Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know, that's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. 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For hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Today's episode is brought to you by Texture. Try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares? What happens when there's so much that crap is? For this episode we want to thank our super sponsor, Marvin J. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what Crap is. It's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Bantar Blender podcast. And joining me on this beautiful sunny breezy day here in Los Angeles is the hilarious, multi-voiced, probably super comfortable in his couch desk. Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hi Ronnie. Hello everybody. Hello, Ben. Oh, I am very comfortable. I'm moving my furniture around so my neck hurts because my neck isn't used to facing the same way in the new position of the couch desk. Oh my god, that's crazy. How is your day going so far? I am really, I have like a lovely breeze coming through here. It's just a beautiful LA day, is it not? Yeah, it is really pretty. I can't keep my windows open because my neighbors complain while I do the show. Oh, we're so loud. Luckily, my window faces over another building. So if they complain, it doesn't matter. It won't affect my building. You live by MJ. No one's going to complain about you. He will always talk to you. MJ, I'm right in between MJ and the gay guys from newlyweds the first year. I'm wedged right in between those and formally Ashley of Real Housewives in New Jersey. And Matt Woodfield. So this is a power block going on over here. Little Matt, he wrote on our Facebook page about Lisa Vanderpump. I think he called her a monster, which is a really great segue to remind people that if you come to facebook.com/wattrocrapins, there is a great, active, hilarious online community there, including our former co-host Matt Woodfield, who pops up from time to time to throw shade at Lisa Vanderpump. It is honestly a great source of anything you want to know about Bravo. The moment something happens, I know for me, I go immediately to our Facebook page because I see everyone's chiming in, et cetera. All the gossip is there. So that's really cool. Almost 6,000 likes. We also have watrocrapins.com, which is where you can find our links to all our other social media on Instagram and Twitter and Vine and who knows where else. Grindr. Okay, Cuban, wherever else you might find us. Most awkward grinder ever. I remember when I was on Grindr, I actually, I think like once, maybe twice, I did get hit up by someone who was like, "I like your podcast." Awkward. You know what's funny? Actually, today's side note, when I was down at Ralph's, just earlier, to get my coffee from Starbucks, my in Ralph's Starbucks, there was this guy, he did not just text me, but there was this guy who, Ronnie, like three years ago, we went out to, what's it called, Revolver, around Christmas time, do you remember that? I sure do. And there was this really hot guy that was there. And I remember it was like, I was like, should I talk to him? Should I not talk to him? You're so hot. And I finally got out the balls and I talked to him and I actually wound up getting his number and I felt really cool because I got a super hot guy's number, which was very, like, triumphant for me at that time. And then I remember I texted him the next day and then he just never wrote back. And I was like, damn, he was so hot and I thought I had a chance with him. And then he never texted back. So, you know, it's not a big, not a big deal in life. But today at Starbucks, that guy was there. Apparently it was because the next year you're like, oh my god, that mother effort. Well, I remember everyone. I remember everyone. I remember everyone who doesn't text me back, just so you know. But today at Starbucks, he was there and he didn't know if I was in line or not. He's like, are you in line? And I was like, oh my god, he has Christian voice. And I felt so much better about myself. Isn't that the worst when they're so hot? And then they're like, ha, yeah, I was like, oh no. I was like, oh, and like the sober light of day. I mean, he's still hot. Now that it matters, you know, I'm taken, but he's still hot. But I'm like, oh, but you have a ridiculous, stupid sounding voice. And that somehow made everything right in the world. That actually happens with me when I'm with people because I talk like this when I meet people. But then once I start talking, I get like a girl. And I see the look of horror just kind of slowly wash over their face. Yeah. No, I get to look at their bet as they walk away. Oh, hugs. Oh, so there's already been a lot of hashtag justice today. And hashtag Kristen slash Megan King Edmunds voice today in real life. I don't. Santa's future Robin, I've got to work on that. Robin boys. Robin has wives of Potomac, but we're getting Robin. She has more of a this song. It was big. It's slummy, slummy. Also, everyone be sure to support us on Patreon because tonight, hopefully you listen to this in time tonight. We have our our Google Hangout that we do with our Patreon subscribers. And that is at this can be at 6 p.m. Pacific. And 9 p.m. Eastern. That's for people who donate, I believe at the two dollar level. So if you donate at least two dollars a month, you can join our our hangout. All the details will be on the Facebook page. Look at that synergy. It's so much fun. I'm excited to have a night just drinking with some friends, some video chat friends. I know it's going to be fun. You never have to leave. Well, it's going to be fun. We'll have a lot of I'm sure we'll have a lot of bravo stuff to talk about, especially with all these new housewives. And there's just been a lot of bravo gossip lately. And then of course, I'm sure we'll also be discussing making your murderer. So that's going to be super fun. So everyone, thanks to everyone who supports us. And we do. If you are a making your murderer fan, we have bonus episodes. The last ones we did have been strictly devoted to that show. So go eat your heart out. And someone asked on our Twitter, if you support, if you're like a new Patreon supporter, can you get access to all the previous bonus episodes? The answer is yes, you do. So there's like, 68 hours worth of stuff. Yeah, next week, it's a very special 69 episode. I don't know what that means, but yeah, those were always fun when you put. One of us will record upside down. I hate 69. That's like the worst ever. But we don't need to talk about that. I'll be on the 69th episode. Work and pleasure at the same time. I don't get it. Yeah, you know, speaking of pleasure, Ronnie, you know what pleasures me a lot. Magazines. Whoa, that's the perfect intro. Yeah, it really is. Because guess what? This podcast, as you may have heard, is sponsored by a texture. And we have actually a lot of things to say about texture. First of all, I know a lot of you guys have New Year's resolutions, right? Like you want to learn to cook or get in shape or things like that. Well, guess what? There are a lot of magazines that will help you on your journey. And guess what, times two, you can probably access almost all of them on texture. Yeah, heck yeah. Are you trying to get in shape? Get the latest workouts from Healthershape Magazine. Or maybe you want to be the next Juliana. Just download US Weekly or People and stay in the know. That's Juliana Ransick in case you want to know. Yeah, she's not really a one-name kind of. I was like, I think you just made a career highlight for her that she'd graduated to a one-nameer. Juliana Margolis is so pissed right now. You guys can read about it on your texture. I know. So, you know, at starting at less than $10 a month, texture offers unlimited access to all of your favorite magazines for less than the price of three magazines at the grocery store. Browse hundreds of magazines and cherry pick the articles that interest you the most. The texture editorial team recommends stories for anyone daily, plus the curated collections let all of us dive deeper into topics. Sign up for texture right now and in mere seconds, gain insider access to the very best reads plus exclusive content. And it's super easy to use. Just click headlines on the cover page and texture takes you right to the articles that interest you the most. You guys, stop wasting time flipping through pages. Oh, pages. Justice. Stop wasting paper. Stop wasting your money. Get texturedity. Okay, so here's how you do it, okay. Texture is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. And by the way, it really is a good app. Definitely use it a lot on the toilet. It's a great place to use it. And it like when you're waiting someplace. Think about that. On the pot, you guys will get unrestricted access to the world's best magazines from back issues to the one on newsstands today. Yeah, like if you want to read Sean Penn's El Chapo thing that everyone's getting all excited about, it's actually on texture right now. I just looked at it myself. So take advantage of this offer right now and take on your New Year's resolutions, which may include reading about drug lords with some serious magazines and stuff. Try texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. I absolutely love that this is like a New Year's thing. And they're like, "You guys want to exercise? How are you trying to lose weight? Read more magazines." Sit down, boy. Just something very, sounds good to me. Well, it's actually good, honestly. I've actually used texture when I've been on like the exercise bike at the gym. So there's another good use for it everywhere. Well, this is that time of January where I've given up hope on all New Year's resolutions. I'm like, "Okay, still going to be fat till 2017." And not making any career efforts. So might as well read some magazines. Yeah, exactly. Well, you know another thing we could read? Are some questions from the Crapins, Mel. So we actually have a question that it actually was sort of like was not officially put into the mailbag. But it's actually because it's a sponsored question. Someone actually sponsored this question. I don't think he wants his name. I think he wants to remain anonymous. And if you do want credit next episode, just email us and we'll mention you next episode. Well, actually this request goes out to YQ. Yeah, that's exactly what it's going to say that there is. But it's like Casey Caseham. It's a long distance dedication. Say, "YQ." This mailbag is Brian Adams and it's going out to YQ. YQ, this is free. I hope you're listening, YQ. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to wait. I don't want to wait. I don't want to be asleep because I'm this baby. And I don't want to think. Is that-- who sings that? It was like some-- I think you sort of hit some Aerosmith in there and then I was sort of overlaying it with Paula Cole. Which is basically Brian Adams, Aerosmith and Paula Coleman. It's pretty much everything that YQ could have asked for. All right, that's what I think. We're giving you low IQ for YQ. I don't know if you guys were expecting more focus today, but don't plan on it. Yeah, so it's not going to happen, all right? I'm in a very good mood and my legs are over the couch desk and I'm just ready to lay around and talk some shit, right? I almost revealed the secret identity. So he writes, "My instant request," which is also LOL, very K.C. K. Sim. "My instant request would be, 'How would Pedofluor defend herself against Magales?' 'Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, no, no, no accusations of sealing her book title.' Would she be freaking out? Of course, okay, so how would that go? Okay, so... Some people read, some people look at TV, some people listen to audio book, some people read. I read, I read this book. This book has title already. What is this, what is this bitch? Who is this bitch? I'm a bitch, you're a bitch, we are bitches. But who flips? Like, who does the flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, okay? Like, Omarosa, she has a book. Pedofluor, she has a book. Like, we are a book. I like her. There are many different kind of bitch. Pedofluor, whoa. There are many different kind of bitch. You don't tell me. And I don't tell you what kind of bitch is in the bitch, okay? This bitch is switch the bitch. The other lady wrote book, fine. I'm switching that bitch to me. Now it's me. This lady, she is freaking out. And I say, she's mad right now. And I decide, I'm going to walk right up to her and just listen. Whoa, Pedofluor, whoa. I would like to introduce you to my son who understands copyright law and book openings and book editing. And also how to massage his mother's temples and crap her boobs in parties in ways that are non-offensive. Please meet my son. Whoa, whoa. What is this moon coming through? What is this moon? Why are they dancing slowly in front of a moon? What is this all happening? It's all like spaceships going up, like, and then we landed. Also you have to make fun of my moon now to feel important. This is winter, okay? This is winter party. You don't even have a jacket on. You are wearing a cougar and they fur at the same time. A cougar and a bear at the same time in my home. Well, because the cougar goes, wow. But the bear goes, wow. And I say, I have a bear? You are there? So, okay. Whoa. All these noises. You need to start switching the mammal and switch the beach. She's a, oh, here's, (mimics a droning) and she's typing and be like, take it, and I'm going to be like, (mimics a droning) and whoa, book. You are talking to someone who is one time very, very poor. Very, very poor. I would look on the street and see the poor people and say, that is me. And now I am on top of building on wooden moon with a sun making out with me, looking down on all the poor people. So switch that beach. You know, I am poor. She's poor. We all poor. Like, this is okay. It's like another night in Cheshire, you know? You know, this is actually just as nonsensical as those two bitches with me together in a room. I know, I know, I really. They wouldn't really know what they're thinking about. It's a more elevated conversation, let's be honest. So who bought you this fur? Who bought you this fur? You could not buy this yourself. If I was going to wear a cougar and they fur, I would own it myself because I make everything myself. Even though I drove here in a Bentley that I begged for for five years from my rich husband. But still, actually, you know that McGallie would really like Petty Floor because one of Petty Floor's self-enointed signatures is, does something just fall over in couch desk? Yeah, Bueller tried to lay down and he knocked for a picture frame. Nice, Bueller. Now you can get a suntan in the sign. Well, I was going to say that since Petty Floor's signature is a snap, I think McGallie would really respond to that because she likes shorts, ticada noises she can repeat over and over again. What is this? Okay, what is this noise? Yeah, but she'd be like, why do you only make one noise? Who is supposed to understand you with one snap? Okay, it needs to be snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, but snap? No, no one listened. I can't, I can't listen to one snap. You got a snap at me? You better not snap at McGallie. You better not snap at McGallie. Oh, why? McGallie's McGallie. McGallie's McGallie. McGallie's McGallie's. I'm like Mr. Clean. Try to do whatever you want to do, Petty Floor, but McGallie's McGallie. So, Petty Floor, I don't even know if she's going to be the same woman when Melbourne starts because she looks so different now. She has a totally different face, a totally different body. I'm sure she's still got her some thumb up her butt, but otherwise everything on her is different. Yeah, she is falling into that fame trap where she's seen herself on TV and she's like read some things on Twitter where they're like, "Look at her, she's fat or something." And she's like, "Okay, I'm just going to change my face." And you heard the word fat and you opened a think-thin bar. I mean, you're a crinkling? I was trying to do it like very quietly. I'll put the mute button on so that no one hears. Because I forgot to eat it right before, so... We really need to get think-thin as a sponsor, because I just write so many of these things on this podcast. Oh, my God. Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle. No, I hate that. Oh, my God. Do not smack in the microphone, Katie. I'm not going to. I'm going to put the mute button on. No, I probably won't. Don't put the mute button on. No, what am I going to do? I'm going to be on the bottom button. No, it's like a cough. It's like a cough button. I'm going to DJs. You know, when they have to cough, they press the cough button and that way you never hear it. Hey, was that a subtle hint? Oh, my gosh. Now I have to cough. You see how we are suggestive. Have I just-- but you can't cough while I snack, because then we'll both be on mute. This show is going to be 20 hours today. Hey, what's in the mailbag thinking-thin person? Sorry, I was muting my eating. Okay, the next question is actually food-related. It's from Katherine. It's food and cough drop related. How fitting? That's right into the mailbag section. Okay, this is-- this actually is good, because we didn't talk about Top Chef last week. I mean, on the last episode. And it's from-- so Katherine asks, last week's Top Chef, was it stupid for Wesley to knock out Angelina during the sudden fire-- sudden death quick fire? Probably the weakest one left in the sudden death. If he fell on his sword, he could have escaped being eliminated later on the episode, or probably would have improved his chance. Also, who's your favorite chef left on the show? Ronnie, you answer. I-- well, yes, if you use logic after the fact, of course, but the problem is with this show, it's not really about logic. It's not a typical cooking game show, which is trying-- it's kind of what they're trying to be the past couple seasons, or it's like all these-- now we're traveling, now we're traveling, and now it's quick fire. Now it's a sudden death. And now there's 30 people in the cast, but so we have-- they never know when they're coming, when they're going. They're so tired. They have to cook so much shit. I don't even think people are using any kind of gameplay logic, because it's supposed to be about how well you cook. It's not supposed to be some food network show that they're like, "Oh, and now you have to make a souffle with an hour." Good luck. Your secret ingredient is sandpaper, insurance. Yeah, I mean, I think that he probably-- well, I mean, he had no idea he was going to get eliminated later that day, and he has to cook as best as he can, because it's still-- it's one less person to go up against. But I don't know. I mean, Wesley was sort of a disaster, and I kind of felt bad for him that every time he really fucked up, he did it when Richard Blaze was judging. I don't even remember what the main challenge was last week. Do you remember what it was that he went home for? I don't, and I watched it, but I was like, "Ugh." Because they loved most of it. But at the time, they didn't even get to the end. There's already been so much running around and competing. There's already been that sudden death or whatever the hell that thing was. And so by the time it gets to the real one, I'm exhausted. I've already worried so much. I'm tired now. Yeah, because the quick fire, they were on a pier, and they had to make something spicy or whatever. Oh, and then make fish tacos. You made fish tacos for the quick fire. The sudden death, I don't remember, but who cares? And then the main challenge... I just remember Richard Blaze was there, and he said it was the weird... Oh, the serious gay, he looks like he's from 1962. He made a squid meatball. Yeah, he made a squid meatball, and Richard Blaze is like, "It was the weirdest thing I ever eaten in my life. It tasted like it came from another plant." I'm like, "Just settle down, okay." Like, you already got your job as a judge. Like, stop overdoing it so much. He really does that Richard Blaze. I feel like I'm on a different planet. Like, if this was video, you could see how jigantically my mouth is opening up, because it's like a hungry hippo mouth. He can open his mouth. Like, he can unhinge his mouth like a snake, and just open it all the way back to one of those characters on South Park that once we're always farting, you know, their mouths are just like Pac-Man mouths. That's kind of how he is. I can't even watch him. I feel like he looks very anime, actually. Like, he has his total anime face. Like, his mouth looks to me like an upside-down triangle. And so does his jaw. And he sort of has eyes anime. I don't know. I think Richard Blaze is anime with a fohawk, even though he doesn't have a fohawk anymore. Well, I think he has anime face shape. But his eyes are totally Simpsons. He's got, like, Matt Graining eyes. Well, I remember the chefs took over his restaurant. They did that. And then they had to cook something. I don't remember what it was. I was invested, but I don't remember. I remember I was happy because the lesbian from Boston, who we really like, or at least who I really like, she won for doing something. I can't even, I don't even know. She's a lesbian because I'm not sure what's going on there. Remember, we had a whole discussion. She has her spouse that you originally had said that this spouse was a transgender, like, woman to man. Yeah, it does, too. But it was just a very, very... A lady in a tux? Yeah, but she never says my wife. She always says my spouse, always. It's something she's obviously making an effort to