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For Hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what crap is, a podcast about all that crap we watch on Bravo. And we'd love to talk about afterwards, we are here. I am Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Bantur Blender podcast. And joining me is just the lovely and hilarious and supremely talented Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. That's the nicest intro of all time. Oh no, it's not nearly as nice. No one else introduces me like that. I will always introduce you like that. Every time next time we go out to the bars, I'm going to stand at the door before you walk in. And make everyone, I'm going to announce the entire bar. I'll be like, everyone, please welcome the kindest and funniest and most supremely talented man that I know. Mr. Ronnie Karam. Oh Lord, if anybody knows how to ignore a bullshit intro, it's people in the gay bar. Yeah, and now it's visibly whatever. And she's like lip syncing so terrible. So this is exciting because it is like 7 p.m. Guys, we are recording many hours later than normal and it is nighttime. And you guys all know what happens when we record at night. We get crazy. Yeah, I'm pretty crazy. I've been getting up really early in the morning. So this is like late night for me. I've been actually sleeping in a lot. I've been, you know, what happens with my Casper mattress is that I tend to go for like three weeks in a row. I just sleep and sleep and sleep. It's like it's so comfortable. And then I have like a week where I'm waking up at seven in the morning. It's strange. My body's like, oh wait, you've been sleeping way too much. Let's just wake up early this week. Oh, that doesn't happen with my Casper mattress because I don't happen. Oh, I do however have ambient. Unfortunately, right now I'm out. So I wake up like blink, blink, blink, blink. It's the Casper mattress of pills. So it's a nighttime podcast for us, which means we're going to be extra crazy. Not by design. It's just the way we are. We're like werewolves, but like early evening werewolves. Designed on the dime bag. Yeah, no, just kidding. No, Coke was done. Okay, people. So time for a little bit of housekeeping. Okay. So, uh, okay. First of all, be sure to follow us on Facebook, facebook.com/watchwalkrapins. We have a super active Facebook page there. If you are interested in any form or facet of Bravo Gossip, go to our Facebook page, like it, because that's where it all is. Everyone, it's like, everyone just sort of like deposits gossip there at all hours of the day, literally is fantastic. Yeah, there's a video from Bravo of Jack's dancing in a speedo. Yeah. So, you know, and the thing is when we do our Bravo Gossip, if we, if we get around to it, we don't even have to do any Google search. And we just go there. So that's super cool. Thanks everyone who likes us there. It's, it really helped us a lot in terms of our egos. And then also our social media is at watchwalkrapins.com and be sure to follow us on Twitter, by the way, because our Twitter numbers, we want to get them higher. So that way people take us seriously. Damn it. We are real, we, we want to be taken serious, like fiveish finkle at a small town court. Fiveish finkle. Picket fences, hashtag never forget. Picket fences. One of the greatest casting duos of fiveish finkle and Don Geadle working together with Kathy Baker and Tom Skirri. I mean, and Holly Marie Combs. What an amazing show. And Costas Mandelor. And Lauren Holly. Really the perfect show. Well, you gave Lauren Holly too. No, I said, I said, I said, I said, Lauren Marie Combe. Holly Marie Combs. Oh, yeah. No, Lauren Holly. Holly Marie Combs. Aren't they the same? They're the same person in my mind. I'm going to, I'll Google them later. No, they're totally different. Obby. You're obviously not a hallhead, which is a reference to Holly Marie Combs, not Lauren Holly. God help us all. And of course, it would not be a podcast if we did not plug our Patreon page. It's really, really helpful to us when you guys all support us. For instance, today, my rent went up $500. Jesus. For real, my rent went up $500. Oh, that is disgusting, okay. And on the other side of town, two blocks away, I am gutting out my entire apartment because it's rent-controlled and I'm never moving. I'm going to be doing this podcast from this apartment even after Bravo is off the air. Yeah. So, you know, as a part, I'm not going to get into it too much, but there's this whole thing where like, I'm going to have to like, if I decide to stay here, I have to move out for a month when they renovate, while they renovate the apartment and then move back in. And so when I move out for a month, I don't know what my Bravo access will be. It's just a disaster, everyone. That was just some bullshit. If there are some apartment people in LA who know a good, cheap rent-controlled place for Ben, please do come email us. Facebook us tweet us something. Help us out here, people. I'll be there with my bindle soon enough. And my flower in my breast pocket, that squirts water. Oh my god. But for real though, like forget the charity aspect. Honestly, like Patreon, it's been great for a podcast and if you support us, you get access to all sorts of cool things that enhance the Watch A Cravans experience, chief among them is our bonus episode. We do that every single week. We just recorded a crazy one where we talked about emojis and making a murderer and things trending on Facebook and we had a blast. So if you want to get another hour of us just like talking about random shit, go to Patreon. That was really fun. That was way too much fun. They were thinking about effing emojis. We talked about emojis a long time. Like we went through our favorites, our least favorites. We talked about the new ones that are coming out. Like we went in on emojis. So there's that. And of course you get access. There's a monthly hangout which we did last week. And also, if you support at a certain level, you get access to the Cravans mail bag, which means you get to ask submit questions to that. Oh my god. I'm so excited. Let's do it. Speaking of which Cravans mail bag. Let me just get over to the theme music. There it is. Did we give a shout out to our super sponsor Marvin Jeya and our other premium sponsor, Chrissy Dougherty? It's the Dougherty. We love you guys. Marvin Jey and Chrissy Dougherty. Holler-baller. That kitchen and making room for a sectional y'all. Yeah, so let's see. First question from Lola Del Rio. She's always good for a question or two. Love me some Lola. If you had a private jet, what sad sick animal would you pick up for Lisa Vanderpump? A pygmy hippo with cataracts or a chimpanzee with a sex addiction? Those are the only two. I would do the chimpanzee with a sex addiction because her sex jokes would instantly become a more relevant and be way scarier. And you thought they were scary with Ken Vanderpump in the house? Hoorah! Well, actually, Catherine actually responded to the question. She said the sick animal that she would pick up for Lisa Vanderpump jacks from a Hawaiian jail cell. And then she follows up and she goes basically to clarify the chimp with a sex addiction. [laughter] Catherine, you had like a twofer on that one. I personally would pick up a pygmy hippo with cataracts just to see it running into a wall a lot. You know, because you know that Lisa would make a drama about it. I would love to come to the party tonight, but you know, it's just that Mr. Fizzlebottom just keeps running into the wall and we're very concerned about his eyesight. Now we've got one little hole in the wall from where Ken bumped his head and a bigger hole from where the pygmy hippo bumps his head. Delling us, I just need little rubber door stoppers both of my children telling. Every time the pygmy hippo runs into the wall, Hanky gets upset and he pips in the pond a little bit. It's just absolutely terrible. All the algae. The pygmy hippo stepped on my toe today. I've done so much for that pygmy hippo. Jackie Flavin, she actually asked us last week, but we never got around to it. Wow, way to hug Jackie Flavin. Hey, there's your ignore hug. Hope you enjoy it, Jackie. There you go, Jackie. She says, love, love, love, love you guys. Thanks, Jackie. I've been listening for a year and I even went back and listened to earlier episodes. You got me through maternity leave, smiley face. Oh, thanks. You got me through the maternity leave too, Jackie. Mailbag question, she says, please give us a minute or two of Smells Like for Kim Richard's purse or Captain Lee's quarters on the honor of Erica, Jane, stage onesie or anything else you feel inspired to describe. She basically wants us to play the game of Smells Like. Okay, I say we just go with the first one, Kim Richard's purse. Okay, Kim Richard's purse smells like, smells like unpaid parking tickets that have had Fanta spilled on them and then like got mold on them over the years. I think Kim Richard's purse smells like, old crackle bars that have melted and cheap linen. I think Kim Richard's purse smells like those old Benson & Hedges like, really like before Capris came out. Benson & Hedges had these really brown, long cigarette menthol things and they would like crunch up really easily because they were basically made out of dry sand and then like mixed with that like old lady lip sticky smell. I feel like her purse smells like a forgotten empty apple and Eve juice box container and cream of tartar. I think her purse smells like metallic blood because of all the crackpot she's broken in there. She just like stabbed herself trying to find it, Michael. I think her purse smells like turtle and turtle as in like a reptile turtle and turtle from entourage. I think her purse smells like an old like lavender candle that she stole out of Kyle's bathroom like 12 years ago. I feel like her purse smells like the cereal aisle in a super target mixed with some hoisin sauce. I think her purse smells a little bit like the libreatar pits and you know how when you go into the Kmart, I don't know if every Kmart is like this, but ours is. There's a Kmart smell on that third street Kmart or Beverly Kmart. Yeah, it just smells like, I don't know if it's a butt. I don't know if it's like old lady butt, gum or pee. All of those three things mixed together and the libreatar pits. I feel like Kine Richard's purse smells like, you know when you open up a new printer cartridge for the first time and take it out of the bag? And there's like a waft of chemically smell, but then it's gone. I think that's what it smells like with a dash of cinnamon. I recently repotted a couple of trees in my house and when I emptied out the tree pots, there was like this old, musty water smell from the bottom of the tree that I guess either didn't smell at the top or I've just never noticed it before, but I almost fainted and I think that's what Kmart's purse smells like and orbits. Last night, I actually made a pork tenderloin and I seared it in a skillet and put it in the oven and then cooked it up and everything. And then I served it up and I had it was really good and then today I went about my day and I came home and I forgot that I had never cleaned the skillet. That's what her purse smells like. I think Kine Richard's purse doesn't even smell because you know bitch forgot it. You know she can't find it. Like she left it somewhere. It's like in some hotel bathroom somewhere. Well let's face it also. Her purse is basically like a newspaper that she found that's like folded in half with like a fish inside. It's like old people magazine covers like duct tape together. Yeah, it's just like a real estate listing. It's like the penny saver with a box of tic-tacs on the inside that she's holding. She's like let me look at my purse and she opens up the penny saver. Tic-tacs fall out. Oh my god, I'm doing the changed purse. It's like a little tic-tac thing with a tic-tac thing. Can't fit a quarter in here. Oh, that was fun. I missed that game. I know. And then I guess we'll leave the other ones for Thursday's day. We've got a lot to discuss today. Holy crap. Oh and also just so you guys know we're moving Vanderpump rules to Thursday because there is just too much in life right now. Yeah because Cheshire's over. So pump is now reunited with Beverly Hills on Thursday along with newlywed. At least until February when Melbourne returns and then we'll come back. So we're going to be crazy. You know, February is only in five days, just so you know. I know but I don't think Melbourne starts. It's like TV February. You know how they're like it's coming in February and then it's like the last crack of ass on February. It's like the 28th at midnight. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Is this a February with 28 days, Ben? Tell me, you know, you're smart. Actually, I think it's a leap year. It is 2016. I am going to leap for joy. So what does that mean? It's 28 days or 30 days. 29 days. 29 days. You've lived too far ahead. I don't know why we're talking about leap year. But anyway, Vanderpump rules. Speaking of not understanding calendars, Vanderpump rules will be on Thursday. Yes. So that was the Crapin's mailbag, everyone. Thanks as usual. And if you would like to just wait into the front of stores, get out of the way. If you would like to have your question read on the air for part of the Crapin's mailbag portion, just donate on Patreon. And then when we post about the mailbag on our Facebook page or you can just check in on Patreon, you just go and you leave a question in the comments section. Some people are leaving the questions on Facebook or they're messaging us. We really are only going to do the questions that are on the Patreon post. Yeah, that comments on the Patreon. Okay, cool. So what do you want to do first? Do you want to talk about one of the shows or do you want to do our minis, the Top Chef and the recipe for deception, a recipe for deceiving chopped into thinking that we didn't just steal their fucking shell? Why don't we do, oddly enough, let's do recipe for deception and then why we do Top Chef in between Atlanta and Potomac? Okay, what do you think? You start first. This is the first episode for those of you who have not seen it. It is a chopped rip off. So here's the way it works. Okay, let's just describe what it is first. This is fucking crazy this show in a bathroom. So this is a show where two chefs are going to go head to head and they're going to cook a dish with a secret ingredient, but they don't know what the secret ingredient is. However, the other chef knows what their secret ingredient is. So what they do, they have to ask a question of the other chef, their opponent and they have to ask three questions and their opponent responds with two truths and one lie. And based on that, the original chef has to discern which was the lie and which were the two truths. And based on that, they have to decide narrow it down what's the secret ingredient. And then along the way, like 20 minutes in, there's like another question and situation and they can or they can find out something else and they get to like to get even closer. And then five minutes before the meal is ready, they find out what their secret ingredient is. And if they've been smart, if they've like sussed out their secret ingredient beforehand, they would have already been cooking with it and everything would be great. But if they have not, they could wind up like this one lady who wound up putting a big scallop on top of her crab cake. So it's a really convoluted, low concept idea. It is so stupid. It is so stupid. They have a section where they have to, are you good at lying? Can your opponent tell you? By the way, that announcer voice was like 5,000 times better than anything this host ever did on this show. But he's like, guys, now we will see who is the biggest liar. You tell me three lies and then he will guess which lie is true. It's like such a stupid type. It's like I'm Asian, I like hippos, and I'm allergic to garlic. And they're like, well, he's Asian, but am I being tricked? Okay, you don't like garlic. And he's like, yeah, fuck up. I got you, I tricked you, I'm deceptive. And by the way, no one, absolutely no one got, I don't think anyone fell for the wrong lie. Like there's one guy who messed up like one question. But it was, it just was like this. It was, it's just like cooking have to do with lying. What are you gonna go work for Monsanto? And like try and make us think that, you know, like cardboard with sugar in it is a cookie. Get the fuck out of here. I don't care if you can buy something. Nothing like, there was nothing inherently, nothing inherently made sense about the premise of the show. Like at least with like, what's it called? The kitchen, the sabotage kitchen, what's it called? You know, the one with Allen Brown that this is like based off of? The cut throat kitchen thing. At least that makes sense in that you're going head to head, but you can handicap your opponent by giving them a crazy obstacle that like makes sense. You're like, you're making a steak, but you have to make it with a big lighter. It's got you sucka. I mean, they're cooking something. This show, I don't even know what the fuck they're doing. This one is just like this weird, like strange mind game that does not, it just does not mesh well. It does not, you know, it's funny a show about cooking where you're talking about flavors working together harmoniously. This is really like putting chocolate and smoked salmon together. If you may, we may talk in terms of ingredients. It's just, it's it's a really new, so much stuff from chopped. And it's funny because chopped is a pretty simple show. You know, they give you a crazy thing to work with and you have to cook with it in a short amount of time, but they steal everything from chopped, but in such a terrible way. And when this started, I was like, oh, great. It's another no personality fucking host. What is it with these cooking shows only getting host with zero personality? I mean, because he writes the recaps of Top Chef for either. He's terrible. He is terrible. He has zero personality. He was very pseudo-eligible. It's a little fucking blogger guy. And he's like, welcome to recipe for deception. I was like, here this board is the pilot, dude. Lighten up. Take a walk around the block. Have some vegetables, Jesus Christ. And even, it's the motherfucker. And then even worse is that, so it's for the first 20 minutes, you see two guys going head to head. Then in the second 20 minutes, you see two more people going head to head. And then for the third, it's like the final heat. So the winner of the first and the winner of the second go head to head, okay? So they're going head to head and they have like a slightly trickier. And now they only get two minutes to work with the secret ingredient. But like the people that they defeated get to find out, get to ask a question about the secret ingredient. And they will like learn something important. So then the people who've already been defeated then go and approach the people who are cooking, the ones who have defeated them. And are like, hey, I know something about the secret ingredient. And I'll let you know what it is. If you cut me in like 60/40 on the final whatever. So there's this like random stupid negotiation that happens. And then on top of that, what I hate is when the chef finally does win, he has to give away half of his winnings to some guy who makes salsa. You know, it's like to me, it's like it undercuts the winner. Yeah, whatever percentage that they're willing to pay for them. Which was high. Both people, one was like 50/50 and one was like 60/40. It was just, it was for garlic. One of them gave like 40% of his winnings a way to find out that it was garlic. I mean, that is just sad. He used garlic in almost everything. It was just, it was such a convoluted premise and execution. And it just, it's what you said before, there's like lack of personality. And you know, the thing is that, oddly enough, it's very watchable. You know, it's not boring. You know, you're watching it and like, you know, you sort of, you do want to know what happens just in a way that you do any time you get sucked into any of those stupid shows. You know, but it lacks. Not me. I mean, that's like when I'm suicidal