get heard maybe some maybe uh for those of you who Who's questions we've read already many times we may like Move on to us mother people's the way other people get their moments in a sun in the spotlight Then you want to start with real housewives of the bevela who yeah, of course, of course Um real housewives of everly hills. Wow This show fun always fun always fun every time I don't care if nothing happens on this damn show I laugh every single time this week opens up with lisa and kyle at lisa vander pump toss kyle's walking in over that bridge And hanky is cruising her ankles I wanted hanky to take a big chunk out of those ankles so badly. Oh, hanky It looked like he was about to strike, but he never did it hanky is really having a very Interesting emotional arc this season he went from like ailing and being rejected now being kind of spiteful like maybe they should have put him down No, you don't put someone down just because they're spiteful then I would have been posted at five years old You do with swans Well, anyway, hanky I was sorry. I was on an inhale darling The silence wasn't wasn't a rude you're an idiot pause. It was an inhaling. I assume you're not flavored bape I assume I assumed you were just shocked at my at my call for ethnic swan cleansing Well, I don't think you should do it by ethnicity, but i'm definitely down for breed breed drowning or whatever Pretty driving So anyway, so it starts up with hanky eyeing lisa's ankles thinking nasty things truly becoming natalie portman as she is going through her mental breakdown Yes, wanted to eat kyle's ankles and kyle showed up in boots. Oh kyle's ankle. She's like i'm not going across that bridge again, but that boots Kyle just wants some sugar Oh poor kyle kyle's favorite word So lisa of course lisa and her tea Please tell me that she's got something else in those damn tea cups. Come on old lady from the kebler tree Hell out of there with your teeth every time someone comes over. Would you like some tea? No, we don't thought it's like tea. Did you say? If you'll land it learns english, you can learn to drink other beverages, okay drop the tea lady Yeah, like how about a spitzer Although later in van der front rules she drinks a diet coke instead of tea and that's when he knows she's about to murder jacks And she brought out the cup of caps of jacks and she wore black. So that's also pretty shocking. There's a lot of stuff happening So lisa is trying to give kyle some shit About inviting fate of that party because lisa never lets anything go Yeah, which is true kyle does have a point and i i do i do want to say That lisa, you know, even like was making fun of this idea that she holds a grudge people are gonna say i'm holding a grudge You know and then really everything in this episode and everything in van der front rules was evidence about how much lisa carries a grudge I yeah, she totally carries a grudge, but it's also once she's been fucked over. She's like by now Why the hell would she be nice to fay fay was a bitch she did come up to her anniversary party and start all this shit Which was totally inappropriate my thing is if you're gonna forgive kyle You have to forgive fay because fay was only speaking kyle's words Fay only went up there and did a monologue that kyle basically pounded into her head for her You know, it's not like fay came up there with original ideas. She was fighting for kyle So if you forgive kyle, you have to forgive fay. Well lisa should also follow her own advice distassi Which is you're not important enough to hate so like she should just get over it like i actually think that lisa Believe it or not. I'm actually not on lisa's side about this I feel like yeah fay was fay was maybe being inappropriate, but it was like not a Crazy hatable offense like it's it actually is pretty as far as how swive and broleos go It was pretty mild I think her issue though is that she's supposed to be friends with kyle Now that we both know that these two bitches are just faking it and they hate each other and they're just teaming together It's almost like they're playing the game together and they're like let's align the season darling. Let's be together and so They're like aligned for the season, but I don't really know how much they really like each other, especially kyle to lisa I think lisa's but that aside. I think lisa's point was that I was with you the day before and you can't tell me fay is coming Yeah, like i was always trying to cause shit and cause these big dramatic scenes and pre-write everything And you know she does it at the expense of even her best friend fay She tried to throw it at the best three times last week with that barbecue. So yeah Kyle's just the worst. Okay. I've said it a million times and i'll say it again. She is the worst So you can't expect the worst to apologize, which of course kyle didn't she was like, but what about when you used to bring brandy around? Well kyle is right talking kyle is right there were enemies at that point But you know though, but still though like I mean No, i'm not saying that kyle is a good person. I mean I do think that kyle has been up to some shitty behavior but um, but like you know she she sort of She kind of called out lisa. I mean she was right with everything she was saying she's like, well like I don't you don't like fay Well, you I hate you know brandy and you bring brandy around, you know Yeah, but lisa didn't start off by hiding face crutches Kyle started a whole sit with brandy in the first place And then lisa was on her side and not even knowing brandy that whole first season Well, but then kyle was like I thought you don't hold grudges, which is also i mean I just felt like They're both idiot. They're both lying. They're both lying and nigh. But lisa but ultimately though lisa does have Like she does win this one because yeah kyle should have just been like oh by the way face coming tomorrow I know you don't like fay, but just just so you know Yep So i'm going to oh she calls fay and a rangy tang lisa's such a bitch. I really enjoy lisa's bitchiness Yeah, that a rangy tain Yeah Um, and then lisa's lucky lisa's lucky that she actually doesn't catch some shit for that on on twitter action I don't know if she has or not, but like, you know for some people that you know taken in the wrong way that could be a very Very questionable comment. Why? Well, you know, it's like a you know like there's like there's there could be i'm not saying I took it this way and I obviously I don't think it was meant this way, but it could be taken in a racial way, which would have been you know I'm just saying i'm not saying why what is that really why I thought we're names like half black Fais yeah, isn't she or is she just she's just tanned so much. I've actually thought she's biracial now Gotta look her up. Oh, I just thought she was a mix of like, you know, like random american You know like not all white, but just rando kin rando randomerkin. How would you say that randerkin? Well in that case that nevermind Yeah, I wasn't and I'm not I wasn't like trying to like race bait the situation or anything like that, but i'm just saying It's one of those it's one of those situations where like, you know, it's just you know, especially these days everyone is very eager to hop onto anyone for saying anything and you know, it's just like I thought like, oh, lisa could get some shit for that, but well there was Kyle lisa wasn't letting kyle have sugar as punishment, which was hilarious and kyle says What are you calling me fat? Oh kyle get a bra that fits because you're saying that while your back is spilling over the back seat Please stop talking phase mother by the way is spanish Italian and her stepfather is german Which still she still could be heft like but i'm assuming that maybe her dark complexion is maybe like a mediterranean thing going on Oh, yeah, so there you go. Yeah lisa wasn't being racist lisa wasn't being racist It was me It was me all along About these encountered with well, and if i invited witchy poo, how would you feel i love that i love a carlton call back I would love carlton to come back just yell at kyle because i didn't really like carlton I thought she was a big phony idiot too, but i would love carlton to come back and call kyle a racist Because i like when carlton came out with random things like you your religious bigot How dare you talk about my religion like then what was the english i don't remember she's made her australian she's like how dare you I don't know that my accent's all messed up too. She's like How could you even say that this was the cut on the back of my neck is racist. It's an expression of art I will not listen to it Call me names. Do you understand why don't you go bend some jesus christ bro? I like that she is making this huge religious war out of a housewife show so silly I am not anti-semitic. You're the one who kills bees Adam and an abuser Now let me get into my giant bed Oh, yeah, my dad i was like i was like that big huge post And then her stripper assistant just like i'd love to move the couch today assistant She'd be like, oh what my let's scratch up the floors. What don't you? I remember stripper pole sliding or slaggy ass down that pole. That was carlton's biggest ark was moving that couch Today, I think we're gonna move the couch. Well, we move the couch today. I'm feeling emotional about the couch Oh carlton So lisa says well Oh car wait what what oh yeah carl says fate doesn't say mean things about you by the way So like just you know phase like totally nice behind your back I'm so sure because even fae when they were in that stupid store fae was pretending to own was saying I have to hand it to even lisa vanderpump. I mean she has a nice closet. You know, she's like, yeah She may be a bitch, but her closet's nice I'm not gonna believe that fae isn't talking shit and then lisa says i don't talk about her either Which is of course a huge black and carl says yes you do you call her mean words really mean mean words or being person Of course baiting her again and adding her on tv and we see goes. I only call her that one thing It's like don't say it. It's mean lisa very And yet you brought it up again on national tv so fae can ask at one point what it is And you know it's something awful. It's probably the c-word. What do you think? Uh, she probably called her a deformed koala bear They're like one of those koala bears. That's eating a pew out of the masses. No because lisa would love that She loves a broken hoe if if fae was a deformed koala bear lisa would try and be her best friend Yeah, she would actually adopt her and put her little cage next to the next of the pony Well, it can't be too deformed Face and saying like can't wait for you but to betray me next year darling. It's gonna give me an entire arc Uh literally she's gonna buy an arc like a giant ship and put it in her backyard I want two of every deformed animal Two by two by two, but no lame donkeys. Thank you. They die They die in the flood fae Fit into the shoes. I've had custom made for them because of their lame feet Fae I want to I want to introduce you to your flood partner. It's a lame donkey you two can sit here on the bench while we get in the arc Thank you We have to wait for it to stop raining before we can put you two down Be patient. Yes. I'm old made darling enjoy Don't worry. They don't stop reading soon. We'll just be over here in this boat. Don't mind us Um the next scene is eric and yolanda at the beach. Oh yolanda. Just oh i'm going on a walk Um yolanda is like a rhinoceros the eight christmas because she just keeps pooping out gifts like little yule gifts Perfectly pack it. Oh, it's so nice to walk. I haven't walked in nine months. I'm like, we just saw you walk in Beverly Hills You were walking with erica and kyle and you sat on a bench afterwards She's acting like she's been on a waiting list for somebody to donate her legs Out of here not walking for nine months dumb dumb Oh, it's so nice to go back out on the beach. I mean Please Does she not remember showing up with erica to that meeting with kyle wearing workout clothes? And she's like oh, it's so difficult to get out of the passenger seat I haven't sat in the passenger seat for over two years You know it like it's actually really obnoxious, you know, you know, our friend ed ed ed hill He is like going through major cancer like stage four Craziness tumors everywhere and he's still going to work. Okay, and here's this one man Oh, I got my boob is hot and I have to take a walk in the sunshine on the beach by the pacific ocean the most beautiful part of the world Oh what a chore Shut up. I love that people are always talking about They're saying like and then I prayed to god that I would win this reality show We always say god is not watching a reality show And this is proof that he's not because when yolanda walks onto that stupid beach in malibu and goes I'm alive Lightning doesn't come in strike. I was waiting for the crane shot to like Shoot her from above and she would swirl around and the music to swell If god was watching he would have just been like zap title wave Here comes a tsunami everyone's like oh shit. Yolanda faster is celebrating get out of the what can have the beach coming in Oh, it's tsunami lime The tsunami only happened because of that stupid tick Uh, so they're talking of course erica starts telling her erica's her little spy for the season. So Yolie yeah And she's a shady shady area 80 bitch. She really is patent the puss over time now She's punching the puss She's like she's like yolanda. I have some gossip for you Oh air bleeding lime Like Sebastian the crab is like running back into the sea Ariel's like no, I don't want to be part of that world anymore. Oh my god. Could you imagine if she had gotten to sing for the pope I take back with my gay rights So they start talking about the party because of course yolanda Yolanda will only shoot at her own home or david's bachelor fuckpad or in her backyard That bitch is not going anywhere. Okay, and it's not like she's not going anywhere in real life because we see her all over her instagram She's like look at me at the grove. Oh, it's my first time at the grove in 20. Yes So she's getting out, but uh in this show she's like no, I would not shoot there I would not shoot there So anyway, she has to drive all the way to malibu and now that we know that erica lives in goddamn past adena. Yeah, wow They're casting a past adena now That's uh it's for people who don't know that is that is a hike That's got to be at least it's gonna be an hour to 90 minutes. I mean that is a drive past adena to malibu Wow Yes, and you know that erica wants this job really bad because she's being nice to yolanda Who's a train wreck and an obvious nutcase at this point and not only that but she's not only she fighting her battles Overstupid people who deserve to like lose cam brandy, etc But she's driving 90 minutes to shoot with yolanda every single time she shoots with her Yolanda's a selfish selfish person. Well, you know, yolanda isn't always in malibu She's often in her west hollywood condo Or west or westwood westwood well westwood's not that much westwood's my westwood is arguably more difficult to get to get into the city Yeah, cuz you have to drive through the city and stuff. Anyway, you could take you could take cold water never run Like this is exactly what people don't make the woman drive so much every time she has to shoot with you. So anyway, um She starts telling her about the conversation about mohammed supposedly saying the kids don't have lime or whatever But she makes it sound like lisa and kya were both just doing all this like salivating and be like guess what i heard And on top of that she doesn't even say the context of why they were saying it like Which is what you're saying, but like they make it sound like lisa and how like guess what? We don't think bella and anwar have lime disease