do, to say spouse instead of husband or wife. So I'm not really sure. It doesn't really matter, but I don't know. I'm curious, you know? Yeah, it's just really part of the LGBT. There's Q and C now. So curious or questioning or whatever. I'm questioning, all right? Yeah, I'm questioning everything. And I'm gay and questioning. I'm fluid. I wish I had recorded what was going on while I was watching Top Chef because I started redecorating my apartment on January 2nd. I'm still doing it because I do, like, one thing and then I sit down. I'm like, I'm exhausted. So nothing's done. My apartment's still shit. But my bestie Tricia was over and we were watching Top Chef while I was painting a wall. So I really needed to have a camera on Tricia just going. That's a step up. That's basically what it was. She's like, oh my god, look at Padma. I love her. And we were making fun of how Padma speaks. She's like, hello, chefs. Welcome to the sudden death challenge. Like, no matter what, the house could be burning down in Padma and Tom Padma. Padma would be like, chefs, the house is burning down. Please stop, drop, and roll. Looks so dead, Ben, with everything. I love Padma, though. I do. Oh, I do too. I like Padma. She's everything for me. I like that she's always stoned and always looking around who she's going to fuck. Like, she's got that gay guy thing. I saw a comedian when time he did an impersonation of gay eyes and they were just darting all over the room. It was so funny. And that's what Padma is. She doesn't dart. She looks very slowly around. Like, she's sizing up both your, you know, your brawn and your bank account at the same time. I love her. I love her. I love her. One last question from Justinian all the way in China. Justinian is also a friend of mine. So he asks this. Here's a classic Crapin's mailbag question. It is the year 26-26. And transcripts of the Real Housewives series are now considered classic texts for English literature courses in the best colleges in the country. [Laughing] Which housewife would be considered the Jane Austen over time? Who would be the Shakespeare? Who would be the Gertrude Stein? Who would be the Marquis de Sade? Is it Marquis de Sade, right? It's not Chade, right? And who would be Vinicie? Oh my God. You know I'm too dumb to know all of those authors? Jane Austen, it would probably be something like Derinda, they'd be like, "When she writes about the Chaos Crapin," what she's describing as a class system. I think Jane Austen would be Portia because... She's looking for romance. She's always looking for romance and she found it with the stuffy guy that everybody told her she would be with, you know, the millionaire who would just boss her around and possibly have sex with other dudes on the side. I think, oh sorry. And now she's just trying to be a strong independent woman and I'm trying to find somebody in this time when mom doesn't approve. You know, it's like all the typical Jane Austen things, you know, she's becoming her own woman and being proud of it. And only then can she find her true love? Who will probably be some 20-year-old go-go boy from, you know, Charlotte, but still? I actually would have thought Lala would have been more of the Jane Austen of her time, although that technically she doesn't count because it's about the Real House House, but I'd still say Lala because not only is she looking for love, but she's also socially aspiring. She's aspiring to get into the higher levels of the Sur class ladder. Yeah, but Jane Austen women don't really just fuck everybody. They'd like give it some time. You know, that's all about marrying. Lala literally swims in every man pool she comes across. That's true. That's true. I mean, I would definitely not equate the name Lala with sense and sensibility. I'd probably just Lala's book title would just be more like, "Let's fuck." We're like, "Fuckin' fuckability." Right, don't try and deny it later. Bye. Lala, honestly. Shakespeare would have to have some sort of poetry, so that's the trick. For some reason, I'm just keeping making King Edmonds. I don't know why. Well, McGolly could probably be Shakespeare because she does so many odd things that don't seem like their poetry, but if you do the math, they probably are like, pedatonic or whatever that. Like, I'm saying right now, I'm ignorant, okay? And I've actually seen and read a ton of Shakespeare. And I'm usually like, "Huh?" Because the way I look at it, Shakespeare is the first man who ever wrote a drag show. You know? Those were all like big soap operas, like over the top soap operas, and all the roles were played by men. So to him, I think of it like the author of "Real Housewives of Atlanta" or something. Well, or, you know, Luanda Lissette also could probably score in this category, because she actually has a small tome of lyrical masterpieces, such as "Money Can't Buy You Class" and also "She's Say Lovey." So she's actually actively rhyming. She is probably the one who probably is the closest to writing a song at this middle, because Shakespeare doesn't rhyme, so you'd have to use like an Erika Jane in there who would just be like, "You could even use all the same titles." It would be like, "Hinner the ape." You know, you just have to leap out of bow or two. Pat the post, pat the post. People will be studying that one for a long time. Well, I mean, technically, you know, I mean, "Candy Burris" is the only one here actually churning out, you know, pieces for the theatre. So "Candy" could also, you know, "A Mother's Love" may soon be the Macbeth of its time. Especially since one of the original cast members is named Portia, and I mean, I feel like Portia is actually a Shakespearean name, isn't it from like, as you like it or something like that? Something like named Portia. Midsummer Night's Dream. Gertrude Stein. So it's funny, actually. Okay, so who this bitch? Okay, I've heard Gertrude Stein forever, but I have no idea I've never read her. I've actually never read any of Gertrude Stein's stuff, but she was an expat from the 20s. So basically, maybe she's like Kimberly from season one. Season one of Real House has a orange county who left to Chicago. Seas. Hold on, I'm going to feel so. I already feel so stupid, but she's crunching. I have to look and see what she wrote. Hold on. Literary Careers starring in America. Books. QED, Fernhurst, Three Lives, The Making of Americans, and Tender Buttons. Tender Buttons. I'm like laughing at Gertrude Stein's work. Ha ha, Tender Buttons. I'm going to say Gertrude Stein is Bethany because her final book was Tender Buttons, and that's like totally what Bethany's against. But in that time, that would have been the body to be going for. You know, back then Bethany would have been writing books like, "Listen, what you need? Your button needs to be tender." Okay, don't argue with me. If you want a man, you need a Tender button. Okay, drink this. Drink this tea with cream and rust, and it'll make you Tender. Your button will be Tender. Literally, if you ask me for a non-Tender button, I am just going to be on the floor crying right now. Okay, my walls are up. Like the only thing that you're allowed to put over the wall are some Tender Buttons. Okay? I really want to read Gertrude Stein because she's had lesbian relationships, and also she was the one who said there's no there there. Which I like. I've always liked that saying. There's no there there. Oh, well, that would be Tamara Barney. No, Tamara said that? No, I was going to say no, because there's no there there. Oh, this is Gertrude Stein writing about Tamara Barney. Yeah, it's no there. And Tamara did flirt with a lesbian interlude in one of the boring seasons of Real Housewives. Gertrude Stein was just like, "I'm just going to have a lesbian relationship to get better ratings on my latest book." But I won't go to my lesbian lover's naturalization party, even if there's cake in the shape of a flag. Gertrude Stein was the first one to write Tender Buttons, but then she was also the first one to write the book. My sweater won't button up because the buttons are too tender. They won't stay in the hole. Actually, people don't know this, but the working title for Tender Buttons was actually, "I'm the hottest housewife in Orange County." I'm the hot one. I'm so hot. It's like there are rules with buttons that I make my own button rules. You know, I heard that Gertrude Stein once threw red wine into Hemingway's face when Hemingway talked about her to the press. Girl, you see it's still Bravo back then. No, I'm joking, that was a joke. Oh, I was like, I'm bap. I could totally believe that happening. Didn't you ever see that movie about Dorothy Parker and the Vicious Circle? I never saw that, actually. Girl, they just as bitchy back then. Oh, yeah. And they had more reason to be. I mean, Jesus Christ. I mean, they were the original bloggers. They were the original podcasters. Yeah, they were. They just wrote down all their ramblings. Yeah. They were much funnier. But seriously though, Gertrude Stein did take out her breast and plants and put them back in. Okay, Marquis Desad. Marquis Desad. Like these buttons are too tender. She tattooed Hemingway's name on her finger and then had it removed. Marquis Desad. So he's famous for, like, erotic, erotica? So would this be, like, Ramona getting down with Mario? Oh my God. That's okay. There needs to be a beheading in this story because that's still the worst fucking thing I've ever seen on Broadway in higher life. That scene where Ramona wanted to look sexy, so she made Mario sit there in a chair shirtless while she, like, poked him and went, "Isn't that sexy? Do you like it? Do you like it? Okay. I poked your poop, okay? Whoa, Mario. This is crazy. This reminds me this one time when I was a little girl. I went to the forest and I saw two squirrels having sex. And I said, "Dad, you're having sex." And he said, "Well, enjoy it while it lasts because one of them's probably going to die because he probably has rabies." And I cried and Geraldine Parsons Smith was like, "You know what? Get over it. It's sex like I have with your father." And I said, "But you're not my mother." And she said, "Oh, sorry. Cats out of the bag." And guess what? Cats have sex too. Whoa, crazy. And day class A. I'm sorry. It's day class A. Actually, now that I'm looking at the market's decide internet description, I was going to say wiki, but I'm not looking at wiki. I'm not even classy enough to click on the thing. I'm just reading the headlines on Google, but it calls it. It says, "Marki decide. Philosopher, author, criminal." So basically, Teresa Judas, like, she philosophizes. She writes books. She's sexual. Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe, why don't I give the best blowjobs? Don't I give them? Don't I give them? Gotta have about sex, Joe. It's like, "Go." Joe, I got a dildo in jail today, Joe. Joe, Joe. Joe, you know, you can fuck a girl with a toothbrush. I saw it happen this morning. Joe, Joe, you there. You hot, Joe? Joe? Uh, yeah. Joe? I'm in the last one. Who would be Nietzsche? I think that's pretty obvious. To me, that would be Shiree, because she's always asking questions. Like, "I got a fashion show with no fashions." Or, "Who could check if you do?" What did Nietzsche see? Nietzsche's famous book. You got electric? I'm not gonna let you. You got electric? You got plumbing? I ain't got plumbing. Now, technically, I mean, Shiree was not the one who said, "I can have a fashion show with no fashions." That wasn't Dwight, but I just always like to attribute it to Shiree. Just for those of you out there who are saying that, Shiree didn't say that. I know. You've just started a revolution. Like Gertrude Stein. That's odd. You know that Shiree has many existential questions all the time. Like, "Where's the exit?" Where's my... You got the exit? Fix your teeth. Fix your face. Well, if you people didn't know how ignorant my ass was, there you go. There's another 40 minutes of evidence. Yes, yes. Yay, crap, it's mailbag. Thank you to everyone who submitted, and thank you especially to our anonymous sponsor for the first question. We really appreciated that. And now we can get into the good stuff. Actually, we can start. There's actually a little bit of gossip that we can talk about with some hilarious gossip, which is essentially that Ryan, Tamara, Tamara's son, Ryan, and his fiance, Sarah, their road to marital bliss has been pretty rocky, slash downhill, slash. Their road to that La Quinta business office rental, or whatever, that... What do you call those? Those conference room rentals. Yeah. Has been slowed a bit. It's been slowly. Yeah. So Angie, our dear friend Angie, who's been on this show several times of the Deep Thoughts podcast, she sent us a link on sarcasm, where basically Ryan and Sarah are fighting on Instagram, which those are my favorite fights, when it's not just enough to rant on social media, but you have to also put up a photo too. Yeah, it's like a selfie and a fight. Like, how could she fight with me? Look at my beard. So I guess what started off is that a photo went up. There's a photo of Sarah hanging out with Gretchen Rossi and Lizzie, or whatever, and so Ryan said, "Wow, I guess Sarah will get her 15 minutes one way or another shaking my head." So first of all, any time any one of these idiots talks about 15 minutes of fame and they're on a reality show, you already lose all your logic points. Okay, no, that doesn't work that way. You don't get mad because someone else wants 15 minutes off of your 15 minutes, okay? Especially because Ryan doesn't even technically have 15 minutes. He's not even on that show. He gets like 30 seconds. Yeah, 30 seconds that we can check in on his receding hairline and see how his steroid body atrophy is going, and then move on. Maybe Orho wouldn't even hang out with your ass. That's how few minutes you've got, okay? He'd be like, "Oh, he's trying a little too hard." And that was like Warhol's favorite thing. So then after he makes fun of Sarah for that picture, then he puts up another picture of a lion and a cross, and of course, and the text says, "The devil whispers, you cannot withstand the storm." The warrior replies, "I am the storm." Oh my God, both of those were Tamara talking to herself in the kitchen, getting ready for a spin class. Yeah, and by the way, again, I'm not Christian, but I feel like the laws of Christianity are not, or the tenets of Christianity are not to go on to Instagram and then throw a cross up there and then use that in a spat against your estranged fiancee. Well, who knows? Judas might have had some hate diagrams. Yeah, so-- There goes Jesus again, walking on water, making multiple fish for people. Enjoy your 15 minutes, son of a God. And so then he starts ranting about Sarah and saying, basically, alluding to the fact that she cheated and all there. And calling her out like, "Oh, well, all of her three children have different dads." So I guess that's what she's doing, out looking for another one or something. It's like, "Well, she's not taking away my daughter. I'm going to see my daughter, unlike the eight other dads." Oh, now you're going to slut shame. Girl, you found this woman on Instagram. Yeah. And she already had like three kids and a gun. And you're not allowed to call someone a fame whore when you only got banged because she's a fame whore. That's ridiculous. We're calling her a fame whore, and we're calling you a fame son, I guess, a fame-- The son of the fame whore son, a fame whore son. What do you say? Who's the son of a-- His mom is kind of a whore, but the son of a-- I mean, it's Tamara. I mean, I can't say anything too nice about Tamara. So anyway, he's a fame whore. He's only getting laid with that scrackly ass beard and that drug addiction because he's fucking got a famous mom. So it's not even a fame whore. It's like a fame-- I don't even know what I'm trying to say because he's not the famous one. Tamara is. So I don't know. It's like second rate fame whoreing, B level. It's the black box fame whoreing. Well, what's funny about Sarah? I mean, she is a fame whore. Let's not get anything wrong. And what's funny is that in her defense, she has a smart-- I'm reading it right now. She has a smart defense. She goes, first off, let me say, family is everything. All caps, whether blood or not. I cherish the family. All three of them. Yes. The more family is the better. I always wanted a big family. Jesus, I have been getting deeply criticized for actions that accord last night and being accused of not being loyal. Well, just because I was in the room with certain people or in pictures with certain people, it does not make me a disloyal person. I simply went to a friend's B-Day party last night to celebrate her turning 40. And boy, did I have fun. She was my first friend in Orange County when I moved here and I wasn't going to miss it. However, I am now being judged. Tamara is a very, very special person to me. Not only is she my mother-in-law. She is one of my best friends. And she has been the best grandma of to all of my girls. Though through the good and the bad, I value her. Ryan is the best dad I could have ever asked for my daughter, which I would never ever come between. They are my family, regardless of the situation. They are who I am loyal to, family first. See, she's smart. She's like, I am just going to kiss ass until they welcome me back. Well, she's going to kiss ass for the court. Of course, that's just going to be brought up in court. And he's going to look like a crazy meth head. And then she's going to look like a nice, very stable woman who's hanging out with Gretchen and Lizzie. I mean, look, how can you get mad at someone for hanging out with Gretchen and Lizzie? Those are the two most non-eventful housewives of all time. I know, I mean, you literally know your wife's not out fucking a billion people when she's hanging out with those two. Yeah, she's actually helping out your finances because she can write that shit off because that is charity, what she is doing right there. Yeah, Abby. Gretchen is working on her logo that she's going to slap on some nail polish she gets from China. And then Lizzie's over there still trying to learn how to draw a bikini. I mean, what are you worried about? Yeah, just calm the fuck down, Ryan. Just go enjoy the latest circular to come from AutoZone and just enjoy yourself. Yeah, calm down. Calm down, calm down. You're trashy enough, all right. Tamara embarrasses herself enough on television without you helping, okay? Yeah. Of course, this is kind of Tamara karma, isn't it? Like having this kind of son. He's like, screw it, I'm embarrassing everybody on Instagram. Probably, oh my God. I just found Jesus. Could you please just give me a break? She's never ever going to win. It's going to be such a good season, next season. Osea has been on fire. Two seasons in a row. It has been excellent. I am so excited for what's going to happen next season. When does it start? When does it start? I think they're already shooting because all the news is starting to come out now. You know, when they start-- Oh, I thought you meant they're just all going to a gun range. Well, you never know. Maybe Heather's building a fucking gun range somewhere. I know. That's party. Let's have a party to celebrate my possible gun range that we might invest in in five years. Congratulations to me and Terry. We're doing a marble gun range. It sure might be loud and echo-y in there, but it's marble. I want these gun racks to be $9 million. So let's move on to the show. Let's go on to the show. Beverly Hills. Real housewives of Beverly Hills. You can drive, Ronnie, because you just did the recap. By the way, a plug for Ronnie's website. Yeah, that's not ever a time when you want me to drive when I've just written, you know, 7,000 words about it. But yeah, go read the recaps to trash talk TV. I like to go deep psychologically with these pictures. This show, this is one of the most mundane fucking shows on TV. Nothing ever happens, and I'm still riveted every time. I love it. I find a million things to talk about in it. And nothing is happening. It's like Downton Abbey on Ambient. It's like even slower than fucking Downton Abbey. I mean, come on. Yeah, nothing really nothing is happening, but I was really into last night's episode for some reason. I was too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I don't even understand how it works, because usually you're like, "Uh, nothing's happening on these shows." But then, I don't know, it works for me. I love the nothing that is this show. So we open with, hold on, I'm scrolling down. I write too much. So we open back in the Hamptons at Kyle's Dollar Tree, Forever Not 21 anymore, store by Aileen too. And this is not really a pop-up shop. It's like a full-on store. So I don't know if this is like a month-long pop-up shop. I'm not really sure what she's doing. I'm used to like taco kiosks being a pop-up shop. Well, that's the next stop. I mean, the next stop is going to be going to the Danbury Fair Mall and setting up a little, little kiosk in the middle next to the piercing hut. Kyle by Aileen, three. Yo, I'm scrolling through these. I'm not ignoring what you're saying. No, it's okay. Yeah, so she's there. And of course, Kyle is the queen of getting free shit. And Bethany is the queen of promo. So Bethany is partnering up to Cater. This beautiful event. Cater slash also like do like a signing. Yes, it's her skinny. It's all her skinny girl. It's like diet products. And then her book about being a wreck in relationships. And who is this for? Who is shopping at this store? Who is shopping at this store? It's sad, sad people. They need flowy, flowy kind of moving short, short, hybrid outfits. And then diet