New Real Housewives on the culdesac! The Real Housewives of Potomac are here, and they’re full of rules for you to follow. The Real Housewives of Atlanta are checking out the catering at the Million Man March, and Vanderpump Rules is topless in Hawaii, and Katie’s PISSED. Enjoy! ***
0-21:46 Opening and Crappens Mailbag
2146 RHOPotomac begins. Please follow the rules.
1:17:55 Real Housewives of Atlanta marches on DC. Porsha eats a lot.
2:03:40 Vanderpump Rules. Brittany is dumber than we though, and it’s delicious. ***
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For Hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Hello and welcome to the Watch what Crapins Podcasts podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and is usually I'm as usually and that's going to be for the next three hours people as usual. I'm here with the gorgeous and now fully think-thind filled bin man of the hello bin. Hello Ronnie, as opposed to the previous episode when I was hangry the entire time and was just like waiting to get off the air so I could eat some food. This time I've eaten a thin bar and I just had also a small lunch. So I should be in happy pleasant spirits for a recording. Oh my sweet little bin! You eat when you need to eat, babe. What? You eat when you need to eat. I don't care if you need to quit right in the middle and go to Sizzler. Do what you gotta do. I like that. I like that idea. I'm going to eat whenever I want to eat. That's actually been one of my problems lately is that I have been eating whenever I want to eat. You know what? Friday night I went to Vito's Pizza on Las Yannica and I ate five slices of pizza. I mean I almost ate- I would have eaten the entire pie except for the fact that my boyfriend had eaten the other three slices. I would have gone all eight slices. I would have actually loved to sit there and kind of touch myself while you and your hot boyfriend sat there and ate pizza because to me that's so sexy. People like you just don't do that in my mind. I'm just imagining going to gym and eating thin bars and you know barfing at night. So the fact that you actually do the same stuff I do but are still that much hotter, it makes me- it gives me a jealousy boner which is kind of the best kind. Well I definitely went in. Friday night I got some good feedback from my manager about a draft that I turned in for this thing I'm working on and I was just like yes I'm going to celebrate by eating my feelings but in a good way I'm going to eat everything inside because I deserve it. I did a good job. My feelings are delicious and not only that I had so I had the five slices of pizza and then I don't think there was any dessert involved. But then the next morning I went out and I had a giant like brunch. I was like I'm still celebrating and then I went and got a Manny Petty. I mean I went in and I bought myself a new board game. I mean I fully indulged myself for 24 hours. I was like a mad man. You were like a mad woman. Are you kidding? So good. You ate, you got a Manny Petty and you bought a game. I bought a gift for myself. By the way the game is called Grand Austria Hotel and it is so fun. It's a game about welcoming guests to a hotel and serving them strudel and then finding a room for them which sounds very mundane but it is really the dream and I love it. Well one of the best games ever is called Uno. I mean there's nothing more mundane than that. I mean you could play, I hear you could play like 70 rounds of that at a jail and still have time for more. We played 61 games on Uno. For those of you who do not recognize that reference. Congratulations. You've escaped the mob mentality that is making a murderer. We have not. We have not escaped that. Last week's bonus episode was kind of a crappins retelling of that 10 hour damn documentary. Yes. And then we got to read it and started reading all the ultimate theories, all the evidence that was left out. And so we did a very, I don't even want to say I have hazard because we really went through it. But we didn't have a whole lot of facts actually pulled on because I mean through part of it. I'm just calling someone the wrong name the whole thing. But that said still really fun to listen to because there is a lot of crazy information out there about this. It never ends. We have a full reading of Stevens jail letters to Jody. Yes. That's this is in this week's bonus episode and they are that's this week. And you know just alternate theories and stuff like that. And Reddit headlines which are my favorite thing in the world. So if you want to check out our bonuses go to patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins that's where our premium stuff is. It's the bonus episodes of ringtones this Thursday night 6 p.m. Pacific Google hangout. That's where you can come to chat with us for an hour. We just party and talk on video camera with you guys. So I have your webcam ready. We'll have instructions up later on today. So just go to patreon.com or go to our Facebook page facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins to find instructions and all that good stuff. And I'm sure that Mike Bowman is going to be joining us for that. Because he joins for every single one of them. And Mike I believe he went to college with Teresa Hallback who was murdered. So Mike I don't know why you're not a suspect I'm just saying. But anyway so I'm sure we'll be talking about making murder on that as well as all all the bravo stuff that we love to cover. So many people over the week signed up for patreon just to hear the making murder bonus episode. So thank you so much. We just want to give y'all more of what you want to hear. So there is a whole other new bonus episode devoted to more making your murder. And we'll continue as I said on the bonus episode we'll continue to track it. But we'll still charge that other stuff too. So for those of you guys who aren't watching it don't worry. Those they'll still be content for you to listen to. Yeah and all those bonus episodes are available once you're a member. So you can I mean there's 60 I think today we did number 68. So there's you know seventy five hours there. Yeah listen to go on over okay so we've got a humongoloid show today. So may I give a shout out to someone though. Of course. Sorry everyone to delay the podcast even further. But I want to give a shout out to my friend Neil who I've mentioned before on this podcast. Really lovely guy. I love Neil. Neil's great but he has another he has a podcast and I love giving love to other podcasts because I think it's a good karma in this podcast world. I've mentioned this podcast before it's called past present. It's totally different from our podcast. It's it's a podcast that looks at current events through a historical lens because it's like three historians talking about things in a very articulate way much they're much smarter than we are. It's really really good and last week's episode. I haven't listened to this week's episode but last week's episode they talked about the standoff that's happening in Oregon in that federal building with the militia. And it's super fascinating. So if you want something that will help inform you and make you feel smart. I would like to listen to that because I don't know what the hell that is even all about and I want to. I keep trying to read about it but people on both sides are so pissed off. It's really hard to tell what the hell's going on. I don't even want to get into it here because that's total bony baloney material for us. Like bonus episode material but yeah I'm going to listen to that too. Yeah go listen go listen to it because what you will find out when you listen to their podcast is that the historical underpinnings of what seems sort of like this strange story go back several hundred years. There's like a lot of stuff at play more than I ever realized and I was totally fascinated. It made my drive from the west side to Hollywood during rush hour which is one of the worst drives you can make in LA it went by in a second. So please I just want to give a shout out. I'm sorry we can get back to Bravo now but I got to give credit where credits do. And also we have to thank our premium subscribers Christy Dunherty and our super premium subscriber Marvin Jay. Marvin Jay thank you guys for doing that. So everybody thank you for listening thank you for the premium subscribers. You know everyone let's just hug let's just hug. Let's have some hate Bravo hugs or some hate on Bravo hugs. I'm hugging my laptop I'm pretending it's you Ronnie. Oh my the thinnest I've been in years darling. Your think thins have transferred all that think then effort you've made has transferred onto my body. No it's still there never mind. Fuck off. All right let's do some mailbag bean. What we got the first one is from Lola Del Rio this is actually it's not really a question just a general comment she wants to share with our audience. Lola says she says not a question but I have a Bravo Liberty run in Lola by the way she is a manager at a restaurant in Oakland and she says Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper came into my restaurant for brunch yesterday. Super nice didn't order anything weird and very super gracious. I may have hit on Anderson's side piece who was hella hot. Alas did not have a chance to ask Andy if Jill Zaren was ever coming back or ask Anderson about Syria. How did you not ask Anderson about Syria? I mean but that is an amazing breakfast conversation between those two. Like once Bravo and once dealing with Syria. Yeah they should they should host each other's shows Andy Cohen would be like here's what jackal of the week is Isis for ruining Syria. I mean come on Isis let's put on a wig and pretend we're Isis. They should totally change jobs. That would be an amazing reunion just like the Middle East. Like let's get all the factions that are fighting in the Middle East just to fight in ballgamps with some Marriott ballroom. I know and then meanwhile Anderson Cooper is on watch what happens. It's like all right Nini it says here actually he's friends with Nini so he wouldn't be like that with Nini but he would be you'd be like you know with with Jack's you'd be like so Jack's you had sex with three people that have pregnant a lady. Do you care to respond? I feel like just super serious watch what happens. You can't talk about beheading on a program with so much it. Okay so what else we got in the mail. Oh also Teresa Merow-Witch went and saw Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen and she looks so cute in the picture. I mean those guys really do a nice red carpet. What are they touring for? Like what is their come meet Anderson and Andy? What is it about you know? I think they have like a I think they have some weird like yeah they both get on stage and talk about things or maybe they interview each other. I mean they have a book I don't know but they're they're both of them are touring. It's like here are two power gays for friends with each other come bask in their glory which is what I think most people should do. They're just getting ass all over this country together. They're like hey let's go on a road ass trip. Sounds good but yeah book a string of mariots and let's do this. So everyone if you're in the Oakland area go visit Lola Del Rio. I actually tried to and in fact I I popped into her restaurant and she wasn't there and she even wrote on on she wrote on patreon that missing Ben when he came to visit is my biggest regret. It's my waiting for guffman moment. Don't worry Lola I'll come back. I have friends in Oakland so I'll I'll come back and I'll find you. But I'm not going to tell you when because I still want to surprise you. Maybe Ronnie will be with me. I don't go that far as too far Oakland. I think there's a casino on the way though and I would love to go to that Indian casino and spend some money. Spend some of your money or your boyfriend who works a lot. Is there money? So um speaking of um speaking of Teresa Marovitch she she also asks hi Ben and Ronnie do you have favorite non-famous local bands that you'd like to see? If so who are they and what are the best small venue lesser no places to see local bands in L.A. and what was your all-time favorite concert? Ronnie? Well my music knowledge sucks. I've never been like much of a pop music or pop rock whatever popular music kind of a guy. I was a musical gay and so I don't really know I don't go see anything. I've been to see a couple of my friends and bands who are okay but I don't even know where you would go see live music here isn't that sad. In Austin I could tell you but not really hear. Yeah um we're over the best small venue you so here's the thing. I don't have a favorite non-famous local band because I stopped watching local bands years ago. I um believe it or not I used to see bands play a good amount. I had a friend who was working in the music industry and always be like yeah we're going to this thing you want to come for you know so I've done that whole thing. I've seen bands that I don't know and I never I realized that I never actually enjoyed it. I just was I just would be standing there or my few be aching I had no idea and at one point I went to see this guy named Ariel Pink who now is actually sort of famous and he's this like avant-garde whatever and he it was just awful and I thought to myself why did I spend ten dollars to stand here I'm miserable I don't like this music I don't know what it is so I have actually signed off um I'm I'm I no longer do I I only see bands that I already know um but in terms of place to see music I like the echo plex or um the hotel the hotel what's it called Hotel Cafe I've only been to the bowl I mean I've been to those I've been to hotel cafe and stuff but like to see real stuff I've only been to the bowl I've seen Duran Duran and Adele and she was amazing and they were you know walking very well for their age and it was really fun watching how bored they were so glad Adele was walking well oh no she didn't walk Adele doesn't walk she comes out with a stool and she sits there and occasionally stands up she called her mom that was really cute and this was one of her first tours it was for her 19 album and she was fantastic I mean just beautiful that voice amazing and clear crystal clear I cried um because I do that and then uh other people you know eight picnics and stuff which feels weird but it felt right for Adele I don't like the people eat at the Hollywood Bowl it bugs me I don't want to smell your subway bitch well I'm trying to watch my issues more that like if you're seeing classical there or something or something that's sort of like quiet or there's a quiet moment in a concert you know inevitably someone like knocks a wine bottle down a staircase you're a clink clink clink clink clink you know or someone knocks things though it's just trust me crazy yeah but we have it all it worked um and all the paper concert oh I haven't seen that many so I don't even know um probably Amy Grant just because that was my first one and I was like whoa there's so many lights and I was like this is amazing and she was so skinny I just remember being like wow she's so thin Jesus is the best diet ever I mean didn't work for me but still yeah I probably didn't follow it properly my first one was uh triple triple header of cracker gin blossoms spin doctors uh I saw that in upstate New York at at the Saratoga it's this thing it's called spa or something like that the Saratoga performing art center um but my all-time favorite it's tough so I am a big Dave Matthews I used to love Dave Matthews at sea every summer and I remember seeing he once played at the staple center here and I was like in the fifth row and it was just like Dave Matthews and friends and it was actually an utterly amazing concert people always love to make fun of Dave Matthews but he but Dave Matthews actually puts on a great concert and that was a great one but I have to say I might think my my favorite concert of all time was Prince I saw Prince a few years ago here when he did this crazy 21 night gig at the forum and um the tickets were all like twenty dollars twenty five dollars super close up um and every night he was pulling celebrities onto this onto the stage it was like you know it was like he would just pull people up and it was a it became a thing here in LA like you have to see Prince he does like five encores all this stuff wait me get up there and make an ass out of herself that's exactly and that was the one that I went to was when uh uh Whitney Houston came up on stage and she sang with shocker shocker Khan opens first of all shocker Khan and Prince great great double-header right there when he used to came up she sang didn't matter how she sounded everyone went berserk we just felt like we're in the presence of greatness um even if she was wearing this weird mesh shirt thing that showed everything in the wrong way um and the next day she went to rehab but honestly what made it great with the presence of Whitney Houston made it cool but what made it great was Prince I'd never been to a Prince concert and that was like the night I like Prince's songs but I went pretty much because it was cheap and everyone was talking about it and going to that concert I was like oh I get it now like I get what is so great about Prince and it was just an absolutely amazing concert right on okay so our last one from the mailbag is fuck Mary kill yay on Potomana yes Potomana this is from Lori what's up Lori okay so um I think that I would fuck Katie I think Katie is Katie the um socialite who loves white jewish men I'm kind of her type and I'm gay so I'm really her type yeah so you're gonna marry her um I you know I almost want to marry her but I think I just am gonna fuck her I think I'm gonna marry Giselle because she's funny and I think we'd have like a fun time together and she likes to cook so I could imagine us doing crab oils together kill um who's left there's um what's her face and oh my god the drag queen Regina king yeah there's well there's well there's drag drag Regina King and there's also Karen um I don't know Karen makes me laugh I don't want to kill her I think I'd kill Karen the one who looks like Dwight with a wig um Karen older lady Karen is the one who looks like older mica from blood sweat and heals yeah like mica wait are you talking about the one who's married to black bell gates yeah yeah she's not you think she does like an older Mike I don't know maybe she is somewhere between mica and and Dwight but I think she looks kind of like LaToya Jackson and Dwight and then she's got Kyle veins on temple veins from all the Botox on her I think actually I might kill I might kill Robin only because Robin did really nothing be like I still love my wedding dress um so I'm I'm a for now I'm gonna kill Robin I'm gonna keep Sharice and Karen around because well I'll explain them when we talk about Potomac I'll explain my thoughts on all of them well I would not okay I would have to kill Robin too and I don't have any hate for Robin but yeah if she's been married her she's still not gonna leave the house and if you fuck her she's still not gonna leave you got to kill the bitch to get her out of your house basically so she's done with Mary I think I would probably marry um I would probably marry Dwight because just because he's so important he would never be paying attention to anything that I'm doing but there's still a lot of money to spend and also I could laugh every Thanksgiving at those Spanx because that is some crazy Spanx you better be careful where you sit though she's she's making Heather DeBarot even pretty open-minded oh yeah um so who would I say marry her yeah and then you hi the fuck part is always so hard on these because I mean no I mean I barely even fuck men and that's who I like so I'm trying to think I'm not gonna pick the young hot one just because she talks too much and she she has to go to charity events every night so I don't like that you're just fucking her though oh still though I don't want someone like the hair is all done there's like a full pace a makeup well then maybe maybe