Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know, that's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. 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For Hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Watch what Crapins would like to fake its premium sponsors. Marvin J. and Kristy Doherty. We love you. [Music] Hello and welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronny Karam from Trash Talk TV, and I'm here with the lovely Ben Mandelker from the Beatside blog. And we're at the Improv Wood, the Improv of Hollywood. Yeah, we're actually in a place looking at each other. Yeah. Awkward. Professionally. It's just me and Ronny, but there's actually another Ben here. Yeah, Ben Number 2. He's been hot. Yeah, hot Ben. Hot Ben. He's waving. He's waving as he acknowledges hotness. He has like a... It's not an eagle, right? What is that? It looks like an eagle. What is it? It's an eagle? It's an eagle. Yeah, it's an eagle on his hat. Yeah, exactly. Freedom. Yeah. It's a black eagle. He represents America. Hmm. Freedom, you guys. Markup. So this is very exciting. We have a producer today and we're in person and we're actually at a proper establishment that people know of. I know there's so many couches without desks. We have already actually surpassed Adonis' career on newlyweds the first year. We've actually made it to the Hollywood improv and he's still in Phoenix at like the Ha Factory, whatever it's called. He's in the basement. So just the beginning housekeeping stuff to get it out the way. Come over to facebook.com/watchworkcrappens to talk to other listeners. Talk shit with us. And post links and stuff. I've been reading that all morning. Yeah. I had the best poop this morning reading that Facebook. Mm. There's a lot of links on there. There's some Salahi links. Some Judas links. Settlers of Catan links even. Which is so happy. Settlers of Catan Nato links. Thank you guys. That thing I posted twice actually. So that really made my day. Do not read the news. It's depressing. Everybody's dying. Terrorism is taking over and then the rest of us are just crying about shit. So go to Facebook instead. Make fun of the slahis and not chills. Also thank you to people who support us on patreon.com/watchworkcrappens. That is our premium feed. Go there to get our bonus episodes. Today's bonus episode. We'll be discussing Grease the Musical. Yeah. And I can't wait. Yeah, I'm excited. So if you want to hear it go to patreon.com/watchitcrappens. You can find all our links at watchworkcrappens.com. Oh yeah. Let's keep them intro short, man. Some of them like to instead I talk too much. And I'm like, no shit. Where have you been? We've been doing this almost four years. Listen, it's a podcast. You know I sit fast forward. That's what I say. It's not on the podcast. You just hit the 15 second advance. 15 second advance. So I wish I could say I was going to talk less. But I doubt it's going to happen. Actually it probably will happen today because I don't know. I can hear myself. Well, we also have like a patriot. We're also a street park today. So we have sort of like a two hour limit before we possibly get to take it. Oh yeah. We'll have the po-po. Yeah. So actually before everyone hits the 15 second fast forward though, I actually do want people to listen to this. Which is that we are so excited because Buzzfeed mentioned added us to a list of 22 pop culture podcasts to make your commute less shitty, I believe. So that was actually super cool that we were on that. I mean like everyone else on that list were like professionals, you know? I know it was crazy changing our load though next to like real. Real load. Yeah, it's like crazy. It was like a real, I mean. Well, I think we're just always still so surprised that people know who we are. And the truth is that our podcast has grown so much. Thanks to everyone telling everyone else about it. But I still, you know, I guess because maybe we generally record it in our bedrooms. Over the living room, how dare you? Okay, I'm not lazy. I don't do, I don't have a bed desk yet. Although I do hear IKEA has one. Oh, that sounds amazing. So yeah, it's just really cool. Every time something like this happens, you know, to be on a list of Buzzfeed, like an elite list of pop culture things. Yeah, it's really, really cool. Especially when my mom's like on my nurse because I'm 40. Well, she's on my ass. I mean, not my nurse, but she's always on my nurse. That's how we roll my family. But she's on my ass because I'm 40 and I have nothing. And I'm like, but look, Buzzfeed. And she's like, what's that? Yeah. My mom actually knew what Buzzfeed was. And I was like, that's fantastic. I was like, wow, look at my mom knowing Buzzfeed. I told my mom there's a lot of lists there. She loves lists. Yeah. Well, now we are on a list. We were officially on a list and that's very cool. She's going to have to figure out how to open the internet on her damn iPad. All she does is play like solitary curse at it. Well, she can curse at Buzzfeed too if she wants. The other thing we have to give a big shout out to, speaking of the people who support us and help us grow, one of our listeners Taylor Hawkins linked on our Facebook page to the Go My God forums. Am I saying that right? Go My God. Oh, is that how you say it? I just have like, go me. Go me? I don't know. I'm the internet. I could have written it wrong. You tell, you know? I could have looked at it wrong. Now I'm sounding like our mom's. Go my-- Is the Go My God? Go on forums? Um, whatever you guys are. Oh, go my blog. Go my blog. Not go my God. Get off my internet. Oh, get off my internet. I thought I was like a play on like, oh my God. It was called Go My God. I didn't get it. I like that. Go My God. I am really out of touch. But anyway, go me. Go me. You guys. There's like this huge community of people posting over there and like saying how much they like us. And I only discovered it right yesterday. I was reading through it because of Taylor Hawkins. And it really was like made my day. And then we got the BuzzFeed thing after that. I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who was like writing and supporting and like championing the crappins cause and getting people to listen. It really means a lot to us. Hell yeah. Thank you guys. I'm getting called by a creditor right now. Do you see how that helps? Yeah, see. Thank you creditors. See? Like we have another listener. Oh wait, it's a creditor. Capital One's calling in right now. They have pressing questions. Like you guys are pronouncing it wrong. Okay. Do you bet. Um, but uh, you know, we may be podcasters, but we're not exactly web designers around here. But we as in Ronnie and I are creating an awesome segway. It's an ad segway. We are creating an awesome watchforcrapins.com website using Weebly. We still can't even believe how easy Weebly has made it for us. Hell yeah. All you gotta do is drop and drag and drop stuff in there and make a website. That's crazy. Anybody who's been to any of my websites knows that I'm a horrible monster and don't know how to do it. So this is amazing to have something. Drag and drop. I mean, that is like the motto that Tamara Barney lives by. Drag and drop. Drag and drop. Most housewives are drag, drag, drag, drag through the mud and then just dropped on their faces and left. We'll see them like at a 10 year reunion, but not Weebly. It'll be here forever. It's bigger than Squarespace. So we're actually going to revamp our watchforcrapins website using Weebly and we're really excited about it. Weebly was actually created for people with the courage to start their own business and the dream to be their own boss. You do not need to be a web designer or know how to code, okay? If the word code brings terror to you, it should, okay? It's a hideous horror thing to do. You do? Well, yeah, you know how to do it. I'm like, man, I can't finish anything. You're like, okay, have fun. I'm going to eat lunch to create a beautiful website or blog or online store. Sweet. On the weeb's. You know, we were all very impressed with the wide variety of profession-designed mobile-friendly themes to choose from my Weebly. Me, Ben and Ben. Other Ben was especially impressed. That's why I got an eagle hat. He bought it. He bought it from a Weebly website. He had a blank hat before. Now he's like, freed by the weeb, Weebly liberation. So you guys, you just pick a theme and then you can customize it, update, and change it any time you want to on any device. Now you can have a blog, a store. It's mostly for e-commerce stuff. I mean, if you have something to sell, get your butt on there and start selling that shit. Yeah, I mean, actually, we had like a whole call about Weebly with their representative and like, we learned like, people are like making crazy money on Weebly. It's crazy. Like, hundreds of thousands of dollars. Like, why do we even have a podcast? We should just be selling Chachikis on Weebly. Our Weebly site. I'm going to be making shit out of trash ties, any day now. Do not put it past me. I've got so many trash ties in my drawer. I'm cleaning my house. It's like, where are these coming from? I'm selling them on Weebly. So with that in mind, join the over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free at Weebly.com/watch. That's Weebly. I'm sorry, that's w-e-e-e-b-l-y.com/watch. Weebly.com/watch. They're up. Thank you, Weebly. Thanks, Weebly. All right, now that we've got all the hollos out of the way, Ben. The hollos and thank yous, et cetera. Et cetera. Let's get, let's get into some Crap and Smail Bag. Yay. Dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung. This is recording at the improv, so that we can't play the music properly. That'll sound weird if we try to play it. So we- Probably wasn't even a huge difference. Yeah, exactly. No offense to your garage band skills, Ben. Thank you. I just basically took sound effects from the Apple Jaguar system from three years ago and put them together on a loop. Okay, so Crap and Smail Bag, we actually have a lot of questions. We have actually, there was still some from last week we didn't get to, so we'll just read one of those so we don't get to backlog. But this is from Emily Laird. Emily, who we didn't get to last week, she asked, "Are there any cities or areas in the US or abroad that you think should get the real housewives of treatment?" F, yes. Yeah. What do you think? I know automatically. Who do you want? I know you want some city. I feel like it should be somewhere in Siberia and just see a bunch of babushkas like angry coming in from the cold, just staring at each other and drinking vodka. Oh no, I live in West Hollywood. That's a Russian neighborhood. Those bitches will cut each other, okay? There is not like a tea party fight. The big activity in the Siberian city will be just like, there'll be just like one crosswalk in town and they'll walk back and forth because that's what they do in West Hollywood too. If you go to West Hollywood and you go to Santa Monica and Fairfax, it's just old babushkas crossing the street. It's like they all day long crossing the street. I don't know where they're going. I don't think they do either, but they call it exercise. We go exercise and then you walk back and forth. That ain't burn a shit, lady. To babushkas last week, I was walking past the Hayworth house, which is a retirement village or a retirement home by me. There were a couple of ladies standing out there smoking and they said, "Oh you, what is this harassment?" I said, "What? What is this word, harassment?" And so I was trying to explain it to them and they looked at me like I was crazy. So I was like, "It's when you just keep bothering somebody and then they won't call you back and so you keep calling them." Or like maybe... Like when you stop someone on the street and ask them just to define a word. Or like the way that I see you every day for years and you never speak to me, just give me dirty looks and then toss your cigarettes towards me. That's like silent harassment. But I was explaining it and they were just like, "You're an idiot." I mean, it would have been easier just to Google that shit. But yeah, how about this? Yeah, say that, say that. But what is this cell phone with Google on it? Yeah, do you understand what galaxy known you by? I was just so happy, actually. I'm acting all bitchy. But I was so happy they talked to me. They have never talked to me then. I walked down the street every day like, "Hi, hi!" You know? My stupid Texas ass and people just look at me like they're going to catch fat or something. I once helped an old lady in West Hollywood. Like she was in a wheelchair and this is when the Trader Joe's used to exist on Santa Monica and Poinseria. And there was an old lady. Also, she was not Russian but she was like, "She's in a wheelchair." And she was like rolling herself up the slight incline up to the Trader Joe's. She's like, "Excuse me, sir, because you just pushed me to Trader Joe's." I was like, "Sure!" And I was like patting myself on the back, like, "Look at me helping an old lady." And I was like, "Wealing her up to the Trader Joe's." And then she's like, "Do you mind telling me what year it is?" I was like, at that time, I was like, "It's 2,000 bucks." She's like, "Mm-hmm, no, that's impossible because I was already born in 2020." And I was like, "Alright, see you later." You crazy bitch, you're not even going to remember me helping you. What was the point? I know, I'm like, "No, I'll help an old lady." Not a crazy old lady. And a poor lady, she probably had dementia. She started charity only for nice, normal, non-crazy people in wheelchairs. I'm a snobby helper. You must have total mental acuity if you're going to be helped by me. Can you still do a crossword? Okay, I will help you across the street. Listen, she got the Trader Joe's. Okay, I did my deed. Um, I would choose El Paso where I'm from. El Paso, Texas, because it's a border town. It's so, it's every culture in the world. And there are so many different things to fight about over there. I would choose El Paso. What about like Real Housewives of Ciudad de Juarez? Oh my gosh. That would have a lot of cast over it. They'd have a lot of over churn over it. There would be. Because you'd have to keep going over the border, because everyone works over the border and then lives in Mexico, you know, because you can go back and forth so easily. I knew that also I'll be murdered. Yeah, or murdered, yeah. Those reunions would be like, there'd be like three people at the reunion, because like two or three of them would already be dead. And then only one would emerge. That is terrible. And then everyone would. We've made it to our fifth episode. Let's have a, let's have a look scene. Go back in time and look at all the clips. They're all proud of themselves from not being dead, after five hours. You know, like the castification would just be them getting kidnapped somewhere. Like the drug cartels are like, we actually didn't want to kill you. But now that you're arguing so much, we're just going to throw you in a masquerade. It'd be like a hill full of cardboard box houses. There's no gate that opens. It's just like a lid of a cardboard box opening. Oh, that's so sad. Yay. Yay. Poverty. Poverty. Poverty. The wheelhouse was complete poverty. So we've made fun of people who are getting murdered in Mexico and old ladies who have dementia. Great. After a great start. I blame Ben in his eagle hat. So, all right, let's get to some more questions here. Jackie Flavin says, you get to ask any broad celebrity, any single question, and they have to honestly answer it. Who do you choose and what do you ask them? I would ask Joe Judas if he really gets blowjobs and truck stops. Because that's what they say on the internet. Not always been curious, you know, because he's so confident. I figure he can get blowjobs anywhere. And where are their like truck stops around where they live anyway? Yeah, I don't know. I'm curious about that. On the Jersey Turnpike, all over. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah. Maybe that's why he just kept driving his car, even though he got. Yeah, he probably stopped. He probably stopped for the Roy Rogers and then stayed for, you know, whatever else happened at the truck stop. I shockingly am not curious about anything with these people. I know. I would mask him anything. Wasn't there- Wasn't there- Wasn't there really a great thing? What weren't- Wasn't there like- I feel like the only big unsolved mystery that happened off-camera was- I would like to know exactly what Kyle Richard said to Camille Grammar, maybe. That was- That was a big off-camera controversy, right? She never even said it to her. She said it to Taylor and then Taylor went in the bathroom and told it to her. No, no, no, no. The whole controversy was that Kyle said to Camille Grammar, you know, like, oh, you're like- You're going somewhere without Kelsey? Why would anyone care about you without Kelsey? Something along those lines. Uh-oh. I know you'd never get a full answer from Camille. She'd just say- Turn her into Dobby. Watch her turning herself into Dobby. I feel like there are things- I mean, I'm trying to- I feel like there are questions I would like to have answered. Like, maybe somewhere with, like, Brandy Glennville, things that she did. Or, like, what did Kim Richards really do in that bathroom? Or, like, Jax? Like, maybe I'd like to know something about Jax. Really? What? What could you possibly want to know? He would tell you everything anyway. Well, no, I'm not sure he would tell me the truth. He's probably, like, literally in the white pages. Well, that's the thing. You could probably call him right now, and he'd be like, "Well, that's the thing is, there's actually nothing I'm actually curious about with Jax. I just- If we have the chance that they have to answer honestly, and they can't not answer honestly, then I would like to get, like, some honest answers from Jax. I would ask Jax what it's like getting tits. Yeah. I've always had them, so I've always known the feeling. But, like, to be a model, and then to, like, start working so much, and paying so much money to get a better face, but then getting tits. Yeah. I want to know what that's like. You know, it's like puberty for a 40-year-old. I know what it's like to get tits. I'll tell you. I used to be a bean pull, and then I went to college, and I gained 60 pounds, and I have yet to ever work off that college way, totally. Well, you can lose weight, but you can't lose skin. Well, you don't have any weight. You just always tell me this. I've never- No, right here, right here, running. I can show you right for Christ's sake. Oh, right here, look at that. You see that? You see that? No, I gave that shit up. Have you noticed? I don't talk about that anymore. I gave it up. I'm so sick of worrying about that. Who cares? If I can still fuck hot people, I don't care. Yeah. I mean, it's weird. I think you should only work out for more money or more day. That's it. I know. I feel like you can add a third thing, which is social media. We're going to have to look at it on social media. No, but don't- You don't have those apps, like the millionaire matchment. No offense, Patty. But that that bit, Jesus, where they're like, hold on, we have- Don't post this picture on social media yet. We have to take care of it first. And then they put it through some- Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like iPhone app. People under- Yeah. You Photoshop yourself- Yeah, it's called like Dazzle. Make yourself thinner and you can do all this stuff. And so she keeps doing that. And then what was it last month? I think it was TMZ. She was on the front page of some huge news site. Looking busted, because I'm sure it was like 9 in the morning. Who cares? She's coming out of a store and it was like the millionaire matchmaker. Whit downhill. Look at this ugly bitch. She was like, whoa, what the hell people? She looks- I mean, when we- When we podcasted with her, she looked great, I thought- I know, I did, too. But yeah, no, people are a little crazy with those things. It's like, we know you're doing your bad airbrushing. You're not a professional. So what basically happens is that everyone's face looks like a gradient, you know? They don't even look like faces anymore. You can see the brick wall behind them. I know, exactly. They're like Photoshop. Okay, Oliver Haskins has a big chunky question. So he says, "Using the Harry Potter sorting hat to place the facts of life girls into their respective Bravo houses is easy." I'm already intrigued, right? This is quite- 2D equals Real Housewives of Atlanta. Blair is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Joe is Real Housewives of New Jersey and Natalie is Real Housewives of New York. "I would like you to sort the gals from Golden Girls. Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia. Miami doesn't count. As well as the second city ladies into their respective cities." Do you understand that question? Yeah. Okay. In other words, I'll follow you. Okay. Well, I mean, obviously Dorothy is New York, right? Yeah. It's Dorothy. Dorothy's Bournack. That is not an Orange County name. And then I think Sophia would probably be New Jersey then. She's a little rougher. Yeah. Although they do need like a Real Housewives of Sicily or something. Or that- So we've always been talking about- If they just did like the Real Housewives moms of the housewives or whatever, just all the old lady gangs from all the shows. I'd like Real Housewives going back to the other question. Maybe like a Real Housewives of like 1920s England of like Down Abbey, Real Housewives. It's that way their women could just go to each other and always go, "What's it to you? What's it to you?" Well, you've got Real Housewives of Potomac and they act like that. They do act like that. They're like Down Abbey. They don't know those are the downstairs. I think Rose is Orange County, right? Rose, I think would be- Yeah, I guess Orange County. I mean, they're all so stupid. Like, how are you going to pick the dumbest out of each city? I think Rose is- Oh, she's blonde. She's blonde. She did see. And then Blanche. I think Blanche is actually Potomac. You do? She's just a slutty one. Who's the sluttiest cast? I think Orange County is the sluttiest cast. Orange County is the sluttiest. Although Atlanta also has some- And she's Southern. Yeah. She could be Atlanta. Yeah, she would have to be Atlantic because she's Southern. Yeah, okay. So that's them. Although she does wear moon moves like Kyle, who's Beverly Hills? Oh Blanche. You see? You get tripped up on Blanche every time, guys. Yeah, she's always- You can't pin down Blanche. Mm-hmm. What about, um, so Sex and City ladies? Carrie? Carrie would be in New York. Have you ever heard her being interviewed? I love that chick, Sarah Jessica Parker, but- Yeah. Man, what a snotty, full of herself bitch she is. That girl listening to her talk about herself, she's- They're like, uh, hello. I'm Alec Baldwin. Here's the thing. Sarah Jessica Parker, a brilliant actress from- Whatever. And she's just like agreeing, like, yes, yes I am. The art. She's like, I live for art, Alec. And the art of Sex and City. I'm like, bitch, that show was about blowjobs. Get over yourself. Remember it was a Maxim magazine or FHM. They were so mean, they released like the ugliest women of all time. And Sarah Jessica Parker was like number one. And how rude. So totally rude and not true at all. I don't know. As you age, everybody starts looking the same. Yeah. Anyway, who cares? So when I look at hot people, I'm like, have foam with that. It's over soon. Well, I think Samantha, Samantha would be, um, Beverly Hills, right? Yeah. Definitely Beverly Hills. Charlotte is, um, Charlotte would be Connecticut. She's Potomac. She could be more Potomac. She could be that girl Brie from Blood, Sweat and Hills. Who's like, you're fighting in my parent's house. Um, not Potomac. What was, do I say, Potomac? Well, that was Blood, Sweat and Hills. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I said, right? She, she could be, I think that she is either Orange County or Potomac. But I think she's more, she's acting, you know what she is? She's Real Housewives of DC. Yeah. Good call. Yes. Good call. She's DC, um, especially because there was that just thing that talk came out about how the housewives of DC are cursed. Um, your housewives are cursed. Is anyone happy? Is there any housewife who makes it out married and happy? No. No, right? Miranda is Miranda. She's so smart. Miranda ate cake out of the trash. That's all I can ever think about her. Cause I still do that shit. Like throw shit, throw shit out, uh, throw shit away after a binge. And then I get hungry after I get high later. And I'm like, it's still in the trash. I had to start keeping a separate trash when I was still smoking cigarettes for cigarettes. Cause I was like, I cannot eat another cake with cigarette butts on it. Yeah. Done it before. Doesn't taste good. Even with coffee, you guys don't try it. So what would Miranda be? I mean, is she New York also? I feel like they have Shissa be on her own separate one. Um, Miranda would be, she was the nosiest. I think Miranda would be Orange County because she was like a Vicky. She would go up to somebody on a, you know, she'd go up to the sushi girl laying there naked with fish all over and be like, you need to get a job. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Miranda doesn't fit so well. Um, I guess that should just call it a day for the mailbag. Yeah, okay, let's think so. Yeah, that's that's good. Another three questions. We'll get to some more later this week So thanks guys for submitting to the crappins mailbag. We love it. Yeah What do you want to start with? How about Atlanta? Notes for everything! Let's do Atlanta because Atlanta had like is like every cast member in the history of Atlanta. Atlanta was so good. At one point I was like you need to just stop typing because I just kept so many things were happening. I'm not used to that That's actually what happened to me at what point I was like, you know, I just am stopping and I'm just gonna rely on my memory from this I was like also like I feel like Ryan's gonna take a lot of notes about this So I'll just try I'm gonna let you lead it. I mostly didn't it's a typical episode of Housewives where Nothing happens for most of them. You're like then they went to a store and this bitch packed for five minutes Yeah, and then and then there's one thing where you take a ton of notes But yeah, this one almost the whole thing I mean it started out with Portia getting dressed and trying on a bunch of clothes Who cares? Yeah, and her big new boobs don't fit in anything and she made her poor pregnant sit there come to work She made her poor pregnant sister sit there on the couch and come to work and watch her. Yeah Just coming to work today. It's like the standard Excuse me coffee burp is the standard Getting ready going a trip montage sort of thing which I don't know why they still include that like I'm happy just to start with it The shot of you know the stock footage of any airplane at the airport and they're getting off of the curb like I get it I understand I don't need the context to be established any further further than that I don't need to see the packing etc And how many cheap Fredericks of Hollywood knockoff clothes can a stylist bring to your house? That was like a hole you haul full of tacky ugly clothes and her boobs are bigger than her head like ours are huge now She can't fit in anything. All that stress eating is going directly into her breasts. How I know right? That's another one if she ever loses weight It's gonna be she's like literally turning into a Benny Hill sketch, right? You know like when they've got like two bald men like and there's a woman standing behind two bald men You think it's her boobs and then she walks away and they put their heads up That's exactly what her that's what her boobs are looking like bald men heads How do boobs stay young for so long? I mean Porsche is still young, but you know how people I mean I have porn hub and stuff boobs Your whole body can be all old and dragging on the ground But implants just stay young forever the skin's like always still perfectly stretched right? I want to get implants just so I could have a young part of me forever Well, they don't always stay like that. You're a little faster. Well, she got them taken out though Yeah, it's not like they were sagging or anything. Yeah, sure hers were so good She kept them in even after they got busted in. Yeah, it's like whatever We keep them in here until I have to like blame my Lyme disease on them I had to wear these when Bella started learning to drive because you can't count on an air backward to drug teenager When I breastfed Bella she became 90% silicone They don't have Lyme disease they were just breastfed sailing their whole life Yeah, exactly their formative years were spent. They're really stupid, but their eyes are always clear Porshes talking about getting a bikini wax for Jamaica. Why is that necessary? She's like, you can't marry Jamaica I don't feel like Jamaica's like that and then later we see Jamaica and it's like cardboard shack next to cardboard shack I don't think anyone here is bikini waxing. Yeah. I think they're the last thing that they're interested in is your bikini line Porsche They're like would you like a duct tape wax man? Well, I'm glad we didn't actually have to watch her bikini wax because that's like, you know real housewife trope Number one watching these women get hair pulled off their vaginas. Totally, especially when they have no story lines like Porsche. Yeah I feel like I feel like most gay men who watch bravo don't really care about that And I feel like most straight women who have to do that probably don't want to relive it by watching it So I don't know who those segments are for and I don't think straight men. I don't think that's sort of vagina that straight men want to Look at him. No, we can ask Ben Are you guys talking about why do they keep putting the straightest guys in here on our show why? Last time the poor guy was sitting there the whole time like what the hell have I got? I think we're like the only gay podcast on side show network Are we the only gay podcast or gayish gay leaning pot? We're asking Ben right now. 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I'm loving the color palette They have for them. They're just like very subtle like a lot of stones and beige's It's really my vibe for fall 2024 Upgrade your wardrobe with pizzas made to last with quince Go to quince.com/crappins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns That's qu i nce.com/crappins to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com/crappins Oh, Theo Vonz, my co host is gay? Yeah. Oh, is he hot? Right Theo of road rules is now a comedian We're usually not this gay either. We just are talking about housewives for free It just happened it just happened to be yeah, exactly. That's the thing we're super bro Yeah, we're usually super bra No, we actually are pretty like bra Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know enough queens. We feel of bra. No, anyway, it backs and force your Williams So speaking of people who uh do not need to get any gay or peter Please don't ever be gay stay on your own side of the fence only there peter peter peter Peter peter peter's excellent actually. I will say i'm gonna give peter a shred of Whatever i'm giving him it's that he did seem genuinely excited to show the woman his island and he was like really excited That was yeah, that was nice for him. He finally got a ticket to go home You think he's gonna be able to pay for that shit on his own? Finally has finally has an excuse to wear a jamaican jersey over his favorite gingham shirt Peters like me like we both wear the sam gingham shirt everywhere Thank you for following up how bra you are with your paisley over gingham No, not paisley. I don't wear paisley. I forgot the first part No term memories jamaican jersey Um, no, but peter always wears that same gingham and i would make fun of him except i have like one Gingham and i wear that everywhere But the difference is that i'm like poor podcaster and he is like a quote-unquote like Established entrepreneur. I can't buy new sweaters. Okay, peter's fruit I took all that money and I spent it on tape so I can come over with the Starbucks cups I had to buy some red straws. He's slowly turning into german tanya And so do you guys so what we just broke we have it all our all of our impersonations are on a spectrum And then peter's the peter's brooch. Don't you die spectrum Peter's bro. There was a broke spectrum. So he's like hey, I want to go. I want to go to the island earlier He's going to go earlier because he's got to take care of some things beforehand I'm like what he's got to go give like hush money to his mistress down there He's got to make sure that teenager is tied to a radiator so she can't out him on national tv He's got to get like an extra bag of weed ready for the hotel So there are a couple weird things here first when they close up on their house There's like a sign in front of their house. It looks like it's a for rent sign or a for sale sign They live in a model home They're never gonna they're arrested developing Because there's something and I couldn't tell what it was but it's like one of those little signs and cursive You know, no, it's like that's the worst real estate agent ever. No one can read it from the street It was probably never sell it was probably a billboard for bar one. Let's be honest It's like come visit ball one's newest location. Charlotte notes girl like so it's girl up whatever Charlotte which caroline is I'm so embarrassed now. It's not Charlotte. I don't know who cares I think it's not Carolina. It is South Carolina. I know that. Mm. So in place. I will never be truly accepted Just kidding guys. Charlotte's must be very progressive actually. Yeah, right Well, I've seen southern charm And that's the entire south to me. Yeah, that's all of the caroline is combined. Yeah, they're not progressive Okay, as long as you have old rich ladies walking around with martinis and boomus judging everybody around Those are the bitches. I'm afraid of the entire town can have gay pride parades every day But as long as that bitch is going to be there to knock me down. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I would love it Um, she's getting really good at her advertising shit See in this one thing it was like a for rent sign. So okay, there's that which I don't even know if it was Let's just pretend it was for fun. Yeah, so for rent sign then a close-up on pumas I guess his jamaica pumas and then a close-up on her stupid eyewear Mike bitch, are you going to do some anything but show stuff that you're getting paid to show? Um, she's getting to be like Kyle and you know what that girl gets a fat burger for every morning So you go you go Cynthia. I wish I've ever seen you do. I wish I had fat burger on demand You know as much as we make fun of Kyle for all this shit, you know, it's just like self-loathing We're just secretly jealous of everything that happens in Kyle's life Well, I do hate myself, but I hate Kyle more That's actually why I love Kyle When I can hate somebody more than I hate myself. I'll watch him for years and years I make back fat back fat jokes for a reason. Okay, it's comes from my own self-loathing I also wear a bra sizes too small for me Um, so Peter has planned this trip which of course is the quote unquote plan because you're gonna plan anything This isn't can barely make a damn coffee. Yeah, exactly I love how they keep referring to this trip as like a business trip for the Cynthia Bailey I think I do this commercial. I'm like don't act like there's actually even an air of professionalism with this trip Bravo said you're going in Jamaica. Go. Do they even have mobile stations in Jamaica? She's like I have to talk to a whole new line of gas stations To carry my two pairs of sunglasses that I've stolen from other sunglasses We have a big meeting at the AMPM in Kingston And Peter's like, I'm so excited to show you my Jamaica. What is your Jamaica Peter? It's probably just like a bag of Doritos. Yeah, it's like some french fries a cardboard box And like one of those jerk-off sleeves. Yeah, like what the hell else is in some like fuzzy You know he's gonna come out with some ridiculous cookbook called my Jamaica It'll be him like holding like a casserole of jerk chicken as if like he's any authority on anything He's gonna go start taping Taping Peter's Peter's brew over Uncle Ben rice boxes in the grocery store in Jamaica I can't do more photoshopping Um, Peter's Jamaica if Peter oh and then Cynthia How am I writing so much for a Cynthia? I don't she doesn't even do anything. She doesn't watch it. Should I share this with you? I just think it's funny that she says Peter's really taking the lead with this trip And one thing about Peter is when he says he's gonna do something he really follows through Doesn't Peter have 20 children? What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, when he says he's gonna do something like have a successful business I've yet to see the follow through on that when Peter says he's gonna do something My Wells Fargo account is empty the next day like be truthful when Peter says he's gonna open up a crappy business under a highway He really does follow through with that. It's amazing He tried to do a lot of diet coke cans after the last night He spent it on that bridge when Peter says he's gonna hire an artist to draw a creepy Drawing of us in a gazebo. He really follows through. It's amazing She she's full of gold. I don't know why today, but she said She's talking about how she's talking about the stupid commercial and she's gonna bring me and blah blah blah We'll get to that later, but she's talking about how can you didn't even show up at the pitch And she says if you don't even have time to attend my pitch Bitch, you don't even have any sunglasses. You've got a pair of aviator. She stole from a BP. Yeah Preparing, I know I just love that. I just love how has Cynthia is talking about this? Eyewear line as if it's anything legitimate. In fact, you know what? It might be legitimate But the way she's like approaching this quote-unquote commercial the martial as they're saying Uh, the way they're approaching it is so Amaturish. I mean, there's just it totally actually Destroyes whatever brand that she had, you know, like whatever legitimacy there may be in Cynthia Bailey eyewear Is totally destroyed by how Silly this I mean even look at Sonia Morgan at least Sonia Morgan knew that get a counter box. Yeah, she at least got a box She got a box. She at least got a conference room full of charlatans You know, but that dress up in a shirt and tie Cynthia Bailey is like ball down on a toaster box. What do you have Cynthia Bailey? Cynthia Bailey is like, let's meet at like the coffee bean and to leave and discuss Like things we're gonna shoot on our flipcams, which was funny because the entire the entire episode is like here's Kenya's flip cam Here's so-and-so's flip cam. I'm like, you know, flipcams have been dead for like 10 years That's why they finally got them on this show. Yeah, exactly. They spent all their time in camp over stock like the flipcams are sponsored by Puma And all state. Yeah, I also liked and this Cynthia may have said this later in the episode But when she talked about her commercial, she's like she's like this commercial has to get done I mean, I don't know the next time I'm gonna be able to shoot a commercial in Jamaica for Silly Bailey eyewear, which was code for I don't know when Bravo's gonna let me Fly down here for free and pay for a commercial. You know that it's gonna be shot on that flip cam too Oh, yeah, it certainly will be like do you have a flip cam? You can burn your eyes It's the tire commercial is it come on tv to be vertically oriented Everyone's like, oh I did it on purpose Should have liked Kenya directed after all she would have done at landscape mode Ah There would have at least been better here So the next thing is tutti. She's so boring. I don't even care, but she she's like jamaica. Yeah, I've worked in the region before I'm Kim fields. You're not wc fields. Okay, calm down Kim fields finally came out of the closet though as the raging bet we all knew she was a total raging bitch And yet I'm still on her side. Well, she's like a calmly raging bitch She's not really a raging bit She's like a quiet bitch and then until she gets home to her husband Everyone needs to have cameras in the car home with her husband So you can see what they really think because that's when the real shit goes down. Yeah, absolutely Um, she's taking her kids to Jamaica. Okay She's trying to pretend that she's such a good mother by bringing your kids and not letting them get taken care of you're bringing your child Putting them in close quarters with hose, liars, thieves, you know, they're gonna lie like what are you doing? What are you doing? And honestly, was it Phaedra who said it? I don't remember who they had a good point Which is like well, you're paying for the babysitter. So like why can't they babysit them at home? You know, she needs she needs somebody to talk to on her level. She needs to be able to say sit down I'm at the adults table and you're at the kids table She can't just be telling Ken you more. You can't have any more salt. Well, she just she needs she needs your kids there in case there's a she finds a sale on dinosaur toys That must be urgently attended to Um, I look I think it's just to get better seating because you know if you have kids you get to go on the plane first Of course, I don't like fly southwest. I don't know how real airplanes work I'm assuming that's why the one time I gained 10 pounds before christmas. I was like, maybe I can get bad enough Elmer Simpson style. Um, uh, I will say this though. I mean I continue to love Kim's well, her I mean her toddler Whatever's just screaming kid, but it's a little Sebastian every single time on this episode When the woman would say something really body and be like, oh, I want to go down on him and like Whatever they cut to Sebastian drinking apple juice with his eyes going left and right like a Felix the cat clock like Mommy, you know, he's remembering shit to google later It was like I hope there's no parental block on the internet in jamaica I'm gonna finally find out what going down means She's why she always talk about elevators Um, but every time it's going down mommy I didn't always cut to spend it. You don't at least see like his eyes Like we always like the rest of his face would be like covered by a seat or like a cup or something It would sort of like accentuate how small he is and especially when they were that bad And you just saw his eyes like But at least he had one positive thing because poor Sebastian everywhere he goes He's like, they don't even know what food I like here And this one he said, I love this bus I was like, what is it with this fucking family and transportation that constantly has to stop? Yeah, they just Listen, he loved the bus. It was like the ultimate carpool It was like imagine like a carpool with more than three people. He's never seen such a thing There were like six people there were eight people and then cameramen too It's carpool in the world The carpool just never ends Playing little mermaid in the back of the bus, little mermaid too So the other good thing that's happening on this bus This I think just in general why I like this show So much they have so much fun and laugh on this show I mean they do rip each other the shreds and betray each other and stab each other in the face too But still like at least I have fun doing it. Yeah, Portia like you know Portia seems like the most fun person We always make fun of her for various things, but she is always having the best time until she goes crazy Oh, I even like when she goes crazy because even when she goes crazy They push her and push her until she goes crazy. Yeah, she has actually she usually act and It's her credit. She she is not irrational. She usually has to get pushed to a crazy place Yeah, she only knocked Kenny out when she got that fucking bullhorn in her face Yeah, although there was that weird thing with her in Cynthia last season where they were kind of like both kind of excessively aggro They were kind of like jockeying for position for something like in the in the void of Whatever no storyline fight. Yeah, they were they would like get together in a copy shop Be like so you have something to say. I don't know you got something to say Well, I guess if you're not in the mood to communicate properly like an adult that maybe you should like three think and fix your face Well, I don't know like maybe you shouldn't come with this attitude. Okay. Well, fine. How about that? You're like, oh god. I like when she gets mad and she just makes things out like You better get in the line. You know, she just makes up crazy things Oh, I hope she tells us something to say If you really look back at season one of Portia her first season, she was like the doe-eyed Innocent girl married to a potentially closeted gay man who just wanted a picture for perfect marriage And was prim and proper and didn't want to do anything out of line and to see where she's come now Or she's like not only like body, but she's like exuberant and crazy and like always laughing It's kind of kind of yeah It's like watching a woman find her sexual freedom Exploit it and then you know soon. She's gonna be like that baby Ruth It's like so pretty in the store, but it's all innocent And then you open and you start eating it and then before you know, it's just like Covered and crap, and it's just a rapping toss on the floor and find a few months later, you know in the couch cushions I have not helped before she's in a long time. I had one last night. What delicious Really what a delightful candy bar, baby root is like it's peanuts and it's like a payday covered in chocolate, right? So it's a new bar with peanuts, right covered in chocolate. We should look even when talking about Portia We start talking about binging and binge eating in the middle of the night Portia's my favorite because she's finding her sexual freedom and she's binge eating on national tv. Okay. Yeah, Portia and Sebastian first been off about nothing Okay, so a favorite clip of the season though. We got to see we got to see Bob who's now on this trip Yeah, this is what so wait, what part what part are we at now? Are they getting onto the bus This is now they've taken the flight And then now they're now getting on the bus. I think that's when we first saw Bob Yeah, we were on the bus. Nothing happened on the plane except Portia was Nothing really happened. It was just like it's just a flip cam and Portia's like Please like they give me the most of the house. Good. It's good. I was like, yeah Can I give you that? I'll take him a Mosa. I like hard alcohol. You know that that's not hard alcohol, right stupid I love that even the flip cam editor will put in a shot of her just because she said dumb I feel bad for whoever had to go to that flip cam footage if that's the best thing that they could get that entire Some poor intern had to sit there logging that flip cam footage shaky cam most of it was probably like Kenya fixing her hair It's probably just 2d trying to hide all the salt from Sebastian No peanuts for Sebastian. He's had enough thought She's probably like trying to Turn off the josh jimel cat and high go movie because it's like two adults for Sebastian Now Sebastian you are not of the age where you can learn about a couple who hate each other But secretly like each other one of them's a reporter woman's in marketing and they have a baby That's not really their baby This is two adults for you Sebastian you're too young to learn that hideous awful people like Catherine Haggle can find love The world is unfair and you'll learn that when you're older, okay Made that bitch rich. So yeah, so bob bobwood field So I had heard through that this had already been leaked onto social media that he was on this trip But it seems crazy to me. This was like seasons and seasons of learning about how awful bobwood field is You know, yeah, but we also learned how awful charade is so yeah But like so things that charade said about this guy The things that he would do this the how obstinate he was and how awful and how he didn't pay the bills And then all of a sudden it's like Here's bobwood field on the trip. I was like what and they all were like, oh bob I'm like, this is what like this is crazy And then and it's actually been this way this is now twice in a row because Last episode or whatever when you need came back since he was like, yeah Well, you know, you and you and I have been working on friendship and you know, we're friends now. We're friends. It's crazy I'm like you can't just do that just the audience and be like, oh, yeah off-camera. We decided to become friends again That's how women are though. That's how they work. Those are all my friends. They're like, oh, he's an abuser He's terrible. You just hear what he said to me. I kicked him out of the house in the next day She's like you want to go to dinner with me and my boyfriend? No, bitch. I don't They just told me he abused you. Well, you know, I kind of started it Okay, you need to like learn how to tell me stories because I cannot switch my judgmentalism this Yeah, so Bob Woodfield is back because they've been they are friends again. She's like Is that bag of clothes you leave for old like for the goodwill and then you go to the old navy and realize there's nothing better And you're like fuck that. I'm unpacking that on that goodwill box and taking it to the laundromat What the hell am I thinking what I'm gonna get another plaid shirt and some jeans? Yeah? Well, well, he's Bob Woodfield is kind of cross-eyed bag of goodwill By the so does he have a dead eye because he said something like I gave her a look with my with my dead eye or my bad eye I think that's oh, I thought that was like a look an expression for a hat. Like how you look at someone Oh, I mean, I don't know. I thought it was like a side Duncan restaurant reference All the waiters are on cables lying in It's nothing but Triscus The menu only makes sense if you look at it with one eye. Yeah, and it's all on picking tables like the hogan family Opening credits playing baseball softball God bless sandy don't care. I'm like those are all my due to us Nothing she should come on the podcast Who knows where she is these days. She's probably up on the ceiling like oh there she is She's dangling flying in the street polls So on this bus by the way, I hope you realize that Cynthia goes Cynthia trying trying she steals everything she hears around her because she also stole her a marshal She's like now. We're gonna do the marshal. I'm gonna get your own damn personality And then of course Nini came back with it. We'll talk about I'm going through Yeah, so they're on the bus. Do we really need to talk about that's all right. So we're so we're on the bus Um, and this is again where bob is talking about charade's body and he's like oh that body whatever and then again they cut to Sebastian Well, I mean I'm surprised they didn't cut to tuti. I thought that we were gonna see some angry looks of tuti like stopping the bus Be like this is not for children. This is not for children It's just Sebastian sitting there being like what does bob mean about the body and then And also patient faedra and force what is wrong with me today? Faedra and pore shah we're uh just talking about dick the whole time the whole time just all time just sick I'm not you ask this family, please just tell me my mouth. I ain't gonna do that. She's saying god I don't want that thumb in my mouth. I'm like, what the hell? She can't masturbate. I've seen those nails. She still got knife nails. There's no masturbation happening so then so then I think it was faedra who asked Cynthia what was going on with the commercial and So oh so the thing is this faedra faedra. Yeah, so Cynthia has by the way earlier in the episodes Cynthia officially declared that well Since Kim came to the pitch meeting the quarter of a pitch meeting that Kim base. She's just gonna do it with Kim so When when asked so but the thing is Cynthia hadn't actually told Kenya that Kenya was not fired but like not Her pitch was not accepted. You know, she doesn't have the job. Mm-hmm. She was gonna do it Cynthia and you know Cynthia was waiting to do that when Nini was around to yell at Kenya for her because that bitch has no balls Like I mean how awful to not tell this woman I mean even though Kenya is being totally responsible But like you as like the project manager and apprentice speak How do you not tell Kenya that she's off the job and then they comes up in this moment And so then when confronted Kenya's like so do I have the job and so what does Cynthia do? So shady and such a bad example of leadership quote-unquote. I'm doing finger cuts She's like well, you know Kim said that there really is like you don't really co-direct so She basically blamed it on Kim Which was so fucked up because it was it should have been Cynthia should have just said Oh, well, you know what we had a meeting and you didn't come and you didn't tell me you weren't gonna come And I didn't I just decided to go with with with Kim and that's that but instead she was like well I mean, I wanted you but like Kim says you wouldn't co-direct But they're all so bad. I love how they all set each other up Phaedra's like, okay We just talked about dick and pussy for 20 minutes in front of Sebastian to piss off Kim Okay, now I'll ask Kenya about her commercial or all that Cynthia about the commercial and then Cynthia blames Kim And then Kenya's getting all mad. Look Kenya has no likes