products. I know. And then the city of like of West Hampton still was trying to like they didn't. They obviously don't like this store. They're like, we're only allowed to have like five people in here. Otherwise, the city's going to get mad at us. They're like, please, please. Let's just like try to make this store go away. So on the way to this event, Eileen is in the limo with Erica Jane and Lisa Rinna. And she's still, should I talk to Lisa again about this thing? Because I just don't understand. Cause like we talked about it. But now I feel like I did something wrong, which makes me feel weird. Because like, why is she fit in? Too much already enough with this. And you did do something wrong. You went at Lisa. Yeah, she started it. Cardinals in. She's Lisa started it. I get it. I'm not pretending she didn't. I think Lisa was being shitty when she did all that. But it wasn't. I don't think she was being shitty. I think she was just being tackless. She's being a little nosy, but it was not the worst thing in the world. And you know, Eileen handled it. And Eileen said like, you know, I just, you know, made me uncomfortable. I think Lisa could have, could have reacted to Eileen a little better. But she's British, you know, and she's just like, to her, she's like, this all just seems ridiculous, you know. But, you know, I think I feel. Darling, I'm sorry. I mean, that's all you're going to get. Yeah. But Lisa, the reason I think Lisa was being shitty is because she opened this weird dinner by talking about divorce and cheating and how this divorce of their friends that they never mentioned who it is. But the divorce of their friends is so hard to sit through. So Eileen. It's like, then it turns immediately to Eileen. You've been divorced. I can't believe it. So I don't know. I feel like there was, you know, I feel like there was editing at play. I think there was editing at play. I don't think the lunch started that way or the dinner started that way. I don't know if the transition was that as abrupt as it appeared. But I also believe those women were drinking all day. So to me, it would just seem like a drunken conversation, you know. And it just, I think that Lisa's language was just a little indelicate. So the affair, the affair, the infidelity is. When you were being a slut, you know. I'd love to invite you over for Game Night, but now that we all know you're a cheater, I think I'll have to save that for a game of you now telling. Ronnie, don't you dare, don't you dare give me fantasies of playing board games with Lisa Vanderpond because that would be my dream. Do you have any sheep? Do you have any sheep, please? I'm sorry, Lisa. I can't give any sheep. Oh, we're fine. Ben got boardwalk. Well, I've done so much for Ben. After everything I've done for Ben and he won't give me his sheep, I mean, I've given him wood, I've given him brick, I've given him wheat, but a sheep? Can't I get a sheep? Go straight to jail, darling! How could he do this to me? He knows what Cedric put me through. Oh, oh, Kyle, Kyle, could I offer you one of my sheep? And instead have a stone, it's actually the smallest sheep in the country. It's just absolutely beautiful. Let me give it to you. He may be a little lame, but yeah, can I have that, please? No? Lisa, I mean, it's hard. Everyone just keeps asking me about my stones and like, I don't want to talk about my stones. Like, why can't people not talk about my stones just because they didn't feel like they got the whole story on TMZ? I've got a restaurant in every single village in Catan, darling. [Laughter] Where's the wrought iron factory? I need some lamps. Everyone knows that pump is the hottest bar in North Catan. There are three roads leading into it. The village owns all the sheep is where you take your wife. But the city that owns all the wheat and the wood is where you take your mistress. And the port where you can get to three for one. That's where you take your boyfriend. Okay, so the overall thing I want to point out for this episode, which is why I think I was so fascinated with the complete Monday nature of it, is that all these women are working at each other. In the most, they think they're being very subtle. I don't find it subtle at all what they're doing. Okay, here you've got Lisa Rinna who just told Eileen last week, "Do you have to go talk to Lisa? It's important. If you feel offended, you need to have a sit down with Lisa." And Eileen's like, "Really? That's your advice? Like now I have to go up against Lisa?" And she's like, "No, it'll be great." So Rinna's like kind of goading her into this. Rinna knows you that's not a good idea. She knows Lisa Vanderpump well enough to know that nitpicking Lisa over some stupid shit, especially manners, is not really going to be the right way to go. But she pushes Eileen into it. So now they're in the limo and Eileen's like, "Oh no, Lisa had to turn it around and now I feel like I owe her an apology." And Rinna goes, "Oh geez, what's a big deal? I don't even understand why this is a big deal." Lisa Rinna, you kind of started this, okay? So that's the first that I noticed. And there's a million and maybe none of these really even happened. It's quite possible that this is all in my head, but that's totally how I'm seeing this. So she's worried. Rinna's like, "Hello, well." And then Erika's like, "Who cares? I don't even care about this stuff." Like, sit on a dick. Like seriously. They always come to Erika with the one hairstyle where it's like, "Wasn't it those, Afghan hound? Arzo!" Well, Lisa's not racist this time. I know this time, you know, it's like a big, like her hair makes like big floppy dog ears, you know? She's just like, "I don't care. I like what people talk about me. It's fun." She's totally toddlers in tiara hair. "I don't care if people are talking about it, 'cause obviously I don't give my back." Yeah, I don't give a fuck. You can say I have springer spaniel hair. I don't care. I like springer spaniels, but you like hookers. I love hookers. They're awesome. Well, I used to have a face like a harem to put that back on my face, like then who gives a fuck? I do it again. Hounds? That's like one of my favorite words to rhyme with. You can rhyme so many things. Pound, sound, frowned. That's great. I love it. I'm an Afghan pound dog, 'cause I really like to pound. And I don't care if you think I'm a slut. So Erika, um, everybody is like totally in love with Erika, because she supposedly got ho-pride, which I don't believe, I don't believe it. I'm just not falling for it. I like Erika. I'm thinking she's funny. I will never trust a bitch. Who's here to fight for brandy Kim and Yolanda? I'm just not going to do it. There's no way on this earth I'm ever going to trust in someone. This woman's going to be a hellish bitch. Trust me. Oh yeah. I mean, I like Erika too. I think she's funny and she keeps it real. I mean, I really do like her a lot. But at this point, I'm having a hard time understanding why she's like a full fledged castmate, as opposed to just like a friend of. I don't think she keeps it real at all. Everyone says Erika keeps it real. No, no, no, when I say keep it real, I know what you're saying. But it's more like, she makes like, I misspoke. It's more like she just makes these sort of like funny little jokes. Yeah, I'm liking that too. I'm actually liking her. It's just I'm prepared to hate her. Because like, she hasn't unleashed the beast yet. She's still guarded. Yeah, she's waiting. And she's been ready to unleash it. But then she doesn't really have the verbal skills to do it properly. Like her lame slams to Bethany. Like she just can't do it. Yeah, I have hope. If you go back all the way to season two of Real Housewives at Beverly Hills, I'm Real Housewives of New York City. Kelly Ben Simone, for the first half of the season, she was like nothing. She's just a pretty face. She'll be like, "Hi." "Hi." And she was like, "Oh, Kelly, she's so beautiful. She's so nice at it at mid-way through the season." She gets into a fight with Bethany. And then from that point on, I was like, "Oh, Kelly Ben Simone. Oh, now let's see what your cast member, okay?" Yeah. That's I'm hoping that's what happens with Erica. I have faith. I mean, Yolanda can't possibly be on the show next year. I just don't see that happening. And Brandi's obviously not going to be on the show anymore. Kim may be a few episodes here and there. So that's going to leave Erica. And I guess she's like the figurehead for all of those bitches. But I'm not really sure, but I'm not trusting yet. Still, that said, loving her so far and laughing my ass off every time. Like this scene where she goes to some of the store and Bethany's like, "Hey, look, look, we've got to talk." Because castes, I was mean. How often has Bethany not apologized like that? That's always what she says. She's like, "We've got to talk." Because so-and-so said I was mean to you. So... And then... I was like, "No, sorry." Yeah. So I mean, like, you know, I mean, I wasn't mean, right? Nah, nah, you're a fine. You're a fine. Yeah, that's my thought. No, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't know. Like, you know, the wall's up. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, "Oh, is that an apology?" I'm not saying you shouldn't be a whore. I'm just saying if you're going to be a whore, you need to market it, baby. You know? Like if you're going to pick up dollar bills off the floor with you, huh? People need to know that you're doing that. They can't think like, "Oh, that's an housewife trying to pick up a dollar bill." It doesn't make sense. You know what I'm saying? Like she starts going right back into the thing, but she stopped herself. You see Bethany using restraint, but she can't just ever keep her mouth shut. So Erica's like, "I have a big girl. I don't care enough. I can take care of myself. Stay with everybody back. I'm a big girl. I don't have parents here." Like just throw a dildo on me. I don't care. Like whatever. So I don't think it's cool when people make it out of my life. I don't mind. It's fun. That bottle over me. Serious. 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She's like, "Okay then, good for you. I think you should do it then. I think you shouldn't." She's like, "Uh, thanks." "Yeah, that's right. That's right. I said she should." And then she's looking at clothes awkwardly, like that was a sorry, right? No, not really, but it's still fun. Well, the best part is that when she's like, "Yeah, no, it's for real." And he's like, "Okay, okay, okay." In that way, that's like, "Okay, I have many more things to say about this, but I'm just gonna stop and look at this display as if I care about it." And Erica's like, "Who wears this shit?" She's just looking around the store like, "Are you kidding me?" Erica's never worn anything that loose in her life. So this is where the episode starts getting hilarious and ridiculous. Both Kyle and Lisa Renna on opposite sides of the store start whipping out their twitch, start whipping out their Kim Richards' victimhood stories. Kyle is talking with her aunt. He's brought a picture of large, large senior. And by the way, side note, the aunt, to me, looks oddly enough. Like, I was surprised that it was her aunt. It looks sort of almost like her contemporary, right? Like, not saying, I mean, she looked older than Kyle, but she didn't look like she was aunt level. Or like, the way they talk about their mom, you know, I'd expect the aunt would be like in her 80s or something, right? Temporary. I like that that's what a housewife would look like if they didn't have access to so many plastic surgeons. I'd say, you know, people who say she didn't look like she was someone who was of another generation of like this mythical generation of this mother, this matriarch, you know? But just my own little observation. Let's do more at clothes and at hair and like reading glasses and stuff. So I guess that was her. I also liked her misguided notion that she could fix anything in this family, but go on. Yeah, it's never been fixed. Oh wait, so large, by the way, I want to clarify. Large Marge is Kathy Hilton, right? Because sometimes you say Large Marge. I don't know who you're talking about. Oh, Large Marge Senior is the matriarch, the mom that's dead. Okay, sometimes I don't know the slang from the talk to me. Oh, but I talk on this show. I know that every time you say Large Marge is Kathy Hilton. Okay, so every time you say Large Marge, I'm always going to be like, oh, who's Large Marge again? But I don't want to like interrupt. Oh, Large Marge is Kathy Hilton. I call her that because she's in charge. Large Marge is in charge. Did she drive a truck? Yeah, she's terrifying. Everybody's terrified of her. But at the end, she's not really that scary. We haven't gotten to the end yet. But in my mind, she's Large Marge. So I think of Large Marge Senior as the, you know, the dead mom. Yeah, okay. So anyway, they're talking about her. Kyle Kries went. And then of course, we start talking about Cam Richards. Oh, no, so funny to me. Kyle Kries went. Like, I don't feel for you. So Kyle is crying and Large, we're talking about Twitch again. Okay. That's all Kyle can do. Every single scene is either how much money Kyle has or something Kim did. It's never-- Well, the aunt asked her about Kim, right? The aunt asked her. Yes, but she knows her aunt's coming to filming. And of course, we're going to talk about it. It's the thing with Kyle, she keeps saying, I'm so sick of everybody wanting to talk about this all the time. It's not fair to me. And stuff? Yeah, I don't like when she does that. I don't like when she does that. And I don't like then that-- Because then she voluntarily talks about it with like-- She's like, well, we go back. It's more than just a random person asking me about it. I'm like, yes, I get that. But if you really didn't want to talk about it, you wouldn't have come on the show in the first place. And you can't make yourself a victim about it and use it for your little victim fake crying scenes. And then not want to talk about it, you brought it up. Yeah. You introduce this into evidence. You literally drag Twitch into evidence in the first place. And now you're stuck with her until the rest of this trial. That's right. She is the strange keychain you found on the floor eight days after the search began. She is the keychain that magically fell out of a dirty bookcase that somebody supposedly shook too hard. Get out of here. So she's using Twitch for her scene over there. Then Lisa Rinna is right across the other side. This was amazing. She's talking to Bethany. Amazing because it's so ridiculous. But she's talking to Bethany and Eileen. And she's going, you know, guys, I mean, this whole thing with Kim Richards. I mean, I can't help but feel killed. Bethany's just looking at her with her eyes. Her eyes are rolling back in her head. And she's trying so hard to not tell somebody else. Well, she also doesn't understand what. She's like, what's guilt? Like, what is that? What is that? Is that like Hanukkah money? Is that we're talking about Hanukkah? Hanukkah like, I don't understand what's guilt. I don't know what that feeling is. Did you put somebody outside of the box? Just tell me now because I'm not listening to this again. But she's like, yes, I feel so much guilt because I'm the one. I'm the one who called her out. And this is all my fault. Like, you know, she went off the deep end after I called her out. True, but Kyle was the first one to call her out. Then Brandy called her out. Then Kim was snorting Beth off the bathroom floor in Hawaii or looking for her. No, but Lisa Rina was the one who, like, when the new lie came up, that Kim was sober again. Lisa Rina was the one who's like, no, she's not. Bitches and sober. And she kept the pressure on for an entire half a season and then into a reunion. I mean, I think it is safe to say that there's a correlation between Lisa publicly outing her, aggressively outing her, and then Kim just swirling out of control. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I actually think it's a good thing. Kim needed to be out it. I kind of felt like Lisa was sort of actually looking for, like, a pat on the back to be like, yeah, but what you did was good. What you did was good. Like, Lisa was like, her lips are trembling a little bit. She was trying to, like, make it seem like she was somehow sad about it or whatever. I'm like, no, I'm like, Lisa Rina, I love you. You're one of my favorite housewives of all time. But, like, you know, you just wanted to laugh. Let's be honest. I think she's... Like, tram-friendly, like, aha, I was right. She wants to... I mean, I feel like she hasn't been able to gloat. That's what sucks. Here she is. She's like, I feel like you're this. I feel like you're an addict. I don't know that it's not that she wants to laugh at Kim Richards, but she wants... I feel like this poor woman, she took a stand and Kim Richards came at her so hard, and they got into a fight. And Lisa Rina, like, put her public reputation out there, like, you know, she risked it to a low degree. And in the end, she was 100% right. And she hasn't been able to have a moment and be like, told you so, ha-ha. Yeah, but it's not like she was Veronica Mars over there. I mean, Kim Richards showed up, fall down, wasted it apart. She was like, "Hey, hey, don't you fucking tell me. You don't know what I go through. How are you sleeping nightly, Surina?" Well, which is like, what is Kyle with her? How do you sleep at night? Where is she getting that? But Kim Richards is like, "Here, I wanna go through Lisa Rina, right? Fuck you, Hill." And Lisa Rina's like, "Okay, you're drunk." "How dare you?" Money is cancer, all right. I don't know if you know who St. Jude is. Well, I'll tell you, I bet you only get his money to children. I gotta take care of money. I just think that Lisa Rina is in a tough place because she was the one who really, like, championed Kim Richards, you know, drinking issues coming out in public, and she got some flack from it from people on the internet, but also from Kim Richards herself and other cast members. And she was right, and she put herself out for it, and she doesn't get to gloat. Like, you know, she doesn't get to have her #justicemoment. She has to pretend like she's, you know, like really sad about the situation. I mean, because everyone recognizes the sad situation, everyone does. But she doesn't get to be like, "No one's given me my due yet. You guys realize I did that, right? Anybody?" Because it's not nice to say that to be like, "So we can all agree that I called that, right?" It's like, but you know, she wants it so badly. You can tell. I would want it. I would want it. I love that that's how you're looking at it. I look at it that she's reading Twitter, and she's like, "Oh my God, people hated me for that. So now I have to go in this season and smooth it over and be alive." Oh, I just care. And then it seems like everything she does is so calculated based on Twitter. But listen, opinions change every five minutes. And this show is way too far in advance for you to be trying to keep up with opinions on Twitter. Like, shit that happened. I mean, Lisa Vanderpump is a queen last year. And this year, people are like, "Fuck her. There's no winning. There is no winning on this show." Well, I think you're right too. Either way, you know. I think you're right for sure that she wants to smooth over things. I think it's two sides at the same point. She wants to smooth over things. And it's annoying because she has to devote her time smoothing over things and acting concern, which I believe she is concerned on a certain level. But you know she wants to let it. She practically said it. She's like, "Oh, the things I have to say about Kim Richards. Kyle would never speak to me again." Kyle would be so mad at me if I talked about it about Kim. I mean, Kim is shoplifting all over town. It's gross. It's gross. It's gross. It's just addict. Kyle doesn't watch this show every night before she goes to bed over and over again. Kyle is like that woman who has seen every episode of Frasier at 11.30 p.m. 50 times, but it's this show, you know. And every time Kyle's still trying to understand. Morley screams, "Noooam!" Kyle's still trying to understand why they can't get the parrot off of Miles's head. Why are there so many doors in that ski cabin? [groaning] Oh, Kyle's like, "We're redoing this and I'm playing Demaris." [laughing] Our name was Demaris. That's who networks are. What's the line? What was Miles's wife name? What's this? It's like, "Maris, Maris, Maris, Maris." Maris is the college. Maris, I think, is written in whatever's. So, um, my main issue with Renna at this point is, and really, all of them, is no one has a fucking life on this show. Yeah. Renna has nothing to shoot. Harry Hamlin's like, "I'm not going to be on that shit. I was on Mad Man, bitch. You better figure something else out." So she's like, "I'm going to shoot with my children." Who are like, "We hate you." [laughing] Like, we're not like... Please stop making us go to strip Miles to get our nails done with you. Stop, stop sending us to Canada. Yeah. If you make us try on one more fucking bathing suit, you're dead, mother. Either have us work in a deli or talk to us, like send us to them all. But don't make us do both forms of torture. You can't have it both ways, mother. Mother. She has no life to discuss. And every storyline she's had is about somebody else's life. And it's really starting to get on my guide here. I don't mind that. I don't mind if she's... Because... Because I... I don't mind it. I don't mind it. I feel like Lisa Renna is a low-level agitator. Until she's really fine, something good. And then