Giselle I mean Giselle's pretty hot herself um which was Giselle she is like she's the blonde blonde one who is married to the minister the Rihanna girl the low rent I was calling her free on it because she's like I'm having trouble I'm having trouble with the associations you're giving I can sort of see the Dwight one the Rihanna one I'm not I'm trying to she has Rihanna hair when she she does her Rihanna bangs oh yeah she had the Rihanna bangs yeah um no I wouldn't fuck her no she was too crazy okay so who else have we run out of them I think we went out of all of them it's Cherise who looks sort of like what's her name Uzo Uzo adobo whatever yeah I fuck Cherise that's the one who's the coach's wife yeah I fuck her because I really like Regina King and I feel like I could you know even if it's like the drag queen version of Regina King the leftovers performance in season two was so amazing that I'll go with it I'll roll with it I think she looks I think she looks more like um Uzo aduba then then then Regina King I mean I get the Regina King I see the Regina King but I feel like she's more on the Uzo adobo like uh look up a picture of Uzo aduba and then look up Cherise Jackson Jordan no she's lucky oh you know why she I mean she her name is her last name is Jackson Jordan she's like okay I'm gonna take all the powerful black last names I'm just taking both like let's do I want to be a Jordan do I want to be a Jack I'm just taking both my middle name is five and air okay so that does it for today's crappins mailbag go on to patreon to submit those questions thank you everybody for those ding ding ding what do you want to start with today we have the Real Housewives of Atlanta we've also got uh Potomac and Vanda Poem Bruce why don't we start with Potomac we're already talking about it because it's new eh it's new so my general note um is I didn't I mean I didn't really have any expectations going in I was sort of like curious I kind of felt like if Bravo was going to launch something called the Real Housewives of Potomac it had to be good because why else would they go for such a specific area although truthfully it's kind of just like a rebranding of DC um but then I also was like but this could also really suck I have to say I really enjoyed it I was like laughing the whole time I was into it I actually liked all the women even though I mean even though there's definitely sides to be taken I I liked them as characters on my tv um okay that's fair you cannot well no I I don't even have really I mean I have hate for all of them in the way that I love to have hate for just on Bravo but I mean I think they're all morons like every single one I can't even imagine who I would root for on the show I mean these are some of the dumbest faux fancy bitches I've ever seen in my life I actually oddly enough I disagree with you very slightly I don't think that they're like brain surgeons but I think they I actually think they seem like they're a level up from most of the cast members on Atlanta you know like I I think I mean come on I mean I'm just saying like I think these women actually have a little bit more going on I think they actually to me do seem brighter I'm not saying that they are bright but they seem brighter than Atlanta like they're somewhere like if blood sweat and heals if we're gonna look at the way black women are depicted on Bravo blood sweat and heals is like a remark because those that show Lee show's black women has like successful career women trying to make it with like brains and you know more sophisticated and if Atlanta marriage and medicine is the bottom right so and Lance is down towards there I think these women are right in the middle between Atlanta and and blood sweat and heals oh I'm not really sure what I'm thinking of them yet my first thought was LOL I did laugh a lot at the show and my second was this was a really long audition tape and these bitches better try harder because this is that typical Bravo new housewives thing where they rehash old storylines and then try really hard to fight at parties that they're just making up just to have places to fight is it you know what so weird I know exactly what you're saying I felt honestly like the fight was oddly authentic I thought it was a stupid the both fights that happened were really really stupid but I felt like it was a sort of petty bullshit that that these I felt like it was really stuff that was on their mind this is not like Neenie getting on a tour bus and deciding that she had to scream at Kim because she needed to advance the storyline I really felt like yet these women are sort of like really petty and and it felt like it felt oddly enough it felt like a real moment to me so I was totally invested well the real the rehashing I mean is the you know here's the book on manners from Camille the camera yeah instead of finding a book she actually typed something out and put it in a frame from Ross dress for lesson gave it to her oh my lord which we'll get to and then the other one was the fight over who sat where which is like another typical but don't you love that if you're going to rehash anything they're gonna rehash like to the most hilarious you know controversies of all time like I like that instead of vagina waxing like give me a seat job I gave him time there's a there's a corn hole waxing around the corner I'm sure it is a housewives yeah and also know because the rehashing isn't fun for me what was fun from those two original fights is that they were so stupid and they were actually real that's what made them hilarious that people are actually that fight over on Orange County over the chair has to be one of the funniest damn things I've ever seen and that it has continued for two years in a way they still talk about it yeah it's hilarious because it was real they were both really staking that claim on that stupid and it's also something like very relatable like as much as we talked down about that fight as one of the stupidest things and how it like kicked off a whole season of like fighting at the same time we've all been there we've been there where someone's taken our chair at like a group dinner or something like that and you're like fuck now I'm sitting not where I want to be and you get mad like it's it's like so petty and yet so relatable you know so the first at least in my world yeah no no I'm with you I'm with you so the um this show opened I thought perfectly the first shot was of a really scared deer like they shoot a deer but it looked terrifying it got to that like scared pose and I was like oh here we go uh then it was like golf tennis and dog shitting I was like I think I'm gonna like this show yeah the first the first woman we meet is Giselle so Giselle I am calling Brianna because when she goes and does her hair later she looks like Brianna before she became famous if you look up yes pictures of her when she was dancing around all four it's like yeah like S.O.S. days the S.O.S. era panda panda replay or is it panda floor up to which one so Giselle is teaching her children how to spray a pan properly but she's teaching them improperly because one of her kids is spraying the pan and turning your head away so she doesn't breathe in the cancer and she's like no what are you doing you need to put your head in the pan like well no she's saying you just gave your kid like spray cancer yeah congratulations I actually really enjoyed this not I the scene it's not that I like loved the scene but I thought it was amusing it didn't it to me it didn't feel like a Caroline Manzo look at look at me and my family aren't really so hilarious together to me it was just sort of like a little size of life and I thought that just I off like right out of the gate I actually really liked Giselle I thought she was funny I liked I liked the way she was talking with her kids I liked what was going on I was like I immediately liked Giselle I was I was team Giselle from the beginning well she's that one who says how exclusive her place is yeah Potomac is one of the most exclusive places in the country only legacy can get you in like oh my god what is this a sorority house get out of here I know that whatever they say things like that I'm like shut up but I kind of feel like that's one of those things but they're like forced to say that their trailers and she also makes a lot of food references which is weird she described her husband she said she was married to a pastor from the NFL which is kind of funny to me and she said he likes to have his cake but eat other cakes and hide his salami I'm like everything she says about cheating is something about him eating too much which I think it's fun yeah it's like a food reference and by the way you know Bravo Bravo had like a really great crossover moment because he actually appeared during the Atlanta episode speaking at the excuse me a million man march so it was like a nice little Potomac it was like sort of like a teasing of Potomac a teasing of Potomac Jamal Jamal Reverend Jamal something Jamal whatever well I wasn't sure about her by the end of Jamal Bryant's because she ended it with all this etiquette in Potomac I don't follow the rules I follow the rules called Giselle I was like um see at that point she had won me over and I was like yeah you go girl I was like you're you're stupid but I did love that she was barely restraining her beating of her children during that scene because she's trying to be all like my mom in the kitchen but she's like oh god damn she's like hit him I know I liked her I really did like I also think she's super pretty except for when she does those bangs I hated the bangs but you know in general I don't like bangs but I also felt like when she put did that bang that that I think it was a wig it made her look so much older I was like girl what are you doing um these are the thoughts these are pressing thoughts in my in my brain they're better than mine because mine are all like the little incidental shots the shot leading us into the next scene is a close-up of asparagus it's like what is this it's like someone taking asparagus out of a steamer with tongs and then tea pouring and I was like okay so bitter and like more boring than coffee okay I'm in so this is Katie yeah Katie is the younger one mm-hmm but I think there's another younger one coming on later yeah there is one there's the I think probably the next episode the the other younger one is like a mix between Leslie Mann and Cree Summers you know but she hasn't arrived yet so she's gonna be hilarious because she's so many kind of talks like this and I always love that one love that voice she does this one this one is dating an obviously gay guy now yeah like we'll call people gay and stuff but we're not the kind of gays who think that everybody's gay I don't know I mean I'm not I if you say you're straight I don't care if you got a dick in your mouth if you tell me you're straight I'm like okay you're straight because look at is it to me if you're gay if you can't admit it like you're no good on my team anyway this one this guy is so gay he looked like he was gonna be playing Jeff what's his bum for flipping out like that kind of gay like really really lift puffy gay and they open with him talking about his haircut and his eyebrow wax yeah you know now admittedly you know as a Jewish man I can say that that there is a fine line between a super like never she Jewish guy and a gay man it can be very difficult to to see the difference but this guy was I mean the gaydar was really pinging with this guy and like you said we're not out but but this is this is you know he was giving me um a lot of uh what was the name of the girl remember the guy on Princess's Long Island was was that Erica was it Erica the girl the one who looked like Kramer and then got arrested for selling fake cell phones no no the one um oh no Erica was the one who's like the hottest one that knows sure um there was that girl Amanda it was Amanda that's right Amanda with her member her mom Babs Amanda just the wishbone dressing um Amanda was the one who took photos on like the 9/11 memorial and she had that boyfriend Jeff and he's like hi Amanda oh that's fuck girl yeah that was the guy that was like I look like Kramer like a young Kramer oh that was the Kramer guy yeah and she when they went to meet the mom he's like yeah you thought it's hot yeah you're such a good boy you like your aunt huh yeah she had that she had us to work come to warehouse in Great Mac you'll get a seal and get a discount from me and uh and her drink cozy the drink cozy we'll bring that show back bring it back so this Katie girl is very pretty with a gay guy um she's desperate basically desperate desperate desperate she got just half divorced when she was four months pregnant with me yes she is because she's been taking care of her whole life her whole family's in philanthropy they're this rich family blah blah blah she got three kids to be a model and she says her family's conservative and being single isn't a good look honey if you're worried about your look why are you getting a divorce when you're four months pregnant that's not a good look to a conservative family either like i don't know these women decide to use their morals and their upstanding well i think whenever it's like convenient to back i think probably what she's what what she's really saying is being a single mom because then we know you know she she has three kids she's single socialite you know she's probably that you know that kind of you know i think for a lot of straight men like having three kids will make your stock go down so she's probably like well that's a gay jewish guy i'll take him yeah pretty much she's like well he'll be cheating but at least it won't be with other vaginas and at some point you have to rewrite the rules okay they're the rules of gizelle listen we'll go shopping together we'll have a nice uh you know we'll have nice vacations i'm okay with it and the fact that she orders muscles right in front of him which are kind of phallic and also kind of vaginal all at the same time i thought was pretty cute you know yeah it's like tongue-in-cheek which she ain't ever gonna get so what did she talk about like oh she's talked about the uh scene basically yeah she was boring and she was saying what wasn't a good look or whatever and i thought you're saying that while you're wearing a gigantic turquoise statement necklace that from the Landoza collection yes it was huge it was like a stassy necklace you know oh um i'm like i'm so sad for her what a terrible first impression for katie yeah it wasn't working out so well for her but it is going to be exciting to watch her get turned out by a gay guy i'm excited for that i was at least she's pretty she is pretty she's gorgeous oh yeah she's beautiful so i'll give her that you know yeah i'll give her that pretty um but you know i'm totally fine with hating pretty people too i don't hate her though yeah i just think and i like anyone who likes i do like anyone who likes jewish men what i'm a little biased on that front you know but she only likes him because of money she's like yeah i mean he's so good with his money so i don't care she's you know if someone likes me because i'm if someone fetishizes me i'm okay with that i don't care okay well if you're ever rich i might change my tune i'll be like i love but it wouldn't even be your jewish it's just that you're rich i fetishize fetishize money not related okay i have some tact i go by the rules of rhongo okay people i'm not following your fetish rules okay the next one goes free to finish me after one of the internet robin is my favorite one so far she she has this like kind of christian boys but yeah kind of and she sort of looks like a like a sort of a chunkier biracial hellens later you know she looks kind of like a happy-go-lucky winnie the poo aeor and he doesn't know why he's like even more depression i was like kind of dumb and oppressed and then wearing ball gowns and stuff that don't look right but i still call gowns i don't know why is her wedding gown i know but when she's giving her a talking head she's wearing some red sparkly ball gown and i don't know why it's so funny to me but it is i know i feel they all wear them i actually feel like robin seems super cool i feel like i would want to hang out with her and she seems like she was so dragged onto the show you know probably because she has a weird living arrangement with her ex you know but like she seems a little out of place she looks like that bridesmaid who is the only one that doesn't fit right in the bridesmaid stresses you know and you're like well i'm glad that that made the one the head bridesmaid what do you call her the maid of honor i'm glad it made the maid of honor look good but you know but that girl has to wear it too can't we add some cardigans or something to this you know come on take all the girls into account jerks the one thing with her though is i do feel like if you went out to like a group dinner with her you have to always be explaining things on the from the men each to her she'll be like wait what's that prosciutto is that cheese no robin it's like a cured meat cured like like salam is sort of well it's like it's like oh i don't want to order sick meat like like is it good or is it like should i get yeah just try it okay but what you eat it it's like robin enough but just in case i don't like it i'm gonna get a caesar salad and wait a minute what's voice voice that's what groi what it's like it's weird it's like i don't feel like she's stupid but i feel like at a restaurant she would just have so many questions you know she's like a restaurant questioner like you just have to be like robin just order just order the burger fine but i don't want to be the one who orders a burger robin just from being a waiter i can tell that she's the kind of person that you go okay you guys ready and she says yeah wait wait other question does this come with like rice on the side no oh could it not really oh oh i'm gonna need another minute i'm sorry wait what does it come with wait you said it doesn't come with right yes robin do you have anything that sauteed and dr pepper i don't know what that means those girls says she's in pr and she's another one he's like i'm a free spirit i don't feel the need to live up to patomic stand stendards stendard she says it weird i read it weird stendards she's a pr person and she says why would i want to be a stuffy penguin in a law office i'd rather look like a stuffy penguin in implied in a home office like you're literally shoving around like a stuffy penguin right now like not maybe just uh just stop just stop this girl i just i just like the idea of her washing happy feet and getting repulsed by it all no this is not the life i want if that's global warming i'll take it i don't want to be a stuffy penguin dancing like i just want to dance in my own way i'm not gonna follow patomic choreography isn't it funny to think that the director of mad max fury road also is the director of happy feet just a side note something to think about all that water he wasted in shooting that movie after making a fucking global warming movie with penguins come on man have some they have some sense so wait a second what's mad max no why is max mad all right he can still live here but the thing is that like i also feel like robin would ask all these questions but then crack a joke that would make you like laugh and then you'd be like oh well that's just robin you know she's cool she just you know she just asks a lot of questions at dinner um one of my favorite things is when they have a new black show but apparently all white editors yes next up josel comes over to see uh to see this chick whatever her name is robin josel comes over and she goes you get married and they pen subtitles on it in case no one understands what married is come on come on people she says you getting married because she's uh selling her wet she's gonna sell her wedding dress on yeah her wedding dress on ebay or something yeah so they're talking about the wedding dress blah blah blah and robin got divorced from her husband and robin's