to stand on. Okay. Yeah, she didn't she didn't only not show up She didn't even call she just didn't call exactly and then and then this whole like her whole response was you know Cynthia, I really like resent this because I made myself available to you after that And I would have like I have a lot of great ideas and we could have had like a conversation and you didn't even bother having that conversation I'm like this is where Cynthia would have done it on your time. You didn't even show up to the damn free coffee shop Yeah, she makes it sound like she was so amenable This is why Cynthia just had to be like, oh, yeah, well, yeah, you know, you didn't show up So I'm just gonna go. I'm just going with Kim and that way then Kenya would have no Like to stand on and Kenya could be like, well, but I have ideas like but you didn't show up Like I'm running a business. Well, Cynthia is only friends with people because they'll yell at other people for her She's friends with the strongest one in the group and this episode was hilarious because she really got caught because now both bitches They're back in the house. So so amazing So they get to the moon palace. Welcome to the moon palace Yeah, that's where Peter showed up in his in his Jamaican jersey over his king of jamaica Yeah, I'm like dude. Just wear the jersey. Like why are you putting this over a gang? I'm sure it really bothered me There's the first house I duct tape together. That's a Home Depot box Pretty good. Cynthia paid for the tiles Yeah, I made out of nickels. How about pinucolada? It's Peter's pinucolada It's my little cocktail. I've invented it. We do scolada. Peter's colada moon palace 2d hospitality is oozing Luckily, I have band-aids. It's like shut get upstairs Sebastian stares Sebastian drinks while Porsche talks about consummating rooms. Yeah, this is Sebastian again with his little it looks like a little beer Yeah, it's like a little it was like a little thing of apple juice. I think He is. I mean he is like the cutest. He is so cute But there's like wide eyes and he's like confused but taking it all in but you know Sebastian knows what consummate is Sebastian's vocabulary is already 10 times with these women. Oh, yeah He's significantly more intelligent than most people on Bravo But as they consume me, I meant to soup I want to make some Campbell soup in every room We're gonna be the first person to have soup in these rooms. That's right girl Get them Swanson up in there Okay, so rooms 2d's big vacation the whole family in the tub Yeah, Judy makes me so sad. It makes me like one and not ever ever ever get married or getting a tub And And then Peter's fun is bringing he's acting like he's so polite by turning it off Bringing you and jamaic get the fuck out of here. That's some teenager. Mm-hmm changed what radio Please let me go. Maybe it was mau Mau, Mau, Mau, Peter, the Peter's secret Secret, it's me. Mau, the bundle of joy. Make sure that Cynthia's not paying attention. That's what we can really surprise her I'm gonna show up and be like surprise I got caught at the airport. I'm waiting for my jewelry to come through her storms I made out of twisty ties and bottle caps That's what's no what what they always say. It's not a party till mau shows up Happy birthday to you. It's all minor She just sounds like a pigeon Poor mau Poor mau and everybody who's stuck in a room with her She was one of the many guest stars in this episode like oh and here is mau Hey, and here's that weird doctor that charade dated a few seasons ago with a strange hair patterns and the waiter Walter Come on in and just Sean snow She still earned less than $20 for her charity and everyone. This is gentlemen Brielle Wasn't it crazy when they were showing the clips of the past because I had to to make this show makes sense Yeah, everybody looks so different and he had like 20 different hairdos and they were all Oh my god her face. We'll get to her face. We'll get to her face. Oh, we need an entire segment on that So charade and bob go to their room and they're talking about They were there 20 years ago as lovers and she's like, he's like, yeah, we're gonna do it. She said no We're we're getting our friendship. We're we're we're getting our friendship puppet Oh, no, so the Kindle that you smashed against the wall last time you threatened murder me A friend of our children. She's like could i have a new air mattress for our son. That's why i'm here Let's be honest. I'm kindle the bed that you burned Let's look at a timeline here. Okay charade chateau charade has been taking like, you know, it's like one tile per year Okay, suddenly kenya more issues. You need bob blowjobs is that because you know, that's the only reason she's back Exactly I can bob your blowjob. I'm like look at the timing of this Chateau charade has been sitting there forever all of a sudden kenya moves in issues this challenge of who's gonna Be done first who's we done first and now suddenly like charades back with bob mr. Moneybags Yeah, but kenya's with some gate guy and bob is obviously broke because that not our house is done People are still posting on our facebook pictures of the houses Well, you know what's gonna happen is that they're finally gonna get back together and they're like, so Want to do a joint checking account checking account like, yes, sure. I know you get there and be like congratulations Your total is fifty seven dollars eighty three cents And now you owe bob half of your salary because all the laws have changed since you have disaster first time you idiot. Yeah You sleep with bob So candy and tawn Oh, yeah Wow, the big news here is they switched their purple roof living room to yellow yellow and black See now colors I think we're missing out Well, let me like yellow so I thought I'll start to kill Perphy now we was gonna do purple but like And once he's in the corner, they're totally confused He's playing Tetris over there and watching his thumb He's swiping left to everybody and then switching back to Tetris. I'm watching you don't swipe left on you Ben Don't swipe left on Tetris. It'll be a disaster. Mm. He's like no. I do not want to block. Okay. I want to stick It's like a picture Just it's like girls in different positions falling down lining up into it Lining up into blocks. I want all sticks. It's the only Tetris I will only play those games. It's just only sticks. Anytime is square. Anytime is square comes down It's like swipe right it goes off the screen. People are so dumb here. They still wouldn't put that shit together Still get it to the top. They should ask Peter to help build those homes anyway. I'll go some tuk tuk So next uh Cindy Cindy you know I'm typing too much when I'm writing like Cindy Cindy and Tootie Um, okay good news. I slashed the budget of the commercial What was $20 too much for you to spend in one place? You're shooting on a beach with sunglasses Peter stole out of a mobile station with nobody hired What the fuck does this commercial cost? I know audio either by the way you have no audio unit You are going to be shooting it on your iphone six. Let's be honest It's gonna be basically like production. It'll be like tangerine. We'll be shooting it on your iphone four s Six you're giving her too much credit. Yeah, it's just like we don't need a lighting crew We just shoot it during the day save so much money So Kenya's been um antagonizing boy little tootie this whole time and it comes right up to them I love this show sunset on the beach. Yeah gorgeous out there in a beautiful place Now let's talk about a fake commercial and fight with each other Let me and let me just preface this by saying that because Cynthia is so weak she offers a conciliatory Roll to Kenya to be like well, maybe can you can be on camera instead? I'm like, that's like even more insulting because it's like well, but you can do this just like you should just like not Mix Kenya into this. I know she's being told by the producers to get Kenya involved But like she she's just leave well enough alone But now here she should bring Kenya back in the mix and now Kenya's Kenya's mad. You know, I mean Believe it or not, Kenya almost has a right to be mad because the way Cynthia is giving such mixed messages You know like if Cynthia just said sorry, you missed your chance I think that would have been that would have been better But the way that sent this sort of is like stringing her along Like I would understand the first thing she started this whole fake thing in the first place Because she doesn't do anything except, you know Like wait around to find who her husband's banging on instagram. Yeah Um Yeah, I think I have a pitch for this commercial. You're on a beautiful beach You see Kenya more coming towards you. You're horrified. So you put on really dark sunglasses Then you feel better The end I did it No audio I slashed your budget, bitch It should be like someone's walking around an arco station and they get to the sunglass rack And they put on the sunglasses and then when they put them on they're transformed Out of an arco into a mobile station. They've moved up Instead of their off brown. I mean off brand slushy. They have a slurpee And Oh, I've got bad news your budget went back up. We got a real flurpee They should shoot it at that mobile station on Santa Monica and kings. Have you been to that mobile station? Yes, they have like every candy bar for a goddamn pack of cigarettes That's mobile station kiss my crown I know but they have like every candy bar known to man like They have like all these bizarre kit cats like they've like got green tea kit cats and they've got oh they have green tea kit cats Is that a real thing? It is. I don't buy this but they have like every kind of like European chocolate there It's it's a secret like candy shop Mecca of West Hollywood maybe I should look at the candy bars next time because I stumble in their drunk And I get things like the tuna sandwich that's like been sitting there for two days Delicious Anything's good with mustard. Yeah, you can get some they've got like a great kit cat and Reese's Like selection there and a lot of those like ritter sport bars, you know They've even got their own stoplight to go into that gas station. That's a very fancy Well, that was actually that was also the the that station made nationally this because that was the station that had the burrito vending machine Remember that there was a burrito vending machine That station it would like make a burrito in the machine and it made national news It was like on letterman and everything and it was the only one and it was there And then after like like nine months it, you know, shuttered I guess people didn't want a machine making their burritos, which is probably Five but I ate their tuna sandwich. So yeah, it was like soggy wheat red delicious delightful Yeah, I I should probably stop myself because I have some thoughts about there's another candy shop That I went to recently and I have really upset by no more You haven't even had a baby roof. I can't even hear your I've had I've had a baby. It's just not in a long time Oh, okay. I was like, you never had a baby. No, no, just been like here. It makes me think of goonies Baby Ruth Um, it makes me think of baseball. Babe Ruth get it Do not bring me into baseball start making fun of stupid names, but I was that too inside baseball for you The baby Ruth can actually I'm gonna impress a straight guy Ben. It makes me think of Ruth Reich Reichle Reichle Oh great. You're like, I'm gonna compliment a baseball name Makes me think of my aunt Ruth Makes me think of murdering you in a fancy gas station. What did you think of my aunt Ruth when she was a baby? Because your aunt Ruth is a baby probably have the same face that Tutti has during this dinner Because Kenya is just poking poking poking and at Ruth and she's like, I do not have to speak with you And she's like yeah, well, you're fat. She's like, well, you can think that way young lady But I do not have to speak with you and then she starts saying Well, you're just listening to Kim and let me tell you about Kim and Cynthia's like, well Kim's here. She's sitting right next to you So you can speak with her and she's like, I do not need to speak with her So ridiculous. Oh, and then Kim says now young lady This is the adults table and you're at the kids table. Oh, we're gonna do that condescending thing What are you doing? Yes horrible like I actually think that like that's Kim's only weapon is her condescending thing So like just let her have it. Yeah, she's good at it She's good, but her answer was to something Kenya had said Kenya was like Oh, really? How many can how many commercials have you done or something nasty and she said something back? She's like, oh now we're condescending Yeah, god I used to think Kenya was just making shit up to have something to do I thought no one could be this fucking crazy, but she's really this crazy She is I think she has borderline personality disorder actually on what I've never understood that. What is it? So borderline is I don't know why it's called borderline, but apparently people who are borderline are they everything Everything's like everything's like about them and like They take everything extremely personally and they lash out very viciously Like how could you do this to me? How could you And big mood swings and all that could you spill? How could you sell sunglasses at a gas station that has spilled oil in the ocean? I wanted it to often. How did you do that to my future dolphin? Well, the funny thing with this argument was that it really like Kim Kim's comebacks are not great It kind of was like a shade more elevated than saying I know you are, but what am I? It was like really really bad comebacks. I wish I'd written them down, but everything's like no you are No, you're pretty much. She was like young lady. You're about to be grounded but she She's going up against such an idiot kenda kips kenda. Listen to me today. This is me sober Welcome, but can you kept saying things like um Did mrs. Garrett teach you to talk about that and then she was like, oh real real. Oh, good one good one Yeah, good one. I love that. Can you have success shaming her? I love success shaming or it's like oh look at you with your big sitcom career. I know Like she's supposed to feel terrible that she doesn't have like her own ads taped on a flip cam inserted into her youtube videos You had dumb batch. Yeah, I I'm like, you know, say what you want to say about 2d like sure She's only had two major roles, but she's actually directed a lot of shit like we looked it up on imdb She's directed a lot of stuff. So most two roles were in huge things. Can you can't even sell her own stupid thing? Yeah, now admittedly directing a tv show is different than directing a commercial, but Still we've seen kenya's shampoo commercial. Can you hear care? More hair more hair, which is so funny because it's like all i've ever wanted and she comes out with it I'm like, fuck you also. Can you keep saying things like oh look it's the 50-year-old woman telling me i'm acting immature or something Now you're being ageist her whole thing this whole time has been like There's so mean just because she's younger and she's done only or so now you find a bitch like one second older than you and your I just wrote a just cut fitness. Yeah, i'm looking at by the way. I'm looking at borderline personality disorder to see if I can Oh my gosh. Well, there's so many now. They've really made every kind of crazy into like its own genre of crazy I know like they everyone has their own brand of crazy now. So oh here we go. So to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder A person must experience at least five of the following symptoms. Watch me that diagnosed myself. Okay. Okay fear of abandonment Kenya unstable or changing relationships Kenya unstable self image struggles with identity or sense of self I don't know. Okay. Yeah. Well, probably because people keep calling her the wrong kind of miss like miss usa or miss america or whatever Yeah, she can't be called miss america Impulsive or self damaging behaviors excessive spending unsafe sex substance abuse reckless driving binge eating Can you sure she probably doesn't know? Yeah, most of them and then portion does the rest of it Yeah, it's just to be supportive suicide. Look right now. How many do we have for Kenya? We have like three or four I think she's she's got all of them, right? Well, the last two have not been firm, but uh number five Behavior or self injury. I don't think she is, but maybe like next suicidal. No, she's too She loves herself too much to get well. I would be surprised if next season she comes out with like my biggest secret is that i'm Sure. So anyway, uh, number six varied or random mood swings So you're gonna tell us you're incompetent at killing yourself too. Great. Great. Congratulations You want a fucking hug you suck. So this is try harder. The next the next few are definitely Kenya. So, um, varied or random mood swings Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness Problems with anger including frequent loss of temper or physical fights and then finally stress related paranoia or loss of contact with reality Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, so great. I know but we diagnosed her *laughs* Congratulations. Congratulations. You're dismissed young lady. The washer crappins institute for mental illness Having borderline personality disorder. I have to stop looking at that stuff because I really do diagnose myself every time i'm on there I'm like, you can't you can't like those things. I mean, I'm as medicated as you can be like how many medications can you take? Yeah, that's it. I'm not paying $100 an hour to talk about my bullshit to some loser with a degree. Get out of here. Get out of here Oh, date for that. So anyway, so they're having that they have this big fight. So eventually, uh, Kim Goes back to the room and she's like, she's just venting to I have to say first cuz like cuz look at this. I'm Kim fields Kenya's