she'll... Then she springs to life. But I don't mind, like, last season. One of the complaints last season was, "Lisa Renna doesn't have her own storylines." So she has to latch onto someone else's and make a big deal of that. I'm like, "Well, that's the way storylines work. You have multiple characters involved." And Lisa... You have an actual issue with somebody. Yeah, then that's your character. She did have an issue. She rode in a 45-minute car alone with Kim Richards. Anyone would be traumatized by that experience. And that would be a legitimate personal issue. Okay, I'll give you that. Thank you. It just looks like she's latching on to every single storyline that's not about her to deflect from the fact that she has no life of her own. To be fair, there are no storylines happening right now. This is the way the universe has created. A bunch of entities swirling around in a vacuum. And they're just trying to find something. And hopefully jumping ahead a little bit. But now this new woman who's coming on, Catherine, she's coming on with a strange O.J. Simpson tie-in storyline, which I am very excited about. So hopefully that will provide the bunch. Is that mini-series on NBC? Because NBC owns Bravo. And it's weird that there's all this O.J. shit now. And then Faze dragged out of the closet. Oh my God. No, I think it's great. I love this. It's like Insidious Part 5. I have a lot of this scary little doll in a case. So here, I'm just going to jump ahead a little bit. Not storage. Yeah, we can't because we're going to be here for 10 hours. I mean, we're only in minute three of the show. So we really are. No, I'm just going to say a general macro note about this whole how it's segwaying into this O.J. controversy. Should I just save it till that part of the show or no? No, go for it. No, I'm just going to say, I actually, what I've been fascinated by this show, and I've mentioned it before on the podcast, is how it's, it's, the real house was at Beverly Hills. It's kind of like a big spotlight for this certain group of people out here in Los Angeles. People, wealthy people who live in Beverly Hills, who came up all kind of interconnected, often because many of them were child actors, they're showbiz families. You see it, you see how everyone is connected. You know, you see Eileen is married to Vinnie, and Vinnie was a child actor with Kim and Kyle, and then there's this connection to that person. And then, and then there's like, everyone is going to, you know, you have Yolanda and David, and then they're all, everyone is linked to Muhammad, or they're Kardashians in this strange way. And Faye Resnick, and they all have this strange, it's like this, it's like this marine layer of seedless celebrities and their families, right? That sort of coat, Beverly Hills. And the OJ Simpson trial was something, we didn't realize at the time, because we're all outsiders before reality TV, but we actually see how the OJ Simpson trial really kind of rocked this group, because this was like a big scandal for that group. This, this fully impacted this whole group, as we see later in this episode. And it's this crazy sensationalized courtroom case that was so over the top and so bizarre, it's almost so fitting that all these people were part of it. And think about what a strange group this is, that Faye Resnick, when she got married, and I mentioned this on a previous episode, but when she got married, that Kris Jenner, I think she either officiated or walked her down the aisle, and Kris Jenner's husband was the man defending the guy who allegedly murdered Faye Resnick's best friend, and here they're like in a wedding together. It's such a weird world, and the fact that this murder scandal case is in the middle of it, it just utterly fascinates me. It really is, it's like a project that's over now, so they can all be friends. They're like, well, we're done shooting that whole OJ thing, so let's just move on, and you know, lunch is still lunch, so let's have it. Yeah, exactly. You know, from The Hilton's, all these socialites that we read about, and everything that we read about, and the tabloids these days, it all stems from this group of child actors, and wannabe stars. Yeah, and they're also all on this show. Almost every single one of them is an ex-actor, or someone who wanted to be an actor, but married a rich student instead. And so they all have that fame-horriness in them, but now they have money, and so they try and pretend like they're all these classy bitches, and they're not. They're tacky hoes. I mean, they have a resonate walking around acting like this. All you need to do is read the sample section of her book to know what a whole of that is. I mean, mine is not. If you think about it, if Los Angeles, if the first royalty of Los Angeles were the stars of the Barry Moors, et cetera, like the people who came up in the '30s and '40s were huge Hollywood stars, and they were like, in a city that's dominated by people like that. Movie stars, okay? And then you have in the '70s and in the '80s, you have these kids who are wannabe actors, because they're going to be put on the path towards that same stardom, and they don't reach it. I mean, if you look at these failed sitcom stars, not failed, but they're just like low-level stars and soap stars, whatever. It is on the scale of like A, B, C, D, E list, you know? These were like the reality stars before reality stars, you know? So they are, they have ascended the social ranks, and now they are wealthy. They're like, I don't know, it's hard to describe. I'm getting all academic on everyone, but I just think it's so fascinating. - Well, I'm with you, and this OJ thing, I think my, of course, the nasty part of me is like, this is the grossest thing I've ever seen, like bringing back all this OJ bullshit for these fame horrors who were, it makes me sick, but then at the same time, I'm like, oh my god, this is amazing. - Yeah, I'm so excited. - We're gonna get to watch it. - OJ fights, and this shit is good. I mean, they really got someone to go against Fay. They brought Fay just, but they brought her back just to fight this girl. - Yeah. - I'm so excited. And they're both, you know, this girl's the next model and gorgeous, by the way. - Gorgeous. - X model and Fay's an X wannabe model who kind of didn't really ever make it. Oh, I mean, her vagina did, after a franchise. But still, co-wrote a book about her best friend getting beheaded by her husband. And then Kyle being such a fame whore on top of it, who wasn't even a part of it, but Kyle's like, well, you know, Fay wrote a book about Nicole having an affair with Marcus Allen and Marcus, and that's why OJ killed, that's why OJ killed Nicole. I'm like, Kyle, oh my God. Kyle trying to like spin it, making it sound like Fay's at the center of all this. No, bitch, that happened after that book was written the day, like literally the day after Nicole was beheaded. It's just so gross, and it's showing everybody's gross aside. And one of my favorite things about it is that Kyle is already pure full-on disgusting. Like, I don't care how well she's done this season, but for her to already be going anti somebody in Fay's favor over OJ and then being proud that she is friends with the girl who talked about the affair that got Nicole killed, it's all so fucking disgusting to me. And I love it, I've filled with rage again. And this show, I've not been filled with rage at the season, and it's been, you know, that sad. I love to feel angry. And this, I was so mad at the end. I was like, oh, it feels delicious. Kyle's a cut! I'm like screaming it out as loud as I could in my neighborhood. That just feels so good. So good. Welcome back, cut fitness, Kyle. Way to get him back. So anyway, speaking of welcome back, we should probably continue moving through with our show here. So the women are at Kyle and by Eileen II. Okay, so then they go to dinner. They basically both use Twitch for storylines. Then they go to dinner and Lisa Vanderpump is, you know, god bless her. So smart, one of the funniest, my favorite, she's my queen. Look, I'm saying that right now, everybody knows it. I'll admit when she's wrong, and I think she already has been wrong like five times this year. And she's wrong in this situation in my mind. But she's dumb. Like she acts like she's so smart. Lisa is tricked every single time. She was tricked by Cedric. She was tricked by Brandi. She was tricked by Kyle. She's been tricked by, well, she has never been tricked by Kim. But you get it, you know? Christian law last time. She's a sucker. She's a sucker. Yes. She's a son sucker. She acts like she's so smart, but she's really not like emotionally. She wants to trust everybody and she can't. Why in the hell are you going to start the dinner off in this fluorescently lit, terrible rental house of Kyle's, even Kyle's rental houses are awful. Okay. And badly lit. So they're sitting in fluorescent lighting. And then Lisa's first question is, so are we all right then, Eileen? Oh, no. I was like grown, audible grown from the carol home. I was like, no, why are you doing that? Look, anybody on this show knows that these bitches never drop anything. I believe we'll be talking about this for five years. Oh, yeah. Well, I lean to say, well, actually, are you okay? And tries to turn it around like Lisa would, but she's an amateur. So it's just like obvious and doesn't work. Well, it's funny, she's like when Eileen starts to express herself again, Lisa gets that pure evil look that I love where her chin sort of lowers and her eyes squint and she responds in monotone. I don't even remember Eileen's question of something like, you know, you know, I spoke and I know that, you know, it may have seemed a little strange to you. And Lisa's like, yes, I'm like, ooh, it's cold. It's freezing. Just those one words that Lisa lets out. I took that whole Lisa's entire reaction. She was doing her best in my mind to just give her what she needed. Yeah. You know, all Eileen wants is for Lisa to be understanding and sensitive. So Lisa did this thing where she like crinkles her eyes and she starts talking in lower, lower tones. Yeah. And Eileen's like, I just wanted to express my feelings to you because when I'm talking about that and then are you cheating and this and that? And like you kept saying it and you kept bringing it up and Lisa's gone, Lisa goes, I know, I know, you know, like she's comforting her, but they're just waiting for her to start crying and saying darling, I didn't mean to hurt you, you are such a place in my heart. I would never do this to you, Lisa is not going to do that. This is not in her personality. And she's already said sorry. I think by my count four times by now, like literally said the word, sorry, well, the conditional. Sorry. I'm sorry if I asked you many questions, but that's what she's being charged with. So like, what are you going to apologize for? I mean, I get what you're saying, but it was like, if it's not, I'm sorry that I asked too many questions. It's, I'm sorry. You know, I sort of think that, you know, I'm sorry that you don't want to talk about stealing someone else's has been while you were on a soap opera. I'm sorry. You can't remember whether or not you actually had sex with him while he was married. I'm sorry, darling, I'm sorry that you have a question than moral compass. I'm so sorry if I don't write the rules and I can't make it okay to just take anyone's else, but you want telling, sorry, sorry. She was being shady to me at that dinner. So anyway, she's kind of refusing to apologize, but in her mind, she already has and this should be over. And I lean such a little thing and I lean is just wanting something from Lisa that she's not getting. So she just keeps going and going and Lisa's trying to look sincere, pat her on the head and be like, yes, darling, I understand. Then it gets even crazier because without whole dinner was great. It was like mundanely crazy. So I'm looking through here, Elaine tries again, Ken pipes up because I lean won't shut up at this point. She's like, I just wanted to explain and have a conversation because I don't get a gossip. Kenny, by the way, would not like would not let Jiggy sit on a seat that had no cushion. I want to point that out, by the way, like I'm going to be wearing this dog on my head when it passes. I don't want it sitting on the floor to understand. So I lean says, I just want to start a conversation and I can't guess then do it, have a conversation then already. I mean, we're at dinner, you know, you are having a conversation. That's right. I am having a conversation with your wife. I was like, okay, and yes, she's not, but he's just like, yeah, but I'm going to hear it anyway later. So just tell everyone. Yes, I like that Ken explained it though, why he's always standing up from Lisa. His explanation is I have to listen to this shit all night, lady, okay, we go home and I'm stuck with this. So finishing it now, which made me really love him because before I was like, he should not be getting in a bitches business, you know, I got all knee knee before. But now that I see that he just doesn't want to hear it all night, I'm like, oh, I'm with him. I like that. It's a proactive husband. Yeah. So they keep going. And Lisa makes another folk when she says, oh, no, I can't do anything right, can I? Like, God damn it. You've been here when she does that lady this whole night and now you just made yourself a victim. This is not going to fly. She does like pulling that line quite a bit. Yes. But I've done so much for you, or I can't do anything right now, can I? You can't, Lisa. At least when it comes to issuing an apology, but Lisa, the reason I'll always Lisa love her is because she says things like this. She gets this really worried look on her face and she says, but darling, when I talked about you and Vince, I thought that you had a positive relationship. So good. It's like, oh, you didn't want to talk about this? Because it's so negative. Why have you married sex? I thought it was a, I thought it was going to be a happy point. You know, the happiness one feels when you break up a marriage. Oh, I mean, I assume that that's you feel happy when you break up people's marriages I don't because it's a terrible thing to do. I thought the whole point of breaking up a marriage is that this was romantic and wonderful. So if you're saying it's awful, you know, I'm sorry I brought it up and darling. And I lean does not know how to deal with her yet. So she starts tripping over her words and she's like, it is like, it is a positive relationship. Oh, then what's the problem? You know, so good. So then it moves on to Kyle and then Kyle comes in every, well, first can eating his corn, never forget hashtag never, and eating that corn. So then it turns to Kyle, you know, bringing up Twitch again in some way. So they start talking about Twitch and then Lisa Rinna starts bringing up how this is all her fault because if she hadn't brought up the stuff with Twitch, then Twitch wouldn't have been drunk and then Kyle wouldn't be upset. Now Kyle's upset, which makes Lisa Rinna upset and now they're all going to be drug addicts and he was going to be there to call them out and who's what's going to keep you up late at night and then then this like goes into this whole like like table talk of like what keeps you up at night? What keeps you up night? And so they're like Lisa, what keeps you up night? She's like, well, honestly, nothing really. I mean, now that hanky's fixed, I don't know, I don't think about what's the next match I'm going to be. I don't know. I'm fine. And they're like, no, no, you're guarded. Like tell us what really, really bothers you. She's like, nothing. I'm like really rich, heard about Ambien, haven't you know, like if you're staying up at night, oh god damn problem, find a good doctor, Jesus. Yeah. And but like, no, but Lisa, she's like, um, I guess what I think about what keeps me up late at night is whether Rocio is going to be making a good breakfast in the morning or just an adequate one, Lisa, I don't know. I, Kyle, I'm really liking how Kyle's dealing with Lisa this season. Um, yes, I do think that she's still trying to wind up people to play against Lisa because you know, she doesn't have the verbal skills to go against her. But I also like that Kyle is being more honest and just saying whatever it is, even if Lisa will get mad now, because she used to just do it behind her back. And now she's like, Lisa, you're the only one who doesn't share anything. Everyone else shares stuff about their life. Like Kyle, name something besides Kim, because everything else has been, you lied about, you won't talk about your husband possibly having an affair, which was the thing Brandi was trying to throw in your face. You won't talk about anything real. All you'll talk about is Kim's issues or how much money you have. Lisa Brenda doesn't talk about anything real. Eileen, I mean, I guess kind of does. It's boring, but she does. But Lisa's, Lisa's shown a motion and talked about stuff, she just happens to be rich and fine right now. Yeah. Yeah. She's like at a pretty good place. She's got nothing to, you know, I'm sure if you think about it hard, there's something that could bring you anxiety, you know, and Lisa, if she'd been like a little smarter, she just would have thrown something at them, like, you know, I worry about my children. And if they're doing well, right, you know, like she could have said that. But the truth is, she's made it through the dark times and for right now, everything's good. And when she has a problem on this show, we see it. She still will start crying about Brandy a few letter and she still brings up Brandy all the goddamn time. Like that is what kept her up at night. Yeah. A little cricket in the kitchen. She could never find until one day she figured out where it was and she went in there with some brain and she fucking suffocated and now it's gone. That's why she's not up at night. She takes care of her shit. Yeah. Just waiting until Pandy goes on to ancestry.com, like her brother. That's when Lisa will be up late at night. Oh no, does Pandy know about something? Well, at least now we can explain the excessive hunger, darling. I'm so glad to have someone else to feel guilty for this because I've never understood it, darling. Darling, what keeps me up late at night is wondering whether or not the divine addiction is going to break through to the masses. Oh, I do hope so for Pandy. What keeps me up at night is when Ken fought so long that it completely fogs up the windows. All right, that's what keeps me up at night. When you wake up thinking you're choking to death because your husband ate corn at dinner, damn it Ken, eating corn again. These men. I have to take them to the vet that Hanky went to. So anyway, so then in the midst of this soul searching, where everyone is accusing Lisa of being emotionally frigid, Eileen announces that she wants to continue with a discussion that started to answer them when Yolanda said, I want everyone to go around the table and sell your deepest I thought what is this leading to that she keeps trying to talk about Lisa over and over and over and she can never finish it. And it turns out here we go here was out of nowhere with the worst time being ever. Yeah, she basically was like, well, I've tried to initially I've tried to get you guys to ask me about this about 10 different episodes. But since you guys are all so self interested, I'm I'll just have to bring it up myself. So I was abused and it was like, oh, past the con. Yeah, everyone's like, oh, and then, you know, that's fucking terrible. What an awkward time to bring it up and what an awkward way because she's like, remember we're in Amsterdam and Yolanda said, what's your secret? And then everybody got to go, but then the shit hit the fan and then I never got to speak. I'm like, no, and I probably wrote 20 pages about that. Yeah, no, I don't remember that you didn't get your turn. Who's thinking about that? So Yolanda only asked that question so that Kim could attack Lisa with the husband having an affair thing. Like that was such a setup by Yolanda anyway, no one cares about your secrets, Eileen. Yeah. So I learned it out her secret. She's like, I've been in an abusive relationship. Who knows? She said, I've been in abusive relationships before and people who know me, who they would never believe that I would be the kind of person and she starts crying and it becomes to me so weird. Well I didn't think it was weird, I just thought the timing of it was weird, it just seemed like a strange interjection. It was obvious that she's been waiting to have a moment where she can say this and she just has not had a chance and she's like, well, we're sort of talking about deep things. So here we go. So I believe her emotions were real when she started talking bad and everyone's hugging her. And then... No, I'm sure. And then Lisa Vanderpump... That's the traumatic fucking thing to live through, my God. So then Lisa, her reaction though is like, so I can't ask her about how she's her husband and yet here she is talking about how she was beaten up, I don't understand. And I was kind of like, I mean, I was sort of agreed with her and I sort of didn't agree with her because she's right, like, you know, on the one hand, like, it does seem strange to just like, divulge out of nowhere this deep dark awful thing that's happened to you and that sort of triumph, whatever. And yet you suddenly are so close off talking about your relationship. So I do understand Lisa's confusion. But the other hand is different. It's different. It's a different context. One is Eileen opening up and sharing something on her own terms. And the other is Lisa at a party