one of those who just says her lines but she's like pissed that she has to say them and she says i'm not a penguin not a penguin can see your lines or parrot one uh i was married to one and he was like you know great but then he cheated on me and that goes to show you that's what happens when you marry a man in the NBA instead of a man with an NBA yeah that was that was that was like a round right there then when she said that yeah look we still live in the same house and we actually still show the same bed it's not you know it's not traditional but it's like it works for us so so if he comes down and he's all disgusted he's like gross get rid of it and then leaves he's like why are you in the wedding dress yeah when you were supposed to see it one hmm they're ever so charming first scene of the husband who does not give a shit he's like throw it away yeah clear him i love that and then josel's trying to make a big drama out of it and she's like but how do you feel about this marriage she's like who cares like oh we don't have that passion anymore but like it's really cool that he's like i guess here because i mean if he wasn't here then he just wouldn't be here okay good argument yeah no you talk a lot more you know i'm you know if he starts dating other women like i'd be okay with that i guess you know i'll be fine you know you would not be you would be angry don't even know of course and josel's like when she's ready to talk about it i'm here whatever so karen yeah that was about jose karen is the one i was saying looks like Dwight you know what it is i just realized why i was getting mica offer it was mica or mica mica the reason why i was getting mica off of her is because they actually talk very similarly which makes sense because mica is actually from maryland so they have sort of a similar accent and so the accent was maybe making me project a lot of mica onto her but they also have similar mannerisms so karen is like the old diva that already on our facebook page facebook.com/watercrapins um a lot of people are hating karen but i don't know i kind of love her i mean i think she i love you know i love a hottie bitch i really do even if she's on the wrong side of the argument even though if later on she's being totally ridiculous i still think she's hilarious everything that came out of her mouth was so fucked up and terrible and rude and shallow and wrong and perfect and peaceful and disgusting and misguided i was like oh i love her perfect exactly i mean she's trying to wear her housewives dress you know her shiny tight dress that girl looked like trying to fit a five gallon paint into a pillowcase you know it was like spilling all over it was kind of like one of the it's not even fat i'm not calling her fat i'm just saying like i don't know that shit was not flattering it was just all over the place it's like trying to sit a newborn baby on a couch you know like just sit up there's a reason those things have structure you know because they can't sit up they just fall over like a lump of jelly yeah i know you know the thing i i think one of the things that really won me over is that she exudes during her interviews i i don't give a shit attitude she's just sort of like whatever like you can you can try to come for me you know you can't like it like and that's the smartest way to go about being on one of these shows so even though she gets into a ridiculous argument which we'll get into later i still was sort of like oh she's hilarious because she has this she has this vibe like whatever you know i don't care i'll fight with her who cares i'm still having fun you know i i am sorry to body shame but i cannot get over just her general spillage i was obsessed with it i made those all over this about just general body spillage like at one point she was turning to somebody and her not like part of her turkey neck was hanging over a wisp of hair it didn't even make sense like the hair the hair wasn't tied around her neck i was like how is that thing even coming over the hair it's hair like hair's hair moves it's like a Kleenex how is this spilling over a wisp of hair it's so confusing now there's a mystery Netflix well she well she um she was pretty covered up in this premiere episode but they did show a picture of her um like with her kids and she's got gigantic fake boobs and i think that's contributing to her like awkwardness in these dresses and why they don't fit right and her future scoliosis so this um this lady i have to go over what she said in her first thing because what uh dick this lady yes yes she opens by saying my husband is the rich bill gate or no the black bill guy with the rich bill gates hello he's the black bill gates um bill gates maybe riches hell bill gates is also the whitest person in the world is there a steve jobs maybe is there anybody else why would you pick bill gates and you know who we never do you know who nobody even knows the name of bill gates his wife why are you picking her and then she says she yes of course she went after a rich man but you know it's just as easy to marry a poor man as a rich man but she's never met a happy poor man yeah like and by the way by the way here i of course while you were all of you were discussing this i of course did some googling and here is the story on this guy his name is ramen huger um and uh he worked as a senior executive at IBM for 25 years which is pretty cool before starting his own company the paradigm team which is an IT company and then uh after five years after he started it that's when he married karen and um he uh he took paradigm public and sold it to a government contractor and um he uh he is worth forty million dollars but to be fair bill gates is worth seventy nine point two billion dollars yeah max vander pump is worth forty million dollars and come on lady but i mean obviously he's very successful and and very bright but i don't even care how rich he is i know the man is brilliant because red fox has figured out a way to live until 2016 i was like whoa but you're doing well but he's still moving along over there he didn't look like red fox to you he looked at me he i yeah i guess he did look sort of red foxy i guess he did you're killing me here dude like get comfortable already my fucking dog is like trying to rearrange himself so i'll pet him more like stop this calm down all right you get the pet you get people all right i'm worth forty million dollars people i've never known a happy poor dog um so what else did she say that was obvious wait i just i have to stop the presses for a moment i'm having a very watcher crap it's moment because on this website where i just read this from they have all these links about all the husbands for the real house was a petomac which i'm not going to click on but apparently the name of the girl who we talked about who is not on the show yet her name is ashley darby it is like a dawn a treasure dawn explosion doggy oh my god i cannot wait till thursday's because i love talking doggy so much i know me too and anyway even after we finished that long-ass podcast thursday i got off and i was like oh i forgot to say that thing about doggy there's more so she's saying oh we're happy and after 19 years of marriage i still have to try and keep that romance alive i was like oh my god it's like a hot tub without walls i can just imagine and then she was i'm just like show up in a burqa i think that will probably that will probably help the romance she probably would even fit well in the burqa he's like i love his lip baby you have to burqa's all tight he's like your i slit your i lids are spilling over your i slit baby she's talking about how many women want her man how hot her man is and i wrote ll wood and i wrote it w ut okay that's how shocked i was did she did she said that i'm like ll wood yeah that's uh well you know karen you can just a little bit of karen have her have her have her delusions although in this group of women she's not really wrong i mean two of them so the first two women we met the first lady's divorce giselle's divorce right yeah so that was a preacher who cheated on her yeah then the next one was robin husband she did and she's still living with him and raising the kids with him so that's a sucker the third one the third one is some old hag who mare oh yeah katie's dating a uh gay man after most likely getting cheated on let's face it because she didn't want to talk about it and you don't just leave for after four months unless something bad happened you know and then so so far three women three loser men and then we get to this old slag who married somebody because he was rich so that don't count and then we'll go on but i don't think any of them have very and then one whose husband isn't ever there and who isn't even worried about him cheating because he's all old and haggard which was hilarious too so yeah she probably is right people just need a husband i think okay so giselle so not yes so now we go to a restaurant right is that where you're gonna go to i'm writing giselle stairs to her house karen visits and stilts oh yeah that scene sorry um what was this my notes are so what happens is okay so karen so karen goes to visit giselle and she's like walking up the staircase like the like the the pathway to the door and like karen's like lord have mercy jesus christ this is what this she was like going crazy so she like could not deal with the flag stones so they uh she goes over and then they just have tea and they're just like chatting and and we know giselle giselle is going to be really classy because she's acting all class you know these women act so classy it's cracking me up but she answers the door in this cream colored dress but her black bra is hanging out the back and i was like oh free Anna i love you yeah well they are i do think they are a classer than the atlanta women i really do i'm not empowering them i'm just saying like they're they and as classy as they think true so they uh yeah so they have tea and basically um Karen's bragging about her daughter please tell me they weren't eating on a day bed futon okay they would look it did sort of look like that actually they were in this like small room so um jeselle was saying how like her daughters are going to start doing something with like ballet company and karen's like oh darling she's like my daughters have done that too you know she's like very jasmine gai-ish and she's taught jasmine gai that's it she's oh she's one of those celebrity mash-ups of of uh jasmine gai meets like earth a kit or something good call it is totally jasmine gai she's very witley she's i mean her whole demeanor is witley right so um and then you know when she's called on her bullshit she'll do what witley did cry about like her having daddy issues or something um i liked up kadima hardison had a hardison right i looked him up the other day and he's gotten real old looking and i'm sad so anyway um so they so basically karen is just like one-up being um and we see it's sort of like like early seeds of a good frenemy situation um nothing really happens in the scene except that jeselle wants to know why her her cookies didn't win at karen's baking competition yeah she said i can't be biased i'm like what the hell is going on in this town she's like girl you know i've been mad at you since you didn't vote for my cookies in that cookie contest i'm so mad that i made you cookies to eat like what and they kind of look like ralph's cookies you know like store-bought cookies and karen's like judging them as she whoa i mean ralph's cookies are good but karen's like judging them as she eats them and then karen tells us when i stepped into this leadership role i knew it was my responsibility to bring up new black women what leadership role have you stepped into you married some rich dude for his money old slag get out of here leadership role shut the fuck up i know um so then um dinner with stripper they go to dinner yeah so basically it's karen's birthday dinner so all the women get together jeselle and katie are there first um and they're talking about um and then i guess and robin comes to but at some point they start talking about robin's wedding dress and um i get oh so jeselle tells katie that robin is selling her wedding dress because she has sons and and there's no one to pass it down too so she can sell it and so katie's like well what if her sons are gay i'm like you bitch like just because you're gay does not mean you want to get married in a wedding dress yeah i mean she does a lot of really ignorant reasons in this she course she does course correct she's like you know or is a drag queen you know but like like what are you talking about like just because we're gay doesn't mean we want to hop into a wedding dress crazy lady this is katie he said that right yeah that was katie well you know that i i guess i just didn't get mad at it because i figured it's good that she's this ignorant about what gay people are because she's about to find out yeah exactly yeah i didn't get mad i just thought it was like one of those like eye-rolling sort of funny ridiculous yeah she said it basically you know it was of course it was it was perfect because she is dating a gay man i love that the coach's wife what's her name she describes herself she's like i'm bad philanthropic and i'm doing this with my voice because she doesn't talk this it's not this bad this is exaggerated but she got piece of it too big like she got new teeth and they're too big for her mouth and it was cracking me up i'm like girl you can brag all you want to but the grill doesn't fit the car okay but keep talking well i like how like everyone was calling themselves philanthrop everyone's like obsessed with etiquette and philanthropy they're like well i'm very philanthropy you know i had a lot of philanthropy like i'm just philanthropic i'm like all right just everyone come down because i also liked that this lady with the two big teeth i like that she leans back in her chair like pregnant candy that was just cracking me up i'm like relax over there Regina what the hell she was like leaning back just her hands are crossed over her stomach with her big implant teeth she sort of looked like um sort of like uh a little cartoon hippo to me and i don't mean that i'm not saying it in like a fat shaming way just in the way that a cartoon hippo is kind of like cute and it has like very circular features that's what she looked like to me but also very uzo eduba and very fake manners which i love because she's one of the rudest bitches on this show yeah so it's funny is that she's so fucking rude and then she's talking about manners this and that but she doesn't follow anybody else's manners but she's got her own rules and her manners are manners of manners and etiquette and etiquette manners blah blah blah she's one of those but what's funny is that during the scene at first i really liked her i was like i was like oh my god i like this chorice like she's funny i like when i actually was sort of enjoying her her talk about manners because this is before we discover that she's like ridiculous um so i was like on board with chorice i was like yeah i like chorice i was like i like everyone and you know what's funny i'm looking at my notes right now and i swear to god when i was making those jokes about robin asking lots of questions at a restaurant i had totally forgotten that she did this that when charcuter charcuter we played a rave she goes what is that kind of stuff called she literally did it she literally did it and then they go charcuterie and of course gels like can can we call it a koochie tower oh god god this god god so when they ordered god can you hear me saying god over and over again god help us and when so when they ordered the food that's when that was the first time she started to get little pissy she's like she's like you do not order food before the guest of honor arise like well i mean i get what she's saying but i think it's okay to get like a bite especially if she's 30 minutes late you're talking about manners strippers come out every 20 minutes okay and the guest of honor is late and this girl doesn't know what charcuterie is and robin when the waiter comes over to order robin's like don't take a skeezer sound and some french fries and a club sandwich and do you have pizza by the slice okay robin's friends robin's that bet you order is 20 things and then expects to split the bill evenly at the end of the night um so then uh you can tell i did improv last night i'm all paranoid about how my about coint did dinner with anybody i'm like watching what everybody eats i think it's stuck with that bell improvisers yeah so then karen shows up late and um the music gets very serious because charise moves out of the booth so that way karen can get in but jazelle does not so the seating arrangement is robin katie jazelle karen charise and everyone's like oh my god well basically only charise is like i can't believe that jazelle did not give karen the center spot at the table oh my god oh my god they're like a tiny booth it's like does not make a difference whatsoever and they're all facing each other it's so stupid and since when is that since when is the special spot the center of the table in the middle of the booth that's like the worst place to get stuck i guess it yeah it would be the best because they're thinking of it as community theater so she's at center stage but the head of the table is where you sit you dumb hoes like for all these girls talking about manners to think that being in the center of the booth squashed in between everybody else is that head of the table is just stupid it doesn't make any sense these people you're also it's just it's only five people and you're sitting sort of around a triangle so everyone's close to each other it's only matters if you're a big long table then maybe yes you want to you want to have the the the guests of honor in the middle so that way they could be like you know be able to talk to everyone all at once but you're at a booth but i calm down and so Karen's like Potomac etiquette lesson number one when Karen Hubert arrives at an event where she is being honored please don't sit in my seat i love the rules of Potomac yeah don't sit in Karen Hubert's seat when she's being honored in the center of the booth like everybody in Potomac's gonna totally what if it is like that in Potomac it's like it's your birthday so everybody has to get up on both sides of the booth to let you squeeze in and then just to be an extra diva you asked to go to the bathroom five times so everybody has to get us to let you out like the weirdest rules i know like i didn't see a little piece of paper in the middle of that booth saying reserve for karen huger i'm sorry so they started talking about chorice's coach husband now i think that chorice and um drag bitch what's her name the old karen karen um yeah so joselyn karen are the only one with husbands i believe at this point and they're both old man or joselyn no joselyn you know chorice and karen chorice and karen that's what i meant oh i'm sorry i'm just about to talk about joselyn so chorice and karen are the only ones with husbands left they're both old men one is trying to convince us that young men are trying to sleep with red fox and the other ones husband is always gone because he coaches the team in jersey well look anyone who's been married that long especially to an old man and especially to a coach who's always shouting orders even at home i've known a few uh you're glad when that fucker is gone she's like see you i've got the whole house for myself i can do whatever i want nobody bosses me around but the other ladies are trying to make this this drama and she's like are you sure you're okay with your husband always being gone i mean something's got to be done about it yes she's like this is so this is just like a one-year thing right like he's coming back right yeah because if she's like liars then you've got to change something's got to change i'm like you're just a forest so be quiet yeah and i love though but karen though is like i think it's hot as hell i'm like yes nothing is hotter than a