instead of what it was which was like People asking i think it was specifically kyle asking lisa like have you spoken to mohammed bad and he's like I mean, yeah, and then like what's mohammed thing? He's like and all lisa said was no no You know and then now she's gonna now lisa is getting raked over the coals for this by soon to be yolanda Muhammad also then released a statement being like, you know, all i said was that they were fine Because i don't want to like engage in this and now she and mohammed are now having an issue it just seems like so I don't know they're always coming after her and erica's acting like well i hope i heard paid the thing the thing we're talking about but no you didn't Kyle started by saying you'll want to look so beautiful erica and then lisa rina Oh, yeah, well what about the munch houses? What do you guys think about that? I'm so embarrassed that I said the word munch houses Can't believe I said that word I mean, what is she doing like is she actually like eating houses is she munching on houses? She was great so damn she looks fabulous. She looks fabulous. And then she ate oh the house that she ate was beautiful Oh my i've seen a lot of houses. I've been around i've been around a long time I've seen a lot of houses and the house she's she's been eating beautiful So that was obviously Kyle starting it rina seconding it Trying to drag lisa into it now look lisa van der pump is a bitch And she doesn't believe for one second that yolanda's kids have live and of course Of course mohammed told her no the kids don't have line yolanda's a crazy bitch of course this all happened But lisa's at least smart enough to try and keep it off tv And yes, I do believe that lisa van der pump helped kyle manipulate rina into bubbling all this shit on blabbing all of this shit On national tv that's why rina is so mortified because she's left in a boat all alone with this news Well, yeah, I mean rina's whole situation is so it's also so over the top well i mean we'll get to that in a moment but um uh yeah it's the way that erica frames it you know Yolanda is mad at Lisa now like who's talk about like who's the why don't they instead of they're talking about to me Why don't they care for me? Why don't they have no one to hear me, you know and and make you sound like these women were like Out of control and super gossipy, but it's really actually erica who's gossiping and inflamming a situation I don't care what you'll say about me. I carry the entire lime community on my back I support your lime. So do you hear my friend is not supporting me? Listen you supporting lime does not you carrying the lime community on your back does not mean that the rest of your friends have to carry your ass Okay, that's why you have a husband he can carry you how long how long before yolanda pays a visit to old lime Connecticut where the disease was first found and she like visits with people the town and and like listens to their stories Compassionately and it's like I just saw moving to hear what these people went through just so much about my journey, too You know it's gonna happen. It's gonna be so stupid Um yolanda said something that was very telling but she's too stupid to even know that she just diagnosed herself But she told erica When you get sick and you have a disease people are supposed to come to you and they are supposed to give you love and take care I'm like And then she goes This is despicable. It's a doubt to my integrity as a woman what Maybe that maybe those breast implants that you put it as a doubt to your integrity as a woman Love yourself girl This means that no one claimed you had integrity in the first place and second of all How does this have anything to do with you being a woman? It's so weird like don't be mixing gender politics in with it. They're calling you a faker. Okay, and well no one no one's doubting that she's sick That's a thing. That's what's so that's well. No. I think that she's sick of something. She's sick I don't know if it's coming from the lime. I think she had lime at one point for sure I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I can't say it within any authority But at this point she is definitely ailing and it probably has more to do with all those drugs She's taking than the lime disease, you know, she is definitely sick. She's definitely ailing I believe that for sure, but I think this like I don't know the lime. It just seems like it's not the lime at this point. It's like it's something else Yeah beyond I mean the disease part I think We spent or I spent so much time just obsessing over and reading everything and Blah blah blah in the beginning that now it's not even about that to me Now it's just about this bitch is crazy like I don't even care if she had, you know stage 17 AIDS sir, you know, like a mix of AIDS and cancer and bird flu and the Zika disease I don't care if she has all 20 of those things The fact that she needs everything to be about that is weird to me. Yeah, it's it's weird It's like an attention-horring and the and the convenience the Well, what I find and this is again jumping ahead But the convenience of like her sudden onset fatigue Like just when she needs the most like she's having a conversation with Lisa Rina And it sounds like oh no, I'm tired now like suddenly she's like, yeah, I'm fine. Fine. Oh, no. No, I'm tired You know, yeah, well you never had anything to say that's a funny thing that she's even on the show When is she ever even said anything? I don't remember anything she's ever said dream tea unless it's something awful Yeah, well she went after that she went after Ken. I don't know like, you know, she previously I feel like her role has has been To be very wealthy and um, she's a little sometimes she's sort of like a voice of reason I know like I actually believe it or not as much as we talk about shit about yolanda I actually really don't mind her that much Um, and in previous seasons. I've actually really enjoyed her. I know you've had a lot of issues with her to a certain extent But um, you know, there's something Uh, I don't know. I think she's she has been likable. She's sort of been a voice of reason She's been different perspective sort of has worked in her own weird glamorous way But now this whole illness thing is is getting tiresome. No pun intended. Yeah, um, so the next part is uh, the next scene Is rina and erica rina goes to passadina poor rina rina meet some friends I don't know cheat on your husband. I don't know get a disease Do something lady because when you have to drive to passadina to shoot a scene That means you've got nothing going on in your own life Okay, get a light. Yeah, rina basically if I may make a comparison to one of our favorite movies Rina is basically in a perpetual state of lily tomlin in the final Moments of big business when she meets the other lily tomlin and she goes whoa Whoa, and she has her hands on her temple. You know, she puts her fingers on her temple and she wags her elbows whoa whoa Oh That's what she does. She walks into the room. She's like whoa a chapel. I've never seen a chapel before Whoa, whoa It's old moon Old money. Okay, old money before. Okay. I've been to so many birthday parties for money Like I get that it's aged. It's old seen it been there blew out candles for it This money is old I like how she's like adopting some isak miss raw. She's like, oh, she's real old. She's real old Like someone just came back from qbc Erica's showing off her gigantic tacky as fuck house that house. Okay when people say old money You guys guess what old things need? Deodorant and a sponge bath. Okay. Take care of your old things that house looked like Cacoon was dismembered all over at that That was it to me that actually did not look like old money that looked like wannabe old money that looked like it was It was almost like you know turn of the century or whatever It was so over the top and it's like antiquiness that it didn't actually feel At least on tv like old money. It just looked like it was Like it had seen what old money looks like on tv. I was trying to emulate it like old money Again old money is understated as fuck and that's not understated This money is so old that it has cataracts and it can't see the patterns It's buying online because these patterns were just fucking blinding I mean they were terrible and that I could smell the pee from here in that house You know that smell of just like about to be departed pee That's what that house smells like I can smell it from here and then erica's like look It's my library and then they walk into this room of books, which is hilarious because Come on erica. You ain't sitting down with war and peace. Yeah, and She's she goes into the library and then there's this giant crit to canvas of her in a Exactly. I think that was the moment. That was the moment when I was like, this is not old money It was huge. I was like, this is not old money. I'm sorry. I watched down nappy Okay, although I stopped a little bit recently, but like, you know, I I know how old money looks like Here's what I would if I wanted my place to look like old money I would turn on the episode of down nappy when they went to scotland and they went to like shrimpies estate And I would basically model every room off that scotish estate and then I'd be done. I'd look very old money erica Not erica I believe about the two pool tiles Yeah, maybe get those fix damn it. Yeah, and the chapel also like so here's the other thing Now now we're being now we are being real cut businesses because we're harping on the little things but like You know the chapel It looked to me very Like old school catholic Italian maybe or maybe even like mission style, you know Uh, and that totally did not make any sense with the quote-unquote old money style across the house Well, she built the chapel. I know she said she built it for herself because she loves religious art I'm like look you don't need one room to be on your knees in. Okay. You basically won this gigantic mansion There's trophies of you next to the dead carcasses in every single room It's your home. Okay You don't need to have an entire room where you can go in and it's like it's the only way she can feel comfortable When I need peace, I remember the old days and I get back down on my knees my thank the lord By the way, I would like to name this uh this segment of the show the self-loathing architectural critique because i'm sitting here complaining about How her chapel doesn't thematically match the rest of her faux old money house And when i'm sitting here in my one bedroom apartment with a pile of laundry on the floor Just bunnies and like wrappers on the table. Okay, so listen erica if you're listening Just just know that it's really less about you and your home and more about my self-loathing But it's not even about the money because you can be a poor person and still have decent taste It's about the taste You know if you've got five dollars, you can still have a nice box to live in You can make sure that it's always taped up properly that there's like a nice coat of I don't know watercolor or whatever on the outside You don't but if you're just some gross gross person with a saggy box and like there's just trash all No one's gonna respect you, you know, it's the same thing for being rich She's got all the money in the world. There's no excuse to have a home like especially when you look like erica. I mean Make the house see through. I don't know make it like yourself glass house Once just why don't they just she should just pattern after rose red And have nancy travas walk through giving tours This is like a museum Wow Whoa, it's like there could be monsters in here Jurassic museum And then rina who is like so afraid to be thought of as bitchy because now she's doing her people are meeting me on twitter So i'm gonna apologize about live's disease or whatever or live disease damma. I can't stop So she's doing that but she'll still drop a cut fitness e conda condom. I wear an erica's mouth. So look where my mind is Still still drop a condom. It's like it has It has like a tartan pattern It's like ribbed for her pleasure It has like little little paintings of mallets on the condom her ribs all over this house So yeah, she makes a little comment that oh, this is real money. I mean this makes lisa van der pump's house look like a disco Uh, a I think that's what lisa van der pump was going for. Yeah, that's fondest go She built that house. I mean she redid that whole house herself. So I don't think she's going for old money. Okay. Yeah, and be Um, it's better to be an old person with new money Than a young person with old wedding. Okay lisa van der pump at least helped earned her god damn money. Yeah That's it. Yeah. Oh, I thought there's going to be more Fox out. Okay. So lisa ran up. So lisa ran up. So lisa ran up. Now. I'm going to get your point Right then. Now. I'm going to do my now. I'm going to do my little lisa ran around It's gonna be pretty light because I like lisa ran up but her whole thing for this episode and previous episodes Is that she was with someone And we don't know who and they mentioned munchausons Right and lisa engaged in the conversation and that's all she did which is honestly There's nothing wrong with that. Like someone said, I think she has munchausons What's munchauson someone's described and she probably thought about it and in life You're allowed to like contemplate things. It's it's like It's okay for her to doubt yolanda if she ultimately decides that she thinks it's wrong. It's it's okay. It's not in the front to yolanda but lisa is hyper aware of her image and she's also hyper aware that Gossip travels so much in this circle and so quickly especially when you have a team of producers egging it on So she basically wants to clear her name before it gets out there that some people start saying oh lisa ran a Thinks you have munchausons, but the problem is That in her in her like uh apology tour In her effort to clear her name. She's actually making it into more of a thing than it ever was She's like, yeah, I just feel so bad, you know, someone mentioned the m word to me and you know I engage and I I feel terrible that I engage in munchauson and so she's simultaneously putting munchausons out there and While trying to like express how she feels bad about it. Yes, and I'm kind of like lisa is not taking ownership She's but she's accusing you. I mean, she's saying bad shit about yolanda Even though she's saying oh, it was just chatter. I engaged in no bit You got on tv and right off your phone the definition of munchausons and made a scene about it. I feel bad Into it. Yeah But now but the thing is this you know where she's in trouble is that she's so then she vented to To kyle and lisa and they both were like Just don't worry about it. They both they literally were like, yeah, don't worry about it If you feel bad talk to yolanda about it And I actually was like when they did that I was like, oh kyle is totally going to be like well lisa said this But shockingly it was aileen who then now made it into a whole big thing, but kyle and lisa were right They're like, yeah, that's okay. You like had a conversation So now it's this whole thing and now lisa's talking to erica and then erica tells you know, it's like i'm like lisa rina I'm a big fan of you. You gotta just like relax. You gotta you just gotta know like if you feel just Own your shit own your shit, baby. I think she's just trying to get out. I mean honestly and look Obviously, I like her too. My issue with her is that she's just not being herself Because her real self does not believe yolanda obviously and she believes in the montazen obviously so She's upset I think because she feels alone in it and now she knows she's going to get the villain edit and I think you're right She's aware of her image and so she's worried about that But when she goes to shoot scenes to talk about it in every