where they've all been drinking, just pastoring her and just keep on using the word affair, affair, affair, affair. I agree. It's totally not the same thing. Sharing the woman about her affair at dinner and the way what Lisa said was actually way more awful, I think, because she said she said something along the lines of if we were at that dinner and I had been saying, what about the husband who beat the crap out of you, then I could understand if she was upset. But when I'm asking about a love affair with her husband, I just don't understand. So she wasn't really knocking her for bringing up the affair, she was saying, if I was giving her shit about something real, and the reason I think it's more awful, what she said, I don't think it was awful, I think you're right, it was true. But it's awful that someone just said that they've been abused and that you're still worried about some petty fucking fight. And that's what's always bugged me with her. It's like, it's a major thing that's happening right now. It's not a petty fight at a rest, you know, at your stupid party. True, true. But it's not like Lisa said this right there at that table, you know, and I'm sure she looked at Ken and smiled like, are these people fucking loony tunes? Well, yeah. Like, can you believe these fucking people, which, although to be fair, I probably would have done the same thing like, what the hell, where did this come from, you know? But like, when she was at dinner together, we would have been kicking each other under the table. But, like, I think that when Lisa makes the comment in her interview, of course, this is afterwards, of course, you're going to think about it, like, you know, it's sort of annoying that she got mad at me for saying these things or, and the truth is, like, like, if I had asked her about that, you know, like, I would have understood, I still think that Lisa is, is using oversimplified logic. But I also do kind, I kind of understand where she's coming from, but she probably should just keep her mouth shut and, yeah, she just needs to be quiet, move forward, because being up, like, making your bitchy comments are really funny, and it's why you're famous, but not when shit like this is going down, like, it's not cool. And I know she didn't say it right there, but when they're saying, but remember that dinner when I leaned how to break down and then, and she knows it's going to be cut into this. Yeah. She knows what she's doing. This is, this is going to be, like, this can be dog-eared for the, for the reunion. Oh, totally. Oh, she's made a few seaworthy comments that are going to be just thrown right back in her face. Some of them, she's funny when she doesn't take things personally and she's just making flip remarks. I love that. But when she's taking little things too personally and then acting like a victim over it, that's when I'm like, oh, shut up. And I already see it coming when Kyle was chasing her around with the lobster. Lisa says, I don't know who has bigger clothes. I lean with a lobster. Well, sadly didn't come for you, bitch, like, she's just asking for a monologue about being abused. Give her that, you know, give her her segue and stop arguing about everything. I know. So moving on. But, you know, at the end of the day, let's make a cheers to Kim being, that was another one of my favorite parts where they're like, Kyle goes, I'm putting Kim's problems in a balloon and I'm setting it free. Cheers. And they all drink alcohol. I was like, yeah, that's what I was laughing at too. I love that they were making a toast with booze to Kim's forever. And could you just imagine Kim in that fucking hot air balloon? Poor Kim. She probably gets into a weather balloon and gets taken out to space. Totally. She's like, ah, this place sucks. How come the weather all yellow feels like one big dope cross? So moving forward. Moving on. Moving on. Well, I think all we've missed here is Fay, which we already kind of talked about. Yeah, because now basically, well, yeah, if I remember, there was just sort of a bunch of filler scenes next, it was like, Erica goes to pick up Yolanda on our plane. You know, and Yolanda is like, Yolanda has a fever. It's like a big storyline. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yolanda. Erica goes. Okay. Don't you think it's amazing? Ohio in a private plane to pick up a lame horse that ended up having mysterious diseases that no one could explain and left it there. David went to Ohio with an old retiring horse that has mysterious diseases that no one can explain. And he left her there. Erica is the only one to come back in a private plane and pick up the mysterious disease little weakling and bring it back. You know, that says something. I'm not sure what it is. But I love Ohio, all the private planes and all the idiots left behind there. You know, Erica, you broke the pattern, darling. Yeah. Well, it's just, you know, it's just a testament to the power of adoption. You know, so, you know, when you all those, all those people who volunteer at animal shelters across the country, don't worry, someone will come through and get your, your little cat. Oh, Erica in this scene is where I was like, how do I like this woman? I must hate her. There's something in me. I cannot wait for the hatred to come for her. She's sitting on her private plane and she's eating one bite of a chocolate bar so that we'll all see it. And then she tells us how difficult it is. Oh, now these things is difficult. There's a lot of upkeep. There's a lot of upkeep. She keeps on saying that she's like, you know, it's like, owning a plane is like, it's a lot of up. It's a lot of upkeep. Like, there's like a lot of work that goes into it. I'm like, yeah, but we're not seeing you do any of it. You're just sitting there, just ordering some girl around, just ordering her around to make it seem like funny for the cameras. I want to hate her so badly. So far I don't. Can't wait to. I'm down with Erica. She picks up Yolanda who, guess what Yolanda is wearing, white jeans for fucking a's sake. I cannot wait till Matt Whitfield is on here to lose his fucking shit about Yolanda's white jeans because that needs to stop. So she comes on with her white jeans and she's like, oh, look at my pictures from my trip. Here's me when I had one boob. Here's me with no boobs. Here's the inside of my boob. By the way, the worst photo display of all time, like, here's my, here's an implant that's out of my chest now. Oh, here's some blood. Here's some organs. Okay. Here's me lying down. Passed out. Like, no one wants to see that shit. Yes, David. How can you allow us into bed? Oh my God. That's the most awkward trip photos ever. No one likes to sit through someone's fucking photo slideshow, you know, from their iPhone or whatever for two hours, about your stupid trip to the Yellowstone National Park. And if we don't need it to see your trip to the Planet Fitness Faying Center in fucking Chinatown, Ohio, either, get out of here, Yolanda. So Erica, by the way, doesn't like Yolanda. I don't care what she says. She's not best friends with her. This is all fake. You can tell she doesn't like her because she's looking at her so blankly. And she's just saying. But Erica looks at everyone blankly. She looks at everyone blankly. That's true. Oh, that's true. I don't give a fuck. She's awesome. And I give a fuck, hey, that what I would have told your tit. If it was my tit, I would have said, hey, fuck you, tit. I don't give a fuck. That's what I would have said. I would take that silicone out and just pat my pussy with it, you know, that's hot. So Yolanda starts, you know, she shows her the pictures and she starts going over her trip and blah, blah, blah, and she's like, Oh, the doctor told me that out of all of the operations, mind was the worst she ever saw. And Erica goes. Oh, out of 9,000 breast removals years was the worst. Like she's just saying everything in such a deadpan way and blatantly mocking Yolanda in front of her. And Yolanda's like, Oh, this girl, this is a whole to count on this one. This Erica. I love this girl. I'm like, Erica is not buying your shit either, but at least she's still being nice to the hand that, you know, took food off someone else's plate to feed her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, then Yolanda starts to cry because when like thought she was crazy, yada, yada, yada. Yolanda, you are crazy. You're not healed from lime by getting a boob taken out. Do you understand how crazy that sounds? Well, she said, to be fair, she said that now her immune system won't be like stretched in three different directions that can focus solely on the Lyme disease. So yeah. But when you're saying you have 500 other diseases and it turns out to be a leaky implant, you were not correct. No one said you didn't, you weren't really feeling sick. No one, I don't, I've no, even the worst, we've all believed that she feels something. We just think she's, it's like, I mean, we don't think the root of it is the Lyme disease. Yeah. I believe that she's legit sick. Like something's wrong with her. Most of it's probably mental, but there could be something else. I've never doubted that. It's how it's what she's got and the fact that she's given it to her kids for publicity tours and all this other shit, it's gross, but no one's ever said she wasn't sick. She's beat. She's so cuckoo. I can't even keep up with it. You know, when she says everyone thought that was crazy and it turns out I was right. I'm like, no, you weren't, you still weren't, you still, you still called it 500 other things. So please, let's just fly this plane away. Did we do? And I think that's pretty much it, right? Kyle brings Fay over to redecorate her gym, which I mean, you know, there you go. No one's using that room. Yeah, exactly. And then, I mean, basically then, then the, then the show sort of like gets its heartbeat back again when Lisa has a charity event at PUMP. And this is where we meet Catherine, Catherine, Catherine Edwards, formerly Catherine, like it's Schnauza, whatever. So she's a former model, she's a formal, former model, beautiful, but it's funny because when you look, I remember seeing her face from the previews and everything, whatever, I didn't do any research on her, of course, but I sort of thought she was going to have like this deep voice and be like this old battle-ax bitch just based on how she looks because she, she's beautiful. She's had like just enough plastic surgery where you can see that there's plastic surgery, if that makes sense. Like she's just, she's just on the line of looking like a crazy face, but she hasn't crossed that line. She's just a surgery face. And so I thought she was just going to be just like this deep voice, crazy, diva bitch. But the weird thing is that she talks like a 25 year old, she's like, Hey, what's going on? Yeah. Why are you so nice to meet you? I'm like, it can't comprehend this. Yeah. I'm not really sure what's going to be happening with this girl, but I liked it. She says, I was too lazy to be an actor and I was barely even a model because I was too lazy to make an effort, you know? And I kind of liked that about her. And that just shows how hot she was because she like would do shit and his booking stuff. Yeah. Um, I liked her. Me too. So far. And I liked it. She's ready to fight. I mean, she came in just ready to fight. And Kyle says, so you know, Faye, she's like, um, nope, like she's ready to go with Kyle. Yeah. And Kyle says, well, they, you know, OJ, Faye, Faye, Jay, you know, like, oh, Faye. And they're like, wow, she's really getting, she's really tensing up. Oh, wow. So I'm like, yeah, because Faye Resnick wrote about her in a book and said that she was like a look the other way of wife and that her husband was cheating on her and caused a murder. So yeah, she's tensing up. You would too. In fact, you have tensed up every time someone mentions commercials or any gossip about your family. You tensed up. That's what you do, Kyle. And that's what Catherine's doing. Oh my God. If someone ever said something like that around Kyle, she would flip out for two years straight. By the way, I, what I, what I loved when, when Catherine first appeared at this event. So it seems like her strongest link into this group is Lisa Rina, like probably brought in by Lisa. And you have to imagine that the poo shows told Lisa, like, Hey, during this scene at some point, like, bring up the OJ stuff. Lisa does it in the most awkward way. She's like, it's so good to see you. It's so good. Oh, you know what? So crazy. You know what I'm thinking of when I'm seeing you right now. Oh, you know what? She goes, you know what? I can't stop from spraying all over me lately. Oh, Jay. Yeah. That's so awkward thing to say to someone who is like, like on the wrong end of that scandal. You know, it's like, and also just awkward in general. It's spraying all over me. Could you be a special like, do you know what I got? Do you know what splattered all over me? Do you know what pattern the splatter is in all over me? OJ. Oh, my God. It's crazy. OJ. Well, to be fair, no, because OJ, the 20th anniversary of that was in 2014. So yeah, just it's probably because when they're filming this, there's a lot of cat, a lot of news about the casting of the OJ miniseries on the effects. But still, I just don't thought it was like such a weird thing to say and like, just a straight like you haven't seen this woman in like two years. Like, you know, it's crazy. I'm just remembering about that time that your husband had an affair on you and the woman that he was sleeping with got murdered by OJ Simpson. Isn't that funny? Sorry to bring it up. Catherine's like, I don't care, whatever. It's over. And then she's like, but wait, you were married to wait. Hold on. So you were just fucking that guy market. No, I was married to market. Oh, my God. You were married to Marcus. That's right. That's right. Marcus. And he was cheating on like, what was happening? He was like, uh, cheating, like, you know, Lisa Ren is such a shitster. And Catherine knew it and was not having Lisa Ren. And when Lisa Ren, it goes, wait, how do we know? So we knew each other because I'm an actress and you were a model and like, you know, folding chairs. But, um, so we rose like, what, what? Cheers. She's like, you knew Harry, right? And she goes, um, I knew Harry with Nicolette. I was like, yes, Catherine. Yeah. Smaps. Selling snaps. She's not going to take anyone's bullshit. That would explain why Nicholas Sheridan was in my dream last night. Isn't that weird? For real. We're a firing. It's horrifying. I had like a lot of strange things happen. So the weird thing that happened, Lily Tomlin was in my dream. And then I also had like, there was a part of my dream where someone was talking about the architect, Euro, Serenan. I don't know why. And then I went to Facebook today. And someone posted on Lily Tomlin about Lily Tomlin. And then the very next post below that was about Euro Serenan. Is that strange or what? I had a computer screen melted and it looked just like Nicholas Sheridan's face circle. I had the most useless premonition in the history of mankind, I'm a useless psychic. I'll predict what you're going to be posting about in the middle of the day on Facebook. Hmm. I do have to add that I thought it was hilarious that Yolanda didn't come to this fundraiser at Lisa's because it was for hero dogs. And the hero dogs detect cancer. They can tell when you're about to have a stroke. They can smell lime darling. Oh, Yolanda coming to this one, like none of the dogs are being nice to Yolanda. Lisa's like, you have nothing. Get out. I've proven it. Well what I thought was interesting was that when Lisa met Catherine Lisa, Lisa was like a little aggressive. Lisa's like, hello. And it's like, oh, hi. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, and who are you? And she's like, oh, I'm, I'm Catherine Edwards. Okay. And who are you here with? And he's just like, oh, I'm just here to support the charity. And then Lisa's like, oh, I will thank you very much. But I thought it was like a sort of a strange line of questioning of who you here with, I don't know. Very strange. Well, it's like she's betting her. Yeah. And Catherine is very intelligent and says, I'm just here to support your charity. I like animals more than people. And Lisa's like, all right, you're in. Love you. Thank you. Yeah. So I have to mention that one of our readers, and God damn it, of course I close the page like an idiot, but one of our readers went to pump this week for dinner and says that Lisa, she got to meet Lisa Vanderpump and Ken and Jiggy and Tom and Ariana. And at Lisa came up to her table to say hi. And she said, how are you? And she said, oh, I'm good. I like to show and everything. And Lisa asked her, what do you think of your London's illness like a sarcastic way? So if anyone's doubting that Lisa Vanderpump is a total C word, there you go. She's even talking shit about it with the customers as she goes around and says, hello to all the tables. Now should that make me hate her more? Probably. Oh, yeah. But it makes me love her. I love that. I do too. I think it's hilarious, but she is a C word like let's make no mistake about it. And on that note, okay, let's move on, but before we move on though, one last thing I want to say about Catherine is I also have to respect Catherine for landing hot Donnie Edwards, who he's obviously he's a football football star who she mentioned many times, but he's like really hot and and and he's nine years younger than her. The fact that he's like not out there banging some 22 year old that he went he went like for an older lady. I sort of really respect both of that and I'm like, you good for you, Catherine? Well, it also kind of lends credence to the whole. She's a woman who looks the other way, kind of thing. I mean, she's married to a hot guy nine years younger than her who's like filthy rich. Get out of here. Of course, she's looking the other way. And listen, it's called having a good mind for money. Okay. Yeah, that's true too. That's true too. Okay. So let's have a break from the housewives for a second and talk about newlyweds the first year. Okay, these housewives get depressing because, you know, so many of them just married for money and they're like fame horing and all the disgusting things that go into the housewives and makes them hateable. It's the opposite. This show they actually married for love and they're even worse off. Some of them. I mean, if there's any show that makes arranged marriages look like a good idea, it's this one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So which couple do we want to start with? Well, we talk about the gay couple first, I feel like talking about the gay couple. So I love Brandon. I think Brandon is great. Brandon's the blonde one. Brandon's the older one who like, the hair stylist, the hair stylist. So this in this week, the big issue is that Brandon, you know, he goes away for a week or two every month to deal with clients in different parts of the country or Northern California and he's a clean freak and when he comes home, Craig is dirty and leaves shit everywhere and including Adrian Malous style spray tanner stuff all over the floor and the shower and Brandon loses his shit. I am on team Brandon with this one. You know, if you were earning all that money and you keep things a certain way and then you have this husband who just sits around and stains walls and fabrics, I would be pissed too. There's some weird thing and it's probably in every relationship and I noticed it because I'm a homo. So I see it in the gay relationships more but there's some weird daddy issue in gay relationships. I've noticed that people either marry like they're not always but oftentimes people just marry like the dad they wanted and I think that this is one of those cases like he married a younger, hotter guy who is completely irresponsible, has no idea about anything money wise. All he wants to do is work out and have fun and you know, the younger guy gets stuff out of it too. It's not like he married a rich man but he's still married to someone who's sensitive and caring and stuff like that that he needs, you know, in his daddy relationship. So it's kind of a daddy thing and it's creepy when you think of it like that because he's getting bagged all the time and I don't know it's like he's not your dad but you are also acting like a child so what do you want? Yeah because he definitely when he's in trouble Craig 100% sort of infantilizes himself. You know he puts on the dough eyes which you know has gotten him out of trouble so many times you know because he's got those like little eyes that are the little round eyes that are like right next to each other and he's like well you know I have a job too Brandon I'm going upstairs to work out okay and then he comes down an hour later like are you still mad about what happened are you still mad are you still mad at me and he goes like this eye like his little eyes you know there's like these little like doll eyes so close and he's got that big circular face and he's like adorable you know like cabbage patch doll eyes yeah and he's like and he does that little like frowning thing like are you still mad at me Brandon? Yeah like yeah I close together and he's got a really weird too long name like a cabbage patch doll yeah exactly and then Brandon's like yeah I'm mad at you because I am working and I come back and it's messy and I don't like that and then Brandon's like well you know I thought I was marrying a husband not a parent and I love him Brandon's like well maybe you should bring your mom in here so we have time to be your husband and then he stops himself and tells us well I just