long distance relationship with rutgers you just base uh yeah i'm gonna go like uh you know it's a sexy obligation to rutgers university that is so sexiest but um so then they start giving speeches to karen and she's looking like now who's gonna give the best speech and serice the speeches are basically lame but i thought it was funny that nobody could really come up with anything good to say serice is like this is for my friend karen oh man the change over from summer to fall has been so lovely i love fall clothes and it's so nice getting an upgrade from my regular old dusty hoodie to something brand new and stylish from quince i know this is like layering season and i am ready for a beautiful beautiful sweater quince offers affordable high quality essentials for any wardrobe i just got the most adorable casual jacket which i'm gonna use more than anything else in my wardrobe from quince i mean i look adorable and you look like i can't even oversell this i look adorable in this thing you do and i honestly like their false sweaters i'm loving the color palette they have for them they're just like very subtle like a lot of stones 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yeah sure he's she was saying how when she first came to Potomac no one would talk to her because they thought she was section eight and then when they found out that she was the wife of like the the washington wizards coach they all of a sudden wanted invited all these lunches she's like no i'm not going to lunches i'm section eight okay that's fine i know that that you liked her because that's when i was like this is a raging cut fitness at this point and sure enough she repeats welfare jokes and how she well it was just i thought it was a like 10 times through the show and but at that point though at that point i mean so actually one of our listeners lands hi lance he made a comment on our facebook page like shut the fuck up all these women who were like trying to like these black women trying to put down other black women to show that there's something special and they've just been hard for being black i don't think that this was an instance of that i think she was just making it i think it that's a funny observation and being like oh you're not going to talk to me because i'm poor and then they want it you know then then people want like then almost and she's up to accept it she's like oh i don't want to do that i'm poor i don't want to be part you know i thought that was like a funny like turn three's observation i was like yeah sure is and then from that point on she went downhill yeah it's just that she repeated welfare shit i think 10 times during the show and i was like this woman has some kind of ish about feeling poor and on welfare i don't know if her family comes from that i don't know what her deal is but she's got some kind of insecurity about it which makes me want to dig way deeper into her but she doesn't really seem that deep it just got on my fucking nerves because i thought who do you think is watching this show well i imagine a bunch of rich people sitting around watching it it's like us poor people sitting at home watching tv you better stop with your well i don't know but it's it's interesting it's interesting it's interesting you know obviously neither of us are black people but you know we've talked a lot of times um on the bonus episode or even on the main episode about being gay and how like you know we've talked about like with fashion queens how sometimes it rubs us the wrong way because people get this like this impression that like all gay people are like that and so i feel like i can actually understand on some on some level this notion of being black and having people assume that you're on welfare and you want to be like no i'm not on welfare i'm not like don't just automatically lump me into that so i feel like i get that impulse to almost make these jokes the way we make jokes about like super queeny gay people sometimes about not even about them but like people's assumption that all gay people are like that all gay people want to wear a wedding dress for their weddings you know it's it's like yeah but at the same time even though that's annoying to us we're two gay guys with a bravo podcast for fuck's sake so we are stereotypes even though it bugs us i don't know i didn't really think of it as a black thing when she said it i thought it was it's just poor shaming i didn't i don't really like it well it is poor shaming but i'm just saying but i'm just saying that it's you know you know while it's it's not nice i can also i don't i guess i'm just sort of playing devil's advocate a little bit where i can sort of understand some of the the the the mentality that goes into making those jokes what you know it's like that on some level it's like frustrating like where the insecurity would come from if i'm safe exactly if i'm secure about it yeah i get you but then she says it again petomac doesn't define me i define petomac what does that even mean go ahead then define it please because i'd love to hear your definition stupid okay so now jazelle and her gay come and i don't know if they got this guy off the set of real housewives of lana or what but now he was lana gay comes to petomac no i didn't i actually disagree with you that i did not think he was like an lana lana gay i thought he was he was like because the lana gays and not see now here comes now here comes like the here comes the gay shaming from the gays the lana gays tend to be just super over the top flamboyant this guy was just like cracking jokes i thought he was like loud and he was cracking jokes but he was definitely he was not like the second coming of miss lorance there is no second coming of miss lorance she comes she stays um so they're going up everybody on this show has to have some awful way to get into their homes i don't know why no one just has like it's true way to walk into their fucking house you got to climb up a hill swim through a fords go through a castle like jesus grice you got to go through a hill to get to this house and so they're coming to visit because they have to cook her crabs for the crab bake and then it's just funny i thought because they were like they had this giant bucket of crabs and they and then charise like spills them all in the garage floor and charise is already talking about etiquette to the crab she's actually trying to teach the crab etiquette lesson now a crab of petomac does not just pinch any person you have to know who you're pinching we need to wait for the crab of honor before you start pinching people there is a code she starts talking about her etiquette because sure uh because josel brought her friend her help to do her hair but to be fair she's going to get her hair done after she helps she after she cooks the food for your party it was just so weird it's like that they're trying to start a fight and calling someone rude when she's actually making them cook the food and she's like well i don't do this so this is your job so i'll be upstairs while you cook my food so then she goes upstairs and gives her hair done by three before you before you before you even say that i just want to say technically i think technically it is rude to just bring someone that you didn't say it was coming etc etc so technically she's right but i think in this case you know when they are allegedly like good friends it shouldn't be that much of an issue and second of all she's cooking your crabs for you she's like doing you a big favor so maybe let it slide i just she's already starting right at the beginning with her fucking etiquette she's mentioned etiquette or she's mentioned welfare twice and etiquette i think five times and she's trying to redefine petomac but not telling me how there's nothing you can say that will get me on this bitch's side so far eight yeah by the way in the midst of this we should mention there was a brief like little scene with katie where she's getting her kids ready with her gay boyfriend and she says that she really loves him because he's really good with money i was like oh wow you're just you're just coming right out with it good for you and then a scene with robin and her kids fighting i was like so basically this whole thing is beat your children yeah so anyway so back to the crab crab crab gait 2015 serice guess what she's talking about bad etiquette with her three makeup people who are paid to listen to her ass um so then downstairs giselle and her gay are just trying to be funny i guess and make a scene like going through the drawers trying to find a pot i think but i think that they also were trying to find shit they were like just trying to find a spatula yeah but they were like banging stuff around being funny and like partying you know and then upstairs uh stupid serice again says this is not how you act in petomics maybe the ghettos i'm like oh really how many ghettos do you know that people are walking around thousand square foot kitchens looking for a pot stupid yeah shut up exactly and she well she was mad because at one point giselle started yelling for the uh the house keeper um but she was i forgot what the housekeeper's name was but she was she's sort of like yelling but in that like joke yel thing like get over here you know but it was like we made a pie we made something to cook the crud it was obviously like a joke because then like like giselle and her gay friend and husky burrow all in the kitchen like literally like doubled over laughing over like this joking or whatever you know they were joking and having fun and she's just like she cannot be yelling at my house later like that she cannot be doing that she oh she's making her act she'd never act like this before she doesn't pay her that's not that's not my to be oh and then she's saying she said something about the friend where she said and who comes upstairs with the sous chef like dissing him for being a sous chef when he's fucking your food are you kidding me suddenly it's freaking like devil wears Prada you're not allowed to come up the stairs in male street house okay like calm down i mean i can soar again i can sit there there are like shreds of logic to what chris chris is saying like um like i don't really know this guy please don't bring him into my bedroom but really she she's really overreacting you know or she could have also just been like um can you guys just hold on i'm almost done or oh i'm actually okay not like you better get down stairs otherwise i'm kicking you at my house like yeah no you've got five minutes whatever so karen comes and again stupid karen everything is like has to be tailored to her except her clothes so she's trying to come up the walk and of course it's like up a hill through a valley down a stream up a tree and she's trying to walk together and she's wearing stilts you know there's a reason that they don't put i don't know big things on stilts why are you walking in stilts you cray so she's trying to go up this driveway in stilts and it's just really dramatic music and it's just her trying to walk up which is hilarious and she goes having she goes why can't you just take me to the door and they say no you have to go you just walk up there and then we take your car she goes i have to walk up the drive like yeah so then just dramatic music and her like on her shaky ass bright pink stilts and she goes i'm gonna have a doctor she reads about this is there a tram is there a tram we can take a gondola okay she's gonna have her entire house like her entire front yard rebuilt for you stupid yeah stupid but um yeah so then so then there's uh so then there's like a lot of scuttlebutt about jazelle and her man going up the stairs whatever and karen is like who in the hell walks around with the help and private event and for some it was such like a she's so wrong and yet i totally cathode i'm sorry she makes me laugh even when she's like on the wrong side of the of the argument so funny she's looking for a fight now we've got some other rando in here who's a friend um also i have to say just extra extra judging like literal extras judging as the party started to arrive i was like oh no you've got like all the housewives in these ball gowns and then everybody else in like laura ashley and like dillard's clearance it's like oh no this is not a housewives so they're trying to make it this big fancy thing not working so friana goes over to have a talk with karen to tell her about you know herbal bangs and yeah how could she treat me like this and blah blah blah and then karen and this new rando friend who we don't know yet karen's like well it is rude to be bringing the help to a party and jazelle's like wait what she's trying to get them on her side and they're not at all and then rando's like oh this is not happening we are not doing this in her home and then she runs up to tattle tale to yes the other to she's still who's still upstairs getting her in here done while gaster downstairs i mean for crying out jazelle is the one who is greeting people welcoming them into the house because shores wasn't there and also we have to go back a little bit which is not like a huge amount but like when when they were making the crabs chorice like chorice just goes upstairs she doesn't say oh i'll be right back or whatever she you know like and then she's mad at them for like banging around in the kitchen like you left them there to cook and now jazelle is welcoming people into this party it's practically jazelle's party at this point and then so now she's up there while the party is in full swing and this girl goes tattle tailing and then now chorice is furious i'm like you know what chorice you really just have to settle down so then karen is not done she's come with a frame she's typed out her rules of etiquette when attending a birthday party yes so she's typed it out badly in some stupid font and then framed it with some cheap ass frame and she's like i've got this for you i've got a gift and so they're trying to shade each other and well that well that well karen's because karen has brought back up the table situation she's like you sat in the center of the table first of all she's just and then like you know jazelle's like what the fuck and karen's like you're not the honoree i'm like this was not an awards luncheon okay you did not just get like a lifetime achievement award for breasts and patonic okay you were at a birthday dinner at a burlesque restaurant yeah the only fitting here is that your birthday was at a stripper restaurant you shut up over there um and i did type i can tell though that she's really mad because she's getting Lou Ferrigno veins like at this point they've morphed from Kyle Botox veins to just straight up Lou Ferrigno about to bust out her own head um number one the host isn't by the way she didn't even know she was supposed to be mad until saris told her later she wasn't mad at the dinner okay so um number one the host is in charge and jazelle goes the host was late number two wait for the honoree to arrive and she goes we never would have eaten oh we would have been starving nobody would eat anything they would have closed by the time your ass got there and she goes 30 minutes is par for the course if you have any framed etiquette posters in your house your friends have typed you have totally normal and etiquette oh fuck off yeah um oh so this other the rando is called brinee um so she's brinee like rinee but with it be at the beginning it's like brine and a brinee um so blah blah blah we'll skip her so they keep going over these rules did i miss the last three because i'm sure they had to be amazing but i didn't write them down i don't even remember them i think they just were at that point they were just fighting and that's when karen said you know people come for me all the time they just don't find me which again i liked even yeah i mean karen i like i should not be liking karen so much but she just cracks me up how could they miss you because she did that because she was you know she was sipping water while she said that and i just love i love when when bitches are shady while they're sipping water i just love it in a water bottle yeah she's not even putting it in the martini glasses like normal you know it's like a water bottle with a laser like adjusting yourself getting comfortable being shady i love that one of the reasons i can never truly like this bitch is because she says black bill gates again but then she says come on i mean you're sitting here amongst a group of women who are self-made name one yeah name one including yourself get the fuck out of here none of you are self-made shut the fuck up lies lies you're all full of crap none of you have proper etiquette and i can't wait to watch the rest of your season well i thought the one thing that was interesting was that shari says towards the end of the episode one of the reasons why she's mad at jazelle is that she has come over like millions of times but she's never acted this way ever before and i couldn't help but wonder if she was suggesting that jazelle was acting up for tv and that's why she was really mad not that jazelle was making noise but that jazelle was putting on a show for the cameras that's that was my little conspiracy theory and that's why she was really mad which is it's which is a different thing and that would be annoying yeah except that you're getting three hairdressers to do your hair for tv while making her food for tv you know shut up and why is everyone dressing up for crab boil for crying out loud it's a crab boil like everyone's like you know jazelle has a riana hair on chorice is getting all like her hair and makeup done like just put on a t-shirt but i've never heard in case it is um so let's move on to the real housewives of atlanta which ironically headed right up to the patonic region maybe not so ironically i'm sure it was intentionally crossed over that way oh atlanta so tudy is officially on the fucking nerves okay she's been on my nerves a little this whole time i really haven't been digging her at all this time over it officially over her she needs to go clear her well i i look like i always say i actually think she's a better addition to the cast than she seems because she's passive and she's like a different type of personality um so i like that she's there but yeah she is you know she's next week next week she goes to town with kenya so she might earn it back next week but this week shut up shut up over there because she's just as ego maniacal is the rest of them she's just as self-involved as the rest of them she thinks her shit don't stink just like the rest of them but it's almost worse because she's putting herselfs above everybody else like she's above this that's what i like about this we saw your office in a strip mall with your flat screen shut up over there toots that's what that's what i like about her so the episode begins with fadra announcing that they're all going to go to dc and she calls up kim fields to uh invite her and her kids along and so kim's reaction is sounds like the ultimate play date i mean you could just pretty much just like hear her orgasming over the phone like ultimate play date like this is going to be the biggest carpool we have ever done oh my god Sebastian get your seatbelt on million man carpool there can be so many cars sitting in traffic trying to get to that march i cannot wait to sit there it's the only minute of a piece i get it i am getting three library books out for this one fadras not really designed aden's room very promisingly because look life is full of symbols okay if you really look around for the signs you can see them i do not like that she put charlie brown chevrons s's wallpaper charlie brown is depressed and bold also chevron we had to gas station hire standards fadra come on and then aden farts i don't know why i wrote that down and fadra wants to go to million man march because she knows a bunch of politicians and they can help her with save our sins yeah uh well and also apollo called oh yeah an apollo called and they make it look like she's about to swipe to the left or whatever she's like ignore but then they