single episode Yeah, and then acts like she's doing it to be nice. No, you're being a bitch So just be a bit. I don't think she's being a bitch, but I think she's uh, she doesn't seem to be It's like I'm like girl Just like stop talking about it. Like if you're so like you don't like you're just you're just making it worse It's like, you know, it's because I've definitely been guilty of that like I've just like one people like men Just stop just stop. I'm like, but I have to express my feelings, you know It's like so I know what it's likely so I've been I've been in that position I know what it's like to feel guilty about something and then you talk about it So you feel like you're talking it out and you feel like you're being totally You know, sensible and doing the right thing, but you're actually just exacerbating situation Which is evidence by the fact that yolanda then got mad at you Yeah, well, and stupid yolanda can't fight either It's like yolanda and katherine both need to go to a tie bow class or some shit because Neither one can fight for to save their lives. Um, so the next one the next scene up is katherine and donnie um So the first scene with katherine we'll not the first scene, but the first alone scene with katherine where it was like me and donnie You're driving was all about how rich they are and the west minister abbey, etc, etc, etc Now we're in this tiny little apartment tiny apartment with this little sad square kitchen like little kind of like where's your chapel? Where's the what? I said, where's your chapel? It's like there's no room to kneel in here, so um And she's still talking about this do stupid faith fight with her husband I don't care katherine's pouring the hell out of me, but I did laugh when she said I wanted to read her ass up and down. I'm like bet you couldn't even read the one sentence about you in a book written 20 years You don't read nobody stop crappins quote crappins quote We all know how you feel about reading not gonna happen Yeah, well, it's fine. I don't mind her scenes because I you know Donnie edwards is easy on the eyes, you know, I once was If I may have do another segment of Ben Bragg's about celebrities. He was on planes with I once was on the flight with Donnie edwards and I was like He looks he's he looks good in person. I'm gonna tell you that much a lot better than Vicki did Look on the plane. I I once talked about Maybe he's cute. He's cute. His wife is still boring as hell and so is he but you know, I'm glad he's cute on the plane Maybe they should just take planes on this show. Maybe if we saw him in coach things would look up Tourist classes and the McDowell would call it So then we go back to erica and rina and erica is just telling her You'll either appreciate the honesty Unless you're a doctor in which case you're victim shaming Yeah, otherwise you let the lones out of and then right after this we get It's like erica's on like a little like one of those children's roller coasters at the fair Going up and down up and down Sounds like our imitation of lydia from the oc because she was always like So then rina finally does poor rina Rina's spending so much money on damn uber. I know that's exactly what i was thinking She's dropping all over the city. She better be delivering some things along the way Maybe some pizza is in the back Maybe maybe he had maybe her daughter is like toasted up some bread that she can deliver on the city You want some toast who wants toast? We have a new startup. It's called toast you you come and we deliver toast right to you This is the show you where to toast things in all right. I'm gonna be delivering them all over the city Yolanda. I'll stop by your house. It's an hour away from me. Oh, well, this was the fuck pad So this was just westwood. I guess yeah, yeah, yeah Just over the hill from rina. Yeah, that's not as bad So she goes to see yolanda and yolanda is looking at her Because yolanda's ready for a fight. She's wearing her non makeup makeup like her brown face Where she where she just wears tan makeup and then brown eyeshadow so that she can still wear makeup But we know she's sick. Yeah, she's wearing that and she's looking at rina Like she's ready to fight But then you can't fight with lisa rina because she's like White jeans. I love them. I love them. We're white jeans gone. Can anybody tell me I mean, I'm not saying that in a racist way. I'm talking about denim. I'm not talking about, you know, white people I mean, I don't know many white people named jean either but But it's funny. I got a couple of the basement Although jean kelly he was a great dancer I wish I could dance like that. I got two left feet I mean, not literally. I mean, I don't want to make fun of anyone who has you know crippled in that way Is crippled the right word to say these days? Oh my god, I caught up caught up in a conversation about crippled people I mean I engaged in the chatter. Sorry. Let's just say that I mean I feel terrible because like, you know, I don't know what crippled is and you know, you know, the guy with two left feet I mean, you know that that he might be just like foot abled If anyone needs a crutch, it's my personality. Am I right? I mean, if people even use crutches anymore. I think they use those scooters now I mean, I don't know. I just I just engaged in chatter about, you know pharmaceutical needs You're on those like, what is this and get out of my house? You've made a lot of like, you have lived in this country long enough to learn the english. Okay, lisa reina So lisa starts this whole thing About outside chatter lisa reina acts like she's been caught talking to the taliban on the snapchat or something Why is she talking like that? It's like, yeah, I got engaged in the chatter It was just chatter and I got engaged. It's like no the patreon act like no one is listening to your phone lines Taliban talker. What are you talking about lady be quiet? I know well, it seemed like it was like like yolanda was the godfather And she had come to to kiss the ring, you know and and make sure like her her loyalty was known Like I don't want it to get I don't want you to hear That I was talking about munchows ins which you may have but I didn't want to I don't I feel bad that I doubted you even for a second And yolanda, what is this munchy mouse and Mickey mouse? Jupins I've never even heard of this word. How could I have this if I never even heard of it? I have 9 000 diseases. You think this is the one I don't have get out of here This is not my this I like that. You'll want to think about it here now too. Yeah, get out of here And yolanda so then like so lisa tells this and then yolanda's like oh I can't believe someone would say that I'm making this up like who would say that? And then lisa and then actually it was funny that lisa was the one who put in her head Who was like, oh, you're you're tired now, aren't you like lisa did not want to be there anymore? She's like, oh, I know you don't want to talk about this. You're tired now. You know, I'm just like I am tired My hands are sweating All look at my eyes. Oh My ankles all that dying Great defense of the idea that you have these psychosomatic illnesses someone's like oh you look tired Oh, yes. I am tired now. Look. I was awake and then suddenly I'm tired But just not all mental lisa's um definition of much houses is hilarious to your londas Who is this mini mousins and she does Well, it just means that you don't really you're not really sick. Oh, really? This is disease. What kind of disease is not sick else It's the worst definition Yeah, much house and memes. You just don't want to go to school today. Oh, really The Bella disease Yeah They treat your children's disease. They don't go to school What do you call the drunk driving disease when you are supposed to be home reading about boundaries? What do you call that thing when you need attention from someone so you're drunk and driving so that way people stop talking about it? The dg's and stuff Is that much housing when you want attention from your mother? What is disease where you don't have to go to jail for hitting Benfereen with your car What is this called What is it is when you you don't go to college because you have to be modeled like gg What is disease when you go to community college when you are 47 and retired What it is is when third when the other other one is not a girl, but you want him to be a girl like gg Aquana tassen The The next scene is everybody getting ready for the party Okay, so we skipped this part But they were going to look for a party place because they're gonna have a move on bruise party Yeah, so go to the cul-ver hotel Which is so hilarious And of course you'll want it doesn't show up to the one party where people would actually applaud when she dies of consumption I'm like syncs off key at the end Uh, just imagining yolanda on a swing over the entire crad And it's not bathrobe I'm housing It's also the one theme where erica can show up in her regular day-to-day clothes and look normal Yeah, like the first time she's ever fit in with this cast. I know like fish that's fish that's the boost day. Okay, I bet patty lupus patty lupus Okay, I'm going here So they end up getting to the party. I'm I'm kind of skipping some of this because I don't think anything happened I was writing really dumb things down. It looked like a sweltering party. I'd like to add it looks like there was no air conditioning Also, by the way lisa rina looked fantastic. Gosh. I mean, I don't know how old she is, but she looked about 15 years younger. I thought I like the hair maybe she's born with it maybe it's No, I like that she did like the robert pomber hairstyle thing. I thought it looked great I think it's a shame that harry won't let her grow her hair longer. She should let her. I'm sure I still want to be fucked I wrote down that kyle's a bitch for naming her dog cloey because one of her best friends is chris kardashian I know I've spelled the same way dog after chris kardashian's daughter who has like Like image issues. Yeah Not my image issues. How's a bitch So like look cloey I've named my dog after you and then she's like why is cloey into bathroom crying who did this to cloey Like you did bitch to be fair They perhaps they named kim kardashian after jim majjord. So you know turn about spare play With big wireless providers what you see is never what you get somewhere between the store and your first month's bill The price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets with mint mobile You'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again I mean how many times have you felt like oh this has been such a great deal and then at the end of the first month You're like what just happened. 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They have for them They're just like very subtle like a lot of stones and beige's. It's really my vibe for fall 2024 Upgrade your wardrobe with pizzas made to last with quince Go to quince.com/crapins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns That's q u i n c e .com/crapins to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com/crapins So we all have tributes. We don't want No, I said we all have tributes. We don't want Yeah, every ronnie. Well, there was ronnie reggan the president, but otherwise they're usually killers of some kind on lawn order That's like every time I see my name. They're like, oh ronnie did it. It's like the rapist Like thanks a lot law and order geez. I have no name pride. Well, there's ronnie from Jersey shore. So that's fun. Mmm. Yeah another great one. Thanks Ben Thanks for piling on. Yeah, so we're at the party now. Everybody looks ridiculous and uh It's hot out Taylor Taylor. By the way, this This probably did not do good things for Taylor poor Taylor's in the background The combination of the heat and her makeup and the lighting she literally looked like she was pulled from nightmare before christmas like she Looked crazy totally the real zombie housewives of you know Pasadena where do you think she lives now? Gardina? Where is she? I love the word gardina though Taylor is probably in like I don't know uh, maybe valley village Maybe she's a real housewives of lakinta in motor avenue real housewives of verceda So, yeah, she real housewives of la cunyada flinridge um, they all looked a little weird uh erica and Catherine we're talking at the bar kind of I don't know getting to know each other. I don't know and uh Catherine They are automatically kind of liking each other, which is hilarious and uh She says yeah, I get my husband's much nicer than me Which you know guys get to do because women have to be meaner, you know, like we have to be a little defensive because I don't know it's tough for being a woman, which it is. I mean watching. Yeah, I guess you do and then uh erica goes Yeah, because if a woman's a bitch everyone calls her a cut fitness And then Catherine don't say that that word's disgusting. You're too pretty to say cut No, i'm not No, don't say it. Please go. I us. I love I love the uh, I love I love the russian You're too pretty to say that meanwhile fake watch fake resnick walking me like oh That person over there is such a cunt Catherine's probably like yeah, you know, you can get away with saying it You're ugly enough to say this you're ugly enough to say a nasty word I mean you basically look like the guy who trained the teenage mutant ninja turtles Whatever that rat's name was Uh So the next thing of let's see. Okay. So now kyle is at her own anniversary party Just acting like such an asshole trying to start shit so badly. She goes up to lisa Well lisa saw faith apart with like business resnick Yeah, that was a nice frosty moments Well, hello darling She's like hello Oh, you look marvelous tonight might I say Yes, and then lisa's got like her chubby gay next door like you're gonna hit her lisa You're gonna hit her What are you gonna do do something? I'm on TV. Lisa was basically giving her like Lisa was basically doing that cheap sci-fi thing where someone stares and like purple lasers come out of her eyes and dudes like those like In mind control, which there could have been a microphone inside favorite resnick's head because it would have been like You would walk away slowly now perhaps make a joke about tequila But you will vacate this spot at the bar right now She's like a sylon and there's yeah, exactly then there's like some like weird theremin in the background being like Now another lisa van der pump's coming and shoot the whole party dead Like the silence have taken over it was oh my god If the sylons were all lisa van der pump like I haven't gladly give our planet over Go take it have fun. Number one is lisa van der pump in the 60s Number two is the savander pump in the 70s. It's like going decade to decade the entire sylon race Um, so she and Fay had this funny thing and Fay is trying to be nice, but Fay's fake too She's like hello, you know how Fay talks. How do you feel? But you know, well, you know, okay, so it's weird. I feel weird standing up for Fay in this instance But like she is being fake, but what else is she's she's supposed to do just be like a bitch She's you know, she was just like oh hi. She made some nice small talks. She's like, well, I have to go I've got to bring this tequila while it's still cold, you know, she did you know, that's what I would do I would be like I'd make some patter. I'd be like, oh, oh, I have to go over there. There's a um a ceiling fan I really want to look at I want to try and color match the dark gray of this room to uh, turn kyle's trays that i'm turning into paris's trays Uh for the closet that's going to be a smaller version of yours. So Okay, enjoy yourself. I hope someone comes around to mush up your food soon Okay, i'll be up to there Lisa's like well, it could have been worse. It could have been Sitting at a table and saucy shredder could have shown up. Oh no Lisa was sitting there