and sitting around and watching Food Network 20 hours a day, that's why I've seen so much of top. But I'm not going to just do this on purpose. This is just terrible. Never. I would never tune into the show ever, ever, ever. I do love certain things because they also steal other things from top. Like the celebrity judges who were just 80% of them are just arrogant, fucking assholes, like just awful. They just sit there and they're so, they say the most arrogant, stupid things, just so they can say something. Like one of them said, okay, they have five minutes to incorporate their secret ingredient. Five minutes, okay. So how are you going to build a dish around something? If you have five effing minutes. So one of them, and I knew it was coming right from the beginning when I could see that they're just like a bad chopped. He goes, I knew. He said, you didn't really incorporate the avocado very well into your dish. Yeah, because he had five fucking minutes, dude. I was chopping vegetables while I watched this. I had like my iPad up in the kitchen watching this shit. And it took me through this and half of Top Chef just to chop the vegetable. Yeah, exactly. I love Jonathan Waxman. I love Jonathan Waxman. He was on Top Chef Masters. I love him. He's so arrogant and makes him crazy. I love him. But that being said, you know, the one thing that I thought was interesting is that the judges don't know what the secret ingredient is, which I like because, you know, when they're talking about like, you know, if a certain ingredient, if there's supposed to be a special ingredient that's highlighted, if the judges can't pick up on it, that's, I enjoyed it. But that's such a small thing. The whole show is just like, it's one of those things where I can see that I'll in the near future, I'll be on a flight. I'll be on JetBlue and it's going to be the only thing on. I'm going to sit there and watch it. And I don't think this show can be on for very long. I mean, it's very below. And it's like very below the Bravo brand. I'm sorry. There's nothing like Bravo, their food shows, you know, they've only really been able to get traction with Top Chef, right? But their whole brand is high end. Everyone on Top Chef works in like high end restaurants. The judges are truly Top Chef's. Michelin star, yada, yada, yada. This is like very down market this show. They try to make it seem on market by having Jonathan Waxman and like, these chefs are like, good chefs and they work. But like, it just lacked personality. The thing with those celebrity chefs is they're on a circuit. They all have agents now. All these chefs have agents. And so they're on every cooking show, you know, and you watch a lot of them too. It's the same chefs on every single show, whether it's this one or chopped or what's the other one that they have on there where I'm trying to think Iron Chef, obviously. But that's a good show. Iron Chef is good. But the like, not hotel nightmares, but it's one of Amberlle's 30 shows that she has where they have all the chef left and they just go from place to place from show to show to show. You know what, fucking cook something. And I think it's a bad timing for this show because something like the great British, British, whatever, cooking on a dog park lawn under a tent or whatever, people are fascinated with that on the old net. People should have done, people, I agree. I think this is a major misstep by Bravo tonally. Not a major one that probably cost like $5 to do this one. But tonally, it's very behind the curve. I mean, the market is saturated. It's not only on Food Network. It's like on Travel Channel. It's on Esquire. Like we've seen them. They're going to do it. They need to take what's popular from that great British, whatever. Exactly. They need to see because what's good about it is that it's not all this flashy bullshit. It's people baking that thing. Exactly. I do not need to see your ass trying to be all flashy and arrogant. You're a chef. Cook something good and teach me how to do it. I don't want I don't care about your fucking personality. I don't care about your stupid backstory about your dad being mean to you or whatever the hell's going on with you. I don't care. Can you cook again? The great British baking show, which we've talked about on our bonus episode before, what's so great is that the show really is about just like normal people baking with they are given like some legit challenges. But the challenges are not like you have to bake this with a chainsaw. It's like, okay, here is the sort of cake that we want. And then they'll tell you this is a challenging cake because this is what could go wrong. And this is what can go wrong. And this is what could go wrong if you're not precise. If your time is wrong, they'll tell us. And so really what it comes down to is has their judgment been correct? Did they do that like did they did their mastery of baking serve them properly? And as you sit there and you watch them staring at this at the oven and being concerned about like, well, I proved it in the fridge instead of in the open air. It's like riveting and because it's it comes down to technique. And Bravo has has totally missed the mark with this show. This is just all gone so crazy. They're like, well, effing circus, even the food network. I can't even watch that network anymore. It's just ridiculous. I mean, off the rails. I was just watching the other day. I was watching worst, worst cooks in America, which I used to like a lot because it's funny to what, but now it's like terrible. But then I saw commercial where it was like, it was like, I think it was Ann Burrell and someone else, but they're they're talking about how like, we're going to go. We were we found the best home cooks in the country and we're going to guide them. And we're going to turn transform this home cook until I got that. I'm like, they're just all carbon copies of each other. All they do is take home cooks and do this or make professional cooks like, you know, do things on trapeze. Love me some Ann Burrell though, because that bitch don't give a shizness. Okay, she shows up and like lesbian made me socks up to her knees. Like those hoes, they're made out of pantyhose. Like that's her personality. She's like, I'm going to get 30 different kind of like made hoes that go up to my knees and I'll just wear different colors than those. And then like her stupid Guy Fieri here that you know stinks like Kim Richards purse. You know, it does. And then she just has a scowl on her face. And especially on that worst cooks and whatever, they are really bad. And on that show, they have to be the worst to get on the show. So they're like, here's my bacteria infested lasagna that I made with dog food and cream. And she wants to kill herself. But that girl's paying her mortgage. Move out of New York. And Braille, you could have formed a four to farm someplace. And Braille, and Braille has what I call condescending camp counselor voice, where she, where she tells people, she's like, okay, so we're going to do this. And what do we do with this? We treat it kindly. It's like she's always like telling everyone to get in line to go into the cafeteria. You know, everything is like, okay, kids, it's time to have lunch. So what do we do? We get in a line. There we go. Barely functioning. Like the people that they have on that show are barely functioning. I swear to God, I see them outside of my whole food spectrum for Jane. It's like the same people. They're like walking funny. They don't know how to talk properly. They don't know how to use a like even hold a knife. I mean, they're morons, you know. And Amberrell is that lady who's nice until she's not nice. Like her own cooking show, her secrets of a restaurant chef or whatever. Love that show. That was my first experience with her clothes. I was just going to say, if I may interrupt for a second, the biggest crime is that Amberrell is a really good chef. And her show was really good. It had really good recipes that were taught really well. And I mean, how to make gnocchi and I make it fucking beautifully every time. And I tried it a million times before she just showed me the secret. Thank you, Amberrell. And now she's just relegated to doing these like circus acts, you know. Yeah, I think they're like someone who signs up for the beginning of a season of law and order. I don't know if you ever watch those repeats, but they're on all the time. Tch-chunk. And they'll just use the same actors in every episode playing different parts. But I don't even know that they get paid more by me. I think they're like, okay, here's $5 and we can use you whenever we want the entire season. I think Amberell like gets a hundred grand and then has to do whatever they say. And I'm like, okay, you're on 12 shows this year. Yeah, pretty much. You know, she just wants to kill herself. She's gonna anger herself with maid socks. Well, they probably are like, well, listen, here's the deal. And unless you're doing a cooking show about food from the south or food from the heartland, then there's no room for you here unless you want to host yet another ridiculous competition. So it's your choice, Anne Burrell. And you know, it's those two fuckers from that Food Network star that... What are their names, that little Kermit the Frogold. I love it. I love it, and that bitchy lady who like either wants to fuck you or slit your throat. That woman's awful. Oh, I love her. I love Susie Fogelson. She's made so many horrible people famous. Shame on you, woman. So Amberell, you know, in her show, like restaurant chef or whatever, she's so nice. And she's like, I love you, Noki. Okay, have fun in the oven, my little bumpy dumpies. Call me. Like she talks to the food and she's so nice. And then I saw her on other shows and she's like, God damn it. I'm like losing it, you know, about to freak out. Oh yeah, you know, she's crazy under that. But anyway, this is a long way to say that recipe deception is a muddled concept. It has a mediocre, like cheap execution. It is below the Bravo brand. And that's below Food Network, okay. When you're ripping off Food Network shows on Bravo, that is some sad shit. Get your act together over there, people. Yeah, Bravo. There's got to be, I know that Bravo has been trying to break into the food space beyond Top Chef for a while. But there's just got to, I think Bravo has to really look at some other formats in different countries because just following, following Food Network is not good. For one thing, as much as we should. I should bitch. How do you even pitch this? I mean, it's chefs. Okay, let's get really poor desperate people with terrible backstories and then they'll play a word game first and try and guess each other's lives. And then who said that that's a good idea? I mean, it takes a lot of effort to get a show made. How the hell did this happen? Yeah, this is, it's a disappointment. So anyway, that's that. Yeah, clear that. So I'm done with that shit. Everybody should be done with it. Get rid of it. Clear it. Clear it, clear it, clear it. So now let's move on to, do I do Atlanta or Potomac first? I'm good for whichever you'd like. I've got both my notes open. I guess. Why don't we do Atlanta? Why not? Atlanta or? Atlanta. So we always talk about how Atlanta is show up and down. And I think I always like it a little bit more than you just because, I mean, this show cracks me up, but it is so uneven. And this season has gone up and down, up and down. I thought this episode was so good. I loved it. Did you hear what you think? I thought the first half of it was pretty dull. I thought I was actually like, I like did not have a lot of notes. And then, you know, when they got to the brunch, it started to get better. But I think overall it was, you know, I thought it was a little average. But I really was laughing. And I don't, I don't need there to be drama or anything on these shows personally. I just like when I like the people. I like candy, but I hate Todd so much. He's the worst. He's walking around with his little like sideways hat sitting on the top of his head. Shut up, Todd. There's platform shoes. Please don't. Yeah, exactly. So they're talking like they start out talking about baby duty and this and that. And the Recapper, El Boogie on Trash Talk TV, so talented. This girl is so funny. She said, "Cantie and Todd are on Pinterest looking for, looking for baby room ideas. They're planning their baby room much like they planned, much like they plan all of their businesses, like boringly and terribly." Yes. And it's so true. And we can't, he's like, well, you know, we didn't put a lot of thought into it. But we always work together. And it always turns out good. Do you not remember last season when you were crying? Because you put a hundred people out of work. Because your show was so bad and unorganized. Yeah. Do you remember that like the moment you started cutting Todd Tucker into all your business deals, they all started to fail? Do you remember that? Todd, he's got an entrepreneurial man. We was working together. Todd is wearing in this scene glitter moisturizer. Yes. He's glitter. I mean, it's just ridiculous. I can't with him. FF. Yeah. And he's like bragging about how we can do a diaper or something like that. I was surprised that Kim feels income like bursting through the window. It'd be like, did somebody say diapers? Carpool diapers? She's already got one of those little speaker things in her baby room that like links to their baby room. I heard your baby crying. So speaking of, we go over to Tootie's house. Her friend Victoria is coming over. Her friend, Chloe, because of course, Tootie doesn't have any friends. So this is like her employee friend who does her hair. And she's like, I love it. She says, she's my stylist. And I just wrote down, that explains a lot. LOL. Because this lady comes in with the biggest hair I've ever seen in my life. And Kim was walking around with like a mini little bleach version of her hair. It was like Sideshow Bob and Mel. Yeah. I mean, there's a fro and then there's just dust bunnies running loose in your living room. Okay. People like rain it in. I actually like the hair, to be honest. I liked it on the style. I think it was hers or the stylist. The stylist. The stylist. I like it because it was so extreme. It was like funky. And I like that she took little bits of, I don't even know what product, but like pomade or like something waxy. And like she would just like do a few of her ends, like the curls on the ends. And I don't know. I could see her look cool like thick frame glasses. So she was going for like a look, whereas Tootie is just sort of like, just like, she has like a giant fuzzy starfish on her head. Yeah, poor Tootie. Yes, she's a little misguided. But Victoria is the one misguiding her. So, you know, I don't know. Jury is out on Victoria. I did like that she came in and she was not an attention whore. Because mostly people who come on this show are like, Hi, I'm a hairstylist. Yeah. And she wasn't. She was like mortified even. Yeah, she didn't speak. She was. Yeah, because normally like the stylists are like, so tell me everything. I want to hear about everything. Like I'm your best friend. I want everyone in the cameras to see how I'm your best friend. And I'm a stylist. I just want to swat them away. But this woman was like, please get me out of here. I'm going to work at Kmart. She was like, you're hurting my brand. Okay. Yeah. So they're, of course, talking about carpools. Yeah. And Tootie wants to throw a big carpool party. Because she has new friends and she needs new style. You know, Tootie is such a bitch. She pretends she's so nice and she's so above it all. But she is such an underhanded little bitch. Everything she says on this show is so rude. She's like, well, we used to have brunch at the end of living single. I would throw it every year for the cat. Okay, we get it. You were on a better TV. It's like, hey, Tootie, just because he brought some bagels, the craft service table does not mean you divided everyone to brunch. She's like, today I am sponsoring the folding and unfolding of the craft services table. So she's throwing this brunch and she needs a new kind of style because these ladies, what did she say about them? She just said something like, these ladies aren't easy to. She's just everything she says about everybody else is fucking rude. Like you can say it with a smile on your face and not use curse words and still be a bitch, Tootie. Okay. You're not nice just because you're not yelling at people. You can still be a silent bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so she decides that she wants to have a beat list brunch. And so for those of you who are confused by that term, when you say your face is beat, it's like you've been beating your face with the makeup thing, you know, like the powder, the blush, whatever you call it. I can only explain so much people, but when you say everybody want to go out with a beat list face, who wants to go around with a beat face? Where does that term even come from? That's not telling you that the term came from when you say your face is beat. It's because you've been beating your face with what's that? It's like the cushiony thing that women use to beat makeup onto their face. You know, like that pad. It's like the pad, you know? Not that powder puff. That's like the square. That's the circle. It's like that circle thing. Yeah, that a powder. I think it's a powder puff. I'm going around. On this episode of two gay men talk about makeup, but they have no idea about gay men who'd known nothing about being a gay band. Exactly. You know that circle thing? I used to put powder on your face. So she wants to, she's saying, my stylist is on trend. I'm like, you're wearing a velvet painting of like a cougar in Miami with some of the worst hair I've ever seen. This bitches to blame screw her. But anyway, Tootie's having this brunch and she wants it to be a beat list brunch where you have to come as your natural, beautiful self. Well, as she's saying this, they're using three different confessionals or talking heads or whatever. Put together and it goes from Tootie with the bleach fro to Tootie with a terrible Beyonce wig to Tootie with another haircut. I was like, you are so beat in this. What are you even talking about? You're like five different terrible lips right now. Well, she does say she's like, I mean, I can get up at beach. She's like, hello. So she does acknowledge that. But so what she on say here has got. I thought it was more of like a Janet Jackson, like a blonde Janet Jackson. Well, they all come from chorro. So let's give credit work for the studio. You know, one saw chorro walking on the sidewalk in suburban San Diego. I was driving and I was like, what is that? And I was like, that's chorro. Was the sidewalk like speaking and saying, thank you so much for fucking walking on me. You're fucking chorro. I love you because it's amazing. It should have been. But it was like the most bizarre thing ever. Like I just was something I just was not expecting to see. It was just chorro walking along on sidewalk. Like my god, most underrated Hollywood Square of all time, that one. Do you remember when she was on The Cereal Life with Dave Coulier? And at one point they had to do some weird like music video thing. And Dave Coulier was like doing like a hand trumpet. Like he was like blowing, you know, he's doing a thing like that. And then she goes, the trumpet of Dave Coulier. I like when she went to her little mini like dwarf guitar and she'd be like, Oh, she could she don't don't think it in tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue. But just getting I would I mean, the 80s, you know, it's like some fat little kid with a box of little Debbie's just waiting for chorro to come on on the Hollywood squares. Little Debbie's with Shadow Stevens. So anyway, so so Tutti, she sends all the women in audio message, which is sort of weird. And she's like, Hello, ladies. I want to invite you to a beat list brunch where we will be, you know, having brunch without makeup on to celebrate our our natural inner beauty. Because like, you know, sometimes we have all this makeup. I forget what she was. I mean, that was long. That was a monologue. It was a limit on those iPhone voice message