don't show no it's like yeah you got to love this show that they make that um a big cliffhanger will she press ignore or not yeah um tudy has to go alone monuments carpools apollo called collect i did get sad when apollo called collect because aden looked like he so he looked stressed when they said apollo's on the phone like he knew i don't know which of course you would feel sad but i don't know it made me feel sad i don't even know how to explain it well poorly i mean aden is so sweet and so like wonderful i just i just feel sad because you just know at some point all of this is going to start affecting him in a negative way unfortunately and so it's just sort of sad to this to know that corruption is down the line speaking of todden canby so todden canby you're driving and todd's like well when we open up when we have our baby i hope that if it's a boy he doesn't wear open tubed sandals i'm like you're a man and pleathers sleeves and platform shoes please be quiet yeah yeah i i feel like he lost all right to talk about style and fashion when he had last year's like ultra ultra sculpted beard you know like after that like todd you just don't get to weigh in on these issues and now with his sideways hat oh todd so todd they start talking about this family restaurant and toddgos he has a dope vision dope vision and i thought well that's actually a decent business idea follow that that's something that could actually make some money i know i feel like i've got a vision of dopes with this restaurant well i mean look i look with todd uh he wants to write on someone else's success so he wants to open a restaurant and call it the old lady gang and have all the old ladies give them all their recipes and then be there to shake everybody's hands and make them like a tourist trap or whatever the the vanderpump rule staff of um atlanta you know the instinct is not terrible you know because every time this show candies family gathering together and they're pulling the tin foil off of these like tins full of macaroni and cheese and fried chicken and ribs you know i always want you you know that should taste good so i i understand the the impulse to want to capitalize off that yeah but truthfully hit i his way of doing it it just sounds terrible i mean putting the three of them on a poster that says wanted and calling it old like a restaurant called old lady gang i mean it's just like what this is like worse than anything that's come out of real house was in new jersey this is just terrible i mean do a cookbook at least do a cookbook dude start there okay but you know this is yeah at least he's more honest about stealing his family recipes Teresa did it and doesn't even admit it she's like oh i totally cook this um i just it bugs me that he's not a chef or a cook at all but he wants to open a restaurant he has no idea what he's no challenges so he wants everybody else to do it for him it's just typical fucking Todd and then candy's like okay so uh moving on nice this is just a spinoff i mean i guess we know that but still yeah so um nice home nice home beautiful home and then can you shack down a hill this was killing me that was such shady editing and so funny so she's walking around her not even close to being started house bossing around these contractors you know she got from out out from in front of the home depot and she's like this is not how you seal a window if the rain comes it's gonna get in here i'm like if you have to tell your contractor how to cock a window you're in trouble girl yeah run and then Cynthia can't even get in this door it's like a door in petomac she's like how do i get in but to be fair Cynthia is baffled by many simple concepts like how do i get in this building she's like trying to like claw at bricks trying to pull them apart like do we just get in this one oh there's a door Cynthia what it's like i'm reading this book right now room you know that that's a great book so i'm like halfway through no spoilers but like fantastic but like the kid the entire time is like uh wait there's outside outside of door wait there's nothing outside door doors just space what door it's like it's like the inner monologue of Cynthia Bailey i like rug beautiful but beautiful beautiful i don't even want to see the film because the lady at the golden glibs who won the award they'd been making fun of the golden gloves have meaningless they are all night like that was the running joke and how it's just ass kissing by old people they give you an award so they can take selfies with you so the girl who won i guess she plays the mom in this she won and she starts her thank you sweet she goes this is so amazing thank you all so much and you know holly went for hollywood foreign press it has been just such a pleasure getting to know you and everybody started openly laughing at her i was a little mad at golden globs because i was starting to read the book and then when they introduced the movie they're like room is the story of da da da da da da i'm like you just kind of spoiled it i mean they didn't really spoil it really a mystery is it no but i just didn't want to know anything because i actually at that point i had no idea what it was about i had just started to read it and it was just like a little kid being like i like rug bed is my favorite you know spider is my best friend again it's the inner monologue of Cynthia Bailey i was like sunglasses are my new job i like sunglasses sunglasses spinning round and round on a wheel sunglasses sunglasses bargain bin mobile station sunglasses by Cynthia Bailey yeah so they talk about Kenya's mom blah blah blah can we fast forward through that it was nothing it was kind of rehashing to uh Cynthia on what happened yeah well and then it just is like somehow Cynthia's big takeaway is gosh i miss Nini what it's like oh you're just sad yeah sad um speaking of sad let's jump on a collect call with fajor and Apollo yeah so um fajor does accept the call and she's being very nice and positive in front of Aiden and Apollo's talking to Aiden and um he says what's been going on Aiden's like i got you stickers you can't tell your dad in jail about stickers that guy's probably getting stickers every damn morning can't walk straight from the stickers someone needs to teach Aiden how to speak to his dad i just was expecting it to somehow break into it to Aiden be like daddy what did you do like nothing yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't know i'm i'm stupid Aiden oh i don't know oh oh Aiden so next week over to Judy's house so she's talking about oh wait wait i just have to say my favorite line from that moment was when fajor says she's talking about how she's co-parenting with Apollo and then she goes but there's only so much parenting you can do when you're incarcerated i'm like uh yeah that's pretty much a huge understatement it's only so much you can do aka basically nothing yeah basically he can just yell no means no over and over again yeah so Judy's not at her house rather she's in DC and she's like pooping or something while she's trying to explain to the kids why this is important one kid's running around like a crazy person because he's really young he's like two or something and then Sebastian's like bored as hell you know he's like mom is there gonna be salt there just like no this is about boating there basically talking about this event and fajor the fajor pretending that she's best friends with everybody in congress is hilarious yeah she's like well i can't wait to see my my friend you passed that huge bill on gun things in congress great totally buying it fajor totally buying it she's like now can you please show me what the recording studio is i'm a big fan of capital records they're all getting on a bus to go and Judy is late because you know poop and well because she has no she's like trying to take care of kids and the other ones brought like nannies and and all this higher help whereas Judy's you know got two kids that she's and she's Judy yes she's Judy so fajor is like i'm leaving a car for her because the revolution cannot wait on this duty i love fajor i love fajor even though i know i shouldn't but i still love her i can't help it yeah so internal relocation okay so they get to what is it the white house is that where they were they were so they're at the capital they're at the capital and they the like the the the chief of staff of the house of representatives goes and greets fajor which hasn't been very worried about the government that this is this is a priority for the chief of staff so and they take her to also that lady set her robot she's like welcome oh yes this is the great whole of our recognizance salani shawm like oh well you know she's totally the mole in 24 you know she's the one who's like their liaison with the with a capital and then it turns out she's the mole because she's like too robotic and perfect i'm like i've seen you i know your type lady i know yeah she's that one in episode like 18 yes episode six it's like islamic terrace then episode 12 you find out it's not islamic terrace it's mexican terrace then in episode 18 you're like it's not the mexicans it's not any of the brown people it's the asian girl in the white house and then in episode 23 and top of that she has like a small role all season long she's a small role then all of a sudden it turns out she's like the spy and then she's at the center of the show and then in episode 23 you find out it was all the old white guys in the government in the first place every single season of that always always um another way and it's kind of true it's like at the end they're all dick chaney but played by a different father eventually nijoli yeah it's i mean it's it's true it's like literally it's always always chaining at the end it's always shady which is kind of true and here we sit it's always it's always a white guy or a russian although in the later seasons they started to move an emphasis towards chinese people they're like oh wait we can make asians bad guys let's do that but they're still working with a white guy right okay guys okay take it was sold um so so then they meet so fadra meets uh uh congresswoman fadrika wilson who looks like she's just about to perform at some strange rodeo she has like this sequin red cowboy hat that's supposed to be like i'm a yankee doodle dandy she looks like a crazy woman i'm like this woman is working in our government right now i'm really glad that tat and fadra weren't there because you know they would have modeled the old lady gang's outfits on hers i know because she looked just like antbertha would look in that poster like yeah monor she literally looks like she should she needed to have some like white cowboy boots with with like fringe you know and like a lasso that she would twirl around and start singing songs it's like uh went to the capitol and i told mr prick it's like oh damn something um like she's like she's like she's like the next act in big business when vet midler is like is milking the cow like the next one on stage is congresswoman wilson that's who it is that's that's where she's performing she's working with those super hot yeah she'd have like one of those haddy doody dolls but her mouth would be moving the whole time you're like damn it this is the worst and she'd win and the vet midler would be all sad yeah so they go to this meaning is this when this meeting happens yeah so they all like sit down yeah they go to a meeting with her and kim's like i know that it's rude to be late but i have kids so that's an adjustment kim if you know you got kids you better wake up a damn hour early i even have to walk bueller i cannot just show up everywhere half an hour late because bueller takes that long to poop okay like i know that you have to adjust that's what adjustment is waking up an extra damn hour early or getting an Annie come on yeah i know kim kim is wrong in the situation and it's kind of funny because because all the fights that kim has been in so far this season i've well she's been past aggressive a lot but but like a lot of times i've actually been a little bit on her side for for most of them so i've sort of like naturally taking the stance from i'm sort of defaulting to being on her side but when you really think about it she's absolutely wrong in the situation and she's totally one of these mommies where it's like all like like above and beyond about the kids in like in a bad way you know like kids should be number one but also like kids like don't rule the roost you know like yeah your kid yeah wake up earlier self-sufficient for christ sake it's like the world has to stop for your kids that's what it is it's like that really annoying sanctimonious bullshit you know i'm just how you said earlier that she's right in every fight that she's or you know you're on her side in every fight that she's been in so far she's in every fight by herself like she's not even in fights with other people i was not on her side when she when she shaded Kenya about what happened in Miami i was not on her side about that at all but the other times i've kind of felt like it's been the other woman being tacky and her being like um but i'm i'm like i'm i'm changing i don't i'm changing my corpse changing my corpse i hope she does soon because she about to crash into a rock so Porsche anywhere in politics is hilarious and of course they have to show in they have to cut in the underground railroad thing which will never get old to me i just love it and Porsche a million man march i don't even think she knew what this thing was she just knew that we're going to be a million men outside you know she thought it was a new app actually she's she's like oh i you know i thought it was September but i guess it's March so okay you know you're not much a million man in March i'm there um she's like did this some sort of goal okay like a man of course is trying to sound all smart in this meeting and they're talking about uh you know helping the helping the boys and blah blah blah and Porsche it goes yeah because men are the ones who lead these house house i was like they you're the only household led by a man on this show i know house house no one else is left back that's what she's you've done at the million million million man marshes she's gotten onto that got onto the mic and been like huh i'm Porsche hara hara hara hara thank you hara hara hara hara it's a from that this is over com so she uh she said i want to make a change as well oh you're about to make me do the whole Michael Jackson song man in the mirror i don't know why Porsche makes me laugh so fucking much but every single time i start cracking up with her so the congresswoman starts going into what they need to do for the community and blah blah blah and she says uh people just do not like african-american boys they're stereotyped and no one has high expectations from them and dude oh and a kid asked me the other day where's the jail for the white people which is so sad and Kim duties like oh gotta go gotta go and they're like wait where are you going you okay she's like yep just gonna have a talk about jesus real quick yeah she's like she's like you know it's okay to take the good but it's not okay to take the bad so goodbye i'm not gonna take them both so she's basically mortified that her kids are having to hear this and faedric says i don't have the luxury of sugarcoating things from my sons okay like having a husband in jail isn't something like you don't get points for that faedra okay and yes you could sugarcoat shit for your size there are babies so yeah maybe you should maybe sugarcoat the way you sugarcoated is not joining a reality show that's how you do it like once your husband's going to jail you sit out of the reality show if you wanted to sugarcoat it and also insinuating that Kim is sugarcoating anything is ridiculous because you know she wouldn't give her kids too much sugar she's so paranoid like you are not eating that sugarcoated no sugarcoating or no saltcoating but i did like i actually did like when Kim was explained to the Sebastian the situation i mean because i can i can sort of understand that that and i don't know as a parent i don't know for so for me like you can be like hey fuck in front of a kid but i but like i don't really know what it's like to be a parent and to like know like to have been sort of like tempering certain things or like holding them off just yet i wouldn't call it sugarcoating i i mean i just don't know at what like what Sebastian has been exposed to yet so obviously this is stuff that he hasn't been exposed to yet and i thought it was actually nice the way Kim was explaining it in the other room etc etc but i guess my thing is what exactly do you think the million man march is about dumb dumb why would you take that's true like if you're if you don't want your kid to be confronted with reality yet that's totally understandable but you're at the million man march exactly i guess you just didn't think she just didn't think on an intimate level that they'd be talking about like black boys going to jail and but it's all about black it's all about i know but i don't think that black men empowering themselves no i agree i mean she should have like probably talked about the stuff beforehand but i'm just saying regardless of that i did like the way that she talked to seb- i just you know what it is because i just love sebastian i love sebastian too he's so cute when they were walking into that building and he's like oh wow what i have to be here it's like congressman who cares yeah with the kid speaking of making a difference in this world we then cut to kenya who was welcoming aunt lory and her cousin che in to her house and this was um this was kind of like this was actually i thought a very interesting scene because again it was about something real and when the show does something like focus on something real it can actually be good and so uh they were talking about the previous week about how um you know kenya showed up at her mom's house and her mom didn't answer the door and then lory didn't come to the reunion and then now there there's tension between them etc etc so they were having discussion about that and lory basically was telling kenya like to just drop it stop trying to have relation with your mother and she and she says to kenya like enough is enough she's like enough is enough and i couldn't help but wonder why why does lory say that to kenya but she said that to kenya but why does she not say that to her sister i mean we don't know for sure if she said what she does or doesn't say but i get the impression that they don't they don't stand up to that this woman like why is it enough enough to kenya well she dropped the clues she said you're just like her which means like kenya is a little carbon copy so her mom some deep too yeah and also the mom wanted to give the kid up for adoption is was kind of confirmed this week and instead the father side of the family took her and raised kenya and detroit and then lory took her later so lory's acted kind of as a adoptive surrogate mother right isn't that but i actually liked kenya's answer because i've agreed with lory up to now look i yeah and obviously as i said last week because of my own family situation i and i'm projecting my own thing which i get is my own family but i get it like you have the right to put that kid up for adoption and furthermore she has the right to not have her kid raised right in front of her that she put up for adoption if she's giving her child up for adoption they should let her give the child up for adoption so she would have a chance you know yeah but to ignore like that this woman even exists yes that's where something kenya said it's it's not i've accepted the fact that you know and i agree that she had the right to give me up it's how she went about treating me afterwards yes exactly that's exactly it that's and that's what i think the issues have been because what i was shocked to hear was that they go to family events together they go to reunions and they they go to you know whatever the events are but they cross paths and this mother does not even acknowledge