she says You just want to be in the room or something. Can you say? I am the room and I thought yes you are because the room is this terrible movie and there's always billboards of it all over LA Worst movie the worst and they always have yeah It's like a cult favorite because it's so terrible and they have all these screenings of it You can go see and it's by Khloe productions Wasao films tommy was out. How do you pronounce that name? Wasao Okay, so this guy is like an older guy now and he drives around my neighborhood in this junky car with his name on it And then he like stops and stuff. Yeah If you've never seen the room if you've never seen the room get some people together with some wine you have to have some wine or something Yeah, it's terrible. It's terrible But they're like five dollars and this is totally a Kenya more production. So when she said I am the room I was like, yeah Also, the other room was about a mother or the new room is about like a mother just you know In a room the whole time of her kid and that made me sad. I was like, no, I'll think with the other room We'll think about the other room. I am the room people are in me. So um, so now so so Kim is now Venting to Chris and she is going off and you know, it was sort of funny She's like she's getting so mad and whatever. She's venting and my favorite part is at one point She gets so mad. She's like, you know what? I'm like deuce is and then she comes to her mouth. She's like Like she can't believe she said like what's wrong with saying deuce is Is that too quote unquote like hood or something? Doesn't deuce is well deuce is means poop, right? No, that's what she means. What means that too? Maybe she was like, oh my god double meaning Sebastian might repeat this and think I'm saying shit Stupid but I loved watching her go off because this whole time I've been waiting for her to become that diva bitch We all know she is and this scene she really did and it was so funny and she had a right to go off by the way I would be feeling too, you know, you're on a housewife show. You need to do that shit to the women You need to punch kenya in the face with that shit kenya was literally following her down the stairs like Oh great job like kenya has all this pre-planned shit her gay gives her to do It doesn't even make any sense and toody's like you stay calm young lady and it goes and starts yelling at the husband I don't want to watch you yelling at your gay husband. Well, he's well. He eventually, you know He becomes a huge queen too. I love it. I don't think he's a queen at all by the way I do really? Totally. Yes. I don't get that vibe. She's his fat friend I don't get that vibe at all. But anyway, um, so then you become discredited and she goes exactly I'm confused So I've already been discredited You can't discredit me She has been trying to come to the table that I'm at that I worked at for years. She doesn't get to come to this table I'm at this table You're at the children's table literally I love moms and they're like table threats. Yeah, you are not coming to this table Ooh, you go toody. Yeah, I'm a brand. Okay, this but I know you would love that toody is not been a cut fitness Yeah, this season. I told you she would be yeah, and sure enough She did the one thing that makes you a cop fitness forever in my life. And she said, I'm a brand Go fuck yourself lady. You are not a brand. You're a lady who was on a couple of sitcoms shut the fuck up I'm not buying Kim toody fields anything People yeah, she's not a brand. I mean, you're so better than Kenya. Yeah, I'm on your side Yeah, no, I've been on team Kim all the time, but you're not a brand and then the husband You are infected. They baited you like the bait bus Like one of those straight boys who got on the bus and then suddenly you're giving a blowjob for $20 She's like wait, honey. What? And then it goes it's not a prison yard. She's but her like in prison I'm starting to pick up on what they're talking about with this guy. So meanwhile, so meanwhile No, we have to say. I'm so sorry. No, he gets so mad. He goes I can't square off against one of these huge mutants. They found on the street Oh, no. Now look, I know that you're on the privacy of your own room and everything But you know, you have to sit through like 19 hours of shooting a reunion, right? Yeah, they're gonna show that every bitch in there on your poor little gay ass. Have fun Yeah, yeah, good luck with that. They're gonna come for you for saying that Um, so I don't remember the sequence of events But wasn't next when um, Cynthia and Peter go to say hi to tanini and Greg Yes, they go and Peter is wearing a shirt The shirt made of peaches. I'm like if this is Peter's Jamaica, then please let's get on a flight anywhere else in the world Let's get out of here. These are the shirts. It makes me pine for the make in jersey over the gingham Makes me pine for a good old tommy bahama shirt What happened to the day is a simple like com fronds. Why do we have to have giant peaches? Did doctors kill himself? What the hell is wrong? Is this the taste level we're supposed to expect from bar one And it's sister bar one up and did you overspend your jacie penne card boy? Shirt is this was this on sale at fias? What is that you know fa llas? No, it's like the really cheap store where it's like ever all over l.a It's like It's like the cheap cheap cheap They sell peaches They probably do right now. It's where you get like very basic clothing. It's like cheap. Basically like batch. Yeah, you're not calling me base Called why you watch me? He's like fire. It's for basic clothes. I asked parades Um, where is it? I'm going. I'm out of the house. There's one on la cienega. They're everywhere Oh, there's one on los feelas next to john's. Oh, no, that's too far Yeah, lost it. No, the one on la ciena goes down there. It's down by the target It's a two down by the Baldwin Hills target. That was my original target. I used to go to it No, there's the closer one would be los feel the travel for days just to go to the target darling bias parades and then uh, when I was driving back from big beer this weekend, I passed a fire pass Outlet and I was like, how did this how does this get cheaper? Marked down from like five dollars to one dollars one dollars one dollar. I hate those outlets They never have normal sizes. They're always x x x x x l or petite. Yeah. Mm. So anyway, so so then so kenya I'm sorry then so Cynthia Basically just Cynthia and you're just gossiping. They're like, hey, let's surprise everyone at dinner Let's not tell anyone that you're gonna be there. Mm-hmm. Great. Okay I like that when they leave greg waves by and then when the door close it turns into a shoe He's like get at it, you know, it's like Wave it off Uh, and then we go to kenya and her pay for not gay. Okay. This guy. Oh my god He's so hot is he is this where he's feeding her a grape and a banana? Yes Jesus If you're trying that hard to convince me that your boyfriend is not gay He's feeding you a giant testicle and then a banana Shut up queens of both of you. Just Kenya get some pussy. What is so scary about it? Everyone already hates you. It's not like people love you and now they're gonna hate you Those still just hate you the same. I mean now at least you'll have a victim card to play Get out there and get some pussy. Yeah Like a man alone. He works out so hard. He doesn't need to be trying to pretend I think if you're gonna have a beard, I mean, well, if she's a giant beard It's a great beard. It's a great beard to have. Do you know how much people like that poop? It's not worth it a lot. It's a lot of poop. So, um Uh, so then they go to this big group dinner, right? Hmm the big group dinner. I'm just reading my novel of notes. I'm like fascinating fascinating outfit What the hell runny so they they're going they go to dinner and everyone's there I was gonna talk about Cynthia and uh peter of course late at their own dinner, of course But they're just sitting around kind of bored waiting for something to happen and then they bring in After you know Kenya Kenya. Yeah Kenya is like um Is this when she starts talking about oh wait they're talking about the commercial and Kenya's I like when Kenya's like I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon and then talk about this any longer and fate is like anybody have a spoon Sebastian, please reach into your backpack and get me that little plastic spoon that I know you always carry around Yeah, um, so they bring Nini in is it a bird? It's a this is one of those Phaedra things that I like when Phaedra makes no sense. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Nini. What does that mean? Yeah, it actually technically doesn't call like a Superman Yeah, yeah, it's terrible terrible. So anyway, this is I wrote way too much. That's why I'm like sitting here reading too much too much Um, but basically Nini comes back. She's like on this nice. Yeah This nice thing where she's pretending like oh, we just all fell apart. You know, I mean, I'm sorry We don't call each other anymore guys. You know friends grow apart. Yeah, I'm like, yeah When you take a hammer their head Nini's being nice and admittedly I fall for it because when Nini is nice She's like hilarious and amazing. That's why we all loved her in the first place. I'm like, oh Nini Even though I always hate you now. I'm like, oh Nini But I don't I won't last because she could become a raging bitch again Because this she always starts the season being like super friendly and then you can tell that girls on a guest contract right now Yeah, she's gonna like just be funny and then she's gonna get some money and she's gonna be like Your husband's gay. Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait So, I mean Nini is actually in total Posturing mode because she has nothing. She's just a guest star. She's just like whatever I'm gonna come in. She's like, tell me how the gossip and I'm gonna go like stir it up, etc, etc But she doesn't even have to do anything because Kenya's like blatantly throwing forks at Tutti's head Like she's not being subtle at all. She's like pay her no mind. Yeah, she's an idiot. Oh, nice commercial It's gonna be terrible, you know the whole time just throwing things at her and Tutti's just trying to stay calm and concentrate on her fruit cocktail or whatever I'm trying to skip to where that is. Well, so then Kenya and Matt leave, right? They they leave the dinner. Yeah, and she actually can this is why you know that Kenya is really crazy because she's she's telling the gay boyfriend Um She's just trying to antagonize me every time I sit down. She's trying to turn everybody against See make you ever stop throwing things at her the whole time. Yeah, it's see total borderline personality disorder. She's she's just a Con okay like sometimes there's not psychosis. Sometimes they're just a cut fitness like sometimes a c word is just a c word You can call that shit by poll or all you want a pale ain't gonna fix it It won't not be Kenya. How do you fix the problem like Kenya more? How do you solve the problem like get out? That's how you do it burn down the nunnery kill them all They've all been infected. She's getting more is like you don't solve a problem like me. I am the problem. Oh wait Hmm. Have you seen her IMDB? Oh, no. Have you seen her real? This isn't even the scene, but I was still laughing at this because she's writing about two deans. It's like Have you even seen her real you have a youtube commercial? Please shut up. Yeah. So anyway, uh, the the the crux of the scene The thing that was most important is that once Kenya was gone Then um, the girls were like were like, uh, oh because I guess Cynthia like stepped out for a second, right? She was gotten she was away from the table and they were telling Nini. Oh, yeah like Cynthia and Kenya are like bffs now They're total bffs, right? Anyway, and they were like No, they're not and the and insurance like Of course every single one of them was like BFF man. Maybe it's like taking a vote. Yeah, they're like no they're like no Nini. You're crazy You haven't been here. They're bff now and so then some visits down and he's like Are you bff with are you bff with with Kenya? And it's like well You know, we're just still getting to know each other. It's like she's gonna get it Whoa, that was Cynthia's gonna get it shit. Well, she gave Kenya a reason to cry at the reunion. Oh my god How is it only like episode 13 and i'm already so sad about the reunion? I don't even want to watch that shit I'm so mortified that i'm gonna have to listen to this woman pretend to cry for three hours. Yeah, no, it was such bullshit. It's like I forget who said it. Maybe Kenya said it or one of the girls said it's like it's been four years You know her, you know And Nini said well, we were just divorced. She was just waiting to come crawling back to me like Greg And she's right because now Cynthia's like well Bye Kenya and so then then Kenya and Cynthia have a conversation at the end of the episode in the hotel room and Kenya's like I was actually really hurt when he said that and this is the case where Kenya was actually right And Kenya's like, you know, all of a sudden you're acting like we're just like sort of friends or whatever and Cindy's like You don't talking like oh god. I hate when that side of Cynthia comes out when she tries to And she's so hurt Two general notes. I have to say about this episode before it's done Kenya and her gay laugh exactly the same And he goes The second is I'd like to thank real housewives for casting the queeniest husband's ever because the men on this show become housewives Every one of them Greg will fight a fight. Well Chris will fight a fight and now we've got Chris Chris said something to tip I don't remember what he said at the table, but he was being funny though. I thought yeah He's like she's a beast. I don't even know what he said. Oh, they said should we chase Kenya? She left the table and he said well, she's gonna gather Gatherize that and start herself on fire It's probably best that she did it away from the table and then Nini snaps and she's like you go girl You know, here's the thing though. I don't understand why what why I'm saying that is like Gay, I think he's just The first comment that we've heard about it, but yeah, I think he was like meeting him being like, oh, he's gay I think it's a whole I think it's a whole pattern then I don't know I I think it's a situation Where I mean we'll have to see next week because next week is when the gay step comes up He does look like he's given a lot of blow drops like his eyes are very far apart and that means like I don't know like you're always up close on something and your eyes just start moving away from each other So you can see who's coming out the bushes, you know, I don't yeah Well, then I mean it's not like all not like all the women in the world have eyes like fish but um I don't know. I honestly I think a lot of blow drops I honestly don't get that gay feeling I will have to like hold off on this until next week When when the gay stuff really comes out because I wouldn't be surprised if Kenya just curls that out there Or the way she sort of suggested that Apollo had aids because she's like, you know, Kim's on the shit list so she's gonna just go below the bell and um I kind of feel like I mean, he's the same. She's the other one. He's kind of suggesting She well, but the thing is that like, you know, it's very these are people who are very much When there's smoke there's fire like as soon as you suggest something like that then it's like, okay now you're gay Like just like can you can throw in an accusation out like that and then you know I'm still waiting for you guys to finish your conversation. I've been in the guest room. Yeah, poor mouth. Oh, yeah, everyone. Mal showed up Okay, guys. I'll be in the bedroom waiting for you to finish fighting So that was uh that was Atlanta for this week. Um, why don't we go to uh, why don't we have a palette cleanser with top chef before we go on to petomac? Um palette palette palette was so good this week. My palette was delicious this week A soggy tuna fish gas station from a gas station and a baby Ruth. My palette's ready So, um for top chef top chef where are you dealing quick fire? I believe was that they had to um They had to do a um girl. Uh, what's it called a Uh a challenge where they it was all about the way it looked. Oh, it was for instagram. It was the instagram challenge Yeah, you know the the woman who won I forget her name. She's the one I like I like her in general, but I don't think that her should want. I thought hers looked disgusting Yeah, it was like all like these tacky colors and that's what instagram chose. I was like Very upset with that. It's very funny because it's such a top chef challenge. Nobody tastes anything It's just like make it look good. Okay, it has to be on camera and she ended up winning that one I think that's the most like she'll ever get on the facebook. That was a lot of likes people on their Like food porn or whatever Hold on. I'm looking for my top chef notes. I have grease up. That is not what I need. I need top chef Okay quammy. Oh my god 10 years ago. That was really bad. Okay. We already did that so quammy tells us he was a drug dealer before yeah Quammy's life. What the hell's going on with quammy's life? I can't tell what he's doing the way he tells these stories one minute He's like this successful intelligent kid the next his dad's terrible the next he's selling drugs Then the next he went to this great, you know, he's getting a lot of backstory I wonder if he's gonna go like maybe maybe he'll be a finalist because he they've given him a ton of backstory Like we're knowing a lot about what he really doesn't have that much personality like he's very like the male malorie I think of this show. All right. He seems I think he seems sweet. You know his personality is that he has a crush on patina Well, he doesn't I mean she's a supermodel. Wow good