wanted to tell him Brandon if you didn't act like a child I wouldn't act like a parent because that's what every parent says and he stopped himself from saying it but he just said something else in a different way which is so funny it's like such a dad thing yeah I've really tried to not tell Brandon this but you know I had to tell him in a nicer way yeah well I mean it's funny because when Craig says well when Craig says you know like I thought I was marrying a husband not a parent I mean Brandon could have totally been like well I married a child for sure you know because that's because that's what Craig does and in this moment he does that like he's like and then when there and then Craig does this whole thing like I know you're very stressed and you bring a lot of money to the household we wouldn't have anything like this if we just waited for my paychecks but I really want to help out too and so he's like so then later Brandon's like okay well this is what the do you know what the rent is he's like no do you know what utilities are no do you know how much it costs to buy a pizza no do you know how much it is to buy a coffee at Tiago no do you know what Tiago is no do you need me to walk into Tiago yes and he's like he's like so you have no idea about money no but I bought crystal a $2,000 laptop oh my god I mean starts why he's like I don't know you're not gonna you might be mad at this what well while you work on I bought Kristen he's also my best friend assistant and new computer for a few thousand dollars so sorry he's like uh Brandon looked out furious you could say like not only do I have to wipe up your nasty spray tan but you're spending my money to give some assistant you probably don't need a better laptop than I have like he's like well fine she's gonna give me a laptop and she gets our old laptop he's like that's not nice brand he's like well I don't care there you go that's rude yeah you still mad at me family that's hilarious but you know you marry a child and yeah I mean it's not like it's a big shock that he's you know a child yeah yeah big old child a big 40 something year old child who works out too much that's a big old hot child you have sex with yeah it's it's funny to me because he everything he does is like a teenager he cleans most of the house and he's taking home video of himself and he's like Brandon's coming home today and like that means I have to clean it's hard and it's a it's a horror show in there like it is scary there's shit everywhere so he just basically throws everything in the bedroom and Brendan comes home and he's like oh it looks good it looks clean hun he's like yeah but I didn't get to the bedroom and he's like this is disgusting and he goes but I thought you wanted me to be on time to pick you up from the airport so I stopped cleaning so I could be on time for you and like I just did it to be on time to the airport just wake up like an hour earlier oh teenager so that's that couple I still think they're okay because gay people you know gay couples like to snipe at each other and they're still like a really a bit of it yeah and they're there overall they're still like a really adorable couple but that really I had to say Craig what it was funny because I was simultaneously laughing and really annoyed by him because he was being so ridiculous and then he kept on doing that thing with his eyes and that little likes I'm sorry frown and I was like stop that stop being adorable it's very whatever happened to baby Jane like how Betty Davis still dresses like a little girl and she keeps pulling out these weird like I fit in a letter to daddy it's like girl you somebody you need to stop this shit now get it together yeah yeah so the other couple of things next up we can talk about Adonis and the girl so it's interesting because that girl I want like my impulse is to write her off as being a total idiot who should just move on but I actually don't think she's a total idiot she's pretty like it's it's weird she does dumb things but she seems to be pretty aware of when she and she is being disrespected and when Adonis is being totally sexist and she seems to like speak up every time like he is being totally offensive to women and being chauvinist and yet she stays with him and that's what I don't understand she is broken I mean that girl is just she basically said so in therapy she's I mean just yeah she's like so don't I would send my pants door and they'd fight and I feel alone and I just wanted someone anyone to make me feel better I just literally would take anyone bottom of the barrel like the next person I said to myself the next person was that I'll take them and that's what I met Adonis oh that's basically what it was and he's just sitting there with this stupid girl smile yeah with that awful go to that smile he never stopped smiling it's like the worst thing she's like the parents would fight and I would be there and I would just think wow someone alone he's like like just smiling like your mom's bought at least and then like and then they go to therapy and the therapist is like so here's the thing so you guys never wrote vows right because you guys both don't actually love each other yeah pretty much okay why don't you write some vows so Adonis like you know he clips of them at their wedding he goes you guys were gonna write your own vows and then they show clips and the preachers the we didn't talk about this but the preacher says and now you have your own vows and she's like I forgot their eye alone and he's like I forgot their item too you fucking moron perfect wedding picture perfect wedding more oh it's so stupid so then so then what's funny is that she's trying to write her her vows she's like I want to write them but that's not flowing and I find that like everything that I'm writing is like I'm trying to like make him like I'm trying to like appease him like they're all about like it's my appearance and like trying to not like have like a good bud and to be a good wife and I feel like that's kind of fucked up I was like oh good that's what does she say but she's but the funny thing is she was saying like as she's writing oh this isn't working this is fucked up thinking and so I'm assuming that she's going to like course correct and be like no this is fucked up I'm going to make vows that are more productive and like about something bigger than that but then her vows like I promise not to gain weight I promise not to gain weight and to keep myself together and be a good wife he's like okay I promise to be a good husband and smile so I think you two are fucking losers get out of here and then he's selling a therapist he's like sure I cheated on her 14 times but I just want to do something so she'll get over it like give her a minute she just found out last week yeah how about you shave that shit off your face maybe that's a good way to get a fresh start oh man you know a couple of women this one and the Persian girl these women you guys need to get some am radio and listen to that evil c word dr. Laura because you do not marry someone because you can make them into something else you get the man you marry okay and both of you I can't feel for you you're married to Adonis okay you deserve whatever you get bitch I feel no sorrow for you especially when you talk about losing weight and keeping your body for that fat fuck what did that guy ever do he's not then get out of here he's never worked out a day in his damn life it probably gives him sore arms to lift a big Mac shut up lady and then the other one the Persian princess she's like I thought getting married would help no it's not going to help they like all of them said that at some point I feel like oh yeah that's infuriating that Persian princess now that's a storyline also I mean well what's I don't remember the name of the husband is Rob or something like that I don't know but yeah sounds right yeah sounds right he's a dick well she is she's bad and he's a dick and essentially he's still angry that his wife's family didn't really accept him out of the gate like they didn't they didn't give gifts they didn't they always like the other one more I'm sort of like okay sure but it's kind of your responsibility to show them why they should like you like you you're supposed to open yourself up to them as you are coming into this family just what your wife you know like right and instead his reaction is more like well fuck them fuck them I'm gonna like we're not gonna visit them like not only that but you're a much older man who was fucking their daughter four months into her marriage how much do you think they're gonna love you dude like that's not really a way to start this entitlement that he has it's ridiculous yes and he also has his own issues he's projecting onto it because he hates his own parents one is dead and one he doesn't speak to yeah his father beat them which is terrible like he has his own issues he hates parents anyway yeah so when I married somebody who's like so close to their parents as as it is in that culture like you can't just marry someone and then get rid of their parents you controlling asshole yeah and I mean I understand he's annoyed about that phone bill situation about how or like her family members keep piling on to their family plan but at the same time like well then why don't you let your wife get her own paycheck and she can deal with it and it's like and it's also kind of like that's you married into a Persian family like that's kind of you had to expect that these were things that were just gonna happen and he is just so controlling and such an asshole and when the when the mom is like why don't you come over why don't you come over and he's like hemming and hawing and then he's like that's all bullshit he's just they're just putting on a front and I'm like well you should call her on her bullshit and go and then then the balls in their court like you know it's just he's such an asshole it's yeah I don't blame him for not wanting to support the family because she's saying it's the responsibility in the Persian family the parents support the children and then the parent the children grow up and support the parents I am doing that I mean I'm not Persian but I'm not doing it and I don't blame him for not wanting to do it but again this is not some surprise exactly and also when you said let her go out and get a paycheck and then that's exactly right he tells her she's not gonna work and she can just live this life and then he controls the money and money controls that entire family controls everybody in it controls her controls her parents and so he's put himself in a situation where he's the king and they're all bowing down to him like one the mom is still going behind his back to talk shit about him to the kid because she doesn't understand why he doesn't like them but if he ever said I don't like you because you're meant to live you're mean you wouldn't accept me and now you just want me to pay for your lifestyle fuck off your old hag well he can't say that either so what do you want lady what do you want him to do exactly now he you know he's he's absolutely ridiculous and he doesn't take any sort of accountability for what he contributes to this issue between them you know he just he just assumed he just says hey I'm a great guy and I've been a great guy and these people just don't like me well you know what you actually are a pretty rigid cold person who's not very friendly and and cocky and condescending and so you know I wouldn't be surprised if early on or throughout this relationship if he acted like that and there's a reason why the parents just never really liked him and it's up to him it's up to him to to try to bridge that the best that he can I'm not saying that they're gonna be best friends but you just can't just put up a wall and then cut your wife away from her family yeah that's not cool if you talk it through and then it's a fight and you still have to work it out because that's what a family does just because yours didn't and I'm not even saying that as a disc just because yours didn't doesn't mean that you don't have to with your new family there's a reason you've been married three or four times dude like learn yeah I think there's something out here yeah there's a reason why you have to meditate every morning to your own voice oh god wait was he listening to a tape of himself I think so it was like his voice it was like really like a silly inner like they were giving him his inner voice but it was probably cassette tape you're right yeah no I think it was like a recording of himself telling him what to do also you know one of my pet peeves are are people who meditate and they're surfers and they're just like yeah but they are actually like assholes and like rigid controlling assholes underneath even though they subscribe to a free flow like like a like a go with the flow lifestyle I hate that when you become that serious about it and that like culty about it it's because you hit such a horrible place that you have to do it like most people who are really into yoga stuff are very stressed out people with a lot of weird issues because you know that's what they're doing to heal it's like a it's a medicine yeah don't get mad at the medicine get mad at the sickness man and now of course she by the way is not innocent in all this I mean she isn't when they have a lunch they're seeing they're having lunch and she just forces a super awkward situation you know it's a recipe for disaster with these two they're gonna have a terrible marriage they're gonna have fighting and manipulation past aggression and she's picking fights between the parents and him on purpose so that she can be like closer with the parents and they'll have a common enemy and then he she's got a common enemy with him against the parent and it's like lady I guess she's too scared just signs is one thing but you're basically starting wars all over the place to make yourself feel better and it's creepy it's not only that she's like too scared to say what she wants to say to both her parents and her husband so she can have them say it to each other probably whatever she's fucking ridiculous like I can't with that girl she is ridiculous but I I knew it was like this but I thought it would get better what did you think the matter he was gonna suddenly want to make double the salary so he could support your entire family who should be supporting themselves like you think you're gonna marry some rich white guy he's just gonna take care of everything I'm sure he never alluded to that well I know it hurt never hinted that he was gonna take care of everything well her next her next step in logic will be like okay well why don't we have some children and then it'll get better that's what she's gonna think now yeah exactly children fix everything right yep and then the last couple go downhill unfortunately we only get to see the first year of these fools I know send the last couple is the the hot white guy and the hot black girl who also her name is like row row something Roseanne not Rosanna I forget what it is like wrote Rolanda I don't know how do I know how to show and not know their names I don't even care I just know I don't know and I always I always assume that his name is also Rob but I don't know what his name is either but so the issue in this one is that she wants to quit her job she hates her job there they're over working here and she's doing the work of two different roles and she just wants to do her fashion blog and she wants to be a fashion blogger so and obviously Ryan and I both understand that impulse well not the fashion part but we but the thing is that he doesn't want her to quit until she has some sort of job to to to support to support them you know to contribute to this to the household like even if the temp job so I actually you know I I was sort of mixed on it because I feel like I understand what she's saying that like she was hoping that he would be able to support her follow her dreams I understand what he's saying which is like yeah but we can't afford to do that you need to like get some money in there but I think that his delivery was was pretty terrible he was pretty much like an asshole about it but he is an asshole like that's their communication to each other they fight like for fun and then they fight for real and then they fight when it's serious they fight when it's not serious like that's their communication and so they're never going to get past that that's it's going to get worse and worse and worse and that guy's way too aggressive yeah fighting with a woman I agree well I did not I actually did not like maybe this is me as creative type I didn't like when he's like like who are you you're like a no one you're like a no one off the street I know he was trying to say basically like you think you're gonna start a blog it'll just be something and you don't have any sort of brand recognition that's probably really meant to say but when he says you're no one that's so defeating to someone especially if you're like you know you want to be like you want to do something that's not traditional as they would say you're just being like a writer whatever like that's like those are like really really really hurtful words to want to be bloggers they are but she isn't no one she isn't no one to be fair we know she's a blah blah blah to be fair to him he treats himself the same way he wants to do something else to when he said I'm gonna go make music babe I was like oh please I want to throw up but I also want to hear your garage band loop which that total was it's like it was good though it was good it sounded like it was one bar he wrote we're needed over and over that was like a garage band shit that he should really like team up with DJ James Kennedy that guy just needs lyrics you guys all he needs but he does he said to us the first to me and you personally to the audience the first time he spoke he was like look I want to be in the music industry and she wants to be in fashion we're like Jay Z and Beyonce but you know that's not realistic and I believe in working so my side job is being a lawyer and that's what comes first and the dreams come second so that's his way of looking at life it's right how he's always looked at it and it's definitely not a surprise to her so that she thinks she can get married and then quit her job living in New York City yeah I mean girl cigarettes are sixteen dollars a pack in New York City can you imagine how much is rent my friend lives in a studio that she's lived in for twelve thirteen years and that thing goes up a little bit every month you know she's paying almost nineteen hundred dollars for a tiny studio in the city that place is ridiculous yeah it's just quit to be a blogger we're bloggers we didn't get to just sit here and live off of our blogs that's the craziest thing I've ever heard no one does that well also like you can if anything that if there's anything that you can do like alongside a job is blog you know like especially with your blogging honestly and and also you know the sort of blogging that she wants to do compared to the sort of blogging that we've done in the pet like what you continue to do and what I've done like mostly in the past is like bullshit all she's doing is she takes some picture with some clothes maybe interview some people it's like sure there's some work involved but this is not like this is not something that you can't do for forty five minutes to an hour after when you get home or do a whole bunch of posts on the weekends so like I know you want to follow your dreams but this is not like running the next great American novel built up your audience on the side because right guess what Ryan and I have both done it both with this podcast both with our blogs and we know this is like the first time I feel like an history of the podcast that we can really have an informed opinion about something for real but I had started working for TV gasm and top chef season two in November of what 2007 or something I mean I've been doing it for a long time I don't make money to support myself off that blog and I've got forty other people writing with me it is so hard to make money doing that yeah and I'm not saying she shouldn't do it but you're right yeah do you know when I have you know what when TV gasm started in 2004 I had a full-time job immediately there was a lot of downtime in the job and so I could write my recaps actually at work and I also had like a really cool boss who knew that when nothing was going on I could sometimes writing recaps and he liked it but I'm not saying that she can do has that same luxury but but the point was that when I'd come home and I'd watch the TV shows I'd be tired I'd watch the TV shows I wouldn't go out of night I'd write this shit every single night for TV gasm for like for like you know a year and a half and then and then when we were like before we we sold the site there was for six months I was a segment producer on the Fox reality channel Fox reality network which is no longer and I that job I would show up at that job at 5 p.m. and sometimes not get home until three or four almost always not until one or two and I would go to sleep and I wake up next morning and watch these watch these shows and write full recaps and then walk into work again it was like I had no life and that's what I had to do if to build to help build TV gasm along with Jofas yeah our contributing writers as well something you know you find it when it's your passion your passion you do it on your own time until you can make the living but you know it's another example of someone getting married and thinking but maybe I hope if I get married then he'll support my dreams enough to work for me he never said he would he's never given