things. I know crazy. So she was doing well at first, you know, because she was sort of going that whole like dove, celebrate the woman inside, you sort of thing like, I just want to celebrate ourselves. But then she had like. It's just on that dove commercial. We're on diet. So, you know, they were. Believe it or not, my friend. My friend was actually in one of those dove commercials. And basically a casting director walked up to her on the street and was like, would you like to be in a dove commercial? And she was like, okay. And she went. So it was they truly do just pluck people off the street. I know. But what I'm saying is all those women they plucked off the street were on diets. Oh, yeah. No, they were. I mean, that's what makes that commercial so hilarious to me. They're like, celebrate the natural beauty of a woman. We also sell makeup, spanks, and. They've got like a whole portfolio of shape. Well, that's amazing. They all want to be natural. Why am I using soap in the first place? You know, it's funny. It's oddly enough in college, I took a class on like pop culture in terms of like reading pop culture in terms of like observing philosophically the messages that pop culture sends out. And when it comes to men's cosmetics or something like that, it's like considered a good thing to obscure it with all sorts of like high tech sounding things like degree, like high voltage, you know, which makes no sense. Like I want to smell like high voltage. What does that even mean? Like seriously? What does that mean? Well, my walls are up like literally. If you give me another high voltage degree, I'll be in the floor crying right now. Oh my god. My armpits are already sweating. Why would I want to high voltage deal with? That's the same. But, um, but it how like for men, it's got to sound high tech and crazy and technical. Ta-da-da-da to sound like cool. Like in general. Yeah, exactly. But for women, you have to brand it in a totally natural thing, which is hilarious because it's like a natural woman in you for this natural da-da-da-da. One of these things is just like a chock full of chemicals. It's just like a big, big old tablet of chemicals that you're putting on your body. So in other words, it's something good to watch to make up off my face at the end of the day. Get up here and natural. So do I. That was natural. Anyway, total tangent. But the point is this. I'm all mad at it though. Like five years later. So Tootie though, I think Tootie's voicemail is good up to a certain point. And then I forget what she said, but there was. The China monologue. Well, she had this, she sort of editorialized it. Instead of just saying we should celebrate our natural beauty, she was like, because it seems like sometimes we like hide behind our makeup and it's a chance to da-da-da-da. And that's what started to send the women off. Because I love all the women, you see them all receiving it. And they're like, well, they're like, oh please. And I think Kenny is like, really bitch. I love she's like, let's just celebrate our inner self. And I'm like, fuck this. How is it bad to hide behind makeup, but it's not bad to hide behind a mumu? I mean, woman, you're wearing a sheet wherever you go. Get out of here and you're 10 pounds of wig. Do you know the real reason why these women were angry was not because of any insinuation that they were too much makeup. The real reason they're angry, which we could all read in between the lines, is because they don't want to appear on national TV without makeup on. Of course not. And let's also keep reading between those lines. Because you know, 2D just wanted to bring them all down to her level. I mean, she's surrounded by pros. I mean, they could be street hoes. They could be TV hoes and like, pro hoes. These girls know how to put on a face. They've been doing it for a long time. And 2D has too as an actor, but Real Housewise makeup is very, very different from, you know, like UPN makeup or, you know, even NBC makeup. Here's the scale of makeups. You have regular makeup application. Then you have anchor woman makeup application. Then you have clown. Then you have drag queen. And then you have Real Housewives. It's like an elephant balancing on one of those little stools, okay? That's a lot of damage. It's a circus time. Yeah. So I think Kim's just feeling doubty. So she's like, everyone, come to my brunch in bathrooms and slippers and no makeup. And people are like, fuck you. I'm not doing that. Yeah, literally all of them are like, fuck you. Except for charade, because, you know, charade was like, good. I'll save my makeup for another day. Yeah. Make up cos money. You gotta make up. I gotta make up. You make up cos money makeup. You make up cos money. I gotta make up. So next, we go to Phaedra and Aiden. Okay. Phaedra is trying to sell this Aiden really hard at this point. And God bless her because, you know, Phaedra is Shadra. I like that they call her Shady, Fay, Fay or whatever, because it's so true. She's one of the fakest, most foolish, most devious, manipulative, awful women. And also one of my favorites. I think she's amazing. But she's getting so much hate since the Apollo stuff on Twitter. And she is just holding Aiden up like a damn human shield, like a little baby shield. She's like, but I'm a mother. Look, I have mother, this adorable angel and people like, okay, I forgive you. Totally working. Totally working because Aiden is an angel. He is so cute. I'm telling you, Real House House of Atlanta has some of the cutest children between Aiden and Tutti's kid, I forget his name all of a sudden, those two, two little angels. Sebastian Sebastian, two little angels, I'll tell you right now. Little angel faces. Phaedra is so full of shit. She's in three phases of makeup, speaking of makeup. She's like dressed for the Oscars. And she's like, Aiden, we're going to make your daddy a birthday card. You are not going to make his daddy a birthday card, Phaedra. Who are you? Aiden English. It's going to be just like the drill bits from the screw gun that he couldn't figure out how to attack. The drill bits. Not buying it, lady. How am I saying Manny? Oh, oh, Manny. Okay, so now, yeah, so I skipped ahead. I didn't mean to do it. No, no, no, no, that's fine, because I think the next scene was that. Wait, I'm so sorry. I have to say this. I skipped over because I saw Manny and thought I was on the different show because the other show has a Manny in it. But this, this one, okay, this is how you know Phaedra's full of shit when she's talking about how all she cares about are her babies. And then we see all these scenes with her taking care of her babies and making a letter for daddy. Girl, your nails look like knives. They are sharpened. They're sharpened like people who work in head shops who have like gigantic, those gigantic like wheel, not wheelbarrow. But like, what am I trying to say? It's like those wheels from like little house on the prairie day, like wagon wheels in their ear, you know, huge. And they've got like tattoos, like they're just obsessed with hurting themselves, you know, like they cut their thighs and shit. And then they get vampire teeth put in. And then they file their nails down to be like claws where they can really hurt the hell out of you, you know, they can make you bleed. Those are Phaedra's nails right now. Pedro, you are not taking care of babies. You are not changing a diaper or your babies both have bloody buts. Yeah, your mother. Get at it. Get at it. I don't believe it. So I think speaking of mothering, I think was the next scene, my notes are a little inconsistent. I think the next scene is when this lady came over to the Tucker household to teach Todd how to do diapers, right? And that's probably where he was saying things like, they're talking about like they're going to get a nanny or whatever. And then, I mean, not Kenya. What Candy was like, "See, man, maybe we'll get a nanny." And he's like, "We're not getting a nanny." Get out of here with that. No, a nanny, because I said so. I'm like, "Shut up Todd." I said so. You already have a nanny, his name is called Don Juan. Take off your platform shoes. Take off your hat and sideways and stupid and sitting on top of your head. And stop pretending to be a man, okay? Just relax, you're at home. The only reason why he wears his hat sideways is because it gives him six more inches. That's totally true. That's why it's like sitting on top of his head. He's going to have like a martini glass on top of that. And then like a tower. And the entire stylist will tell her to put grits in it. It'll make it a fancier brunch. So this is our friend Angie was texting us today going. It's her birthday, by the way. Happy birthday, Angie. She was texting us today going. You paid someone to tell you to put grits in a martini glass. What the hell is that? Such a good point Angie told us on your birthday. Yeah, so they're pretending like they're going to take care of this damn baby, which is hilarious. And the lady is creepy who comes over and she's like, oh my goodness. So goodness. And Todd, Todd just is the gift that keeps on taking. He says, this is the first time I've made a baby from scratch. What does that mean? How does your other poor baby come out of like a crusties box? It's like a little Betty Crocker baby. What the hell? I totally would make her from scratch too. You dumbass. Yeah. I'm so mad right now. I love APM. It's a very angry time in my home. I know. So yeah, so he learned that. So he was like showing off his diaper wear and the creepy lady talked about how she still breastfeeds her kid. Although I think at 19 months, it's longer than I think most people. But I definitely know a lot of people who still breastfeed at that. You know, Candy will not be breastfeeding that baby. She is going to put cabbage leaves over those tits. The second that thing comes out of here to stop the leaking and she's going to be giving it formula. She's going to be forcing your assistance to breastfeed. Literally that baby is going to be on Don Juan's tea. And he's like, Candy, I can't do it. He was like, see, now you're going to have to find, Todd's going to be like, sorry, we have to find a way. We all have to pull our own way. So the baby's got to drink your milk. He's like, no, but I don't have any milk. I don't have any milk. Well, that's not my problem. Don Juan with the baby. Now, you listen to me, baby. He starts like just telling off the baby for no reason. So then we go to Cynthia Bailey, I wear for a meeting. It's a meeting with she's gathering all her team with her friend named Satchel. I mean, come on. Look at your bag. If you're going to be making up your own damn name, why would you call yourself Satchel? Something that people just throw things in because they don't have time to go home between their job and going out. I mean, that is just the saddest name of MERS. My friend MERS, get out of here, Cynthia and Satchel. Cynthia is like getting on the pager. Hi, could you please send in reusable grocery bag, please? Thank you. I had a noon with Wedge. Could you make sure that she's on time? Sorry, that doesn't hold anything, but I failed at the game. Okay, I'm sorry, UCB. I'm sorry, UCB. Is big brown bag available? Oh, only little brown bag? Okay, fine. Send that one in too. All right, Ikea bag. I will pay a dollar for this meeting. Just kidding me. Has anyone seen Wickerbasket? Wickerbasket? We have an emergency in there. Okay, thank you. If Tupperware is late one more time, I swear to God, I'm losing the lid. That's it. Let it be known. Did Fanny Pack get into work today yet? Fanny Pack. Well, that's a good circle because Fanny is an actual name. Yeah. So speaking of Cynthia's assistants, she has one assistant who not only is he not wearing Cynthia Bailey, I wear, but he's wearing this crazy blazer and like a safari hat and sunglasses. It was the most ridiculous outfit for anywhere. Well, for anywhere. He could be sailing out. He could be the captain of a gay cruise in the Isle of Gay. Okay, driving around that thing. He would still look inappropriate. I mean, that's the most ridiculous fucking outfit I've ever seen in my life. And I'm like, you're an assistant. Like, why are you dressed up as if you are like, you are some sort of like the exotic talent here? You are the assistant. But just put on like a button down shirt and some khakis or whatever. So funny. So we're just wearing aviators, you know, like gas station aviators. I have them. I ain't judging them. But he's wearing a nice pair of aviators from the mobile station. And Cynthia's like, I cannot believe you would come into a meeting with Satchel and not wear Cynthia, you know, Cynthia glasses. So he, she gives him a pair of glasses to wear. They're the same aviators. Yeah. They're literally the same mobile gas station aviators. I know. And then when she was like, I want to take our shades to the next level. So like, oh, does that mean going from the text, going from like the Chevron station to 7/11. What is the next level at this point? It's like the BP gas station. She's like, okay, listen. I have an inn at one of the Tashiki shops on the Santa Monica Pier. We can get our glasses on one of those spin spinny things. Cynthia. Okay, guys, someone wrote us today and said they're it might have been Angie again. Angie's been texting a lot today. She's a birthday texture. What can I tell you? But she's been making me laugh all day, but she was she wrote me. There's only three pairs of sunglasses on that stupid Cynthia Bailey website. And the aviators were one of them. So that shows you this is another bullshit thing that's not really happening. Also, did you guys notice that this is the same and I could be wrong as I am every week? But I'm pretty sure this is the same quote unquote office that Portia has. It's like the same. Are you guys even going to change the set? It's like the same rental office. You hear the same buzz from the from the fluorescence overhead. What do you guys think you're kidding? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I mean, everything is a joke about it. Like every entrepreneurial thing that comes out of this show is the exception of Candie's earlier work pre Todd Tucker is a joke. Yeah. And so her big thing is that she's going to sell mobile glasses. Who cares? But she's still trying to put tutti and Kenya together. Which is so contrived and so ridiculous. She wants to take her eyewear to the next level. How about you go to an advertising agency to Avernos that you don't like put Kenya and tutti together and try to get some product? I mean, that is the most ridiculous thing. I mean, obviously it's the producers telling her to do it. She's only here because she was Nini's lackey. Now, Nini is gone for the most part. And so she can't replace Nini. So she's got two bitches to replace one Nini. That's sad. It's sad. It's real sad. It's real sad. So things that aren't sad to force lawyers. Yay. Yay. Hey, look, if you're unhappy in your marriage, find a lawyer and get the fuck out of it. Your kids don't want to sit around listening to you yell at each other. And if you can't get your husband in jail on fucking felony charges, you can't get a lawyer. This divorce lawyer is one of the law and order cast who keeps showing up on everything. Are they that Randy or the lady? Apollo's lawyer. He's every man in Atlanta. He represents everyone. Like, they should have seen in a coffee shop and he's there representing the barista who's getting divorced. Like, every single episode he's there. A barista getting divorced. Oh, I'm looking at this. Why? Where are Randy and Apollo's heads? Nobody. Oh, her lawyer. I like her lawyer. Yeah. Oh, Phaedra. I know. Do you know anything about where Apollo's head is at? It's probably up someone's corn hole. He's in prison. Where do you think it says that? He's going to need a stipend when he gets out of jail, or he's going to come at me with a screw gun with no drill bits in it. OK, just like make sure he's getting $100 a week. So I don't have to support his ass. The end. Yeah. Yeah. So she Phaedra still full of shit. She's like, well, I don't want my children to be traumatized by all those molesters and things. OK, now I'm not sticking up from molesters. But who are you to be judging? What criminals? You married Apollo. It's not like that guy was a preacher before you married him stupid. And it's also like it's not like being in the like the visitor room. Is like some crazy place where everyone's committing the crimes that they were convicted of. It's like, it'll be OK. Like, if you don't tell him that there's like a murderer and a sex offender at the next table over, he won't know the difference. Yeah, you see that man, Aidan? He diddles babies like you. OK, have fun. Here's a piece of candy. Um, I don't think she should take the kids to jail. We've already been through that one. I don't blame her for not going. I don't think they should have to go either. But she's just so ridiculous. I don't want him in the room with molesters and stuff. And then she says, well, one of my kids doesn't even remember Apollo because he's so young, but we're working as a family together. How are you working as a family with Apollo to raise your children? Apollo doesn't just stop, just stop. OK, learn to take the angry tweets. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I, you know, I kind of actually have no opinion on it because I, that's one area where I just really have no basis to weigh in on. Like, I don't know if she should take her kid to the prison or not. I don't know. I say no, they're too young. It's a prison. That's no kidneys to see that. It's scary for an adult. Why do you suck your bill? They could be ages in there to scare the shit out of them. That's not why you take a baby in there. But they could play like 70 rounds of Uno. You don't want to normalize your child to that shit. I don't think that, um, anyway, we're talking too much real life for the stupid show because this ends with her saying, um, I'm just hoping that Apollo is transferred to a more child-friendly facility. Like chucky cheese, like chucky cheese, state penitentiary. Where like, there's like a ball pit in the middle of the, in the middle of a yard. The longer you sit here and don't get molested, you get 10 tickets. That's like, it gets to start spitting out. I think you're a patron. So now, Phaedra and india, wait, Portia, sorry, Portia's at, um, she goes. Portia's in India. Portia goes to India, you guys. This episode is amazing. Portia goes to India, her makeup artist. Yeah, at what's it called? Talk Nation and Portia's like talking about her computer and, or she's having issues. She broke her phone. She broke her phone. She's like, and everything's, she's like, everything's in the cloud. She's like, uh, where is that cloud? I don't know where that damn cloud is. That, you know, where's that cloud at? Where's that cloud at? Where's that cloud? I don't know who can reach up there and get that cloud. People be pulling shit out of my cloud. What is that cloud? I don't say there's anything to the cloud because I like a sunny day. Portia, she's so cute. I do actually love Portia. So she gets good reviews. Who cares? Okay, so Tootie is now preparing for her brunch and she's like, uh, she goes, I want to celebrate people for who they are. Like, really? Then why are you telling these women to come without a face full of makeup? That is who they are. Yeah. Celebrate. Who can she is? I dare you. Yeah. So, uh, candy. So first, busy candy. Candy, she, you know, she sort of, she followed the instructions pretty well. She said that she put on a light beat, uh, but she was pretty much dialed down. And I love that she put on those like some granny glasses. I loved it. And then she got her hair done and she saw a face of makeup. It was just like stay at home makeup and then she put on glasses. So yeah, I guess it counts. Yeah. She definitely looked dialed down and then she picks up Kenya, but Kenya is like full on like, you know, she has her full on makeup going even more than normal. And Phaedra also fully made up everyone's basically fully made up. And Kenya is raging. The Kenya is so mad about this party. Yes. So hilarious. And candy is like, I ain't wearing any makeup. No, no, no, no, no. Did I get time? It's the memo about the makeup, the little out of makeup now because I'm big. And Kenya is like, I am a grown ass woman. I can wear whatever I want. And someone's not going to tell me I'm not cute. I'm, I do, you know, she's all red. She's been ready to go. It's beginning because that's like the biggest, you know, the biggest star now. Sorry, Kenya, even with Nini gone, you're still out numbered. But then Phaedra. So Phaedra is also made up. And so this prompts Phaedra to say something that makes no sense. She's like, well, a true Southern lady never comes beadless unless you're talking about the vegetable. And I can't attract that from every salad. I was like, yeah. I was like, what? I don't know. I managed to be about being able to extract a beat from any salad. What are you talking about and be no, you can't because once a beat is in your salad, that red shit is every place. It even comes out in your poop. Like you are not getting rid of a beat. I don't know what you're talking about, but please doing it. Yeah, I think that was sort of a point that like you can't be beadless unless you're talking about the vegetable, but then you can't, I don't know. It was just like a very, you know what? Phaedra has some really good shitty lines, but this one was, this one was pretty forced. Phaedra, I'm sorry. Phaedra goes off the rails with those lines. She's kind of a quad in that way. Of course, quad does it when she's angrier, you know, and way more desperate, but Phaedra does a lot of those too, where she's just like, well, this is another sunny day on the block. And I know it's sunny because I walked down a sidewalk and saw a car pass and then the grass was cut. What? A true lady never shows a beadless unless you're bringing a drum, in which case, it was a beat, I don't know. But actually, wait, that actually makes sense. A true lady would never come, would never show a beadless unless you're using easy pass. So Tootie with her fake ass is in her house for her beadless, whatever, her beadless brunch, walking around with a glitter blessed shirt. Get serious, what? Shut up, Tootie, Tootie's on my last fucking nerve at this point. I can't take her. Now she's been bitchy under her breath, but now she's going to try this whole spirituality crap. Look, getting a glitter shirt that says hashtag blessed does not make you more spiritual. It just means that you're better at looking at sales at like the Dollar Tree or whatever. Shut up with your blessed shirt, Tootie. Well, the funny thing is that everyone who comes in, Tootie keeps on making this sort of like past aggressive joke saying, "K, to check your lashes at the door, I've got some bowls." Everyone goes, "Ha, ha, ha, ha." And like, no one does it. And we just keep walking. Porsche goes, "I'll check one parent because I'm wearing two." Porsche is wearing two pairs of fake eyelashes, one on top of the other. She is the beat in a half. But to be fair, she did just come from being on air. So funny. Where are we here? Party. Well, Sharay shows up, so Sharay is not wearing makeup or only very slight amount. Sharay was pissed. She cannot believe she's the only one who didn't wear makeup. Sharay is totally the type of person who gets invited to a costume party and shows up as a giant tooth at everyone else's in lingerie. She's like, "What?" I thought it was supposed to cost him party. And Sharay is another one who says these, like, attitudey lines with her Sharay attitude, but they're dumb. But they sound like they're going to be hilarious. She's like, "Did I not get the memo? Did other people get messages that were long-forced messages about not wearing makeup and then wearing makeup?" But she says it with such anger, a cheer every time. So they start talking about DC. Boring. And then they start like, "Oh, you know, Fager knows everyone DC." You know, like, in Portia's mind, it's like, "Yeah, you know, she knows the door man at the hotel and the receptionist and the bellhop. She knows everyone." That was a lady who even came just for Portia to show us around. The tour guide. Yeah. When I went to Universal Studios with Florida, King Kong turns right around and looked at her. So anyway, you know that you can always tell when shit's about to go down in one of these situations when the music just goes away and they make idle chatter about something. Like, in this case, you're talking about blueberries. It's like, "Oh, could you pass the blueberries?" "Oh, wonderful." It's just like quiet and you're clinking and clattering of the force and magic. Oh, oh, someone's about to say something to you all. Remember, the garage band goes beatless. Yeah, it's a beatless garage band punch. It's like the one second the port garage band slider gets to take a five-minute smoke break, you know. Yeah. So surprisingly enough, the first issue was Cynthia cornering Kim and Kenya to direct this commercial. And you can just see 2D does not want to. And, you know, I actually looked up 2D's craze and she actually has a lot of, you know, TV directing credits. Now, she doesn't have any credits in terms of shooting a commercial, which is a whole different style of direction. But to be fair, 2D has directed a lot of things. And Kenya has only directed that one crappy thing. Yeah. So I understand why 2D isn't going. That's a lot, okay. The rent's not free in that strip mall where she knows her office, okay. That costs money too. But yeah, she actually works. And this is one of the things that I'm really aiding about her, but I'm sure I'll probably love in the future. Is this overly aggressive, passive, aggressive? It's like way too much on the aggressive. You're not hiding it enough. Like, I know she thinks she is. She's like, I'm wearing a blood shirt. But she's saying she starts going into this whole thing about. Well, as a director, I can tell you that usually there's not co-directors. They're, you know, there's a huge brothers, but they're bound by blood because, you know, they're genetically similar. Otherwise, normally there's not such a thing as a co-direct. I mean, the Cohen brothers, but also brothers. So... And Kenny is like, well, there's the Farley brothers. Dumb and Dumber is an apt analogy to this, yes. Yes. And so she's trying to talk her way out of it. Instead of just saying, no, I don't think that would be good. I either do it or she does, you know, just being simple. She's trying to do it in this way that's making her much more of an asshole than she intends to be. And then Kenya, Kenya's so mean. She says, well, I was in the Tyler Perry episode and that she was supposed to be directing. And he directed the entire episode. So if that tells you anything about her style, no, I don't know what that means. That tells you that too. He's too good. Yeah, exactly. Tyler Perry is like, wait a second. Okay, you do the B role because you know, Kenya was just like some lady on a cellboat waving passing by in the shot. Yeah, let's get the second unit out here. I was in a film called B role. And Judy was supposed to direct and never even showed up. That tells you anything. I was in this wonderful ongoing film series that they show every night on the local news. It's basically just my body shot from the from the neck down. Whenever they do a report on obesity or lack thereof. And you just see me walking on a street. It's a really important piece. If Judy didn't show to a Tyler Perry shoot, you know, it's because he hadn't paid her ass. Yeah. She's like still waiting on bat checks and we're talking about Tyler Perry here. It's like in his backyard. And he's like, one time I went to a barbecue at Tyler Perry's. That was being shot by somebody. And Judy didn't even show up. So if that tells you anything, shut Kenya. Couple strip. So we're going on a couple strip to Jamaica. This has to be amazing. Yeah, especially since no one's really in a couple. I mean, maybe only half of them, right? Cynthia's couple is obviously just a sham at this point. I don't even know what they're trying to convince us of. Tooty's husband, I guess we're going to find out next week is gay. Can't wait. Yeah. Who else? This is their. Vatra says Vincent J. Portia Portia has Oliver Oliver. Who's that? Her man from Miami. Oh, yeah. She'll have like some FaceTime. She'll be showing Oliver on her FaceTime or whatever. But none of them really. Shray. So well, Shray and Bob would field her friends again. So Shray has Bob. Oh, so it's going to be an actual couple strip. It's not going to be like that Shusher episode where they had a couple's dinner and it was only one husband who berated everybody. Yeah. Just when things got good on that show, they ended the season. I was like, great. Thanks. And now it's over. So anyway, so they start. Is this when they start? Oh, yeah. This is when. I guess they start our natural duty. Because Tooty now. Now she has gifts. So she's giving people compacts. So they can. And those are like dollar store compacts. Come on. I've seen them there. I bought them for my nieces. So she's give some of these compacts and she's like, so you can remind yourself when you look in that tiny little mirror that will only show one tiny little portion of your face into time that you're still a natural beauty. And then she starts some poetry shit. And Kenya starts calling her out about her hair and her boobs. She's like, oh, it's natural beauty, huh? Is that why you have a wig on and breast implants or whatever? Maybe you'll take your wig off. You've had two boob jobs and you're wearing a wig. Yeah. So then she starts going off on this weird thing where she says, makeup is how women have always expressed themselves. And even before makeup, we used to wear clay on our face. Which, you know, I guess that does make more sense. Because they definitely have it under their skin now. Well, they're definitely throwing the mud over it. Mushy clay faces. Well, so then she starts saying, should we take off our weaves too? She's just trying to get it too. Yeah. So Kenya and Kenya is basically like, you know, with that voicemail, to me, it sounded like you were saying that we wear too much makeup. And I did take on bridge to that. And I was just like imagining Portia getting so confused. You're like, what? How did she take a bridge? Where's the bridge? We didn't take a bridge here. Why are you sitting on bridge? Come above the bridge. You can't cross the bridge if you hum it. Also, Kenya's stupid. She's trying to make these big, she's trying to sound so smart, but she didn't even say I take umbrage. She said she said it wrong. She said something like I'm taking umbrage to that. You're taking umbrage to something. You take umbrage with it, not to it. I don't remember. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm stupid too. I'm taking umbrage over this entire situation now. Takes one to know one. Okay. I'll look it up, everyone. Don't worry. I'll look it up. You take umbrage with something. You said it correctly. She didn't. She said I took umbrage. I mean, who cares? Well, I'm going to start grammar policing Kenya. God help us, especially when my grammar is the worst. Anyway, so she's getting pissed because Kenya's telling her off and trying to start this fight. And everybody's rolling their eyes like here she goes. And Kim just frowns and listens to her and she says, okay. And Kenya says, oh, so it's that dismissive thing again? Uh what? Yes. What else do you do? Why don't you just miss you? You're dismissed, bitch. Uh this this just in from Merriam Webster took umbrage at the speakers remarks. Oh my God. You see, I told you I'm dumb too. So me and Kenya both said it wrong. And him said it. Wait, what did what did what did she say again? She said, I take umbrage with. No, you said you said with. She said too. I was saying with to. I take umbrage with. Yeah. So I take umbrage at. I take umbrage. See, we all learned something. We did learn something. I apologize to Kenya more for making fun of her grammar. See, the reason why I looked it up by the way is because I know there's really something so frustrating when you're listening to a podcast. And people like, what was that? What was that? And you just want to be you're like shouting at your. Like at your phone or whatever you're listening at it. And you're like, yeah, you're shouting at it. So this is to get some relief to the listeners who knew exactly how to use the word umbrage. I know. Well, now we all know guys. Yeah. Anyways, grammar hugs guys grammar hugs. Camille grammar hugs. No, but um, as you were saying, yeah. So to these like, okay. I was just swallowing. And uh, so then, you know, Phaedra gets some acting jokes in there about how. She does. I thought they'd be bosom buddies. What with their extensive acting careers and acting careers. I was like, ooh, that was a good one. So more gifts. And now it's like a little poetry book and blah, blah, blah. And Kim does say one thing I like. She says about Kenya. How she translated me something like how she translated me swallowing my food into shade. That's magical to me. Like, how does she even do this? How is she trying to start a fight with me? I'm not doing anything, which you don't have to. Yeah. Nobody's done any. No one can just starts fights with has done anything. That's why she starts fights with them. It's like smaller, you know, exactly. She just she she she sees an opportunity and she takes it. She'll just go at someone. Yup. Um, so blah, blah, blah. Okay. Let's me pass this. So how did it end? Oh, yes. So it does end with 2D. 2D's cracking. And Kenya is a tough one to go up against because she's nuts. But 2D is cracking and I love watching 2D crack. I love watching a housewife crack when they try and be nice. And then their bitch flower blooms, etc. And this one she lets everybody go, stays calm after her magical poetry, vagina monologue, bullshit. They all leave. And as she closes the door, she says, "When you direct two to three hours of tele two to three hundred hours of television, then we can talk." Yeah. It's like, so it's the door. Because of course, it's this awkward brunch and Cynthia leaves it by going, "Bye everybody. Okay. I'll call Kenya and 2D both to get your schedules for shooting." Cynthia. I also like how Cynthia just sort of was like, "Oh, I would say he has a good idea. I'd like you guys to film that commercial." Okay, so we're going to meet here and here. I'm like, you didn't really, you just sort of told them they'd be doing this assignment. You never really asked that they wanted to. Neither one of them has really either expressed any sort of interest in it. Not only that, but do you even have permission to shoot in a mobile gas station? You don't have to get permits for that shit. You can't just show up with a video camera and start shooting inside the snack lounge. I know. So then the next day, 2D and Cynthia meet. Kenya is supposed to be there, but instead she is working on her house with her hot boyfriend, Matt. She just doesn't show up. Doesn't text or call her anything. She just doesn't show up. She's like, "Sorry, I'm with a really hot, muscular guy right now, so you and Judy are going to have to wait." My gay of the day thought there was no way she is with that guy. That is an obviously hot gay guy. You believe that? I don't believe it. Yeah, that's true. You do make a good point. He doesn't seem gay, but I'm just assuming because he's with Kenya. Come on. So then 2D pitches her idea for the commercial, and her idea is that you see a couple walking along the beach, and then they put their sunglasses on, and they're like walking your red carpet, and then take their sunglasses off, and they're back on the beach. Which is sort of a cool idea, but I don't understand like, if the whole idea is that when you put on the sunglasses, you're transported to like this amazing, fancy world. I don't know if that really plays well if you're already in the fantasy world of a beach. Like shouldn't it be that you're like in a supermarket where you'd find these sunglasses, and you put them on, and then you're on the red carpet? Okay, you're filling your SUV up with gas. There are five other SUVs behind you, and one of your children is crying. But then you put on the sunglasses, and you're like on a beach, getting eaten out by a hot gay guy that can your red kid. Okay, there's a commercial. Yeah, you're right. A beach to the red carpet. How is that? How is going from the beach, which is going someplace beautiful and peaceful and amazing, then going to red carpet, which is essentially work. You know, it's just job, you know? Yeah, I thought that was an up to me either. Yeah, you know, here's what's good about watchwork crap, and you can always rely on us to punch the holes through crappy fake pitches for fake eyewear commercials. And Cynthia won't even let it go. She's like, now this is very important, because this leads to my, this is the anchor in my accessories empire. I'm sure. So then, because she's like getting hats now from gas stations. I thought you were going to say like the new Cynthia Bailey line of snap bracelets. She's like keychain whistles by Cynthia Bailey. She's still trying to get Kenya on board, even though Tootie's like, yeah, I don't do that. And Cynthia is like, but it would be amazing to not only have Tootie, but also Kenya. I mean, what amazing. Bitch, this is 20 seconds, 30 seconds. Shut up, Cynthia. Go away. Go away and take Peter with you. Yeah, go away. Eat us brookies. Eat us brookies. And then Tootie says, I don't go direct. And Cynthia, of course, in her shits during way says, So what you're saying is there is no need for Kenya? No, now, now, now she's going to go back to Kenya. These girls are trying too hard. And I think eventually it's going to come down to Tootie, just wanting to get out of the carpool, take a walk and buy something for herself. She's just going to have that mom break down where she's, my mom used to do it. She would go to the bathroom. We would be like, mom, mom. And finally she'd go, god damn it. This is my one second alone. I think Tootie is going to have that Rhonda in a bathroom moment. You know, all Tootie has to do is just make things clear for Cynthia. She's going to say, look, when you're driving a carpool, you can't have two people on the wheel. Am I right? It's like, when you don't have the sunglasses on, you're at home. But when you have them on suddenly, you're number three in the carpool lane. Life is good. Listen, two people can't drink from the same five alive box. They'll get germs. Can I have more salt than my five? No, no Sebastian. What would happen if we showed two movies at once in the carpool? Okay. You can't have Tinkerbell three and Little Mermaid five playing at the same time. At the same time, I'm trying to listen to my James Patterson tape. No, that's not how it works. Oh, Atlanta, we'd like you deeply. I like it, I play. Next up is... Let's switch gears. Well, we're gonna go back to the world of food, right? For Top Chef. Back to cooking. Back to cooking. Back to cooking at an hour and 20 minutes and 48 seconds for the time stamps in the show notes. Yeah, it's easier to just call them out loud and write them down. Because otherwise, you're like fast forwarding through this shit, having to listen to your own voice. I forgot to write down the time stamp for Crabman's mailbag and recipe deception or deception recipe. Whatever, I hate that show. I hate that show too. I hope it dies. Yeah. So, Top Chef. So, this week, the Quick Fire was to make something with 10... Oh, okay. Yes. Everything is coming back to me. I have things to say about this episode. Okay. Oh, good, good. Okay. So, the Quick Fire is that the chefs are back. They're back in LA in the Top Chef kitchen. They're 10 chefs left as the 10-year anniversary of the show. So, they all have to grab one ingredient from the pantry. They have 30 seconds to grab an ingredient, which means that they'll have 10 ingredients at the end once they've all chosen. And then, those are going to be the only ingredients that they're allowed to choose, allowed to cook with the entire Quick Fire Challenge. So, they're all grabbing things. There's some stupid mistakes. Like, one guy gets steak, gets beef, and then Isaac gets chicken right after that. Everyone's like, why that? It was like lamb chicken, whatever it was. And then, people at someone who gets salt, someone who gets this and that. But, they cover their basics. And, the last one to go