choice, buddy. Yeah Good luck with that one. Why didn't quammy for his challenge last week when uh he had to do where he was 10 years ago He should have done something. He'd been like, yeah, I was a drug dealer. So here. I've made cocaine or sad. Yeah, he should have done something that like looked like hulk or Like here's my terrible father. Here's my jerk of a father jerk. Yeah Broccoli jerk broccoli. Oh, my father was mean to me. So eat his favorite broccoli dish So so they had to like how he said if I could be a successful drug dealer. I figured I could do anything Well work for jz wasn't jz didn't jz Wasn't he a drug dealer back in the day? I don't even know or they just yeah, we're asking straight Ben. Yeah Yeah, he said yeah, we don't need a google. We've got Ben over there. Yeah, our resident straight straight Uh, what did he deal just weed or like was he hard? Hard. Oh, really? Yeah, jz was a drug dealer. Oh, that's probably why he's so moody He probably started using or maybe he's but borderline personality disorder Maybe but if you listen to Beyonce songs, he doesn't sound very nice Like she complains about how many isn't stuff in her songs And then she's like and then I fucked him back. I served for it or whatever Like well, what is going on in that house you guys? Don't you have separate wings by now? Jesus christ pretty hurts. How can you be Beyonce and still get your feelings hurt like that? You're Beyonce. Okay. Stop his ass out stupid jz Beyonce queen of everyone like that girl said on Potomac And then followed it up with that Like this is interesting Okay, so let's see. So the quick fire. So Do you have a lot of notes on? No, no, not much. I just wrote down little funny things Like the chick I like Marjorie who Derek is a described her What did he say? He's like I also love a little garden known with You know no personality and she looks like a bunny. She looks like she looks like the Cadbury bunny It's me. I really like her. She loves like a sweet little cartoon character like Kind of a beaver like I like her little teeth and I like this she's running out of care over Yeah, and I liked it. She knew she was gonna go on tv. They didn't even try and go on a diet I know I love I'm like a huge fan. I honestly her and me bread. That's not easy. That's very difficult No her and uh Marjorie and the other girl who I like the one the challenge whose name i'm blanking on she remember She was one who made that wonderful apple Uh like a spot show thing that I had like five servings of as a challenge. Yeah, I was like, you know, that's apple sauce, right? Delicious works for me. I don't think there's apple sauce in twoish homes When you guys are children. I was like, yeah, it's apple sauce. Oh, no, there are apple sauce Oh, yeah, because you guys have a lot of with the latkes and applesauce Yeah, you know, I make you know apple sauce and my pressure quicker now takes four minutes I made pierogis the other day and it was a disaster and I should have made latkes I should have thought of you should always should have made latkes the money carom story Should have made latkes soon to be available on the amazon tingle store. It'll be read by Marjorie from gosh I'm pulling it by us. I can remember their names. Um Marjorie I think is her and I only learned their names if I start like karaam kara is the one that's her and I like the karaan Karen and marjorie or friends and at the top of the episode is like it's not marjorie It's time that there should be an all girl alliance right now. I'm like, oh no, that means one of them's going home But I was wrong Yeah, and they're they're starting to trick us because it used to be whoever was on the phone with their family and now they trick us on purpose You know, yeah, um, but I was gonna say about marjorie Um, I really liked that she said my mom was really health focused and we only got to eat really healthy things And then they show they saw her childhood picture and I'm like that is some 80s health focus right there That's like some free 80s health focus. What the hell health focus What are you talking about? Did she give you aspirin so your blood could thin enough not to have a heart attack when you were eight? Yeah, Jesus Christ woman health focus Get out of here. Yeah, you said your line I've also said the see where did they damn it all these promises. I'm breaking to myself It's what happens when we're at the holiday problem in the present event and it's like you're growing out in front of bed That's what you guys is decorated in here like a saloon, you know a couple of little slags in this There's a there's a random lamp without a light bulb that has its base is actually some sort of like lady from Different time There's some exposure behind a bar there's like fake exposed brick, but we know it's just gonna read you just like tape onto the wall We've seen we've seen htv We know how this works. We know those aren't real bricks. We'll tear them off They're not real. Yeah, we know your fake bricks with your with your foe your foe How dare you how dare you put fake bricks up at the home of the famous brick wall The improv Look at us cracking ourselves up at the improv. I know I do like how they covered those office lights though That's very smart. Oh, I do like that. It's like foe You know those like uh plexiglass things that they have on office lights They have like stingless cover. It's actually a lovely space. We should like straight guy fancy You know we should do we should record up here with their cap to zero. We should get like eight people up here We can have a little audience. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. That'd be cool. Talk. No either way. We won't we don't talk to them We should look there. You're at the other table. Can we have a smaller table for our audience, please? Yeah, we should totally get a little audience We could totally do it So top shots. So anyway, so quick fire. I fill up plating plating channel. Oh, yeah He was like taking pictures, etc. He took like 10 minutes to take his stupid picture Yeah, so then anyway, the main so the main challenge. Let's go on the main challenge Okay, the main challenge was there's this event called beef steak Which I'd never heard of and I want to go to very badly And it's basically like they have they set up these long tables And the tradition this started like years and years and years ago is that you show up Dressed to the nines and then you go create you go medieval and like there's no forks and knives It's like big things of meat get put on the table and you eat it with your hands and pull away It's communal and dirty and crazy. It looked to me like a dream night like I want to get invited to beef steak I was just thinking of morocco because when yeah, yeah, yeah restaurant. Yeah, you just eat I mean, I'll eat with my hands, but I'm not eating with your hands Like if you eat out of my thing with your get them. I'm not no get your hands on my coos coos I feel I trust you know, here's the thing I am such a hypochondriac, but one of the areas where I'm less of a hypochondriac is things like that because everyone is so concerned I was I was hanging out with someone this weekend who he blew his he blew his nose And then he like put like purel on his hands. Oh, no, that's gonna create the super bug exactly It's like it's so crazy people need a little bit of dirt I'm sorry. I told my mima about that because she did the same thing like she always puts that stuff on That hand sanitizer and I told her that's gonna create a super bug and she said what's a super bug that's yeah stupid I believe in putting heads is gonna make the germs resistant And then you're gonna die because there's no medicine to fix the germs And she looked at me like terrified And I saw her like trying to make that choice like am I gonna give a pan sanitizer right now? Because this little faggot is telling and then she was like, I don't believe you You know, and then she just kept on wiping her hands. Why I mean, I'll use it Maybe I'd use it like if I like shook hands, it's like a homeless person Just don't shake hands with homeless people. Well, they've been meaning that like, you know, like something like that You shake hands with homeless. I don't know you would too. They'd be like, can I have a dollar and you'd be like No, but here's a firm handshake, you know, um, like I would use it in a situation Like if I handled if I just handled like raw chicken You know, no, wash your hands. I mean I wash my hands. You're gonna make super salmonella bug Okay, well, I would wash my hands actually. The point is this I don't mind not only would I not mind the communal hand touching of the food at e-stake If I got a cold from Padma, I would be totally bragging about it. Like, oh my god. I have such a cold I totally got it from Padma Lakshmi Be totally named dropping my cold Breaking out with blisters all over your face. My virus is sadly judging me from the inside Our favorite Oregon This Padma by the way, I was just looking what I had written about her Nothing apparently, but my favorite thing is that Padma got shit faced in this episode Yeah, she was like, what is this? Is this tuna steak? Yeah She goes, what's a microgreen doing on here? Um, microgreen and then she got it and threw it Like just through the lettuce all angrily. I love some Padma with emotion It wasn't the lettuce. She she threw like a lamb shop. They were like, we're done with this, right? We're done Yeah, but then she threw one of the bears Yeah, oh yeah, she did that too with like little big did bear whatever the chopped bear Whatever you call it, so Chad got kicked off Chad was kicked off and about time I remember we did not like what he served us Um, and he's been sort of he was the one who's like for date night. Like my ideal date is a night with my daughter I'm like get out of here. Yeah, yeah I'm saying get out of here. It's a we started talking about Jersey. That's in my head not get out of here So the thing is this so Chad the reason why he went home one of the reasons is He he's like, okay, I'm gonna make a big halibut because it's this flaky fish that you can just like pull off of he Wants to get like a full halibut So immediately I'm like, this is called B-stake. It just doesn't seem like halibut It just doesn't seem to match the tone of it and so make a big thing a beef What's so hard about and on top of that so many people went in these delicate places like it seems just crazy like I actually Felt bad. I almost felt like this challenge deserved to do over because I was excited to see some big Hearty dishes being served up like big things where people are like really like tearing off like um like morocans I almost like get some like full Whole chickens and just get them lined up big whole roasted chickens or shit like that, you know Yeah, I want to see Padma I want to see Padma gnawing on a big-ass bone like that Especially drunk like why not or I want it like big turkey legs I don't think they explained it right because when they first told them they're like yeah People eat with their hands and it's a lot of fun And then they showed a black and white picture of a bunch of people in suits eating big tables I don't think people really understood It's you know, it's rich people being the heathens that they are, you know It's like that tom cruise movie where he's all fancy, but then he goes to that sex party and they're wearing masks and like raping each other Yeah, I just wanted yeah, it's what rich people do you guys? Um, I was shot. Um, they rape each other and then they don't eat with forks. Yeah Well, I actually was almost wishing that Jason the uh the tame gay who got he just got kicked off last week Take y'all pants. I almost wish he was there because I would love to see. Oh yellow pants Yeah, bland yellow pants. I would have actually it would have been hilarious to see his take on like You know this like eat with your hands like deck it in feast. They probably would have been like here. I served you up some Salmon Locks With an onion on the sign. I made uh some cauliflower florets You just grab it off the cauliflower No one really did anything exciting. No, it was kind of a huge fail Huge starting to marjor medra because i'm starting to know who everybody is Yeah, now I can love or hate them based on who they are instead of their food because I can't taste that shit Anyway, so And now that they're like starting to show themselves i'm picking favorites. I love marjor. Well, I've always like yeah Part of it is fat pride. The other part of it is bad posture pride and she's good And the other part is it it's the best who makes bread like she can make She can make and she can make bread. That's very rare. They said that she's the best baker They've ever had and uh, I tried learning baking it was rough. I like Isaac Um, but I was surprised that he was Isaac. He's the New Orleans one and he ate him. He fell short on I was not hate But why didn't anyone just make like just racks of ribs? Like I mean, I just don't understand where i'm really What? I mean the guys brought up katrina 20 times If anyone knows how to eat with their fucking hands like eat a big old steak share it with the family with your hands At somebody who's been through katrina, you know, well would have I thought that sausage would have been a good good one But I think I was I was when it was bland And this is why I don't like him because he said well, I made you a big sausage and she's like yeah But it was a terrible bland sausage and he goes well I stand by my sausage My customers like it my restaurant loves it. Like you just got called terrible on tv Don't advertise your sausage now. Yeah, it's like just pretend it was your first time and you never done exactly what he had dumb So philip did well. He did something right. I don't remember what it was but he did something that everyone liked I don't that guy is so terrible and like blink blink. He has that like coke head I have like blink blink but he never shares this coke. Look, I don't mind a coke head But you better share that shit if you're gonna be doing coke around Me really anywhere else. I mean if you have gum share it. Yeah, fill up fill up Um also with the beard guy who got kicked off who went goes on dates with his daughter, which is really creepy Um, why is it why do women always have to put their hair back in the kitchen? But fat dudes can walk around with beards down to their tits. Thank you. What the hell that's gross. It's ridiculous. I'm glad he got kicked off Yeah, me too. You've been eliminated for grooming Chad now. Yeah, he was back your knives and trade them in for a razor blade Yeah, he made like little tuna like little like little ashy tuna Stakes it's just like with microgreens. Yeah, I'm a throwing Um a bone and then a microgreen and then like cursing out the microgreen was my favorite and was killed there What do I feel like it? And why was he his son there and why don't I like him? He was yeah Tom Hanks is someone's there and so it was like Sharon Lawrence randomly at like a corner table. She was yeah Sharon Lawrence. Sharon Lawrence. I was like, why is that cagney or lacy? No, she was from NYPD blue. Sharon is that her name? Sharon Lawrence? I don't care. Sharon Lawrence. But Tom Hanks's son bothers me and I don't know why I really like Tom Hanks, but he's so earnest and now this is oh yeah her I didn't see her, but the son is like also weirdly earnest. So it makes me not believe it I'm like, oh it's some put on earnestness You try and talk to a baseball or a basketball for a home movie a little brat. You couldn't even make it through Fargo and make me like a volleyball Wilson is a volleyball. How dare you? Oh, whatever. Let's talk more baseball while we're here. Um, so Why don't we move on to Potomac and then also why don't we take a break so I can move my car? Can we do that? Oh, do we need to move our cars? It's two. I have to move my car Okay, so why don't we do that? Is that cool Ben? So let's take a kid one thing. What will that clock stay at the same time? Yeah, well, that's will be the last show anyway. Yeah, I'll do it. I'll be back in like five minutes. I'm gonna pee smoke so We're gonna move on to Potomac but first very big breaking news Ronnie and I just touched the wall here in the room. The brick is real Yeah, you guys we brick-shamed real brick. Yeah Yeah, it just goes to show like sometimes you shouldn't speak out of your ass because you may offend a real brick Can I ask you a question? Yeah, this has nothing to do with anything. Have you seen the hateful late Quentin Tarantino? I have not So good. I just saw it. Okay When did Jennifer Jason Lee turn into Allie Sheedy from the breakfast club? They look exactly the same. They've always been Similar I guess now she's the age that Allie Sheedy probably was when she was playing a high schooler in the breakfast club Oh, it's a good week of watching 40 year olds Britain there in high school. I love the resurrection of Jennifer Jason Lee She you know, she she sort of surfaced for a second on revenge and then she was on revenge Yeah, no way. She played Emily Emily's mother, which was It was it was a real waste of Jennifer Jason. Oh wait, I actually saw that but her face wasn't moving and she was weird looking It was it was a terrible and then she's normal again But now she's in hateful late and people like and she's something else and now it's like can you unlift your face Like her face looks normal now. It probably just settled in Or maybe this Botox a Botox issue. Oh, yeah, maybe they filled her up or something So anyway, I'm Potomac speaking of the hateful late. Yeah So, uh, you know what I liked the very first shot was was like a shot of a fawn I'm like the fawns on this show are getting so much attention like every episode. There's like three or four shots of dears and deer and fawn You know, they're like terrified. Yeah, they're getting a lot of play those Opens with terrified animals every single So this show Out of all the fake ass housewives shows and maybe it's because this one's so new and