any hint that he would do that or be okay with that but once I'm his wife it'll be different no it is not different okay you cannot come into shit and then try and pull shit once you're married and expect everything to be your way just because you're a wife now I mean look you're on Bravo you ain't gonna be a wife for long this is Bravo okay this is like the channel where people come to get divorced so please please just stop and next time marry someone that you actually like won't possibly turn into an abuser that guy's too aggressive I don't like it I don't think I actually don't think he'd be an abuser too much I think that he's just he you know what he is he works control his energy at all well you know the problem is that he is he works in law in New York City which can really be in a really agro world especially if you're young and it's like it's cutthroat it's it's someone of a boys club and it's you know he has to remember that the way he probably communicates with other lawyers etc is just not the way he should be talking to his wife you know like he has totally legit points but he just can't be telling her to shut up and that she's a no one and da da da he could be like listen I'm gonna support you the best I can but I think the smartest thing would be to just line up another job I mean he even said get a temp job I don't care and then you can then and then do the blog but just don't leave don't put it all on me because I can't handle it by myself oh so now I never get to be my I never get to live my dream and then never get to do it affects a lot well she only said that after he said that she was a no one oh but she is she's a no one in that world I mean yeah no well but the thing is some reality isn't no one but he said it in a way as if like like the tone of the way he said it during heated argument was you're a no one why are you that you're being ridiculous why are you following the stud of the which I know is not really what his words were but anyway he was yeah he was just you came on to rock more about their relationship than they have ever I think so by the way I also want to say I love their cat I love they were having this whole big fight and their cat just kept walking up to this I was like rubbing up on their calves and wanted food I was like cat get out of the way they're fighting well this show we did not have to wait long to watch shit crumble love it thanks for that thanks for sharing your terrible relationships with us newlyweds yeah so let's move on to the real house well we've such that yeah so we're bad yeah let's do it oh we're bad so the big news is that Don wants to throw a dinner party to celebrate that she and Ashla are having sex she's like I have such great news to everyone we're trying for a baby so we have a dinner party for it like you narcissist like little bitch what are you doing like this ridiculous having dinner party to show that you're gonna have gonna try for a baby I mean I'll have a dinner party to say that I'm gonna go to the gym tomorrow I mean what what is this that's so dawn of you you're like I'm gonna have a party because I'm going to the gym tomorrow but I need 50 couches in a room for no reason to do it okay makes sense let's get this done let's get it done so Dawn's like so she's like how rude no she's she's like we're gonna have we have steak and fat chips then chips and sticky toughy pudding and ketchup and mayonnaise and mustard it's going to be a classy dinner I'm like yeah yeah everybody knows that don't world potter is all I got like really and then it cuts to her telling the one of the employees she's got like 10 people working branch and goes we need the ketchup the Mayan the mustard all next to each other in separate little jobs sounds sounds classy and then we see them we meanwhile over we have over an ampeca's world we see ampeca and one of the most disturbing swimsuits I've ever seen in my life it was like in one of the most depressing indoor pools I've ever seen in my life it was like out of the YMCA a lot to swim in my depressing bathing suit in my what I'm say I bath put the music on this show cracks me up it's like porn music but it's all played in a harmonica it's like her in this terrible swimming suit in this humid indoor pool not able to swim properly acting all sexy like she's in skin and max by herself and then Mac comes you know and his PJ is like battering down the hallway I'm in here Mac I'm going to get put a pile of clava on bed sitting in the swimming pool in about what you do with my clavas next in the water you gotta get out don't get bit by a snack and mark's got seven birds but so told me I asked the other dad let's go it opens back and they said back to go seven birds I like to have that I like when Mark has that's cause I love I love animals and I love animal sanctuary I love to help out the animals I'm doing a test for the animals you can donate at the pool if you want for the animals instead I'm gonna donate all these inflatable pool tours to the animal sanctuary and the vultures I told you I got my two-minute bird you could get shit on the front of your seat box very kind of the best come by but the truth is I don't have any more room in the pool for the bides I'm sure that mark has like seven girlfriends hanging around that guy looks exhausted okay give that man some slippers and a remote control cozy he does not need birds yeah he needs a beauty of Mr. Bean and he can just cozy up and enjoy that so this is an exam speaking of newlyweds this is an example of a couple who does not communicate honestly because they're both on different planets and they never know where the other ones coming from he's obviously still in love with her but he's like well at this point with that brother and sister aren't we oh look at a nine I think well it's my sister there's absolutely no passion I repeat no passion whatsoever and then you've got her acting like she's in a porno video in the pool like losing she's like hello back look at them in the boat look at my burgers back no passion no passion then she says he's been that insane birds but look everybody knows the truth he's holding up for me I didn't even understand what you said which is really in line with a show it's holding up for me it's holding up for me that's what I'm recreating the Hane video in my swimming pool sweet like hahahane so then of course it's all romantic and she's trying to being marked but he's not interested so what does she do instead got to start our friends that's how to turn on a man yeah so she's like lad I called her a hoover or a hoover sucking things up all the time empty a little trap over the hoover I'm like Leon don't be a book plug for someone else I'm like do you stick hovers up your ass I don't understand like what sort of butt plug is that because English is crazy to me to be a book bloke for someone else and don't hahahaha oh my god again she's not mad at the answer butt plug she's mad that she's not her butt plug don't be a spatula for someone else I'm gonna flip the burger with your spatula face okay don't be a spatula don't tell me that my bookshelves are crooked and then be a screw gun for someone else lad don't be a man over like those Jewish people lighting candles up in yeah right now don't do that that's what Honko my favorite friend couple right now and I know the show is like a year old but I don't even care my favorite friend partnership right now is Magali and Lauren it makes no sense to me Lauren is such a bitch on wheels and she's so arrogant and amazing by the way she's my favorite one on the show by far but Magali is so no nonsense and it's not gonna take this shit so it's so funny that they're like best friends yeah and I love that when they when they meet up for lunch my guy was like oh these boots are made for walking walk walk walk like like a classic don't walk don't walk walk now walk oh don't walk flash flash by flash don't walk now pedestrian stop cargo now walk look at me I come back from Dubai here I am to buy over there I over here I say bye Dubai and then I say hello sister I say hello Dubai and it says just say bye and I say oh I hear such a sorry can talk having lunch with Lauren having lunch with Lauren she has put I have boots I'm like whoa Lauren so you know what I do I go to lunch and I just I just listen my ears are here my ears are here I wrote that down here she's like hello Lauren my ears are here Lauren Lauren my other favorite voice of the show look at that you know how Tony's we went to the casino and don't victim us and people and my girl is like oh yes you know she she sometimes make wait what did she say she said oh yeah she said oh I understand I was victim number one after Tom I was witness number one she said I was witness number one oh I thought she said I was they called me number one of Tom they called me to the court of Don and I say yes I shall miss what to say the truth and the truth is I was witness to Don objectify whoa whoa whoa Leon whoa and then we got all he goes on a rampage then she's like you know you know it's to me I nice to you you mean to me you get three warning then I explode table in the air drink drinking your face and then another warning and then a fifth warning and then I take beach ball I throw it at you okay I tell you what I tell you twice I tell you three time I throw drink in your face I throw a table I draw a drink at the table I draw a drink what a table in it at you and then I throw the entire YMC at your face and then you say oh whoa I say you know nice to me I told you what I told you twice I told you three you owe me a drink and a table and then I say you know I life too short for this life too short I'm a mother you a mother we don't have time for this I tell you once I tell you twice and on three time I'm tired of telling you and I don't want to fight anymore you know what I tell you once I tell you twice and on the third time I walk right up to you and I just sit back and listen that's what I do whoa whoa and Lawrence ready to go I'm I'm not really sure what Donne even did to her except tell her husband to shut up when he was being an obnoxious asshole but I don't really know that Donne even did anything to Laurie did she well Lauren also I think Lauren is still annoyed about Donne going on and on about his direct to me man's direct to me I'm having a baby and so Lauren was like oh and then when Donne got mad at her you know this is the way it works you know Donne got mad at Lauren was rude at that dinner and then Donne got mad at her for being rude and so the so what happens is that Lauren rather than sort of internalizes it and just gets festers on it quietly and then she and Paul fester on it and then when when Donne calls Paul a chauvinist that's when Lauren is like aha I can I can put all this anger on to Donne right now I've got it now so funny so thanks for all stupid and we'll do what she wants and that's not how it works she's like a raw raw she goes for you well I don't really remember her ever do anything to you but I still love your hatred for her and can't wait for you to splatter it all over her face exactly so now we see a scene on Pika Antonio shopping in a strange store that has black and white stripes on the on the walls and Tanya I'll lock my glaze you know I'm just a regular old girl I'll lock my shawn to close I'll lock my shawn I'll lock my glitter my god all this woman does is talk about her pussy and buy shit I know and she's like I don't like to show my boobs for three children my boobs are like implants and socks among her so Ampeka of course what is Ampeka ever gonna talk about Donne Donne is good like she made up with she's so shady she says does it not topple stole the blood here with Tanya Dovla you told you lots of shawn to close all lockable limited style of clothes so that I could be sure no one else is with the clothes that like girl you are wearing laced up like Ziploc bags over your implants get the fuck out of here limited clothing I know so meanwhile while they're shopping simultaneously somewhere else in the British countryside she just only buys things from Donne like no wonder why she's except from Donne Donne's her land lady she has to be nice to Donne and guess what great news for the for the world of interior design in England Donne is decorating the new farm so that means that we're down to see a lot of purple velvet and silver accents and shiny gold things it'll be disgusting and grey lots of grey velvet to grey and purple velvet of course and the first design thing she said was well we've got three L-shaped catches in here don't we three couches for Christ sake lady Donne is just a glass in the floor see the dirt to the floor yeah Donne's just like in putting couches everywhere for no reason it's like this will fit there to couches let's do it then Charlie Dabby could put on a show here Dabby Dabby Dabby want to come here and sing a song oh Dabby's coming up soon Dabby wants a voice she calls she's gonna have this dinner party this terrible dinner party and she decides that she's gonna invite Lauren and Paul no no not Lauren and Paul ampeaker she doesn't buy Lauren and Paul to you but ampeaker and then she invites her and ampeaker is so rude oh you call me then what you call me back then I thought yeah well I don't want to be rude but who's good I think it was thing gonna be there you know I'd rather throw myself off a cliff into an empty YMCA pool my basement be around Nick and Washington the likes and they're not coming which is odd yeah so she doesn't she's like an a grace everybody with their present there must have been like an Amadeus revival going on me you know those guys love to go to anything where they can hold like a little fan and look at powdered wigs those of the days but they're often a show all the way that Amadeus played I have a song that made it a parade I can't not see out of the day I can't not see f Murray ever having a wig it's not right rostrum oh that's that's one of the greatest joys of modern cinemas being able to watch Tom Hulse and F Murray Abraham Spa if I have a bat F they right I said I'd say you're a bad boy if you're a bad boy be quiet here comes the part where the Emperor yawns it's my favorite part in the whole movie you love you on it bad boys don't you man oh look at her playing look at him playing with her boobies what a naughty movie I love this on my days I would appreciate the piano anymore dude they're often please having me the tissues is the part where Amadeus dies how you know it gets me over a single time F May Abraham is a very better girl let me down oh she angry ain't she she's she wishes she was as good as Mozart but she's not snorty naughty marie Abraham look at it look at it look at Sally are we trying so hard so good so after after inviting Ampeka then Leanne says yes oh it's my duty to tell ya we went to the casino and Ampeka and sorted me and you and then me again mostly me she called me a moo that thoroughly pull your tiresome ball then I thought myself not even a Roomba nah hoover Mollie's favorite back and brand well you look at she didn't call you a broom first girl she ever hated and great call she called a broom back I was dead man because I'm lucky well you're lucky you're not I'll stick back I either you could have been she could have called you an ergo rap bito electro locks 5000 you're not just a swiffer sweeper then aren't you I think that I love about Dawn show us knows how to make me feel better like a big sister she is and she makes me feel badly I'll just move to another couch and then I get bored and I think about maybe cleaning up some of the dust around and I realize maybe I am a hoover I'm not torn so Ashley so Dawn is planning this party blah blah blah now we see her with her chef don is so stupid I cannot believe she's an interior designer she's telling her gay who's holding a cat while he's over the dinner where by the way gross but he's walking around in his hot pink scarf oh my god these case so she has this dark velvet room and he brings in flowers and she's like about the pink glass and do well because that that will clash with the velvet like you know the same color family right designer lady she's awful here she and by the way this is a point where I wrote a note that I could have written at any point during this series which is that is so under lit and part of me thinks it's actually not under lit I kind of feel like they put a filter in post production on this show because it is so dark it's like the colors are saturated and yet the contrast is high and it's dark if you look at any like dawn's eyes it's just two black circles which probably be true even in good light but they're still there's the darks are so dark you can't see things in this show it is so poorly lit note that it's a season three because I already had season two get some lights going on here please oh my goodness it is so poorly lit yeah well in the real housewife shows they only usually shoot in certain rooms because I think they've got not lighting installed but they probably got their hooks and stuff for they know it's not even going to install their lights but any reality show the lighting in this is worse than every single reality show I've ever seen this was shot on like a Samsung Galaxy phone it was and then yeah they threw like some weird filter on it and yeah because the colors are like oddly vivid and but then it's like just so like that the shadows the dark is just so dark like if you actually try to look at the dark parts if you can't see anything it's ridiculous it's all especially dawned house because it is like Dracula decorated that I know the walls are made out of brown velvet and then the ceiling is a brown velvet and then the floors are dark everything in there so dark and weird and then dawn's personality fills the room exactly and make it look even more gothic is the fact that she decides to put giant torches in front of her house for the dinner party and with the logic being she's like I want the kids to say wow we're here at the great dinner party they're gonna think they're at medieval times the girls could be a baby speed in my dinner party oh my god this she lives in this castle oh and we didn't mention that she opened up the episode celebrating that she's gonna have a party by having some kind of charity event where all these 50 horses come down before the hunt before the folks hunt and they're just eating and they show all these big old dudes just like eating a cookie that we'd lock to that the great what's your name dawn wet dawn dawn wold dawn wold we're not to thank the great wold family that's right boys or let's your horses people alone then you know they were all miserable because they weren't allowed to shoot anything you know she's like I had to see an animal door how rude how rude to kill the animal all right go chase a rag like they're literally chasing a scented rag oh wait this is not how you treat great British traditions hmm it's the bowl time you're getting ready for this party which basically means standing there in curlers while she walks like 15 watches 15 staff people run around her kitchen yeah then Ashley comes in he's like don't let go to the voltage you're not have to get to france for some work your mistress called I mean what the hell because you know we don't have to go to france get the fuck out of here listen he like all the husbands on the show except for Paul just cannot wait to get away from the show they are in hiding they so he's like oh wait wait I'm supposed to shoot tonight oh yeah I have to go to france mmm I have a 19 year old in front of the legs behind her you know her ankles behind here darling it's part of the job gotta go she's like yeah Ashley how could you do this to me oh it's a couple's party I'm having a party and it's like I'm having this big party and I don't even have a hubby I'm not doing it I'm not gonna do it he's like well it's just work darling I'm not golfing and she goes well I'm not mad at Ashley for going to France even though she's like berating him and yelling at him in the kitchen she's like I'm not mad at Ashley for going to France because we're on the cusp of a big massive deal yeah what deal is that for like a to get like a corner of the market on giant torches for dinner parties we are going to be the number one destination for his directories and torches when you're ready to unfreeze your embryo we'll have a talk to you ready for it warm it up balls job I will sing to it so what we're doing about the band this week then yeah yeah do you know what I just noticed last week and it really continues into this week is it Dobby talks that way only in front of her mother yeah when she is doing her confessional she's like oh yeah yeah yeah no she gets her she's like she's like full on with anything else but when she's around Don she's like so then so now everyone's going to the dinner potty and Leanne of course Leanne's husband has been has been MIA since the first episode to her cuz her husband by the way is so smoking hot and we have not been able to see him and so of course Liam brings her mom cuz that's what Leanne does because she's boring and it's just again further evidence that these guys are staying so far away from the show except for maybe Mark and so Leanne is worrying she's worrying it new house wife yeah so so Leanne is worried she's like she's worried what will happen if MP calls her a Hoover can she Leanne just go Leanne Lulu says I'm not just not speak to her if she calls me a Hoover I'm just going to not say anything cuz I'm out of a baller if she calls me a Hoover I swear to the Lord I'm gonna take a sip of my champagne if she even tries to call me a Hoover again I'm gonna cross my legs and push my hand to my hand and sort of clear my throat a little bit and look around the room