kenya's presence there so it's one thing to give some of them from adoption and you don't want to have any relationship but you're crossing paths and you're not even going to acknowledge to me that is so kuku bananas and i i i i don't think that it's up to that it's right that the obligation has to be on kenya to say enough is enough and move move on it's up to the mother to get over herself and just at least acknowledge kenya at least have some conversations and just trigger like a normal human being which she admittedly is not a normal yeah i totally agree that like the situation is just kuku and it's even it's so hard to put logic on it especially knowing more about it and as they talk and they keep kind of she says i love you but i love my sister too and i'm gonna stand up for her if i need to and then the cousin tae is like so you have a mother who doesn't want you okay i mean you can use my mom you you i've shared her for years i'm used to it and i get that it's you know kenya's in her 40s this has been going on a long time it's nothing new to them but it's just so funny like how casually it all is like of course she's crazy and of course it's ridiculous that she won't talk to you but that's her own thing you don't have to worry about it like of course it's gonna bother her but i still have to say on the other hand kenya is a wreck of a human being and the fact that she is going to her mother's house on national fucking tv with a bus outside and a camera crew and banging on this woman's door to confront her on tv is bullshit that is bullshit that is typical fame horror behavior and i think that's why lory is like cut your shit bitch you go to her house with the camera crew on tv unannounced are you fucking like enough lady enough already like we get that your mother hurt you if no one's denying that you totally have that that right you should own that but what you're doing is bullshit and using these crocodile tears as if this isn't some national tv form of revenge is crazy well i mean i don't think it's crocodile tears but i mean you know you're right i mean this is such a like deeply sensitive family situation that they have going on and to like to ambush the mother with cameras is just not the smartest way to go about it but still at the end of the day though like really it's it's just i i think it should be on the the onus should be on the mother to move forward more than it should be on kenya i mean kenya has moved forward to just for her own sanity for sure but i don't under it just it's it gets it hurts me when she said i'm never speaking to her i'm never gonna play ownership of her and i'm not even living in the same town of her i mean what the hell no me no that's not moving forward that's like holding on to like her stance but they're crossing paths they see each other at events the mother has to move forward and into finally accepting that this woman exists and was her biological daughter and can at least be polite to her i mean she has i mean like just why not but like uh but i mean they both have to move forward i just i don't like that lory is like you can't be like uh you can't say i'll be your mother and then not have this girl's back if you're gonna be someone's mother you have to then you know in a situation like this you have to have your daughter's back like whether it's like your your biological or adopted daughter i'm sorry well kenya know i think lory knows kenya well enough to see exactly what she's doing she's going with the camera cruder the mom's house which is just not cool at this point like yeah kenya i mean i think lory is right she does not have the right to fucking do that no matter what has happened with her mother she has a right to talk about it she has a right to her story and tell everybody what what a bit her mom is or just how mean you know she's not saying she's a bitch but what happened but this isn't cool this is reality show hijinks she's bringing into the family and it's not cool and lory is right to tell her you better step the fuck down have a seat yeah i mean i think in terms of the ambushing you know you're yes lory lory is right about the i guess it's interesting it depends on how you're going to interpret it if you interpret it on the literal level if the show wants you to interpret it then i say lory is wrong if you interpret it with the reading between the lines then lory is right it just depends on which way you want to take it i mean there it's all there it's all bullshit it could all be it could all be reading the lines can you showed up to her house with the camera crew after she knows no i know the reading between the lines no no but the reading between the lines is you are forgetting that there's kind i'm sorry not reading between the lines saying it on face value is you are ignoring that there's a presence of camera crews right you're just a fly in the wall oh yeah yeah no so it's like yeah no what what really would be helpful would be if they both just finally like kenya relax and the mom also just finally at least just said okay i admit that you came out of my vagina i will give you that i'll give you a little bit of you know acknowledgement okay except that i gave birth to you now don't ever come back to my home again yeah so kenya saying kenya turns it and i really love how lory handles kenya because lory is strong and kenya backs the fuck down she know like we don't see kenya back down and so we we see kenya try a couple of different ways but lory already knows kenya's ways she already knows what she's going to say to try and manipulate the situation even though the emotions are completely legit and i agree with that on kenya side but lory is like no no no no no no that just basically stops her and then kenya even tries to be like yes but you would have seen that i had a moment where the clouds were gone because i finally accepted it but you weren't even there to see it and she's like yeah whatever what can you know and then she's like okay i there's forgiveness there and they hug it out or whatever although i kind of think oddly enough i kind of think kenya was right about that too which was that lory for i mean it's weird because now if we do again if we do the two interpretations on face value if we pretend that there were no cameras there if we're supposed to watch like accept what we're seeing is what we're seeing and not read into anything about the cameras lory should not have like abandoned this family reunion thing and it was like pretty obnoxious of her to do so and by her doing that she actually missed a significant epiphany for kenya so that is kind of like it is kind of sucky but then again she didn't go because she's like fuck this i'm not gonna have any more of this exploited on the camera so yeah and also she's going on a trip with kenya you know that there was like that you're not going to your mother's house talk yeah you know and then kenya makes a huge scene to have a family reunion that shows up with the camera crew she was probably like this fucking girl if she went in there she probably would have started yelling at kenya in front of the whole family you know yeah exactly and she probably just did not want to do that at the family who knows there is so much wrong in this story and so much like legit hurtful things all i know is this kenya's situation i have sympathy i i combined sympathy and empathy because i do have both but also i know that kenya's arranging moronic fame-horring lying manipulative cut fitness so there's only so far i'm willing to go with her she hasn't proven to be anything other than that yet so fuck off kenya like i'm sorry you're sad but still fuck off yeah so someone else who also was having a really bad day is Sebastian because now in dc they've they've now left um the rodeo of congresswoman wilson and they've headed to like a luncheon somewhere else and Sebastian is so grumpy and he is why and he's just like muttering to himself as he walks he's like i can't believe i have to be on this stupid trip meaning people of stupid congress who cares they don't even have any food no he goes he looks at the food and he goes they don't even know what i like yeah and then aden's like and aden's like i'm totally eating at the hotel you realize by the way these conversations are really no different than the conversations that you would have heard from portia and kenya and centia and nini on any of their vacations like when they went to when they went to when they went to dinner in miami if like a few episodes ago it was basically the same dialogue like uh chicken i don't even have the food i like what food is this i mean eat back at the hotel can't be still in the center of the table at congress eating like a whole chicken on a cutting board um so aden sees food that blah blah blah i'm sorry so charais kills me even though she's very like diplomatic charais this season yes really making me laugh everything she says she should take a page out of portia's book and travel with the team travel team so she goes on the bus and she's telling toadie i understand you have children i can also explain that children children so toadie left by the way you have to mention that toadie left the luncheon with our kids because one kid was like screaming and crying Sebastian was grumpy and bored and she was like you know what we're getting out of here this is not for kids which again is an example of like the world revolves around these kids it was not a place for kids and and that kid was getting grumpy but you know just because it's not for kids doesn't mean that you can't tell them to like a quick like maybe it's harder with the toddler because it's how the need is like if there's going to be a march of a million french fries that are well salted that my kids can enjoy fine until then i'm staying on this bus yeah i mean i i kind of see the point i know this is what i always do i'm like well i kind of see the point but it's true i do see the point of she thought like oh this is gonna be something like a kid-friendly event or whatever and i'm bringing my kids and it's really just a bunch of adults having a luncheon i can understand why she's frustrated but at the same time if we're my mom she'll be like Benjamin be quiet like you know how many things i had to sit through that were like that so many leave them at home for Christ's sake also i feel like she's just frustrated with this entire experience i don't even know that it's she probably wants to probably like goddamn it i'm tutti and i'm on this stupid real housewives so having to fake fights with dumb hoes i just want to sell my you know my pregnancy to non-pregnancy and back to pregnancy day wear that's all i want yeah exactly she's like i thought we're gonna be looking at minivan's not going to congressman luncheons they don't even have dvd players that come back on the come down on the back of the buffet to entertain my children so now mama joys and her crazy ass so they have a big did i miss something no i was just gonna say because i interrupted you about charae because about why too he left the luncheon so you just had to finish what i was saying charae i like to think that charae is funny how she's always kind of poking bears with sticks yeah even when she's trying to be nice charae she can't help herself she's like i'm gonna go talk to tutti tutti now i get it but you don't want to be disrespectful do you want to be disrespectful you want to just maybe want to come back maybe want to come back in the luncheon said well you're not disrespectful and she's like i'm not being disrespectful no no i wasn't saying that i'm just saying you know you're being kind of disrespectful don't go up against tutti it's not even worth it but also don't go up against charae yeah yeah i'm saying to charae i'm like go for a go for a bigger game you know yeah so now we go to this cantianton pitching the uh family restaurant to the family mama j crazy crazy she is so crazy now she's trying to be nice because everyone's means we're on twitter so she's coming in she's like gandy i love you so much and like jumps on her like she won something on the prices right her underarms are jiggling all over the place she's making that crazy joker smile and shaking yes like who are you dying and she goes tah tah you are so right dah come here dah oh like hugs the hell out of tod it was so fucking weird and gandy's like uh mama see now mama's being nice i'm like he was i can't even tell before but now you're like hey no love tah you're mad and i like it over you look at your grandma Logan tah tucker i cannot wait for this spin-off because i love the old lady gang they are so hilarious oh they're the best Todd's like so who's the best cook here and he gets them fighting i'm the best cook i'm the best cook and he's like good because you're all going to be chefs in the restaurant and birth it goes yeah oh damn nah i ain't never been to j i'm not going to be here on a poster for says wanted yeah i was like oh it'll be funny that's your terrible idea and birth does got it right so good i love birth uh i know i love birth i love nora i love them all and i'm telling you like when i was watching them chow down on that food i was like you know what i may have to be first in line at this restaurant even if as the most ridiculous name and a marketing campaign that looks like one of the billboards on the way to vegas although i will say with my top my top chef i'm judging without tasting attitude that cornbread is too thin whoever that cornbread what are you doing what it's a sheet pan of cornbread never seen it don't want to try it try it again i agree too big i'm too big of a pan for that cornbread i totally noticed that but that's the first because i love a cornbread i can make a really good from scratch cornbread love it what do you do um like do you do do do you have like a recipe file or you just have you just know one the best i've tried is alice cornice shellies that's the one that i make well i think i have one of our cookbooks i should i should you know the one i act the cornbread recipe that i use is actually from the new york times it's mark bitman's and it's really simple really easy it's takes like 30 minutes beginning to end um it's not as fussy as other ones i've i've made ina gardens like cheddar dill cornbread which was delicious but there's like more to do in that one this one is like you put some fat i usually just put olive oil into like a little little pan like a square pan and you put it in the oven you pre-do the oven and you mix everything together and put it in there and 30 minutes later and you have like delicious cornbread yeah cornbread is not brain surgery but it's funny how everybody makes it so differently yeah because in the southwest it's very dry you know it's dry it's not sweet and it crumbles you usually eat it with either a ton of butter or in your chili or something like that but easterners and and true and i say true southerners because southerners hate when texas people call themselves southerners but true southerners um have a sweet very cakey cornbread which i like i was surprised to see such a thin dry looking cornbread don't approve yeah i love a sweet cornbread i love sweet cakey cornbread yeah the mark bitman one and by the way mark bitman has like three different cornbread recipes so i can't even tell me but look it up it's on the new york times like website if you look for cornbread that recipe is good and i bet patty lebel does a good one too as a texan i cannot make cornbread from the new york times and eat it with pride it feels wrong it just feels wrong and i also make um very good flour tortillas and corn tortillas at home well not like alice lisa you all pass so it's not like alice gorna shelly is like the epitome of texas cooking she was making it in her new york apartment she went down to a store in new york in whatever cheap-ass district and she's like wait you need to get tiny little uh what are those little what are those really thick metal pans we use to make cornbread what um it's like your pan you have to seize in it you don't clean it the same oh like skillet yes that's like a cast iron skillet she's like yeah i like to get these tiny individual cast iron skillets oh yeah so line up your individual cast iron skillets i'm like oh my god lady but the hornwrest is called for like a minute skillets like yeah i'm gonna have 10 of those mini skillets so you can have a cabinet space yeah thanks now i'm gonna have to do the math to re-time this for like an actual batch of cornbread you dump batch but i know i say any kind of seats in all those stupid little anyway yes i love galalice gorna shellies hateful looks on chopped and i love her cornbread so she's a winner to me i'm gonna try it i have i have i have her a trick book and i've only i do have only quick one thing from it it's like Alex gorna shellies comfort food or or something like that but all her comfort food is like it was like not comforting looking and it's like trickies make and i don't know well that's the thing when you're overweight comfort food can be a snicker's bar it's not like oh it's this classy food you know a little scissors five dollar hot and ready has comforted me through a lot of pain and that's not like good food so that's weird i don't always trust the fattest chef i usually just trust the one i don't know Alex gorna shellie i like her she's like middle of the road weight-wise she's kind of funny looking i like her fake positivity like when she tries to pull that shit on her own show i just i don't know the woman knows how to make a cornbread that's all i can say yeah i mean she has things like cornish hen on the grill that's like her comfort food i'm like what she has peace out with tarragon and pea shoots like what that's not comfort food my next note is room which is funny because you brought up that movie and this is about Porsche like binging on room service which was hilarious Porsche stress eating is fucking killing me they're showing it all the time i know it's like opens on portra like door something outside the door portra starting in room yeah she uh for the next day uh for this dc trip she dressed up as as uh as fazer mentioned mentioned like dust total total thought bill million million thought march she's like in like boots and and like a mini skirt not a mini skirt but like you know she just was she didn't seem like she was dressed for the occasion properly what do i know she's i think you're right it's like an app million man she's showing up to see all the man she's looking all hot so they get on the bus again and two days out of there she's like uh i would love to stay uh well she well oh i thought two d actually got on the bus and they drove to the million-man march and when they got there two she's like okay gotta go oh did she i don't even know i just put bus and then two days leaving early because of lukemia lymphoma and i'm like you know what don't be using that it's like oh have an event tonight really on the same day as a million man march that you agreed to come to she's like yeah lukemia bye who's going to argue with lukemia must not have seen real housewives of one's county darling darling we'll all argue with that shit now yeah so sure we also got the same charades son wow hotness hotness and gorgeous you babe for 19 oh yeah she's like now you just stay here i got a million other men to go through but you're really at the top of the bench i love uh phaedra she's like i'm busy too but you got to spare some time for the struggle uh portia power to the sandwich portia power to the people where the food at yeah i've heard and phaedra it takes a village uh so what else is going i guess the other big news in the final yes unless you have something more about toots is uh neney's back yeah lord so now Cynthia she's been so stirred by kenya's experience with her mother she reaches out to neney again and she puts out this whole big spread and neney is back and all of a sudden they're just like bff again neney is in this like sure dressing that's busting open already shading candy and they're bff having the greatest time like nothing ever happened which just goes to show that