is... I forget his name. Is it maybe Kevin? Yellow pants. He's like the boring gay guy who all season long is like... Yeah. When I got a Palm Springs, we just have so much fun. Like, I am Mr. Personality, but you're just not seeing it here. I'm like, no, you just have no personality. He's the one cooking like... He made this super bland chicken that we ate. You know? Remember the bland chicken? The bland poached chicken? I do. I do. They could have used some mustard, Mr. Mustard pants. Yeah. He's like the most boring of them all. So, he's the last one up. And, what does he do? What ingredient does he grab? Celery. I just... I lost it. He's like, celery is a great ingredient. You could use the top for herbs, and then you cook the rest of it. Celery burns more calories than it takes to chew. Whatever. What do people say about celery? Yeah, it's like... You actually burn calories eating it because there's no calories. So, you use up more calories just eating. I'll shut up, whatever. It was just... To me, I was like, oh, of course. Of course, this guy chewing celery. This is exactly his personality. Who was the guest judge on this quick fire? I don't remember the quick fire that much. I just watched it. I think two days ago. I think it was a woman. I could be wrong. I could be wrong. But they actually liked the choice of celery, but I still thought that was a strange story. Like, why not get like cilantro? Or like any other herb? Oh, I love a cilantro. I love a cheese. I'm going to name my first baby cilantro. The... What was the main... I'm sorry. I don't take notes on this one because I know that's super quick. And I'm like, I'll totally remember this by the time we talk about it. And then we do. And I'm like, here's what I remember. Voltaggio came back, the hot Voltaggio. No offense nerdy Voltaggio. But like, seriously, keep it together. He gave him like 500 pounds. And Voltaggio. Rawr. I met him outside cat and fiddle once. I think I told you on this show. I didn't meet him. He was just there. He came out and my friend Trisha was with me and she's wasted. And she's a huge top chef fan. And she goes, "Oh my God, I love you! Fabio!" And he's like, "Um, no." Fabio, Michael Voltaggio. And she was just drunk. She knows, I think who he is. Anyway, that guy is so cute. And normally I hate those arrogant mother. He is so arrogant. Like, he pulled up in his jag just to show us because she was like, she offended him. And then he looked at her and it's screeched off. It's like screeched! Your Wayne is like, least jag. Get out of here, buddy. So I thought I would hate him, but he was actually so nice. Right? Yeah, I like Michael Voltaggio. I mean, he is so cute, he is so cute. So anyway, so I was, the only thing I had to remark was about the quick fire was that the boring guy made some of his celery. So then they had to make a dish that was like represent, it was like think of where you were 10 years ago and make a dish that represents that. So everyone, almost everyone made something really good. Okay, that's what I was. How do you want me to cook that? I'm like, okay, here's a steak, but I'm only giving you a bite of it. Because 10 years ago, I was like 100 pounds thinner. Okay, enjoy. Yeah. So surprisingly, Kwami and the other guy, like the attractive guy who only makes sashimi, they like, shot the bed, they made terrible dishes. And then it was bland, bland, gay. He like made some sort of super bland trout. Oh man, that was like the karma dish from hell, because his was 10 years ago, I was the bass chef or something. Yeah. I was like the chef, I forgot what they call it, the matron de baserie. Whatever. Yeah. And he had to make this one fish dish. And it had to be perfect every single time. And so when he would train people and they didn't make it right, he would yell at them and scream at them because they were idiots. But then he learned yelling and screaming is not the way to train people. So he makes it and then it's terrible. It's like karma. So yeah, exactly. So to represent my growth as a human being, here's a big bland piece of fish. Exactly. Never learned. Apparently you need to be a bitch to at least make the fish, dude. Yeah. People who came from a negative place in this one really had trouble. Kwami too. I mean, look, a lot of shit happened 10 years ago, Kwami. I mean, what was that, 2006? Well, historically, I can't think of one thing, actually, that happened in 2006. Bad Girl's Club. Bad Girl's Club premiered. Exactly. So just, you know, make a Frito Pie or whatever. 2006 is when we sold TV Gasm. There you go. Oh my gosh. The beginning of your break and the beginning of my hell. You see how it all, it all. Anyway, Kwami, so much happens in a year. Like I get, you don't get along with your dad. And so he started bringing all this dad stuff in and like, my dad was never there for me. And he was a terrible dad. And he hates me now, I'm negative. And then he felt negative the whole time. Dude, did you do anything else? I know. Did you see a good movie? Like, why do you have to focus on this? No one wants to eat your daddy issues. I know. Like, maybe you saw a good George Clooney movie. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. Something, something. I mean, anything. Why would I want to eat your fucking dad's terrible attitude? Yeah, there's got to be something. Well, it was 2015 when they filmed this. So what one best picture 2005? Okay. Did you see that? Did you see that movie? Million Dollar Baby. Million Dollar Baby. Did you see that movie? He's gonna get a nice Irish thing. McCushla. Box of something. Like that was a boxing movie, right? He's like a box of craft. Beat. Actually, I'm sorry. I know, I'm just thinking like. I had a man face for Hilary Swink, but I couldn't. I'm just laughing. They were like, come on, Kwami. Don't you have an uplifting memory? Like million dollar baby? The most uplifting, happiest boxing movie of all time. Shit, that movie was happier than sitting through this episode, watching him whine the whole time. Listen, people on reality shows. I know part of this is that you have to bring your past in and stuff like this. This is a cooking show. I don't want to hear about your dad being mean to you for an hour. Man up and make something decent. You're fucking pussy. Get out of here. And honestly, it was just an ill-conceived idea. He made like a jerk broccoli. He's like, he's like, I want to do a riff on jerk chicken. So instead of chicken, I'm going to make a broccoli. That's a terrible, terrible downgrade. He's like, my dad was a jerk, so I'm making jerk chicken. Okay, so on the nose, Kwami. Okay, I know you're trying to get deep here, but that's as on the nose as they get. It's almost as bad as the girl who won. Who was like 10 years ago, I was green. So I made something green. Yeah, what? I hate when the chefs are literal. They do that all the time. They are so literal with their meeting. And I know you all ain't hired for your poetry, but you're making something green 'cause you were green. I mean, girl, come on. What did the sashimi chef make 'cause they hated that? They said, Pamma did her favorite thing, which is, you're lucky you have immunity tonight, Chad. Okay, please go. I think I had mud really talks like this, the entire show. It's so disturbing to me. Gail showed up with a bad pattern. Gail's like, yeah, look at me. 10 years ago, I was still wearing this terrible flower pattern in a 50s dress cut. Gail, Gail, never changed. And she literally will never change. But I love that they had all of these chefs from the past coming back. They had, oh, that was the quick fire. Stephanie was the quick fire judge, right? The winner, Stephanie. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. I mean, how many times have you felt like, oh, this has been such a great deal. And then at the end of the first month, you're like, what just happened? Yeah, you look at the charges. It's like, I agreed to a certain amount. And then you look at that bill and it is nowhere near the number that you agree to. 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I know this is like layering season and I am ready for a beautiful, beautiful sweater. Quince offers affordable higher quality essentials for any wardrobe. I just got the most adorable casual jacket which I'm going to use more than anything else in my wardrobe from Quince. I mean, I look adorable and you look like I can't even oversell this. I look adorable in this thing. You do. And I honestly like their false sweaters. I'm loving the color palette they have for them. They're just like very subtle, like a lot of stones and beges. It's really my vibe for fall 2024. Upgrade your wardrobe with pizzas made to last with quince. Go to quince.com/crapins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com/crapins to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/crapins. Which winner Stephanie? She won like season four or five or something. Oh, Stephanie. Is that her name? You mean Stephanie from Chicago? The girl in the goat Stephanie? No, it wasn't her on the quick fire. Oh, you know it wasn't Stephanie. It was, oh, I love her. She's here in L.A. and she has-- I don't know any of this name on this show. No, no, I'm going to look it up. Listen, if I'm going to look up on bridge. She was a winner, right? Top, you know, black market. What's her name? This is where people are yelling at the podcast. Yeah, this is what I'm really yelling at. Goddamn it, it's a bravo podcast. You don't even know people's names. Antonio Lofasso. I love Antonio. That was Antonio? Yeah. What's in Antonio, the one who worked for Mike? Anyway, this girl-- She was rivals with Mike. Her face is totally different too. Different things. No, she just gained weight. No, I think she lost weight. Oh my god, if you think it was Stephanie, if you think it was Stephanie, Izzard, and it was Antonio Lofasso on the screen, well, then yes, she does have a different face. Yeah, because I think Antonio is that Italian chick who worked for Mike or whatever. No, she was like-- No, no, she was like rivals with Mike, and I think they found out they were like cousins or something, that one episode. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Oh, that was Antonio? On this episode? No wonder why you were so confused. She's getting Stephanie's face. She's trying to get Stephanie's face. No. Did she have like big curly hair on this episode? You're crazy right now. I know. You are literally crazy. She looked exactly the same, except that she put on some weight. Oh, not a lot, just like a little bit. I didn't even write down, I mean, I didn't even write down mentally fat. I just thought, wow, Stephanie's had a few faces now. Geez, like-- You know what it is? You know what your brain did a mental thing. It's like when your brain doesn't want to accept information, it will literally tell a story to make the information fit. It's like a psychological-- I do that. And so that's what happened. You thought it was Stephanie, and you see it-- So rather than even though you were looking at Antonio, like it's literally her face, since you have it in your mind that it's Stephanie, your brain is literally interpreting it as like Stephanie's weird face. I could see how I would do that. Because there was so many-- I do it in real life all the time. And also, there have been so many chefs. I mean, we are on season 13. How many effing people does that make that we watched on this show? I mean, they've watched every season except one. And I think it was the season that Stephanie won, actually. Well, one time I sent, for some reason, I just sent like a picture of Julie Chen to a friend of mine. And because my friend and I have been talking, I think we've been mentioning our high school friend Michelle. I sent her this picture in the context of something else. And she's like, "Wow, Michelle's looking really great." I was like, "Michelle is like a white woman who doesn't like anything." And Julie Chen is like Chinese. And it's like even though for some reason, she thought I was sending her a picture of Michelle. And so the concept that a picture of Michelle was coming through, like in her brain took over the concept that she was staring at a Chinese woman. And she thought the Chinese woman was Michelle. And she just sort of how warped it into her brain. Yeah, it makes total sense. I mean, you're talking to me, I get it. The sad part is that I watched this two days ago. So that I'm already forgetting this much and like who I saw is frightening. I will never be a witness in any trial. Another thing that happened in this is the douchebag chef. I hate this fucking guy, this L.A. guy who's always he's terrible, but then he just says, "Yeah, but it was meant to be a gummy sauce instead of mashed potatoes." That's what I meant. No, you didn't, you idiot. So all he cares about, he's the one with his face on the side of the restaurant or whatever. This guy's such a D bag. So in this one, he says, "I really wanted to come on this show, but the only challenge I did really well on was the first one because there were all these constrictions. And now I'm just trying to figure out what the chefs want. And I'm trying to make that. And I'm just trying to please the chefs instead of pleasing myself. When have you ever tried to please the chef? You are so full of shit. You made those gummy ass like plaster potatoes because you were trying to please the chefs. Well, you failed stupid. This guy is so crazy. I can't even watch this guy. I hope his agent fires him. Yeah, he is very, very cocky. We know that he can do good stuff because we had that first dish. And I really liked it a lot. It was good. But again, it was pickled vegetables for fuck's sake. But the crab was cooked perfectly, the crab was delicious. But yeah, he's got to get over this victim complex of like, I guess I just have to appease the judges. It's like, no, do your own thing, but do it and be mindful of what is good and not what is conceptually like a cool idea in your head. Yeah, it's even putting logic to it doesn't make sense because you're right. He is just being victimy. It's like, they don't like me. They're just being mean to me. No, they're not. Your food sucks, dude. It sucked every fucking week almost. Like what, 90% of the time at least? Stop blaming other people and stop sucking, okay? Just getting your picture blown up at kinkos and like plastered to the side of a rental isn't making you a better chef. So maybe go to school more. I don't know what it is, but this guy's attitude is fucking obnoxious. I like that they call him man, but yeah, he reminds me of that restaurant out here, you know, nine or two, one, you know, that restaurant, which has the most. Yeah, the dumbest name ever. It doesn't matter. Not a two one. So I went in there once. And I think the head chef, a woman who created her name is like Kimmy Lee or something like that. It's like everywhere in the restaurant are like these giant photos of her carefully like putting star Anis into the broth or like measuring on noodles. It's like everywhere chef Kimmy. And then you open up the menu and it's like chef Kimmy is thinking it's like, it's so narcissistic. I'm like, stop trying to make yourself happen. Okay. Like I'm trying to be a celebrity chef, miss nine or two one, okay? And your father was not even that good. Yeah, your restaurant doesn't rhyme and you're making noodle soup. So please step off of the curb, Felicia. Back away. We back off of the curb, Felicia. Yeah, please. So who won this? Marjorie won. I love me some Marjorie because she was bold enough to make. I love her. I could be in a dog park with the smell of dog shit lingering in the air, which raw lamb is not an easy sell to anybody, but she had the balls to do that. She's somehow talented after being trained by Mike. And she's like just the right amount of snarky and real. I'm really liking her so far. Oh, yeah. No, I love her. I'm like, I'm a big fan of her and the girl who won last week. Those are those two, I think maybe my favorites. Well, she won and she was so cute and happy. And then who lost? I forgot who lost. I'm already laughing him. I don't know why. Oh, the gay guy with the yellow pants. He cried. I don't feel bad for him. I really don't. I think he's a boring gay. I mean, when you're gay, people expect you to be like, girl, what? Even if you're not saying anything, as long as you're gay enough, they'll still laugh, you know? No, poor little boring gay. Like he can't even. Here's why. Here's why. Here's why. Here's why. I have an issue with boring gay because he actually thinks he's not a boring gay. He's like, oh, I'll put on yellow pants and this like crazy thing. And he's always like, I like to, you know, do my own thing and stick out a little bit and just be different. I'm like, you are the most rigid, boring, lackluster person. Like you served bland poached chicken that with bitter radicchio, your first challenge, and here you are, like this life of the party. I'm like, please. Yeah, he's also one of those people who just doesn't know how to work a judge's table. He brings that negativity into it. Like at least Kwami. You know, when Kwami went on for the 20th time about his goddamn daddy issues, at the judging table, of course, it makes me even more mad because I know by now he's been interviewed 30 times about it. He's already talked about it. He's talked about it so many hours and he's still like, well, I was sad because 10 years ago, my father left me and I'm like, really? So at least he's working it. This other guy is literally so depressed that he's about to have a breakdown and they're asking him about his stuff and he goes, well, I just, I felt like I wasn't really feeling any passion for my work. So then I quit and then now I'm here and then like, I just still feel nothing. No one's going to give you a prize when you say I feel no passion for my work and I feel nothing. You don't get a prize for that. You better fake that shit. It takes so much work and you're talking to a room full of chefs who have worked their ass off when you stand up there and say I quit my job because I wasn't feeling it. Boo, leave, bye. I was sad when he left though because I never like to see a man cry and I do not, I really do feel bad for him for being a boring gay because that's a rough lot in life. And also those yellow pants, he can never wear those again. They've been on TV. Everyone's going to see them and be like, you've already worn those. Yeah, well, maybe he's going to make it his trademark thing. Oh god, Yolanda's fucking white jeans. Yeah, yeah. Hey, I just bought some white jeans. So I'm going to Yolanda it up after Memorial Day because I am a proper lady. I'm inviting Matt Whitfield to lunch and you are wearing those just so I could see him have a nervous breakdown. You're allowed to after Memorial Day. You know why? Because I have a grasp of etiquette. Oh god, these bitches. Real housewives of Potomac are coverage starts now. I announced it like we're local news. Okay, these are some of the worst human beings I've ever seen. I love it. Yay, Bravo. Yay. This show is cracking me up. Oh my god. I love this one. I'm a terrible, terrible people, terrible. I like maybe two or three. I don't think they're terrible. They are terrible. I think that they just have their head up their asses. No, terrible is like Shahza sunset. These are not terrible people. Well, they're terrible too, but this is the same thing. They're throwing friends of like multiple years in the toilet just to have something to say on TV. That's what they always, that's what they all do. I think these women, they're just super petty, which is my favorite thing on Bravo. When women are super petty on Bravo, it just brings me so much joy. I don't know if that's misogynist or not, but if it is, I apologize. Why? The men are petty too. Yeah, but when women are petty. See, what's good about this show, here's what I like as a macro note, is you have a bunch of idiots. And you have these women talking about etiquette as if they have any grasp of the philosophy of etiquette. They don't understand it at all. And then you have someone like Giselle who's like, well, fuck this shit. And it's driving the etiquette women like bonkers. And it's so funny to watch them, you know, wave, wag their finger at Giselle and the like, and then have Giselle bark back at them. Like to me, that's like perfect. It's like, it's just, it's just definitely enjoying it. I just think the women are just horrible human beings. I love how it started out though. I just noticed this because I love a new house. So I was opening where I get to notice new things every week, because it'll take me like five years to get through this one. Like just noticing all the little things in it. But Robin and the opening goes, I don't have a cookie cutter life. But she says something like, she says cookie cutter. Like cookie gutter. I don't have a cookie gutter life. I don't have a cookie gutter life. But that's only because I can't find it. Like there's so many things in the drawers. Why would I cut cookies when I can buy bags of them at the store? Am I right? And then we have the new girl this week in my opening. And she's like, I'm like sunshine and flowers. Whatever she said. Let us her opening line. I don't know. I was just cracking up at her voice. I like booty popping music. So the thing that's hilarious about the show, in terms of the etiquette, is that like the whole concept of etiquette is that it's something you do to make other people feel comfortable, right? You're not supposed to do this or that because you might make someone feel uncomfortable. You don't mention an unpleasant topic, because that might make someone feel uncomfortable at dinner. You might not do this as a whole thing. It's about making sure people feel comfortable. That's the whole point of etiquette. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought etiquette was just like basic manners. No, I think that manner, I think etiquette is like the use of manners, if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. I can look at the art. Listen, we should look up etiquette. Someone should on this fucking show because these bitches obviously haven't. Right. Well, I mean, the definition is etiquette refers to conventional forms and usages, the rules of etiquette. Decorum suggests dignity and a sense of what is becoming or appropriate of a person or good breeding a fine sense of decorum. So that's like what I guess what etiquette means. But the philosophy behind it is it's supposed to make you feel comfortable and you do it as a courtesy to make sure other people don't feel uncomfortable. So the fact that Cherise and Karen keep walking around like the church lady and like, that's not right, etiquette. That's not etiquette. That's not what you do. You don't do that. It was like, well, then you obviously don't understand the idea of etiquette because the fact that you're sitting there and you're pointing your finger and wearing your finger and scolding is the exact opposite of what etiquette's all about. And their manner, their playing manners are just so bad. So we open back at the Cherise party. It's still daylight. Weird crab boil with the dress barn fashions on everybody and the craziest guests I've ever seen. So we're still there. We're back with Karen, telling off Chiselle and giving her that picture frame, which I noticed is not only a bad all caps font that she just typed yourself and framed as some cheap ass like what'd you say? She's out with chance refault. Not only is it in some cheap frame, it's not even centered right. It's all like, I noticed that too. It's all janky in there. It's like you couldn't even make it. You couldn't even frame it properly. Come on now, Karen. Get some scotch tape. Yeah, so she's yelling and it's the dumbest fight ever. She's like, well, you're rude. You're rude. And then Chiselle's like, you're dumb, you're whatever, whatever. And Chiselle's looking at her own reflection and this janky ass Xerox framed rules thing. And she's looking at herself and then Karen gets so mad that she walks away from her. But one thing I noticed was that when she walked away, Chiselle gulped. She was like, who? Which shows some fear. And I'm only pointing that out. I'm only pointing that out because it's gone by the end of this episode. I mean, these women hunched her down so much in the first two episodes. You guys just created a monster. You just created your worst fucking nightmare. Enjoy yourselves. I will. Well, I mean, I feel like most people are on the side of Giselle on this one, right? Oh, totally 100%. So it's so funny because then Cherisa's still like, she's still mad about this whole staircase situation. And she's like, I just wrote down. I don't know why I wrote this, but I wrote down her saying, not Potomac, not Potomac. Not Potomac. You don't go upstairs and Potomac. Potomac. And by the way, this party is like halfway over. This bitch is still up in her dressing chamber next to a roll of paper towels. I mean, come on. You can't write this better. She's sitting next to a roll of paper towels talking to Brene, the biggest stirrer on the show so far, and who's not even a cast member. And she's like, her five kick was coming up the steps in my dressing room. I don't know this man. I don't know who he is. He's coming up the staircase. And then she said, where do they do that at? Like, she had that sort of like ghetto ways just to like shame somebody else for their welfare or their ghetto. If she says that one more goddamn. Yeah. I hope that bitch goes broke. I'm saying it right now. Last week. I hope she loses everything. Last week, last week, I sort of defended her. I said, like, I understand that impulse to not, you know, when you when you've come up and you don't you don't want to just be lumped in with with everyone else necessarily. And, you know, so I defended her on that front. But this week, she was like going like everything was like, she brought her own tuna fish. Where are we, the ghetto? I mean, come on now. Once you hear it, you can't unhear it because she says it like every other line, you know. So the then Karen who is still to me, Dwight and awake. I'm sorry. That is Dwight in a wig. I do see the Jasmine guy though now that you said Jasmine guy. She's downstairs on her stupid, ugly billard's clearance rack dress. And by the way, I'm sorry to interrupt. Attention must be paid to Karen's eyebrows because at one during one interview, the the eyebrow started way up here. Imagine my finger about like an inch above my eye. And then swoop down and came around the side and came like below her eye. It was like a velociraptor claw. It was insane. It was beyond divine, beyond Ursula. This was the biggest drag eyebrow we have seen on Bravo. Well, you know that blue dress that she's wearing in these interviews, talking head things that last week, I was saying it looks like they're trying to like squeeze like a gallon of paint into a toothpaste tube or whatever. So she's in that blue dress, her head is she's caught. It's like a Kim Richards neck almost like almost a turtle. Like where it's like squeezing the turkey neck up like I'm doing it for myself, because I have some too, but like squeezing her turkey neck up. And then her head like kind of moves independently of the dress like an animatronic head. It's like that show at Disneyland where you go look at the history of America and then the whole theater turns. And then you see like Abraham Lincoln and only his head is moved. That's all I could think of looking at her. And I was like, why would they make an animatronic thing with like foam rubber? When that could just like, it's just jolly and brave. Who's making this animatronic character? This is the scariest Chuck E. Cheese I've ever been to. Making me cough over here. I like that you're coughing. I'm only coughing. I know it's obnoxious that I cough every time on this podcast, but my mother smoking pot or these baby things now. And now I'm smoking some jelly bean flavored vape. Turns out black jelly beans don't feel that great on your mouth. Who knew? Well, I have a lingering cough and it like comes out at night. Mm. For real. Oh. So anyway, so at one point, so now at this party, Giselle pulls to Reese's side and it's like, can we talk? Can we clear up the air and the talk? And she's like, oh, wait, oh, wait. I'm pausing you only because I have to say this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started this with Karen's terrible dress. I'm not only dissing her dress because I don't really care about that shit, but she's standing there in this like fluorescent lit kitchen, talking to anybody who will listen. Yeah, you know, as loudly as possible about how rude somebody else is. And she goes, oh, you like this dress? Yes, my stylist chose it for me. I'm like, bitch, you know, you didn't make any of that money, right? Like, you are fucking a guy. You're fucking an old dude who looks like Red Fox. And that's the only reason you have any goddamn money. So please stop acting like you did something in this world and sit down. Well, I mean, she, not only that, she has fully taken on his family, like in the sense of like, well, and dot this, I mean, this jumped me ahead. But she's like, well, we don't do that. We have this. We have doctors in our family. We have people who work in the White House. We have, I'm like, you realize it's his family you're talking about. It's not your family on the farm, okay? No kidding. She has fully taken on this. You build cows while they were children, okay? And then fuck some rich guy from money. So don't be lecturing your children on what to do because they could be following your footsteps very easily, lady. Yeah, she has fully taken on the Huber name and then some. She has now taken ownership of that family. I'm like, I mean, it is your family now. You are married. But like, don't act as if you come from there. Like, lineage, okay? I got into a weird argument, not an argument, but like discussion in the comments on a real house was a Beverly Hills recap. And someone was saying, I don't like that you're calling everybody whores. And I was saying, well, everybody is a whore. We're all whores for different things. And on these shows, they're all whores at different levels, you know? And it was about Yolanda Foster at the time. But she made a very good point where she was saying, yes, but a woman who was a whore who marries a man for his money, but then raises his children, isn't still a whore. Now she's like, yeah, now she's a madam selling her children. I mean, in that case, but also, you know, you do got to give respect to it. Like, yes, she did fuck the guy marrying for his money, et cetera, et cetera. But she is still with him. She's still making his aunt bitch dot T. And she's raised his children. So she did her in something still a bitch, though. So stop acting like you did something special in the world. You spread your legs, woman. Yeah, so anyway, so Sharice and Giselle have a talk. And Sharice is still mad about all this stuff. You know, Sharice is still like, he came upstairs with a stranger. Well, I don't even know. And just like, you asked him, did you help you with your hair? And she's like, I did not. She's like, yes, you did. I did not. Yes, you did. And then they cut and she kind of did, but kind of didn't. So yeah, because he was like, he was like, you want help? He goes, you want help with your hair? And she's like, yeah, not to. But then the funny thing is they kept cutting back. For some reason, they kept on cutting Decady's son, who kept on saying he wanted to go to the hot tub. And I didn't really understand why they were doing this, but I think they were trying to make a commentary about the maturity of the entire conversation. No, probably. Because he kept repeating the same thing over and over and over. I'm going to the hot tub. I'm going to the hot tub. Well, this stupid fight between these women just sells like, we've been friends for years. We you've never acted like this. What's up? And Shari starts going, you know, saying what you said. And I'm trying to think of why I'm repeating this. Oh, yeah, she says, you're your friend, your sidekick, sous chef, making fun of my hair. Well, look at your hair. Look at your hair. And she's always like, my hair is cute. She goes, no, it's not, it's not cute. She's like, yes, it is. No, it's not. I'm like, now you're mismanors. You're sitting here telling someone how janky there is. Shut up. I mean, she's right, but still, you know, the thing is this. Her hair is not good either. It looks like a terrible wig that took three people to staple onto that head. And then, well, the thing is this is that, I mean, Shari's, I think, for sure had a right to be annoyed, but to turn it into a situation of, I mean, I'm gonna kick you out of my house. And I'm either, I'm so, I'm so mad. I'm so mad, like Shari is like, yes, it's annoying. And it is, it is poor form. And this guy is being overly familiar. But I don't know. Take a chill pill, girl. Yeah, I think they were just trying to have a wacky scene. And this Shari's and Karen decided that they were going to make this bitch pay for whatever jealousy they have pent up from knowing each other, because they all actually know each other. And I think they just didn't like her in the beginning. And they were like, that's it. She's trash and we're going to say it on TV, but they didn't wait for it. Because you know, Giselle is trash. Like you can see it all over her. She's a total whore. I mean, she's a horrible human being in this. Later on in the episode to The New Girl, she's really mean. And you know that she is trash. So I don't think she's trash. I don't think she's trash, but she's not high class. I don't think she's trash, but she's not high class. I think she's a mean trashy bitch. Like after watching her in this episode, but just wait. Okay, then instead of saying trash, I'll say you know that she's going to display some trashy behavior. Okay. So just wait for her to do that. Like you know that she's going to do it. Now you're suddenly going to be mad that she sat at the center of the table, which is not even a thing that people do on their birthday. I've never heard of that. Like so as much as as Karen is ridiculous with everything, she cracks me up because she is good with a hobby put down. I mean, you can't take that away from her. So like when she's talking about the situation and Cal is like nearby, and Cal starts to he starts to chime in and just turns and goes, I don't know, you check out. Just this thing with her hand like goodbye. I'm like, yes, yes, you're like a raging bitch. And I'm totally not on your side. But yes, I like when Giselle says, Cal's like, what's wrong? Because he's like screaming. Yeah, he's like screaming like a woman this whole time. He's probably coked up out of his mind, you know, and he's screaming. And Giselle goes, Diane Firstenberg has a problem. And he goes, who did? I cannot believe this queen does not know who Diane. Oh, I took that he that she that he didn't know who she was referring to. And I like to die on first. Firstenberg was he would know who she's referring to. Yeah, I loved. I loved that Giselle kept on calling Karen Josephine Baker. I mean, I was like cracking, cracking up. So good. So they start this fight at the door and Karen is so rude. Yeah, she says, please leave or whatever. Step back or whatever she tells Cal and she says security. She goes, I don't know. You check out security and then he goes, I'm security right here. And then he like acts like he's all strong of Joseph's muscle. I did not take that as him being threatening. I think he was just still trying to be hilarious. You can't be a housewife unless you're unduly threatened by everything. You know, and you know, I love the way that Karen calls out for security. I like to imagine that she does that anywhere she is. She'll be like at like Pinkberry and they're like, I'm sorry. We're out of that topping security right here. And they don't have any more jelly tots security going through her yogurt planet. She's like, I will take some banana peel, but you can tell that Oreo to check out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't have any more granola topping. Oh, yes, you do. You just don't know it yet. That yogurt swirl is always coming for me, but it can't find me. Yogurt's will always comes for me. They just don't know what's fine me. So she's she's scared of this literally screaming queen who's wearing a leather backpack with like those weird belt studs on it. Come on now. I'm not falling for this. So then she walks right to the kitchen. Well, after, of course, Sharese, she doesn't need to come here ever against that. She put the hood in the hood. I'm like, OK, well, good. I'm glad you could point out that somebody else is ghetto compared to you. So then Karen goes to the kitchen throwing this drama fit like Yolanda when she was beat almost to death by Ken Todd in that riveting dinner scene that we saw a couple of years ago where he touched her arm and said, be nice to my wife. And she's like, don't you abuse weekend. So she pulls a Yolanda and goes to the kitchen. She's like, well, a man was talking to me threatening. He was flexing his muscles at me and threatening me at the door. Shut up, lady. Yeah. Yeah, just calm down. Let's go to Katie's house, speaking of calming down because I probably should. Into the boring life of Katie. So she has a whole bunch of kids that are totally out of control. And then the rabbi comes in and it was this. So this is Rabbi. You noticed why the gay guy is around, right? I mean, not gay guy, why he's always at your house, but he doesn't want to commit. Manny, there's like a little Asian man who works for them. And he goes. That was a woman. I thought I thought it was a lesbian. I don't think so. I think it was like a little gay guy. I thought I was gay. I was an Asian twink. Okay. That's what I'm going with. I said Asian twink, Manny. That's why the husband's in. But his first thing is he smells the diaper and he goes, you're both. You're fine. I love him. The Manny is already my new favorite. So I was watching, I was watching this with, uh, with, with my boyfriend. And he was when Katie starts talking about, um, she's like, I don't know. Any other, you know, black Jews, my boyfriend was like, please don't say Sammy Davis Jr. She's like, I mean, there's a Sammy Davis Jr. And he's like, please don't say Lenny Kravitz and Lenny Kravitz. My boyfriend just like threw up his hands. He was so, I was like, why are you so angry? He's like, can't you think of anyone else other than Sammy Davis Jr. And Lenny Kravitz, like, can't you like say something about how there's like a bunch of like, Ethiopian black Jews or whatever? I was like, oh yeah. I was like, oh, why didn't she mention Drake? But it was just so funny because he literally what he was literally saying the words are meant. He's like, please don't say Sammy Davis Jr. She's like, Sammy Davis Jr. That's funny. Well, this girl is a young version of everybody else. And she seems very sweet. I actually like this girl. I do like her. But, um, she is so ridiculous. She's like, well, there are black Jews and then name drops. And then Rabbi Mark, the widest person ever in the world other than. Here's the thing. He has, he has an earring. Okay. This really bothers me. I don't. Is that a like non-Jewie thing to do? Like an earring and earring? Actually, I think believe it or not, you're not. If you are Jewish, you're actually really not supposed to get tattoos or ear piercings. It's considered like modification of the body. But what bothers me is not that. What bothers me is that it just looks so douchey. This is like the equivalent of Tamara's pastor with the Puke necklace. Okay. Like, I don't want to see my Rabbi with a Harrison Ford earring. Well, I think you guys are finally doing what our people are doing. You know, people are leaving religion. You've got to make it cool, man. Like Christians, we have like rock bands in church now. But did this Rabbi, did this, did Rabbi, did he really make it that cool? He has an earring as well. They never do. I mean, the rock bands in church aren't cool either. That's the hilarious part of it, you know. So, well, the thing is, well, this, this mosaic church group, you know, mosaic here on the corner on. Yeah, it's creepiest place ever. Is that beating Scientology yet for creepiest place ever? Soon. So, you know what, Tiago, my favorite coffee shop. Did I tell you this, how it like, at 8 p.m. on Mondays, they have like Bible study there. They, Tiago closes at 8, but they, I guess they rent out the