giving her the nastiest look. It was so funny. She's refusing to be nice and then vegas Oh, I have to take my uh fiance tequila and lisa's like elle She says yeah, my fiance really needs his tequila and lisa says i'm sure Such a bit I think it's just also it's a bitch, but this is what i'm trying to say to rina at least she doesn't care She's a bitch and she's a bitch. And that's it. She'll be a bitch and just Be a bitch. It's not a bitch and then cries after it for five episodes And let me tell you something also, okay, it's a big bar Lisa did not have to go to that exact spot to get her drink. She knew what she was doing She wanted to go there and ice out say she's like and lisa held her her end of the bargain She didn't say anything nasty to fae, but she sure was cold I mean, I don't know why fated to take the tequila anywhere to make sure it stayed cold She just had to keep it right there from lisa. It would be nice and chilled Yeah, lisa's nasty. I love it But on the other hand she could have been getting a lot of money donated to her by the chunky gay Like all fix a dog with alopecia's hair if you go slap fae. Lisa's like, all right. I'll do it for the dogs But meanwhile So so then then kyle goes up to fae and it's like did lisa say anything mean to you and fae's like no It's perfectly nice And just are you sure okay? Can I told her not to say anything to you and fae's like no which in and of itself is a pretty incendiary thing to say to someone Yo, but so then typical kyle So what she wanted to but I wouldn't let her I told her not to are you sure she didn't were you listening? Did she say something with her eyes? How was her hat looking? Did she say the c-word to you? I know she wanted to say the c-word to you and I was gonna be like, okay I'll get catheter on the other side of the room so why you can say it But then I said don't say it though. Wait, don't say it because that's mean to fae I was hoping she would say something to you so I could ask you what an orangi tang is Oh, she called you that. Did I tell you that? Oh, it was so mean. I told her don't call her that But whatever But I don't remember this is before after kyle's traditional moment of splits but then at one point Katherine and Katherine and Lisa are sitting on like a banquette like trying not to melt in the heat of that room And then kyle comes over and is like so Did you say everything found did you saw fae right like you didn't say anything to fae right? That's such an insta game Were you nice to fae? Were you mean to fae? What'd you say to fae? So ridiculous like don't start with me. I was fine with her and I was fine with her the last time And then kathryn falls right into it. Well, I'm not okay with her She wrote something about me in some book 20 years ago And she starts like rolling her head like don't talk about me. Don't say you know me. She never has no She has no endgame to her insults She's like, you know, she was saying these things about me and it wasn't it wasn't nice. I was dragged into it It's like bullshit and you know what I have to say to that, you know, like That's not you know, I didn't like it Yeah Yeah, she has no ending kathryn is it dead so far. I hope she gets I don't mind her Hater. I mean don't hate I don't have like fiery passionate hate for her. I just think she's a waste of my time Okay, we've already got eileen and yolanda. I need somebody to do something rina refusing to do anything I think it is more of a waste than kathryn. I think yolanda's I think there's more upside with kathryn Catherine than there is of the yolanda Yolanda is at least fun to make fun of kathryn. I mean, what do you even make fun of? She's just some dumb girl with the rich husband So, you know, I'm sure I'm sure the least stuff that we can sink our teeth into sooner sooner or later Yeah, hopefully she'll learn to converse soon So this turns into some weird fight with kyle now Because kyle's trying to start a fight between lisa and fae and neither one of them are abiding She tried to start a fight last week with kathryn and fae and neither one of them are biting But now kathryn is biting because fae is not there and kathryn's a huge wuss So kyle starts fighting with kathryn Well because fae Standing up for fae which is so stupid because you brought her here on purpose to fight in the first Well, even more like okay. I'll take it. I'll just fight with this girl instead Well, even if I mean even taking a less cynical view You know because kyle and fae are friends and this is her 20th anniversary party So, okay, so so fae is there along with lance bass and you know, okay, it makes sense fae is there But kyle knows that kathryn has a problem with fae kyle knows this kathryn has said it to her and kathryn's reasons You know, even if she hasn't read the book like I kind of you know I think kathryn's reasons are pretty legit for being annoyed like you wrote about me in a book and dragged me into the oj Scandal and I wasn't there before and it really bothered me. Okay, that's legit So now kathryn saying that kathryn probably would not have said a thing if kyle wasn't pushing the fae issue again It calls like what about fae? You know fae's a really good good. Then kathryn's like well She wrote about me and now then kyle goes running off like I don't think it's really it's like not cool Like like fae is like one of my best friends. I can't we should say that at my anniversary party Like why can't I like you know what kyle don't you know don't bring up fae to a woman who dislikes her But she's doing it on purpose kyle has started every drama on this show and none of them make any sense Like everyone is so confused They don't even know what the drama is because kyle is so bad at it But everyone's so stupid that she looks like she's really good at it because she's basically orchestrated the entire season Almost single-handedly and people are so stupid. They keep walking right into it. You know, there are two there are two kyle Richards There's there's raging bitch kyle Richards, and then there's like who me like Portia kyle Richards And when she's doing the whom me she's can be really annoying because it's not Authentic and it's a very put-upon persona when she's being a raging bitch It's fantastic because she is such a bitch for raging when she is and when she goes after people Oh, it's great. That's why last season was great because she let out her bitch And she was going after brandy and she was screaming at brandy and screaming up Kim That's the kyle I like because it's the real kyle and she is A bitch on wheels and it was what we saw in season one and then, you know, she's trying to be nice again Let at least kyle. We're gonna love you. Here's why I will never be able to like kyle Her best friends are Faye Resnick and Chris Jenner. They're both human pieces of trash Then kathryn says well, when did you meet Faye? Like that's gonna be some kind of fight kathryn so stupid so kyle says uh 1994 1994 that is the year Faye Capital bus a year. Well, that's what kathryn was becoming like a druggy whore who betrayed her dead best friend That's what kathryn was alluding to the fact that like Faye was on the up and up and of course that's when she became friends with kyle because There's a social climber. Well, so was kyle. Yeah, yeah kyle's the worst. She wasn't even married then This is gonna be her 20th anniversary. So kyle was still you know some youngish sidekick actress and It's bad enough to be a fame whore and to just want to be friends with people because they're famous but to be friends with people because they're famous from that and in that way you're a disgusting human being kyle and Just to quote sassy disgusting. Okay, you're gross. You're always gonna be gross gross gross gross gross gross like chris jenners article last week Oh, I loved nicole brown Simpson. She helped me through a miscarriage And then your husband defended her killer fuck you guys you're you're all gross Um, that's pretty much for the episode right so, you know, um, I'm sure there are a lot of I wonder if Faye resnick's book is available on audible.com. I'm not sure if it is or not, but guess what guys um here's I'm trying to find my podcast copy. I'm like, wait, I was about to read it. It was like the instructions like strategic place Strategic placement of audio ad during the program is critical to success. No, that's that's instructions for us Yeah, I'm reading like the instructions. See that's why I'm confused. I'm like, where's our where's our copy? Where's our audible if audible does have this I hope it's read by Faye's voice because I would love to hear Faye reading like And then oh I found it and there was blood all over the floor, which is not very ladylike Okay, I just told ojay. Can we move past this now? Well, it's a cheap success in advertising with paul. No, I found I found that I found it. It's on the second page Hem hem let me clear my throat five pages of things that are not that I'm going to remind i'm Lisa Rina audible is offer listeners a free 30-day trial membership and a free audio book just go to audible.com Slash crappins and browse over 180,000 audio programs download a title free and start listening It's that easy go to audible.com slash crappins. That's audible.com slash crappins to get started today Audible content includes more than 180,000 audio programs from the leading audio book publishers Also broadcasters entertainers magazine and newspaper publishers and business information providers Is there any more companies? Um, so, you know, they have books like, uh, oh, there's the the steve jobs autobiography You can do read that one And then there's like the one called I was how I invented the personal computer and had fun along the way by steve wasniak And if you really are Really still want to read more about apple you can read icon steve jobs the greatest second act in the history of business So, I mean right there. I know people come to this podcast to hear about Recommendations about apple's history, but like that's But also, you know steve jobs new bill gates and the black bill gates is now in real house wise of petomics So you guys full circle. Okay. Yeah full circle circle So you can know for real though audible has like tons of things it would actually be amazing if they had favorites next thing in there I don't even know what her book is called. I'm not even sure if it's in print, but Um, yeah audible has like tons of good stuff Yeah, any book you can get on there reading is for suckers you guys you have to sit in one place You have to hold a heavy thing full of papers Don't do that you guys room have it playing and then you can be cleaning your house You can be making dinner and you can still be a literary person Yeah, you know room by the way is on audible the book room. That's now a movie the one that i'm still reading So if you although that would be a really interesting book to hear Narrated to you because it's very scattered very specific voice So there go to audible and get room and then you can tell us what it sounds like I hope audible turns into something like serie where you can pick your voice to read to you You can have just erica jane reading room I wanted to go out of the book, but i covet Uh tooth is my friend So go to audible.com/crappins that's audible.com/crappins and get started today Yeah Thanks everybody. Thanks audibles. Thanks audibles. Yeah, thanks for advertising. Thanks. We're so stupid by the way That copy was so easy like yes, it was on the second page, but it's highlighted I know we're like we're we're literally reading it. Okay. Now it's time for our ad and we're like reading the instructions Like we should have put this in the middle because that's when people like to listen. We're like wait a second We're dumb. Okay. So you want to do a little newlyweds. Yeah, let's do it move on Yeah, we're gonna do a newlyweds palette cleanser before we go back to Beverly Hills for Vanderpump rules So what would you like which couple would you like to talk about first? First I just want to say that this was the saddest Group of thanksgivings we've ever seen on tv. Okay, the entire episode for the most part three out of the four couples were celebrating Thanksgiving and all of them like it was it was sad so sad. I just wrote down. We've slaughtered the indians for this Yeah, let's talk about robin tara first. They're like that's the Persian and asshole couple And uh, he is awful. He is absolutely awful. I'm both awful. I'm both awful. She's terrible, but he's worse Yeah, he is but she's Just as bad to me because she's using him as her mouthpiece because he's doing all the things that she doesn't want to do So she's trying to get away with this I'm just young and pretty and I just married a mean person No, you're a bitch and you married a mouthpiece to go against your family because you don't have the balls to do it Exactly. So basically what happened is thanksgiving and uh, basically Tara's family is her sister is doing a big thanksgiving dinner and rob is like i'm not gonna go first Then first he does the old like ladies of london thing. He's like, well, you know I'm an american and I grew up with like turkey and and fixings and stuff like that And there's not gonna be turkey at your Persian thanksgiving travesty, you know, yeah, why to marry a person And second you don't want to do it the way you grew up because you don't you don't even speak to your family Talked about it's how horrible your childhood is and you don't speak to your mom Who's still living? Yeah, it stopped acting like this is some traditional thing because in america traditionally you have it with your family And america's made up of all kinds of families. Okay, bitch. Yeah, my lebanis family had a lovely kibby and sweetha Thanksgiving every year and it was just fine We still I actually think it was pants after as much as Tara is an instigator and we'll get to that in a second as much as she's an instigator I think it is pretty Gross that this guy is putting turkey over family in for like a big family holiday, you know Because they ultimately wind up going to this really Cold and impersonal thanksgiving dinner where the two of them eat like in the on the lawn at some restaurant or hotel It looks like the least fun of course. Yeah, it was It looked like an absolutely terrible way to spend Thanksgiving and meanwhile, I mean he's he's like well, you know Like first he first he starts with this bullshit of like well They're not gonna have turkey there and she's like well, no actually they will have turkey my sister's gonna do turkey But even so it's like I can't believe you would like keep this one from her family because there's not gonna be turkey Like guess what go to like the deli and get yourself a turkey sandwich later on and guess who else does that? Abusers, that's like a classic classic When a man is or a woman, I guess cutting her off in the family It's a man who's trying to keep the woman away from her friends and her family. That's an isolated earth That's a total or move dude. Yeah and for someone who's written a self-help book Please so and then so then he starts doing this thing about like I don't feel welcome. I don't feel welcome Well, maybe if you weren't feel it maybe if you weren't such a dick you'd be more welcome, you know Yeah, like you're you're I'm not gonna be married 20 times But it's the spouse's job to ingratiate themselves with the family Look, I know that they need to make some effort too But they are making some effort exactly that's over there and he said well They were mean to me the first time we went over for Thanksgiving because this idiot he married. Yeah, this chick Leaves her husband like how long were they married? She got married to some guy the whole chutes on him Yeah, the whole family is in for this wedding they throw over this huge wedding They're all happy then she starts cheating on him immediately and leaves him for this guy who nobody knows and after Basically