all these friendships and feuds are so fake neney looks like an ever overstuffed burrito like you know when you go to baja fresh and you get a burrito and they're like would you like it california style or whatever like the big one i'm like no i can't even hold that with two hands that's what neney looks like like that flour tortilla was not built for that burrito yeah it's like when you pick up the burrito and then immediately like jesus start oozing out and like a little like a little chunk of chicken falls at the bottom yeah that's what's happening neney was stressed like a burrito that they serve you a fork with like uh like a like some bad mooshu pork if we if i may change the pancake analogy and you know i love a big burrito but it's got to have an appropriate tortilla is all i'm saying yeah yeah that's all so she's ridiculous greg hates his fucking life which is hilarious to me greg is sitting there leaning back in his chair staring at the ceiling the whole time like he wants to kill himself yeah and neney snapping her fingers and rolling her head about blah blah blah and how much everybody's mean to wear and what a victim she is oh my god jesus how did they know that the ratings were taking this bet or i don't even know if they are taking i'm not saying they are but how did they know they needed neney were they really this board we've only had a couple episodes that have been really boring right i've loved a lot of them this season yeah no i think i don't know i think they just have a boner for neney a lot of people really still love her um but they have a boner for her and they're gonna bring her back no matter what which probably answers the question that we had which was if neney has quit why is claudia jordan gone too because they probably wanted neney back and in order to get neney back they probably had to can claudia jordan which is unfortunate this claudia was great that makes sense and i love some bad stand-up on the show but you know she's going after tutti just because she's new neney is just so fucking predictable she's like yeah who broody no that's a Cosby show she's like mm-hmm and then why did greg say you pregnant who's greg asking oh i don't know they were making pregnancy jokes or something because they were talking about Todd and candy's baby and then neney says uh oh no we're happy for cut uh candy and Todd i mean i haven't pooped in three days what is she talking about i don't even know what neney's talking about and i'm sure i just misunderstood what she said and i was gonna rewind it but i was like you're really gonna rewind a neney scene really i know yeah i didn't but someone posted on our facebook um a picture of neney's outfit in her talking heads which is an erica jane outfit it's like the same thing yeah see through material and all the sequins i thought that was really cute yeah i know it's for this one yeah i i'm like i you know i just i can't stand any more it's too bad because she used to be so great but i guess we'll see how that that that plays that over the course of season and yeah that that's it for this one why don't we why don't we do one big victory lap with banderpump rules let's do it so by the way our friend Michelle Collins was on watch what happens live last night and she was on with jax and it was really funny because she just kept on she kept on like making fun of jax like in a lot of like little ways but at one point there was some question in typical watch what happens live fashion that was like Michelle who would you rather give a blowjob to jax or james which is like such a word i mean it's one thing for the crappins mailbag but i mean it's like this is like an actual tv show asking these questions so what do you prefer herpes or warts yeah so Michelle Michelle looked at that and she's like i mean i don't know is there gonna be like a sars mask and the look on jax's he said that the look on jax's face it was amazing he was like he his jaw fully dropped and he had this look like why would she even say that about me what am i that bad it's like yes jax you are that bad or maybe he was just trying to figure out what this new disease was and whether or not he has it he's like i've never heard of that one he's like what's a sars mask is that one where you already have to say sorry Sars or so yeah Michelle is super funny if you haven't seen that episode go check it out hmm i love me some Michelle Collins oh we love Michelle we love Michelle i mean that is the best example of success bangs i've ever seen and i've known i've it's happened to a couple of her bangs are gone aren't they still there just saw her on insta with bangs no their bangs are long gone they are what does she wear now no bangs her hair looks great now i mean look great before but i love her here now it's all going to go now Michelle we need the bangs no i'm just kidding i love her bangs so well she's got a beautiful she's beautiful either way about beautiful i've known it twice for friends i've known people who've become like super successful after their bangs well this bodes well for jazelle and Potomac i'm eating a chip that i found on my couch right now so talk talk for a minute because i don't want to chew in the in the mic okay so this episode of Vanderpump Rules begins in Hawaii because they're all going there for jax and tom sandoval's joint birthday party um and they all arrive well they're at first at baggage claim and they're just having a great time and jax grabs katie's ass by accident which was like pretty exciting so then they check in they thought they were handing out free hams with the airport yeah and of course the first one to say the dumbest american thing is sheena because you know every well i mean Hawaii is America but you know that every every tourist who gets off that plane is like i got laid yeah oh my god i think that's probably the most offensive thing we could ever do to native Hawaiians is just show up and make that joke over and over and over and over and over and we do it it's like when you're waiting tables and you're like can i take away your plate and i hated it and the plate's completely clean i know never ever got one before i mean there's you know i think in the the terrible things that white people did do to do Hawaiians there's the white washing of Hawaiian culture but even worse than that the oh i just got laid joke that's probably the worst thing i got laid he got shared i just shaded shared with my word oh my god it's my new song can't cheat up so tom number two classy is ever it's like yeah we're here to celebrate me and katie's engagement like um you know like we're never gonna fuck again so party yeah i think he mentioned how much sex he's not getting so many times so funny so then um then we had our typical montage of people checking into their rooms like oh my god this is so nice it's like a it's like a bed in a bathroom oh my god lala's like oh my god it's a room without stassi's boogers all over the walls this is amazing she's like housed up in stassi's old apartment yeah um jags so gross he's telling britney who i'm loving that britney is part of this cast i do not care if she insta fucked her way all the way from kentucky to be on this show i think it is hilarious she's like got that steely bitchy resolve of an idiot and she's gonna fit in just perfectly i think i'm so perfect but jack so romantic he's like yeah i could use a steak and you know what and then he shits yeah gives you know that's what he's talking about exactly and then he and then there's like oh this is oh my god i'm so excited for her why but you know i kind of wish chris and were here isn't it sad chris is in here yeah sad chris is you guys are all such idiots i mean since one did like never in the history of this show has anyone ever wished chris and were anywhere not even season one where they all sort of liked her never never not even people waiting for their order that have been there like an hour waiting have been excited to see chris and even if she's finally caring their plates full of food they're like oh here she comes side even when she was a baby even her mom wasn't like oh i wish chris would come out already uh you're gonna slap your baby's ass so that it can finally talk and she's like don't do it uh seriously seriously seriously oppressive seriously seriously i was trying to have a drink and then your border totally broke like who does that seriously seriously i never touched your vagina okay i admit it i touched your vagina of course you did it was a vaginal birth darling seriously who hides behind hands seriously pick a boo like there you are now you're gone seriously who keeps coming in going behind hands like who does that you guys are so hard like maybe it seems like i'm a bitch but it's just because it's like i was important in normal way like this lady like forced me to stay in her stomach for like nine months then i had to travel out through a vagina seriously like why you're shaking that rattle in front of my face like seriously like treat me with some respect seriously who spits who spits on a little blanket who does that seriously great oh so where are we okay so they're having their first group dinner of the night and james is of course licking did i skip um kind of because it's okay we can we can incorporate it it's okay we can yeah no i was just gonna talk about Ariana and the so basically Ariana her mom sent her screenshots of her conversation with you know which is sort of an important plot point for this episode so oh yeah yeah because remember last week i think uh was this a different dinner all they did in this was like go to dinner there's like you're all it's like a housewife show i was like holy crap what happened is this before the dinner Ariana gets screenshots from her mom that are based like this is the conversation i have is she and in the conversation she knows like you know the mom's like hey is Ariana okay and she's like yeah well she's been really different because like tom you know he's like he's all about himself and and she just basically goes in on tom to Ariana's mom which is really inappropriate if you ask me so would so this gets Ariana and tom's super mad so now going into dinner though she's like your mom she's really worried about yeah she told me in a tax than the text coming there like i really worried about Ariana cuz tom yeah the texas probably just like a spent like an accidental like butt text like oh my god she's so worried she can't even use proper words she just put in a bunch of characters all together well her mom put out a tweet to the or today whenever yesterday and said um yeah i did text Ariana but i was just asking no i did text shina but i was just asking if she's coming over for christmas yeah i can totally see that because you know that shina probably said something shina probably said something leading like yeah yeah we're going to come i mean i hope everything's i hope it's like i'm i'm invited because you know things are sort of weird with Ariana and then mom will be like well what's wrong with Ariana she's really worried about you now yeah so anyway so it's dinner time and um and tom like let's see basically tom's like yeah man i'm going on three hour hike tomorrow and then surf lessons the next day and then she was like well okay now just me you afterwards hmm i'm in a funny joke because i didn't want to go on the hike so i made a joke by going afterwards all right so Ariana's annoyed by shina by this Ariana can't stand inside of shina i mean well peter um you know his his mom here is frizzing out he's gotten his hair is now christen she's got christen shawl here now yeah yeah peter's just basically eating a steak like that's peter's storyline today yeah my note for the scene was wow the pool water has green lights in it yeah it's like the most fitting beginning of a scene i've ever seen it's like yeah green piss water welcome to who why you sluts yeah and then the waitress home you know i got to talk about the stupid waitress because this is my bravo this is my bravo pet peeve or these waitress auditions where people are like oh my god i'm waiting on the cast of a tv show i'm totally getting on it and this is totally that girl she comes on she goes hi having high climate chance moving up my tummy like really well i'll tell you you're gonna say your line i know she like did like this like flirtatious thing she's like you got some ready uh yeah she's like i'm just thank you so then so now they start doing toast like birthday to us whatever and then james just starts making out with lala and like not just like me he's like it's one that she's like in her chair pushed back as far as she can be without following up for chair and james is fully on top of her being like oh jesus like why are you doing this in the middle of the speech you know so then jax and jax of course is getting furious jax is looking over so mad jax is so mad but of course he can't say why he's mad so instead of saying that instead of obviously you know stating the obvious he says well like it's really great to me here but i'm sad of all the people that can't be here because of egos and then jane's like you're talking about me mate huh you want to go around the bend with me mate oh i thought i thought jax was talking about his unborn child that couldn't be there that night because of his ego because of his ego he's like oh well no um that baby was egotistical that's why i made her a bordate no well he said like first he's like i'm i'm annoyed that like you know not everyone could be here which was like a digget area so that was like kind of rude and then he's like and then there's some people here who probably shouldn't be here i'm like dude you invited him well i mean the producers did but that's when yeah that's when james like i talk about me talk about me he goes he gives a half sunday but doesn't put the cherry on top i want it's a bad sunday okay you know what i call that i call it ice cream with toppings not a sunday you're like one of those cherry seven ups i'm just a seven net no cherry about me i might want to suck it down swallow it mate it's like he made a surely temple didn't put an umbrella in it okay like he does that little lizard lip poking all over the place um he's gross eries like can we just have fun class yeah eries yeah i mean yeah she's like i just got a text from Ariana's mom she's like disappointed and you got like can we just go to the pool your mom's really concerned that we're not having fun right now it's her i just texted her and she just asked me that. Ariana is hated right now and it is killing me because it's so funny to watch because people are trying to pretend they're friends because they're still friends with tom but they all hate her and she her speech was so funny she's like well i'm really glad like we're all here to celebrate two really wonderful people and so cheers everyone's like cheers by the way i think now would be a good time to mention that uh max max fully has nini leaks here we noticed he fully has nini leaks his blonde flapper hairstyle just take a look next time it's like perfectly wavy i mean he fully has taken nini's old weave and put it on his head i love that lisa so worried about what max is doing but he's obviously like completely zoned out on something staring off into the he's totally on something and it's so funny she's like are you all right darling focus well oh man fun yeah all right then don't hang out with james meanwhile he's like uh tripping out yeah he is long gone he's like all right that's okay all do you think that jack's knows what alpha means i don't think he thinks it's cereal yeah i got an outfit he's like that guy's like alpha but i'm the alpha back so i'm not stupid he thinks he's alpha but i'm the alpha alpha so you know get over it he thinks he's alpha but i'm alpha and he had his own tv show he's et to my alpha okay oh jack because i like e pussy i think whoever did location scouting for this show is hilarious because whenever they put them in somewhere called something ironic it kills me the study yeah get out of here those fools have never been into a study like the library no it's not gonna happen the school nope kindergarten nope yeah well jack no jack's probably like the jack's is like yeah because i'm like a studs there's like study it's for people who are like studs so um tom naryana tom tom and areaana confront shena uh and she knows was she about these text messages and she knows basically like yeah i said it yeah well you are sort of all about yourself yeah yeah well yeah but i don't think she gets it it's not about what she said it's about how inappropriate it is for her to text areaana's mom about this it's so ridiculous could you imagine if areaana texted shena's mom about it shena would lose her shit tom getting so frustrated is the best thing that ever happened you're loving tom gets i love he gets i love for god shena like that's not cool like it's like worse than christian like you're you're texting her mom like what do you what i've got over i can flag laugh what people say so like you are cocking it's all right i'm sorry and they're totally gaslighting these two they're like all right well we're not saying you're like saucy but you're kind of being like saucy right now like everything you do it's like you're like saucy like well see like saucy always like to say well but uh say ain't now you're fighting like saucy i'm sorry like saucy i can't help that and i like when shena's like you know areaana you're you're just so negative and areaana goes well i don't give a fuck like well way to dispel that image areaana you're really killing it on the on the on the PR front it's funny to watch them argue because they don't understand sentences properly and then shena going uh it's just trying to be a good friend i know that's how she justifies everything i just write a bigger friend and tromp i've done everything for you guys like didn't you remember me coming over and making organic egg whites with organic broccoli and organic butter oh she's like not really i've moved mountains for you dude like i've literally lifted your husband up a rope in a gym okay like there's no better friend than me and shena's be like uh well you know you can't move mountains because mountains are like gigantic so like the father even saying that shows that you're just a liar so i don't know like a good friend wouldn't say that oh i'm trying to find a shena line in here because she's so fucking funny it must come later so now we have ken and lisa with jiggy and jiggy's future jiggy daddy oh i thought daddy oh was the dad of jiggy jiggy i thought isn't that jiggy's dad daddy oh well doesn't matter i don't think so because he looks like jiggy's about to be turned into a little tiny you know sausage and daddy is ready to take his place well something's going on there but yeah so they were so lisa and ken were just having tea and then worrying about max like i hope he's okay and he's like don't don't call don't call him now he's like oh it's your mother calling all right can all right and then james i'm going to give ham so how the fuck uh bro yeah way to go with that like slang from four years ago j ken and jiggy jiggy jiggy how defensive you can't be making ham references after katie's just got grabbed in the airport okay too soon buddy how does a mother fuck her okay we go to katie and tom's hotel room and katie is in dinosaur pajamas which i mean that just says so much like your vagina is acting like a decrepit old fossil and you're wearing little boys dinosaur things and then she wakes up and she's like god last night i fell asleep because i guess because the time difference and tom's like yeah look i took a selfie of myself naked like beiber these two oh my god and he's got the filter on it because i was feeling insecure and katie says i own that ass bitches i own it and they just wrote not yet betch that's like yeah i own a couch that you still owe money for at renter room these two have the most boring scenes uh i i missed the days when katie was thinner and she was hungrier and was more emotional but now that she's eating she is like she just does nothing she just says she's