they haven't had time to warm up yet But yeah, this is the fakest out of all. I love the women are They are trying so hard. This opening gisels testing out a Lamborghini Of course, bitch ain't gonna buy it. You're never gonna see her driving around in that Great shovel white stove and you you have a mid-sized home. Yeah, you have a Craigslist sectional Get the fuck out of here with your test drive before my I love even get in that thing I loved Karen shopping for art. She's like talking to a credit card check Karen was I talking to this woman at the gallery And she's like hmm. Not sure where this will go in the house. I was thinking the full year But there's another great room that this could go into I'm like bitch. I don't think she cares But wherever just buy it. She doesn't care which rumor goes into she's not like oh, I wonder where Karen's gonna put this painting Also learn what different parts of a house are before you just start calling them the wrong things Just to pretend like you have multiple parts in your house. She's like putting speaker phones in each She's like right by the front door honey. I'm in the kitchen. It's an open concept home, bitch He can hear you. Oh, they're crazy. So she's pretending. She knows what art is She's like, I'm not sure if this concept is correct for the you need to just stop. Okay. You're looking at the tag That's not the painting and then another idiot. They show Sharice at some wine tasting and Reading wet stone and she's like what does a wet stone taste like? I don't know if I like wet stone the more of a pebble girl myself every single Opening in the inner cut opening was these phony bitches trying to convince everybody that they're rich Except Robin. She's just trying to convince you she works out. She's sitting on a workout machine Just sitting there watching your kids work out Can you lift this thing with my leg? That was a good workout So then so then Katie meets with Washington life or Washington Tony and whatever She meets the editor there and she's like really trying to raise awareness for the Ross Institute because the Ross Institute gives money to charities What kind of charity is this? They raise money and then give that money to other charities Bit that is the laziest charity I've ever heard of in my life. It's like a meta needy person It's a meta charity. That's called a tax shelter Who do you think you're kidding the charity giving and then I give that money directly to you know people missing legs? You know children born without my like no, you know socialites who have three kids tax shelter Um, uh, so we learned that Katie's dad was her mom's professor Which seems a little scandalous and then, um, and then the thing that Katie's really excited because this is good They're gonna do like a 10 years so bootlet bootlegging. Yeah, so Legging professor. Yeah, so then 10 basically Katie was on the cover of this magazine 10 years ago And now they're gonna do like 10 years later. Where's Katie yet? And um, and she's still we made it yet She's she's really excited because She's gonna mention in her profile that she's dating Andrew and she's like Andrew is known in this area as a very eligible bachelor, but now everyone's gonna know that he's with me I'm like, I don't think there's like a line of ladies Waiting to like like maybe there's like that fawn being like, oh, okay Terrified that Andrew's coming to hide behind him to get a blow job from some queen Yeah, this this interview was fascinating first of all washington Washingtonian or whatever the fuck you're called life. It's like the publisher of the washingtonian Why are you taking the interview? Do you not? Are you the only person who works? He's like, well, you're beautiful and you have everything Except a man. Yes. I know shut up I hate that stop single-shaming the bitch. Don't yeah. No wonder why she's so crazy going after Andrew Because everyone's like so where's your husband? She asked 20 times the film area in this episode. It's so sad So then uh karen and josel meet at a calm shop to sort of they're both wearing old maybe camouflage Yeah, we're in casual kills me and they're uh, they're trying to squash their beef Since the last time was kind of did not really work This made no sense. She takes these two old bags to lunch says she's sorry They both basically basically i'm talking like joreesh. She's not even in it They both spit in her face walk out calling her trash and then she's like, well, I felt bad about how lunch went You just did it wrong. You should never do a three-way lunch. That's not how we do it petomi You have to do it one-on-one like this we can talk. I'm like, yeah And you don't have to pretend you hate her because the other bitch that in petomac you have to earn a three top The women in petomac have learned a three had they've earned a three-way lunch You don't just walk into a two-way lunch you have to earn the three-way lunch There's a longer a table of three you have not earned your way to the front of the line of chilies So there's basically like, you know, I am a grown woman and you are a grown woman and you know, we should just move I'm I'm over it. Yeah, just like I'm over whatever. So they just washed their beef You both done but you butches. I'll just stick with that How many times can I say bitch in five minutes this show kills me so that you're a grown won't wait I have to say rule number 17 in petomac every scene Karen's in This is how we do it in petomac. This is how we do it in petomac No one cares. Okay. I know ground yourself. Yeah, exactly Um, I think actually there's only one rule for petomac. I imagine and one rule for petomac is Don't give rules out for petomac. There are no rules for petomac. You need to print that out Um and frame it sideways in a terrible cheap frame and give that to her for her birthday. So then um I love this part. So this is the interracial couples dinner. Yeah, interracial summit So ashley and um and her old australian man And drink wine and drink whiskey into kennel Okay, I'm more of a brown like our kind of girl And old man nets. Yeah, and so they meet with katie and andrew and ash just like talk about she's like Well, yeah, I I met I met I met I met my guy because I was working at just a bartender at At his as his place and I was like watching him on the security camera. I watch him in his office the security camera I was sort of like stalking him and they're like, uh, uh, she's talking to me. I was like, yeah, no You that's crazy. That is crazy. How old is she now? She's really young. Right? She's really young and clearly way too influenced by sliver What kind of bartender has a camera that looks into the manager's office? What exactly restaurant is this? That's creepy It's super creepy. How are the how's the manager supposed to catch her ass stealing if she's the one with the bar? That's stupid. It's like the wrong way. It's like and a criminal a camera to go into a convenient store with I know I don't really like to steal things. I I pretty much only steal brown liquor Because I like brown liquor. That's my favorite I wouldn't steal wine. So I wouldn't steal wine because that'd be very thoughtish of me and you know, I hate being called a thot Just all call me a thot So, um, so what was funny to me about the scene was that then andrew got totally catty Believe it or not. I'm actually feeling like at andrew's less gay Asterie queen down in this episode Oddly enough. I just feel like he like I don't know. It's weird because that first episode he was really gay But I don't know maybe my game is even there now. He came out with it First of all today for a bit for a straight man We don't think every guy's gay we happen to be watching sunday nights on atlanta Where I don't think you're a lot or an Potomac where I don't think you're allowed to be gay Everyone's husband's gay, right? There's a lot of gay husbands on these shows. There's a lot of gayness Yeah, we don't yeah, we don't normally try to say we don't think you're gay Yeah, we don't think you're gay. Love your ego. The black man you all had is very convincing Look, I can have hope and not think you're gay But you're sitting in front of the lamp You're sitting in front of the lamp with no bulb in it and you don't even care You're obviously straight just stay over there, man He's notting politely and making noises that but he doesn't really know what to do with The answer is to pay attention get back on your Tetris. Get back on your stick. Tender Tetris. Tender Tetris Candy Crush Not looking at Ben at all in this thing. You can look at you can look at me gay Ben Okay, so anyway, so so Andrew just starts going in on Karen He's like she's the older more haggard and worse He's more stuck up than the other women and he goes imagine jazelle and perform enhancing bad drugs yikes Wow, it's like wow, and then he said we should hang out more often because because katie was saying It's so nice to meet another interracial couple. We don't know anybody. Oh, Ash is saying that Who wasn't actually saying that katie. Okay. What's I think katie and Ashley was like, yeah, we don't need her It's really hard to meet somebody who's like married to someone who's 40 years older than two They decide they're gonna go out and Andrew's like, yeah, because we don't you know We stay up past 8 p.m. We don't just sit around watching the golden girls. I'm like bitch Please you've already seen every episode And you know your ass is watching the 3 p.m. Lifetime version of the golden girls And he's like I wonder which housewife would fit into Which golden girl would fit into which housewife? The fact that you even referenced the golden girls. It's true. Okay. I take it back Okay, um, so then we have a scene with wan and the kids wan is robin's husband This wan is both simultaneously cute and hot and we don't think wan is gay Wanna see one no one is not gay. Wanna straight one is fun and want a straight one is looking for piss pussy Even his own house where he's not gonna get and he's like looking under the couch seeing if there's any pussy there Yeah Changing light bulbs. See if there's any pussy up there that guy's like always sniffing it What's wan's last name? Do you remember Ben? Do you know a basketball player named wan wan a former basketball player named wan? Like there's only one yeah One wan. I forgot. I used to be a big basketball fan, but I don't remember one And then you forgot to basketball start in that tom hanks movie how dare you So this is not sad really because I don't really like robin yet, but she's like robin's fine We're not really married so Can you be like we're all being first? There was a club together First there was a pride of a financial crisis then the real estate market collapsed and then the nba then the nba Shacks start stopped coming in so we need money where we can get it and now wan's moving away. So I don't know This is the biggest decision i've ever had to main This is the way robin talks you can't see it, but she has this thing with her hand She's sort of like fans her hand in words. She's like well first there's a crisis And then we had to sell her house and then dan and yogurt started doing different packaging hahaha When we found out they were lying about calories on the back of granola bars. It's been a really rough year Yeah, I can't even find I box the kudos bars anymore Like where are they I only see like even I only see like think thin bars But I want a kudos even after one got fired. No one would talk to him anywhere when we were poor I still wanted to give him kudos, but I couldn't I couldn't I used to like the kudos that came in the green and white box Those are my favorite can't find them anymore though He's like why were you even trying on your wedding dress that stupid Loser, I'm like, well, I thought it would be fun poor robin's whole story is about shit That's over now. Yeah, her first scene was trying on a wedding dress Then she's living with this husband who left her ass and it won't leave the house And now she's talking about her divorce and the wedding dress like girl I know and like wan is wan's him so sweet the way he's like, you know Like getting kids ready and stuff and they had this whole backstory about how basically his parents died Like I don't know if they both died. I got the impression that they both died actually of AIDS They were like in drugs didn't have jail. She said they died of AIDS and then That like robin's parents took wan in and taught him manners and all this stuff. I was like I love wan and robin. I'm such I love wan and Wobbin wobbins their couple name. I want wan to get back together Well, he's just gonna keep cheating. I mean, I think that's why they're still divorced Yeah, so I guess her parents missed some manners They're like my readers is the right fork, but he still gets pussy if he can I think my read is all off of today. I like when he said I remember that wedding dress Because I remember I was sobbing at the wedding and then they show him really crying. Yeah, you know, you don't like a guy who'll cry Also, well, not really in real life. I hate them but on tv. It's nice to see. Yeah, and then Also, he's like I remember that wedding dress because I remember you going straight up to the room and falling asleep on top of me and You're wedding dress. Yeah, and she's like, there's one we got the warm No, because he was playing find a pussy all over town. That's why you got divorced. Yeah, I'm trying to make it your own fault Exactly. Meanwhile, um Karen's daughter Raven is going to prom. It's nice. Nice. Nice scene. My favorite part about the scene was that um Karen's husband ray was sitting there taking pictures the entire time he ray is actually like adorable He's like this adorable dorky dad and he has his camera and I kind of liked that unlike the other real house So I friend I like a thin type machine Well, you know that like you know that like on the Beverly Hills episode when one of these dot one of cals daughters goes to prom There's gonna be a fat burger truck and there'll be 12 kids and this would be like mercy Like everyone's gonna get a free Mercedes like oh, we're so proud of you for going to prom Here's a Mercedes and there's it's gonna be so over the top the kids are gonna be like obnoxious and bratty And it'll be so excessive. So I thought it was actually kind of refreshing to see that the daughter comes down and the date's there And they they're just taking pictures and they're proud and they go off I actually thought it was like a really refreshing moment. Mm-hmm. I thought this was the most obnoxious goddamn scene Karen starts it off And you guys patome. It's a big mom town. Oh, yeah. Well, well, congratulations. I'm not talking about her patome The rest of the world hasn't caught on to that yet. Well, I mean her narration is always mom town Whenever she says things like that. It's always obnoxious, but although I actually like love Karen I think she's hilarious, but I'm just talking about the actual like the daughter That girl's eyebrows are down to her frown lines now. Thank you. Someone pointed out last week and yeah All the way down like this. Yeah, and they keep getting lower and now it's like Yeah, what are you doing? You're circling your whole face. It's full on Fade done away Full on I'm gulba gulba. I put also her head looks like she's wearing a hair headband Now for luck woman. I get getting wigs and weeds Of course, but if you're gonna get facelifted you guys don't get your head pulled all the way back into the middle of your head Her head goes so far back. I'm like that is the longest hair headband. I've ever seen Where did you get that? I want one. What if I start walking around with like a hair headband that starts right now Um, I liked like to get back to what you're saying like Karen when she's like this is a mom town And like once their kids go off to college the mom sort of fade out, but not me not me I'm like Karen really has this thing about being like not me. I won't be forgotten Uh people don't people don't mess with me. No, no, no, no. I'm like you're in Potomac You're in like the suburbs like who's coming for you? You're not in the eighth light Who are you like what territory your weird swimsuit, you know, like a toothpaste dress trying to hold in a turkey Like relax cut-eye dot lady. Oh and she also said in Potomac interracial dating is normal We only judge the color of your hammocks card here Thanks for thanks for pointing that out lady. Yeah Robin at the consignment store here. We go with robin's old dress again Hey mom here. We are sewing the dress member. I'm printing the wedding ones. Yeah I'm ready for the i'm ready for the dress story to end like i'm sure like next week will be like Guess what someone bought the dress and then I kind of want to burn so So now similarly we have karen and surese they go shopping Um finally one will have sex with me because my wedding dress smells like someone else's pozzino Was this when they were shopping for bathing suits this we have what a weird scene so I'm thinking this must be like Cheshire where they just won't be no one will allow them to shoot anywhere So they're shooting in random places. They're like all right. Here's behind the swing set. Yeah last week We didn't even point out that a big fight happened right in front of an air conditioning unit in a backyard The hell with this so now they're shopping with big old starbucks cups, which they're usually not allowed to use on this show So somebody get on that some lawyer get on that. Yeah, and um it's karen and serese talking about the stupid fake fight Um and then the young girl show up to try out bikinis in front of the old ladies. What the hell What was this by the way, I want to add that since the shower has have a picture of Sharon Lawrence up on my computer It says that she was born in charlotte charlotte, north carolina. I can't believe I was such a dumbass It'd be like yeah charles in south carolina. I'm terrified of her. I'm just this is what happens My brain has rotted by watching all these stupid shows. I can't even