boning the affair guy for a month. She brings him to Thanksgiving and expects everybody to be nice. Yeah I'm sure they weren't very nice to her either. Okay, and that's the thing because then he starts He starts harping on the fact that two of her sisters never came didn't come to the wedding and he's like it's so offensive He's like da da da da da like these showed they showed me where I'm saying I'm like, well, maybe it's the burlesque dancers Well, maybe you know like did you ever think that there's a reason why they didn't come like where is your accountability? Maybe there's something you did that made them feel unwelcome something about what they're doing to make you feel unwelcome, you know Think about this douchebag. They didn't come to a wedding because you're an asshole And then you prove that you're an asshole by taking a traditional person family and then hiring strippers to offend everybody Right at the fucking reception. Give me a break. You're making no effort Both of these two all they do is say fuck you to family. They've got like some ish both of them have it Yeah, all they every teenagers rebelling against it Yeah, and and he every every episode he has a lot of really underhanded digs at Persian culture Which is actually it's actually like getting pretty offensive, you know, like at first It's like, you know, it's one thing to be like to to to, you know reference like differences between cultures, whatever jokingly But as her my it's like, oh no, he actually has a huge disdain for his wife's family and culture and I'm sorry you married it. You can't just like marry her and then take her out of her culture That's just not that's not acceptable and now to be fair. So on her side, here's what she does So she goes And it goes to her parents house and her I think it's her sister who's there with her And they're like sitting on their plastic furniture and plastic covered furniture And they're like are you coming into Thanksgiving and she's like no and then she was like Cause Rob Rob won't let us so like well, that's not gonna help anything That's not the way you handle it. That's not what you say like that's just gonna make things so much worse So she is also, you know She is contributing to this problem massively and it does any does anything she can to her her family Even when they're not on camera, especially when they're not on camera Like after her Thanksgiving dinner, she whips out her flip cam, which is very popular on this show They always got flip cams and they're sitting on the balcony after their dinner and she goes Rob Rob thinks I'm mad because he hates my family She said something she said something like Rob's mad because I wasn't excited about Thanksgiving because he hates them I just wanted to be around my family But like he hates them so and then gets him to talk about how he hates them some more Just so that can be on tv too Like you guys are such hateful little cup witnesses to both of you terrible people. You're both awful I cannot wait until you screw each other over I know uh they like he is He is totally terrible and uh I I just I don't know I just I really It really bothers me the way he he talks about her family Like he doesn't have to like love her family, but he has to be accepting of it in some way He's totally an abuser. He's totally isolating her and he is the worst Yeah, um, although then we also have Adonis and the girl I don't want to talk about like that. I don't want to talk about your dad being a polygamost of animals So Yeah, she's giving so I don't want your dad to come over because if you dare come blover Then he's gonna disrespect me the woman. I don't know Well, I'm revising with something I'm gonna do my business. I'm like Okay, why are you eating the cucumber? Cause it's delicious Whoa, it's for the side word It doesn't mean taking me so flirting thing Hey, Don, it's the ring and it goes on for dancing He's like can I get some chips with that salsa? Oh, that's really funny That's fun Don, is it gonna be such a popular comedian Donals And she gets this weird laugh because I guess he's doing one thing for her after all of this I guess he owes her that after the 14 Brazilian hookers But he does this one thing by going to a salsa class with her And she gets so weird in this class She changes her laugh. It turns into What it sounded like somebody coming up from almost drowning in the ocean She is she's drowning in his beard It was so weird. They're like one two one two three one It was creeping me out and then it went back to her normal laugh and other scenes It's like did she want to sleep with the salsa tea? What is her deal this girl? She's so weird. I cannot figure her out. That's the dead eyes. I'll dream of this show. Yeah She is literally like a fish that was caught in a net Just she flopped a little bit now. She's just sitting there big eye tuna That's true And then so so then the dad the dad and one of his ladies comes over for Thanksgiving and Donals is like her dad. I really appreciate if you don't talk about put a look at me in front of One of them. Oh afternoon is he's like all right and then meanwhile in the kitchen. She's like Let's make us make stuffing And so then the wife says how are you doing honey? And she's saying it's just really high because I'm really jealous like if it dawns is with anyone else I get jealous Like she's baiting the woman to talk about polygamy like with that opening Well, and who else would you open like that to a public? I'm not a polygamous a polyamorous lady She doesn't listen the polyamorous woman was like listen if you become polyamorous You're not going to be jealous because it's natural for people to look at other you know other people and if you're polyamorous is all cool So that will go away I'm like no the what what this girl needs is not polyamory to get rid of her jealousy issues She needs to like a pair of glasses So she can look at Adonis and realize there is no one else on this planet who will want to sleep with Adonis You literally have to be paid. That's why he went to 14 prostitutes exactly watch his credit card bill girl That's how you're gonna need yeah, exactly other girl the other things these girls this girl means is a job She needs to keep her down self-bassy. She needs a job And she needs some self-confidence and she needs a match.com account because she's married to a leech and a loser And it's not gonna work out his I looked at his twitter account and it's like his the main picture I'm sort of recount is him like sitting on the hood of his lamborghini with his big baggy like crappy crappy fitting jeans I'm like you are such a douchebag. Why don't you unfortunately? Yeah, unfortunately there's no caption for him to say waiting for triple a Yeah, he's taking that picture while that she's broken down on the side of the road Yeah, so this the polyamory Wife I guess was yeah, I don't know why for girlfriend one of them. She's like she's talking to her about this and she's This was creeping me out too because polyamory doesn't really creep me out I mean it used to but I've met a few people I guess who were into it and uh one of the One of my neighbors used to be polyamorous and she's like basically it just means i'm a slut Which kind of was like she had a boyfriend and then they had all these people coming in and out of their houses and stuff and she always had like stores on her lips. I mean, sorry. I'm not saying you're all like that but she was and uh Fine like everybody is up to their own thing, but I'm a big believer in ho pride You know be proud of it, but this woman she is talking like she's proud of it But the thing she's saying was making me sad she was saying well We're working on her spirituality because the spirituality is teaching me to just let a man be who he is And when I start getting upset at societal norms And my spirituality informs me that that's that's old and that's not the new no bitch That's called your man is out fucking a million people and you're just letting him and when you get upset That's kind of natural. Okay. Yeah, she's like trying to make herself this for this guy. Yeah Talking about Buddhism. I just don't like it because I don't like when people preach at me You know like I don't want I don't like to be told If it I don't in an unsolicited way if I said, you know, I feel like there's something missing in my life I wish I knew how to deal with this or sometimes I feel like I'm Attracts to other people and I feel a little locked down and then said oh well try polyamory or if someone I'm like, I don't know. I think I need a spiritual like shake up a little try Buddhism like this weekend Someone was talking to me about Like someone like you know I was talking about how I don't like a lot of fruits or whatever and someone started saying like oh you should visit this doctor Because he'll tell you what sort of body type you are he's in korea town and depending on the body type You'll get to like certain foods or your superfoods and certain or not your superfoods don't make you drowsy and you should really go see him It's really important to know that I'm like, I don't like please don't know please stop this Stop telling me what to do like I don't care what my superfoods are all right I would rather eat all my non-superfoods than to be told to go visit a doctor in korea town. Okay Superfood is a think thin batch. Yeah, it's a thing fan batch But like I mean the guys, you know, he's a really sweet guy. I like him But it it's like when people do that it really gets under my skin and that's what this woman was doing Yeah, she was being really bad But of course by the way, this entire podcast is us giving unsolicited advice to all these people on bravo But you know, yeah, but their face would be nice. That's the difference I mean if we met them in real life, we'd be like, oh because you keep your inside thoughts inside generally I mean you don't just go telling everybody off in real life. We're we fae resnick it Yeah, totally you look beautiful by the way. You look beautiful honest, but when the polyamory wife says It happens in the wild, honey. I'm thinking uh, this is phoenix It's just about like some national geographic show where we're all just like killing, you know, doe To to stay alive. This was fucking phoenix. Yeah, yeah Um, so then they all sit down for thanks again a very sad. Thanks. I mean just four of them Uh, not to say that you can't have a good Thanksgiving with four people But this was a particularly sad looking Thanksgiving with especially when half of the dad's family is kicked out of the event Just to be friends with the sun again They're sitting there and like fluorescent lighting and dry chicken and there's like three dishes on the table The uh, the girl is sitting there. She's she literally has like a piece of turkey and Like a bun like a like a biscuit on her plate. And that's it. I was like, this is Terrible Eat anymore So So adonis decides to take his dad back into his life as long as he doesn't bring around girlfriends And doesn't talk about polyamory and of course the dad keeps doing it anyway Yeah, but adonis says dad. I just told you to stop and then his stupid wife. Whatever her name is. She's like Oh I feel like she's I feel like he's nice This is this is all I wanted Yeah, yeah, whatever then we um Next we have The angry couple. Yeah row row and the bicker sins. Yeah robin row robin row So they make up after their fight last week fight. You want to go to get a divorce? I know where the divorce court is. I'll gladly sign it and this week we open up with let's make up and have a baby No, that'll fix every relationship So we had this week they're being supportive and now her big story, you know, she doesn't she just her dad's not in her life And it's all kind of like a lead up to the fact that she's going to have a come like a the phone call with her dad And he's supposed to call and then he doesn't so they go to the movies instead They also have sex at like in the middle of the episode And then and then the dad calls and I was actually surprised because this is the only part I thought that was noteworthy of again They also had a they also had a tiny Thanksgiving I believe that this all the Thanksgiving episodes were shot in june by the way because they just had Thanksgiving with the two of them burning a turkey but um But then the epic so then the episode ends with them like the dad calls And I actually was surprised that I actually found it to be very affecting. I thought like, you know I was surprised that I actually got a little caught up in it and it was a sweet moment and I you know like those were I thought those were like real emotions and he was You know, they basically pledged to start on your relationship together. So, you know, it was nice Man Dad who gets out of your life totally leaves you then doesn't call you when he's supposed to on thanksgiving And you have to go to a movie because it's so fucking sad and then he calls you later and it's like I'm sorry for that darling I think the British accent goes a long way at some point. I'm like get out of here You're a fucking loser hang up on his ass and start your own damn family. Hopefully in Jersey City or Hoboken or somewhere Yeah, start your blog start your kids Yeah, you know, some people deserve a second chance in life and I hope Obviously, you know, she's doing this because she's broken in a lot of ways from that. That's awful So I'm glad she has another chance with it, but I don't know I've learned that men don't really change that much. Yeah, get ready to be disappointed again Sometimes they've left your whole life and they've stayed gone your whole life It's usually best to just be like by now. I mean the guy didn't even call you when he was supposed to on thanksgiving now. Yeah Well, we'll see because I guess maybe now I feel bad for her though Yeah, so then speaking of starting a family. We then have our gay couple our new twitter friends Brandon and Craig Um, they listen hi Brandon and Craig You can say are your feet cold My feet are cold or your feet cold my feet are cold. Thank you so much for me and my feet I need my feet are cool To run in canyon. I have a I have like I can't believe it. I have a millimeter of fat on my body I I can't believe this is terrible. I can't believe how fat I've gotten crystal. I'm fat I like when he said I went to run in canyon because I'm I'm taking these fertility drugs and they're making me so fat and so I had to go running I went to run in for sperm. I'm like, oh my good. I'll bet you did girl This guy has like an amazing body and he's talking about I have a ring See I have a ring around me. I have a ring around my waist. I'm like, please just please stop You've also got one around your finger. Okay, it's justified When he said when he said I have to keep working out because it's really important that you have to keep working out because men are sexual And branding goes, honey. I just want you to make the bet I know Well, I love that. It's also like an interesting insight that Craig is like, well, you know I have to look as good as possible because you know men are sexual and if you're not in great shape You know the guy's just gonna leave you and and Brandon's like, oh, I don't care what sort of shape you're in and Craig's like Okay, I mean like you were so expecting Greg to say like oh, and I don't care what sort of shape you're into It was like, oh, okay. I guess you see where we're Brandon's where Brandon sits when Craig's You know that you know that divorce court. He'd be like, but he got bad Your honor, I love Brandon. He's wonderful But he's fat now and I I feel like for me and my brand I can't be with a fat Brandon Do you know how hard it is to do pot of arrays around office cubicles on Jay Leno when you have a fat husband Serving my brand your honor. I spoke to crystal and she said it was okay for me to divorce him. So I don't really understand why we're here Crystal said it was