like oh you know i'm not into her new chill like i'm just gonna try and sell barrettes on a blog personality that needs to go yeah she's like i like it when she was like a high strong crazy girl he was insecure and trying to fit in with everyone so then we get sheena and jack's working out and britney i guess is this britney with them yeah so britney so britney starts going off on lala she's like i feel like she has no respect for herself or other woman i'm like says the girl who moved across the country to be with a manhorse so you could be on tv yeah and doesn't bring a resume to her own job and and lala who's one doesn't have respect for women yeah twice you are literally sleeping with a herpes infested man slut who lies to your face and you are looking the other way because it's gonna get you on tv and then jack's justifying everything it was okay because britney was out of town but you know now i have a clean conscience you don't have a clean anything okay you still got powder on your nose the fuck out of here the lake the guys and speedos yeah so will never stop pleasing me it pleases me in every single scene this was amazing and i also like that they're all getting fat everyone on the cast is like way too many goat cheese balls are going around like people you're on tv if you one thing you know like i you know it's one thing for me and Ryan to be like gaining weight but it's another thing for you to be on tv and be attractive and to be gaining weight that's not right that's all of you all of you that's like me going to do a modeling shoot in my boxer shorts it's like not gonna happen because i'm not calling myself an underwear model katie telling tom you can't do this shoot in the dad bod is probably the best uh katie scene of the year well the best part about this hike was that uh when tom tom said that he's like the one thing you won't hear me do is be like it's my birthday which then you know led paved the way for a montage of stasi being an uber bitch on all her birthdays that was like a glorious 30 seconds of my life right there it really is bravo is showing some desperation this week i mean we've got clips like remember when this was fun yeah they're bringing back stasi because they're so desperate they're bringing back meanie because they're so desperate and then they're just spinning out some po ass housewives over and over again after they said they were never gonna make another city uh they're desperate but so far it's really entertaining so far so good yeah well i mean the difference is that i don't want to see nini but i'm happy i'm so excited for stasi to come back i'm excited to see nini if she films with other people because the most fun about nini is her reactions and when it's nini's fake ass phony celebrity life i don't like that but when it's when she's she's funny she always gives a good interview i mean like that's that's you know she's always hilarious in her interviews but i just i can't stand when she becomes a diva and she becomes really hypocritical and like she's just nasty i don't like that side of her i like i like the old fun funny uh nini who was shady but not nasty and and that that i we haven't seen that yet i miss a nini who says well she's gonna be a home singer are there albums full of homes okay then kim can be a singer that's a nini i like exactly so anyway back to hawaii so while everyone's like gallivating around in this little pond uh faith and lala take off their tops because they just want to be well basically lala takes her for top because she wants to be on tv and faith takes off her top because she wants to like she's like a sidekick to lala so they have their tops up and like no one cares some people look i mean jacks steal some looks but honestly no one cares it's just like this desperate plea to be cool when it's a group of la hoes gonna get offended at tits get out of here even the men are showing their tits like they're growing they've they've all got solid bees at the very least so then back so elsewhere on on the great island of oahu um sheena sheena and shea go to the beach and sheena gives shea a tampon case full of tequila because they're not allowed to have open containers so i don't want to get arrested so we're gonna drink barrels out of suntan lozin there's a lot of things there are a lot of things going wrong on this first of all shea is in recovery so that's the first and foremost that's the worst thing and she literally goes i hope i like shea can learn to drink of moderation you know just do every other shot maybe don't do three beer bars just do one yeah i'm sure that's step one of all AA meetings if she was in recovery he'd know how to cover a couch better our still has holes all over it so wow so by the way you know what looks really suspicious when you see three people drinking out of suntan motion bottles okay no subtle guys subtle you do not have any coke camps in hawaii me what the hell i know like this is the worst cover i have ever seen it's like literally getting like a giant thing of tide and and guzzling from it like yeah no i'm sure no one's gonna be question that and don't be blaming the study when you all get food poisoning because you were just drinking out of fucking suntan tubes how do you even clean out a suntan lotion tube i don't i don't know how does that don't even make any sense you can't even get that stuff off your skin how are you well they said you're rinsed out it's got like a tiny little hole in it apparently they according to jacks on watch what happens i guess they sell those they just sell these dummy containers and you just they're like already pre-clean or not water bottles are a dollar yeah so then meanwhile i don't know why i wrote this down but i'm on the hike they're like hiking back and jacks goes i see poison ivy or somebody's that like really made me laugh the fact that he'd be scared of a rash um he's like i don't want to infect another plant also um jacks at one point said yeah you know like what's so hard about being around boobs you every guy looks at them i mean just wear your sunglasses that uh foreshadowing yeah because next day oh yeah that's a good point so right back to the beach so shina and katie are talking about these text messages and of course you know shina is justifying everything and of course katie is like agreeing because that's all she does is agree with people and um and it was funny because we were sort of going back and forth between the hikers and the beach goers and they're both talking about the text messages and seeing their different perspectives so you know katie is like yeah you know like you're totally right you're totally right and meanwhile like uh the hikers are telling are being like yeah that was totally out of place of shina and but tom is like although you know you have been kind of cynical and extra snappy area and she's like well welcome to who i am like again like i'm not really not doing anything to dispel and he goes yeah but it's scary she goes sorry hello oh with area not doing a good job on the PR front not so then shina tells katie she's like i mean whoever thought that like you know like i like that i don't want to be my best friend that like you're my best friend who would have fucking thought we'd be in this place yeah like i'm so sick of Ariana and tom putting themselves on a peta stool car like some people like hamburgers so i'm a peta soul don't judge me by the way who would have ever thought i mean actually i think everyone because shina and katie are the biggest floaters in this on this show every year they're friends with someone else best friends with someone else so the net will finally find each other mention all different levels oh so funny britney's talk with lala oh lord britney so stupid stop talking lala kind of still love you don't know how yeah well because lala's like yeah i i did i did flirt with him because i didn't know you guys were together and so we were flirting and i definitely crossed the line but jack said you guys weren't together and jack's like no i never said that never said that and of course the producers are like well here's exhibit ab and c everything they do to jack's every episode but then jack says his non-lying lie like he doesn't even know that he's telling the truth because he's so pathological he goes i would never not say that yes okay and then britney the the lawyer she's like hey what a good talk we're having oh i hear you got no respect for my relationship oh britney i know i mean well lala goes well now i know that jack's just a fucking liar like have you not seen the previous three seasons of the show so well there's more of this one coming but they cut in james and max and the song that is playing you overdosed and then cut to james and max max is sitting there sparing off at the zero space james's eyes are twirling back and forth like they're what you know like one of those cats watching a a clock tick go tick tick tick tick tick tick tick is this like t-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong all over the place oh music people so they're talking faith in lala who cares they're dumb please the cause blah who cares so lala and faith join yeah oh yeah i don't care about that either okay so tom and katie i saw lala and faith's boobs and then yeah and katie is like oh my god like have some respect for someone who's newly engaged he gets off like he's not getting off on katie so he's getting off on pissing katie off because he does this shit all the time where he does stuff just so he can watch katie get enraged and she doesn't even get mad at him but he's trying really hard for her to be mad at him he goes yeah okay so got to say i saw lala's boobs but i didn't look at him and i could have looked at him but i didn't look at him babe baba baba baba and she's like who does that that's not respecting an engagement why would i be friends with her she leads with her sexuality i'm like well you're leading with your non so what's it is yeah katie is such a like a like a girl on girl hater it's hilarious i mean she is a perfect example of girls tearing down each other because that's her that's her favorite thing to do i mean she's been going after lala's at the beginning just because lala's pretty you know i mean let's let's face it yeah yeah so and then of course at dinner at dinner that's exactly katie immediately goes and confronts faith and lala and is like why like why would you why would you do that like there are like boyfriends there like why would you show your boobs and lala who is dressed like a pirate she has a bandana on and giant like hoop johnny dep yearrings although it's sort of looked like salt and pepper too but lala is like well uh i don't see the big deal you know and they're all like free the nipple yeah katie was and everyone was basically based on lala's side and katie katie she was like hmm she's like well you know i have issues with you and they're not going to get better would you keep taking off your top hey katie no one gives a fuck okay no one gives a fuck about your issues yeah so just be no one yeah she's like literally this isn't going to get better oh what you're not going to stop being a bitch openly being a bitch until she stops taking off her top you were a total bitch or she was fully closed shut up katie lala's answers were so funny she's like uh maybe she should like have sex and not just lay there but like do something fine i know and i love also that katie acts as if like you know like oh we have issues and they're not going to get better if you keep taking your shirt off as if like the holy grail is to be accepted by katie like okay well you know you're not gonna be my friend do that like like katie like oh no god forbid the last power scene we saw with you you were literally standing there hiding behind a tray of salt and pepper shakers for 15 minutes please stop acting like you have some kind of power because you know how to use the squirrel machine that so meanwhile also i have to say one more thing lalas argument is the best of this entire show it's not like i showed my pussy love her that could also be the name of this show the defense rest yeah it's not like i not like i showed my pussy um so then on the other end of the table jax and britney are like talking about how much they love each other and it's funny because earlier um after the confrontation on the hike jax said um he said you know one of the main things i loved that britney is that she doesn't hold grudges i'm like no it's more like she's just really stupid that's what you love about her she's dumb she's dumb and so sure enough he's talking about like they're just talking about how like she's changed him and like how he's not just out for the sex and uh you know yada had sex yet like that's a good thing and she goes yeah you can tell he's really serious i mean he's not even fucking her oh really that's how you can tell he's serious because he's not horny enough to fuck the girl he just moved from kenteki to watch him shit in his studio this doesn't sound good only shay would see that as a positive exactly so meanwhile on the other to the table lala's getting feisty because she's just seeing this as you know total um uh hypocrisy uh i mean lala's stupid because you know like who the fuck her just get over it but you know she knows she has to be on tv so she gets on that she's just when when she was having an honest conversation with britney and in the poison ivy woods or wherever the hell they were and then they were having their good girl to girl being like upfront with each other and then jax being like well you know to be fair to lala she was really drunk when she was trying to fuck me that time like he's hoe shaming this girl then she has to sit at another dinner with katie tit shaming her and i and then on top of that jax is acting as if he is on the straight and narrow now with britney so lala is pissed so she pulls britney aside and she tells britney you know what jax was telling me that he was going fuck me and all she tells her everything he you're sitting together and he kept whispering into my ear and i'm just letting you know because he's acting like he like you're saying he hasn't given you a reason not to trust him and i'm telling you right now here is the reason why you shouldn't trust him so she tells everything and britney's like uh uh uh and britney does the exact thing we've seen a million times on these shows it's women hating on women so britney's like you know what you don't respect relationships i know he loves me i know he's crazy about me you know you think you're gonna flirt and lala goes have i done anything she said well no she said okay well i'm sick of everybody like hating on me because they don't have confidence in their own relationship and she's like he hasn't done anything and he won't and don't call me bib-boo yeah because talk is cheap honeyboo but she said don't call my honeyboo though she's like that's my mom's name call me by my real name macaroni girl that's what they call me so but it was like it was so frustrating because britney's logic was so fucked up because she's saying jax hasn't done anything to make me not trust him when he says that he that he's being honest with me and lala saying no i'm telling you this is the thing that he has done that you shouldn't trust about him yeah but he said he didn't do it and i have no reason not to trust not to distrust she's so stupid i can't wait to get her get it see her get it in the end and then jax is jax comes over blah blah blah blah blah blah and lala look me in the eye tell me you didn't say he cannot focus on your eyes get out of here there was this a drug driving test and then the reason women do not rule the world right now this makes me crazy yes here we go do this shina walks over she says what's going on and then uh she said the whole thing is rehashed and they go you were there shina what do you see shina saw all this shina and christin heard everything jax was saying they were both giving him shit for doing it they both told him not to do it and he had a girlfriend etc he said at the table he doesn't and then she and it goes oh i don't know i mean i don't see i didn't see the whispering part but i did see him squirming like he was uncomfortable oh fuck off shina like what happens like well like hoe like hoe solidarity and she's like you know because she's like well you know they're like an ice couple i don't want to be the reason why they break up well then maybe you shouldn't have said in the first place that lala and jax were flirting she was the one who announced that at that at that that lunch you know so she's happy to throw lala on to the bus about all this but then when it comes to like jax's role and she's like no i don't want to remember relationship like shut up shina and jax of course he's like the master liar when it comes covering things up he's so smooth you almost have to respect it when he's like when he's telling britney like yeah like that's ridiculous like i would never say those things were like i'm not even getting mad at it because then it would look like i'm lying and i have something to hide i mean it's just so irate like that makes so much rape it's just like so irate like it's ridiculous and britney's like yeah see look look at how mature he was it didn't even phase him now if you didn't cheat i mean he wouldn't say those things oh my god when lala brings these fucking idiots down i am going to die because it's not even gonna be hard it's not like lala's the smartest toe on the block but she's at least honest you know and i think that she's gonna end up winning because of being honest which is hilarious in the cast full of liars i love it well lala is like the hero of the season oddly enough i mean it's kind of interesting she's this new girl she is kind of you know she's kind of sluty and flirtatious but she really owns it and it's just almost like sexually empowered which which is likable you know and and she's calling shut everyone and meanwhile shina's being a weasel this season katie is being like this spineless like mmm you know tom is boring tom sandoval and ariana are being well i mean ariana is more the one who's being smug and tom has come just like sucked into it kristin is you know kristin lala is the only one she's like the star because i was thinking about today stasi was previously the star right like she was the stasi then last season she started to really suck and this season is sort of like this decentralized power vacuum going on in the show and i think that lala has officially taken the reins it's also a show that needs to be recast and they brought in james and lala as the youngsters to uh i think to anchor the new cast because how long are we supposed to believe that these fucking idiots are waiting tables they don't ever show up there except to sign autographs they're in their thirties which you know well is nothing it's not like that's too old to be a waiter but in la it's like you look like katie's dinosaur pajamas okay i am well i've been there well they're just not you know they're not really doing much these days you know they're kind of have like they did all their crazy cheating and and stuff and they they got burned and now they're kind of like settling into just like having fun and so i mean the producers are smart i i mean james is is annoying on the show but james and lala do serve a do serve a role they're the ones keeping things interesting for the most part yeah well this show is a mice so what do we have coming up for thursday we've got the real house as a Beverly Hills Beverly Hills Beverly Hills and newly weds newly weds okay so we'll be back thursday to talk about that if you are not a subscriber go do it our google hangout is thursday night it's going to be a big day here over at the crappins couch desks uh we'd love you guys thanks so much for everything patreon.com/watchworkcrapins facebook.com/watchworkcrapins you guys are the best if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining wendry plus in the wendry app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go tell us about 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