remember where charlotte is anymore Terrifying of course, it's part of the research triangle. Isn't it? No, it's not I'm gonna stop talking about cities In north carolina because I'm making myself a little gonna ask i'm like i think miss rahi when he thought that like Mercury was a star I can't the more I talk about okay. The research triangle is isn't that that's Durham? Chapel hill. Oh, you're talking to someone who doesn't care. I barely remember things I care about I'm just like i'm descending i'm descending into madness Um, so yeah, they're watching the young girls try on bathing suits and Being snotty. I mean really well, I'm not actually likes her though because uh actually likes karen because she's like a mother figure Yeah, Ashley is literally a child. She's like a little toddler with a little elven face Yeah, she really was like a like an elven robin given space and she's like she's like I really like Karen She's you know, she's really nice to me, you know, I know there's like an age difference, you know Like she's about 75 years old and i'm like 26 years old so I know there's a big age difference between us But I really like her. She doesn't call me a thought. I'm gonna be her one me When I finally just start eating everything I want to eat after my husband leaves me and my teacher did So anyway, what I like to is at one point Um shariis is talking about jazelle. I think Karen and shariis were talking about it And shariis is still being so ridiculous about this whole situation I can't think he of hers. She turned my hospitality and turned it into chaos What does that even mean? Like turned your hospital you know what that would It turning hospitality into chaos is you invite someone over and they slash your couches and paint on your walls Someone looking for a spoon and a drawer while you're upstairs. It's not chaos cook your dinner. That's not chaos. Okay They're so stupid. So at a chaos cram, you know, actually Ashley and uh Katie are both are the two young women in this and they're very funny because a lot of times on this show Uh, i'm always making fun of these young women's Women's these young women boning the old men for their money And they do, you know these these siren hoax session But in this one, they ain't gonna bone anybody but they're still using people for their money And at least they're honest about it. Yeah, they're like, well, they're kind of old but you know, I need their money So I'm gonna be here because I have a chair. What's her charity? It's like another charity that doesn't do shit Tasting, you know her as she has another charity that is they raise money for a bunch of random charity There's some tax shit going on here. This whole cast is going to be taking it for tax fraud soon Mock my words. I also I also enjoyed in this scene when karen decided to tell ashley She's she's she's like now just so you know in petomic we've all earned our spots here Okay So for the ladies who's earned your fucking spot the ladies here who've been at petomic the longest get the closest parking spot to target Okay, you part down the aisle. You have to earn your spot For young women in petomic. It's not an awesome blossom. It's just a blossom We've all earned the awesome Oh, I've not done shit name one of you hasn't just married some rich dude You have to earn your spot and tj max and until then you're at marshals You're raw stress for less Um, so now josel is getting a dress for this whiskey tasting that ash is putting together And this is when josel you know josel's doing that thing which is like i'm letting my daughters choose out She's my app for me, which by the way I feel like josel is starting to get codependent with her daughter She's doing a little she's letting them have a little bit too much input into her life like she's the mother You know like they wrote her apology letters. They're letting her choose her thing like Whenever there's like a little bit too much that I get a little like oh You are creating some codependency issues are to me is the only way she's palatable I know a lot of really intelligent people who are stuck with their parents like home taking care of their parents and blah blah blah I mean, thank god. I don't have to you know, my parents are way smarter than I am I I love josel josel cracks me up. I I I You know, she definitely like I don't like when she gets the claws out just because it's a pretty girl I don't like when when women do that, but for some reason when josel does it I'm just like totally entertained. She is absolutely my favorite Fire, but I hate her too. I think she's a little Karen. She's a little mini Karen She's trying to emulate Karen who's one of the I love Karen too in the world I'm in this weird situation. That's the same shit. She does. She's like, what am I even doing here? I love it. I love that like honestly like white stoves when Karen when Karen and uh josel were Were like feuding. I was like I didn't know what to do because I'm like, oh these women both cracked me up I love them both And they're both an old navy camo on the same day exactly one pretended to buy a fine art and the other pretended to test drive a lambo She'll never be able to buy dumb Desperate back. So this is when so this is when uh josel's daughters were her daughter was like, I'm Beyonce queen of everyone I'm Ellen DeGeneres Why would sad state why would uh my last note on that scene? I'm sorry. I was just looking at you You see, I can't have eye contact and fall on it, but um, why is Karen suggesting surgery to the skinniest young bitches in the world? What a bet. Oh, yeah, because uh katie has no boobs So what and she's had three babies. She's like a size zero and she still has a killer body She's gonna have boobs by the reunion. I guarantee by the reunion. She's gonna have some boobs Oh, yeah, it's the housewives, you know, she's on tv. She's gonna get a lot of shit about her like flat chest Which I think looks perfectly good. Um, but she's totally gonna have boobs So anyway, so it's time for the the whiskey tasting and so what I love is it's basically like at some I actually I think it might be a good restaurant or whatever. Uh, I think there was actually a I think laurian Cummings posted something about barrel. I think it I think it was listed. I haven't double checked but the point is It was like outside was like basically a bunch of like frack eyes Whatever like everyone's like in shorts and flip flops and Karen shows up totally dressed to the nines And it has to go into like a back room where they're like dusty barrels and she was losing it It was so funny in Potomac. We don't have barrel. We have cretin barrel classiest store in town I can't believe she would invite us to a place like this. I didn't know the attire was flip flops Oh, jesus. I didn't know the attire was flop sweat. Yep, cow titted Bitch. I hate her and she's like these chairs are heavier than they're like pioneer chairs Okay, they're supposed to be heavy and she's like She's like these are heavier than life. I'm like your your tits are heavier than this entire table Who you judge and sit your ass down and have a drink? I I love I loved how they were all like struggling with the chairs like everyone came was like, oh, this is a heavy chair Such a hits, but um, uh, I did I I mean Karen was right like they because because as she did sort of make it sound Like this would be a nice thing and it was literally like they're all dressed up in this table in the center and everyone around him's like in shorts and like tank Yeah, but that's how everybody in this town dresses. They're like, we're the charity event There's like five of the same flower dress like off the gail Simmons clearance rack, you know, my come on My question is this is like the second time it's happened like like haven't these women heard of Yelp? Like just go on Yelp, but look what the restaurant is then you'll know how to dress Well, they'd also find out What doctors are ruining Karen's face and just avoid it like the plague Um, this place they're this is fancy for Katie. She's running a place. I mean granted She blew away Ashley. She grew she blew her way into it, but still she she's running a place and she knows about All this whiskey and that's something more than those dumbasses now, especially stupid chorice with her What is the wet stem paste like well? I love gazelle. She's like who tastes like a dirty shoe Oh, it's like butt crack It was like it was like really um Normally, I would be like we were rolling my eyes and being all snobby, but the fact She's just so funny. Like every time she says she's like, you know tastes like cardboard You know, but right after acting so fancy because she came down and did the mini-carom where she's like I can't believe we would be in the place like this. I'm all dressed up And then she's like smells like butt crack. Yep. So when you're breeding there. Yeah, well, you know, to be fair I think you know sometimes with whiskey you can say man that girls wearing one of those humongous statement necklaces But it was like a chain link, but it was like a gigantic chain link Time for a pool party, you know That being said that looked like a super fun whiskey to his thing because they were just like doing shot after shot They're just getting drunk and like loud poor chorice. It must have been hot in there her hair had fallen apart She looked she literally looked like she was melting into the ground like all her makeup had come off her hair was like Oh a drag. I mean like she's like a drag queen playing Regina king until five in the morning Like how many lines are there in the left over? She looked she looked only the rest She looked very like Linda Hamilton By any for her son the Terminator Like on the road in the dirt in the sand like she had been through it all She was just trying to get something I don't know but she But anyways, I look it's just hot in here So Giselle Giselle and Shari start to hash out do things in Potomac I just had to point that out because parents says that again, of course So then Giselle and Shari start hashing it out. They don't really get anywhere first stupid fake fight again They're like, okay. I'm glad to see us all painful and then Giselle Starts it again. This is stupid non-fight. I don't even want to talk about it. I'm tired Well, you don't have to for a moment because then uh, we cut over to this event Yeah So meanwhile elsewhere in DC and I believe it was like the museum of like architecture or whatever I went there a few years ago. So I recognized the interiors Really cool museum. It's like a McDonald's. Yeah, they went to McDonald's with the columns Um, so uh, there was this event for Washington magazine And so Katie is like I want to get like the word out about the Ross foundation So she starts walking around this party like a like a Budweiser girl at a bar handing out swag You know like it's like here have a pin here have a free towel She's like, hi. Hi. I'm Katie. You want to come to my event? Yeah, come to our event come to this event I was like, is this the way it's done? Is this how you do it? Normally I feel kind of bad for girls like this who are so desperate to get married I mean I call them stupid slacks and tell them to like read a book too, but this girl I actually like why is she so desperate and then she kind of explains this because the whole limo right over Are you gonna ask me to get married? How do I introduce myself as you don't ask me to get married? Are we engaged? Has she introduced you? Are you my boyfriend? Then they show up and they say what's your name? She says Ross. Well, how do we introduce him? I don't know. How should we introduce you as my engaged person? Is my husband is my boyfriend my gay best friend This poor guy she just keeps going on and on and then she says in Potomac Everyone looks at you if you're not married. You just have to be married. You don't just shack up Well, I guess that explains it. I mean try but if that's so important Why do you leave your husband of your three children when you were four months pregnant like since when did the fucking rules matter to you? Yeah, and then and then the funny thing was they do encounter some people who are like, so are you guys engaged? Why aren't you engaged? And at first I was like, oh wow, she's right, but then they were like, yeah We just got married last weekend. I was like, oh, these people just wanted to brag about getting married on TV. Never mind, never mind They got they got the spotlight and they were flower dresses So then we go back to the whiskey place and at this point now Ashley and Giselle are talking about our ashes like she's like you call me a thought you said I was thought and she's like well You were humping people you were humping people like don't if you don't want to hump I won't call you five. You don't hump people and she's like Even when she did it. I know someone later. So actually I guess it's too dumb to call her out on that But that was a lie that's not what she did. I didn't like she goes. I just meant that you're like a whore Yeah, I like that. I like that giselle is just like she didn't even double. She wasn't she didn't even flinch She was like, well, yeah, I know you hump Robin. So that's you know, you're it's like a hoe Yeah, I know I know I have sex with people for money. I mean I have sex with people for basement bars I mean different. I I like gardening, but like I don't see how I'm a hoe Also, who's giselle judging her her short name is jizz How do you hear calling people a hoe? So anyway, but anyway, they oddly enough they kind of handled it maturely and and Ashley's like yeah Kind of upset me and just like oh, well, I'm sorry and then she's like, okay. Cool. And then shariis was like oh wait a second They are handling this in such a mature way and I've been a raging bitch Oh, I guess maybe I should be an adult so she gets up and she like hugs jizzelle and they're like, yay Well, I love Ashley because she said See what a little whiskey can do They were just shit faced by that point. Yeah, she was pouring them full shots of whiskey Every taste and every taste of ass crack. They swallowed. I mean they did her in their positions in this town Believe it or not. I'm actually going to whiskey tasting on thursday and I'm hoping that I have Like a similar experience. I hope I get to call someone a hoe and and then hug a lady Just do it. Just make some shit up. That's all they do on this show. Just say you're man of we're really out of line You turn my hospitality into chaos So then finally The show ends with with katie and angio. I'm so romantic on the band. Andrew pretending he doesn't know how to make a braid He's like I could do a bob a die job Wacked you and I like how and katie she keeps up She has this like weird overconfidence like that's in this like dorky annoying way. It doesn't even read as arrogant It's just like Just goofy and dorky and she's like rich. She's like andrew's life has been a lot more exciting since he met me Like really going to a really boring event having to like pal around with you while you invite everyone to see the boring event Watching a rich lady beg for money on the street. That was really fun And then again, when are you gonna marry me? Are you gonna marry me? When are you gonna marry me? So exciting. I would have he's like, yeah I would have married you a million times. Did you not kept asking me the whole year? And she goes I'm trying to be serious and you're not even taking the serious and goes like a heart attack Really fucking romantic. Why are you gonna marry this guy? You're rich. Go find somebody up. Oh, he is a good nanny though He did point that out. Yeah, well, it's funny because he's like because she's like I'm trying to be serious I'm like you have a camera crew in your bedroom. How serious can you possibly be at this moment? Like this is all fake right now, you know, like you're not actually about to go to bed You have a cameraman I love ashley. I just want her to talk. I want to read audio books written. I mean read in ashley's voice Like serious Robie take us back moby beak That brings us to the end bend number two you made it buddy I'm on this is two 11 you didn't man. Wow. Did you know you survived go? He won. Yes. Wait, how do you win tetris? That's like impossible Did you really beat your eyes though? He's playing candy crush. Let's be honest. It wasn't Tetris. Tetris is so in 1990 Whatever that that's not how we do things in Potomac fan. Don't talk to me Everybody thank you for listening to the watch what crappins pauled cost. We will talk to you next time Go to facebook.com/watchwalkcrapins or patreon.com/watchwalkcrapins for our bonus episodes Which we will be recording in an hour after we eat lunch and Talk some shit about how cute Ben number two is yeah, love you guys. Love you improv. Thanks for having us I'm excited to be in prop audience All those empty couches. Congratulations on being real brick wall. Yeah Yeah If you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now By joining wendry plus in the wendry app or on apple podcast Prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go Tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wendry.com/survey I'm linsey graham host of wendry show american scandal We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in us history presidential lies environmental disasters corporate fraud in our latest series Entrepreneur lu pearlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world the backstreet boys and in sync He also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company restaurants and real estate But pearlman's successful facade crumbles after he sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them And soon investigators discover that pearlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme Follow american scandal on the wendry app or wherever you get your podcasts Experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest seasons only on wendry plus You can join wendry plus in the wendry app apple podcast or spotify start your free trial today