okay. She was eating ice cream, but we're not technically married. So it's okay. She got So crystal. Oh, sorry. No, it's okay. It's okay. I heard a breath. I was like, let's do it So no the thing is with crystal is that so crystal is Craig's uh best friends since there were five and their total besties like a sister to Craig and you know crystal seems great actually. I really liked crystal, but I just love what he's always talking about crystal It's like everything is about crystal. He's like honey. Isn't this pasta good? It reminds me of looking crystal makes pasta crystal makes the best pasta Brandon's like honey. I don't want to feel jealous of crystal I mean if the baby's mom is gonna be crystal and you only talk to crystal. I'm gonna feel left out in my own house He's like honey. I don't make you feel left out, but I love you, but I love crystal Crystal's like my sister and you're my husband, but she's like my sister and my wife Honey, that's gross Brandon's like Craig I wouldn't be saying these things except for the fact you're always loading our fridge with crystal Pepsi Well, if they made Brandon Pepsi, I would get a two, but they don't I used to buy crystal light, but then she got mad after she had her baby and gave way Brandon, I'm just saying that maybe if you were a nicer person, maybe they would make Brandon light But I loved how like as long as they don't make a Brandon fat So the funny thing was that I mean Craig I mean Brandon was such a third wheel like literally yeah, he was totally right. He knows how to call it They were I mean Brandon. I mean like I said Brandon is like the smartest of everyone on the show and They go to pick up crystal from the airport and they come back to the apartment And like Craig like holds the door open. They walk in. It's like crystal crystal daughter. Craig Clamps and Brandon. It was totally they totally Fred Flintstone Brandon See Brandon knocking Craig Ramsey Priming was that cat Craig's like god, it's sort of quiet in here. Wasn't there someone else who's supposed to be in the department I don't know maybe it's just a ghost Oh, wait a minute. Someone has to be the pizza guy Brandon. Where's Brandon? Where is he? Do we print at the airport? They like open the door to go after the airport friends Like oh, thank god you open the door. They're already down the hallway to the elevator got to get Brandon Brin's like, I'm right here. What? What was that crystal? Your voice sounds so deep. Let's get Brandon Door closes. Brin's locked out the apartment again, but Craig and crystal are already on their way to LAX I guess i'll go to Tiago So funny and then they're pouring wine Craig's pouring wine. He's like so crystal What sort of wine do you want? She's like, I'll have some red and Brin's like, I'll have a white. Okay one red Honey, I wanted wine too. Oh, okay, and then crystals looking like Oh god, awkward Because she totally knows what's coming. So Brandon says crystal I would love to have some alone time with you. And Craig's like, why? Why? What are you gonna do alone? Well, I think that me and crystal should have some alone time to get to know each other. Why though? Meanwhile, Craig Craig's totally gonna like that you know that night Brin's gonna be relegated to the couch like well You wanted alone time so you're now alone on the couch see it's perfect and crystals here Crystal's so good to coddle with Crystal i'm so glad you finally are here in our apartment Brandon could you go back to crystal's hometown and make sure her house is okay Brandon i miss our body pillow. Could you bring it in here? So Brandon takes uh crystal to get a mani pettie and crystal's pretty cool You know, because he tells her right up front. I really like his style because he's like, okay crystal Here's what i'm worried about you're so close with Craig I do not want to feel like a third wheel in my own home with my own child And this is my issue because you're close and I get jealous I mean who speaks that clearly like he said every single thing so clear I'm like what like I can't believe you're like a hairstylist you should be like a crisis management Experts, I'm kind of with a hairstylist That's true And and because he I mean he basically is that he's like Craig calls you his his wife and that's kind of fucked up and if i think crystal like, you know We're so used to reality shows where people make everything about them and they're like, I want to run another She's like, oh, okay. Yeah, no. Oh, yeah, I get it. Oh, no, we'll all you know, no, no, we won't let that happen And he said he calls you his wife and he also calls you his sister And i'm from utah, so I do not want to marry his sister wife. Okay Oh, she's like, oh, yeah, that's creepy. Okay. Well, um, I'll just have the baby carry it for nine months Drop it off in your doorstep and then I'll just never call you again. That sounds good. Okay, great Glad we had this talk. Yeah, now. Thank you for paying for my many petty crystal And you know once that baby is born and Craig's gonna name it crystal. I just want to name it after the parents crystal Okay, fine. I'll name it Chris middle name tall Last night light Other middle name my favorite Okay, whenever it's your birthday. We'll sing happy birthday crystal. Okay I hope you don't mind. I gave our card crystal This was pretty cute. I'm looking. Oh, I did write You know brendan may be upset, but on the bright side at least crystal will make the bed the next day You know like yeah, that's true. She might have the relationship. You're finally looking for buddy. Yeah I like what crystal left here a man. I like when she loves it. She's like, bye guys Oh, how funny she still does a long ass Brandon. I wish you were funny like crystal. Do you want to try being funny like crystal? You know, who's the funniest Brandon crystal Brandon's actually it's really great. You know, I feel like the one-on-one time I had with crystal It really helped her. Oh my god. Wait. Sorry. I was just thinking back this joke that crystal made it was so fun Oh, you weren't there Brandon Oh, I was going to flip cam it, but I accidentally sent the tape to crystals Sorry What were you saying Brandon? Well, I was just going to say that You know, I feel like I got a lot closer crystal because the one I want to only Brandon You know what I just remembered remember that time when we went to that diner and saturday night and it was like so fun Oh wait. No, that was me and crystal in high school. Oh my god Look, I want to make this crystal clear. Oh, I love her too I love that crystal left looking so much better She looks like she had a makeover by the time she left like a weekend in apartment with gaze When she left looking like she was ready for television She looks fabulous. Yeah, so you had her makeover. Well, I mean Craig and Brandon are like oh, I like Like a one-man makeover machine except they're two men. I mean you go you get into shape and get nice hair That's that's all that the gays need. They're gonna look great for the rest of their lives. They'll just make each other look great For the rest of time. They'll be looking good and asking each other if they're feeder cold Crystal's feet are never cold Oh my god crystal you have to tell them about the time they're feet were warm Crystal remember that time we flew together and you sat on my feet because they were so cold Brandon no offense, but you're not warm. We have to feed out my feet the way I like them Crystal knows has this method where she puts her hands around my feet. It's so good Oh newlyweds Hey, Brandon remember that time he came to me in crystals wedding and palm springs And we spoke but was really I was really getting married to crystal. That was so nice Brandon you're the best flower girl ever No craig. I was actually participating the way that was our wedding. Was it because crystal was there? I thought it was you're so selfish. Why does everything have to be yours? Why crystal is the answer crystal is the answer. I love when you did that like it was like It was like craig. I don't think Like I'm not comfortable with crystal being the surrogate. Well, that's too bad because crystal is the answer She's the answer everything. I like that. I like craig going on jeopardy This continent or this this country formed in 1831 was once a municipality of larger Europe Crystal crystals always the answer, Alex What is crystal? What is crystal? Crystal is the answer. He goes on wheel of fortune. He's like three words up there. I'd like to solve the puzzle crystal What was Kim Richards doing in the bathroom at bump? Crystal wait, here's your new car with feet warmers. Oh god. Now you really don't need me There's a passenger seat and a seat for crystal in the middle Congratulations craig. You managed the bonus round of wheel of fortune. You get to choose one of the envelopes. Okay. Oh, it's 25,000 dollars one I thought crystals could be inside crystals always the answer Crystal are you in the envelope crystal? Let's move on to the Vanderpump rules show Okay Vanderpump rules, yo So we open up with jax and britany talking about the big arrest and jax is doing more of his fake crying I mean, we see a lot of fake crying on bravo, but This was some of the worst fake crying. I mean, all he does literally has cookbookers Okay, like you've got coke residue in your in your tear ducts. Please stop trying to front young man Yeah, and he's like, I'm just so embarrassed like, you know, I feel like I really let Brittany down I'm like you did not let Brittany down. She's staring at you with her eyes bling And all she's thinking is I'm gonna be famous. I'm gonna be famous. I'm gonna be famous Yeah, and jax. I don't even have any deodorant or a toothbrush What else is new like tell me something. We don't know. Here's something. When did jax move to korea town? Yeah, I thought he was still here in ollie wood. I thought isn't that the same apartment? I thought that he lived right on Fairfax and Some set and that I thought too. That's what I thought also But who knows a town so he doesn't have anything but uh, but so Ariana has actually got his bag because the the rest of the kids brought his bag back from hawaii And uh, of course, Ariana is like a little little gray storm cloud It's like when you play mario car and you get the gray storm car cloud. That's like over your little car That's what she is. She comes over. She's like, oh Can't really have to drop off a bag for jax like He's lucky We're such good friends like from now on any time he like any time I need a favor from him I'm just gonna be like remember I brought your bag to you So he didn't donate a kidney just come down She is so sour when she said uh, there was something that we found out in the scene though jax said something like I didn't even need the money for those glasses like It's like I just like it's not like I needed the money to buy those glasses for my girlfriend I'm like you were gonna steal those glasses for your girlfriend. That's even worse. That is so gross Like look, babe. You're some seven hundred dollar sunglasses, babe Uh, bang die This girl's so happy to be on tv. You could punch her in the face throw her down the stairs and like run over her She's still date you. Yeah, she I mean she is she's got stars in her eyes Meanwhile back at sir all the gossip is about jax We got to see all our favorite secondary or tertiary characters gossiping It was like christina kelly talking to laurie and the hostess be like did you hear jax got a rustle with foil Who does that it's all over with darn alone Long Even the chefs were like save the plot hide the plotters. Yeah, they're like I can place them the knives So you know them and james my favorite was james be like, he's a clapto kapto. He's he loves the rush of it. He's such a kapto Well, he would know You would that's that's a meth rush meth meth people are always stealing camera church. Yeah, um Yeah, james and lala she was hilarious. He's like, I mean stealing sunglasses. That is so gross I mean if he was the sexy drug dealer with tons of money. I mean that's hot, but sunglasses I like walla standards. Yeah Very important in a hoe. Yeah, she has classic hoe standards. She does Uh, she wants either drug crime or white collar crime, but not this petty theft. Mm-hmm. Um So I like that, um Like at one point I think that like so shina came I think this is when shina came back to the restaurant And she's like, I handle stop laying out because I was so tim Wait, say it again. I had to stop laying out because I was so tan Oh, they go over to christian's house. Oh, that's where it was. I was trying to know where she said it Katie's like, oh my god. You guys are like Look at your tan. Oh Yeah, like yeah, i'm like literally like We pass an orange stand and the oranges were like jealous of me because i'm like so tan Like I finally reached my goal shade, which is potato Now i don't look like the outside of a potato skin Um, I got pregnant. My baby is gonna come out the color of russet They may be cheaper potatoes, but they're sturdier So then christian sits down and she goes, what the hell? Happened with jacks. I'm like this woman that should have a career in tv investigative journalism. She'll just sit down With like the president of a ran. What the hell is happening in your country? She could be the new napsi grace. She could just be like, you did it. No, I didn't just you did No, I said No, you didn't You did it. I know you did. I know you did. It's a peter bread. Eat some peter bread. I cut it up Listen, listen president. I'm adhesion bod I know we have like a past, but like I'm just trying to make Amends and if you're not ready to admit what you did that's fine But like I know what I did so you could admit about the nukes He's like, what is this? What does this American program? I don't get it. Oh my god that president Love me so much that he sent people to blow themselves up for me Seriously, seriously Seriously, why don't you talk about the nukes? Like I'm fucking hot Like why aren't you telling me about the nukes? I'm five nine and fucking gorgeous like tell me seriously seriously Name one chicken I ran hotter than me One there isn't one. Okay. I win hot seriously She gets in the bottom of it. It's always somewhere on my tinder oh President Abadez Abad is moving into my apartment after like one week like seriously Seriously President I'm did your body was complaining that it was 160 degrees in our brand and I'm like that's nothing It feels like air conditioning zombie because I'm hot Seriously guys seriously. I literally am ordering an uber president Abadez Abad to come over seriously seriously. It's just easier I'm totally taking care of president. I'm new to jip-a-dod Okay Like at first it was just like fun, you know, we're just like making out But now it's like it's like too much like I don't know like how do I tell them to say? It's like too fast president. I'm just wrong. I'm like get your donkeys out of my apartment Seriously seriously. This isn't a garage Like how much flatbread can I have seriously? I'm on low carb I like when she says she goes what the hell happened with jacks and both girls at the same time got classy felony Like seriously he fell on his knees. No, she know it's a term felony I like these girls pretend that they know what a classy is they keep saying it over and ever a classy felony Well, they probably think it's a type of car. Oh my god He just got a classy felony. That's so fancy I mean jacks is gross, but at least you got a classy felony It was like gross felony. It wasn't like class gross I hear his felony has anti-life breaks The first class jacks has gone through in a really long time Help me learn something like I'm not doing my trap Like this is supposed to be like I know it's just brought in everything But like a way to overshadow our whole trip by buying a fancy new car Okay, like I don't care if your felony can drive by itself. Okay, like so what right now's Sorry So they're uh With the talk