space to mosaic. So, you know, just the other night, I was working there. I was like 730 and the place fills up and just like the most beautiful people. This is the most beautiful cult I've ever seen. It's just like... It's a Docker's commercial. It's like a Docker slash Abercrombie. They're gorgeous. It's like all, like, gorgeous 22 to 27-year-olds. And they are beautiful and they all gather together and they talk about Jesus. It is crazy. So, then naturally I have to leave. Well, I think it's like the young people new to L.A. who haven't shaken off their teachings yet and whose parents will murder them if they become Scientologists to get a career. So, now the gorgeous people go to mosaic. It's like the Christian Scientology. Not the Christianity is a cult. I'm not saying that, but this place is very cult-y looking. Everyone looks the same. They're like 20-year-old white kids. It looks like a cult. Every time I see them out there, I'm like, what the hell? Are they waiting for a spaceship? What is happening in this church? I know. It's crazy. And then mosaic is like different pieces of glass. This is all the same white glass. Exactly. Glued together again. So anyway, so anyway, Katie, so she tells us, I'm not just a bagel in cream cheese, I'm very Jewish. And at no point during the episode, does she ever, ever prove that thesis? The, like, I think at one point, she actually puts out bagels in cream cheese. Well, her party was all carbs. It was like 20 loaves of red. Yeah. I don't know what that was about. But this, she's such a name-dropper. So, first she did the Black Jew name-drop. And then she's like, yes, our balcony is on the 13th toll of this golf course. And so many famous people come by here. Obama came by here. She starts naming all these famous people who have come by. I'm like, who cares? You rented a fucking balcony on a golf course. Congratulations. I know. And then she has this whole awkward conversation with the rabbi. I was like, I just, I can't. I can't right now. It's too much. Two months her kids to have the Jewish names and the rabbi's like, well, there's a formula. And she said, well, I want, you know, I want my boyfriend to help. Like Beyonce, that is not a Jewish name. It's like the gay boyfriend giving the most stereotypical gay names, Barbara. No, no, no. So, so he's kind of, she's like, I feel like he's testing me. Honey, he's asking, it's like a questionnaire. It's not a test. Yeah. And you don't know anything. It's hilarious. I know. And he's like, do you know what the Torah is? She's like, is that like Torah spelling? I don't know. So she got cut off by her mother. That was a sad story. She got cut off by her mother. I miss that part of the story. The Torah is spelling. Oh, oh, I was like, no. She and her mom are dead. She's like, yes, poor Torah. I'm still mad at kanda about that. Well, everyone remembers that pivotal moment in Jewish history when the Torah fell on a grill at Benihana. So first book burning and in scene now. That's why they call it Benny Hanukkah. Okay, so next up is Karen with Red Fox. Okay, this is hilarious. I love this scene. So Aunt Dot was coming to town. Aunt Dot is Karen. It's the Red Fox. The whole flag. She's ladies and old slag. She is not great. She's an awful human being too. I want her to get run out. No, what are you talking about? Oh, she is fantastic. She comes in and she just complains. She complains about the tea because she has to be hot. And this is what etiquette rule. All hot tea should be sort of piping hot. And then they serve her tea and she's like, this is warm tea. Here, it's like, this is warm tea. She has a really high fast boy. This is warm tea. Why would they serve me? Boring tea with no milk. Well, if you were Aunt Dot, wouldn't you be pissed if you had to get on camera in front of your nephew's like, you know, socially aspirant wife that she probably hates? Of course, she's miserable. I hate this bitch. You know she does because Karen is terrified of her. She's like, honey, we need Lipton tea. Yeah, because that's the classiest tea in the world. Yeah, she's like, you just spent two hours of our lives bragging about how classy you are. And then you're like, where's Lipton? Dot's coming. And she tells us, the hugers are very legacy, like etiquette, loving family from New York City and Potomac. And Aunt Dot showed me how to do everything when I came from the farm. Aunt Dot showed me how to be a lady. Then Aunt Dot's like, what's my tea? This tea is cold. Who serves warm tea? I'm like, Aunt Dot seems like a rude bitch to me. Figured she got you everything. I think Aunt Dot was being, I think she was being a little tongue in cheek. I think she's like a, she's a battle axe. I think she can't stand Karen, and she's tolerating this whole ridiculousness. And she likes giving people a hard time. But I think Aunt Dot is, is, I don't think she's a horrible person. I like it. Throw that bitch in the fire if she came to my house and started complaining about tea. Bye. Bye. All right. So now, oh, so now the woman go to sip with socialites, which is just barely more interesting than real housewives. Season one, when they would go to drinks and dialogue. Do you remember that when these two were heartwell was like, on Thursday nights, I like to do something called drinks and dialogue. I was like, great. That sounds, it sounds like the sort of event that happens at like the student activity center in college. You know, it's like all the do-gooders like get together and they talk about things while everyone else has fun like drinking at the frat. So, um, sip with socialites. It was funny. It was all walks in and she's immediately defensive because she knows she's going to be meeting this young heifer who just got brought in or whatever. And so she's already ready to hate. And she looks around and she's like, whoa, this is like a real thing. Yeah, bitch. And she it's like on the balcony, this pretty restaurant, not the cutest view in the world. What is that like downtown? Like it was not cute, but the restaurant was cute. So they go and she goes, wow, this is a real thing. And she's acting like she's so classy. And she thought she was going to be above this, but it's actually real. She's wearing a see-through shirt, a feathered like a feathered man hat, like the one that Cynthia's assistant was wearing in the previous episode. And a bustier. Listen, I think, listen, I was happy with Giselle's choices. I am I am I'm on Team Giselle. Okay. I'm not saying that you're not necessarily on Team Giselle, but I am going to be. I'm on Team Katie. I'm on Team Katie and Ashley so far. The rest of them to me are awful. I'm on Team, I'm on Team Giselle. She really is my favorite. I like Giselle, though. I like her. I mean, I like I think Katie is very sweet. I think that she is like in overhead. I think she should not be messed up with these women. Why are they casting a 26-year-old in a housewife show? Karen looks like she's old enough to have a child who is old enough to birth this girl. I know. I know poor Ashley and she has a way with words doesn't she? She like meets them and she's like, "Come on in, we have a whole shlong of cocktails." Oh, I think the word you're looking for is throng, throng of cocktails, not a shlong of cocktails. Unless there's some new twist on the ice luge that we don't know about. So funny. So then Ashley, I love her voice. It's not graduating, but it's really high. And she has kind of a weird accent. An accent only comes out on the A's. Yeah. Every A is an E. She has a very she has a very Robin Givens face, I think. Like it's very Robin Givens crease summer's hair. She looks like a little tree elf. She looks like a little elf. They're not mutually exclusive. Especially when she has her hair pulled back. She looks like a cute little elf. I don't know why she was lying to me. Yeah. Well, that was yeah, that's that's the thing. That was the other thing that Dom was saying. He was like, God, the women on this show, there's their hair. It's just it's so far back. Pulling their hair so far back. And sure enough, they all started making fun of each other's hair. Then Helen Slater came in, AKA Robin. And hey guys, I'm gonna have a sip of sip of social life. Like, okay. But I love when Robin started making fun of Giselle. Being around a pretty girl. She's like, oh, get Giselle around a pretty girl. As young skinny, pretty girl. And those clothes come out. Sure enough. Oh yeah, the minute she saw her, she hated her. She was being so mean to her. And Robin's like, so what's this charity thing you do? And Ashley terrified because Giselle looks like she's gonna eat her alive. Robin looks like Garfield the cat, like on drugs. Like she's totally confused. And Giselle's just trying to impress these ladies. And she's like, well, this charity is all about raising money for different philanthropic charities. And tonight we're doing a touching the heart charity. And it's like with these kids, like they come and then you like volunteer with kids in school systems and they volunteer hearts. Like she could, but she goes, she's like, wait, what the fuck am I saying? Oh, I'm so dumb. I was like, I love you. I love you forever after this one little scene. I know. That was, I mean, I don't know. I feel like Ashley is, I don't love Ashley, I have to say, because I question her, I don't know, like her marriage, I think is weird. It makes me question everything about her. He's like 32 years older than her, right? Yeah. 31, oof. And when she told Giselle that, Giselle's like, mm-hmm. Like it is only a matter of time before Giselle's like, she's thottish. Yeah, she called her thottish. What the hell? So rude. You just met the girl. I know. And then Robin starts with her, what's your race? So what's Robin and Giselle's shit with race? Why are they Giselle? It was Giselle. Giselle is someone asked her what her race is. And she said black and white and Robin says, mixed. It's Robin and Giselle. It's the both of them. What the hell? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Because Giselle says to Katie, like, are you black or are you white tonight? Yeah, I don't like that. And Katie says, I embrace that. Oh, Katie, she's not the dumb one. She's just saying, well, I'm half Jewish. And I, you know, I am both. I'm black and I'm Jewish, you know, and I embrace both parts. And Robin's like, well, I don't know. This was later, I think. But I don't know. I just think they're bitchy. But this is where it starts with these two, okay? It was cracking me. That whole shit was cracking me up. And then they all started dancing. And then Ashley's like, grinding up on someone. And I love like Helen Slater. I mean, Robin is like, I read her name down as Helen Slater for my notes because I couldn't remember her name for the first like half of the show. But so Robin's like, it's like, black women don't hump like that. Must be a white thing. What is that? Black women don't hump each other like that. What are you talking about? Do you have MTV? Like, have you ever seen the music video? What the frick, lady? I was cracking you up at that one. She hangs, I think she's hanging around with too many white girls. I was laughing. I was, I thought that was amazing. And then the, but then the best they cut to Ashley on the, on standing on the couch being like, where's the booty pop in music? I want to twerk to this. I was like, uh, Robin may be onto something. Well, she starts getting insecure. And when hot girls who rely on their hotness, I mean, she's married to a 56 year old. She's obviously relying on her hotness. When hot girls are relying only on their hotness and they're attacked by other women, they go into this insecure mode where they become even more Horish. And it's so funny. Like, she becomes so much more offensive because she's nervous. It's like diarrhea of the whole mouth. I just, I'm sorry, the whole area of the mouth, I guess. But she's saying, I want to, Jim and I are a little baby. Because, and so I have to have it now. And so they're already annoyed. So then she's called a thought. And then they're giving her shit over her husband being so old. And Giselle saying, you pop Viagra, you must pop Viagra or something. And she's like, no, he has such a big penis. Which, oh, that's what causes one thing have to do with the other. That's what causes Giselle to say that she's thought-ish. That's what it was. Because she's like, no, he has a big penis. Oh, really? I think that's what it was. Stupid bitch. I don't know. I could be wrong. But either way, I think the fact that she called it booty pop in music is just like, it's all of a sudden, she like turned into your 47 year old second cousin that you see at the wedding. Like dancing around, waiting for like a Will Smith song to come on the radio. You know, that's what it was. Let's get a booty pop in music. Let's twerk like a Miley Cyrus. And then Giselle, who's wearing a Boostier. And just got yelled at for being trashy everywhere else. She's been so far. It says, she's trash. Not very Potomac. Really bitch? Now you're saying not very Potomac. How does everybody around here understand what Potomac is? But nobody's agreed on what it is. You bitches need to get together and decide what it is. Because you all keep saying it's not very Potomac, but none of you seem to know what it is. Lived in. So then we get a scene of Cherise bringing her she like chaperones her daughter to cheer. It's like a cheer. Oh, no. First, we have a moment of Karen, Dwight, being even more of a cut fitness than usual. And showing us that in the living room, she needs to use an intercom system on her phone to call her husband to come to the living room. I just wrote what I cut fitness. Yeah, it was like a one second scene. It was silly. And then, so then we see Cherise cheer. It's like the next room, bitch. And then my note for the scene was, "Okay, that was fun." Because nothing, it's just like, "Well, I have to bring my daughters to cheer. My life with my daughters." My life is my daughters. And I like to concentrate on their gymnastics, so I can stop thinking about horrible negative things, like the crab oil. Really? The crab oil. That still was killing you at gym class. You need to get over it. I do appreciate her showing up to the Beatless brunch, though. Beatless. I mean, she's like the only person. I know it's like an hour later, and not the same show, but still, she doesn't care. She'll go out with no makeup. Yeah, absolutely. I respect that. So then we have a scene of Jazelle with her daughters, and Jazelle has said that she's like, "Well, I have an issue, and I'm trying to work it out." And she's like, "I'm thinking about talking it out." And her daughter's like, "Don't talk it out. That just never works." They're like, "Listen, Mom, I've had way too much experience in this area." The sad thing is, she's had the most experience in any of these women. I'm talking it out. Hell yeah, they're more mature. Her kids made me want to have kids. They're so sweet. They're so intelligent. And when Jazelle, this is the one that Angie was texting us last week saying, "I just noticed the white stove because Angie texted us last week." And she goes, "Please, with that Jazelle bitch, how am I supposed to be? How is somebody with a white stove better than me?" And I totally saw that white stove and started laughing my ass off. And then when they went to the living room to talk about the letter, or whatever, she was going to write, that was the same little sectional couch I'm trying to buy from every furniture. It's the cheapest section you can get. Oh, bless her heart. I know. So, Jazelle, was this now when she writes the letters? She writes these past regressive letters. Yeah, she's starting to write the letter and she wants help from the kids. Yeah, so they're like, "apology letters." So, one, she writes to Cherise. And her daughter's like, "Well, in Girl Scouts, we say our friendship is like a circle. It has no beginning, it has no end, and I love you." Whatever it was. That's how long I want to be your friend. Yeah. And then, so Jazelle's like, "Oh, that's a good idea. I'm going to write that." And then the other one, she says to Karen, like, "I'm looking forward to seeing you today, and I know you'll be on your best demeanor, and you basically won't be a cut fitness." So, it was like two, like one was like a tonally odd one, and one was a passive aggressive one. And she just writes them both down. She just writes them both. And you're like, "You know, this is not going to end." Like, if you're going to write a letter to someone, you have to say something like, "I'm so sorry that we had this communication. I really treasure our friendship. Like, I don't want this ever to get in the way, and I'm running to eat this letter because I want you to see that it's like really important to me that, you know, that I don't know what I think about it." Well, just, it's not very bright. Yeah, this is, even though she comes from a very affluent family, as she would say. Yeah, I need to remind them who I am. I come from a very affluent family. I know manners, really. Really? Do you? My family is very, very renowned. Listen, you can't listen to everything your children say just because they're your goal age, okay? That time has passed, lady. Write your own damn letters. Yeah. So then we go to Ashley. We go to see Ashley's, "Ashle." We get to see her life. She's a former Miss DC, and now she's married to Michael Dobby. And she says that his accent makes her panties wet, which is nice. Oh, God. I'm sure not, I'm sure like a simple chuckle will make his panties wet. God bless his heart. It's even 65 if he's a day. And also, Ashley's very irresponsible. Her first shot as a solo housewife is of this tiny little purse dog sleeping on a plug on the floor. That's the first shot. You need to cover that, okay? Yeah. That poor little dog is going to be electrocuted. He steps on that thing. That's going to make her panties wet, too. I love electrocution. So the old white dude, he's an Australian guy. He's like, "Oh, hello there, the old..." We gotta get Melbourne back. Or we gotta get Melbourne, our terrible Melbourne accents back, because I don't think we ever got him right in the first place. He's like, "Good day, good day, Ashley." So I'm back. I'm in Cheshire also, I can't do it. So their big thing is that they're going to open a restaurant bar. We're going to open a restaurant bar because he's from Australia and I'm from America. And so we're going to open a restaurant that mixes Australian food with the American food. Like, great idea. Is Australian food really that different? Have you heard of the Outback Steakhouse? I think it's pretty much the same shit that we hear, girl. Yeah. It's basically just meat pies. Meat pies. By the way, happy Australia day. That's today. It is? Yeah. Oh, this is Australia. Come back to me. So then we go to Katie's naming ceremony, where the rabbi has now upped his accessories from not just an earring, but a guitar too. At which point I am just like, now I know how all the Christians feel when they see Alexis Bellino's congregation on TV. I was like, "Oh no, this is mortifying for us, Jews." So that was so funny. So he's got his whatever. And then the gay boy, Frank, comes in like after blushing with the mani or whatever, comes in and then he hugs the rabbi. I guess he hugs the rabbi and the rabbi goes. And now Michael, the most delicious boyfriend of anyone in a congregate. I'm like, "Whoa!" The best is Jazelle's reaction. That's wrong. She literally makes a noise. That's wrong. I also love when Jazelle shows up, like in the middle of the ceremony. She's like, "I didn't know Jewish people started everything on time." I don't see she's cracking me up with everything she said. I was dying. Yeah, she's very funny. And she's really good with those talking heads. She was very funny. So she comes in, she's like ding dongs. And then the rabbi goes, "Oh, it could be." And then Katie gets Elijah. And he's like, "Yes, that's right. Elijah, the prophet." You got one. You finally got one, Katie. Congratulations. She's like, "I'm not just a bagel and cream cheese juice. I'm a bagel and bioli and cream cheese juice." "Are you still eating Elijah's bagels?" "I don't want just lox. I want white fish salad too." And Robin's like, "I'm not saying there can't be black Jewish