and of course it wouldn't be a party in Cheshire if someone didn't say don't ask the best part is this champagne on top like a girl someone send this country a case of potatoes I know what the fuck with your champagne I know Lord people have you heard of spirits telling I know so so Don goes upstairs to your hair and makeup she has this mean I have to ask you cuz I was hoping you know Tonya says I'm bakers coming is it gonna be a bustle I ain't gonna be a bus stop what does that mean anybody from there please explain maybe she said a bus stop like it's gonna be a fight oh okay oh okay I thought she said bus stop and I was like what could have been it could have been that's where Tonya's school was like is this gonna be a boring play then cuz I'm not sitting through it after you that Edward Albie who has a name Edward Albie what's the first name what's the last name Albie Dan all right so the next one is be cool away I just have to say that Don has this the biggest drag queen eyebrows going on because they should have close up and those were full on magic marker it on eyebrows it was there was not a fleck of hair there it was just full sharpie assless gold so I pulled that the sharp and I often use the sharpie when she's gone but I haven't had a baby with a sharpie yet I freeze the sharpest berm so Lauren and Paul arrive and Nicola greets them but there's no no Don anywhere Don's upstairs doing this and so Lauren is of course like I find it kind of strange that our host isn't here to grant us just Nicola who's basically the help she gets strange real hybrid but Don can't even greet us Paul is such a dick okay so they're coming to and I love it yeah they're coming to this and Paul is ready to fight they're both ready to take Don down in her own home which you gotta love so they come and they're walking up and she goes I've never seen this hell and he says it's quite lovely isn't it maybe I'll bot for ya Paul you're such an ass he is nasty he's like he's just like having fun because he doesn't give a shit and the thing is that by the way if Don ever went to a dinner party where she was greeted by someone's assistant and then had to hang out with like everyone in this little room where the host was nowhere to be seen for a half an hour you know Don would be the first to be like how rude I could have been out doing anything and they're not even here to greet me how rude is that how rude how rude it was rude I mean she made them win a really long time everybody was there Lauren was cracking me up because she was like what kind of party is this lands got a mom Don's got a mom and the children it's not Christmas and there was like a whole like gaggle of moms in royal blue sitting on a couch in the middle of the day by the way it's fully daylight outside I'm never attending this is some dinner party it's like noon summertime summertime party Ronnie Sunston in the air it's like a noon you know they're shooting this at like 11 in the morning it's all the grandmas and the kids and the only husband who showed up was Paul that shit is gold right there so Don finally comes down the staircase an hour later dressed like a figure skater I'd like to add she is fully in Tanya Harding clothing she is and she's such a new dude yeah but I'm sort of a bit let y'all know back and then she says everyone's arrived they've been waiting on me because I'm like it's by heaven what the hell you stupid woman so oh oh guess what what is that noise do you hear it it's the leaf blower it's the magic watch what crappins leaf blower well that that's it's to arrive during podcast time are you just am peaking me did you just call me the leaf blower you know what she is she's a leaf blower that's what she asked blows the leads around for a more because that actually cleaned shit up and said they're just blowing it around and the worst thing I've ever seen so so everyone so Don comes down and everyone's getting along and Don Zach Don and Paul are even getting on a little bit and Don says to Paul you know when I first met you I thought you're a knob but you're a nice knob Lauren is not having it Lauren's like you are now read that's it line you're officially read I would never talk to someone's husband when she talks to my husband I broke down West Side Story because we were doing that last week and I'm still laughing about it but Don comes down the stairs in that terrible outfit and the music's like boom what the hell is this show and it kept going and going I'm sorry for going back but I just saw that I was dying okay I was hilarious it was hilarious she literally like Nancy Kerrigan coming down the stairs so then in my next note was Empeaker's side I had a terrible day I was on the phone my dad to do the later night because he has a pack of hands and I'm falling back to my life and how it is our relationship right now is like a fake muck I pulled my dad all I wanted to do is go over there and take care of my dad because I haven't talked to him in years now it's got Parkinson's so I wanted to repair the relationship but being with my dad they said no because they don't want me there because he didn't want to be hard on anybody that's true this hard on my mark you know it's a hard on my mark because it's Parkinson's it's hard on me mark mark that is a wonderful job grab every cool meal right my check and she have to be with my friends like that's you know it's been such a hard day for me I want to be with my friends but if you ask me do I want to be a darn ward the answer is N.O. spares no because I don't want to be with her I don't want to be with anyone I'm dumb ward but I want to be my friends that's what it is because if I want to be a darn ward you know that rather do you rather go swimming them YMCA pool that's what I want it's like okay ampeaker you can like end your insides I get it I'd rather have Parkinson's than be with don't hold ooh my god oh my god every single thing is about this woman okay and on this well I mean that's okay if her dad has Parkinson's I think that is like a legit thing to her dad who she hasn't spoken to in years and years and years and years and years and years has a disease that suddenly she's going to now make about herself on TV for fucking your 10 ampeaker can't do anything that's not about her or her fucking she's cried about something in every single episode I'm not saying I'm good there at us Parkinson's I'm not saying I'm gonna let that slide I think that's a little I'm just saying your dad has Parkinson's and it's like a new diagnosis but it's like here we are it's just something else with ampeaker there will always be something for me to be a victim about and I'm just saying that is not your disease that's your father's disease and when you just spent last week shut up ampeaker is what I'm saying like a man like a toaster you like a toaster you put the bread in and it comes out there and that's what you are your taster I'm a burnt piece of bread bin I'll take it and I know that's awful what I just said but ampeakers push me to that level bin I'm sick of it I'm sick of this woman making everyone else's problems about her like why is she the one who gets all the attention remarks dad dies it was his dad yeah I know ramp so anyway at dinner I was starting to laugh because again the chefs serve steak and I was just wondering if don was gonna send it back the way she did at ampeakers party and like by the way it's sort of funny all these women do is eat steak and potatoes and that honestly the food look way better at ampeakers party like that chef did a much better job this one I mean I shouldn't say much better jobs I don't know how it tasted but at least this presentation looked like it was from 1988 it was just like he had some steak with some yellow you know things on the side and it's embarrassing eggs whatever it was it was very like it looked very old fashioned like not old fashioned just look outdated outdated food which is exactly what I would expect from Don's parties yeah so now at this point everyone's drunk you can see everyone's drunk and Magali's give well ampeaker walks away from the table because she's sad and she's she just needs to go cry somewhere and so then Magali some of these miles she got dressed for three hours did you see what she was wearing yeah looks like she's going to the Oscars and she thought but I do do it here just should have stayed a bit like I was all day get out of here you've been getting dressed for three hours and they're gonna sit here at a table and make it all about you again shut up ampeaker already just shut up okay so then Magali's like so Magali's like you know like disease is terrible you know my my sister she she is three year free cancer she a three year free cancer and so we are going to raise glass to it because it is scary thing scary thing and Paul is like oh do we have to talk about such depressing things as cancer I was like I mean like I know what he's saying because everything was depressing and sad but like I kind of want to be like too chill she's saying that her she's celebrating her her sister being cancer free as Magali Magali's Magali you know all the more in in this scene they're a perfect example of people ready for a fight but the fight's not happening but they're gonna make it happen anyway even though it's completely inappropriate and that's totally what they were doing he was just picking at people the whole time yeah yeah because people that is so depressing on my so you want to tell the worst story in the world then all right anyone's fat remember missing a little Lauren's the background be like oh no spot on Paul spot on and they both start saying at the same time it's not the time of the place and I love how they're like sitting here talking about time the place almost proper and who should speak at whatever I'm like listen if you're a proper British person you would know the way to deal with like improper table discussion would be to politely just change the conversation you don't say who wants to talk about this bald or book you just say like so have you seen the latest football match it was quite a good day I was wonderful to us on animal the other day so square must be square season again we're at the very least just say I've done a lot for that holes or something like what are you just cut or you just cut everything off by saying all right let's raise our drinks to Magali's sister and then everyone raise the drinks like hey did you just happen to see that that's a dah dah dah and then all of a sudden you move on but you don't say oh depressing all this stuff and then Magali gets like Magali starts doing this cry I think she does my housewise cry I fucking love Magali yeah she starts doing the housewise cry that it's not tears like there's no tears that she's as dramatic as possible she's like why you say that who could do this my sister survived who would be who would speak like this like please stop trying to pretend to cry and beat the shit out of him like you want to do speaking and pretending to cry we then cut to ampeaker and mark in some random room that was out of like a 1988 Calvin Klein obsession commercial with these vases that were like seven feet tall with like little flowers in the top and a random window in the bottom as if they were on the top of you know the space needle in Seattle observation deck but it's really just an observation deck into whatever's under this castle it was this tacky overly not designed but like conceived room and and we have this like footage from like high above and ampeaker and mark are crying and peaker's crying and he's like I guess we're going to go and so then they go and then without saying goodbye to anybody good bye to anyone but dawn comes by and it's like oh I hope you feel that I'm heartbroken for you chin up all right chin up in such I had a hysterectomy I almost gonna get one so y'all have a chin up as well so you know this is affecting me too and so ampeaker's like lucky to know I'm sore for your father I'm sorry to see it acting up feeling like this and I want you to know that my future child will feel better about it too once it's a villain yeah and it beakers like dawn is acting like a flaws night and guy but you know I'm not food but dawn I know that she's read that cam like an earthy dawn I'm happy to leave you I hate you dawn so much I'm really uncomfortable about you it's like a snake in the river there's a swim why do you have dawn's night and guy I'm not born it all that it's dawn doing to me the horse bolted a long time ago what so now back to your horse is that what this is about time what you probably was I found the whole sit some on that fonda so I'm gonna get doomed by one day so then now back at dinner so Paul is like you said he is ready for a fight he wants to get the show on the road so he's like old ladies talking about nothing nobody at you literally hear the clink clink it's the sex then yeah it's just my name it's a little jar you know that Leanne is you know that Leanne is probably just like rambling on about something really really inconsequential like oh I was at the store the other day and I saw that the pickles were on sale I had a good day on them I thought about getting the pickles but I thought what before I do that better check to see if anyone's gonna eat the pickles open all the way home when I came back pickles weren't on sale anymore I passed the diaper on and I thought look that cute little black baby I want one of them I want a baby and I want to give me a baby oh diaper I got this great idea that I'm gonna steal Dawn's baby oh did I say that out loud how funny so um so Paul decides just to go in on Dawn which was really rude it really was rude you know we're always on Lauren and Paul's side but they were let me know we're really yeah they're horrible they're awful I'm on their side because I just know they're gonna be so bad well yeah when they're entertaining and they're bringing some spice to the show but like Paul's like Dawn are you gonna have a do you think so you still think you're gonna have a baby interesting I know I'm gonna have a baby working on it as you know I never give up and he's like oh right well you there's much of a chance of having a baby as a snowman has gone to Kenya whatever it was he said oh yeah more of a chance of making them don't don't then the baby something yeah yeah and they don't get mad well Lauren and Paul well first of all Lauren and Paul are both laughing and Lauren's like that is right on Paul Paul you're so right I can't wait to laugh about this while I was so on things now I was on uh and then Paul no one's getting mad enough yet don't be starting to get pissed she sounds like a screen door in a windstorm like so she's getting pissed and then Paul's still not getting enough of a reaction so he's like all right then who wants to take bets then who wants to take bets that she's gonna get pregnant I'll bet she'll talk she's not even gonna get pregnant ever which I'm with him this is totally her trying to get a story whatever she's never gonna have a damn baby get out of here and then she doesn't really care about having a damn baby I don't buy anything from Don but I agree with him but it was so rude and hilarious and then I'll bet I'll bet for quid so then Dobby is like you can't say you can't say you can't say who's gonna have a what to who's gonna be where you know you never know she can have a baby don't say it to me and then I love her Dobby's like don't want a baby do you but you know I'm gonna say my mama but um but I love it Lauren serious because she's pissed man she's like my mother I don't want her to have a bad but if she does I support ah and no one's gonna talk about me mom like that whoa Dobby it's like Dobby's equivalent of Darth Vader you know like yeah then Lauren Lauren of course she she has these random times where she falls back on like old school English etiquette and she's like I believe that children should be seen and not heard and I'm here in her like I don't like it I'm like well first of all this is the first time anyone's ever heard Dobby so just let her have her moment because for 18 years no one's heard a word that came out of her mouth but I love that Lauren all of a sudden is like respect your eldest I'm like well you know you guys were being crazy so Lauren Lauren starts to turn she Lauren is now mad she's actually got that really angry Lauren looking at her face and she turns Dobby she's like you know I have to say for a girl who's as long as you and before she can even get that next word out Dawn is out of her chair and she's like Dawn dog my daughter don't dog my daughter but she wasn't even saying that she was saying don't dog my dog well then she starts off as don't dog my daughter and then she then she changes to she's not talking my dog she's not talking my dog not talking my dog what does that even mean don't dog my dog I've never heard that what's the dog I do with it and then so then Lauren and Paul leave Paul was already actually on the way to leaving already and so then they leave and that's when dawn's like jog on bitch joron jog on bitch so good and I was like what are the what are the mom there's like a whole bunch of moms there what are they thinking oh I can't wait to see what this looked like on the telly hey is this man is it sound job did you do this or did it come like that hmm then the golly is mad of course no you don't say that you're rude you're rude Lauren you're rude this is how you say it and then don't what's an old was an old which is kind of funny but how else would you open a door my golly yeah and then my golly is trying to talk them down that what is like then why do you go talk about all your problems any dinner basically Lauren it's like Lauren just is not like talking about anything but the lightest stuff at dinner or in the bathroom that's basically what we've learned she's very British in that way I suppose Lauren says I've never been thrown at anyone's house in fact they usually beg me to start I like how it's actually more rude to Lauren that you talk about a conversation topic that's like either sad or a little heavy then it is to actually mouth off to the host and be obnoxious and ridicule the host like that is a lesser offense than saying something sort of deep she's a cuckoo bird like I don't think she knows what's rude or not I love that she's the the one that's always going on about manners and she's so rude and awful and I love it yeah I love Lauren she's my queen of Cheshire me and me too and my golly my golly is not really do anything that's the thing she just makes sound effects which I appreciate because you know what please Academy Guy was my favorite too you say I say no but the weirdest thing about this and in typical Cheshire fashion this is the end of the season you got it right it's the last episode so that's it but they showed like out and then that's it but they said like next time and they start showing but like there's no other I don't understand what's going to happen because there's only 10 episodes in season one and I don't think that the set the last episode was a two hour episode so I don't know maybe they're going to just like start to segue into season two immediately I don't get it I think they well they've already done season two over there so I think that they were making it more like a to be can reason to because it never said it's the end of the season I had to look up on the website to see if it was over but then didn't do their end of season like dawn you know yeah but it also never said neck didn't say to be continued said next time dot dot dot dot oh I didn't see that part what were they showing for next time do they all have different faces no it was just they were continuing to fight and they were like next time that's as if like we're going to see the rest of this fight it was weird oh that is weird I'm not sure anybody from there tell us what the hell is going on because as far as we know the shit's over I mean we've I've downloaded two of the entire season torrent so if there was something else they're not neither one of those I don't I really don't get it and I don't know I'm like looking online I don't see I don't get it that's how we should just end the show just say next time the end well what the hell is the show over sort of the way Shaw's a sunset into their last season they were like to be continued dot dot dot question mark free ball oh so that's it for us at least yeah we're done we're out of here we're done fun episode thanks everyone for listening remember we have a hangout although the thing is technically by the time this gets uploaded and by the time you get to this part of the episode yeah but so next time just know that next week it's usually the second or third Thursday of the month so super fun episode thanks everyone for supporting us thank you to our super sponsor Marvin Jayce for the attention to this part of the podcast and thank you to our sponsor who contributed the question to the mail back today and thank you to the academy so that's it so bye everybody bye today's episode is brought to you by texture try texture for free right now when you go to texture dot com slash crappins if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcast prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery dot com slash survey I'm Lindsey Graham host a Wondery show American scandal we bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history presidential lies environmental disasters corporate fraud in our latest series entrepreneur Lou Perlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world the backstreet boys and in sync he also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company restaurants and real estate but Perlman successful facade 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