news onto this kevin guy who's one of jacks's friends in other words a free letter who doesn't brush his teeth He's gonna take all of your shit and sell it on crisis. Yeah, have fun with that and then christen But i'm hot so like I get it like he's in love with me Like he told me he's in love with me and he wants to move in with me in other words He cannot afford another southwest ticket back home. So can he stay here for free and use your vagina? Yes, I think this is one christen says I know i'm fucking awesome. I know i'm a great catch You know, else is a great catch Red snapper You know what else is a similar catch monkfish, okay You know, it's a great catch flounder Have you ever seen a monkfish? That was so weird. I'm sorry. Yes. I have seen them They like hang off the side. Yeah They're like if you go to like a fish stand like hang off the side if you go to like pike place They literally like hang off the side of like the fish stall They're like kevin. Oh Get out of my house. What is the appearance of kevin on my couch? So, uh, stop talking about me. I know i'm hot I know So meanwhile, um over elsewhere in the great city of los angeles Brittany finally got a job working at hooters Filing back to her favorite company for those of you who don't believe in fate Yeah, here's britney in a hooters uniform shocker Finally a job. She could show up in her underwear too. I'm still being accepted then jacks has a VIP 50 off guard for hooters, which by the way, he's implying that she gave it to him You know, he just stole off of someone else's table So jacks and the toms go there or and they're just like talking and Just talking and meanwhile jacks is again Boasting about his great relationship while he's simultaneously checking out all the other Waitresses. Yeah, he's like i'm really in love with britney and like god these waitresses are hot What the hell and then he gets a phone call from the sheriff in hawaii and the sheriff's like Uh, we have a warrant for your arrest and goes, uh, my lawyer's like taking care of that. So Okay. Yeah, meanwhile like the best thing about jacks is how predictable he is You know, they had no idea where he was like, well, why don't we just try a hooters They call on the house phone. Yeah, do you have is there a jacks there? Uh, yeah, actually there is perfect. We're gonna call him right now in the cell Has anybody used a stolen 50 off-card for wings today? Uh, yes, please put him on the phone Yeah Hello So meanwhile, uh meanwhile Kristin's grandmother shows up at her apartment, which was really oh wait i'm sorry that bestasi has arrived Officially a mom with her hair up wearing a giant like royal blue bathrobe dress Uh, she looks ridiculous I mean I feel bad because she has gained a good amount of weight. She's back to her amazing raceway Um, so I do feel bad because I know that's very important to her your body remembers you guys okay You can lose 100 pounds, but your body wants to be 100 pounds bigger because let's face it It's more fun to eat things and stassi's beautiful like I don't even care her weight She just dresses like like a mom. Yeah, drop the mom dude Enjoying she looks five or whatever the hell you're 30 her styling is all wrong stassi stassi Like ronnie said you're very pretty regardless of whether you are like real thin or like normal weight Which is basically what she is now, but like you're pretty but you're styling yourself so wrong And she has her faces full of makeup. I imagine she's probably trying to contour the fuck out of it MJ style, but um, she just looks so Doudy she does. I'm not talking about christin doudy She's so funny. She comes over and christin's like do you want to drink and she says I'm on anti-biotic. So just wine It's more like organicky grapes and she actually said Well, finally I have a nice boyfriend and I can't even make it work with him So like maybe i'm the asshole and then the editors go Yeah, you can see the camera being like up and down up and down even the camera is nodding But the best part though is so they're talking about this guy What's the name again kevin right kevin moved in and I love it stasi is like talking about him and jack And all the people and she finally she just goes what is wrong with these people. I'm like, yes, it's classic stasi Yes What is wrong with these people so they're talking about how jack steals things and we learned that when jack's Visited stasi's dad and his girlfriend In new orleans jack stole the girlfriends Agent provocateur's like stockings or leggings or something like that This guy's This it does a very specific thing to steal and kind of weird Yeah, they had a whole clip of all the shit that jack steals Yeah, are they talking about all the shit he steals I love that And then stasi's like he stole this wallet then he gave me she's showing this wallet and she's like And then I fell in love with it and then I found out that it was stolen But like I feel like it's mine. I didn't steal it She's like until the british museums give back all the antiquities degrees. I'm keeping this bag Perce wallet until we have the olive garden over to the indians this wallet is mine Get in line Um, so then I think I think we go back to the guys I think the guys are still at hooters right because I just have a note that says the guys are talking about what a slot christen is They're like, yeah christen likes to sleep with guys like apparently she had a boyfriend when she She started sleeping with tom She obviously slept with jacks when she was with tom and now kevin has a girl Like basically they're saying she knows that kevin has a girlfriend and she's just putting up this front So she doesn't look like a total slot Because she wants to make it with sausages a color a slot. Yeah, sounds about right to me Yeah, um and tom Tom's like judgmental thing with jacks is so funny like he's so much better Like look you are better first of all you are so much better. Okay. I know that was a misstatement You are but um you still got with christen, which is a huge ding against you Yeah, then you got with christen when you found out she had another boyfriend So you were cheating. Yeah, that's bad and then you totally cheated with it. She don't but they're on it too. So shut up Yeah, um And then christen was talking about kevin again. I love how christen's doing this whole full thing like she's so over kevin She's like, I liked him until he became a stage five clinger. I'm like, do you realize? Do you remember even season two and three of vanderpump rules like if this guy stage five clinger I mean you like you have I don't know where where she at like 134 stay. I mean I've been to the spiritual humky poke. I'm working on myself She has full-on a metroid attaching herself to samus. She is beyond clinger She's like a political bumper sticker that won't come off your goddamn bumper Like what the hell do they make those things out of I don't know She's like when you buy a new pan at like like tj and max and you can't you can't get the Yes off the same drop like I can't cook with this until I get the glue off of it. She's basically a dukakis sticker And just as useful. Um, how dare you linking her to olympia dukakis though? That's like that would be a bumper sticker. I'd buy it her Weza so then um, so now either way Stasi is gonna move in with kristan and kevin's gonna get the couch and stasi and kristan are gonna be in the in the bed together now The exciting time we go to villa rasa Where jax is gonna get his come up now. It's come up. She's gonna get scolded by lisa But before she does they show a close-up of hanky. I was like, oh hanky is mad even hankies embarrassed for jax hanky's not even just standing in front of that statue right now. He is swimming angrily hanky's like, I'm not angry I'm just disappointed Lisa's not she's pissed. Yeah, she is pissed. I'm loving lisa's righteous anger. I think it's so hilarious Yeah, and like I said before lisa comes down drinking a diet coke instead of I'm wearing black and wearing black and wearing black so you know she's pissed and then jax has a jax Ask for a drink and she says you don't deserve one Which is hilarious because in the episode before this on bevelie hill She's refusing kyle sugar because she was a bit and now she's refusing jax because he's a bit Meanwhile, it's just that their pantry is honest just very low So she's just gonna disguise it by saying what they deserve and what they need Meanwhile both of the miniature horses have been pooping all over the yard So they're like dehydrated and dying in the barn Muhammad built meanwhile hanky has a little cocktail for himself Hanky took the last of the drinks. I'm sorry Hank just finished off the tea with the sugar So I love those so lisa's basically like this is a pattern that you have you keep taking things that don't belong to you And you think it's okay It's like a girlfriend or it's things or items and and jax even sort of say this is the first time I stole something Like he literally starts to say that I'm like did you not see the montage about how you steal things Guy is Delusional and then he goes, I'm not a bad person LOL yes you are you're a cheater a liar and a stealer That's like what a bad person is do all you need to do is murder somebody At least he goes if it walks like a duck if it talks like a duck it's hanky If it walks like a duck talks like a duck it's a loser unless it's limping Now if it's limping, I'll take that duck and I'll make it my project limp on duck If it walks like a duck of a chocks like a duck if it steals sunglasses and shits everywhere that might be hanky At least his new stand-up routine You know you're a hanky when you're shit everywhere Then you might be a hanky Don't bite the hand that feeds you unless you're hanky in which case it's okay because hanky needs me to survive If you need to be carried into the west harlewood veterinarians office, then you might be a hanky Jacks actually says i'm gonna pray to keep my bartending job First of all You start praying now. What the hell you think god's up there doing? He's like oh, okay Never mind those sunglasses or the girlfriend or the people that you cheated on or all the shit you stole for villa rosa or the truck or the panty house Okay, i'll let you keep your job bartending dude get a life you're 40 If there's anything if you're bartending jobs, I know and then he goes jacks is like well, it's more than just a good job It's like it's like my home and I thought at that moment least would be like, oh jacks all right You can come in and he has a free pad of sunglasses just because you didn't get the last ones But no, she actually was like she stood a ground and she suspended him And then he looked back like a sad dog when he was leaving he was like He goes, I just have to remember that when I do things it doesn't just affect me it affects other people Like congratulations you're 36. You learn something that every like, you know eight-year-old knows congratulations Oh jacks So tom and ariana this really pissed me off. You know why? She's sitting there with a brush full of white paint dripping it on the carpet. What is wrong with you ariana? I'm guessing she's thinking they're gonna redo this floor. That's not gonna happen. You're renting. She's like She's a I can't believe they just put a carpet under there like Like what am I supposed to do like, you know what like I'm just so over this paint Like everything in this apartment is something from like tom's old girlfriends or something like you mean christian Yeah, just you're finally getting around to cleaning the christian out of that apartment nice timing That looks so that apartment looks so dirty and gross. I know I know I think it's actually ariana's been pretty good for that apartment So uh looking forward to seeing how that works out. I wonder if they'll keep the penis painting Yeah, they're kind of boring me. They're talking about uh, how is shena and she's anniversary and blah blah blah and then ariana says well I think that uh, it's hard between me and shena because she needs jealous of me which we said last week I think that that's true too and not in the typical like she is jealous. Yeah kind of away Yeah, you know, she notes keeps her girlfriends in relationships and most girlfriends don't Yeah, she's not going to be spending every day with shena listening to her problems with she you know, yeah So then um, we go to like a bar at the alley and uh, it's like christian It's like christian and jax And brittner And they're talking about something. What were they talking about about like they get moscow mule shots Which I thought was very funny. I don't know why I thought that was funny But then but I just like jax is like I don't have a job So britney has to pay for those because in hindsight britney has a job and christian's like that's not hindsight I was like, that's bad when even christian is it's like schooling you I mean be lol, that's not hindsight You go, you know christian, maybe you are maybe maybe you have turned to leave. Maybe you are crawling back into our hearts Well, you know christian christian still the the crazy she was she's just doesn't have anybody to fight with right now because yeah She's been kicked out. She's pulling us tossy. You know, everybody's nice until they get back in That's why you never let them back in the house. Okay So this guy kevin comes along and they're basically grilling him like do you like Did you have a girlfriend when you were with what you got with christian? Do you have a girlfriend now and he's like, well, you know, like here's the thing I mean like no, but like I mean we're like talking and like well, does she consider you Your boyfriend like her boyfriend and he's like, well, I mean, yeah And it's like christian's like your douche And he's like, wouldn't want to be uh, and he's like, why am I such a douche? He's like, why am I such a douche? I'm like, oh shut up Well, he's got a boy because christian already knew all this She's just using using it as an excuse now because she wants him out of the house, which she does She's like bye. Could you think he's out of my house? I'm five night. I'm fucking beautiful. I can't believe this shit seriously seriously Like is it impossible to find a good guy in all day like yes Stop your sentence and also the guys are talking the same way about girls because guess who's the girls you Yeah, a lot of you's it also does not help that you seem to hang out exclusively with douche bags I like when jack said yeah christian Like christian will spend she'll stick with the guy years beyond his exploration date I'm sorry you should be out exploring by now Christopher columbus. It's 1493. Where do you what you think you're doing? Christopher columbus get out there I would have been exploring, but I was in jail That's a christian's place Well, so this was odd because stassi was wearing her blue bathrobe dress again and now we're here I was down which made me think that they just were filmed this scene right after the last one I was like this is really close. She's like look. I had the budge for like one episode Like if you guys were gonna extend me. I need like a separate budge Yeah, so she first I like talking about apartments and stuff and then she starts talking about the sex tape thing And we learned that this guy was someone who worked at villa I'm sorry that's sir. And he basically walked in and asked for $900. I was like, oh poor stassi That's a really low number Really low. I mean you could have made like $5,000 That shit on your own. I know that's like a week of uber ring. Come on down She's such an asshole though First she says she can't find an apartment because jacks fact fucked up her credit hilarious Yeah, second in her interview thing. She's wearing this dress that looks like though It looks like a lifeguard What are those things you wear on a boat so you don't drown not a lifeguard a life jacket Yeah, it's like a bright pink life jacket dress like it's