people. I've just never seen any. I've known Jewish people, but none of them look like Katie." These bitches are starting to piss me off. Well, they already did. It's so funny that you're so angry. I like them. I don't like it because it's the two light-skinned ones too. It's like the ones with obviously some mix. I don't care if your parents are both black. You've obviously got something in you that's making you so defensive about everyone else's race. What the fuck do you care of? I thought it was actually a pretty, like, I thought they're a conversation about like mix and being light-skinned or whatever. I don't know. I didn't think that there was anything like bitchy or crazy about that. I thought they were actually having a pretty like- Well, I think that I'm getting this way because I've already seen the, you know, when they have the this season on Petomac, and it becomes like a huge issue later, they showed it in the very first thing they've ever showed. So I know it becomes a huge thing. So I'm just seeing how it's starting. And to me, I think they're just being bitches over no reason. I don't think giving someone shit over- I don't know. I really did not take that same away. I thought they were just like- I don't know. It didn't seem that way at all to me. To me, it seemed like they really were just like talking about like the response they get and like having to deal with that, etc, etc, which I thought was actually pretty interesting. I think these women, it's funny, I was talking about this show to earlier today and saying how like these women are for sure super, super petty, but I think that they, I feel like they are still brighter women than the women from Atlanta. I feel like there's a little bit more going on in their worlds than the women, like to me, I think Atlanta is very much, if you were to compare them, Atlanta is like Orange County and this is like Beverly Hills. In the sense that in Orange County and in it and to certain degree in Atlanta, I'll get to this in a second, but like in Orange County, you have all these people of all this money and they're spending it and they spend it on designer clothes, whatever. But there's no like social, like social, I don't know what it is. There's no like old money in Orange County, right? So like then the crazy new vorish, that's they're just like the top of the pecking order or whatever. Right. And there's no one to kind of like check them in like over there in Orange County to be like, you don't act like that. No, no, no, no. Whereas, and I feel like in Atlanta, Atlanta definitely has old money, but that old money seems like a thing super far away from what you see on Real Housewives of Atlanta. And I feel like the women on Real Housewives of Atlanta are all like super new money and they just act in these crazy garish ways. And they're like, it's all about wearing the labels and all that stuff. It's like conspicuous consumption. And they're just like, they think that they are, you know, like so much more, but they're just kind of like, they're just like new money. Now these women too and Potomac are also new money, just the way they are in Beverly Hills as well. But their new money kind of abuts against older money. Well, their new hoes were married to older money. Well, they come into contact with older money. And I know this makes me sound totally obnoxious to be talking about new money and old money, but when that happens though, there is like, I don't know, I think there's something they do still take from that old money. I don't know, I just think that there's like, I think the women that we see on Potomac, for instance, are around people that we're not necessarily seeing on camera, but they're around people who are doing things like they're around normal town, Atlanta's like a Hollywood. They're around like politicians and they're around like very highly educated people. And again, it's not to say that it's not the case in Atlanta or even Orange County, but I just, I feel- Of course it's the case in Orange County in Atlanta, yeah. No Atlanta, I mean, Atlanta, there's like obviously like very educated people there, you know, you have Emery University. Yeah, but in their immediate lives, I mean- Yeah, I feel like, I, exactly, I think I'm sort of being a little all over the map with this, but what I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like in Potomac, these women they do, they are like, they are crossing paths with people who are like very educated and very worldly. I believe, I really do believe that. And I feel like that sort of stuff rubs off. It rubs off on anyone who's around anything like that. And whereas in Orange County, I don't know, you know, I don't know who people in Orange County are crossing paths with. And in Atlanta, I kind of feel like the, the small, the portion of Atlanta that we're seeing on Real Housewives and on Marriage and Medicine, I don't feel, you know, this is like, I don't know who they're crossing paths with either. I don't feel like they're really crossing paths with a lot of smart, worldly people. It's like Peter, it's like Peter's brew, that's who they're crossing paths with. Yeah, I just don't, I don't really compare the two. I mean, I just think that they're both Black shows on Bravo. So obviously that's, this is like the second Black Housewives, you know. So obviously there's going to be comparisons, but I don't really compare them because to me, they're totally different. I mean, Atlanta is like LA Hollywood bullshit. Yeah. And especially the recent Atlanta, you know, don't anybody who's been there forever get mad. But I mean, it is. It's like a Hollywood like fame-horring, a zillion shows shooting there. And everyone's tripping over themselves to be on TV. Whereas this is just like some small town, which nobody really even knew about that they're having a housewives show in. And so to me, it's just so interesting because it's an unheard of place. And that's what made Orange County so famous. People don't know what the fuck Orange County was. You know, that's like some weird little town. I guess to tie it back into why I even started spouting off all this stuff is because I think that I guess because when they're sitting here talking about race and they're talking about being mixed or being biracial. And what it means, I feel like it's not to say that like, if the women on Real Housewives of Atlanta were having the same conversation, I would never like say, well, well, she's, this woman's not as smart and therefore her opinion on it doesn't matter. Because it's a totally valid opinion from anyone from wherever their background is. But I just feel like the woman of Potomac, you know, I feel like they, I feel like just in a weird way when they talk about it, they seem to talk about it with, I don't know, there just seems to be more like intelligence, I think, in the way they discuss. I find them, I find them, but they're petty as shit using that. Like, I don't think they're using that at all. I think they're using it in a mean way, like in a rude way, like looking down on her for not identifying as a black woman, like that she's identifying as a Jewish black woman, bothers them, that she's not just identifying as a black woman, it bothers them. Like, if there's a mixed race, you identify with your black side and that's it. And I don't like that. I am from mixed race. And so I, I'm from a family where the Lebanese side is somehow better. And this is all growing up shit. This is not recent or current, but growing up where the like, the full blood Lebanese are like somehow better because we have white too. And so that makes us lesser than them, like they're more real, you know, because they, they're full blooded Lebanese and we're just half breeds, you know. And that is like that, that, I guess that's maybe where my defensive nature comes from, but that's how I'm taking it. I'm like, why is it, why does it matter how she fucking identifies? Why can't we just all be one race? And that's why I say anybody who's white has the responsibility to have babies with somebody who is not white. Because I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all being these racial divides, everybody's fighting over. When we should be one, we are the same country. I want us to fucking unite, get the fuck, you know, and I'm not even saying like, also all our babies would be so attractive. It's nothing. I'm not even saying that. I'm saying it's time we all figured out together a way to stop this. Stop the fucking racism. It's disgusting that we still see that on Facebook. Well, but stop it from all, you know, everybody's stopped. Like, let's just all interbreed and stop. Okay. And by the way, I just want to clarify something before people get up in arms about my generalizations about Orange County and Atlanta and all these things. I'm really talking about like these women on these shows. You know, obviously there's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I'm not obviously I'm pulling personal history. I mean, I don't care if people are up in arms anymore. I don't care. Well, I love to make generalizations about my favorite thing is to just to ride everyone in Orange County. But I'm, you know, I realistically know that not everyone there's like very, very smart people in Orange County and there are cultured people there. But, you know, I just feel like on these shows, I feel like I feel like these women have probably more worldly experience than the women on like Orange County or or Atlanta. Oh my God, Orange County, the whole first episode was Vicki wanting to get a car wash. I mean, yeah, but these women are still these. They're just all trash. You know, it's like, oh, it's a real housewife show. So to be on a real housewife show, you have to have a certain amount of fame, whoring, narcissism and grossness and willingness to betray people just for airtime. So just being on the show makes you trash to me, like all of them. Every single one of them to me is gross. But I also love it because you see the real size, even though that's not what they intended to show you, you end up seeing real slides and talking about real stuff. And this stuff is important and racial stuff is basically what we're talking about right now in this country. And it's not just black and white. There's the immigrants. There's it's all over the presidential debates. It's all anybody's talking about. So for it to be on TV on such a stupid cartoonist show is going to enrage people because it's mirroring what's going on in real life. And why it's okay to dis somebody for not identifying is one way. Like to me, that's just not cool. And I don't like it. And if people get pissed, hey, look, I'm very lucky that I get to sit here and just talk with one of my best friends for hours a week and say whatever the fuck I want and be awful. And people let me get away with it, really. And when people have an issue, come tell me and let's talk about it. You know, I think that's one of the biggest things missing from the world that we can't just fucking talk and be honest with each other. But you know, I really thought the whole, the whole discussion that they were having, I thought they were talking about how, you know, it gets tiresome how, you know, like, how you have to say, are you white, are you black and like, like having to categorize yourself. Yeah, they ask her twice. No, they weren't saying that. She's saying, Katie was saying that. Katie was saying, I don't see what the big deal is. I have my mother's Jewish. That's it. Like it's, I don't understand why it's a big deal. They're the ones questioning in every scene. And look, this is going to come up a zillion times over the course of this season. And apparently it's a lot worse as we go on. So, you know, those are our opening stances. I guess we're just going to have to see where this damn show takes us. Because I have a feeling it's going to get, oh, well, starting with the next scene. When so Giselle gets to lunch with Cherise and Karen and Giselle sends them a car. And the driver gives them notes that these famous notes that Giselle had written. And they read them and, you know, Cherise is like, what the fuck is this circle? Like a beginning and that's how long I want to be friends. And then like, and then Karen is like, well, this is a passive, aggressive piece of shit. Those are like two stupid, stupid letters. So of course, when they show up, they're angry. And Cherise has such a stank look on her face. Cherise is, oh, she is not, you know, for someone who has talked a lot about etiquette or whatever, and have a way to, you know, like, what about the rule of etiquette that you at least like smile and say hello to someone. That woman is a rude cow. Both of those women are awful. They're sitting in this car. They get apology letters. Those women sent cars for them to bring them to lunch for this apology thing. They read them like, she's a piece of trash. This is bullshit. Blah, blah, blah. She didn't even do anything to either one of you bitches in the first place. So you're already mad about something stupid. Now that you're carrying it over to like weeks later, like God knows, how many events has this been that they've all been together now? That they're still carrying this bullshit around and getting all mad in the car. You are too old, stupid slags. I'm sick of listening to you already. Both of you shut up. You're making me side with Giselle. And I have a feeling that girls will bitch from hell. And I'm already like siding with her because you guys are so awful. I mean, how can you not side with Giselle? She had her children write, sorry letters, and she's on an iPhone 4. Yeah, I mean, you gotta have, you know, hugs. And so then she, so Cherise calls, Cherise calls Giselle. Well, she said that Giselle and Cal were acting as if they were in like a Tyler Perry play. And so Giselle, I love her comeback. She's like, well, if we were Tyler Perry, Tyler Perry play, I guess we all, we all know that Cherise is Medea. But notice that when Cherise said this, she was saying it's some be right. Tyler Perry, well, do you remember what Tyler Perry started out, right? Because I was directing Kenya more. Yes. And he had these huge plays that were very inexpensive. And they were the first like huge black event plays. Like they were a huge cultural thing. And this bitch is still calling shit ghetto. Even when she's referring to something else. I, that lady, these ladies make me so mad. But especially that Cherise lady with her ghetto remarks. I don't like it. And so they, they're, once again, they're rehashing everything. No one is budging on anything. And then they get in the fight again about the hair. And this is when Giselle's like, he's a world-renowned hairdresser. They're like, right now, round hairdresser, however you want to say it. And then finally, Cherise gets mad. And then she has, this is her big put down. The presence of your face repulses me. Yeah. And then goes like twirls off, get out of here. I did like that she was saying, you're making fun of my hairdresser. But that wig on your head, that is the fakest thing in the room. Also, of course, Giselle's going to bring a hairdresser. She went there in the daytime to cook for you. She has to get ready and every, why do you get three hairdressers? But no one else is supposed to use one. Of course, she's going to bring her hairdresser, who also cooked your food. Yeah, exactly. You know, for all of Cherise's talk about the help, the help, the help. Like, well, what do you think you relegated Giselle to when you had her cook your food? It's like, you can't like look down on the help and then ask your friend to cook, cook the food for you. Like you just can't like, like you have to like either like your friend cooks the food for you and you realize that like sometimes people do favors for you or you just hire a private chef. But you can't be like, oh, my friend is doing me a favor. And then, but then her friend who's doing her favors to help all of a sudden. That's, that's, that doesn't make sense. And it's so elitist and it's so stupid. Who brings a hairstylist to a crab boil? God, is there rules about that? I've never read that one. Never heard that one. That's so stupid. And what about hairstylists everywhere? What they're not classy enough for your party? Well, Cherise, you were a school teacher and the fucking mailman at your fucking crab boil. Get out of here. And Cherise, you're the one who brought like a freaking, like a makeup artist to your crab boil doing the, doing your makeup upstairs. Like, what's the difference? Oh, that's true. I wonder if she let them eat the food that the lesser than hairstylists cook. Oh, whole new drama. I don't know, but that's something we'll just have to wait to find out about. Well, this show, by the end of this, you know, it opened with Karen telling off Giselle and Giselle gulping in fear. And then it ended with Giselle, like, the, you. With holding, with holding apology flowers. She, she brought flowers and she's only going to give them if they made amends. But since they didn't make amends, she was withholding the flowers, like the seal blues. And Giselle, the stage repulses no one. Yeah, I love that it ended with the empowerment of Giselle because I'm sure these bitches have been holding her down for years and making her feel like she's not good enough. And she asked to act a certain way. And she asked to do this. And she asked to do that. Motherfuckers, you are not in doubt. And Abby drop it. And I'm glad that she's finally like screw you because guess who the star is? Her. These other bitches. Everybody hates them. Like, Karen's getting some love just because, you know, Dwight and the wig. He's paid his dues. But Giselle, I mean, Charisse is getting tons of hate and stuff on mind. So you go Giselle in the end. You won. Now be nice to the child. Okay. Yeah. Well, that I think brings us to the end. That is the end of our podcast. Some really good anger I got out. We, we, we, we vented out some stuff about food network. We've been, we talked about top chef. We talked about recipe for disaster. We talked, is that what it's called? Recipe for disaster recipe. That's over. I call that no more. Bye. Yes. You know, and we even, we even got to do our favorite thing, which is pontificate about race. And I probably made an ass out of myself right now. I probably made an ass out of myself trying to delineate the cultural differences between the women on Real House as a Potomac and Real House as a Atlanta. So I know I wasn't, I wasn't nacking you about it. I just see it happening a lot online. And I just really don't see any similarities. No, no, I just, no, it was just funny because I could, I could see as I was trying to like, make my, like, make my delineation. I was just, I was like, oh gosh, I just sort of sound now. I just actually sound like Sherry is just being elitist. But you know what? I like being elitist sometimes. No, I, you know what? Here's one thing this, one gift this show has really given me a lot of them. But personality wise, it's taught me I am who I am. And the only way I'm going to make it through this life is to not give a fuck. Like, and I've been scared enough of my life. Who cares? People can tell me to fuck off and it doesn't hurt anymore. Yeah. And you know what I learned from this show is that I just really want people to like me. I do. Everybody does really like you, Ben. That was the gift God gave you, my darling, to be born likable. Anyway, I'm going to go out now to the sidewalk and beg for money for my new brand. Don't mind me. Oh, if anyone has any to spare. That's not very Potomac. Yeah, that's not very, who begs for money, not Potomac, not Potomac. They bring that blogger to a crab boil. Everyone, thanks for supporting us and listening to us. You can support us at patreon.com/watchforcrapids. And you can follow us at facebook.com/watchforcrapids. And you can find us at watchforcrapids.com. We're all right. So you can get links including our Twitter handle @whatcrapids is that's where you find it. So we love you guys. We love you Thursday because we're going to have a lot of Vanderpump to discuss. Tons of Vanderpump. Bye everyone. Bye. If you like Watch What Crapids, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge? 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