big and padded and weird looking And then she calls christian a total squatter trade-up, which is hilarious But then she's such a bitch about to sex tape. She's like lisa gave him $900 and I was like You gave it to him in cash and like didn't make him sign anything like What's what's least supposed to do like draft something up with her lawyers? I mean come on This is what you do you pay him off I mean stassi is lucky that this guy doesn't have a copy that sex tape on his on his laptop and he probably does Obviously not because it is now I mean i'm sure he would have released it. He's probably trying to get more than $900 for it. No one's paying I don't think anyone wants to see stassi masturbating Stassi wouldn't even pay $900 for it. It's like i'm not paying out. Yeah, she literally would not pay it She was like fine release it. I don't care. She's like this is the hottest i've ever looked go ahead Um, so now now she's probably like release it. Yes, she said So now we go to shina in shay's anniversary And this is a new segment that I would like to call in case you were wondering Okay, and here's here's the way the segment works In case you were wondering i think i'm going to just try one of each of the prime cocktails And that concludes the segment in case you're wondering She's like sitting there trembling he's got like the shakes practically like drooling like And then she's like, I think i'll have this one. Don't you love the flavor on tequila. Don't you like love that special burn? And then she's like, I think i'll have this one. Don't you love the flavor on tequila. Don't you love that special burn? I think it was in your own chest, but i think it's that physical feeling. I think i want to have that. He's like We'll see orders it for him and he was like, bring us tear. I know like and then i go, I feel contradicting sometimes Yeah, I can't realize. I don't know if i feel a converter thing because i'm like Don't drink and then i'm like here have a drink, but it's like our special day The special occasions You know, I think it's pretty worth it to knock him off the wagon You know, because it's our special day And then stupid say it's really frustrating because like I have somebody Like she's like counting my drinks, but like it's not worth it to fight because like she's hot And then she goes, it's not like you're an alcoholic You're not an alcoholic because you don't hide bottles, right? And then like you don't like sneak out a bed and then drink and then like come back a bed, pretend that you didn't drink so like He's like, yeah His eyes starting to left it right. Yeah. No, of course. I don't do that at all She literally goes Look, it's easy. Don't be shit face. Don't be a boar. It's called a hoppy meat albaca It's such a harmful language for someone who may have a dependency problem to say to think that if to be sober is a boar is so Harmful, let that's she says though. I mean to say don't be shit face. That's fine But don't don't equate sobriety with being a boar. Uh because he's a woman I think I'm gonna have you know my favorite part when when she said that line though to be the be in the scene I like lost my shit because you know when we do our impersonation of her Obviously, we're over the top You know, we lilt our voices and everything we do that strange thing with our throats But when she said it she sounded exactly like our crazy impersonation of her. I mean like let's listen to it again I think I'm gonna just try one of each of the prime cocktails Well I want her and Erica to do what That was she in a texting right now, but I believe you guys are podcasting about me Oh, why am I putting related garments? What is oh my god? Jameson and loller. Yeah a little modeling together, which I mean what a sad company and it's owned by these brothers And he goes yeah, this company is like all about it's called related garments and um It's because like most guys don't think about matching their socks and their underwear. Mm. Finally doing the good work Oh my god, they're both hanes. What are you they're both stained hanes? Okay. I win. Do I do I get a startup? Could you imagine if this was this was your mandate in life to raise awareness of matching socks with underwear Well, that's people who want a business, but they can't come up with an idea You know those brothers were like going out to bars for weeks like all right bra all right bra What's our business post it's no that's been done man underwear. No, it's done sucks. That's done matching socks and underwear There's no greater shame than the feeling when someone points out that your underwear and socks are not matching It's terrible terrible thing If anybody is pointing that out you're about to sleep with the bossiest bottom ever Immediately Not going to be any good for anybody. So speaking speaking of garments. So then uh stasi has decided that she is going to Approach lisa vanderpump before the bit before the restaurant opens up Because she knows if she wants to make amends everyone She has to start with lisa and she's like she's in this this big old green lily pad dress Well, I mean it looks like a lily pad. It doesn't have lily pad pattern and she's like I feel like green isn't apologetic color We just cracked me up No, that's an i'm about to overcharge or ask for groceries. You can get it rouse for like two cents Okay, it's like the organic revolution. It was all grown in shit people Way to remind lisa of the money she spent on you. Okay, but we're in green I'll bend i'll bend moat here. Yeah, I like that everybody says that now just bend mo me Just bend mo bend mo me. The sucks. I feel so bad for pay. I accept robs over venn mo so Venn black mo black male mo um so uh So then so stasi shows up and lisa who obviously new stasi is coming by Lisa's going through books like pretending to do something and then she looks up and she's like Oh, but this old lady has a lot of work to do That's right. That's good old fashioned lisa venn above not carrying grudges The last thing you said to me. Don't you remember old woman with the staff of drug addicts And then she said hashtag no grudges though She says you can say what you want her about me because i'm used to it But don't diss my stuff and don't diss my business no no no no no I was like well, she hates our asses. We're never gonna be allowed in there I know she's like do you know how hard we had to work to get a decent tuna tartaw on the menu Do you know how difficult it is to teach an entire Staff to pronounce Chilean Still working on it. Do you know how hard chef penny works? Do you know how hard Do you know how difficult it is to put salmon and cream in a blender and make a moose? Do you know that? Do you think a goat cheese ball turned itself into a goat cheese and penada? No, the staff did that telling the staff that you called stupid drug addicts That deep fire doesn't operate itself And then lisa went into her full-on lisa mode Do you remember what I did for you? I've done everything for you This is a great episode for lisa. She really got to like, you know, hold everything over everyone's heads this time Jack saucy Yup, yellow people and talk about how much she did for them and then saucy tells us she gave me a job as a weight dress What do I owe you again? Bitch you're on tv. I it's like To please don't like apologize and give us these crocodile tears and then simultaneously be like whatever she barely did anything for me She's like, um, she gave you a career. Okay, you're currently on the show that she owns. Yeah, that's what she did for you She stopped your sex tape from happening. That's what she did She chose you from a bunch of waiters to be on television then she bought a sex tape Then she tried and got you a job when you were pretending you wanted to be a fashion photographer And she actually got you a stylistic to a stylistic gig or whatever the hell she was doing at that time And she complained about that too. Like basically it just means i'm working for free Yeah, as most people do as they learn a trade you have learned nothing. That's why you do nothing lady Yeah, exactly and maybe you could have learned something from being a stylist that perhaps would have helped you from turning into granny chic Whatever you call it. It's awful awful crazy flowy golden girl's dresses Agent appropriate. I should say she's like well. I'm and Lisa's not having it So stasi tries and pulls out the tears and Lisa's just kind of like shaking her head Or while she's crying and she's like darling. It seems so convenient You know now you want to be here, which means like now you want to be back on tv So you're trying to be nice to me, which is totally true, right? And stasi try to pay her back. That's hard. It is to swallow my pride. This is really hard, Lisa Oh And so stasi pulls out nine hundred dollars in cash is like here I brought you this to pay you back and Lisa's like what the fuck? Don't give it to me. No, no, it's ridiculous. That's insulting I will not take that money Besides max has already whacked himself off to that thing about nine hundred times. So we're even darling So then stasi gets up and she's like oh you hate me and that's when Lisa says her famous line You're not important enough to hate sit down And then that's so me Okay, look if you're gonna fight with Lisa do not just use Kyle quotes. Yeah, don't mind Because if you come with her like Kyle Richards, she's already swatted that bitch down like a hundred times She's not afraid of you when you say you mean she's automatically putting you in a Kyle category And you're never gonna win, bitch Exactly and honestly like you can't spend your entire reality TV career Just saying nasty things about people and then the moment that Lisa comes at you hard That's so mean. I mean it's classic bully, but you know like you get over it But Lisa though was having the best time. I mean she You know underneath the facade. She was like laughing and doing a little jig She was making this girl cry. She's like she was just beating her down She was it was like the best then she actually made her sit back down She's like now sit back down and then she does And she goes she's like you mean and then Lisa goes all right. Here's what I wanted it What is it that you want? I mean, what are you doing here? What do you want? And uh, Stassi's like, I'm just trying to make our math No where you are. Yeah, you drew up fair. Do you know what you've done to people here? You dropped friends. How did you feel when Katie got engaged? Do you know who Tom came to to show the ring to me? That should have been you that should have been you but it was me That's me And where were you when lala came in you should have been there making fun of her But who wasn't he was sheena? How do you think that makes me feel? Cat to swallow your pride. Do you honestly think in a cast like this someone's gonna invite you back because you refuse to swallow get out I'm pretty nice to lala on the way out Clear the mom calf tan darling Clear the Kyle clothes clear the dress bond and I lean too I like that she says this is how it ends she goes. You've been really stupid now off you go And Stassi goes out of there trying to cry and then Lisa's like, mm-hmm. Yeah, that was so so So good. I am really happy that Stassi is working her way in because this this season's been like a little disorganized Like there's no there's no like dramatic through line. It's just quoted like these these flare-ups, you know, there's lala and James and James and Jack, but there's no like Driving story. So I'm hoping that Stassi can sort of like oh man. I've been loving this show I love it. I love it. I just feel like compared to you know other seasons have been so epic with these you know again season two was about this cheating skin season one was about like Jax it was about Stassi being queen bee and about like her and jax and Jen like they're on again off again and jax with laura laura lee whatever her name was and All right, I keep messing up your name You know, it's like there was that it's about that and then season two is about the cheating And then it morphed into something much bigger and crazier and then season three was about christen Oh, they don't even all work there now So it's getting really rough to have a show about waiters Like most of that drama and all those lies come from working together and then getting caught telling everybody different stories and people gossiping But christen's still a main cast member She doesn't even work there and now stassi's coming back as a cast member and she doesn't work there either And the rest of them just look way too old to be there anyway It's like if you went to see cats, but they never changed the cast and they've all become grizzabella and grizzabella's like dead now She's just like lying on the tower Or like on the tire or whatever I just I just hope that that the show doesn't turn into what the hills turned into which is that it's just sort of Had like all these new characters and they just were just doing douchey but not fun douchey things I just I hope it can just sort of it's it's still in a much better place than the hills was by season four, but um, I just You know, I think we need to have like a big bitch in the middle of this and more girl fighting And because the girls have been kind of getting along a little too well So we just need some more girl fighting and then I think we'll be back up to classic vanderpump rules There are some things that i'm just loving about this season more than any other One is the sheena and she storyline because it is just so wrong on so many little wrong If it's hilarious to watch sheena be that clueless. Yeah, I'm really not liking common areaana Stasi christians even cracking me up both of them are great. Yeah, uh jacks is still a douche loving lalas Weirdness and I even like giant bitch Yeah, basic bitch. Can I have six with you? No, I'm never going to have sex with you james Or but maybe then in the future. No, but maybe we could do it in the bit. No. Yeah, all right Then have sex with you on the flip side then babe babe Basic bitch. Um, no, I do like that too. I like that we're starting to see two different groups at sir Um, and I like that lala is trying to get into it still like I still love this show. I just feel like I would like it to have more of that central scandal Yeah, and it looked like it was heading that way with a gay pride episode, but it's kind of simmered It's it's now just sort of like the weekly silliness of these I think they're gonna have to do some major changes on this show I just don't see how it can last they can't have another season with christian not working there That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, they both X christians christian and saucy both have to come back into the fold. They absolutely have to Yeah, I just and please make saucy be a busboy or something Valleh if she makes her own son earn it from busboy level that would be hilarious if saucy had to like You know clean up tables and stuff that's disgusting Anyway guys um thanks for listening You can remember to support us on patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins and get access at the very least for this week's bonus episode Which we recorded um mostly at the bagel broker from bagel shop. So yeah next week is oj also Come join us come join the discussion at facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins remember that if you subscribe to us on iTunes it's a great way to get the To get the show because it'll just download and like automatically um change your iTunes library or on to your device You can also find us at stake Um and then watch our crappins.com for all our other social media links. We appreciate you guys listening to us And uh, we have y'all have a great weekend and if you're listening to this on a Tuesday, well then guess what have a great Tuesday We love y'all. Love y'all. 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